Original subtitles

# Dramatic music

# Rock music

Kevin, cut that racket!

I could hear you from Gaffney Street!

Do you have to play so loud?!

Mum! It's rock'n'roll!

Your father's favourite music to strangle someone by

and it's likely to be both of us.

Yeah, yeah.

And I think you'll find that last chord is an A minor 6, not a D7.

The riff doesn't take off unless you get the chord structure right.

Yeah, I knew that.

- Moron. - Reject.

Loser!

Margaret. You're here early for your lesson.

Keep going.

Just touch the keys, love. No need to pound them to death.

Just try and keep breathing.

Grace!

Where's my bloody baton?

I'm already late for rehearsal.

Can't find a bloody thing in this house!

Oh, hey, Dad. Off to rehearsals then?

If there's anything left of my hearing, Kevin.

I was just wondering if you'd like me to drive you in?

Why would I want you to do that?

I just need the car for the arvo, if that would be OK?

I can get back to pick you up.

The reason I have a car, Kevin, is because I have a job.

It's an equation that'll work for you too one day.

If you ever wake up to yourself.

Just tell him you'll take that job down at the depot.

- Why can't he just... - How badly do you want that audition?

Dad! Hey, Dad! Wait!

# Classical music

# Heavy rock

# Classical music

# Bold orchestral music

# Forceful marching band music

Cut! Cut!

- Stop!

For God's sakes, George, you've got a bloody euphonium, use it!

And, Dawn, the tenor horns are the secret heart of the band.

If you're not solid, nothing above it makes any sense.

Look, it's the melody in the chorus that's important

and, trombones, you've got the counter melody

but, Derek, we still have to hear the bloody tune.

You're all playing like a sack of drowning cats.

Look...

You've gotta play music like your life depends on it.

With feeling.

Focus.

Concentration and heart.

There's no bloody point otherwise, is there? Eh?

It's about precision coupled with passion.

You've got to touch the human soul.

Tommy, I've heard you play like an angel.

Now, I need to hear that again.

Now, this is the first time in 20 years

we get to play in front of the home crowd.

And this is going to be our year!

Our victory!

And nothing is bloody well gonna stop us this time!

- Right? - Yeah!

Gino!

- Late again. - Oops.

Sorry, mate.

# So-so-social currency

# So-so-social currency

Hold on!

Alright!

Whoa! Whoa!

You got a spot. I just need a few details for the entrance form.

- Damien, is it? - Yeah.

Uh, actually, it's my band. I'm Kevin Flack.

- Ed Flack's kid? - Yep. That's me.

Best electrician in town.

Did all my rewiring when I took over this place.

Decent bloke.

Fill out all your names and a contact phone number.

Talent quest's a month on Saturday.

I may be a little bit late for the contest, boys, on the night.

Might be out celebrating.

Well, wouldn't miss the marching band regionals for quids.

Not after last time.

I can still see Tommy Dempsey blowin' mud out of his trumpet.

And his nose!

And George McKilty, the fat bastard,

floundering in the water like a beached whale

with a euphonium up his arse

and your dad...

Yeah, alright. Alright.

That was a long time ago.

Seems like yesterday, son.

Let's eat.

I can't. I gotta go pick up my dad.

Our simple mission,

to create a lifestyle experience for our primary target demographic -

OG1s and 2s -

as well as provide subsidiary benefits for other secondary stakeholders

according to clearly defined short-term and long-term strategic goals.

So what you're saying, Tracey,

is that this development will benefit everyone in Montague.

Particularly small business.

Absolutely. What we are planning is a total makeover of Montague,

all centring around the old cannery,

which was once McPherson's Wharf.

This will provide, in the short term,

an estimated annual income to shareholders and local businesses,

a guaranteed $3 million in the first year,

escalating to 10 times that amount within the first decade.

And Montague goes from an obsolete fishing village

to a state-of-the-art tourist destination.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you stage one.

Paradise Point at Montague.

And the "pi�ce de r�sistance",

a tribute to the fishermen of this great town.

The Montague Lobster!

Oh, there hasn't been a lobster off Montague since before I was born!

Yes, Councillor Agnew, that may be true.

However, I don't think we can let a minor detail like that

get in the way of the tourist dollar.

There's just one small problem, isn't there?

That thing seems to be standing

exactly where the Montague Band's clubhouse is.

Hey, what's the difference between cutting up an onion

and cutting up a trombone?

What is it?

Nobody cries when you cut up a trombone!

Here's Grizzly Guts.

What's the story with the council plans, Edwin?

They've already closed the cannery.

Our clubhouse will be the next to go.

No-one is throwing us out of our home.

Mark my words.

Legal problem?

Yes, it seems that the clubhouse is built on land

bequeathed to the people of Montague by its original owner.

Angus McPherson in 1927,

"for the exclusive use of the Montague Municipal Marching Band."

Why the hell would he do that?

He was the first musical director of this band

and it was in his will that they - we - be allowed...

"Peaceful enjoyment of the said property..."

"..for as long as the Montague Municipal Marching Band..."

"..should on its own accord..."

"..and free will..."

"..continue to provide entertainment for the good people..."

"..of Montague."

Meaning?

We can't take their land unless they agree to disband.

Well, that deserves another round.

If George hasn't forgotten to bring his shout of the beer...again.

I bought one last week.

Oh, you did not!

You are as tight as a fish's arse!

Time to call it a day, Tommy.

Home time, everyone.

And don't forget...

- Practise, practise, practise. - That's right.

# Rock music

The Gibson Les Paul custom!

The Black Beauty.

Triple-burst humbuckers.

Ebony fingerboard.

Pearl block inlay. Oh!

Two-tone three-way switches!

Ally stopbar.

- It's beautiful. - It's like sex with frets!

- I've never tried it. - What...

Sounds interesting.

- I meant, uh... - Do you want me to plug it in?

Are you serious?

Yes!

There you go.

Hey, Edwin, you want a ride?

No, no. Kevin will be here soon.

- Oh, look, there's a flying pig!

Don't hold your breath.

# Rock music

- Ahh!

Oh, my God!

I have to go!

I was meant to meet my dad an hour ago.

Mayor Riddick is your dad?

Yeah. I'm Mandy, by the way.

Kevin Flack. And I've gotta pick my dad up at... Holy crap!

He's gonna kill me!

Get the hell out of here!

Edwin.

Are you the son?

Here. You'll need this.

Useless. There you are. Where have you been?!

Kevin! Thank God!

You won't believe it, Dad. Flat tyre and no spare. So I...

Look what you've done! My bloody conducting arm!

- Dad, calm down. - Don't you tell me to calm down!

You've made a mess of everything.

Ever since you started playing that senseless noise in the garage

day in, day out,

instead of studying to play the kind of music you have a gift for.

- Edwin. - You wasted all that talent!

- Edwin, there's no point... - You're right, there's no bloody point.

I would have given my right arm

for a scholarship at the Conservatorium of bloody Music.

You had it offered to you on a platter.

But, oh no, not for you. Not for our Kevin, no.

Edwin...

What's the point of having a gift if you don't use it?

I'm sorry, Dad.

It's a bit late for that now.

You've destroyed everything I've ever believed in,

fought for...

..dreamed of...

..my whole life.

Well, here's an opportunity for Kevin to pay it all back.

Oh, no.

No. No!

NO!

# Band plays marching band music

Stop. Stop!

Sorry, guys, that's terrible.

Sorry, Kevin, you're terrible.

Well, I'm only here because Dad's in hospital.

If you think you're gonna stand in for Edwin Flack,

you'll have to do better than that.

Come on, guys. What about some real music?

Something now. Like Kings of Leon.

Arctic Monkeys?

The Red Hot Chili Peppers?

- Ooh! I like chillies.

What the hell's an Arctic Monkey?

Blood, Sweat & Tears?

One, two, three, four.

Wow!

Where did that come from?

Trouble is, your father would have a real problem with something like that.

- Why? - We did it once.

- It was a... - It was a disaster.

It was 1990.

Yeah, yeah. I know all about 1990.

- Disaster! - Your father had the same idea as you.

He wanted to play real music,

"something now".

It was musically complicated, a challenge to play technically.

Right up Edwin's alley.

And hard to march to.

- We had to rehearse for weeks. - Months!

It was the Regional Championships on home ground.

We were a heartbeat away from victory.

The year before, we'd won the gold cup.

We were the defending champions.

Edwin decided to play something new.

Revolutionay.

Your dad had just taken over the band.

Then it happened, the one thing we hadn't planned on.

He took it hard - blamed the music, blamed himself.

We went straight back to the old stuff.

I don't think he ever got over it.

Every year, we go through it,

with your dad hell-bent on winning that gold cup.

Brings out the worst in all of us.

And in Edwin, most of all.

So why do you all keep showing up?

Edwin is the best there is.

But for 20 years?!

Ever tried saying no to your dad?

I've got something I think you might want to see.

The legal department has assessed the contingency risk

and will only sign off on the development if the band ceases to exist.

So we're stuffed, aren't we?

No, not yet, we're not.

Well, there's no way that fanatic Edwin Flack and his merry men

are gonna disband.

But they might agree to a merger.

The band might. Flack won't.

Don't be so sure about that.

# Up-tempo rock music

# You're burning me out You're burning me out

# You're burning me out You're burning me ou-ou-ou-ou-out

# Look what you've done

# I'm not...

What the hell are you doing?!

Call me when you get your act together. I can't sing to that crap.

Yeah, and it's impossible to follow a lead who can't keep time.

Keep time?!

Is that a technical term you picked up from your other secret band rehearsal?

- What other band?! - It's a brass band.

With a percussion section full of false teeth and pacemakers.

- What? - It's something I can't get out of.

While you boys sort out your priorities,

there's a hot babe just salivating for what old Damo has to offer.

Don't forget to lock up.

A brass band?!

Mate! That's so uncool.

They don't call him Tripod for nothing.

I can't believe I got sucked into this.

You should see them.

Grumpy old farts waiting to die.

And the shit they play, I'm going to look like an idiot.

I can't believe your dad asked you to do it.

He didn't. He hates the idea.

- So why did you... - Mate, don't ask.

I get it.

Your mum made you do it.

- Shut up, Simon.

Oi, it's Tripod's car.

So where is dick brain?

Taking an aerobics class.

# Faint dance music

- Come on.

Here. Here, come on.

Wow!

Where did she come from?

That's Mandy Riddick.

Oh, I'm randy for Mandy!

Yeah, I was just playing her some of my music the other day.

Yeah, right, Kev. Dream on.

She's way out of your league.

Oh, and I hate to break your heart, Kev, but Tripod's beaten you to her.

Oh!

A merger? Impossible.

I'm sorry, there isn't one of them that comes even close

to meeting the high musical standards

required by the Diamond Vale Marching Band.

- Mr Fyffe. - I'm afraid it's out of the question.

We are about to embark on a major building project for Montague

in the next 12 months.

And I see no reason why we couldn't include in our portfolio

some major renovations to the Diamond Vale grandstand and clubrooms.

I see.

At no cost to Diamond Vale, of course.

Well, there may be one...or two.

We do need a euphonium.

We would be in your debt.

How quickly can we move on this then?

Almost immediately.

Let's wait until after the competition.

Think about it,

with Edwin Flack's useless kid leading them to guaranteed failure,

there won't be a voter in Montague who'll support them.

What if they win? We can't get rid of them then.

Win?! I have no intention of letting them win.

Mr Flack's men don't stand a chance.

With or without him.

And with the appropriate spin, we sell the idea to the ratepayers of Montague

that this was a necessary sacrifice,

given Edwin Flack's unfortunate accident.

And you get your big lobster.

- Mmm.

Hey! I was wondering all day if you'd show up.

I just came back to see the guitar.

Oh. Really?

It's still there.

Um, no. Mandy!

That's not what I meant!

Idiot!

Merger, my arse!

It's for the good of the entire community.

Diamond Vale and Montague united under one banner.

Which banner?

We know the band is due to play at the Regional Championships

under the temporary leadership of young Kevin, I hear.

I hope he makes a good fist of it for you.

You leave my son out of this.

And of course, we're all behind him on that.

So to show the good faith of the council,

we have decided to support the band through till then.

A sort of farewell performance.

It's the land, isn't it?

It's all about the land and a monument to some overrated shellfish!

You thieving mongrel!

It's got nothing to do with me. It's a council decision.

Montague has always had a marching band

as long as anyone can remember.

But we've never farmed a bloody lobster in this town and we never will,

so your scheme is absolute crap!

The truth is, Flack, you are in my way, you and your bloody clubhouse.

And I can't have that.

So it's time to move over and let progress take its course.

Well, you can't close us down.

Legally, you can't,

unless the band agree.

That's why I'll be contacting them.

Individually.

The Montague Municipal Marching Band will never agree to disband.

That, I promise you.

In these tough economic times, Ed,

a few council concessions can make a big difference

to those unfortunate families without incomes.

None of this would have happened if you had just, for once in your life,

turned up on time.

Hey, Mr Riddick. Mr Mayor, sir.

I want you to reconsider about closing down the band.

- It's a done deal. - Oh, please.

I know they're a bunch of old geezers but they've got nothing else in their lives.

And everyone really likes them.

And didn't they kind of, like, vote for you?

I don't like you, Kevin.

And I've never liked your father.

Except that he's a good electrician and he would die for his band,

while you, well, you're not really much good at anything

and there's not much you genuinely care about.

You're a waste of space, Flack.

You can't close us down if we win.

OK, I tell you what I'll do.

If "we win", and I admire this new spark of determination in you, Kevin,

if the band wins, they stay.

But if they lose, they're history.

And...you never see my daughter again.

- Has she been talking about me? - Not a word.

And let's keep it that way.

She's been seeing a lot of you lately.

I have big plans for my daughter

and I don't want her distracted by the likes of you.

Oh, no, I think you mean the Tripod.

- Oh, cut the crap, kid. - No, you see...

Now...have we got a deal?

Or haven't we?

Well, Dawn, what's it to be?

8 for continuing. 11 for disbanding.

Merging.

Right.

Well, I can't say I was expecting that.

But I guess we can't let 80 years of history end in certain humiliation.

So, Tommy, I want you to do one last duty for me.

Withdraw the band from the Regionals this year

and inform the Mayor he can build his bloody theme park on our land

because the Montague Municipal Marching Band

has officially disbanded as of today.

I'm sorry, Edwin.

That's all, lads.

How long do you think it'll be before he bulldozes all of our houses?

The band's just the beginning.

You could have convinced them.

Why didn't you give them one of your speeches?

They'll do anything for you when you crack the whip.

They'll follow you anywhere.

Christ! They've done everything you told them for 20 years!

I think that's just the point.

Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure out who voted for disbanding.

You don't know what I voted.

- Traitor! - We had no choice!

Oh, well, perhaps it's just a lucky break. I won't have to listen to you anymore.

Because if you call what you do drumming,

I've got a 2-year-old grandson who can keep a beat better than you can.

Probably plays a better trumpet than you, out of his arse!

Ooh!

Well, at least he's got the wind for it.

I mean, you need a break every 20 seconds

just to recharge your pacemaker!

I'm not the one holding up the bar.

- Hey, guys! - What are you insinuating?!

Guys!

If you think that Diamond Vale would want a geriatric fat bastard dick like you

backing up their brass band...

Right! That's it!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

What is wrong with you guys?

You're a great team. You can't just give up now.

- Where's your fighting spirit? - Right on!

- Ahh!

Ahh!

So how did the meeting go?

Could have gone better.

I guess.

# Reflective music

# Melodic instrumental music

I suppose you've come back to see the guitar.

- Uh... - Well, it's not here.

Look, I'm really sorry about what happened the other day, OK?

I thought what my father did to the marching band was really mean.

I can't wait to see his face when you win.

Yeah.

That's gonna be a little tricky

since they've all kind of given up and gone home.

But you haven't given up.

Have you?

So, what's the plan?

- The plan? - You're far too smart to not have a plan.

I am?! I am.

I guess that means you've gotta go.

Quick. Quick.

Mandy!

Yo!

Oi!

Mandy!

# We'll always be together

# Whenever we're apart

# And until you know you're mine

# Oh, baby

# 'Cause every time I wonder

# When you'll be back in my life

Oh, my God.

That was Edwin's favourite.

Put it on.

What, now?

Your father's not home.

Let's walk on the wild side.

Take A Long Line

# He was selling postcards from a paper stand

# A whisky bottle in his withered hand

# He put a finger on a photo from an old magazine

# And saw himself in the shadow of his dream

# They found him with his head inside a tin-pot crown

# Told him his feet stank and took him downtown

# Called him agitator, spy and thief

# Shut him up in solitary third degree

# Take a long line

# Take a long line, take a long line... #

Oh, yuck!

I wish you'd met your father back then.

That was the last time those boys were really excited,

passionate.

Playing something they really believed in.

And then it all changed.

I never knew how big it was.

To all of them.

Sometimes, my love,

one disappointment can shape every day for the rest of your life.

Is that why you stayed?

I told myself that I had no choice.

You know, I had two kids to bring up

and was stuck in a small town in the middle of nowhere.

Better the devil you know.

But that's not it.

It's a question of whether you give up on someone you love.

Or not.

Mandy, I've had a brainwave.

I need something that wasn't written before the Second World War.

So this is your plan?

If we're going to win this competition, I need to get these old guys to play.

And the only way to do that

is to get them excited about something no-one thinks they can play.

- Not even them. - What about this?

A genuine 5-star classic.

"An anthem for a whole generation."

Maybe.

I would like to ram that lobster right up the Mayor's ceremonial ring.

I've got a proposition for you.

Piss off, Kevin! We are finished! Debunked! Kaput!

Yeah, but...

If you don't mind, I'd like to finish this beer and follow it up with a few more.

But I'm talking about competing...

..with a few changes.

Changes?

Yes, we go out on a high, playing something fantastic.

Kev, we'd just make fools of ourselves, like last time,

only worse with this material.

That was in the past.

No, can't be done.

We'd never get George back.

I don't know how you're gonna get trumpets to play this

and you won't have a euphonium, it's gonna be very difficult.

Well, you're the man.

You still doing the talent night here with your rock band?

Yep.

You know it's on the same night?

Yes, I know.

We're on late, long after the Regionals are over.

So, what do you reckon?

Regionals? Our way.

What does your father say about the changes?

- Mmm... - I see.

Look, I just wanna give it one last shot.

Yeah, well, none of us can orchestrate this.

Actually, I've got someone in mind.

# Up-beat brass band music

Now build it up even more.

Then bring in the trombones!

This is brilliant.

And now for the trumpets cutting through it all!

# Triumphant crescendo

Hey, Mum, you're really good at this.

I've always been good at this.

It's just that nobody noticed.

- Come on, you guys. - Hope everybody turns up.

Kevin, hold that, will you?

- Quick, quick. - Shh! Come on.

Go. Inside, come on.

- Shh!

Blimey!

This looks hard.

I want everyone in this room to swear

nobody breathes a word of this to anyone.

- Especially... - Edwin.

..my dad.

Anyone know why we're here?

Where is he? Anyone know where he is?

Ooph! Who is she?

OK. Alright, everyone. This is Mandy.

I've asked her to help us out with the marching routine.

And maybe give you guys a whole new look.

Knock On Wood

# I don't want to lose you

# This good thing that I got

# 'Cause if I do

# I will surely

# Surely lose a lot

# 'Cause your love is better

# Than any love I know

# It's like thunder and lightning

# The way you love me is frightening

# You better knock, knock

# On wood

# Baby

# Whoo hoo hoo hoo

# Whoa

# I'm not superstitious about ya

# But I can't take no chance

# You got me spinnin', baby

# You know that I'm in a trance

# 'Cause your love is better

# Than any love I know

# It's like thunder, lightning

# The way you love me is frightenin'

# You better knock, knock... #

Three cheers for Kevin!

- Hip-hip... - Hooray!

- Hip-hip... - Hooray!

- Hip-hip... - Hooray!

- Over he goes! - No! No!

You can swim, can't you?

Oh, my God.

I'm gonna get you back so bad!

We love you, baby.

Haven't seen Kevin for a while. What's he up to?

Found something useful to do?

Oh, he's been busy rehearsing.

Rehearsing?

His rock band. Saturday night's the talent quest.

Waste of bloody talent.

Edwin, look at me.

I've got something very important to tell you.

And I think you're going to be very proud.

No!

Mr Flack!

# Classical music

- See you, Dad. - She was beautiful, you know?

Just like you.

She was the best part of me.

I miss her too.

You grow more like her every day.

Except...she would never have thrown her life away

for the likes of that Flack kid.

I know what you're doing.

I'll be back later.

You're stuffing up our future and the future of this town.

What?!

The only thing standing between us and a $50 million building project

is that bloody brass band.

Their clubhouse sits right in the middle of what we're planning.

They're just a bunch of harmless old guys who love to play music.

They were quite happy to go home and die

until that idiot boy decided to pull them back from the brink.

With your help. And why?

Kevin's doing this for his dad.

Not according to the bet he's got with me.

What?!

A little wager he suggested involving you.

Me?

He demanded quite a big pay-out if they win.

And he promised never to see you again if they lose.

I don't believe you.

It's amazing what some people will do.

And who they'll use to get what they want.

I just don't wanna see you get hurt.

Kevin, you need to come to the hospital right away. It's your father.

- What happened? - He knows.

Bugger.

You went behind my back and hijacked my band.

It's not your band. You let them walk out of here and throw it all away.

I won't have 20 years of blood, sweat and tears ending up in a total debacle!

But they want to play!

How dare you drag them out there to certain public humiliation...

No. No-one's dragging them anywhere.

OK? They're doing it because they love to play the music.

- You leave the music out of this. - There's nothing you can do about it.

If you change one bloody note of it, I'll bloody well kill you!

Mandy! Dad found out we're competing and he went ballistic!

He has no idea we changed the music or the routine.

Mandy.

What happens if you lose, Kevin?

- What? There's no way we're... - What happens if you lose?

Oh, shit.

You made a deal with my father.

You used me as a bet.

No, Mandy. I can explain. Please, open the door, Mandy.

Mandy, please, open the door!

Mandy, please!

Please, open up the door.

I'm sorry!

Mandy, I'm sorry!

Please. Mandy, I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry.

Problem with the girlfriend, Kev?

I was thinking about dropping around to see her later.

And I'll be giving her your love,

one way or another.

Hey, hey! Come on, guys. Cool it!

Why don't you shut up?

We're cool, aren't we, Kevin?

Yeah, I thought so.

See you tomorrow.

Come on, don't let him get to you, mate. He's not worth it.

Oh, no! No, no, not the guitar!

Not the guitar.

Big day tomorrow.

Jailbreak

# Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak

# Somewhere in this town

# See, me and the boys we don't like it

# So we're getting up and going down

# Hiding low, looking right to left

# If you see us coming I think it's best

# To move away do you hear what I say

# From under my breath

# Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak... #

This is it, men, the big day.

Get aboard, make it fast, we haven't got much time.

- Deadly. - You look pretty good yourself, Dawn.

- Anyone seen Kevin? - Not here.

As we count down

to the start of the Regional Championships,

Mayor Riddick, how do you rate the chances of the Montague brass band

winning back the gold cup tonight

under the leadership of newcomer Kevin Flack?

Well, Bob, I think eveyone in Montague

remembers the unfortunate events of 20 years ago.

We're all wishing young Kevin the very best of luck.

Here he is!

- Where's your suit? - I'm not going.

- What?! - I'm not going.

You're right, Tommy, competitions bring out the worst in all of us.

I do not believe what I am hearing.

Will you snap out of it?!

You guys are gonna be fine without me.

Anyway, I'm supposed to do this talent thing tonight so...

Kevin, for the first time in years,

this band feels like a group.

We all feel like a kid again.

And it's all because of you.

I haven't had this much fun since I took Maria to see the Duran Duran concert

in 1985!

Come on, Kevin.

Come on, we can wing past your place, pick up your suit.

Your first rock gig can wait.

We can't.

This may well be our last.

No, I can't. I'm sorry.

OK. That's it.

Come on, everybody off the bus.

Oh, what are you doing?

Well, if you're not going, we're not going.

One out, all out.

If you stay, we stay.

You know, you're all a bunch of complete bastards.

Yeah.

Old bastards.

Now, let's bloody well get on with it!

That's my boy!

To the bus!

To the bus!

Get back in that bed immediately, Mr Flack.

You need another fortnight's convalescence

before you can go anywhere.

Now, we'll let you know the scores. The whole ward has money on it.

Really?

That's nice.

Yes, we got fantastic odds.

2:1 on you losing.

What?! Get out of my way!

Ladies and gentlemen,

the grandstand's filling up here at Montague Field,

where, in a matter of minutes,

the Marching Band Regional Championships will begin.

Honestly, Edwin, what you're doing is terribly dangerous.

The doctors said you shouldn't be out.

And by the time we get there, it will be all over.

It's pathetic! You're being completely ridiculous.

Can't you drive any faster?

We have clear skies and a record crowd here

for an exciting night of competition

between the best bands in the county

at the Montague Sports Field.

We're gonna win!

For all our sins

Whatever we suck

Whatever we blow

We're gonna win this great big show!

Stop the bus!

Stop the bus!

- Hey, hey, hey. What's going on? - Store's closing.

- Well... - They're bulldozing the block.

- And I'm moving to Sydney. - What?!

- To study law. - What?!

- But why? - It's Dad's idea, not mine.

And I need a change.

Look, I know you never wanna see me again

but there's something I really need to tell you.

- What? - The truth.

Mandy, I never should have made that bet.

But you and I had only just met

and I didn't think I would ever have a chance with you.

I only did it to help my dad.

- Hey, Kevin, hurry up!

What are you doing?!

Look...

Tell her you love her and get on with it!

I think Tommy's right.

I think you better go.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the Regional Marching Band Championships.

It's a beautiful night here in Montague

to mark the first time the competition's been held on this field in 20 years.

Hi.

Tonight's winner takes home the ultimate reward,

the coveted championship cup.

And now, to start off tonight's proceedings,

last year's winner and hot favourite to make it an incredible 19 years in a row,

let's give it up for the Diamond Vale Marching Band!

Diamond Vale, right and centre!

March!

Still time to stop this lunacy.

No, you are not stopping anything.

You're going into the grandstand to take your seat and watch!

Get out of my way.

Your son does have a gift and tonight, he's going to use it.

Over my dead body!

You will sit there and shut up and behave yourself.

And by the way, they won't be playing your music

or doing your old-fashioned marching steps.

What?

It was Kevin's idea.

And I supported him because I am proud of our son

and I want to be here to see him win.

With or without you.

Right. Give us your wrist.

Yep. Thank you.

How long does it take to lose a brass band competition anyway?

Oh, shut up! He'll make it in time.

We should have got rid of him months ago.

- He's so uncool! - Yeah.

He's slowing us down.

You just can't let it go, can you?

Mandy chose him and not you.

I dumped the slag weeks ago.

She's so bloody frigid.

Oh, so does that mean she didn't wanna sleep with you?

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

- Oh-ho!

Anyone else got anything to say?

Not me.

Oh, shit!

Oh, man!

# Band plays March Of The Toy Soldiers

Another great performance this year

from the Mount Stanthorpe Marching Band.

Now we come to the last performance of the night,

the defending runners-up.

They have placed a credible second for 19 of the last 20 years.

Please, welcome the Montague Municipal Marching Band!

- I can't bear to look. - Don't be such a baby.

What the hell?

Wow!

Don't they look great?!

There is a hush over the grandstand

as Field Marshall Hamilton makes his inspection.

Once complete, the final routine of the evening will commence.

Let's rock!

He did it for you.

The Montague Municipal Marching Band

has dazzled the crowd!

Ladies and gentlemen, we've just witnessed a sensational debut

for band leader Kevin Flack, son of Edwin Flack.

He's proved tonight that he's a chip off the old block.

It's been an astonishing performance from the home team.

The crowd, as you can hear, are going ballistic!

No-one has ever heard a marching band

deliver such a challenging choice of repertoire

as Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit.

This is a first! I wonder how the judges will take to it.

But I can tell you, ladies and gentlemen at home

listening to this broadcast,

if it were up to the crowd here, this would be a win!

- Are you sure? - Mmm.

We have the results.

Please welcome Mr Whit Bernard, chairman of tonight's judging panel.

The results have come down to two bands -

Diamond Vale...

..and Montague Municipal.

Yes! Yes!

Both teams played well.

In drill, Montague scored slightly higher than Diamond Vale.

However, Montague went over their allocated time.

And as a result of this breach,

they have been awarded a penalty.

I have therefore decided that a play-off will decide the winner.

- A play-off?! - Play-off?!

A play-off?!

Gentlemen, you have 15 minutes to prepare.

- 15 minutes?! - 15 minutes?!

15 minutes.

We're ready to go now.

We've got nothing prepared.

Nothing but the old stuff.

- We can't do that. - Stuffed.

Yep, we'll look like bloody idiots.

I'm sorry, guys, I should never have gotten you into this.

What the hell was I thinking? How could I be so stupid?

Dad is going to kill me!

OK, this has been the biggest mistake...

That was pretty impressive playing, lads.

And very fine leadership, Kevin.

I was surprised.

And very proud...

..of the lot of you.

What are we going to do?

Well, there's only one thing you can do.

Play the number from 1990.

- You've gotta be kidding! - What?!

Only this time, you're gonna get it right.

- We can't do that! - We haven't rehearsed it!

Rehearsed?!

19-bloody-90!

How could you possibly have forgotten?

It's a memory that's seared into all of our brains forever.

We can't play that without a euphonium!

You were robbed.

You were at least 15 seconds within time.

Someone got to that timekeeper.

And I won't play with cheats.

And besides, I think you need my help.

Since I bet I can guess what Edwin wants us to play next.

Even though I am... a geriatric fat bastard dick.

No, you're just a dick.

- Especially in that uniform. - You can't go out looking like that.

Sorted.

Oh, no! It's Simon.

He's in the car park to pick me up for the talent quest.

Kevin, I don't think we can ask you to stay with us this time.

You've done your duty by us and more.

There's nothing you can do to help us out of this one.

I hope you knock 'em dead, son.

Oh, yeah.

Hurry, mate.

Look, I'm sorry, Simon, I'm not going.

We're not playing. Damien threw himself into your guitar head first.

- I'm sorry, mate. - Two minutes.

What's going on?

It's a play-off, us against Diamond Vale. I gotta go!

Ladies and gentlemen,

Diamond Vale have delivered an outstanding play-off number.

And now the question is

can the Montague Municipal Marching Band reply to that challenge?

If they can only pull this off.

You know you did a really good job.

Helping Kevin with that arrangement.

He told you?

No.

I could tell.

# Dramatic music

# Music rises to crescendo

Hey, Kev. Look.

Mandy, what are you doing here?

I thought you might need this... for the talent quest.

You can borrow it for the night.

It's getting real ugly out there, mate. You don't wanna look.

Mandy, will you wait here till I get back?

- Then you have a plan. - I have a plan.

Simon, come on!

And you're a dancer, not a lawyer.

I know.

# Slow, dramatic music

- Yeah!

Yeah! Rock on!

Hmm!

Montague! Montague! Montague! Montague!

Kevin!

Kevin, you did it! You did it!

You could get disqualified for that.