All language subtitles for 23 - Rebecca Gaines, Rebecca Loses

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

(watch beeping)

Oh! Good thing I set my watch,
otherwise I would've forgot

something very important I have
to do right at this very minute.

Yeah, what's that, Wood?

Did you... need to take
some medication?

No.

Well, uh... maybe you're
supposed to call somebody, huh?

No. No...

Perhaps you had an appointment?

Maybe if I just
don't think about it,

it'll come to me.

I wouldn't worry
about it, Wood.

As you get older, you know,

the memory starts to go a bit.

Myself, I was
thinking about maybe

signing up for one of
those memory classes.

That's it, my memory class!

Today's graduation.

Oh, where'd I park?

Oh, yeah.
See, it's working.

(theme song begins)

♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪

♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪

♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪

♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪

♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪

Evening, everybody.

ALL:
Norm!

How's life treating you, Norm?

Well, Sammy, it's not.

So I sure hope you are.

Where's Woody?

Oh, his father-in-law
took him and Kelly

to see the Boston Symphony.
Ah!

Probably thought Woody needed

a little musical culture.
Yeah.

The Boston Symphony is offering
"Mahler's Third" this evening,

one of my absolute favourites.

It always brings salt water
to Lilith's eyes.

Tears to you and me,

saline secretions to her.

"Mahler's Third" takes over
an hour and a half by itself.

The adagio alone is endless.

I beg your pardon.

Since when do you know anything
about classical music?

Since I was two years old.

My mother was a concert cellist.

I used to turn the pages for her
while she was practicing.

And I loathe Mahler.

Well, it must have been
very enriching

to have a mother
who played the cello.

Like hell.

Her food tasted like rosin,

and every time I tried to sit
on her lap, I fell through.

Hey, Cliffie, how're you doing?

Not well, Sam.

Boy, am I mad!

I've never been this upset!

Boy, three words fellas,

three words:

Dames is grief.

Fighting with Ma, huh?

Oh, and how.

It seems like that's
all we do anymore.

You know, you'd think
it'd be a perfect set-up...

mother and a grown son

living in a one
bedroom apartment.

But no.

Reality check, gentlemen.

Life is not like
the movies, I guess, huh?

I'm sure it'll
all blow over, Cliffie.

No, no way, Sammy,
not this time.

I tell you that broad's
pushed me too hard.

Too hard, I tell you.

It's about time
I started pushing back.

She's just gone and created
a monster, that's all.

But this monster is not gonna

lie in some tomb of ice.

No, sirree.

My anger will melt that ice,
so that I might rise up

and, and crush the Tokyo
of the buildings there

beneath the talons
of my animosity...

Cliff, Cliff.

We all appreciate
how hard you're working

on this metaphor,
but we get the idea.

(vocalizing Mahler's
"Symphony No. 3 in D Minor")

What a majestic composer
that Mahler was.

What a piece of work!

I'll go upstairs
and see if Melville's

is still serving dinner.
SAM: Say, Kelly,

you go to a lot
of those classical...

concert things, don't you?

Do you really enjoy them?

Oh, I love them, Sam.

I just sit there
and let my mind

become a total blank.

How, how do you do that?

How do I do what?

You have a nice dinner, Kelly.

Why don't you order
some protein, sweetheart.

That opening piece,
that gorgeous

Dvorjak cello
concerto in, uh...

What was it?
B Minor.

Yes, I thought that was...

Why, Miss Howe.

I'm flabbergasted.

B Minor's correct.

Believe me, I know.

Well, my compliments.

Obviously, when you've
worked at the house

I've failed
to appreciate your depth.

Not to mention her width.

No, I've always thought

that Mahler was
an acquired taste.

You can say that again.

You know, it was
a shared love for music

which first attracted me
to my ex-wife.

Really?

Do you know
"Mahler's Fourth"? (gasps)

It's only my fave, that's all.

Hey, Woody, how'd it go, man?

Oh, Sam, you're right.
Yeah?

As soon as those lights dimmed,

I was sound asleep.

These things really
came in handy. Oh...

Yeah, I tell you, these things
bailed me out quite a few times.

Got me through a lot
of heart-to-heart

pillow talk with Diane.

That cello concerto,
it gets everyone!

You know, I stole a look
at the young people

during the allegretto,
and I must admit,

even Woody was displaying
unusual intensity.

KELLY:
Woody.

Woody, they say
we can still eat

if we order right now.

You know, Miss Howe,

I know this is late notice,

but are you free
this Saturday night?

I'm having some people in to
listen to classical music.

This, this, this,
this Saturday?

If you're busy,
I'll understand... No, no!

I, I'm I-I-I'm available.

Oh, splendid.

Shall we say around 7:00?

7:00.
Yeah.

My God!

Did you, did you
just hear what happened?

I certainly did.

This incredibly
rich man asked me out.

And-and all this time,
he's just b...

he's been there
right in front of my nose.

Well, congratulations, honey.

(whispers):
I think he loves me.

Oh, come- slow down,
will you?

Just slow down. All he did was
ask you for a date.

Well, all Charles
did was ask Diana

if she wanted a cup of tea.

And look how that turned out.

Their marriage is in shambles.

"Shambles"?

She got three castles
and $80 mil.

I call that happily ever after.

I forgot my purse.

Uh, Kelly?

Kelly, is your, is your dad
seeing anyone special?

No, and I wish he were.

Since the divorce,

he just mopes around the house.

I sure wish he'd meet
someone wonderful.

Oh, so do I.

For you, I mean.

You know, Kelly,
isn't it rough on you,

not having a mother around?

I mean, you don't
even have a stepmother.

Somebody to chat with,

and to share things with,

and to confide
and tell all your

special little secrets to.

Boy, I'll say.

Like there's this
thing Woody does

when we make love.

Now tell me if you
think this is normal...

Let's just save it.
Let-let...

I think your soup's getting
cold. Come on, honey.

Go on upstairs.
Bye-bye.

Hey, Carla.

Give me a quick coffee,
will you?

I've got some major
driving to do.

Cliffie.

Where've you been
the past few days?

Ah, getting my nerve up.

For what?

Something drastic.

You and your mom
still fighting?

No, that's, uh...

not a problem anymore.

No, uh, well why, Cliff?
Why not?

Well, 'cause I had
all I could take.

Something unpleasant
had to be done.

And it wasn't pretty,
it wasn't easy, but, uh,

she won't be bugging me anymore.

So, what's been
going on around here?

Well, Cliff, your ma is still
at your place, isn't she?

No, she's, uh, out in the car.

Why didn't you bring her in?

Oh, everybody's getting kind
of nosy around here, huh?

You think, uh, we'll talk about
something else, please?

You love talking about your ma.

Hey! Subject closed,
all right?

Aw, forget it.

Maybe there aren't so many
"Ma lovers" out in the woods.

I knew this day would come.

Clavin whacked his mother.

Come on, Carla.

He said she was
"out in the car."

Yeah, and soon she'll be
out in the woods.

Yeah, well, maybe she's getting
her own place, you know?

Yeah, she's probably
getting a lot of places.

Especially after
the bears dig her up.

Oh, knock it off, Carla.

Cliff didn't kill anybody.

Why not?

What do we really
know about him?

We know he is weird.

He's weird, but he's not
that weird.

Look, to kill his mother,
he'd have to be some

kind of slobbering, degenerate
dual-personality psychopath.

Anybody got
a problem with that?

I can't believe
I'm hearing this!

If you really think Cliff is
capable of murdering his mother,

why do you remain his friends?

He's my ride.

Well, here we are.

Oh, Ma!
Look at this!

Even better than the picture
in the brochure.

Yes, I expect I'll be
perfectly delighted

once I stop weeping
and feeling carsick.

Aw, come on, Ma,
the ride wasn't that bad.

You drive too fast.

All young people do.

I've often said,

"A lot of needless
accidents could be avoided

if they'd just raise
the legal driving age to 50."

Well, I was just
in a hurry to get you

to this beautiful
retirement community.

I'll say.
Talk about luxury, huh?

Oh! That bed, that's,

that's practically
king-sized.

King Richard III,
wasn't he the dwarf?

Oh, what do we got here?

Whoa, look at this, Ma!

You've got a beautiful view
of the woods here.

Boy, oh, boy- you know,
when I see a place

like this, I...
I almost wish I was retired.

Clifford, are you sure we can
afford a place like this?

Oh, yeah, but don't worry,

your insurance policies
will cover it.

Oh, that's convenient.

You'll have money left
for hooch and slatterns.

Oh, come on, Ma.

You know I'm just doing
what's best for you.

(groans):
Come on, Ma.

We've both got to be
strong about this.

I suppose you're right.

Well, you're darned
tootin', I'm right.

I mean, you're gonna have
a lot of fun here, Ma.

The brochure says the day's
crammed with activities.

You'll play bingo
to your heart's content.

You'll make new friends.

These are your golden years.

Oh, bless your heart.

You've given me what
every mother dreams of...

a tastefully furnished room

in which to die
among strangers.

Ma, come on.

We're, we're gonna be
strong, remember?

Now, is there
anything you need?

Well...

you could keep my garden up.

I think there are
a couple of bags left

of that steer manure
you gave me

last Mothers' Day.

Okay. I'll go do that now.

Bye-bye.

(crying)

Ma, will you stop that?

All right, good-bye.

(sobbing)

Ma!

What? I'm just
standing here.

You're making those noises.

I don't hear any noises.

It must be
your guilty conscience.

You run along.

I expect they'll
be here any minute

to prep me for my lobotomy.

Ma, you're not going
to make me feel guilty.

Now, I'm gonna leave,

and I'll see you
next visitors' day.

Bring cigarettes.

They're money
in these places, you know.

Presto.

Wow, that's a nifty gismo
for cracking locks, Carla.

Where'd you get it?
My kid made it

in Shop for Mothers' Day.

I don't feel right,

breaking into Cliff's place
like this.

Yeah, well, we've got
to do it now while he's out driving.

It's the only way
we're gonna find out

what happened to his mother.

Yeah, besides, it's kind
of exciting, isn't it?

You know, I always used
to dream of being

a sophisticated,
international jewel thief,

leaping catlike
from balcony to balcony.

We've got to see if we can find
any trace of that poor woman.

Look at this place,
give me the creeps.

Look, Paul, go see
what's in there, okay?

Oh, it's just a head.

(gasps):
Oh!

NORM:
Oh, relax.

It's another word
for "bathroom."

It's an old navy term.

You were in the navy?

Mess cook,
that dream came true.

Well, go snoop around in there.

See if you can find any
intimate, feminine stuff.

Aye-aye.

There's a jar of bubble bath.

Oh, no, that's Cliff's.

Uh, he uses it because he
thinks it keeps dogs

from biting him on his route.

Biting him on his what?

When he's out
delivering mail, doofus.

Is there anything
else in there?

Uh, just guy stuff:

Soap, toothpaste,
uh, aftershave.

You know what's
weird about this?

This closet has
all Cliff's stuff,

but not even a trace
of any of Ma Clavin's stuff.

Yeah, well what
about this skirt?

Oh, no, that's Cliff's.

It's, uh, it's a kilt.

He wore it to the
Postman's Ball, remember?

"A Night in Glasgow"
was the theme.

This is fiendish.

It's like he's just eliminated

all traces of her.

It's as though
she never existed.

You're right, it is beginning
to get suspicious.

Hey, wait a minute.

What's this?

Oh, no-no-no,
that's the mail.

Come on, that's private.

Right, like Cliff's

never read anyone else's mail.

"Dear Mister Clavin,

"I am forwarding you
all your mother's

insurance policies
under separate cover."

This is the smoking gun.

Let's get out of here.

Too late, he's
coming up the stairs.

(hushed):
Get in the closet. Yeah, yeah.

Go on, get in the closet.

There's not enough
room in here!

NORM:
Well, everybody take a deep breath.

(all inhaling)

Well, I hope you're
satisfied, Clavin.

You've done it now-
the dirty deed.

There's no going back.

So long.

Arrivederci.

Sayonara.

Yachsomache.

Oh, who am I kidding?

I can't just pretend and go on
like nothing's happened.

Oh, I've got to talk
to somebody.

Somebody who will
understand me.

Somebody who won't condemn me.

Ma, I'm going down to Cheers!

Get me...

(all exhaling)

Well, it sounds pretty
bad for Ma Clavin.

Let's get out of here.

Wait, wait, wait.

No one is going anywhere
until I find out

who had their hands on my butt.

Oh, that was me.

I thought you had gum.

How do I look?

Wow! You're dressed
a little fancy, aren't you,

to go over to some guy's house
and listen to some music?

First of all, it is not a house.

It is a stately mansion.

And secondly, it is
not "some guy."

It is Mr. Gaines,
the man I adore.

"Adore?"

Come on, what are you doing...

You don't even know the
guy's first name, do you?

It's Mister.

And if I play my cards
right tonight,

I might just become
Mrs. Mr. Gaines.

Just think of it, Sam.

Starting tonight I am no
longer the old Rebecca Howe.

I am the new Rebecca Howe.

This is going to
be the start...

BOTH:
Of a whole new life for me.

Have I said that before?

Only about a thousand times.

BOTH:
Well, this time it's different.

Wow.
Wow.

Honey, you're doing it again.

You're going completely
overboard.

You do this time and time again.

And I just, I don't want
to see you get hurt.

You're right.

I'm rushing into
things again, aren't I?

Yeah.

Listen, listen, it-it's just
a simple date, right?

You're going over
to a guy's house

and you listen
to a little music.

That's right, I'm just
listening to a little music.

Yeah.

And I do like
some classical music.

I, I... maybe they'll play
Wagner. I like Wagner.

What's that catchy little tune

that he has that I like?

Oh, I know.

(hums "Wedding March")

You're doing it...

Sam, you busy?

Who is it?

It's Cliff.

Then, yeah.

Thanks, Sam.

Hey, I, uh, I'm really
upset about something.

I, just need your advice, pal.

Cliff, Cliff.

They, they make fun of you
because they love you, okay?

Uh, thanks, Sam, but, uh, uh...

that's not really
why I came in here.

Oh. Then, why?

Well, Sam, I want
to talk about Ma.

We've been fighting
a lot lately,

and, uh, we've decided

(voice breaking):
That she should go live

in a retirement community.

(sobbing): And, aw, Sammy, I'm
the worst son in the world!

Oh, man, hey, uh, listen,

all-all, all families...

Do me a favor, do you want
to sit on the desk?

All right.

Uh, all-all families go
through this, Cliffie.

Uh, you know, I think you're
doing the right thing.

Uh, uh, you know, you know,

I'll bet she's going
to be real happy, right?

I mean, you picked
a nice place.

Oh, yeah.

A real nice place.

Famous, too.

It was profiled on 60 Minutes.

You know, a couple weeks later,

they went back
and did a follow-up even.

There you go, Cliff.
Yeah.

Yeah, I guess you're right, Sam.

I still feel a little
bit guilty, though.

Yeah, well, uh, you know,
there's no need for that.

I think you're doing
the right thing, pal.

Hey, thanks, Sam.

Listen, I'd appreciate it
if you didn't spread it around,

you know, this little
talk we had here.

I only told you because
we're best friends.

Well, fair enough.

You know, but maybe we shouldn't
spread that around, either.

I'm with you, Sam.
All right.

I'll, uh, be back
in a while there, Woody.

Just remembered a job I have
to take care of at home.

All right, Mr. Clavin.

Hey, Cliff...

(all gasping)

Oh, it's, uh, nice
to see you guys, too. Yeah.

So, uh, where,
where've you been?

Oh, here, there...
everywhere, you know.

Yeah, we didn't hear anything.

Oh, yeah, save a beer
for me, will you?

Hey, where's he going?
Well, he said he had a job

to take care of at home.

Yeah- a little digging
in the backyard, maybe.

Getting rid
of the murder weapon.

Come on, Carla.

I can't believe you people
are still pursuing

that paranoid fantasy
about Cliff.

It's no fantasy, Frasier.

And isn't it interesting

that you're the one
who keeps defending him?

Well, I'm not defending him.
I'm merely saying...

Where is Lilith
these days, anyhow?

Has anyone here heard
from Lilith lately?

Oh, come on, Carla, lay off.

And what about Vera, Norm?
Where is Vera?

Carla...
And has anyone ever seen Paul's alleged ex?

You're all sick.

It's an evil conspiracy.

A bunch of frustrated men

who slaughter women

and then chop up their bodies
in the dead of night!

Oh, man!

I'd better
have a date pretty soon

or I'm gonna start
turning weird.

(piano playing
gentle, classical melody)

(singing in Italian)

Why, Miss Howe

I was just beginning
to worry about you.

Oh, please, call me Rebecca.

What a lovely home you have.

So many possibilities.

Why, thank you.

You should enjoy yourself
this evening.

We're having
an all-Mahler program.

Oh, wonderful.

Yes. I've hired
a very gifted German baritone.

He'll be performing Mahler's
"Kindertotenleider,"

songs on the death of children.

Well, if we don't have fun
tonight, we never will.

Yes, and you should be able

to hear adequately
from your station,

where you'll be
performing your duties.

My station?

Yes. You'll be tending bar
just through that door.

You know, we didn't have
a chance to discuss your wages.

Now I want to be fair.

My station? My duties?

Uh, Hives, here,
has your apron.

Hives? He'll explain
your duties.

I'll start off
with a white wine.

My station? My duties?
My apron?

Fancy dress.

Hives, I-I think there's
been a terrible mistake here.

You see, I-I think
I was supposed to be

Mister Gaines' date
for this evening.

Really! Oh, they'll love that
in the kitchen.

Thank you.

You're very kind.

(sobbing)

Oh, honey,
I'm sorry to hear that.

I-I'll be over as soon as I can.

Who was that?

Aw, it's Rebecca.
She's all upset.

Your father-in-law invited her
over to his place

to, uh, listen
to a musicale tonight.

She thought she was
supposed to be his date...

got all dressed up
in a fancy dress.

Turns out she's only there
to tend bar.

How could she make that mistake?

Oh, come on, Woody.

Put yourself in her position.

You know, attractive guy
asks you over to his place

to listen to some music, wants
you to wear a fancy dress...

you'd go, wouldn't you?

Oh, no! No.

My high school drama teacher
tried that one on me.

Once bitten, twice shy,
my friend.

Maybe I'm misreading this.

Maybe this really is a date.

No, it isn't!

Two red wines.

And do try to pour them evenly
this time.

(imitating):
Do try to pour them evenly.

(dogs snarling and barking)

Oh sweetheart, sweetheart.

Oh, I came as soon
as you called, honey.

(sobbing) Oh, baby.

I don't blame you
for being disappointed.

I'm not disappointed!

Well...
I'm humiliated.

I thought- this is
what really hurts me...

I thought he really liked me.

Oh, Sam, you need
to... you need to...

you need to stand in
for me tonight please.

I'm too embarrassed.

I can't go out there again.

I know. I know.

All right, I tell you what,

uh, let me just...
collect some empties.

Here we go.

I'll take over
as soon as I get back.

All right?
Thank you.

You're kidding, Sam.

Miss Howe thought
this was to be a date?

Yes, sir.

And, uh, to tell you
the truth, sir,

I heard what you said and I...
and I thought the same thing.

You did? My Lord.

Although- and I don't mean
this in any way personally

you'll have to admit you are

far from the brightest person
in the world.

True. That's-that's-that's
very true, sir.

Um, you know, Rebecca's
been looking forward

to this evening the whole week.

And, between you and me, sir,
she finds you very attractive

and I think she thought
the feeling was mutual.

Miss Howe is attracted to me?

I had no idea.

You see, son, I am not exactly
what you'd call a ladies' man.

Well, if you don't mind, sir,
uh...

have you ever considered
that it might be your hair?

Sam, why don't you go in the bar
and relieve Rebecca.

Send her out here, and I'll, uh,

try to make it up to her
by having her as my guest.

Oh, thank you, sir.

That's... I think that's
the right thing to do.

We'll talk later...
Yes.

Okay. Everybody
stand up straight.

Wh-what are
you doing?

Well, I'm taking
some of the wine out of these bottles

so that when I pour them
in the glasses they'll be even.

How much have you had to drink?

In my life or tonight?

Tonight.

Well, that's hard to say,

because I've been drinking.

Oh, boy, oh, boy,
oh, boy, oh, boy.

Oh, boy, oh, boy what?

Mister Gaines just realized
his mistake and he wants,

he wants you to be his date
for the rest of the evening.

He does?

Oh, he loves me again!

Oh, my ship has come in.

Not yet. Not yet it hasn't.

We-we're gonna have
to sober you up, sweetheart.

Okay, then give me a Tic Tac.

No, no, we're, uh,
we're way beyond Tic Tacs.

Oh, we are?
Yeah.

Okay. Oh, God! Oh, no.
Oh, you know what?

You're gonna have
to help me here

because I can't let Mister
Gaines see me like this

because he's gonna
think I'm drunk.

Yeah. Uh...
Now you have been drunk before.

So what did you used to do when
you used to try and get sober?

Well, I had, uh...
yeah, actually I did.

I had this little trick and it-
it kind of hurts, but it works.

Okay. What is it?

Honey, uh, I te...

I've got to get
some coffee in you.

I'll be right there.

Well, Norm?

Well, nothing.

I just keep getting
Cliff's answering machine.

No word of his ma

or any forwarding
address or anything.

Well, that's weird.

You know what's weirder
is-is the outgoing message.

You know for years how
it was Cliff and his ma

singing "Come
On'a My House?"

Well, now it's just Cliff.

And I gotta tell you,
I miss that harmony.

Come on, you guys...

you can't really believe
that Cliff killed his mother.

Hey, everybody.

What's in the,
uh, sacks, Cliff?

Oh, just some old things
of Ma's, getting rid of them.

I just can't stand to have them
around the house anymore.

Cliff, uh, you've been acting,
oh, a little strange lately.

Is there- is there
anything on your mind

that you'd like to, uh, just...

Say is that- is that dirt
underneath your nails?

Yeah. I've been spending a lot
of time in the garden lately.

Can't get my hands clean.

I-I wash them and wash them.

Yes, but, uh, Cliff,
is-is there a-anything

on-on your mind y-you'd
like to talk to me about?

I don't want to talk, Doc.

Uh, I want to watch television.

See if there's anything
on the news.

Dare you to look inside.

Dare you.

Somebody's got to look.

Not me.

I've seen enough body parts
to choke a horse.

Literally, in one case.

(piano playing classical music)

Ah, Miss Howe.

I'm sorry for the
misunderstanding.

No misunderstanding taken.

Uh, everyone, may I have
your attention please? (music stops)

I'd like to introduce my
date for this evening,

Miss Rebecca Howe.

Hello.

Good evening.

Thank you for dropping by.

GAINES:
You're looking very lovely

this evening, Rebecca.

And so are you, Mister.

Well,

shall we begin our
Kindergarten Teeter Tooter?

Delightful.

(piano playing classical music)

(baritone begins singing)

(humming along
off-key)

(humming along
off-key)

Shh, shh, shh, shh,
shh, shh, shh.

(mouths):
I'm sorry.

(singing along in
foreign language)

(music stops)

Look, look, I'm sorry.

I cannot concentrate!

I can't either!

Now, listen, let me just
tell you people one thing.

Raymond Burr came a long way
to entertain us.

And I think

out of courtesy to him,
we should keep our mouths shut!

Miss Howe, you are
obviously inebriated.

Now, you're
embarrassing yourself,

you're embarrassing me.

I'm going to have
to ask you to leave.

(whispers):
Oh, no, no, no.

Please, don't do that.

This means so much to me.

Please, I don't know,
I've heard this a million times,

and I don't know,
it's just so catchy.

I never noticed before.

Please, please,
just-just let me stay.

I-I promise, if you let me stay,
I won't sing one more note.

Very well.

(piano playing classical music)

(man singing opera
in foreign language)

(man hits high note)

(sings off-key high note)

I'll tell you Carla,
Rebecca's doing great.

Yeah, I was
a little worried, too.

But you know,
she's fitting right in.

You know, I-I would
not be surprised

if you heard wedding bells.

Do me a favour, will you?

Uh, you got to cover me for
a while at the bar, you know.

No, no-no, there's-there's
no way you could,

you could drag Rebecca
out of here.

(clattering)

Oh, hey, fellas.

Hold on a second.

How you doing?

(dogs barking outside)

The-the whole point is that...

See, uh, the whole...

Hold-hold on. I...

The dogs are making
a racket here.

You know, boy, they're really
chasing someone out there.

You know, from here, from here,
it almost looks like...

Oh.

Oh, my God.

REPORTER:
...witness news, including the latest

sports and weather
right after this.

Cliff, listen,
just one more time.

Are you sure there's
not something

you'd like to get
off your chest?

Oh, all right, Doc.
I might as well tell you.

Yeah.

I sent Ma off to
a retirement community.

A retirement community.

CLIFF:
Yeah, yeah.

One hell of a son, huh?

Boy, I don't know why I did it.

You know...

I think I'm gonna go down there
today and bring her back home.

I mean, that's
if she'll have me.

Good for you, Cliff.

Retirement home-
I, I knew it.

And you guys thought
he killed his mother!

(laughs)

Thought what?

Nothing.

What?

Ah!

Well, I guess we
ought to tell him.

Yeah.

Uh, Cliffie, uh,

you're gonna get a kick
out of this, actually.

(Paul, Carla, Norm laughing)

See,

what we thought was that...

Oh, hell, what's the best way
to put this, guys?

We thought you killed your mom
and cut her up in little pieces.

Beer?

Boy, this is terrific.

And you're supposed
to be my friends.

How could you think
of something like that?

Come on, Cliff.

Yeah, we're sorry, Mr. Clavin.

Ah, no, I mean,
that's a real rotten thing!

Oh, Cliff, in the
bottom of our hearts,

none of us really thought you
actually killed your mother.

No! Golly!
(all chuckling)

NORM:
Come on, I mean, you know,

how could we think that?

You're our buddy.
Yeah.

Come on, we love
you, Cliffie, huh?

Huh?
(all chuckling)

REPORTER:
This just in.

Gardeners have just discovered
human remains

in the middle
of Lexington Common.

Get him!

(all grunting)

Authorities believe the remains
may be those of a minute-man

who fought in
the Revolutionary War.

Ah!
Hey, Cliffie.

(all chuckling) Come on.

That's just a sample of how
much we love you, Cliffie.

Uh, excuse me.

My name's Clavin, and I,
uh, brought my mother

in here earlier today.

And now you're having
pangs of remorse.

(chuckles):
Yeah. How'd you know?

It's a common reaction.

It's quite normal.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, uh,
I-I guess I'll be, uh,

taking my ma home now.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I-I just went over
to her, uh, room there,

and-and she wasn't around so...

She's in the Starlight Lounge.

There's a dance tonight.

(waltz music playing faintly)

(waltz music playing)

Wow!

I don't remember
the last time I saw Ma dancing.

People often seem to come
out of their shells here.

Hey, look at that.

Guy just cut in on her.

That silver-haired fox.

(chuckles):
Yes.

I was watching your mother
in the hot tub earlier.

She seemed to be quite popular
with the gentlemen.

You, uh, you have a hot tub?

Oh, yes. Our residents
find it quite invigorating.

After the softball tournament.

Softball tournament.

In fact,

this afternoon, your mother
was chosen most valuable player.

She went four for four at bat.

But I think it was
the hook slide into third

that really won their hearts.

My mother's never played
softball in her life.

(music stops, applause)
Maybe she never had the chance.

(tango music playing)

Oh.

(chuckles):
Come here, come here.

Look at this, look at this.

She's doing a tango.

She's got a rose in her
teeth and everything.

(laughs)

I just hope she doesn't
fall off that table.

Ah, it's okay.

She got eight guys waiting
there to catch her if she does.

(laughs)

Oh, boy, I've never
seen her so happy.

I, uh...

(chuckles)

Got to say, I-I feel
kind of foolish.

Don't.

You just wanted what was
best for your mother.

Yeah.

Well, I always thought
that her world

revolved around
her son, you know,

that she couldn't, uh, ever
get along without me, so...

Perhaps that's what
you wanted to think.

Yeah.

Now I can see she's happier
than she's ever been.

(chuckles)

Say, uh, I'd appreciate it

if you didn't mention
that I was here.

I understand.

I guess I won't be
taking her home after all.

I thought not.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm just gonna
go have another peek.

Oh, and-and, Mr. Clavin,

while you're here,
your mother's insurance

doesn't entirely cover
her expenses.

(chuckles)

I assume that, uh,

you'll want to take care
of the remainder?

Yeah, yeah, sure thing.

Just send me the bill.

Well, here's what it comes to
for the first year.

Honestly, the cost
of running this place

just keeps going up and up.

Well, you can't put a price
on a mother's happiness.

(chuckles)

(screaming):
Oh, Clifford!

Put me down!

What are you doing?!

I'm getting you
out of this hell hole, Ma!

Here you go.

Thank you, Sam.

Feeling better?

(sighs)

I have never been
so humiliated in my life.

I can't believe I did that.

Do you know what I am?

I'm a phony.

I'm a great big phony.

Pretending like I liked Mahler

just so some rich guy
would ask me out.

I don't even
know his first name.

WOODY:
Gustav.

Gustav Mahler.

(sighs)

Do you know that I don't
really even like Mr. Gaines?

And yet I allowed myself
to just fall all over him

just because he's rich.

As God as my witness, Sam,

I am never, ever
going af-after

another rich man
as long as I live.

Well, as far as
I can see, Normie,

we're-we're sitting pretty.

I mean, I don't, I don't
foresee any problems unless...

well, unless of course there's
a second wave of Martians.

Then, uh, then, my friend,
I think we've got

some pretty serious
defence problems.

But, oh, uh, heck, I'll go
into that some other time.

(yawning):
Want a refill, Norm?

Norm.

Hey, Norm.

Oh.

There you are, Miss Howe.

Uh, Mr. Gaines,

I have to apologize.

No, don't say a thing.

I admit, I was upset by what
happened earlier this evening.

But after I cooled down,
I realized it was all my fault.

I was unclear
about my intentions.

Now I'd like to
make it up to you.

I thought we could have dinner
sometime, together,

just the two of us.

Just you and me?

Yes.

I'd be delighted to have dinner
with such an attractive woman.

Sorry, Mr. Gaines.

Um, I'm very flattered,
but I have to tell you

that the only reason
I would have dinner with you

is because you're so rich.

And that wouldn't be
fair to you,

and it wouldn't be fair to me.

I see.

Very well, Miss Howe.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Well, Rebecca,
I must say I'm impressed.

This could be a big
turning point in your life.

At last, your actions
fit your words.

Yeah, I'm with Frasier.

I'm really proud of you,
sweetheart.

Thank you, I appreciate it.

Sam, can you come here
and do me a favour?

Sure, hon. What?

Can you stop me from
going after him?

I'm having a hard time
stopping myself.

(chuckles)

Whoa.

And you're gonna need
Cliff and Norm.

SAM:
Uh, Norm, Norm?

Fras, you want to help me here?

Mister. Mister!

I'm coming, Mister!

Mister!

Mister!