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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,470 --> 00:00:28,569 Subtitles by explosiveskull. 2 00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:04,463 Psst! 3 00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:07,331 Wakey-wakey, Frosted Flakey. 4 00:01:07,333 --> 00:01:09,736 Hey, brought you a special present. 5 00:01:11,038 --> 00:01:12,273 Come on. 6 00:01:13,039 --> 00:01:15,774 Story time, chicken nugget. 7 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:17,575 Rise and shine, there we go. 8 00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:20,380 Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. 9 00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:23,184 Welcome back. 10 00:01:24,116 --> 00:01:26,286 What's going on? Wait a minute... What? 11 00:01:27,154 --> 00:01:28,589 Where am I? 12 00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:32,222 - Who dressed me? - I did. 13 00:01:32,224 --> 00:01:34,259 I'm a big fan of bears. 14 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,492 I'm not wearing pants. 15 00:01:35,494 --> 00:01:37,764 When's the last time you saw a bear wearing pants? 16 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,132 What the... 17 00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:41,399 Easy now. Hey. 18 00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:43,768 The only F-bomb we're using around here... 19 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,670 is "Fred Savage." 20 00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:47,704 Now, I want you to take a deep breath... 21 00:01:47,706 --> 00:01:49,774 and listen to me very carefully, Frederick. 22 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:52,709 You're in a PG-13 version of Deadpool 2. 23 00:01:52,711 --> 00:01:55,313 - Which means we only get two... - one... 24 00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:57,248 and a glass of white wine. 25 00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:58,683 Are you bleeping yourself? 26 00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:01,755 - You bet your... - little... I am. 27 00:02:02,822 --> 00:02:05,055 That seems weird that you would do that yourself. 28 00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:10,795 Please stop that. 29 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:11,798 Sorry. 30 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:17,536 Did you reconstruct 31 00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:19,837 the bedroom set from The Princess Bride? 32 00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:20,938 Inconceivable! 33 00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:22,007 Oh, God. 34 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:23,608 Yeah, always wanted to say that. 35 00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:24,742 Felt real good. 36 00:02:24,744 --> 00:02:25,743 Why am I here? 37 00:02:25,745 --> 00:02:28,712 Well, the reason that you're voluntarily here... 38 00:02:28,714 --> 00:02:31,682 is that so I could read you the story of Deadpool 2... 39 00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:34,686 filtered through the prism of childlike innocence. 40 00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:35,554 I'm a grown man. 41 00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:36,820 And nobody does childlike innocence 42 00:02:36,822 --> 00:02:37,788 like you, Fred. Nobody. 43 00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:39,691 I need you almost as much as you need me. 44 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:40,824 I don't need you. At all. 45 00:02:40,826 --> 00:02:43,228 You need me to untie you... 46 00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:44,496 once we're done. 47 00:02:45,364 --> 00:02:47,365 Hey! Easy, sugar mouth. 48 00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:48,532 This thing will go all day, 49 00:02:48,534 --> 00:02:50,367 all right? Lithium-ion batteries. Hey... 50 00:02:50,369 --> 00:02:52,637 you are gonna love this story. I promise you. 51 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,605 It's got fencing, fighting... 52 00:02:54,607 --> 00:02:55,473 revenge... 53 00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:58,445 giants, monsters, true love... 54 00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,346 and miracles. 55 00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:03,414 Now... 56 00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:06,383 Once upon a time, there was a boy named Deadpool... 57 00:03:06,385 --> 00:03:08,620 who starred in a surprisingly popular movie... 58 00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,588 which, in an industry dominated by 59 00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:12,223 the exploitation of existing brands... 60 00:03:12,225 --> 00:03:14,959 demanded an immediate sequel. 61 00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:19,730 And, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. 62 00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:20,998 True story. 63 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:25,002 And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. 64 00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:27,872 Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7. 65 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,606 Really, anything from Disney. 66 00:03:29,608 --> 00:03:32,144 And this family film is no different. 67 00:03:32,146 --> 00:03:36,080 Anyway, you know I get paid to take out bad guys, right? 68 00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:38,549 Well, this guy, oof... 69 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:40,821 he was one of the worst of 'em. 70 00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,157 Open up! Let me in! He's got a... 71 00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:55,633 A panic room? Really? 72 00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:58,135 Can you come out? 73 00:03:58,137 --> 00:04:01,474 I really have to go. It's my anniversary. 74 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,312 Over and over, I hear people say, 75 00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:09,813 "I just don't have enough confidence." 76 00:04:09,815 --> 00:04:12,150 Listen, confidence is not something you have. 77 00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:13,350 It's something you create. 78 00:04:13,352 --> 00:04:15,586 And you can create it at any moment in time. 79 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,387 A sense of confidence is nothing 80 00:04:17,389 --> 00:04:18,689 but a sense of power within yourself... 81 00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:22,192 Start the car! Start the car! 82 00:04:22,194 --> 00:04:24,998 Dopinder, start the car! 83 00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:34,305 - Whoo! - Oh, I shit my pants. 84 00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:36,908 Actually, that may have been me. 85 00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,076 Oh, mission accomplished? 86 00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:40,077 Oh, in a George W. Sort of way. 87 00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:41,545 Can't stay in a panic room forever. 88 00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:43,148 Oh, you're living the dreams, DP. 89 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:45,048 It has been quite the run, Dopinder, 90 00:04:45,050 --> 00:04:46,451 and who'da thought? 91 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:49,319 Now I'm talked about in the same sentence as Jesus and It. 92 00:04:49,321 --> 00:04:51,255 Passion of the Christ, then me. 93 00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:52,757 At least domestically. 94 00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:53,757 We beat them overseas, 95 00:04:53,759 --> 00:04:55,593 where there's no such thing as religion. 96 00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:58,129 I do want to live the dreams, Pool Boy. 97 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,432 Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks. 98 00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,367 - I want to fill my... - Pockets? 99 00:05:02,369 --> 00:05:05,302 What's your poison? A little, uh, Instagram? 100 00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:06,603 Can't maintain focus 101 00:05:06,605 --> 00:05:08,273 without buying shoes online? 102 00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,274 I've never experienced that last one. 103 00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:11,576 Talk to me, Goose. 104 00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:14,379 I was going to say "soul". I want to fill my soul. 105 00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:17,514 I want to belong to something, like you, Pool, sir. 106 00:05:17,516 --> 00:05:19,384 - Dopinder... - Hmm? 107 00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:22,653 You never cease to surprise me. 108 00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:25,589 You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. 109 00:05:25,591 --> 00:05:27,358 We all need a sense of belonging. 110 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,293 We all need a genuine sense of home. 111 00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:30,360 A place in this world. 112 00:05:30,362 --> 00:05:31,696 I want to become a contract killer. 113 00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:33,398 I'm sorry. What did you say? 114 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,432 Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu 115 00:05:35,434 --> 00:05:36,968 and threatened him with great violence? 116 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,168 You kind of killed him. 117 00:05:38,170 --> 00:05:40,338 And then remember the movie Interview with the Vampire? 118 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,473 Don't want to. 119 00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:42,540 When Tom Cruise fed 120 00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:44,442 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood 121 00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:45,709 for the first time... 122 00:05:45,711 --> 00:05:47,913 and she looked up at his smooth, 123 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:51,182 handsome face and said... 124 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,850 "I want some more." 125 00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:57,622 Oh, Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst. 126 00:05:57,624 --> 00:06:00,358 I'll never not picture that. 127 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,192 But I can't wait to never speak of this, 128 00:06:02,194 --> 00:06:04,161 as soon as possible. 129 00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:06,833 We're here. 130 00:06:08,934 --> 00:06:09,867 You're my Tom Cruise! 131 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:11,836 And you're my Kristen Dunst! 132 00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:13,407 Kristen? Kirsten? 133 00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:19,911 Sorry I'm late. 134 00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:21,411 There was a bunch of 135 00:06:21,413 --> 00:06:23,314 handicapable children stuck in a tree... 136 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:24,382 Nope. 137 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,649 You're right. I was rounding up 138 00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:27,017 all the gluten in the world... 139 00:06:27,019 --> 00:06:28,286 and launching it into space 140 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,321 where it can't not hurt us ever again. 141 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,658 Try again. 142 00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:33,557 Diarrhea? 143 00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:36,326 We can't be sure till I get this suit off... 144 00:06:36,328 --> 00:06:38,799 but, uh, all signs point to yes. 145 00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:43,067 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 146 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,071 Well, come here. 147 00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:00,184 Aren't you gonna say it? 148 00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:01,555 - Say what? - You know... 149 00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:04,056 The thing. 150 00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:06,257 What? 151 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,658 The part, where, you know... 152 00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:08,826 - You want me to say the thing? - Yeah, from... 153 00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:09,994 Oh, you want me to say the... From the... No. 154 00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:11,329 "Is this a kissing book?" 155 00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:12,697 - I'm not gonna say that. - Why? 156 00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:15,432 Because I don't think that's gross anymore. I'm not 12. 157 00:07:15,434 --> 00:07:17,535 And I think a kiss is a very sweet, loving gesture 158 00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:18,769 between two people. 159 00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:21,673 Unlike taping someone to a bed and kidnapping them. 160 00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,740 I did not kidnap you! All right? 161 00:07:23,742 --> 00:07:27,144 I like to call it "unsolicited location enhancement." 162 00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:28,612 Whatever, ball gag. 163 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:30,915 I'm just saying that if you're gonna force me 164 00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:32,817 to sit here and listen to this crap... 165 00:07:32,819 --> 00:07:34,285 I'm gonna have thoughts, okay? 166 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,553 I'm gonna opine about things, all right? 167 00:07:36,555 --> 00:07:37,689 I'm an actor, I'm a director. 168 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,893 I know. I love Modern Family so much. 169 00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:42,726 The point is, you need to anchor 170 00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:43,961 the story in believability... 171 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,764 and I just don't believe that she'd be kissing you. 172 00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:48,833 I mean, she's gorgeous, and you're, like, you know... 173 00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:52,002 if Rocky Dennis had a baby with lava. 174 00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:54,237 Hey, zip it. 175 00:07:54,239 --> 00:07:56,940 We already pay someone to say stuff like that to me, okay? 176 00:07:56,942 --> 00:07:59,644 And you're wrong because she would kiss me. 177 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,012 She loves my insides. 178 00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:03,247 Trust me. 179 00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:05,216 We all saw the first movie. 180 00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:06,716 I didn't. 181 00:08:06,718 --> 00:08:08,654 I kinda prefer Marvel movies. 182 00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:12,557 We are Marvel. 183 00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:15,060 Yeah, but you're, you know, Marvel licensed by Fox. 184 00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:18,095 It's like if The Beatles were produced by Nickelback. 185 00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:19,197 It's music... 186 00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,064 but it sucks. 187 00:08:21,066 --> 00:08:23,737 Just checking the nose for blood, there. 188 00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:25,502 I love Nickelback! 189 00:08:25,504 --> 00:08:27,338 You get your dirty mitts off Chad Kroeger. 190 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:31,945 And the joke's on you because Fox is being bought by Disney. 191 00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:33,610 Mouse ears. 192 00:08:33,612 --> 00:08:35,046 I think that puts the joke on you. 193 00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:38,481 Ears closed. Mouth open. You were nicer as a kid. 194 00:08:38,483 --> 00:08:40,384 Now, where was I? 195 00:08:40,386 --> 00:08:42,052 Right. 196 00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:45,356 Wade swept Vanessa into his finely toned arms... 197 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,758 and she kissed him 198 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,896 with an expression that could mean only one thing... 199 00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:50,927 true love. 200 00:08:50,929 --> 00:08:54,198 I'm gonna shower and get out of this suit. In that order. 201 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,566 Don't you want your surprise? 202 00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:58,068 Do I look like a patient burn victim? 203 00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,772 I got one for you, too. 204 00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:02,139 Happy anniversary, baby. 205 00:09:02,141 --> 00:09:03,809 Open, open, open. 206 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,412 Skee-Ball token. 207 00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:08,946 Our first date. 208 00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:10,414 Yup. 209 00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:13,286 That's genuine, high-grade lead. 210 00:09:15,921 --> 00:09:18,057 I'll keep it forever. 211 00:09:18,492 --> 00:09:19,926 Thank you, baby. 212 00:09:21,495 --> 00:09:23,330 - Open yours. - All right, all right. 213 00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:25,263 Oh... 214 00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:26,730 Well, that's... 215 00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:28,533 That's just the most beautiful thing that I've... 216 00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:30,234 I don't know what this is. 217 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,068 My IUD. 218 00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:33,004 A bomb? 219 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:36,374 No, dick for brains. My birth control device. 220 00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:37,542 What, you mean that your... 221 00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:39,309 Baby factory's open for business. 222 00:09:39,311 --> 00:09:40,577 Oh, my God! 223 00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:43,847 Oh, my God! I want a boy! 224 00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:46,918 Or a little girl! Definitely one or the other! 225 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,553 Oh! And I want our kid to have only one name. 226 00:09:50,555 --> 00:09:53,691 Like Cher or Todd. 227 00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:55,525 You gotta put a baby in me first, cowboy. 228 00:09:55,527 --> 00:09:56,794 Yes, I do. 229 00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:58,495 Let's watch some porn and show that bed who's boss. 230 00:09:58,497 --> 00:09:59,833 Let's do that. 231 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:11,645 Does this song sound familiar to you? 232 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,846 May. 233 00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:19,819 Connor, if it's a boy. May, if it's a girl. 234 00:10:22,354 --> 00:10:24,688 So weird. 235 00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:27,360 Family was always an F-word to me. 236 00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:33,063 My pile of shit father took off and bailed. 237 00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:35,466 I mean, it's not like I have a lot of strong role models 238 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,771 to draw off of for Todd. 239 00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:39,806 Hey. 240 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:41,375 Look at me. 241 00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,711 You are not your father. 242 00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:47,278 Besides... 243 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:52,352 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 244 00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:54,418 But here's the thing, 245 00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:56,287 isn't that how it always works? 246 00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:57,754 Like in Star Wars, 247 00:10:57,756 --> 00:11:00,658 men are destined to become their father... 248 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,693 and then have consensual sex with their sister? 249 00:11:03,695 --> 00:11:06,897 I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie. 250 00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:09,299 No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her. 251 00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:11,535 Baby, that's Empire. 252 00:11:11,537 --> 00:11:14,106 The point is, kids... 253 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:18,875 they give us a chance to be better than we are. 254 00:11:18,877 --> 00:11:21,645 Better than we used to be. 255 00:11:21,647 --> 00:11:25,082 You're a lot smarter than I look. 256 00:11:25,084 --> 00:11:27,918 I'm gonna go make dessert. And then... 257 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,922 let's make a super baby. 258 00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:36,027 What about Krystal? But with a "K"? 259 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,760 It's too stripper-y. 260 00:11:37,762 --> 00:11:39,529 Kevin with a "K"! 261 00:11:39,531 --> 00:11:41,767 No, too stripper-y, too. 262 00:11:42,267 --> 00:11:43,967 Uh, Earl! 263 00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:46,471 He's gonna go straight to jail 264 00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:48,639 if we name him Earl. 265 00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,810 What about Bruce? 266 00:11:51,645 --> 00:11:53,076 No. 267 00:11:53,078 --> 00:11:54,278 Get down. 268 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,482 What? 269 00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:20,337 Baby? Baby? 270 00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:25,109 I'm okay. 271 00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:27,610 Thank God I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader. 272 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:03,949 Please. 273 00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:10,554 Please. Please. 274 00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:13,725 Baby, I'm so sorry. 275 00:13:13,727 --> 00:13:15,295 No! 276 00:13:21,099 --> 00:13:22,865 Wait. Wait a minute. 277 00:13:22,867 --> 00:13:24,467 You fridged Vanessa? 278 00:13:24,469 --> 00:13:27,038 Uh, "fridged." I don't know what that means. 279 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,339 It's a comic book trope, 280 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,107 in which the wife or the girlfriend of the hero dies... 281 00:13:30,109 --> 00:13:33,043 in order to further said hero's motivation or story. 282 00:13:33,045 --> 00:13:35,044 Well, that sounds misogynistic. 283 00:13:35,046 --> 00:13:36,714 Yeah. It reduces the woman to a plot device... 284 00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,349 existing in the film for no other reason 285 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:40,652 than to serve as a source of pain for the hero. 286 00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:43,855 Like Mufasa in The Lion King. 287 00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:46,490 Yeah, that's right, like Mufasa from The Lion King. 288 00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:47,493 You got it. 289 00:15:25,056 --> 00:15:26,389 Is it just me, or does. 290 00:15:26,391 --> 00:15:28,458 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? from Frozen... 291 00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:29,826 sound suspiciously like. 292 00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:31,562 Papa, Can You Hear Me? From Yentl? 293 00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:37,500 Wade, you've been here for three days, okay? 294 00:15:37,502 --> 00:15:38,735 Go home, take a shower. 295 00:15:38,737 --> 00:15:40,004 You smell like. 296 00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:41,938 Rush Limbaugh's couch cushions after Shark Week. 297 00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:43,573 I love Frozen. 298 00:15:43,575 --> 00:15:47,110 I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water. 299 00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:48,511 An ocean is water. 300 00:15:48,513 --> 00:15:53,551 More importantly, I liked her. I really liked her, you know? 301 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:56,022 George Michael was right. I'm never gonna dance again. 302 00:15:56,387 --> 00:15:57,955 Oh, God. 303 00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,492 He's dead, too. 304 00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:02,025 At least we still have Bowie. 305 00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:03,693 Mr. Pool, David Bowie is... 306 00:16:03,695 --> 00:16:04,894 Uh, uh, uh... 307 00:16:04,896 --> 00:16:06,864 still with us. 308 00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:09,135 We do. We still have Bowie. 309 00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:10,868 I'm sorry. 310 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,201 Shot after shot, 311 00:16:12,203 --> 00:16:14,104 it's not gonna change the fact that I think you're... 312 00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:15,605 Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now? 313 00:16:15,607 --> 00:16:18,643 You're making the face that you make when you urinate. 314 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,543 - Is he pissing? - I'm on it! 315 00:16:20,545 --> 00:16:21,913 There you go, Dopinder. 316 00:16:21,915 --> 00:16:23,647 If you want to be a contract killer... 317 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:26,317 you gotta handle a mop before you handle a gun. 318 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,585 Although I don't quite understand 319 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:28,720 how they are at all similar. 320 00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:31,357 Well, they both have handles. Now, leave me. 321 00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:33,657 Go home, Wade. 322 00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:36,463 I don't have a home, Weas, you know. I got a... 323 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,363 Okay, I'm fine. 324 00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:40,230 I'm fine. 325 00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:41,999 You know what "fine" stands for, Wade? 326 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:45,802 F'd up, insecure, needy, and emotional. 327 00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:47,339 According to the... 328 00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:49,874 - Kubler-Ross. - Yeah. 329 00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:51,475 According to the Kubler-Ross model... 330 00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:54,812 denial is just one of the five stages of grief. 331 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,114 Jesus Christ, Buck! 332 00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:59,419 No more speaking lines for you. 333 00:17:27,178 --> 00:17:28,612 "I'm thinking it over!" 334 00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:30,250 Mother... 335 00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,086 The hell you doin' here? 336 00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:37,054 Don't you know how to knock? 337 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,022 I thought you saw me... 338 00:17:39,024 --> 00:17:40,490 with your ears. 339 00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:41,791 You're lucky I didn't shoot you in the... 340 00:17:41,793 --> 00:17:42,894 The wall? 341 00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:46,433 The refrigerator? I'm in so much pain. 342 00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:50,734 I heard the news, sweetie. 343 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:52,836 I'm very sorry. I am. 344 00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:54,805 What am I gonna do, Al? 345 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:57,110 Probably something terrible. 346 00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,042 Knowing you. 347 00:17:59,044 --> 00:18:00,679 It was my fault. 348 00:18:01,946 --> 00:18:04,281 I did this. 349 00:18:04,283 --> 00:18:06,349 And all I wanna do is grab her and see her 350 00:18:06,351 --> 00:18:08,655 and tell her that I'm sorry, and I can't. 351 00:18:10,455 --> 00:18:12,256 She's gone. 352 00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:14,892 Now, look, sugar. You need to just keep living. 353 00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:16,058 Thank you... 354 00:18:16,060 --> 00:18:19,296 Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure. 355 00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:21,230 Listen to the pain. 356 00:18:21,232 --> 00:18:24,201 It's both history teacher and fortune teller. 357 00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:27,738 Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. 358 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:31,675 Sometimes it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. 359 00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:35,214 But we can't really live till we've died a little, can we? 360 00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:41,421 Precious, aren't they? 361 00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:43,354 Whoa! 362 00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:44,988 Are you a superhero? 363 00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:46,723 You bet your pigtails, sweetie. 364 00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:48,192 What's your name? 365 00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:50,160 Captain Delicious Pants. 366 00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:53,931 Who's Captain Delicious Pants? 367 00:18:59,438 --> 00:19:00,671 No, no, no. Come on, hey. 368 00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:03,006 There's, like, a hundred benches around here. 369 00:19:03,008 --> 00:19:04,775 Go find another... Beat it. 370 00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,410 It's a free country. 371 00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:09,313 You're right. It is a free country. 372 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:12,516 Hey, I want to just say, I loved your work in Up. 373 00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:13,584 I'm sorry? 374 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:14,785 No. 375 00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:16,820 I'm sorry. 376 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:17,887 Whoa! 377 00:19:17,889 --> 00:19:19,589 What? You don't like Up? 378 00:19:19,591 --> 00:19:21,826 There's gotta be some way to die. 379 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,861 I just need to die harder. 380 00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:25,165 Trademark Fox. 381 00:19:41,512 --> 00:19:43,515 Your crazy matches my crazy. 382 00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:47,420 Skee-Ball token. 383 00:19:55,426 --> 00:19:57,461 I love you, Wade Wilson. 384 00:19:59,831 --> 00:20:01,367 Ness? 385 00:20:02,734 --> 00:20:03,836 Ness? 386 00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:06,236 Ness. 387 00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:08,942 Ness, there's something here. I can't get to you. 388 00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:13,242 Your heart's not in the right place. 389 00:20:13,244 --> 00:20:15,778 Wait, hold on. What? 390 00:20:15,780 --> 00:20:18,048 Your heart's not in the right place. 391 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,282 Wait. What do you mean 392 00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:20,651 my heart's not in the right place? What does it... 393 00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:23,753 Turns out, I can die a little. 394 00:20:23,755 --> 00:20:25,189 I just can't stay dead. 395 00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:45,478 I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade. You're broken. 396 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:49,382 Oh... I know that voice. 397 00:20:53,385 --> 00:20:55,152 "Heart's in the right place." 398 00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:56,619 "Heart's in the..." What does that mean? 399 00:20:56,621 --> 00:20:58,489 You've been sleep for three days. 400 00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:00,324 I took a liberty of dressing you. 401 00:21:00,326 --> 00:21:01,858 No kidding. 402 00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:03,626 Why can't I finally die? 403 00:21:03,628 --> 00:21:05,296 Take your mask off, Wade. 404 00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:07,064 We must talk. 405 00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:09,299 You need fresh start. 406 00:21:09,301 --> 00:21:11,801 With training, you can be X-Man. 407 00:21:11,803 --> 00:21:14,136 You're wasting your time, Shiny Jesus. 408 00:21:14,138 --> 00:21:15,404 I'm not X-Man material. 409 00:21:15,406 --> 00:21:17,276 Understatement of the year. 410 00:21:17,643 --> 00:21:18,645 Wade, Yukio. 411 00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:20,977 Yukio, Wade. 412 00:21:20,979 --> 00:21:23,212 What in the fudgcicle is this? 413 00:21:23,214 --> 00:21:25,648 She's my girlfriend, you intolerant... 414 00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:27,617 Whoa! Pump the hate brakes, Fox & Friends. 415 00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:29,553 I'm just surprised anyone would date you. 416 00:21:29,555 --> 00:21:32,388 Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. 417 00:21:32,390 --> 00:21:34,423 I like this guy. 418 00:21:34,425 --> 00:21:36,359 Give him a chance. 419 00:21:36,361 --> 00:21:37,560 It's great seeing you like this. 420 00:21:37,562 --> 00:21:39,799 Yeah. 421 00:21:40,165 --> 00:21:41,464 Bye, Wade! 422 00:21:41,466 --> 00:21:44,067 Now, some ground rules while under our roof. 423 00:21:44,069 --> 00:21:47,104 "Rule number one. No killing..." 424 00:21:47,106 --> 00:21:50,406 "anyone ever, no matter how bad." 425 00:21:50,408 --> 00:21:53,242 "Rule two. Label everything in refrigerator." 426 00:21:53,244 --> 00:21:54,446 Wade? 427 00:21:55,146 --> 00:21:56,212 Wade? 428 00:21:56,214 --> 00:21:57,280 Wade! 429 00:21:57,282 --> 00:21:59,282 Don't try to chase me. 430 00:21:59,284 --> 00:22:01,585 I'm not ready to be touched again. 431 00:22:01,587 --> 00:22:03,819 All these elderly white men on the walls... 432 00:22:03,821 --> 00:22:05,789 Should have brought my rape whistle. 433 00:22:06,858 --> 00:22:09,692 Those were already damaged after they fell there! 434 00:22:09,694 --> 00:22:11,494 What am I supposed to do around here, anyway? 435 00:22:11,496 --> 00:22:13,730 Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? 436 00:22:13,732 --> 00:22:16,866 And how would I do that exactly? 437 00:22:16,868 --> 00:22:19,369 'Cause where the hell is everyone? 438 00:22:19,371 --> 00:22:20,537 It's always just you 439 00:22:20,539 --> 00:22:22,105 and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever... 440 00:22:22,107 --> 00:22:23,173 Enough! 441 00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:25,011 I said no touching! 442 00:22:29,447 --> 00:22:32,148 You'd think the studio would throw us a bone. 443 00:22:32,150 --> 00:22:34,453 One that doesn't end up in my mouth. 444 00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:36,720 The first movie made more money 445 00:22:36,722 --> 00:22:39,056 than the guy who invented pants. 446 00:22:39,058 --> 00:22:41,459 They can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men? 447 00:22:41,461 --> 00:22:43,593 How 'bout that putz with the giant pigeon wings? 448 00:22:43,595 --> 00:22:44,760 What do those do anyway, huh? 449 00:22:44,762 --> 00:22:46,297 Carry him three feet off the ground 450 00:22:46,299 --> 00:22:48,464 to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb? 451 00:22:48,466 --> 00:22:50,634 No, no, no! 452 00:22:50,636 --> 00:22:53,603 I am not X-Man material at all. 453 00:22:53,605 --> 00:22:56,006 First off... 454 00:22:56,008 --> 00:22:58,478 I'm not even a virgin. Second and more... 455 00:23:00,412 --> 00:23:01,511 I should have left you 456 00:23:01,513 --> 00:23:03,380 in the self-pity mess I found you in. 457 00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:06,416 But this is what friends do. They show up! 458 00:23:06,418 --> 00:23:08,451 Not when convenient or easy. 459 00:23:08,453 --> 00:23:12,756 When hard, and you always make it hard. 460 00:23:12,758 --> 00:23:15,424 You are unwell. 461 00:23:15,426 --> 00:23:17,627 I'm sticking my neck out bringing you here. 462 00:23:17,629 --> 00:23:19,496 Wait. One of the assholes 463 00:23:19,498 --> 00:23:21,033 who killed Vanessa got away. 464 00:23:23,502 --> 00:23:25,669 Oh, Jesus Christ! 465 00:23:25,671 --> 00:23:27,704 I thought you were gonna kiss me for a second there. 466 00:23:27,706 --> 00:23:29,605 Please know I wouldn't be able to stop you if you did. 467 00:23:29,607 --> 00:23:31,775 Wade, whoever they are... 468 00:23:31,777 --> 00:23:34,243 we track them down and bring them to justice. 469 00:23:34,245 --> 00:23:35,714 It was me. 470 00:23:38,783 --> 00:23:40,652 I'm the asshole who got away. 471 00:23:41,552 --> 00:23:44,554 I killed every last one of them, except me. 472 00:23:44,556 --> 00:23:46,526 Couldn't kill me. 473 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,763 We were gonna start a family. 474 00:23:53,366 --> 00:23:55,499 We were, uh... 475 00:23:56,569 --> 00:23:59,169 We were gonna be a family. 476 00:23:59,171 --> 00:24:00,304 Wade... 477 00:24:00,306 --> 00:24:03,142 Vanessa is gone. She's not coming back. 478 00:24:04,609 --> 00:24:07,111 This may not be family you want... 479 00:24:07,113 --> 00:24:09,479 but it's family you need. 480 00:24:09,481 --> 00:24:10,747 You have a good heart. 481 00:24:10,749 --> 00:24:12,585 It belongs here where it can grow. 482 00:24:14,219 --> 00:24:15,888 What did you say? 483 00:24:17,255 --> 00:24:18,723 About my heart? 484 00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:26,131 I think I'm in the right place. 485 00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:20,651 Whoa! 486 00:25:20,653 --> 00:25:23,886 Cable? You got Cable? 487 00:25:23,888 --> 00:25:25,021 If I didn't know any better, 488 00:25:25,023 --> 00:25:27,023 I'd say that you're getting into this. 489 00:25:27,025 --> 00:25:28,290 You know Cable? 490 00:25:28,292 --> 00:25:31,227 Uh, the biological son of Cyclops and Madelyne Pryor... 491 00:25:31,229 --> 00:25:32,395 Jean Grey's clone. 492 00:25:32,397 --> 00:25:34,464 Half-brother to Rachel Summers and Nate Grey. 493 00:25:34,466 --> 00:25:35,699 Raised as the Askani's son, 494 00:25:35,701 --> 00:25:37,000 and genetic template for Stryfe. 495 00:25:37,002 --> 00:25:38,669 From a possible alternate timeline... 496 00:25:38,671 --> 00:25:40,804 having been taken as an infant to the future... 497 00:25:40,806 --> 00:25:42,472 and infected with a techno-organic virus. 498 00:25:42,474 --> 00:25:44,575 I hope you have given this deeply-nuanced 499 00:25:44,577 --> 00:25:46,913 and richly-layered backstory its due. 500 00:25:51,782 --> 00:25:54,851 Yeah, we're covering the time travel stuff. 501 00:25:54,853 --> 00:25:56,420 We have eight weeks of boot camp 502 00:25:56,422 --> 00:25:57,487 ahead of us, men. 503 00:25:57,489 --> 00:25:59,355 That'll get us toned and prepared 504 00:25:59,357 --> 00:26:00,693 for all matter of combat. 505 00:26:02,694 --> 00:26:06,829 Not working out at all. 506 00:26:06,831 --> 00:26:10,902 Masking tape. It is no friend to chilled aluminum. 507 00:26:12,169 --> 00:26:13,269 Velcro. 508 00:26:13,271 --> 00:26:15,340 Color-coded. Efficient. Environmentally friendly. 509 00:26:16,107 --> 00:26:17,374 Who's he talking to? 510 00:26:17,376 --> 00:26:19,308 And why is he dressed like a registered sex offender? 511 00:26:19,310 --> 00:26:21,044 Can we focus for a moment, ladies? 512 00:26:21,046 --> 00:26:23,113 Please, we need to talk about next month's meal plan. 513 00:26:23,115 --> 00:26:25,481 Obviously, everyone hated the ceviche. 514 00:26:25,483 --> 00:26:26,849 I read the suggestion box. That's on me. 515 00:26:26,851 --> 00:26:28,384 I'm gonna stop you right there. 516 00:26:28,386 --> 00:26:30,653 I see through this weak act. 517 00:26:30,655 --> 00:26:35,125 You may have fooled Colossus with this nice guy shit... 518 00:26:35,127 --> 00:26:36,326 but not me. 519 00:26:36,328 --> 00:26:37,493 Don't be mean. 520 00:26:37,495 --> 00:26:38,627 Back off, NTW. 521 00:26:38,629 --> 00:26:39,762 No, no, no. 522 00:26:39,764 --> 00:26:41,096 No, let her go. 523 00:26:41,098 --> 00:26:43,800 Let her go. It's okay. She has a right to be skeptical. 524 00:26:43,802 --> 00:26:46,705 Look at me. I'm an easy target. 525 00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:48,739 You know, historically, 526 00:26:48,741 --> 00:26:50,973 mischief has been my mistress... 527 00:26:50,975 --> 00:26:54,112 so I understand, you know. But I like to think that... 528 00:26:55,246 --> 00:26:58,748 well, you guys have really rubbed off on me. 529 00:26:58,750 --> 00:27:01,186 I like to think that I've rubbed off around you too. 530 00:27:01,486 --> 00:27:02,719 A lot. 531 00:27:02,721 --> 00:27:05,520 And for the first time in a long while... 532 00:27:05,522 --> 00:27:07,092 I like me. 533 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:10,126 I accept your apology. 534 00:27:10,128 --> 00:27:11,361 I never apologized. 535 00:27:11,363 --> 00:27:12,828 I was talking to your heart. 536 00:27:12,830 --> 00:27:15,230 See? You're not lost cause you thought. 537 00:27:15,232 --> 00:27:18,634 I'm proud. You're everything I knew you can be. 538 00:27:18,636 --> 00:27:20,636 Thank you, Colossus. 539 00:27:20,638 --> 00:27:22,439 Just trying to be the world's best X-Man. 540 00:27:22,441 --> 00:27:23,976 Sorry, X-Person. 541 00:27:25,476 --> 00:27:27,379 Hmm. Something wrong with the soap. 542 00:27:28,246 --> 00:27:30,446 It's fine. I just filled it. 543 00:27:30,448 --> 00:27:31,650 Give it a few more pumps there. 544 00:27:33,118 --> 00:27:37,586 Now, if you'll excuse me, it's dust bunny season... 545 00:27:37,588 --> 00:27:38,790 and I'm hunting wabbits. 546 00:27:39,357 --> 00:27:40,693 Bye, Wade. 547 00:27:45,798 --> 00:27:47,066 Wade. 548 00:27:47,531 --> 00:27:48,733 Wade. 549 00:27:49,367 --> 00:27:50,701 Wade! 550 00:27:50,703 --> 00:27:53,636 Hey, I was just taking Cerebro for a spin here... 551 00:27:53,638 --> 00:27:55,439 looking deep into the future. 552 00:27:55,441 --> 00:27:56,940 Phew. This thing... 553 00:27:56,942 --> 00:27:58,642 - That's not how Cerebro works. - That's not how Cerebro works. 554 00:27:58,644 --> 00:28:00,643 Yes. Yes, it is. 555 00:28:00,645 --> 00:28:02,413 - We have mission. - We have mission. 556 00:28:02,415 --> 00:28:04,381 We do. You do. 557 00:28:04,383 --> 00:28:05,648 You guys be safe out there. 558 00:28:05,650 --> 00:28:08,453 - No, I want you to join. - No, you want me to join. 559 00:28:10,155 --> 00:28:11,387 I'm sorry, what? 560 00:28:11,389 --> 00:28:12,422 You are ready. 561 00:28:12,424 --> 00:28:14,624 That's a terrible idea, and it's gonna end badly. 562 00:28:14,626 --> 00:28:16,228 Be at the X-Jet in five. 563 00:28:18,864 --> 00:28:21,330 Irene Merryweather, WHIT News. 564 00:28:21,332 --> 00:28:23,299 Live here at a breaking news situation 565 00:28:23,301 --> 00:28:26,103 at the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation. 566 00:28:26,105 --> 00:28:28,070 A mutant boy is appearing to have 567 00:28:28,072 --> 00:28:29,471 some sort of an incident... 568 00:28:29,473 --> 00:28:31,208 - with police here behind me. - Get away from me! 569 00:28:31,210 --> 00:28:33,742 There are two police vehicles that are overturned. 570 00:28:33,744 --> 00:28:35,111 - Russell, calm down. - Freak off! 571 00:28:35,113 --> 00:28:36,380 A scene of absolute chaos here. 572 00:28:36,382 --> 00:28:37,647 Calm down. 573 00:28:37,649 --> 00:28:40,549 I'll burn you! You stay back! 574 00:28:40,551 --> 00:28:41,817 Get away from me! 575 00:28:57,936 --> 00:29:01,237 It appears as if the X-Men are arriving... 576 00:29:01,239 --> 00:29:02,271 Scatter! 577 00:29:02,273 --> 00:29:04,842 With what appears to be a trainee. 578 00:29:04,844 --> 00:29:07,877 Everyone, calm down! The pros are here. I... 579 00:29:07,879 --> 00:29:09,011 We're the X-Men! 580 00:29:09,013 --> 00:29:11,714 A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s. 581 00:29:11,716 --> 00:29:14,349 So, respect. 582 00:29:14,351 --> 00:29:15,754 At ease, Officer. 583 00:29:17,223 --> 00:29:19,221 What are you doing? 584 00:29:19,223 --> 00:29:20,289 My job! 585 00:29:20,291 --> 00:29:21,857 You're the one who said I was ready, 586 00:29:21,859 --> 00:29:23,259 and I frankly disagreed with you. 587 00:29:23,261 --> 00:29:25,862 But here we are, trying to overcome our differences. 588 00:29:25,864 --> 00:29:29,065 Like Beyonce says, "Please..." 589 00:29:29,067 --> 00:29:30,601 "Please, stop cheating on me." 590 00:29:30,603 --> 00:29:31,734 Hey! 591 00:29:31,736 --> 00:29:33,068 This is the fifth incident. 592 00:29:33,070 --> 00:29:35,471 This kid needs to be in the Ice Box, not here. 593 00:29:35,473 --> 00:29:37,105 Russell belongs in our care. 594 00:29:37,107 --> 00:29:38,909 Not in prison. I assure you... 595 00:29:38,911 --> 00:29:40,042 we have everything under control. 596 00:29:40,044 --> 00:29:41,344 Stay back! I'll burn you! 597 00:29:41,346 --> 00:29:42,545 Not getting a real 598 00:29:42,547 --> 00:29:44,647 "under control" vibe here, Marty. 599 00:29:44,649 --> 00:29:46,717 - It is Glen, isn't it? - Daniel. 600 00:29:46,719 --> 00:29:48,050 I'll ask the questions, Miguel. 601 00:29:48,052 --> 00:29:49,385 Let me talk to the kid. 602 00:29:49,387 --> 00:29:54,159 You stay here with your weird, secret sex lips. 603 00:29:55,460 --> 00:29:56,659 You wanna die? 604 00:29:56,661 --> 00:29:57,861 This kid's adorable. 605 00:29:57,863 --> 00:29:58,861 I don't know why I packed the hollow points. 606 00:29:58,863 --> 00:30:00,364 I'll burn your arms off! 607 00:30:00,366 --> 00:30:03,169 First day. I'm so nervous! 608 00:30:03,868 --> 00:30:05,471 Did you just say "hollow points"? 609 00:30:06,038 --> 00:30:07,237 Yeah, probably should've 610 00:30:07,239 --> 00:30:09,107 brought a Super Soaker. 611 00:30:09,607 --> 00:30:11,010 Hi, there! 612 00:30:11,844 --> 00:30:14,278 Stay back or Justin Bieber dies! 613 00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:18,815 Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber. 614 00:30:18,817 --> 00:30:20,950 Hold on! Wait, wait, wait! 615 00:30:20,952 --> 00:30:24,054 Okay, let's not do whatever that is. 616 00:30:24,056 --> 00:30:25,654 Okay? Let's just talk! 617 00:30:25,656 --> 00:30:27,423 It's Russell, right? 618 00:30:27,425 --> 00:30:29,459 - Firefist. - Firefist. 619 00:30:29,461 --> 00:30:31,894 Ooh, that's a great name. Where does it burn? 620 00:30:31,896 --> 00:30:33,696 Just the fist, or all the way up to the elbow? 621 00:30:38,069 --> 00:30:40,303 Definitely all the way up to the elbow. 622 00:30:40,305 --> 00:30:43,506 Come quietly, or there will be trouble. 623 00:30:43,508 --> 00:30:46,777 - You stole that from Robocop! - That's from Robocop! 624 00:30:46,779 --> 00:30:48,310 Just stand down! 625 00:30:48,312 --> 00:30:50,515 You're embarrassing me. Look, Fire... 626 00:30:53,018 --> 00:30:55,250 I can't say it! I'm so sorry! 627 00:30:58,923 --> 00:31:02,960 Oh, my gosh! That does it! 628 00:31:02,962 --> 00:31:04,493 Put your hands behind your knees 629 00:31:04,495 --> 00:31:05,996 and get down on your head! Now! 630 00:31:05,998 --> 00:31:08,198 Wade! What was first rule? 631 00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,200 Label everything in the refrigerator! 632 00:31:10,202 --> 00:31:12,969 - Do not escalate! - Rules are meant to be broken! 633 00:31:12,971 --> 00:31:14,538 That's the exact opposite 634 00:31:14,540 --> 00:31:16,040 of what they're meant for! 635 00:31:16,774 --> 00:31:18,773 Come on! Fine! 636 00:31:18,775 --> 00:31:20,210 I'll start from the beginning. 637 00:31:20,212 --> 00:31:22,878 My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man. 638 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,216 - Trainee! - Shut it! 639 00:31:25,751 --> 00:31:28,186 Look, I get it. 640 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,453 All right, you're scared. 641 00:31:31,455 --> 00:31:32,555 Alone. 642 00:31:32,557 --> 00:31:33,656 You got no family. 643 00:31:33,658 --> 00:31:34,723 I didn't have a family, either. 644 00:31:34,725 --> 00:31:36,358 You live in this dump. Guess what? 645 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:39,061 I used to live in a shithole just like it. 646 00:31:39,063 --> 00:31:41,597 But you know something? To make matters worse... 647 00:31:41,599 --> 00:31:43,465 it's a confusing time in your life right now. 648 00:31:43,467 --> 00:31:47,202 Your body is going through some fiery changes. 649 00:31:47,204 --> 00:31:49,171 Too far? I went too far, didn't I? 650 00:31:56,548 --> 00:31:58,582 That was effervescent. 651 00:31:58,584 --> 00:32:00,817 Stay in school, kid. 652 00:32:00,819 --> 00:32:02,818 Or don't. I didn't. 653 00:32:02,820 --> 00:32:04,520 And I'm an X-Man. 654 00:32:04,522 --> 00:32:06,056 Trainee. 655 00:32:06,058 --> 00:32:08,359 Superhero landing coming up! 656 00:32:12,664 --> 00:32:15,467 Ouch, ouch, ouch! Oh, God, that hurts. 657 00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:38,320 I could get used to this X-Man shit. 658 00:32:38,322 --> 00:32:39,622 Trainee! 659 00:32:39,624 --> 00:32:40,589 Trainee! 660 00:32:40,591 --> 00:32:42,525 Get a power restraint on him. Now! 661 00:32:42,527 --> 00:32:45,998 Calm down, squirt. It's over. We got ya. 662 00:32:47,732 --> 00:32:49,198 What's that do? 663 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:50,834 Power-dampening collar. 664 00:32:50,836 --> 00:32:52,134 Shuts down all mutant abilities. 665 00:32:52,136 --> 00:32:54,971 You can't get it off. Unless you've got a grenade. 666 00:32:54,973 --> 00:32:58,074 Huh. Could've used one of those in the first act. 667 00:32:58,076 --> 00:32:59,478 Thank you! 668 00:33:01,078 --> 00:33:03,579 That was absolutely thrilling. 669 00:33:03,581 --> 00:33:05,714 True heroism in action. 670 00:33:05,716 --> 00:33:07,950 We are in your debt. 671 00:33:07,952 --> 00:33:09,885 We can take it from here. 672 00:33:09,887 --> 00:33:12,087 Take me to the Ice Box, please! 673 00:33:12,089 --> 00:33:13,557 Anywhere's better than here. 674 00:33:13,559 --> 00:33:14,523 Believe me, son, 675 00:33:14,525 --> 00:33:16,192 you do not wanna go to the Ice Box. 676 00:33:16,194 --> 00:33:18,228 Let's get you inside, young man. 677 00:33:18,230 --> 00:33:20,163 No, wait, wait. Wait. 678 00:33:20,165 --> 00:33:21,767 You guys stay there. 679 00:33:30,575 --> 00:33:32,444 Those guys hurt you? 680 00:33:33,744 --> 00:33:34,780 Who? 681 00:33:36,815 --> 00:33:39,585 Baldilocks? Jared Kushner? 682 00:33:40,952 --> 00:33:42,554 Both of 'em? 683 00:33:46,657 --> 00:33:47,923 Ah, screw it. 684 00:33:47,925 --> 00:33:49,592 Four or five moments! 685 00:33:49,594 --> 00:33:50,660 I'm sorry? 686 00:33:50,662 --> 00:33:54,033 Four or five moments! 687 00:33:55,032 --> 00:33:58,036 That's all it takes to be a hero. 688 00:33:58,869 --> 00:34:01,136 People think you wake up a hero... 689 00:34:01,138 --> 00:34:03,306 brush your teeth a hero... 690 00:34:03,308 --> 00:34:06,209 make love to a soap dispenser a hero. 691 00:34:07,546 --> 00:34:11,550 But, no, being a hero takes only a few moments! 692 00:34:12,817 --> 00:34:14,449 A few moments... 693 00:34:14,451 --> 00:34:17,320 doing the ugly stuff no one else will do. 694 00:34:24,462 --> 00:34:27,063 - Wade, what did you do? - Colossus, no! 695 00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:28,498 That kid was abused! You can tell. 696 00:34:28,500 --> 00:34:30,199 - You can always tell! - We have rules! 697 00:34:30,201 --> 00:34:33,068 You are not judge, jury or executioner! 698 00:34:33,070 --> 00:34:36,072 Forget your rules! I fight for what's right! 699 00:34:36,074 --> 00:34:37,673 And sometimes you gotta fight dirty! 700 00:34:37,675 --> 00:34:41,344 You've let me down for the last time, Wade. 701 00:34:41,346 --> 00:34:42,677 Collar him, too. 702 00:34:42,679 --> 00:34:44,547 And get these guys in the pod. 703 00:34:44,549 --> 00:34:45,882 Take them to the Ice Box. 704 00:35:07,438 --> 00:35:09,875 I wonder what gang I'll be in. 705 00:35:11,442 --> 00:35:13,778 - Is there, like, a Sorting Hat? - Hi. 706 00:35:15,313 --> 00:35:16,378 I've always seen myself 707 00:35:16,380 --> 00:35:18,414 as more of an East Coast Hufflepuff. 708 00:35:18,416 --> 00:35:19,682 Go! 709 00:35:19,684 --> 00:35:22,684 I've made a critical error on my Airbnb reservation. 710 00:35:22,686 --> 00:35:27,159 This is not what the website looked like at all. 711 00:35:28,425 --> 00:35:32,195 I love the decor though. I had no idea hopeless was a color. 712 00:35:32,197 --> 00:35:33,599 Hard left, douchebag. 713 00:35:37,969 --> 00:35:39,304 Please, after you. 714 00:35:41,273 --> 00:35:43,907 Another disgusting minority off the streets. 715 00:35:43,909 --> 00:35:45,041 We'll sleep well tonight. 716 00:35:45,043 --> 00:35:46,108 Let's get a bagel. 717 00:35:49,547 --> 00:35:52,315 Nighty-night, you annoying prick! 718 00:36:23,514 --> 00:36:26,916 I'mma tell you what the big lie is. 719 00:36:26,918 --> 00:36:28,451 Toilet paper. 720 00:36:28,453 --> 00:36:31,853 Toilet paper is a plenty fine appetizer. 721 00:36:31,855 --> 00:36:34,090 But, then... 722 00:36:34,092 --> 00:36:36,425 Huggies Natural Care wet wipes. 723 00:36:36,427 --> 00:36:37,827 That's your main course. 724 00:36:37,829 --> 00:36:41,664 They're soft, they're moist. They're for babies. 725 00:36:41,666 --> 00:36:44,768 Finally, one more pass with the toilet paper, 726 00:36:44,770 --> 00:36:46,568 maybe clear out that excess moisture. 727 00:36:46,570 --> 00:36:48,271 Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go, 728 00:36:48,273 --> 00:36:49,539 if you can get you a hair dryer. 729 00:36:49,541 --> 00:36:52,211 Just about 30 seconds will do you good. 730 00:36:55,780 --> 00:36:56,949 What the heck? 731 00:36:57,982 --> 00:36:59,217 Year? 732 00:37:00,018 --> 00:37:01,220 What? 733 00:37:02,186 --> 00:37:03,820 What year is it? 734 00:37:03,822 --> 00:37:06,224 What kind of dummy question is that to ask? 735 00:37:25,242 --> 00:37:27,809 You're a long way from your superpowers. 736 00:37:27,811 --> 00:37:28,813 Yeah. 737 00:37:33,284 --> 00:37:35,552 I wanted to be a superhero. 738 00:37:35,554 --> 00:37:37,820 Always wanted a real super suit. 739 00:37:37,822 --> 00:37:39,489 What happened? 740 00:37:39,491 --> 00:37:41,611 When was the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero? 741 00:37:42,125 --> 00:37:43,592 Never. 742 00:37:43,594 --> 00:37:46,195 The industry discriminates. 743 00:37:46,197 --> 00:37:47,996 Forget superheroes. 744 00:37:47,998 --> 00:37:50,567 The first thing I wanna do when I get out of here... 745 00:37:50,569 --> 00:37:52,802 burn the headmaster alive... 746 00:37:52,804 --> 00:37:55,538 and then take a selfie with his smoldering corpse. 747 00:37:55,540 --> 00:37:57,840 Who says prison isn't reformative? 748 00:37:57,842 --> 00:37:59,141 What did he do to you? 749 00:37:59,143 --> 00:38:01,177 He thinks we're evil. 750 00:38:01,179 --> 00:38:02,545 Blessed are the wicked 751 00:38:02,547 --> 00:38:05,047 who are healed by my hand. 752 00:38:05,049 --> 00:38:06,450 Your abilities... 753 00:38:07,951 --> 00:38:09,920 I know how seductive they are. 754 00:38:18,630 --> 00:38:22,434 Tomorrow, we'll find the biggest guy in here... 755 00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:24,666 and we'll make him our... 756 00:38:27,806 --> 00:38:29,472 What was that? 757 00:38:29,474 --> 00:38:32,340 That is the biggest guy in here. 758 00:38:32,342 --> 00:38:34,443 Fun fact about the Ice Box... 759 00:38:34,445 --> 00:38:36,346 though no one's ever seen it, 760 00:38:36,348 --> 00:38:38,547 they keep a monster in the basement. 761 00:38:38,549 --> 00:38:40,382 Right next to a huge, 762 00:38:40,384 --> 00:38:42,020 steaming bowl of foreshadowing. 763 00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:43,721 Look. 764 00:38:44,521 --> 00:38:46,956 I can't protect you. 765 00:38:46,958 --> 00:38:48,123 With this collar on, 766 00:38:48,125 --> 00:38:51,260 my superpower is just unbridled cancer. 767 00:38:51,262 --> 00:38:54,663 Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically Hawkeye. 768 00:38:54,665 --> 00:38:56,766 Now, if you'll excuse me... 769 00:38:56,768 --> 00:39:00,235 I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits. 770 00:39:00,237 --> 00:39:02,570 I'll start by making us a shank. 771 00:39:02,572 --> 00:39:04,539 - Good listening. - I stole that guard's pen... 772 00:39:04,541 --> 00:39:06,541 and stashed it in the old prison wallet, 773 00:39:06,543 --> 00:39:08,510 if you know what I'm saying. 774 00:39:08,512 --> 00:39:11,047 Prison wallet? 775 00:39:11,049 --> 00:39:14,018 I really hope I don't know what you're saying. 776 00:39:19,257 --> 00:39:20,588 And to update you 777 00:39:20,590 --> 00:39:22,090 on the story reported earlier... 778 00:39:22,092 --> 00:39:23,525 after a lengthy standoff 779 00:39:23,527 --> 00:39:26,329 outside the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation... 780 00:39:26,331 --> 00:39:27,630 two mutants were arrested 781 00:39:27,632 --> 00:39:29,565 and transported to the Ice Box... 782 00:39:29,567 --> 00:39:31,047 Entering repair mode. 783 00:39:56,795 --> 00:39:57,796 Psst! 784 00:40:00,364 --> 00:40:02,798 Don't do that. 785 00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,469 What? Why are you winking at me? 786 00:40:08,038 --> 00:40:09,405 I got your back. 787 00:40:09,407 --> 00:40:10,572 Oh, my God. 788 00:40:10,574 --> 00:40:11,974 You're sick, I gotta protect you. 789 00:40:11,976 --> 00:40:14,079 Just leave me alone, kid. 790 00:40:15,212 --> 00:40:16,447 Oh, great. 791 00:40:18,016 --> 00:40:20,481 Well, hello there, new fish. 792 00:40:20,483 --> 00:40:23,552 It's nice to see some fresh faces around here. 793 00:40:23,554 --> 00:40:25,788 I've done some light catalog work... 794 00:40:25,790 --> 00:40:28,523 but, really, modeling is just a stepping stone to acting. 795 00:40:28,525 --> 00:40:31,327 - I was talking to him. - Oh. 796 00:40:31,329 --> 00:40:34,630 Have we met? I can't place your mustache. 797 00:40:34,632 --> 00:40:37,199 - Black Tom Cassidy. - White Wade Wilson. 798 00:40:37,201 --> 00:40:40,737 What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation? 799 00:40:40,739 --> 00:40:43,472 You're supposed to be the toughest con in here. 800 00:40:43,474 --> 00:40:46,074 You don't look like much to me. 801 00:40:46,076 --> 00:40:47,443 First rule of the yard... 802 00:40:47,445 --> 00:40:49,545 find the biggest guy and make him your... 803 00:40:53,451 --> 00:40:55,550 Second biggest guy. 804 00:40:55,552 --> 00:40:57,987 The last thing I need is more hepatitis. 805 00:40:57,989 --> 00:41:01,556 Oh, it's slippery, too. This table needs a wipe down! 806 00:41:01,558 --> 00:41:03,559 Can we get a wipe down on the table? 807 00:41:04,728 --> 00:41:06,728 Kid, I think you picked the wrong side. 808 00:41:06,730 --> 00:41:09,164 No, I didn't! He's my friend! 809 00:41:09,166 --> 00:41:12,067 Zip it. We're not friends. 810 00:41:12,069 --> 00:41:14,369 Take a seat, shit dick. 811 00:41:25,483 --> 00:41:27,382 I had so much fun! You were like... 812 00:41:27,384 --> 00:41:29,318 And I was like, "Take a seat, shit dick." 813 00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,253 Just let me die in peace. 814 00:41:31,255 --> 00:41:33,456 We make a great team! 815 00:41:33,458 --> 00:41:35,858 Oh, God! We're not a team. 816 00:41:35,860 --> 00:41:40,262 Why'd you say that back there? We're friends, partners. 817 00:41:40,264 --> 00:41:42,501 We're not partners or friends. 818 00:41:44,034 --> 00:41:46,434 This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset. 819 00:41:46,436 --> 00:41:48,536 It ends with me dying of cancer... 820 00:41:48,538 --> 00:41:50,273 and you winning the Ice Box award 821 00:41:50,275 --> 00:41:52,474 for most pinchable cheeks. 822 00:41:53,777 --> 00:41:55,543 There's only one person in this world 823 00:41:55,545 --> 00:41:57,515 that I care about, and she's gone. 824 00:41:59,150 --> 00:42:02,117 You wanna survive? 825 00:42:02,119 --> 00:42:05,487 Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here... 826 00:42:05,489 --> 00:42:07,725 and make friends with them. 827 00:42:08,759 --> 00:42:10,628 Make friends with someone. 828 00:42:11,630 --> 00:42:14,262 Anyone but me. 829 00:42:14,264 --> 00:42:16,632 Maybe even Black Tim. 830 00:42:16,634 --> 00:42:18,134 Black Evan, I don't know. 831 00:42:18,136 --> 00:42:20,938 All I remember is he was African-American. 832 00:42:52,036 --> 00:42:55,907 Cells 7, 12, 14, 27. 833 00:43:09,020 --> 00:43:12,822 System malfunctioning. 7, 4, 3. 834 00:43:12,824 --> 00:43:14,693 System malfunctioning. 835 00:43:21,398 --> 00:43:23,101 That was our cell. 836 00:43:23,735 --> 00:43:24,867 What did I do to piss off 837 00:43:24,869 --> 00:43:27,706 a grumpy old guy with a Winter Soldier arm? 838 00:43:34,846 --> 00:43:36,648 Get away from me, kid! 839 00:43:38,449 --> 00:43:39,784 Listen to me! Go! 840 00:43:43,688 --> 00:43:44,923 Hello, Russell. 841 00:44:45,549 --> 00:44:47,084 Hello, superpowers. 842 00:44:59,630 --> 00:45:00,965 Who are you? 843 00:45:01,465 --> 00:45:02,934 I'm Batman. 844 00:45:14,212 --> 00:45:15,213 Ooh! 845 00:45:19,782 --> 00:45:22,353 Oh. That's got some zip. 846 00:45:29,527 --> 00:45:33,061 Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me. 847 00:45:33,063 --> 00:45:33,996 Talk! 848 00:45:33,998 --> 00:45:35,864 What kind of spineless shit stick 849 00:45:35,866 --> 00:45:37,735 tries to kill a 14-year-old boy? 850 00:45:38,536 --> 00:45:39,867 You might wanna start talking! 851 00:45:39,869 --> 00:45:42,773 'Cause I got a long history of firing at times like this! 852 00:45:43,273 --> 00:45:45,106 The name's Cable. 853 00:45:45,108 --> 00:45:48,378 I'm from the future. Just walk away. 854 00:45:48,612 --> 00:45:49,844 Oh! 855 00:45:49,846 --> 00:45:51,813 So, you're from the future. 856 00:45:51,815 --> 00:45:53,916 I have a question then. 857 00:45:53,918 --> 00:45:55,753 Is dubstep still a thing? 858 00:46:20,578 --> 00:46:22,612 Dubstep's for pussies. 859 00:46:22,614 --> 00:46:23,811 You're so dark! 860 00:46:23,813 --> 00:46:26,748 Are you sure you're not from the DC universe? 861 00:46:26,750 --> 00:46:28,016 I love dubstep! 862 00:46:52,877 --> 00:46:54,275 Is that a fanny pack? 863 00:46:54,277 --> 00:46:56,980 I used to have one of those in 1990-never. 864 00:46:57,715 --> 00:46:59,581 Something to remember you by. 865 00:46:59,583 --> 00:47:03,351 Give me that back! That goes with me everywhere. 866 00:47:03,353 --> 00:47:05,189 Like the memory of your fanny pack! 867 00:47:14,732 --> 00:47:16,498 Why are you protecting the kid? 868 00:47:16,500 --> 00:47:19,201 He's just some kid with an Are You My Mother? complex. 869 00:47:19,203 --> 00:47:21,405 I don't give a damn about him. 870 00:47:26,043 --> 00:47:27,378 What's this one do? 871 00:47:38,322 --> 00:47:40,054 In every film, there's a moment 872 00:47:40,056 --> 00:47:42,423 when the hero hits rock bottom. 873 00:47:42,425 --> 00:47:44,626 In Cool Runnings, it was when John Candy's 874 00:47:44,628 --> 00:47:46,360 prized bobsled broke. 875 00:47:46,362 --> 00:47:49,197 In Human Centipede, it was when those people... 876 00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:51,632 signed on to be in that movie. 877 00:47:51,634 --> 00:47:53,203 But in this film, well... 878 00:47:53,904 --> 00:47:55,373 you're looking at it. 879 00:47:57,574 --> 00:47:58,877 Rock... 880 00:47:59,877 --> 00:48:01,378 meet bottom. 881 00:48:10,755 --> 00:48:12,590 I love you, Wade Wilson. 882 00:48:13,357 --> 00:48:14,358 Ness? 883 00:48:15,525 --> 00:48:17,094 Hey, Ness! 884 00:48:17,795 --> 00:48:19,561 Ness, can you let me in? 885 00:48:19,563 --> 00:48:21,900 Please! Please. 886 00:48:23,766 --> 00:48:24,833 Jeez. 887 00:48:27,605 --> 00:48:29,637 You're not giving me a lot of direction here. 888 00:48:29,639 --> 00:48:31,539 I'm at the end of my rope. 889 00:48:33,878 --> 00:48:36,644 Then I joined the X-Men. 890 00:48:36,646 --> 00:48:38,282 I went to prison. I, uh... 891 00:48:42,286 --> 00:48:43,954 Is it the kid? 892 00:48:45,590 --> 00:48:48,960 Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be. 893 00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:51,161 The kid! 894 00:49:04,775 --> 00:49:06,307 That's exactly what she meant. 895 00:49:06,309 --> 00:49:07,842 Your heart needs to be in the right place. 896 00:49:07,844 --> 00:49:09,711 I'm not gonna abandon this kid. 897 00:49:09,713 --> 00:49:12,514 He's never had anyone, ever. 898 00:49:12,516 --> 00:49:13,815 I need to be selfless. 899 00:49:13,817 --> 00:49:15,818 Yeah, but what does that mean? 900 00:49:15,820 --> 00:49:19,054 It means I'm gonna save Russell. 901 00:49:19,056 --> 00:49:20,521 Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa... 902 00:49:20,523 --> 00:49:23,626 but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand. 903 00:49:23,628 --> 00:49:25,827 Yeah, but what I mean is, like, the world "selfless." 904 00:49:25,829 --> 00:49:27,496 I literally don't know what that means. 905 00:49:27,498 --> 00:49:28,463 Jesus Christ. 906 00:49:28,465 --> 00:49:31,300 Okay, look. According to my guy, okay... 907 00:49:31,302 --> 00:49:33,369 those muties are being transferred 908 00:49:33,371 --> 00:49:35,070 to a supermax, 80 miles away. 909 00:49:35,072 --> 00:49:36,972 Great, I'll pick 'em off along the way. 910 00:49:36,974 --> 00:49:39,141 Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay? 911 00:49:39,143 --> 00:49:41,143 We're talking about an armored convoy... 912 00:49:41,145 --> 00:49:43,778 and a vicious super soldier from the future... 913 00:49:43,780 --> 00:49:46,248 who is dead set on turning your skull into an ashtray. 914 00:49:46,250 --> 00:49:49,384 You know what we need to do? We need to build a team. 915 00:49:49,386 --> 00:49:51,353 We need 'em tough, morally flexible... 916 00:49:51,355 --> 00:49:53,822 and young enough to carry this franchise 10 to 12 years. 917 00:49:53,824 --> 00:49:55,422 We need Ocean's Fourteen stuff. 918 00:49:55,424 --> 00:49:57,726 - The mother of all teams. - John Wick 3. 919 00:49:57,728 --> 00:49:58,793 - Cheap. - But with 920 00:49:58,795 --> 00:49:59,894 - the original directors. - Smart. 921 00:49:59,896 --> 00:50:00,996 My body is an instrument of death. 922 00:50:00,998 --> 00:50:02,164 Not now, Dopinder. 923 00:50:02,166 --> 00:50:04,132 I could be of great use. 924 00:50:04,134 --> 00:50:06,003 What's your superpower? 925 00:50:07,670 --> 00:50:09,070 - Courage. - That's adorable. 926 00:50:09,072 --> 00:50:11,039 All right, I'll put out a call for resumes. 927 00:50:11,041 --> 00:50:13,275 But we're not paying medical or dental. 928 00:50:13,277 --> 00:50:15,512 It's time to get back on LinkedIn. 929 00:50:40,503 --> 00:50:42,137 Attention, all inmates! 930 00:50:42,139 --> 00:50:45,039 Transport to Cross Force Maximum Security. 931 00:50:45,041 --> 00:50:46,307 Mutant Containment Facility... 932 00:50:46,309 --> 00:50:48,275 will begin at 0800 hours. 933 00:50:48,277 --> 00:50:50,945 Inspection of your cells and out-processing 934 00:50:50,947 --> 00:50:52,416 will begin at 0600. 935 00:50:55,518 --> 00:50:57,353 Attention, all inmates. 936 00:50:57,355 --> 00:50:59,721 Transport to Cross Force Maximum Security. 937 00:50:59,723 --> 00:51:00,789 Mutant Containment Facility... 938 00:51:00,791 --> 00:51:01,856 Oi. 939 00:51:01,858 --> 00:51:03,257 What do you want? 940 00:51:03,259 --> 00:51:05,059 You stole my pudding. 941 00:51:05,061 --> 00:51:06,961 - What pudding? - You like pudding? 942 00:51:25,014 --> 00:51:26,217 Hello? 943 00:51:28,250 --> 00:51:29,853 I know you're in there. 944 00:51:40,697 --> 00:51:43,334 Must be hard being the biggest guy in here. 945 00:51:44,634 --> 00:51:46,768 Lonely at the top, eh? 946 00:51:46,770 --> 00:51:48,805 They're moving us tomorrow. 947 00:51:51,108 --> 00:51:53,211 Maybe I can get you out of here. 948 00:51:54,177 --> 00:51:57,582 And we can make the whole world our bitch. 949 00:51:59,183 --> 00:52:01,184 We need a secret code. 950 00:52:04,020 --> 00:52:06,723 No, that's stupid, Russell. Idiot. 951 00:52:13,931 --> 00:52:15,396 We're a team. 952 00:52:15,398 --> 00:52:17,398 We're like thugs, we're like gangsters. 953 00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:19,904 I'm like Tupac, and you're like Ice Cube. 954 00:52:21,204 --> 00:52:23,639 Supposedly, she can rap, too. 955 00:52:23,641 --> 00:52:24,505 I like that. 956 00:52:24,507 --> 00:52:26,074 Terrific, these are all terrific. 957 00:52:26,076 --> 00:52:27,909 Meet Bedlam. 958 00:52:27,911 --> 00:52:30,179 Cool name! Superpowers? 959 00:52:30,181 --> 00:52:31,846 I can distort electrical fields. 960 00:52:32,750 --> 00:52:35,150 Including the one inside your brain... 961 00:52:35,152 --> 00:52:37,952 causing anxiety, confusion... 962 00:52:37,954 --> 00:52:39,157 pain. 963 00:52:40,090 --> 00:52:42,123 So, basically, you're Dave Matthews. 964 00:52:42,125 --> 00:52:43,527 We can use him. 965 00:52:45,161 --> 00:52:46,795 I'm Zeitgeist. 966 00:52:46,797 --> 00:52:48,063 Cool. I like it. 967 00:52:48,065 --> 00:52:49,331 So you have the power 968 00:52:49,333 --> 00:52:51,903 to put your finger on the pulse of society? 969 00:52:52,837 --> 00:52:54,135 No. 970 00:52:54,137 --> 00:52:56,003 No, I spit acidic vomit. 971 00:52:56,005 --> 00:52:57,106 - Oh. - Do you want me 972 00:52:57,108 --> 00:52:58,172 - to demonstrate? - No! 973 00:52:58,174 --> 00:52:59,541 We'll take your word for it. 974 00:52:59,543 --> 00:53:01,909 Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've all eaten at Arby's, okay? 975 00:53:01,911 --> 00:53:04,648 And this is the Vanisher. 976 00:53:08,018 --> 00:53:09,220 But... 977 00:53:10,154 --> 00:53:11,786 Vanisher! 978 00:53:14,025 --> 00:53:16,360 - Nice! - Right? 979 00:53:16,927 --> 00:53:18,193 He's not here, is he? 980 00:53:18,195 --> 00:53:19,931 He may be running late. 981 00:53:21,264 --> 00:53:24,166 My name's Rusty, but I go by Shatterstar. 982 00:53:24,168 --> 00:53:25,367 That's good, yeah. 983 00:53:25,369 --> 00:53:27,536 - "Rusty" is terrible. - Toughie. 984 00:53:27,538 --> 00:53:30,438 - So, uh, where are you from? - The planet Mojo World. 985 00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:32,507 - So you're an alien, I guess. - Bad name. 986 00:53:32,509 --> 00:53:34,275 How does that, uh, help us? 987 00:53:34,277 --> 00:53:37,244 I'm basically better than you at everything. 988 00:53:37,246 --> 00:53:39,047 Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people 989 00:53:39,049 --> 00:53:40,548 that are worse than me at everything. 990 00:53:40,550 --> 00:53:42,751 A whole bunch of functional idiots. 991 00:53:42,753 --> 00:53:44,985 I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman. 992 00:53:44,987 --> 00:53:46,054 Isn't that Canada? 993 00:53:46,056 --> 00:53:48,592 You shut your goddamn trash mouth! 994 00:53:49,525 --> 00:53:50,826 - Meet... - Domino. 995 00:53:50,828 --> 00:53:53,228 - What's your shtick? - I'm lucky. 996 00:53:53,230 --> 00:53:54,496 That's not a superpower. 997 00:53:54,498 --> 00:53:55,563 - Yeah, it is. - No, it isn't. 998 00:53:55,565 --> 00:53:56,965 - Yes, it is. - No, it isn't. 999 00:53:56,967 --> 00:53:58,166 - Yeah, it is. - No, it isn't. 1000 00:53:58,168 --> 00:53:59,233 - Yes, it is. - No, it isn't. 1001 00:53:59,235 --> 00:54:00,302 - Yeah, it is. - It really isn't. 1002 00:54:00,304 --> 00:54:01,668 - No, it isn't. - Yes, it is. 1003 00:54:01,670 --> 00:54:02,737 Told you. 1004 00:54:02,739 --> 00:54:04,206 Get out of my head! 1005 00:54:04,208 --> 00:54:05,405 I'm not in your head. 1006 00:54:05,407 --> 00:54:06,942 It looks like I'm in an 11-year-old's bedroom. 1007 00:54:06,944 --> 00:54:09,277 If you're so lucky, then what are you doing here with us? 1008 00:54:09,279 --> 00:54:10,878 - I don't know yet. - What's that supposed to mean? 1009 00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:12,947 There's a reason why I'm here, and I'll know when I know. 1010 00:54:12,949 --> 00:54:15,083 Everything usually just kind of works out for me. 1011 00:54:15,085 --> 00:54:16,251 - You're hired! - You're hired. 1012 00:54:16,253 --> 00:54:17,853 Oh, lucky me. 1013 00:54:17,855 --> 00:54:18,856 She's great. 1014 00:54:20,157 --> 00:54:21,722 And last, but not least... 1015 00:54:21,724 --> 00:54:22,826 Peter. 1016 00:54:24,061 --> 00:54:26,527 Am I getting catfished here or...? 1017 00:54:26,529 --> 00:54:28,764 Any powers you wanna tell us about? 1018 00:54:28,766 --> 00:54:30,197 No. 1019 00:54:30,199 --> 00:54:32,000 I don't have one. 1020 00:54:32,002 --> 00:54:33,235 Um, I just saw the ad. 1021 00:54:33,237 --> 00:54:35,237 No superpowers at all? 1022 00:54:35,239 --> 00:54:38,442 I have both type 1 and 2 diabetes. 1023 00:54:38,808 --> 00:54:40,141 Ow! Oh! 1024 00:54:40,143 --> 00:54:41,443 That's all the diabetes. 1025 00:54:41,445 --> 00:54:42,610 Right, yeah, you got 'em all. 1026 00:54:42,612 --> 00:54:45,213 If you find a type 3, let us know. 1027 00:54:45,215 --> 00:54:46,280 Yeah. 1028 00:54:46,282 --> 00:54:47,581 You're in. 1029 00:54:47,583 --> 00:54:48,685 Come on! 1030 00:54:51,255 --> 00:54:53,457 It's fulfilling work. 1031 00:55:03,601 --> 00:55:06,000 This is Convoy 17 departing the Ice Box. 1032 00:55:06,002 --> 00:55:07,304 We are en route. 1033 00:55:15,179 --> 00:55:17,715 Peacetime makes people soft. 1034 00:55:19,181 --> 00:55:21,084 I was born into war. 1035 00:55:22,652 --> 00:55:23,953 Bred into it. 1036 00:55:24,855 --> 00:55:26,554 Okay. 1037 00:55:26,556 --> 00:55:29,459 What's the most pain you've ever felt? 1038 00:55:30,761 --> 00:55:32,027 These restraints are pretty... 1039 00:55:32,029 --> 00:55:33,331 I've got a list. 1040 00:55:34,364 --> 00:55:36,533 We're gonna work down it. 1041 00:55:37,233 --> 00:55:38,502 Together. 1042 00:55:39,369 --> 00:55:42,369 Number one, I'm gonna bend something. 1043 00:55:42,371 --> 00:55:44,739 Something that was not meant to bend. 1044 00:55:44,741 --> 00:55:45,840 I'm gonna stop you right there 1045 00:55:45,842 --> 00:55:47,208 because I'm not gonna make it to two. 1046 00:55:47,210 --> 00:55:48,543 I won't even make it to one. 1047 00:55:48,545 --> 00:55:49,978 I don't do well with pain, you know. 1048 00:55:49,980 --> 00:55:52,748 If I stub my toe, I'm done for the day. 1049 00:55:52,750 --> 00:55:54,784 I cried when they canceled Felicity. 1050 00:55:56,018 --> 00:55:56,918 I don't want you to hurt me, 1051 00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:59,522 and I'll tell you anything you wanna know. 1052 00:56:00,489 --> 00:56:02,389 Except for where they are. 1053 00:56:02,391 --> 00:56:03,625 Russell's in a convoy heading southbound 1054 00:56:03,627 --> 00:56:05,559 on Gerry Duggan Parkway. 1055 00:56:05,561 --> 00:56:07,228 The monster's with them. I wouldn't mess with him. 1056 00:56:07,230 --> 00:56:08,295 You all know the plan. 1057 00:56:08,297 --> 00:56:10,931 Intercept the convoy, grab the boy. 1058 00:56:10,933 --> 00:56:12,032 But not inappropriately! 1059 00:56:12,034 --> 00:56:13,001 You know what, 1060 00:56:13,003 --> 00:56:14,469 I wouldn't mess with Deadpool either. 1061 00:56:14,471 --> 00:56:16,838 Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable. 1062 00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:19,539 He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it. 1063 00:56:19,541 --> 00:56:22,077 Watch out for this guy, Cable! 1064 00:56:22,079 --> 00:56:25,313 He's very short, 5'11". Not like in the comics. 1065 00:56:25,315 --> 00:56:28,016 And if we succeed, we all go home early. 1066 00:56:28,018 --> 00:56:30,654 So if you go after them, Cable, I warn you... 1067 00:56:31,521 --> 00:56:33,491 there's a wind advisory in effect. 1068 00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:46,069 A little turbulent up here. 1069 00:56:53,409 --> 00:56:55,342 I don't know much about this Cable fella... 1070 00:56:55,344 --> 00:56:56,610 but I guarantee he hasn't killed 1071 00:56:56,612 --> 00:56:58,715 as many people as melanoma has. 1072 00:56:59,916 --> 00:57:01,282 We're getting close! 1073 00:57:01,284 --> 00:57:02,851 As a former X-Man... 1074 00:57:02,853 --> 00:57:04,885 - Trainee. - Thank you, Bedlam. 1075 00:57:04,887 --> 00:57:07,922 I was always appalled by the blatant sexism 1076 00:57:07,924 --> 00:57:09,056 in the group's name. 1077 00:57:09,058 --> 00:57:10,925 X-Men! Men! 1078 00:57:10,927 --> 00:57:14,161 The point is, our group will be forward thinking. 1079 00:57:14,163 --> 00:57:15,530 Gender neutral. 1080 00:57:15,532 --> 00:57:18,569 From now on, we'll be known as... 1081 00:57:20,103 --> 00:57:21,605 X-Force. 1082 00:57:27,844 --> 00:57:30,411 Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet... 1083 00:57:30,413 --> 00:57:32,313 intercept the convoy, and grab the boy. 1084 00:57:32,315 --> 00:57:33,481 Let's bring on the carnage, baby! 1085 00:57:33,483 --> 00:57:35,282 Get me on the ground, watch me go! 1086 00:57:35,284 --> 00:57:36,418 Yeah! 1087 00:57:36,420 --> 00:57:38,286 I can't wait to kill! 1088 00:57:38,288 --> 00:57:40,922 Hey! Hey! Hey! 1089 00:57:40,924 --> 00:57:43,692 I just wanna say how proud I am of this team. 1090 00:57:43,694 --> 00:57:46,628 You know, you guys look amazing! 1091 00:57:46,630 --> 00:57:49,563 Vanisher, I have no doubt you look amazing too. 1092 00:57:49,565 --> 00:57:50,666 This is the family 1093 00:57:50,668 --> 00:57:53,135 that I've always dreamed of having and I... 1094 00:57:53,137 --> 00:57:54,936 Ah, darn. I just... 1095 00:57:55,871 --> 00:57:57,572 I just get a little choked up sometimes. 1096 00:57:57,574 --> 00:57:59,474 I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous 1097 00:57:59,476 --> 00:58:00,842 about the high winds? 1098 00:58:00,844 --> 00:58:02,210 - Gary. - My name's Peter. 1099 00:58:02,212 --> 00:58:04,313 I realize that you're new to this, but relax. 1100 00:58:04,315 --> 00:58:05,880 You've been chosen by a higher power. 1101 00:58:05,882 --> 00:58:08,182 - Did he just call himself God? - I think he did. 1102 00:58:08,184 --> 00:58:09,251 I'd like to go home. 1103 00:58:09,253 --> 00:58:10,985 I spent 10 years in Special Forces. 1104 00:58:10,987 --> 00:58:12,320 You think we didn't jump out of the plane 1105 00:58:12,322 --> 00:58:14,355 because of a light breeze? 1106 00:58:14,357 --> 00:58:16,690 You're in this shit now, Mustache! 1107 00:58:16,692 --> 00:58:18,693 I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. 1108 00:58:18,695 --> 00:58:21,228 I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear. 1109 00:58:21,230 --> 00:58:23,431 Leonard, hit it! 1110 00:58:32,041 --> 00:58:34,141 Go! Go! Go! 1111 00:59:09,646 --> 00:59:11,211 Let's get some! 1112 00:59:11,213 --> 00:59:12,380 Whoo! 1113 00:59:12,382 --> 00:59:13,614 Oh, yeah! 1114 00:59:13,616 --> 00:59:16,686 Convoy, 12 o'clock! On my command! 1115 00:59:17,454 --> 00:59:19,056 Deploy! Oh, hey now! 1116 00:59:19,322 --> 00:59:20,657 Whoa! 1117 00:59:26,329 --> 00:59:27,965 Little off course here. 1118 00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:32,836 Holy mommy, what the...? 1119 00:59:34,003 --> 00:59:35,769 Ah, there they are. 1120 00:59:35,771 --> 00:59:38,907 Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches. 1121 00:59:38,909 --> 00:59:41,078 Oh, yeah! That's right, Bedlam! 1122 00:59:45,815 --> 00:59:48,685 No! Tripping billies! 1123 00:59:49,152 --> 00:59:50,154 Shatterstar. 1124 00:59:50,721 --> 00:59:52,322 Okay, you got this. 1125 00:59:54,456 --> 00:59:55,556 Left! 1126 00:59:55,558 --> 00:59:56,891 Left! 1127 00:59:56,893 --> 00:59:59,327 No, stage left, you idiot! 1128 01:00:00,998 --> 01:00:02,664 Well, I guess we found something 1129 01:00:02,666 --> 01:00:03,934 you're not better at. 1130 01:00:05,969 --> 01:00:07,068 Vanisher. 1131 01:00:07,070 --> 01:00:09,073 Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see. 1132 01:00:11,474 --> 01:00:12,572 Oh! Really? 1133 01:00:12,574 --> 01:00:14,043 Wait, wait, wait. Was that... 1134 01:00:14,545 --> 01:00:15,610 Benjamin Button. 1135 01:00:15,612 --> 01:00:17,378 Brad Pitt? 1136 01:00:17,380 --> 01:00:19,347 How'd you get Brad Pitt? 1137 01:00:19,349 --> 01:00:20,447 You're here, aren't you? 1138 01:00:20,449 --> 01:00:22,483 Yeah, but I didn't agree to... 1139 01:00:22,485 --> 01:00:24,418 Oh. 1140 01:00:24,420 --> 01:00:25,619 See, Brad... 1141 01:00:25,621 --> 01:00:27,489 he's still locked in my storm cellar 1142 01:00:27,491 --> 01:00:29,856 along with Celine Dion and Matt Damon. 1143 01:00:29,858 --> 01:00:32,126 It's like Shawshank down there. 1144 01:00:33,362 --> 01:00:35,096 Matt Damon's in this shit? 1145 01:00:35,098 --> 01:00:36,264 Yeah. 1146 01:00:36,266 --> 01:00:38,599 I suggest you go down there first thing... 1147 01:00:38,601 --> 01:00:40,135 and just punch him as hard as you can. 1148 01:00:40,137 --> 01:00:42,936 You wanna establish dominance or that guy will own you. 1149 01:00:42,938 --> 01:00:45,806 And quit burning our "S" words. 1150 01:00:45,808 --> 01:00:47,410 I've always wanted to fight Matt Damon. 1151 01:00:49,712 --> 01:00:50,778 I'm sorry, what did you say? 1152 01:00:50,780 --> 01:00:51,945 What did I say? 1153 01:00:51,947 --> 01:00:54,114 - I thought you said... - Matt Damon. 1154 01:00:54,116 --> 01:00:55,550 - I did. I wanna... - Matt Damon. 1155 01:00:55,552 --> 01:00:56,617 You wanna what? 1156 01:00:56,619 --> 01:00:57,684 I wanna... him, 1157 01:00:57,686 --> 01:00:58,887 - and then I want him to... - me. 1158 01:00:58,889 --> 01:01:00,021 And then, if I'm doing a good job... 1159 01:01:00,023 --> 01:01:01,289 I want all my friends and family 1160 01:01:01,291 --> 01:01:02,422 to come watch me... 1161 01:01:02,424 --> 01:01:03,625 Tell me more about that. 1162 01:01:03,627 --> 01:01:05,193 - Well, I feel like, if we... - each other, 1163 01:01:05,195 --> 01:01:07,427 you know, in private, kinda work on our moves. 1164 01:01:07,429 --> 01:01:09,530 Then we kinda sell some tickets... 1165 01:01:09,532 --> 01:01:10,797 and we get an arena, you know? 1166 01:01:10,799 --> 01:01:12,199 And then we... each other in the arena. 1167 01:01:12,201 --> 01:01:14,068 We get outfits. You know, like cool outfits. 1168 01:01:14,070 --> 01:01:15,369 - And we... - each other... 1169 01:01:15,371 --> 01:01:17,070 and everyone's cheering and betting on who's gonna... 1170 01:01:17,072 --> 01:01:18,572 each other the hardest. 1171 01:01:18,574 --> 01:01:19,940 And then, when it's all done, 1172 01:01:19,942 --> 01:01:21,610 there's gonna be a champion... 1173 01:01:21,612 --> 01:01:22,876 And it'll be like, I think I'll win... 1174 01:01:22,878 --> 01:01:24,244 'cause I'm like a really strong... 1175 01:01:24,246 --> 01:01:25,679 Right. Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1176 01:01:25,681 --> 01:01:27,614 And they'll be like, "Wait, no, lay off Matt Damon!" 1177 01:01:27,616 --> 01:01:29,150 "You're... him too hard!" 1178 01:01:29,152 --> 01:01:30,150 And I'm gonna say, 1179 01:01:30,152 --> 01:01:32,052 "- No! I got a little more... - Left in me." 1180 01:01:32,054 --> 01:01:33,253 And then I'm gonna... 1181 01:01:33,255 --> 01:01:34,922 - and I'm gonna... - and I'm gonna... 1182 01:01:34,924 --> 01:01:36,090 Why are you buzzing that? 1183 01:01:36,092 --> 01:01:37,858 'Cause I feel like you're making it sound like 1184 01:01:37,860 --> 01:01:39,226 I'm saying something I'm not saying. 1185 01:01:39,228 --> 01:01:40,094 What are you saying? 1186 01:01:40,096 --> 01:01:41,362 I'm saying I wanna fight Matt Damon. 1187 01:01:41,364 --> 01:01:42,429 Oh! 1188 01:01:42,431 --> 01:01:43,731 You should've said so! 1189 01:01:43,733 --> 01:01:45,699 - I thought you were saying... - Matt Damon. 1190 01:01:45,701 --> 01:01:46,766 - No! - No! 1191 01:01:46,768 --> 01:01:48,369 - That's crazy! - Crazy. 1192 01:01:48,371 --> 01:01:49,471 Why, did he ask about me? 1193 01:01:49,473 --> 01:01:50,538 No. 1194 01:01:50,540 --> 01:01:51,742 Okay. 1195 01:01:52,708 --> 01:01:54,809 All right, we could do this with four. 1196 01:01:54,811 --> 01:01:57,746 Sugarbear. You got this, buddy! 1197 01:01:57,748 --> 01:02:00,847 That's the stuff! That's the X-Force spirit! 1198 01:02:00,849 --> 01:02:03,018 Never underestimate a man with a mustache! 1199 01:02:03,020 --> 01:02:04,585 Just ask anyone in Brooklyn. 1200 01:02:04,587 --> 01:02:05,753 We did it! 1201 01:02:05,755 --> 01:02:07,554 You're a goddamn superhero, you! 1202 01:02:07,556 --> 01:02:08,791 X-Force! 1203 01:02:09,257 --> 01:02:10,259 X-Force. 1204 01:02:10,793 --> 01:02:12,326 Whoo-hoo! 1205 01:02:14,565 --> 01:02:16,467 Oh! 1206 01:02:20,235 --> 01:02:21,202 Peter. 1207 01:02:21,204 --> 01:02:22,903 I got you, buddy! You're gonna be fine! 1208 01:02:22,905 --> 01:02:24,871 You got this, big guy! Here we go, Peter! 1209 01:02:24,873 --> 01:02:27,141 Look at me. We're X-Force, right? 1210 01:02:27,143 --> 01:02:29,445 - Yeah, we're X-Force. - We're X-Force. 1211 01:02:32,982 --> 01:02:34,815 Oh, my gosh! What the...? 1212 01:02:34,817 --> 01:02:36,851 Acidic vomit! 1213 01:02:36,853 --> 01:02:40,121 Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up in my mask. 1214 01:02:41,858 --> 01:02:44,190 Okay, I'm over the convoy. 1215 01:02:44,192 --> 01:02:46,860 Where did the rest of the team land? 1216 01:02:46,862 --> 01:02:48,628 Good news and bad news. 1217 01:02:48,630 --> 01:02:51,831 Bad news is the whole team is dead. 1218 01:02:51,833 --> 01:02:53,067 The good news is, 1219 01:02:53,069 --> 01:02:55,003 I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar. 1220 01:02:55,005 --> 01:02:58,405 He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul! 1221 01:02:58,407 --> 01:02:59,474 Peter! 1222 01:02:59,476 --> 01:03:00,742 Peter, I'm gonna miss him most. 1223 01:03:00,744 --> 01:03:01,876 The whole team? 1224 01:03:01,878 --> 01:03:03,677 Only the main ones. We're still good. 1225 01:03:03,679 --> 01:03:05,112 You are so dumb. 1226 01:03:05,114 --> 01:03:07,847 Even after all this time, I still can't talk about it. 1227 01:03:07,849 --> 01:03:09,885 Who knew these winds would be so strong? 1228 01:03:09,887 --> 01:03:12,320 Everyone! Everyone on the helicopter! 1229 01:03:12,322 --> 01:03:14,291 And everyone not on the helicopter! 1230 01:03:16,192 --> 01:03:17,927 Looking good, Vanisher. 1231 01:03:26,802 --> 01:03:29,003 They're headed into the tunnel. 1232 01:03:29,005 --> 01:03:30,605 I'm that kid's only hope, 1233 01:03:30,607 --> 01:03:32,706 so sit tight and wait for my word. 1234 01:03:32,708 --> 01:03:34,007 I'm dropping in. 1235 01:03:34,009 --> 01:03:35,976 Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. 1236 01:03:35,978 --> 01:03:39,246 Luck is not a superpower! We are so screwed! 1237 01:03:39,248 --> 01:03:42,349 No, we most certainly are not screwed. 1238 01:03:46,188 --> 01:03:48,623 Seriously, I don't get it! 1239 01:03:48,625 --> 01:03:51,561 What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes? 1240 01:03:52,661 --> 01:03:54,362 It's just it's hard to picture. 1241 01:03:54,364 --> 01:03:56,567 And certainly not very cinematic. 1242 01:03:57,967 --> 01:04:01,135 I mean, luck? What kind of caffeine-chugging... 1243 01:04:01,137 --> 01:04:03,804 diet-soda-swillin' freakshow comic book artist... 1244 01:04:03,806 --> 01:04:05,306 came up with that little chestnut? 1245 01:04:05,308 --> 01:04:07,610 Probably a guy who can't draw feet! 1246 01:04:15,351 --> 01:04:18,385 Once again, it all falls on my shoulders. 1247 01:04:18,387 --> 01:04:19,788 It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act. 1248 01:04:19,790 --> 01:04:20,922 - Wander the Earth... - I'm in. 1249 01:04:20,924 --> 01:04:22,556 I'm sorry, what did you say? 1250 01:04:22,558 --> 01:04:23,490 I'm in. 1251 01:04:23,492 --> 01:04:26,226 How in the name of Satan are you in already? 1252 01:04:26,228 --> 01:04:27,594 Oh, shit. 1253 01:04:27,596 --> 01:04:28,929 It's Cable. 12 o'clock. 1254 01:04:28,931 --> 01:04:30,030 Okay. 1255 01:04:30,032 --> 01:04:32,432 New plan. Use all of your imaginary powers 1256 01:04:32,434 --> 01:04:35,469 to stop Cable from killing that kid. 1257 01:04:35,471 --> 01:04:37,174 I'm coming up on your six. 1258 01:04:44,681 --> 01:04:46,646 That gun is amazing! 1259 01:04:56,759 --> 01:04:58,492 Where is he? I can't see him. 1260 01:04:58,494 --> 01:05:00,096 He's on the top. 1261 01:05:04,266 --> 01:05:06,134 He's in! He's in! 1262 01:05:06,136 --> 01:05:08,369 Russell! Russell Collins! 1263 01:05:08,371 --> 01:05:10,607 Hands off that kid, John Connor! 1264 01:05:19,849 --> 01:05:21,150 Shit! 1265 01:05:42,905 --> 01:05:45,041 Two can play that game! 1266 01:05:46,909 --> 01:05:48,309 Got it! 1267 01:05:48,311 --> 01:05:49,543 No, I don't. 1268 01:05:49,545 --> 01:05:50,612 Showtime, mama! 1269 01:05:50,614 --> 01:05:52,316 Lady Luck, take the wheel. 1270 01:06:14,103 --> 01:06:15,304 Eat me, mutant! 1271 01:06:15,837 --> 01:06:17,040 Ouchie! 1272 01:06:40,764 --> 01:06:41,765 Hang in there, Doms! 1273 01:06:43,032 --> 01:06:44,498 Oh, this is really hard. 1274 01:06:56,012 --> 01:06:57,547 And give me back my Skee-Ball token. 1275 01:07:00,983 --> 01:07:02,619 - You're doing great. - X-Force. 1276 01:07:04,387 --> 01:07:06,653 I guess dubstep never dies. 1277 01:07:10,826 --> 01:07:12,029 Whoo! 1278 01:07:17,634 --> 01:07:20,270 You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a... 1279 01:07:23,038 --> 01:07:24,273 That's unfortunate. 1280 01:07:27,177 --> 01:07:28,708 We got no brakes! 1281 01:07:28,710 --> 01:07:30,112 Figure it out! 1282 01:07:33,215 --> 01:07:35,051 There's nothing I can't kill. 1283 01:07:36,786 --> 01:07:38,152 Ooh. 1284 01:07:38,154 --> 01:07:41,590 Somebody knows karate. 1285 01:07:43,692 --> 01:07:45,528 Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy. 1286 01:07:57,873 --> 01:07:59,840 Those bullets are like, super fast. 1287 01:07:59,842 --> 01:08:01,275 Here we go. 1288 01:08:01,277 --> 01:08:03,777 Domino, mind slowing us down? 1289 01:08:03,779 --> 01:08:05,612 Here goes nothing. 1290 01:08:31,307 --> 01:08:32,675 Knock, knock. 1291 01:08:38,447 --> 01:08:39,713 That's my boy. 1292 01:08:45,087 --> 01:08:46,654 Holy... 1293 01:08:56,965 --> 01:08:58,498 I'll be first to admit... 1294 01:08:58,500 --> 01:09:01,137 this did not go according to plan. 1295 01:09:02,237 --> 01:09:03,938 I'll also be the first to admit that 1296 01:09:03,940 --> 01:09:06,140 that plan was written in crayon. 1297 01:09:06,142 --> 01:09:09,010 Looks like Russell found a new friend. 1298 01:09:09,012 --> 01:09:10,612 Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass, 1299 01:09:10,614 --> 01:09:13,747 and maybe, possibly mildly lucky. 1300 01:09:13,749 --> 01:09:17,184 But Cable? Ugh. That guy's in a mood. 1301 01:09:17,186 --> 01:09:18,252 A mood that is 1302 01:09:18,254 --> 01:09:20,289 about to get significantly worse. 1303 01:09:43,712 --> 01:09:46,316 Something is so terribly, terribly wrong. 1304 01:09:49,184 --> 01:09:50,620 Oh. 1305 01:09:52,621 --> 01:09:54,223 Oh, man, that hurt. 1306 01:09:59,527 --> 01:10:00,597 Russell. 1307 01:10:03,164 --> 01:10:04,433 Russell! 1308 01:10:05,000 --> 01:10:07,204 Russ, where are ya? 1309 01:10:10,505 --> 01:10:12,907 Russell. Russell, you're okay! 1310 01:10:12,909 --> 01:10:16,277 Oh, thank... Oh, my God! 1311 01:10:16,279 --> 01:10:17,711 Juggernaut! 1312 01:10:18,847 --> 01:10:20,914 I thought that was you! 1313 01:10:20,916 --> 01:10:23,484 I should've worn my white pants. 1314 01:10:23,486 --> 01:10:27,454 You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan. 1315 01:10:27,456 --> 01:10:30,990 Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411. 1316 01:10:30,992 --> 01:10:32,259 X-Men Unlimited 12. 1317 01:10:32,261 --> 01:10:34,427 You know, it has always been a dream of mine... 1318 01:10:34,429 --> 01:10:36,363 to see my face reflected in your helmet... 1319 01:10:36,365 --> 01:10:38,465 as you charge at me with murderous intent. 1320 01:10:38,467 --> 01:10:40,367 I don't mean right now. 1321 01:10:40,369 --> 01:10:42,403 I'm gonna rip you in half now. 1322 01:10:42,405 --> 01:10:44,872 That is such a Juggernaut thing to say. 1323 01:10:48,210 --> 01:10:49,445 Oh, my God! 1324 01:11:01,557 --> 01:11:04,125 Oh, my God! I can't feel my legs. 1325 01:11:04,127 --> 01:11:05,328 I can't feel... 1326 01:11:06,228 --> 01:11:08,328 Oh, no, they're right here. 1327 01:11:08,330 --> 01:11:10,197 Got 'em. Russell. 1328 01:11:10,199 --> 01:11:11,867 I have a mission. 1329 01:11:12,434 --> 01:11:14,201 To get my revenge. 1330 01:11:14,203 --> 01:11:16,470 I'm going to burn that headmaster alive. 1331 01:11:16,472 --> 01:11:18,872 You're not the revenge type. 1332 01:11:18,874 --> 01:11:20,506 Take it from a friend. 1333 01:11:20,508 --> 01:11:23,877 Friend? You said it yourself. 1334 01:11:23,879 --> 01:11:26,680 "I'm not your friend. Find someone stronger." 1335 01:11:26,682 --> 01:11:27,914 So I did. 1336 01:11:29,184 --> 01:11:31,385 Russell, I couldn't protect you back then. 1337 01:11:31,387 --> 01:11:34,755 But I can now. What do you want me to say, huh? 1338 01:11:34,757 --> 01:11:38,658 "I care about you"? 'Cause I care about you, Russell. 1339 01:11:38,660 --> 01:11:40,728 What's Juggernaut got that I don't have? 1340 01:11:40,730 --> 01:11:43,730 Don't you say legs! I know you're gonna say legs! 1341 01:11:43,732 --> 01:11:46,802 - Legs! - Still hurts to hear out loud! 1342 01:11:48,804 --> 01:11:51,905 What is that? That's not a real rope! 1343 01:11:51,907 --> 01:11:54,410 You get back here, young man! 1344 01:11:55,210 --> 01:11:56,676 Doms! 1345 01:11:56,678 --> 01:11:58,813 Doms, get me out of here, please. 1346 01:11:58,815 --> 01:12:01,418 Use my arms as backpack straps. 1347 01:12:04,087 --> 01:12:05,219 I think we may have found 1348 01:12:05,221 --> 01:12:07,520 your cosmic reason for being here. 1349 01:12:07,522 --> 01:12:09,323 I'm pretty sure this isn't it. 1350 01:12:09,325 --> 01:12:10,760 X-Force. 1351 01:12:23,873 --> 01:12:25,805 No child is hopeless. 1352 01:12:25,807 --> 01:12:29,443 - Don't give up on the boy. - How could he just walk away? 1353 01:12:29,445 --> 01:12:32,246 It was the coldness in his eyes. 1354 01:12:32,248 --> 01:12:33,916 You should've heard it. 1355 01:12:35,651 --> 01:12:38,088 I guess family really is an F-word. 1356 01:12:38,955 --> 01:12:41,221 Rub my legs, Mama. 1357 01:12:41,223 --> 01:12:42,588 Why would I rub your legs? 1358 01:12:42,590 --> 01:12:45,760 Please, they hurt. I have growing pains. 1359 01:12:48,831 --> 01:12:50,396 What in the... 1360 01:12:50,398 --> 01:12:53,199 Why is your hand so tiny again? 1361 01:12:53,201 --> 01:12:55,101 That's not my hand. 1362 01:12:55,103 --> 01:12:57,438 Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph! 1363 01:12:57,440 --> 01:12:59,407 That was nice for me. 1364 01:12:59,409 --> 01:13:02,274 Wade! I heard what happened with the convoy and... 1365 01:13:06,615 --> 01:13:08,881 Why wouldn't you cover that up? 1366 01:13:08,883 --> 01:13:12,118 A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of. 1367 01:13:12,120 --> 01:13:13,653 Yeah, but you do. Look at you. 1368 01:13:13,655 --> 01:13:14,988 You're just straight, just... 1369 01:13:14,990 --> 01:13:16,923 Full Winnie the Pooh. 1370 01:13:16,925 --> 01:13:18,693 Toddler style? 1371 01:13:18,695 --> 01:13:19,659 Yes, sir. 1372 01:13:19,661 --> 01:13:21,395 Wait, hold on, hold on. Hold on. 1373 01:13:21,397 --> 01:13:26,033 If the top half of Deadpool is growing baby legs... 1374 01:13:26,035 --> 01:13:29,469 does that mean the bottom half is growing a baby head? 1375 01:13:29,471 --> 01:13:30,703 Well, I don't see why that matters. 1376 01:13:30,705 --> 01:13:32,006 I think it matters a lot. 1377 01:13:32,008 --> 01:13:34,108 I mean, if you want us to buy the regeneration thing, 1378 01:13:34,110 --> 01:13:35,175 you gotta address it. 1379 01:13:35,177 --> 01:13:36,543 Are there two Deadpools now? 1380 01:13:36,545 --> 01:13:39,046 And if so, what's the other one doing? 1381 01:13:39,048 --> 01:13:39,912 And is he like you? 1382 01:13:39,914 --> 01:13:42,250 Does he have the same personality as you? 1383 01:13:42,252 --> 01:13:43,350 Or the same memories? 1384 01:13:43,352 --> 01:13:44,484 And if he does, 1385 01:13:44,486 --> 01:13:45,886 then is he going to re-enter the plot later? 1386 01:13:45,888 --> 01:13:47,387 'Cause he should. 1387 01:13:47,389 --> 01:13:48,823 You're really freaking me out right now. 1388 01:13:48,825 --> 01:13:50,524 And if that one got cut in half, 1389 01:13:50,526 --> 01:13:51,692 then there would be three Deadpools? 1390 01:13:51,694 --> 01:13:53,594 I mean, you can see where it all falls apart. 1391 01:13:53,596 --> 01:13:55,496 And quite frankly, why I prefer Marvel. 1392 01:13:55,498 --> 01:13:56,564 We are Marvel. 1393 01:13:56,566 --> 01:13:58,802 Hilarious. You're Fox. 1394 01:14:00,302 --> 01:14:01,467 Describe it. 1395 01:14:01,469 --> 01:14:02,735 I wouldn't ask him to do that, if I were you. 1396 01:14:02,737 --> 01:14:04,372 - It's like, um... - Here we go. 1397 01:14:04,374 --> 01:14:05,739 It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down. 1398 01:14:05,741 --> 01:14:07,975 But this time, you can see the Muppet's twig. 1399 01:14:07,977 --> 01:14:09,877 Mr. Weasel, I can no longer be double-parked. 1400 01:14:09,879 --> 01:14:11,481 I've had three tickets already. 1401 01:14:13,347 --> 01:14:15,916 No, no, no, DP, not again! 1402 01:14:15,918 --> 01:14:17,551 - This has happened before? - Yeah. 1403 01:14:18,655 --> 01:14:19,920 Dopinder, either vomit 1404 01:14:19,922 --> 01:14:21,622 or don't. The indecision is killing me. 1405 01:14:21,624 --> 01:14:23,726 Why couldn't God take my hearing? 1406 01:14:25,460 --> 01:14:27,395 Oh. Wow! 1407 01:14:27,397 --> 01:14:29,162 Cool your pits. They're growing back. 1408 01:14:29,164 --> 01:14:30,898 I'm talking about your face. 1409 01:14:30,900 --> 01:14:32,932 I've never seen you without your mask before. 1410 01:14:32,934 --> 01:14:35,336 - Jesus Christ! - Looks like an avocado. 1411 01:14:35,338 --> 01:14:37,304 Your legs, though, they're cute. 1412 01:14:37,306 --> 01:14:39,142 You wanna borrow a pair of pants? 1413 01:14:40,608 --> 01:14:41,975 I'm glad everybody dropped by. 1414 01:14:41,977 --> 01:14:45,112 You must be wondering why I didn't call you here. 1415 01:14:45,114 --> 01:14:46,646 I'll tell you why I'm here. 1416 01:14:46,648 --> 01:14:48,916 The Time Traveler's Wife's husband... 1417 01:14:48,918 --> 01:14:50,317 beat me within an inch of my life. 1418 01:14:50,319 --> 01:14:51,586 He was torturing me! 1419 01:14:51,588 --> 01:14:54,622 But all I told him was everything he wanted to know. 1420 01:14:54,624 --> 01:14:57,257 So, I'm here to help us gear up. 1421 01:14:57,259 --> 01:14:58,524 So we can go after him without me. 1422 01:14:58,526 --> 01:15:00,060 No! 1423 01:15:00,062 --> 01:15:01,462 I'm doing this alone. 1424 01:15:01,464 --> 01:15:02,529 The Juggernaut 1425 01:15:02,531 --> 01:15:03,863 - will kill you all. - Fair enough. 1426 01:15:03,865 --> 01:15:05,465 I don't care what the kid did to me. 1427 01:15:05,467 --> 01:15:06,800 I ain't letting Cable get to him. 1428 01:15:06,802 --> 01:15:09,269 I just need a couple of hours to get some legs under me. 1429 01:15:09,271 --> 01:15:10,369 What will you do? 1430 01:15:10,371 --> 01:15:11,438 The first order of business is 1431 01:15:11,440 --> 01:15:12,605 to get me in front of Cable... 1432 01:15:12,607 --> 01:15:13,806 so I can pull all the blood out of his body... 1433 01:15:13,808 --> 01:15:16,342 and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry. 1434 01:15:16,344 --> 01:15:18,011 Then, I'm gonna take his skin... 1435 01:15:18,013 --> 01:15:21,284 and stretch it out over a homemade mating drum. 1436 01:15:22,552 --> 01:15:24,286 He's standing right behind you, isn't he? 1437 01:15:33,062 --> 01:15:34,761 What in the ass? 1438 01:15:34,763 --> 01:15:37,998 Is this apartment listed on Tinder? Grindr? 1439 01:15:38,000 --> 01:15:40,203 You're much taller in the comics. 1440 01:15:41,669 --> 01:15:44,172 Ugh. Is that really necessary? 1441 01:15:48,277 --> 01:15:50,243 - Why? - No. 1442 01:15:50,245 --> 01:15:51,878 What can we help you with? 1443 01:15:51,880 --> 01:15:53,782 I'm here to proposition you. 1444 01:15:55,183 --> 01:15:56,050 Oh, boy! 1445 01:15:56,052 --> 01:15:57,451 He's really teeing it up, isn't he? 1446 01:15:57,453 --> 01:15:59,319 Who gets to make the first joke? 1447 01:15:59,321 --> 01:16:01,020 I think we should all do it at the same time. 1448 01:16:01,022 --> 01:16:01,921 Good call. 1449 01:16:01,923 --> 01:16:03,122 For $45, you get succotash. 1450 01:16:03,124 --> 01:16:05,359 I only do over the pants, mouth stuff. 1451 01:16:05,361 --> 01:16:06,426 The Proposition has a wonderful. 1452 01:16:06,428 --> 01:16:07,661 Guy Pearce performance. 1453 01:16:07,663 --> 01:16:09,563 Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over. 1454 01:16:09,565 --> 01:16:12,166 - Give us the line again. - I need your help! 1455 01:16:12,168 --> 01:16:14,635 Trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are... 1456 01:16:14,637 --> 01:16:16,502 but you unleashed the Juggernaut. 1457 01:16:16,504 --> 01:16:19,073 I can't bring him down alone. 1458 01:16:19,075 --> 01:16:20,276 So here we are. 1459 01:16:21,477 --> 01:16:23,243 We're no longer accepting applications 1460 01:16:23,245 --> 01:16:24,377 for X-Force, unfortunately. 1461 01:16:24,379 --> 01:16:25,578 We don't have a lot of time. 1462 01:16:25,580 --> 01:16:27,448 Your friend's about to make his first kill. 1463 01:16:27,450 --> 01:16:28,882 No offense, but if you know so much... 1464 01:16:28,884 --> 01:16:31,551 why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then? 1465 01:16:31,553 --> 01:16:33,686 I use a device to slide through time. 1466 01:16:33,688 --> 01:16:36,157 The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. 1467 01:16:36,159 --> 01:16:39,092 I got two charges: one to get me here, 1468 01:16:39,094 --> 01:16:40,394 one to get me home. 1469 01:16:40,396 --> 01:16:41,494 Well. 1470 01:16:41,496 --> 01:16:42,796 That's just lazy writing. 1471 01:16:42,798 --> 01:16:45,668 Oh, yeah. I get it. I see what you did there. 1472 01:16:45,934 --> 01:16:47,100 What? 1473 01:16:47,102 --> 01:16:49,435 Jokes about lazy writing to cover up actual lazy writing. 1474 01:16:49,437 --> 01:16:51,505 Why don't you just write better? 1475 01:16:51,507 --> 01:16:53,672 Why don't you just shut up? 1476 01:16:53,674 --> 01:16:55,509 Your boy's gonna kill the headmaster 1477 01:16:55,511 --> 01:16:56,976 of the orphanage tonight. 1478 01:16:56,978 --> 01:16:59,412 After that, he gets a real taste for it. 1479 01:16:59,414 --> 01:17:01,481 Like a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst. 1480 01:17:01,483 --> 01:17:03,315 So he keeps killing... 1481 01:17:03,317 --> 01:17:04,751 and killing, and killing, 1482 01:17:04,753 --> 01:17:06,487 and killing. 1483 01:17:06,489 --> 01:17:09,692 Until one day, he kills the wrong people. 1484 01:17:12,261 --> 01:17:13,763 My people. 1485 01:17:17,532 --> 01:17:18,731 Relax. 1486 01:17:18,733 --> 01:17:21,335 I'm retrieving something from my utility bag. 1487 01:17:21,337 --> 01:17:23,670 It's a goddamn fanny pack... 1488 01:17:23,672 --> 01:17:26,539 and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! 1489 01:17:26,541 --> 01:17:28,276 The difference is night and day. 1490 01:17:29,911 --> 01:17:32,378 You remind me of my wife. 1491 01:17:32,380 --> 01:17:33,780 I'm sorry. 1492 01:17:33,782 --> 01:17:35,082 I said, "You remind me of my wife." 1493 01:17:35,084 --> 01:17:36,350 No, I'm sorry that you said that... 1494 01:17:36,352 --> 01:17:39,286 while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm. 1495 01:17:39,288 --> 01:17:40,423 She always struggled. 1496 01:17:41,522 --> 01:17:42,989 But she was funny... 1497 01:17:42,991 --> 01:17:46,394 and filtered her pain through the prism of humor. 1498 01:17:46,396 --> 01:17:48,798 Something I could never master. 1499 01:17:49,432 --> 01:17:51,901 It was my fault she died. 1500 01:17:53,201 --> 01:17:56,970 It was my job to stop people like him. 1501 01:17:56,972 --> 01:17:59,142 I came close a few times. 1502 01:18:03,111 --> 01:18:05,114 He wasn't too happy about that. 1503 01:18:06,580 --> 01:18:07,780 He was trying to hurt me... 1504 01:18:07,782 --> 01:18:10,687 and he knew exactly how to do it. 1505 01:18:12,087 --> 01:18:13,886 Blessed are the wicked 1506 01:18:13,888 --> 01:18:16,391 who are healed by my hand. 1507 01:18:19,495 --> 01:18:21,761 He came into my home... 1508 01:18:21,763 --> 01:18:25,034 and took the only thing that made it a home. 1509 01:18:27,303 --> 01:18:28,905 Sound familiar? 1510 01:18:29,772 --> 01:18:31,572 - I'm sorry. - Uh-huh. 1511 01:18:31,574 --> 01:18:33,375 No, I'm really sorry. 1512 01:18:35,410 --> 01:18:37,243 But that isn't Russell. 1513 01:18:37,245 --> 01:18:39,578 - It doesn't have to be him. - If you knew what I knew... 1514 01:18:39,580 --> 01:18:41,515 Yeah, he's got anger issues... 1515 01:18:41,517 --> 01:18:43,184 maybe a small learning disability... 1516 01:18:43,186 --> 01:18:44,618 splash of diabetes... 1517 01:18:44,620 --> 01:18:45,918 but nothing that can't be fixed. 1518 01:18:45,920 --> 01:18:47,487 If you could go back... 1519 01:18:47,489 --> 01:18:50,524 and stop the people that took your girl, would you? 1520 01:18:50,526 --> 01:18:51,690 Of course I would. 1521 01:18:51,692 --> 01:18:52,826 But I wouldn't kill a kid. 1522 01:18:52,828 --> 01:18:55,362 I'm not asking you to kill a kid! 1523 01:18:55,364 --> 01:18:56,762 I'll kill the kid. 1524 01:18:56,764 --> 01:19:00,199 I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids. 1525 01:19:00,201 --> 01:19:02,702 Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage. 1526 01:19:02,704 --> 01:19:04,771 And I can imagine your dead girlfriend... 1527 01:19:04,773 --> 01:19:07,940 would want you to do the right thing, wouldn't she? 1528 01:19:07,942 --> 01:19:11,377 So, what's it gonna be, handsome? 1529 01:19:11,379 --> 01:19:12,979 Give me a chance to save him. 1530 01:19:12,981 --> 01:19:14,381 - What? - You said... 1531 01:19:14,383 --> 01:19:16,115 once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it. 1532 01:19:16,117 --> 01:19:18,652 If we can get to him before that happens... 1533 01:19:18,654 --> 01:19:20,420 promise you'll give me a chance 1534 01:19:20,422 --> 01:19:22,323 to put him on a different path. 1535 01:19:22,325 --> 01:19:23,590 Define "chance." 1536 01:19:23,592 --> 01:19:24,891 I don't know. How long does it take 1537 01:19:24,893 --> 01:19:26,025 to save someone's soul? That's not... 1538 01:19:26,027 --> 01:19:27,560 I'll give you 30 seconds. 1539 01:19:27,562 --> 01:19:29,563 - What? No! - Best I can do. 1540 01:19:29,565 --> 01:19:31,000 Take it or leave it. 1541 01:19:41,175 --> 01:19:42,842 He's doing it! 1542 01:19:42,844 --> 01:19:44,511 Look at the little fella. He's doing it. 1543 01:19:44,513 --> 01:19:46,512 There he goes. 1544 01:19:46,514 --> 01:19:48,049 Jesus Christ! 1545 01:19:49,517 --> 01:19:50,520 Ugh. 1546 01:19:51,286 --> 01:19:53,520 There you go, little fella. 1547 01:19:53,522 --> 01:19:55,188 Go on, you're doing it! 1548 01:19:55,190 --> 01:19:58,794 My beautiful, hairless, Twizzler-legged baby boy. 1549 01:20:00,428 --> 01:20:01,627 Geez. 1550 01:20:01,629 --> 01:20:03,296 That's disturbing. 1551 01:20:03,298 --> 01:20:04,500 30 seconds. 1552 01:20:09,972 --> 01:20:11,574 - Deal. - Deal. 1553 01:20:14,043 --> 01:20:16,743 I have no idea what's happening. 1554 01:20:16,745 --> 01:20:18,414 Probably for the best. 1555 01:20:19,949 --> 01:20:23,582 And that is why you never eat a raw starfish. 1556 01:20:23,584 --> 01:20:25,819 It's just common sense. 1557 01:20:25,821 --> 01:20:27,220 Where the hell are we going? 1558 01:20:27,222 --> 01:20:28,555 You said it yourself. 1559 01:20:28,557 --> 01:20:31,490 Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. We need backup. 1560 01:20:31,492 --> 01:20:34,560 I will bathe in the blood of your enemies. 1561 01:20:38,767 --> 01:20:40,469 Can you turn off the music? 1562 01:20:41,469 --> 01:20:43,403 You'll do no such thing. 1563 01:20:43,405 --> 01:20:45,538 Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent? 1564 01:20:45,540 --> 01:20:47,106 - I'm sorry? - Apology accepted. 1565 01:20:47,108 --> 01:20:49,409 This is a side of you I do not like. 1566 01:20:49,411 --> 01:20:50,476 Let me guess, 1567 01:20:50,478 --> 01:20:52,512 some of your best friends in the future are Indian. 1568 01:20:52,514 --> 01:20:53,447 What the hell are you...? 1569 01:20:53,449 --> 01:20:55,614 Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head. 1570 01:20:55,616 --> 01:20:57,117 I am so sorry. It gets better. 1571 01:20:57,119 --> 01:20:58,752 I'm not a racist, moron! 1572 01:20:58,754 --> 01:21:00,720 Precisely what a racist would say. 1573 01:21:00,722 --> 01:21:02,488 I'm with the old white guy on this one. 1574 01:21:02,490 --> 01:21:03,923 And that's a twist. 1575 01:21:03,925 --> 01:21:05,091 So what exactly do you 1576 01:21:05,093 --> 01:21:06,359 do in the future, anyway, huh? 1577 01:21:06,361 --> 01:21:07,927 Some kind of soldier? 1578 01:21:07,929 --> 01:21:09,796 Yeah, something like that. 1579 01:21:09,798 --> 01:21:12,064 I was a soldier. Special Forces. 1580 01:21:12,066 --> 01:21:14,768 I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies. 1581 01:21:14,770 --> 01:21:16,670 50 years from now, you're very dead. 1582 01:21:16,672 --> 01:21:19,506 Your entire generation failed this planet into a coma. 1583 01:21:19,508 --> 01:21:20,940 Boom! 1584 01:21:20,942 --> 01:21:22,341 Spoiler alert. 1585 01:21:23,411 --> 01:21:24,743 Planets. 1586 01:21:24,745 --> 01:21:26,113 Here's a spoiler alert. 1587 01:21:26,115 --> 01:21:27,480 I should have finished college. 1588 01:21:27,482 --> 01:21:31,018 You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy. 1589 01:21:31,020 --> 01:21:32,217 Well, I got news for you. 1590 01:21:32,219 --> 01:21:33,686 My heart is in the right place. 1591 01:21:33,688 --> 01:21:35,188 Russell's not gonna kill anyone. 1592 01:21:35,190 --> 01:21:37,423 Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like. 1593 01:21:37,425 --> 01:21:38,292 We're all gonna die. 1594 01:21:38,294 --> 01:21:39,493 Because of you, I'll always know 1595 01:21:39,495 --> 01:21:41,862 what a grown man with baby balls looks like. 1596 01:21:41,864 --> 01:21:43,930 I'm a grower, not a shower. 1597 01:21:43,932 --> 01:21:44,997 God, I wish this were a bus, 1598 01:21:44,999 --> 01:21:46,300 so I could pull the string and get out. 1599 01:21:46,302 --> 01:21:48,100 It's a good thing Cable's not driving, 1600 01:21:48,102 --> 01:21:49,402 or you'd be in the back. 1601 01:21:49,404 --> 01:21:50,470 I am in the back. 1602 01:21:50,472 --> 01:21:51,904 Right here! 1603 01:22:09,924 --> 01:22:11,957 I made mistakes! 1604 01:22:11,959 --> 01:22:13,859 I wanna take them back! 1605 01:22:13,861 --> 01:22:17,197 You trusted me. I took that trust... 1606 01:22:17,199 --> 01:22:18,698 and turned it into a toilet stall 1607 01:22:18,700 --> 01:22:19,865 in an airport bathroom. 1608 01:22:19,867 --> 01:22:23,203 The one in Minneapolis. You know the one. 1609 01:22:23,205 --> 01:22:26,305 But even you know I was once an X-Man. 1610 01:22:26,307 --> 01:22:27,442 Trainee! 1611 01:22:31,980 --> 01:22:34,646 You're still using my Velcro labels. Aw. 1612 01:22:34,648 --> 01:22:36,149 They do stick better than tape. 1613 01:22:36,151 --> 01:22:37,783 - Hi, Wade! - Please don't. 1614 01:22:37,785 --> 01:22:41,121 Say whatever it is you're here to say. Make it quick. 1615 01:22:41,123 --> 01:22:42,755 Right. Quick. It's this kid. 1616 01:22:42,757 --> 01:22:44,123 Just like you, I let him down. 1617 01:22:44,125 --> 01:22:45,457 And just like me, 1618 01:22:45,459 --> 01:22:46,827 he's never had anyone sacrifice anything for him... 1619 01:22:46,829 --> 01:22:48,929 because the entire world wrote him off a long time ago. 1620 01:22:48,931 --> 01:22:51,130 Look, he's teamed up with the Juggernaut! 1621 01:22:51,132 --> 01:22:52,365 The Juggernaut! 1622 01:22:52,367 --> 01:22:54,368 Who's like my favorite Marvel character ever. 1623 01:22:54,370 --> 01:22:55,636 And hi, Yukio! 1624 01:22:55,638 --> 01:22:57,837 That was really nice of you to say hi, so I'm saying hi back. 1625 01:22:57,839 --> 01:23:00,474 You guys make a super cute couple. Yeah. 1626 01:23:00,476 --> 01:23:01,641 Where was I? Oh, yeah. 1627 01:23:01,643 --> 01:23:03,444 You should never meet your heroes, because honestly... 1628 01:23:03,446 --> 01:23:04,744 it causes nothing but problems. 1629 01:23:04,746 --> 01:23:08,213 Look, you can stop the Juggernaut. I know you can. 1630 01:23:08,215 --> 01:23:11,484 Do you know what would happen to me if I helped you? 1631 01:23:11,486 --> 01:23:13,453 I would be disgraced. 1632 01:23:13,455 --> 01:23:15,555 You are a criminal, a fugitive. 1633 01:23:15,557 --> 01:23:19,261 But worst of all, you broke my heart, Wade. 1634 01:23:20,495 --> 01:23:24,363 You know what? Your heart's in the wrong place, big guy. 1635 01:23:24,365 --> 01:23:27,266 Doing the right thing is sometimes messy... 1636 01:23:27,268 --> 01:23:30,869 and screwed up, and not particularly convenient! 1637 01:23:30,871 --> 01:23:33,873 So stay here in Chateau de Virgin... 1638 01:23:33,875 --> 01:23:36,078 while we go get our game on! 1639 01:23:38,981 --> 01:23:40,483 You're doing great. 1640 01:23:45,920 --> 01:23:47,354 So you wear that helmet because 1641 01:23:47,356 --> 01:23:49,155 your brother tries to read your mind? 1642 01:23:49,157 --> 01:23:52,391 Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair, so even-steven. 1643 01:23:52,393 --> 01:23:55,095 Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir. 1644 01:23:55,097 --> 01:23:57,064 And he's not alone. 1645 01:23:57,066 --> 01:23:58,800 Secure the children. 1646 01:24:00,936 --> 01:24:03,572 They will not replace us. 1647 01:24:05,507 --> 01:24:08,475 Watch my back. I've got the old man. 1648 01:24:08,477 --> 01:24:10,413 Amen, brother. 1649 01:24:16,351 --> 01:24:18,083 Time to make the chimichangas. 1650 01:24:18,085 --> 01:24:20,287 30 seconds. 1651 01:24:20,289 --> 01:24:22,921 I finally know why I'm here. 1652 01:24:22,923 --> 01:24:24,925 I was raised in this place. 1653 01:24:24,927 --> 01:24:27,293 Well, not raised. I was tortured. 1654 01:24:27,295 --> 01:24:30,130 Wow! It's your cosmic reason for being here. 1655 01:24:30,132 --> 01:24:31,631 - Shall we? - This is gonna be fun. 1656 01:24:31,633 --> 01:24:32,498 Yeah! 1657 01:24:32,500 --> 01:24:34,201 Hey! Been meaning to ask you... 1658 01:24:34,203 --> 01:24:37,170 what's with the dirty, disgusting hobo bear? 1659 01:24:37,172 --> 01:24:40,439 It's not dirt. It's the blood of my dead daughter. 1660 01:24:40,441 --> 01:24:43,176 Are you Bear, God? It's me, Margaret. 1661 01:24:43,178 --> 01:24:44,610 Give me some. 1662 01:24:44,612 --> 01:24:46,212 They say laughter heals anything. 1663 01:24:46,214 --> 01:24:47,514 Except, of course, that. 1664 01:24:47,516 --> 01:24:49,184 We should just cue the music. 1665 01:25:14,008 --> 01:25:16,779 Welcome home, Russell. We missed you. 1666 01:25:17,946 --> 01:25:19,078 Russell! 1667 01:25:19,080 --> 01:25:22,381 You don't need to do this! Let's talk! 1668 01:25:22,383 --> 01:25:23,916 Why are you dressed like the Unabomber? 1669 01:25:28,089 --> 01:25:29,154 That's why. 1670 01:25:29,156 --> 01:25:30,489 I told you he was too far gone. 1671 01:25:30,491 --> 01:25:32,324 Zip it, Thanos! We have a deal and you forgot... 1672 01:25:32,326 --> 01:25:34,595 Hey! 1673 01:25:34,597 --> 01:25:38,230 I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your tailpipe. 1674 01:25:38,232 --> 01:25:40,434 My body and my hands are so soft. 1675 01:25:40,436 --> 01:25:41,568 You should probably head back to the car. 1676 01:25:41,570 --> 01:25:44,136 I think I'll head back to the car. 1677 01:25:44,138 --> 01:25:47,175 It works best when you pull the trigger. 1678 01:25:49,910 --> 01:25:51,346 That gun is amazing! 1679 01:25:52,647 --> 01:25:54,349 Say it! 1680 01:25:56,116 --> 01:25:58,083 You are an abomination! 1681 01:26:03,791 --> 01:26:07,126 Now, I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy. 1682 01:26:07,128 --> 01:26:09,831 I believe him! Every man for themselves! 1683 01:26:12,733 --> 01:26:14,033 Gotcha! 1684 01:26:14,035 --> 01:26:15,371 Beat it, midget! 1685 01:26:18,173 --> 01:26:21,341 Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low! 1686 01:26:21,343 --> 01:26:22,545 Uh, that's not good. 1687 01:26:36,157 --> 01:26:37,559 Come here, beautiful. 1688 01:26:44,132 --> 01:26:45,334 Whoo! 1689 01:26:53,575 --> 01:26:54,609 Say it! 1690 01:27:42,089 --> 01:27:43,289 You came for me. 1691 01:27:43,291 --> 01:27:44,690 I'm not giving up on you, 1692 01:27:44,692 --> 01:27:46,725 and you are not giving up on that boy. 1693 01:27:46,727 --> 01:27:48,929 Who says that rules aren't meant to be broken? 1694 01:27:48,931 --> 01:27:50,963 It's time to fight dirty. 1695 01:27:50,965 --> 01:27:52,364 Time to sweep the leg, Johnny. 1696 01:27:52,366 --> 01:27:55,068 Hey! Pick on someone your own size! 1697 01:27:55,070 --> 01:27:57,170 That's such a you thing to say! 1698 01:27:57,172 --> 01:27:59,137 Go get him, tiger! 1699 01:27:59,139 --> 01:28:01,509 Big CGI fight coming up! 1700 01:28:18,459 --> 01:28:19,859 He's doing great. 1701 01:28:19,861 --> 01:28:21,297 Say it! 1702 01:28:25,299 --> 01:28:26,834 - Russell. - Bingo! 1703 01:28:30,806 --> 01:28:31,671 Oh, great! 1704 01:28:31,673 --> 01:28:32,971 There they are! Those freaks! 1705 01:28:32,973 --> 01:28:35,140 A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. 1706 01:28:35,142 --> 01:28:37,310 Can I have one of those guns? 1707 01:28:37,312 --> 01:28:39,179 - No. - That's fine. 1708 01:28:39,181 --> 01:28:40,512 Get off this property, mutant scum! 1709 01:28:40,514 --> 01:28:41,849 I'm just gonna use this brick. 1710 01:28:42,450 --> 01:28:43,651 Maximum effort. 1711 01:28:44,686 --> 01:28:46,621 Who says you can't go home again? 1712 01:28:51,392 --> 01:28:52,658 Yeah! 1713 01:28:52,660 --> 01:28:53,696 Say it. 1714 01:28:54,227 --> 01:28:55,494 Say it! 1715 01:28:55,496 --> 01:28:59,032 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand! 1716 01:28:59,034 --> 01:29:00,432 Blessed are the wicked... 1717 01:29:00,434 --> 01:29:01,837 who are healed... 1718 01:29:02,203 --> 01:29:03,839 by my hand. 1719 01:29:18,053 --> 01:29:19,822 You annoying little punk! 1720 01:29:35,736 --> 01:29:38,773 Only best buddies execute pedophiles together. 1721 01:29:45,946 --> 01:29:48,648 I need a bus to get you all out of here. 1722 01:29:53,788 --> 01:29:54,822 Orphans. 1723 01:29:55,423 --> 01:29:56,624 Oh, geez. 1724 01:29:58,459 --> 01:30:01,060 It's time to burn for what you've done! 1725 01:30:01,062 --> 01:30:03,866 A child should not be burdened with such power! 1726 01:30:11,039 --> 01:30:12,474 Russell! Wait! 1727 01:30:16,879 --> 01:30:17,880 Oh! 1728 01:30:23,584 --> 01:30:25,417 Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet! 1729 01:30:25,419 --> 01:30:26,485 What more do you need to see? 1730 01:30:26,487 --> 01:30:27,554 No, he's just a kid! 1731 01:30:27,556 --> 01:30:29,758 Tick, tock. Meter's running! 1732 01:30:42,070 --> 01:30:44,139 I'm gonna make a necklace out of your teeth. 1733 01:31:02,490 --> 01:31:05,091 - I told you! Leave me alone! - Come on! 1734 01:31:05,093 --> 01:31:06,161 Listen to me! 1735 01:31:27,316 --> 01:31:29,081 That's how we do it 1736 01:31:29,083 --> 01:31:30,652 in Mother Russia. 1737 01:31:32,553 --> 01:31:34,720 They say millennials are the hardest to reach. 1738 01:31:34,722 --> 01:31:37,523 Oh, no. You're doing amazing. 1739 01:31:37,525 --> 01:31:39,895 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta! 1740 01:31:43,431 --> 01:31:44,529 Go, go, go! 1741 01:31:48,069 --> 01:31:50,069 He dies tonight, Wade. 1742 01:31:50,071 --> 01:31:52,470 You can't stop me! 1743 01:31:52,472 --> 01:31:54,006 He even runs like a pervert. 1744 01:31:54,008 --> 01:31:57,112 Like an online predator who lost his laptop. 1745 01:31:58,079 --> 01:31:59,744 There's one bullet left in that gun. 1746 01:31:59,746 --> 01:32:01,980 Wait, wait, wait! Please, just give me a second! 1747 01:32:01,982 --> 01:32:03,382 I got this. 1748 01:32:03,384 --> 01:32:05,618 - Russell! - Stay back! Go home, Wade! 1749 01:32:05,620 --> 01:32:08,387 Let's talk. It doesn't have to go this way! 1750 01:32:08,389 --> 01:32:09,954 That piece of shit... 1751 01:32:09,956 --> 01:32:11,990 he deserves to die for what he did to you. 1752 01:32:11,992 --> 01:32:14,493 He hurt you badly. 1753 01:32:14,495 --> 01:32:18,631 But look, if you kill him, he wins. 1754 01:32:18,633 --> 01:32:21,937 You become everything he says you are, but worse. 1755 01:32:22,971 --> 01:32:24,671 You're just a kid. 1756 01:32:24,673 --> 01:32:26,575 You don't wanna hurt anyone. 1757 01:32:27,741 --> 01:32:30,646 It isn't too late. Don't do it. 1758 01:32:35,883 --> 01:32:38,085 I never should've left you there. 1759 01:32:39,955 --> 01:32:42,257 I never should've left you in that prison. 1760 01:32:49,431 --> 01:32:50,831 I can't trust you. 1761 01:32:52,800 --> 01:32:55,102 I can't trust anybody! 1762 01:33:04,079 --> 01:33:05,377 Wonderful kid. 1763 01:33:05,379 --> 01:33:07,012 You can't stop me, Wade! 1764 01:33:09,316 --> 01:33:11,550 I got one more idea. 1765 01:33:11,552 --> 01:33:14,520 It's just a really bad one, even for me. 1766 01:33:14,522 --> 01:33:15,721 Wade, what are you doing? 1767 01:33:15,723 --> 01:33:17,989 This is for all the marbles, kid. 1768 01:33:17,991 --> 01:33:20,326 You're gonna kill someone today... 1769 01:33:20,328 --> 01:33:21,726 Blessed are the wicked... 1770 01:33:21,728 --> 01:33:23,865 then it's gotta be me. 1771 01:33:24,831 --> 01:33:26,867 Who are healed by my hand! 1772 01:34:32,901 --> 01:34:36,071 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1773 01:34:40,874 --> 01:34:42,677 Oh, that's not good. 1774 01:34:44,145 --> 01:34:45,681 No, sir. 1775 01:34:52,486 --> 01:34:55,757 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1776 01:34:56,090 --> 01:34:56,989 Yeah. 1777 01:34:56,991 --> 01:34:59,123 And it was the best thing I ever did. 1778 01:34:59,994 --> 01:35:02,328 I told you I care about you. 1779 01:35:02,330 --> 01:35:04,066 You're a good kid, Russell. 1780 01:35:05,200 --> 01:35:06,268 Hey. 1781 01:35:07,468 --> 01:35:08,967 The bear. 1782 01:35:08,969 --> 01:35:10,204 It worked. 1783 01:35:16,210 --> 01:35:17,409 Because of you. 1784 01:35:17,411 --> 01:35:19,845 No, Wade, because of you. 1785 01:35:19,847 --> 01:35:22,148 Stop, stop, stop! 1786 01:35:22,150 --> 01:35:23,151 Stop! 1787 01:35:24,552 --> 01:35:27,319 Just let it happen, okay? 1788 01:35:27,321 --> 01:35:30,689 I guess my heart was finally in the right place. 1789 01:35:30,691 --> 01:35:33,228 That riddle is so messed up. 1790 01:35:37,831 --> 01:35:39,966 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1791 01:35:39,968 --> 01:35:42,335 Don't be. I've been trying to make this happen for a while. 1792 01:35:42,337 --> 01:35:43,802 Please, just don't leave me. 1793 01:35:43,804 --> 01:35:45,537 I don't wanna die without an audience. 1794 01:35:45,539 --> 01:35:46,805 We are not going anywhere. 1795 01:35:46,807 --> 01:35:49,175 Oh, God, I hope the Academy is watching. 1796 01:35:49,177 --> 01:35:50,245 Just rest, okay? 1797 01:35:52,045 --> 01:35:53,115 Papa. 1798 01:36:25,545 --> 01:36:27,145 Before I go... 1799 01:36:27,147 --> 01:36:29,150 Sorry, I got a bit more in me. 1800 01:36:29,583 --> 01:36:30,850 Domino. 1801 01:36:30,852 --> 01:36:35,521 I want you to have my Adventure Time watch. 1802 01:36:37,925 --> 01:36:41,029 Turns out that I'm the lucky one. 1803 01:36:41,629 --> 01:36:42,931 Thank you. 1804 01:36:43,964 --> 01:36:47,632 Hey, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. 1805 01:36:47,634 --> 01:36:49,905 It has been a pleasure. 1806 01:36:51,406 --> 01:36:54,239 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade! 1807 01:36:55,877 --> 01:36:57,245 And you... 1808 01:36:57,678 --> 01:36:59,478 Chrome Bone. 1809 01:36:59,480 --> 01:37:02,715 I haven't always been the best friend to you. 1810 01:37:02,717 --> 01:37:05,251 But you've always been that to me. 1811 01:37:05,253 --> 01:37:06,487 So thank you. 1812 01:37:08,522 --> 01:37:10,357 Say the F-word for me. 1813 01:37:10,959 --> 01:37:12,224 Just once. Come on, 1814 01:37:12,226 --> 01:37:13,891 we'll do it together. It's no big deal. 1815 01:37:13,893 --> 01:37:15,573 Here we go. One, two, three. F... F... F... 1816 01:37:18,365 --> 01:37:21,969 Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth. 1817 01:37:23,103 --> 01:37:26,238 And you, Cable. 1818 01:37:26,240 --> 01:37:30,877 You get back to your family. You tell 'em Wade says hi. 1819 01:37:30,879 --> 01:37:34,412 And promise me. Promise me one thing. 1820 01:37:34,414 --> 01:37:35,980 That you'll start judging people... 1821 01:37:35,982 --> 01:37:37,315 not by the color of their skin, 1822 01:37:37,317 --> 01:37:39,985 but by the content of their character. 1823 01:37:39,987 --> 01:37:41,889 - Jesus. - R-Dog? 1824 01:37:43,724 --> 01:37:45,056 Look. 1825 01:37:45,058 --> 01:37:47,928 Family is not an F-word. 1826 01:37:48,463 --> 01:37:49,828 All right? 1827 01:37:49,830 --> 01:37:52,398 There's one out there for you. 1828 01:37:52,400 --> 01:37:54,169 Just keep looking, okay? 1829 01:37:57,004 --> 01:37:59,507 Guys, for a second there... 1830 01:38:00,775 --> 01:38:02,611 we made a pretty good team. 1831 01:38:06,981 --> 01:38:09,414 Can you see it? 1832 01:38:09,416 --> 01:38:12,053 Do you see that beautiful bright light? 1833 01:38:13,321 --> 01:38:14,456 There it is. 1834 01:38:20,661 --> 01:38:21,894 Oh, that's the sun. 1835 01:38:21,896 --> 01:38:23,929 Don't stare directly into that. 1836 01:38:23,931 --> 01:38:25,463 I just have a few final words. 1837 01:38:29,937 --> 01:38:32,240 Do you want to build a snowman? 1838 01:39:48,482 --> 01:39:49,747 Sorry I'm late. 1839 01:39:49,749 --> 01:39:51,283 There was a bunch of 1840 01:39:51,285 --> 01:39:52,784 handicapable children who were stuck in a tree. 1841 01:39:52,786 --> 01:39:54,155 - No. - No. 1842 01:39:55,022 --> 01:39:58,123 - But I did have to help a kid. - Yeah. 1843 01:39:58,125 --> 01:40:00,091 - He's got a terrible name. - It's just awful. 1844 01:40:00,093 --> 01:40:01,295 - Ugh. - I tried to tell him. 1845 01:40:03,565 --> 01:40:05,099 Is this heaven? 1846 01:40:05,799 --> 01:40:07,168 It is now. 1847 01:40:10,538 --> 01:40:12,072 I am so sorry. 1848 01:40:13,106 --> 01:40:14,508 It's okay. 1849 01:40:34,161 --> 01:40:36,164 I missed you so much. 1850 01:40:41,834 --> 01:40:43,570 What is it? What's wrong? 1851 01:40:45,507 --> 01:40:47,405 It's not time. 1852 01:40:47,407 --> 01:40:49,641 What do you mean it's not time? 1853 01:40:49,643 --> 01:40:51,176 I'm here, I made it. 1854 01:40:51,178 --> 01:40:52,979 - You can't stay. - No, no, no. 1855 01:40:52,981 --> 01:40:55,747 I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere without you. 1856 01:40:55,749 --> 01:40:57,149 It's okay. 1857 01:40:57,151 --> 01:41:00,221 There's a time for us. It's just not now. 1858 01:41:01,022 --> 01:41:03,591 - They need you. - Who? 1859 01:41:05,625 --> 01:41:07,061 Your F-word. 1860 01:41:08,062 --> 01:41:09,362 Why? 1861 01:41:09,364 --> 01:41:11,398 You'll find out. 1862 01:41:12,098 --> 01:41:13,832 I love you. 1863 01:41:13,834 --> 01:41:15,236 I love you. 1864 01:41:17,638 --> 01:41:18,904 I know. 1865 01:41:18,906 --> 01:41:20,108 Now, go. 1866 01:41:21,174 --> 01:41:23,343 Go on. Go, get out of here. 1867 01:41:24,379 --> 01:41:25,380 Go. 1868 01:41:28,016 --> 01:41:29,217 Hey! 1869 01:41:31,886 --> 01:41:34,355 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 1870 01:41:34,856 --> 01:41:36,157 Well, come here. 1871 01:41:49,203 --> 01:41:51,737 Wait, hold the mustard. 1872 01:41:51,739 --> 01:41:52,970 - Are you crying? - No. 1873 01:41:52,972 --> 01:41:54,305 - Yes, you are. - No, I'm not. 1874 01:41:54,307 --> 01:41:56,242 You got emotion juice coming out of your eye holes. 1875 01:41:56,244 --> 01:41:57,341 It's not me. I'm not crying. 1876 01:41:57,343 --> 01:41:58,978 I think it's this dusty soundstage. 1877 01:41:58,980 --> 01:42:00,046 - Oh, really? - Or bedroom. 1878 01:42:00,048 --> 01:42:01,246 - It's a dusty bedroom. - Thank you. 1879 01:42:01,248 --> 01:42:02,717 - That's normal. - Let it out. 1880 01:42:04,017 --> 01:42:06,185 - I am crying. - Yeah, you are. 1881 01:42:06,187 --> 01:42:07,920 And I'm caught off guard 'cause the movie's so bad. 1882 01:42:07,922 --> 01:42:09,020 Complete garbage. 1883 01:42:09,022 --> 01:42:10,255 - It's very compelling. - Yeah. 1884 01:42:10,257 --> 01:42:11,323 There's something that really resonates for me. 1885 01:42:11,325 --> 01:42:12,527 It kinda gets you. 1886 01:42:14,395 --> 01:42:15,661 There is more. 1887 01:42:15,663 --> 01:42:18,131 I would love to read it to you, Fred Savage. 1888 01:42:18,133 --> 01:42:21,065 "Once again, Wade picked up the love of his life" 1889 01:42:21,067 --> 01:42:22,870 "in his approachably shredded arms." 1890 01:42:30,177 --> 01:42:31,545 It's all right. 1891 01:42:32,079 --> 01:42:33,514 I'll be waiting. 1892 01:42:34,781 --> 01:42:36,981 It's pretty awesome up here. 1893 01:42:36,983 --> 01:42:39,251 I can have anything I want. 1894 01:42:39,253 --> 01:42:41,720 Can every day be International Women's Day? 1895 01:42:41,722 --> 01:42:42,988 It is heaven. 1896 01:42:53,400 --> 01:42:54,832 Time to make the chimichangas. 1897 01:42:54,834 --> 01:42:55,900 30 seconds. 1898 01:42:55,902 --> 01:42:57,136 Hey. Been meaning to ask you... 1899 01:42:57,138 --> 01:42:59,570 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 1900 01:42:59,572 --> 01:43:01,873 It's my daughter's teddy bear. 1901 01:43:01,875 --> 01:43:03,274 Her name's Hope. 1902 01:43:03,276 --> 01:43:04,478 Well... 1903 01:43:05,379 --> 01:43:07,345 What are you doing? 1904 01:43:07,347 --> 01:43:08,948 Somebody swiped right. 1905 01:43:21,361 --> 01:43:24,363 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1906 01:43:27,233 --> 01:43:29,068 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1907 01:43:29,070 --> 01:43:30,772 It would seem I... 1908 01:43:33,441 --> 01:43:34,442 Huh? 1909 01:43:35,174 --> 01:43:37,645 Genuine, high-grade lead. 1910 01:43:39,480 --> 01:43:42,648 You time-sliding son of a bitch! 1911 01:43:42,650 --> 01:43:44,319 You did this for me? 1912 01:43:46,020 --> 01:43:49,121 Wait. You can't go back. 1913 01:43:49,123 --> 01:43:50,389 You used the last of your fuel. 1914 01:43:50,391 --> 01:43:52,224 What about your girl, your wife? 1915 01:43:52,226 --> 01:43:55,630 No, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. 1916 01:43:57,031 --> 01:43:59,396 No, I'm gonna stick around for a while... 1917 01:43:59,398 --> 01:44:00,465 and make sure the world 1918 01:44:00,467 --> 01:44:02,603 doesn't shit itself into oblivion. 1919 01:44:03,169 --> 01:44:06,273 No. You did it for me. 1920 01:44:06,874 --> 01:44:08,274 No, I didn't. 1921 01:44:08,276 --> 01:44:09,641 - You did. - I really didn't. 1922 01:44:09,643 --> 01:44:11,542 - Pretty sure you did. - No, I'm positive I didn't. 1923 01:44:11,544 --> 01:44:13,412 Fine. All right, let's flip a coin. Okay? 1924 01:44:13,414 --> 01:44:16,015 Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me. 1925 01:44:16,017 --> 01:44:18,149 I'm not even gonna look, because you did it for me. 1926 01:44:18,151 --> 01:44:20,953 - We must get the collar off. - Forget it. It's no use. 1927 01:44:20,955 --> 01:44:22,220 These collars don't just come off. 1928 01:44:22,222 --> 01:44:23,423 Wade. 1929 01:44:24,325 --> 01:44:26,358 I have an idea. 1930 01:44:26,360 --> 01:44:28,493 No, no, no! Let's not do that. Please! 1931 01:44:28,495 --> 01:44:30,863 I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just... 1932 01:44:30,865 --> 01:44:34,332 Oh, gosh! They do say the pen is grosser than the sword. 1933 01:44:34,334 --> 01:44:36,702 We need the code. 1934 01:44:36,704 --> 01:44:38,470 Try, uh, seven? 1935 01:44:38,472 --> 01:44:40,171 Settle down, Captain Lucky. 1936 01:44:40,173 --> 01:44:41,573 It's not gonna be one number. 1937 01:44:41,575 --> 01:44:42,844 Oh, God, that's lazy writing. 1938 01:44:43,843 --> 01:44:45,312 I still got it. 1939 01:44:48,147 --> 01:44:50,418 Put that back in your prison wallet. 1940 01:44:51,684 --> 01:44:53,652 I don't know how to thank you. 1941 01:44:53,654 --> 01:44:55,787 But I do know how to hug you. 1942 01:44:55,789 --> 01:44:57,088 - No. - Yes. 1943 01:44:57,090 --> 01:44:58,724 Here we go. Bring it in. 1944 01:44:58,726 --> 01:44:59,824 Come on. 1945 01:44:59,826 --> 01:45:01,193 Pelvis to pelvis. 1946 01:45:01,195 --> 01:45:02,528 Let's go tummy to tummy. 1947 01:45:02,530 --> 01:45:05,197 There we go. The kids call this tummying. 1948 01:45:06,299 --> 01:45:08,100 Is there a knife in my lower extremity? 1949 01:45:08,102 --> 01:45:09,501 There's a knife in your leg, yeah. 1950 01:45:09,503 --> 01:45:10,668 I'm just gonna back up now. 1951 01:45:10,670 --> 01:45:12,237 - Yeah, yeah. - No need to go full Yentl. 1952 01:45:12,239 --> 01:45:15,105 Gonna pretend like that never happened. 1953 01:45:15,107 --> 01:45:16,811 Let's go home, Russell. 1954 01:45:20,580 --> 01:45:22,480 All you dirty mutants 1955 01:45:22,482 --> 01:45:25,117 are gonna rot in hell with the boy! 1956 01:45:25,119 --> 01:45:28,220 Your souls are beyond redemption! 1957 01:45:28,222 --> 01:45:29,488 Let's see your soul, perv! 1958 01:45:29,490 --> 01:45:32,390 No, no! No! No more! We're better than that! 1959 01:45:32,392 --> 01:45:33,625 We're better than him! 1960 01:45:33,627 --> 01:45:36,395 No more senseless violence! No more bloodshed! 1961 01:45:36,397 --> 01:45:38,095 We'll let karma take care of him. 1962 01:45:38,097 --> 01:45:41,101 The day of reckoning is here! 1963 01:45:50,377 --> 01:45:52,610 I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great. 1964 01:45:52,612 --> 01:45:53,578 Whoo! 1965 01:45:53,580 --> 01:45:56,916 Courage is my power! 1966 01:45:56,918 --> 01:45:58,684 I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds. 1967 01:45:58,686 --> 01:46:00,519 I could barely keep a straight face. 1968 01:46:00,521 --> 01:46:02,554 I want some more. 1969 01:46:02,556 --> 01:46:03,988 I bet you do, Brown Panther. 1970 01:46:03,990 --> 01:46:07,426 We should leave before Fudgernaut wakes up. 1971 01:46:07,428 --> 01:46:09,793 Good call. You guys coming with us? 1972 01:46:09,795 --> 01:46:11,997 No, we'll get the kids back to the mansion. 1973 01:46:11,999 --> 01:46:13,430 Besides, we're X-Men. 1974 01:46:13,432 --> 01:46:16,234 No, you're X-People. 1975 01:46:16,236 --> 01:46:17,536 You're exhausting. 1976 01:46:17,538 --> 01:46:19,537 I see what you did there. Puns. 1977 01:46:19,539 --> 01:46:20,805 Our door's always open. 1978 01:46:20,807 --> 01:46:22,841 That's kind, but I'm not ready to date again, 1979 01:46:22,843 --> 01:46:23,845 let alone two women. 1980 01:46:24,678 --> 01:46:27,445 - Bye, Wade! - Bye, Yukio! 1981 01:46:29,517 --> 01:46:30,615 What do you get 1982 01:46:30,617 --> 01:46:31,949 when you take eight feet of chrome... 1983 01:46:31,951 --> 01:46:33,118 one pinch of courage... 1984 01:46:33,120 --> 01:46:34,353 a cup of good luck... 1985 01:46:34,355 --> 01:46:36,020 a dab of racism... 1986 01:46:36,022 --> 01:46:37,088 a splash of diabetes... 1987 01:46:37,090 --> 01:46:40,125 and a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer? 1988 01:46:40,127 --> 01:46:42,728 Answer: a family. 1989 01:46:42,730 --> 01:46:45,863 See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was. 1990 01:46:45,865 --> 01:46:47,265 If there's anything you take away today... 1991 01:46:47,267 --> 01:46:50,435 other than the need to Google, "What the heck is dubstep?"... 1992 01:46:50,437 --> 01:46:53,874 it's that we all need to belong to someone. 1993 01:48:47,187 --> 01:48:48,753 Okay, there we go. Here we go. 1994 01:48:49,923 --> 01:48:53,658 After-credit scenes. I love after-credit scenes. 1995 01:48:53,660 --> 01:48:54,993 They feel so private, you know? 1996 01:48:54,995 --> 01:48:56,628 'Cause it's just you in the theater. Everyone's left. 1997 01:48:56,630 --> 01:48:57,929 Here's the curtain. Peek, peek. 1998 01:48:57,931 --> 01:48:59,396 But you know something, you know? 1999 01:48:59,398 --> 01:49:01,565 You stayed. 2000 01:49:18,651 --> 01:49:20,518 How something so small generates 2001 01:49:20,520 --> 01:49:22,520 enough energy to reverse time is... 2002 01:49:22,522 --> 01:49:24,555 Oh, just fix it, Eleven, 2003 01:49:24,557 --> 01:49:26,557 or I'll take it to the Genius Bar. 2004 01:49:26,559 --> 01:49:28,327 Cable's gonna kill you when he finds out. 2005 01:49:28,329 --> 01:49:29,394 Never heard of him. 2006 01:49:29,396 --> 01:49:30,965 Why do you think I'm helping him? 2007 01:49:31,964 --> 01:49:35,301 The Lord works in mysterious ways, don't I? 2008 01:49:35,303 --> 01:49:36,871 Have a good day. 2009 01:49:37,338 --> 01:49:38,936 Bye, Wade! 2010 01:49:38,938 --> 01:49:40,040 Bye, Yukio! 2011 01:49:41,273 --> 01:49:43,375 That was probably a bad idea. 2012 01:49:43,377 --> 01:49:44,809 What have we done? 2013 01:50:02,562 --> 01:50:04,595 I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader. 2014 01:50:10,704 --> 01:50:12,273 I'll be right back! 2015 01:50:13,941 --> 01:50:16,978 We're definitely naming our kid Cher! 2016 01:50:17,343 --> 01:50:18,346 Whoo! 2017 01:50:20,047 --> 01:50:21,380 Peter! 2018 01:50:21,382 --> 01:50:22,814 Whoo! X-Force! 2019 01:50:22,816 --> 01:50:25,884 Walk away! Just walk away! 2020 01:50:25,886 --> 01:50:27,853 - But we're X-Force! - Nope, we're not! 2021 01:50:27,855 --> 01:50:29,487 X-Force is just a marketing tool 2022 01:50:29,489 --> 01:50:30,622 designed by Fox executives... 2023 01:50:30,624 --> 01:50:32,490 to keep Josh Brolin employed. 2024 01:50:32,492 --> 01:50:33,859 It doesn't exist. 2025 01:50:33,861 --> 01:50:37,429 All right, well, this has been pretty scary! 2026 01:50:37,431 --> 01:50:39,230 And I need to feed my cat. 2027 01:50:39,232 --> 01:50:41,666 Go home, Sugarbear. Go home. 2028 01:50:41,668 --> 01:50:45,072 Okay. Will you give Domino my email? 2029 01:50:53,813 --> 01:50:55,950 Wade, is that you? 2030 01:50:58,252 --> 01:50:59,585 I guess Stryker finally 2031 01:50:59,587 --> 01:51:01,155 figured out how to shut you up. 2032 01:51:07,561 --> 01:51:10,694 Hey! It's me! Don't scratch! 2033 01:51:10,696 --> 01:51:13,363 Just cleaning up the timelines! 2034 01:51:13,365 --> 01:51:15,069 Love you! 2035 01:51:17,103 --> 01:51:18,873 Welcome to the big leagues, kid. 2036 01:51:23,343 --> 01:51:25,143 You're welcome, Canada. 2037 01:56:51,036 --> 01:56:53,272 "The end." 2038 01:56:54,574 --> 01:56:55,605 Just in time, 2039 01:56:55,607 --> 01:56:58,078 because I have lost almost all feeling in my legs. 2040 01:57:00,213 --> 01:57:02,314 Ooh. No, they feel fine. 2041 01:57:02,316 --> 01:57:03,448 Can I go? 2042 01:57:03,450 --> 01:57:05,119 As you wish. 2043 01:57:07,085 --> 01:57:08,886 - That must feel good. - Yes, thank you. 2044 01:57:08,888 --> 01:57:10,089 Yeah. 2045 01:57:12,258 --> 01:57:14,126 Come on. Whoa! Easy, now. Hey. 2046 01:57:14,128 --> 01:57:15,926 Easy, now. There you go. Come on. 2047 01:57:15,928 --> 01:57:17,628 Take it slow. Take it slow. Baby steps. 2048 01:57:17,630 --> 01:57:19,262 I can't feel my legs. I can't feel my legs! 2049 01:57:19,264 --> 01:57:20,564 I know. Yeah. 2050 01:57:20,566 --> 01:57:23,634 You've been asleep for three days, buddy. Come on. 2051 01:57:23,636 --> 01:57:25,537 - Three days? - Yeah! Three days. 2052 01:57:25,539 --> 01:57:27,104 I've been here for three days? 2053 01:57:27,106 --> 01:57:28,506 - Yeah! - Why so long? 2054 01:57:28,508 --> 01:57:29,841 - Oh! - That's too long! 2055 01:57:29,843 --> 01:57:31,883 Uh, can somebody get this guy a Starbucks? 2056 01:57:32,568 --> 01:57:37,568 Subtitles by explosiveskull144465