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1
00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:08,967
Hello.
2
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,302
Oh, hi, Sally.
3
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,054
I was wondering where you were.
4
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,725
Oh, hang on just a minute,
will you?
5
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:19,268
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
I know you're hungry.
6
00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:20,771
I'll feed you in a minute.
7
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,940
Uh, hello.
8
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:25,234
Yes, you'll have to speak
a little louder.
9
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,236
The baby's crying.
10
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:28,737
You can't?
11
00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:32,241
Oh, Sally,
I was depending on you.
12
00:00:32,281 --> 00:00:34,576
Well,
I am sorry.
13
00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:36,411
How about your sister?
14
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:38,747
Oh, yes,
I understand.
15
00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:41,917
I hope you both
feel better soon.
16
00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:43,961
Bye-bye.
17
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,422
Where did you get
that bottle?
18
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:48,966
Really, Samantha!
19
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,425
Where do you think
she got it?
20
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,261
Oh, well, thank goodness.
21
00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:55,597
For one terrible moment,
I thought maybe Tabatha had...
22
00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:57,432
Well, you never know.
23
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,320
Thank you.
24
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,989
Well, that's the last of them.
25
00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:56,742
I've tried every babysitter
I know.
26
00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:58,285
I have a lunch date
with Darrin
27
00:01:58,327 --> 00:01:59,870
and a very
important client
28
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:02,080
who insists upon
meeting everybody's wives.
29
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,915
Well, if you really
want to go out to lunch,
30
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,000
why don't you
toddle off?
31
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,627
I'll stay here
with Tabatha.
32
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:09,921
No, Mother.
I I better not.
33
00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:12,174
Thank you for offering, though.
34
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:14,800
What do you mean,
you'd better not?
35
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:17,262
You've never stayed
with Tabatha before.
36
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:20,181
Well, although this may come
as a surprise, Samantha,
37
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:22,476
I'm not a complete stranger
to babies.
38
00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:27,314
You, as I recall,
were once one yourself.
39
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:30,400
Don't you trust me,
Samantha?
40
00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:31,818
Of course I do.
41
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,654
Doesn't Dagwood trust me?
42
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:34,863
Well...
43
00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:37,324
Oh! That presumptuous mortal.
44
00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:40,410
Refusing to let me babysit
with my own flesh and blood.
45
00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:42,829
All right, Mother, all right.
I'm sorry.
46
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,331
Of course you can stay.
47
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,999
Marvelous.
48
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,210
Do tell Dorian.
49
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:50,044
It's sure to ruin his lunch.
50
00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:51,713
It's Darian!
51
00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:52,923
Uh, Doria--
52
00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:53,965
Darrin.
53
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,258
And I'll do nothing of the kind.
54
00:02:56,258 --> 00:02:58,679
Now, Mother, promise me...
55
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,681
no funny business.
56
00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:02,683
Witch's honor.
57
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,559
I promise, angel.
58
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,270
That's a...
59
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:10,148
That's a nice
little girl.
60
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:14,903
And the beautiful,
charming, kindly witch,
61
00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:19,241
said to the nasty,
old Snow White,
62
00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:23,161
"Here is a lovely apple."
63
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,871
Oh, don't kick, darling.
64
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:28,500
Now, listen, we're trying to
make you much more comfortable.
65
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:29,626
That's a girl.
66
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,754
Come...
67
00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,759
Come in!
68
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:43,432
Oh, Mrs. Stephens, the most
remarkable thing happened.
69
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:46,601
I was just feeding
little Edgar,
70
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,895
the sweetums,
and you know what he did?
71
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:51,982
He grabbed the spoon--
Oh, it's you.
72
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:54,234
I thought Mrs. Stephens
was here.
73
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,736
Well, Samantha
isn't here.
74
00:03:55,777 --> 00:04:00,949
Mrs. Kravitz, do you know
how to change a diaper?
75
00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:03,285
I was just leaving.
76
00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:07,497
What an adorable baby.
77
00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:08,415
I'll hold him while--
78
00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:10,417
Oh, he doesn't like
to be held.
79
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:14,087
Oh. Well, then, just set
the little darling right here,
80
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,630
and I'll watch him.
81
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:20,093
Well, he doesn't like
to be touched, either.
82
00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:21,970
[Endora] Very
well, just as you say.
83
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:24,765
Ohhh...
84
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:27,601
Hello, cutie.
85
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:32,272
Is Auntie Gladys
going to change you, huh?
86
00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:35,484
I suppose you're wondering
why I came in with a baby.
87
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:36,693
No.
88
00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:39,112
Edgar is Edna's child.
89
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:41,238
Edna is my sister.
90
00:04:41,238 --> 00:04:45,118
Edgar was born
the very same week as Tabatha.
91
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,537
Oh, but they're
completely different.
92
00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:50,791
How nice,
considering he's a boy.
93
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,460
Oh, no, I mean really different.
94
00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,212
Well, I wouldn't be surprised.
95
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:57,714
Edgar is much more advanced.
96
00:04:57,755 --> 00:05:03,136
Aren't you? Aren't you?
You little Einstein, you!
97
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:06,973
You see, my sister's husband
is a CPA,
98
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,600
and you know how smart they are.
99
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,353
So naturally
Edgar is much farther along
100
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,730
than other babies his own age.
101
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,524
Now, take Tabatha.
102
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:18,527
Edgar was crawling
almost a week before--
103
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:19,986
Ow!
104
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,696
Ooh!
105
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,031
I pricked myself.
106
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:25,158
Oh, I'm so sorry.
107
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:28,495
Yes, but I wasn't
even near a pin.
108
00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,121
I'd finished.
109
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:33,666
Oh, don't you worry,
sweetums.
110
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:38,505
You'll clench your fist,
and you'll gurgle and laugh
111
00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:43,260
and eat with a spoon
just like Edgar.
112
00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:48,682
Now that Auntie Gladys
has made you all comfy-wumfy,
113
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:53,311
maybe nice old granny will give
you some milky-wilky, huh?
114
00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:55,146
[Tabatha] No, thank you, Mrs. Kravitz.
115
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,148
I don't care
for any.
116
00:05:58,065 --> 00:05:59,526
She talked!
117
00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:00,861
So she did.
118
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:03,572
The baby talked!
119
00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:07,033
Abner, I tell you,
that baby talked!
120
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:08,577
I heard it
with my own ears.
121
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:11,162
You mean you let her
get a word in?
122
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,206
I asked it
if it wanted some milk.
123
00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,876
And she said,
"No, thank you.
124
00:06:15,916 --> 00:06:17,377
I've just eaten."
125
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:18,670
So?
126
00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:21,089
What's so remarkable about that?
The kid wasn't hungry.
127
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:24,301
Abner, infants don't talk.
128
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,052
Even Edgar doesn't talk.
129
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:27,303
You make up for him.
130
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:28,680
Abner, I'm telling you.
131
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:31,600
I heard that little baby,
Tabatha, talk.
132
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,351
Now, do you believe me, or not?
133
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,061
Why shouldn't I believe ya?
134
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:37,063
For a year now,
you've been telling me
135
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,982
there's funny things
going on over there.
136
00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,901
Once you saw people flying,
137
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:44,029
then you saw pictures
hanging themselves on the walls.
138
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,156
Now you tell me
an infant can talk.
139
00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:49,075
Know something?
You're improving.
140
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,535
Mah!
141
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:55,248
Come on. You come sit
over here.
142
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:56,249
Yes, indeed.
143
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:06,801
Yes?
144
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:08,762
Samantha?
145
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,221
Oh, fine.
146
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,932
Fine. Did you have a nice lunch?
147
00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,767
Oh, no, no trouble.
148
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,435
No calls.
149
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:18,647
Yes, she's right here in my arms
looking so bright-eyed,
150
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:21,399
you'd think
she was about to talk.
151
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:23,234
Oh, no, no, dear.
Take your time.
152
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,486
No rush.
153
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,404
Bye-bye.
154
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:29,491
There, yes, that was your mummy.
155
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:32,202
Yes, I'm going to tell you
another nice story
156
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:34,204
about two
naughty little children,
157
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:36,706
called Hansel and Gretel.
158
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:40,543
Yes. Of course,
I'm going to tell you the truth
159
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,087
about Hansel
and Gretel.
160
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,297
Not any of those
old falsehoods
161
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:47,425
they've been spreading around
for years.
162
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,303
Now, there.
Are you comfortable?
163
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,722
Yes. The book?
164
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,307
Here we are.
165
00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:57,435
Let's see if we
can find the story.
166
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,229
Yes, here it is.
167
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:02,983
Now, "Once upon a time,
a nice, kindly witch
168
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:06,027
"lived in a gingerbread house
in the forest.
169
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:09,280
She wasn't bothering anyone
or causing any harm."
170
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,907
You understand that, Tabatha.
171
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:13,994
"Well, unfortunately, one day,
two nasty little hooligans
172
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:18,039
"called Hansel and Gretel,
found the gingerbread house.
173
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,541
"Well...
174
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:22,377
"without so much
as a by-your-leave,
175
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:25,171
"the two little gluttons
broke off her window ledge
176
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:26,339
and ate it!"
177
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:29,050
Now, what do you think of that?
178
00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:30,510
Yes.
179
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:33,346
"Well, naturally,
the nice witch was concerned."
180
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,932
I mean, who likes vandalism?
181
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,150
Mr. Stephens!
182
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:47,527
Oh, Mr. Stephens! Wait!
183
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:51,030
Oh, Mr. Stephens.
184
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:52,407
Oh, hi, Mrs. Kravitz.
185
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,909
I just wanted
to congratulate you on Tabatha.
186
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,369
What about Tabatha?
187
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:59,497
Well, about the way she talks
and everything.
188
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,623
Oh, it's wonderful.
189
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:03,043
A genius
on my very own block.
190
00:09:03,083 --> 00:09:04,502
Tabatha talked?
191
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,046
Why, yes. I heard her.
192
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:09,424
She said, "No, thank you, Mrs.
Kravitz. I won't have any...
193
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:10,800
She meant milk.
194
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,803
I had suggested
that she have some milk.
195
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:33,364
Hello, Tabatha.
196
00:09:33,405 --> 00:09:35,492
I'm your Daddy.
197
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,745
Do you have anything
to say to Daddy?
198
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,580
Is there anything you'd like?
199
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:43,583
Just tell Daddy,
and I'll get it for you.
200
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:46,294
I imagine she'd like her dinner.
It's already in the--
201
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:47,337
Shh!
202
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:48,630
Let her say it herself.
203
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,966
Darrin, are you all right?
204
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,259
Fine.
205
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:54,636
Just fine for a man
who's just learned
206
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,096
his infant daughter can talk.
207
00:09:56,136 --> 00:09:57,347
Tabatha, talk?
208
00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:58,765
Mrs. Kravitz told me
all about it.
209
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:00,725
How she said, "No, thank you,
Mrs. Kravitz.
210
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,102
I don't care for any milk."
211
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:03,186
Mrs. Kravitz?
212
00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:04,771
No, Tabatha!
213
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,272
You mean you didn't hear it?
214
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,607
No, I didn't.
215
00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:09,651
It must've happened
while we were having lunch.
216
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,194
When the babysitter
was here.
217
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,320
Mother!
218
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,030
What mother?
219
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:16,116
Your Mother.
220
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,492
Sam!
221
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,785
Well, um, uh,
Darrin,
222
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:21,830
the babysitter
got the flu,
223
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,289
and I couldn't get
anyone else.
224
00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:25,458
I didn't want to break
our lunch date.
225
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,502
Well, it was
the only thing to do.
226
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:28,753
Honey, you didn't.
227
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,296
You didn't leave Tabatha
alone with that--
228
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:31,756
That-- That broom jockey.
229
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,633
Darrin, she is my mother.
230
00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:35,426
She got her feelings hurt
when I refused,
231
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,095
she promised
she wouldn't do anything.
232
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:40,056
Promises or no, you don't leave
a four-time loser alone
233
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,349
with an open safe!
234
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:42,308
Oh.
235
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:43,309
Can you get her here?
236
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:45,645
That won't be necessary.
237
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:49,023
Broom-jockey, am I?
238
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:50,400
Mother, you promised.
239
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,652
Truly, darling,
I just couldn't help myself.
240
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,904
Couldn't help yourself?
Is that your excuse?
241
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:57,740
Darrin, Darrin. Now, just
give her a chance to explain.
242
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,742
Mother, you come down here.
243
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:05,165
That very foolish woman
and her very advanced nephew
244
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:06,624
just got on my nerves,
245
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:10,044
so I put a few simple words
in the baby's mouth.
246
00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:13,131
Oh, it was more than
human flesh could bear!
247
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:14,090
You're not human!
248
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:15,216
Darrin.
True.
249
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,509
Mother.
250
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:18,344
How dare you play
your stupid, childish tricks
251
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:19,470
on an innocent baby?!
252
00:11:19,511 --> 00:11:20,554
Mother-- Darrin.
253
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,348
There's no need
to shout.
254
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:23,641
You'll disturb the baby.
255
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:25,518
The baby, you couldn't
care less about the baby!
256
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:28,855
Now, can't we just discuss this
257
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,190
like adults?
258
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:34,944
That baby, my granddaughter,
was being insulted.
259
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:38,323
She was made to sound
like a dim-witted lump!
260
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,116
So what?
Darin!
261
00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,409
All that's important
262
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,160
is that she's a normal,
healthy, happy baby.
263
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,540
There,
she isn't happy anymore.
264
00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:49,125
There, you see?
You see?
265
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,210
You made
the baby cry.
266
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,794
I'm entitled!
I'm her father.
267
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:54,881
And from now on, you keep
your conjuring mitts off of her!
268
00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:55,881
Uh-oh.
269
00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:59,052
[Darrin] Don't go
away. I'm not finished.
270
00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,470
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
271
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:02,847
That's where you're wrong.
You're all finished!
272
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,390
Mother!
Don't you dare.
273
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:06,142
That's right,
that's right.
274
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:08,477
Not in front
of the baby.
275
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,731
This is the house
with the talking baby?
276
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:13,982
This is it.
Their name is Stephens.
277
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:14,901
Oh, no!
278
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,736
What's the matter,
Mrs. Kravitz?
279
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:20,030
You can't keep a thing
like this to yourself.
280
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:23,076
A thing like this
belongs to the world.
281
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:24,953
Daily Mail, ma'am.
282
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:30,083
We got a call from some lady,
says you got a... talking baby.
283
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:31,542
Yes, that was me.
284
00:12:31,583 --> 00:12:34,170
Uh, Mrs. Kravitz,
with a K.
285
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:36,130
R-A-V-I-T-Z.
286
00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:37,881
That's her.
287
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,550
She's the one.
288
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,302
Hello, Tabatha.
289
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:44,472
These are the gentlemen
of the press.
290
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:47,475
Mrs. Kravitz, I'm sure
you've made a mistake.
291
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,394
Well, I know
what I heard.
292
00:12:49,434 --> 00:12:52,689
Gentlemen, I'm sorry that, uh,
you've been brought out here
293
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:53,940
on a wild-goose chase, but--
294
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,859
Yes. I don't know what
Mrs. Kravitz told you.
295
00:12:56,901 --> 00:13:00,780
The truth, the whole truth
and nothing but the truth.
296
00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,573
[Darrin] But the baby didn't talk.
297
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,576
Gurgled maybe or, uh--
298
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,745
Or maybe there was a radio
playing somewhere,
299
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,372
and that's
what she heard.
300
00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,624
Radio. Anyway, uh,
301
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,043
you can see for yourself,
she's just an infant.
302
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:16,170
Oh, she doesn't even say
"Mama" yet.
303
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:17,213
No.
304
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:18,715
Well, we figured
as much.
305
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:19,966
We had to
check it out.
306
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:21,551
Hey, wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
307
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:24,679
She heard it.
She can tell you.
308
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,431
My mother-in-law didn't hear
a thing.
309
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:29,309
Oh. Are you
referring to me,
310
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,686
the broom jockey?
311
00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:33,021
What about it, lady?
312
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,939
Besides, she makes up things.
313
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,607
Y-you can't believe
a thing she says.
314
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:38,860
[Tabatha] On the contrary,
315
00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:41,612
my grandmother always
tells the truth.
316
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,699
Ah-ha!
317
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:50,830
Did--? Did you hear
what I heard?
318
00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:52,790
How about a little statement
for the press, honey?
319
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,500
[Tabatha] Not tonight, gentlemen.
320
00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:56,127
I haven't had my dinner.
321
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:56,961
Okay. Hold it!
322
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,546
We'll see you
tomorrow.
323
00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:00,923
Oh, what
a story.
324
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,259
So long, folks.
Look for yourselves
325
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,344
in the morning edition.
326
00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:05,678
Hey, wait a minute!
327
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,554
Wait for me! Wait till
I tell you how these people
328
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,349
fly in and out of windows...
329
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:20,693
Darrin, you can push Mother
just so far.
330
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:47,887
Sam?
331
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:50,556
Sam!
332
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:51,724
Samantha--
333
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:52,892
Shh!
334
00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:53,893
Ooh!
335
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:55,186
Maybe nobody'll notice.
336
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,396
Not notice?
337
00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:57,980
This is the kind of thing
people eat up!
338
00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,440
We're in for it,
believe me.
339
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:02,276
Oh, Darrin, I'm sure people
have much too much to do
340
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:05,238
to bother about
a silly thing like this.
341
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:15,039
Good morning, Tabatha.
342
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:16,666
Ready to give us
that statement now?
343
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:19,210
When was the first
time she talked, Mrs. Stephens?
344
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:20,753
Looks like any ordinary baby.
345
00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:22,130
Some ordinary!
346
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:24,006
She already talks
better than you.
347
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,299
Kitchy-koo, Tabby!
348
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,301
Who do you like in
the National League pennant?
349
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,554
I'm sorry.
This has all been a mistake.
350
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,097
How do you like that?
351
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:32,223
People have a smart baby
352
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,559
and all of a sudden,
they get snooty!
353
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:38,729
Oh, my stars!
354
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:39,897
No!
355
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,525
Definitely, emphatically,
categorically, no!
356
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:44,610
But, Darrin,
it's perfect.
357
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:47,029
Can't you see it?
Out of her own mouth.
358
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:48,489
"I like Nasely's Baby Food
359
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:51,284
because it's got the taste
and texture that's right."
360
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:52,994
Then we dub in
a baby chorus
361
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,329
with Tabatha singing
the Nasely jingle.
362
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:57,123
Larry, for the last time,
she can't talk!
363
00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:58,791
Oh, come on, buddy boy!
364
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,752
Let's not carry this
modest-parent thing too far.
365
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:02,795
There were witnesses.
366
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:03,963
She won't do it!
367
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,131
Ah-ha!
368
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,340
What ah-ha?
369
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:09,260
You said, "won't,"
not "can't."
370
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,679
What are you doing?
371
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:14,557
The heck with you.
I'll ask Tabatha.
372
00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:23,191
Who is it?
373
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:24,525
Mailman!
374
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,528
Daily Mail, ma'am.
375
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:31,699
What does Tabatha think of the
American income-tax structure?
376
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:35,453
I don't think
she's too crazy about it.
377
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:38,539
Sam...
378
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:39,916
Hi, sweetheart.
Where'd you come from?
379
00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,959
I snuck in the back way
to avoid the crush.
380
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,252
Oh, this is terrible.
381
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:44,837
They haven't let me alone
all day.
382
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:46,172
I know. Me too.
383
00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:48,841
Larry wants Tabatha to give
testimonials for baby food.
384
00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:49,842
Oh, marvelous.
385
00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:52,053
I tried to get Mother,
but she won't come.
386
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:53,221
I think
she's still mad.
387
00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:54,180
She's mad?!
388
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:57,350
Oh, I've been at it
all day.
389
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,185
Your turn.
390
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:00,895
Unh...
391
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,357
Hello.
392
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,984
Yes, this is Darrin Stephens.
393
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,654
What?
394
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,032
You want to rent her?
395
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:16,869
For six weeks to run her
through a series of tests.
396
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,205
Look, why don't you guys
go back to finding a cure
397
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:20,665
for the common cold.
398
00:17:20,705 --> 00:17:21,874
Who was that?
399
00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:24,377
The Mayo Clinic.
400
00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:27,713
Tonight, all America is agog
over the report
401
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,215
that little Tabatha Stephens,
402
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:31,008
an infant girl
no longer than my arm,
403
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,470
speaks the King's English
as well as you or I do.
404
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,722
Reliable sources report
that the Stephens
405
00:17:36,763 --> 00:17:38,266
have already
been contacted
406
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,142
by the Hollywood Palace
TV show.
407
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,602
Sam?
408
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:43,729
Oh, they wanted her to emcee,
but I turned them down.
409
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:47,023
And this evening, TASS,
the Russia news agency,
410
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,609
announced that in Moscow,
411
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:51,487
a baby two weeks younger
than Tabatha Stephens
412
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:53,739
speaks perfect Russian.
413
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:55,491
Figures.
414
00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,910
Meantime, in Washing--
415
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:00,580
Who is it?
416
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:01,414
Mailman.
417
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:03,082
You tried that before.
418
00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:06,210
U.S. Mail.
Special delivery.
419
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,337
You better be.
420
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:09,797
It's for Tabatha.
421
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,965
Got to deliver it
personally.
422
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:14,260
She's in conference.
423
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,220
Sure would like to see
that talking baby.
424
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,347
Sorry.
425
00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:20,975
Who's it for?
426
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:23,519
Oh, dear.
Tabatha.
427
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:28,316
It's from Harvard University!
428
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,276
They're offering her
a scholarship.
429
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,653
Harvard University?!
But she's a girl.
430
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:34,530
They'll make an exception.
431
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,282
Oh, Darrin, what are we
going to do?
432
00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:37,617
I don't know.
433
00:18:37,657 --> 00:18:38,951
Your mother's really
done it this time.
434
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,703
She's got to be the one
to get us out of this.
435
00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:44,415
Sam, that's like asking a cobra
to help out a mongoose.
436
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,500
Just a minute.
437
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,252
I have an idea.
438
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,420
And it might work,
439
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,047
but I'll need
Mother's help,
440
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:53,883
if I can
get her here.
441
00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,801
Okay, but just
keep Tabatha upstairs.
442
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:56,844
Mm-hmm.
443
00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,387
Bye, sweetheart.
444
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:03,684
Sam.
Hmm?
445
00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:06,311
Can you create, um,
a diversion?
446
00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:08,564
Oh, I'll do better
than that.
447
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,901
Go on.
448
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,529
Thanks, honey.
449
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:16,821
You're welcome.
450
00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:30,211
Bye, honey!
451
00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:31,545
Bye-bye.
452
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:45,935
Come on, Mother.
453
00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:48,521
I want to show you
what's been going on.
454
00:19:48,561 --> 00:19:50,856
There must be
at least 100 people out there.
455
00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:54,026
Oh, it's remarkable
what a little publicity will do.
456
00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:56,237
Now, I realize that you
did what you did
457
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:57,530
only out of love
for Tabatha,
458
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,031
but don't you know
what this means?
459
00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:01,534
All her life she'll have a mob
of people around her.
460
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:02,702
She'll never be alone.
461
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,787
That's nothing
to worry about, Samantha.
462
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:07,540
Little girls like to be
the center of attention.
463
00:20:07,580 --> 00:20:08,999
I always did.
464
00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:13,421
Well, if you're willing
to make the sacrifice.
465
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,715
What sacrifice?
466
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:18,551
Well, she won't belong
to any of us anymore.
467
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,761
She'll belong
to her public.
468
00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:22,596
Oh, I suppose
you'll get to see her
469
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:23,931
once or twice a year.
470
00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:25,474
If you make
an appointment.
471
00:20:25,516 --> 00:20:26,851
Appointment?
472
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,894
Appointment to see
my own granddaughter?
473
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,105
Well, you don't think you'll
be able to play with her
474
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,733
or take her for a walk
any time you want, do you?
475
00:20:33,773 --> 00:20:35,609
She'll be a celebrity.
476
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:37,611
One lump or two?
477
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:41,115
Well, is there any way
to stop all this?
478
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:44,285
Well, I do have
an idea.
479
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:46,829
But I'll need
your help.
480
00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:48,289
All right.
481
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:51,751
Hi there, Mrs. Kravitz,
Mr. Kravitz.
482
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:54,086
Come right on in.
Make yourselves at home.
483
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:55,087
Come in, gentlemen.
484
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,047
Thank you.
485
00:20:58,340 --> 00:20:59,592
I don't think
they'll buy it.
486
00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:01,719
Keep your
fingers crossed.
487
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:07,600
Well, how does it feel
to be a celebrity, honey?
488
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,809
I beg your pardon?
489
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,436
She doesn't look
any different to me.
490
00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:12,646
That's the one
that flies.
491
00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:15,441
I asked you all over
tonight
492
00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:17,193
because I'd like
to make an apology.
493
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:19,111
Now, all this business
about Tabatha talking
494
00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:21,280
has been an unfortunate
misunderstanding.
495
00:21:21,321 --> 00:21:22,281
Yes.
496
00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:23,699
And once
it got started,
497
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:25,201
we just didn't know
how to stop it.
498
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:27,411
Well, let's get to the point,
Mrs. Stephens.
499
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:28,871
When did Tabatha start to talk?
500
00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:31,080
That is the point.
She didn't.
501
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,792
I mean, she hasn't.
502
00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,752
Perhaps I should explain.
503
00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:37,630
You know, when I was younger,
I was in vaudeville.
504
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,715
Maybe you heard of me.
505
00:21:39,757 --> 00:21:42,009
I was known as Endora
506
00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:43,427
the Miraculous.
507
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:45,679
She's miraculous,
all right.
508
00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:47,306
Oh, thank you.
509
00:21:47,348 --> 00:21:49,475
My specialty was ventriloquism.
510
00:21:49,517 --> 00:21:51,644
I did baby voices.
511
00:21:51,685 --> 00:21:53,020
They were
quite effective.
512
00:21:53,061 --> 00:21:55,689
And so when this lady came over
the other day,
513
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:58,651
I couldn't resist the temptation
to try it out again.
514
00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:02,154
So you see, Tabatha didn't
really talk at all.
515
00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:03,321
Now, wait a minute.
516
00:22:03,364 --> 00:22:06,492
I was this far away,
and I saw this baby talk.
517
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:09,994
[Tabatha] Would you mind
not breathing in my face, sport?
518
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:11,664
Like that?
519
00:22:11,705 --> 00:22:13,541
Her lips moved that time.
520
00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:16,794
Well, I don't know.
It's awful realistic.
521
00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:21,715
She may have made Tabatha talk,
but not by ventriloquism.
522
00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:24,343
There's something
very strange about her.
523
00:22:24,385 --> 00:22:26,178
Gladys, will you stop?
524
00:22:26,220 --> 00:22:27,346
No, I will not.
525
00:22:27,388 --> 00:22:29,849
It is time that people
found out about this house.
526
00:22:29,890 --> 00:22:31,976
Oh, weird things
go on in here.
527
00:22:32,017 --> 00:22:34,811
They have powers,
supernatural powers!
528
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:37,857
Oh, you wouldn't believe
the things I've seen.
529
00:22:37,898 --> 00:22:40,150
Gentlemen, I guess I'll have
to prove to you
530
00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:43,028
how simple it is
to make a baby talk.
531
00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:44,530
Here, darling.
532
00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:46,615
Will you hold your child?
533
00:22:46,657 --> 00:22:48,450
There.
534
00:22:48,492 --> 00:22:50,411
Now, then,
Mrs. Kravitz--
535
00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:51,537
No, don't touch me!
536
00:22:51,579 --> 00:22:53,705
Oh, but it's very easy,
you know.
537
00:22:53,747 --> 00:22:55,082
You can do it too.
538
00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:58,836
Just throw your voice
to the back of the throat
539
00:22:58,878 --> 00:23:01,297
and talk very high.
540
00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:03,173
Go on, try it.
541
00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:04,300
Oh, no, I will not!
542
00:23:04,340 --> 00:23:05,676
Abner, make her stop!
543
00:23:05,718 --> 00:23:06,760
She's gonna do something.
544
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:09,013
She did!
545
00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:11,223
[Tabatha's voice] She turned me into a baby.
546
00:23:11,932 --> 00:23:13,726
Hey, that was pretty good.
547
00:23:13,767 --> 00:23:15,769
So you see,
that's all there was to it.
548
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:18,731
I'm awfully sorry
if there was a misunderstanding.
549
00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:21,650
Gee, you sure caused
a sensation.
550
00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:23,652
Well, we'll have to print
a retraction.
551
00:23:23,694 --> 00:23:24,737
How does she stop?
552
00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:27,156
Talk in your normal voice.
553
00:23:27,196 --> 00:23:30,075
[Tabatha's voice] I am talking in my normal voice.
554
00:23:30,117 --> 00:23:31,702
Mother...
555
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:36,790
Oh, would it be terrible
if I were like this all my life?
556
00:23:36,832 --> 00:23:38,500
That,
I would agree with.
557
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:39,792
Hey, I'm normal.
558
00:23:39,835 --> 00:23:42,463
That,
I wouldn't agree with.
559
00:23:44,298 --> 00:23:46,425
Come on, Gladys.
560
00:23:46,467 --> 00:23:48,510
But... But...
561
00:23:48,510 --> 00:23:52,388
You see
how simple it was?
562
00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:02,900
Darrin, I think that you should
tell Mother that you're sorry.
563
00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:05,194
I know it was all her fault
to begin with,
564
00:24:05,234 --> 00:24:08,155
but she did such a wonderful job
of straightening everything out.
565
00:24:08,196 --> 00:24:11,200
And I'm sure she's forgiven you
for the way you talked to her.
566
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,493
Forgiven me?
567
00:24:12,534 --> 00:24:14,703
I must
say, that's sweet of her.
568
00:24:14,744 --> 00:24:16,664
Mother.
569
00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:17,705
Mother.
570
00:24:17,748 --> 00:24:19,166
Where are you?
571
00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:20,960
This is the last straw!
572
00:24:21,001 --> 00:24:21,961
Sam, get her back here.
573
00:24:21,961 --> 00:24:22,962
Mother!
574
00:24:23,003 --> 00:24:24,171
Endora, you come back here
575
00:24:24,213 --> 00:24:26,298
and change
my voice right away.
576
00:24:26,340 --> 00:24:28,592
Thank you, Mother.
You're a great help.
577
00:24:28,634 --> 00:24:31,345
[Endora] That's what
mothers are for, dear.
39574
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