All language subtitles for Bewitched.S05E27.Daddy.Does.His.Thing.Imprint.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track5_[eng]

Oh, honey.
Oh, gosh.

Oh, that's just great.
Thank you, sweetheart.

Now, open the champagne.
I have one more surprise.

I don't know if I can stand
any more surprises.

Well, this is
a special surprise.

Something for both of us.

Sounds intriguing.
Give me a hint.

♪

That's a hint? What'd you
give me, the Eiffel Tower?

♪

Daddy!

I should've known.

Oh, well, sweetheart,
I had no idea. Oh!

What a wonderful surprise.

To her, he's
a wonderful surprise.

To me, he's
a demolition ball.

Samantha, my child,
let me look at you.

Mmm, magnificent as always.

- And why not? After all, I'm your daughter.
- Precisely.

Excuse me, but I believe
your car is parked on my rug.

Oh, does that distress you?

No trouble.
Macbeth, later.

Samantha, as I recall, we were
discussing something rather fascinating.

- What was it?
- You.

Ah!
Yes, of course.

It seems there's
a hole in my wall.

- Does that distress you too?
- Not aesthetically, but I'm freezing.

Of course. How thoughtless
of me. Close, sesame!

If I seem to be more affable
than usual, Dolphin--

Darrin.

It's only because
you happen to be standing...

in the fallout of
my love for my daughter.

Of course.
How are you, sir?

Blooming, blooming,
in magnificent health.

He wouldn't have it
any other way.

Certainly not.

- Happy birthday, my boy.
- "My boy"?

Well, isn't that the proper way
to address one's son-in-law?

Well, it is
sort of a shock.

I admit that I merely tolerated
this marriage right from the start.

But when I see the glow in my daughter's
eyes, the warmth of her smile,

the aura of beauty
that surrounds her,

well, you put it there.

How, I'll never know.

- But there it is to see.
- Thank you, sir.

- Yeah, thanks.
- Let's drink to that.

I'd like a very dry martini. Spanish
gin, Italian vermouth and a Greek olive.

Well, I don't know if we have
those ingredients in the house.

Oh, don't bother.
I'll fix it myself.

In appreciation for your having
made my daughter so happy, Dolphin--

Darrin.

I'd like you to accept a small
token of my halfhearted esteem.

A little birthday present,
if you will.

Well, thank you,
sir.

Oh, let's not be so formal.
Call me Maurice.

[Darrin] I'll try. It's a
lighter and a perpetual calendar.

Well, how about that?

Yes, I've invested that lighter with
a small portion of my own powers...

so that it may serve
your every command.

You mean, um,

if I use this,
I can, um,

zap this and pow that and
ring-a-ding up anything I want?

Crudely but accurately
expressed.

Maurice, I appreciate your gesture.
I'm sorry I can't accept it.

You have the effrontery
to refuse my gift?

- How dare you!
- Now, let's not get all steamed up, Maurice.

- "Sir" to you, Dustbin.
- Darrin!

Uh, D-Daddy,

I-I think Darrin's
just trying to remind you...

how he feels about taking
advantage of you know what.

Samantha, you've picked
a lemon in the garden of love.

You're married to an obstinate
fool, a stubborn jackass.

I am not!

Darrin is-is
a wonderful human being.

Not necessarily.

Samantha, I think
there's a jackass on your rug.

Good grief!

And that, my dear,
is final.

But why?

Oh, just an honest
difference of opinion.

- You say he isn't a jackass. I say he is.
- Oh!

Oh, Daddy!

Daddy, how could you
do such a thing to Darrin?

You've taken away the one
thing that's made me so happy.

Samantha, I have not taken away
the cause of your happiness.

I've simply changed his form,
and not much at that.

Well, I-I happen to prefer
the original.

Don't you worry, sweetheart.

We'll-We'll get you out
of there. Won't we, Dad--

Daddy? Daddy?

Oh, Daddy, this is no time
to play hide-and-seek.

You come back here
right now!

It's way past our bedtime!

Oh, Father, if malice
could be mined like gold,

you'd be worth
a fortune.

Darrin?

Sweetheart,
I love you.

Now, look. I-I-I don't blame you
for being a little bit upset.

But-- Well, look.

I promise you. You don't
have to be a mule any--

Any longer than
absolutely necessary.

Now, sweetheart,
when-when-when Daddy gets back--

Well, I-I-I must admit
he deserves it,

but I wouldn't press
your luck.

In the meantime,
we'll just have to adjust.

Sweetheart, wouldn't you be a little
more comfortable if you slept outside?

It-It's a lovely, warm
night. Uh, come look.

And you forgot
to mow the lawn out back,

so it's nice and thick.

See?

It'll be
nice under the stars.

I could get a sleeping bag
and join you.

Abner, there's a jackass
in the Stephens's living room!

Is that a nice way
to talk about your neighbors?

I mean,
a real jackass.

What's an eight-letter word
for murder?

Abner, why don't you
ever listen to me?

I listen to you all the time, except
when you talk. There, I draw the line.

If you're worried about Tabitha
having a trauma over this, don't.

She took the news
like a good little sport.

Um, as a matter of fact,

she wanted to know when
you'd take her for a ride.

Well, I'm-I'm sorry, sweetheart,
but you can hardly blame her.

I'm fixing your favorite
breakfast. Eggs Benedict.

Good morning, Mrs. Kravitz.

Uh, what's that
in your kitchen?

- What's what in my kitchen?
- Uh, the mule.

It's a mule.

That's what
I thought it was.

I stayed up all night
trying to convince Abner...

there was a mule
in your house.

That's my daddy.

Your what?

She named him Daddy.

Well, that's what he is.
My grandpa made a no-no.

I'll say that's a no-no.

You're not allowed
to keep mules as pets.

He's not a pet.
He's my daddy.

Tabitha, it isn't nice to argue with
grown-ups. Run outside and play.

Even if you were allowed to keep a
mule in the house, who would want to?

I mean,
it's not sanitary.

I assure you. He is bathed
regularly and is quite housebroken.

Here you are, Daddy.

You're feeding eggs Benedict
to a mule?

A happy pet
is a healthy pet.

Eat up.

Not so fast,
uh, Daddy.

Abner will never believe it!

I don't believe it.

I tell you.
It is a jackass,

and she is feeding him
eggs Benedict for breakfast.

Lucky jackass. All I
ever get is lumpy oatmeal.

Laugh, laugh.

I have a good mind
to call the animal shelter.

Mother? Mother,
I know you can hear me,

so put that champagne down
right this minute...

and get over here
tout de suite.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Champagne should never
be gulped.

Now, what is your problem?

- Well--
- Oh!

I see you have
a new pet.

Oh, how nice.

It's not nice at all.
It's Darrin.

Oh.
Oh, of course.

I'd know him anywhere.

- Mother!
- Very well.

You and Durwood
had a quarrel.

No.
Daddy and Dur--

Darrin had a quarrel.

Spare me
the gory details.

- What am I gonna do?
- Nothing.

Nothing, of course. I've
always said Father knows best.

You've never said that!

I'm saying it now.

Oh, Mother, stop kidding around.
You have to help me find him.

Let me see.

If I know your father,
and I think I do,

he'll be flitting about the south
of France this time of year.

Well, why don't you pop over
and track him down?

It's your problem, Samantha.
You argue with him.

But who'd babysit
with Tabitha?

Durwood, of course!

In case of an emergency,
he can always bray for help.

Oh, such wit.

We'll only be gone
a few minutes.

Well, uh--

N-Now, sweetheart, we'll be back
just as soon as we can find Daddy.

I hate long farewells. I don't
want you to worry about a thing.

Just take good care
of Tabitha--

And the countess
was never quite the same.

Santé!

- Ah, bonjour, mesdames.
- Hi.

I'd ask you to join us,
but the table is so small.

Oh, Yvette, this is my
daughter, and my-- her mother.

- Bonjour.
- Bonjour.

Daddy, I must talk to you
about Darrin.

Ah, ah. Dr. Bombay forbids me to discuss
family problems at the aperitif hour.

It gives me heartburn.

Daddy,
you have to help Darrin.

Well, if he needs help, I suggest
you call in a qualified veterinarian.

You know exactly the kind
of help I'm talking about.

He cannot go to the office
in that asinine condition.

Then I suggest he try
a different line of work.

Say, uh, drawing
a milk wagon, huh?

That's very good, Maurice.

Now help your child so I
can get on with my shopping.

Yes, but not right away. I'm taking
my final exams this afternoon.

In what, may I ask?

Karate. Yvette
is my karate instructor.

- Maurice.
- Ah! [French]

- I'm sorry to be late.
- That's quite all right, my dear.

Samantha, Endora,
this is Angelique,

an associate of Yvette's
in the karate business.

Imagine that--

At your age to take them on
two at a time.

It's an advanced course,

and quite handy in the event one is
attacked both from the front and the rear.

That event may be coming up
right now.

Samantha, you're turning
into a nudge.

Ladies,
enjoy your drinks...

and, uh, go on
over to the studio.

I'll join you later. If I'm
delayed, you can start without me.

Darrin, Tabitha,
we're home,

and grandpapa
is with us.

Mommy! Mommy!
What is it?

It's Daddy.
They took him away just now.

They--
Who took him away?

Two men in white coats,
no doubt.

Green coats.

Mrs. Kravitz
came in with them.

They put him in a truck and said
Daddy couldn't live here anymore.

What man?
What truck?

I don't know.
He gave me this.

"The animal shelter"?
Good grief!

Oh, let's look on
the brighter side of things.

Among all those dumb animals,
Dolphin should be quite at home.

Psst! Darrin!

Darrin?
Sweetheart?

Oh, sweetheart,
I just found out.

Well, it must've been
terrible for you.

It's din-din time, kids.
Come and get it!

Come on, sweetheart.
We're going home.

Did you see that?

See what?

Nothing.

All right,

who's the wise guy
who's hiding the mule?

Sure, you play chess
while I'm feeling so guilty...

at what I did to
that poor, dumb animal.

I could cut my throat!

I think I put a new blade
in the razor this morning.

It's your move.

Mrs. Stephens'll probably
never speak to me again.

I'll send her a letter of
congratulations in the morning.

Abner,
the-the jackass is back!

Ah, mule,
sweet mule,

parting is such
sweet sorrow.

But Dolphin must
be back at work tomorrow.

That's terrible!

Mmm. I thought
I read it rather well.

I mean, he's not changing.

Yes. Well, you win
some, you lose some.

Well, I must get cracking, or I
shall be late for my karate finals.

Ah, ah--
No, you don't!

You're not leaving here until you give Darrin
back to me exactly the way you found him.

Ah, the sacrifices a father
makes for his child.

I'll try the
laying on of hands.

Oh, lowly beast
of the field,

be welcomed
unto the fold.

Believe, and the gates of
your heart shall open wide,

and you will walk through.

Hallelujah.

Nothing's happening.

What do you mean?
Plenty is happening.

I'm getting
an abominable headache.

Wait half a mo.

That's the fly in
the witch's ointment.

The jackass and I
are both trying too hard.

Oh, Daddy,
for heaven's sakes.

- This is no time for chess.
- It is precisely the time for chess.

Mutual concentration on a common
problem will make us as one.

Beauty and the beast.

Come along, Dolphin.
You're white. Your move.

All-All right, sweetheart.

Just, um--
Just point it out.

Gently, sweetheart.

Oh. You have very
clumsy lips, sweetheart.

I'll move this for you.

Aha!

The Ruy Lopez opening. A
crafty little beast, aren't you?

Are you sure, Darrin?

I will not tolerate coaching from the
sidelines. Let the jackass play his own game.

Uh, I knocked,
but no one heard me.

Let's get on with the game.
It's your move.

He's playing chess?

Amazing.

What's so amazing? I usually
beat him two out of three.

I can't wait
to tell Abner about this!

Aha! You're getting
into trouble there, Dolphin.

Get your bishop out of the
way, and you can castle.

Castle?
King Arthur!

By George, I've got it!

I once had a run-in with a cowardly
knight and turned him into--

Well, that doesn't matter.
Last night,

when I wrought that remarkable change for
the better in your husband's appearance,

I was standing here,
Dolphin was there,

Samantha, you were here,
and-- let me see.

Endora, you were nowhere.
Scat!

Now we must
get rid of this.

Now we shall recreate
the entire event.

You have the effrontery
to refuse my gift?

- How dare you!
- Now, let's not get all steamed up, Maurice.

- "Sir" to you, Dustbin.
- Darrin.

Uh, D-Daddy,

I-I think Darrin's
just trying to remind you...

how he feels about taking
advantage of you know what.

Samantha, you've picked a
lemon in the garden of love.

You're married to an obstinate
fool, a stubborn jackass.

I am not!

Darrin is-is
a wonderful human being.

Not necessarily.

Samantha, I think
there's a jackass on your rug.

Hold it!

Reverse!

Voilà!

Thank you from
the bottom of my withers!

Not at all, my boy.

As Bill Shakespeare
once said to me,

"The quality of mercy
is not strained.

"It droppeth as a gentle rain from
heaven upon the place beneath.

It is twice blessed. It blesseth
him that gives and him that takes."

Daddy. Um, let's not
get carried away.

Oh. Terribly sorry.

Ah, Endora, Endora.

- It's hard to be a parent.
- Yes, darling.

Darrin was tired,
so he went to bed.

Daddy, I'm worried.

He was thirsty,
and, um--

That's something
to worry about?

He wants his water
in a bucket.

That is something
to worry about.

Forget it, child. It's merely the
residual of his recent hee-haw.

It'll pass in time.

- Mrs. Stephens?
- Oh, hi.

Mrs. Stephens, I need the name
of a good sanitarium.

Oh, is, uh, something
wrong with you, Mr. Kravitz?

Not me-- Gladys. The poor
kid. You know what she said?

She said you have a jackass that plays
chess and that could probably beat me.

Can I live
with a sickie like that?

Well, um,
as-as a matter of fact,

our jackass
did play chess.

You'll have to show me.

Well, um, he's gone.

Please, Mrs. Stephens,
don't try to protect Gladys.

What my daughter meant
was that the jackass...

has just gone into the kitchen
for some milk and cookies.

I'll fetch him.

- Is he kidding?
- I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Daddy? I never could resist
a ripping game of chess.

You're white,
Mr. Kravitz.

It's your move.