All language subtitles for Taskmaster.NZ.S04E09.720p.WEB.h264-EDITH.eng

- Chee-hoo!

- Oof!

- Shame!

- All right?

- Whee!

- Say cheese.
- Cheese.

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Copyright Able 2023

- Kia or a koutou, and welcome
to Taskmaster New Zealand.

My name is Jeremy Wells, and I am
sitting in this glorious golden throne

because all the other candidates for this
job fell ill to a mysterious, wasting disease

that I miraculously avoided.
Bad luck for them, I guess.

But good luck for me, you've gotta
say, because I'm now the Taskmaster.

A few months ago, I asked five of New Zealand's
best brightest, and ― let's be honest ―

most affordable comedians to complete
a series of skewwhiff tasks.

Tonight, we'll watch some of
those tasks, hand out some points

and figure out
who deserves to win this ―

the official Taskmaster trophy
made from 100% pure zero karat gold.

Competing for this extremely
worthwhile prize is Bubbah!

Dai Henwood!

Karen O'Leary!

Mel Brace well!

And Ray O'Leary!

And, as always, by my side is a man I can't
live without, but will never live with me

despite his constant requests
to move into my spare room.

Ladies and gentlemen,
it's Paul Williams.

♪ Where we sing instead of talking.

♪ Where we dance instead of walking.

♪ It's the musical

♪ eeeee-pi-soooode.

- Cool. We're gonna do
a musical episode.

♪ I wasn't expecting you
to say that.

♪ To be honest,
I think that it might get...

♪ kind of annoying...

♪ so maybe we should...

♪ just―

Just― Maybe we should just talk.

Yeah.
- Anyway, how are we kicking things off this evening.

- As always, we are kicking off
with a prize task, Jeremy.

So we've asked our contestants to
bring in the sexiest inanimate object.

And whoever wins the episode will
get to take home all five sexy objects.

- OK. let's go to Dai Henwood,
first of all.

- Well, I grew up in Wellington, and
I used to walk along Lambton Quay,

and there was one particular shop
called Mischief,

and they had
the sexiest mannequins...

...out of any shop, and mannequins really
became a touch point for me at an early age.

I'm talking everything from a male
seated mannequin to a dressmaker's doll...

- I feel I've revealed a lot, so let's just
have a look at what I have bought in.

You have literally
objectified a woman.

- And also, just as someone else
that grew up in Wellington,

Mischief was a shoe shop,
so I'm not quite sure...

...what that mannequin would
have been used for.

- Oh, this isn't one of the Mischief mannequins.
The Mischief ones sort of had a bit more of a...

- Ray, what did you bring in?
- Um, I bought in an hourglass.

OK. What's sexy about an hourglass?

- I don't know why, but society, for some
reason, uses hourglasses to measure two things―

time and human bodies.

And also, I think one of the most attractive qualities
in a person is their ability to measure an hour.

- Karen, what did you bring in?
- Yes?

Well, look, as someone who identifies
as female, uses the she/her pronouns,

there's nothing sexier
to me than housework

And, so, you know, I've tried Chux.
I've tried handy towels, whatever.

But when I stumbled across this, I was, like,
my life is about to change, and I found this.

Oh, yeah!

- Yeah, everyone loves
a Scrub Daddy!

But even if you look at the back
of it, the innuendo that exists,

forget about it being a cleaning
thing ― look at the bottom one.

'Deep cleaning. My eyes provide an
ergonomic grip with just two fingers.'

I mean, if you forget that you're
cleaning, that's a good time.

And then, 'Versatile smile.' 'My smile
cleans both sides of your utensils.'

That sponge is giving that spoon
a, and I think it's having a great time.

- Bubbah.
- So I couldn't afford a life-sized wax figure of Savage.

Instead I've brought in this.

So this here is a heater,

because I'm the type of person, if you
get into my car, the heat is always up.

I've also got these photos which have the
sexiest love story, and they're on the heater.

- Oh, no.
- So they're― Boy and girl meet.

And then they have a moment.

- Oh, God.

- And then the sexy part happens.

Oh, God.

I-I-I think I need a Scrub Daddy.

Wait, that's me in the background!

- Oh my gosh! It is!

- I don't remember that.
- Yeah, you asked to watch.

- Mel, what did you bring in?

- I brought in this... cos I think there's
nothing sexier than someone who listens.

But also, it is an orifice, so you
could have sex with it if you wanted to,

but I just thought it's a
representation of a healthy relationship.

- So if you met someone who was
hearing-impaired, you would find them―

- Oh my God. - This is a good point.
- ...physically repulsive.

- Yeah, that's right.
- It's a metaphor! It's a metaphor!

- I've gotta say, there's not a lot
that's sexy up there.

- Aw, come on! - Oh, pfft.
- In terms of judgement,

I think one point for the Scrub Daddy.
- Oh, what?!!

This is a travesty.

You think
that's the sexiest object?

Two points for Mel's Ear.
- OK, that's fine. But I'm shocked that I beat the Scrub Daddy.

- Three points for Ray's hourglass. You see where we're
getting here? OK? These things are getting sexier.

Four points for Dai's mannequin.

And I've gotta say, that heater
with the porno on it was quite hot.

OK, Paul, let's dive into a proper task and see
if they can keep up that amazing streak, eh?

- We've all heard of
abullin a chin a shop.

Well, here's a task that involves
a pull and a chin a shot.

- Where's Paul?

What is that?

What the―

- I-I didn't hit you, did I?
- Nah, you― You're a terrible shot.

- Pfft. Trust me, if I wanted to, I could have hit you.
- OK. Do it again, then.

Let's just move on.

- 'Fire ammunition from the slingshot
and knock the fine china off the towers.'

- 'Each piece of ammunition
must be different...'

- '...and start with the same
letter of the alphabet.'

- 'You may only shoot
each item once.'

'You have five minutes
to retrieve your ammunition.'

- 'Your time starts now.'

- Where's the― What's―
What's the slingshot?

I have to make it?

Oh my gosh.

- Full of glitter.

- That is amazing you did not
see that giant slingshot.

- I dunno, bro! I need
to get my eyes checked. Oh my gosh.

- Lovely, simple task. Hit the thing with
the other thing. Let's see how this goes.

- First up, it's Bull's-eye Bubbah.

You've got 2 minutes and 20 seconds.
- I know! Hey, shut up! I'm thinking!

And it can't be the same thing?
- Correct. Eight seconds.

Stop gathering.

What's your letter?

- What is that?
- This is polo.

In Samoan, it starts with a 'P'.

- I'll accept it.
What are the other items?

- Um, a pretend police gun.

- OK. That's debate able.

- Pinky toe offender. And a prop.

- OK. And the skateboard?

- A player's utensil.

That was really close.

OK, wait.
Maybe my items are too small.

Oh!

Oh!

Does that count? - Yeah.
- Yes!

And you. And you.
- OK.

- You really let it take you.

You stopped yourself!
- I'm quite heavy for that slingshot.

- So you went into the shed, and you seemed
like you were being incredibly selective,

and then you came out with just
a random collection of crap.

- Well, cos I forgot about the 'P' thing, but
I reckon I did pretty good naming that stuff.

- Yeah. - Yeah, you did, eh.
- No, you did.

When I was a kid, I loved playing
Tony Hawk's Pro Player Utensil 2

- All right, fire some more slingshot
action my way will you, Paul?

- Up next, it's Dai and Ray.

- Um... Um...

- Stick, spaghetti, salt,
stone, silverware.

Sunflower could be useful, eh?

- Eight seconds. Um...

- Who would've thought I'd find
a sipping vessel in there!

- Um, my letter is 'S'. - So what's that?
- Um, a steam device.

- I've got a feeling
these are all the same item.

- Stakes.
- Yeah, stakes.

So, what― I'll probably
fire these as one?

- And what's that?
- Oh, scholastics.

- Scholastics?
- Yeah. Scholarly pursuits.

I'll try hit the thing at
the very far end with the spices.

All right.

Oh no.

- Come on, sipping vessel.

That went better than expected.

- So what is this object?
- This is a statue's arm. - OK.

- OK, we've got a teapot.

- The binoculars?
- The seeing device.

- 'Seeing device.' Sorry.

- How about that?

- That really hurt,
and it didn't go very far.

- So are all those stones
different objects?

- Some are skipping stones. Stones for
rolling. Some are stones for the driveway.

So that― So I―
So I can use them all.

- Oh, that was excellent.
Was that two in a row?

Whoo!

- I've named this stone Simon.

- Most people call that Simon?

- Yeah, I think― Absolutely.

Come on, Simon.

Oh, holy moly!
Look at that. It's three down.

- This is my last item.

Better than I thought.

If we get into― Like, if someone attacks us?
- Mm-hm.

- Pegs and stones.
- Are they called pegs?

- They're― No, why would you call
them pegs? They're stakes, man.

- Great work, Ray.
- Yeah.

- Two more dubious names going on there.
'Scholarly pursuits. Stones for driveway.'

- Yeah, I remember that I called
one Sylvester St-stone.

- And what happened with Dai
and the pegs? What was he―

You thought they were stakes, but
then you ended up calling them pegs.

- Oh, yeah, that was
a rookie mistake.

I don't use a lot of them,

but I should have actually taken Ray's advice
and had them as different type of stakes.

Like, a silver stake, a stake-stake.

- Right. If you at home
are looking for some target practice,

maybe go and grab your slingshots and see if you can
hit these ads, cos we'll be back very, very soon.

- Welcome back to Taskmaster.
What's been happening, Paul?

- Our five contestants are attempting
to hit targets with a giant slingshot

and whatever ammunition
they can find.

They only have 5 minutes
to find their ammunition,

and the ammunition must start
with the same letter.

- Who have we got left on this one?
- Our final two sharpshooters ― it's Karen and Mel.

- My letter is 'B.'

- So, I've got a beacon, blower,
a bat, a ball, some beads...

- Banana? Bucket. Bottle.

Ball. Basketball ―
different kind of ball.

- Right, I'm just gonna start now
with an obvious one.

Oh, that was close!

- Can I move the slingshot?
- It's quite big.

- Just gonna move a little bit
closer just to make it a little bit easier.

- It was close.

- Oh! No.

Can't miss here.

I don't like this one.

Thank you!

- Fine ammunition from the slingshot
and knock the fine China off the towers.

They don't have to be together.

- I feel like Mahe Drysdale.

- You're gonna fling your bib?
- I've got a bib.

Why did that go better
than I thought?

And for my final act,
I will be firing a Brace well.

I didn't fall!

- How many did you get?
- Five. Probably four and a half.

- So what did you fire in that last shot?
- I fired a Brace well.

- Is that what you're called?
- I am a Brace well. Yes.

- Ah, yes.

Very clever. I feel like we have
a couple of loopholers here.

You guys are idiots, clearly.

That must have been
frustrating to watch.

- It certainly was.

- So what are the scores there, Paul?

- So Bubbah hit one,
Ray and Dai both hit three,

and then if you're accepting it,
Karen and Mel both at five.

- Yeah, I am accepting it.

- Also, I felt like our objects,
their crucial name, we stuck to it.

- Yeah. We chose things that actually started with that letter.
- Yeah.

- OK― You've won.
- You don't need to―

- Sorry, I was just―
I was just too excited.

- So that means that it's gonna be one point
for Bubbah, three points for Ray and Dai,

and Mel and Karen can get 5 points.

And it's about this point
in the episode

that I start wondering about what
our scores are looking like, Paul?

- Currently in first equal,
both on 7, it's Dai and Mel.

- All right. Let's plough on through
to our next one, shall we, Paul?

♪ It's for a musical task.

- Hello.

- Hello, Bubbah.
- Hello.

- Hello, Paul.

- Great to see you.
- Likewise.

- Which one shall I open, do you think?
- Fully up to you.

This one's got more words.

- 'Write and perform
a duet with yourself.'

- 'Most romantic duet wins.'

- 'You have one hour.'

Wow. I can do an whole album
in an hour.

- What's this one say?

It says the same thing.
- Mm-hm.

'Your time starts...

'...now.'

- Have you ever written
a song before?

- No.

- I don't have a musical bone
in my body.

That was, 'Celebrate good times.
Come on.'

- You have to pretend like some of
it's me and some of it's someone else.

But you should be able to tell
who the someone else is.

- This green wig is DJ Gush Steady.

Gush Steady
in the house! Bomba blast!

- What a beautiful task
for episode nine. Just lovely.

Let's hear some comedians serenading
themselves, shall we, Paul?

- Up first, a DJ set from DJ Gush
Steady himself. It's Dai Henwood.

- Welcome to the massive! Welcome to everyone who's
carrying with them both privilege and under privilege.

We've all got gumboots,
but what do you fill yours with?

♪ I'm just a man with 17 pants.

♪ And the way that you look
makes me wanna dance.

♪ I'm just
a girl with jeans and a fly.

♪ You say, 'Come over here, '
and it makes me wanna cry.

♪ Well, come a little closer,
cos I can be your man.

♪ I will glaze your face and body
like you're a Christmas ham.

♪ We don't need to cuddle
I turn sheets into puddles.

♪ It is all about the love
and praise from above.

♪ Then let's get married.

♪ We won't fight and bicker.

♪ When the kids have gone to bed,
I'll ram-raid your knickers. ♪

Very good!

- 'When the kids have gone to bed...
- '...I'll ram raid your knickers.'

Yeah.

Yeah, but it was about―

But it was about, you know, you might go to
a dance in a Rotary Hall or a Lions Hall,

and there's people from
a lot of different backgrounds,

and then there's usually a pretty left-field
DJ with a serious substance abuse problem,

and he brings you together.

What a beautiful message that is.

Who's up next, Paul?

- Grab your tissues, because it's
time for a break-up ballad from Bubbah.

- I'm here to pick up my stuff.

What'd you leave behind?

Um, a few bobby pins, and―

Don't say it.

...my heart.

♪ Cos I've been sleeping on
your side of the bed since you left.

♪ We're not good together.
We're like Jack and Bess.

♪ And this love is so strong
that it's so scary.

♪ But I'll never leave you again.

♪ You're not a scooter at the dairy.

♪ That's so romantic.

♪ And you're enchanted.

♪ And that's all I need to know ―
is the love that you show.

♪ Cos we say less,
but you pay more attention.

♪ So get back in my arms.

♪ Come...

♪ ...get...

♪ ...this...

♪ ...affection.

Get in here, girl.

Aw!

- That was genuinely moving.
- Thank you.

- What happened after that?

They ed.

- Two very distinct characters. Very well played.
- Thank you, Taskmaster.

- So good.

- More one-hit wonders coming up,
but first, here's some ads.

- Nau mai, hoki mai.
Welcome back to Taskmaster.

Paul, where are we at?

- We've been tapping our toes to Gush Steady's
banger and Bubbah's heart-breaking ballad.

Next in the play list, dueting with Ray O'Leary,
it's Karen O'Leary guitar-ing so clearly.

♪ Karen.

♪ Karen O'Leary.

♪ You really make
my everything sing.

♪ You are the wind beneath my wing.

♪ Well, Ray, I love you so much too.

♪ And I do love your size 13 shoe.

♪ Ray...

♪ and Karen O'Leary.

♪ A love so big it's almost scary.

♪ A love that will never...

♪ end.

- Emotion.
- Emotional. Yeah.

- OK, So you fell in love
with a shoe?

- With Ray!
- I fell in love with Ray.

- Who was Ray? Where was Ray?
- So, I was singing a duet to myself,

but one of my selves was playing
another character, which was Ray O'Leary.

Hilariously,
we've got the same surname.

And I― Very impressive use
your teeth to undo Ray's shoelace.

- I can do it again now, if you'd like?
- I'd love you to.

Oh, no―

Oh my God!

Hold me, Melanie.

I dunno if you just heard
Ray say, 'Hold me, Melanie.'

- Who's next, Paul?

- It's Archipelago's In The Creek ― a
duet by Ray O'Leary and Ray O'Leary.

♪ Ray, I love your curly hair.

♪ And I like your glasses
you're wearing over there.

♪ Ray, you make my heart flutter.

♪ And my love for you is as smooth
as your favourite peanut butter.

♪ Ray, I love you
even though you're from Wanganui,

♪ and the river is so brown there,
it looks a little poo-y.

♪ We can spend the days together,
going out and playing bowls,

♪ and I'll take all your money
when you die of high cholesterol.

- ♪ Mm.
- ♪ Uh-uh. Uh-huh-huh.

♪ Yeah. Coming in with a rap verse.

♪ Time to back up the rap verse.

♪ Yeah. Archipelago's in the crib.

♪ That's who we are,
just a couple of freaks...

Archipelago!

♪ ...who can't drive a car.

♪ Get an Uber with me
back to my flat.

♪ Yeah, my boys!

♪ Split the rent together
or we can move in with my mother.

♪ His mother...

♪ is my mother.

♪ Word to your mother.

♪ I'm coming out
for all your mothers.

- You happy with that?

- I think I nailed the rapping.

- OK.
- Yeah, I felt like a white Eminem.

- You took on quite a lot, there, Ray. You started
with what I think was folk, maybe spoken word,

and then by the end,
you were doing hip hop.

I can explain.

Well, originally I wrote a song to
the tune of Islands In The Stream,

and then they came in and said, 'We can't afford to
pay $10,000 for you to sing, ' and I had to pivot.

- So the two different Ray characters―
Just, one had glasses and one didn't?

Yeah, that's the two sides
of my personality,

is one who can see well and one
who's, sort of, blind as a bat.

- So, who's closing out
our set tonight, Paul?

- Who else, Jeremy,
but a couple of Mel Bracewells.

♪ I like your hair.

♪ And I like your eyes too.

♪ You make me smile.

♪ And you know that that's true.

♪ I've got
to say that I love you too.

♪ Here's all the things
that I love about you.

♪ Oh, I love that you're fit.
I love your tits.

♪ I love that you don't flinch
when I send a dick pic.

♪ Personality is nice,
but your arse is nicer.

♪ I'm going to inject you
like the Pfizer.

♪ Come on. girl, Let's get to bed.

♪ I'm so glad that
you aren't de-e-ead.

Love!

- ♪ We love each other.

♪ Love one another.

♪ I don't like your brother.

♪ Love.

♪ You can feel stuck.

♪ Cos on one hand, I love you
the way the way that you is.

♪ The other hand, I just
wanna cover you in―

♪ ...a kiss.

♪ Love.

- Beautiful. I mean, who knew that
you had such a vulgar misogynist in you?

The guy with the hat was brutal.

Yeah man, it lives deep within me.

- Look, the harmonies were really good.
- Thank you.

- And seeing the two― I thought you
did a great job, to be honest.

In fact, I thought everybody
did a great job.

Apart from Ray.

10 points for effort, Ray,
but I think one point for execution.

Wait, so 11 points?

Sorry, no.

No. One point for Ray.
- OK.

- Two points for Karen.

Three points for Mel.

I would have given you four points,
but that disgusting man was very sexist,

- so I'm only gonna give you three.
- Fair enough.

Four points for Dai, with the
fantastic Christian message, and―

I've gotta give Bubbah five for that,
cos that was quite something.

Well done.

All right, I believe it's time for another task, Paul.
- You are 100% correct, Jeremy.

It's time to do some multitasking.

- Paul!

- Hello, Mel.
- Hello.

- Hello, Paul.

- Hello, Bubbah.
- 'Sup.

- Hello, Karen.

- How have you been?
- Not well.

- Oh, well. Not really my issue.
Where's the―

- Where's my little paper thing?
- It's on the desk.

- Oh!

- There's a little task under there.

- Found it straight away.

- What are you looking for?
- I don't know.

- Why are you so suspicious?
- It's that kind of show. I'm very paranoid.

Every time I come into this room,

I feel like I'm about to be given a
task that no one else is going to do.

- I wouldn't let that happen.
- I think you would.

See, you're laughing now. Like, is this
one? Is someone else opening this right now?

- Not right now.

OK...

'Find and complete the most tasks.'

- 'Most completed tasks wins.'

- 'You must complete a task...'

- '...before opening a new one.'

- 'You have 10 minutes.'

- 'Your time starts...'

- '...now.'

- What would you call this? It's a multitask, really, isn't it?
- Yeah.

Very simple. Find as many tasks
as possible and complete them,

and you can't move on until you've
completed the task you've found.

- I can't wait to see what little tasks
are waiting out there for our comedians.

Whose multitasking
are we gonna see first, Paul?

- He loves doing tasks so much that he agreed to
be on Taskmaster New Zealand. It's Dai Henwood.

- 'Punch something,
but don't hurt yourself.'

Disaster.

Behind the K.

'Poke your tongue out.'

'Remove an item of clothing.'

Gidday, fish.

'Eat something
while sitting at the desk.'

Gasping for a jelly baby.
Just had one.

We'll look under the duck.

'Go to the lake
and bring back some water.'

This was a really bad one.
What's the time like?

- You've got six minutes
and eight seconds.

Oh, how do you get
to the ing lake?

The latch on your gate, mate...

Shambles.

'Dance for 10 seconds
while repeating the phrase...'

♪ Look at me dance.

♪ Look at me dance.

Look

at

Me

Dance.

♪ Look at me dance.

♪ Look at me dance.

♪ Look at me dance.
Now I'm finished, and I'm reading―

'Whistle.'

- 12 seconds.

Six, five...

four, three...

two, one.

That was great fun, man. - OK.
- Thank you very much, Paul.

- Thank you, Dai.
- Can I take this now?

Huh.

There's a task stuck to it.

We'll never know what that was.

Ever.

- So, you did pretty well, Dai. You probably
think a tactical error heading down to the lake.

But I gotta― I got some steps in
going to the lake.

The key― I think my thing was
when you plan to run to a lake,

find out where the lake is first.

Establish a path. Don't just run to a fully
gated car park, assuming that is the lake.

- How did Dai go?
- So, 13 is the score to beat.

Now it's time for a task
for you at home.

Watch these ads and buy one
of every product you see.

More Taskmaster after this.

- Welcome back to Taskmaster, the
show that pits comedians against each other

in the hopes of winning sexy prizes,
like an hourglass and a sponge.

Paul, could you give us a recap,
please?

- Our contestants are currently completing a
task where they must complete the most tasks.

Up next, it's Bubbah, Karen and Mel.

- 'Passionately kiss
an imaginary person.'

- Mwah!

- 'Do a cartwheel,
no matter how pathetic.'

Shit.

- 'Say "carrot" 10 times.'
Carrot. Carrot.

- Carrot. Carrot. Carrot. Carrot.

- Carrot. Carrot. Carrot. Carrot.

- Carrot.
- Carrot?

- Peek-a-boo!

'Donate to charity.'

- 'Yell something you like
about yourself.'

I'm gay!

- 'Thank you for your support.'
There you go.

'Eat something
while sitting at the desk.'

- I don't know if I'd call
that a charity.

- 'Whistle.'

- Under the duck.

This is weird.
'Give Paul a lap dance.'

This is actually really weird.
- It doesn't say that.

OK, it just says
remove an item of clothing.

I bet you love whistling as well. I
bet this is all a freakin', little ruse.

You're, like, 'Ooh. I love it when
girls whistle and eat a lolly at a desk.'

- 'Whistle for seven seconds.'

- I love whistling.

'Remove an item
of clothing.'

This is a rude show!
- I'll look away.

- This is some
white people shit, Paul!

- Ooh, hello.

Oh, I can't burp! I can't fake burp!

- What did it say?
- It said 'burp'!

- 'Crawl under the desk
three times.'

Oh, shit!

Yes! OK! All right!

This is a crawl.

- Peek-a-boo!

'18-second puppet show
with two objects.'

'Yeah, gidday, mate. How's it going?'

'Well, you know, just, um, having
a bit of a shit of a day, to be fair.

'Um― I've been hanging out with
this guy, Paul, all day, and it's just―

'You know, it's really
grinding my gears.'

- OK, that's enough. That's enough.
- OK, good.

- Have you got one?

Nope.

- 'Remove an item of clothing.'

Saucy.

There we go.

- 'Gargle some water
while sitting at the desk.'

I don't― I don't have―

- Can I put it back on
now that I've removed it?

- Yeah, probably. Sorry about that last one.
- That's OK.

Whatever you're into, Paul.
- I like whistling.

Ugh.

- Oh. OK, I didn't expect
you to spit it― - Yeah, same.

- 'Do the last task you did
before this one again.'

Take my shorts off again? All right.
What are the chances of that?

Nailed it!

- Again! Another whistle.
Of course, you freak.

I'm gonna put my clothes back on now. Is that OK?
- Yes.

- If it's your first time
watching Taskmaster,

not all the tasks involve multiple women
taking off multiple pieces of clothing

while Paul Williams watches
from a chaise lounge.

I like the fact, Bubbah, that you thought that
taking off your clothes was filthy white person...

- I dunno.
- I blame yo use for everything.

- It's probably fair, to be honest.

Mel, how much money
did you donate to ISIS?

- I didn't―
I donated $50 to the Women's Refuge.

Yeah, it's not that much, but...

- How did everyone go, Paul?
- So the score to beat was 13.

Karen Completed 11 tasks.

Mel ― 12.
- Ooh.

- Bubbah ― 16.
- Ooh.

- Who's up next, then?
- Up next, our final multitasker, it's Ray O'Leary.

- 'Remove an item of clothing.'

Oh, there's one.

'Do five yoga poses.'

Is that downward dog?
- I'll accept it.

- Can I just do that five times?

Cos it didn't say do
five different yoga poses, did it?

I feel like I'm praying to Mecca.

Are you sitting on one?
Do you have one in your pockets?

Do you have one in your...

Why do you have this?
How many do you have?

Do you have all the tasks here?

Aw!

- You look like
a task suicide bomber.

'Reach up high.'

'Bend down low.'

'Wave.'

'Find something
that's your favourite colour.'

Red's my favourite colour.
This is red.

'Poke your tongue out.'

'Sniff your elbow.'

Oh, my Lord.

'Kiss three walls.' Ugh, gross.

Paul, could you please take off
your jacket, please?

'Caress a plant.'

♪ La-da-da-di, la-da-da.

'Pretend to be electrocuted
for seven seconds.'

'Passionately sing
the colour of your hair.'

♪ Brown!

'Pat yourself on the back.'

'Pat your head and rub your tummy.'
- PAUL: 12 seconds.

'Clap.'

'Shake hands with Paul.'

'Jump.'

'Sit down.'

OK.

- Was there a task in my clothes?
- I'm not sure.

- Well, there's a task underneath...

'Accurately perform a Shakespeare soliloquy of
your choice.' I'm glad I didn't find that one.

- You found the motherlode there.
- Yes.

- You were like a kid in a candy shop.
- Yes, I felt like a truffle pig.

- How did Ray go?
- So the score to beat was 16. Ray found 32.

- All right, so what were
the final scores there, then, Paul?

- That means 1 point for Karen,
2 points for Mel, 3 points for Dai,

4 points for Bubbah,
and 5 points for Ray.

- Well done.

We're about to cut to some ads,
but first,

can you at home find all the tasks Paul
Williams has hidden around your house?

Go and have a look around.
Your time starts now.

- It's nice to have you with us
on Taskmaster.

Before we force our comedians into one
last potentially embarrassing situation,

let's find out what our scores
look like. Paul?

It's very close, but out in
first with 15 points, it's Bubbah.

- OK, here we go. Everyone, please head
upstairs to the stage for the live task.

Paul, can someone who's not you
please tell me what's going on up there?

- Ray O'Leary.

- 'Paint a painting
on the canvas in front of you.

'You must paint with the hand that
is attached to your team's pole.

'One member of each team must paint a handsome
horse, and one must paint a dangerous duck.

'One member of the team of three must paint
a dangerous duck riding a handsome horse.

'Best paintings
after three minutes wins.'

- Are you ready?

You're duck? And Bubbah? Yeah.

- Stop talking, please.

- All right, Dad.
- Sorry!

Oh no. Oh, shit!

- Mine's really pulling left here!
- - Oh, sorry!

All these photorealism
classes paid off.

Ray, being tied to you while you
make these noises is unsettling.

- I need a little bit of leeway here for a
second― Coming left, if that's cool? Thanks, guys.

I've ruined it.

- Cool, we can go back to―

Don't worry. I'm nailing it.

- Don't do that circle thing.
- Oh, shit. Sorry!

- 20 seconds.
- Oh, my gosh!

- Can we just go left?
- Sorry!

- What else should I paint?
- Oh, Ray.

Everybody, come on down,
and we'll judge them.

Great to have you back, everyone.
Please take your seat with your paintings.

We'll have a look at them
and judge them, eh?

Ray, let's start with you.

- I've painted
an incredibly dangerous duck.

So dangerous it is currently
mid-bank robbery.

- Baby blue gun?
- Yeah.

It's holding up
a gender reveal party.

- Mel Brace well, what did you paint?

- Obviously,
this is a handsome horse.

And handsome, although― It is kind

of like a male-centred compliment,

so that's actually not a leg.

- Oh. It's a stallion.

- Yeah, it is a stallion.
- OK.

Karen, what did you paint?

- Well, I've obviously got
Black Beauty here, um,

who's just frolicking in the field,

and then has been hijacked
by this dangerous duck.

And then I've put some quotations
here which says, ' death!'

And the horse is like,

- Ne-e-e-e-igh!
- Oh, I see.

- Cos it knows it's about
to become a gutser.

This is art.
- Beautiful.

I'll tell you what's not beautiful,
and that's yours, Dai.

- What's more dangerous than
the green-eyed monster, jealousy?

This is a jealous, dangerous duck.

So he went,
'I'm gonna destroy my wife―

'Not my wife, but the ma―'

'I'm gonna destroy the man who's
been making me a cuckold, with a gun.'

- Bubbah, can you describe
your piece of art, please?

- First of all, he's got
a handsome name. His name is Jeremy.

- Ohhhh my God.

- And he was born
with some differences,

and I feel like he'd be a great advocate
for horses that look not like horses.

Um, so his teeth was growing outside
of his mouth when he was born.

And he's got a blue eye and one
big-ass Cindy Crawford mole on his belly.

Look, great paintings,
apart from Dai's.

So, Dai, you're gonna get one point.
- Fair enough.

- Nice use of colour, Ray.
- Thank you.

- But two points to you.
- Oh.

- Three points for
Jeremy The Handsome Horse.

Four points for Karen's homage
to Colin McCann.

And I think five points
for Mel's very beautiful horse.

- OK, so that means that
by the slimmest of margins,

the winner of episode nine
is Bubbah.

Yeahhh!

- Yeahhh!

- Congratulations, Bubbah. You are now
the proud owner of a bunch of sexy objects.

So please head up to the stage and enjoy them in a
family-friendly way while the cameras are still rolling.

- Please. You've earned them.
- Go on, get up there.

What did we learn this evening?

We learned that only losers call them
skateboards instead of players' utensils.

And most importantly, we learned that
Bubbah is the winner of episode nine.

Ka kite, everybody.
We'll see you next time.

Woo-hoo!

- It's gonna be, like,
'Lay an egg. Your time starts now.'

And what a fun time.

- You bastard!

- You cheating bitch!
Why did you cheat on me?

- I filed a police report!

- This is insane.

- It's time to announce
the winner of season four.

- It's about time!
It's only episode 10. Woo-hoo!