All language subtitles for Children.Ruin.Everything.S04E15.Consideration.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-Kitsune_track3_[eng]

: Before kids,
your stuff was your stuff.

You found things
where you left them,

in the condition
that you left them in.

And if it was covered
in chocolate fingerprints,

those were your chocolate
fingerprints.

Mommy, I can't
find your brush!

I'm hung-y!

Viv,
that's my breakfast.

Felix, why are you going
through my purse?

Hey, that's my doll!

Because I need a pen
to finish my homework.

Take it easy,
all right. - Is this my shirt?

: Kids have
a more communal attitude

towards your stuff.
If it's yours, it's also theirs.

: Unless
it's time to clean up.

I assume everyone
has made their beds?

Ugh! Damn.
Ugh.

All right, I'm gonna
go to work early.

Enjoy your day off.
You deserve it.

Bye.

- Ew. Hey, Siri,
skip song.

- Felix, it's the radio.
You can't tell it what to do.

- Well, I like that some rando
decides what we listen to.

- Ha! DJs play a very important
cultural role, curating,

connecting us with new artists.

: Okay, big question
once again.

Using the toilet
while your partner's

in the shower,
nope or dope?

Let us know where you stand.

Now it's time
for Freak of the Week,

where you could win
a mystery vacation.

This week's freak
is Astrid Berney!

- Mom!
Oh, my God! What?!

Shh, Felix! Shh!

: Astrid, expect a call
from us sometime today.

And if you answer with

"I'm the Freak of the Week,
give it to me,"

you'll win a trip
somewhere freaky.

Where's my phone?

- I don't see it anywhere.
You're not even looking.

- It's your phone
and you always lose it.

- You know what?
Maybe I always lose it

because you guys
are always taking it.

Taking pictures.
Making movies.

Playing my farm game.
Beating the level

that I was enjoying.

Or, or maybe I lose it

because all I ever do
is keep track

of your appointments!
And your homework!

And your playdates!
Uh, oh, oh, where's my binder?

Where, is it down here?
Where's my binder?

Should I find it?
Help, where is it?

Have I been vaccinated for this?
Have I been vaccinated for that?

Did you ever think, Felix,
for one moment,

for one simple moment,

that I might need my phone

for something important one day?

Like Freak of the Week?!

Now, rally the troops.

We are not leaving this house
until we find my phone.

Weird to see the office
packed up in boxes.

Is it just me
or is it kinda spooky in here

- without any of the stuff?
- Yeah.

-Gentlemen!
- Yeesh.

I don't have much time.
Today is Corey's birthday

and we're leaving
for our nation's

premiere theme park,
Canada's land of wonder.

Ooh. You finally
gonna have a hotdog?

- No.
- Hey, Bo,

most of our stuff is over
at Gero's new offices,

so I don't really know
what we're doing here.

Ah, to be fair, he doesn't
know what he's doing most days.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, as you know, I'm taking
a step back from GoBo,

and Marla's the new President
of Gero's.

So, I'm gonna need someone
to run this company full-time.

And that someone
is the both of you.

- We're the boss?
- Both?

It's the both of us.

Yes. I am making you
the new co-COOs of GoBo.

With two babies on the way,

this space is going to become
Corey's bedroom.

The bed is arriving later today

and I'm gonna have to trust
my two top dudes to assemble it.

So, our first job as COO
is to assemble Corey's bed?

-Mm-hmm.
- You can count on us.

- We are all over it. Boom.
- Mmm.

Hey,
how long have those shelves of yarn been there?

Why are we looking in my room?

Because
when things go missing,

they tend to end up in here.

Viv, I need you to think, okay?

I need you to really,
really think.

What did you do after breakfast
this morning?

Yes. I was using it
as a TV for my dolls.

They were watching
The Real Life

Hoochie Dolls of Miami,
California.

- Okay.
- Oh, my God.

You really think Miami
is in California?

- Oh, my God.
- Felix, please, not now.

Morris kept taking my dolls

and eating their feet.
I got mad at him.

And then, I looked in the mirror
for a long time.

I was trying to see
if I could turn around

fast enough to see
the back of my head.

Viv, focus.

Moo, moo, moo.

Morris took it.

Morris! Morris! Morris!

Morris! Morris!

My phone in the dryer?

No.

Why are we even listening
to this guy?

- He doesn't know anything.
- Okay.

Dude...

Gonna need you to show Mommy
where you put her phone.

Hey, while we're waiting

for this bed to get here,
can you give me the too long,

didn't read, abbreviated
summary of what a COO does?

Yeah, uh well, my guess is
that I'm gonna do all the work,

you're gonna skate by on charm
and get paid the same.

No, no, no, no, no.
I'm gonna help.

I think I'm gonna be
a real asset, I bet.

A second ago, you didn't know
this wall had yarn in it.

But you taught me,
and now I know.

And now it's in there.

What, are you jump-starting
your own head?

No, I was welding.

That's a... Weld is a fire.

It's like a lighting of a...

- Oh.
- What?

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, oh yeah.

- Here you go.
- All right.

Well, James,
consider building this bed

the beginning of our new,

equal amount of work,
working relationship.

Okay.

Here are the instru...

...instructions.

Is this it?
Do I call Dawn?

Do we get the dookie
and the sister wife?

No, relax.
It's a practice contraction.

Oh, right,
the Toni Braxton ones.

Braxton Hicks.
Oh yeah.

I know when to call
the midwife.

Okay, good.

Oh, boy, that was a really
serious noise.

- Hmm.
- I felt that in my butt

before I heard it in my ears.

Wanna get started
on this thing?

Yeah, totally, totally.
I'm thirsty.

- Are you thirsty?
- Huh? N...

Laundry basket? Yes.

Morris is obsessed
with laundry.

No phone. And now I have
to refold the towels.

What's next? Locusts?

Wait, Dad used your phone
this morning.

He lost his phone,

and then he used your phone
to find it.

Yes, Felix!
Go, Felix!

Go, Felix!

Now, what's locusts?

Uh, locusts are like
big grasshoppers that travel

in packs of one billion
and eat everybody's food.

Cool!

Pfft.

Thought you were
bringing my phone?

No, I don't know
where the phone is.

When Dad found his phone,
he messaged me

that I wasn't allowed
to use the iPad in my room

because the attention
economy is...

Eroding our brains.

Yes, okay, well, we can use
the iPad to text James.

The iPad is dead.
Dead!

Can we please go to school?

School, yes. School.

-Yes!
- Right, uh...

It's raining outside.
Ok.

Not to uh,
nudge you off your phone,

but I've started here.

I'm actually watching
the instructional video.

- Instructions are right there.
- Yeah, but they're confusing.

Look, step 3, suddenly,
the cartoon guy has a hat.

Is he outside in the sun?
Is this a different guy?

Sometimes people have hats.
Sometimes they don't have hats.

It's just reflecting
real life.

Real life?
His skin is his clothes.

He doesn't have knees!

Ennis, my man,

you've watched four videos
on your phone

and one of them had
a car chase in it.

That was a car commercial.

And yeah, I coulda skipped it,
but I recognized

the mountains in the commercial
that they were driving through,

because my Dad and I skied there
when I was a kid.

You know what?
I'm used to it, Ennis.

- I don't need your help.
- You just asked for my help.

Because you said you were
interested in doing equal work.

But now look what's happening,
you're not doing it.

This is exactly why we both
shouldn't be in charge.

I see. You're annoyed
because Bo made us both CBOs,

and you think you deserve it
more than me.

And you think you'll end up
doing all the work

because I'm incompetent.

Yes.

Oh.

Yeah, okay...

: That's what I get
for being a Leafs fan.

Oh well.

Traffic and weather coming up
at the top of the hour.

Still gotta reach out to the Freak of the Week.

What's that?
- Hope Astrid is ready for our call.

Phone? Phone is that you?

Where are you? Come on!

Ah!

- Hey, James.
- Hey, Zinnia.

How's it go-o-o-o-o...

Was that a case
of serious pregnancy or?

No, it's all good.
'Til the contractions get closer together.

- Hmm.
- How's the bed going?

It's very hard.
I can't believe this is my job.

Oh, you wanna talk weird jobs,
they track my vitals,

I'm not allowed
to have "sad foods,"

and the family performs
musical theatre to my belly.

Bo performs
all the cats in Cats?

Bo performs
all the cats in Cats.

Ugh. I'd be
a terrible surrogate.

Well, thank God for Ennis.

He likes to lift
people's spirits.

- I wish he'd lift a finger.
- Hmm.

And he's a really tender lover.

'K.

Learned about
my hormone changes,

what kind of food I need
so I don't get tired.

He's even taking prenatal
yoga classes.

You know, when he's motivated,
he's a really quick learner.

He's a very thoughtful partner.

And surprisingly flexible.

Break time.
Bye-bye.

-Hello?
- Oh.

Whatever you're bringing me,
Mom, I don't want it.

Oh, pfft, nonsense.
You love this mug-a-phant.

Mom, never laid eyes
on that mug before, okay?

- Spring cleaning?
- No, Mom,

- I can't find my phone.
- Did you check your purse?

- Yes, I checked my purse.
- What about your back pocket?

The kids took it.
They put it somewhere.

They're always taking my stuff.

It's like nothing
belongs to me anymore.

Is that my bracelet?

Oh, yeah.
I borrowed it.

And here I was going
out of my way

to return your mug-a-phant.

Wait a sec...

- You can call my phone.
- You won't pick up.

That's why I always
just come over.

- Call my phone, Mom.
- Okay.

Go on.

Give it a ring.

Oh, it's ringing.

Hello?
: Nisha!

Oh, Alice.

Isn't that funny?

I meant to call my daughter.
How are you?

- Mom?
- Oh! Ow, ow.

Is the nail black?
: Oh, yes.

Oh, my God, that's awful.

She was trying to get a bird
out of the house

and she dropped
a saxophone on her foot.

Mom, can you call my phone?

Okay, no don't worry,
I'm coming over.

Mom, can you just quickly
call my phone?

These have almonds in them?

Hey, man.

I put the hat on as a joke,

and then I forgot
to take it off, okay?

Ah.

Looks like you're getting
pretty hungry.

Oh yeah, so I'm greedy,
on top of being lazy and dumb?

What else am I, Sleepy? Doc?

- I never said you were dumb.
- Yeah, you did,

in the argument we had
in my head.

And you actually had a pretty
rude tone about it, too.

Hold on, you can't
make up an argument

and then get wounded
like I'm the jerk.

Oh, so I'm the jerk?
Is that what you're saying?

So, I'm the jerk?
You can't be the jerk because I'm the jerk.

- You italicized "I'm."
- I italicized?

Zinnia needs to eat every
two hours or she gets nauseous,

which seems completely
backwards to me.

And I don't know, she's
the one having the baby, so.

Okay, but it's Dawn
and Bo's baby, Ennis.

It's not like
you have to keep it.

Yeah, well, maybe I'm worried
about keeping her.

After she has the baby,
what does she need me for?

I'm completely irrelevant.
Nobody needs me.

You're in love.

With a very special woman.

Okay, those two were actually
very close together.

You get her into bed.
I have made a labour playlist

I will send to her phone,
then I'll text you her password.

And I'm just gonna call
the Stepford Wife

- and the Doobie Brothers.
- The midwife and the doula.

I got it, James.

What is this?

Blech!

Ah, thank God you're here.

I did something really stupid.

I started making coq au vin,

and then I realized I don't have
all the ingredients.

Could I borrow an onion,
some white wine,

and some chicken?

Yeah, yeah, come in.

I think I have some freezer
burnt chicken thighs.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what happened to your place?

Heh. I was picked
to win a radio prize

if I answer the phone
when they call,

but I can't find my phone.

You know what?
I have an amazing system

to find things,
uh, that works like magic.

Tarot cards.
They never let me down.

It's how I make
all my decisions.

You simply ask
the cards a question.

Where's my phone?

Alaskan Husky,
lover of solitude.

Ooh, Bernadoodle,

intelligent, yet playful.

Ha, Bloodhound.

Detective's best friend.
Interesting, no?

That's a powerful one,

the Doberman, the dog of death.

Anything jumping out at you or?

No, Rachel,
'cause they're dogs,

so I don't know why anything
would jump out at...

No, wait.

Alaskan Husky,
lover of solitude.

I hid in the bathroom to get
alone time from the kids.

Yes.

Bernadoodle,
intelligent and playful?

I was playing Farm Fanatic,
a game of strategy.

Yes, I've played that game.

I could never get
my corn to grow.

Bloodhound. Viv.

She sniffed me out.

She, she was banging
on the door.

Before I opened it, I hid
my phone in the bathtub!

And then I called you,

and you didn't pick up
because...

It's dead!

Oh, my God!

Wake up, baby.
Wake up, baby.

You did it.

I'm the Freak of the Week.
Give it to me!

: Astrid?

Dawn!
: Oh, Astrid!

Dawn, what's wrong?
: Zinnia is in labour.

Bo and Corey are stuck
on a rollercoaster.

And Bo has the car keys
and Uber is taking forever.

I'm not gonna make it
to my baby's birth.

Dawn, yes, you are.
Sit tight.

I'm coming to get you.

Just gonna let that
charge for a minute.

James, did we make it?

Yes, you made it.
Ennis has everything under control.

He's called the doula
and the midwife.

And your mother
is picking up our kids, okay?

-Okay.
- Oh, Astrid.

Oh, thanks to you,
I'm not gonna miss

the arrival of my little girl.

- You're more than a sister.
- Oh.

You are a light in the dark.

You are my guiding star.

You are my knight in shining--

I'm the Freak of the Week!
Give it to me!

- : Congratulations, Astrid!
- I won!

: You are the Freak of the Week!

Woo! I won, baby!

Woo!

Where's Zinnia?

Giving birth in Corey's
birthday bed.

- What?
- She managed to put

the whole thing
together herself.

Kind of like building
a nest for her egg.

It's my egg, James.
It's my egg!

Zinnia, use towels!

Okay, she is fully dilated.

Her cerveza
is the size of a bagel.

You mean cervix.

Uh, it's pronounced
"bagel," James.

I need a receptacle
of some sort

to catch the polenta.

The placenta's
much bigger than a mug.

It looks like Krang
from the Ninja Turtles.

You're gonna want a bowl,
something bigger.

I forgot about Krang.

James, I got this.

Zinnia, I've got
a bowl for Krang!

-Hi.
- Hey.

- I won a trip.
- What? How?

I'm the Freak of the Week.

You're the freak
of the century.

- Um, it's an adventure tour.
- Okay.

20,000 leagues
under the Georgian Bay.

Cool... sounding.

We're, what is it?
We're scuba diving?

It's a little submarine.

So, you climb in
and it takes you deep,

deep, deep under the water.

And we stay in a hotel.

Not underwater, on land,
if we make it back up.

When we make it back up.

Sorry, there's a waiver
that I had to...

Ahem, I don't want this prize.

I don't want it.
I don't want it.

Thank God.

- Congrats, though.
- I just wanted...

us to think about ourselves
for a moment.

Well, I think about you
all the time.

I should have
called you today.

But I didn't have my phone.

And James, without my phone,

I don't have your number.

What?

You know, I know
your number by heart.

- No.
- I have a whole song about it.

♪ 416,
she's my favourite chick ♪

♪ 555, makes me feel so alive ♪

♪ 01, she's lots of fun ♪

♪ And 06, she makes my heart
tick, tick ♪

♪ She's my beautiful wife,
she's the love of my life ♪

♪ I'm so happy
that she's my girl ♪♪

Why does the song keep
going after the number?

I guess I love you that much.

Sing my song again.

Mm-hmm.

♪ 416,
she's my favourite chick ♪

♪ 555, make me feel... ♪♪

You should get
to keep that robe.

I know.
Isn't she beautiful?

You did it, man.
You helped the baby get born.

Pfft, yeah.
It's crazy, right?

I've never seen you be,
uh, so in charge.

Get used to it, my friend.

Oh, you okay?

Wrong pipe?

Oh, look at you two lovebirds

all in love drinking gin
out of a can.

Um, I got some really
cute shots of the baby.

And then I saw
all the pictures

- that our kids took on my phone.
- Oh, my gosh.

: It's frustrating
that your stuff gets borrowed,

misplaced, and used up
by grubby little hands.

: It's true that
your phone, clothes,

and lunch are no longer yours
alone, but on the flip side...

Drink?

: ...neither
is your joy,

your sorrow,
your laughter, your love.

: So, be happy
that you get to share it all.

: 'Cause you don't
have much choice.

Zinnia, Ennis,

would you like to hold the baby?

Oh, no thanks.

Oh, not in the least,
actually.

No, it's okay.
I'm good. Looks great.

-Thanks, though.
- Okay.

And a one, and a two,
and a do what you do.

Hey, ooh.

♪ J... James is your name ♪

♪ A, A, A, A,
he's an amazing guy ♪

'K.

♪ M, M, M, he's the man
that I married ♪

♪ E, E, E,
he's everything to me ♪♪

There's another,
there's one more letter.

No, I know.
I know there is. Yeah.

♪ S, S, S, he's... ♪♪

It's a popular letter.

- There's lots of stuff.
- Hmm. James, shh, I'm thinking.