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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:02,300 All we want to know is where we'll be staying. 2 00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:03,700 Looks like we're all going to be roommates. 3 00:00:04,180 --> 00:00:05,180 Yeah. 4 00:00:06,620 --> 00:00:09,280 We're free to do what we want, when we want, who we want. 5 00:00:09,820 --> 00:00:11,160 You're an incredible asshole. 6 00:00:11,660 --> 00:00:12,880 I fucking love Colin. 7 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,980 Is this guy for real? 8 00:00:17,260 --> 00:00:18,260 Oh, yeah. 9 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:19,439 Who's your daddy? 10 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:20,780 Brian Talbert. Why? 11 00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:23,840 I just want a good education. 12 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:25,580 What are you talking about? 13 00:00:33,390 --> 00:00:34,390 This is it. 14 00:00:34,610 --> 00:00:37,390 It all comes down to this. The final interview. 15 00:00:37,910 --> 00:00:38,910 Don't blow it now. 16 00:00:39,090 --> 00:00:41,070 And what makes you think you deserve this grant? 17 00:00:41,510 --> 00:00:45,110 I, um... And what makes you think that traveling to Borneo is good for your 18 00:00:45,110 --> 00:00:46,110 research? 19 00:00:46,250 --> 00:00:50,550 Well, I guess, um... Keep calm. 20 00:00:50,850 --> 00:00:51,910 You can do this. 21 00:00:53,710 --> 00:00:54,710 Fuck! 22 00:00:58,430 --> 00:01:01,410 It's a dream. You're dreaming. This isn't real. 23 00:01:10,340 --> 00:01:12,120 Might as well make the best of it. 24 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:17,640 Right on cue. 25 00:01:24,060 --> 00:01:29,940 This is what I'm talking about. This is my kind of interview. 26 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:38,680 Fuck the grounds. 27 00:03:08,340 --> 00:03:09,340 It's Lisa. 28 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:10,880 Ophelia. 29 00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:15,300 Ophelia. 30 00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:16,700 Wake up! 31 00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:21,020 I'm so sorry. 32 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,660 I've been so worried about this interview, I haven't slept in days. 33 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,160 So you think you can nap between questions? 34 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,220 I guess I didn't get the grant. 35 00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:30,060 Let me show you the door. 36 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:57,720 What happened? 37 00:03:57,740 --> 00:03:59,720 Don't spank Professor Lasky in front of the dean. 38 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:04,480 Okay. Well, I'm glad that you added the in front of the dean bit, because 39 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:07,340 nothing's keeping me from hitting that Lasky ass when Lauer's not looking. 40 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,480 I get all moist down there just thinking about the moment his dentures pop out. 41 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:13,840 Sexy. 42 00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:20,160 I've got to go. My grant interview's in ten minutes. Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. 43 00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:22,000 Give me nine, and I'll relax you. 44 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:25,720 Does that include seven minutes of apologizing, saying it's never happened 45 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:26,720 you before? 46 00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:28,880 And a minute and a half of board play? 47 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:30,400 I've got to go. 48 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:36,820 Please don't get it. 49 00:04:42,220 --> 00:04:43,720 Save something for the party tonight. 50 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:47,740 Are you ready for round 12? 51 00:04:48,740 --> 00:04:49,980 Lisa, I don't know if I can. 52 00:04:50,730 --> 00:04:53,950 At the end of the semester, we're not going to see each other for six weeks. 53 00:04:56,690 --> 00:04:58,170 I bet it's fucked up now. 54 00:04:58,750 --> 00:04:59,750 Come on. 55 00:05:10,950 --> 00:05:12,090 I'm going to miss your lips. 56 00:05:14,010 --> 00:05:15,630 I'm going to miss your hands. 57 00:05:17,110 --> 00:05:19,510 I'm going to miss touching your brains out. 58 00:05:21,260 --> 00:05:23,260 I don't have any more brave left. 59 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,820 You don't want me to try and reclaim some of your porn mustache from Lisa? 60 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:11,280 I'm a reformed character. 61 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:14,840 Weeks on a boat with the guys. 62 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,200 No way to relieve the tension. 63 00:07:17,740 --> 00:07:19,140 You sure you're going to make it? 64 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:20,400 I can do it. 65 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,320 I think I can do it. That's what I thought. 66 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:24,860 I got you something. 67 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,200 Oh. 68 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:29,820 Oh, yes. 69 00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:33,000 So, do I win girlfriend of the year award or what? 70 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:34,440 Why don't you come with? 71 00:07:34,660 --> 00:07:35,860 You know, ease my burden. 72 00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:41,850 You know I can't. The parental units are coming to pick me up after the party 73 00:07:41,850 --> 00:07:45,670 tonight, and my step -monster's got the whole summer planned in the Hamptons. 74 00:07:45,670 --> 00:07:46,670 Fuck her. 75 00:07:47,470 --> 00:07:48,490 Everyone else has. 76 00:07:49,070 --> 00:07:50,170 I'll let you hold my pole. 77 00:07:51,230 --> 00:07:54,130 I meant my fishing pole, but why are you down there? 78 00:08:06,510 --> 00:08:07,510 Hey, James Tyler. 79 00:08:08,910 --> 00:08:09,910 Cool. Yeah, is it ready? 80 00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:12,110 All right, I need it for tonight. 81 00:08:13,450 --> 00:08:15,050 Good. All right, I'm on my way. 82 00:08:23,150 --> 00:08:23,470 I 83 00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:30,990 think 84 00:08:30,990 --> 00:08:32,110 you'll find them worth the wait. 85 00:08:57,050 --> 00:08:58,470 Come on, pick up. 86 00:08:59,030 --> 00:09:00,570 Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. 87 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,850 Hi, you've reached a failure to find. Leave me a message. 88 00:09:04,470 --> 00:09:07,430 Hi, it's me again for the 25th time. 89 00:09:07,900 --> 00:09:10,000 Where the hell are you? Your interview's been over for hours. 90 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,640 Hey, there. It's been a while. How have you been? 91 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:15,200 Great. Good. 92 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:19,140 Well, they must have missed me, huh? I sent you that ticket to come and see us? 93 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:25,220 Okay, well, it's been emotional catching up and all, but I'm going to get going 94 00:09:25,220 --> 00:09:27,980 and let you stare off in the distance some more. Okay, thanks. 95 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:30,500 Get your fine ass back here. 96 00:09:30,860 --> 00:09:32,080 I've got something to show you. 97 00:09:32,380 --> 00:09:34,700 Before you think it, it's not just a cock. 98 00:10:03,980 --> 00:10:04,959 It's her first time. 99 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:05,960 I'll drink to that. 100 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:10,940 Oh, wow. 101 00:10:13,220 --> 00:10:18,080 When we moved in, I never thought I'd end up in love with that meathead. 102 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,240 Lisa, slow down. 103 00:10:24,140 --> 00:10:25,420 You said I never. 104 00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:28,060 The game is called I Never. 105 00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:29,260 Is that everyone in? 106 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,960 Um, well, I've never had sex. 107 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:34,960 That's an easy one. 108 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,240 Oh, my God. 109 00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,340 Badger, please. 110 00:10:42,740 --> 00:10:45,320 What the hell was I thinking? 111 00:10:46,460 --> 00:10:51,020 Okay, the next person that walks into this room, it better be Ophelia. 112 00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:58,900 Fuck's sake. 113 00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:02,360 Excuse me, young man, what did you just call me? I think he called you. Fuck's 114 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,700 sake. Find Karen. We're leaving. Find Karen. We're leaving. 115 00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:07,020 What's wrong? 116 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:11,100 And you're ugly, but tomorrow I'll be sober. 117 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:13,500 Right. Not for long. 118 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:38,800 I've got an idea. 119 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:44,380 A little trip down a Michelin. 120 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:55,020 Come in. 121 00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:12,310 For old time's sake. 122 00:12:16,690 --> 00:12:21,550 Never forget that night. 123 00:12:22,070 --> 00:12:23,590 It was so beautiful. 124 00:12:25,970 --> 00:12:26,970 Thank you. 125 00:12:28,590 --> 00:12:29,590 Thank you. 126 00:13:00,119 --> 00:13:01,119 Lisa? Susan? 127 00:13:01,980 --> 00:13:03,480 What's going on and who's Lisa? 128 00:13:04,060 --> 00:13:05,620 Why are you doing here? 129 00:13:05,940 --> 00:13:09,340 Well, I don't know the technical term, but I think it's page 73 of the Karma 130 00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:10,340 Sutra. 131 00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:11,780 But I thought you were in Alaska. 132 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,640 I was until you sent me the plane ticket. 133 00:13:15,940 --> 00:13:16,940 I did? 134 00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:20,620 Has little Jose recovered? 135 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:24,300 Give me a minute! 136 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:25,559 Please, hide. 137 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:27,480 Hide under the bed. Hide under the bed, please. 138 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:30,660 Are you fucking insane? What's going on? I was, but it was an accident. 139 00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:33,740 Please, I'm begging you. Hide under the bed. Why did you have me come here if 140 00:13:33,740 --> 00:13:34,740 you already have a girlfriend? 141 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,120 I didn't. Someone's fucking with me. Please. 142 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:42,040 Yeah. I was by accident. We've only got another 457 minutes left before we have 143 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,260 to leave. I want to spend every one of them in your arms. 144 00:13:52,340 --> 00:13:54,820 And here you come. 145 00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:01,520 Hey, no hard feelings, no hard feelings. Man, I don't know what you heard, man, 146 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:02,680 but there's nothing wrong with my junk. 147 00:14:04,940 --> 00:14:06,420 He's offering you his little olive. 148 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,380 Hey, I got my own olive branch, all right, and it ain't so little. 149 00:14:09,980 --> 00:14:13,740 Whatever. Alpha Beta Man takes what he wants. No pussyfooting around. 150 00:14:13,980 --> 00:14:15,280 Hey, he's got the no pussy part right. 151 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,500 You haven't seen the Chipster in action. I don't know. I saw Karen's dog use his 152 00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:20,500 balls as a chew toy. 153 00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,060 Not cool. 154 00:14:22,620 --> 00:14:25,480 Check the palace or he's just an Alpha Beta Man. Is that right? 155 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,300 That is absolutely right. 156 00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:32,160 Next girl through that door, I swear on my life, I will tap that ass. 157 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,420 I can't wait to see this one. 158 00:14:36,940 --> 00:14:39,340 Miss Hargreaves, looking for Guillermo. 159 00:14:45,020 --> 00:14:46,620 You're sick balls. 160 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,080 Lady, what is the meaning of this? 161 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,020 Sick balls? 162 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,360 I taught him that. 163 00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:59,260 Protection for a young, innocent girl away from home for the first time. 164 00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:00,840 That's my little girl. 165 00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,340 Do we have to go now? 166 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:04,600 The jet's waiting. 167 00:15:07,630 --> 00:15:08,770 I have to say goodbye to you. 168 00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:11,050 Time is money. 169 00:15:11,550 --> 00:15:13,150 There are more important things. 170 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:43,640 I can explain. 171 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,500 It was an accident. 172 00:15:51,620 --> 00:15:52,620 You made it. 173 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,880 I hate to say it, but I think someone's fucking with us. I am. 174 00:15:57,380 --> 00:15:59,840 At least, I hope to. 175 00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:03,480 I sent the tickets. 176 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:06,440 You did? 177 00:16:06,660 --> 00:16:07,660 But why? 178 00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:11,820 Because for the next six weeks, my sex life's going into hibernation. 179 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:13,760 I want to go out with a bang. 180 00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:17,200 A big bang. 181 00:16:17,820 --> 00:16:18,820 What do you say? 182 00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:20,700 Okay. 183 00:16:44,490 --> 00:16:46,130 What kind of school is this, anyway? 184 00:16:48,770 --> 00:16:49,770 Pat, wait! 185 00:16:52,490 --> 00:16:55,170 So, um, come here often? 186 00:16:55,810 --> 00:16:57,370 You ever been in love, Tip? 187 00:16:57,970 --> 00:16:59,670 Yeah, I mean, I love my parents. 188 00:17:00,490 --> 00:17:06,190 I mean, not that I would have sex with my parents, but I would have sex with 189 00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:09,030 someone as old as my parents. I mean, when you really think about it, they're 190 00:17:09,030 --> 00:17:12,450 their sexual peak, and I don't want to think about that. 191 00:17:13,230 --> 00:17:15,810 Have you ever been in love with a woman you couldn't have? 192 00:17:16,810 --> 00:17:18,890 I mean, sure, lots of times. 193 00:17:19,270 --> 00:17:20,790 I mean, who hasn't, right? 194 00:17:22,190 --> 00:17:25,010 The heart wants what the heart wants. 195 00:17:26,550 --> 00:17:27,550 I'm a virgin. 196 00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:34,110 And I'm drunk. And in the morning, I will be sober and you will be a stud. 197 00:18:00,270 --> 00:18:03,590 She's a six -gum lover of a leveling queen. 198 00:18:03,970 --> 00:18:06,930 A heart attack cover with a head of stain. 199 00:18:07,690 --> 00:18:10,890 You're a double cross and on the bridge you burn. 200 00:18:11,350 --> 00:18:14,470 You're gonna pay the cost of everything you earn. 201 00:18:17,170 --> 00:18:19,350 You've got a lesson to learn. 202 00:18:23,710 --> 00:18:26,690 You've got a lesson to learn. 203 00:18:41,130 --> 00:18:44,130 You've got to face your fate. 204 00:18:44,410 --> 00:18:47,650 A soft yellow hair may keep the warts at bay. 205 00:18:47,990 --> 00:18:53,090 You took your chances, now the time has turned. We're stealing car crash 206 00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,910 glances, but we ain't concerned. 207 00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:59,910 You've got a lesson to learn. 208 00:19:43,690 --> 00:19:45,550 Freddy, I'd like you to meet my father. 209 00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:47,950 Daddy, this is Freddy. Pleasure to meet you, sir. 210 00:19:48,450 --> 00:19:52,470 I'm spending $2 ,000 an hour to keep a jet on standby and you drag me up here 211 00:19:52,470 --> 00:19:53,409 meet this clown? 212 00:19:53,410 --> 00:19:55,210 This clown is my boyfriend. 213 00:19:55,990 --> 00:19:59,050 And the jet doesn't have to wait anymore because I'm not going. 214 00:19:59,330 --> 00:20:02,330 What? He wants me to hold his pole. Oh, fishing pole. 215 00:20:03,150 --> 00:20:04,450 I'm staying here with him. 216 00:20:05,010 --> 00:20:08,970 He's going to bang that mill. What the hell is a mill? Mother, I'd like to 217 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,540 I never thought I'd see James Tyler sitting out a party. 218 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:56,980 Where have you been? 219 00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,360 I needed time to think. 220 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,900 Okay, so, how'd it go? 221 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:06,480 The interview? 222 00:21:06,980 --> 00:21:08,120 It was a disaster. 223 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:29,820 I have something to show you, okay? 224 00:21:30,140 --> 00:21:33,700 And before you think it, it's not just like... I have something. I have 225 00:21:33,700 --> 00:21:34,700 something to show you, too. 226 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:37,120 Okay. 227 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:39,320 What's this? 228 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,340 It's my itinerary. 229 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:42,840 I got the grant. 230 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:46,600 Leaving tonight. 231 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:53,240 That's great. 232 00:21:54,820 --> 00:21:55,820 That's great. 233 00:22:00,460 --> 00:22:01,460 You deserve it. 234 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:04,940 Be careful what you wish for. 235 00:22:05,140 --> 00:22:06,140 Isn't that what they say? 236 00:22:07,900 --> 00:22:12,320 This is everything I've ever wanted, but... Now I don't know. 237 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,020 I thought of leaving you. 238 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,220 Maybe I should just tell them... No, come on. Are you crazy? 239 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:21,080 You have to go. 240 00:22:22,340 --> 00:22:24,940 You worked too hard to give it up. I know, but... 241 00:22:31,740 --> 00:22:32,980 I'm so proud of you. 242 00:22:39,660 --> 00:22:41,460 So, what did you want to say to me? 243 00:22:42,500 --> 00:22:45,000 Oh, nothing. Forget it. 244 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:47,840 Look, 245 00:22:48,860 --> 00:22:53,280 there's the, uh, there's a stair diving contest that I'm judging. 246 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,500 So, I gotta go. 247 00:23:32,430 --> 00:23:36,750 Nancy Ray, I'm not really... Are you okay? 248 00:23:39,230 --> 00:23:40,230 No. 249 00:23:40,850 --> 00:23:41,870 Far from okay. 250 00:23:48,110 --> 00:23:51,430 What do you want? 251 00:23:52,170 --> 00:23:56,830 Well, I kind of wanted to ask you a favor. More for my father, really. 252 00:23:57,270 --> 00:24:01,750 You see, I wanted to see if there was any way I could get that tape. 253 00:24:02,060 --> 00:24:03,660 You know, the one with the thing. 254 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,240 With the thing. 255 00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:11,860 Look, your father, the dean, has got my expulsion paper signed and ready to go. 256 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:16,720 Without that tape, I'm so out of here. 257 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:24,140 Well, are you sure there isn't anything I could do to get it? 258 00:24:46,570 --> 00:24:51,350 And I was alone, and there was a girl, but there was always a girl. 259 00:24:51,570 --> 00:24:56,490 I pick up the phone, she's never there, well I know she's somewhere. 260 00:24:56,910 --> 00:25:01,950 While I'm stuck on the line, and losing my mind, what the hell does she care? 261 00:25:04,490 --> 00:25:08,270 She's never ever, never ever, better than me. 262 00:25:09,730 --> 00:25:12,430 She's never ever, never ever. 263 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:18,360 better than me and she's never ever ever better than me 264 00:27:26,479 --> 00:27:30,680 She's never, never, never, never better than me. 265 00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:29,360 She's leaving? 266 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:31,620 Without any regrets. 267 00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:37,740 Now, what do I have to do to earn that tape? 268 00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:40,280 You already have. 269 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:55,240 That's all you wanted was for her to leave? 270 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:56,640 She was already leaving. 271 00:28:58,030 --> 00:28:59,710 Just didn't want her to be looking back the whole time. 272 00:29:14,430 --> 00:29:15,430 Stop saying goodbye. 273 00:29:16,570 --> 00:29:18,190 No, he made it easy. 274 00:29:31,159 --> 00:29:32,420 You're heading out on us? 275 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,880 I thought it would be better. No teary -eyed goodbyes. 276 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:37,600 Yeah, that's not going to happen. 277 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:40,420 What about James? Shouldn't he be here? 278 00:29:41,740 --> 00:29:44,620 No. He's made his choice. I've made mine. 279 00:29:46,460 --> 00:29:47,460 Take care of him. 280 00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:48,520 You too. 281 00:29:50,860 --> 00:29:53,600 Send us pictures, okay? Come back to visit us. 282 00:29:53,850 --> 00:29:55,630 Yeah, you better send me some pictures of some girls. 283 00:29:56,190 --> 00:29:57,190 Oh, girl. 284 00:29:59,070 --> 00:30:00,130 Monthly, weekly. 285 00:30:00,910 --> 00:30:01,910 Bye, 286 00:30:02,030 --> 00:30:02,969 we love you. 287 00:30:02,970 --> 00:30:04,290 I want to meet some girls, hey. 288 00:31:14,540 --> 00:31:17,420 She's never ever, never ever better than 289 00:31:17,420 --> 00:31:29,040 me. 19994