All language subtitles for Bewitched.S01E05.Help.Help.Dont.Save.Me.Imprint.Black.and.White.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Good morning, darling.

Or should I be more specific
and say,

"Good 4:00 in the morning"?

What are you doing up
so early?

I'm not up early.

I'm up late.
One party after another.

I haven't been to bed yet.

And neither have you,
apparently.

Well, it's typical,
typical, typical. Of what?

of the neglected housewife.

Drinking coffee,
eaten alive by suspicion,

her husband out till the wee
small hours of the morning,

doing...

whatever it is he's doing.

Darrin's working in the study.

You're joking.

No. He's been working
till the wee small hours

every night this week.

Oh, well. Lust is lust,
I suppose.

Whether it's for women or money,
it's all the same.

It has nothing to do with lust.

He's creating a new campaign
for Caldwell's Soup.

Ambition.

Thoroughly immoral
and foolishly mortal.

Darrin's a very dedicated man.

So was Caesar,

and all it got him
is a torn toga.

He was such a nice man too.

Well, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna take Darrin
some coffee.

Very well.

And you can tell
What's-His-Name

that any man
with a wife like you,

who spends every night
with a can of soup,

must be even less than human.

Sweetheart, you've been up
all night.

You'll get sick.

I will not get sick.
I am sick.

Well, nothing's worth
your killing yourself.

I won't have this.

Oh, don't worry, sweetheart.
I'll be fine.

What time is it?

About 8:30.

Eight-thirty!
I'll miss the train.

Excuse me, honey.
I have to take my shower.

Darrin?

What's this sudden urgency
about Caldwell's Soup anyway?

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

I can't hear a word
you're saying.

"What was good enough for Dad
is good enough for me."

Hmm.

"Always a winner.
Caldwell's Soup."

"Game called
on account of soup."

Oh, that's very clever.

You understand
what I mean, honey?

Hm?

Competition.

At one time, Caldwell's Soup

was the only packaged soup
on the market.

Now there are 40 other brands.

Would you please
get my, ah, suit?

The one that just came back
from the cleaners? Oh, sure.

And a clean shirt,
please, honey. Mm-hm.

I think those layouts
are cute.

Cute?

Uninspired, pedestrian trash.
That's what they are.

But they're close.

Ah, just misses it, misses.

Here you are.
Oh, thanks, babe.

I don't know what
you're so worried about.

I mean, after all, you are

the best advertising man
in the world.

Thank you, honey.

Up till today,
I wouldn't argue the point.

But in the advertising
business,

you're just as good
as your last battle.

Caldwell's sales
are falling off.

They're ready to go
to another agency.

Well, I don't think
that's fair.

You've been selling
their soup for so long.

That's just the trouble.

Old Man Caldwell
keeps yammering

about being so close
to the forest,

you can't see the trees.

Oh, well. You'll get it.
I know you will.

It had better be
before noon,

because I'm having lunch
with Caldwell.

I don't know.
Maybe I'm losing my touch.

Aww.

Darrin?
Hm?

Suppose you use
some familiar expressions

with double meanings.

For instance...

instead of a farmer,

make this fellow a fisherman.

Put in a background
like the sea...

and instead of chicken okra,

make it bouillabaisse.

And the billboard could read :

"A pretty kettle of fish."

[Darrin] "A pretty kettle of fish."

A pretty kettle of fish!

Now, for instance, in
the poker game... Uh-huh.

Maybe you could
take out the lady...

[Darrin] Yeah?

Put the soup in the middle
of the table...

and this one could read :

"The...

"pot's...

right..."

The pot's right!
Caldwell's Soup! Like it?

It's perfect!

Now, this one...

Instead of baseball hats
and gloves,

they could wear
astronaut helmets

and carry jet planes...

and the billboard could read:

"The race for space...

[Darrin] Yeah?

"At the table...
Yeah?

When you serve...
Caldwell's Soup."

How about that?
Incredible.

You really like it?

They're the answer
to all the problems.

These'll cinch the account.

Here, sweetheart,
put 'em right in here.

Oh, okay.
There you go.

Thank you, honey.

These'll knock Old Man Caldwell
right on his...

Of course!
Why didn't I see it before?

It was you.

You did it.
Did what?

Lay out a perfect solution
of the whole campaign

and hand it to me
on a silver platter.

I was only trying to help.

Sam, I don't want
that kind of help.

I told you, magic was out.

But there was no magic
in what I did.

Well, what would you call it?

I'd call it imagination.
I do have some, you know.

Oh, come on, Sam. I don't have
that kind of an imagination,

and I'm a professional.

Well, Darrin,
all I tried to do was--

I know what
you tried to do.

And from now on,
keep your miracles to yourself.

Eh.

Well, I don't know.
I don't know.

It just doesn't--

What we're trying to do,
Mr. Caldwell,

is, uh, update your campaign.

Make it appeal more
to the modern eye.

Well, I'm not so sure I care
to appeal to the modern eye.

I like to think
there's a good bit

of old-fashioned romance
left in the world.

So would I, Mr. Caldwell,

but the people
in your sales department

seem to feel that
in order to sell soup,

we have to keep up
with the trend of the times.

They're right, of course.

Yes, but I'm
from the old school.

You know what I mean?

What was good enough for Dad
was good enough for me.

Do you get what I mean?

Yes, sir, I do.

That's why I thought

that this particular layout
of the old-fashioned kitchen,

farm kitchen,
would appeal to you.

Note that caption.

That caption.

"What was good enough for Dad
is good enough for me."

Eh...

No, it's no good.

Now, let me tell you why

we've got to look
in another area...

[Darrin] He's not buyin',
buddy. He's not buyin'.

Samantha's ideas could cinch
the whole deal for ya.

Tell him.
Go ahead. Tell him.

It just misses making the point.
You get what I mean, Stephens?

Stephens?
Stephens?

Yoo-hoo.

Oh, y-y-yes.
I do, uh, see.

Uh, perhaps this will
more closely illustrate

what you're trying to get.

"Always a winner."

Well, it does
have something.

But then again, it doesn't
have anything else.

Do you get what I mean?

You see, when a group of men
get together playing poker,

they're not thinking
of buying soup.

Don't fight it.

Tell him Samantha's slogan
for the layout. It's a natural.

What's the difference
who thought of it first?

Are you with me,
Stephens?

Stephens, I say,
are you with me?

Oh, yes.
Uh, yes, sir.

Well, that'll help.

How 'bout this one?

Specially designed
for kid appeal.

Kid appeal?

Now, kids aren't interested
in buying soup.

We have to make them
soup-conscious.

You'll never do it.

As far as kids
are concerned,

what isn't bubblegum
is medicine.

You're losing him.

In about 10 seconds,
he's going to walk.

And what have you proved?

That you've got pride
and integrity.

And you're stupid?

Too close to the trees,
my boy.

Trees?
Yeah.

What I mean is that you
have had our account

for a long time,
Stephens. And...

don't worry about it,

we all strike out
once in a while.

I wouldn't exactly
say that, Mr. Caldwell.

Oh, now, you don't have
to apologize at all.

No one is perfect.

Oh, look at that, 2:00.
I had no idea it was so late.

I've got to get going.

Mr. Caldwell.

Yes, what is it?

Um, nothing.
It's no good.

Well, let me be
the judge of that.

What were you
going to say?

If I do it once,
I'll do it again.

And before you know,
I won't be able

to do anything
for myself.

Well, that's
an interesting philosophy.

But I don't see how
it applies to soup.

You take care of the check,
will you?

Good morning, darling.

What's this supposed to mean?

Well, you enjoy
working like a horse.

I thought you might enjoy
looking like one.

Oh, very funny.

Now, why don't you go away?

I've had about all the sarcasm
I can take for one day.

Oh, really?

Trouble in paradise, eh?

Nothing we can't work out.

Besides, it was all my fault.

That's a wonderful
attitude, Samantha.

We haven't had a martyr
in the family

since the Salem trials.

What did you do
to What's-His-Name,

besides bruise his ego a bit?

Isn't that enough?

Nonsense.
It isn't nonsense.

He thought my ideas
were witchcraft.

Well, weren't they?

Of course not!
But he doesn't believe me.

He never will.

I told you it'd be impossible
for you to be a help to him.

He doesn't need my help.

He did very well
before I came along.

And he'll do very well
without you, I agree.

Now, don't you put words
in my mouth.

I'm not going anywhere.

I'm gonna stay right here,

and I'm gonna clean this house
with my own two hands.

And then I'm gonna start
to fix dinner,

and then I'm gonna
take a bath

and put on
the sexiest dress I own.

And when my husband comes home,

I'm gonna have a drink
with him

and spend the evening
trying to convince him

that he was right
and I was wrong,

and from now on
I'm gonna mind my own business.

To err is human,
to forgive divine.

Exactly.

When you're up to here in err,

and you've changed
into one huge lump of divine...

don't say I didn't warn you.

Hi, darling.

Hello, honey.

Oh, you must be dead.

Did you have a hard day?

Oh, no. I often lose
the agency's biggest accounts.

Two or three a week
sometimes.

Darrin, you didn't
have an idea?

No, and I didn't
use yours either.

Well, I thought you might
in an emergency.

You have almost as much faith
in my lack of integrity

as you have in my lack
of talent.

Oh, Darrin, please.

Well, you weren't
entirely wrong.

I thought about spreading out
your miracle there before him,

just to save my own face,
but I bit my tongue.

You see that?

I let him walk out on me,
in spite of all your influence.

What do you mean by that?

I could feel you there
in the restaurant,

prodding and digging
at my conscience.

Well, I haven't been anywhere
near your conscience.

All day, I've been
right here at home.

I've vacuumed and scrubbed
and cleaned.

And I made dinner.

Well, big deal.

What does that mean?

Well, I've seen the way
you can, wham, wash

and, uh, pow, clean
and...

ring-a-ding up a dinner.

Well, I didn't wham, pow
or ring-a-ding up anything.

These are bona fide
dishpan hands.

You could've whipped that up
too, for appearance.

Are you calling me a liar?

If the shoe fits.

Sam.

Samantha!

Samantha, listen to me.

Samantha,
unlock this door.

It's not locked.

Oh.

Now, listen to me,
Samantha. I--

Now, cut this out,
Sam. I--

I wanna see you
immediately.

Sam, you're my wife.

I demand that you
appear before me.

Now, didn't you hear
what I said?

Sam, this isn't going
to prove anything.

You're merely being
supersensitive and obstinate.

Now, listen to me.

Don't do anything
you may regret later on.

Now, Sam, cut this out.
This is ridiculous.

Sam, I've had enough of this.

Ow!

Sam!

Sam, now, cut this out.

Samantha, put that back!

Where do you think you're going?

You're not leaving this house.

She couldn't.

Samantha, come back here.

Samantha!

Samantha!

Samantha, come back here,
do you hear me?

All right, have it your way.

My poor baby.

He called me a liar.

I know. I heard
the whole thing.

I don't want to say
I told you so--

Then don't.

There, there, dear.

You just hold on
to Mother,

and we'll go
far, far away.

Now, before we do,

I think I'll change him
into a horned toad.

Mother, please don't.

Maybe you're right.

Why make it easy for him?

I think I'll leave him
just as he is.

Darrin.

I've got six memos on my desk
from the legal department,

reminding me about
Caldwell's renewal.

How'd your lunch go
yesterday? Did you--?

Are you awake?

I have been all night.

You look terrible.
What's happened?

Nothing much.

I just lost the Caldwell
account and my wife

all in one week.

What?

That's horrible.

I know, I can't believe it.

Your wife too, huh?

Oh, well, it's par
for the course for newlyweds.

It'll work out.

But what about Caldwell?

Well, what do you want me to do?

The man can't recognize
a good advertising campaign

when he sees one.

All right, Darrin,

but I better get someone else
busy on the account.

And don't feel too badly
about it.

Happens to all of us.

I don't care about Caldwell.

I was talking about your wife.

But don't feel too badly
about Caldwell either.

You've got a great
batting average.

You gotta whiff one
once in a while.

I didn't whiff anything.
I was right on top of it.

I just came up too late
with the answers, that's all.

What do you mean, too late?
It's never too late.

If you got the answer
to this campaign, tell me.

We can still hold the account.

I could lock up Caldwell
in two minutes if I wanted to.

"If you wanted to"?

Don't you want the sun to rise
tomorrow morning?

Don't you wanna live
to a ripe old age?

Don't you want me
to live till tomorrow?

Don't you want
the most important person

in the whole world
to come back to you?

Of course I want her
to come back.

I mean Caldwell.

All right, take a look at those
layout boards on the desk.

There's your campaign.
Go ahead, live.

"The race for space
at the table."

"The pot's right."

"A pretty kettle of fish."

Darrin, this stuff is great.
You're a genius, you hear me?

You're a 100-percent
unadulterated genius.

I'll have Caldwell back here
in 10 minutes.

He'll get down on the floor
and kiss your feet.

And, Darrin,
get yourself cleaned up.

I'll try.

[Larry] "A race for space at the table

when you serve
Caldwell's leek and potato."

"The pot's right.
Caldwell's Soup."

"A pretty kettle of fish."

Mr. Caldwell, this campaign
is not only clever and humorous,

but it has taste,

that soupçon
of something extra

that Caldwell's Soups
always looks for.

Darrin Stephens,

I take my hat off
to you.

I don't like it.

You don't like it?

Well, it's gimmicky.

Gimmicky?
Mm.

[Caldwell] Gimmicky.

Did you say you
didn't like it?

That's right. It has no good
old-fashioned romance in it.

You mean you really
don't like it?

Mmm. No warmth,
no love, no sex.

Sex?

I don't suppose
there are many of us left

who look upon soup as having
sex appeal, but I do.

I always will.

And you're not going
to buy it.

I'm sorry, Stephens.

That's marvelous!

What's the matter with you?

You wouldn't
understand, Larry.

My--

Mr. Caldwell,

are you absolutely sure
you won't change your mind?

Absolutely.

Mr. Caldwell,

I'm eternally grateful
to you.

Wait a minute. Have you become
completely uncorked?

Where are you going?

I'm taking the rest
of the day off.

You don't mind,
do you, Larry?

There's something I gotta do
before it's too late.

And thanks again, Mr. Caldwell.

That's perfectly all right.
That's... all right.

[Larry] Mr. Caldwell,
before you leave,

I can assure you
that McMann & Tate

will come up with a campaign

that will be everything
you expect it to be.

I know that we can deliver.
And I know that you'll buy.

I hope not.

It would be a shame to make
that poor boy unhappy again.

Sam?

Sam?

Sweetheart?

Sam, I don't know where you are
or if you can even hear me,

but I want you to know,
I apologize

for being willful,
self-centered and stupid.

I was wrong,

from start to finish,
all the way down the line.

Since you left, I haven't been
able to think

about anything but you.

Nothing means anything to me.

I love you, Sam.

I miss you.

I wish you'd come home.

Hi.

Sam.

I'm glad to see you.

Where have you been?

Not far.

I'm sorry, Sam.

I should've known
you wouldn't lie to me.

What made you
change your mind?

Caldwell wouldn't
buy the campaign.

What do you mean, "Caldwell
wouldn't buy the campaign"?

I mean he wouldn't
buy the campaign,

so it must have been
your imagination.

Your ideas were no good.

Well, Darrin, I don't
think that's very nice.

Well, I-I don't mean
that your ideas are no good

or that you don't have any
imagination-- I know, I know.

You-- You know.
I know what you mean.

I understand.

It doesn't matter.

The only thing that's important
is that I love you.

And I love you.

Oh, it seems ridiculous

that a can of soup
could ever come between us.

Nothing ever will again.

What did you just say?

I said, the only thing that was
important is that I loved you.

No, after that,
you said something.

I don't know. When?

Why didn't I think of that?

What are you
talking about?

You just said--

You sure you don't
know what you said?

About what?

Never mind. Never mind.

Sam, I've got it.
And it's perfect.

It's more than perfect.

It is inspired.
And you inspired it.

I did?

Yes, you did.
You inspired it,

and I found it, and that's
the way it ought to be.

Where you going?

To see Caldwell.

But I'll be back
before you know it.

I love you, Sam.

Won't give up, eh?

What do you think he'd say

if he knew you
had given him a hint?

He does know.

I inspired it,
and he found it.

You heard him say so.

You're splitting hair,
Samantha.

No, not at all.

That's the way it should be.
You heard him say that too.

Anyway,

all you can ask of anyone
is to take a little

and make it go a long, long way.

Good.

Beautiful, isn't it?

Breathtaking.

You know, I come down here

every once in a while
just to sit and stare.

It is kind of old-fashioned
and romantic, isn't it?

Mmm-hmm.

It's wonderful.
And I'm very proud of you.

Thank you, sweetheart.

[Samantha] "The only thing
that will ever come between us."