All language subtitles for Bewitched.S04E07.Birdies.Bogies.and.Baxter.Imprint.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track5_[eng]

Oh, uh,
just a half a cup, honey.

I won't have time
for a full cup.

Should be
light in 15 minutes.

I want to be
out on the driving range.

Darrin, aren't you
overdoing this a little?

I mean, what can you
possibly expect to see

by the dawn's early light,

outside of a flag?

It'll just be
a couple of more days

until Larry and I play
with Joe Baxter.

I wanna make
a good impression.

After we play,
then I'll... I'll relax.

Well, that'll...

Darrin?

Darrin?

Oh, Prince Charming!

He's a barrel of jollies,
isn't he?

Mother, what are you doing here?

Darling, the Raja of Ramapore

is having those marvelous
elephant races today

and I asked the old dear
if I could bring you.

Mother, we are going nowhere.

What a drudge.

Thank you.

What's with
what's-his-name?

I know he was born tired,
but why is he exhausted?

Well, he's after
a very big account.

A sporting-goods company

and the president of the company
is an excellent golfer.

And if Darrin makes a good
showing on the golf course,

he gets the account!

Oh, you're joshing!

Well, it's not really
as silly as it sounds.

Oh, I do hope not.

Darrin was a very good golfer
in his college days.

All he wants to do
is get his old game back

and he'll be happy.

[Endora] Oh, you
silly little witch.

Don't you know how it is
with mortals and their games?

They're never satisfied.
They get a little better,

then they
want to get a lot better.

Then they get a lot better and
they wanna play all the time.

Soon he'll be living
at the golf course.

Which, I guess,

is a good deal better
than living here.

Mother, the elephants
are in the starting gate.

Hadn't you better
get back to India?

Oh!

Goodbye, mother.

Darrin.

Eye of newt
and scale of fish,

give this mortal
his stupid wish.

Let those clubs
achieve his aim.

Give him back
his college game.

Darrin.

Fore!

Uh, do you mind
if I play through?

No, go ahead.
Uh, no... What?

Oh, I... I... I gotta go!

I... I can get in two buckets
of balls and a fast nine holes

before I go to the office.

You know, Sam, it really
doesn't hurt getting up early.

- It doesn't?
- No, it makes you feel great!

Sharp, alert!

- Goodbye, honey.
- Mm.

Darrin, you forgot something!

I'm sorry, honey.
I didn't kiss you, did I?

- Well...
- Bye.

Uh, I know you feel sharp
and alert, sweetheart,

but you still can't play golf
without your clubs.

Huh.

Yeah.

- Hello.
- Honey, I got it!

My game came back to me! The
rhythm, the swing, everything.

Well, congratulations!
I knew you could do it.

I told ya!
Just a little time, patience.

You can relax a little now, huh?

Are you kiddin'?
Now I really gotta pour it on!

But, Darrin, you said
all you wanted was...

Honey, I can't let up now!

A, I gotta get ready for Baxter,

and B, there's no reason why I
can't become the club champion.

And C, I'll send your
pajamas to the club

so that you can sleep
in the locker room.

Hey, honey. What do you
take me for, some kind of a nut?

I'm sorry, sir.
I can neither confirm nor deny.

Uh, uh, honey,
I'll... I'll talk to you later.

Darrin, you're late!
Now, where have you been?

Out swinging
for the old company.

Oh, Larry.
I've got it!

I shot a 38
on the first nine.

A 38, buddy boy!
I had one out of bounds

and rimmed the cup
on two greens.

Great. Baxter's in my office.
We've been waiting for you.

I should have
shot a 34.

You know that par five
on the back nine?

Kaplow!
Out there 260 yards.

I took out the three-wood
and crack!

Right onto the green,
putting for an eagle.

Yeah, yeah, that's fine, Darrin,
but we don't have time...

I played it
with a little break to the left,

broke straight in,
so I tapped in for a birdie.

- On the next hole, I...
- Darrin! Darrin.

I wanted you to sharpen up your
game, but this is ridiculous.

You never were any good,
so you wouldn't understand.

That great feeling,
that surge of power.

All right, Darrin,
come along quietly.

Don't you want to hear
about the 15th hole?

It was great.

Joe, I'd like you to meet...

Joe?

Well, where'd he go?

Just loosening up
a little.

Uh, Joe, I'd like you to meet
my associate, Darrin Stephens.

Hey! Quite a grip
you got there, fella!

Not like our friend
Flabby Larry here, huh?

I make a point of keeping
myself in condition.

He's the brawn,
I'm the brains.

Oh, that doesn't
necessarily follow, Larry.

It takes muscle to pump oxygen
and vitamins to the brain cells

to clean 'em up.

I think Joe's
trying to tell you

you've got a dirty mind.

Maybe not dirty,
but certainly clogged up.

Right, Darrin?

Uh, well, uh, can we
get down to business?

Now, Joe, about that account,

- I'm very anxious to get started...
- All in good time.

I, um,
I read the brochures,

seen the presentation,
very creative.

But I don't feel that
I know the real man

until I've played golf
with him.

I learn a lot
about a man that way.

Especially when I beat him,
which is usually.

I intend to give you
a good run for your money, Joe.

Is that right?

Yes, sir.

Were both planning
to learn a lot

from watching
you play, Joe.

Why don't the two of you
bring your wives

and join Mrs. Baxter and me

for lunch at the club tomorrow
before the game.

It'll be our pleasure.

Uh, my wife won't
be able to make it,

she's visiting her mother.

Oh, your mother-in-law's sick?

You have no idea.

Oh. Oh. Huh.

Well, see you at the club
tomorrow at 12:30 for lunch.

[Larry] Good! Ha, ha.

That's a custom of mine,
uh, fattening up my victims

before I lead them
to slaughter.

See you tomorrow, Joe.

- Right. 12:30.
- Right.

- Right, Joe.
- Bye-bye!

Darrin?

Hmm?

You're not going
to do something stupid

like try to beat Joe Baxter?

Larry, you're the one who's been
bugging me to get my game up.

All right.

Just don't overdo it.

Well, there's time yet
for two more plays.

We were two points behind.

Tough spot for a quarterback,
which is me.

Now, this is the way
we were lined up.

- Here I am...
- Whoa, substitution.

You should be the pepper,
Mr. Baxter.

Well, I like that.
Thank you, Samantha.

[Joe] Well, I called
for a pass play.

Green, J5, out six.

I got a bad pass
from center.

By the time I got control
of the ball,

my receivers were covered
and they were coming in on me!

Gee, Joe, what happened?
Come on. What'd you do?

It was the last play.

The last game of my senior year
at Poly Prep.

We were two points behind,
but we won.

How did I do it?

I know! I know!
Can I tell?

I got myself loose,
I faded back...

Are you ready for this?

[Margaret] He drop-kicked it!

How about that?

Thanks, Margaret,
for helping out.

I'd forgotten
how the story ended.

Anyway, to me,
a sport, any sport,

is what I call a...
a dramatization of life.

That's a good thought, Joe.

A deep one.

Maybe we could use it
in our advertising campaign.

Now, just a minute, amigo.
We don't have a deal yet.

I... I think it's about time
for us to tee off.

Oh, we've got
another minute.

Did I tell you what happened
to me once with Sam...

We're in the breakfast...
[Margaret] Joe, please.

Just go and play, will you?

All right, Margaret.

Well... enjoy yourself,
ladies.

We'll, uh...
We'll see you later.

- Good luck, sweetheart.
- Thanks, honey.

Bye-bye.

Well, Samantha...

what do you think of Joe's
philosophy of sports?

His enthusiasm is amazing.

So is his vocabulary.

Men do tend to run with the
conversational ball, don't they?

And I think it's a good idea
every once in a while

to throw them
for a ten or fifteen yard loss.

You know the trouble with Joe?

He really is
as good as he says he is.

If only he could be beaten
by some Sunday golfer,

maybe we'd have a little
more normalcy in our lives.

There'd be a scream of anguish
heard round the world but...

it would do him...

and me a lot of good.

How about that,
Joe?

I never thought I'd take
a single hole from you,

yet here we are
on the 11th tee,

and I'm only three down.

Your honor, Stephens.

Oh, yeah.

It was that five-iron shot
that did it.

I knew I had to hit down
on the ball,

give it plenty of backspin
so it would hold the green.

Yet I had
to clear that tree.

We know. We played the
hole with you, remember?

I know, I know. I just can't
help bubbling over with...

Darrin.

Do you mind
not bubbling over on us?

Sorry, Larry.

Ah-ha-ha!

Ah!

Next customer.

You're playing
over your head.

Now, cut it out.
It's bugging Baxter.

Oh, come on.

Baxter likes
a good game.

He respects
a fierce competitor.

Only if he wins.

See that he does.

I like that one.

Hi, fellas. We're
gonna be your gallery.

Well, this is a pleasant
surprise, Samantha.

What are you
doing here, Margaret?

I'm with her.

How's it going?

Your husband's doing very well.

He's only three down.

Honey, you should have seen me
on that last hole,

I was sensational!

All that getting up early and
practicing was really worth it.

But he does talk a lot.

"He" talks a lot.

Shall we play?

Make sure you miss
this shot.

What are you using, Stephens?

My 7-iron.

Oh, you'll never reach there
with a seven.

You better take a six.

Well, just to show you
what can be done

if you put a little
muscle into the shot,

I'll use my 8-iron.

[Baxter] I'll get it for you.

- Thank you.
- It's your funeral.

What a beautiful funeral.

Knock it off, Margaret.

[Darrin] How 'bout
that shot, Joe?

I think I'll try
an eight-iron, myself.

I thought I told you
to miss this shot.

I tried to,
but I'm just too good.

Well, stop chortling.

First person who says
"tough luck"

gets this club rammed
right down their throat!

You're driving him wild.

And you're about to blow
a million-dollar account.

- But... but... but...
- Darrin, it's only money.

And what do we need
with money?

Two poets
like you and me?

You're only two up,
right, champ?

I can count.

I'm afraid you're slicing
right into trouble.

Right into the trees!

And out!
Ha-ha-ha!

Oh, when you're sharp,
everything goes your way!

Or do you suppose
it's because

you're shot in the pants
with luck?

Stephens?

Do you inhale or exhale
on your backswing?

I don't know.

Joe, what kind of
a dirty trick was that?

I'm terribly sorry,
Darrin.

I didn't mean
to throw you.

Margaret,
don't say a word.

Aw.

Try inhaling on your backswing.
It seems to work for me.

I'll exhale,
if you don't mind.

I think you can
blame that shot on Stephens.

Tate, I'll think
of my own excuses.

Joe, all I meant was...

- It's your turn.
- Shoot.

Ha! Here's mine.

Do you realize
I'm only one down?

Yeah.

And you're going
to stay one down.

Hey!

Darrin, are you sure
you hit this far?

Look, Joe. It went
right in the tin can.

Go ahead and play it.

Joe, would you call that
a natural hazard?

Oh, I would.

So would I.

Larry, can I
borrow your wedge?

Just hit it.

I don't believe it.

I guess you'd call it
lady luck.

I guess that makes us even,
doesn't it?

Uh, look, Joe, under these
extraordinary circumstances,

I think the only
fair thing to do

is play the hole over.

Tate, the only thing I resent
more than his luck

is your patronizing attitude!

Well, what
I meant was...

What did you mean,
Larry?

Oh! I'm terribly
sorry, Darrin.

I couldn't stop it.
Where did your drive go?

Right down the fairway.
Over 300 yards.

I wish you'd cough
when I drive.

I'll give that
to you, Larry.

Thanks. That makes
a nine for me.

I've got a sure
birdie here.

All you have to do
is hole out

from the sand trap
and you've got a tie.

I knew it was
too good to be true.

Well, don't choke up, Joe.

All you need is a little
ten-inch putt for a tie.

Will you let me putt?

Just straight in, Joe.

[Joe] Quiet!

[Larry] Darrin, I am
deeply shocked

by your whole behavior
this afternoon.

Yes, that's right.
Your smart remarks,

your frivolous attitude
toward a man

who is a fine sportsman.

Here's your putter, Joe.

As Joe said, you can learn...

- Do you mind?
- Huh?

Uh, not at all.

As Joe said, you can
learn something important

when you play golf
with a man.

And I've learned
you're not the kind of man

I want at
McMann ... Tate.

And I wouldn't hire a man
who'd hire a man like Stephens.

What?

Actually, McMann hired him.

Hold it, boys.

Joe, I have an
inter-office memo for you.

You may be president
of the firm,

but it's my daddy's money,
and I own it.

But, Margaret...

Maggie.

- Midge, honey.
- The account is going to a new firm.

The Darrin Stephens
Advertising Agency.

Well, thank you,
Mrs. Baxter.

- And I assure you that account...
- Wait a minute.

He can't do that.
He works for me.

You just fired him.

Yeah,
you just fired me.

- It was just temporary.
- It was just temporary.

Well, Joe?

I always said
you'd learn a lot about a man

by the way he accepts defeat.

I never thought I'd be
learning a lot about myself.

There's one consolation.

The winner buys
at the 19th hole.

Stephens?

My pleasure.

I don't suppose
you'd be willing to teach me

that tin can shot,
would you?

Actually, in performing
the tin can shot,

it's necessary
to face the club...

Sweetheart, there's a
wonderful picture at the Lyceum.

Let's go see it.

You know, Sam,
those drives of mine today.

Ah! As good as any
Jack Nicklaus ever hit.

And that 8-iron shot
that I laid stiff to the pin.

Mm! Arnie Palmer'd
take that any day.

And that explosion shot out of the
sand trap that broke Joe's heart?

Darrin, I... I was
there, remember?

Wasn't it great?

Did you notice the backspin
I put on that ball?

- Actually, when exploding from the sand...
- Darrin.

Sam, I'm thinking
of joining the tour.

The what?

I'm turning pro.

There's a load of money to be
made, we'd enjoy the traveling,

and if I'm as good
as I think I am,

we'd be set for life.

Darrin...

I win a few tournaments,

there'll be Darrin Stephens
golf clubs,

Darrin Stephens shirts,
slacks, shoes!

And a Darrin Stephens hat...

Size ten and a half.

Um, I hate to tell
you this, sweetheart,

but, um, you didn't make
any of those great shots.

Oh, really?

You knew!

Sam, even in my
best college days,

I couldn't sink
a 30-yard approach shot

out of a can of peanut brittle.

Then, uh...

Then you're not mad?

Who could be mad?

Ha! It was
a good thing you did,

letting the hot air out of
Joe Baxter's stuffed shirt.

- Mm.
- Oh!

I'll get your coat and
we'll go to that picture.

Ah, no, no. You just stay
right where you are.

I'll get it.

Oh, Sam!

So sue me.

It was worth it.