All language subtitles for Premarital.2026.1080p.WEBRip.10Bit.DDP5.1.x265-NeoNoir

Clearly beloved we're gathered here today
to hitch these two beautiful sons of

bitches that love you so much I think
that's southern what does it Midwestern

accent sound like gay?

The Canadian?

Hey?

Hello?

I'm sorry.

Relax!

Oh my gosh, it's going to be fine,
I'm going to be fine.

There are just, there are a few things
that I have not told you about my family.

The religious stuff?

I know all about the religious stuff,
it's fine.

If anyone asks, can you just say that we
don't live together?

Like, say you live with a friend?

I don't know if I'm comfortable flat out
lying.

It's Protestants are all about sins of
e-mission.

E-Kew.

E-O-Hoo.

I really thought it was all this name.

Aristotle.

I swear it was a name.

Since we're in the scripture not enough..

just really want to drive this point home.

Pastor Stu, they're starting the last song
now.

Oh, thank you Helen.

Nervous?

Well, it's the first time we're all under
the same roof in years, so...

They'll just be happy to see you.

Yeah.

And he'll see

you.

Let's pray.

So what should I talk about them?

Uh, let's talk about your master's
program.

That's interesting.

Okay.

Just don't mention your research.

It's literally a research program.

Yeah, just talk about the biology part
without getting into the evolutionary

part.

Your parents are not like flat earthers,
are they?

Not flat earthers, just young earthers.

Oh, also no smoking.

Oh, okay.

Sorry.

One week.

Ready.

Here we go.

Exhale.

And squeeze.

Oh, my gosh, look at that.

Yeah, you might want to watch that
language.

There's that man.

That's Alan.

He's going to be your new uncle.

Well, look at these cool New Yorkers.

Hey, I'm walking here.

Hey, I've seen that on some joke.

Hey!

Oh, it's so good to see you.

Oh, bad, this is Alan.

I can tell about the day.

I'm watching good looks, of course.

You know what,

your mother's out, I'm on kitchen duty.

Dad.

Oh, can I help?

I goofed.

I'm so sorry sweetie, I just goofed.

I shouldn't go near that thing.

It's okay.

Whoa!

The tallest of all this, and he's good
looking.

Do you have any siblings?

Because I get a whole bunch I'm still
trying to get rid of.

No siblings.

Oh, well, you do now.

I was here a piece too.

Yes, you were there, Benji, thank you.

What's up?

You guy?

Benji?

Hey.

You saved the day, honey, you did?

Oh, could you also make me those cookies
that I like?

All ready in the oven.

Isn't you terrific?

Yeah, subservient wife in training.

Don't worry, Grace is just jealous someone
actually wants to marry Sophie.

It's true.

I'm dying to consign my ovaries to the
patriarchy.

Also, I put a call.

Okay.

Good night, you guys, love you.

Naomi, help your brother, okay?

And Jared, how are your studies going?

Um, it's fine.

Yeah, good.

Yeah, it's following in his old man
footsteps.

Gonna be a man of the cloth.

I've done bi- I do biology.

Dad why don't we go ahead and and eat mom
said she's going to be late.

Okay everyone's attention though for a
moment.

Okay, uh, Sophie, um,

and the day you were born, Dad,
no, I hear you.

Sorry, I know.

You're doing it again.

In your whole life, the most important
decision you're going to make a swim to

marry.

I was born to marry.

I was so lucky I found your mother.

And, well, Jerry, you were so lucky to
have found me.

And Lier has an amazing boyfriend.

Well, I didn't have that.

We're very blessed to have you here too,
Benji.

Now, anyway, it's nice to have common
interests and, you know, maybe good looks

and all that, but more importantly,
you want to find someone with integrity,

someone who's yes is yes and their no is
no and could look in the eye and know that

you're on the same page.

And Al, I have been praying for you since
long before the two of you ever met.

May the Lord bless you both?

Here, here.

Thanks, Dad.

That's good stuff.

Okay, now, Al, would you do us the honor
of blessing this meal that your lovely

bride to be is prepared for us?

Oh, I mean, I don't think that...

I'll pray.

The food is getting cold.

No, hang on, no, no, no, the men speak.

What's matter?

Uh...

You are absolutely right.

Integrity is everything and uh...

I don't want to get off on the wrong foot,
Sophie, so you don't want to pretend I'm

somebody I'm not.

Oh, oh, you're a Catholic.

I'm not.

I'm not in anything, I don't...

I'm not religious at all.

Oh, but

I never gave you permission to tell him I
was Christian.

That's a big deal.

I didn't tell them anything they assumed.

That's their way of life.

But it's not mine.

I just wanted them to like you.

Swipping things under the rug is kind of
the family culture.

I don't want to do that with you.

I'm sorry.

Going, I'm going to go to bed,
driving, away.

Bye, Benji.

Oh, what's up.

Oh, this week is going to be hell.

Hey, hey.

We got this.

Should we get some sleep?

About that.

Your room's up there.

Mine's back there..

Oh.

Sorry.

House rules.

And I'm not moving things I'm at the rug.

I just think without what the night went.

I have rocked the boat more than enough
for one day, so it's okay.

See tomorrow?

Miss you already.

needs to have an honest conversation with
him about this.

No, she's compromised.

Missionary dating is a bogus approach to
conversion.

If there's the whole motivation into
question.

Uh, who are you to talk?

You missionary dated your wife,
literally?

Yeah, but I fully converted her before we
even kissed.

Okay, so do you think he's a full-blown
atheist?

They're just still searching.

What's the big deal?

I'm a Buddhist.

Okay, Grace.

Okay, sweetie, yes.

You think you're a Buddhist, but actually
you're just in a protracted rebellion

phase, and it'll pass.

Muzzletop.

I heard you made quite the impression
tonight.

Ah, yeah, everyone was, uh, was really.

It's okay, it must have been overwhelming
for you.

Sorry I couldn't be here.

See you're not concerned?

I know my daughter, and if she thinks that
you have potential, so do I.

Thanks, uh, I think.

I stand guard sometimes to put the fear of
God in her.

She's a little bit too much like me,
but don't worry.

Sophie takes after her dad.

In what way?

You know what, idealism, romance.

You must be quite the romantic to have
captured Sophie's heart.

I think less of a romantic, more of a
pragmatis.

And with all due respect, I think that's
what Sophie likes about me.

My mistake.

There's a copy there.

So if you went out with dad.

Thank you.

What are you working on?

Oh, a paper.

Are you here in school too?

No.

I just help a Jarrett with some of the
busy work when he's a...

What's the subject?

Trans-substantiation.

That is my favorite death cab album.

What?

Never mind, sorry.

What does it mean?

It's like when the bread and the wine of
the eucharist become the body and the

blood of Jesus Christ.

Okay, it's cool.

Jarrett actually refused to write the
paper because we do not believe in

trans-substantiation.

He said we should refuse wasting time on
it.

It's cool.

But I don't want it to hurt his academic
record.

Sure, I understand that.

What kind of a biology did you say you
were studying?

Oh, paleobiology.

My focus though is on the Cretaceous
Period.

What the Cretaceous Period?

It's actually a period of time from over
145 million years ago.

Just here, go play with that.

But why?

Gabburo, me?

Wow, so interesting.

I would love to hear more about that
sometime.

Come on, old man, we need to do this every
weekend.

Yeah, well I used to not be 60 with high
cholesterol.

Oye aye aye.

Oh, I missed this.

Oh, it's beautiful.

How could you come up here, look at this
and not believe that there's a god?

Oh, yeah.

Honey, have you ever heard of the term,
unequally yoked?

Yeah, but I don't love being compared to
an ox.

No, that's just a metaphor.

That's Paul using imagery from the ancient
world, but the rest of the passage goes.

What partnership has righteousness with
lawlessness?

What fellowship has light with darkness?

So you've thought about this.

Of course.

But Dad Allen isn't lawless.

Again, it's just a metaphor.

life to someone who doesn't share your
faith.

Sweetie, marriage is hard enough as it is.

Do you want it to be harder?

Divorce rates aren't any lower for people
who are equally yoked.

Well, that's true, absolutely true.

We are living in a fallen world.

Look, Dad, I know this isn't exactly what
you had in mind for me.

But Alan is a good man.

He's patient and understanding,
compassionate.

He loves me for exactly who I am,
no strings attached.

And I love him for exactly who he is.

She's compromised, period.

Her female hormones have taken over and
she can't see straight, period.

Uh, nail polish emoji, baby emoji.

Um, it's up to us now, Dash, call a family
meeting exclamation point..

Um, it's up to us now, Dash, call a family
meeting exclamation point.

Exclamation point.

Hey, let's roll.

Ha ha ha!

Family meeting.

It's 10 minutes.

Compulsory for all.

Family meeting.

10 minutes, it is compulsory.

So, listen, I feel bad that we got off to
a shaky start last night, because let me

tell you something, that is not what this
family is about.

Okay, so I want to make it up to you,
so I want the two of you to go out and

have a nice lunch, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, on me.

I insist no no no no no just mind got to
get going come on jump in there you're

gonna jump no no you're gonna jump in over
here you can't you can't both drive oh and

I meant to tell you they say that when you
marry someone you also marry the family

okay have fun you guys Yum, yum.

Yum.

They put it right here.

Hold down here.

Okay, the Whitaker family meeting comes to
order.

Okay, guys, Okay, God, oh, no,
no, let go on my airport, great.

Jared!

Thank you, May.

Now, we have five days before the wedding,
that's five days to rescue this marriage

from being doomed.

before it even begins.

That's five days to bring Alan Rhodes to
Christ.

Yes, sweetie.

Are we sure that it has to happen before
the wedding?

Like as long as it happens before he dies.

Oh, wow, that is such a slippery slope.

I mean, first to make allowances for
marrying a secular.

Next thing you know, you're getting gay
married.

Suck it!

Jared, what?

I've dated women.

Oh, that was for woke points.

through lunch already we haven't even
begun.

Full-blown atheists.

Mm-hmm.

Honestly why don't we just rip off the
band-aid while everything is already messy

and just tell them we're stay in New York.

Our men and Scott have landed.

Here you go, Pastor Erwin.

Oh, man.

Oh, man, he would think you were
corrupting me.

You stopped going to church long before
you met me.

I know that but it's all it's complicated
for me it's okay it's something that I've

accepted as I don't know part of the game
but my dad grew up in a different time and

then when we move in for the kill you
girls have to take So if he out of the

picture so she can't protect him anymore.

Classic misogyny.

You got a better plan.

We could leave them alone.

Oh, Grace.

You have to stand up for your beliefs if
they are going to mean anything,

especially in the world that is
persecuting Christians left and right.

I mean, when Cassie Bernal had that gun to
her, that was a hoaxe.

No, no.

Dad, we talked about not weaponizing
tragedy.

No, no, it's not weaponized because I'm
just saying what happened.

Nothing would have happened had those
teachers been weaponized.

Oh, I don't get it.

If somebody puts a gun to your head,
why wouldn't you just say whatever they

want to hear?

Okay, now you see, right here,
that's exactly the type of thinking that

allowed Hitler to power.

And she's coming from the front lines of
the war.

Does it have to be about war?

What about the law of attraction?

Would even count if you trick him into it?

Okay, Grace, no one is tricking anyone
into anything, okay?

It's just more like, more expediting.

Yeah, and I mean, you know how all this
stuff works, I mean, you used to be a pro?

people are they're just so stubborn about
saying it.

It's true.

He seemed really interested in my...

Jarrett's theology paper this morning.

See, right there.

He's teetering on the edge.

What does that mean?

It means he's a little bit of a push.

Just got a little push to get him over.

It's kind of like premarital counseling.

Yeah, it's going to be just like old
times, you guys.

This is going to be fun, okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay, here we go.

Phase one.

Sugar.

Heads up.

Dad, we are already way behind schedule.

No, no, no, look, this is important.

Um, we get off on the wrong foot,
lay a copa.

So we just want to make it right and show
you what the Whitaker family is all about.

One quick game?

You don't know my family, this is probably
a trap.

It's just a game.

Yeah, exactly.

Come on, it would be fun.

One game.

Play a ball.

I mean, set aside your postmodern naval
gaze in just a second, and let's pretend

there's something called truth.

Can you see how the Bible speaks to our
predicament?

I'm not saying that I think the Bible is
strictly untrue that I don't believe that

it holds a monopoly on truth.

How do you mean?

Take your Old Testament.

Those stories were based on existing
mythology circulating in the fertile

present for generations.

We'd way further back into Jewish roots.

Oh,

and what about the Cambrian explosion
every year or that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

extremely comfortable.

Yes, yes, it is complicated.

You know what isn't the gospel?

Please, oh yeah.

You know you should know a lot about this
for a biology student.

I like a podcast.

Okay, so you're going to trust a man in
front of a microphone in his mom's

basement over a text that has stood the
test of time for millennia.

I mean, you just give your allegiance to
anything that tickles your fancy?

No, I have principles.

Based in?

Science.

Oh, science.

Yeah.

Science got us to the moon.

Where has religion gotten us lately?

Western civilization?

I'm almost embarrassed to admit it,
but it felt really good to shoot those

guns.

Like I felt powerful.

Alan!

What?

Come on, we're getting along, isn't that
what you wanted?

We're respecting each other's differences.

What do you want me to do?

You want to shut him down?

No, I want you to tell him what he wants
to hear or he'll never leave you alone.

I don't want to lie to them, though.

Maybe there's a way to say it that isn't
untrue.

You don't believe any of it.

Why does it matter what you say about it?

It matters because it's my word.

It's your ego.

No, hey, this is about how we're going to
live our lives together.

I don't sweep things under the rug.

It's just, he's got his hooks in you and
he's going to start looking for

weaknesses.

Sophie, I know this is complicated for
you.

I can take it, okay?

Hey, um, do you mind if I...

Oh, no, it's your room.

Do what you got to do.

Thank you.

Thank you.

This is pantheism, it's heretical.

No, it's not, it's a penentheism.

That's what I said, pantheism.

this is a theological fallacy.

Even if you get a D does it better than
not turning anything in.

Not turning this in is a statement.

What's the allergic fallisis?

Um...

Morning sleepy heads.

Appreciate you giving up your room.

It's very kind of you.

Yeah, of course.

everything I know everyone's running
around like chickens with their heads cut

off but I'm still here for you kiddo so if
there's anything they eat.

Bob, it's kind of early for a lecture.

Sorry.

Had a pancake sound.

Well I see you got my gift.

Yeah, thank you.

It's uh, it's pointed.

The whole thing is just going through a
cheatable hockey sticks.

Wow.

Oh yeah, Dante.

Oh, it's just one of the greats.

I'm the way into the city of Woe.

I'm the way into eternal pain.

I'm the way to go among the lost.

Can't do it.

I promise Sophie I'd be on wedding duty
today.

No, no, I told her all the girls are going
for the dress fitting.

You can't see that because then that's bad
luck.

Clark, go on go with us.

Go with us.

One family drinks so much pop.

That's the bully.

Who's that?

Bruce, he is the pastor at the mega church
in Benton Arbor.

Who's that?

Bruce, he's the pastor at the mega church
in Benton Arbor.

Fine day.

So do you guys got like a rivalry or
something?

Oh no, no, it's nothing like that.

It's more of a...

I don't know differences in theology.

I suppose you can tell you...

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm sorry.

I think we should exchange insurance
information.

Are you all right, Clark?

Are you fine?

Are you okay?

Yeah, we're going to need a toe.

We are going to need a toe.

We're going to need a toe.

I don't think it's total, but we're going
to, you know what, I'm just going to pull

in right here, and we'll wait right over
there.

Ellen, can I ask you something?

Sure.

Just now, we're in that terrible pile up.

What's thinking about, is your life class
before your eyes?

You know, had I hit those breaks just a
split second later.

Sure.

You know where you would have gone?

What went through your mind at that
moment?

Uh, I guess just that I love Sophie very
much?

Yeah, that's sweet.

And it's nice that your last thought
wasn't hateful.

But Al, human love can't sustain you.

A person can't bear that weight.

And it's nice that your last thought
wasn't hateful.

But Al, human love can't sustain you.

A person can't bear that weight.

And it's not fair to ask a human person to
ask a human person, to try to fill a hole

that can only be filled by God.

You know, El, can I share my testimony
with you?

Your, uh, yeah.

Sure, thank you.

I was lucky.

I grew up in a Christian home,
but it never really made sense to me,

you know, like in my heart, until one day,
I was sitting right here, I mean right

here in this church, and I was looking at
the light here, that window.

And there's some things.

There are some things that are just behind
words.

God damn it, whose blue tooth is on.

Oh, sorry, I'm turning it off.

Like, how did we get here?

How did, um, how did any of this get here?

I mean, I think we're still trying to
figure that out, right?

Physicists seem to think we came from a
singularity and...

Oh, yeah.

Okay, primordial soup.

You know, it's just a hop skip and a jump
between Darwinism and loading people into

a gas chamber.

Well, and look, look, I can sympathize.

I'm a lapse atheist myself.

I mean, didn't you say you were born into
this?

See, I didn't choose to be born into a
non-religious family anymore than you

chose to be born into a Christian one?

Okay, so you're a Calvinist.

A what?

Predestination.

Okay, so once upon a time a Calvinist
falls down the stairs.

Gets up, brushes himself off and says,
well, thank God that's over.

Thank God that's over.

Al,

tell me, is there any room for free choice
in this philosophy of yours?

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, I could run with that.

I am.

I am so sorry I'm late, what did I miss?

Oh, oh my god.

Clark, your boy, what are you doing here?

Uh, Sophie said that she needed...

Champagne.

Do you bring it?

Yep.

Thank God, will you bore me at all one?

Thank you.

Leah, are you going to have champagne?

Really?

That's a first.

Are you sure you don't want to?

Drop it.

What has gotten into you to?

Grace, stop taking it out on her.

What are you talking about?

Literally nothing.

Do you need any help with your dress?

No, wait.

I want to know why I'm supposed to be mad
at you.

Because I made her made of honor.

You made her what?

Oh, shit.

Oh, my goodness.

Come, come, come, come, come, come.

Oh my gosh, honey.

Great, I'm so sorry, I thought you knew.

Oh, honey, honey.

Honey, you are gorgeous.

This is perfect.

Congratulations, Leah.

You want it?

You want it?

Come and get it!

Mother fuck!

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I thought
Whitakers weren't supposed to swear.

Uh, no, it just has to be for a good
reason.

Got it.

It's more of a smoke screen, because if
they're worried about the obvious surface

stuff, they tend not to notice other
things.

things.

and smoking in front.

Oh, no, honey, your cat's out of the back.

They know your soul is down.

You know, Clark, in New York, you could
be...

Whatever you want.

Mm.

I have my reason for staying for now.

Oh, mmm.

Oh, mmm.

Oh, hmm.

Oh, hmm.

Oh, do we get to meet this going on this
week but I will soon okay okay.

Okay.

Patricia

Morning.

Oh my day Sophie

Got any big announcements I'm sorry okay I
really wanted to tell you I just like

didn't want to distract you from the
wedding.

I'm sorry okay I really wanted to tell you
I just like didn't want to distract you

from the wedding.

I'm already distracted.

How far along are you?

All right, let's see.

It would have been about...

You may think it controversial that a
58-year-old woman is still a virgin.

But you know what?

That's what faith looks like.

Trusting God's timing in everything.

I know he's preparing the right person for
me.

And when the day comes, he will walk in my
door and say, Helen, I'm so glad you

waited for me.

I waited for you too.

That is what true romance looks like.

After that, it all happened, kind of fast.

Just kind of flipped.

I'm sorry I should have been more careful.

It's okay.

No one even told me what a condom was
until I was practically in college.

What's a condom?

I'm kidding.

I made a mistake, okay?

Okay.

Does Benji know?

No.

Not yet at least.

Do you need help with anything?

Yeah, just getting Grace off of my back.

I take it she wants you to do something
about it.

Yeah, she wants me to get it done right
after the wedding.

Is that what you want?

I don't know.

Do you think you're ready to be a mom?

I don't know.

Is anyone ever really ready?

Oh, yeah, I think people can be ready?

Really?

You're relatively speaking, yeah.

Do you think I'm ready?

Well, aren't you up early?

Just getting some sun, looked a little
pale in my dress yesterday.

Careful you don't burn.

Hey, can I show you something?

I have no doubt you can beat him at his
own game, but you have to ask yourself at

what cost.

Why are you showing me this?

Don't you want me to convert?

Yes, but the heart isn't won over by
arguments.

You two are just butting heads and
somebody's going to get hurt.

Can I have one of those?

I've seen the way that Sophie looks at you
and I see the way that you look at her

and...

They already have everything.

Don't throw it away just to win a
philosophy debate.

I'm not trying to win anything.

Just trying to be myself.

If you're lucky enough to have a family,
you'll see that it's not always as

clear-cut as it seems.

Sometimes it's counterintuitive and the
only way to win was to lose.

He just seems so lost.

You know, and I feel helpless to try to
really connect with him.

Oh, wow.

Am I losing my mojo?

Did you give him the Dante?

I think you read the whole thing.

Incredible.

What was his reaction?

Well, he's a Calvinist.

A secular Calvinist?

Yeah, you know, determinism.

Why bother worrying about it if the
outcome has already decided?

Well, Well, you've got to give him Carl
Barth.

Yeah, you know, determinism.

What about the joke about the stairs?

Crickets?

Don't give up hope, Stuart.

You know Darwin himself converted to
Christianity on his deathbed.

Yeah, no, I know that, sure, but he
probably thinks it's a hoax.

What?

Oh, everything's a hoax these days.

I mean, I suppose the Holocaust was a
hoax.

Oh, oh.

Well, look, you can keep taking him to
your favorite places and sharing your

favorite books, but what matters to him?

Sophie your mother and I would like to
talk to you guys about something.

In our experience one of the things that
couples disagree upon most is how to bring

up children.

We just wanted to make sure that you're
prepared for the differences inherent in

your perspectives.

I don't want to speak for Sophie,
but based on the discussions we've had,

I think we're in agreement about the
psychological harm that could be done to

kids through excessive shaming and gilting
tactics.

Sophie?

Well, yeah, I agree.

But that doesn't necessarily mean that I
don't want to give them some kind of

foundation.

Uh-huh.

what weird baggage honey do you have weird
baggage I'm not necessarily saying that I

want them to have the same experience but
I am glad that I was given certain moral

building blocks to work with exactly
exactly I like morals and our kids are

gonna have lots of them but where do you
base the authority of your morals because

without Oh God, you are stuck in
relativism.

Look, ma'am, this is hypothetical anyway,
it's if we even decide to have kids,

okay?

Oh, whoa, whoa.

Dad, I don't want to talk about this right
now.

Well, then when?

After you commit your lives to each other?

All right.

Honey, I'll look after her.

You want to seal the deal tonight.

Yeah.

Trust me.

It'll loosen him up.

Oh.

Another one of these?

And they came a white Russian.

What's a white Russian?

Don't worry you'll like it.

It's got milk in it.

Alan, I think maybe we hit you too hard.

Are you feeling OK?

My gosh, don't look at me like that.

I know I feel bad.

Look, I was just trying to help you
understand that marriage is a serious

decision.

If you're not on the same page about what
it is we're doing here...

What are we doing here?

Exactly.

That is the big question, isn't it?

And the Bible has the answer.

Thank you.

Mm-mm.

Wow.

What does the Bible say about what to do
if the truth is hurtful?

It says the truth will set you free.

Whatever it is you're holding on to,
whatever sin you might have in your past,

it can be forgiven.

So just let it go.

Let the truth set you free.

I need some air.

Um, you know what, come to a service
sometime, we'd love to see you.

Okay.

Oh, God bless.

Oh, gee.

Oh, jeez!

It's me, it is me.

I'm sorry.

Are you drunk?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Your mom's having an affair.

Yeah, no, it's not really an affair.

They have an arrangement of sorts.

Wait, what?

Yeah, she's sort of dating this
charismatic preacher guy.

She has a type I know.

Oh my God.

What's the big deal?

We have lots of friends in open
relationships.

Yeah, but they're not trying to get us to
be in perfect fucking Christian marriage.

Do you know?

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry.

Does anyone else know this?

Is it just?

Well, probably some of them.

Lea still lives here, she probably knows.

You guys just don't talk about it?

It's just easier to sweep it under the
rug.

Yeah.

My parents are in a marriage that stopped
working a long time ago.

But they believe divorce is wrong,
so they're just kind of doing everything

they can to make it all work.

My dad would lose his job if anyone found
out, so my mom keeps her dating pretty

quiet, which I think is kind of
considerate of her.

still in love.

Oh, Hong Kong!

No, I sent it.

Professor Bauer called me about it this
morning.

He did?

What, why?

He wanted to talk about publishing it?

Publishing?

My paper?

I mean, your paper.

What did you say?

I said no, of course I can't publish
something I didn't write.

Hey, sport, I'm feeling good about
tonight.

Do you need any help rehearsing for the
rehearsal?

That reminds me, I need to go work on my
vows.

Well, I'm around if you want to shoot
around any ideas.

I got him on the ropes.

I just don't know where to go from here.

I have an idea.

You're not going to like it.

I have a feeling.

He needs something emotional, he needs
zap, kicking the spiritual gonads.

Trish.

What you're doing is just so gentle and
kind and intellectual.

You're playing the game by his rules and
he's kicking your butt.

Can we please just keep this in the
family?

I don't trust Pentecostals.

You're playing the game by his rules and
he's kicking your butt.

Can we please just keep this in the
family?

I don't trust Pentecostals.

You've asked for my help.

You want to get him across the finish line
or not?

Well, I asked for your help.

Not...

The glory of the Lord is ready to fill
this earth.

Be healed and teach you stand.

He'll, he'll, he'll, he'll,

I get the picture.

I'm just saying he has the spiritual
horsepower that you're looking for.

No, no, no, I don't need the details.

My point is if Bruce gets his hands on
Alan literally lays his hands on Alan,

Alan will this be all right?

Yeah, yeah this is perfect.

This is what I just need a place just to
meditate just for a little while.

Whoa!

Whoa, way cool, hey.

Oh this this is cool.

Yeah, yeah this is cool.

Oh, yeah.

This delicious.

I'll come back for you when we're ready.

Okay, all right.

I'll be here.

I'll be here.

Hey, excuse me, could you uh, point us in
the direction of the wedding rehearsal?

Are you bad?

Hey, how many?

Hey, how nice.

Hey, how many?

Hey, my mommy.

The famous father, Alice Boek and saw
highly above him.

He was he.

He must be Stuart.

I'm Peter.

This is my wife Jean.

How do you do?

Are you guys going to be staying with us
at the homestead?

You know we hadn't planned on it?

Nope.

Uh, not.

It's not a good idea.

Uh, sorry, you know, it's not a good idea.

Uh, sorry.

You know, I wouldn't want to bother you.

No, but it wouldn't be nonsense.

You could still figure it out.

You know, I know, but you know.

You know, we're not.

You know, but what?

You know, we're Just say hello to my
parents before the rehearsal.

I'm so sorry.

It's a long time.

Yeah, listen, I'll have you guys in there
in a couple of minutes.

So nice to meet you too.

Thank you.

Seems like a great guy.

Hey, he's, uh, Alan.

I have so,

I have so much to tell you guys.

I have so much to tell you guys.

guys.

I'm going to get you guys in your seats
and we go talk about it.

All right.

If you are so pro-life, why don't you take
care of one of the kids that are already

more?

I don't want to talk to you about this
anymore.

Sophie, will you please tell Leah that
this is the biggest mistake of her life?

I am the biggest mistake of her life?

I don't know one getting married here.

babies are made.

Yeah well I seem to have proved you wrong
there crazy this is a cycle of this is a

cycle of endless suffering and you're
gonna be a mother to it enough with your

dolly-lama bullshit you're the same
obnoxious evangelist you've always been

you just what switched side yeah she does
have a point if I had had a baby with my

youth group I never would have met Alan.

I never would have.

I never would have...

Oh my word, Leah!

Awesome.

Thanks guys.

Leah, sweet Leah, your child is a gift
from God.

This life is not a mistake.

This life is a miracle.

Right now, God is knitting him or her
together.

Were they?

Yeah, can we just call it it for now?

It is a miracle.

It is a miracle.

This weekend is just about Sophie.

I'll just about Sophie, okay?

I'll figure this out later.

Leah, you must eat?

Whatever.

I'll make you a- I'll see you at the
dinner.

You're not coming to the rehearsal?

What?

You have your maid of honor.

What do you need me for?

Stue?

Oh, you're not coming to the rehearsal.

You're a terrible liar.

I miss our little talks.

He's too.

Oh, sorry.

Where's the bathroom?

A lot of grape juice.

Right up there.

Right up there.

Right up there.

Right up there.

Thank you.

He's the worst.

He's the worst.

the hail Mary so we're just gonna you know
we're gonna what you know we're gonna roll

the dice that's that's not rolling the
dice yeah of course it is no no dad stop

it stop it that's not rolling the dice

God, yeah, yeah, I've been doing that in
my sermons.

Yeah, I've been doing that in my sermons.

What?

Yeah, I'm...

Mr. Ritterker, I do not believe this man
has any theological training.

It's ready.

Who done, who done?

Okay, it's game time, we got to get
moving.

What the head?

Pastor Ritaker, I do not believe this man
has any theological training.

Are you sure you will...

May it all be okay, I promise,
kind of.

Okay, here's what's gonna happen.

Jared, you're gonna go find Al's parents,
okay?

Benji, Leah, just go and play it like an
altar call.

You've done that a hundred times,
okay?

Now, in the famous words of our hero,
Todd Beamer.

Let's roll.

Yeah.

Let's roll.

Yeah.

That's wrong, baby.

That's my hero.

What can we do?

Rehearsal time.

Uh, could you just give us a few more
minutes?

It's okay.

Let's just get this over with it.

I'll talk.

Here we go.

Here we go.

What is he doing here?

So if I'm coming, it's all going to work
out for the best.

I think.

Am I missing something?

Who is this that cometh up out of the
wilderness that leaneth upon her beloved?

I roused you in the apple garden.

There thy mother brought thee forth.

There, she brought thee forth that bear
thee.

Thee...

For love is as strong as death.

The coals thereof are coals of fire which
has a most vehement flame.

Repeat after me.

I, Alan Rhodes, take you, Sophie Whitaker.

I mean actually we're going to be writing
our own vows so we can skip over this part

for now.

Yeah.

To be my wife.

Mom.

To be my wife?

To have and to hold.

Having to hold.

From this day forward.

For better for worse.

For I am a sinner.

What the fuck man?

No he said he said it.

Forget about, come back, you're healed.

You're healed if you're blind.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, get off me!

You're going to fall for God.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no,

I don't think it's that bad.

But she's pregnant.

What?

I'm supposed to slay him, that her?..

Dude.

Pregnant?

She can't be pregnant.

No way, man.

It doesn't count if you don't finish,
right?

As long as we don't finish, we're still
merchants.

You think that the all-powerful
all-knowing God of all the universe is too

stupid to know that you're boinking my
daughter because you pulled out.

I'm addicted to born!

You are sledding the road.

People slay him.

I'm trying.

Come on that, look at the room.

He call an ambulance.

Oh, man.

I can't hear me down.

Excuse me, we need to see my husband.

He's in critical condition.

I can't have visitors right now.

Wait, wait....

Those two.

I want to talk to those two.

We're here, Dad.

Sophie, Alan.

I saw it.

I saw the other side, and I came back.

I don't know how long I have.

I saw the other side, and I came back.

What, Daddy?

They showed me the book of life.

They showed me the names that were there.

And Alan,

your name wasn't in it.

And I knew, I knew immediately what they
were showing me.

And I knew I knew immediately what they
were showing me.

And I knew I knew I knew I had to come
back because, because my work wasn't done

yet.

I have been sent back until my task is
finished.

I am begging you not to let your pride get
in the way of your eternal salvation.

Al, please, I am hanging on by a thread
here, but I have to know you're safe

before I can go.

Why didn't you tell me?

Because I don't you tell me?

Because I don't know what I'm doing.

Sophie, I know what I saw.

You don't believe me?

Hey!

What's going on?

How are we feeling?

I'm better, I think.

Ha ha, uh, uh, unbelievable.

I take it back.

Mm-mm-mm.

When you're saved, you're saved,
baby.

No, no, no, no, no.

The book of life is written in ink.

Honey, you did.

No, I did not know.

I will admit I was a bit theatrical,
but nothing I said was untrue.

I can't do this.

I can't do this anymore.

Well, what are you saying?

Maybe I should just get a room with my
parents at the hotel for a little bit,

okay?

You're welcome to come with me.

No, no, honey.

Honey, we only have one more night until
you're...

Sophie.

Sir, you can't smoke...

I'm making a point, please.

Are you kidding me?

How could you do this to us?

To yourself?

Gosh, you are such a freaking hypocrite.

Those...

We've known for a long-ass time.

Since when?

That was nothing.

I was just going through a hard time.

Then there was the one you left in the
car.

All right, fine, I might have been
thinking about my options.

And the one in your Amazon cart right now.

You are practically a grown-up,
isn't it time you get your own Amazon

accounts?

So now I'm a grown-up, but heaven forbid I
do any grown-up things.

You can do all the grown-up things as long
as you do them in the right order.

Yeah, and you're one to talk.

Usually, people wrap up one marriage
before starting another one.

We did the right thing for you.

Don't, don't put that shit on us.

We're not kids anymore.

Yeah, fucking damn it, mother fucking son
of a bitch.

No swearing.

Oh, great.

Um, we

know this new situation is a bit shocking
to you.

Stuart, I think it's time.

Um, we know this new situation is a bit
shocking to you.

Um, it's not ideal.

and no one is being deceived.

Except us.

I cannot believe you judged me when you're
out there screwing around.

It's not as scandalous as it seems.

Bruce and I are in a loving monogamous
relationship, and your dad and I both

agreed that we would keep it secret so he
could keep his job.

Yes, so for now we have to ask you to
please keep this to yourselves.

We know it's not fair.

Not perfect.

Neither are we.

Oh, Sophie, sweetie, please, it's okay.

We still care very much for each other.

Stuart, it's not about us.

Oh, Sophie, oh, sweetie, I'm sorry,
but I did try to warn you.

The man has no moral center.

At least we like Alan.

It's not whether someone is likable.

You know what else was likeable,
they say?

Dad, if you compare my father to Hitler,
I swear to God.

No, no, O.J.

Dad, you are not a martyr.

You are not being persecuted.

You're the one doing the persecuting.

That is not fair.

Everything I do, every day, is because I
love all of you.

You don't love us.

You don't love us.

You have...

additional affection for us and that is
not love.

People can't live like this.

I can't live like this.

Are you the mom going to get divorced too?

No, no, of course not.

Why would you think that?

Because of mom's deologic phalluses.

Oh, no, of course not.

Why would you think that?

Because of mom's deologic phalluses.

with another pastor.

Yeah, she's got a title.

Oh my God.

Guys, what are we doing here?

I'm supposed to get married in nine hours
from now.

Well, what's stopping you?

But you who left, not her.

Yeah, but all this bullshit with her
family, I never...

But with all this talk about integrity,
didn't you just lie about me having night

terrors?

I can understand you're being upset about
Sophie.

But she's trying to hold two extremes
together and she's just doing her best.

I don't know, you know.

Maybe I should have given you more
exposure to this sort of thing when you

were growing up, you know.

You know, I should have told you
everything.

Hi, Mr. Rose.

Gene, let's give him a minute.

I'm sorry.

I should have told her everything about my
family.

I should have told you about my parents.

The reason you didn't meet them for two
years is because I didn't want you to meet

them I wanted to be different and I've
just been sweeping everything under the

rug Which is such a fucking wicker thing
to do Sophie Sophie Sophie It's okay.

I'm the one that's sorry I thought she was
on my side I really I really did and then

she and of course I want a family with you
of course I do I I just needed to get your

dad off my back and honestly I'm a little
worried that I know I don't want a family

like that either

We okay?

Yeah.

I love you so much.

I love you too.

You know, I took Alan downstairs yesterday
and showed him your little plan.

You what?

I was trying to help.

You know, I took Alan downstairs yesterday
and showed him your little plan.

You what?

What?

I'm trying to help.

You something into line with me?

I did lose my mojo just because you
snuckin and chopped it off.

Stu, my point is given the opportunity to
tell you what you wanted to hear he

wouldn't.

He's a terribly honest person.

They both are.

Oh, he's prideful.

You have more in common than you think.

Trist, that I make you feel not good
enough.

I swear I was just trying to love you.

If you love me, give me a divorce.

We both know it's what's better for both
of us and maybe the church elders will

understand.

No, I can't.

It's wrong.

I'm sorry.

Hey honey,

do you mind if we, I speak to alone for a
minute?

Yeah, I do mind, actually.

You can talk to both of us.

That's fair.

Um, so look, I just want to tell you,
I'm sorry.

Marriage is hard enough, you don't need me
piling on.

But look, I just, I just want to tell you,
I'm sorry.

Marriage is hard enough, you don't need me
piling on.

But look, you are always going to be my
little, you are always going to be my

little.

Sophie and it's not a choice I'm making I
promise you it's just it's the old

software I know in reality you're growing
up I know it you're gonna do what you want

to do and you certainly don't need my
permission to get married can't imagine

you even want it at this point I wondered
if I could give you my blessing if I'd

even have it.

If I'd even have it.

Pastor Stewart.

Peter, can I get you some coffee?

No, no, no, no, I'm good thing.

Then what can I do for you?

After all the excitement last night,
I didn't know what else you could

possible.

No, no, no, no, it's okay.

It's okay.

is religious heritage.

Yeah.

So I got this.

You're Jewish?

Yeah.

I'm not practicing.

You're Jewish.

Yeah, I'm Jewish.

I'm not practicing, you know, but I
thought this might be a nice nod to

tradition.

It's called a katuba.

It's like a Jewish wedding contract.

Yeah, no, no, I know exactly what it is.

How the seat of Abraham and my own
daughter.

It says that?

No, no, no, I'm sorry.

No, no, no, but Peter, this is beautiful.

Oh, my goodness.

You know, usually it's signed by two
Jewish witnesses, but, you know,

I was wondering if perhaps you would,
you would, do us the honor, would you?

It's signed by

two Jewish witnesses, but you know,
I was him?

Grace,

you can be the maid of honor, okay?

I don't care.

No, it's not that, I just, um... I haven't
been in a church in like seven years and I

just, um... I feel very lucky to have
someone like you looking out for me.

Yeah, well, you're right.

Yeah, well, you're right.

You're both right.

It would mean a lot to me to have you
there.

You don't have to sing, you can stand in
the back if you want.

No, no.

I'm going to be up front with you.

Besides, Leah just said that I could be
made of honor, so...

Oh, I take it back.

Hey.

Hi, Dad, this is Brian.

Hey, I'm Pastor Stewart.

They call me peace too.

Wow, this suit is sharp.

Is that one of those Brooks brothers or
something?

It's nice.

Thank you, thank you, sir.

So Dad, he's doing some research after our
talk last night.

Oh?

Yeah.

Divorce men aren't usually allowed to
remain pastors, but...

There are a lot of remarried pastors.

Oh, like a Santa Claus too situation.

What's that?

Well, you know, the one where you ask you
remarried by Christmas or can't be Santa

Claus anymore.

Yeah, whenever.

Uh, listen, Jared, I just think it's a
little late in the game for me.

I just don't know if I have it in me.

But listen, I appreciate you looking into
it for me.

I can see you becoming a very
compassionate minister.

It was a maze idea.

Me's idea.

Me?

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's really good at that sort of thing.

I actually wanted to ask you what you
think about the idea of me, of us.

What if I don't finish seminary?

How you holding up big guy?

Oh boy.

They're all slipping through my fingers
Helen.

They're growing up that's supposed to
happen.

Yeah, but not like this.

A father has a responsibility to set them
on a good path to raise up a child in the

way he should go.

I blew it.

Oh boy I blew it and I seem to have blown
it with all of them in one way or another.

And you know, I have been trying to be
more accepting, but there.

are just some things.

It's a long road stew.

And I have my limits.

In the prodigal son's story, when the kid
wants to leave, what does the father do?

Does he grab the kid by the ankles and beg
him to stay?

No.

Does he beat himself over the head and
blame himself for failing?

No.

What does he do?

He let him

go?

He lets him go.

Who gives this woman to be married?

That's me.

Well, her mother and I do.

So normally when I begin you know a
ceremony like this I like to begin with

the Lord's Supper.

But because of your personal preferences,
I think we can be forgiven for making a

slight modification to the traditional
ceremony.

My second favorite testament.

Yeah, yeah,

That damn floor is killing me.

One more guy's home.

Hmm, Brian and I have something to tell
you.

Oh, it's not necessary, Clark.

No, I get the picture.

Can you just hear him out, please?..

I thought I should warn you about a man.

named Bruce Gustafson who's been,
well he's kind of been hanging around.

Yeah, yeah, you know him?

He, um, used to be my bastard.

Your pastor?

Oh, so you went to living waters.

I still do.

Like, I don't understand.

He was fired a few months ago.

What?

Why?

Well, how do I, how do I put this
delicately?

Well, he's kind of sort of an asshole.

Nobody cheats on my wife.

Ow.

Son, that's nothing.

What is going on here?

You are getting tucked by a false prophet.

I'm so sorry, I had no idea.

The bridesmaid?

Really?

Baby, she didn't know the Lord.

Enough.

Boys, get him out of here.

No, I still.

I'm good, everyone.

Oh good.

Well, I got cocked, and you got cocked.

And with the measure you use, it will be
measured to you.

Don't talk, just let me clean you up.

No, no, no, no, sweetie, baby,
baby.

I think it's time to call it quits.

Benji, where are we going?

Stop, we're going to miss the big exit.

That's where it all started.

Oh, that's thoughtful and kind of weird.

Oh, my God.

I know we got some stuff to figure out.

But you know, maybe this is a sign.

Benji.

Lea.

I love you.

Benji, you don't have to say that just
because I'm pregnant.

I'm not.

I got this the day after we accidentally
had premarital sex for the first time.

She's been working with the courage.

So, I got this the day after we
accidentally had premarital sex for the

first time..

What?

I don't understand.

This is how we make it right.

Are you not thinking about that right now?

Wait, you're not thinking about actually.

I am, I'm going to keep the baby.

And I want you to be a part of its life,
isn't it?

We're a family or we're not.

Do you want to be a family?

Call the meeting with the Board of Elders.

I tried everything I could.

I'm sorry.

Leading this flock with you has been one
of the great honors of my life.

Who am I to get upset that the chapter is
coming to an end?

I'm just going to quietly get my final
sermon and then I'm going to go home and

pull a Noah.

Who am I to get upset that the chapter is
coming to an end?

I'm just going to quietly get my final
sermon.

No, no, no, after the ark.

Oh, yeah.

Drink too much and get buttony.

Bingo.

Did you at least get things together with
Alan, getting him straighten out?

I succeeded in doing some damage control.

That's about it.

Hmm.

Well, you know, don't give up hope,
too.

I mean, even Darwin converted on his
deathbed, you know.

What if that was a hoax?

St Thomas Aquinas understood love to be an
act of the will.

He called it a binding force, a movement
of the will simultaneously toward good

that one wills and the person for whom one
wills it.

We are...

You know the Bible says that God loves us
like a father loves his children and

speaking as a parent myself I can tell you
what that's like I can tell you that he

wants to give you everything but if he
made your lives perfect he would be taking

away your humanity then we would just be
like rumbas vacuuming up God's carpet.

So what is it that makes us different than
a robot?

What?

I'm going to do.

Oh, Oh.

Oh.

Oh.