All language subtitles for Little Potato (2017)

When people find out that I'm from
Russia, they always ask, where in

I always feel like replying, why?

Because people here think that all of
Russia is Moscow.

We lived in Vladivostok, and it's the
biggest city in the far east of Russia,

considered the most corrupt and...

Unpleasant to live. City kind of
forgotten.

My earliest memory is of my drunk father
trying to hit my mother.

I was four, so I didn't really know what
was going on, but I would put my hands

into a TV frame and pretend that my
parents were on TV and that they were

dancing and singing and not fighting.

My husband hit me and...

When he hit me, nobody did it to me
before, so it was, it made me very

I hit him back.

I told him that I'll leave him, and I
did.

We went to live with my grandma.

My grandma was really mad at my mom for
divorcing my father.

My grandma basically believed that men
have the right to beat women as much as

they wanted.

I had to get a job as a doctor in
prison. The people who run the prison

worse. sometimes than people who were
prisoners.

Part of my job was to certify this as an
accident.

If I had a guy with a broken neck, I
refused to tell that it was an accident,

I put the truth into my record.

The man who ran the prison threatened me
that I should start watching my back

because an accident could happen to me.

It was a dark time, but it was a really
exciting time for me, too.

Our country was broken.

They were teaching us.

communist propaganda, and I would stand
up and say, you're teaching us lies.

There were cracks in the Iron Curtain,
and then suddenly, like a huge

change came.

Communists were attempting a coup, but
they failed, and Yeltsin took over,

Soviet Union collapsed.

I remember watching the news at our
neighbors, and all of us, old and young,

were crying because none of us thought
that this could happen in our lifetime.

Things seemed to be improving. We had
more food in the store. We had more

freedom.

And we had American movies.

American movies are what changed it all.

The first few American movies I
experienced, I didn't actually watch.

You'd hang out with your friends, and
maybe one of them would see an American

movie, and he would tell it to us in
great detail.

And then I would retell this movie to
other people, and you would tell it to

your friend, and they would tell it to
somebody else.

And one day we had this great chatter in
our neighborhood.

People were saying, at 9 p .m., turn
your TV to channel 3.

And this didn't seem possible because
for as long as I remember, we only had

channels. Of course, I came home and I
waited and waited and waited. Finally,

this movie came up, and it was Ghost.

And it was the most beautiful, magical
movie I'd seen.

We loved Whoopi Goldberg so much.

In the days and weeks after, the secret
renegade channel number three would show

other movies, movies like Labyrinth and
Legends, movies with Sylvester Stallone

and Arnold Schwarzenegger. All of
American movies in Russia were dubbed by

one guy who sounded like this,
supposedly because he was trying to

voice.

There were a couple of movies that
really spoke to us.

Curly Sue about a homeless man and his
daughter.

Adam's Family, the second Adam's Family,
and Beetlejuice. Home Alone.

Pretty Woman.

Gremlins. Frankie and Johnny with
Michelle Pfeiffer and Al Pacino.

Michelle Pfeiffer's little apartment was
so cozy, and I thought, if Potato and I

could live in such a little place, I
would be so happy and did not need

else, certainly not Al Pacino.

The more movies we watched, the clearer
it became that America was the place to

be. The new Russia was not much better
than the old USSR.

The same thugs who ran the country
before were still running it. Even

they called themselves capitalists
instead of communists, they were still

stealing money from people.

They called it privatization, which
basically meant that if you were a

politician, you could gift public
property to your friends and family.

We started to have blackouts. Potato had
to study every night by candlelight.

We were told that region does not have
money for heat or electricity or water.

The local politicians were building
mansions right outside the city limits.

My school, my neighborhood were overrun
by gangs.

I had to carry a butcher's knife to
school to feel safer.

Things seem to be getting worse and
worse because Wes was growing up and I

so afraid that he will be drafted into
the army.

Very few things are more horrible than
Russian army.

I've always felt a little different from
my friends, but I didn't give it much

thought. I did feel lost when my friends
would talk about girls because I

couldn't relate to it.

Still, I didn't understand why girls
didn't interest me. I thought maybe it's

because I'm such a good Christian boy.

But I did have thoughts. Like when I
found out that my swimming coach, who

very good looking, got arrested for
burglary.

This really stimulated my imagination.

I would bunch up a blanket between my
thighs and fantasize about being a cop,

apprehending my nutty swimming coach,
stripping him naked, spanking him, tying

him up and keeping him under my bed.

And still I didn't really know what it
all meant.

It would never occur to me that I was
one of those people.

We did not know anything about gay
people back then, and they did not

Every day of my childhood, I heard
terrible things said about faggots or

pedics. In Russia, pedic meant gay, but
it could also mean pedophile. The way

people talked about it, it was just
filled with so much hate and fear and

disgust. I wasn't even sure if gay
people were real or they were made -up

monsters.

He came to me crying. He was so afraid
and embarrassed.

I told mom that I've been masturbating.

I told her that my biology book said
that masturbation is very dangerous to

health. And it also said that the way to
stop masturbating is by exercising.

But I was already rowing, running,
swimming. I was a full -time jock.

But no amount of exercising made me less
horny.

I was so relieved.

I told him it was okay.

Everybody does it, men and women.

Even grandma, I said.

Even grandma?

It's not going to hurt you. And your
biology book is outdated garbage.

That was a huge relief.

But I still didn't tell mom that I was
thinking about boys. I didn't think she

could handle the idea of how hard my
life would be in Russia.

I don't remember exactly when I decided
that I want to marry an American.

Mom was saying that she was
disillusioned with Russian men, so she

applying to all those Mail Order Bright
catalogs. I became pen pals with an old

American gentleman who was very excited
that I was a Russian Orthodox.

He seemed nice and kind.

James lived in Seattle, and that's where
he brought me to visit.

At first, everything was great. He was
very kind and fatherly to me, but also

would lose his patience quite often.

I also realized that our concept of
religion was different.

When mom came back, she was glowing.

And then she took out this ring, and
that's when I knew that her and James

married. I remember us getting on a
plane, and I remember saying that when

get to America, we'll get on our knees
and kiss the ground.

I knew my son was safe now, and as long
as we remain in this country, he has a

future. Every day was a new adventure,
picking out new school, going to a

supermarket that has everything, walking
down the street and people smile at you

instead of scowling, and just being in a
place that doesn't feel like the end of

the world.

James was exactly like he was during my
visit.

One moment he was the kindest, most
caring person, the other he was

with rage, and I did not know why.

James was a Christian fundamentalist.

and he started to realize that I was not
religious in a way he hoped.

So he started lashing out at me. James
often threatened to kick us out.

Usually it was when he sensed that I'm
not as excited to go to church as he

or I said something that was against his
interpretation of religion, like I

mentioned that I strongly support legal
abortion, and I learned quickly not to

say it again.

He was always ranting about politics and
religion. He was really angry about the

state of the world and secular schools
and Clintons and the gay rights

I could see that my son was going
through something, and I was concerned

he would not tell me what it was.

One day I decided to tell Mom.

I could tell from TV, movies, and school
discussions that I wasn't the only gay

in the world.

and that in America, gay people have
been fighting for equal rights and

I was so relieved.

Just like when he told me that he was
masturbating, I thought it was something

bad. All she said was, that's it, you're
gay.

Everyone's a little gay.

And he said, Mom, I'm really, really
gay.

That felt so strange and incredible to
tell someone, because I've never told

anyone, and now I could tell my best
friend, and she didn't care.

But we could not let James know.

He would divorce me.

and would kick us back to Russia.

I started to hate James, like really,
really hate James.

I hated seeing how he treated my mom and
how afraid she was of him.

And also every day after school I could
come home and research gay history

online, and finding out about all the
gay people who have been abused

history and written out of history made
me really angry, and James was the

personification of that.

I could see he was troubled.

He was angry, and he had reasons to be
angry, but also he was a teenager, so

his emotions were heightened.

I tried to calm him, explaining to him
that it will get better. We just have to

wait. When I turned 18, my mom and I
found a place where I could live by

After Potato moved out, I started to
notice a change in James.

One night, Mom called crying.

I came home from work.

There was a woman sitting on our sofa.

She saw this strange woman in her house
wearing a wig. Took me a moment to

realize it was James.

The woman was actually James, wearing
women's clothes.

Or Janice, as she introduced herself.

James came out to mom as transgender
that night.

She told me that her mom and grandma
beat her when she tried her little

dresses. We were holding hands.

and were crying, and my heart was
breaking for the person I knew and

know. James told mom that he tried to
marry a Russian woman because he thought

that Russian women are really
conservative and religious.

And it turned out that my mom was like
the least conservative and the most open

-minded and accepting person that he's
met. And that made him feel very

conflicted until he finally had courage
to come out to her.

I cannot say it was easy finding out
that my husband is a woman.

In some sense, he was the first real man
in my life, the man I could count on.

But it was not about me because Janice
needed support and unconditional love.

Mom became sort of like a groupie to
Janice and her trans girlfriends.

Janice especially liked karaoke.

That was karaoke night after night after
night. That was when I decided it's

time to divorce and move out.

Transgender was fine with me, but
karaoke...

Nobody wants karaoke every night.

Janice passed away a year ago.

Me and my mom went to see her in the
hospital, and we held her hand and told

how much we love her, and I hoped she
could hear us.

My marriage with James was a
rollercoaster, but I will always feel

with Janice.

She brought my son to America, and she
gave us real future.

Back in Russia, it was American movies
that helped us survive because they

always had happy endings.

Now we're living our own happy ending.

I guess life does have those sometimes.