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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:03,130 All we want to know is where will we stay. Looks like we're all going to be 2 00:00:03,130 --> 00:00:04,530 roommates. Yes. 3 00:00:06,430 --> 00:00:09,050 We're free to do what we want, when we want, who we want. 4 00:00:09,650 --> 00:00:10,810 You're an incredible app. 5 00:00:11,690 --> 00:00:12,690 Fucking love Colin. 6 00:00:13,490 --> 00:00:14,750 Is this guy for real? 7 00:00:17,010 --> 00:00:18,010 Oh, yeah. 8 00:00:18,190 --> 00:00:19,190 Who's your daddy? 9 00:00:19,210 --> 00:00:20,550 Brian Talbert. Why? 10 00:00:21,410 --> 00:00:23,570 I just want a good education. 11 00:00:24,130 --> 00:00:25,350 What are you talking about? 12 00:00:35,110 --> 00:00:36,110 I'm not kidding. You smell. 13 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:39,690 Come on, baby. It's pheromones, okay? 14 00:00:39,950 --> 00:00:42,070 You've studied sex in the animal kingdom. You should know. 15 00:00:42,690 --> 00:00:46,790 Yeah, I study sex in the animal kingdom. Doesn't mean I want to have sex with 16 00:00:46,790 --> 00:00:47,790 the animal kingdom. 17 00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:54,290 Look, this is my lucky T -shirt, okay? I have to wear it every day for the first 18 00:00:54,290 --> 00:00:56,170 week of a new semester. That's just how it goes. 19 00:00:57,050 --> 00:00:58,430 Well, what happens if you don't? 20 00:01:00,610 --> 00:01:01,610 Armageddon. 21 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:05,440 I hated that movie as much as you did, but that season's not going to stop 22 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:06,440 Michael Bay. 23 00:01:07,740 --> 00:01:08,740 Someone's got to try. 24 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:10,640 No, you know what? You come in with me. 25 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,580 Ophelia. Ophelia. Hey. 26 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,520 Come on. No. What are you doing? 27 00:01:16,740 --> 00:01:17,740 No. I'm not. 28 00:01:18,140 --> 00:01:19,180 I'm not getting in there. 29 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,080 I'm not getting in there. 30 00:01:21,620 --> 00:01:22,318 That's it. 31 00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:23,740 Okay. Your loss. 32 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:25,800 What do you mean, my loss? 33 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:27,880 Look. 34 00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:28,960 No. 35 00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:30,300 You won't continue? 36 00:01:52,619 --> 00:01:53,619 Hey, 37 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:56,600 this doesn't hurt, does it? 38 00:01:57,140 --> 00:01:58,960 No, does it look like it hurt? 39 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:09,500 I'm not getting this short wet. Don't get this. 40 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:11,780 Don't mess up my shirt, okay? Please. 41 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:20,580 Try a little bit of water. Okay. 42 00:02:56,460 --> 00:03:00,680 No, no, it ain't on. I think it's on. 43 00:03:07,940 --> 00:03:09,100 No, 44 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:14,060 it's on. 45 00:03:24,110 --> 00:03:25,190 Ben, especially Ben. 46 00:03:25,410 --> 00:03:26,770 Yeah, that's the only thing to get rid of. 47 00:03:27,330 --> 00:03:28,330 Oh, God. 48 00:03:37,590 --> 00:03:38,590 Oh. 49 00:04:53,770 --> 00:04:54,770 Oh, yes. 50 00:06:34,660 --> 00:06:35,660 Fuck. 51 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:46,340 What are you doing? 52 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,580 What does it look like I'm doing? 53 00:06:49,260 --> 00:06:52,360 Breaking into a car. Wow, you must be a straight -A student. 54 00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:54,730 Why are you breaking into somebody's car? 55 00:06:55,010 --> 00:06:56,490 Not somebody's, mine. 56 00:06:56,710 --> 00:06:59,090 I locked my keys inside. I do it all the time. 57 00:06:59,910 --> 00:07:00,910 You have a spare? 58 00:07:01,190 --> 00:07:03,050 Yeah. Okay, where is it? 59 00:07:03,270 --> 00:07:04,270 In the car. 60 00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:08,310 So, could you help a girl out? 61 00:07:10,250 --> 00:07:12,690 Watch and learn. 62 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,680 My brothers taught me that before I could even walk. 63 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,120 Who? They teach you how to hotwire it, too? 64 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,100 Hotwire? Oh, 65 00:07:29,220 --> 00:07:32,280 fuck. 66 00:07:34,660 --> 00:07:35,700 What do we have here? 67 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:40,340 I was helping this girl out to get into her car. She locked her keys inside. 68 00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:41,720 Uh, where are they? 69 00:07:42,740 --> 00:07:43,679 I don't know. 70 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,380 I thought you just said this was your car. 71 00:07:45,860 --> 00:07:47,080 I didn't. He did. 72 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,220 What? I don't even know. Officer. 73 00:07:51,150 --> 00:07:55,610 I was just minding my own business, and he came by and went off roughly on a 74 00:07:55,610 --> 00:07:56,610 ride and shit. 75 00:07:56,730 --> 00:08:02,210 Thank you, officer, for keeping the campus safe for us law -abiding 76 00:08:02,410 --> 00:08:03,410 You're kidding. 77 00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:05,530 What the fuck? 78 00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:07,390 I'm calling this in. 79 00:08:07,690 --> 00:08:08,690 Stay put. 80 00:08:13,750 --> 00:08:14,750 What's wrong? 81 00:08:14,770 --> 00:08:18,450 My asthma, my inhaler, and my purse. 82 00:08:34,090 --> 00:08:35,090 Not again. 83 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,040 Ah. 84 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:31,020 In fact, I really think you should rub one out sometime. 85 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:32,799 Excuse me? 86 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,660 It's a great stress reliever. 87 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,320 It's like yoga, except without the mask. 88 00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:41,360 He could put someone's eye out with that. 89 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:43,780 So what's up, Lisa? 90 00:11:47,260 --> 00:11:48,260 It's Jose. 91 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:52,320 We were supposed to study together for a history test, but he never came back 92 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,320 home. 93 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,280 Maybe he just forgot. No. 94 00:11:55,550 --> 00:11:57,270 Professor Chase has really been on our case. 95 00:11:58,110 --> 00:12:01,450 Jose's supposed to grab some books from the library, and then he'd be home. 96 00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:07,590 Maybe he got lucky and scored with some chick at the library. Or maybe he's 97 00:12:07,590 --> 00:12:11,810 having mind -blowing sex with a librarian right now. They're all in 98 00:12:12,510 --> 00:12:15,070 Maybe he's into a little Who's Your Granny? 99 00:12:16,590 --> 00:12:18,010 Okay, okay, I'm joking. 100 00:12:18,310 --> 00:12:19,550 I'll call campus security. 101 00:12:20,390 --> 00:12:23,150 Hopefully, they'll send over a cute cop this time. 102 00:12:28,430 --> 00:12:30,810 What car was it that you were breaking into? 103 00:12:31,030 --> 00:12:32,050 My ex's. 104 00:12:32,930 --> 00:12:34,710 You trying to get back at him? 105 00:12:35,490 --> 00:12:39,510 He has photos of me, naked, doing things. 106 00:12:41,270 --> 00:12:42,450 What kind of things? 107 00:12:42,690 --> 00:12:44,230 You know, things. 108 00:12:45,450 --> 00:12:46,450 Like things? 109 00:12:47,250 --> 00:12:49,750 Things that aren't even legal in this state. 110 00:12:50,330 --> 00:12:57,120 Things that will make your head spin, your toes curl, and your cock... As hard 111 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:58,120 as a curly maple. 112 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:06,540 Let's just say they involve a fist, three lemons, 113 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:10,780 half a quart of axle grease, and a popular game show host. 114 00:13:10,980 --> 00:13:14,000 Who shall I say remain nameless for legal reasons? 115 00:13:14,740 --> 00:13:15,940 So, where are we going? 116 00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:17,700 My place. 117 00:13:17,940 --> 00:13:19,900 Maybe James has both cards. 118 00:13:41,290 --> 00:13:42,290 That'll be security. 119 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:43,530 Okay. 120 00:13:49,330 --> 00:13:50,350 Well, hello. 121 00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:53,670 Hi, I'm Officer Johnson, campus security. 122 00:13:53,990 --> 00:13:55,370 Yes, yes, you are. 123 00:13:56,090 --> 00:13:57,870 I've seen you around here before. 124 00:13:58,210 --> 00:13:59,210 I've seen you around, too. 125 00:13:59,570 --> 00:14:00,570 Yeah? 126 00:14:00,790 --> 00:14:04,930 So, uh, what does it take for a girl to get arrested around here? 127 00:14:05,250 --> 00:14:06,570 It's about her housemate, Jose. 128 00:14:07,590 --> 00:14:09,170 He never made it home last night. 129 00:14:10,580 --> 00:14:12,300 That's because he's a stone -cold killer. 130 00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:15,360 I've seen him with his fava beans and his nice chianti. 131 00:14:16,860 --> 00:14:19,260 You know, I could arrest you right now. Why? Because I'm black? 132 00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:21,460 No, because you're a walking obscenity. 133 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:28,860 Oh, motherfucking James, man! 134 00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:31,300 Jose! 135 00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:35,640 Mia, isn't this exactly the kind of stunt I warned you about? 136 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,640 You said you find it endearing. 137 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,600 No, you guys aren't going anywhere. 138 00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:40,980 Stun gun him before he kills again! 139 00:14:41,540 --> 00:14:42,540 Freddy! What? 140 00:14:42,580 --> 00:14:44,560 Robocop ain't gonna do it. He ain't got the balls to do nothing. 141 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,760 Oh, yeah! 142 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:49,220 Sweet! 143 00:14:57,780 --> 00:14:58,780 What the hell? 144 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:03,360 Man, the grand cop lost his teeth and cuffs, so I've been chained to you the 145 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:04,480 whole time you were sleeping. 146 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:06,800 I wasn't sleeping. 147 00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:09,380 I got stun gunned. And all because of you. 148 00:15:10,830 --> 00:15:11,910 Oh, yeah, I know. 149 00:15:12,230 --> 00:15:15,450 And I feel real terrible about that. No, you don't. 150 00:15:15,750 --> 00:15:16,830 You're nothing but trouble. 151 00:15:17,370 --> 00:15:19,090 You don't know the half of it. 152 00:15:19,550 --> 00:15:24,190 My ex -boyfriend, he used to tell me that I reminded him of a demon coming 153 00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:25,190 the gates of hell. 154 00:15:25,670 --> 00:15:26,710 He sounds delightful. 155 00:15:27,930 --> 00:15:29,390 It's just the voice talking. 156 00:15:30,770 --> 00:15:31,770 Steroids? 157 00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:35,870 They tend to make him a tidbit violent. 158 00:15:36,450 --> 00:15:37,369 That's great. 159 00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:38,370 That's great. 160 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,600 I'm chained to the Incredible Hulk's girlfriend. 161 00:15:41,060 --> 00:15:42,240 No, he's away. 162 00:15:42,740 --> 00:15:45,620 Well, he was away. 163 00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:49,300 He gets back in town today. He was only at a convention. 164 00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:51,220 Please tell me it was a Star Trek convention. 165 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,200 Oh, Harley, he's a biker. 166 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,580 And the hits keep coming. 167 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,560 He'll lose his scholarship, and then he'll have to leave school. 168 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:02,880 And you. 169 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,060 I can't believe you did that to Jose. 170 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:06,019 Did what? 171 00:16:06,020 --> 00:16:08,020 Got the hot cop to use his stun gun. 172 00:16:08,380 --> 00:16:10,340 Officer Johnson's a real piece of ass. 173 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:12,880 What, he is? 174 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:14,420 It was sophomore year. 175 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:16,900 Wait, wait, wait. Have you forgotten about James? 176 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,680 We're not together anymore. I can say what I like. 177 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,640 Okay, you guys, can we focus? 178 00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:23,020 Who's safe in jail? 179 00:16:24,220 --> 00:16:25,540 That's what you get for messing with the law. 180 00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:29,060 If he gets kicked out, who's going to write your term paper? 181 00:16:29,660 --> 00:16:30,820 Shit, we need to get him out of there. 182 00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:34,020 We got to spring him. You know, bust him out of jail. 183 00:16:34,740 --> 00:16:37,580 This isn't Alcatraz. I mean, he's not going to the big house. 184 00:16:40,739 --> 00:16:41,800 Right? She'll break. 185 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:44,460 I got you some Freddy as my bet. 186 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,280 How can you think about that in a place like this? 187 00:16:54,820 --> 00:16:56,460 I don't know if it's the cuffs. 188 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,380 They bring back some memories. 189 00:16:58,980 --> 00:17:02,560 Fuck. So they bring back a lot of memories. 190 00:17:17,420 --> 00:17:19,020 There's something I forgot to tell you. 191 00:17:20,020 --> 00:17:25,760 Um, my ex, he doesn't exactly know he's my ex. 192 00:17:26,540 --> 00:17:30,660 I haven't exactly told him yet. What are you doing? 193 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,120 Your boyfriend's the Terminator, remember? 194 00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:36,040 I know, but he's not here. 195 00:17:44,170 --> 00:17:47,990 and the planets evolved contained plans that are written in the heart of a man 196 00:17:47,990 --> 00:17:51,650 that same hand got me feeling like a stranger inside of a strange man while i 197 00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:53,230 keep it hot and bubbling there's only a 198 00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:58,520 It's time to move a little. It's time to shake a little. 199 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:03,600 It's time to lose a little. It's time to break a little. 200 00:18:04,460 --> 00:18:06,120 It's time to move a little. 201 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,680 It's time to shake a little. 202 00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:11,180 It's time to lose a little. 203 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,760 It's time to break a little. 204 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,220 Broken glass everywhere. 205 00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:19,080 People picking on each other like they just don't care. 206 00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:23,000 I can't take the smell, I can't stand the sight. Going deep the way they fit 207 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:26,420 try to make it seem right. I ain't saying that I'm better, but I know I 208 00:18:26,420 --> 00:18:30,080 like. Cause my crusted over eyes change to filthy clean sight. To the vision and 209 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:33,360 the voice that I hear, I clean tight. Cause sometimes it ain't gold even 210 00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:36,680 it may gleam bright. In a thermos, cause I twirl for a moment between sights. 211 00:19:05,629 --> 00:19:07,030 And eat a meal of different vegetables. 212 00:19:07,639 --> 00:19:11,820 It's time to shake a little. It's time to break a little. 213 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:16,980 It's time to shake a little. 214 00:19:17,820 --> 00:19:19,380 It's time to shake a little. 215 00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:24,420 It's time to break a little. 216 00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:27,040 It's time to move a little. 217 00:19:27,860 --> 00:19:29,600 It's time to shake a little. 218 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,100 It's time to lose a little. 219 00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:34,560 It's time to break a little. 220 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:12,280 Mr. Johnson? 221 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:13,400 Karen. 222 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:19,000 I just wanted to thank you for coming by the house. 223 00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:24,780 You're so brave, and I've been thinking about what I could possibly do to thank 224 00:20:24,780 --> 00:20:25,780 you for all your help. 225 00:20:26,020 --> 00:20:27,500 That's okay. I was just doing my job. 226 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,720 Really? Because I thought of the perfect way. 227 00:20:31,180 --> 00:20:32,180 And what's that? 228 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,560 Listen, I'm on duty. 229 00:20:56,830 --> 00:20:57,790 The only 230 00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:04,630 thing I like better 231 00:21:04,630 --> 00:21:08,910 than a man in a uniform... is a man. 232 00:21:09,420 --> 00:21:10,420 Out of uniform? 233 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:17,940 Oh, God. 234 00:21:21,260 --> 00:21:23,620 They should call you Chief Johnson. 235 00:24:30,190 --> 00:24:31,310 Come on, Karen's buying you some time. 236 00:24:32,030 --> 00:24:33,030 Come on. 237 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,080 Thanks, guys. Thank you. 238 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:23,840 I owe you big time. 239 00:25:24,140 --> 00:25:25,500 Oh, don't thank us. 240 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:26,739 Thank Karen. 241 00:25:26,740 --> 00:25:27,960 Yeah, she's taking one for the team. 242 00:25:28,180 --> 00:25:29,180 Poor girl. 243 00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:30,680 Let's just go. 244 00:25:54,860 --> 00:25:59,940 you about my boyfriend let me guess he's a cannibal he had 90 confirmed kills in 245 00:25:59,940 --> 00:26:06,600 desert storm no that's not it then what he's over there oh fuck 246 00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:12,920 this isn't what it looks like that's right man we're in love 247 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:18,720 yeah it's over between us i realized that last night when jose was fucking me 248 00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:20,440 like i've never been fucked before 249 00:26:23,210 --> 00:26:25,790 to me with his cock that you couldn't even imagine. 250 00:26:26,050 --> 00:26:27,050 Mia, please, stop. 251 00:26:27,370 --> 00:26:30,550 I came for the very first time last night. That's not true, man. 252 00:26:30,790 --> 00:26:31,689 You did? 253 00:26:31,690 --> 00:26:32,690 Yeah. Really? 254 00:26:34,450 --> 00:26:37,350 I'm gonna break in half, you little fucker. Put him down. 255 00:26:38,110 --> 00:26:39,230 Oh, not again. 256 00:26:42,930 --> 00:26:44,650 Isn't this enough trouble for one day? 257 00:26:45,350 --> 00:26:46,350 I'm sorry. 258 00:26:47,230 --> 00:26:48,750 We'll just... We'll take him home. 259 00:26:58,030 --> 00:26:59,730 Hey, no hard feelings about the sun gunning, right? 260 00:27:01,950 --> 00:27:03,190 Dude, it was just a joke. 261 00:27:03,770 --> 00:27:05,170 Well, pay back the bitch, dude. 262 00:27:13,750 --> 00:27:14,750 Hey. 263 00:27:15,150 --> 00:27:16,150 Hey. 264 00:27:18,150 --> 00:27:19,730 So, what happened? 265 00:27:21,910 --> 00:27:22,910 Long story. 266 00:27:23,710 --> 00:27:24,710 Look. 267 00:27:26,090 --> 00:27:27,110 I know... 268 00:27:27,649 --> 00:27:32,450 When you came to the cells, it looked like... Jose, you're a single guy. You 269 00:27:32,450 --> 00:27:33,450 do what you want. 270 00:27:33,990 --> 00:27:36,490 Yeah, but I thought I was going to jail. 271 00:27:37,190 --> 00:27:41,430 I thought the closest I'd come to sex would be dropping the soap in the 272 00:27:41,550 --> 00:27:42,550 you know? 273 00:27:43,390 --> 00:27:45,410 Well, it's over now. I'm just glad you're home. 274 00:27:48,010 --> 00:27:49,750 So, you still want to study? 275 00:27:51,530 --> 00:27:52,790 I think I'm going to study alone. 276 00:28:06,090 --> 00:28:07,370 We got rights, don't we? 277 00:28:07,590 --> 00:28:10,430 We demand three livings and a quarter actual group. 278 00:28:16,290 --> 00:28:17,630 And that's us. 279 00:28:19,370 --> 00:28:20,410 Cooked up. Who, me? 280 00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:22,330 If only I could find a boyfriend like you. 281 00:28:23,770 --> 00:28:26,290 You'll be needing me. Hey, what the hell, buddy? 282 00:28:26,650 --> 00:28:30,090 Never happened to me before. This is the last time. Have to fucking move. Bang, 283 00:28:30,090 --> 00:28:31,090 bang. 284 00:28:36,110 --> 00:28:42,870 She's never ever better than me. And she's never ever, never ever better 285 00:28:42,870 --> 00:28:48,130 than me. And she's never ever, ever better than me. 19495