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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:26,401 Okay, sorry. Hello, family. 3 00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:28,194 Let's find the surprise. 4 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,113 Where's the surprise? 5 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,740 Here's the surprise! 6 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,033 - Surprise! - Granny! 7 00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:34,826 Oh, my gosh. 8 00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:37,912 - Oh, Grandma, I miss you. - Hello, lovey. 9 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,374 Bertie, blow out the candles. 10 00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:44,502 Oh, well, now, you know I can't, 'cause I'm not there. 11 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,355 - I hope you don't want me to... - Blow on the screen! 12 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,965 Well, okay. 13 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:57,140 Bertie, what are you going to do to celebrate without us? 14 00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:58,516 Oh, um... 15 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,518 I don't really know. 16 00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:03,855 Um... But I think Mickey's got something planned. 17 00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:08,526 I'll probably just spend some time with all of my friends here in LA. 18 00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:10,528 There's always something great to do here. 19 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,238 So, it's gonna be good. 20 00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,324 I'm so jealous. I wanna come visit. 21 00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,701 But Mom says if I go, she has to come, too. 22 00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:17,911 - It's not fair. - No. 23 00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:19,746 Oh, well, what's wrong with that? 24 00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:25,084 A mom and her two daughters doing lovely things in LA together. 25 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:28,129 - Oh, how cool would that be? - That would be really cool. 26 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:31,966 Um, anyway, guys, it's been so nice chatting to you, 27 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:34,427 and I'm happy to see you, and I love you so much, 28 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:38,306 but I do really wanna get a little bit more rest before my big day of fun. 29 00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:41,100 So I'm gonna have to say goodbye for now, okay? 30 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:44,771 - Bye, Bertie, I miss you. I love you! - Your Uncle Basil died! 31 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:45,855 Bye. 32 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,214 Hey. 33 00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:14,008 How'd you sleep? 34 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:16,219 How did I sleep? 35 00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:20,348 That's a little creepy. Seems like a kinda personal question. 36 00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:23,393 I was just trying to have some normal breakfast conversation. 37 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,563 - We're out of toilet paper. - Then buy some. 38 00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,815 Ladies should choose the toilet paper they want 39 00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:31,359 because you have to use it in two different areas. 40 00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:33,611 Just tell me what you want, and I can get it for ya. 41 00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:36,406 Good morning, everyone. 42 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:39,784 - Guess whose birthday it is today. - Uh, Dakota Fanning? 43 00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:43,913 - Oh, wait. That's in February, right? - No. No, close. 44 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,665 It's me, Bertie Beverly Bauer. 45 00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:47,542 "Sweet as honey 'cause she's got three Bs." 46 00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:50,920 - That's what Daddy used to say. - Bertie, happy birthday! 47 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,631 Holy shit. Happy birthday! I feel bad I didn't know. 48 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:57,677 - I'm usually on top of that kind of thing. - Oh, you are? Hmm. 49 00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,762 I'm sorry. Why didn't you fucking tell me? 50 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:01,222 I would have gotten you a stripper 51 00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,933 to come serve you breakfast in bed or something. 52 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:07,061 Oh, didn't I mention it? I guess, my mistake. 53 00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:10,523 It's my first birthday in America. Yankee doodle birthday! 54 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:13,067 I was hoping you guys would join me celebrating tonight. 55 00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:17,947 Oh, shit. Bertie, I wish I could, but I can't tonight. I got... 56 00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:21,743 This is kind of embarrassing. I have a colonoscopy tomorrow. 57 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,120 Dr. Schnittman fit me in at the last minute. 58 00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,414 It's really hard to get an appointment. 59 00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:27,537 He's the best in the West. 60 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,876 I have to chug this gross, gray drink all night 61 00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:31,461 to clear me out for the procedure. 62 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:35,173 You turn into a faucet, and things pour out of you, basically. 63 00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:36,358 I have to be close to a toilet. 64 00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:38,927 Schnittman says don't go more than ten feet from a toilet, 65 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,387 or there's gonna be some sort of disaster. 66 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,682 And you're gonna be shitting all of that out at our place? 67 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,310 Yeah, in the bathroom. 68 00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:50,313 So you're definitely buying us some fucking toilet paper. 69 00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:52,690 Yeah, I'll get you toilet paper. 70 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:57,028 Oh, before I forget, can you drive me to my colonoscopy tomorrow? 71 00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:59,364 Absolutely. That's fine by me. 72 00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:02,283 Bertie, I'm so sorry. I can't, either. 73 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:05,179 We're interviewing this sex worker. Tonight's the only night she can do it. 74 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:09,123 No. No worries, really. It's my fault for not alerting you earlier. 75 00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:10,917 Um, well, that's fine. 76 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,671 I'm gonna go start my year off right by going to Bar Body, 77 00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:18,967 where I'll be toning my thighs and mayhaps my buttocks. So... 78 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,970 - My bag. - Oh. 79 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:23,054 Yeah. Bye. 80 00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:24,806 Happy birthday, Bertie! 81 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:27,558 Press your lower back down, hold on behind your thighs, 82 00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:30,019 extend your legs up to a diagonal. 83 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:33,231 Keep going. Exhale. Exhale. 84 00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:35,733 Okay, no hands touching. Thank you. 85 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,485 - A little up. A little down. - Oh, okay. 86 00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,362 - Yes, out. And in. - Great. 87 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:41,197 - Two more times. Up. - I got it, I think. 88 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,657 - Down. Okay, out... - Thank you. 89 00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,534 - Lift up. - No. 90 00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:48,329 Switch. Curl. Switch. Curl. 91 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:52,792 Soften your knees more. Draw your shoulders back. Tuck. Tuck. 92 00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:56,838 Keep going. Just 50 more. Curl. 93 00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:59,257 - Pull your abdominals in. Lift... - That's okay. 94 00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:01,301 You don't need to help me. Thank you. 95 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,594 This guy seemed nice. 96 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:07,098 He was tall and not bald, which never happens on Tinder. 97 00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:08,016 Uh-huh. 98 00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:13,396 I always match with these short, fat guys who have no money. 99 00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:16,858 But this guy, he was handsome. He was smart. 100 00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:19,527 - We go to this new Italian place. - Uh-huh. 101 00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:22,780 - Oh, girl, hello. It was really good. - Yeah. 102 00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,533 - So, I planned on going home, you know? - Mmm. 103 00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:30,872 - But, well, to make a long story short... - Too late. Kidding. Kidding. 104 00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:32,155 - Good morning. - So... 105 00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:33,666 Clayton! 106 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,043 - What's up? - Hey! 107 00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:37,128 Bye, Sandra. So great to chat. 108 00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:39,130 - How are you? - Good. How about you? 109 00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:42,842 - I'm really good. It's so nice to see you. - Yeah, you too. 110 00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:44,343 - Hey. - Hi, take it easy. 111 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:45,678 - Bye, Sandra! - How you doing? 112 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,013 I have a bit of news. 113 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:48,473 - What's up? - It's my birthday. 114 00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:50,266 What? Happy birthday, Bertie! 115 00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:53,853 I went for a big, crazy weekend with all my besties last weekend. 116 00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:55,688 We went on a big pub crawl. 117 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:58,566 But it seems kind of weird to not do anything tonight. 118 00:05:58,649 --> 00:06:00,777 It's your birthday. You gotta do something. 119 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:05,406 I was wondering if you would like to go for a drink after work or something? 120 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:08,242 Oh, man, like, I would love to, 121 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:12,830 but my girlfriend is real strict about me not having any female friends. 122 00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:14,540 Right. Tight leash. I get it. 123 00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:17,460 Yeah. She says it'll lead to emotional affairs 124 00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:21,255 and then, ultimately, that leads to fucking. She's not wrong. 125 00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:24,801 I don't have any platonic friends. I'm an extremely sexual person. 126 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,386 If it's in front of me, I'm probably gonna fuck it. 127 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:30,681 Not what I was doing here. But it's a no. That's cool. I get it. 128 00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,768 But you have a good time. Enjoy your birthday, B. 129 00:06:33,851 --> 00:06:35,311 Thank you so much. I will. 130 00:06:35,394 --> 00:06:37,313 - All right. - It's gonna be fun. Whoo! 131 00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:45,822 If anybody's wondering, I do have crab legs, 132 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:49,200 which is probably why it's so hard to keep my pants on. 133 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:50,701 Just having fun. 134 00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:53,079 I'll be back to check on you. All right? Great. 135 00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:57,583 - What's up, guys? - Hey. 136 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:58,668 - Hey. - Hey. 137 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:03,339 Did you hear? He went with the crab legs joke again. 138 00:07:03,422 --> 00:07:05,174 God. He's like a walking dad joke. 139 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,969 If I'm working here when I'm 30, light me on fire. 140 00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:11,472 And what the hell is he smiling about? His life is so sad. 141 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:12,557 I know. 142 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:15,411 Do you remember when he brought his parents here? 143 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,020 - How excited he was? - He was so happy. 144 00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:33,870 - Pinot noir. - All right. 145 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,917 And welcome to the Smoke House. 146 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,461 - Oh, you're here. - Hey! 147 00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,754 What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting you. 148 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:47,925 You coming over tonight? I can steal tiramisu from the kitchen. 149 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:51,220 - There's, like, tons. - Uh, hey, babe, just a heads-up. 150 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,682 Tom is about to stop by. He wanted to have lunch here. 151 00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:57,477 What? Why? You told me you guys were separated. 152 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,479 You said he doesn't respect your spirituality. 153 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,939 We're separated. We will be separated. Whatever. 154 00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,774 I tried to get him to go somewhere else, 155 00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,651 but he loves the fucking onion blossom here. 156 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,320 Who doesn't? It's our signature dish. 157 00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:10,490 - This is gonna be awkward as... - Hi. I'm so sorry. 158 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,617 I got so caught up. I apologize. 159 00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:14,952 Could I get a bourbon, neat, please? 160 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:17,330 Oh, you'd actually go through the bartender for drinks. 161 00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:18,664 - Oh, sorry. - Yeah. 162 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:21,542 - Uh, can we start with a... - Uh, an onion blossom? 163 00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,252 I'm a psychic, so... 164 00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:24,836 I'm playing with ya. 165 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,919 - She told me that's what you want. - Oh, I'm sorry. 166 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:28,925 I'll put that in for you. 167 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,593 - Thanks. - Okay. 168 00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:31,552 - Hi. - Hi. 169 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:33,346 Sorry I'm late. How's it going? 170 00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:34,597 - Good. - Good. 171 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:38,184 So, bad news. They don't have the moon roof... 172 00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:39,267 Oh, God. 173 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:15,555 Enjoy. 174 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,727 Hey! Bertie, you showed up. 175 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,062 - Hi! - That's so cool. 176 00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:25,648 Well, I love cake, and I love free things. 177 00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:29,026 And come to think of it, free is my favorite flavor. 178 00:09:32,321 --> 00:09:33,531 Yeah. 179 00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:36,117 Uh... You know what? Let's get you a table. 180 00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:39,245 - Follow me. We'll talk to the hostess. - Great. 181 00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:42,373 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 182 00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:47,253 ♪ Happy birthday Smoke House's favorite customer ♪ 183 00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:51,340 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 184 00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:58,180 You want me to sing "Happy Birthday" backwards? 185 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,349 - Um, okay. - Okay. 186 00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:06,856 ♪ Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to... ♪ 187 00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:09,900 I'm just being dumb. 188 00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,194 Well, I love it here. 189 00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,779 It seems like the kind of place 190 00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:16,657 where someone would get gunned down by the mob, 191 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,035 and wind up face down in a plate of lamb chops. 192 00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,536 - Right? - It's really cool. 193 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,955 Yeah. It's a celeb hangout, too. 194 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:26,834 We're actually sitting in the George Clooney booth right now. 195 00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:28,169 - Really? - Yeah. 196 00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:29,629 Well, as legend has it, 197 00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:32,882 this is where he was sitting when he got the call that he had booked ER. 198 00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:33,799 Wow. 199 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:38,346 Yeah, I mean, if these walls could talk, like, they would be like, you know, 200 00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:42,892 "Lots of stuff has happened here! All the big-time guys hang out here." 201 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:47,647 I have to admit I had, like, this fantasy that for my first birthday in America, 202 00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:53,194 I would have a big party, and there would be a celebrity there. 203 00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:55,112 Not like a Kardashian, 204 00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:59,367 but maybe someone from The Bachelor or a CSI show, 205 00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:02,828 and I could get a selfie with them and send it to my family back home. 206 00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:06,082 Apparently, when they were filming Batman Returns, 207 00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:09,210 um, Michael Keaton, Michelle Pfeiffer and Danny DeVito 208 00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:11,253 would often have dinner here. 209 00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:14,298 Apparently, Danny DeVito never broke character. 210 00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:16,526 He was always the penguin. He would order as the Penguin. 211 00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:18,219 - That's so cool. - Yeah. 212 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,264 What else do you got planned for your birthday? 213 00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,767 Oh, um... 214 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,603 It's gonna be fun, I think. It will be... 215 00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:30,314 I'll probably meet up with some other people, 216 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,024 and we'll go and have, uh... 217 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:35,736 go in a limo, go for a pub crawl or something. 218 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:41,075 Or maybe none of those things, 'cause I don't have any more plans. 219 00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:44,328 - What? Bertie, it's your birthday! - Yeah. 220 00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:46,956 You gotta do something fun on your birthday. 221 00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,237 I'm doing something fun tonight. 222 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:50,501 - Really? - Yeah. 223 00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:53,379 I would love to have company if you want to come with me. 224 00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:54,713 Aw... 225 00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:58,384 - Yeah, okay. I think that would be great. - That's awesome. 226 00:11:58,467 --> 00:11:59,468 What's up, Mike? 227 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,723 He did that on purpose. We have a whole thing. 228 00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:07,309 He's the weird one. 229 00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:10,187 Friggin' Mike. 230 00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:14,233 This isn't part of the adventure. I gotta get gas. 231 00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:15,401 - Got it. - Okay. 232 00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:20,406 All right. 233 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:25,244 I'll be right back. Do you need anything from in there? 234 00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,913 Uh, chewing tobacco! Lots of it. 235 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,540 - Just kidding. - All right. 236 00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:33,002 Is this weird? I like to pay inside. 237 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:36,255 I just try and find human interaction wherever I can in LA. 238 00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:38,299 That's a cool idea. I'm gonna do that next time. 239 00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:40,926 Right? Life hack, bitch! 240 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:43,429 Sorry, the "bitch" isn't directed at you. 241 00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:46,015 Oh, no, I get it. The universe is your bitch. 242 00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:48,517 Exactly. Okay, I'll be right back. 243 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:49,602 - Bye. - Okay. 244 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,466 It's pumping. 245 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,602 - It clicks once it's done. - Okay. 246 00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:40,194 - After you. - Thank you. 247 00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:43,155 - Chris! - I know, right? 248 00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,658 Yeah. You gotta wait for it. 249 00:13:46,408 --> 00:13:49,119 Oh, my gosh! 250 00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:52,414 This is probably one of my favorite things, 251 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:53,499 probably of all time. 252 00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:55,751 Is this where you come to dance when you're sad, 253 00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:58,003 like Kevin Bacon in Footloose? 254 00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,713 No! 255 00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:02,841 Oh, wow! 256 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,510 What is this? 257 00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:08,222 W818, the best of Van Nuys wrestling! 258 00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:11,141 Oh, my God. This is crazy! 259 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:16,021 I love how in LA the best stuff is always in the most unexpected places. 260 00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:19,483 Like, there'll be really good sushi in a weird strip mall. 261 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,778 That's the only example I can think of, actually. 262 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:25,114 You're the first person I've brought here. 263 00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,365 - Really? - Yeah. 264 00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:27,575 Well, I'm honored. 265 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,119 Suck it, Chris' other friends. 266 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,954 Right? 267 00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,539 - It's scary. - Hey, my man! 268 00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,040 - Hey! What's up? - You made it! 269 00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,251 Hey, what's going on? Hey! 270 00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:38,919 Oh, have you guys ever met Bertie? 271 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,796 This is Frank and Allan from the Springwood. 272 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,424 - Hi. - They introduced me to this place. 273 00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:45,009 Kind of like Springwood royalty. 274 00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:47,344 - Oh, well, very nice to meet you. - Stop. 275 00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:49,638 - This place is amazing. - Isn't it great? 276 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,223 Sit down. We got seats for you. 277 00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,641 - Let's go. - Thank you. 278 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:56,020 They got wrestling here. They shoot porno down the block. 279 00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:57,646 Very versatile neighborhood. 280 00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,024 And surprisingly good schools. 281 00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:03,819 Chris, is tonight the night you're gonna go up and show us what you got? 282 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,154 - Nah... - Nah. 283 00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:07,781 Every month he comes and chickens out on the action. 284 00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:14,038 Who is that guy? He seems really good. 285 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:18,417 Oh, yeah. That is Colin Follenweider. I worship him. 286 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:20,294 Who is that? 287 00:15:20,377 --> 00:15:23,505 Okay. She is awesome. She calls herself Mayday Marge. 288 00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:26,383 Oh, she should be called Marge in Charge. 289 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:27,468 Oh, yeah, right? 290 00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:29,803 Or Sarge Marge 'cause of her outfit. 291 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,597 Holy shit! You should tell her! 292 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,557 Okay, I will. 293 00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:36,352 Actually, she looks a bit scary, so I don't want to. 294 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:06,757 Kill her! Kill her! Fucking kill her! 295 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,258 Kill her! 296 00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:16,517 Holy shit, Bertie. You've been screaming all night. 297 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,560 You got a real fire inside you. 298 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:22,314 Oh, my God. Colin Follenweider is walking towards me. 299 00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,858 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Listen to you. 300 00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:27,152 Two hours ago, you had no idea who he was. 301 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:28,880 Two hours ago, I was an idiot. 302 00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:30,531 Hi, Bertie. I heard a rumor 303 00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:33,742 that you need a picture taken for a very special occasion. 304 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:34,994 It's not a rumor. I told him. 305 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:37,663 - He told me. - Mr. Follenweider, I would love that. 306 00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:38,807 Can you take it on my phone? 307 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,141 Let's get the ring in the background. 308 00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:41,500 Good idea. 309 00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:43,103 - You can call me Colin. - Okay, Colin. 310 00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:47,423 - Can you do a move on me for the photo? - Yeah. I call this the sleeper. 311 00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:50,467 Epic! One, two, three. 312 00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,928 - Got it. - I gotta get back to the ring. 313 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:57,558 - I hope you have a great birthday, Bertie. - Thank you so much. Break a leg. 314 00:16:57,641 --> 00:16:59,435 Someone else's. 315 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,020 Thanks, CF. 316 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:03,230 - That was incredible. - Right? 317 00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:06,150 Oh, my God. I'm texting that to my mom right now. 318 00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:07,901 - I'll get us beers. - Thanks. 319 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:08,986 Yeah. 320 00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:12,573 Hey, what's up, Rex? 321 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:15,200 Excuse us. 322 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,161 Thank you. 323 00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:19,747 He's Scottish. 324 00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:21,832 - I love it. - Yeah. 325 00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:28,005 But, man, Australia, huh? What even gave you the balls to move here? 326 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,298 Ah. 327 00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:33,427 Okay. Why I Left Australia by Bertie Bauer. 328 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:39,933 I had this boyfriend. And we had known each other since we were in year seven. 329 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:45,314 And I worked at this flower shop Petals. Very chic flower shop. 330 00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:50,027 I drowned thousands of maidenhair ferns while I worked there. 331 00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:53,238 But, you know, I was there for eight years. 332 00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:54,239 Wow. 333 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:57,201 And one day, I just flipped out, 334 00:17:57,284 --> 00:18:01,413 and I decided I wanted to move over here and start over. 335 00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:06,251 So I told my boyfriend that I'd gotten a job over here, 336 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:09,129 which, as you probably guessed, was a lie. 337 00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:14,885 And, yeah, I just wanted to get away from him and from my apartment 338 00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:16,470 and my old life. 339 00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:18,263 Sorry. 340 00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:21,433 No! Good for you. 341 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,478 I mean, you're here now, right? That's the cool part. 342 00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:27,272 That flower store sounded cool, too. 343 00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:31,944 Yeah, but now I've just settled for another kind of comfortable situation. 344 00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:35,405 Oh, I remember you said you... 345 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:39,451 have a habit of doing that at Mickey's work thing. 346 00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:43,622 But, I mean, Randy seems like a good guy, right? 347 00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:46,458 - Oh, yeah. I didn't mean... - Yeah. 348 00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:49,378 - I wasn't necessarily talking about that. - Oh, yeah. 349 00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:51,755 I just mean, I wanna try new things 350 00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:57,636 and have more exciting nights like this and jump off the top turnbuckle of life. 351 00:18:57,719 --> 00:19:01,473 Dude, me too! Like, oh, God... 352 00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:03,559 Look at me. I'm such a wimp. 353 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:06,436 I've been coming here for months and haven't wrestled once. 354 00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:08,772 Well, why not? You should try it. 355 00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:11,400 Excuse me. Hi. 356 00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:15,737 Hi. Does anyone here by any chance need someone to wrestle with tonight? 357 00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:23,829 Whoa! 358 00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:25,372 It's Cremator time! 359 00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:42,347 Hey, Keith! You suck! Big time! 360 00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:44,057 What'd you say? 361 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,810 Oh, you didn't hear? Maybe you need a hearing aid! 362 00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:50,772 I said, Keith the Cremator sucks! 363 00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:53,525 My little niece Julia hits harder than that, 364 00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:54,860 and she's only five! 365 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:58,280 Keith's coming for him, everyone! This is unplanned! 366 00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:01,450 Watch out, Chris. Control your mind and you control your body. 367 00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:06,079 - Keith, tear his fucking balls off! - Keith the Cremator sucks! 368 00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:08,665 Keith the Cremator sucks! 369 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:12,711 Keith the Cremator sucks! Keith the Cremator sucks! 370 00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:14,922 Keith the Cremator sucks! 371 00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:16,506 All right, big mouth, you so tough? 372 00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:18,217 Get in this ring and show me what's up! 373 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,135 - Who, me? - Yeah, you! 374 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,386 All right. You got it, pal! 375 00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:26,767 Ladies and gentlemen, W818 Van Nuys Wrestling presents 376 00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:30,938 Keith the Cremator versus an audience member! 377 00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:34,942 You messed with the wrong dude! 378 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,243 Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! 379 00:20:47,704 --> 00:20:52,209 Why don't you pick on somebody your own size, buster? 380 00:21:06,848 --> 00:21:08,016 Take it easy. 381 00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:16,358 It's getting hot in here! 382 00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:22,614 He picked him up by his face! 383 00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:31,123 Cremator time, baby! 384 00:21:35,752 --> 00:21:39,006 ♪ What a day for a daydream ♪ 385 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:43,844 ♪ What a day for a daydreamin' boy ♪ 386 00:21:43,927 --> 00:21:47,472 ♪ And I'm lost in a daydream ♪ 387 00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:52,019 ♪ Dreamin' 'bout my bundle of joy ♪ 388 00:21:52,811 --> 00:21:56,648 ♪ And even if time ain't really On my side ♪ 389 00:21:57,232 --> 00:22:00,902 ♪ It's one of those days For takin' a walk outside ♪ 390 00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:03,155 ♪ I'm blowin' the day to... ♪ 391 00:22:06,074 --> 00:22:07,951 The winner is... 392 00:22:08,035 --> 00:22:10,203 - Let's go check him out! - Oh, my gosh! 393 00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:13,707 Keith the Cremator! 394 00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:17,502 Oh, my God! 395 00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:20,380 Chris, that was so good! 396 00:22:20,964 --> 00:22:25,177 I really felt like you had a long, uncomfortable history with the Cremator. 397 00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:27,262 Holy shit! That felt amazing! 398 00:22:27,345 --> 00:22:30,057 You know what I did? I thought about Mike from the steak house. 399 00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:33,310 Guy doesn't even memorize the specials. That's so fuckin' lazy, right? 400 00:22:33,393 --> 00:22:35,270 - That was awesome. - Thanks, man. 401 00:22:35,353 --> 00:22:36,521 I'm proud of you! 402 00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:38,440 Oh, shit. You got blood. 403 00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:39,900 Huh? Huh? 404 00:22:39,983 --> 00:22:42,319 I'm bleeding? Oh, my God, I'm bleeding? 405 00:22:42,402 --> 00:22:44,029 Holy shit, my first battle wound! 406 00:22:44,112 --> 00:22:47,324 You better stay away from vampires, 'cause they're gonna tear you up. 407 00:22:47,407 --> 00:22:48,742 Hilarious, Bertie. 408 00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:50,827 All right. Come on, let's go. 409 00:22:51,453 --> 00:22:53,080 - You do look cool. - Yeah? 410 00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:57,000 Like a brave soldier with a very small cut on his head. 411 00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:59,711 Ah, I'm still pumped. 412 00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:03,215 Phew. 413 00:23:03,715 --> 00:23:05,258 I needed that. 414 00:23:05,759 --> 00:23:09,262 It felt like a little push in the right direction or something. 415 00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:13,558 Now I can't seem to shake Mike from my brain! 416 00:23:13,642 --> 00:23:16,770 Oh, sorry. Is it really that bad with this guy? 417 00:23:16,853 --> 00:23:20,565 I feel like a lot of the waiters there think I'm a joke. 418 00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:25,695 I moved to LA to be a stuntman, and I'm not even close to doing it at all. 419 00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:28,573 Chin up! You got pushed through a table tonight. 420 00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:30,700 Yeah, I did. 421 00:23:31,618 --> 00:23:32,744 I don't know. 422 00:23:33,537 --> 00:23:36,498 I've got three months left on my lease at the Springwood. 423 00:23:37,749 --> 00:23:40,710 Part of me feels like maybe I shouldn't renew it. 424 00:23:40,794 --> 00:23:42,295 You're thinking about leaving? 425 00:23:42,379 --> 00:23:44,965 Maybe it'd be easier to move back to Chicago 426 00:23:45,048 --> 00:23:47,801 and not have to pay $2,300 a month in rent. 427 00:23:47,884 --> 00:23:50,595 Holy shit! I thought you lived there because it's cheap. 428 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:52,973 No, that place is a paradise. 429 00:23:53,598 --> 00:23:56,268 You do realize all those apartments are fully furnished, right? 430 00:23:57,102 --> 00:24:01,231 Listen, you've got three months left on that lease. Let's make them count. 431 00:24:01,314 --> 00:24:02,482 You're not leaving LA 432 00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:04,734 until you've given it a real shot as a stuntman, 433 00:24:04,818 --> 00:24:08,572 and I'll try to do something new and cool in that time, too. 434 00:24:09,239 --> 00:24:10,574 Like go back to Bar Body. 435 00:24:10,991 --> 00:24:14,161 I really hated it, but I paid a lot for the classes. 436 00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:16,121 - He's... He... - Oh! 437 00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:18,456 That happens sometimes in here. 438 00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:20,834 - I don't care. It's cool. - Very casual. 439 00:24:22,419 --> 00:24:26,131 Well, thank you for the most action-packed birthday ever. 440 00:24:26,214 --> 00:24:28,175 Awesome night. 441 00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:31,511 How about a birthday hug and then I'll let you go? 442 00:24:31,595 --> 00:24:32,804 Okay. 443 00:24:42,063 --> 00:24:43,064 Oh, Bertie, wait. 444 00:24:44,191 --> 00:24:45,400 I didn't get your number. 445 00:24:46,234 --> 00:24:47,235 Yeah. 446 00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:48,653 You want to do that? 447 00:24:48,737 --> 00:24:50,989 - Let's swap numbers. - What the heck, right? 448 00:24:51,448 --> 00:24:53,492 - Do you wanna just punch it in? - That's easy. 449 00:24:53,575 --> 00:24:54,576 Here you go. 450 00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:00,999 - Thanks. - Yeah. 451 00:25:02,334 --> 00:25:03,418 Happy birthday again. 452 00:25:03,501 --> 00:25:06,880 - Thank you. You made it so fun. - Oh, yeah. Thanks for coming with. 453 00:25:06,963 --> 00:25:08,798 - And get home safe. - You, too. 454 00:25:08,882 --> 00:25:09,883 Thanks. 455 00:25:12,594 --> 00:25:13,595 - Night! - Bye. 456 00:25:13,678 --> 00:25:14,678 Bye. 457 00:25:24,731 --> 00:25:25,857 Randy? 458 00:25:26,441 --> 00:25:27,442 Hey, Bertie. 459 00:25:32,864 --> 00:25:34,157 What is all this? 460 00:25:34,241 --> 00:25:36,761 I wanted to give you something special for your birthday, but... 461 00:25:37,077 --> 00:25:40,497 since I was trapped in the house all day, I had to Postmates this cake. 462 00:25:41,081 --> 00:25:42,832 That is so nice. 463 00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:53,885 - It melted a little bit. - Mm-hmm. 464 00:25:57,806 --> 00:26:01,017 I also bought you some fresh toilet paper. 465 00:26:01,726 --> 00:26:06,439 But I had to open it and use some of it, so... 466 00:26:07,023 --> 00:26:09,109 Oh, wow! 467 00:26:09,192 --> 00:26:11,236 It smells so good in here. 468 00:26:11,861 --> 00:26:16,908 Yeah. I lit all your scented candles because of, you know... 469 00:26:17,659 --> 00:26:19,202 the shit smell. 470 00:26:20,287 --> 00:26:22,455 I'm sorry I couldn't hang out with you today. 471 00:26:23,206 --> 00:26:24,874 Happy birthday, Bertie bear. 472 00:26:25,542 --> 00:26:27,919 Aw... Thanks, bear. 473 00:26:34,175 --> 00:26:35,295 What are you gonna wish for? 474 00:26:36,469 --> 00:26:38,847 Oh... I can't tell. 475 00:26:39,806 --> 00:26:41,308 Otherwise, it won't work. 476 00:26:44,811 --> 00:26:45,812 I wished for... 477 00:26:46,479 --> 00:26:50,233 my colonoscopy to come back positive or... 478 00:26:51,192 --> 00:26:53,528 you know, everything to come back good. 479 00:26:53,611 --> 00:26:54,779 Yeah. 480 00:26:57,866 --> 00:26:58,867 Should we eat? 481 00:27:00,493 --> 00:27:01,786 I guess. 482 00:27:19,846 --> 00:27:23,892 ♪ And after all's been said and done ♪ 483 00:27:24,351 --> 00:27:27,937 ♪ Who said it best? Were you the one? ♪ 484 00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:30,899 ♪ Let's just forget ♪ 485 00:27:30,982 --> 00:27:34,235 ♪ Leave it behind and carry on ♪ 486 00:27:37,864 --> 00:27:41,910 ♪ If you should find the time to speak ♪ 487 00:27:42,369 --> 00:27:44,579 ♪ Then speak to me ♪ 488 00:27:44,662 --> 00:27:51,252 ♪ I'd never keep you From your final destiny ♪ 489 00:27:51,336 --> 00:27:53,129 ♪ So carry on ♪ 490 00:27:55,757 --> 00:28:00,428 ♪ Into the quiet, I am bound ♪ 491 00:28:00,512 --> 00:28:04,933 ♪ What you have lost, I've never found ♪ 492 00:28:05,016 --> 00:28:09,437 ♪ I lost my nerve, yet peace surrounds ♪ 493 00:28:09,521 --> 00:28:11,272 ♪ So carry on ♪ 494 00:28:49,769 --> 00:28:54,190 ♪ Into the quiet, I am bound ♪ 495 00:28:54,274 --> 00:28:58,820 ♪ What you have lost, I've never found ♪ 496 00:28:58,903 --> 00:29:03,283 ♪ I lost my nerve, yet peace surrounds ♪ 497 00:29:03,366 --> 00:29:04,951 ♪ So carry on ♪ 498 00:29:07,871 --> 00:29:12,041 ♪ And now that all's been said and done ♪ 499 00:29:12,542 --> 00:29:16,212 ♪ Who said it best? Were you the one? ♪ 500 00:29:17,088 --> 00:29:21,384 ♪ Let's just forget, leave it behind ♪ 501 00:29:21,968 --> 00:29:24,429 ♪ And carry on ♪ 501 00:29:25,305 --> 00:29:31,205 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org38872

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