All language subtitles for S01E02 THP

Week two in the race for skivvy supremacy

and 12 pretty boys remain in the running

for $5000 cash and a spokesmodel contract

with Dirt Squirrel Underwear.

Now last week Dan and Wade had to send

half of their hopefuls home when the guys learned

they'd be stripping down and using

nothing more than a chair.

This week we're taking the guys out of the city

and out of their comfort zone in an attempt

to get these squirrels a little dirty.

Welcome to The Whole Package.

♪ They say we'd say hey dreamers ♪

Oh my god

Hello

Where are we?

Today we're at Mountain View Wasabi,

a farm in Cloverdale.

It's my step dad's farm, so we're keeping it in the family.

It's okay to start the party, I'm here.

Very nice.

I just kinda want to see them step out

of their comfort zone.

All these handsome men.

The other team

Hugs, I love it.

The other team

What the heck are we gonna do here?

Now as you can tell we are

no longer in the West End, Toto.

Right?

We are actually at Dan's family farm,

Mountain View Wasabi, but before we get to our

spicy photo shoot challenge,

should we go find our team leaders?

Yeah!

Let's go find Dan and Wick, come on.

Look out for the mud.

I was like okay bring me back to the farm day,

'cause I used to live on a farm for 10 years,

I was farm boy.

I grew up in the country side so, you know

fresh air, open fields, I feel like I'm back at home.

But there's gonna be bugs (laughs)

(rooster crows)

Well look who we found.

Welcome, nice to see you.

What's up man?

Your boys have arrived.

Don't they look great today?

They look great.

They always look great.

They've shown up.

As you know each week, you guys are competing

in a photo shoot challenge to impress these two.

Hopefully make it to our finale where you have a shot

at becoming their newest spokesmodel and $5000 cash.

(cheers and clapping)

Now I'm sure you guys already know this

but the motto of Dirt Squirrel Underwear

is sometimes you have to be dirty to know

how good you really are.

So we brought you out here today to get ya a little dirty

with some touch football.

(cheers)

Right?

Doesn't that sound fun?

Suck a dick

I'm pretty pumped, you know being an athlete

my whole life, so it should be fun.

Played a lot of sports growin' up,

so I'm super pumped for this.

Woo!

Sports with a buncha straight guys,

that's like my hell.

Now to help us out we have

Tim Kelly from Innovative Fitness and he is going

to show you guys all the tricks and the trades

of touch football.

Now Tim, what is it that you are looking for

from these handsome fellas we have here.

I'm looking for determination.

How hard are you willing to work to achieve your goal?

And I'm looking forward to seeing who steps up today

for this competition and for the show.

Yeah!

Should have brought my cleats!

I like it!

To keep things a little bit interesting,

we are also going to have our trusty photographer

Alex Bischoff taking photos of you guys

through the whole game.

So make sure you're remembering

to be cutey while you're playing QB.

But only the winning team will actually get

a photo shoot with Alex.

Keep that in mind.

I mean I feel like the only thing left to do

is to get you guys into your outfits,

which I mean means, pants off fellas.

(upbeat music)

I was not a sports kid when I was growing up.

I was part of student council, entertainment committee,

those sort of things, so no.

I haven't played sports since high school

and without revealing my age that was quite some time ago.

I've like done like a sport before, I wasn't too worried.

I have like long legs, so I can like run ...

Away from my problems.

Well now that we've divided the guys into teams,

it's gonna be really interesting to see who comes on top.

Alright boys, first things first.

We gotta make sure you're nice and warm

for this photo shoot, so we're gonna start out

with some movement prep.

Start with a nice easy jog all the way to me, let's go.

(whistle blows)

Last week we saw them take some direction

from a photographer, this week it'll be interesting

to see them take some athletic direction.

We haven't seen them really do anything athletic yet.

Coming back again, side shuffle nice and low.

Let's go!

I think it'll really bring out

some of their personalities.

Get low, get low, come on who wants to win

this competition, jumping jacks let's go.

Get it up, go, go!

Seven, eight.

Running, doing a game for 30 minutes, 40 minutes,

an hour plus takes a different type of endurance

I don't necessarily have.

This is all aesthetics and for show.

I was a high level athlete for like 20 years of my life.

That would be definitely an advantage.

Hunny, is this PE class, like what are we doing?

K guys, this is a photo shoot,

let's make it look professional.

When you're lining up to run a route,

most of the weight's on the front leg,

hands are in a ready position, back is at 45,

when I blow the whistle, you're gonna run out,

drop your hips, turn, I'mma throw right here.

Toss the ball back to me, run back in line, okay?

(whistle blows)

I was trying to be aware of where the camera is

and trying to be cognizant of that.

So athletic

Yeah

Baby Tarzan.

Got a little like of a limp wrist.

I'll have one of those.

We gotta get some good shots,

but if you wanna get that shoot, you gotta win the game.

Look at those legs though, tree trunks for days.

Yeah queen, get it.

Oh hunny, let me tell you.

Looks like a big blocker.

Yeah I'd be terrified.

Oh, he's gonna be a force to be reckoned with for sure.

I know right?

It's exciting, I did play football for many years

and I also coached it for 12 years, so I think I know

a little bit about it, maybe.

Okay boys, this is how it's gonna go.

Ball is gonna start at the end zone.

You have three chances to get to midfield,

another 3 chances to get to the endzone.

If your team doesn't get to midfield or the endzone,

the ball turns over, the other team starts at their endzone.

Quarterback can run, all receivers are eligible.

Anybody got questions?

What's a quarterback?
What's a quarterback?

A quarterback, yeah he's the guy that leads the team.

You're like the playmaker in a way,

so you gotta decide if you're tossing it to some person

over here or some person over there,

or maybe you're gonna run with it.

Girl I don't know what a quarterback is, okay.

Like the one that's in the back?

It's one up from Nickleback?

So my whole mission as defense is to touch

the (bleep) with the ball?

One hand touch, yep.

But yeah where can I touch?
Anywhere

Ohhhh!

You're in trouble.

Alright who's the quarterback for this team?

I think my team has more of like the brute guys,

little bit bigger, little bit more athletic probably.

And we're gonna, I think we're gonna take it,

we're gonna win.

One, two, three

Dan's Nuts!

Alright who's your quarterback?

I think Dan and his team are definitely gonna

underestimate my guys, we've got quickness

and agility on our side.

One, two, three, knockout week!

Let's play some football boys!

(whistle blows)

(dramatic music)

I'm pretty confident with our team right now.

We're gonna destroy the other team, the winners

will move onto a photo shoot, which will be us, Dan's Nuts.

Wade's team is gonna win!

(whistle blows)

(whistle blows)

Oh god, this is gonna be really messy.

Let's play some football boys!

(whistle blows)

Oh god, this is gonna be really messy.

There's the, use this

That's okay, it happens!

Block 'em, clock 'em, and stop 'em.

Set, hut!

Yes, yes!

Good job guys!

I ditched PE as soon as I could,

so it's really nice to sit on the sidelines

and watch them do it.

There was a part of me that definitely wanted

to step in, just rip off my shirt, start playing football.

(whistle blows)

Yes, good job Wayne!

Wayne has been doing quite well.

That's what I was gonna say.

He's killing it.
I think he's taking

some leadership on this team.

Thank god he was on Wade's team because he carried it.

Get up, get up.

Chad is also quite agile, he's at a--

I would make him team captain

Good job guys!

Touch means fondle, maybe by the end we'll

have some multiple scorgasms
if you know what I'm saying.

(laughter)

Set, hut!

Come on boys!

Spike, spike!

Oh yeah!

(cheers)

Go, go, go!

Run, run, run!

(whistle blows)

The people on my team didn't have much experience,

I mean one person intercepted a catch

and then they didn't know that

they were supposed to run the other way.

He's like yay I caught it.

Set, hut!

Shawn is actually taking really good control of the team.

Well he's--

Helping guide them

He was like a coach and stuff.

Yes, watch the sides, watch the sides!

(cheering)

Good job, the winning team gets to make out with me,

so no pressure.

(laughter)

(yelling)

You can tell some of them have handled the ball before.

Some of them have handled the ball once or twice,

I believe that is true.

Ahhh!

He's like girl.

Ahhh!

It's just a game guys, let's everybody be nice.

If we don't win, you're getting cut, no.

Come on!

Ready, set.

Ahhh!

Scare them.

Let's go, breathe taker, breathe taker.

Offsides!

There was a bit of chaos within the pink team.

Who's leading, who's trying to make a plan,

it was kind of scattered.

You guys, okay, here's the thing.

They're just being obnoxious, they're not even playing well.

They're just being loud and in your face.

Don't let them do that, get a little more aggressive Owen,

come on you're a man, get in there and sports

or whatever it is you're supposed to be doing right now.

Get a little amped up, come on let's get you

a little amped up, come one get him amped up.

Do it like a errrrr!

Errrr!

Errr!

Get dirtier, get dirtier!

One, two, three!

Ahhh!

Hut!

I got him, I got him, I got him!

Oh my god, it slipped!

(players yell and cheer)

(whistle blows)

I kind of felt like that Mom on the sidelines

with like big sunglasses on being like

you're doing so well sweeties,

and then like proceeding to chug vodka out of a water bottle

and pop a Xanax cause I'm like

actually dying inside watching them.

Throw it to him.
One sec, one sec, one sec.

So you know that drill we did?

Um, what?

What the (bleep)?

Lachlan crossed the line a few times

and gave a bit of love to the competition.

Lachlan was getting to me this morning a bit.

Play the game bro.

I'm here to have fun and meet cool people

and have a great experience but I feel like

people just don't I think understand me yet.

Hey guys it is third and goal,

they've got one chance to get to this endzone right here.

You got about three yards.

Let's go, ready.

(whistle blows)

(dramatic music)

Nice!

Touchdown!

(cheering)

Hey good effort, good effort, good effort.

I mean I think the other team was a little bit loaded

with football players, but that's okay.

We tried our best, right.

Always look on the bright side of life.

That was a really great game guys. You did so well.

Tim?

Well it's tough because both teams really brought it.

But this game's not about style,

it's about points on the board.

And the first team to three, clear winners, Team Dan.

(cheers)

Wayne I'm gonna give you MVP, just because I can.

No offense boys, but he (bleep) killed it.

(clapping)

Now you fellas have a photo shoot to get ready for.

Come on fellas, don't get to close.

You're dirty and it's muddy.

You did a great job.

You feel dirty, you look dirty

I feel a little bit dirty.
You look dirty.

Alex, hello.

How you guys doin?

Shawn, he is going to be your first victim.

Yes, perfect.

Your first model of the day.

Let's get dirty.

You're gonna start with a wide stance.

Perfect, that's awesome.

Come on work it.

Lookin' at the camera, awesome.

Good photo, but a weird pose.

Watch your mouth man.

I don't wanna be like the bitchy person on the show.

Like that's not what I aim for, like there's a lot

underneath all of these layers.

Who's next?

Open the book, before you just like

judge it by its cover, you know?

You ready to get dirty? I guess you are already are dirty.

I already am

Oh look he finally moved it away from his crotch,

maybe he's grown a little bit.

(laughter)

Fall over!

It looks like he's about to fall.

It's a good shot

You can tell he's overly sucking in right now.

Yeah shouldn't be doing that, it's much better to look--

Close your ribcage

Yeah exactly, right?

Didn't know how to flex his abs?

Then the (bleep) is he doing here?

The gay competitors here, they all wanna be

that sassy gay, like outspoken, shiny person,

and I don't feel like I need to try to do that

'cause I'm just like, I'm just me.

He's never done shit before.

No, well he's straight.

I just feel like they're just trying to

be something that they're not.

A for effort.

Who's next?

Oh go Matt, I know you got this, ohh.

We're gonna start with one point in a squat.

You're gonna hold the ball like this, okay?

Matt's cute, you know?

He's tall, he's handsome, he has a chiseled jaw.

Let's just cheer on his bulge.

Right or that heavy stuff.
Or just like a full sweat.

Like I'm here for you, but we all know that's stuffed.

I like a guy that can be dominating

but also can be like there for you.

And that's what Matt is for me.

He's like a protector in a way, so I like that.

Slow clap.

Alright

Oh my god, he's gonna nail this.

Yeah, 'cause he's the only gay guy on the team.

No?

He is.

Get the fuck, okay so we lost to a team of straight guys.

Exactly.

(laughter)

We're already at a disadvantage,

we were already at a disadvantage,

like they're all straight.

And that's why--

Except for the one that's questioning.

That makes sense now.

Come on!

That was very like Thor, it just felt like

he was gonna hammer me.

My teammates weren't able to jump necessarily as high

and get that photo that the photographer team

was looking for, so that's when I said to myself

I'm gonna jump as high as I can, slam that ball down,

and just really kill that photo challenge.

Ohhhh!

My god, I think he's actually hurt.

Ohhhh!

My god, I think he's actually hurt.

I said to myself, I'm gonna jump as high as I can,

slam that ball down, and just

really kill that photo challenge.

So I jump as high as I can, the floor is wet,

and I come down, foot slides forward,

I do the splits.

Ohhh!

Foot's just numb.

Foot goes numb, might need a sec.

I was worried.

It's coming back, my toes are coming back.

But here I am.

Good job.

Feels okay

Walk it off, walk it off.

We got it, we got it, woo!

We got it girl!

Oh that's not a good place to have a mud stain.

(laughter)

Damn!

Putting the dirt in Dirt Squirrel, definitely.

No ass whatsoever.

Ohh, you shading, that's true though.

Fix the underwear.

Fix your wrinkles!

Both sides!
I'm not working with him

and tips, we're not even on his team.

We're just good people.

Perfect, that was awesome good job.

Ginger of the jungle.

He is not my type at all.

Oh look actually, okay!

Oh my god.

Oh my gosh, look at him step it up.

That's like on the red carpet.

Hilary Swank, Million Dollar Baby.

Everybody smile, you're happy,

you just won the game.

Wooo!

Go sports!

Perfect.

Beautiful guys.
Fake it till you make it.

Are you guys ready to see how they did?

We are!

How dirty they got in the photos.

It looks like they did.

Let's start with the winning team.

Shawn was up first, he did great, I thought.

Shawn's always a good sport.

He looks fantastic

And he knew all the moves for

He did.

Cause he was like a football coach, right?

Yes, he was right in there with the football,

I liked that.

Now Matt did good, he looked pretty fierce.

Confident
What do you guys think?

Yeah, but I expected a bit more from him.

Oh I like these leg muscles.

It's like a slow mo.

I've never wanted someone to tackle me more.

I'm telling him you said that.

Do you like?

My favorite

Yeah Patrick, I mean he just has--

He looks like a god
The perfect body.

He's a true Dirt Squirrel

He is a true Dirt Squirrel.

I mean the dirt is in a funny place,

but that's alright.

What's wrong with a little--

It's in a really gross place

skid mark here and there?

Tristan was committed to the

like angry, football thing.

I like the way that he's holding that ball.

Cause he looks ...

That is fierce

Don't get me wrong I do like a little bit of ginger

with my wasabi.

Oh god, you have been waiting for ever to say that.

She's been funny today.

Where's your group photo?
Alright let's go through

the rest of them now.

Wade this is your team.

What are your thoughts?

I was pretty happy with them actually.

They definitely took the competition

and grabbed it by the balls.

I noticed Wayne stepping up and being a leader.

I agree, he looks great in your product too.

I really gotta say, he's rocking a killer bod.

It's definitely better than the first time around.

Yes he's warmed up a lot.

Huh, I could watch Chad play

every sport, every day
Some people just stand out

Chad committed to it.

Chad and Owen.

He was shining today

That's fantastic

That's a great shot.

Sports!

I definitely noticed he had the ball

a lot less than other players.

He did, he wasn't going for the balls as much

as I thought he would.

No.

Pedro was weaving in and out though

Pedro was great, he was really moving.

Little baby Tarzan.

Yeah, our little baby Tarzan.

Alright so you guys think you have a pretty good idea

of what were gonna do here?
I think we do.

It's tough.

It's gonna be a tough call, I don't wanna do it.

I know, it's gonna be sad.

We have to let the ones we love go.

Alright let's go.

Thank you, Alex.

No worries!
Thank you.

Normally I'm a very confident guy, but with the

the first group of guys, I'm not quite sure

I feel as confident now.

I want somebody from Dan's team to go home.

Not Dan though, no.

(Bleep) he's cute.

Hello boys.

Hi

How are you guys feeling, other than freezing cold?

Good

Did you have fun today?

Yes!

You guys did so well, thank you for all your hard work.

Didn't they do great?

Very good, from first week to second week,

it was really good improvement.

I was looking for who's evolved, who's changed a little bit,

and kind of who's opening up to the camera.

Two people that did stand out, Shawn, you took really

good control of the scrimmage, you were loud,

you were in their face and that really helped us win.

And then during the photo shoot,

Patrick, your photos were just great.

We were like damn!

(laughter)

Not to be shady towards my teammates,

they did a fantastic job, but it was little things

that I picked up on, and you know I can a little bit better.

Wade?

Despite our loss today, you guys all maintained

a fantastic attitude and I totally appreciate that.

For me it was kinda just going through to see

who showed up the most in those photos

and also who just kinda showed up today

and stood out from the crowd.

Two standouts for me,

Wayne and Chad, you two are gonna be my top two.

(clapping)

Yeah, thanks again.

Sadly though, it is elimination time.

We will be sending home one person from each team today.

Oh my god!

Nobody is safe.

Alright Dan who are you eliminating today?

I have to go first?

You do, you do.

I don't wanna do it quite frankly,

unfortunately someone does have to go home.

Today that person is going to be Adam.

Ohh!

Sorry about that

Thank you Adam.

(clapping)

Wade, who from your team is going home this week?

Obviously a tough decision.

Today I'm gonna have to send home

Theo, you've been an absolute pleasure to work with

and I'm definitely gonna miss your positivity

and smile and you both did really great today, honestly.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, it was really hard today guys.

Alright Adam, Theo it is time to go.

I had a lot of fun, it was a great opportunity.

Sadly you know, only one of us makes it.

So there's gonna be a lot more people standing right here.

I wish everyone else the best,

I look forward to seeing who wins.

Bye guys.

I'll see you soon.

There are a lot of people that know what they're doing,

at least to some degree and a lot of really good

personality and even just meeting so many good people,

what could be better, like I don't know.

To you remaining 10, congratulations.

I can't wait to see what you do next.

Yay!

(cheering)

You're amazing!

The drama is probably more than I can handle.

Honestly my team is shady boots.

I would not be sad to see some of these guys go home.

I walked up, and I know you're talking about me

when you just stop talking and you guys just stare at me.

(Bleep) him.

Hi, I'm Alex Bischoff, no wait is that?

Okay

When the guys learned that they'd be stripping down

in Vancouver modern restaurant.

Earls, (bleep) hell.

You guys did so great today, didn't they do so ...

What the (bleep)?

(laughter)

I saw some, uh ...

I saw some, ahhh.

Havin' a moment, um I saw some ...

I saw some people

(laughter)