All language subtitles for Bad Biology English SDH

(uneasy music)

- I was born with seven clits.

Well, seven that I know of.

Seven that I can feel and touch.

Seven separate clitorises,

each one constantly craving attention.

Actually, I'm pretty sure
there are more than seven,

but the others are buried so deep inside

that only a doctor could find them.

And I'm sick of doctors.

Doctors probing, doctors touching,

doctors, doctors, doctors.

To some, I was a perfect example

of permanent sexual arousal syndrome,

but to most I was simply the
girl with the crazy pussy.

Look at 'em.

Oblivious, completely unaware that

a genuine freak of nature sits among them.

And that's what I am, alright.

A mutant, a grotesque abomination,

a lovely little monstrosity.

Wait, wait.

Look at that bad boy swagger.

What you think, auto theft?

Sure.

Drug possession?

Uh-huh.

Assault, rape, murder, ah,
that's where it gets interesting.

Got 'im.

Yeah, well it's not his IQ I'm after.

He's just meat to feed the hungry beast.

A beast so unique that I'm convinced

I'm my own species, a new species.

The doctors think I'm a genetic mistake,

but I believe I'm an
evolutionary leap forward.

A female of the future
who feeds on orgasms

the way you people
devour burgers and fries.

By the way, I'm more
than just a normal girl,

and sometimes, most times,

I wish I could find more
than just a normal guy.

(dramatic music)

(screaming)

(eerie music)

- You need that pussy eaten?

- Tell me about these.

- See no evil, hear no
evil, speak no evil?

Sully gave me that for witnessing him

kill somebody and not sayin' nothin'.

And this, that's the demon
bitch that stole my heart.

You like that one?

- [Jennifer] Yeah.

- Fuck the world?

That's how I'm gonna fuck you.

(heavy breathing)

(hand slapping)

- No, come inside me.

- Why you dirty little cunt bitch whore.

(moaning)

(bodies thumping)

(moaning)

I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come.

(moaning)

(head thumping)

(moaning)

- Oops.

(moaning faintly)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(grunting)

(baby crying)

(baby crying faintly)

No, no, don't go there, just ignore it.

It's not what you think,
it's not a real baby.

Real babies take nine months to grow,

mine take less than two hours,

which means my babies aren't real babies.

My babies are fake
unfinished freak babies.

So just mind your own damn
business and ignore it!

(baby crying)

Usually, I try not to kill 'em,

but yeah, it happens now and then.

Sometimes things get too rough,

sometimes it's self defense,

and sometimes, sometimes I
just go nuts, and why not?

I'm not looking for romance.

I just wanna good fuck,

then get out of my face and disappear.

No names, no cuddling, just bounce.

Especially when I'm knocked up,

which is also happening
a little too much lately.

Then I just wanna find
someplace private real fast,

deliver my little freak
baby, and dump it somewhere.

(camera clicking)

Oh yeah, yeah, you're
hot, you're really hot.

Come on, big daddy, show me what you got.

Yeah, you sexy bitch,
look like you want it.

How much do you charge, you cheap slut?

Yeah, yeah, you big hunk of man!

Lick them lips!

Get 'em all wet.

Tell me where they've been.

Ooh, I love that ass!

Come on, baby, shake it for me.

Let me see what's under your hood!

I don't know, something's missing.

Give me the Maya with the 180 on it,

I wanna experiment a little.

(sinister music)

I love a man in uniform!

- Get the fuck outta
my lot, you dizzy twat!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

You got no fucking respect.

Show no respect, you some kind
of commie bitch or somethin'?

The morals are gone
because of people like you.

Our country, we fight a
war for hoes like you?

It's disrespect for the country,

disrespect for every fucking thing.

Cause you show no values.

Values the fucking toilet.

Get the fuck outta here!

(camera clicking)

- Perfect, you can kill me now.

That's a wrap!

- You know, you came this close,

this fucking close to
meetin' the king of Nazareth.

(eerie music)

- [Jennifer] Like it?

- I don't know.

- I got a whole album full.

Go ahead, take a look.

- Hey Jen, I got this great location

for the Mass Appeal shoot.

It's this old 22 room mansion in Brooklyn.

It's sick!

Fatherman Preacher Divine used to own it.

You want me to make it happen?

- It sounds good.

- Alright.

(eerie music)

- Holy shit.

I've never seen anything
like these before.

- It's my secret collection
of erotic photos.

Sexy, yes?

- These are more like scary.

- It's a catalog of lovers,

each of 'em caught in
the throws of passion.

Caught in their most intimate moments.

I call it fuck face.

- These are, are really disturbing.

I mean I can't tell if they're having

the greatest orgasm of their life

or if they're being killed.

- What's the difference?

- I'm just surprised.

I mean, don't take this
the wrong way or anything,

but I always took you for a lesbo.

Or one of those asexual
never get laid types.

I mean, I've never even
heard you talk about boys.

- There's nothing to talk about.

They're just anonymous
strangers I meet at night

in the bars, in the clubs, in the gutter.

I started menstruating when I was five,

and my periods have never been normal.

I bleed too much, and a five year old girl

with blood streaming down her legs

really freaked out my parents.

My eighth birthday coincided
with a particularly bad period

and I lost 1/5 of all the
blood in my body that day.

My horrified parents
hospitalized me which is

when we all learned
just how different I am.

(heavy breathing and moaning)

- Ah.

♪ Behold 10 horses, hell rider, hellfire ♪

♪ Skull and bone crosses, yellow tire ♪

♪ The world inspired omen offers peace ♪

♪ If we follow his beast ♪

- Was it good for you too?

(moaning)

Among the many side effects
of my mutant pussy's

hyper metabolism, my reproductive organs

function at an accelerated rate.

When I was a little girl before
I even knew what sex was,

I used to walk around
having multiple orgasms.

Eight years old, at school,

riding in my dad's station
wagon, dinner with my family.

All I'd have to do is cross
my legs a certain way,

bounce a little too much on my bicycle,

or just playing in the backyard

and I would come numerous times.

I used to think everyone
got off a dozen times a day.

(heavy breathing)

But as my vagina evolved, my
body has gone into overdrive.

For instance, conceiving,
going into labor,

and delivering a baby in under two hours

is something sort of new for me.

And something I initially
found rather appalling.

I mean, I could always
take the usual precautions,

but though I don't want any children,

especially any of my freak babies,

I love the feeling of
something alive and kicking

and pushing it's way out of me.

(baby crying)

Sometimes it's better than coming.

(baby crying)

(eerie music)

We all know the phrase nymphomaniac

is a pejorative term created by men

who are threatened by a
woman's sexual freedom.

Men pride themselves on
their own promiscuity

while women are punished for it

with labels like sluts, bitches, and hoes.

Well I'm all of that and more.

I may, in fact, be the world's
only real life nymphomaniac.

However, and I know you'll
find this hard to believe,

but I never had a man until two years ago.

Between doctors and my parents,

I grew up believing my
cootch was something

so dirty and disgusting that
no guy would ever want me.

All of which changed when I met Ryan.

I thought I loved him,
I gave him my trust.

And when I told him about
my strange little deformity,

he said all the right things.

- Yeah, baby, you know you mean more

to me than any physical problem.

Can't let that get in our way.

You can't let anything get in our way.

Ain't no problem too big as
long as we have each other.

And what we have here,
baby, is something special.

- [Jennifer] Ah!

- So special I wanna spend
the rest of my life with you.

I love your lips, I love
your hair, I love your skin.

From the moment I wake up
to the moment I go to sleep,

you're all I think of.

I'll do anything for you, baby, anything.

I wanna spend every moment
making you feel good,

making you happy, protecting you.

You're everything to me, baby.

You give my life meaning.

This ain't about sex, it's
about marriage and children,

and growing old together.

It's about us taking our
love to the next level.

I'll make sure you're first
time is special, baby.

I promise.

I know you want me just
as much as I want you.

You feel it, you can
feel it, baby, can't you?

(record scratching)

(dripping)

(heavy breathing)

Get up.

Get up, get up.
- What, what?

- [Ryan] Get up, come on.

You gotta go, you gotta go.
- Ryan.

- You gotta go.
- Ryan.

Come on, go.

You gotta go!
- Ryan.

- Get up, get outta here.

- What are you doing?
- You got to get

the fuck outta here!

- What are you doing?
- Get the fuck outta here

you fucking freak!

Get outta here!

Get outta here!

Get out, get the fuck out!

- [Jennifer Voiceover]
Obviously, I do everything

a bit differently now.

(sinister music)

Unlike other so-called nymphomaniacs,

my needs are not psychological,
they're physical.

It starts with a moist
burning itch deep inside,

like a liquid flame that grows and burns

until my pussy feels like it's on fire.

Then it spreads pulsating
through my veins,

under my skin, up my arms, down my legs,

and into my breasts, until
my entire body's so hot

and trembling it feels
like my flesh is burning

and crackling and turning into ash,

and only an orgasm
brings me back to normal.

In other words, I need a dick
the way a junkie needs a fix.

(electricity crackling)
(sinister music)

For years I used to hate God.

What kind of bastard creator
would make me this way.

I would fantasize about
spitting in his face

and ripping his eyeballs
out and inflicting

in him the same pain he's inflicted in me.

But I've now learned to understand him.

I now realize just how loving God is.

He loves me so much that
he's given me a gift.

I can feel seven times the sexual

pleasure of any human being.

And now he's giving me babies.

Not for me to keep, of course,

but as a preparation for his holy child.

God has been building
and designing my body

for one purpose and one purpose only.

God wants to fuck me.

- I can feel your aura.

It's glowing, breathing,
it's all around you.

You're protected by angels tears

that I can see, you know that?

- You're funny.

- I'm funny.

- In a good way.

- As soon as you started
talking there was such

a strong sexual energy
I could just feel it.

It's very intense.

I definitely think we have
an amazing connection.

- I love your voice, it relaxes me.

- Really?

I think you're just trying to gas me up.

Trying to get me to take you home,

but maybe I'm not that easy.

- Of course you're not.

(club music)
(patrons chattering)

- Boy, you're something else.

I wasn't expecting to hook up tonight.

I wasn't even in a social mood.

Just relaxing, having a
drink, and there you were.

There's something very
different about you.

Something very exciting.

Most girls won't let a guy hit it raw.

- Rubbers aren't natural.

- Well I feel comfortable
around you, I feel alive.

Like somebody's blessing you.

Do you have any kids?

- Oh, that's complicated.

I'm not there yet.

I wouldn't be the world's best mom.

- I got twins.

Beautiful little girls,
just like their mom.

And they call me (speaking
in foreign language).

(heavy breathing)

I loved that woman more than anything,

but she's with some other guy now.

I don't let it get me down.

(heavy breathing)

You can't let that negative
energy flow through your system.

You gotta get those
positive juices flowing.

Gotta think good, pure thoughts.

(moaning)

- Can I take your picture?

- Now?

- Yeah.

- Like this?

- Yeah.

- Sure.

(heavy breathing and moaning)

(camera beeping and clicking)

(camera beeping and clicking)

(moaning)

(camera beeping and clicking)

- Gimme it.

Gimme it.

Gimme it.

(moaning)

(camera beeping and clicking)

(camera clicking and beeping)

(moaning)

(camera clicking and beeping)

Wow, that was awesome.

I'm really not the emotional
type, but I think you're right,

we really have a strong connection.

Can you feel it?

I mean, I don't know why,
but I feel so close to you.

You think that maybe we
could see each other again?

- Yeah, sure.

Whatever.

- What?

Whatever?

(lamp thumping)

(screaming)

I will not be tossed away again.

I'll not be used and toyed
with and played with.

I will not, I will not,
I will not, I will.

Oh my God, I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

Oh my God.

(lamp thumping)
(Jennifer grunting)

I'm sorry, I misunderstood.

I thought there was a
spark, a connection here,

and I thought I deserved more
respect and consideration

than a simple whatever,
whatever, whatever.

It's my fault.

It's not you, it's me, it's all me.

I pride myself on not needing
anyone, and what do I do?

I got weak, I got emotional,

and I actually thought that
maybe you and I could...

(lamp thumping)
(Jennifer grunting)

I'm sorry.

Again, I apologize.

This shouldna happened.

It's just that in addition
to my hypermetabolism,

I'm also hyper-emotional.

I can't help it, things
just move faster for me.

Imagine the emotions of meeting someone,

falling in love, getting dumped,

and hating their guts in all
about three anda half minutes?

It's my fault, my fault, my...

(heavy breathing)

(baby crying)

- My ex had a big dick, over 10 inches.

I measured it.

Oh, God, he owned me.

I would cry real tears
every time he fucked me.

It was so amazing.

I hate small dicks.

I'd rather just finger myself.

- You're crazy, I had nine
inches once and couldn't take it.

I felt like I was getting stabbed.

- I'd be perfect for both of you.

Not too big, but big enough.

I mean, the ladies love it.

I'm no John Holmes, but
I know how to work it.

- Who?

- Holmes, John Holmes, the porn star.

He had a 14 inch fucking cock.

Ugly motherfucker, but did over 500 flicks

and banged over 10,000 bitches.

He's god.

- He's gross!

- Don't kid yourself.

If he whipped his dick out right here

you'd be on your hands
and knees sucking it.

- 14 inches?

Whoa, I'd fuck him in a second!

I'd love to see how much of
that I could fit in my mouth.

Holy shit, how could you not want that?

- It's disgusting.

He was so big he probably couldn't

even get the damn thing hard.

- Who cares?

It's 14 inches!

Let him fuck me with just the head.

I wanna be filled the fuck up!

- Dude, if I was John Holmes,

I'd have a stable of hoes
lined up around the block

beggin' for it, and I
wouldn't pimp myself out

to those cheap ass fucking pornos either.

They'd have to pay hundreds
if they wanted to see it,

thousands more if they wanted to touch it.

Those pretty boys on
TV, they ain't got shit.

Bitches don't want that,
they just want Johnny Holmes.

- Holmes cock didn't even look human.

It was like some hideous
fleshy tumor and was covered

in veins so thick they
looked like earthworms.

I want a human cock, not
some nasty, swollen growth,

not something that looks like a dead eel.

It's disgusting and gross
and repulsive and nasty.

(retching)

(siren wailing faintly)

(birds chirping)

(moaning)

- Oh, fuck.

Yeah, fuck me.

(moaning)

Oh, fuck.

Oh, yeah.

(moaning)

Oh yeah, fuck that pussy, yeah.

(moaning)

(speaking drowned out by videos)

- (mumbling) medication is rapidly acting

causing erections (mumbling).

(mumbling) erections within 20 minutes.

Side affects include
nausea, headache, dizziness.

(mumbling)

(thumping)

Stop it.

(thumping)

Fucking stop it!

- [Girl On Video] Oh, baby, yeah, oh God.

(thumping)

- Told you to fucking stop it!

Shut up!

Shut up and fuck off!

(grunting)

(knocking on door)

(girl on video moaning)

(knocking on door)

(knocking on door)

(knocking on door)

I'll be right there!

(knocking on door)

Hold on, just a minute!

(knocking on door)

I'm coming!

(knocking on door)

One second!

(knocking on door)

Yeah?

- Yo, what's up, dude, it's
been a minute, what's the deal?

It's me, Rem, you went to
school with my brother.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey man, what's up?

- Chillin', man, everything's peace.

You look a little banged
up, man, you alright?

- Yeah, man, I've been up all night.

Why?

- Ah man, I heard you lived
in Father Divine's old crib,

and I love the yellow.

Plus this would be a great location

for this photo shoot we're tryin' to do.

- I dunno, man.

I mean, I'm thinkin' of
turnin' this place into a club.

I don't really want people comin' in--

- Yo, you don't wanna fuck
this opportunity up, man.

It's gonna be a hip-hop shoot.

There's gonna be model
bitches, some chronic,

it's gonna be poppin'.

You don't wanna pass this chance up.

- Ah man, I just wanna
be left alone, alright.

- How 'bout a hundred bucks
right now, just like that?

- I could really use five.

- For you, five, but I'm
gonna need to come in--

- Yo, can I get it in advance?

I mean like right now?

(knocking on door)

- Oh, shit, Bat-a-tat-tat
with the (mumbling).

Yo, I got that egg nog for
ya, you know what I mean?

Cinnamon cookies, orange marmalade,

motherfucking space skittles.

Man, what can I do for you?

How you been, man?

- Yo great man, I'm good.

Yo here, I got another list for you.

(imitating tires braking)

- Yo, pump your fucking brakes.

Let's build like legos.

Your last want list,
cuckoo clock world, man.

I think your elevator's broken, champ.

Yo, I gotta be honest with ya, Batzilla.

I got all type of orangutan 'droid-head

motherfuckers comin' through here

on some spacey, sprocket, cogs, mo-cogs,

Marion Barry shit, but you?

You're by far the most twilight zone

weird-ass motherfucker I know, man.

Yo, the shit you be lookin'
for is fuckin' insane.

- Man, but the stuff I'm
takin' ain't workin' anymore.

You gotta find me something stronger, man.

I got issues, man!

- But the shit you're
lookin' for is fuckin'

impossible to get, you dig me, pygmy?

Look, my dude works at the fucking

pharmaceutical warehouse.

He's got dibs on any type of drugs

any normal motherfucker could want.

That's the key word, normal.

You ain't normal, dude.

This motherfucker ain't even heard of half

of the shit you be talkin' 'bout,

and he's like a doctor,
you know what I mean?

Dr. Dre, Dr. Ruth, Doogie Howser.

- It's all real, man.

It's in books, it's on the internet.

- Where's my jimmy jig?

Where the hell'd you put it?

- Your what?

- You heard me, you fucking shit.

My jimmy jig!

- What fucking language is that?

Talk human, okay?

You sound like a fucking two-year
old baby, you dumb bitch.

- Yeah, you fucking would
like that, wouldn't you,

you fucking pedophile piece of shit!

Where the hell'd you put it?

- Put what, you dumb bitch?

- My jimmy gig!

- Look, cat daddy, I keep it simple,

you dig me, you know what I'm sayin'?

Trees, percs, you know what I'm sayin'?

Little smurf village,
you know what I'm sayin'?

Some 'shrooms, little hit
the hole right, Snow White,

you know what I mean?

Vicaoins, Xanax, scooby snacks, footballs,

baseballs, racket balls, tennis balls.

Look what the fuck you want, man.

Tra, traza--

- Trazodone.

- Feeto--

- Phentolamine.

- Appamo-

- Apomorphine.

- Industrial strength
'roids, growth hormones.

You tryin' to hit a
fucking home run, my ninja?

It's that Todd Bridges shit, man.

You on that Dr. Jekyll and Hyde shit, man.

Yo, this shit is not gonna get
you dunkin' like munchkins--

- But it's not about
gettin' high, man, it's...

Yo look, could your guy at least

get me a list of what he's got?

- Ah dog, be for real, man.

- Where's my jimmy jig!

- The bitch can't even talk right.

It's like you got palsy or somethin'.

I don't know what the fuck
you're tryin' to tell me.

(glass clinking)

- You know what I'm talking about!

You just don't want me to have it!

- Do you know what she's talking about?

Because I don't know anything
this bitch is talkin' about.

It's like I got a fucking
retard livin' with me.

- Fuck you!

- Sorry.

- Fuck you!

- Yo easy, man.

- Fuck you!

- I don't speak retard.

I'm sorry.

- Yo, you said you got something for me?

- Yeah, wait right here.

(glass shattering)

- [Crackhead Guy] Fine, go ahead.

Yeah, rip the place apart.

I don't care, babe.

It's not my couch, it's your couch.

Go ahead, rip it up.

Change your fucking
underwear, look at 'em,

your underwear are dusty as fuck.

Looking for a goddamn jimmy jig.

Fuckin' tweaker.

(glass clinking)

- Get up!

- Get the fuck off me, man!

- Get off the couch so
I can fucking find it.

You know what?

- Get off me!
- I'm gonna break everything

in this goddamn place
until I fucking find it.

- I'll break your fucking neck
if you do, I swear to God.

- Do you know what?

You know, I'm not one
of your fucking whores

that you can just walk all over, yo.

You know what, if you wanna
fuck anyone, go fuck him.

You know, because you guys'll
probably fucking like it.

Where the fuck is it!

- You stupid bitch.

You really need a fucking straight jacket.

Someone needs to put a bullet

in your fucking head, you dumb bitch.

I swear to God.

- I hate you.

(glass shattering)

- You're messin' the whole place up.

- I hate you.

I hate you, I (glass shattering).

You know, you make me fucking sick.

- Then die.

Then fucking die.

Lay on the ground and fuckin' die!

(imitating retching)

- Special delivery, just for you, my man.

Not exactly what you asked for, but.

- What the hell's this?

- Well my man couldn't
smash out the gold for you,

but he got you the next best thing,

the silver medal, you know what I mean?

It's sorta what you asked
for, only for animals.

- Animals?

- Farm animals.

Look, this shit here,
give a hard on to a horse.

These right here, two
story grow jump offs.

Farmers pump 'em into bulls.

This right here, animal crackers in 3-D.

All together, six different
type of animal steroids,

but you might wanna check the doses

in those books of yours
before you fuck around

being such a valedictorian
and all of that shit.

- Your man couldn't get anything I wanted?

- Yo, you want the shit or not?

- How much, man?

- Eight Benjies.

- Alright, well yo, can
I use your bathroom?

(swooshing)

(swooshing)

(swooshing)

(slurping)

(slurping)

(knocking on door)

- Yo, bad boy, you okay?

(slurping)

(knocking on door)

Yo, you alright in there, man?

(slurping)

(knocking on door)

Yo, open the fucking door, man!

- Gotta go.

- Alright, cuz, I'm gonna get at you, man.

♪ Wu-Tang, Killa Bee,
epitome of Public Enemy ♪

♪ Gamblin', hustlin', like
Smooth and Trigger be bitter ♪

♪ Be bums, diggity diggity das ♪

♪ Literally, I'm pun in the
middle of Little Italy ♪

♪ Didn't do diddly, gettin' me ♪

♪ Listen to me ♪

♪ I'm all good, I'm hood ♪

♪ I'm Ice Cube before he turned
soft and went Hollywood ♪

♪ I'm Poetic from Gravediggaz ♪

♪ I'm ODB, I'm Headquarters ♪

♪ I'm Ted Demme, I'm Paul C ♪

♪ If I ain't better than
B.I.G., I'm the closest ♪

♪ I'm Richard Pryor before
multiple sclerosis ♪

♪ I'm beef, I'm gold teeth, peace ♪

♪ Mantronix, Stetasonic,
Symbolic, Bambaata, Soul Sonic ♪

♪ I'm Dre, the Chronic ♪

♪ Melodic with logic Islamic ♪

♪ A poverty prophet ♪

♪ Economy robbery, cock it ♪

♪ I probably properly droppin' ♪

♪ It gotta be honesty ♪

♪ Opposite a novelty, rock it ♪

♪ I Herbie Hancock-it ♪

♪ I'm Onyx Throwin' Ya Gun ♪

♪ I'm Funky 4 + 1 ♪

(thumping)

- Oh, come on, fuck me please!

Oh, I need to be fucked.

Fuck me, oh, I want that big
hard dick inside my pussy.

Fuck me, please!

Oh please, fuck me!
(machinery rumbling)

Yeah, fuck me.

I want you to fuck me.

Fuck me right now.

Fuck me, please.

(speaking drowned out by machinery)

Oh, give it to me, fuck me!

Fuck me hard!

Fuck me harder, come
on, baby, give it to me.

I'm so horny.

My pussy's so wet, I want it so bad.

Oh fuck me please.

Fuck me, fuck me hard!

Fuck me harder.

Come on, baby, give it to me.

I'm so horny, my pussy's so wet.

I want it so bad.

Oh, fuck me, please.

(machinery rumbling and thumping)

- Oh, Glen.

I'm not gonna call you
Batz like everybody else.

You're more than that to me.

You're my Glen-Glen.

Why are you so unhappy, why
are you in so much pain?

Tell me why.

Let me help you, Glen.

I wanna help you.

- You can't, you can't,
you wouldn't understand.

- Of course I would understand.

I wanna spend the rest
of my life with you.

I love you, baby.

I love you.

From the moment I wake up to the moment

I go to sleep, you're all I think of.

I'll do anything for you, baby, anything.

I wanna spend every moment
making you feel good,

making you happy.

I'll do anything for you.

You give my life meaning.

- I've never told anybody.

- Baby, you know you mean more to me

than any physical problem.

We can't let that get in the way of us.

We can't let anything
get in the way of us.

No problem is too big as
long as we have each other.

And what we have is something special.

(machinery rumbling and thumping)

- I got my dick got cut off at birth.

The hospital never told
us exactly what happened,

but when they went to cut off

the umbilical cord something went wrong.

Of course, they sewed it back on,

but it never worked right
and it wouldn't get hard.

So they gave me some
money and they pushed me

into therapy, but I was just a kid.

It didn't hit till I was thirteen

and realized I was the only teenager

in the world who couldn't jerk off!

(machinery rumbling and thumping)

Well, I could have got it up with

certain prescription drugs,
but my parents couldn't pay

good money to give their kid a hard on.

Wait till your older, Pops would tell me.

Wait till your eighteen!

Yeah, well thanks a lot
dad, but I need my dick now!

(machinery rumbling and thumping)

(speaking drowned out by machinery)

I tried to put my name
in by lifting weights

and getting into fights.

I wanted to join the football team,

but I didn't want nobody in
the locker room to see it.

So I just kept to myself
and got the bright idea

of injecting steroids and growth hormones

directly into my dick, and it worked.

Finally busted my first nut when I was 17

and ended up passing out for eight hours.

But the drugs also made
my dick grow, really grow.

It also made my goddamn dick
develop it's own consciousness.

Meaning I got a drug addicted
dick with a mind of it's own!

So now I go from dealer to dealer

lookin' for a chemical
that can control it,

that can make me behave normally.

- Fuck me, baby, fuck
me, put it in (moaning).

Oh yeah.

(moaning)
(machinery rumbling)

(steam hissing)
(moaning)

Oh yes, oh yes, oh baby, yes!

(moaning)

Oh, oh, yeah, oh yeah!

Oh, yeah.

(moaning)

(dove cooing)

♪ I'm the boss ♪

- Damn girl, I could
suck on that all night.

On the real, cousin, we could run

the ultimate train on this bitch.

You take the face and I'll
take the back shots (laughing).

- [Jennifer] Okay everybody, snuggle up.

One big happy family.

- Yo what the fuck, where
the models at y'all?

I want some beautiful women.

- They are beautiful.

- I'd wiggle my nose inside your clit

and talk (mumbling) inside your brain.

I'd make love to your
thoughts and memories, mama.

- This is disgusting.

Vulgar and disgusting.

- The vagina is not disgusting.

The vagina is a work of art.

- But not when it's on a woman's face.

- Oh yeah, I'm into this
ultra biological shit.

- [Jennifer] Good, good, I like that.

- Yeah, you my girl.

My science is deep, mama.

- This is pornography.

Plain and simple.

- Yo, B, on the real, the niggas only got

one thing on their mind and that's pussy.

True story.

She's just showin' how the fuck it is.

- Alright, kiss, kiss, kiss,
lean into her, just like that.

Alright, that's right.

- This is not clever,
this is not intelligent,

this is not artistic.

This is crude, gutter-level filth.

- I'd hit it till my dick poked

through the back of your head, mama.

I'd leave your fucking cerebellum cloudy.

- Alright, this stops now, right now!

- Lean into it, that's right, kiss it.

Oh yes, use your finger, there you go.

Use your finger, good!

- This is not what we agreed to,

this is not what the label agreed to.

- Yo fuck it, B, why is you trippin' man?

They don't know what to expect from us.

They can't pigeonhole us, okay?

- This isn't about your definition

of morality or anyone else's.

This is the brutal honest truth

of a woman as a sexual human being.

- You're out of your fucking mind.

- Good, good, good, I love it, finger it.

Oh God, finger it.

That's it, oh God, oh good, finger it.

Oh, oh my God.

Oh yes.

Oh, good, good, oh that's great!

Oh, just like that.

- Damn girl.

- Good, oh yeah, it's so good.

Good, good, good (mumbling).

Go faster, use that tongue.

Use that tongue, oh!

Oh yeah, that's it, that's it, oh God!

Oh, oh my God!

Good, good, good, good, good.

Oh my God, I can't handle this!

Oh, yes.

- Okay, okay, okay, wait, wait, wait.

- [Jennifer] I love it!

- That's enough!

Enough.

Enough, man.

- Alright, everybody, that's a wrap.

(group chattering)

- Yo, ma, I feel what you're doin'.

- [Reef] Yeah, the sick shit always sells.

(man laughing)

- It's pretty intense.

- There's somebody there, there's somebody

there behind the door, I can see!

There's somebody there watching me!

Hey, I see him!

There's somebody there, hurry!

Behind the door, behind the door!

- [Crewman] Hey, hey, hey,
hey, what are you doing here?

- [Crewman] What you doin'?

- I wasn't gonna do nothin', man.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, relax, take it easy.

It's only Batz, he lives here.

You ain't gotta get all
Quasimodo on us, man.

You're a bugged out dude.

- I'm sorry, man, I didn't
wanna be in the way.

- Come on, I want you to
meet some of my people.

Batz, this is Vinnie
Paz, Jedi Mind Tricks.

- What up, cousin.

Your crib is crazy, man.

- That's Reef, the Lost Cause.

- What's goin' on, B?

- And I wanna introduce you to Jen,

she's the photographer--

- So what were you doing
back there, sneaky boy?

- And this is Tina Krause.

She does horror films.

- Hi.

- You don't have to hide.

I'll let you watch if
you'd take your shirt off.

- I'm sorry, I was--

- You wearing underwear under those jeans?

- Tina, he said he was sorry.

- I know what you were
lookin' for back there.

You were lookin' for
these, big and beautiful.

Your mama ain't got titties like these!

- Let it go, Tina.

Come on.

Hey Jen, this is Batz.

He's the one who hooked
everything up for us.

- Thanks for letting us
shoot here, I appreciate it.

- Hey man, I gotta go do something.

- What?

Real nice (mumbling).

- Hey, where you goin'?

Wanna play?

Come on, come on puppy dog
eyes, wanna see my titties?

Stick out your puppy dog tail and wag it.

They're tasty little treats
for good little puppies.

And I know you want it.

So why don't you stick out
your paw and beg for 'em?

Okay?

(eerie music)

(fabric ripping)
(flesh thumping)

- Jen, everyone's gone, should I lock it?

- Oh, I left my phone inside.

- Want me to get it?

- No, I'll get it.

- Alright.

- I know right where it is.

(sinister music)

- Stop it, stop it!

(grunting)

No, no, she left!

She's gone, they're all gone!

What?

Right there in front of everybody!

What are you, crazy?

Okay, no, no, no.

Why?

Because I said so.

Hey, hey, hey!

You don't give the orders here!

Fucking shut up!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

The fuck!

Get the fuck out!

(door slamming)

- You find it?

- Huh?

- Your phone.

- Yeah, it was right where I left it.

That guy in there.

- Who, Batz?

- Yeah, what do you know about him?

- His real name's Glen Batten.

He got that nickname because
he's so fucking weird.

(moaning)

- Shut up, shut up.

I don't feel good.

I can't handle you right now.

(coughing)

Leave me alone.

I feel sick.

Oh no, it's too soon.

This stuff's way too strong.

(coughing)

Oh my God, alright, alright.

Shut the fuck up.

Alright.

(video girl moaning)

- [Porn Model] Oh that's good.

(horns honking faintly)
(traffic rumbling)

(pill bottle rattling)

(uneasy music)

(heavy breathing)

- Where are we going?

- Upstairs, second floor.

- Anyone live here?

- Yeah, me.

I'm thinking of turning
this place into a club.

- Cool, you got the money?

- This okay?

- Come on, baby, let's
get your clothes off.

- I haven't done this in a while.

- Don't be afraid, I'll treat you right.

- I don't know, my dick's kinda...

I don't know how to say it.

- Well let's just put this
on and everything'll be fine.

- [Batz] Maybe we should just forget it.

- [Hooker] Relax, we're gonna have fun.

(sinister breathing)

(hooker gasping)

(moaning)
(sinister breathing)

(squealing)

(moaning)
(heavy breathing)

(moaning)

- It's okay, we're done now.

(moaning and squealing)

Come on, you gotta go.

(moaning)

come on, you gotta leave.

You gotta go.

(moaning and squealing)

Come on, get up, yeah.

(moaning)

Shut up!

Just shut up!

Shut up.

(moaning)

Alright, come on.

On your feet, come on.

Get up, just like that.

Yeah, okay.

Okay, you're gonna leave now, okay?

(moaning)

(body thumping)

(moaning and squealing)

Come on, it's time to go!

This ain't fuckin' funny anymore!

What the hell are you tryin' to do to me?

I'm gonna turn out the lights and leave.

You'll be up here all alone!

What the fuck's wrong with you?

Come on, let's go, let's go!

The fuck!

(moaning)
(uneasy music)

Hey yo, those animal steroids you gave me.

Could there be side effects that'll

make someone else flip out?

- [Dealer] You gave that
shit to somebody else?

- No, I fucked a hooker
and she's goin' nuts,

act like she's out of her fucking mind.

- [Dealer] So?

- So I stuck it in and she went psycho.

She's either having one big
orgasm or hundreds of 'em

all in a row, I can't even fucking tell.

- [Dealer] Yo, you're
high right now, right?

- No man, I'm not, I'm just scared man.

This ain't natural.

I didn't even last.

It was quick, just in and out.

But she's been havin' an orgasm

for like almost 45 minutes now.

45 fucking minutes!

That can't be normal, that's
like impossible, right man?

Yo, listen.

(moaning)

I'm not even near her and
she's shakin' and moanin'

like she's the fuckin' exorcist.

It's like Linda Blair right
in your fuckin' livin' room.

- [Dealer] So why you call me?

- You gotta give me something
to shut her up, man.

I don't mean knock her out,

just something that'll snap her out of it

so I can get her the fuck outta here!

You got somethin' for that, right?

- [Dealer] Yo man, hit that ho on the head

with a fucking shovel,
shove a pillow in her mouth,

call the ambulance, bury
the bitch in the back yard,

I don't know.

Whatever the fuck you do,
keep my name out of it.

I ain't got nothing to do with
you, cuz, none of this shit.

I don't even know you, man.

(dial tone humming)

(moaning)

- Alright, okay, listen.

We're gonna go now, okay?

If you can't walk, I'll carry you, okay?

But I can't take you outside if you're

gonna be screaming like
this, you understand?

(moaning)

Alright, I'm just gonna
put this in your mouth

just to shut you up, alright?

(muffled moaning)

(uneasy music)

(muffled moaning)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(heavy breathing)

I said no.

No, keep wanting, I don't care.

I'm not taking any more of that shit!

It's making me sick.

Look at me, man.

My hands are shaking,
my stomach's burning.

What?

No way, you saw what you did to her!

She's probably still in the alley

screaming her fucking head off!

What?

Yeah, well I fucking hate you too!

Shut up!

Shut up, shut up!

(knocking on door)

(knocking on door)

(knocking on door)

Alright, alright, just shut up, shut up.

Listen, we'll deal with
this later, alright?

(knocking on door)

Hi.

- Mr. Batten, I'm from the
Neighborhood Block Association.

We have some complaints about you.

- Me, why?

- The place is still yellow,

the grounds are still overgrown,

and the neighbors heard
what sounded like--

- I like yellow.

I'm thinkin' of turnin'
this place into a club.

- No, no club!

This is a residential street.

You can't turn this place into a club!

- Can you say that again?

- I said, this is a residential street,

you can't turn this place into a club!

- Shut up, shut up, shut up!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, wait.

What was that?

- Mr. Batten, the place is still yellow,

the grounds are overgrown,
and the neighbors heard

what sounded like a woman
screaming last night.

- Wait, can you say that again?

- The neighbors head what sounded like

a woman screaming last night!

- Oh, you don't need me anymore?

You don't need me anymore?

You don't need me anymore?

Well here's what I think of that!

(door thumping)
(grunting)

- Oh geez.

Oh geez.

Oh my God.

Where do I begin?

You realize we've lost the cover?

There's no way we can
use these unless we crop,

blur out the faces, which
kind of renders it pointless.

I don't think we can use these at all.

Our advertisers are gonna
have a fit, an absolute fit.

You know I've always supported you,

trusted your professional instincts.

I wanted you for this
assignment because I thought

you'd come up with something
controversial, edgy.

But this is so far over the edge.

Remember the Cameron fashion shoot?

We had two photos with
a single bare nipple

in each one, tastefully shot.

Remember what happened?

Walmart yanked the magazine off the shelf.

Barnes and Noble wouldn't stock 'em

unless we polybagged 'em
at 50 cents per issue,

which further killed sales
because no one could look inside.

And what have you come up with?

Vagina faces!

Jennifer, vagina faces!

What were you thinking?

- It's all going down tonight.

I'm actually going to go through with it.

I'm all nervous and jittery
and tingling inside,

but in a good way.

Like when I was a little girl about

to rip the wrapping
off a birthday present.

I didn't realize how much I needed him

until I finally found him,

and now I'm all warm
and getting goosebumps

and I feel him as if he's racing

through every part of my body!

And it's about time.

I deserve to be happy,
I'm sick of being lonely.

I wanna fall in love like everyone else.

And why not?

We were born for each other.

(heavy breathing)

(sinister music)

(raspy breathing)

(thumping)

(car horn honking)

(dog barking)

(car horns honking faintly)

(wood creaking)

(wood creaking

(wood splintering)

(raspy breathing)

(uneasy music)

(raspy breathing)

(dramatic music)

(moaning)

- Yes, I love you.

I really do.

Mmhmm, you're my boo.

You're the best I ever had.

Uh-huh, yep, it meant nothing.

Neither did he.

Yep, none of them did.

They were just, I dunno, I was bored.

(wood splintering)

(raspy breathing)

No, it's just you.

Yeah, my boo-boo.

No, honest, why would I lie?

(dramatic music)

(screaming)

(moaning)

(wood thumping)

(raspy breathing)

(metal clanging)

(plastic rattling)

(moaning)
(dramatic music)

(wood thumping)

(raspy breathing)

(whimpering)

(screaming)

(raspy breathing)

- [Woman] Get out!

(dramatic music)

(grunting)

(moaning)

(thumping)

(raspy breathing)

(water dripping)

(uneasy music)

(raspy breathing)

(whimpering)

(dramatic music)

(screaming)

(door opening and closing)

- I was here last night, watching.

I saw what you did to that woman,

and I want you to do the same thing to me.

- Are you fucking crazy?

You saw what happened to her.

She could be dead by now for all I know.

She couldn't handle it.

- But I can.

I'm built for it, because like
you I'm built differently.

- Forget it, girly, I can't help you!

- Not Girly, Jennifer.

- Yeah, well you're too late!

It's gone!

It came off and walked
right the fuck outta here!

So if you want it, you're gonna
have to go out and find it!

It's probably out there
doing God knows what!

- I don't believe you.

- Yeah, well I don't believe it either,

but that's what happened.

So just, just get outta here
and leave me alone, okay?

After all I've done for it.

After all the sacrifices I made!

And it just walked out on me like this.

No warning, no goodbye, just up

and leaves in the middle of the night!

My whole life revolved around it!

When the doctors gave up,

I'm the one that gave it it's health,

nurtured it, made it
something to be proud of,

kept it alive with every
damn drug it needed!

And what am I?

A goddamn junky who can't get laid

while it's out there
fucking whoever he wants!

It's like, it's like, what do you call it?

Spermatozoa.

They got no eyes, no
ears, no face, nothing.

They only exist to do one thing in life,

find an egg and fuck it!

The same basic primal instinct
is happening to my dick.

It's like a radar.

It wants pussy, it senses pussy,

won't let nothing get in the way of pussy.

The most perverse thing is,

I can feel it while he's doing it.

From out of nowhere, I feel
like I'm the one who's fucking.

And just when I think I might bust off,

I realize I'm no longer
attached to my own dick.

Do you know how mocking that is?

(crashing)

It's back.

(raspy breathing)

(uneasy music)

- [Jennifer] What's wrong with it?

- Withdrawal.

- Well give it something.

- It's had too much already.

- We've got to help it!

It can't breathe.

(grunting)

(raspy breathing)

(grunting)

(raspy breathing)

Breathe, breathe, breathe!

(blowing)

- Just leave it alone and
get the hell outta here!

- Is this what it wants?

- Hey, gimme that!

- No!

Let go!

Give it back!

- Just let go!

- No!

No!

(grunting)

- I said let go!

- Don't die on me!

It's getting better, see?

(thumping)

(screaming)

(growling)

No, no, no.

Back off.

Back off!

Back off.

(growling)

(screaming)

(moaning and heavy breathing)

Suddenly, everything was clear.

I now know why I was put on this earth.

I had long suspected that God
had a special purpose for me,

and had long hoped that
someday we would be lovers,

and finally we are.

I can feel God deep inside me,

a feeling that transcends
mere bodily intercourse,

transcends any sex any
mortal has every known.

This is rapture.

(angelic music)

I can feel it all inside me.

The Garden of Eden, Sodom and Gomorrah,

Armageddon, all inside my pussy.

Plagues, famine, swarms of locusts,

Joshua, Jacob, Jeremiah, Peter and Paul,

and all the disciples
deep inside my vagina.

Heaven and hell, this is a miracle.

I am a living miracle.

Our father, who art in
Jennifer, hallowed be thy name.

God is finally fucking
me and all I now want

is to feel myself flooded
with his holy seed.

(gurgling)

(grunting)

(thumping)

(heavy breathing)

(squishing)

(baby crying)

("Bad Biology" by R.A. The Rugged Man")

- [R.A.] I'll introduce y'all.

I'm big time, bitch.

♪ New York, New York, New York, New York ♪

♪ New York step on the hip hop ♪

♪ You're just visitin',
kick you in your dick ♪

♪ Have you singin' more higher
pitches than many rippin' it ♪

♪ Keep it low pro, keep it
breezier than (mumbling) ♪

♪ My life for my father (mumbling) ♪

- [Frank] Alright cut, take two.

♪ Okay folks, now it's time
for me to produce the movie ♪

♪ Ain't no samples on this soundtrack ♪

♪ So nobody can sue me ♪

♪ I'm on tour with the band,
my name has never been hotter ♪

♪ I wrote a script with the
co-director, Frank Henenlotter ♪

♪ My main investor got in
trouble with the cops ♪

♪ Just my luck ♪

♪ Police dogs found him in the
woods and spit his ass up ♪

♪ So half his investment cash
went to doctors and lawyers ♪

♪ My other potential investors
are busy tryin' to avoid us ♪

♪ There's a problem with the
main location we're usin' ♪

♪ The landlord tripled his price ♪

♪ The week before we start shootin' ♪

♪ Bitch, I'm not a happy camper ♪

♪ Two weeks before shootin' ♪

♪ Henenlotter's ass is
diagnosed with cancer ♪

♪ Most of my small crew is mad green ♪

♪ It's all I could afford, this sad team ♪

♪ This is becomin' a bad dream ♪

♪ Still no location ♪

♪ Just when I though I can't win ♪

♪ My man Born Master
found a 22 room mansion ♪

♪ So you wanna make a movie ♪

♪ You really wanna make a movie ♪

♪ So you wanna make a movie ♪

♪ Bad, bad ♪

♪ So you wanna make a movie ♪

♪ You really wanna make a movie ♪

♪ So you wanna make a movie ♪

♪ Yo bad ♪

♪ All these casting directors
in New York are no help ♪

♪ So I decided to cast
the entire movie myself ♪

♪ Found my lead actor
on my fucking MySpace ♪

♪ Found my lead actress ♪

♪ She was spending nights at my place ♪

♪ Get to the rental house ♪

♪ The pipes from the toilet busted ♪

♪ Puddles of piss and shit everywhere ♪

♪ The floors are flooded ♪

♪ Got the equipment in the truck ♪

♪ We got to get to the set ♪

♪ The cops pulled us over thinkin'
we're a terrorist threat ♪

♪ No electric, the fuse box
blew up in the basement ♪

♪ An actress pulled out, got two
hours to find a replacement ♪

♪ A week and a half into
shootin', I'm broke ♪

♪ Hold up, I smell smoke ♪

♪ The mansion's on fire, this is no joke ♪

♪ The hours on the set increasin' ♪

♪ Frank fightin' cancer ♪

♪ 6 A.M he's doin' daily
radiation treatments ♪

♪ Sleepin' in the mansion
with no heat or water ♪

♪ Haven't showered in four days ♪

♪ I'm shittin' blood,
gettin' more crazed ♪

♪ My whiny-ass crew members
wanna give me a hassle ♪

♪ All I could afford to feed
'em is donuts and White Castle ♪

♪ One of the vagina mask
bitches ain't showed ♪

♪ So I begged the makeup assistant ♪

♪ To get topless and gave her some dough ♪

♪ So you wanna make a movie ♪

♪ You really wanna make a movie ♪

♪ So wanna make a movie ♪

♪ Bad, bad ♪

♪ So you wanna make a movie ♪

♪ You really wanna make a movie ♪

♪ So you wanna make a movie ♪

♪ Bad ♪

♪ Like ol' Charlee, it
was go, read the script ♪

♪ Be playing the chick that was
born with more than one clit ♪

♪ And big Batz, you got problems
always yelling at your dick ♪

♪ Tryin' to explain to the cast
this is a fucked up script ♪

- [Woman] I'm not showin' my pussy.

- [Frank] Cut.

Take three.

♪ Just to get the film rated cost 10 Gs ♪

♪ Let's release it unrated,
fuck the MPAA fees ♪

♪ Do I really wanna make
film makin' my career ♪

♪ Oh, fuck it, me and
Henenlotter'll be back next year ♪

♪ So you wanna make a movie ♪

♪ You really wanna make a movie ♪

♪ So you wanna make a movie ♪

♪ Bad, bad ♪

♪ So you wanna make a movie ♪

♪ You really wanna make a movie ♪

♪ So you wanna make a movie ♪

♪ Bad ♪