Original subtitles

[ Sighs ]

Stephanie, is-- is something wrong?

One of the most important people in my life is gone.

I'm so sorry.

I can't believe my hairdresser moved away.

One minute they're here, laughing and smiling,

and the next minute they're opening a salon in California.

Yeah. You hear about it happening to other people,

but... you never think it's gonna happen to you.

Oh, why is life so hard?

They say, sometimes,

work can... take your mind off your grief.

Who could possibly think of work at a time like this?

Oh, Dick, honey,

I want you to meet Hal Foster, from my wine-tasting class.

Hal, this is my husband, Dick, from the rest of my life.

-Hi. -Nice to meet you.

Ever since I started taking the course,

I just knew I had to get the two of you together.

I know you're really gonna hit it off.

I know I-- I certainly felt something.

[ Laughs ]

I've seen you on Vermont Today.

I really enjoy the show.

Oh, thank you.

We-- We try to do an interesting show with, uh,

thought provoking guests.

Ah, so, Dick,

how come you're not taking this wine class,

like everybody else in town?

Well, I'm, uh-- I'm busy working on a book.

Uh, you know, there's a lot of research involved,

and, uh, and besides, I...

I think it's stupid.

No... [ Laughs ]

Dick.

No, actually, I felt the same way at first,

but I'm havin' fun,

learning a lot, and the homework...

...is not half bad.

[ Laughs ]

In fact, tonight we have to taste this bottle

of '78 Cabernet Sauvignon.

Hey, why don't you join us? This is a good wine...

Red.

That's-- That's one of the two best kinds.

Let-- Let me give it a try.

Wine classes?

Nice move, Dick. Now try for the rest of the cork.

[ Knocking on door ]

Dick, Dick, Dick.

What, what, what?

Can we talk? Hombre to hombre ?

Si.

I... I have some terrible news for you.

[ Clears throat ] What is it?

Okay, now, Dick, this is some heavy stuff,

so try to keep that lava on a low boil.

Everybody knows what a hothead you are.

What do you mean? I'm-- I'm not a hothead.

Whoa, Dick. Temperature rising.

Take a gander at these.

24 color photos of Joanna and some hubba-hubba guy.

Where did you get these?

Well, the moment I saw Joanna with this homewrecker,

I ran home and got my camera.

If I was gonna blow any up, I'd pick this one.

But they're all good for court.

Michael, I know this guy.

These are pictures of Joanna and Hal Foster.

He-- he's a friend of hers. And mine.

Dick, you're not just acting like this

so you'll have an alibi

for when you buy a gun and plug this bozo?

[ Sighs ]

Looks like you're onto me, Michael.

I guess I'm gonna have to take you out, too.

[ Laughs ]

Joke, right, Dick?

Michael, Joanna and Hal are just friends,

and I think it's fine.

Gee, Dick, you're more of an '80s kind of guy

than I thought.

-Oh, hi, JJ. -Hi, Michael.

Uh, Dick, Bud and I have a few questions for you about...

Oh. You've seen... the pictures.

Poor, pathetic, betrayed little fella.

There is nothing going on between Joanna and Hal and--

and the pictures mean nothing.

Sure, Dick.

I know I'd need more to go on than photographic evidence.

Nice pictures of you and the wife, Dick.

You know, you look a lot better on film.

I'm looking for someone to replace my hairdresser.

Someone who could cut my hair so I can do this.

Oh. Thursday at ten is fine. Bye.

So you finally have an appointment.

No he has an interview.

I can't be too careful.

You're welcome to use my hairdresser.

Oh, that's sweet. No.

What's wrong with mine?

Oh, Joanna you really don't know do you?

Sometime we'll talk.

Hi.

I'm Larry. This is my brother Darryl.

And this is my other brother Darryl.

Hi, guys.

Rumor has it, Miss Stephanie,

that you're having some follicle problems.

Well, you're in luck.

Darryl here would be happy to give you a shampoo,

blow dry, and a shave.

He's been itchin' to use his cosmetology training again.

People actually let you cut their hair?

Well, technically not people yet.

But there ain't an unhappy sheep in town.

Thanks, fellas, but...

I'd rather not be worked on by equipment

that's been touched by livestock.

Well, okay.

But if you change your mind, we're available.

And remember,

if you don't look good, we don't look good.

Hi-- Hi, guys.

Can I, uh-- Can I help you?

[ Sighs ]

We drew drizzle to determine who's gonna spill the bad news.

Darrel lost.

Darryl's chicken. It seems that Darryl's chickened out.

Of course, who could blame him, with your bad reputation.

What-- what reputation?

As a hothead.

Now...

...let me put this in the most delicate terms possible.

Another hog is moving in on your sow.

What-- What-- What are these?

Darryl took the liberty of making some

crayon sketches of the two of 'em.

The blue one is Miss Joanna.

That's her, all right.

I'm afraid Darryl was quite graphic.

But it's true. She was grinning.

Well, I-- I appreciate your concern,

but there's-- there's no reason to worry.

Uh, Joanna and Hal,

the brown figure,

are-- are taking a wine-tasting class together.

They're just-- They're just friends.

Come on, Darryl.

Some men just refuse to read the Crayola on the wall.

You know, I-- I can't get over some people.

I mean, they think just because a married woman

is seen in town with a single man, it's an affair.

Oh, who's having an affair? Who? Who?

You...

...and Hal.

Me?

Well, what small-minded people

are spreading those kind of rumors?

A couple guys at the station, Larry, Darryl, and Darryl,

the Petersons, and Mrs. Preddy.

Who's Mrs. Preddy?

A woman who introduced herself to me at the market

just to tell me about you and Hal.

You're kidding?

Well, gee. Hal and I have been on a few field trips.

We bought some wine together, but that was all for class.

[ Chuckles ]

Honey, you don't have to explain it to me.

Well, Dick, you know the only reason I'm spending

this much time with Hal

is because you're busy with your book.

Honey, it doesn't bother me a bit.

I'm, uh... '80s kind of guy.

Besides, the people that know us best

know the truth.

And you were so happy.

Gee, Dick, this is beautiful. Joanna really outdid herself.

Well, I-- actually, I outdid myself.

What's the occasion?

I finished my book this morning,

and, uh, Joanna and I decided to celebrate by

by having dinner together tonight.

Then, shouldn't she be here?

She will be.

She's out, uh, touring a collector's wine cellar.

Oh, she's on another date with Hal.

It's not a date.

Hal pick her up, they drove to the wine cellar

and Hal will drive her up here.

What part of that makes it not a date.

George, I told you not to worry about it.

She's just a little... pretty late.

But she'll be here any minute,

and then the two of us will be sitting down

and enjoying one hell of a roast.

How's-- how's that roast?

Terrific. I'm stuffed.

Joanna sure missed a wonderful dinner.

Good wine, good food, good company.

You know, Dick,

when your eyes catch the flames just right,

they sparkle like diamonds.

Whoa. I think I've had enough of this.

Dick. Dick, I'm sorry I'm late, but I can explain everything.

Great dinner, Dick.

I think I'll just have my parfait up in my room.

Joanna, you're pretty... a lot late.

It's a very hard-to-believe story,

but please don't jump to conclusions

and just let me finish.

Hal and I met the class at the wine cellar.

Afterwards, we were caravanning to a cheese shop,

and a huge truck got between us and everybody else,

and Hal and I got lost.

Then we stopped at a gas station

to ask where the cheese shop was.

Dick, the guy acted like he knew. He didn't.

And so there we were on some tiny little road

that was just getting tinier.

Now, I know this sounds even more unbelievable,

but the car broke down,

and Hal spent an hour trying to get it started.

He finally did.

Now, I know this sounds even more insane,

but it would only go in reverse.

We backed up 24 miles,

all the way home, and it took twice as long,

because Hal had to keep stopping to rub his neck.

And then a block from our house, he tried shifting again,

it went right into forward.

Now, I know it sounds crazy and suspicious, and unbelievable,

and there's no way I can prove any of it happened,

but it really, really did, and you've just got to believe me.

Honey, I'm just-- I'm just glad you're home and you're okay.

That's it?

You're not upset?

Didn't you wonder where I was all this time?

Well, sure, but knowing you were with Hal

made me feel a lot better.

And you weren't...

at all concerned that something else might happen?

Oh, I thought about it.

You know, you could have been in an accident.

Dick, I'm out after dark with an attractive man,

I'm four hours late,

and all you worried about was that I might be dead?

Joanna, I just happen to trust you.

Well, that is the most insensitive thing

I've ever heard.

I-- I couldn't have started this one.

Watch what you say to him. You know how he gets.

Hi, Jim, Chester.

We have something to tell you, Dick.

We're just a little worried how you might take it.

Yeah, we know what a hothead you are.

What is this? I'm not a hothead!

Well, you walked straight into that one.

We don't want to worry you, Dick,

but we've been seeing a lot

of Joanna and Hal seeing a lot of each other lately.

The whole town's abuzz.

There's even talk of doing some graffiti about it.

Look, uh, guys, do-- do me a favor.

Go back to your people...

and-- and tell 'em everything is fine

between Joanna and myself.

As a matter of fact, things have never been better.

Jim, Chester... You.

So if you need a place to stay,

there's room in my attic.

I'm going out now to a lecture, not that you care.

Uh, Joanna, don't you feel kinda silly

being mad at me because I trust you?

[ Laughs ]

Okay. Okay. I'm--

I'm-- I'm sorry I--

I wasn't angrier about you and Hal last night.

And-- and-- and believe me,

if all that stuff happened again...

Well, I'd-- I'd be pretty suspicious.

If you'll get out of my way, I paid for a ticket,

I don't want to be late.

Joanna, you've never given me one reason not to trust you

in the 16 years that we've been married.

Sure, Dick. Rub that in my face.

Where are you going?

I'm going to the Legion Meeting Hall

for a lecture on the Italian wine country.

And exactly what time will you be back?

Nice try, Dick.

No, I'm serious. New rules.

You're not leaving here until I hear all the details.

Fair enough, Dick.

First, I'm going to the Legion Hall,

then I'm going out for a night of wild, unrestrained passion.

And you'd better be back by 10.

Oh, hi, Stephanie.

I know what you're thinking. My hair cut is hideous.

So why don't you just come right out and say it?

Stephanie, it-- It looks fine.

Hi, Dick.

Steph, your locks. Hatchet job!

Oh, Michael, the man is licensed by the state,

and he cuts my hair to within an inch of average.

Poor Steph.

Now we can't even go out.

Well obviously.

And Dick says it looks all right.

Dick, Dick, this is no time for cruel jokes.

Look, it sits there like hair.

Michael, if you don't mind,

I think I'd like to be alone, and maybe condition.

Guess who I just saw?

Joanna and Hal, together again.

George, I'm only gonna say this one more time:

Joanna and Hal are just good friends,

attending a lecture

at the Legion Meeting Hall. Period.

Exclamation point, George.

Dick Loudon is above petty jealousy.

Besides, they're at the Legion Hall.

Who could do anything around all those American flags?

Yeah, I'm sure there's probably nothing to worry about.

Darn right.

So what if Joanna sees more of Hal than she sees of Dick?

And so what if they spend a lot of time together...

drinking wine?

Yeah, and so what if I just saw them

walking up to Hal's apartment?

Uh, there-- there must be some mistake.

Joanna's attending a lecture.

And... here's her ticket to prove it.

I'll get my coat.

Hal, let me in. I know you're in there.

HAL: It's open.

I know exactly what you're doing.

Well, mayb--

Maybe not exactly.

I never knew Dick went to wine country.

How'd you get that 3-D effect?

Lights.

Oh!

Hi.

Hey Dick, we we're just looking the pictures of you.

You said you were going to the Legion Meeting Hall.

We had to move. The legion was meetin' there.

Boy, Dick, you really know how to pick your moments

to burst in.

Personally, I would've waited

'til they were at a baseball stadium.

Gee, Dick, they aren't even sittin' together.

Boy, what a hothead.

Uh, the, uh-- [ Clears throat ]

The on-- the only reason I--

I came is because, uh,

Joanna forgot her ticket.

See?

[ Clears throat ] I thought...

I thought maybe you... needed it to--

[ Clears throat ] ...to get in.

Well, thank you, honey.

That was very thoughtful of you.

Wow.

This is better than Playhouse 90.

Dick...

I'm sorry this had to happen like this.

I want you and everyone to know

that Joanna and I are just friends.

You don't have to tell us that, Hal.

Yeah, Dick's the one who's gone off the deep end.

[ Clears throat ] Well, thanks--

thanks for telling me, but again, that's...

that's not the reason I'm here. Lights!

Honey, are you all right?

Why don't we just

move to another town and start over?

Dick, it wasn't that bad.

Yeah...

I could've been naked.

Oh, honey, don't be so hard on yourself.

I guess if I hadn't gotten angry at you for... trusting me.

You probably would've... trusted me.

You wouldn't have showed up here tonight.

Yep.

But the truth of the matter is...

you being jealous was kinda nice.

Well, don't expect a lot of it.

Don't you think you oughta be getting back in there?

Missing the best part of the evening, the...

laughing and the giggling.

No, I think I've seen enough of the Italian wine country

for one night.

[ Sighs ]

Come on, I'll trail you home.

Dick.

What do you think of my hair?

And this time I want an honest answer.

It's a darn shame.

No! I just got it cut right!

Hey, what a difference!

I know.

I never thought I'd find anybody in town,

so fabulous as...

Bernard Devo.

Hi, George. It's back!

Gee, Stephanie sure is in a good mood.

Yeah, she found a hairstylist she likes.

Bernard Devo.

You mean Bernie? He's my barber.

He's army trained, you know.

Wait until I tell Stephanie.

George!

Meow.