All language subtitles for Bewitched.S02E08.The.Very.Informal.Dress.Imprint.Black.and.White.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Honey, I'm home.

Oh, oh, Darrin.

Aunt Clara.

Oh, so nice to see you.

It's nice to see you.

Hi, sweetheart.
Hi, honey.

What you got there?

Twenty four jars
of concentrated help.

Compliments of Mother Jenny.

What's she doing here?
Shh.

Uh, Aunt Clara, would you excuse
us for a minute?

Why, of course.
Of course.

Sam, may I speak to you?

When?
Now.

Be back in a minute.

[Darrin] I'll be glad to
get rid of these heavy boxes.

I wish I never heard
of Mother Jenny's Jam.

Who's Mother Jenny?

His name is Charles Barlow

and these are samples
of the jam he makes.

Very healthy.

Yes, I can see how
carrying all this weight around

could make you very healthy.

What do we have to do for all
this goodness?

I'm glad you asked.

Uh, Mr. Barlow has to leave
early tomorrow morning,

so Larry is having a little
cocktail party for him

at the office this afternoon.

Oh, no.

[Sam] If you'd only told me
earlier. I haven't a thing to wear.

[Darrin] How about that black dress
you wore at the last office affair?

I wore that to the last office
affair. How about the green one?

I wore that at the other
office party before that.

Oh, dear. Darrin,
it's just that

you've given me
so little warning.

I don't know what the other
women are wearing.

How dressy is it?

[Darrin] What do you
usually wear to a jam session?

[Sam] Okay.

I'll wear my blue jeans and
my Beethoven sweat shirt.

Ring a ding a doo.

Oh, well!

Oh, Clara,
you're out of your slump...

Well, I mean...

May I make a suggestion?

Aunt Clara!

Did you make that?

Oh, this is just a little
something I whipped up.

Well, it's lovely.

Isn't it, Darrin?

Sam, I'm not sure
that you should wear--

It's a gift.

Did I do something wrong?

Oh, no, no, not at all.

Well, you have a very funny look
on your face.

Well, it's, uh, just with Sam
wearing such a beautiful dress,

I'm afraid that I'll look
a little seedy.

[Clara] Oh, well.

While I'm in the groove,

let me whip up something
for you.

Skat skin a cat.

Well, do you like it?

It's very nice, Aunt Clara.

Thank you very much.

Does it fit?

Alterations included, you know.

Oh, it fits like a suit.

I'm sure Mr. Barlow
will be very impressed.

As long as it's a family affair,

do you suppose Aunt Clara
could come along too?

Oh, oh, no, dear.

Oh, no.

Now, I couldn't intrude.

As a matter of fact,

this is just the chance
we've been looking for

to show you off.

Oh, how nice.

The only empty space
in two blocks

and there's a fire hydrant.

Oh, is that bad?

It'd be a lot easier to park
if it weren't there.

Oh.

Well, then, why not?

Honey, you better tell
Aunt Clara,

the law doesn't like you to--

Oh, it worked
the very first time.

Oh, Clara, you're on
a winning streak.

Don't tell me, Mister.
Let me guess your hobby.

You collect
parking tickets, right?

I beg your pardon.

Maybe you need glasses.

You're parked
in front of a hydrant.

What hydrant?
Okay.

What do you call that thing
over there on the sidewalk?

That thing happens
to be my wife.

No, no.

The other thing.

That happens
to be my aunt.

Her favorite aunt.

Look, I've been on this beat
for three years

and I know the position of every
hydrant in this area, so--

It's over there.

I'm sorry, folks.

I've had a rough day.

Well, we all have our problems.

Ladies.

Ooh, I just thought
of something.

That car parked in front
of the hydrant

will get the ticket
intended for us.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that
too much if I were you.

Why not?

It belongs to
the Police Commissioner.

Very smart move,
bringing your aunt.

Barlow seems
to like family.

Good thinking.

Yes, Aunt Clara does have
a certain Victorian charm.

Judging from the jam,

Barlow dates back
to the Inquisition.

Shh.
Sorry.

Darrin, afterwards, why don't
you two and Aunt Clara

have dinner
with Louise and me?

Mmm, fine.

Well, that's lovely, Larry.

Well, here's
to the Mother Jenny.

Yuck.

What was that?

Guess whose
vegetable punch.

Barlow refers to it as
"liquid health."

Larry, Darrin,

you're not going to help him
sell this stuff

to an unsuspecting public,
are you?

[Larry & Darrin] We're considering it.

Let me know when you've come
to a decision,

so I can decide whether I want
to associate with either of you.

I'll go check on Aunt Clara.

Well, the charming
Mrs. Stephens, again.

That is a lovely dress
you're wearing.

Thank you, Mr. Barlow.

It's an original.

Yes. Aunt Clara dreamed
it up for me.

Your aunt and I have been having
quite an interesting talk.

It seems she
doesn't like my jam.

Oh?

Oh-oh, I-I'm sure she does.

Well, I like the jar

and I think the label
is very attractive,

but when you open it,

it's a matter of taste,
isn't it?

And it doesn't have any.

She's such a kidder.

Oh, Aunt Clara, you haven't
tasted Mr. Barlow's punch yet.

It's quite
an experience.

Oh, I should like that.

Tate, I hate to put a damper
on the party,

but I'll have to leave
pretty soon.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Barlow.

We hate to lose
the life of the party.

Well that's the way it is.

Perhaps someone could drop me
off at the hotel.

Oh, I'm sure the Stephens'
would be glad to.

Certainly.
Thank you.

Oh, there's Louise.
Excuse me a moment.

Are you catching an early plane,
Mr. Barlow?

No. It's not that.

You see, Mrs. Stephens,
I've been a student of health

in all its aspects.

Yes, I know.

And I've come to some
important conclusions.

One:

pure, nutritious foods.

Two:

early sleep
is the best sleep.

Three:
Naturally,

the earlier
you get to sleep,

the better it is.

Aunt Clara.

Oh, she is a dear.

She wants us to have
a good time, you know.

You know, some people have been
flattering enough to compare me

with Louis Pasteur
and Bernard MacFadden,

but of course, that's for
history to decide.

I consider myself
just a humble worker

in the vineyard
of health.

As I see it--

How do you see it,
Mr. Barlow?

Well, weren't you wearing
another kind of dress?

Pardon?

Well, I could've sworn,
but of course I never swear.

I thought it was green, not red.

Well,

it's reddish green.

You know
how these synthetics are.

Oh, yes, yes, of course.

Would you excuse me,
please?

I-I think I'm much "tireder"
than I thought.

Aunt Clara.

A red dress?
Oh, well, why not?

Honey, you could have come
a little closer to the original.

You'll be conspicuous.

I could've been
a lot more conspicuous.

Oh, my dress
didn't hold up.

Oh!

[Sam] It started
doing a strip-tease.

Darling, that fire hydrant

is liable to get homesick
any minute.

You better go and move the car.
Right.

Darrin, Mr. Barlow is tired
and ready to leave.

Can you drop him off
at his hotel?

Oh, fine, fine.
Let's go, Mr. Barlow.

Oh, and Darrin, I'll take
Samantha and Aunt Clara

and you join us at the house.

No, I think I better let
Darrin drop me off.

I've had a little too much
of that punch.

And I'm feeling, uh,

I'm feeling healthy.

[Darrin] Come along,
Aunt Clara, I'll take you home

as soon as we drop
Mr. Barlow at his hotel.

Here we are Mr. Barlow.

Stephens, do you usually park
by a fire hydrant?

[Clara] It really is my fault.

The car being parked
by the hydrant.

Come along,
Aunt Clara.

Aunt Clara?

Stephens...

Yes?

Do you feel a draft?

Oh, oh, Clara.
What has thou wrought?

Aunt Clara?

I'm-I'm-I'm working on it.

I'm-I'm working on it.

Hey, you!

That's the blue gentleman again.

You do collect tickets,
don't you, sir?

Hey, buddy!

Come out here
where I can see it.

Don't play hide-and-seek
with me.

Why don't you put the ticket
on the windshield.

I have to check the tires.

What's going on here?

Aunt Clara, do something!

Aunt Clara, do something,
please!

That's a neat trick, Mac,
but you had the wrong audience.

I've got a long list
for you, buddy.

Resisting arrest,

impersonating an officer.

Me?

What is this craziness?

I suppose you know
there's a law against this.

I'm going to throw
the book at you.

I don't know these people!

I never saw them
before in my life!

I had nothing to do with this!

Oh yeah?
Why were you running?

I was trying to help you
catch him!

He's right, Officer. Mr. Barlow
didn't have anything to do with this.

Stephens, you and your Aunt

just aren't Mother Jenny's
Jam people.

Good work, officer!

Taxi!
Taxi! Taxi!

Aunt Clara, you better tell
Sam what happened.

Yes.

All right, officer,
I'll go quietly.

Oh, this is the last time
I'll be a back-seat driver.

I'll tell you, now.

Hey, Montague,

I got company for you.

Tell him to
leave his card.

I'll call him later.

You both have an appointment
with Judge Crosetti

in the morning.

Kind of
informal, aren't you?

Well, the way it happened was--

Oh, forget it.

One thing I can't stand
is a sneaky drunk.

Now, just a minute!

All I had to drink was some
vegetable punch.

Yeah, sure.

Vegetable punch, fruit juice,
cough medicine.

That's the trouble
with you boozers,

you can't face up to reality.

You live in a dream world.

You see everything through
an alcoholic haze.

You can't face up to things
the way they really are:

miserable.

Could you just save
all the philosophical advice

until the morning?

Sam, will you
stop worrying?

He probably got caught in
cross-town traffic, that's all.

I don't know.

I have a strange feeling
something has happened.

Intuition?

You could
call it that.

I've never put much stock
in women's intuition.

Well that depends
on the woman.

Larry, would you mind
making my excuses to Louise?

Well, Sam at least
let me drive you.

No, thanks, Larry.
But I've got to fly.

Oh!

Oh, Clara, you did it.

Oh!

Oh, my poor Darrin.

I wonder who that charming
gentleman is with him.

Hmm!

What you lushes need
is to develop a sense

of social responsibility.

Yeah.
Mmm-hmm.

Then, and only then, will you be
able to face life

directly in the eye
and march bravely forward.

Oh, for heaven's sake!

Take your hands off me
or put some clothes on.

One or the other.

Darrin will freeze to death if
I don't get some clothes on him.

Ooh!

Help! Help!

Bartender!

I mean jailer!

Aunt Clara, you blew it again.

Oh, it's a shame men don't dress
like that nowadays.

Turnkey!
Warden!

All right,
Montague, knock it off!

[Montague] Help! Get me out of here!

Could you arrange for me
to have a single room?

He had on tights and a plume
in his hat and a big sword.

One is not enough?
Now I got two of them.

My advice to you both
is to get some sleep.

Help! Look at him now!
He's got a tin suit on.

Okay, I'll be
right back with a can opener.

Angels and ministers of grace,
protect me.

And everything went
all "flooey."

People running around
without their clothes.

Oh, terrible, dear.

Well, I am so glad
you've come, dear.

Look, uh--

Oh, oh, poor Darrin.

Well, at least he's all right.

Hey, "nutsy," do it again.

You know something,
that's a pretty good bar-trick.

I could get a lot of free drinks
with that.

How do you do it?

All you have to do is snap
your fingers.

Just snap your fingers.

Yes, I tried, dear.
I tried.

But, uh, I don't seem
to be able to have

the same old zing as usual.

I'll tell you
what you do.

Now, you go upstairs
and take a hot bath

and get a good nights' sleep.

Oh, yes.
No, no, no,

I think I'll polish
my doorknob collection.

So consoling, dear.

Yes, of course.
So consoling.

I'll take some clothes
to Darrin.

Darrin.

I did it!
I did it!

And I did it a lot better
than you did, buddy.

How--
Honey!

Darrin, I'm so terribly sorry
about all this.

Do you want
me to spring you?

No. I'm in enough trouble
with the law, already.

What's going to happen when
you have to face the judge?

Somehow I have a feeling things
are going to be all right.

So, don't worry, honey.

Hey, just a minute, buddy!
I dreamed her up.

I'll thank you
to stop kissing her.

Goodnight, sweetheart.

See you in court.

So, before
I could write out a ticket

for parking
in front of a hydrant,

somehow he shucked off
his clothes,

which is
another violation.

Then he ducked behind the car.
So, in pursuant to my duty,

I pursued him around the car
and apprehended him

on the third time around.

Then I locked him up,
Your Honor.

All right, Mr. Stephens,
what do you have to say?

Your Honor, I don't like to
contradict an officer of the law

who is pursuing his duty,
but--

How could I have been taken
from my cell fully clothed

this morning, if I was in my
shorts when I was locked up?

Was he locked up all night?

Well, yes, sir.

But he had his clothes
on this morning

when he was taken out.

Doesn't that seem a little
strange to you?

Well now that you mention it,
yeah, Your Honor.

But he was in his underwear
when he was locked up.

I've got a witness.

Well, who's your witness?

Montague,
come on up here.

'Morning, Judge Crosetti.

How's the wife and kids?

Montague was in the cell
with him all night, Your Honor.

Is that true, Mr. Stephens?

Yes, Your Honor.

It's all right, Montague.

Go ahead.
Tell the judge everything.

Don't hold anything back.

All right.

How was the defendant clothed?

Judge, you should've
been in that cell.

Never mind the wishful thinking.

How was the defendant clothed?

Well, first he had on these
fancy tights and a big sword

like Richard Burton.

He can cut quite a figure.

[Montague] And then,

then he had on a suit of armor
like a knight.

Only he didn't bring his horse.

You forgot
his horse.

And he clanked around
for a while.

All right, Montague,
I think I got the picture.

Just tell me one thing more.

Where did he get the clothes
that he's got on now?

A beautiful girl appeared
in the cell

with some clothes on a hanger
and she just gave them to him.

This is your only witness?

Yes, Your Honor.

I see.

You're dismissed, Mr. Stephens.

Thank you, Your Honor.

And you too, Montague.

Thank you, Judge.
Be seeing you.

Officer, I'd like to speak
to you a minute.

Judge!
That's her!

That's the girl!

Out!

Judge--

Out! Out!

Aunt Clara won't be here when
you come home this evening,

so she wanted to say goodbye.

Well, goodbye,
Aunt Clara.

Oh, oh, not goodbye,
dear, no.

Au revoir,

adieu,

ta-ta.

Oh, I hope my little visit
hasn't caused any trouble.

Oh, no.

No, not at all.

Oh, good.

Well, it's time
for takeoff.

And everything is A-okay.

"A-okay"? Mmm-hmm. Yes, I like
to keep up with the times, dear.

Well, countdown :

Five, four, three,

two, one,

blast off!

Oh, nuts.

Will you give me
a little boost, dear?

Yes, certainly.

Take a deep breath.

Three, two, one,
poof!

[Clara] Thank you, dear. Ta-ta.

Oh, anytime.

Sam, you can't
go on like this.

Well--

That'll be Larry. What
are you going to tell him?

I'll simply tell him
if he's decided to fire me,

that I've decided to quit.

Hello, Samantha.
Hi, Larry.

Well, let's go Darrin. I have something
very important to talk over with you.

Larry, why don't you say it here
and get it over with.

Say what?

The Barlow affair, what else?

Oh, yes.

He told me some weird story

about you being in your underwear
and being chased by a policeman.

And there was something about
fire hydrants and, uh,

traffic tickets.

It was wild.

You know what I think?

What?

I think he's a king-size bore.

And I've decided that
our office

isn't interested in
handling his account.

Oh, good.

Well, who needs a nut like that?

Give me nice, ordinary human
beings like you two.

You know, the Barlows of this
world can get you into trouble.

You could even
wind up in jail.

Yes.
Let's go, Darrin.

I'll see you
tonight, honey.

Ta-ta.

So long.

Good.