Original subtitles

- Joanna?

- What?

- I put soap in the dryer again.

- Oh, no.

- How often does that happen?

- I've lost count.

- Where's the Hoover?

- Wherever you left it last.

- Oh, I hate to vacuum the dryer!

- Good evening. - Hi.

- Are you open? - Yes, we are.

- We'd like a room.

- We?

- I'm Cecil Breech and this is my wife Evelyn.

- I'm Dick Loudon and this is my wife Joanna.

- Pleased to meet you.

How much are your doubles?

- Our doubles are 45.

- That'll be fine.

- Would you like to sign here?

- Oh, sure. Looks like a lovely inn.

We love old inns.

- Honey, which room should we give Mr. and Mrs. Breech?

- Uh, I was thinking of room six

at the far, far end of the hall.

- Perfect.

- Stephanie, you wanna show the Breeches to their room?

- Me?

- Yes.

- Okay.

- Enjoy your stay.

- Oh, thank you. We will.

I agree.

- Excuse me?

- Oh, nothing.

Evelyn was just saying she likes your outfit.

- Oh, thank you.

- Dick, that man's crazy.

Do you think we're doing the right thing

letting him stay here?

- Well, honey, he seemed harmless.

Besides, if I close my door

to every crazy person who came in...

we'd never see him.

- Well, you might as well take back your gift,

because the marriage is over!

- Great. It was a blender, wasn't it?

- Kirk, what's the matter?

- Cindy and I just had our first fight.

- Oh, no. What happened?

- I took her out to dinner tonight.

A nice thing to do, right?

I mean, we're not dating anymore,

so it's not like I had to do it.

Anyway, we get to the restaurant

and there's this parking space right in front,

only there's this other guy trying to back into it.

So I sped up and beat him to it.

- You stole someone's parking space?

- Maybe I'm not making myself clear.

The space was right in front of the restaurant.

- I don't care. It was wrong.

- That's what Cindy said.

- Well, what did you say?

- I said, If you want me to back out of this space, fine.

Then I put the car in reverse and backed all the way home.

- You're crazy, you know that?

- I'm crazy because I love my wife

and I want her to have the best parking space?

I can't believe this night.

It started out so great. Now I've lost Cindy.

- You haven't lost Cindy.

- I don't know, Dick.

We said some things to each other

I don't think we can ever take back.

- Look, Kirk, why don't you just go home

and tell Cindy you're sorry.

- She's not there.

She went to spend the night with her friend, idiot Debbie.

- Well, why don't you go to idiot Debbie's and apologize?

- This is between Cindy and me.

I don't want other people involved in our problems.

Besides, she took the car.

- Why don't you just go home and get a good night's sleep

and I'm sure that things will look better in the morning.

- Well, maybe you're right.

Anyway, no matter what,

I hope this teaches me to control my temper.

- Oh, hi, Kirk. There's some people over at your cafe.

- I'm not open! Get away from there!

- What's the matter with him?

- Oh, he's just mad that he can't control his temper.

- How was the lodge meeting, George?

- Great. You know how much

I always enjoy being with the Beavers.

- We know you do.

- And tonight for the first time in a couple of years,

the Beaver Lodge voted to have a membership drive.

We're having a special meeting tomorrow night.

- Good.

- How would you like to join?

- Me?

- Yeah. I've always wanted to bring someone in,

but I never felt I had anyone to ask until now.

- You want me to be a Beaver?

- Oh, I think you'll really enjoy it, Dick.

They're a great bunch of guys.

You know, they've been a big part of my life.

- Yeah, I know, George,

but, see, I'm not much of a joiner.

- Oh, gee, I thought you'd be kind of excited.

- Oh, I'm sorry. Don't get me wrong.

I'm flattered, but I just don't think, you know, it's me.

- Well, I understand.

I guess I'll go to bed now. Good night.

- Good night. - Good night, George.

How could you do that?

- Do what? - Turn him down.

- Honey, I hate things like that.

- I know, but that lodge

is one of the biggest things in George's life.

You heard what he said.

He's never had a friend to bring before.

He's proud of you, Dick.

- Honey, I've never told you this before,

but there's a reason I don't like clubs.

I think the only reason they exist

is to keep other people out.

- What are you talking about?

- I think they're elitists.

- You think the Beavers are elitists?

- Honey, when I was in college,

there was this one fraternity I wanted to join

and I really knocked myself out trying to get into it,

except I didn't get in.

I found out the reason I didn't get in

was because my dad didn't earn enough money

and I didn't have a nice enough car.

I'll never forget the teasing I took.

"Oh, hey, there's goes the fraternity reject!"

- They're just kids, and kids can be cruel.

- What kids? That was my father.

Honey, I swore to myself

that I will never go through that humiliation again.

- Honey, I understand what you're saying,

but this isn't a snobbish fraternity.

This is a small-town lodge with guys like George.

- Yeah, I know.

- And it would sure make him feel good.

- Okay. I'll go tell George I changed my mind.

- Oh, that's my little Beaver.

- Over here we have our trophy case.

And over here

is where we have refreshments after the meeting.

Look out.

I want you to meet some of the guys.

Hi, guys. I'd like to have you meet Dick Loudon.

Dick, this is Tommy Hayes.

- Hi. - Benny Wiggins.

- Hi. - And Cliff Pulsifer.

- Hi.

- We were just talking about Beaver Days.

- That's something you'll love.

- What are Beaver Days?

- Three days of nonstop fun.

We have food, beer, games.

Hey, maybe Joanna would like to be a Beaverette?

- Well, she certainly has that coming to her.

- Men? Men, can we take our seats, please?

- That's Bill Rivers, our club president.

We'll see you, guys.

We can meet the rest of the Beavers later.

- Call the meeting to order.

I'd like to welcome all of you here this evening

to our special membership night.

Nice to see a few new faces out there.

Before we begin, I'm gonna ask Tommy here

to read the minutes of last night's meeting. Tommy?

- Last night's meeting

was called to order at 7:05 P.M. by President Rivers.

We decided to hold a special membership meeting tonight.

Then we all had beer.

The meeting adjourned at 1 A.M.

- You must have left early.

- I must have.

- Thank you, Tommy. And now for new business.

Now, tonight is the first night in almost two years

that we Beavers have been able to open our club to new members.

As you know, these vacancies have been created

due to the untimely deaths of the Johnson brothers,

who just recently lost their lives

in the tragic and as yet unexplained stampede

at their dairy farm.

This meeting is dedicated to their memory.

Now, I know a couple of you

have candidates for membership that you'd like to introduce.

Who'd like to begin?

Go ahead, Cliff.

- I'd like to introduce my brother-in-law Harley Estin.

He and my wife's sister just moved up here.

They're living with us while Harley looks for work. Harley?

- I'm Harley Estin, Cliff's brother-in-law.

My wife and I have just moved up here

while I look for work,

and I'd like to be a Beaver.

- Well, thank you, Harley. Thank you, Cliff.

Now, anybody have any trouble

with Harley here becoming a member of the Beavers?

Welcome, Harley.

[ applause ]

Now who else has someone they'd like to...George?

- I brought someone I think would make a super Beaver.

He's my boss and my friend

and I'm proud to introduce him to all of you, Dick Loudon.

- Well, as George said, I'm Dick Loudon,

and as most of you know,

my wife and I own the Stratford Inn.

I'm also a writer.

I worked briefly in advertising

before I started writing full-time,

and I, like Harley, would like to become a Beaver.

- Well, all right.

Anybody have a problem

with Dick Loudon becoming a Beaver?

Sorry, Dick.

- Who all was there?

Really? How did she look?

Well, I'm not surprised.

She always ate like a lumberjack.

Oh, hold on a minute. Someone just came in.

Hi. - Hi.

- I was just talking to my mother.

- Don't let me bother you.

- Okay.

Mother, I'll have to call you back.

- Excuse me? Have either of you seen my wife?

- I think we can honestly say we haven't.

- Is Mrs. Breech missing?

- Oh, it's nothing to be alarmed about.

Evelyn's always disappearing.

I was just a little concerned because it's after dark.

- Right. Well, I'm sure she'll turn up sooner or later.

- Well, as I said, it's nothing to be concerned about,

but if you do see her, will you give me a yell?

- Believe me, if we see her, we'll yell.

- Oh, there you are. Where have you been?

You're kidding.

I looked in there and I didn't even see you.

I must be losing my mind.

- Excuse me? - Oh, hi, Cindy.

- Hi. Um, if you two aren't busy,

I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second?

- Sure. What about?

- Well, I suppose you know

that Kirk and I had a fight last night.

- Yeah.

- There was a fight and you didn't tell me?

- Well, the reason I came over

is because you've both been married,

and I figured you've got experience.

I mean, you've probably seen this kind of thing before.

What do you do when the person you love

has things about him that you hate?

- Well, for one thing, you talk to them

and you tell them you love them

and you try to help them to change.

- And if they don't, Reno.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- I saw you pull up. I knew you were over here.

- Well, I was talking to Stephanie and Joanna.

- Oh.

Still mad at me?

- Yeah.

- I'm not mad at you.

- I didn't do anything.

- Right.

I brought you a present.

- Oh, Kirk.

Thank you.

- Forgive me?

- Of course I forgive you.

I just wish you wouldn't get so angry about things.

- I promise I won't do it again.

- Don't make promises you can't keep.

- I promise I won't do that either.

- Well, I'm sorry, too.

And I promise the next time we fight, I won't run away.

You know what's great about this?

We both made a mistake last night, but we got past it.

We're both becoming mature, responsible adults.

- Does this mean we're snuggle bunnies again?

- Yeah.

- I just love it when people kiss and make up.

- Oh, my God! You just reminded me.

I think I'm out of makeup.

- Hi. - Hi.

- What are you doing home so soon?

- The meeting's over. - Already?

- Dick, guess what?

Cindy and I are back together again.

- Yahoo.

- What happened?

- Nothing, except they didn't want me.

- What?

- Who didn't want you? - George's lodge.

- You couldn't get in the Beavers?

- You know, I think this would be a good--

- Nobody is turned down by the Beavers.

- Yeah, we're going.

- No one wants to even be in the Beavers.

- Good night, everybody.

- They asked me to be in the Beavers. I turned them down.

I can't believe you're hugging the Beavers.

- Well, I can't believe it either.

- Honey, I don't wanna talk about it.

- Well, I talked to Chuck.

Did Dick tell you he didn't get in the Beavers?

- George, we're not gonna talk about it.

- I can't help it. I think it's lousy, Dick.

I mean, letting Harley Estin in and turning you down.

- Who's Harley Estin?

- Somebody's out of work brother-in-law.

That's what I meant about clubs. They're elitist.

Somebody always gets hurt and it's always me.

- Dick, we're not elitists.

We don't have any standards at all.

- Well, then how come I'm not in?

- I don't know.

We let Benny Wiggins in and he's done time.

- Well, there has to be an explanation.

- Bernie Blodgett is a member and he doesn't even bathe!

- George!

- One night they all got drunk

and they even made Bill Rivers' collie a member.

- Dick, do you know why they rejected you?

- I guess I'm not Beaver material.

I guess they only like crooks and collies. Who cares?

- You care. You're a thinking, feeling human being,

and people don't like you.

Don't you wanna know why?

- Well, of course I wanna know why.

What am I supposed to do, go down there and ask them?

- Yes. You could go down there and demand an explanation.

- You know, I have half a mind to do that.

- And I've got the other half. Let's go.

- You want me to get their attention, Dick?

- No. Let's just wait till they notice me.

- Do you think we've given them enough time?

- Yeah.

Guys?

Beavers?

There's no more beer!

I was only kidding.

- What's going on?

- Look, I know I'm not supposed to be here,

but I came back

because I think you owe me an explanation.

- Me, too, and we're not leaving

till you give us one.

- What kind of an explanation do you want?

- Why I'm not in the lodge.

- 'Cause everybody voted against you.

- I know that, but why?

- Well, Dick, if we told you that,

we'd be breaking a bylaw

that's stood for over 75 years.

But since I've had a few beers, what the heck?

The reason you're not in the club

is we didn't think you'd fit in.

- Well, what do you mean?

- Dick, the Beaver Lodge was established

as a fraternal organization

for the enjoyment and the enrichment

of the ordinary slob on the street.

- Well, Dick's one of those.

- No, he's not, George. No offense, Dick.

- Oh, none taken.

- Dick, you're a rich guy.

- No, I'm not.

- Compared to us, you are.

I mean, you own the Stratford Inn.

You're a writer.

It sounds like you might even have gone to college.

Just doesn't seem

that you're the plain, ordinary kind of a guy

that the Beavers are all about.

- Wait a minute. You mean I was rejected

because I'm too good for you?

- Well, wait a minute.

I've known Dick Loudon since he came to town,

and he's not too good for anybody.

- Thanks, George.

- In fact, he's one of the commonest guys I know.

- George, you don't have to do this.

- Yes, I do. My friend Dick Loudon

is as ordinary as dirt.

Why, he wouldn't know uptown if you drove him there.

If the Beavers really stand for the ordinary slob on the street,

then I'd like to have somebody tell me

what's wrong with this one.

- Well, gee, maybe we misjudged you, Dick.

- Look, I didn't come over here

to have you feel sorry for me.

- Maybe not, but we do.

- Right. - Right.

- Now, as president, I'm gonna call

a special mercy vote for Dick Loudon.

Now, everybody that wants him in the club, raise your hand.

( all cheer )

- Congratulations, Dick.

Somebody get him a mug of beer.

- Get him one of the dead Johnson brothers' mugs.

- George, you ready to begin the initiation?

- You bet!

- What initiation?

- Don't move, Dick.

- You're not gonna make me wear a hat, are you?

- No, no.

- George, what...

- Uh! Uh! There you are. - What are you doing?

- As a new member, Dick,

you're required to wear that tail.

- For how long?

- For one full year.

- You mean, I have to wear this tail

to every meeting for a year?

- No. You have to wear that tail

every place you go for a year.

- You'd be surprised how fast that year flies by.

- Well, welcome, Beaver Brother.

Got any job openings at your inn?

- I didn't lose it.

I haven't seen it the whole time we've been here, Evelyn.

Why don't you take the blame for once?

Just once is all I'm asking.

It's not my fault.

- Is that Mr. Breech?

- Yeah. - What's he doing?

- Arguing with Evelyn.

- What about?

- What difference does it make?

- Sure, sure, sure.

- Good morning, Mr. Breech. - Morning.

- You checking out? - Yes, we are.

- Excuse me. Aren't you going to pay your bill?

- Evelyn will take care of it.

Evelyn takes care of everything!

- Are you gonna let him get away without paying?

- Of course not.

I don't care if he is crazy.

I'm going after him.

- Meow.