All language subtitles for Bewitched.S05E28.Samanthas.Good.News.Imprint.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track5_[eng]

Tabitha, you promised Daddy
you'd eat all your breakfast.

- I will.
- He meant today.

- Good morning, ladies.
- Ooh.

Oh, Daddy.

Hi, grandpapa.

Well, look at my lovely
little Tabitha.

She's outgrown the toddler stage and
blossomed into early witchhood. Mm.

- Where's, uh, Dennis?
- Dennis who?

Your husband--
the, uh, M-O-R-T-A-L.

D-A-R-R-I-N is at work.

Devastated
to have missed him.

Aw, well, he'll be
devastated too.

Now, sweetheart, you finish your breakfast.
grandpapa and I will be in the living room.

- Samantha, you look absolutely radiant.
- I do?

Yes, there's a special aura about
you-- so special that its vibrations...

have zonked across the atmospheric
continuum and led me to you.

- Well!
- What's happened?

Nothing, except
I'm happy to see you.

You ought to zonk across the
atmospheric continuum more often.

I will, now that
I've, uh, increased my efficiency.

Increased it? Daddy, when it comes to
efficiency, you are one of the all-time greats.

Ah, that's very kind of you, dear,
but the truth of the matter is...

I'm getting a little older
and a bit forgetful.

So, I've, um,
engaged an assistant.

An assistant warlock?

Ah, kind of a private secretary.
Would you like to meet her?

Oh, I'd love to.

Miss Beecham--
on duty, please.

- Hi, there.
- My daughter Samantha. Miss Abigail Beecham.

Wow.

Uh, what's your
first impression?

Huh? Oh.

Well,

my first impression
is that she looks--

- Yes?
- She looks very efficient.

Miss Beecham, tell
me-- Oh, yes, my dear?

Have you had much experience--
as a secretary, I-I mean?

Of course she's had experience.
Why else would I hire her?

Oh, I don't know.
There might be another reason.

- Mommy, I ate all my breakfast.
- Oh, that's a good girl.

Uh, Miss Beecham,
this is my daughter, Tabitha.

- Hello, ducky.
- Hello. You're beautiful.

Isn't she, grandpapa?

Yes, now that you mention it.
Yes, she is.

Sweetheart, why don't you
run along outside and play?

I want grandpapa
to make me a toy.

Tabitha, really.

I'd be delighted,
my darling.

Now, how about a
nice little swing set?

Okay.

That's some little swing
set.

Uh, Tabitha, haven't you
forgotten something?

- Thank you, grandpapa.
- You're welcome, my dear.

Mm. That's better. And you remember,
the swing set is only temporary.

- When grandpapa goes, it goes.
- Okay. Scoot.

- A strict mother, aren't you, lovey?
- Well, no, not exactly.

It's just that I feel-- Speaking
of formidable females, how's Endora?

Oh-- She's fine.

When was the last time
you saw her?

Oh, two or three months ago,
maybe 18.

My wife and I have
what might be described as...

an informal marriage.

Oh, that's the best kind.
I'd like to meet her someday.

That can be arranged.
Mother?

- Oh, Samantha, no need to bother.
- Oh, Daddy, don't be silly.

Miss Beecham said
she'd like to meet Mother,

and I'm sure that Mother would
like to meet Miss Beecham. Mother!

Darling,
did you call?

Ah, Endora,
ravishing as usual.

Oh, Maurice, how
scintillating to see you.

It's Noel Coward time.

- Who is that?
- Noel Coward time is over.

Mother, that is Miss Abigail
Beecham. This is Endora.

Nice to meet you.

She's a private
secretary.

- To whom?
- To me.

He hired her to increase
his efficiency.

- His efficiency? In what?
- My efficiency in general.

Abigail, to demonstrate your efficiency,
take a little dictation, will you?

Hamlet, act two,
scene two.

"O, what a rogue
and peasant slave am I."

He can say that again.

"O, what a rogue and peasant
slave am I."

"Is it not monstrous
that this player here--

"but in a
fiction, in a dream of passion,

"could force his soul so to his
own conceit"--

and so on and so forth.

That's it. Perfect.

- Hmm. Not bad.
- Her typewriter needs a new ribbon, but--

Oh, Samantha,
there's no skill to that.

Any witch can type
a Shakespearean soliloquy.

Ah, but there's something
about her physical dexterity.

Oh, you admit it! It isn't her
skill. It's her outward appearance.

Now, Endora, you know me better than
that. I judge witches by their character.

Good. In that case,
you won't mind this.

- Mother, that is skill.
- Thank you.

Don't worry, Maurice. She
still has the same character.

Maybe, but I will not have you
tamper with her out of spite.

- Where was I?
- At the un-beauty parlor.

Endora, that reminds
me of the time when you got mad...

when a young witch flirted with me,
and you had her drafted into the army.

Oh, yes.

What was her name again?
Attila the Hun.

Abigail, why don't you and I have a cup of
coffee and let the two lovebirds reminisce?

All righty.

But you pull any more tricks
on me, and I'll-- Ah-ah!

Abigail, don't live
dangerously.

My mother has the most powerful
one-two punch in the cosmos.

Come, come.

Endora, have you noticed that
Samantha is remarkably vibrant?

- No! And please don't change the subject.
- Oh, what is the subject?

The subject is you and
Abigail... Beechnut.

- How long have you been married?
- Five years.

- And your husband is a mortal?
- Yep.

Well, that's one for the record. You
have a lot of courage. I'd never do it.

I wouldn't even get married
to a handsome, young warlock.

Uh, how about a handsome,
older warlock?

No, I'm not the marrying type. I like to
keep moving from one romance to another.

I see. I guess wherever you go you leave
behind you a trail of broken hearts.

Yes, I do. But it takes them a couple of
weeks to wipe the smiles off their faces.

Endora, have you quite
finished nagging at me?

I have not.

Then will you allow me a brief
moment to make an observation?

You have ten seconds.

I hate to say this,
Endora, but-- But what?

I've come to the conclusion
that you're jealous.

I? I?
You! You!

Oh, that's absurd. I haven't
a jealous bone in my body.

Well, how's
everything going?

You leave my husband alone,

or I'll disintegrate you.

What did I do?

Nothing. She's jealous of you.

Oh. Well, that's
understandable.

Mother, have you and
Daddy been quarreling?

- No.
- Yes.

I merely pointed out that your
father is making a fool of himself.

Did you point it out in
a nice way?

Samantha, I will repeat for
your benefit what I told Endora:

My relationship with Abigail
is professional-- purely.

That's right.

And thanks for defending
my reputation.

Mm.

There!
There, you see?

- They're carrying on in public.
- Oh, now, Mother, he's only--

If you have no
consideration for me,

- at least think of your daughter.
- Oh, really--

- Oh, darling, try not to let this scar you permanently.
- Yes, Mother, I'll try.

Daddy, at least tell Mother
you're sorry.

- Sorry for what?
- I don't know. Think of something.

Endora, if by any remote chance
I've done something to offend you--

- Don't... touch me.
- But I'm your husband.

Not for long.

- What does that mean?
- I am going straight to the Witches' Council,

and I'm going to file for
an ectoplasmic interlocutory.

- You're kidding.
- On what grounds?

On the grounds of conduct
unbecoming to a warlock.

She doesn't mean it.
I'm sure she doesn't mean it.

- Do you think she means it?
- I don't know. We'll have to wait and see.

- In the meantime--
- Yes?

What's for lunch?

Samantha, I have to admit
that, despite my misgivings,

so far your marriage seems
to have agreed with you.

Well, thank you, Daddy. Wish
I could say the same for yours.

Oh, my marriage agrees with me. It's
your mother who doesn't.

- I don't think I've ever seen her so angry at you.
- Oh-ho, I have.

We've been through these little
misunderstandings for centuries.

But has she ever threatened you
with an ectoplasmic interlocutory?

No. But I suppose there's
a first time for everything.

You don't seem too worried.

Yes, it'll be a difficult adjustment
for me, but I'll struggle to make it.

And you'll have Abigail
to help you.

Speaking of help, uh, can you
carry these two plates in for me?

Didn't I just give you
two plates?

They're on the dining room
table... together with those.

Thanks.

Come along,
my dear.

- What's for lunch, ducks? I'm starved.
- Uh, ham and cheese sandwiches.

- Ooh. What else?
- Potato salad, and if you want desert, there's ice cream.

- [Tabitha] I want desert.
- Yes, I know you do, sweetheart.

Sandwiches, potato salad and ice
cream? What kind of lunch is that?

It's a gourmet lunch,
mortal-style.

I just thought I'd show you
how the other half lives.

I'm not interested.
I want my regular lunch.

- Then make it yourself.
- Okay, I will.

That's your regular lunch?
What do you have for dinner?

Oh, dinner's my big meal.

I'm almost
ready for that ice cream.

- Abigail--
- Hmm?

- You're a jolly good eater.
- Hmm.

Now, you have
a nice nap, Tabitha.

And when you wake up, grandpapa
is going to recite Macbeth for you

from beginning to end.

You lucky girl.

Mother? Mo--

Oh.

We'll talk
in your bedroom.

- I don't want Maurice to know I'm here.
- Okay.

What took you so long?

I traveled the hard way.

- Well, did you go to the Witches' Council?
- No.

I realized that an ectoplasmic interlocutory
might be just what your father wants.

- So?
- So, I won't give it to him.

- Mother, that's just an alibi.
- For what?

You yourself don't want
an ectoplasmic interlocutory.

- Yes, I do.
- No, you don't.

What difference
does it make what I want,

when your father wants
Miss Abigail... Beechwood?

By the way, am I on Durwood's
side of the bed or yours?

- Mine.
- Good.

Oh, Mother,
Daddy doesn't want Abigail.

Deep down, he knows that
you are the only one for him.

Then what can I do about it?

Well,

how about
the old jealousy approach?

It's corny, but effective.

Whom could we get?

Dr. Bombay's nephew-- the one that
looks like, uh, Steve McQueen?

- He is Steve McQueen.
- Oh.

Besides, he's too young for you. Ohhh, well,
isn't Abigail too young for your father?

Well, yes, of course.

But, you see,
we'd be much cleverer if we--

- Are you ready for this?
- No.

But tell me anyhow.

John Van Millwood.

Oh!

Oh, Maurice
will have an absolute fit!

Let's do it.

- Maurice, let's go. I'm bored.
- We are waiting for me to recite to my granddaughter.

Tabitha will be up from
her nap in a few minutes.

What am I supposed to do
whilst you're reciting?

You can listen to me
enthralled.

Or you could whip up 30 pounds of
hamburger and fix yourself a snack.

I don't want
to spoil my dinner.

I dropped by to--

Oh, I didn't know you two
were still here.

- Hurroo, Hurroo.
- Goodness gracious, if it isn't John Van Millwood!

- Oh, so you remember me, eh? Remember?
- How could I ever forget?

Brisbane, Australia,
the annual Warlocks' Coven.

You played Brutus
to my Antony,

an interpretation calculated to cause
the stones of Rome to rise in mutiny.

Oh, come off it, mate. The audience
couldn't understand a word you said.

Balderdash.

Hi. I'm Abigail Beecham.

Hi.

John, you remember
Samantha, don't you?

I said, John,

you remember Samantha,
don't you?

Yes. Yes, of course.
I What a pleasant surprise.

- Endora, did you enjoy yourself at the Witches' Council?
- Oh, I never got there.

I flew into John, and we had
an intimate lunch together.

Broiled kangaroo, no doubt.

Broiled kangaroo
is a taste sensation.

Or could it be that you object
to us having lunch together?

Oh, don't be silly.

Daddy doesn't mind Mother being friendly
with other warlocks, do you Daddy?

Depends on who they are.

Miss Beecham,
are you a thespian?

I beg your pardon!

An actress, dear.

Oh.
I'm a private secretary.

She keeps my husband busy,
so I can be busy elsewhere.

Oh, they do make
a cute couple, don't they?

Like fire and water.

Miss Beecham, you have
the bearing of a great actress.

How would you know?

That does not
become you, Morris.

- Maurice.
- Maurice.

However, I shall
disregard it on the basis...

that Will Shakespeare always said
that my interpretation of Romeo...

was by far the best
of the warlocks.

"But, soft! What light
through yonder window breaks?

'Tis the east,
and Juliet is the sun."

Great heavens!
Those vowels!

Oh. I suppose you delude yourself into
believing that you could do it better, eh?

Infinitely. "It is the east,
and Juliet is the sun.

"Arise, fair sun,
and kill the envious moon,

"who is already sick
and pale with grief...

that thou her maid
art far more fair than she"--

Oh, la-di-da.

That was very good
too, Daddy.

What do you mean "too"?
His performance was enough...

to make Shakespeare
turn over in his grave.

Endora, I am shocked
that you would associate...

with an untalented,
fraudulent colonial.

I'll associate with whomever
I please, just as you do.

- That is no comparison.
- Why not?

Miss Beecham is young enough to be my daughter,
and he is old enough to be your husband.

Then doesn't that make
their association more logical?

Certainly not. If he were
youthful and handsome,

I could understand his attraction
for a-- an older female.

But if you find this-- this
ancient relic attractive--

I'll have you know,
I was Mr. Torso of Tasmania.

This ham from Down Under afflicted
with an appalling speech impediment--

Then, Endora, as your husband, I am
insulted to the very marrow of my bones.

I'm tired of all this arguing. I think
I'm going to find myself another job.

Come to think of it, I could
use a traveling companion.

- Would you be interested?
- [Abigail] I might.

Yes. Oh, I'm convinced
you really are star material.

- Really?
- Yes.

Suppose we go someplace and,
uh, discuss it, eh? Hm?

Farewell, Endora.
Samantha.

"Good night, sweet prince,

and flights of angels
sing thee to thy rest."

No, no, no, no, no. The tip of
the tongue, the teeth, the lips--

- "Flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!"
- Talking of rest--

Oh, Maurice, there's no one
who can hold a candle to you.

Thank you, my dear.

- Samantha?
- Yes, Mother.

There is something different about
you-- some kind of an inner glow.

I've been telling her
that all day.

The last time I saw her look
this way was a little over--

Samantha,
how old is Tabitha?

That's it! That's it!

Samantha, you're going
to have another baby.

I am?

Answer the question: Are you going
to have another baby? True or false?

- Those my only two choices?
- [Endora] Yes.

Okay, then it's true. I am.

Oh, my darling.

- Another little nipper. How delightful.
- Excuse me.

Where are you going,
Samantha?

I'm going to call Darrin.

I had this foolish idea that after the
doctor and me, he'd be the first to know.

- Grandma.
- Oh, grandpapa.

Y-Y-Yes, Darrin. I will.

I will.

I won't.

I-I will.

I will.

Oh, thank you, sweetheart.
I-I'm thrilled you're thrilled.

Bye. [
Handset Settles In Cradle]

How very exciting. Soon there'll
be a handsome little warlock,

the spitting image of his
grandfather.

Well, i-it could be a mortal boy,
the spitting image of his father.

Samantha, bite
your tongue.

Ah, here's my precious.
Come along.

Macbeth,
act one, scene one.

We open on three nice witches,
stirring a great big pot.

Uh, D-Daddy, could you hold the curtain?
I'd, uh, like to tell Tabitha too.

Please.
Uh, come along, sweetheart.

Uh, Tabitha,

h-h-have you ever wished for a little
brother or-- or a little sister?

Sometimes, but not very often.

Well, I-I'd like you to
start wishing it more often.

When will it come?

- In about six months.
- Where is it now?

Daddy and I will-- will
explain that later tonight.

Instead of television?

Yes. Sorry about that.

Now, won't that be fun-- having
a real live baby to play with?

I'd rather have a pony.

Well, you're gonna get
a little baby.

Will it be a witch
or a warlock?

There's, um, a-always a chance that
it'll be a... mortal boy or girl.

- I say a witch.
- I say a warlock.

Boy or girl?
Witch or warlock?

Which?

Oh, good grief.