Original subtitles

- KIRK: Why are you being so stubborn?

- I'm not being stubborn. I'm just saying no.

- Why won't anybody in this inn

ever do a favor for me?

- What are you guys talking about?

- I want to borrow George's truck,

and he won't let me.

- I won't let you

because you're a terrible driver.

- You don't know that.

You've never even ridden with me.

- Why do you need George's truck?

- I wrecked my car.

- You're not getting my truck,

and that's final.

- Fine. Then our friendship is over.

Dick, give me your car.

- I can't. Joanna's at a community theater meeting.

I promised I'd pick her up.

- Why do you need a car tonight, anyway?

- Because I have a date,

and I'd rather not pick her up on a bicycle.

- Well, if nobody needs me to do anything,

I'm going to drive into town and try out my new sweater.

- How-- How do you try out a new sweater?

- Well, you walk down the street

and see if anybody asks you out.

- Can I give you a lift? - Sure. Thanks.

- Great.

Mind if we use your car?

- I'd better get going.

- So Joanna's going to be in a play, huh?

- I guess.

- You know, I was in a play once.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah, it was a Christmas pageant.

I played a shepherd.

- Sounds like a good part.

- Shepherd Bill.

- Okay. Good idea.

Okay, now, the next order of business

is refreshments for the intermission.

Chester, can we count on Dora

making her hot cider again this year?

- Oh, yes. She's already laying in

a supply of cinnamon sticks.

- What about your brownies, Shirley?

- They'll be here.

- If I don't eat them all first.

- I'll take care of the programs.

- Good. Then we're all set there.

Uh, what about tickets?

- Uh--

- You'd like to handle that this year, Joanna?

- No, Well, I mean, I will,

but that's not why I was raising my hand.

I had a question.

- Oh? What's that?

- Well, we've been sitting here

for over an hour

talking about publicity and refreshments

and all that,

but I haven't heard anyone mention

what play we're going to do.

- Oh, we're going to do the same play we always do.

- Oh. What play is that?

- "My Fair Lady."

- You do "My Fair Lady" every year?

- Since 1956.

- I'm Henry Higgins.

- I'm Colonel Pickering.

- And we were hoping that this year, you'd be Eliza.

- Me? Eliza Doolittle? But that's the lead.

Don't get me wrong. I'm flattered.

The trouble is I don't really sing.

- Don't worry about that. We don't do the songs.

- You do "My Fair Lady" without the music?

- Wait till you see it. It really zips along.

- What we do is "Pygmalion."

It's just that they prefer to call it "My Fair Lady"

without the songs.

- Uh-huh. Uh, look, I--

I don't mean to toy with tradition,

but have you ever considered doing another play?

- What? - Another play?

- Do you think anybody would come?

- I'm sure they would.

- It's just that everybody knows

"My Fair Lady" without the songs.

They're used to it.

Towards the end of the play,

the whole audience usually says the lines

right along with us.

- I can't think of another play they'd enjoy as much.

- JOANNA: Well-- - Say,

what if Dick wrote us a play?

- What? - Well, now, wait a minute.

That could be a thought.

- Sure, everybody in town knows Dick.

- Wait a minute.

- Can you imagine the excitement

if we were doing a play by our own Dick Loudon?

- Hey, hey, hey! - People! People!

Dick doesn't write plays. He writes books.

- Oh, a play would be a lot easier to write than a book.

It's lots less words.

- Yeah. - That's true.

- Well, I could ask him,

but I really wouldn't count on anything.

- That's the spirit! - Oh, Joanna!

- You better get busy changing programs.

It's going to be a play by Dick Loudon this year.

- I didn't say that. I said I'd try.

- Now, how's he going to turn you down, Joanna?

- Well, I don't know.

- Hey, everybody, look! It's Dick!

[cheering]

- Thank you.

You, uh, you ready, honey?

- Joanna has something to ask you, Dick.

- Oh, what's that?

- Uh, Dick, could I talk to you in private for a second?

- Joanna, if this has anything to do

with community theater,

I don't want to get involved.

- They want you to write a play.

- That's involved.

- Dick, I wouldn't be asking

if it wasn't for the fact that I happen to know

you already have a play.

- Are you talking about "The Girl From Manhattan"?

- Yes.

- I wrote that 16 years ago. it's corny.

- I think it's wonderful.

- Well, of course you think it's wonderful.

I wrote it for you. The main character's name is Joanna.

- That has nothing to do with it.

Besides, it's cute and funny.

And, like you said, you did write it for me,

so I don't see why I shouldn't be able

to give it to them.

Look at their faces.

It would mean so much to them.

- They-- They do love me.

- Please, honey?

- All right. I don't like it, but you can have it--

- on one condition. - What's that?

- That I don't have to rewrite it,

I don't have to direct it,

and I don't even have to come to see it.

[ chattering ]

- DICK: Uh, excuse me. E-Excuse me.

- Okay, quiet, everybody!

The director's trying to speak.

- Okay, who-- who wants to audition now?

- I will.

- All right, Myrna, what are you going to do for us?

- I'm going to do the same thing I did

in "My Fair Lady" without the songs.

There will now be a ten-minute intermission.

Thank you.

- Well, thank-- thank you.

That's a very important part of any play.

Okay, who's-- who's next?

George, you want to audition?

- Uh, no. I wanted to ask if I could make the sets.

- Does anyone else want to make the sets?

It's yours.

- Whew.

- Okay, next?

Stephanie, I didn't know you were going to audition.

- Oh, well, I'm not really.

I just realized that I've, uh...

probably seen a lot more real theater

than most people here.

I mean, I've seen "My Fair Lady" with the songs.

I've seen "West Side Story."

I've seen "Camelot."

That I saw in Switzerland, by the way,

with subtitles,

so I've really seen theater all over the world.

Anyway, I'm here if you need me.

- Thank you. I-- I feel better already.

Okay, who's next?

- Well, Jim, I guess it's you and me.

- We haven't auditioned since 1956,

but we thought we'd do the same thing we did then.

- Fine.

- It's a duet. Are you ready?

1, 2...

- � You like potatoes �

- � And I like tomatoes �

- � You like po-tah-toes �

- � And I like to-mah-toes �

- � Potato � - � To-mah-to �

- � Po-tah-to � - � Tomato �

- � Let's call the whole thing off �

- W-We didn't get that right.

- It was-- It was fine.

Anyone else?

- Would anybody mind if I go?

- What are you going to do for us?

- Well, I thought I'd do the first scene

in "The Girl From Manhattan"

where Joanna and her mother arrive in New York

and see their apartment for the first time.

- You have someone to read with?

- Yeah, Shirley Dixon's going to read Joanna's mother.

- But I'm not auditioning.

- Fine.

- You ready? - Any time you are.

- Okay. Ahem.

Oh, Mother, look.

Isn't this the most darling apartment

you've ever seen?

- Yes, dear, it is.

- Oh, and look out the window.

You can see all of New York.

- I can't tell you what it does for me

to see you this happy.

- Are you as happy as I am?

- Yes, dear. I'm happier

because I know you're so happy.

- Then this is truly a happy day.

- I'm going to have to fix some of that.

Thank-- Thank you both.

[ chattering ]

- Uh, anyone else?

Well, then, I'd just--

just like to thank you all for coming.

I thought you were all-- all very good.

I just wish the play were as good as you were.

- Oh. - That's nice.

- Well, I think I've seen enough

to, uh, base my decisions on.

Uh, for those of you who get into the play

but don't get the leads, I want to remind you

there's no such thing as a small part,

just small actors.

Okay, with, uh, with that in mind,

the cast is:

uh, Woman Number 1, Myrna Peck.

- Congratulations, Myrna.

- Good choice.

- Mr. Ackley, the Broadway producer,

Chester Wanamaker.

The Mayor of New York, Jim Dixon.

- Oh, the Mayor, huh?

- In the part of Joanna,

Stephanie Vanderkellen.

- Ohh!

- And in the part--

in the part of Joanna's mother,

Joanna Loudon.

So why don't we take a short ten-minute break

and have some refreshments,

and then we'll come back and read the play.

- Uh, honey? Could I see you in the study for a second?

- Sure.

- Excuse us.

[ loud slam ]

- Something wrong? - Joanna's mother?

- What part did you think you'd get?

- Joanna.

- Joanna is a 22-year-old girl.

- But you wrote this play for me.

It's my life story.

- No, it isn't.

Joanna in the play stars on Broadway

and meets the Mayor of New York.

You never did those things.

- Look, Dick, you may not realize it,

but in the back of my mind I always had this fantasy

that someday we'd do this play in some little theater

and I would play Joanna.

- You did?

- I mean, I'm the only one who tried out for the part,

and I still didn't get it.

Stephanie didn't do anything.

- I know, but Stephanie was the only girl in her 20s

out in that room.

Honey, I-- I would-- I would do anything

to give you this part.

But unfortunately, you're-- you're just too darn old.

I-- I mean for the part, not-- not in real life.

- Fine, Dick. You're the director.

- What are you talking about?

- I don't want to discuss it anymore.

We'll just go out there

and put on our happily married faces,

and no one will ever know that you broke my heart.

- I love the theater.

- Hi, Mom.

Everything all right?

- Everything's fine.

- We're all ready, Dick.

- Fine. Why doesn't everyone have a seat?

I'll read the stage directions.

Okay, "The Girl From Manhattan," Act 1, Scene 1.

The time is 1966.

The setting is a small apartment in New York City.

As the curtain goes up--

- Uh, actually, Dick, our curtain doesn't go up.

It opens sideways.

- Okay, as the curtain opens sideways...

uh, a beautiful girl, Joanna McKenzie, enters,

followed by her surprisingly young mother.

- Where does it say that in the script?

- It-- It doesn't. That's something else

I'm going to have to fix.

- Should we start? - Go ahead.

- Oh, Mother, look. Isn't this

the most darling apartment you've ever seen?

- Yes, dear, it is.

- Oh. And look out the window.

You can see all of New York.

- I can't tell you what it does for me

to see you this happy.

- Are you as happy as I am?

- Yes, dear. I'm happier

because I know you're so happy.

- Well, that's one page.

Uh... I think we're, uh, due for a break.

Uh, Joanna, could I, uh,

could I see you in the study?

- Which Joanna are you referring to?

- The Joanna who begged me to do this play.

Excuse us.

- Is something wrong?

- Joanna's mother is supposed to be

the sweetest, kindest, most sympathetic character

in the play. - So?

- You're playing her like Vampyra.

Now, look, I made a perfectly logical casting decision.

Now, I want you to go out there,

stop acting like a child, and do it right.

- And what if I don't?

- Then you will never work in this town again.

- Honey, you'd better hurry up. We're going to be late.

- Dick? - Yeah, George.

- The play opens tomorrow night,

and I've only got one more thing to do on the set.

I just thought I'd check with you first.

- What's that?

- It says you're supposed to see New York

out the window.

What does New York look like?

- Well, George, it's one of the largest cities in the world.

You know, it has rivers and bridges

and hundreds of tall buildings,

millions of lights.

- Maybe I'll just put a curtain on the window.

- All right, Dick. No more fooling around.

I've got a major date tonight.

I've got to have your car.

- I'm sorry. Joanna and I need the car

to go to rehearsal.

- You're not using my truck. - Name your price.

- There's nothing you have that I want.

- Don't give me that. You love my hamburgers.

What will it be, free meals? How many?

- Okay, I want all my meals for a month.

- That's stupid. I'll give you one cheeseburger.

- Okay, I want all my meals for a week.

- I'll give you one cheeseburger and French fries.

- Okay, I'll take one cheeseburger, French fries,

and dessert.

- I'll give you one cheeseburger,

French fries, and your own booth.

- And dessert. - No dessert.

One play on the juke box.

- Deal. - Keys.

- I won.

- Okay, I'm ready.

- All right, let me get my stuff,

and we can go.

I'll be in the car.

- Aren't you going to wait for me?

- Fine. You're the director.

- Joanna, why don't you close the door

and let's talk? - Why?

- Because I don't want to go to our last rehearsal

with the two of us mad at each other.

- I'll let you know how it went. - Joanna.

Please come down here.

Look, let's be honest.

The last two weeks haven't been great.

- I've been doing the best I can.

- I-- I know you have. I made a mistake.

I never should have cast you as Joanna's mother.

- Well, at least we agree on something.

- I mean, you were right to begin with.

The problem is you're-- you're just too young.

- I am?

- Well, don't you think that's the problem?

- Well, sure, but I thought you said

I was too old to be Joanna.

- Well, you are, but you're also

too young to be her mother.

- Well, what am I, her aunt?

- What if you were her sister?

- Her sister? - Yeah.

- Wait a minute.

Would you only be doing this to make me happy?

[ laughs ]

- No, no, no.

No.

Would it?

- Well, yes, but isn't it going to look a little funny

going to the last rehearsal

and telling everyone that now I'm Joanna's sister?

- No, I'll just tell everyone

that this kind of thing happens

all the time in the theater.

- Does it?

- In practically every play ever done.

I think I read one time

that up until opening night

it was "The Queen and I."

- Well, I have to admit I like the idea.

But wouldn't that throw the whole play off?

- No. Instead of Stephanie saying "Mother,"

she'll just say "sister."

- Well, I am so much happier.

- Well, then, that's frosting on the cake.

- Ohh.

- JOANNA: So tell me, how did the audition go?

- STEPHANIE: I was so nervous,

but I think I was very good.

The producer kept smiling at me.

- Dick, would you like a cup of cider?

- Oh, thanks. - How's it going?

- It's going--

...pretty good.

- Oh, Sis, do you really think I'll get it?

- Well, Joanna...

not many girls land the lead in a Broadway show

their first month in New York.

But whether or not you get it,

I just want you to know

that your father and sister

will always be proud of you.

[ knock on door ]

- I'll get it.

Oh, my gosh,

it's the producer Mr. Ackley

and the Mayor of New York.

Come in.

- What a surprise.

- Mr. Mayor, I don't believe

you've met the young actress I discovered.

This is Joanna McKenzie

and her sister Sis McKenzie.

- Well, I've certainly been hearing

a lot about you.

You've raised a fine sister.

- Thank you, Mayor.

Could I get anyone a sandwich or a cold drink?

- A sandwich sounds good to me.

- Well, then, if you'll excuse me,

I'll just go into the kitchen and make some.

- Mr. Mayor, Mr. Ackley, won't you have a seat?

- Oh, thank you.

This certainly is a cute apartment you've got here.

- Dick.

- STEPHANIE: Thanks. I decorated it myself.

- Joanna, what are you doing here?

You're supposed to be making sandwiches

in the kitchen.

- I've got a minute before I go back on.

Oh, Dick, this is awful.

- Yeah.

- I never should have let you make me Joanna's sister.

I've ruined everything. - No. No, you haven't.

- How can you say that? They're all laughing at me.

- At least they're laughing at something.

I've made us both look like fools.

And you were so sweet to try to change everything.

Can you ever forgive me?

- Honey, I love you. Of course I forgive you.

- Oh, Dick.

- Shh! - Sorry.

- Look, the play's almost over.

Just go back up there

and do the best you can to get through it.

- But, Dick, I can't go back up there

and let people think you wrote something

that sounds this stupid.

- Joanna, there you are.

You're supposed to be on stage.

- You missed your cue. - Oh, great.

- I'll be right there. Honey, don't worry.

I'm going to get us both out of this.

- What are you going to do? Joanna!

- H-How's it going, Dick? - Haven't you been watching?

- No, I stepped out for a drink of water

and to pick up some things at the market.

- Where did you say your sister was?

- Well, I thought she was in the kitchen.

But she doesn't seem to be there right now.

- Oh.

- Maybe she went for a walk.

- You know, I think you're right.

In fact, I think I hear someone on the sidewalk now.

No, I was wrong.

- So where did you say your sister was?

- Um, I don't know.

I can't remember.

Where have you been?

- Sorry, but we were out of mustard,

so I had to make some. Here.

- Oh. Thank you.

- Sis, I have the most wonderful news.

Mr. Ackley has given me the lead in his new show,

and he's asked me to marry him.

- Well, that's wonderful, dear.

And now I've got something to tell you.

- You do?

- Yes. I hope you'll be as happy as I am

when I tell you that I'm not really your sister.

I'm your mother.

- My mother?

- Yes. I just pretended to be your sister

so we would be close,

and now that I know we always will be,

there's no need to hide my true identity anymore.

- Well, Sis...

Mom...

I don't know what to say.

- Don't say anything.

Let's just go out to dinner.

- Okay. - Yes.

Everyone into the mayor's limousine.

And isn't this a wonderful day?

- If I'd known we were going out to dinner,

I wouldn't have eaten that sandwich.

- MAN: Was that it?

- WOMAN: I think so.

- Well, that's the dumbest play I've ever seen.

You want to save the program?

- The sandwiches looked good.

- MAN 2: Yeah, I'm starved.