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[Whistle Playing lrish Jig]

Finbar, come on.

Mom, don't call me Finbar, all right?

Finbar, I'm telling you

because you're the only one who'll understand.

You'll have to tell your brothers.

Understand what?

I'm leaving.

What do you mean?

Your father's dead and buried.

I gave him the best years of my life.

I have to live the rest of my life.

What the hell are you talking about?

Watch your mouth!

I'm going back to Ireland.

For-For Mr. O'Shaughnessy?

I love him, Finbar.

I've loved him my whole life.

Does-Does he even know you're coming?

Of course he knows.

He's been waiting 35 years for this day.

Give your mom a kiss.

I have a plane to catch.

Are you sure you'll be all right?

I'll be fine, darling.

Tell your brothers I'll explain everything

when I call next week.

Promise me you won't make

the same mistake I made.

I promise.

Good boy.

Good luck, Mom.

So, Barry, let me ask you.

What's up with you and Heather?

You got this new one here now,

and you guys are done?

Well, you know, I mean...

just like any long relationship-

Long relationship?

You were with her for six months.

Yeah, well, that's a long time, you know.

I mean... You know, the mystery was over, man.

I don't know why that happens.

It's Gods way of testing you, Barry.

You're failing.

Yeah. He loves to torture us.

So you believe in God now?

This is your story.

Oh, yeah, yeah, on his good days.

Then you're not a Catholic anymore.

No, I'm still a Catholic, I guess.

Kind of.

Catholic?

Who the hell are you kidding?

You haven't been in church

since 10th grade.

Yeah, but who can deal

with all that repression, anyhow?

Hey, repression is not such a bad thing, okay?

Especially for a savage like you.

So...when did all this happen?

I mean, what did she do,

as I'm positive it's her fault completely.

She started talking about getting married.

Marriage?

Jesus. And what did you say?

I asked her who she was planning on marrying

and if she'd be kind enough

to invite me to the wedding.

You said that to her?

Good for her. I'm glad she threw you out.

So...where are you going to live now,

Mr. Hotshot Noncommittal?

L, uh...

I don't know, man.

Don't even think about it.

Like I might ever live with this joker.

No, I'm going to look for a place

in the Village tomorrow, I think.

The Village, huh?

That's about your speed.

Yeah. Okay.

We better get in.

Molly's probably got it ready for us.

[Dog Barking]

[Woman] I don't care

what anybody says.

It doesn't make a difference

if he did or he didn't.

All I can say is, thank you

for giving us John Jr. Ha ha ha!

I saw him jogging

through the park yesterday.

Now, there is a real man.

Sounds like

she really loves you, pal.

Oh, yeah, totally.

I think Molly's right.

Thank you, Patrick.

Wait. What are you saying?

You don't like J.F.K. now-

the only Irish-Catholic: president

of our great country?

Listen, I don't-l don't care.

I don't care who he is.

I don't care what he's done.

I don't like a man who cheats

on his wife. Period.

That's all just bullshit rumors.

I mean, the man was a great man.

Well, even if he did,

that doesn't make him a bad man.

The man was the president of the United States.

He's under a lot of pressure. I think he's entitled.

Besides, he's screwing around with Marilyn Monroe.

I think it's a sign of a great individual

who can seize an opportunity like that.

You are demented, Barry.

Ah, this is thinking.

This is a thought process.

Thank you for dinner, Molly.

It was delicious.

[Barry] That corned beef and cabbage

was a very close second to our mother's.

I hate to tell you this, but, uh...

jack made the dinner.

[Patrick] Jackie...

an all-star in the kitchen, too.

Barry, get this.

This just goes to show

how little my brothers actually know about me.

I mean, they probably see me like my dad-

Speaking of our favorite wife-beating,

child-abusing alcoholic,

I, uh, went down to the grave this morning.

And?

And...

I'm happy to report that he's still dead.

This is funny stuff, Barry.

Take it on the road, pal.

Anyway, see, these guys see me

as this old-fashioned, conservative,

by-the-book kind of guy

when, in actuality, I'm a progressively modern,

politically correct housewife.

[imitating Archie Bunker] You sound more like

half a fag, Edith.

I could see you wearing an apron,

you know, with the skirt

and those heavy clogs you like to wear,

maybe a Speedo thrown in for added effect.

What do you think?

I think I'm going to throw you two a beating.

Listen, you guys. It's true. He does.

He cooks. He cleans. He does the laundry.

Leaves me all kinds of time

for all those things I always wanted to do...

like change the oil in the car

and fix the sink

and mow the lawn.

I'd like to propose a toast.

To Molly.

My lawn-mowing, oil-changing,

sink-fixing, beautiful,

sweet, smart, sexy, sassy,

one-in-a-million Irish lass

on her 30th birthday.

That means stand up, people.

[Chairs Pushing Back]

Come on. Get up.

I love you,

and although I missed your first 25 years,

here's hoping you'll keep me around for another 30.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday, Molly.

Happy birthday, Molly.

[Barry] What are you doing?

Nothing.

Let me ask you something, Barry.

What do I do now? Hmm?

What are you, retarded?

You wipe it off.

And then you put it in the dishwasher,

okay, genius?

No. No, not the- I mean with my life.

You know, I didn't think

college would actually end.

I'm not ready to go out

and be a real guy,

get a real job.

I'm not ready to move out of my dorm.

Do you know I didn't even think about that?

Where the hell am I going to live?

What the hell are you worried about?

Susan told me her father's already got

a job lined up for you.

I know. I don't know if I should take it.

Susan's starting to scare me

a little bit, too.

Yeah, well, Susan does have that effect on people.

The other night, Barry...

you know, we're in my dorm room doing it...

Don't move.

What?

I think I broke it.

Oh, God.

Oh, whew.

Oh, thank God. That was close.

They make these things so tight.

They ought to make them bigger

for guys like--

Shut up.

Yeah, you know that, baby.

I don't even know why you bother.

I'm on the Pill.

Hey, you can't be too careful.

And remember, I'm Catholic.

I shouldn't even be doing this.

You know...

we wouldn't even have to worry about it

if we got married.

She said that?

Married?

What is she, crazy?

Yeah,yeah, I think so.

So what do I do about this now?

You got to break up with her.

You got to dump her.

Before you know it,

she'll have you picking out wedding cakes.

You'll be asking me to be your best man

and moving into her parents' guest room

or worse, moving up

into our old room in the attic.

So you think I should break up with her?

Yeah.

You got to.

Thanks for driving me into the city, Jack.

You really didn't have to do that.

[jack] Hey, no problem.

Barry and half a bottle of whiskey's

not my idea of safe driving.

So...

other than cook corned beef and cabbage

on his wife's birthday...

what does a high-school basketball coach

do with his spare time?

Oh, things like play golf,

fish, drink a lot of beers.

But I'm actually taking

a sports management course at N.Y.U. right now.

Oh.

Very exciting.

And, uh, Molly- What does she do?

She teaches English at the high school.

She's a teacher, too.

Really exciting. Ha ha ha!

What, did you two meet

at a P.T.A. meeting or something?

No, it was actually during cafeteria duty.

On the hot-lunch line, I hope.

Yeah, something like that.

I'll bet you were a big jock stud in high school,

running around in the backseat

of your father's Buick

breaking all the little girls' hearts.

No. I've always been pretty much

a one-woman kind of guy.

Huh. Ha ha ha!

That's what my ex-husband said

when I met him.

And he wasn't.

No, he was.

I just wasn't a one-man kind of girl.

I don't buy that.

You just haven't found the right man yet.

I've found plenty of them.

My problem is that they all want to marry me.

You know, if I were smart...

I'd find myself a nice married man.

What good would that do you?

There would be no question as to what

either one of us wanted from the relationship,

now, would there?

Yeah. It's getting late. Ha ha ha!

Yeah.

Do you feel like coming up

for coffee or something?

Oh, no, thanks.

I should be getting back to the island-

You know, traffic and stuff.

All right. Some other time, then.

Yeah, some other time.

Okay, some other time.

Okay.

Thanks for the ride, Jack.

Have a good night.

Bye.

Excuse me.

You're not Mrs. McKey, are you?

No. She just left.

What do you mean, she just left?

She was here a minute ago.

Now she's not.

Well, do you know where she went?

She was supposed to show me an apartment.

Oh,you’re the one.

I'm the one what?

She wanted to leave before you got here.

What did I do?

She said you sounded crazy.

She didn't want to face you.

Me, crazy? She's the crazy one.

Who does business like this?

Do you know where she went?

Maybe she'll show it to me after she meets me.

She rented it.

That's why she felt bad.

I just spoke to her 1 O minutes ago.

Who could she have rented it to?

Me.

You?

So you stole my apartment?

That's not a nice way to put it.

I'm not feeling nice.

I've been looking at apartments all day.

This one was finally in my ballpark.

C 'est la vie.

Let me look at it.

We could bid on it. That's fair.

Whoever told you life is fair? Good-bye!

You know, hold up a second.

I'm really sorry.

Um, my name is Barry.

Hello, Barry.

I was thinking...

why don't we go out for coffee?

We could work something out.

Thank you, Barry. I'm a married woman.

You're married?

I don't think my husband would appreciate me

going out for drinks with a strange man.

Good-bye.

Oh, man.

I'm a complete loser.

You'll love this place, Patrick.

It's only a one-bedroom,

but Daddy says it's big enough.

He paid for the first six months' rent.

I got it through his friend.

It will be great until we're married.

We can move to that two-bedroom

on the fourth floor.

I can't do it.

Can't do what?

I can't move into this apartment with you.

Why not?

It's perfect.

I'm sure it is.

But ethically, morally, I can't do it.

I can't live with a woman I'm not married to.

We would need to get married

in order for me to feel comfortable.

We're going to get married eventually,

so what's the difference?

The difference is, we're not married now.

Therefore, I'd be living in sin.

We're not living in sin! We love each other.

What is that? What does that mean?

Listen.

There's no amendment to the rule-

"living in sin lest you love," okay?

I can't do it.

That's the bottom line.

I know what you're doing here, you know.

You're just afraid of making a commitment.

You don't want to live with me.

You're using this as an excuse.

You're not willing to make a commitment.

No.

No, Susan, it's not that.

I swear.

Then what is it?

It's I'm a Catholic, that's what it is,

and there's certain rules and regulations

you got to live by.

I'm living by them!

Hey, for the same reason

you won't eat a bacon cheeseburger, huh?

This is part of my baggage.

Well, then, I really think

you should consider converting

because Daddy is going to be very upset.

She's right, isn't she?

But am I using this living-in-sin thing

because I really don't want to live with her,

or do I really believe I should wait

until I'm married?

But if I obeyed every rule

that said I should wait till I get married,

I'd still be a virgin.

Is that any way to go through life?

Well, I can't speak

for sally-boy over here,

but for me...

a few weeks, a month-

A month, tops.

I don't know.

Definitely longer than a few weeks.

A month...

Thanksgiving.

Yeah, Thanksgiving is definitely

the latest I'll be here.

Thanksgiving?

Well...

maybe not Thanksgiving.

How about Christmas?

Yeah, Christmas will be the latest I'm here.

New Year's.

Definitely no longer than New Year's.

Jack, I promise you I won't be here

a day after the new year--

Not a minute.

Not a second after the clock strikes 12:00.

You can stay. Take your old room in the attic.

It still has

all your old furniture and shit in it.

[Sigh]

I know I'll end up

killing one of those guys.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, you know what? I forgot to tell you.

Ann called to thank you for the dinner

and for driving her home.

She seemed like such a nice lady,

don't you think?

I suppose.

Shame Barry doesn't like her.

Hey, Barry doesn't like himself.

Are you sure you'll be okay with all this?

Jack, they're your brothers.

You don't say no to family. Ha ha!

I would do anything for them.

Of course, if Patrick decides

to start wearing my underwear...

Which he might.

Which he might. Ha ha!

Besides, I think, uh...

I think we ought to get used

to sharing this house with some other people.

I've already had plenty of practice

in that department, thank you very much.

Well, you know, I'm not getting any younger,

and you said that we'd be having kids

before I turned 30,

and in case you forgot,

I turned 30 last week.

The only kids running around here

are in their 20s.

Come on, Molly. Kids are a big step.

I know that,

but I'm ready to make that step.

I don't care if we have to make sacrifices.

Look. Kids need money

for food and clothing, medication.

That means no going to Ireland

to see your grandmother,

no more trips to Aruba, no more restaurants.

We won't be able to afford it.

Well, good.

Because I can't stand my grandmother,

I hate Aruba, and I'd rather cook.

I want a family, Jack.

I want a house that's teeming with little kids

running up and down the stairs.

I want to cheer for them at baseball games

and hold them when they scrape their knees.

You said that's what you wanted, too.

I do. I do.

I still want those things.

I just don't want to rush into it.

I just...

I just need to know that we're ready.

I'm ready, pack.

You let me know when you are, too.

Excuse me.

Do you know where 121 Jane Street is?

Yeah, 121, I think, is down this way.

Hey, do I know you from somewhere?

Are you sure?

I've got an audition I'm already late for.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

I know I know you from somewhere.

Do you mind walking me?

I just can't make sense of these streets.

Well, that's 121 right over there.

Oh, great. Hey, thanks again.

I hope I didn't put you out of your way.

No, not at all.

I know where I know you from!

You're the creep who wanted

to rent my apartment.

That's you? You look so different.

You kept bugging me to go out with you.

I just asked you to go for coffee.

I told you I was married.

You're not?

No. I said that to get rid of you.

Why would you want to do that?

First of all,

you accused me of stealing your apartment.

Second, I never go out with strange men.

I'm not exactly a stranger anymore.

I did help you find this place.

And third, I'm engaged.

Engaged?

To be married... to Henry,

a very nice young man.

How do I look?

Absolutely beautiful.

Thanks.

I'm telling you,jack.

She was beautiful.

And she didn't fall

for your phony Irish charm?

She didn't give me the time of clay.

I was thinking she'd feel bad for me,

maybe invite me to move in with her.

Why should she feel bad for you?

Because she stole the apartment from under me.

Instead of living in the Village,

I'm on Long Island with you and Amy Fisher

and the rest of the gang.

You say that now,

but you'll change your tune

after you have kids.

Everybody does.

I'm never having kids. That's not a problem.

And you're never getting married?

No. I'll never have enough interest

in any one woman

that I'd give up the joys of bachelorhood.

I mean, the grass is always greener.

Yeah, or thinner or taller,

bigger tits.

Yeah, hopefully all those things...

which is why, you know-

why I can't get over you.

I mean, Molly's great and everything,

but you guys have been together, what, five years?

How do you keep it interesting?

Love.

You ever, uh...

You ever cheat on her?

No.

You never even, like...

you know,just, like, thought about it?

No, not really.

You're a better man than me.

Well, that's not a stretch.

[Telephone Rings]

Hello.

Hello?

Hmm.

[Dialing Telephone]

Hello? Yeah.

May I have the number

for the School of Continuing Education

at N.Y.U.?

Ann.

Hack.

How are you?

Hi. What are you doing in the city?

I just got out of class--

Those sports management courses

I was telling you about?

What are you doing?

Running from meeting to meeting.

Do you have time for that cup of coffee?

Oh, I'd love to. Ooh!

But I'm actually running late.

Maybe some other time?

Yeah. Sure.

Some other time would be great.

Okay, some other time, then.

Nice to see you.

Good to see you, too.

You know what?

How about a walk in the park instead?

Okay.

Fantastic.

You ever cheated on Molly?

No.

Never even thought about it?

No, not really.

None of those high-school girls

ever tempted you?

If I had a teacher that looked like you,

I would have done everything in my power

to get you to keep me after school.

You're nuts, you know that?

Besides, I coach the boys' basketball team.

Then I'd become a cheerleader.

You said you never even thought

about cheating on Molly.

Does that mean

you're thinking about it now?

No.

You should.

I don't think I could ever

do that to Molly.

You wouldn't be doing it to Molly.

I keep thinking

about that night in the car,

what would have happened if l'd just...

grabbed you and...

kissed you.

Because I know you wanted me, too.

Come on,jack.

Kiss me.

Ann, I can't do this.

I could never do that to Molly.

I love her.

I don't want love. I want you.

Listen, I got to go.

Do you love her?

Yes, I love her.

That's because we've been together

for so long.

I have nice memories of those times.

But, no, I am not in love with her.

Pat...

are you ready to spend

the rest of your life

having sex with this one woman?

She'll be the last woman

that you get to see completely naked

and be allowed to touch.

That's something to think about.

I don't know.

I thought I'd know

when it was time to get married.

I'd envisioned meeting somebody

somewhere, and...

I thought it was Susan,

but...

then it fades, you know?

It turns out to be just my imagination.

What I'm talking about is real.

I mean two people

mapping out an eternity

in a moment.

And we'd sit

and have intimate conversation

in some dimly lit room, and...

we'd feel there was

nowhere else in the world

we'd want to be.

Jesus Christ, Patrick.

I mean, that is very romantic,

but there is no fucking chance in hell

that's going to happen.

Especially to the likes of you.

You don't believe in true love?

You don't believe

God has someone just for you

and he allows a lucky few

to find one another?

How did a fruitcake like you

end up as my brother?

No, I do not believe in true love,

but if there is such a thing

as true love,

I'm sure God has nothing to do with it.

You're just afraid.

You're just afraid

to fall in love, Barry.

Always been afraid of the emotions.

Listen, lover boy, we're not on Oprah,

talking about me and my emotions.

We're talking about you and Susan.

So, what do I do?

If I move in with her,

I'm basically saying yes.

Yes, I'll eventually marry her.

Or do I wait till I find my true love?

I could give two shits

about you and your true love,

but as far as Susan goes...

she's got to get the ax.

Yeah.

Yeah. I was thinking that, too.

But I'm afraid, Barry.

I mean, she is so in love with me.

I'm afraid she'll do something crazy

like kill herself.

Don't flatter yourself, Patrick,

all right?

Nobody is killing themselves

over you.

So how do I do it?

You came to the right man.

It's really quite simple,

but the key

is finding the right place.

I mean, I like to meet them at work.

There's a lot of people around.

They won't make a big scene.

Then you don't have to worry

about driving them home

after you just broke their heart.

Yeah.

Yeah. That's good thinking.

What do you mean?

When did this come about?

Look, it's just something

I've been thinking about

for a long time.

The fact that you

wouldn't live with me

and the fact that you're not jewish

made it a whole lot easier.

But Why?

Patrick, our relationship

has run its course.

I think we're better off

going out and finding new people,

new experiences, ideas.

Hey, hey.

I don't need any new ideas.

I'm confused enough already.

But what about us?

We were going to get married.

Come on, Patrick.

That was just talk, right?

We were just kids.

Besides, would you ever be willing

to become jewish? Huh?

Become a yew?

Yes.

Convert? Why should / convert?

I'm a practicing Catholic, for God's sakes.

I go to church once a week.

You go to temple once a year.

My religion plays a bigger part in my life

than yours does in yours.

If anyone should convert, it should be you.

Your religion is crazy.

I don't even know

why I'm talking to you about this.

Look, it's over, Patrick, okay?

I'm sorry.

What does that mean--

experiencing different people?

She's going to have sex with other people.

That's what that means.

This is fine. This is absolutely fine.

This just sucks.

That worked brilliantly, Barry.

Get them in the office,

you know--

not going to make a scene,

lots of people around.

She's completely level headed

about the whole thing.

I'm on my feet defending my religion...

lam e[y.

Unbelievable.

I should have to do this?

If she were a Catholic girl,

believe me you...

believe me you...

Okay, I lived up

to my end of the bargain-

no business during lunch.

Lunch is now officially over,

so please tell me

you're working on something new.

I'm just...

I'm not feeling inspired.

In fact, I'm not feeling much of anything.

What's wrong this time?

I don't know.

I can't get into anything I'm writing.

I feel like I'm just going through the motions.

Listen, you'd better find

some inspiration soon.

For one thing, you need the money,

and it's embarrassing.

I've got to tell

the people in my business

that my best young writer

lives on Long Island.

Writers live in Manhattan, Barry.

Joey Buttafuocos live on Long Island.

You know what I'm saying?

I got the idea.

You need to find another girlfriend

with a posh Manhattan apartment

and set yourself up again.

What happened with Ann?

Ann's perfect,

and you go and blow a relationship.

What's with that?

She was nothing but a pain in the ass.

That pain in the ass told me

that Barry takes her out twice

and Barry passes out on her twice.

You drink too much, man.

This little Hemingway thing

you have going is getting stale.

You know what, Marty? Blow me.

Okay, okay, forget Ann.

Ann's old news.

Listen...

I got a new girl

I want to set you up with.

She's perfect.

No. I swear to you

I had nothing to do with it.

It just must have been fate.

I think it had more to do with Marty

than fate.

Well, maybe.

So anyway, you and your fiancé,

you guys enjoying life

in my apartment?

No. He doesn't live in New York.

Really?

Let me ask you another semi-personal question.

You can ask it,

but I can't guarantee

you're going to get an answer.

All right. That's fair.

Why would you agree to go

on a blind date with me

if you're already engaged

to this Henry, the horse farmer?

I'm not happy in that relationship.

I don't want to sell myself short.

Besides, Marty said you were

a relatively nice guy.

Here we are.

I still cannot forgive you

for forcing me into exile

out on Long Island.

Come on. It can't be that bad.

It is that bad.

You're not 25 and living

with your two brothers at home.

Barry, I had a really good time today.

I figured I'd hate you.

Oh, thanks. That's nice.

I knew that I'd like you.

From the first time that we met

here on the stoop

when you stole this apartment from me,

I knew that I'd like you.

Barry, I got to go.

Yeah. No. No. That's okay.

You want to get together

some other time?

Maybe we could go, you know,

catch an Audrey Hepburn film at Theatre 80

or something?

I... I can't, Barry.

It wouldn't be fair to Henry.

All right.

Um...

Well, then, some other time, then.

Okay.

Okay, I'll see you around, then.

Bye.

Bye.

Ba fry?

I'd really like to.

I just can't. I'm sorry.

No. That's all right.

I mean...

you know, you're engaged.

For all practical purposes,

I'm a married woman.

Yeah.

I'll see you around.

Okay.

Bye.

[Dog Barking]

Hey!

Patrick?

Leslie?

Hey!

Oh, God.

I thought that was you.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

Well,just coming back from the deli, actually.

I got a sandwich.

What about you? What are you up to?

Oh, I'm just working on my dad's car.

Oh, good.

Okay.

See you around.

Yeah. Okay. Bye.

Ooh, Patrick!

Um, do you want a beer

with that sandwich or something?

Okay. Sure!

So, Patrick, you of all people-

God!

What the hell are you doing back here?

I had to move back in with Jack.

Me and Barry

are sharing a crawl space

up in the attic.

But I heard that your, um...

that your girlfriend's father

was getting you a place in the city.

Yeah. I thought so, too,

but it doesn't look

like that's going to work out.

You, uh...

You got scared,

didn't you?

No, I didn't.

Ha ha ha!

I mean, I was, but...

you know, I wasn't.

Uh-huh.

Her father was also getting me this job.

It just seemed like all of a sudden

I had to be this... this real guy

with a real life.

I just was not ready for that.

So, yeah, I got scared,

and I just wanted out

of the whole situation.

So...

what did you do?

Well, I didn't have to do

anything, actually.

She broke up with me.

Now she's got me thinking

that maybe I do want all those things

I thought I was afraid of.

You know what?

It sounds to me like you just want them

because you can't have them.

So, uh...

why did she break up with you?

See, that's weird, too. She's weird.

She wouldn't tell me.

Isn't that stupid?

So do you, uh...

do you still love her?

Uh, not like I think I should-

I mean, considering

we were going to get married.

What about you?

I heard you were getting married to Sully.

No, no.

I couldn't go through with it.

What happened?

L...l saw the light.

Um, it was the morning of my wedding.

I was up in the bathroom,

brushing my teeth,

and that's when it hit me.

I suddenly thought,

"Why?"

Mom!

I thought, "Do I really

want to spend the rest of my life

with James Sullivan?“

just take it easy.

This is it- One time,

and then you're done with it.

Ahem.

It's not a twist-off, Jack.

I see.

Don't be so nervous.

This will only hurt a little bit, okay?

Come here.

That was nice, wasn't it?

Mmm, I'll say.

Though I have to admit,

I was a little quick the first time.

But I've been ready to burst

since that day in the park.

You wanted me that night in the car, too,

didn't you?

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

You could have had me right then and there.

What made you decide to change your mind?

I don't know- something you said

about never having sex

with another person

for the rest of my life.

Hmm.

You'll find it's harder to say no

the next time.

Yeah, but there's not going to be

a next time.

Why'd she do it?

Patrick, I'll tell you

for the last time.

She doesn't really

want to break up with you.

She's using this to get back at you.

She wants you

to come crawling back to her.

So how do I get her back?

Why do you even care?

I thought this is what you wanted.

She saved you the trouble

of doing the dirty work yourself.

You should be happy.

But I miss her.

No, you don't.

Yes, I do.

You just think you do.

You're suffering

from the "will I ever get laid again?" blues.

No. I think it's a case

of the "you don't know how good you had it

till it's gone“ syndrome.

Oh, tell me.

What was so great about Susan

that you now regret not having it?

Her father was going to get me

an apartment and a great new job.

Those... Those are definite pluses,

but listen to the advice

of your bigger, wiser,

and more experienced brother.

I have a theory.

Man is like a banana-

strong and firm, bright and phallic,

and he's protected

by his all-important shield.

But when a woman comes along,

she sees this bright, phallic beast,

and she wants it.

But she's not happy with the way it is.

She wants to see what's inside,

so she starts to peel away

the all-important shield.

First, she wants to see your romantic side.

Then she wants to see your passionate side.

Then she wants to see your soft, caring,

feminine side.

And she keeps peeling and peeling

until you're left there buck naked,

totally exposed

with your balls blowing in the wind.

That's when she gets her knife,

and she starts to cut away your manhood,

piece by piece.

Until they're having your cock

in their corn flakes.

Susan!

Su-

Susan, would you-

Come on, Susan.

Would you hold up a second?

I need to talk to you.

What do you want?

You broke up with me

without an explanation.

I think I'm entitled to an explanation.

We were going to get married,

in case you forgot.

Tell me the truth.

Did you ever really want to get married?

The truth?

Yeah. Remember, "Thou shalt not lie."

The truth is no,

but that's because-

That's before I realized

how much I need you in my life.

You don't need me. You just think you do.

What is the difference?

This is where I am.

I just don't think it would be healthy

for either one of us

to stay together right now,

especially considering the current situation.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What current situation?

Patrick, I really don't feel

like talking to you right now.

Will you just leave me alone?

I can't believe you liked that movie.

It was fun.

It was crap.

You'll have to read my new script.

Why? What's it about?

It's about this guy

and his quest for true love.

But does he find it?

Of course not.

You've never been in love, have you?

Well...

You haven't, have you?

Do you love anybody?

Well, yeah.

I mean,you know, I love, uh,

I guess I love my brothers.

I love my mother.

In fact, I love my mother very much.

And does your mommy

live with you and your brothers, too?

No. My mommy actually

moved back to Ireland

a couple years ago.

Ireland? Why?

You'll love this story.

This is right up your alley.

It was about five years ago.

My dad finally died.

We were all very excited about that.

And right after his funeral,

my mom pulls me aside,

and she says to me...

Promise me you won't make

the same mistake I made.

Yeah. Yeah. I promise.

Yeah. She took off that night.

Oh. Why would she marry your clad

if she didn't love him?

Because she's Catholic, I guess.

She fell in love with this guy,

Finbar O'Shaughnessy, whom I'm named after,

although my dad didn't know that,

but she was already pregnant

with my dad's baby.

Which is my brother Jack.

So like any good Catholic girl would,

she got married.

They ended up moving to America,

and she had to wait 35 years

until the old man died

so she could go back to Ireland

and finally be reunited

with her true love.

Wow. That is a great love story.

With a mom like that,

you'd think you'd be a hopeless romantic

instead of a loveless pessimist.

I like being a pessimist.

It makes it easier

to deal with my inevitable failure.

So where's your mom now?

She and O'Shaughnessy live in Dublin.

He's a champion fiddle player,

so whenever they come to New York to perform,

the whole band comes out to the house,

and my mom cooks

her famous corned beef and cabbage.

Mmm! I love corned beef and cabbage.

Yeah. Well, we'll see.

Yeah. Well, we'll see.

Okay, Finbar, just lean back and do it.

Come on, you coward. lust do it.

Barry, I have a confession to make.

Well, what is it?

Promise me you won't be mad.

Promise me you won't be mad.

How can I be mad

if I don't know what you're confessing?

I'm not engaged.

Henry's asked me a thousand times,

but I cannot bring myself to say yes.

Really? I mean, that's great.

I mean, it's too bad for Henry,

but he's not really high on my list of concerns.

Are you happy?

Fucking-a, I'm happy.

That's great.

Would you mind, uh...

if we kissed again?

Think you can handle it?

I think l can handle it.

Yeah, right.

There's no way you can handle this.

Hey, doll.

How are the papers coming?

Hey, good.

You coming to bed soon? I miss you.

I feel like we never get to see each other anymore.

Yeah, I know, but I'm hitting the sack.

Fm kind of tired-.

Think I'll finish grading these in the morning.

Why?

You're better off

getting them done tonight.

Well, I was, uh...

I was thinking you might be interested

in doing a little something

you haven't done in a while.

I thought you got embarrassed by that.

Well...

maybe I'm feeling

a little less inhibited tonight.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, honey. I'm not in the mood.

I'm tired.

Wow,

Ooh...

I remember when you used to say,

"I don't get these guys who say

they're too tired for sex.

I'll never be too tired for sex.“

The one night I'm not in the mood,

you're breaking my balls about it?

How about the nights you weren't in the mood?

I'm sorry, Jack. I was just kidding.

I guess I thought

it might be fun, that's all.

Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you, hon.

I've been feeling kind of weird these days.

I don't know.

Barry, if you like her that much,

just call her up and ask her out again.

Yeah, but she's not Irish.

Well, then you got to forget about it.

I don't know if I can.

I mean...

she is the most beautiful woman

that I have ever been in contact with.

I mean, she is gorgeous.

She's proved that God is indeed a man.

You are 'm love.

Don't talk to me about love.

All I said was she's beautiful.

I said nothing about love.

No, no, no, no, no.

You're in love. Trust me.

I know when someone is or isn't in love.

Hey, doll.

Hey, honey.

What, are you drinking all my frigging beers?

I'm having one beer.

Give me a fucking break.

It's not even noon,

and you're drinking already.

When did you all of a sudden

become my mother?

I can't drink beer anymore?

You can tell me when I can and can't drink?

I'm not your mother,

but when I come back from jogging,

I want some beers in the house, okay?

You're going out for a run, Jack?

I'm working off these love handles.

You could use it, lard ass.

Hey, you want some company?

I'd love to go for a run.

No, that's all right.

I'm just hopping out

for a quickie.

I'll be back.

Yeah, have a few more doughnuts

while you're at it, fat boy.

Do you think, uh...

Do you think

jack would ever have an affair?

Jack? No way, no how.

I mean, he loves you.

You were the answer to that guy's dreams.

Besides, do you think

there's somebody out there better than you?

Nah, I don't know.

I don't know.

He just seems kind of distant lately.

Maybe I'm bugging him too much

about having a baby.

A minute doesn't pass by

where I don't think about making love to you.

Easy there, coach.

There will be no lovemaking

going on here.

It's a figure of speech.

Next time, try another figure,

like "do it."

Like I would say,

"I thought you were feeling too guilty

to do it with me.“

All right. How about...

"I can do it now...

and deal with the guilt of having done it later“?

Very good.

Hey, who's in there?

It's me.

Hey, I'm going to the bathroom!

I'm coming in.

I've got to get something.

What...

Oh,Jesus.

How about a mercy flush?

What the hell do you expect it to smell like?

Hey, I'm going to the bathroom here.

Do you mind?

You ought to see a doctor.

Either that,

or Molly should change butchers.

Very funny.

Patrick, Patrick,

I got to talk to you.

What is it?

Let me ask you something.

You're Mr. Ten Commandments, right?

How bad a sin is adultery?

You're cheating on Molly?

No, I'm not cheating on Molly.

But, you know.

I am starting to get feelings

for other women now, and, uh...

I was just wondering,

if I did give in to temptation,

then how bad a sin is that?

It's horrible.

Jack, you can't do it.

First of all, it's a big-time sin.

Second of all, I love Molly.

You can't do something like that to her.

Why would you ever want to cheat on Molly?

She's the greatest.

Yeah, I know, I know,

but sometimes you need

a change in your life.

I don't want to do anything,

but Molly and I have been together

almost five frigging years.

I'm stunned. I can't believe this.

You're actually considering

sticking your penis into another woman.

Well, that's usually how it works.

Jack, you've got to fight it.

That's- It's just not fair to Molly.

Inasmuch as we don't believe in it,

I would say get a divorce

before you do something like that.

Who is she?

It's nobody, really.

I'm... I'm just thinking.

Come on,jack. She's somebody.

No, she's nobody, okay?

Don't say a word to Barry either,

all right?

Of course not.

And listen, don't forget

to wipe yourself, all right?

How do you know whether the one you're with

is your true soul mate?

And then, what if you let them go

and never find anybody to replace them?

Yeah, but I think

you're better off being alone

than being with somebody

that isn't your true soul mate.

Anyway, sometimes you've just got to take chances.

You know, uh... speaking of chances,

well, not taking them...

You know, I--

I always sort of wanted

to ask you out in high school.

But, you know, you were always

with Sully or something.

I never did.

Oh. yeah?

Yeah.

Well, you should have.

So, um...

so what are you going to do now?

Well, after I canceled my wedding, I, um...

I reevaluated my whole life, and...

I became a vegetarian...

a pro-choice activist...

and I, uh...

I abandoned Catholicism.

Really?

But I remember a summer

you were going away to that convent!

But you were going to be a nun!

What is this?

Why would you abandon Catholicism?

Because I tried to figure out

why I said yes to James,

and that's when it hit me.

I mean, I thought

I had to get married, you know?

What's a single Catholic girl

going to do if she doesn't get married?

I can't have premarital sex,

but if I do, I can't use birth control,

but if I don't use birth control

and I get pregnant, I can't have an abortion.

So what's a girl to do while she's waiting

for Prince Charming to show up?

I mean, Christ, I can't even masturbate!

Tell me about that one.

If I masturbated as much as I wanted to,

I would live in a constant state of guilt...

Ha ha ha!

Not to mention hospitalization.

I know. It's crazy.

You mat--

You-You can't be Catholic

and have a healthy sex life.

You just...

Unless you find your true love.

Well, yeah, okay, then...

then and only... then.

I need to talk to you.

What do you want?

I think I deserve an explanation.

You deserve an explanation?

Yes!

Well, this will knock your Catholic socks off!

The current situation is, I'm pregnant.

You're pregnant with my baby?

I've only been with you, Patrick.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!

How did this happen?

We took every precaution.

I even wore two rubbers at once!

I thought you were on the Pill.

I thought you were on top of this!

I was. I still am.

The Pill is only 99% effective.

We fell into that 1%.

Why would you

break up with me now?

I would figure

you would want to get married.

Hello! Patrick, I'm 21 years old.

I don't want a baby.

If we got married,

you'd want me to have the baby, right?

Of course.

Why? What else would you do?

I'm going to have an abortion.

An abortion?

You can't have an abortion.

That's against everything

I believe in!

Last time I checked,

the baby was in my stomach,

so I'll make the decision.

That child is half mine.

Not anymore.

Listen, Patrick,

l-I've got to go. I'm sorry.

I knew you wouldn't agree with my decision,

so that's why I did what I did.

[Church Bells Ringing]

I'm going to hell.

lack...

do you believe in hell?

Hey, I haven't done anything yet, okay?

I'm not talking about you anyway.

I think I'm going to hell.

Oh,Jesus Christ, altar boy.

Why are you going to hell this time?

First of all,

I had sex with Susan out of wedlock.

So big deal.

Now I find out

the reason she breaks up with me

is because... she's pregnant.

And now...

now she's having an abortion.

Oh,you're shitting me.

You got her pregnant?

Yeah.

Well, you just be thankful

she's getting an abortion.

Relax. You're not going to hell.

She's having an abortion. Can you believe that?

Good. Good for her.

Good for her.

Well, what about me?

I am a Catholic. My life is over.

I'm going to hell.

You know what you should do?

You should come to California with me.

Oh, solution of solutions.

When are you going to California?

As soon as I can get enough money.

I've already got 2,000 saved,

and all I need is another two grand

and I can buy

this beautiful mint cherry 1970 Chevelle

I've had my eye on.

As soon as I can get the money, I'm gone.

Drive cross-country.

Hey, that sounds great.

I could use some adventure like that.

If you can come up with $2,000,

we can leave tomorrow.

Sure you could stand

to be alone with me all that time?

It's a pretty long trip.

Well, I asked you, didn't I?

Yeah.

What's this?

I thought you said you didn't eat meat.

Only on Fridays.

What's wrong with you?

You've been acting strange all day.

I just don't feel that this is right.

I mean, for Christ's sakes,

don't you have any guilt at all?

Don't get so high and mighty on yourself.

In case you haven't noticed,

you've been calling me lately,

not the other way around.

Look, I'm sorry.

This whole thing has just got my head

screwed up right now.

You're having an affair.

It's not a big fucking deal.

Well, it is to me.

I don't like what I'm doing,

and I don't want to hurt Molly.

I love her.

Get over yourself, Jack.

If you loved Molly so much,

you wouldn't be jumping into my bed

every chance you get.

Great. You know what?

Do me a favor.

I don't want to be part of your confusion.

Don't bother coming up.

Call me when you get a grip.

Damn!

What?

You got a problem?

You did it.

I did nothing, okay?

Oh,jack, I told you not to do it.

That is a big-time sin.

Not to mention what effect

it's going to have on Molly,

your marriage.

Yeah?

Don't say a word to Molly or Barry.

You hear me?

What the...

jack, I wouldn't think of it. Jesus!

It was that Ann

that Barry used to see, wasn't it?

Look, I fucked up, okay?

I know l didn't do the right thing,

but I felt I had to do it anyway.

Look, I love Molly,

but who says you got to be

100% faithful to your wife anyway?

Just isn't natural.

God said.

Well, fuck God!

Why should I spend time and waste faith

in something I have no proof ever existed?

Patrick, I'm a man.

I had an urge, and I acted on it,

and I don't see that as a big deal.

"Fuck God"?

Well, that's a big deal

for Molly, don't you think?

You'll have to make a choice.

You can't go on this way.

First of all, Patrick,

this isn't your problem to worry about.

Second of all, I know what I got to do.

Hey,jack?

I really hope you do, man.

Where the hell is that train already?

Hey, Finn! Come sit by me.

Hey, you want to see my new ring?

I've seen the ring.

Tell me what it's called again.

It's called a Claddagh ring.

The hands represent friendship,

and the crown on top represents loyalty.

Well, what about the heart?

The heart represents, you know...

a deeper sort of friendship.

You know, like a...

just like a deep friendship.

Friendship?

Yeah.

Not love.

No.

I mean, you know, I, uh...

I guess the heart could be looked at as love.

But enough about the goddamn ring.

Did you read the script yet or what?

I just got it this afternoon.

You'll read it tonight, though?

By the time I go to sleep tonight,

it will have been read.

Promise?

Barry, I'll read the script.

[Door Opens]

Patrick, what happened?

Let me guess-

You're not going

to California anymore?

Can someone lend me train fare?

She wants you back?

She wants me back.

What about the baby?

She had a miscarriage.

Oh. my God!

Jeez, talk about

the luck of the Irish.

Vicky!

It's great, isn't it?

Can I have 1 O bucks? I'll miss my train.

Yeah, sure.

Thanks.

Ha ha! Hey!

So, guess what.

Daddy said he's going to buy you

that one-bedroom on the first floor,

so that way, we can at least

be in the same building,

and then, after we're married,

we can move into

that beautiful two-bedroom

on the fourth floor.

He's going to pay for me to live

in the same building with you?

Of course!

He loves me, and I love you,

so he loves you.

He wants you to start

in the sales department.

He feels it's the best way

to learn the business.

Susan, I don't know

if I can work for your father.

Why not? Hmm?

Because he's done so much for me already.

No! Don't be silly. It will be great.

We'll move in.

Everything will be fine.

And you know what I was thinking...

Oh, God, I thank you.

I thank you for letting her have that miscarriage.

But just look at these sweaters.

...people over, you know,

like Mary and Stewart,

and-Patrick?

Patrick, are you listening to me?

Yeah.

What's wrong?

Listen, Susan, I'm sorry...

but I don't want to work

in the garment district, okay?

And I don't want to live

in the same building with you.

Why not?

Because I-Because I want to move on with my life...

and because I don't love you anymore.

You don't love me anymore?

Get out of here. Get out!

Get out of here, Patrick! Leave!

Patrick, leave. Get out.

Fine.

Come on!

Leslie!

I need to talk to you.

Patrick! What's up?

You were serious when you asked me

to come to California with you, right?

Yeah.

Well, how do you feel about me?

W-What do you mean?

Well...l mean,

how do you feel about me?

Remember yesterday, when we talked

about finding your true love

and how great that must be?

Yeah.

Well, I've got a good idea.

I don't mean that.

I mean that,

but what I mean is, I want to go

to California with you.

I want you to come to California with me.

I know. You said that.

But how do you feel about me?

What do you mean?

I mean, do you mean do I--

You don't have to say the words.

I just want to know

if you have any idea,

any feeling in that way-

just something.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah?

But you know I'm not Catholic anymore.

Yeah. Yeah, I know.

I thought about that...

and I don't give a shit.

What are you doing out here

all by your lonesome?

Just thinking.

It's awful quiet

without those guys around here.

I was thinking

maybe we should take a vacation.

What do you think?

I don't want to run away from here

to work out our problems,jack.

This is our home.

If you feel like you've got something

you got to work out,

let’s just do it right here.

Problems?

What are you talking about?

What problems do we have Jack?

Are you that far removed

from this relationship?

Listen, I realize

I've been a little distant lately, but-

Distant, Jack?

We haven't had sex in months!

Why don't you scream it a little louder

so the whole fucking neighborhood

can hear you?

I'm going through

a weird period in my life.

It seems like just yesterday

I was a kid in high school.

Suddenly, I'm 33

and thinking about starting a family.

You're 15 years too early

to be having your midlife crisis.

I don't want to become

like my father--

a miserable fucking prick

who isn't there for you,

isn't there for the kids.

The thing is I don't even know

if I can be a good father.

That's bullshit, Jack,

and you know it.

Don't use kids as your excuse.

The way your father is

is the exact reason

you would be a great father.

You know that I would never ask you

for a divorce,

and I'm willing to wait for you

to do whatever

you feel like you've got to do.

But out of respect for me,

what we've had,

and what we could have,

if you've got to do something-

What the hell are you talking about?

I'm not a fool, Jack.

Dad, I just stopped by today

to say good-bye and let you know

I won't be the kind of man

that you were.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day.

Hey, Pat.

Hey-

Can you talk?

Yeah. What's up?

I got-l got a problem.

What is it?

It's Audry.

Yeah. Marty thinks something really big

is going to happen with the script.

He thinks they'll want me

to come out to California.

He said some really big-name actresses

are interested in the lead.

Okay.

So...

So where's the problem?

What am I going to do about Audry?

I promised her the part.

Do you love her?

I might.

So now you finally

get a decent script on your hands,

and you're going to

throw your inspiration

right out the window.

Just when things

are starting to happen for me,

I got to go fall in love.

Is something bothering you?

You've been very distant

the last few days.

No. I got a lot on my mind, that's all.

I spoke to Henry last night.

He wants me to come back to Virginia.

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

What do you want me to do?

I don't want you

to go back to Virginia

to marry Henry.

But you don't know

if you want to continue this relationship.

I don't know what I want to do

about anything right now, Audry.

You mean you don't know

what you want to do about us.

Everything happened so quickly for us.

It took me by surprise,

I guess.

I thought we'd go out

for a few drinks, have a few laughs,

and instead, we got...

we got really serious.

And that scares you?

Yeah, that fucking scares me.

So...

what do we do now?

I don't know.

What do you think we should do?

I don't know.

I just want to be with you, Barry.

I don't know if that's possible

anymore, Audry.

I just need some time

to figure some things out.

Maybe we should spend some time

away from one another,

um, and see how that works out.

Well, I'll wait for you for a little while,

but I can't wait forever.

Okay. I'm going to go home now.

I'll see you around, then?

It's Palm Sunday.

I went to church.

Congratulations.

So, what did you give up for Lent?

I gave up resolutions this year.

Convenient.

You know, you made a mistake, Barry.

She doesn't want a husband, man.

She wants you.

It's the same thing

as far as I'm concerned.

No, it's not the same thing.

You get one chance in this life,

if you're lucky.

I'm sure there will be others, Pat.

No, there won't.

Just think about Mom.

Don't start with that shit again.

Barry, if you just took one second

to look at yourself,

you might discover what you truly want.

Oh, yeah? And what's that?

Why don't you fucking tell me

what that is, huh?

To ask her to marry you.

Oh, I didn't know you were home.

Yeah. I'm trying to find

some Fitzgerald stories

for class tomorrow.

Remember this?

Yeah.

Think we've lost the romance

from our marriage?

No. I just don't think

you're interested anymore.

I think that sometimes...

when we start to grow

accustomed to things,

we start to, uh...

to not see them anymore

or to kind of look past them.

And we have a tendency to...

want something new because we feel

that will fulfill whatever

seems to be missing in our lives.

But it doesn't.

I think we just need to look back

at what we do have in our lives

and try to remember what brought us there

in the first place.

You know?

So why did you do it Jack?

What didn't I do for you?

What are you talking about?

I know that

you've been seeing someone else, okay?

I found your rubbers.

What rubbers?

I don't want to have to fight for you!

Why can't you just be a man

and admit it?

What do you want me to say?

When did you become

such a fucking coward?

I want you to tell me the truth.

Did you do it?

Why? pack, why?

I am so sorry.

I just want to be with you again.

I don't know, you know?

I think it's going to take

a long time.

I know. I know.

Is it over?

Yes, it's over.

Did you love her?

No.

Jesus Christ!

What's wrong?

I don't know.

Are you okay?

Yeah. I think so.

Ha ha ha!

I don't know. Did you?

Yeah. Yeah.

Why can' k you?

Well...well...yeah. I can.

I'm just a little nervous.

Oh. Why? What's wrong?

Listen.

There's something

I've got to tell you.

What is it?

I got the money.

What money?

The 2,000.

My brother wrote me a check.

For the c-

Oh, my God! You mean we're going?

As soon as you want.

Aah! I love you!

Hey, that's just

the kind of guy I am.

Ha ha ha!

Did you go to Dublin for these?

Yeah. How's the jelly roll, huh?

I can't believe this is it.

Told you I'd be out of your hair

by Easter.

I can't believe you're going through with this.

I didn't think you had balls

big enough for a stunt like this.

Really.

It's got nothing to do with my balls.

Ha ha! You know?

It's got everything to do with my heart.

When you find your true companion-

Stop. Stop right there.

Jesus. Yeah. Yeah.

I think we've all

had enough true love talk

to last us a fucking lifetime.

You decided what you're going to do

with Audry?

No. No. I don't know.

I don't know about you guys,

but these past few weeks

have really been special for me.

I mean, living under the same roof again-

It really felt like a home, you know?

Like a family.

Yeah. Despite the fact

that there wasn't a psychotic drunk

screaming for beers

and beating the shit out of us every day.

What was that shit he said

when he had ha“ a bag, on?

"Shut your fucking mouth

when you're talking to me, pal.“

And the time I came home

in my varsity jacket.

I was like, "Hey, Dad.

What do you think of my new jacket?“

He said, "Get a blue one

and burn the both of them.“

I remember he always said to me,

"Hey, shit for brains,

the only thing I want to hear out of you

is nothing.“

Fucking prick.

What a prick is right.

So, what time

are you and Leslie leaving?

She wants to get on the road

bright and early, so she's figuring 5:00.

That's early.

You guys be up for a good-bye

at that time?

I don't think so.

You could bet your ass

that I won't be up at 5:00 in the morning.

Well, I guess this is it, then.

Yeah.

Thanks, pack.

Anytime, man.

I'll get you that cash back

as soon as I can.

Whenever.

A handshake will do for me, fruitcake.

Not for me, Barry.

That's enough.

[Telephone Rings]

Hello.

No, Marty.

Barry's not here right now.

Yeah. He should be here soon.

Everything's fine. Listen, I got to go.

I can't talk right now.

Bye.

What's going on with all these bags?

All your stuffs in the blue bag.

What do you mean?

Are you going someplace?

I'm moving out.

Where are you going?

I'm going home to New Jersey

to take care of my dad for a while.

How come?

Because you're a coward.

I just don't think this is the right time

for me to get involved in a serious relationship.

And why is that?

Because as a big-time director,

you can't be tied down?

Don't want to miss all the action?

Is that what you think?

Can you give me another reason?

Because I'm going to be busy.

I'm not going to have time for this,

for us.

You know what?

You can have this back.

I don't want it.

Audry, you knew I wasn't interested

in letting this become,

you know, too serious.

I don't care what we thought

was going to happen.

I fell in love with you.

You fell in love with me, didn't you?

Come on. Let's not get into this.

Just answer the question.

It won't kill you.

What do you want me to say?

I mean...

Okay, yeah. I do love you.

Then why are you doing this?

Because I don't want to be in love,

and I don't want a wife,

and I don't want a family either.

Whoever said anything

about marriage and a family?

I'm sorry, Audry.

It just... lt just can't be.

[Telephone Rings]

Go ahead and answer it.

It's Marty.

You got what you wanted.

[Ring]

Hello.

Hey, wait. Hold on a second.

Hey, Audry, wait a second.

I'm sorry it had to be like this.

I love you, Barry.

And I'll never love anyone

the way I love you.

But I won't be like your mom

and wait 35 years for you.

Hey, Audry, come on. Hold up.

Hey, Marty. Sorry about that.

No. No. It's nothing.

Yeah. You know what?

Listen, I can't talk about this.

I got to go.

Hey, Barry.

♪ I will remember you ♪

;Will you remember me? ♪

♪ Don't let your life ♪

♪ Pass you by:

♪ Weep not for the memories ♪

♪ I'm so tired that I can't sleep ♪

♪ Standing on the edge of something much too deep ♪

♪ It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word ♪

♪We are screaming inside Oh, we can't be heard ♪

;And I will remember you ♪

♪ To be loved, loved ♪

;Will you remember me? ♪

♪ To be loved, loved ♪

♪ Don't let your life ♪

♪ Pass you by:

♪ To be loved, loved, loved ♪

♪ Weep not for the memories ♪

♪ To be loved, loved, loved, loved, loved ♪

♪ So afraid to love you ♪

♪ More afraid to lose ♪

♪ Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose ♪

♪ Where once there was a darkness ♪

♪A deep and endless night ♪

♪ You gave me everything you had ♪

♪ Oh, you gave me light ♪

;And I will remember you ♪

♪ To be loved, loved, loved ♪

;Will you remember me? ♪

♪ To be loved, loved ♪

♪ Don't let your life ♪

♪ Pass you by:

♪ To be loved, loved, loved ♪

♪ Weep not for the memories ♪

♪ I will remember you ♪

♪ To be loved, loved, loved ♪

;Will you remember me? ♪

♪ To be loved, loved ♪

♪ Don't let your life ♪

♪ Pass you by:

♪ To be loved, loved, loved ♪

♪ Weep not for the memories ♪

♪ To be loved, loved, loved ♪

♪ Weep not for the memories ♪♪

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