All language subtitles for Bewitched.S06E01.Samantha.and.the.Beanstalk.Imprint.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track6_[eng]

James or Susan?

James or Susan?

Darrin!

We have to settle on a name.

Sam, how many times
have I told you,

never talk in the middle
of somebody's backswing?

Sorry.

Okay, okay. Now,
what was it you asked me?

I said we have to
settle on a name.

We did last night.

James if it's a boy
and Susan if it's a girl.

Yeah, I know, but I thought it
over, and I've changed my mind.

I don't want to settle
on just any old name.

It should be
something romantic.

How about Romeo if it's a boy
and Juliet if it's a girl?

Darrin, either help me
find a name or go play golf.

Okay, okay.

Uh... How about
Scott or Timothy?

[Sam] You'll be disappointed
if it isn't a boy, won't you?

Don't be silly.

Yes, you will.

All men want a little boy so they
can see themselves walking around.

[Sam] Okay, let's
concentrate on boys' names.

Oh, hi, sweetheart.

I decided
I don't want a brother.

Well, maybe it'll
be a little sister.

But you said it
would be a baby brother.

No, I didn't,
sweetheart, not really.

That's something we
won't know till after it's born.

Don't you like
little girls anymore?

Oh, sweetheart,
of course we do.

We love little girls.

We were just trying to think up
a boy's name in case it's a boy.

I understand.

Some people like boys
better than girls.

What do you think?

Dr. Spock we're not.

Hey, what did you
do that for?

I'm Tabitha, and I want
to talk to somebody.

Hey! You shouldn't
have done that.

What's your name?

Can't you even read?

I'm Jack, and that's a
beanstalk, and I gotta climb it.

Why?

Because that's the story.

Girls sure are dumb.

I guess that's why my
mommy and daddy want a boy,

'cause they're smarter.

We're not so smart.

You should've seen the
dopey thing I did yesterday.

My mom gave me the old
cow to sell 'cause we're poor.

I sold it to the butcher
for a bag of magic beans.

Did I ever get it? Wow!

Do you have a daddy?

Nope, never had one.

Well, I better get back
on that stupid beanstalk.

I got an awful long way to
climb and I'm just pooped.

Would you like a daddy?

Sure, what kid wouldn't?

Then you can have mine.

You'd like my daddy.

He plays golf
and everything.

Golf? What's that?

I don't know, but my
daddy will teach you.

But suppose your folks
don't like me.

I told you. They like
boys better than girls.

And I never climbed
a beanstalk before. Bye.

Hey, where'd you go?

Tabitha?

Tabitha?

Here I am!

Come on off of there!

I want to see
what's on the top.

But there's a giant
on the top.

Goody!

Don't worry,
sweetheart.

Tabitha's just
like any other kid.

Almost.

I mean, well, she'll brood
for a while and then accept it.

I hope.

[Endora] That's what I like,
a man of strong convictions.

Oh, hi, Mother.

Hello, darling.

Endora, have you ever
thought of knocking? Oh!

Would that make
you feel better?

Yes.

Very well.

That's disgusting.

Now, Durwood, why don't
you take your ball and bat

and go do whatever it is
you do with them, hmm?

It's not a bat.
It's a club.

And if I did with it what
I wanted to do with it...

Darrin.

Uh-uh.

Sounds like my mother.

Sounds like
a dreary Sunday.

Oh! I just remembered
I have a pressing engagement

that I have to iron out.

Oh, I'm such a wit!

Well, at least
we know now how to get rid of her.

Sweetheart, why don't
you let your mother in?

I want to check
on Tabitha.

Hi, Mom.
Hello, Darrin.

Glad you dropped in.

What'd you drop in about?

Does a mother need a reason
to visit her son?

Tabitha?

Hi.

Who are you?

Jack.

Jack who?

Just Jack. I don't
think I have a last name.

Where's Tabitha?

Climbing that dumb beanstalk.

Jack! Jack and the Beanstalk!

Good grief, she zapped
you out of a fairy tale!

She did something.
Anyhow, here I am.

How do you like me?

I beg your pardon?

Tabitha said you like boys
better than girls, and I'm a boy.

That's not true.

I am so a boy!

No. No, I mean, it's not true that
we don't like her. We love her.

Does that mean
you don't want me?

Yes.

I mean, no. I mean...

Oh, my stars!

[Darrin] Sam.

Sam,
Mother would like to see...

Who is that?

Jack. I'm pleased
to meet you, sir.

How do you do?
Where's Tabitha?

Tabitha is...
Out.

Sam, what's going on?

[Phyllis] Tabitha.

Tabitha, come give
Grandma a great, big...

Where's Tabitha?

Tabitha is...
Out.

Out where?

Climbing a...
Fence

at a neighbor's house.

Who is this?

Jack.

A friend.

What odd clothes.

Yes. Yes,
they're junior mod.

It's all the rage.

Oh.

What's golf?

Hmm?

Tabitha said
you'd teach me.

Teach you?

Sure, sure.

Mother,
why don't you go downstairs

and make yourself
a cup of tea?

Oh, thank you.

Would you like some milk
and cookies, young man?

He's not hungry.
Yes, I would, ma'am.

Come along then.

Darrin, you get
down there this minute

and don't take
your eyes off him.

No, wait a minute.
Better yet,

why don't you go
out and play golf?

Mother and I'll
handle this.

Sam, where is Tabitha, and
who is that dopey-looking kid?

Tabitha's playing,
and he's Jack.

I know he's Jack.
Where is Tabitha?

Well... Uh...

She ran away
from home, sort of.

Now, how do you
"sort of" run away from home?

Instead of
walking out a door,

you just, uh,
climb up a beanstalk.

A what?

A... No. No. Don't
repeat it. A beanstalk.

Jack and the Beanstalk. Why?

Because she thinks we like boys
better than girls. Because...

Well, I'm not sure why.

Sweetheart, you trust me.
I'll get her back.

Now, why don't you go downstairs
and keep an eye on Jack?

Sam?

Yoo-hoo, sweetheart.
Here I am.

Sam, come back.

I'll be right back.

Tabitha? Tabitha?

"Giant's Castle,
trespassers welcome."

They sure are,
especially at lunchtime.

You startled me.

You put a fright
in me, too.

You don't belong
in this story.

Who are you?

No, don't tell me.

You're one
of them witches.

Something like that,
but I'll only stay a minute.

Stay as long
as you like.

It's a change to have someone
new to talk to now and then.

Well, I haven't got
much time for talk.

I'm looking for a little
girl, blonde, about so high.

Never saw her. The
only kid I know is Jack.

Oh, you must be
the giant's wife.

Of course
I'm the giant's wife.

But don't envy me
married to that big goof.

If he's not
counting his treasure,

he's eating himself
into a stupor.

Ma'am... And the things
he puts into his stomach,

it's a wonder he don't
have indigestion. Ma'am, I...

Do you know what my grocery
bill was for this week alone?

Ma'am,
if you'll just tell me...

I am telling you,
1,000 gold crowns.

If a couple of trespassers didn't
wander into the castle now and then,

it would be
twice that much.

Ma'am, I really have
to find my daughter.

If I'm not shopping for food, I'm
bent over a hot stove cooking food,

while he's fee-fi-fo-fumming
all over the place.

Excuse me.

Tabitha? Tabitha?

Okay, okay. If you want to
be his mid morning snack,

just keep heading
for the castle.

Tabitha?

Pardon me.
May I see the giant, please?

No. He don't see nobody
unless his name is Jack.

Oh.

Pardon me.
Are you a giant?

I am not a giant.
I am the giant!

And who in tarnation are you?

My name is Tabitha.

There's no Tabitha
in this story.

There is now.
Do you know why?

Yes, because
you're a witch.

No, 'cause I ran
away from home

on account of my mommy and
daddy are having a baby brother.

That's why.

Oh, it's a very
charming tale of woe.

There's absolutely
nothing I can do about it.

I don't adopt children,
I only eat them!

I know. Are they delicious?

They can be
quite tasty at times.

Are you going to eat me?

What are you,
some kind of nut?

You don't like me either.

I'm a mean, evil
giant, for pity's sake.

I don't like anybody.

My mommy says I'm delicious, all
sugar and spice and everything nice.

You're making my mouth water.

No, thank you. I couldn't
swallow another bite.

Besides, I'm only allowed
to eat storybook children.

Now, please go!

What's that?

Oh.

That's my magic harp and my
hen who lays the golden eggs.

Can I play with them?

No, you can't!

I'm a very busy giant,
little girl. So vamoose!

Fee, fi, fo, fum.

I smell the blood
of an Englishman!

I know a poem, too.
"Mary had a little lamb..."

Will you be quiet and let
me get on with the story?

That rascal Jack
will be here any minute.

No, he won't.
He's living in my house.

Nonsense. He comes into
the castle on the next page.

He won't.
Will.

Won't.
Will!

Listen, kid, I've been living
this story for 100 years.

Jack always comes by
at this time

to try to rob me
of my treasure.

Can't I rob you instead?

No, you can't!

It would change
the whole story!

Now get lost!

I am lost.

Oh, boy.

Now, listen, little girl,
I am about to lose my temper!

If you lose your temper,
I'll make a no-no at you.

Here we are.

Thank you, ma'am.

Where's Samantha?

Oh, she went out
front for a while

to pick some flowers,
so to speak.

You poor, starved darling.

You look as though you
hadn't eaten in a week.

I haven't,
not since I sold the cow.

You had a cow
in this neighborhood?

So you want to learn how
to play golf, huh, Jack?

She went dry on us.
And yes, I do, sir.

Swell, swell. Here,
put that right down there.

You see, the secret to the
game is in the overlapping grip.

Please, Darrin, I'm trying
to understand the child.

So you sold a cow...

To the butcher for
a mess of magic beans.

Magic beans?

Which grew into
a tall beanstalk.

And the second secret
is to keep

your mouth shut
when addressing the ball.

It seems to me
I've heard that story before.

Speaking of heard, I think
I heard Samantha upstairs.

So I climbed up
the beanstalk...

I'm getting a sick headache.

I'll get you something.

And at the top of the
beanstalk, there's a giant.

Make it the
extra-strength tablets.

Sam? Sam, come home.
Come home!

[Endora] Relax, Darwin. Relax.

What are you doing here?

Waiting for your mother and
that grubby little boy to leave.

Do you have any idea
what's going on down there?

Certainly, I peeked.

It's a rerun of Jack and
the Beanstalk in living color.

That kid is going to
drive my mother crazy.

Yes?

Endora, couldn't you just
once do something constructive?

Like what?

Like finding Sam
and Tabitha.

Aren't you
concerned about them?

Oh, certainly not.

As a child
I used to zap myself

into literature
at the drop of a hat.

Of course,
I was more precocious.

I know I had this
mad thing for Hamlet.

And one day, I changed
places with Ophelia.

I had a delightful time
confusing my nurse.

Oh, no. That was
the time I played Juliet.

Oh, never mind.

I'll read about it
in your memoirs.

Right now zap yourself onto that
beanstalk and bring them back.

Climb a beanstalk
in my Lili Arlege original?

Are you mad?

Endora, their lives
may be in danger.

Oh, fiddle-de-dah.

Any child that can zap
herself into a fairy tale

can zap herself
right out of it.

Who be you?

I be...

I mean, I'm looking for
a little girl about so high.

I'm her mother.

Named Tabitha?

Yes, yes.

You will pay
for her no-nos.

What did she do?

You should be ashamed to
raise such a wicked little girl.

Go!

Tabitha?

Tabitha?

Tabitha?

All right, Tabitha,
playtime is over.

I do not intend to spend an
entire Sunday in a dungeon.

Ma'am, I'm taking my life
in my hands coming here,

but I've seen enough
trouble for one day.

Take my advice, run, do
not walk, to the nearest exit.

I don't intend to leave
without my daughter.

If I find her, I'll put her on the
beanstalk personally and send her home,

the rotten kid.

What has she done?

What has she done?

Lay.

The hen that laid
the golden egg, right?

Uh-oh.

Yuck.

She wanted an omelet
for breakfast.

Wait. My husband,
the giant's magic harp.

Play.

Stop!

The only thing that will soothe
his savage breast is Chopin,

and she gives him
the Rolling Stones.

Fee, fi, fo, fum.

And if you think that's bad,
wait'll you see what she did to him.

I smell the blood
of an Englishman!

That's a giant?

Go ahead, laugh. Laugh.
They're all laughing at me,

the townsfolk, my manservants,
my guards, even my wife.

I only snickered once.

I'm sure she didn't
mean to do it.

Nice children have
respect for their elders.

Nice elders don't threaten
to eat little children.

I've been frightening kids
for 100 years.

And look at me now,
cut down in me prime.

In my eyes,
you'll always be a giant.

Oh, shut up!

Shut up? Shut up? Listen, small
fry, say "shut up" to me again,

and I'll squash you
under my heel like an ant!

Even she doesn't
respect me anymore!

Aw...

[Tabitha] Mommy, Mommy.

Tabitha.

You put her in chains?

She insisted.

They're fun, Mommy.

There is nothing fun or funny
about running away, young lady.

I'm sorry, Mommy.

"Sorry," she said,

after what she did
to an innocent giant.

Please, sir, we'll
stretch you back to size.

Go on, Tabitha.

But, Mommy, he's easier
to play with this way.

I don't want to
play with you.

You do as I say,
young lady.

No!

Spunky little kid,
ain't she?

Tabitha,
you're a little witch,

but I'm a bigger witch,
so if you don't...

I'm doing it.
I'm doing it.

I'm a giant again!
A giant!

Fee, fi, fo, fum!

Now the hen
and the harp.

Now,
if you'll excuse us...

You'll squash who
under whose heel?

[Jack] So I hid in the castle
until the giant fell fast asleep.

And I snuck up behind him,
and I grabbed the hen

and ran as fast as my
little feet could carry me.

This poor child is having
a nervous breakdown.

He is?

He is, he is. That's it.

It's from malnutrition.
He needs help.

Where'd he go?

Maybe he went
to get some help.

And I think I heard
Samantha upstairs.

And I think I'm getting
another sick headache.

I'll get you another pill.

And the address of
a qualified psychiatrist.

Now, sweetheart, I know
it's hard for you to understand,

but Daddy and I
have enough love in us

for both you
and the new baby.

But you haven't
seen the baby yet.

Maybe it will look funny
and you won't like it.

Mmm-mmm. If it looks funny,
we'll love it all the more.

Then I hope it looks pretty, because
I want you to love me all the more.

Okay. It's a deal.

Now go to sleep.

How'd your
woman-to-woman talk go?

Just fine. She's okay now. Good.

How's your mother?

Well, she's a little shook-up,
but she'll be all right.

Darrin?
Hmm?

There's one thing
that really puzzles me.

What's that?

That you're not sorry
you married me.

Between this big witch
and the little witch upstairs

and that witch of
a mother of mine,

you're really up to
your neck in witches.

That's a fair statement,
and I'd be lying

if I didn't say
there are times

when I wonder if
it's all worth it.

Of course,
there are other times

when I realize
I couldn't live without you.

I'll admit that's
almost all the time.

I love you and that
little witch upstairs.

And Mother?

Well, two out of three.
That's not bad.

Darrin.