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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:38,777 There she is. 2 00:00:38,821 --> 00:00:40,605 Good old Hollywood. 3 00:00:40,649 --> 00:00:42,781 Sold as a land of dreams, 4 00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:46,394 this is a deeply backwards town for the majority. 5 00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:49,788 Fablers and thespians flock to the twinkling lights, 6 00:00:49,832 --> 00:00:51,877 where they fight to make believe, 7 00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:54,358 until a select few rise up 8 00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:57,318 and metastasize into the gatekeepers themselves. 9 00:01:00,277 --> 00:01:03,541 When some reach new heights, they withhold a helping hand 10 00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:07,589 and instead spit on the fellow creatives below. 11 00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:14,857 Hey everyone, welcome toEntertainment Evening. 12 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:17,338 We have lots to unpack for you tonight, 13 00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:19,688 including a red carpet altercation... 14 00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:21,255 But on Christmas Eve, 15 00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:24,258 a sextuplet of struggling artists 16 00:01:24,301 --> 00:01:26,825 will have their fortunes altered 17 00:01:26,869 --> 00:01:29,741 by an unexpected and mysterious holiday gift. 18 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,669 Dear distinguished guest, 19 00:01:44,713 --> 00:01:48,717 you are cordially invited to... 20 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:51,459 ... a remarkable and exclusive evening 21 00:01:51,502 --> 00:01:54,375 that will forever change your life. 22 00:01:58,466 --> 00:02:00,903 Enclosed is your golden ticket. 23 00:02:00,946 --> 00:02:05,386 And a $1,000 preview of a fortune to be had. 24 00:02:07,692 --> 00:02:10,217 Inscribed on the ticket is your pseudonym, 25 00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:12,610 call time, and address. 26 00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:14,177 You are Ghost. 27 00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:25,710 Lastly, there are three rules for the event. 28 00:02:25,754 --> 00:02:27,451 Don't bring cell phones, 29 00:02:27,495 --> 00:02:29,279 don't discuss your personal lives 30 00:02:29,323 --> 00:02:30,889 and don't be late. 31 00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:32,456 See you tonight. 32 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,589 -I bet some pretty famous people Uber up here, yeah? 33 00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:37,244 -They don't ride UberPool. 34 00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:40,638 Right. Right. 35 00:02:40,682 --> 00:02:44,294 Right. 36 00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:47,471 Hey, what's the craziest thing you've seen while driving? 37 00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:49,691 Okay, okay, I got one. 38 00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:51,780 I once saw a pigeon fly out of a woman's bag. 39 00:02:51,823 --> 00:02:52,955 Now this is a true story. 40 00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:54,609 So I'm sitting up here in the front seat. 41 00:02:54,652 --> 00:02:55,827 Now, two women who don't know each other 42 00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:57,002 are sittin' in the back. 43 00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:58,917 Now, grocery bag lady falls asleep, 44 00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:00,789 and no sooner does she do that than bang! 45 00:03:00,832 --> 00:03:02,921 A pigeon flies out, and this guy is flapping, 46 00:03:02,965 --> 00:03:05,315 and he is going crazy. 47 00:03:05,359 --> 00:03:06,795 And the old lady sitting next to her, 48 00:03:06,838 --> 00:03:08,884 she grabs the pigeon, 49 00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:11,408 snaps the bird's neck real casual, 50 00:03:11,452 --> 00:03:13,280 and puts it right back into the grocery bag. 51 00:03:13,323 --> 00:03:15,673 And the craziest part about this 52 00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:18,459 is grocery lady never even woke up. 53 00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:21,592 Made me realize how much we miss 54 00:03:21,636 --> 00:03:24,291 just by closing our eyes. 55 00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:26,945 -Shit...I remember that monologue 56 00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:29,818 from Leonard Kahn's class. 57 00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:30,949 -What are you talking about? 58 00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:33,300 -Yeah, went there in 2017. 59 00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:34,779 Did the same monologue. 60 00:03:34,823 --> 00:03:35,867 You're good. 61 00:03:35,911 --> 00:03:37,956 You gotta slow it down though. 62 00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:44,659 On, um, on which part? 63 00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:49,316 Thank you for the invitation to... 64 00:03:49,359 --> 00:03:52,667 Thank you. Thank you. 65 00:03:58,673 --> 00:04:01,850 Good day. Thank you so much for this surprise invitation 66 00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:04,026 to your humble abode. 67 00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:04,983 No one says that. 68 00:04:07,899 --> 00:04:10,380 Hello. Good day. It's nice to meet you. 69 00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:12,730 It's nice to be at your sophisticated 70 00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:14,515 and yet humble abode. 71 00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:16,081 You're late and you sound Mormon. 72 00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:18,345 -Yeah. No, no, no. 73 00:04:18,388 --> 00:04:20,521 Sorry. My--my driver dropped me off 74 00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:22,610 a little bit down the road. 75 00:04:24,046 --> 00:04:25,526 He doesn't have it. 76 00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:26,744 - No, no. No, no. I have it. 77 00:04:26,788 --> 00:04:28,616 -The card? -Yeah, I have it. 78 00:04:28,659 --> 00:04:31,401 Yeah, it says--it says-- it says I'm a Hero. 79 00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:34,622 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 80 00:04:34,665 --> 00:04:36,145 -All right, hold on. 81 00:04:36,188 --> 00:04:37,581 Read the sign. Wipe your hooves. 82 00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:40,062 Yeah. 83 00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:42,891 It's a little tarpy in here though. 84 00:04:42,934 --> 00:04:46,416 -Yeah, a lot of tarps. Very American Psycho. 85 00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:48,113 -Whooh. Yeah, I'll say. 86 00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:49,767 -Hey. -Hello, everyone. 87 00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:52,727 -Here. Drink this, but drink it slowly. 88 00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:54,555 We don't have a lot of alcohol here. 89 00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:00,125 Okay, guys, this is Hero. 90 00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:02,084 He's late. Hero, this is everyone. 91 00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:03,607 They've been waiting. 92 00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:05,087 Go ahead, introduce yourselves. 93 00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:07,524 -My card says I'm a Ghost, but I'm not a ghost. 94 00:05:07,568 --> 00:05:09,700 -Yeah, no, I'm the spaceman. -Great. 95 00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:11,746 -I was a goat, though, in a past life in Scotland. 96 00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:13,748 No, but I'm here in front of you right now. 97 00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:17,665 -Hi. Princess. -Howdy. Cowboy. 98 00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:19,623 -And I'm the Dame. 99 00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:22,800 So, you coordinate this rendezvous? 100 00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:27,109 -No. No, I--I wish. 101 00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:29,894 Well, this is it then. Us six. 102 00:05:29,938 --> 00:05:32,897 And how do you know that? 103 00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,899 -There's six chairs. 104 00:05:34,943 --> 00:05:37,032 - Right. Okay, right, that-- 105 00:05:37,075 --> 00:05:40,557 yeah, math checks out, everybody. 106 00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:42,733 Um, so does anybody know each other, or is— 107 00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:43,865 -No. -Nope. 108 00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:45,649 No one knows anything, 109 00:05:45,693 --> 00:05:47,782 but clearly this is a game show. 110 00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,174 So I just want to put out right now, 111 00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:50,828 when we do split up into teams, 112 00:05:50,872 --> 00:05:52,090 I just want to let you know that I'm very lucky. 113 00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:54,049 I'm unusually lucky. 114 00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:56,921 Like, every dog I've ever known has lived more than 15 years. 115 00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:58,793 Fifteen years! Ha! That's unheard of. 116 00:05:58,836 --> 00:06:00,098 -I doubt it's a game show. 117 00:06:00,142 --> 00:06:02,623 -Maybe this is a cult thing. 118 00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:04,625 -Honestly, I thought it was another intervention. 119 00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:06,148 So I've already won. 120 00:06:06,191 --> 00:06:08,063 -You know, they might be single-filin' us 121 00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:09,934 through that Great Blue Door. 122 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,852 -A Blue Door is a cow's entrance to a slaughterhouse. 123 00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:16,985 -See, they don't know where they are 124 00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:18,726 before they get popped right between the eyes. 125 00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,470 Hang on, what is that? 126 00:06:23,513 --> 00:06:24,601 -What is that? 127 00:06:24,645 --> 00:06:26,081 -Come on. Hey, hey, hey, guys, come on. 128 00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:27,996 Rule number one on the invite is no cells. 129 00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:29,824 You brought your cell phone with you, didn't you? 130 00:06:29,867 --> 00:06:31,260 -No, you saw me leaving the apartment. 131 00:06:31,303 --> 00:06:32,870 -Then what's ringing? Is it in your sock? 132 00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:33,784 -Did you bring your phone? -It's not my fucking phone! 133 00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:35,656 -I didn't bring my phone. 134 00:06:35,699 --> 00:06:37,005 -Okay, rule number two is don't talk about your personal lives. 135 00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:38,789 What--what is happening right now? 136 00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:41,444 -Well, you--you--you did say the dog thing. 137 00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:42,619 But dog's not the same thing. 138 00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:43,577 -Dog is not personal life. -Quiet! 139 00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,013 -All right, well, he's my brother. 140 00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:46,971 -He's always up my ass. -telling them-- 141 00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:48,059 -They would have figured it out eventually. 142 00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:49,060 I don't know what you want from me. 143 00:06:49,104 --> 00:06:50,105 -You got to shut your gizzard. 144 00:06:50,148 --> 00:06:51,498 -Jesus Christ. -Everyone, shut up! 145 00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:53,021 -Listen. -Shut up! 146 00:06:55,545 --> 00:06:57,155 -God, it's still sealed. -Is it in there? 147 00:06:57,199 --> 00:06:58,156 Wait. 148 00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:08,210 -What does the card say? 149 00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:11,213 -“Saddle up for a wild night.” 150 00:07:20,831 --> 00:07:23,268 -Think someone's supposed to come in? 151 00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:25,706 -Yeah, right. 152 00:07:25,749 --> 00:07:27,011 Well, you missed your cue. 153 00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:29,884 Saddle up. 154 00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:31,973 Nobody? Come on, come on. 155 00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:33,801 That was an amateur clue. 156 00:07:33,844 --> 00:07:35,193 Any of you guys could have made a better clue than that clue. 157 00:07:35,237 --> 00:07:37,108 -Maybe there's something under one of our chairs. 158 00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:39,589 -Maybe it's like a sexual thing 159 00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:41,025 and we're supposed to partner off? 160 00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:44,594 -My God. -What? 161 00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:46,901 Fun fact, he actually took dialect classes 162 00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:48,250 to get rid of his accent, 163 00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:50,034 but he does call in reservations 164 00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:51,079 as Matthew McConaughey. 165 00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:52,689 God, why? 166 00:07:52,733 --> 00:07:54,735 -Because this town is chock-full of smug folk, 167 00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:55,910 and it is my way of keeping pace. 168 00:07:55,953 --> 00:07:57,259 How clever. 169 00:07:57,302 --> 00:07:59,087 I mean, I just assumed we're all in the industry. 170 00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:01,132 -You're actress? -Yeah. 171 00:08:01,176 --> 00:08:03,874 But I just dropped my manager, 172 00:08:03,918 --> 00:08:06,747 and I'm actually saving up for some new headshots, so— 173 00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:08,096 All right. 174 00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:09,924 I bet I could guess everybody's jobs. 175 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:11,926 So, overconfident producer? 176 00:08:11,969 --> 00:08:13,275 Wait, wait, guys. 177 00:08:13,318 --> 00:08:15,930 I don't think we should be talking about our lives. 178 00:08:15,973 --> 00:08:18,976 -Okay. So, producer, actress... 179 00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:21,892 Writer, and... 180 00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:22,676 directing duo. 181 00:08:22,719 --> 00:08:23,764 -Nope. -Yeah. 182 00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,243 Who never agree on anything. 183 00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:28,638 -Yeah. And actor. 184 00:08:28,682 --> 00:08:33,382 -Ha! No. -Bad actor. 185 00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:37,734 -No, listen, you don't know anything about me. 186 00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:38,779 -Who has thin skin. 187 00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:39,823 -Okay, fuck off. 188 00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:44,262 Let's figure out what, 189 00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:45,829 saddle up means. 190 00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:48,179 -It doesn't have anything to do with the chairs. 191 00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:49,354 -The welcome mat! 192 00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,792 - Jesus! ! The welcome mat! 193 00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:52,706 -We're all idiots. 194 00:08:52,749 --> 00:08:53,707 -You want another one of these? 195 00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,665 -Yeah, fill her up. -All right. 196 00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:56,971 - The welcome mat. The welcome mat. 197 00:08:57,014 --> 00:09:00,322 It's the welcome mat. It's, um--okay. 198 00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:04,805 “Wipe your hooves!” 199 00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:07,721 Guys, it says “Getting warmer.” 200 00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:09,853 Getting warmer. Getting warmer. 201 00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:12,900 - Getting warmer. They got a barbecue. 202 00:09:12,943 --> 00:09:14,205 Smokehouse out back. 203 00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:16,120 - Warmer. The sun. The sun. 204 00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:18,166 The solar eclipse? 205 00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:20,690 -Riddles are my nightmare. -Fireplace. 206 00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:21,648 I was just going to say that. 207 00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:23,301 -The fireplace. Yes. 208 00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:24,651 That's brilliant. 209 00:09:24,694 --> 00:09:27,654 My— That's it. That's it. Yes. 210 00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:33,311 Um, there's... there's nothing. 211 00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:35,009 -Look under the logs. 212 00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:36,184 -What? -Here. Try this. 213 00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:37,664 -You're going to love it. -Thank God. 214 00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,187 -The thingy under the logs. 215 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:41,972 -No. There's--there's-- there's nothing in— 216 00:09:43,974 --> 00:09:46,194 Holy shit. It's a safe. 217 00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:47,238 -How did you see that? 218 00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:48,631 What kind of safe? 219 00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:54,289 Two hours and four minutes. 220 00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:56,378 Guys, it's a safe, and it's open. 221 00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:57,379 Look, look, look, look, look. 222 00:09:57,422 --> 00:09:58,685 Wait, what? 223 00:10:00,948 --> 00:10:01,949 Any dinero in there? 224 00:10:04,516 --> 00:10:07,694 What is that note screenplay thing even say? 225 00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:08,782 -The font's too small. 226 00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:10,218 Give me the logline, what it says. 227 00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:12,089 -It looks like they'll give us a shit ton of cash 228 00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:13,700 if we steal five Best Picture Awards 229 00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:15,223 from some producer. 230 00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:18,008 -More specifically, “Return the five awards 231 00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:19,967 "to this self-locking safe by midnight tonight, 232 00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:22,012 "and another hidden safe will be remotely opened 233 00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:23,927 "containing a life-changing amount of money. 234 00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:26,147 One million dollars each.” 235 00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:29,803 -Holy shit. 236 00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:33,894 -Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead 237 00:10:33,937 --> 00:10:36,374 and say this sounds a little too good to be true. 238 00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:45,949 -Whooh! I am in! Come on now. 239 00:10:45,993 --> 00:10:47,472 Only awards I ever got my hands on 240 00:10:47,516 --> 00:10:49,126 was the Omaha Horror Fest Audience Award, 241 00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:50,824 so yes, I am in. 242 00:10:50,867 --> 00:10:52,739 -Well, you can be in, but I'm out. 243 00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:54,741 Ain't no bullwhip or no crescent moon 244 00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:55,437 that's gonna pull me into this business. 245 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:56,786 -Come on. 246 00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:58,919 -Hey, we actually agree on something. 247 00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:01,878 Yeah. I mean, I'm fucking out. 248 00:11:01,922 --> 00:11:02,749 -I'll take my grand-- -Dame, you're kidding me. 249 00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:04,489 and head to Vegas. Please. 250 00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,100 Hero. Princess. Come on. 251 00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:07,101 Come on, give me— 252 00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:09,843 -Really? You guys, five to one? 253 00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:11,409 We just gonna chicken exit out of here 254 00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:12,933 and just let me get the six mil by myself? 255 00:11:12,976 --> 00:11:15,239 -Okay, well, hold on. 256 00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:16,806 Can you read me back the thing? 257 00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:18,286 Start from the top. 258 00:11:18,329 --> 00:11:21,289 -“Exterior mansion, 1400 Kings Road--Night. 259 00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:22,420 We see six struggling filmmakers-- 260 00:11:27,295 --> 00:11:29,036 -That's Jack Woodrow's house. 261 00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:32,126 Jack fucking Woodrow? 262 00:11:32,169 --> 00:11:33,475 Darth Vader of Hollywood. 263 00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:37,218 -Now that is a big bad buck on our bowstrings, 264 00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:38,915 ladies and gentlemen. 265 00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:40,482 -Hold on. How do you-- how do you know it's his house? 266 00:11:40,525 --> 00:11:42,484 -Yeah, how do you know that? -I've been there. 267 00:11:42,527 --> 00:11:44,486 How--how have you been to Jack Woodrow's? 268 00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:46,183 -My real passion is being a caterer. 269 00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:47,794 I just act to pay the bills. 270 00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:48,838 Get the fuck back. 271 00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:49,883 -Are you sure about this? 272 00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:51,449 -Yeah. 273 00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:53,451 -And everyone knows Jack Woodrow's awards 274 00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:54,888 mean everything to him. 275 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,150 -Everything. 276 00:11:57,934 --> 00:12:01,808 - I'm sorry, I... who's Jack Woodrow? 277 00:12:44,676 --> 00:12:49,203 You know, this is Orson Welles' old house. 278 00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:51,422 - Wow. It's beautiful. 279 00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:52,946 -The decorations are— 280 00:12:52,989 --> 00:12:54,382 Can't take any credit. 281 00:12:54,425 --> 00:12:57,602 Ex-one bought all of it. Ex-two rearranged it. 282 00:12:59,691 --> 00:13:01,302 -Did you practice your acceptance speech? 283 00:13:03,086 --> 00:13:04,522 In the bathroom? 284 00:13:04,566 --> 00:13:06,437 The award. Yeah. 285 00:13:06,481 --> 00:13:09,266 No, I mean— Is it real? 286 00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:10,833 Hoh-hoh. 287 00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:14,881 Look, you're nervous. 288 00:13:16,273 --> 00:13:19,494 It's okay, I get it. But stop. 289 00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:22,889 Let's just talk. Emma and Jack. 290 00:13:22,932 --> 00:13:24,629 We're both filmmakers. 291 00:13:24,673 --> 00:13:26,240 -Okay. 292 00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:28,590 -You like Citizen Kane? -Of course. 293 00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:31,419 -You're leaning on the table. 294 00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:32,637 -I'm sorry. 295 00:13:35,553 --> 00:13:37,947 -One from the archives room at the beginning. 296 00:13:37,991 --> 00:13:41,646 I used to own the sled, too. 297 00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:44,171 But I gave it to Leo as a wrap gift. 298 00:13:44,214 --> 00:13:45,563 I'm gonna remake it. 299 00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:48,088 -The sled? -The movie. 300 00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:52,396 -Right. Yeah. Remake the perfect movie. 301 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,442 -Almost perfect. 302 00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:58,272 No one's in the room when he says "Rosebud." 303 00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:03,538 Do you meditate? 304 00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:04,844 -Sometimes. 305 00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:09,370 -Ikea. Adult Legos. 306 00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:11,241 Break for my brain. 307 00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:13,200 Don't have to do anything except follow instructions. 308 00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:20,511 But, your script whisked me away. 309 00:14:20,555 --> 00:14:23,297 -That's— wow. Thank you. 310 00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:25,081 -How did you get it to Mary? 311 00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:26,430 -I knew she was your longtime assistant, 312 00:14:26,474 --> 00:14:28,171 and I Twitter stalked her. 313 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:31,566 Sounds desperate. 314 00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:33,481 -Me and my--my roommate took shifts. 315 00:14:35,352 --> 00:14:37,615 Tell me about you. 316 00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:40,053 -Well, my script, Self-Made Woman, 317 00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:42,185 is sort of autobiographical. 318 00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:44,187 -So you sculpt like the main character? 319 00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:46,015 -No. I— 320 00:14:46,059 --> 00:14:49,192 So you're unconfident in your artistic abilities, 321 00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:50,628 and you haven't yet stood up 322 00:14:50,672 --> 00:14:52,500 to the lover who broke your heart? 323 00:14:52,543 --> 00:14:54,371 -I meant more of the East Coast upbringing. 324 00:14:59,202 --> 00:15:00,508 We're finished. 325 00:15:00,551 --> 00:15:02,118 Let's break some stuff. 326 00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,165 Safety first. 327 00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:12,650 Take the first whack. 328 00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:16,132 -A...Are you sure? 329 00:15:17,307 --> 00:15:19,701 -I'm sure. -Okay. 330 00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:25,794 -You can do better than that. 331 00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:29,145 That's all you got? Come on, let it out. 332 00:15:30,581 --> 00:15:32,279 -There we go. 333 00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:34,542 That's what I'm talking about. Come on. 334 00:15:34,585 --> 00:15:38,459 Whoa, it feels good! 335 00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:39,503 -You're a natural. 336 00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:43,029 -Let me show you how it's done. 337 00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:55,650 Mary will set up agency meetings. 338 00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:57,565 They'll negotiate your end of the deal. 339 00:15:57,608 --> 00:15:59,480 -This was incredible. Thank you so much. 340 00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:00,698 -Emma... 341 00:16:02,222 --> 00:16:03,745 speak up when you know you're right. 342 00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:07,140 This town will carve you up if you don't defend yourself. 343 00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:10,708 -Okay, I will. 344 00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:18,586 His assistant never called. 345 00:16:18,629 --> 00:16:20,414 I never got in with an agent. 346 00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,590 Jack blocked all of my pitch meetings, 347 00:16:22,633 --> 00:16:24,113 and then two years later, 348 00:16:24,157 --> 00:16:25,723 he won his fifth Best Picture Award. 349 00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:27,812 -For Self-Made Woman. 350 00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:29,205 -Did you sue him? 351 00:16:29,249 --> 00:16:31,468 -I tried, but he's pretty freaking powerful 352 00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:33,818 and pretty freaking famous, 353 00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:36,473 which makes me wonder, how do you not know who he is? 354 00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:39,781 -Okay. Okay, yes. 355 00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:42,088 How the hell would I not know who this guy is? 356 00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:43,785 Okay, I'm just trying not 357 00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:45,352 to reveal that much about myself. 358 00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:47,223 I mean, you guys don't know how much money I have, 359 00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:50,096 how many cars I drive, who I know. 360 00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:51,532 -Your tag's hanging out. 361 00:16:54,274 --> 00:16:56,537 -Hero, it says everyone must participate 362 00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,191 or the plan will fail. 363 00:16:58,234 --> 00:17:02,412 -Okay. Okay, but can't I ask some questions? 364 00:17:02,456 --> 00:17:04,414 I mean, can't I try to poke some holes in this? 365 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:06,286 Like--like this guy who's supposed to pay us, 366 00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:08,462 I mean, what's their motivation? 367 00:17:08,505 --> 00:17:10,899 -I mean, it has to be someone with a well of hatred 368 00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:13,162 for Jack that's as deep as their pockets. 369 00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:15,512 -Like a bitter independent financier? 370 00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:17,601 -It's six million in cash. 371 00:17:17,645 --> 00:17:20,126 -So a bitter studio exec. 372 00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:21,823 -More like Studio Head. 373 00:17:21,866 --> 00:17:23,781 -Everybody gets a damn code name. 374 00:17:23,825 --> 00:17:26,828 -Right, right. And the so-called Studio Head, 375 00:17:28,221 --> 00:17:30,658 they expect us to rob a Bel Air mansion 376 00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:33,226 with a map of the house, some directions, 377 00:17:33,269 --> 00:17:35,402 and those ratchety things? 378 00:17:35,445 --> 00:17:36,620 -All right, look. 379 00:17:38,361 --> 00:17:40,407 I don't know any of you. 380 00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:42,757 So I'm gonna be raw-dogging this heist 381 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,672 with a bunch of strangers. 382 00:17:44,715 --> 00:17:49,198 But this “Studio Head” didn't invite us here 383 00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:53,376 because we're on movie posters or fucking Fallon. 384 00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:57,293 No, we got invited here because Hollywood fucked us. 385 00:17:58,860 --> 00:18:02,168 So let's fuck it back. 386 00:18:02,211 --> 00:18:03,299 -Hell yeah. 387 00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:09,349 - God. Guys...Guys, it's robbery. 388 00:18:09,392 --> 00:18:12,178 -Yeah. Here's to being millionaires. 389 00:18:12,221 --> 00:18:13,353 -Midnight is the deadline. 390 00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:14,745 The garage is this way. Let's roll. 391 00:18:14,789 --> 00:18:16,225 -I'm driving. -Come on. Let's move. 392 00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:18,445 Let's giddyup. 393 00:18:18,488 --> 00:18:21,230 -Hero. Come on. 394 00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:24,712 This could change your life. 395 00:18:24,755 --> 00:18:30,196 -Yeah. Not like this. 396 00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:31,284 -What? 397 00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:36,680 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 398 00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,378 Hey, where are you going? 399 00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:41,250 We need you. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 400 00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:43,861 Come back! You're supposed to be the hero. 401 00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:47,213 He just runs away! 402 00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:55,656 So he ran away. 403 00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:57,353 -Why the hell didn't you stop him? 404 00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:58,833 -He's gonna go to the cops. -No, he won't. 405 00:18:58,876 --> 00:19:00,574 -He needs the money. -Great. 406 00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:01,923 If you don't think he'll rat, then get in the fucking van. 407 00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:03,707 -No! No! 408 00:19:03,751 --> 00:19:05,405 -Come on, we got less than two hours. 409 00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:07,972 -No! No, no. We are not going. 410 00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:11,280 The Studio Head's plan states six people, 411 00:19:11,324 --> 00:19:12,934 and I have to be the distraction outside. 412 00:19:12,977 --> 00:19:14,240 -Well, then we'll have four people 413 00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:15,066 trying to steal five awards. 414 00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:16,111 -No, it's easy. 415 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,417 Someone'll just have to cut dirt and snatch two. 416 00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:18,896 - No, no, we can't. The house is too big. 417 00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:21,464 But we've got all this kick-ass heist gear. 418 00:19:21,508 --> 00:19:23,249 -Well, if the place is too big and we don't have enough people, 419 00:19:23,292 --> 00:19:24,685 -then how are we even gonna— -Stop! 420 00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:28,602 I did UCB for a few months. 421 00:19:28,645 --> 00:19:30,517 -What is that? -Improv school. 422 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:31,909 I was pretty good. 423 00:19:31,953 --> 00:19:33,607 After I take the first award, 424 00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:35,783 I'll improvise a way to take the second. 425 00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:39,700 -Well, we're fucked. 426 00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:41,745 Princess? 427 00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:46,924 Fuck. So stupid. 428 00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:48,535 -Saddle up. 429 00:20:14,952 --> 00:20:19,957 Magnetic little doohickeys. 430 00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:21,089 How fun is that? 431 00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:45,809 -Mr. Woodrow? -Boomer? 432 00:20:45,853 --> 00:20:47,637 Mr. Woodrow, you here? 433 00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:49,509 -Boomer?! 434 00:20:53,077 --> 00:20:54,340 Mr. Woodrow? 435 00:20:54,383 --> 00:20:56,342 -God damn it! 436 00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:01,564 fucking assistants does it take 437 00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:03,610 to answer the goddamn door? 438 00:21:03,653 --> 00:21:05,089 Mr. Woodrow? 439 00:21:05,133 --> 00:21:07,875 -This better be fucking good. 440 00:21:07,918 --> 00:21:11,357 This better be fucking great! 441 00:21:12,706 --> 00:21:15,056 Ten frickin' minutes to myself. 442 00:21:16,710 --> 00:21:20,017 -Mr. Woodrow! Hey, man! 443 00:21:20,061 --> 00:21:22,019 -What the fuck! -Wow. 444 00:21:22,063 --> 00:21:24,848 Love the robe. I'm your two o'clock. 445 00:21:24,892 --> 00:21:26,850 Ben Donaldson. Film producer. 446 00:21:26,894 --> 00:21:28,678 Like you. 447 00:21:28,722 --> 00:21:31,768 -My office assistant, Boomer, set this up? 448 00:21:31,812 --> 00:21:33,683 -Listen, I had to pinch myself when I got the call. 449 00:21:35,032 --> 00:21:36,730 Well, he's fired. 450 00:21:36,773 --> 00:21:39,123 -What the hell are you doing with your upper torso 451 00:21:39,167 --> 00:21:40,908 in my living room 452 00:21:40,951 --> 00:21:43,650 and your ass souring Helen Hunt's view 453 00:21:43,693 --> 00:21:45,129 from her back porch? 454 00:21:45,173 --> 00:21:47,697 Yeah, she's your neighbor? Wow. 455 00:21:47,741 --> 00:21:49,873 -Heidi/Dawn! 456 00:21:49,917 --> 00:21:51,397 Si? 457 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,574 -I know, right? 458 00:21:54,617 --> 00:21:57,403 Heidi/Dawn, this is an intruder 459 00:21:57,446 --> 00:21:59,448 and probably registered sex offender, 460 00:21:59,492 --> 00:22:02,843 and he has a movie he wants to pitch me, I'm sure. 461 00:22:02,886 --> 00:22:06,063 True. The movie, not the sex offender part, Dawn. 462 00:22:06,107 --> 00:22:10,938 -Intruder, this is Heidi, or Dawn, my weekend maid. 463 00:22:10,981 --> 00:22:12,592 -It's Monday, I'm Dawn. 464 00:22:12,635 --> 00:22:17,466 -Can you grab the cordless and dial 9-1? 465 00:22:17,510 --> 00:22:20,077 We're gonna let the intruder pitch his movie, 466 00:22:20,121 --> 00:22:23,124 and if you get bored, hit the last 1. 467 00:22:23,167 --> 00:22:24,908 -We'll have him arrested. -No, no, that's not— 468 00:22:24,952 --> 00:22:27,781 -If I get bored, I'll shoot him. 469 00:22:27,824 --> 00:22:29,043 -Whoa, whoa, wait. -Go! 470 00:22:29,086 --> 00:22:30,436 No, whoa, no, whoa, no! 471 00:22:30,479 --> 00:22:32,046 -No, that's not— -I'm drifting off. 472 00:22:32,089 --> 00:22:34,527 -Giant flying jellyfish over Japan! 473 00:22:36,703 --> 00:22:39,445 -Well, that was just a random assortment of nouns. 474 00:22:39,488 --> 00:22:42,056 -It's the next great scary genre. 475 00:22:42,099 --> 00:22:45,755 We can make six movies minimum. 476 00:22:45,799 --> 00:22:49,803 Vampires, aliens, zombies, ghosts— 477 00:22:49,846 --> 00:22:52,153 they're all played out, Mr. Woodrow. 478 00:22:52,196 --> 00:22:54,068 The genre needs some fresh ideas. 479 00:22:54,111 --> 00:22:56,810 -And this, this Mad Libs pitch of yours 480 00:22:56,853 --> 00:22:58,551 is the new horror staple? 481 00:22:58,594 --> 00:23:01,205 -Giant flying jellyfish over Japan are real. 482 00:23:04,034 --> 00:23:05,732 -You certainly have an entertaining 483 00:23:05,775 --> 00:23:06,472 amount of conviction. 484 00:23:06,515 --> 00:23:07,647 -Well, thank you. 485 00:23:07,690 --> 00:23:10,998 Look, Mr. Woodrow, I'm a huge fan, okay? 486 00:23:11,041 --> 00:23:13,522 I know all of the legends about you. 487 00:23:13,566 --> 00:23:14,871 The--the Twister rap party. 488 00:23:14,915 --> 00:23:16,177 Yeah, yeah. 489 00:23:16,220 --> 00:23:18,092 That's, that's why Helen moved next door. 490 00:23:18,135 --> 00:23:20,181 Okay, the assistant graveyard. 491 00:23:20,224 --> 00:23:24,664 -Graveyard's a strong word, but we added a headstone today. 492 00:23:24,707 --> 00:23:28,581 - Boomer. Um, your Fridge Scripts. 493 00:23:28,624 --> 00:23:30,844 -What's this one? -The Fridge Script. 494 00:23:30,887 --> 00:23:32,019 It's the next Best Picture winner 495 00:23:32,062 --> 00:23:33,194 that you're gonna greenlight. 496 00:23:33,237 --> 00:23:35,152 Yeah. You keep it in there on ice, 497 00:23:35,196 --> 00:23:36,850 so to speak, and then you save it 498 00:23:36,893 --> 00:23:38,155 until you think it's gonna be a weak awards season, 499 00:23:38,199 --> 00:23:39,374 and then boom. 500 00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:40,810 You whip it out, you make it. 501 00:23:40,854 --> 00:23:42,812 That's how you got both of your Best Picture awards. 502 00:23:42,856 --> 00:23:47,643 That's a very creative wives' tale. 503 00:23:47,687 --> 00:23:49,558 Completely false. 504 00:23:57,218 --> 00:23:58,872 No script. 505 00:24:00,917 --> 00:24:04,530 A lot happens between green-lighting a script 506 00:24:04,573 --> 00:24:06,096 and winning Best Picture. 507 00:24:06,140 --> 00:24:07,750 -Yeah, but you make it all not even matter 508 00:24:07,794 --> 00:24:09,186 because of the way you campaign. 509 00:24:12,102 --> 00:24:15,758 -Could I campaign an award out of the jellyfish thing? 510 00:24:18,761 --> 00:24:20,546 -You could make a lot of money. 511 00:24:20,589 --> 00:24:22,243 Yeah. 512 00:24:22,286 --> 00:24:23,897 Get an even bigger house. 513 00:24:30,860 --> 00:24:32,253 -It's great to meet you. 514 00:24:35,778 --> 00:24:40,087 My office will be in touch. 515 00:24:48,791 --> 00:24:51,577 So he stuck a six-shooter in your face 516 00:24:54,275 --> 00:24:57,583 and annexed the bee in your bonnet? 517 00:24:57,626 --> 00:25:00,673 Just like Princess. 518 00:25:00,716 --> 00:25:02,326 -He bought it right then and there. 519 00:25:02,370 --> 00:25:03,763 Fucked on the terms? 520 00:25:03,806 --> 00:25:04,894 Tremendously. 521 00:25:04,938 --> 00:25:07,070 And guys, really, like, 522 00:25:07,114 --> 00:25:09,769 read your contract before you sign it, okay? 523 00:25:09,812 --> 00:25:12,598 And--and look up the big words. 524 00:25:14,991 --> 00:25:16,166 All right, let's get to our spots. 525 00:25:19,300 --> 00:25:22,259 -How many of those stupid movies are there now? 526 00:25:39,668 --> 00:25:43,106 Mr. Clooney, 527 00:25:43,150 --> 00:25:46,066 you got your Jesus holidays mixed up. 528 00:25:46,109 --> 00:25:47,981 The bunny one comes in April. 529 00:25:49,330 --> 00:25:51,288 -I got eyes on that skeezy dinosaur. 530 00:25:51,332 --> 00:25:52,812 Action, boys. 531 00:26:03,953 --> 00:26:04,824 -God damn it. 532 00:26:09,219 --> 00:26:11,831 -Very funny little prank, George, 533 00:26:11,874 --> 00:26:15,399 but, bunny's going to have to freeze tonight, 534 00:26:15,443 --> 00:26:17,314 'cause I'm not fucking throwing out my back picking it up-- 535 00:26:17,358 --> 00:26:20,970 Jesus, fuck! You're in the rabbit, George? 536 00:26:21,014 --> 00:26:22,102 Wow. 537 00:26:24,365 --> 00:26:26,106 Spaceman in. 538 00:26:26,149 --> 00:26:29,849 -Ghost attempting entry. 539 00:26:29,892 --> 00:26:34,157 -Cowboy in. Well, I'll be. 540 00:26:36,116 --> 00:26:38,031 -Damn. 541 00:26:38,074 --> 00:26:40,686 -Hello, pretty little lady. 542 00:26:42,078 --> 00:26:43,863 What the...? 543 00:26:43,906 --> 00:26:46,039 -Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! -What the shit is that? 544 00:26:48,258 --> 00:26:50,870 -Is that awards music? 545 00:26:50,913 --> 00:26:52,306 -Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! 546 00:26:52,349 --> 00:26:54,003 -Bro, what the fuck did you do? 547 00:26:54,047 --> 00:26:55,788 -Guys, what the fuck is going on up there? 548 00:26:56,963 --> 00:26:59,269 -Ghost is struggling, but persevering. 549 00:27:14,763 --> 00:27:18,332 Thank you, sweet baby Jesus 550 00:27:18,375 --> 00:27:19,768 and Indiana Jones. 551 00:27:21,335 --> 00:27:22,728 -Ghost has entered the building. 552 00:27:22,771 --> 00:27:25,078 Say hello to Daddy. 553 00:27:25,121 --> 00:27:26,122 Ghost clear. 554 00:27:26,166 --> 00:27:27,254 -Spaceman out. 555 00:27:28,516 --> 00:27:30,126 -Cowboy clear. 556 00:27:30,170 --> 00:27:31,301 -Dame's got the first one. 557 00:27:31,345 --> 00:27:32,781 Heading to Jack's bedroom for the second. 558 00:27:32,825 --> 00:27:34,957 Gotta whip up another minute, Princess. 559 00:27:35,001 --> 00:27:37,830 -Hey, George. You coming in for a drink? 560 00:27:37,873 --> 00:27:40,180 -I'm not George, you naughty boy. 561 00:27:40,223 --> 00:27:46,055 Mrs. Clooney. 562 00:27:59,503 --> 00:28:01,288 One second, Jack. 563 00:28:22,004 --> 00:28:23,963 Stop! 564 00:28:25,834 --> 00:28:26,922 What the hell are you wearing? 565 00:28:29,229 --> 00:28:32,319 -Just something fun. 566 00:28:32,362 --> 00:28:34,234 -Looks more desperate than seductive. 567 00:28:36,236 --> 00:28:37,890 What role are you after? 568 00:28:39,413 --> 00:28:43,286 -Ian Somerhalder's girlfriend in this new episode of-- 569 00:28:43,330 --> 00:28:47,160 -A guest star? A TV fucking guest star? 570 00:28:48,552 --> 00:28:50,206 You only get to take me on your merry-go-round 571 00:28:50,250 --> 00:28:52,818 so many times before I get sick of your saddle. 572 00:28:57,431 --> 00:28:59,607 Come on. 573 00:28:59,650 --> 00:29:02,262 We're just having some fun, right? 574 00:29:03,916 --> 00:29:05,526 -This is a transaction. 575 00:29:07,354 --> 00:29:09,791 -I thought we actually connected. 576 00:29:10,879 --> 00:29:12,185 -Fuck. 577 00:29:16,319 --> 00:29:20,454 Carry yourself with a little more confidence. 578 00:29:20,497 --> 00:29:24,284 Open your eyes to the situation 579 00:29:24,327 --> 00:29:28,418 and come to the table with a little creativity. 580 00:29:31,421 --> 00:29:33,815 What is that? Is that from Target? 581 00:29:39,603 --> 00:29:44,043 Whooh, such raw intensity. 582 00:29:44,086 --> 00:29:45,958 I feel like I'm in Teen Wolf. 583 00:30:09,372 --> 00:30:13,072 -Don't waste your energy trying to draw a lawsuit. 584 00:30:13,115 --> 00:30:14,421 And please, 585 00:30:15,944 --> 00:30:18,468 get the fuck out of my house. 586 00:30:20,949 --> 00:30:24,344 -No, no. 587 00:30:24,387 --> 00:30:26,302 I'm serious. 588 00:30:26,346 --> 00:30:28,957 You're uninspiring. 589 00:30:29,001 --> 00:30:31,394 You're not talented enough to even waste a Viagra on. 590 00:30:31,438 --> 00:30:32,613 Get out. 591 00:30:34,441 --> 00:30:35,964 Every second you're in my house 592 00:30:36,008 --> 00:30:39,620 is a year I make sure you don't book another role. 593 00:30:42,449 --> 00:30:46,105 One, two, 594 00:30:46,148 --> 00:30:48,585 three, four, 595 00:30:51,588 --> 00:30:52,633 five. 596 00:30:54,504 --> 00:30:56,158 Say goodbye to your 20s. 597 00:30:58,639 --> 00:31:00,641 Six... 598 00:31:03,470 --> 00:31:05,646 Don't forget your shit. 599 00:31:05,689 --> 00:31:10,956 Seven, eight, nine... 600 00:31:13,088 --> 00:31:14,263 ten. 601 00:31:14,307 --> 00:31:17,310 What the fuck is wrong with you? 602 00:31:18,354 --> 00:31:19,529 -Toodle-oo. 603 00:31:36,503 --> 00:31:39,636 Jingle bells, jingle bells, 604 00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:42,378 jingle all the way. 605 00:31:46,513 --> 00:31:49,472 What fun it is to... 606 00:31:49,516 --> 00:31:51,257 -Go home. 607 00:31:53,737 --> 00:31:56,305 -How old are you? 608 00:31:58,264 --> 00:31:59,395 You okay on time out there, Princess? 609 00:31:59,439 --> 00:32:00,701 -Negative. 610 00:32:00,744 --> 00:32:04,487 -Let's see who's really in there. 611 00:32:10,580 --> 00:32:12,234 Clooney wouldn't waste his fucking time 612 00:32:12,278 --> 00:32:14,019 on this Mickey Mouse nonsense. 613 00:32:14,062 --> 00:32:15,281 -Wait, Mr. Woodrow! 614 00:32:15,324 --> 00:32:16,673 Not tonight. 615 00:32:16,717 --> 00:32:20,025 -Everyone, get out. Now! 616 00:32:20,068 --> 00:32:21,069 -I'm out of the barn. 617 00:32:22,418 --> 00:32:24,029 -Ghost fucking crushed it. 618 00:32:24,072 --> 00:32:26,770 Shit. 619 00:32:28,424 --> 00:32:29,686 Bathroom window open. 620 00:32:29,730 --> 00:32:30,818 - Dame, what's going on? 621 00:32:30,861 --> 00:32:31,906 Jack's fucking inside. 622 00:32:31,950 --> 00:32:33,386 -I'll hightail it and check in on her. 623 00:32:33,429 --> 00:32:35,779 - Son of a bitch. I'm stuck! 624 00:32:42,743 --> 00:32:44,397 Come on! 625 00:32:51,578 --> 00:32:52,753 Come on. 626 00:32:54,581 --> 00:32:55,669 I'm out! 627 00:32:55,712 --> 00:32:58,063 Timed alarm activated. 628 00:32:58,106 --> 00:32:59,238 -Babe? 629 00:32:59,281 --> 00:33:00,587 Dame, where the hell are you? 630 00:33:02,284 --> 00:33:03,590 -Babe? 631 00:33:03,633 --> 00:33:05,548 -Something's not right. I'm heading back in. 632 00:33:05,592 --> 00:33:08,769 Christ. 633 00:33:12,381 --> 00:33:14,253 Come here. Come on. 634 00:33:17,647 --> 00:33:19,562 Bathroom tile can be scrubbed. 635 00:33:26,482 --> 00:33:28,180 We got business, motherfucker? 636 00:33:29,442 --> 00:33:30,356 -Jesus! 637 00:34:14,226 --> 00:34:17,142 Five-gonna do shit about this? 638 00:34:17,185 --> 00:34:19,231 -Barbara was shot at noon. 639 00:34:19,274 --> 00:34:21,407 We can expect a retaliation by six o'clock, but then— 640 00:34:21,450 --> 00:34:24,497 - Thank you. We've seen enough. 641 00:34:24,540 --> 00:34:26,803 - No, no. Um, there's— 642 00:34:26,847 --> 00:34:29,197 there's— there's- there's more to the scene. 643 00:34:30,503 --> 00:34:32,374 Do you have any notes? 644 00:34:32,418 --> 00:34:33,767 I can— I can try it again. 645 00:34:35,943 --> 00:34:38,380 -I can see you're trying to get a job. 646 00:34:38,424 --> 00:34:39,381 -What? 647 00:34:40,643 --> 00:34:42,950 -Thank you for coming here. -No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 648 00:34:42,993 --> 00:34:46,345 It's okay. I'm...I'm gonna do it again. 649 00:34:47,737 --> 00:34:51,089 Come on. Okay. 650 00:34:54,483 --> 00:34:59,619 Um, a retribution by, six o'clock. 651 00:34:59,662 --> 00:35:02,491 Um, a retaliation by six o'clock. 652 00:35:02,535 --> 00:35:05,842 We should be expecting one-- we should be expect— 653 00:35:05,886 --> 00:35:07,496 Goddamn it! Come on. 654 00:35:07,540 --> 00:35:10,369 Come on, man. Why? 655 00:35:10,412 --> 00:35:11,674 Why did you interrupt me? 656 00:35:11,718 --> 00:35:14,460 Why did you do that? 657 00:35:14,503 --> 00:35:16,244 I mean, why can't people 658 00:35:16,288 --> 00:35:18,203 in this town just have some respect? 659 00:35:18,246 --> 00:35:21,684 Why can't you be good fucking people? 660 00:35:26,385 --> 00:35:27,864 -Who's next? 661 00:35:39,876 --> 00:35:41,269 Success. 662 00:35:42,966 --> 00:35:44,577 Don't worry, the cameras are off. 663 00:35:44,620 --> 00:35:46,013 He shuts them all down with an app on his phone 664 00:35:46,056 --> 00:35:48,276 whenever a girl comes over alone. 665 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:51,932 So whoever set this up must have known that then? 666 00:35:53,586 --> 00:35:54,761 -Don't look at me. 667 00:35:54,804 --> 00:35:56,241 -You're suspect. 668 00:36:06,729 --> 00:36:09,210 Damn. No Fridge Script. 669 00:36:10,385 --> 00:36:11,517 Here, lean her back 670 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:13,388 so she doesn't throw up on herself. 671 00:36:13,432 --> 00:36:15,303 Okay, good. 672 00:36:15,347 --> 00:36:19,394 -Wait. Is she one of the cops on SVU? 673 00:36:19,438 --> 00:36:23,659 -What? No. I don't... Chicago Fire, maybe. 674 00:36:23,703 --> 00:36:26,923 I've never seen it. 675 00:36:26,967 --> 00:36:28,273 Outer Banks . 676 00:36:30,362 --> 00:36:32,842 -You watch Outer Banks? 677 00:36:32,886 --> 00:36:34,627 -It's a really good show. 678 00:36:38,065 --> 00:36:40,546 -Clock's ticking. Is he still out? 679 00:36:40,589 --> 00:36:42,548 -I don't know, but he looks annoyingly comfortable. 680 00:36:44,593 --> 00:36:46,291 -Just looked around. 681 00:36:46,334 --> 00:36:47,944 She's right. All the cameras are off. 682 00:36:47,988 --> 00:36:49,816 -Yeah, but he saw my face. 683 00:36:49,859 --> 00:36:51,905 I saw crow's feet. 684 00:36:51,948 --> 00:36:53,994 -The bird tracks weren't fresh either. 685 00:36:54,037 --> 00:36:56,736 Means we had a night, what, maybe ten years ago? 686 00:36:56,779 --> 00:36:58,825 -Hey! I will fucking kill you! 687 00:36:58,868 --> 00:37:00,740 Tell me your name first. 688 00:37:00,783 --> 00:37:02,916 -Damn. -Boy. 689 00:37:02,959 --> 00:37:05,223 -I'm gonna need more than just your initials. 690 00:37:06,354 --> 00:37:07,660 - Riverdale? 691 00:37:07,703 --> 00:37:10,837 -No. We weren't supposed to bring those. 692 00:37:13,361 --> 00:37:15,320 He had a fucking silent alarm? 693 00:37:15,363 --> 00:37:17,670 -Yeah, rooster's crowing pretty loud to me. 694 00:37:20,847 --> 00:37:22,675 -Hello, security company. 695 00:37:22,718 --> 00:37:24,590 -They need me to say a password. 696 00:37:24,633 --> 00:37:26,809 -Shit. -Shit, just leave them. 697 00:37:26,853 --> 00:37:28,550 -No, he's seen my face. 698 00:37:28,594 --> 00:37:30,465 -Well, if we don't answer that phone call, 699 00:37:30,509 --> 00:37:32,075 sheriffs are on their giddyup towards us. 700 00:37:32,119 --> 00:37:32,772 -Yeah, and if we answer, he's not gonna say 701 00:37:32,815 --> 00:37:34,034 the right password. 702 00:37:34,077 --> 00:37:36,341 -We are not leaving. He's gonna remember me. 703 00:37:36,384 --> 00:37:37,690 -Go hide out or something. 704 00:37:37,733 --> 00:37:40,040 -No, I'm not giving up my fucking career. 705 00:37:40,083 --> 00:37:42,521 -What fucking career? 706 00:37:42,564 --> 00:37:43,609 -Okay. That's it. 707 00:37:43,652 --> 00:37:45,263 Get out of my way. 708 00:37:46,742 --> 00:37:47,787 -Whoa. No, no, no, no. 709 00:37:47,830 --> 00:37:49,049 Dame, don't do that. 710 00:37:49,092 --> 00:37:50,964 No, no, no. Don't do that. 711 00:37:51,007 --> 00:37:53,532 -Ho-ho-ho, you fucking idiots. 712 00:37:53,575 --> 00:37:54,794 -Just settle down. 713 00:37:54,837 --> 00:37:56,883 Well, new plan. 714 00:37:56,926 --> 00:37:58,624 -What the fuck, man? -Wait, stop. 715 00:37:58,667 --> 00:37:59,625 -No. -Think about this. 716 00:37:59,668 --> 00:38:01,366 I'm thinking about it. 717 00:38:01,409 --> 00:38:02,715 -Why'd you bring a gun? 718 00:38:02,758 --> 00:38:04,412 -Why'd I bring--? 719 00:38:04,456 --> 00:38:05,761 Some guy you don't know pays you to go to a strange house 720 00:38:05,805 --> 00:38:07,023 in LA, wouldn't you pack? 721 00:38:07,067 --> 00:38:08,721 -I was and I didn't! 722 00:38:09,983 --> 00:38:12,507 -Well, I did. Give me that. 723 00:38:17,033 --> 00:38:19,384 -Look at me, Jack. -Who the fuck are you? 724 00:38:21,821 --> 00:38:23,388 Doggy door guy? 725 00:38:23,431 --> 00:38:26,565 -Donaldson. Ben Donaldson. 726 00:38:27,957 --> 00:38:30,830 -The jellyfish movies are still going strong. 727 00:38:30,873 --> 00:38:34,747 - I know. Say the password. 728 00:38:34,790 --> 00:38:35,878 -It's actually “jellyfish.” 729 00:38:37,445 --> 00:38:38,925 Yeah. Yeah? Okay. 730 00:38:40,579 --> 00:38:41,580 AIT Security. 731 00:38:41,623 --> 00:38:43,538 Am I speaking with Mr. Woodrow? 732 00:38:45,018 --> 00:38:46,411 Hold the line, please. 733 00:38:49,501 --> 00:38:50,676 Jack, say the password. Let these people go. 734 00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:53,113 They're good people. 735 00:38:53,156 --> 00:38:54,506 You know what? Forget about them. 736 00:38:54,549 --> 00:38:56,769 You saw my face. You know me. 737 00:38:56,812 --> 00:38:58,118 I made you lots and lots of money, 738 00:38:58,161 --> 00:39:00,207 and you can find me, and you will. 739 00:39:00,250 --> 00:39:02,905 And I'm gonna take credit for this whole mess. 740 00:39:02,949 --> 00:39:06,039 My idea. My execution. 741 00:39:06,082 --> 00:39:07,432 I acted alone. 742 00:39:09,869 --> 00:39:11,087 Mr. Woodrow, are you there? 743 00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:13,960 -This is Jack Woodrow. 744 00:39:14,003 --> 00:39:15,701 What's your password, sir? 745 00:39:20,488 --> 00:39:22,098 -Rosebud. 746 00:39:26,189 --> 00:39:27,103 Thank you, Mr. Woodrow, 747 00:39:27,147 --> 00:39:28,670 and happy holidays. 748 00:39:35,024 --> 00:39:37,113 -You made the right choice, Jack. 749 00:39:39,986 --> 00:39:42,118 My office will be in touch. 750 00:39:52,172 --> 00:39:54,043 -Fucking idiots. 751 00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:02,095 -We gotta go. 752 00:40:03,531 --> 00:40:04,576 -All right. 753 00:40:29,818 --> 00:40:30,863 All right, you're living up 754 00:40:30,906 --> 00:40:32,168 to the stereotype, Dalt. 755 00:40:35,650 --> 00:40:37,913 Listen, they've got the softest TP 756 00:40:37,957 --> 00:40:40,568 in any public restroom north of the 10. 757 00:40:40,612 --> 00:40:42,048 -Which China Donuts is this? 758 00:40:42,091 --> 00:40:45,051 A true gentleman doesn't shit and tell, Hastings. 759 00:40:45,094 --> 00:40:46,879 -Typical. You know, you LA cops 760 00:40:46,922 --> 00:40:48,881 are just like the rest of the people out here. 761 00:40:48,924 --> 00:40:50,186 Always looking out for yourselves. 762 00:40:50,230 --> 00:40:51,536 Where's the loyalty? 763 00:40:51,579 --> 00:40:54,016 -Enjoy your Christmas Eve, Hastings. 764 00:40:54,060 --> 00:40:56,062 And when that liquid laxative kicks in, 765 00:40:56,105 --> 00:40:59,239 try not to get a rash with that bush-league TP. 766 00:40:59,282 --> 00:41:01,720 -That's just really fucking criminal, Dal. 767 00:41:01,763 --> 00:41:03,112 Come on, come on. Which one is it? 768 00:41:03,156 --> 00:41:04,766 -Yeah, yeah. You're breaking up. 769 00:41:04,810 --> 00:41:06,289 You're breaking up, Hastings. 770 00:41:06,333 --> 00:41:07,682 Sorry, losing you. 771 00:41:07,726 --> 00:41:08,683 Nice try, Dal. 772 00:41:08,727 --> 00:41:10,555 My God, you are smart. 773 00:41:13,775 --> 00:41:16,822 Car 127, car 127 -- we have a 459A 774 00:41:16,865 --> 00:41:19,738 at Beverly Hills, address is 1400 Kings Road. 775 00:41:24,786 --> 00:41:26,701 -Great. On it. 776 00:41:26,745 --> 00:41:28,224 Just a burglar alarm. 777 00:41:28,268 --> 00:41:30,096 Dispatch wants a Girl Scout to go knock on the door. 778 00:41:30,139 --> 00:41:31,837 You're in the area. 779 00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:34,100 -I'll see if he wants any Thin Mints. 780 00:41:34,143 --> 00:41:36,972 Merry Christmas, 127. 781 00:41:37,016 --> 00:41:38,278 -Merry Christmas, Maureen. 782 00:41:46,329 --> 00:41:48,723 Boy. 783 00:42:09,048 --> 00:42:10,745 - Damn it! What was that? 784 00:42:10,789 --> 00:42:12,094 What the fuck just happened? 785 00:42:12,138 --> 00:42:15,707 Shit! God. 786 00:42:15,750 --> 00:42:16,708 Where the hell are they... 787 00:42:16,751 --> 00:42:18,536 where the hell are they going? 788 00:42:20,842 --> 00:42:23,279 Hey, where the hell are you going? 789 00:42:23,323 --> 00:42:25,630 The van's stuck. We need to leave. 790 00:42:26,979 --> 00:42:28,154 -He's not dead. 791 00:42:28,197 --> 00:42:29,851 -I don't give a fuck. 792 00:42:29,895 --> 00:42:31,853 -Well, we can't just leave him here like this. 793 00:42:31,897 --> 00:42:33,202 -Hey, come on, we got to get out. 794 00:42:33,246 --> 00:42:34,900 Come on, go, go, go, go, go! 795 00:42:34,943 --> 00:42:37,642 Tick-tock, motherfuckers. 796 00:42:37,685 --> 00:42:38,817 -It's almost midnight. 797 00:42:41,036 --> 00:42:42,342 Come on, come on! 798 00:42:44,431 --> 00:42:46,999 -Hey! Hey! Hey! 799 00:42:47,042 --> 00:42:48,261 Stop! Freeze! 800 00:42:48,304 --> 00:42:50,176 LAPD! 801 00:42:50,219 --> 00:42:51,830 Ground on the hands! 802 00:42:51,873 --> 00:42:52,874 God. 803 00:42:55,050 --> 00:42:56,661 -Get on the ground, ma'am! Get on the ground! 804 00:42:56,704 --> 00:42:58,010 -Okay, okay. I am. -Jesus. 805 00:42:58,053 --> 00:42:59,664 -Ma'am, get on the ground! 806 00:42:59,707 --> 00:43:01,013 Okay. 807 00:43:01,056 --> 00:43:03,189 -I'm barely over 30. -Ma'am! 808 00:43:03,232 --> 00:43:04,799 -How about you quit it with the ma'am shit? 809 00:43:04,843 --> 00:43:06,148 I'm going. I'm going! 810 00:43:06,192 --> 00:43:07,367 You got bitch wrists. 811 00:43:07,410 --> 00:43:08,890 I can see them from here. 812 00:43:08,934 --> 00:43:10,196 Dame, shut up! 813 00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:11,763 -What about our rights? 814 00:43:11,806 --> 00:43:14,113 -Okay, ma'am, we don't need to read you 815 00:43:14,156 --> 00:43:16,811 your Miranda rights unless you're being questioned. 816 00:43:16,855 --> 00:43:19,031 They just do it every week on The Rookie. 817 00:43:19,074 --> 00:43:21,381 -I fucking crushed a self-tape for that show. 818 00:43:21,424 --> 00:43:23,209 -Okay, a little help here, please. 819 00:43:23,252 --> 00:43:25,211 Thank you. Okay, here we go. 820 00:43:25,254 --> 00:43:27,082 Easy does it. 821 00:43:27,126 --> 00:43:28,910 Everything's gonna be just fine. 822 00:43:28,954 --> 00:43:31,696 All right, and you in here. 823 00:43:31,739 --> 00:43:33,828 Okay, head in. Yep. Okay. 824 00:43:36,178 --> 00:43:37,919 How many people in the back of the van, ma'am? 825 00:43:37,963 --> 00:43:40,052 -Okay, now you're questioning me? 826 00:43:40,095 --> 00:43:41,706 I'm gonna need an answer. 827 00:43:41,749 --> 00:43:45,013 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 828 00:43:45,057 --> 00:43:46,928 LAPD! Get out of the van! 829 00:43:49,452 --> 00:43:51,019 Guys. 830 00:43:51,063 --> 00:43:52,499 Guys, what the hell was that? 831 00:43:52,542 --> 00:43:53,718 Guys! 832 00:43:55,937 --> 00:43:57,460 -Shit. -Okay. 833 00:43:57,504 --> 00:43:59,027 -Hey, man. 834 00:43:59,071 --> 00:44:01,508 -We cool? -We're totally cool. 835 00:44:01,551 --> 00:44:02,944 Come out with your hands up. 836 00:44:02,988 --> 00:44:04,424 Nice and slow. 837 00:44:04,467 --> 00:44:06,121 -Super slow. -Nice and slow. 838 00:44:06,165 --> 00:44:07,514 -Let's go. Let's go. 839 00:44:07,557 --> 00:44:08,820 That's not slow— 840 00:44:08,863 --> 00:44:10,256 -hey, come back here. -Come on. 841 00:44:10,299 --> 00:44:12,040 -What the shit happened in there? 842 00:44:12,084 --> 00:44:13,259 Drive safely and I'll tell you 843 00:44:13,302 --> 00:44:15,087 -You're under arrest! -Okay, okay. 844 00:44:15,130 --> 00:44:17,263 How the fuck do I drive this with an airbag? 845 00:44:17,306 --> 00:44:18,394 Why are you covered in blood? 846 00:44:18,438 --> 00:44:19,526 -Hey, hey, hey! 847 00:44:19,569 --> 00:44:21,310 -Let's go! -Okay, okay. 848 00:44:21,354 --> 00:44:22,398 What about the brothers? 849 00:44:22,442 --> 00:44:23,965 Fuck the brothers! 850 00:44:24,009 --> 00:44:25,010 And that's a curb. 851 00:44:25,053 --> 00:44:26,925 -No, no, no, no! 852 00:44:32,017 --> 00:44:34,149 Not again. 853 00:44:37,152 --> 00:44:39,111 Hah! 854 00:44:56,432 --> 00:44:58,130 This is not good. 855 00:44:59,522 --> 00:45:00,785 -You fucking idiots. 856 00:45:00,828 --> 00:45:02,264 Stop the car. 857 00:45:05,311 --> 00:45:07,052 Please stop the car. 858 00:45:07,095 --> 00:45:09,141 -Your makeup's running, hun. 859 00:45:15,451 --> 00:45:18,019 -Yeah, you might--you might wanna slow down over here. 860 00:45:18,063 --> 00:45:19,107 Just a little bit. 861 00:45:19,151 --> 00:45:20,152 -It's fine. 862 00:45:21,936 --> 00:45:23,111 Red light, red light. 863 00:45:23,155 --> 00:45:24,243 Hey, that's a red light. 864 00:45:25,635 --> 00:45:27,333 Unbelievable. 865 00:45:27,376 --> 00:45:29,857 -You got blood on the fucking dash! 866 00:45:29,901 --> 00:45:31,032 -You drove like a moron! 867 00:45:31,076 --> 00:45:32,773 -Just shut up and get the vodka! 868 00:45:32,817 --> 00:45:34,079 -Why, why, why? -Okay, okay, okay. 869 00:45:34,122 --> 00:45:36,908 -Why, why, why the fuck did you steal the car? 870 00:45:36,951 --> 00:45:38,387 -We got this. -No, we don't. 871 00:45:38,431 --> 00:45:42,000 -Okay, you need to get your shit together, sister! 872 00:45:42,043 --> 00:45:45,220 And you! What the fuck? 873 00:45:45,264 --> 00:45:46,569 You need to get your shit together. 874 00:45:46,613 --> 00:45:48,876 -No, no, you need to get your shit together. 875 00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:50,312 -My shit is together. 876 00:45:50,356 --> 00:45:52,837 Clean the fucking car. 877 00:45:58,146 --> 00:45:59,539 -Goddamn it. 878 00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:02,455 All right, let's wrap this up. 879 00:46:02,498 --> 00:46:04,065 We have four minutes till midnight, 880 00:46:04,109 --> 00:46:05,414 and this safe automatically locks, 881 00:46:05,458 --> 00:46:07,025 and these have to be in there. 882 00:46:07,068 --> 00:46:08,591 We--we just close one door 883 00:46:08,635 --> 00:46:10,245 and blindly assume another's gonna open? 884 00:46:10,289 --> 00:46:12,073 -But that's what the instructions say. 885 00:46:12,117 --> 00:46:13,466 -Come on. -No. 886 00:46:13,509 --> 00:46:15,120 -This is our leverage. -What? 887 00:46:15,163 --> 00:46:16,208 I am taking these the fucking safe. 888 00:46:16,251 --> 00:46:18,558 -No, no. That's how we get paid. 889 00:46:18,601 --> 00:46:20,081 -You still think we're getting paid? 890 00:46:20,125 --> 00:46:21,430 Please. I'm keeping these. 891 00:46:21,474 --> 00:46:22,997 -What are you gonna do? Auction them on Deadline? 892 00:46:23,041 --> 00:46:24,129 -Okay, what are you, 893 00:46:24,172 --> 00:46:26,392 like a fresh transplant or something? 894 00:46:26,435 --> 00:46:28,786 -Hey, I have six years in LA. 895 00:46:30,396 --> 00:46:32,920 -Okay, so you haven't been here since you were a teenager. 896 00:46:32,964 --> 00:46:36,532 You didn't get knocked up, you didn't raise a kid here. 897 00:46:36,576 --> 00:46:38,056 -You're a parent? 898 00:46:39,231 --> 00:46:40,319 Wow. 899 00:46:40,362 --> 00:46:41,624 -I'm--that... -Wow. 900 00:46:41,668 --> 00:46:43,322 -was not meant to be an insult. 901 00:46:43,365 --> 00:46:44,410 -Well, it felt like one. 902 00:46:44,453 --> 00:46:46,368 -It wasn't meant to be. -Okay. 903 00:46:46,412 --> 00:46:48,066 -You know what, I may have crossed a line. 904 00:46:48,109 --> 00:46:51,199 -That monster, he saw my face. 905 00:46:51,243 --> 00:46:53,071 Everything is gonna get fucked up for me now. 906 00:46:53,114 --> 00:46:54,420 Everything is gonna change. 907 00:46:54,463 --> 00:46:57,292 And we put our only bargaining chip in the safe, 908 00:46:57,336 --> 00:46:58,467 and then it's out of our fucking hands. 909 00:46:58,511 --> 00:47:00,034 -We're fucked. -Okay. 910 00:47:00,078 --> 00:47:01,514 We robbed a house. 911 00:47:01,557 --> 00:47:03,298 We stole a cop car, thanks to you. 912 00:47:03,342 --> 00:47:04,952 -Okay. 913 00:47:04,996 --> 00:47:07,476 -And now we have three minutes to fucking deliver. 914 00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,174 So can you just quit it 915 00:47:09,217 --> 00:47:11,219 with the fucking broken actress sob story 916 00:47:11,263 --> 00:47:13,918 and finish the job? 917 00:47:16,181 --> 00:47:18,183 Please. 918 00:47:18,226 --> 00:47:19,924 -Okay. God. 919 00:47:19,967 --> 00:47:21,229 -Thank you. 920 00:47:24,450 --> 00:47:26,408 What the hell is this? 921 00:47:27,496 --> 00:47:29,934 -Is this a fucking joke? 922 00:47:29,977 --> 00:47:32,284 Where are the awards? 923 00:47:32,327 --> 00:47:35,330 -Ghost. -That trout fucker! 924 00:47:37,158 --> 00:47:39,987 Where'd you go, you creepy sack of shit? 925 00:47:42,337 --> 00:47:43,948 -Two minutes till the safe locks. 926 00:47:45,123 --> 00:47:46,646 Ghost! 927 00:47:50,302 --> 00:47:54,654 -Ghost! Shit! Fucker! 928 00:48:08,494 --> 00:48:09,408 -Ghost! 929 00:48:12,193 --> 00:48:13,499 Hey, what's up? 930 00:48:13,542 --> 00:48:16,154 - What the shit? Stop that, please! 931 00:48:16,197 --> 00:48:16,981 What the hell? What-- What are you guys doing? 932 00:48:17,024 --> 00:48:18,156 -The bag! 933 00:48:18,199 --> 00:48:19,635 The bag is filled with garden gnomes, 934 00:48:19,679 --> 00:48:21,072 you fucking dickhole! 935 00:48:21,115 --> 00:48:22,464 -What the fuck happened to the awards? 936 00:48:22,508 --> 00:48:24,379 -What--awards? Where did you get the gnomes? 937 00:48:24,423 --> 00:48:26,077 -Why are we talking about gnomes? 938 00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:27,382 I went to the neighbor's house to use the garden hose. 939 00:48:27,426 --> 00:48:28,775 So you were in a yard. 940 00:48:28,818 --> 00:48:31,038 -The bag! There was a bag that had trophies in it, 941 00:48:31,082 --> 00:48:33,214 and now there are no trophies, there are gnomes! 942 00:48:33,258 --> 00:48:35,608 -You punched me in my face, you're rambling on about gnomes. 943 00:48:35,651 --> 00:48:37,653 Imagine if you were me in this scenario. 944 00:48:41,483 --> 00:48:42,615 -Yes. No, he's right. 945 00:48:42,658 --> 00:48:44,312 He didn't switch them. He would've ran. 946 00:48:44,356 --> 00:48:45,705 -Thank you! 947 00:48:48,316 --> 00:48:50,579 -Cowboy and Spaceman! 948 00:48:52,103 --> 00:48:53,931 -Jack saw the stars align with your film. 949 00:48:55,410 --> 00:48:57,238 Subdued pageantry. 950 00:48:58,500 --> 00:49:01,199 Unwavering vision. He adored it. 951 00:49:01,242 --> 00:49:03,288 -We're just happy Mr. Woodrow's taking a leap on this, truly. 952 00:49:03,331 --> 00:49:05,072 -Why, of course. 953 00:49:05,116 --> 00:49:06,595 -Certainly, it's not exactly in Jack's wheelhouse, you know. 954 00:49:06,639 --> 00:49:08,249 Grounded sci-fi, that is. 955 00:49:08,293 --> 00:49:09,555 -Well, I've been Jack's assistant 956 00:49:09,598 --> 00:49:11,078 for a long time, 957 00:49:11,122 --> 00:49:13,341 and I can attest he's immeasurably appreciative 958 00:49:13,385 --> 00:49:14,516 that you chose him. 959 00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:16,170 -Well, I gotta say, 960 00:49:16,214 --> 00:49:18,172 we were definitely the hot pony of the parade. 961 00:49:18,216 --> 00:49:19,391 -Yeah, Sam Hartfeld, 962 00:49:19,434 --> 00:49:20,653 he plumped us with a 62-ounce porter, 963 00:49:20,696 --> 00:49:21,697 hoping we'd sell with him. 964 00:49:21,741 --> 00:49:23,090 Sam is sci-fi royalty. 965 00:49:23,134 --> 00:49:24,222 -Yes. 966 00:49:24,265 --> 00:49:28,182 But, we are just truly 967 00:49:28,226 --> 00:49:30,532 so, so very excited 968 00:49:30,576 --> 00:49:32,795 to be working with Mr. Woodrow, ma'am. 969 00:49:32,839 --> 00:49:34,710 And with yourself. Come here. 970 00:49:34,754 --> 00:49:36,408 Okay, that's enough. 971 00:49:36,451 --> 00:49:37,583 We're all excited. 972 00:49:44,285 --> 00:49:46,592 -Now, Mary, don't tell Jack, 973 00:49:46,635 --> 00:49:50,204 but we got him some Salt Lake Bar-B-Q sauce, 974 00:49:50,248 --> 00:49:54,600 and we're gonna give it to him at the end gala tonight. 975 00:49:54,643 --> 00:49:56,515 -Jack flew back to LA last night. 976 00:49:59,170 --> 00:50:02,042 S--sorry, Jack wasn't planning on being here? 977 00:50:04,610 --> 00:50:06,264 -The following statements about to be said 978 00:50:06,307 --> 00:50:08,614 in this Austin Embassy Suites on March 13th 979 00:50:08,657 --> 00:50:11,182 are not to ever, ever be repeated. 980 00:50:11,225 --> 00:50:12,574 -You're kind of— you're dancing around 981 00:50:12,618 --> 00:50:14,446 the barrel race here, Mary. 982 00:50:14,489 --> 00:50:17,275 -Jack bought your movie to spite Sam Hartfeld. 983 00:50:17,318 --> 00:50:18,450 -What? 984 00:50:18,493 --> 00:50:21,148 -It will never, as long as Jack's alive, 985 00:50:21,192 --> 00:50:24,630 be seen by anyone. 986 00:50:24,673 --> 00:50:28,286 What about all that flannel mouthin' 987 00:50:28,329 --> 00:50:30,679 about eating sushi at the premiere? 988 00:50:30,723 --> 00:50:32,290 I mean, we talked about that. 989 00:50:32,333 --> 00:50:33,508 -Your film is the movie 990 00:50:33,552 --> 00:50:35,119 Sam could have ostensibly catapulted 991 00:50:35,162 --> 00:50:37,338 into an awards contender. 992 00:50:37,382 --> 00:50:38,470 Jack knew that. 993 00:50:38,513 --> 00:50:40,820 Jack resented that, so he bought it. 994 00:50:40,863 --> 00:50:44,171 But Jack already has his horse 995 00:50:44,215 --> 00:50:46,347 in the Best Picture race this year. 996 00:50:46,391 --> 00:50:48,393 -Give us the fucking briefcase, Mary. 997 00:50:48,436 --> 00:50:50,743 -Just take solace in the fact you're not the first. 998 00:50:50,786 --> 00:50:53,224 Fuck not the first, Mary! 999 00:50:53,267 --> 00:50:54,790 -Give us the contract now, Mary. 1000 00:50:54,834 --> 00:50:57,445 - Jesus, bitch! I'm gonna— 1001 00:50:57,489 --> 00:50:58,577 Fuck! God! 1002 00:50:58,620 --> 00:51:00,187 -Sorry. -Stop it! That hurts! 1003 00:51:00,231 --> 00:51:03,408 -You can't pepper spray people like that, you fucking psycho! 1004 00:51:03,451 --> 00:51:07,151 you're such a fucking idiot! 1005 00:51:07,194 --> 00:51:09,153 Goddamn it! 1006 00:51:11,938 --> 00:51:13,853 -We gotta get a lawyer. -Fuck. 1007 00:51:13,896 --> 00:51:16,638 We worked on this for five fucking years, man. 1008 00:51:16,682 --> 00:51:18,901 -I'm sorry, partner. 1009 00:51:18,945 --> 00:51:20,512 -I can't believe this shit. 1010 00:51:20,555 --> 00:51:22,514 We used everything Dad left us. 1011 00:51:22,557 --> 00:51:23,863 -I will make this up to you. 1012 00:51:25,386 --> 00:51:26,866 Somehow. 1013 00:51:29,434 --> 00:51:30,652 Thirty minutes until we're millionaires, 1014 00:51:30,696 --> 00:51:32,393 ladies and gentlemen. 1015 00:51:32,437 --> 00:51:36,615 -This is top five of my top five Christmas Eves ever. 1016 00:51:36,658 --> 00:51:38,965 -Really? -Yeah. 1017 00:51:39,008 --> 00:51:41,794 -Did you have a difficult childhood? 1018 00:51:41,837 --> 00:51:42,838 No. 1019 00:51:44,362 --> 00:51:45,450 -Whoa, whoa, whoa. -Dame, slow down. 1020 00:51:45,493 --> 00:51:46,973 -Slow down! -Take it easy, Dame. 1021 00:51:47,016 --> 00:51:49,367 Holy shit, 1022 00:51:49,410 --> 00:51:51,499 -Stop backseat driving! -Dang it! 1023 00:51:54,676 --> 00:51:55,764 Fucking pigs! 1024 00:51:55,808 --> 00:51:56,765 -What the hell was that? 1025 00:51:56,809 --> 00:51:58,419 -What was that? 1026 00:51:58,463 --> 00:52:00,204 What the hell? 1027 00:52:00,247 --> 00:52:01,466 Damn it! 1028 00:52:03,424 --> 00:52:05,252 Where the hell are they--? 1029 00:52:05,296 --> 00:52:06,688 -Where the hell are they going? -Hey, the van's stuck! 1030 00:52:06,732 --> 00:52:08,168 -We need to leave! -We're stuck? 1031 00:52:08,212 --> 00:52:09,213 -What do you mean we're stuck? -We got to go! 1032 00:52:09,256 --> 00:52:11,563 Get out! Tick-tock, motherfuckers! 1033 00:52:11,606 --> 00:52:13,130 Get on the ground, ma'am! 1034 00:52:13,173 --> 00:52:14,174 -I'm barely over thirty! -It's the fucking cops. 1035 00:52:14,218 --> 00:52:15,784 -Shut the fuck up! 1036 00:52:15,828 --> 00:52:17,482 How many people in the back of the van, ma'am? 1037 00:52:17,525 --> 00:52:19,919 Hell no. 1038 00:52:19,962 --> 00:52:22,139 Not on Christmas Eve, motherfuckers. 1039 00:52:22,182 --> 00:52:23,488 -Put it the fuck away! 1040 00:52:23,531 --> 00:52:25,272 -What are you doing? -I'm telling you to shut up! 1041 00:52:25,316 --> 00:52:27,535 Whoa, whoa. LAPD! 1042 00:52:27,579 --> 00:52:29,494 -No, no, no, no! -Get out of the van! 1043 00:52:29,537 --> 00:52:30,799 -What are you doing? What are you doing? 1044 00:52:30,843 --> 00:52:32,845 -Get down, man! -Stop it! 1045 00:52:40,940 --> 00:52:44,291 My bad. You okay? 1046 00:52:44,335 --> 00:52:46,380 -I'm gonna kill you. 1047 00:52:46,424 --> 00:52:47,773 No, listen. 1048 00:52:47,816 --> 00:52:49,905 No. Listen. 1049 00:52:49,949 --> 00:52:50,906 It doesn't have to be like that. 1050 00:52:50,950 --> 00:52:52,430 Don't--stop. 1051 00:52:56,521 --> 00:52:57,522 -It doesn't have to be like that. 1052 00:52:57,565 --> 00:52:58,827 -You shot me! 1053 00:52:58,871 --> 00:53:00,525 -It was an accident. 1054 00:53:00,568 --> 00:53:02,440 Complete accident that your brother did. 1055 00:53:02,483 --> 00:53:03,832 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1056 00:53:03,876 --> 00:53:05,573 You okay? You okay? 1057 00:53:05,617 --> 00:53:07,923 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1058 00:53:09,403 --> 00:53:10,926 - Shit. There's so much blood. 1059 00:53:10,970 --> 00:53:12,580 -It's fine. -God. 1060 00:53:12,624 --> 00:53:14,626 -But a little plump. -God. 1061 00:53:14,669 --> 00:53:16,280 Do you think I was shot? Did I get shot too? 1062 00:53:16,323 --> 00:53:18,760 -No. Ghost took the duffel bag. 1063 00:53:20,762 --> 00:53:21,937 -Can you walk? -Yeah. 1064 00:53:21,981 --> 00:53:23,722 -Let's go. One, two, three. 1065 00:53:25,114 --> 00:53:26,333 You're under arrest! 1066 00:53:28,640 --> 00:53:29,902 -Other side. 1067 00:53:32,034 --> 00:53:33,645 -What about the money? -Screw the money. 1068 00:53:33,688 --> 00:53:35,473 We'll never make it back in time. 1069 00:53:38,824 --> 00:53:39,825 Fuck. 1070 00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:47,572 -Shit, the safe! -Freeze! Freeze! 1071 00:53:47,615 --> 00:53:48,703 -Hey, hey, hey. -Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1072 00:53:48,747 --> 00:53:53,317 -Get on the fucking ground! Right now! 1073 00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:55,319 -Okay. 1074 00:53:55,362 --> 00:53:57,495 This Christmas sucks. 1075 00:53:57,538 --> 00:53:59,627 -Answer this next question right, 1076 00:53:59,671 --> 00:54:02,500 and we could all come out winners. 1077 00:54:02,543 --> 00:54:04,110 What did you take from Jack Woodrow's? 1078 00:54:04,153 --> 00:54:05,720 -We're not talking until we get a lawyer. 1079 00:54:05,764 --> 00:54:09,028 -We took his awards. -Hey, shut the fuck up. 1080 00:54:09,071 --> 00:54:10,725 -Best Pictures? -That's right, buddy. 1081 00:54:10,769 --> 00:54:12,988 All five of them. It was impressive, right? 1082 00:54:13,032 --> 00:54:14,816 -Tell me more. -Lawyer! 1083 00:54:14,860 --> 00:54:16,514 -Okay, this is off the record. 1084 00:54:16,557 --> 00:54:17,515 Take a drink. 1085 00:54:17,558 --> 00:54:18,690 -Excuse me? 1086 00:54:18,733 --> 00:54:20,822 -A statement is inadmissible in LA County 1087 00:54:20,866 --> 00:54:22,868 if the police officer has traces of alcohol 1088 00:54:22,911 --> 00:54:23,999 after interrogation. 1089 00:54:24,043 --> 00:54:25,044 -No shit? 1090 00:54:25,087 --> 00:54:26,524 -What are you, a lawyer? 1091 00:54:26,567 --> 00:54:28,003 -A well-researched screenwriter. 1092 00:54:30,092 --> 00:54:33,008 -Two years AA. Not gonna happen. 1093 00:54:33,052 --> 00:54:34,532 Congratulations. 1094 00:54:34,575 --> 00:54:36,403 -That's amazing. -Thank you. 1095 00:54:36,447 --> 00:54:38,753 -I hear they give you back rubs and blowjobs after three. 1096 00:54:38,797 --> 00:54:40,059 Aren't you clever. 1097 00:54:40,102 --> 00:54:42,540 -Just give us a fucking lawyer, asshole. 1098 00:54:42,583 --> 00:54:44,368 Come on. 1099 00:54:49,111 --> 00:54:50,330 What? No. No, no, no. 1100 00:54:50,374 --> 00:54:51,723 -See that? Now see what you did? 1101 00:54:51,766 --> 00:54:52,898 -What is he doing? -No, no, no. 1102 00:54:52,941 --> 00:54:54,769 Hey, two years, man. Don't, don't, don't. 1103 00:54:54,813 --> 00:54:57,076 Don't. Goddamn it. 1104 00:54:57,119 --> 00:54:58,686 Dame just drop kicked him off the wagon. 1105 00:55:00,166 --> 00:55:03,125 Damn, I forgot how good that was. 1106 00:55:03,169 --> 00:55:05,432 Jack's awards go. 1107 00:55:05,476 --> 00:55:06,868 -Wow, what did he do to you? 1108 00:55:06,912 --> 00:55:09,088 -Jack Woodrow made my favorite movie, 1109 00:55:09,131 --> 00:55:10,872 Self-Made Woman . 1110 00:55:10,916 --> 00:55:12,613 -Hey. -Bravo, Princess. 1111 00:55:12,657 --> 00:55:14,702 So where's the award? 1112 00:55:14,746 --> 00:55:18,967 Give me the Self-Madeone, and I will let you go. 1113 00:55:19,011 --> 00:55:20,795 -He's like a bona fide fanboy. 1114 00:55:20,839 --> 00:55:22,623 -Yeah, this girl wrote that movie. 1115 00:55:22,667 --> 00:55:24,538 No, I don't think so. 1116 00:55:24,582 --> 00:55:26,540 Jack Woodrow's sister with Tourette's did. 1117 00:55:26,584 --> 00:55:27,933 -Jack's got a sister? 1118 00:55:27,976 --> 00:55:30,805 She was so brave doing her acceptance speech. 1119 00:55:30,849 --> 00:55:32,677 -Fuck that cunt swap bitch licker. 1120 00:55:32,720 --> 00:55:33,808 -Okay then. 1121 00:55:33,852 --> 00:55:34,896 I think she has Tourette's. 1122 00:55:34,940 --> 00:55:35,897 -I don't have Tourette's. 1123 00:55:37,072 --> 00:55:40,206 You sly little slut. 1124 00:55:40,249 --> 00:55:41,468 -What? -Yeah. 1125 00:55:41,512 --> 00:55:43,427 My God, you're the Studio Head. 1126 00:55:43,470 --> 00:55:44,732 You have the awards. 1127 00:55:44,776 --> 00:55:45,994 -My God. -What? 1128 00:55:46,038 --> 00:55:47,561 -Yeah. I see it now. 1129 00:55:47,605 --> 00:55:49,346 You hate Jack even more than I do. 1130 00:55:49,389 --> 00:55:50,521 -You. -I don't. 1131 00:55:50,564 --> 00:55:52,566 We were supposed to put them in the safe. 1132 00:55:52,610 --> 00:55:54,089 What's that we're talking about here? 1133 00:55:54,133 --> 00:55:55,526 -Is he still drinking? 1134 00:55:55,569 --> 00:55:57,789 -Somehow Ghost knew about, 1135 00:55:57,832 --> 00:55:59,617 even though he was halfway across the room. 1136 00:55:59,660 --> 00:56:00,879 Excuse me, I have no clue 1137 00:56:00,922 --> 00:56:02,359 what she's talking about, Your Honor. 1138 00:56:02,402 --> 00:56:03,751 You know exactly what I'm talking about. 1139 00:56:03,795 --> 00:56:05,057 -No, I don't. 1140 00:56:05,100 --> 00:56:06,363 -Yes, when he was making your drink over there. 1141 00:56:06,406 --> 00:56:07,494 -Yeah. 1142 00:56:07,538 --> 00:56:08,452 -He told Hero to look under the logs. 1143 00:56:08,495 --> 00:56:09,844 -Yeah. 1144 00:56:09,888 --> 00:56:11,455 -How could you see it from all the way over there? 1145 00:56:11,498 --> 00:56:13,674 -Shit. How did you see the safe from all the way over there? 1146 00:56:13,718 --> 00:56:15,154 -Wait, wait, wait. Let's stop this, okay? 1147 00:56:15,197 --> 00:56:17,548 How the hell am I the one that's being stared at 1148 00:56:17,591 --> 00:56:18,592 from the back of your heads over here? 1149 00:56:18,636 --> 00:56:19,637 -You set us up. 1150 00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:21,639 -I didn't set anybody up, Princess. 1151 00:56:21,682 --> 00:56:23,162 Dame is the one that wanted to kill him. 1152 00:56:23,205 --> 00:56:24,816 Dame set this whole thing up. 1153 00:56:24,859 --> 00:56:27,514 -Not everybody has fucking royalties 1154 00:56:27,558 --> 00:56:29,821 from the Jellyfish franchise. 1155 00:56:29,864 --> 00:56:32,214 -I didn't get back end. 1156 00:56:32,258 --> 00:56:33,433 So you did set this up? 1157 00:56:33,477 --> 00:56:35,087 I didn't set anybody up. 1158 00:56:35,130 --> 00:56:37,219 Listen, I did check every nook and cranny in this motherfucker 1159 00:56:37,263 --> 00:56:39,483 to make sure that there were no CIA bugs, 1160 00:56:39,526 --> 00:56:41,180 and that's how I found out that the safe 1161 00:56:41,223 --> 00:56:42,703 was under the logs, Princess. 1162 00:56:42,747 --> 00:56:45,793 So I have nothing else to say. 1163 00:56:48,317 --> 00:56:50,189 -Right. Okay, fuck it. You know, my money, my guess. 1164 00:56:50,232 --> 00:56:52,278 You want to know? You really want to know? 1165 00:56:52,321 --> 00:56:55,281 Hero is a tremendously guilty character, okay? 1166 00:56:55,324 --> 00:56:57,152 I mean, really, where's he been this whole night? 1167 00:56:57,196 --> 00:56:58,676 Case closed, Your Honor. 1168 00:56:58,719 --> 00:57:00,068 -I'm sorry, who's Hero? 1169 00:57:00,112 --> 00:57:01,548 -Well, someone has the awards. 1170 00:57:01,592 --> 00:57:04,029 And who would that someone be? 1171 00:57:04,072 --> 00:57:05,596 Ghost, playing stupid. 1172 00:57:05,639 --> 00:57:07,728 -Or the brothers took them. 1173 00:57:07,772 --> 00:57:10,035 -Okay, I'm so sorry. Could we just back up? 1174 00:57:10,078 --> 00:57:11,993 Who are the brothers? 1175 00:57:14,561 --> 00:57:15,649 Tracy! 1176 00:57:15,693 --> 00:57:17,085 -Fuck! God! 1177 00:57:17,129 --> 00:57:18,783 Hey, Tracy! 1178 00:57:18,826 --> 00:57:20,088 -The fuck, man? 1179 00:57:20,132 --> 00:57:21,960 -Hey, T. T, we need your help, man. 1180 00:57:22,003 --> 00:57:23,875 -What the hell? Hey, my snacks! 1181 00:57:23,918 --> 00:57:25,224 What the hell is going on? 1182 00:57:25,267 --> 00:57:27,052 -Why are you bleeding? -Fuck. Shit. 1183 00:57:27,095 --> 00:57:29,707 -I took a lead plumb while clipping a bandit's horns. 1184 00:57:29,750 --> 00:57:30,882 -You know what the fuck he's talking about? 1185 00:57:30,925 --> 00:57:32,013 -Yeah, no, he got shot during a heist. 1186 00:57:32,057 --> 00:57:33,711 -A heist? -Yeah. 1187 00:57:33,754 --> 00:57:35,016 It's a long story. 1188 00:57:35,060 --> 00:57:36,714 Hey, do you know how to remove a bullet? 1189 00:57:36,757 --> 00:57:38,019 -I'm not that kind of doctor. 1190 00:57:38,063 --> 00:57:39,586 I'm a podiatrist. 1191 00:57:39,630 --> 00:57:41,240 -Well, everyone we know in the city's in movies. 1192 00:57:41,283 --> 00:57:42,937 -Okay, so you come to the Muggle's house. 1193 00:57:42,981 --> 00:57:44,722 -Please, please, T. Come on, help us out. 1194 00:57:44,765 --> 00:57:46,811 Look at it. Please? Okay, come on. 1195 00:57:46,854 --> 00:57:48,203 -Okay, first of all, 1196 00:57:48,247 --> 00:57:50,771 how are we supposed to play pickleball on Friday? 1197 00:57:52,164 --> 00:57:54,253 You know what? All right, guys, all of this 1198 00:57:54,296 --> 00:57:56,124 is not fucking cool, all right? 1199 00:57:58,039 --> 00:58:00,172 I'm a little stoned right now. 1200 00:58:03,784 --> 00:58:05,699 I work on feet, all right? 1201 00:58:05,743 --> 00:58:08,833 I don't know how to remove a fucking bullet. 1202 00:58:08,876 --> 00:58:10,225 -You want any of this? -Yeah, please. 1203 00:58:10,269 --> 00:58:11,575 Thank you. 1204 00:58:11,618 --> 00:58:12,837 Shit. 1205 00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:16,623 -Well, let's learn from the best. 1206 00:58:16,667 --> 00:58:18,103 -I never know what the fuck he's talking about, man. 1207 00:58:18,146 --> 00:58:20,018 - This time I don't know. I don't-- 1208 00:58:20,061 --> 00:58:21,933 - ICU Blues,man. 1209 00:58:21,976 --> 00:58:26,111 So good. 1210 00:58:26,154 --> 00:58:28,026 Yeah. 1211 00:58:28,069 --> 00:58:29,767 Give me that. Give me that shit. 1212 00:58:33,292 --> 00:58:34,772 -We need distal control of this artery 1213 00:58:34,815 --> 00:58:35,990 or she'll flatline. 1214 00:58:36,034 --> 00:58:37,296 -Holy sakes alive. 1215 00:58:37,339 --> 00:58:39,820 That's--that's the fancy lady from JW's house. 1216 00:58:39,864 --> 00:58:42,301 ICU Blues, that's the show she's on. 1217 00:58:42,344 --> 00:58:46,131 It's in God's hands now. 1218 00:58:46,174 --> 00:58:48,873 -Rewind, rewind, rewind. Let me see that again. 1219 00:58:50,875 --> 00:58:52,050 I just didn't want to have to tell him. 1220 00:58:52,093 --> 00:58:54,835 -Pause it, pause it, pause it. 1221 00:58:54,879 --> 00:58:56,750 All right. Logan, give me the tweezers. 1222 00:58:56,794 --> 00:58:57,751 -Tweezers? -Yeah. 1223 00:58:57,795 --> 00:58:58,665 -Tweezers. 1224 00:59:01,363 --> 00:59:04,279 Hey, hey, T, I gotta ask you a question, pal. 1225 00:59:04,323 --> 00:59:06,412 You think this is gonna put a hitch in my giddyup? 1226 00:59:06,455 --> 00:59:09,110 -Well, the bus driver did have a cane 1227 00:59:09,154 --> 00:59:11,765 at the end of the episode, but it didn't look permanent. 1228 00:59:12,984 --> 00:59:14,115 All right. 1229 00:59:14,159 --> 00:59:15,160 -Tweezers. -Okay. 1230 00:59:15,203 --> 00:59:16,727 All right, good. All right. 1231 00:59:16,770 --> 00:59:18,076 Here we go. 1232 00:59:18,119 --> 00:59:20,382 Before you get after this business now, 1233 00:59:20,426 --> 00:59:23,037 I want a pour of that whiskey, please and thank you. 1234 00:59:26,693 --> 00:59:28,347 -Yeah, that's a good idea. 1235 00:59:30,958 --> 00:59:32,873 I'm going to need to drink this too. 1236 00:59:38,313 --> 00:59:41,403 All right. All right. 1237 00:59:41,447 --> 00:59:42,666 On three, baby. 1238 00:59:42,709 --> 00:59:43,884 -Good. On three. 1239 00:59:43,928 --> 00:59:44,842 -Here we go. -Three. 1240 00:59:50,195 --> 00:59:51,762 -Three... 1241 00:59:58,899 --> 01:00:00,684 two... 1242 01:00:04,818 --> 01:00:05,819 one. 1243 01:00:10,389 --> 01:00:12,783 Shit! God! 1244 01:00:12,826 --> 01:00:13,871 - I can feel it. I can feel it. 1245 01:00:17,091 --> 01:00:18,440 I hate you, T. 1246 01:00:18,484 --> 01:00:20,094 I hate you. 1247 01:00:26,100 --> 01:00:27,711 -Look at you. -Yeah. 1248 01:00:29,538 --> 01:00:30,975 - The head trauma your wife endured 1249 01:00:31,018 --> 01:00:32,106 still could have happened 1250 01:00:32,150 --> 01:00:33,717 even if you were in opposite seats 1251 01:00:33,760 --> 01:00:34,935 when the tandem bike crashed. 1252 01:00:36,807 --> 01:00:39,897 Her coma is not your mistake. 1253 01:00:41,420 --> 01:00:42,508 - I can't lose her. 1254 01:00:44,292 --> 01:00:47,687 - It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. 1255 01:00:49,297 --> 01:00:50,734 -He choked the toilet. 1256 01:00:50,777 --> 01:00:51,952 -Fucking rat! 1257 01:00:51,996 --> 01:00:53,388 -You know what? 1258 01:00:53,432 --> 01:00:56,130 Guys, I still do not want to know 1259 01:00:56,174 --> 01:00:58,916 where or who you were screwing with tonight. 1260 01:00:58,959 --> 01:01:01,266 I just got one question. 1261 01:01:01,309 --> 01:01:03,094 Who's gonna give you a fucking million dollars? 1262 01:01:03,137 --> 01:01:04,486 -Good question. See, we branded them. 1263 01:01:04,530 --> 01:01:07,185 -They're Studio Head. -What? 1264 01:01:07,228 --> 01:01:09,927 -Yeah, the Studio Head gave us a grand just to show our faces. 1265 01:01:09,970 --> 01:01:12,277 That's just a grand. 1266 01:01:12,320 --> 01:01:14,279 -Yeah, but a grand each. 1267 01:01:16,281 --> 01:01:19,110 Yeah. 1268 01:01:20,546 --> 01:01:23,941 -You know, we, did rob a house. 1269 01:01:23,984 --> 01:01:26,770 Never took anything for ourselves. 1270 01:01:26,813 --> 01:01:29,947 -Yeah, but we took the trophies. 1271 01:01:29,990 --> 01:01:32,863 -Yeah, we don't have them. 1272 01:01:32,906 --> 01:01:35,300 I mean, we should go back and nab other goods. 1273 01:01:35,343 --> 01:01:36,997 -No! No, we're not going back. -Yeah. 1274 01:01:37,041 --> 01:01:38,172 -Hell, yeah. -Yeah 1275 01:01:38,216 --> 01:01:39,652 -What? -Yeah Yes. Yes, we are. 1276 01:01:39,696 --> 01:01:40,958 Non-negotiable, man. 1277 01:01:41,001 --> 01:01:43,351 This is my chance to make up South Best to you. 1278 01:01:43,395 --> 01:01:46,093 This is our real shot at getting our contract back. 1279 01:01:47,878 --> 01:01:49,096 Fuck! 1280 01:01:49,140 --> 01:01:50,315 -We could take that Fridge Script 1281 01:01:50,358 --> 01:01:51,185 that you ramble on about. 1282 01:01:51,229 --> 01:01:52,099 We could take the art. 1283 01:01:52,143 --> 01:01:53,361 -We could take-- -No. Hey, hey. 1284 01:01:53,405 --> 01:01:54,711 There's nothing in the fridge. I checked, okay? 1285 01:01:54,754 --> 01:01:55,973 -Take the fridge. -Well, then the art. 1286 01:01:56,016 --> 01:01:57,409 -Take the whole fridge. -The painting, man. 1287 01:01:57,452 --> 01:01:59,324 Fuck the script, man. I don't care about the script. 1288 01:01:59,367 --> 01:02:01,805 I want the movie, man. I want our movie. 1289 01:02:01,848 --> 01:02:02,936 -What has gotten into you? 1290 01:02:02,980 --> 01:02:04,808 -A goddamn 38, brother. 1291 01:02:04,851 --> 01:02:06,287 I got shot. 1292 01:02:06,331 --> 01:02:07,506 - She woke up from the coma. 1293 01:02:09,073 --> 01:02:14,295 -You can take my car. After you unclog my toilet. 1294 01:02:14,339 --> 01:02:16,297 Nasty motherfucker. 1295 01:02:16,341 --> 01:02:17,559 -Brother, the timing of your bowels 1296 01:02:17,603 --> 01:02:18,952 is crazier than. 1297 01:02:18,996 --> 01:02:20,345 I'll tell you what, we got a lot of shut 1298 01:02:20,388 --> 01:02:22,347 before JW busts out of them lovemaking restraints. 1299 01:02:22,390 --> 01:02:24,001 We got all day. 1300 01:02:24,044 --> 01:02:26,003 -To be clear, it is not Jack who I'm worried about. 1301 01:02:26,046 --> 01:02:27,221 The Studio Head set us six up. 1302 01:02:27,265 --> 01:02:28,396 They are calculated. 1303 01:02:28,440 --> 01:02:29,267 They knew everyone's histories. 1304 01:02:29,310 --> 01:02:30,747 They knew where everybody lived. 1305 01:02:30,790 --> 01:02:33,227 They rigged a house with a scavenger hunt full of clues, 1306 01:02:33,271 --> 01:02:34,359 set us all up to be there, 1307 01:02:34,402 --> 01:02:35,316 and they knew we were desperate enough 1308 01:02:35,360 --> 01:02:37,101 to hop along for the ride. 1309 01:02:37,144 --> 01:02:40,060 No, it is not Jack who I'm worried about. 1310 01:02:41,540 --> 01:02:43,890 I'm worried about the psycho who organized this whole night. 1311 01:02:53,073 --> 01:02:55,467 You sly little slut! 1312 01:02:55,510 --> 01:02:57,904 My God, you're the Studio Head! 1313 01:02:57,948 --> 01:03:01,081 -Emma, speak up when you know you're right. 1314 01:03:01,125 --> 01:03:03,257 This town will carve you up if you don't defend yourself. 1315 01:03:03,301 --> 01:03:04,824 -Okay. I will. 1316 01:03:07,131 --> 01:03:11,004 -Let's see who's really in there. 1317 01:03:13,615 --> 01:03:15,530 Not tonight! 1318 01:03:15,574 --> 01:03:17,184 Fuck! 1319 01:03:25,018 --> 01:03:26,585 Hey! 1320 01:03:26,628 --> 01:03:28,456 What's going on in there? 1321 01:03:28,500 --> 01:03:30,023 I got the script that we're pulling the trigger on 1322 01:03:30,067 --> 01:03:31,242 in the fall. 1323 01:03:31,285 --> 01:03:34,593 You'd be great as the love interest. 1324 01:03:34,636 --> 01:03:35,463 How long does it take 1325 01:03:35,507 --> 01:03:36,551 to go to the bathroom? 1326 01:03:37,596 --> 01:03:38,902 -Who's the lead? 1327 01:03:38,945 --> 01:03:40,991 -Do your business and get back out here. 1328 01:03:41,034 --> 01:03:42,122 My life is over. 1329 01:03:45,256 --> 01:03:47,519 -Okay, time's up. 1330 01:03:53,177 --> 01:03:54,265 Hey, hey! 1331 01:03:54,308 --> 01:03:55,962 -Stop it, stop it! -No, no, no. 1332 01:03:56,006 --> 01:03:58,138 Help me, help me, help me, help me! 1333 01:03:58,182 --> 01:03:59,096 All right. 1334 01:03:59,139 --> 01:04:00,140 -No. No, no, no. -Wait. 1335 01:04:00,184 --> 01:04:01,446 -You got to get more leverage. 1336 01:04:01,489 --> 01:04:03,143 -Okay, get back here. 1337 01:04:03,187 --> 01:04:05,102 Hands behind your back, please. 1338 01:04:06,320 --> 01:04:07,669 -Now pull that. Pull it. Yes! 1339 01:04:10,063 --> 01:04:11,456 So goddamn perfect! 1340 01:04:11,499 --> 01:04:13,371 Yes, yes! 1341 01:04:13,414 --> 01:04:15,982 -This is insane behavior! 1342 01:04:16,026 --> 01:04:17,288 -Should we make a run for it? 1343 01:04:18,680 --> 01:04:23,120 There's some front end for you. 1344 01:04:23,163 --> 01:04:26,123 -And breathe. 1345 01:04:28,168 --> 01:04:30,475 Simmer. Down. 1346 01:04:36,176 --> 01:04:37,917 You gotta be kidding me. 1347 01:04:39,179 --> 01:04:42,617 Come on, stop. Please! 1348 01:04:42,661 --> 01:04:44,141 -Can you stop it? -No. 1349 01:04:44,184 --> 01:04:45,533 -Now, I take back my offer. 1350 01:04:45,577 --> 01:04:47,013 Fucked it up. 1351 01:04:47,057 --> 01:04:48,188 -I didn't fuck anything up, you stupid— 1352 01:04:48,232 --> 01:04:49,711 -That's it! -dick kicker! 1353 01:04:49,755 --> 01:04:51,888 -Everyone's going to their own rooms. 1354 01:04:53,672 --> 01:04:54,803 -Okay, that's tight. 1355 01:04:54,847 --> 01:04:56,327 -Hey, what's your fucking play? 1356 01:04:56,370 --> 01:04:58,720 -Listen, lady, I just want a freaking Best Picture award. 1357 01:04:58,764 --> 01:04:59,983 -Bullshit. 1358 01:05:02,028 --> 01:05:06,163 You set this all up. 1359 01:05:06,206 --> 01:05:09,035 You're working with Hero. Yeah. 1360 01:05:09,079 --> 01:05:12,256 He was your inside man, your Gerard Butler. 1361 01:05:12,299 --> 01:05:13,474 I see what's happening. 1362 01:05:13,518 --> 01:05:15,520 He came here to make sure everyone shows up, 1363 01:05:15,563 --> 01:05:18,392 and then he has us do the fucking messy part. 1364 01:05:18,436 --> 01:05:21,352 And now he's back at Jack's turning the place 1365 01:05:21,395 --> 01:05:22,744 upside down, 1366 01:05:22,788 --> 01:05:25,486 taking way more than fucking statues. 1367 01:05:27,619 --> 01:05:29,403 -You don't know anything. 1368 01:05:35,409 --> 01:05:36,454 She knows everything. 1369 01:05:36,497 --> 01:05:37,629 -What? 1370 01:05:37,672 --> 01:05:38,586 -She knows we're partners. 1371 01:05:38,630 --> 01:05:40,197 -How? -I don't know. 1372 01:05:40,240 --> 01:05:41,111 She's a lot smarter than she looks. 1373 01:05:41,154 --> 01:05:42,547 Except she thinks you're a Hero 1374 01:05:42,590 --> 01:05:44,679 and that Gerard Butler is in that movie Inside Man. 1375 01:05:44,723 --> 01:05:46,029 -That's Clive Owen. 1376 01:05:46,072 --> 01:05:48,074 -Yes, I know. 1377 01:05:48,118 --> 01:05:50,294 -Dalt, what exactly does she know? 1378 01:05:50,337 --> 01:05:52,470 Start from the beginning. 1379 01:05:52,513 --> 01:05:53,471 Yeah, Maureen. 1380 01:05:53,514 --> 01:05:54,820 I got another shoplifter. 1381 01:05:54,863 --> 01:05:56,213 Living the dream. 1382 01:05:56,256 --> 01:05:59,346 Yeah, don't sound too excited, 127. 1383 01:06:01,827 --> 01:06:02,959 Hello, fellow screenwriters. 1384 01:06:03,002 --> 01:06:04,134 -My name is John August. -Shit. 1385 01:06:04,177 --> 01:06:05,570 My name is Craig Mason. 1386 01:06:05,613 --> 01:06:07,615 This is episode 44 of Scriptnotes, 1387 01:06:07,659 --> 01:06:09,008 a podcast about screenwriting 1388 01:06:09,052 --> 01:06:11,097 and things that are interesting to screenwriters. 1389 01:06:11,141 --> 01:06:12,707 Screenwriter masquerading as cop. 1390 01:06:12,751 --> 01:06:13,752 Only in LA. 1391 01:06:13,795 --> 01:06:15,449 -Hey, pays the bills. 1392 01:06:15,493 --> 01:06:17,451 Most people would just drive Uber. 1393 01:06:17,495 --> 01:06:19,410 This seems rather involved. 1394 01:06:19,453 --> 01:06:21,499 I get the occasional free coffee. 1395 01:06:21,542 --> 01:06:22,717 Is it for research? 1396 01:06:22,761 --> 01:06:25,068 -I'm a rom-com guy. 1397 01:06:25,111 --> 01:06:27,157 -This is one hell of a meet-cute. 1398 01:06:29,768 --> 01:06:31,422 -You're a writer too? 1399 01:06:33,467 --> 01:06:36,253 -In the middle of breaking the biggest movie of my life. 1400 01:06:43,303 --> 01:06:46,567 -Here you go. Everything good? 1401 01:06:46,611 --> 01:06:48,830 -Exquisite. -Exquisite? 1402 01:06:50,484 --> 01:06:53,357 Hey, I'm sorry, this is so stupid 1403 01:06:53,400 --> 01:06:54,619 and honestly kind of rude, 1404 01:06:54,662 --> 01:06:57,796 but, my manager and I have a bet going 1405 01:06:57,839 --> 01:07:00,625 on how many Tinder meetups happen here, so— 1406 01:07:00,668 --> 01:07:02,583 -Ding, ding, ding! Guilty as charged. 1407 01:07:02,627 --> 01:07:04,498 -We met when he pulled me over. 1408 01:07:04,542 --> 01:07:05,847 -Tinder date, yeah. 1409 01:07:05,891 --> 01:07:08,415 -I blew a 0.14. 1410 01:07:08,459 --> 01:07:11,810 But then I talked him into letting me buy him a drink 1411 01:07:11,853 --> 01:07:15,161 instead of booking me. 1412 01:07:15,205 --> 01:07:17,642 - Really? He's not even drinking. 1413 01:07:19,644 --> 01:07:20,732 -Win-win. 1414 01:07:20,775 --> 01:07:23,735 Okay. 1415 01:07:25,258 --> 01:07:27,739 Yeah, no, not Tinder. Way weirder. 1416 01:07:29,306 --> 01:07:32,135 -Now, this night's not going to end up as a scene 1417 01:07:32,178 --> 01:07:34,398 in one of Jack Woodrow's movies, is it? 1418 01:07:34,441 --> 01:07:37,749 You're more of a movie buff than you let on. 1419 01:07:38,880 --> 01:07:40,839 -Cops just troll Reddit a lot. 1420 01:07:40,882 --> 01:07:46,323 -No, this romantic DUI stop won't end up in a movie, 1421 01:07:46,366 --> 01:07:50,544 but it's not above Jack Woodrow to steal ideas. 1422 01:07:50,588 --> 01:07:52,024 -Should I go arrest him? 1423 01:07:52,068 --> 01:07:57,203 I've got more stories than you can imagine. 1424 01:07:57,247 --> 01:07:59,510 Huh. 1425 01:07:59,553 --> 01:08:00,641 -Another round. 1426 01:08:00,685 --> 01:08:03,296 -Woo! Woo! 1427 01:08:03,340 --> 01:08:05,864 Fun. 1428 01:08:05,907 --> 01:08:07,170 Isn't it? 1429 01:08:07,213 --> 01:08:09,824 So there's these directing brothers from Texas, 1430 01:08:09,868 --> 01:08:12,827 a producer with a jellyfish franchise, 1431 01:08:12,871 --> 01:08:15,874 an actor Jack humiliated at an audition... 1432 01:08:15,917 --> 01:08:17,789 -We've been working for months on this. 1433 01:08:17,832 --> 01:08:19,225 This is just a last-minute rewrite. 1434 01:08:19,269 --> 01:08:20,444 -Is that why you handcuffed me? 1435 01:08:20,487 --> 01:08:22,402 -I'm--I'm trying to help us out here. 1436 01:08:22,446 --> 01:08:24,361 -Why the hell did you bring up Self-Made Woman? 1437 01:08:24,404 --> 01:08:25,840 -I'm not a good improviser. 1438 01:08:25,884 --> 01:08:27,494 -You pulled the AA chip out of nowhere. 1439 01:08:27,538 --> 01:08:28,800 -It's a prop. 1440 01:08:28,843 --> 01:08:30,802 I use it for motivational speeches at DUI stops. 1441 01:08:30,845 --> 01:08:33,892 -Well, don't. A guy's been shot, 1442 01:08:33,935 --> 01:08:35,894 Jack is tied to a Citizen Kanetable, 1443 01:08:35,937 --> 01:08:38,853 and some poor actress is strung out and unconscious. 1444 01:08:38,897 --> 01:08:40,855 So not all of the rules were followed. 1445 01:08:40,899 --> 01:08:45,295 -Whoa! Who's strung out? 1446 01:08:45,338 --> 01:08:47,514 -Some actress is blacked out at Jack's. 1447 01:08:54,260 --> 01:08:55,392 Is she famous? 1448 01:08:55,435 --> 01:08:56,958 -She's not in anything you would know. 1449 01:08:57,002 --> 01:09:00,266 So on the CW or something? 1450 01:09:00,310 --> 01:09:04,270 -Lower tier than that. Actually, maybe. 1451 01:09:04,314 --> 01:09:05,619 I haven't watched anything on there since Buffy. 1452 01:09:05,663 --> 01:09:06,838 Underrated show. 1453 01:09:06,881 --> 01:09:07,882 -No one ever said it was bad. 1454 01:09:09,449 --> 01:09:10,929 -Well... 1455 01:09:13,497 --> 01:09:14,889 for everything that's gone wrong— 1456 01:09:14,933 --> 01:09:17,457 -There is no bright side to any of this. 1457 01:09:17,501 --> 01:09:19,764 -Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hear me out. 1458 01:09:19,807 --> 01:09:22,375 The bright side is that I tied up Dame and Ghost 1459 01:09:22,419 --> 01:09:24,595 in the other rooms and they can't see you. 1460 01:09:24,638 --> 01:09:26,466 -No. -No what? 1461 01:09:26,510 --> 01:09:28,512 -I know what you're getting at. 1462 01:09:28,555 --> 01:09:29,556 -No, you don't. 1463 01:09:29,600 --> 01:09:30,775 Don't shoot down my idea 1464 01:09:30,818 --> 01:09:32,603 before I've even finished saying my idea. 1465 01:09:32,646 --> 01:09:33,734 You said you'd stop doing that. 1466 01:09:33,778 --> 01:09:34,953 -Don't even pitch it. 1467 01:09:34,996 --> 01:09:37,347 I did my part. Do yours. 1468 01:09:37,390 --> 01:09:38,609 -You know what? 1469 01:09:38,652 --> 01:09:41,264 This plan has gotten discombobulated 1470 01:09:41,307 --> 01:09:42,395 eighteen ways to Sunday. 1471 01:09:42,439 --> 01:09:43,788 Don't tell me it hasn't. 1472 01:09:43,831 --> 01:09:46,747 -I did my part. I made the invites. 1473 01:09:48,053 --> 01:09:50,577 I chaperoned the fuckwits through the heist. 1474 01:09:50,621 --> 01:09:52,449 I got them to steal the awards. 1475 01:09:52,492 --> 01:09:54,538 I made the switch with the gnomes. 1476 01:09:54,581 --> 01:09:57,932 I put the awards in the bush by his front door. 1477 01:10:03,503 --> 01:10:05,940 Now go blackmail him. 1478 01:10:05,984 --> 01:10:08,465 This was the plan all along. 1479 01:10:08,508 --> 01:10:10,031 Go get the awards from the bush, 1480 01:10:10,075 --> 01:10:12,686 walk in all big and tall with your badge, 1481 01:10:12,730 --> 01:10:14,993 tell him you caught the guys who robbed him, 1482 01:10:15,036 --> 01:10:16,473 but you're not gonna give him the awards 1483 01:10:16,516 --> 01:10:18,039 until he greenlights our script. 1484 01:10:18,083 --> 01:10:19,693 It's an easy negotiation, Dalton. 1485 01:10:19,737 --> 01:10:21,521 He knows he's lost favor with the LAPD 1486 01:10:21,565 --> 01:10:23,697 ever since they had to sweep a million MeToo's 1487 01:10:23,741 --> 01:10:25,656 under the rug. 1488 01:10:25,699 --> 01:10:27,658 He'll be scared of you, Dalton. 1489 01:10:27,701 --> 01:10:29,921 -What if Dame and Ghost try to escape? 1490 01:10:29,964 --> 01:10:31,662 They have to know I'm here. 1491 01:10:31,705 --> 01:10:34,882 -Just do your fucking part, Dalton. 1492 01:10:34,926 --> 01:10:37,102 -Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 1493 01:10:37,145 --> 01:10:39,017 Come on. Come on, you can do this. 1494 01:10:47,025 --> 01:10:49,810 I'm more of an idea guy. 1495 01:10:49,854 --> 01:10:52,509 I'm not really the, 1496 01:10:52,552 --> 01:10:55,425 you know, so. 1497 01:11:19,057 --> 01:11:20,406 Remember what you told me. 1498 01:11:20,450 --> 01:11:22,930 There's no secret to Jack. 1499 01:11:22,974 --> 01:11:24,758 Just wants to be impressed. 1500 01:12:33,740 --> 01:12:34,872 My God. 1501 01:12:42,793 --> 01:12:44,447 No. 1502 01:13:33,583 --> 01:13:34,801 Hey. 1503 01:13:40,807 --> 01:13:42,156 -Merry Christmas, Jack. 1504 01:13:44,942 --> 01:13:46,987 -Baby writer with a statue script 1505 01:13:47,031 --> 01:13:50,556 is going to kill me. 1506 01:13:50,600 --> 01:13:52,602 -Best Picture-winning statue script. 1507 01:13:54,081 --> 01:13:56,997 And no. We're going to work together. 1508 01:13:57,041 --> 01:13:59,739 -Says who? 1509 01:13:59,783 --> 01:14:02,525 -No one, because no one will take a meeting with me. 1510 01:14:02,568 --> 01:14:04,265 I don't have enough credits. 1511 01:14:04,309 --> 01:14:07,225 No one recognizes my voice. 1512 01:14:07,268 --> 01:14:08,922 Nothing I write is based on IP. 1513 01:14:08,966 --> 01:14:10,620 -Maybe you're just not that good. 1514 01:14:11,795 --> 01:14:15,059 -Fuck you! -Jesus fuck! 1515 01:14:22,588 --> 01:14:24,938 -I wrote a script, Jack. 1516 01:14:24,982 --> 01:14:29,073 Biopic. It's called Self-Made Man. 1517 01:14:29,116 --> 01:14:30,683 -Love the title. 1518 01:14:32,293 --> 01:14:34,774 -Think Wolf of Wall Street, 1519 01:14:36,123 --> 01:14:39,910 but about Hollywood mogul Jack Woodrow. 1520 01:14:42,869 --> 01:14:46,220 You stalk my assistant to get me a script, 1521 01:14:46,264 --> 01:14:48,919 and now you stalk me to write a script? 1522 01:14:48,962 --> 01:14:51,791 -You're gonna sign the title page. 1523 01:14:51,835 --> 01:14:53,793 Say it's your Fridge Script and then make the proper calls 1524 01:14:53,837 --> 01:14:55,229 to greenlight it. 1525 01:14:55,273 --> 01:14:59,277 -The Fridge Script... the Fridge Script is bullshit. 1526 01:14:59,320 --> 01:15:00,931 It's a marketing ploy 1527 01:15:00,974 --> 01:15:02,933 to give me a leg up on awards season. 1528 01:15:02,976 --> 01:15:05,631 I tell people it's important and it becomes important-- 1529 01:15:05,675 --> 01:15:07,720 -Then make this script important. 1530 01:15:07,764 --> 01:15:10,984 -What constitutes that happy ending? 1531 01:15:12,290 --> 01:15:15,772 -The best biopics have tragic endings, Jack. 1532 01:15:15,815 --> 01:15:17,121 I think I think me killing you 1533 01:15:17,164 --> 01:15:20,080 and getting caught on Christmas Eve is perfect. 1534 01:15:20,124 --> 01:15:23,301 -That's not my favorite ending. 1535 01:15:29,829 --> 01:15:32,919 There's no secret to this town. 1536 01:15:32,963 --> 01:15:37,315 Cream rises, but you turn into foam 1537 01:15:37,358 --> 01:15:39,535 if you can't handle the heat. 1538 01:15:41,841 --> 01:15:46,629 And beautiful, you have handled it 1539 01:15:46,672 --> 01:15:49,022 with fucking vigor. 1540 01:16:08,912 --> 01:16:11,697 I'll read it when the town gets back from Christmas break. 1541 01:16:13,090 --> 01:16:14,831 -It's not done. 1542 01:16:16,049 --> 01:16:18,225 I need to rewrite the climax. 1543 01:17:21,767 --> 01:17:25,205 -Rosebud, cocksucker. 1544 01:18:08,248 --> 01:18:11,164 Hey. Need to use the bathroom? 1545 01:18:11,208 --> 01:18:13,036 -Call the center. I know you're working with Hero. 1546 01:18:14,124 --> 01:18:15,299 -Okay. 1547 01:18:20,478 --> 01:18:21,784 -Hastings? 1548 01:18:21,827 --> 01:18:23,002 What's up, Dal? 1549 01:18:23,046 --> 01:18:25,396 -Could you stop by a house for me, please? 1550 01:18:25,439 --> 01:18:27,833 1400 Kings Road. 1551 01:18:27,877 --> 01:18:28,834 Tell me where the China Donuts 1552 01:18:28,878 --> 01:18:30,227 with the good TP is. 1553 01:18:32,185 --> 01:18:33,099 Come on, Dal. 1554 01:18:33,143 --> 01:18:34,318 Made it. 1555 01:18:34,361 --> 01:18:36,494 Tell me where it is. 1556 01:18:36,537 --> 01:18:38,148 Last chance, take it or leave it. 1557 01:18:53,032 --> 01:18:57,994 Fuck my fucking life. 1558 01:19:30,243 --> 01:19:32,115 -Suck my fucking ass, Jack! 1559 01:19:32,158 --> 01:19:34,291 -Suck his ass while you suck my dick! 1560 01:20:03,624 --> 01:20:04,887 -My name's Gia, by the way. 1561 01:20:04,930 --> 01:20:06,976 -Hey, hey. 1562 01:20:07,019 --> 01:20:09,500 Listen, you don't ever have to do that. 1563 01:20:11,284 --> 01:20:13,069 I mean, you're more talented than that. 1564 01:20:16,942 --> 01:20:18,422 -Can I use the bathroom now? 1565 01:20:18,465 --> 01:20:20,076 -Sure, Gia. 1566 01:20:21,251 --> 01:20:23,209 -Thank you. 1567 01:20:28,301 --> 01:20:30,651 -Bingo! Got our contract! 1568 01:20:30,695 --> 01:20:32,392 Jackpot! 1569 01:20:34,568 --> 01:20:38,921 My Lord in heaven, you shit in his briefcase! 1570 01:20:41,053 --> 01:20:42,054 -Hey, you good? 1571 01:20:42,098 --> 01:20:44,970 - I'm fine! Fuck off! 1572 01:20:48,147 --> 01:20:49,279 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 1573 01:20:49,322 --> 01:20:50,280 Let's look for Hero, brother. 1574 01:20:50,323 --> 01:20:51,281 I can help you find him. 1575 01:20:51,324 --> 01:20:52,325 No thanks. 1576 01:20:52,369 --> 01:20:53,457 -Goddamn it. 1577 01:21:02,509 --> 01:21:06,426 -Whoa! -Don't move. 1578 01:21:06,470 --> 01:21:08,864 Princess, we're leaving! 1579 01:21:11,518 --> 01:21:14,260 Prince--what did you do to her? 1580 01:21:14,304 --> 01:21:15,348 -Nothing. 1581 01:21:15,392 --> 01:21:16,654 -Open the fucking door. 1582 01:21:30,624 --> 01:21:32,148 -Yeah. 1583 01:21:32,191 --> 01:21:33,497 -Are you okay? 1584 01:21:33,540 --> 01:21:36,065 -Yeah. What are you doing? 1585 01:21:36,108 --> 01:21:37,762 -You know, I'm just taking care of business. 1586 01:21:37,805 --> 01:21:39,068 Don't worry about it. 1587 01:21:39,111 --> 01:21:40,373 Hey, Dal, Hastings here. 1588 01:21:40,417 --> 01:21:41,505 I'm at the house. 1589 01:21:41,548 --> 01:21:43,550 -Okay, slow. 1590 01:21:43,594 --> 01:21:45,074 Dal. 1591 01:21:46,553 --> 01:21:48,512 -Go ahead. -My God, Dal. 1592 01:21:48,555 --> 01:21:49,469 You're not going to believe this. 1593 01:21:49,513 --> 01:21:51,341 The awards aren't here. 1594 01:21:54,387 --> 01:21:56,346 -Really? -I'm just joshing. 1595 01:21:56,389 --> 01:21:58,696 The trophies are— whatever you call them— are here. 1596 01:21:58,739 --> 01:22:00,524 Who would want those things anyhow? 1597 01:22:00,567 --> 01:22:02,656 They look like tacky-ass paperweights to me. 1598 01:22:02,700 --> 01:22:06,182 -Okay, this is not a time for jokes, Hastings. 1599 01:22:06,225 --> 01:22:08,097 - Forget the trophies. Let's wrap it up. 1600 01:22:08,140 --> 01:22:10,055 Place is spotless. Door was slightly open. 1601 01:22:10,099 --> 01:22:11,056 That could have caused the alarm, 1602 01:22:11,100 --> 01:22:12,362 but no one's here. 1603 01:22:12,405 --> 01:22:14,190 Wicked quiet. 1604 01:22:15,539 --> 01:22:16,670 I'm calling it a night, Dal. 1605 01:22:16,714 --> 01:22:18,629 Guy's got 20,000 square feet 1606 01:22:18,672 --> 01:22:20,761 and Bel Air Country Club as his backyard. 1607 01:22:20,805 --> 01:22:23,025 I'm sure his Christmas will be more than merry. 1608 01:22:23,068 --> 01:22:24,287 -Yeah, yeah. Gotta go. 1609 01:22:24,330 --> 01:22:25,941 -Hey, wish her a Merry Christmas. 1610 01:22:28,073 --> 01:22:29,727 Wish it. 1611 01:22:29,770 --> 01:22:31,294 -Merry Christmas, Hastings. 1612 01:22:31,337 --> 01:22:33,557 Aww, you're so sweet. 1613 01:22:33,600 --> 01:22:34,514 -Merry Christmas, Dal. -That's good. 1614 01:22:34,558 --> 01:22:36,212 That's better. 1615 01:22:36,255 --> 01:22:38,214 Princess, we gotta go. 1616 01:22:38,257 --> 01:22:40,346 -Can I just say something? -Go fuck yourself. 1617 01:22:40,390 --> 01:22:42,609 -So you guys just made this all up? 1618 01:22:42,653 --> 01:22:44,046 You don't have the awards 1619 01:22:44,089 --> 01:22:46,048 and none of you are actual criminals? 1620 01:22:46,091 --> 01:22:47,571 I--I mean, except for the holding a gun 1621 01:22:47,614 --> 01:22:48,572 in a cop's face part. 1622 01:22:48,615 --> 01:22:50,530 That feels pretty real. 1623 01:22:50,574 --> 01:22:52,097 -Fuck yeah, it does. 1624 01:22:56,754 --> 01:22:58,321 -Let's bounce. 1625 01:22:58,364 --> 01:23:00,105 So who was behind all this? 1626 01:23:00,149 --> 01:23:01,759 -Hey, hey, hey. -My money, my bet. 1627 01:23:01,802 --> 01:23:03,674 Helen Hunt or the Illuminati. 1628 01:23:03,717 --> 01:23:04,762 What happened with Jack? 1629 01:23:10,594 --> 01:23:11,725 -I improvised. 1630 01:23:18,341 --> 01:23:20,299 -That's for not doing your fucking job. 1631 01:24:08,826 --> 01:24:12,134 Again, Jack? 1632 01:24:22,274 --> 01:24:25,277 My God, my God, my God, my God, my God! 1633 01:24:33,851 --> 01:24:35,418 All right everybody, welcome back. 1634 01:24:35,461 --> 01:24:38,508 We have some shocking breaking news to report. 1635 01:24:38,551 --> 01:24:42,729 Legendary producer Jack Woodrow was found dead today 1636 01:24:42,773 --> 01:24:45,341 in his Hollywood Hills mansion 1637 01:24:45,384 --> 01:24:50,694 along with up-and-coming ICU Blues actress Anna Rossi. 1638 01:24:50,737 --> 01:24:53,653 Both appear to have died from drug overdoses. 1639 01:24:53,697 --> 01:24:55,394 Since news of his death, 1640 01:24:55,438 --> 01:24:57,962 several sexual harassment allegations 1641 01:24:58,005 --> 01:25:00,399 came to light early this morning. 1642 01:25:00,443 --> 01:25:03,924 This could mean redemption for a number of women in Hollywood 1643 01:25:03,968 --> 01:25:06,666 who have courageously come forward 1644 01:25:06,710 --> 01:25:08,668 with their truths. 1645 01:25:08,712 --> 01:25:10,366 As the producer who was best known— 1646 01:25:10,409 --> 01:25:11,454 Holy shit. 1647 01:25:11,497 --> 01:25:13,369 Jack Woodrow OD'd with some actress. 1648 01:25:13,412 --> 01:25:15,197 -What? -Who? 1649 01:25:15,240 --> 01:25:17,634 -Jack Woodrow. -Excuse me. 1650 01:25:17,677 --> 01:25:19,375 Did you say Jack Woodrow died? 1651 01:25:19,418 --> 01:25:21,768 -Yeah, last night. 1652 01:25:21,812 --> 01:25:24,771 -Ben fucking Donaldson. 1653 01:25:24,815 --> 01:25:26,860 Remember the name. 1654 01:25:26,904 --> 01:25:28,558 -Awesome. 1655 01:25:28,601 --> 01:25:29,515 -Yeah, it is. 1656 01:25:31,300 --> 01:25:33,650 -Jack Woodrow's death determined to be an overdose. 1657 01:25:33,693 --> 01:25:35,217 Thank God. 1658 01:25:36,696 --> 01:25:39,308 -She was on ICU Blues. 1659 01:25:42,485 --> 01:25:44,530 -Did you shred the Woodrow contract? 1660 01:25:44,574 --> 01:25:46,576 -I wiped my ass with it. 1661 01:25:46,619 --> 01:25:48,578 -Sam Hartfeld will see you now. 1662 01:25:48,621 --> 01:25:51,276 -Hey, let's sell this one for Dad. 1663 01:26:03,549 --> 01:26:04,507 Hello, gentlemen. 1664 01:26:04,550 --> 01:26:05,595 Great to see you again. 1665 01:26:20,479 --> 01:26:22,568 -It's Jack Woodrow's coup de grâce. 1666 01:26:24,962 --> 01:26:26,442 -Risk-reward. 1667 01:26:28,052 --> 01:26:30,968 That's what life's all about, isn't it? 1668 01:26:31,011 --> 01:26:33,492 Are you willing to make sacrifices 1669 01:26:33,536 --> 01:26:36,452 to chase your dreams, or— 1670 01:26:36,495 --> 01:26:37,931 In the entertainment industry, 1671 01:26:37,975 --> 01:26:41,457 it's populated by dragons posing as producers. 1672 01:26:41,500 --> 01:26:43,894 Are you willing to keep your moral footing, 1673 01:26:43,937 --> 01:26:45,983 stay true to who you are, or— 1674 01:26:47,854 --> 01:26:52,729 in the face of— just brutal and loyal as fire, 1675 01:26:52,772 --> 01:26:55,645 fucking breathing competition? 1676 01:26:55,688 --> 01:26:59,344 Or are you gonna let your environment burn you? 1677 01:26:59,388 --> 01:27:04,349 Transform you until you can spit fire back? 1678 01:27:07,352 --> 01:27:11,313 I guess for me, um, 1679 01:27:14,577 --> 01:27:15,795 I don't think I'll ever have what it takes 1680 01:27:15,839 --> 01:27:17,014 to become a dragon. 1681 01:27:20,887 --> 01:27:23,890 -Great. That was really great. 1682 01:27:25,544 --> 01:27:27,981 No, truly, it was wonderful. 1683 01:27:28,025 --> 01:27:29,853 You really captured the essence 1684 01:27:29,896 --> 01:27:31,898 of Jack Woodrow's more humble beginnings. 1685 01:27:35,467 --> 01:27:36,338 - Thanks. 1686 01:27:37,556 --> 01:27:38,601 -He's perfect. 1687 01:27:40,472 --> 01:27:41,560 -Are you serious? 1688 01:27:42,822 --> 01:27:43,910 There's no way we can cast him. 1689 01:27:45,085 --> 01:27:46,522 -The next group of actors are here. 1690 01:27:46,565 --> 01:27:47,523 -Got it. 1691 01:27:52,528 --> 01:27:54,617 -He will recognize you. 1692 01:27:54,660 --> 01:27:57,446 -He says he's not a dragon. But look. 1693 01:27:57,489 --> 01:27:59,056 Look at his eyes. Right there. 1694 01:27:59,099 --> 01:28:01,798 Look. He doesn't mean it. 1695 01:28:01,841 --> 01:28:04,061 He regretted not taking the chance on Christmas Eve. 1696 01:28:04,104 --> 01:28:06,498 He hated being in the waiting room 1697 01:28:06,542 --> 01:28:09,066 with all the other mishmash clones of himself. 1698 01:28:09,109 --> 01:28:11,024 -You're guessing. -I'm not. 1699 01:28:12,112 --> 01:28:14,114 We're casting him. 1700 01:28:14,158 --> 01:28:16,073 And if he doesn't take the role that will launch his career, 1701 01:28:16,116 --> 01:28:19,729 then...then what is he? 1702 01:28:20,991 --> 01:28:24,037 -Talented and morally sound. 1703 01:28:24,081 --> 01:28:28,085 Come on. 1704 01:28:28,128 --> 01:28:30,957 Let's go pretend like the other guy's got a shot. 1705 01:28:37,921 --> 01:28:39,183 And thus we witness 1706 01:28:39,226 --> 01:28:41,446 how the system perpetuates itself. 1707 01:28:44,449 --> 01:28:46,190 One cog wrenched out 1708 01:28:46,233 --> 01:28:48,584 as another rises to take its place. 1709 01:28:50,890 --> 01:28:55,199 The mechanisms of an old system depend on it, 1710 01:28:55,242 --> 01:28:58,898 and I suppose heroes depend on it too. 112611