All language subtitles for Fired Up 2009 1080p BluRay HEVC x265 5.1 BONE

In the morning, you know you won't
remember a thing.

In the morning, you know it's gonna be
alright.

Wow.

Did you feel that too?

What? In your stomach. It's like
butterflies.

My mom always said when I met the right
girl, I'd feel butterflies.

Think I'm ready Can you believe him he
falls so

easily I'm a little more guarded I guess
it's because I've been hurt before

I'll never hurt you

My dad my dad

You guys are sisters?

No, our dads are friends. They went to
the gym together. They're total

muscleheads. Your best bet is to curl
into a ball until they stop beating you.

And I'm only telling you this because I
think I might love you.

What's our play?

I think our best bet is to make a run
for the window.

I'll get the car keys. You go long. Wide
formation.

Doggo left. On my count. Ready?

I think we should probably wait two days
before we call him.

God dang it.

Do you think they have any concept of
how fast a car can go?

Uh -oh.

Reverse kitty cat, dog leg left, over
the fence, on my count, three.

I'm Nick.

John. Can we use your phone?

That brunette in the third row. Looks
like she wouldn't mind a little St.

stuff down her chimney. No, I mean the
play in the game. Oh, guys, focus.

I've never been more focused.

Ooh, check it out. A couple of
meatloaves in that baby tea. I'm not mad

belly ring, either. Have you seen this
blonde?

Rackety -rack, don't talk back.

Hey, I wonder if her carpet matches my
drapes. Delay again.

Loss of five yards.

And just because it's a spring
scrimmage, that don't mean you can shit

yourselves out here.

Now go.

Sorry, coach. Go, go, go, go, go. Come
on, go, go. Yee, Tigers!

All right, what's the play?

Hang on a second, baby. See inside of me
your number. Is that a seven?

Is that a five and two? Baby, it's day
now.

Shit, fuck it. Guys, come on. I don't
want to run laps all afternoon. I have a

shrink appointment. Dude, your cousin
stuck his finger in your ass. Get over

Oh, man, they playing us loose. Let's
get a couple short passes against them

extra yards. What the hell with that,
man? You either bet big or go home.

You got to risk it to get the biscuit.

Aye, aye, my brother.

All right, ready? Pro zoom trips, deep
routes, slant, sling boogie on my count.

Ready?

Watch that blade!

Maddie? Thanks for helping me study for
the bio exam. I'm just retarded about

reverse osmosis. No, you're not. It's
just pressure forcing a solvent through

membrane, like when a water balloon gets
too big and then explodes.

Got it.

Thanks. You're so awesome.

No, science is awesome.

And you're awesome.

Now go crush that test.

Thanks. High five.

Nick! Hey, Nick!

Me, me, me, me, me.

Jennifer. Jennifer, hi, how are you? I'm
great, really great.

Are you going to the bonfire tonight?
You know it. Yeah, I was just saying to

boy Sean here, I cannot wait to go to
the bonfire tonight so I can hang out

with... Jennifer.

I'll see you tonight.

Okay, Jennifer.

It's not that hard a name to remember.
Come on, I went out with her last

semester. After 30 days, a name gets
erased from my brain and make room for

ones. There's like 3 ,000 kids at this
school. So why can't you just remember

more names? I don't know how it works,
bro. Talk to tech support.

Hey, they're my guys.

Let's bet how many times you say shit. I
say seven. No way. Ten.

Hey, coach.

You shitheads think you're the shit?
That you don't need to pay attention out

there? I'll kick the shit out of you.

You pumped for football camp?

I guess so. Two weeks without girls, we
wouldn't be pumped.

Don't mess with me, you shit dick.

I'm going to push you like you've never
been pushed before.

Your muscles will ache. Your head will
drop.

You're going to shit blood out of holes
you never knew you had.

Well, at least we're going to be in
Daytona Beach.

I don't know.

Change it up this year.

Camp's going to be in... El Paso, Texas.

Hotter than your shiffle.

We're going to get you shit
-conditioned. Bus leaves Monday at 0600

is... For 45 a .m. Of course. As usual.
Skip your morning shit. You can get down

with it.

Ten shits. You win.

How do you always know?

It's a gift.

I'm not proud of it.

You guys coming to my dad's house after
camp this summer? Oh, hells yeah. He

gave it to you again? Nice. Yeah, he
figures if he lets me have it one week a

year, I'll forgive him for not being
there when I really need him. Guess

He's right.

Did you hear that football camp's going
to be in El Paso, Texas this year? How

cool is that? We're going to be
sweating, hallucinating. Our skin's

burning. It's going to be like being on
Shrewsbury without girls in the L .A.

I know.

That's two weeks out of the best years
of our lives. I mean, two weeks we're

never going to get back, like ever.

I know.

So, are you guys psyched for cheer camp
or what? Are you kidding?

It's like all I've been thinking about.

You know how Martin Luther King had a
dream? Well, I do too. To kick ass at

cheer camp.

And if that makes me shallow, then fine.

Call me and Dr. King shallow. That
doesn't make you shallow, Angela.

That makes you real.

Well, we've got... to do better than
last year. We could take a dump in our

pants and still do better than last
year.

I'm just saying. But we're better this
year.

And if we work hard, I think we have a
real shot. I don't know. There's going

be 300 girls up there who want it just
as much as we do and who are much better

than us.

300 girls who want it just as much as we
do and are much better than us.

Tell you what, man, that'd be the place
to be.

Instead of sweating our balls off in the
desert with Coach Shitshit.

So let's go.

What? Let's go. Let's go to cheer camp.
Let's be cheerleaders.

Cheerleaders? Yes.

Oh, my God.

Are you coming out to me? I'm so proud
of you, man. And you know what? On some

level, I kind of always knew. Shut up.
All right? I'm too straight to be gay. I

could suck knob and still be straight.

I could have one in my mouth and two in
each hand and still win a straight

award. All right.

Which is why I want to go to cheer camp.
Think about this, my friend.

300 hotties.

We've never been with before.

I want to let guys go to cheer camp.

Name, name, give me a name.

Carla, she's the captain. Hey, Carly.
Yeah, I know. It's the most beautiful

you've ever heard.

My eyes look like forever.

And you love every bone of my body,
especially yours.

No, but that's a good one. Do you mind
if I use it? No, no, no lines.

We just wanted to wish you good luck at
cheer camp. Sure you do.

I know your game. No girl left unturned.

What? How dare you? No, we just see how
hard you ladies cheer out there. We

really hope that you do good. Yeah, do
us proud, you know? Beat the skirts off

those 300 other girls.

And guys?

Are the guys there? Do guys go?

What about guys? It's a good question.
The guys and those girls and guys that

go. The guys are the ones that go. Yes.

The good teams are all co -ed. That's
interesting. That is interesting. I just

didn't know that. I was just thinking
about it. Pondering.

way backwards so you guys don't talk
about my ass man she's got nice lumps

either one of us ever hit that i don't
think so she respects herself too much

right who wants to deal with that drama
so uh what do you think about your camp

what do you mean what do i think let's
go First of all, we're not cheerleaders.

Okay, first off, we're athletes. We can
do anything.

Second, they don't just let anybody go
to cheerleader camp. You've got to be

part of a squad. So let's join a squad.
How hard can this be? A couple of flips,

a pyramid, rah, rah, black sheep. Boom.

300 honeys on our biscuits.

I don't know, man. What about football
camp?

Screw football.

The only reason we started playing
football in the first place was to pull

chicks. Wait a minute. You can't
honestly tell me you enjoy running

blazing hot pads trying to catch a pass
two seconds before some 2 ,000 -pound

mongoloid crashes into your nutter
butters. I'm not so early.

Screw football.

Let's go cheer.

All we need to do is convince the squad
they need us. It's not going to be easy.

That's why we need to go to Poppy.

I wish there was another way. But
there's not.

I wish there was.

But there's not. We're here.

I wish we weren't. But we are.

Hiya, sis.

Why am I looking at you?

Speak. Poppy, you're getting so big now.
How old are you? I'm 60.

Can we get past the small talk?

The only time you and my brother come to
see me is when you need something.

What? Tug mags?

Mike's hard lemonade?

Another ride to the clinic?

Poppy.

No.

No, we just want to go to that
cheerleading camp you're going to. And

you're killing on the JV squad and so
advanced beyond your years, we just

thought that maybe you could get us up
to speed.

Hey, buddy.

You can piss on my face. Just don't tell
me it's raining.

You guys have been through every girl at
your school, and you're looking for

fresh muff.

Some itchy -chee -na -na.

Wall -to -wall carpet.

Okay, seriously.

How old are you? Tell you what.

I'll teach you some basic cheerleader
moves.

High Vs, low Vs, touchdown, basket.

Whoa, don't the guys just throw the
girls up and then catch them? Pretty

But I'll let you practice on me and tell
you what they're called.

In exchange, I get Sean's room.

Done. Those are my terms.

Take them or get out. We'll take them.

Dude, I've got my own bathroom. Dude,
after cheer camp, you won't even need

own bathroom.

What? What does that even mean?

Papa, you got yourself a deal. Teach us,
we go see Carly. Oh, wrong gossip girl.

What? Carly's not one of your humpity
hump football groupies.

She's much too smart to buy that you
guys really want to be cheerleaders.

Okay, so what's the play?

Get her frisbee stuck in the tree. How
are we going to get it down? Well, we

need to go space shuttle. That's what
I'm thinking. Good idea.

Ready? Okay.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Grab, drop, catch.

Yeah!

Good job, buddy.

Do they always get so excited like that?

Oh, yeah.

Haven't you ever seen them do their
touchdown dances?

I mean, they flip all over the place.

You'd think they were cheerleaders. No.

You guys really like cheering? What,
that?

No, that wasn't cheering. We were just
goofing around. But you nailed a perfect

backwards sponge and go cradle.

No, we just threw my sister up in the
air to get our frisbee. It's either that

or we get three ladders. Oh, come on,
guys.

You love cheering.

Don't run from it.

This is a safe place.

Yeah, I mean, we kind of do.

It's so much more athletic than
football.

We're up to us. We'd go with you ladies
to cheer camp.

In a heartbeat. Ah, but we're football
meatheads. We're going to march in

lockstep to what society expects from
us. Don't tell anyone, okay?

Totally ruin our rep. Yeah, we'll catch
you later. Have a good summer. We're

going to go watch an old Bears game on
TV.

Go Bears!

Are you supposed to believe that the
biggest jocks in school have all along

really wanted to be cheerleaders? Don't
get caught up in the lockstep of

society's expectations.

They toss Poppy like 20 feet in the air.
Look, Carly, we don't have any muscle.

If you really want to do better this
year, there are only hope.

Unless you guys want to try steroids,
which I'm totally open to.

Huh?

I'm just saying. I don't care. I don't
trust those guys.

They're not coming.

I'm the captain, and Ms. Klingerhoff is
the coach.

Let's see what she thinks.

Oh, what a fantastic idea.

It's exactly what this squad needs to
just push it over the top. But, Ms.

Klingerhoff, they've never done it
before.

They don't know any of her tears. And,
come on, it's Nick and Sean.

Oh, don't judge a book by its cover,
Carly. You never really know what a book

about until you get to page 50.

50? I wouldn't have guessed a page over
40.

More like 35.

My chickens.

Do you come in?

All right.

One down, one to go.

So what exactly are we going to say to
Coach Chip for words to get out of

football camp?

What every kid says to get out of
everything he doesn't want to do.

So not only do I find out yesterday I'm
adopted.

The people I've been calling mom and dad
are actually infertile imposters who

bought me outside of a meth clinic in
Cincinnati for two botches of Sudafed.

But I also get this news dropped on me.

My birth father, Bruce, well, he needs a
kidney and I'm the only match.

And apparently Bruce needs his stat.

You need his stat, Bruce?

Huh?

Well, maybe I needed a father's stat
instead of this stay -at -home dad who

showers me with the leathery day of my
life, this goddamn spermless liar.

So now I've got to be at Kaiser
Permanente tomorrow at 6 a .m. I know.

Bruce couldn't even afford a real
hospital.

Managed care.

It's ironic, huh?

Never managed to care for me.

Are you shitting me?

Are you saying you can't go to camp?

Yeah, but don't make me say it, coach.

Because it's eating me up inside.

It's eating me up.

Hey, you might have everyone else
fooled, but not me.

Well, if being a fool for cheering is
wrong, then I don't want to be right.

Ooh, you might want to dial back your
bullshit with her. She seems pretty with

it. That's a great note.

Thanks.

I'm so psyched you're here. Oh, me too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't worry about Carly. She's just
really into cheering.

I don't worry. We are driving.

We are driving. We like driving. We

are eating.

We are driving again.

We are driving.

How long does this go on for?

The whole way.

Just wait until their cycles match up.

We don't mess these days.

I can't believe we're going to miss
Mookie's dad's house. Oh, buddy, we are

missing Mookie's dad's house. Yeah, we
are. This thing is three weeks long.

Not for us, it isn't. We hook up like
maniacs. We bail in two.

Oh.

That's probably going to piss some
people off. Yeah, but I'm going to break

eggs.

Grated cheese.

Slice up some mushrooms real thin. A
little salt, a little pepper. Don't ever

beat the egg. Again!

Sorry. I should say so, Pansy. At least
buy me dinner first.

Very funny.

All right, now you're just taking
advantage of me.

I think we made a big mistake,

Johnsy. We may have screwed the pooch on
this one.

Maybe the pooch is going to screw us.

Sweet, marrying a D -cup.

Don't be shy, girl. Open it up, son.
Shake your body like a belly dancer.

Hey, hey, it's nothing now. Just one
thing.

It's such good time.

Don't be shy, girl. Open it up. Hey,
girl. Shake your body like a belly

Excuse me. Beg your pardon. Do you have
any idea what you're starting?

You got me tingling. Come to mingling.
Stepping off. Picking booty. You should

stand jingling. When you walk, I see it,
baby. When you talk, I believe it,

baby.

I think our bus crashed and we're in
heaven.

No.

We would have heard, we are crashing.

We, we are crashing.

Let's go see how warm the water is.

Hi. Do I know you? I don't think so.

Well, I'm Nick. I'm new this year. Maybe
you could show me around.

Who's this?

Nick. He's new this year. My buddy Sean,
also new, also needs showing around.

It's not too much trouble. Guys, you've
got to check in. Okay, coming.

Well, it was very nice meeting both of
you. I hope we see you around camp.

I'm going to put a bookmark right
between you. That way we know where we

off.

Hi.

What squad are you on?

Giora. I believe that's Italiano for
beautiful princess.

No. Well, it should be. I'm calling the
dictionary people. What squad are you

on? The Tigers, Gerald R. Ford High.

Below average president, above average
student body.

So, uh, what are you doing later?

Not you.

What about accents? You like Aussies? Do
you want to wear more than eight?

Mascots, I'll be checking you in in ten
minutes at the mascot table.

Why are you still here?

You like canopy beds?

Ugh. The last bus from Bitchville just
pulled in.

What's that?

The Panthers. They always come in first,
and they don't let anyone forget it.

You guys came back.

I think that's so brave.

I just hope one day there's a special
cheer camp where squads like yours

have a shot.

Shut up. Truth hurts, doesn't it? Your
face is going to hurt. Does your face

hurt when you step it with shepherd's
pie?

You wish you had my body image. I'm
healthy.

Unlike you, Skeletor.

We're a different team this year,
Gwyneth.

Meet our new squad members.

I'm Nick. This is Sean.

Hi. Great to meet you.

So you got a little sausage in your soup
this year.

BFD. See you on the cheer field. It's
that big chunk of grass you come in last

on every year.

Panthers out.

Panthers out?

What are they, a knife gang?

God, I hate them. I think they're kind
of cool.

Man.

I'm Nick. Sean.

Hey.

I'm Brewster.

Not my real name.

My parents named me Jack. Jack. So
strong, so masculine. We get it. You

boy. My name's Jack.

I punch bad guys and I kiss girls. Save
it.

Okay. Now, just a quick FY information.

I'm kind of a neat freak, so we'll get
along great.

If you just keep your area clean. And by
area, you mean... Your bunks.

Okay. I can't stand clutter.

That's why we left Calcutta. Well, that
and my dad took a job at the United

Airlines, I tell you what. Your jobs
aren't just going over there, sailor.

of us are coming over here. The world is
flat like a son of a bitch.

You're giving us a lot to process here.

Hey, what's up, guys?

I'm Adam.

What's up, man?

Hey, I'm Nick. This is Sean. Hey.

Welcome, welcome.

Is that your girlfriend?

Yeah.

That's Jody.

Been cheering together since we were
five.

So you take this seriously?

See, I want to be the first person in my
family to go to college on a cheer

scholarship. Good luck, man. I hope you
break the cycle. Thanks, man. Cool.

What's up, Eagle?

Oh, mascots don't talk. They just
gesture.

Even in the bunks? The whole time, baby
girl.

It's a total murder.

Hey, guys.

Did someone help me with my stuff? I got
a huge bag of footballs, beer, Xbox

games. Let's get this party started.
Finally, a kindred spirit. All right.

Nick. This is Sean. What's up, man? Nice
to meet you.

Downy.

Downy. All right. So break it down for
us. How great is this place?

It's sick, dude.

Sweet. Right down here. Coaches are
amazing.

By the end, your cheering is going to be
off the charts.

My cheering is going to be off the
charts. I guess that's a good thing.

about the ladies, right? The ladies.
Tell me about the ladies.

Oh, yeah.

Totally.

Their cheering gets better, too. They
see real progress.

Wow, look at them all, dude. In rows.
It's like the hot chick produce aisle. I

don't even know where to start here.
From tall to short or blonde to redhead.

Maybe just iPod shuffle mode. See,
Shanzi, this is why I would never want

president. There's just too many
decisions.

Don't worry, kiddo. I don't think that's
in the cards for you.

You say that now, but George W.

was a cheerleader at Yale. I bet he
never thought he was going to be

when he was snorting coke through his
skull and bones at a New Haven titty

You just never know, Shanzi. And that is
what makes America great.

Any idiot can be president. Let's hear
some noise over here!

As many of you know, I was the very
first male cheerleader ever to compete

the nationals. I was born cheering. My
mother swears that the first thing out

her what's -it was a little pair of baby
hands doing spirit fingers.

That's a joke, but it really happened.

It is now my absolute pleasure to
introduce to you your head counselor and

super sexy handsome wife, Diora.

Did he say wife? No, he couldn't have.
Welcome, everyone.

For the next three weeks, you'll be
training with me and the help of the

coaches, and then you'll compete in a
tournament with the top teams going on

the state finals.

So that would be the Panthers and two
other teams.

Me, me, me, me. Yes, ma 'am, right here.

I heard that there was this really hard
move called the Fountain of Troy that

some team did at the Worlds.

Are we going to learn how to do that?
Sure, I'll teach you how to do the

Fountain of Troy.

Then I'm going to teach you how to put
makeup on a bear.

Absolutely not.

Not only is that move nearly impossible
to execute, it's extremely dangerous.

That move is prohibidado.

Prohibidado? Prohibidado.

And I say that in Spanish because that's
how exotic and not allowed it is. You

can't even say Fountain of Troy at this
cheer camp. Go ahead and say it.

No, stop it. What are you doing? What
are you doing? This isn't a game.

I'm not playing around up here.

Honey.

It's just a joke.

First week at cheer camp.

Lighten things up.

Have a good time.

Everybody say it now. Fountain of Troy.

Oh, my dear Lord. Oh, gosh. Shut up.
Shut up and die. He lost his mind. Stop

Stop it.

Nobody gets to Fountain of Troy at this
cheer camp.

Ah, dibs, dibs, dibs. Dibs in the blonde
with the butterfly tattoo. Dibs on

that. I would like that. Tell me who it
is. This is Laney Brown.

Laney Brown.

Says she likes skiing, hip -hop, and
playing with her cats, her Pendletons.

Pendletons. Are you serious? I know. I'm
not kidding. Wow. I'm going to write

her name in my book in no time.

How can you document your conquest in a
book? My family owns a payroll company.

Love keeping records.

It's just weird. Tell it to our dog,
Vika.

Oh, hey, Carly.

What's up, Tigers?

Hey. Going to take a shower? Yeah.

I had my hand in some kid's mouth this
morning. Good idea.

I know where it's been.

And if I don't get some flesh -eating
virus from that, I probably will after I

take a shower barefoot.

I forgot to pack my flip -flops.

Sucks for you, see you later, Gator.
Here, take mine.

I brought you a pair.

Really? Yeah, no problem.

We're teammates.

Thanks.

What did I tell you, huh?

No hooking up with girls from our
school.

I was just being nice. I don't care,
man. You know where nice leads.

Do not poop where you eat, remember?

That's why there are no restaurants
called the bathroom.

There are bathrooms at restaurants.

I was using a metaphor, Sean.

It is crazy that people think that
you're the smart one.

Ow! What's up, ladies?

Hi. You want to borrow the flip -flops?

All right. See you later.

Welcome to day one, everybody.

Let's start with a warm -up run.

God, she's such a fox.

I guarantee I'm going to tap that before
we leave. Dude, she's married.

Like 30 years old.

That's just how I like them.

Ancient and regretful.

Yeah. Well, take it easy on the tough
part. Ready, Shamsi? Sure am, Nikolai.

guys. Move them.

I always knew there was something else I
should be doing. I don't know if there

was something more.

Something more inside me.

I guess you could say I had a cheer
waiting to get out.

And now, well, I live to cheer.

And I just need to live.

And I look that little kid in the eyes
and I'm...

I knew I had to take her home.

And now, Sniffles, that's who I tell my
secrets to. My grandmother was a

cheerleader. What she loved most in the
world.

So when she died, I just picked up the
family pom -poms. This is weird. I

don't usually open up like this. It's
weird.

I don't usually open up like this.

I love every bone in your body,
especially mine.

It's your imagination.

Now go imagine me a bottle of water.

The French say a

day moon brings good luck to whoever
sees it. They also say that eight -year

-olds should drink wine.

And if it's a crescent moon, it'll all
bring good luck for a week.

What is it now?

Well, I'm jogging with the captain of
the best squad I can, so I'd say it's

pretty damn crescent.

Racer. Cheering isn't a race. This isn't
football. It's a competition at the

end, isn't it?

Yeah, you're right.

Neymar, get it set.

Oh, she cheats.

I like it.

Zucchini.

Leafy greens.

Kale.

Jicama. And sprouts.

That's the only thing that sucks about
cheer camp.

The sacrifices I make for ass.

Oh, remember when I pretended to really
be into Nickelback for that senior

chick? Oh, they suck.

So did she.

Up top.

Dude, I'm not going to... high -fiving
for a beacher you got a year ago.

That doesn't count.

No.

Poppy. Hi, Isis. Guys, looking to go off
-menu?

I got Kit Kats, Snickers, and German
Sweet Tarts.

Wipes out the taste of every other
candy.

Wow.

I'll take everything you got.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Not here,
Shawshank.

The screws are watching.

Put it in the sycamore tree out back.

Where's our candy going to be?

He's got the shine.

Oh, my God, you're so good.

Yeah, it is.

Dior!

Dior!

God,

it is you. The way that the moonlight
caught your cheek for a second there, I

thought you were an angel.

Nope. Just the head counselor who
decides whether or not to make you run

all day tomorrow.

I love it, huh?

Little back and forth witty repartee.
Hepburn and Tracy.

I'm not 16, kiddo. Run along and play.

Still with the witty repartee. That's
terrific.

You win this round, Miss Tracy.

Hepburn was the girl.

Ding, ding, knockout.

This shouldn't be this hard. She's like
100 years old.

Sean, got a second?

Yeah, sure.

Some of the girls have been talking
about you and Nick. Don't believe

anyone says.

They've been saying they think this is
the best the team has ever been.

Oh, well, that you can believe.

I just wanted to say thanks.

You guys have been a big help,
especially you.

Wow, thanks.

It's kind of nice to know that when I
get tossed, you're going to be there to

catch me.

I mean, not that Bianca wasn't good.
It's just, I don't know. You feel right.

I like it, too. You're like a home run
ball. A 15 -inch brown trout, mild cold,

double feature. I get it. Things that
you catch.

Shut up.

I know at the beginning I may have been
a little against you two joining the

squad. I believe you call us godless
douche monsters. Actually, it was

bee wranglers. Oh, well, that's better.
I totally misunderstood you. Hey, I'm

trying to apologize here. No need.

And accepted.

Whoa! Hey.

You'd think as a cheerleader I would be
a little more graceful.

I like you clumsy.

It's like I'm looking behind the
curtain.

Hey!

Rick!

Rick! Yay!

Who's the face eater? Hey, guys, come
here.

What is with that car?

Maybe he just won an LPGA tournament.

I miss you.

Oh, me too.

Definitely. Guys, this is my boyfriend.

Pre -fiancé, actually.

These are the guys I was telling you
about, Nick and Sean. What's up, guys?

I'm Dr. Rick.

She a little young to be a doctor? He's
pretty mad at Illinois.

Then why do you call yourself doctor?
Why put off the inevitable?

You should get that mold checked out.

I'd do it myself, but I don't have my
bag on me.

Your book bag?

How'd you two crazy kids meet, Rick?

It's a funny story, actually.

Our parents knew each other from way
back, and they introduced us.

Not that funny a story, not really even
a story, just like a fact.

We've been going out since I was a
sophomore.

We should hit it, Carly. I told the guys
we'd be done dinner in 45.

Oh, the guys are with you?

It was a long -ass drive, babe.

You didn't want me falling asleep at the
wheel, did you?

Dink. No, I'm glad you made it.

Yeah, you're glad.

I got a resi at Red Lobster.

We've got a booth in the back behind a
plant, so no one can see how much we're

all -you -can -eating.

If you know what I'm saying, boys.

Okay. Oh, Sean, I have something for
you.

Pretty sweet deal you kids got going on
here. Wish I could hang out, play all

summer. I'm just a little busy picking
my specialty.

Specialty? You're a freshman. Your
specialty should be putting a cow in the

dean's office.

Animal house reference.

Love it!

My mom sent mine, so I don't need yours
anymore.

Thanks. Sure.

Oh, and Chief, next time if my girl
needs something, she can borrow it from

Rick, he was just being nice.

I don't know, those feet look pretty
small. What are they, like a seven? Ten

a half, Poppo.

Eleven in Crocs.

Get out of the LPC!

What's the name of that girl who's like
5 '7", blonde hair, blue eyes?

She's like a dragon.

Reminds me of Christmas.

It's Carol. It's Carol. It's Caroline.

Caroline.

Ooh, running out of ink. Sean, is he
going to finish tomorrow?

Lopi, I'm talking to you here.

I've been sitting out here staring into
space for like two hours.

It's been five minutes.

Really? That was five minutes?

Wow. I guess I really do suck in bed.

Get it?

You're like, I think I'm Sting, and in
all reality, I'm like Chad Michael

douching it out in five minutes.

Seriously, what's wrong with you?
Nothing. Come on, man. Tell me. It's

really. Tell me.

It's nothing. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.
Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.

Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell
me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.

Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell
me. Tell me.

Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.

Tell me.

Tell me.

Uh, what makes this girl so great, bro?
Yeah, uh, what makes this girl so great,

bro? I don't know. There's just
something about her. You know, when she

into me on the bus?

Or, uh, when I saw her reading that
book?

That she orders pudding for dessert?
Okay, now you're just listing things

people do.

No, I'm not.

Sometimes she writes with a pencil.

Oh, so much worse than I thought.

I mean, you really into this girl. No,
I'm not.

Why is she with that now, Brockett?
Okay.

Enough already.

You're even depressing me, and I'm a
Virgo.

We have got to cheer you up.

Two steps ahead of you, my man. All
right, gentlemen.

Saddle up.

Uh, listen, ladies, I couldn't help but
notice you were practicing your lift

moves on dry ground.

Yeah, well, where else could we
practice?

In the pond. That's where the top teams
do it.

More water resistance, better training.

I mean, why do you think octopuses have
such skinny arms?

Wait. That sounds like a good idea.

Yeah, but we can't. Our swimsuits are
all the way back at the bunk.

We could just go in our underwear. I
mean, that's all swimsuits are. It's

to be dark soon anyway, so no one would
see us.

Huh.

I never thought about it like that, but
I guess you're right.

Look at that, huh?

We're all here thinking inside the box,
and you're outside of it playing a

little game of what if.

Gorgeous and brilliant.

The triple threat.

And we're off.

Hello, my mate.

Hello.

I am so excited. I have not been skinny
dipping since Indian Scout.

Nobody look.

Windmill.

Leaving our underwear on, bro. We talked
about this, remember?

You talked.

I listened.

Take the pen.

Cutting the cake.

Hangman's dude.

Hangman's dude. Incoming.

Oh,

Miss

Justice F, it's all good.

Learn from me.

I told you, it's the water resistance.
It helps strengthen.

It's twice the compound, half the
measure, and if you equivalent that...

of that.

Enough of what?

Drop the game. There are 300 girls at
this camp and only four straight guys.

No mystery why you're ripping through
the place.

So come on.

Where are our clothes?

We left them right here. I know we left
them right here. That's why I'm saying,

where are our clothes? I'm blazing a
trail.

I'm blazing a trail. See you guys.

Okay, have a great Thanksgiving.

I don't know. I'm cold.

Well, I'm cold and I'm flailing. I know.
I know. How are you not flailing? I'm

flailing. I, too, am also flailing.

So, uh, how is she?

How's who? The dirty blonde you were
making time with. Oh, I wasn't making

with her. We just talked. She's really
nice.

Her grandmother's from Cincinnati.

She also helped me work on my crossover
basket launches. I can't believe how

high my extensions are getting. I don't
know who you are anymore.

you two think you're doing? It's way
past curfew. We were just practicing.

Al dente?

Yeah. We like to do cheers in the nude
so that they really sink in.

That way our bodies learn it as well as
our minds.

Very Alvin Ailey of you.

I like it. Proceed.

Proceed with what? Running away?

No, with the cheer, you goose.

Don't you want to wait for another
coach?

Or a witness?

Five, six, seven...

your crankshaft orange black and white
unite tigers tigers

fight fight fight your counts are off
your spacing

is insane and your moves are sloppier
than a kiss from a midshipman take it

the top positions

What you did, you broke her face. Almost
in half.

Where am I going to get another one of
those this late in the day?

Someone call a doctor.

Damn, I wish Rick were here.

Why? So we could ask someone to call a
doctor?

Have you ever been to a cheerleading
competition?

Oh, you're going to go all day?

No, not again.

Those are like practices for us.

I'm talking about tournament.

You get 10, 10, 12 rounds. Hundreds of
people in the fast cheering.

Wait, people cheering cheerleader?

You should be in the movies.

You're hotter than all these
cheerleaders rolled together.

Mmm, cheerleaders rolled together.

I gotta take a Louis Leakey.

Listen, you, don't get any cue to where
I'm going. I'm serious.

And let me give you a little tip from a
cheerleader.

Be aggressive.

honest with you, man. I don't think I'm
into all this hooking up anymore.

It feels wrong.

It's supposed to feel wrong.

I mean, I feel guilty.

I don't know what you're saying.

Milty? Quilty?

Something's not right.

Tilty? I haven't felt this way before.

A quilty?

Is that Dr.

Lips?

These local chicks are so easy.

It's like banging fish in a barrel.

That Gina was a freak. I've got bite
marks all over my badonkadonk.

What was that, Aubrey? It's whichever
one smells like lavender. I got that

all over me.

One of you smell my rod, will ya?

This guy's a dick.

I still don't get why you came up here.
You don't even like Carla. I told you,

man. Our parents are old friends, which
means they approve of her, which means

they give me anything I want.

including this sick 3 -series beamer
with nav that drove your fat ass up

Rocket!

Why you gotta take a shot at my weight?
You know I'm working on it.

He's just using her. And he likes to get
bit in the badonkadonk, that bastard.

I gotta tell her.

Yeah, no, buddy.

Don't, don't, don't tell her. I have to.
No, you really don't. Yeah, I gotta do.

Okay. It's pretty obvious right here
that you're going to go against

I stand for and poop where you eat, so
at least let me help you take that poop,

okay? Trust me, bro, don't tell her.
Why? She needs to find out what kind of

he really is. All right, if you tell
her, you're going to be the guy who told

her her boyfriend is cheating on her.
Yeah? Bro, that's all you're ever going

be, all right?

Best case scenario, she looks at you as
a girlfriend.

Worst case scenario, she's pissed at you
for poking in her business. Either way,

you're not poking in her business.

You marinate with that.

I hear you. That's good advice. It is
good advice. Thanks, man. I appreciate

that. Anytime. That's what friends are
for. Are you good? I'm good. Carly!

Hey, Carly! There's something I have to
tell you!

Carly!

I was wondering where you were. I tried
to find you.

I was looking for you, too.

But you go first. What's up? I was just
wondering about the moon. I mean, is it

still a crescent?

Half moon, what the French have to say
about it.

I'm an idiot.

No, no.

It's a waxing crescent moon tonight, and
you're not an idiot unless you don't

know what waxing means, and then I can't
help you. I'm a cheerleader. I know

what waxing means.

Oh.

Call yours.

Rick.

That's what he calls you? Yeah.

He means it cute.

What's up, high school?

You smell like lavender.

Yeah.

We're learning about the effects of
lavender therapy on type 2 carcinoma

patients. How's that working out?

Anyone go into remission after smelling
a flower?

All right, you caught me, man.

I picked you some flowers, Carly. That
is so sweet.

Where are they?

I made a special wish on them and threw
them into the sky.

That is so romantic.

Well, we should hit it Carlitos way. I
told the guys to be done with dinner in

40.

I'll see you at practice.

Sean here is a great leather basket
tosser.

Wow, what a great trick.

Not as good as yours.

I'll see you tomorrow, Sean.

Awesome day. I'll see you at the
competition.

Don't miss it for the world.

I like

you a lot, Charles

Barkley. You're one of the good ones,
babe.

He drinks a vodka drink. He drinks a
vodka drink. He drinks a cider drink.

He drinks the songs that remind him of
the good times. He drinks the songs that

remind him of the better times. You know
what reminds me of the better times?

Before Cardi started hanging out with
her little sock bucket.

Something's up with them.

You want to stay a little longer and do
some digging? Big time.

You know why?

Because I can't knock down.

When I get up a girl, you're never going
to get me down.

Awesome song.

Chug the wonder.

You've down dragged my life, man.

This is the night away.

Three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Go Tigers!

Cradle, one, two.

Great job, guys. Let's take a little
water break.

Are my hips rotating too late before the
final toss?

I wasn't going to say anything, but
you've got to rotate from the core and

catch.

Rotate, then catch.

We're out of water. We need two
volunteers to refill the cooler.

I'll go. Me too.

Dude, don't go. Hey, y 'all.

That was really good. Keep it up, okay?

Hi.

Listen, I don't know if I've told you
this yet, but your coaching, I mean,

been incredible.

And whatever happens between us, you've
made me a better cheerleader.

And for that, I owe you ten... You have
some food in your teeth.

Huh? And your pecs are uneven.

Make sure you don't favor one side.

Always coaching.

God bless you.

Why can't I crack this?

Damn it.

So, how often did you see Dr.

Rick during the school year?

I don't know why he keeps calling
himself that.

Kind of douchey. Oh, no, no, no. Super
cool.

I can't believe he's my pre -fiancé. I
remember when I was seven.

I decided that I was not going to get
married until I was 34.

That's very specific.

Oh, I had it all thought out.

High school, college, a year abroad in
Greece. And because, don't laugh, I

always loved Greek salad.

Tomatoes, cucumbers, feta.

No, that makes perfect sense. I know,
it's silly. No, it's not. I love that

had it all planned out. Yeah, well, you
know what John Lennon said.

Not really. I'm not in my 50s.

I could ask my dad.

Life is what happens when you're busy
making other plans.

Yeah.

Damn,

this is heavy.

Are you okay? You look hot. Do you want
some water?

Yeah, sure, thanks.

Here.

Did you say I looked hot?

I'm pretty sure that's what he heard.

You know what I heard? Is he screaming
like a little girl? Oh, really?

Oh, my God.

Don't move.

There's a bee on you. What?

No. Get it off.

All right, we three at cheer camp. Here
we come.

I love the smell of pom -pom in the
morning. Let's do this.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you going,
bro? Post -breakfast on practice.

And then, you know, Carly and I are
going to work on reverse cartwheels. I'm

having trouble with my rotation. You
know, my left foot keeps hitching when I

my inverse swing over, and it's like,
ah! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Take it easy,

American girl. We're done with this. All
right? Week three. Time to leave. Hit

it and quit it. Oh, no, no. We got to
stay longer. Dude, it's time to go.

Remember Mookie's dad's house, huh? The
plasmas and the jacuzzis? I just think

we should stay just a touch longer. I'm
done.

All right? I've had enough, girl.

Bottomless breadsticks only keep you at
the Olive Garden for so long, until some

point you look up and say, Why the hell
am I at the Olive Garden with all these

fat people?

I don't know.

Let's go.

Hold on.

Let's talk about this for a minute. All
right. Let's go. Let's go. Let's pack.

Just hear me out. Let's just dialogue
for a second.

We don't have to go right now. Yeah, we
do. Because the bus leaves in an hour.

The next one's not until tomorrow.

Yeah, but come on, man. What about our
squad?

You know, the competition's coming up.
Dude, the squad?

The competition?

Listen to yourself. We had a deal. Do
you remember this?

Two weeks, right?

Kiss, kiss, bang, bang, sayonara, cheer
camp.

We are leaving. We are leaving. We are
leaving.

Come on, dude, start packing.

I need a little bit more time with
Carly. There, I said it, okay? And I

think that's lame, but can you please
just give me one more day? That's not

lame, bro.

That's gay.

Well, technically pursuing a woman you
have heterosexual feelings for, that's

not gay, Nick. But using a rotating
inverse swing over to do it? Yeah, that

Son! Don't forget, we're going to go
over our reverse cartwheels after

Okay, I'll be right there.

See you there.

All right, right behind him.

All right, come on, man, let's go.

We know the deal.

And trust me, you're going to thank me
for this.

All right, let's go, Shonzie. No more
moping, all right? It's not an

color on you, nor is orange and gray.
Takes away from your eyes.

Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn
it, damn it,

damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn
it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it,

damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn
it, damn it.

What are you doing? Well, probably
making the biggest mistake of my life.

Except for that year I wore that leather
wristband. How did I possibly think

that's cool, you know?

I'm not a blacksmith.

Well, that was a little knucklebacky.
You like this girl, you want to stay,

you're my boy, we stay.

Well, what about Mookie's house? Are you
coming or not?

Are you sure we are staying? We, we are
staying? No, I'm not sure, so don't turn

a yes into a no.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

No, I know you don't like man -to -man,
so I see that.

Another day.

Another day. You're wasting my precious
breath.

I can cheer you.

Another day.

Another day.

Another day. Another day.

Hey, bro, got a second?

Wrong section of the woods, fella. You
went the northeast corner near the

redwoods.

What? I want to know if you know two
dudes named Nick and Sean.

Yeah, they're my bunkmates.

Why?

Five, six, seven, eight. One, two,
three, four, five.

Well, it's not just you. We all kind of
suck.

We're not good at all.

Hey,

stop. Stop talking like that. But it's
true.

We're just not that good.

Stop.

Enough of that.

You can go as far as you want.

What do the Panthers have that you don't
have?

Skills.

Athleticism. Kick -ass cheers.

Laser hair removal. Big -ass titties.
What?

I'm just saying.

Confidence.

They're cocky assholes. Not like Nick.
He's the cockiest asshole on the

field. That's why he's so good. He's
right. I'm awesome. Because he believes

himself. Also because I'm awesome. He
knows he's going to be good. So he's

He takes chances. Not hard due to the
fact that I'm awesome. Nick, I'm trying

make a speech here.

I'm sorry.

Either bet big or go home.

If you don't want to take any chances,
then you shouldn't even be here.

I know you want to be here because you
finish last every single year, but you

still keep coming back.

Even if it means taking endless shit
from total dong -knockers like the

Panthers. I want to cut the blonde one.

What? What? What? What?

What? What?

I'm just saying.

All right, come on, guys.

Let's be cocky assholes. Yeah, you know
what? He's right.

And I can say that because I am the best
cheerleader here. So you can all suck

my dick.

Huh? What?

Oh, I was just being a cocky asshole.

Oh, nice.

No, I totally believe that. Look, did
you see what she was doing there? That's

exactly what I want from everybody.

All right.

Let's do this.

Huh? And remember, you're awesome.

Let's risk it to get the biscuit.

All right.

Sheerly Ding.

They came here because they liked
Sheerly Durs.

Yeah, we know.

Everyone knows. Why are you here? What's
going on, Rick? Bus tickets.

Flutel! Damn it. Your little friends
were planning on leaving before the

competition. Without any feeling for
anyone they may have left in their wake.

Animal. You were going to leave us?

Well, we were gonna, but we didn't. And
that's way before you and I ever... You

were going to do this to the squad?

Carly, I can explain. I can't believe
you. I mean, I knew you were here to get

girls, but...

You started to get into it. I did. It
started off being about getting girls,

then it became about getting you.

Wait, that doesn't sound right at all.
No, that sounds exactly right. Bail,

brother, bail.

I really like you, Carly. Whoa, that's
close enough, dick lick. This is how you

show someone you like them, Sean?

By lying to them? Uh, to be fair, he
lied to you before he really cared, and

then he tried super hard to word it, so
it wouldn't be a lie after that. Just so

we're on the same page.

If these weren't tools for healing, I
would crack you in the jaw.

You're a tool for healing. Oh, that's
right.

You're the guy who's fancy with his
words.

Well, then why don't I just read your
diary?

Where did you get that? I've done a bad
thing.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, Susie, right
now. He tricked me. You tricked me. This

is how it happened.

He said he just wanted to leave you guys
a note, so I brought him back to the

bunk. And you must have seen your stuff
on the couch and taken it. All right,

why was it on the couch? I left it
underneath my bed. Because I was

your mess. I told you I can't stand
clutter.

I warned you. All right, Jackass, give
me the book back.

Cheer camp, day one.

The sun rises in the summer sky like
Rembrandt's brush on a dogwood branch.

Queeratron. Back up, Abercrombie and
Bitch.

And thereby, Diora.

thinking carly listen i'm really sorry i
didn't mean to hurt you just leave okay

just leave like you always planned on
doing carly please let me explain give

just one second see you later high
school listen i didn't i didn't write

bought the book it was already in there
they were just really beautiful thanks

Wow, never really thought of that one.

Using one's true feelings to wrangle
snooch.

So simple.

So

we

lied and we got caught. So what, huh?
We're humans. Humans lie.

They tell big, gigantic, two -week -long
lies because they're humans. Stop

saying humans.

We did this. Because we're humans.

Humans are only species that can lie.

Except they're maybe chameleons.

Oh, and possums. They play dead.

What's that?

Oh, it's Downey's bracelet.

I love that kid, huh?

He said it was cool, so he gave it to
me.

How nice is that? Those are his beads,
bro.

How he liked you.

Like, liked you, liked you. What?

That's crazy.

Nick, come on.

Think about it.

I'm Nick.

Hey, what's up?

Hey!

What's up? Come on.

I said, hey, Tigers!

Yeah! Hey, Tigers! Yeah!

You're a...

Hey, Nick, do you want to go out on the
field and maybe kind of shooting stars

with me? You're classic, Downey,
classic.

Oh, look at that little hottie.

I wonder what she wants to do with her
life.

and wants to go to cooking school and
Sylvia wants to be a pilot.

Oh, my God.

I actually know these girls as, like,
friends.

And I care.

I'm becoming, like, a fully formed
person with, like, sensitivity and

All right, I'm a person.

Oh, look at the pooper on that one. I
could rest my beer on that shit. And

you're back.

What kind of dressing goes in a Greek
salad?

Olive oil, top shelf.

Is it me, Sean Z, or is this not nearly
as much fun as it was last year?

Not you.

Is this too high? Give me a boost.

Shoulder stand.

Ready? Okay.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight. Grab, out, drop, catch,

dismount, catch.

Guys,

don't take this the wrong way, but I
think there's someone you should talk

Legend of Von Bellybutton. I love
Twinkies.

Bonjour, bonjour, Twinkies.

Competition's tomorrow. I wonder if we
could win it.

Did you say I wonder if we could win it?

No. Yes, you did.

You totally did.

You want to go back. You are into
cheering. I am not. I am the captain of

football team, all right? I could give a
rat's ass about cheering. You're a

cheerleader, and you love it. I am not.
You're misquoting me. Do you want to go

back or not? Sure, for you, because I
can't stand seeing my best friend in

town, all right? That's how selfless I
am. I would sacrifice myself to cheer

up. I'm like Gandhi.

Gandhi? Gandhi!

Gandhi? Gandhi!

Wake and bake!

Boss leader in 20 minutes.

If we really send a vertical up center,
hide these, I think we have a chance of

landing that second aerial. I don't know
who you are anymore.

Whoa! Kenny's asleep on the couch! We're
gonna get whipped cream, put it on his

ass, and paint his face! Come on!

You're right there, dudes! Right behind
you, bro!

Oh, my horse is peeing!

Just a sleepwalk.

We're here now. Let's just make the best
of it.

Get out of my bed, Bianca.

I kind of can't.

Why?

I might not have pants on.

What are you doing here?

I came back. I can see that.

Goodbye. Carly, just listen to me for a
second, please. Why should I? Because

we're teammates.

Teammates don't join a team under false
pretenses and then leave once they've

gotten what they wanted. I know you're
pissed at me, and you should be. I lied

to you. But this isn't about me and you.
It's about the squad.

We all worked way too hard to throw it
away. How are you standing in the middle

of the air?

You take us back already, Christ!

Nick, I... Carly, I know you know I like
you, but that's not why I'm here. No,

Rocky Section Jesus.

Then why are you here? Honestly?

Bye to me again. Sorry to make it quick,
buddy.

Buddy?

sore. Oh, my God.

Dior is right.

My left side is weaker. I favor one
side.

Pull me up. Pull me up. Is this all part
of your plan to get a little face time

with me? No.

I'm dying here. Seriously.

Carly, come on.

We need them. I really don't want to
come and last again.

Fine. But I'm only doing this for the
squad.

Throw on a pair of underpants?

Wow,

this is big time.

Yeah, it is.

Well, well, well, if it isn't a couple
of wolves in cheer clothing. Which part

of the next time I see your punim,
they'll be on the moon, didn't you

understand? Um, like the whole thing?

I'm going to have to go ahead and ask
you both to go ahead and leave right now

to leave now.

Sorry, Coach.

I told them I could stay. What, you
really want these strong -jawed

on your squad?

Yeah.

It's just a little misunderstanding we
had before.

All right.

Your choice. Next time you screw up, I'm
going to have both your asses.

That's frightening. Come on, Tigers.
Let's go. Let's move it along.

Giddy up and roar. Let me see those
claws.

Move it along.

Meet me on Taron Field tonight after the
competition.

Bring your diary.

Only if you bring the dance in your step
like a shimmering nymph traveling the

back of the wind.

Good afternoon and welcome to Channel
29's coverage of the Regional

Illinois Cheerleading Competition.

and reach through your hands.

Dear God, please give us the strength to
land our flip -flops and our basket

tosses. Amen. Oh, it's the economy.

Yellow leather. Red leather. Yellow
leather. Unique New York. Unique New

Unique New York. Unique New York.
Barack, Barack, Barack Obama.

Barack, Barack.

You and I got really close, and I
trusted you. I know.

I felt the same way about you.

I'm really sorry, Carly.

And I don't expect you to forgive me.

I just want you to know that I'm sorry.

There's my Carly Davidson!

Just came by to say I break a leg.

That's Peter. This is Cheering. You
better believe it. What's up, Dick?

It's Rick.

Dr. Rick.

God, I keep doing that. You just look
like such a dick to me. What are you two

crunt sacks doing back here? It's okay.

They're just helping us do our final
routine.

I'll be watching you. Yeah.

That's exactly what an audience member
does at a performance -based event. Just

go sit down, Rick.

Robert De Niro, Meet the Parents
reference.

Love it!

God, he seems great. Really nice. I like
him.

Coming at you.

Here you go. Look alive.

Coming at you.

Here you go, freak shows.

New uniforms.

Here you go. Look alive. Coming at you.
We didn't order these.

No shit, Lesbatron.

My brother did. We're a new squad this
year.

We need new uniforms.

Hey, Sean.

Thank you.

Okay, you owe me $127 .80.

Wait, I thought you said it was going to
be $200. I cut you a deal. Wow, Poppy.

Thank you.

That's actually human of you. Oh, don't
get all ABC family on me here, buddy.

You're actually doing me a favor.

I guaranteed Staples 45 seconds of
airtime, so cheat out to camera. And

this into your cheer. Staples now
carries 30 % recycled copy paper.

Staples, committed to the environment,
committed to you. Hey. Okay. If I don't

have the money by sundown, it's my shoe
in your ass. That seems fair.

You look great.

You in love?

Stay safe.

Ah. What's up, kid?

Downy. Good to have you back.

Dude, why didn't you tell me you're gay?

I'd have been totally okay with that.
Paint with all the colors of the wind

whatnot. Wait, you're straight?

Yes.

What about your diary?

And then you asked for my beads and
stuck them in your mouth. I thought it

bracelet. Why would you stick a bracelet
in your mouth? I don't know.

The closet door is made of all kinds of
wood, my brother.

What?

So awkward.

Miss Panther's clear favorites have
really come to play today.

Not about them guys.

Committed to the environment. Committed
to you. Hey, do you have 50 % recycled

copy paper?

No, but I have 50 % recycled asshole
paper.

It's in the men's room.

It's free, Gay Bar. Just take it.

Let's do this.

This team is still at the ranks last,
like their name

said, president.

Let's see if they've stepped it up this
year.

Hey, is this on TV?

Dude, this can't be on TV. Don't worry.

It's NBC.

No one watches network television
anymore.

Hey, look. It's Nick on TV cheerleading.

It's Sean, too. He cheerleads.

I thought those dudes were in the
kitchen.

Shit.

Formation looks like the addition of
those two new guys is really paying off

Not

totally her fault talking about dr. Dix,

I know it sucks, but don't let it
distract you we're gonna win this thing

we're not Sean. We're just not as good
as the other spot. We are and there's

way we can prove The fountain of Troy
yeah, right

Remember John Lennon? Life's what
happens when you're busy making other

Well, this is it. Life's happening.

It's not that easy, Sean. I never said
it was.

You can do it. I know you can. I'll jump
in with you. But I still just don't see

them qualifying for states. They are
just not in the same league as the top

teams here.

Who's going to catch me?

Me. Who's going to catch you?

Them. Huh?

I have total faith in them.

They're tigers.

What if they don't?

Bet they could go home, right? You've
got to risk it to get the biscuit.

We're doing it. Are you sure? We're
doing a lot of talking during the

I mean, I'm new to this, but this seems
like a lot of talking during the

routine.

I'm the fountain.

Sean base, Nick back, girls catch.

Sean, double back handspring to end it.
Got it.

Ready? Ready.

Is this what I think it is? Are the
Tigers trying the fountain of Troy?

This is the most dangerous move in
cheerleading.

OMG. That's prohibitado.

I told them in Spanish, how much clearer
could I have been?

Here comes the build.

Nice.

Awesome flying pose.

Hey. Hey.

Did we win? Are we going to state?

No, we came in 19th.

I'm sorry.

Are you kidding?

That simply is better than we did last
year.

And if they didn't deduct points for the
Fountain of Troy?

I think we might have made top three.

You nailed your triple backflip. I
nailed my double backflip because a

backflip would have landed me in the
water.

Oh.

Yeah, I did do three. That makes more
sense.

What was that? About three weeks
overdue.

What the hell are you doing?

Kissing my teammates.

You want to die today? I can take life
just as fast as I can give it. First of

all, you're not a doctor.

Whoa. Second of all, you're not my
boyfriend anymore. What?

Carly Fries, come on.

You're dumping me for him?

No, I'm dumping you.

Period. And then I'm going to be with
him.

Period. If that's okay with him.

Question mark?

Totally.

Exclamation point.

Oh, puke, parentheses, bold, underline.

Carly Horace.

Carly's junior, baby.

Larry Moe and Carly.

Carly and the Chocolate Factor, sugar.

Carly's bad, Carly -fornia.

Why don't you run along now?

The longer you watch, the sadder it
gets. I'll show you sad. Hey, buddy. Oh,

yes.

That was for the Crocs.

You're not an old lady gardening or a
baby on the beach.

Okay? Now put on some shoes. You're
embarrassing yourself.

I'm just saying.

You okay?

Nothing a kiss can't fix.

Wait till tonight.

I want to make a wish on these.

Throw them into the sky.

I hope one of you ends up in my ER one
day bleeding. I'll make you wait for

days. Ha!

Unless one of you has Blue Cross.

That's a PPO. None of that HMO bullshit!

Oh, this is so cute.

The 19th placers.

You're like the littlest pigs.

How does it feel to still suck ass? You
tell me.

I was just kidding about the whole
rivalry thing.

I mean, cheering doesn't mean that much
to me.

I want to be a paralegal.

I love your hair. Go, go, go, go, go,
go. That bitch is crazy. Way to go,

Bianca.

I didn't know you had it in you.

There's a lot you don't know about her.

You know that John Lennon, life
happening, risk it to get the biscuit

said back there?

Didn't really make sense.

I don't got you to do it.

No, you got me to do it.

Well, congratulations, kid. You got what
you wanted.

Hey, and a great deal of thanks to you
for it. I couldn't have done it without

you. Shut up.

It's so hard for you to accept thanks
from me. You want me to accept thanks

you? You want me to accept thanks from
you? All right, here you go.

You're welcome. You're welcome.

Lose the clothes.

No. Leave me something from your diary.

What? Um, perchance to dream, perchance
to love a wind, hair, dive suit, summer

skies, as teardrops cascade through my
lungs.

Oh, my God. My husband.

This is not what it looks like. Looks to
me like you're running some naked night

drill. Then it's exactly what it looks
like. Carry on. With what? Kissing your

wife? Ha -ha!

sense of your movement.

Five, six, seven, eight.

I said eight tigers.

Yeah. I said eight tigers. Yeah. What do
we like to have? Sweet Jesus, mother of

God.

Guys, come on. I don't want to run laps
all afternoon. I have a shrink

appointment. Dude, your cousin stuck his
finger in your ass. Get over it.

Dude, your dad put his wang on your
shoulder. Dude, your mom gave you an H

and tipped you a dollar. Dude, your
cousin wrecked you in the face with his

wang. Dude, come on, your cousin put his
wiener on your plate. You gotta get

over it, man.

Will you shut up, man? I am too straight
to be gay. I could watch What Not to

Wear with Nathan Lane in my blouse and
still win a straight award.

That's not right.

I could smoke pole and still be
straight. I can't say smoke pole.

No shit, Lesbodron. No shit, Indigo
Girl. No shit, Lesbo's Island of Grease.

shit, Queer Leader.

No shit, Dixie Chick. Wait, what? I was
joking.

Sorry. The Fountain of Troy.

Top 10 movies, Perhibidabado.

Is it not Perhibidabado?

I'm pretty sure it's Perhibidabado.

Perhibidabado. Dabado.

Perhibidabado. Go ahead and clap.

Mediocrity deserves applause.

Why don't we go find a Ford Focus and
clap around it?

And a shake in your hips, your body
crammed in the sound of the light.

I said, hey, my arms are open wide.

I've got so much inside, it's making me
high.

I'll hold you all night, honey, to the
sound of the waves until the stars fall.

We'll never be found, and then we all
sing.

this anymore.

I feel so good.

All right, kiss me.

Whoa, what are you doing?

Keep it on.

And

that's

how you kiss a guy.

Okay. All right. Again.