All language subtitles for Bewitched.S04E06.No.Zip.in.My.Zap.Imprint.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track5_[eng]

- Rise and shine!
- Oh.

Oh. Did... Did I oversleep?

Mmm.

6:30?

And all is well.

Voila!

What's all this?

What are you
doing up so early?

A toast.

To the new anti-smog device

manufactured by Carter
Brothers Industrial Products.

More specifically,
to the brilliant young fellow

who designed
their advertising campaign.

They bought it!

Yeah. I couldn't wait
to tell you.

Oh. Sit down
and tell me all the details.

Unless, of course,
you're too modest.

You twisted my arm.

Uh, what did Mr. Carter say?

Well, among other things,

I was called
an advertising genius.

I'm so proud of you.

Honey, everyone was. It's a
deal that's good for everyone.

Everything went so smoothly
right from the start.

It was like magic.

Sam, you didn't
by any chance, uh...

No, Darrin.
You did it all yourself.

You are a brilliant
advertising-man.

I have one fault.

Your modesty.

Mm-hmm.

And I want you to go down today

and purchase two tickets
for that cruise to Bermuda.

- Oh! You mean it?
- Larry said "a big bonus."

Oh, Darrin, it'll be like
a second honeymoon.

Nothing wrong
with the first.

True.

I'd better get to the office.

Larry's ready to burn
incense at my feet.

Bye-bye, sweetheart.
Congratulations!

[Darrin] Thanks, hon.

Morning, mommy.

Good morning,
sweetheart

Daddy go?

Yes, just left.

Daddy didn't go.

Oh.

Darrin!

Darrin?

Darrin, you forgot
your brief ca...

Tabatha, no!

Oh!

Oh, Tabatha!

Crickery crockery
heed my wishes

reassemble into dishes.

Oh, my stars!

Bach or Road to Mandalay
I command you, piano, to play!

Melancholy Baby?

Mother!

Mother!

Mom?

Ohh!

I command
with all my might

this wretched lighter
now to light.

Ew.

Oh! Thank heavens
you heard me.

- You called me?
- Mother, don't joke.

Well, I merely popped in
to see my grandchild.

Well, your child-child
is glad you're here.

Mother... I've lost my powers!

Watch.

Dwindling kindling
earn my praise

fire burn
With cheery blaze.

There. Now do you
believe me?

Oh, darling,
forgive the cynicism.

I'll call Dr. Bombay.

Good.

Endora, I've asked you a thousand
times to call me at the exchange.

I was at a concert.

In that getup?

Quite appropriate, I assure you.

Nero was fiddling.
Rome was burning.

It was a smasheroo,
a reenactment, of course.

Of course.

And I'm very sorry,
but this is an emergency.

Samantha has lost
her zap.

Good. It wouldn't
have lasted anyway.

These mixed marriages.

Not sap. Zap!

Oh. Sorry.
Stick your tongue out.

Gladly.

Say "Ah".

Ahhh.

Uh-huh. Uhh...

Is it serious?

When did you fly last?

Oh, well, I can't...
I can't remember.

I've been very busy.

Let me see you try
simple self-levitation.

The tongue depressor,
levitate it.

Have you been practicing
your normal,

day-to-day witchcraft?

Well...

Don't tell me because
you're married to one,

you've been trying
to live like one.

Sad but true.

Mother.

My dear girl,
you haven't lost your powers.

They're simply clogged up.

Oh?

Such neglect of her metaphysics
has rendered her earthbound.

- Earthbound!
- Now, my dear, there's no need panic.

But simple levitation is urgent

in order to prevent
the dam from bursting.

Mother!

And you stay there,
young lady.

But I can't stay up here.
I've got things to do.

Quiet!

If you need me, call.

Through the exchange!

Now, you just rest.

We'll have you back
on your feet in no time.

Rest? Up here?

Levitation is the only cure.

How long?

Well, Samantha,

Rome was neither built
nor burned in a day.

Rome didn't have a child to take
care of or a house to clean.

Grandmama will take care
of little Tabatha.

As for the house...

you can take
care of that yourself...

when you get better.

Larry, I don't want to
put my feet on your desk.

- You don't like my desk?
- I love your desk.

I'm crazy about your desk.

It's yours.

You're a genius.
"Inhale in Health."

Oh, are we gonna fill our lungs
full of that fresh, clean money.

Darrin, you really earned
your bonus this time.

After Nilesmunster
signs the contract,

I'll sign your
bonus check.

Nilesmunster?

M.J. Nilesmunster.

The guy Old Man Carter sent out to
give the contract the final once over.

You know him?

I went to school
with a Nilesmunster.

Well, if this is the guy you
went to school with...

This was a girl.

Who was a girl?

- Mary Jane Nilesmunster.
- What's the matter with you?

Larry, you know that feeling when you get
up in the morning, and the sun is shining,

and the birds are singing
so nice, and...

and you fall down
the whole flight of stairs,

splat, on your face?

What are you
talking about?

Mary Jane Nilesmunster
swore she'd get me someday

and knowing her, she might
pick this day to do it.

Now, look, Darrin.

I know how important
this deal is to you.

Me, too.

But let's
not get paranoid.

M.J. Nilesmunster represents

one of the top manufacturers
of the country.

They're up on the big board.

M.J. can't be Mary Jane.

You're
right, Larry. I'm being silly.

Of course you are.

I just want everything
to work out.

Oh, you know me,
I'm a walking ulcer.

Do I look worried? Ha!

Any word from Nilesmunster yet?

The plane
arrived on schedule.

Uh, the appointment was
confirmed for 2:00?

Yes, Mr. Tate.

Did you speak
to Nilesmunster directly?

No, Mr. Stephens.
She was under the dryer.

Larry, please, tell her
I'm sick. Tell her I died!

She's just waiting to pull the
rug out from under me, zingo!

She particularly requested
that you be there.

You know why? She wants
to see the look on my face

when she says, "No deal."

Hell has no fury
like a woman scorned.

So that's it. Well, take it
from an old hand, they forget.

- You don't know Mary Jane.
- Mm.

So long, Larry.

You should see what she wrote
in the class yearbook.

"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,

it may take a while,
but I'll get you."

Pinning a girl
at a high school prom

doesn't mean you're gonna
marry her.

Larry, I know that.

But her mother broadcast
the engagement

all over the state
the next day.

- On the radio?
- Her mother didn't need a radio.

I've been through it
a hundred times.

By now, to her, you're
just another pretty face.

Not with her memory,

she could recite you both
senators from every state.

Don't make me say it,
Darrin.

Say what?

You're just
not that memorable.

You're a little guilty.
So tell Sam about it

and get it off your chest.

Good idea,
I'll go call her.

Not now.

It's open.

I'm on long distance.
Make yourselves at home.

That's her.

Mr. Tate, could you
come in for a second?

Mr. Carter wants
to speak to you.

Uh, right.
Mr. Stephens, too?

Just you!

What'd I tell ya?

Hello.

Thank goodness I caught you.

I hope you haven't picked up
those tickets to Bermuda.

No... no, sweetheart,
as a matter of fact I haven't.

Uh, what's wrong?

I'll explain later.

Something happened
to shake up this deal.

Oh, darling, I am sorry.

- Where are you now?
- At the hotel.

Well, don't you worry, darling.
We can manage withou...

Samantha, the less
contact with humans

in your condition, the better!

Oh. Samantha can't talk
to you anymore.

You! Would you put Samantha
back on the phone?

She's indisposed.

Indisposed?
What's that supposed to mean?

She's flying.

Flying?

I didn't expect you
to understand.

- Mother.
- Yes?

That was a terrible
thing to do.

Even for you.

You calm yourself.

You're not at all well.

Ohh!

Flying?

Flying!

Sam?

Sam, is that you?

You didn't have to come
all the way down here, honey.

A trip to Bermuda
can't mean that much to you.

Sam.

Sam!

Oh, Sam!

Sam, please. Go home.

There'll be other deals, other
trips to Bermuda, I promise.

Sam!

Sam!
Honey?

Besides, there's nothing
you could do,

even if I wanted you to.

Sam, please, go home!

Sam, please.
Please, Samantha. Please?

Go home.

Mother, you work
at trying not to understand.

I know how much
this deal means to Darrin.

He needs help.

I've always said that.

Mother, be serious.

Darrin is in some
kind of trouble,

and he needs help.
He'd never ask.

If he was going to ask,
he would probably do it

by not asking,
don't you see?

Ah, yes.
It's marvelously clear.

It's a fine time for my
powers to get clogged up.

Samantha, I learned something
very important a long time ago.

When a man asks for help
from a woman,

especially by not
asking for help,

the best thing for her to do

is to forget
about the whole thing.

- You sure?
- Dead certain.

Where'd you learn that, from
the Wicked Witch of the West?

No.

From a divorce lawyer
in Southern California.

Oh, Samantha!

Really!

Sam, please. Go home.
I don't want your help.

Whatever you do, I'll undo,

so you just might as well
go on home.

You're wasting your time.

Besides I don't like the idea

of your mother
sitting with the ba...

...by.

Uh, ladybug, ladybug,
fly away home.

- That's a fly.
- It is?

Oh, I'd better have
the old optics checked.

Larry!

Uh, uh, a life.

After all, a fly has as much
right to live as, uh, a...

This is Darrin Stephens,
Ms. Nilesmunster.

- How do you d...
- I just wanted to say

that things
that have happened in the past

have no bearing on things
that are going on right now.

How do you do,
Mr. Stephens?

I've been looking forward
to meeting you.

How do you do?

Well, Stephens, shall we
get to the contract?

Uh, Ms. Nilesmunster,
before you sign the contract,

I think there's something
that you should know.

You're being dealt with
unfairly.

You see, a long time ago,
we knew each other.

But you forgot
but you didn't really forget.

Uh, that is...
The point is, you know me.

But you don't know
that you know me.

It's a spell.

Darrin, Ms. Nilesmunster's
a very busy woman.

And I don't think
we should delay her

any longer than we have to.

Thank you very much,
gentlemen.

Thank you very much,
Ms. Nilesmunster.

What'd I tell you?

Oh, mother.
There's Darrin now.

Please let me down.

If you want to get
back in shape,

you'll stay off your feet.

But he's never been this late.
Mother, I'm worried.

You know what may happen.

Just let me down.

Good evening, Samantha.

Good evening, madam!

Darrin?

Don't you recognize me
either?

- What's wrong?
- He's soused to the gills,

that's what's wrong.
- Mother, please!

Nonsense, madam.
I'm quite sober.

I'd only had tee martoonis.

Well, then you better take the olives
out of your mouth. You're talking funny.

Funny is better than dreary.

Would you kindly ask
Little Miss Muffet

to get her tuffet out of here?

All right.

But if you need me,

just light a match
near his breath.

I'll see the flames.

Good ol' Smokey The Boar.

Darrin, what is it?
Did the deal fall through?

You know darn well
the deal didn't fall...

fall through.

Well, now how would
I know a thing like that?

Well, when you called
this afternoon,

I figured out
something was wrong.

And so you...
you right away,

- I what?
- You Bzzz-zzz-zzzed.

I told you,
I didn't need your help

But no, you're the cavalry.

You're... You're zap-happy.
That's what you are.

Uh, all right.
Now one step at a time.

The deal didn't fall through
and you're mad at me.

Listen, when you landed
on my nose,

I told you right then...

Whe... When I landed
on your nose?

Sam, you're not going to deny

that you turned
yourself into a fly

and flew down to the hotel
and zapped yourself

into a two-week
cruise to Bermuda.

You know something funny.

I don't understand
one word you're saying.

I haven't left
this house all day.

There is nothing worse
than a flying lie!

A lying fly!

Your own mother
said you were flying.

Right here.

And for therapy,
if you want to know.

I couldn't have
changed myself into anything

even if I wanted to.

You couldn't.

No.
And you know why?

Because I've lost my powers.

They're all dammed up.

And if I don't take care
of myself, the dam will burst.

I won't be able
to control it.

She didn't even
recognize me.

Oh, sweetheart,
you're not even listening.

Come back.

No power, huh?

That's what I've been
trying to tell you.

When it comes back,
it's out of control.

Wouldn't it be better
if you admitted the truth?

The truth is that
I haven't done anything.

I have been absolutely
powerless all day.

I've been trying to get
the piano to play,

and the fire to burn,
and the lighter to light...

Oh!

Oh, Darrin, it isn't me!

Well, I mean it is, but...

Well, that's because
the dam's burst.

Sam, turn that piano off.
This is a madhouse!

But I can't control it.

I'm warning you, Sam.

I'm gonna have to
get out of here.

It's been a rough day!

All right then, go back
to your friendly bartender

with your mouth
full of olives!

Well, what'll it be,
old buddy?

On the rocks?

I always make 'em 5-1.

A man loses his integrity,
he has nothing.

I'll drink to that.

- Bartender.
- I'll drink to that.

- Keep the change.
- I'll drink to that.

You're a married man, you don't
have to put up with all that...

That, I won't drink to.

Drink from? Yes.
To? No.

My wife,
she had to interfere.

They're all the same.

No, they're not.
Yours is human.

I'd like to take
a vote on that.

Mine's a witch.

They all are.

This time she changed
herself into a fly.

They all change.
Starts out with,

"Anything you say dear,"
and then...

But she's not gonna
get away with it.

If we go to Bermuda,
it's gonna be

on my credentials,
not on her...

Mm. Yes, sir.

I'm gonna put a whammy
on her hocus-pocus right now.

You'd better lay off.

I'll drink to...

I recognized you
this afternoon.

Oh, people change.
Now, on second look you...

What did you say?

I said,
I recognized you, Darrin.

When heard the name,
I wondered,

but the minute
I laid eyes on you, I knew.

Uh, but then why... Uh...

Well, the last time I saw you
I was very upset.

I threatened childishly.

Let's just say,
I'd prefer not to remember

that hysterical, vengeful girl.

I guess you thought
I was pretty dense.

I admit it did cross my mind.

Would, uh... Will you
please accept my apology?

It's a deal.

Our second today.

Well, I... I certainly am happy
everything worked out.

I think we all are.

Well, you, uh...

You certainly
have come a long way.

I mean,
from drum majorette to...

I mean, you hold
a very important position

in the business world.

For a woman, you mean?

Oh, it's all right.

Ladies who work in what's
considered a man's job

get used to that.

I suppose.

What we don't get used to is
keeping up in the business world and

taking care of
our children at the same time.

- You're married?
- Very.

But, uh, Nilesmunster?

That's the name
on my law degree.

Are you married?

Yes, I'm married.

- Do you remember...
- Say, what ever happened...

- I'm sorry. Go ahead.
- No, you.

Well, I was wondering
if you knew what ever happened

to that Wilson brat
that used to drive you cuckoo.

- Harvey Wilson?
- Harvey. I never knew his first name.

We always used
to call him "Stinky."

That's who I'm married to.

Wonderful guy.
Well, I'd better get going.

Come on, Sam.

It was stupid
male pride.

That's the reason
I acted the way I did.

Well, you didn't believe me.
That's what hurt.

I'm sorry.

Well, what is a marriage
if it isn't based on trust?

You're right.

I'm not a liar.

Honey, I promise,
I'll never doubt you again.

Forgiven?

Just one more question.

A fly?

Now don't you think I have
any more imagination than that?

Yes. I told you, it was
just stupid male pride.

Okay.

You're forgiven.

- One question.
- Mm.

Is this any way
to run a marriage?

Well...

I mean, how long are you
gonna have to stay like this?

Tonight should do it.

Well... I guess we can make up
tomorrow night.