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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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All right, out.
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Up.
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Squeeze the pelvic floor.
4
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Jesus Christ, Marty.
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You're putting an awful
lot of effort into this one.
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- Ma'am, you can't...
- Help.
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Hang on. I'll just be a second.
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- What?
- I'm not doing fewer dates.
9
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Well, it really wasn't a request.
10
00:00:22,048 --> 00:00:23,465
Well, I don't know who you're gonna get.
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Did you hear about Pentatonix?
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00:00:24,923 --> 00:00:26,923
- What?
- Well, Steve Wynn found out
13
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about your offer somehow
14
00:00:28,298 --> 00:00:30,215
and gave them dates at the Encore.
15
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Huge up-front guarantee
they didn't even counter.
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Fuck.
17
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Oh, take it easy on his pelvic floor.
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You really want to do this, Deb?
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You really want to try to fuck me here?
20
00:00:40,590 --> 00:00:43,840
Oh, Marty. I'll never
be doing that again.
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He leaves his t-shirt on, you know?
22
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Oh...
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That's not true.
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Okay.
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00:01:03,965 --> 00:01:05,673
And now for the KTQZ weather report.
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Expect highs of 111 degrees
in Clark County today,
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so make sure to stay out of the sun.
28
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Common savers can now take advantage
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of relaxed withdrawal
rules around 401s.
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That's exactly right, Joe.
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You know, a lot of
people are taking losses
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and do need extra help, but actually...
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Morning.
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He's a miracle worker.
There's nothing you can't do.
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We're thinking of doing
the fuzzy slippers
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instead of the glitter wrapping paper.
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Good, the fuzzy slippers
always sell really well.
38
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And can we get color
options on that too?
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Of course.
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Excuse me.
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Sorry.
42
00:03:03,715 --> 00:03:06,590
The non-smoking section's over there.
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Thanks.
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Can I get your attention please?
45
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All casino employees are reminded
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to submit timecards by 5:00 p.m.
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All timecards must be
turned in by 5:00 p.m...
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To be paid in a timely manner.
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- Hey.
- Hey, beautiful.
50
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I keep thinking about last night.
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I... I didn't think it was
gonna be so ticklish but...
52
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- What the fuck?
- Wait, who is this?
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Ava, your client. You called me.
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Kayla!
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Oh, yes.
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You are next on my call sheet.
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I was about to call you
but, um, how're you doing?
58
00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:36,590
How's Vegas?
59
00:03:36,673 --> 00:03:37,715
Are you and Deborah Vance
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Thelma and Louise yet or what?
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No, but, uh, but I do want
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to drive off a cliff.
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How long do I have to do this?
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Well, it's been three days,
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00:03:44,506 --> 00:03:45,840
so longer than that.
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I don't even know what I'm doing here.
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You're there to write
material for Deborah's show,
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you know, punch ups for appearances
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and things like QVC, and, you know,
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00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:53,548
any personal joke writing...
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00:03:53,631 --> 00:03:54,715
Yeah, I know the
literal job description.
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I signed a 470-page NDA.
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Seems right.
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God!
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- Too much.
- Okay, Kayla.
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You're supposed to be on mute.
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Oh, I am. I just pushed the thing, bud.
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Okay, bud. We can hear you.
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So you're definitely not.
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Oh, don't worry. I'm not listening.
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I'm laughing at a meme.
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It's like a... there's a
Minion with a big eyeball.
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You're supposed to be listening.
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We talked about this.
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You listen and you take notes, right?
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Yeah. So okay.
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Where's my notebook?
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Hey, I need to leave early.
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I have an adult ballet recital.
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Like, just, I can't miss this
one because I missed last week.
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It just wouldn't make sense.
92
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The whole thing will be off.
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Should I leave you two alone?
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Kayla, can you jump off, please?
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- No problemo.
- Thank you.
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00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:34,715
Testing, Kayla, testing, testing.
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- Okay.
- You need to fire her.
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00:04:36,548 --> 00:04:37,840
I would if I could but
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00:04:37,923 --> 00:04:39,298
her father owns half the company
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00:04:39,381 --> 00:04:41,256
so she's essentially my
assistant and my boss.
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00:04:41,340 --> 00:04:43,423
How does everyone have
rich parents except for me?
102
00:04:43,506 --> 00:04:44,840
Look. Just hang in there, okay?
103
00:04:44,923 --> 00:04:47,140
Every job has a learning curve, right?
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00:04:47,323 --> 00:04:48,506
When I was 15, I took a
summer job at Cinnabon...
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00:04:48,506 --> 00:04:49,506
Jimmy, I gotta go.
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00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:52,090
If I don't keep moving,
I remember that I'm here.
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Are you there? You don't say goodbye.
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She doesn't say goodbye.
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All right, Kayla, do
you want to come in here?
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Let's talk about this dance.
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00:05:00,173 --> 00:05:02,298
- I really like the jade.
- I do too.
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00:05:02,381 --> 00:05:03,590
But normals like subway tile.
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Oh, God, they do.
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00:05:05,548 --> 00:05:07,590
I don't know, Marcus. It's your flip.
115
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- What's going on here?
- Marcus flips properties
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on the side, like they do on HDTV.
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I don't know. I'm torn.
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Let's ask her. Jade or white?
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Uh, I...
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think the white.
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- Let's go with the jade.
- Yeah, absolutely.
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Let me know how it goes.
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So, do you think today
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you'll have time to look over
what I've been working on?
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00:05:30,006 --> 00:05:32,590
- Sure, just give me a minute.
- All right.
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00:05:32,673 --> 00:05:34,506
I noticed you weren't
at my show last night.
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Oh, sorry. I came the night before.
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I figured it was probably the same.
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Should I be coming...
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- Oh, crap!
- I'll get it.
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No, no, no, you're busy. I'll get it.
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Excuse me.
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There we go.
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Mm.
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00:06:28,923 --> 00:06:30,298
Okay, let's go.
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00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:38,631
Hm.
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Is that a good hm?
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00:06:40,965 --> 00:06:42,465
No.
139
00:06:43,131 --> 00:06:45,881
Most of these are unusable but, um,
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this part works.
141
00:06:51,256 --> 00:06:53,548
Oh, cool.
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The set up.
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You a lesbian?
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00:07:01,465 --> 00:07:03,298
Um...
145
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:04,798
Not sure you can ask me that.
146
00:07:04,881 --> 00:07:06,173
Oh. What?
147
00:07:06,256 --> 00:07:07,423
Someone's gonna show up and arrest me?
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00:07:07,706 --> 00:07:11,006
Since you're my employer, it is illegal.
149
00:07:11,090 --> 00:07:13,256
But...
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00:07:13,340 --> 00:07:15,215
If you're genuinely curious.
151
00:07:15,298 --> 00:07:17,381
I used to only hook up with men,
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00:07:17,465 --> 00:07:19,590
but when I masturbated,
I thought about women.
153
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,631
So, then in college, I finally hooked up
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00:07:21,715 --> 00:07:23,423
with this amazing TA, Phoebe.
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And I realized that I could connect
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more emotionally with women,
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which led to deeper sexual experiences.
158
00:07:30,298 --> 00:07:35,006
But sometimes I do still need
penetrative sex with a dick to come.
159
00:07:35,090 --> 00:07:36,423
But I don't know.
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00:07:36,506 --> 00:07:38,090
Maybe I was just conditioned by the porn
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that was fed to me by
the algorithm, you know?
162
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,840
So anyway, I'm bi.
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Jesus Christ!
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00:07:48,090 --> 00:07:49,215
I was just wondering
why you were dressed
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like Rachel Maddow's mechanic.
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00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:53,834
Great. So, the jokes?
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You didn't like any?
168
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They're not jokes.
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I mean,
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00:07:58,626 --> 00:08:00,792
they're, like, thought poems?
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00:08:00,876 --> 00:08:04,917
"I had a horrible nightmare
that I got a voice mail."
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00:08:07,417 --> 00:08:08,417
What?
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00:08:08,501 --> 00:08:09,751
It's funny because
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00:08:09,834 --> 00:08:11,292
voice mails are annoying.
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It's, like, just text.
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00:08:13,417 --> 00:08:15,126
First of all, if you start a sentence
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with "it's funny because,"
then it's probably not.
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00:08:17,959 --> 00:08:20,459
And second, jokes need a punchline.
179
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,334
Well, in my opinion,
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00:08:22,417 --> 00:08:24,917
traditional joke structure is very male.
181
00:08:25,001 --> 00:08:27,376
It's so focused on the ending.
It's all about the climax.
182
00:08:27,459 --> 00:08:28,751
Oh, look who's talking.
183
00:08:28,834 --> 00:08:30,917
I just got a TED Talk about yours.
184
00:08:31,001 --> 00:08:33,542
- Deborah, Kiki's here.
- Oh, great.
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Thanks, Josefina.
186
00:08:36,042 --> 00:08:37,376
Sorry, are we done? What's happening?
187
00:08:37,459 --> 00:08:38,459
I'm playing blackjack.
188
00:08:38,542 --> 00:08:39,959
I don't know what you're doing.
189
00:08:40,042 --> 00:08:41,709
Why don't you just play at the casino?
190
00:08:41,792 --> 00:08:44,542
Oh, casinos are disgusting.
People smoke indoors.
191
00:08:44,626 --> 00:08:46,876
Yeah, I know. You make me live in one.
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00:08:46,959 --> 00:08:49,126
- Ha!
- Hi, Deborah.
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00:08:49,209 --> 00:08:51,084
- Hello.
- Oh, cute hairdo.
194
00:08:51,167 --> 00:08:54,084
- Oh, thank you.
- How's our little Luna?
195
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:55,876
She's amazing!
196
00:08:55,959 --> 00:08:57,751
We just had her three-year check-up.
197
00:08:57,834 --> 00:08:59,834
The doctor said her arms
and legs are super long.
198
00:08:59,917 --> 00:09:01,709
I think she's going
to be a hip-hop dancer.
199
00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,501
Oh, good for her.
200
00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:06,209
Kiki, Ava. Deal her in.
201
00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:07,459
Oh. Oh, no.
202
00:09:07,542 --> 00:09:08,751
I don't really know how to play.
203
00:09:08,834 --> 00:09:11,501
Then why'd you follow me in here?
204
00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:13,792
Your call.
205
00:09:13,876 --> 00:09:16,292
Uh, hit me?
206
00:09:16,376 --> 00:09:18,417
You just moved here, huh?
207
00:09:18,501 --> 00:09:22,084
Well, Vegas fucking slaps!
You're gonna love it.
208
00:09:22,167 --> 00:09:23,417
Not if she keeps playing like that.
209
00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:25,292
Okay. Any, um...
210
00:09:25,376 --> 00:09:26,709
Any guidance for me?
211
00:09:26,792 --> 00:09:28,792
Always hit on 16 and double down on 11.
212
00:09:28,876 --> 00:09:31,501
Hilarious. I mean about the jokes.
213
00:09:31,584 --> 00:09:33,167
Anything in particular you want?
214
00:09:33,251 --> 00:09:34,334
Yes, there should be more of them,
215
00:09:34,417 --> 00:09:35,459
and they should be funny.
216
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:37,584
Blackjack! Deborah!
217
00:09:37,667 --> 00:09:39,584
Yay, the Blackjack!
218
00:09:39,667 --> 00:09:41,251
The Blackjack!
- Oh, my God.
219
00:09:41,334 --> 00:09:43,209
- Thanks for the ride.
- Yeah, no problem.
220
00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:44,709
It's on the way to my next gig.
221
00:09:46,709 --> 00:09:48,917
Uh, nice car.
222
00:09:49,001 --> 00:09:50,542
So sick, right?
223
00:09:50,626 --> 00:09:53,709
Whenever Deborah gets a new
Rolls, I get the old one.
224
00:09:53,792 --> 00:09:55,959
This is my third.
225
00:09:58,209 --> 00:10:01,126
I cannot believe she gave you this car.
226
00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:02,959
So far all I've gotten
is emotional abuse.
227
00:10:03,042 --> 00:10:04,292
Today she asked me about the...
228
00:10:04,376 --> 00:10:05,417
Okay, that sounds like a bummer,
229
00:10:05,501 --> 00:10:06,542
but I've got to stop you.
230
00:10:06,626 --> 00:10:07,751
I've got to sing the chorus
231
00:10:07,834 --> 00:10:09,292
whenever this song comes on.
232
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:11,126
♪ I needed to lose you to find me ♪
233
00:10:11,209 --> 00:10:12,542
God.
234
00:10:12,626 --> 00:10:13,917
♪ This dancing was ♪
235
00:10:14,001 --> 00:10:17,126
♪ Killing me softly ♪
236
00:10:17,209 --> 00:10:20,292
♪ I needed to hate you to love me ♪
237
00:10:20,376 --> 00:10:21,376
♪ Yeah ♪
238
00:10:21,417 --> 00:10:23,251
♪ To love, love, yeah ♪
239
00:10:23,334 --> 00:10:25,126
♪ To love, love, yeah ♪
240
00:10:25,209 --> 00:10:26,667
♪ To love, yeah ♪
241
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:30,584
♪ I needed to lose
you to love me, yeah ♪
242
00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:32,334
Oh, okay.
243
00:10:32,417 --> 00:10:33,667
You were complaining?
244
00:10:33,751 --> 00:10:35,167
Sorry.
245
00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:37,792
I-I know I'm lucky to have
a job, genuinely, I do.
246
00:10:37,876 --> 00:10:40,626
I just, I don't understand
why she's making it so hard.
247
00:10:40,709 --> 00:10:42,959
Listen, Deborah's a hustler like me.
248
00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:44,534
You see this dope shirt?
249
00:10:44,717 --> 00:10:46,167
This was hers. She gave it to me.
250
00:10:46,251 --> 00:10:48,042
Deborah had a glitter crop top?
251
00:10:48,126 --> 00:10:49,376
Uh-uh, no.
252
00:10:49,459 --> 00:10:51,167
I had to cut off the
sleeves and trim it.
253
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:54,917
Point is, her shit is ugly,
but the quality is there.
254
00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:57,751
So if you can't make
it good, that is on you.
255
00:10:58,667 --> 00:11:00,126
Oh, and don't kill me,
256
00:11:00,209 --> 00:11:02,376
but I'm gonna play that
song two more times. Eeh.
257
00:11:02,459 --> 00:11:04,626
- Oh, this is a playlist?
- Uh-huh.
258
00:11:04,709 --> 00:11:06,459
Then why did I have to stop talking?
259
00:11:06,542 --> 00:11:08,459
Honey, when you're on shuffle,
260
00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:10,042
any song can play at any moment
261
00:11:10,126 --> 00:11:11,959
and it is through that randomness
262
00:11:12,042 --> 00:11:14,209
that we can totally receive meaning.
263
00:11:16,542 --> 00:11:20,542
♪ I needed to lose you to find me ♪
264
00:11:20,626 --> 00:11:22,709
I can see it in your eyes, you wanna.
265
00:11:22,792 --> 00:11:25,459
♪ Killing me softly ♪
266
00:11:25,542 --> 00:11:29,001
♪ I needed to hate
you to love me, yeah ♪
267
00:11:29,084 --> 00:11:30,334
Oh, my God.
268
00:11:30,417 --> 00:11:31,876
♪ To love, love, yeah ♪
269
00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:34,376
♪ To love, love, yeah, to love, yeah ♪
270
00:11:34,459 --> 00:11:35,834
Yeah!
271
00:11:35,917 --> 00:11:39,459
♪ I needed to lose you to love me ♪
272
00:11:43,126 --> 00:11:45,209
Uh, I'm sorry.
273
00:11:45,292 --> 00:11:46,709
I'm gonna...
274
00:11:46,792 --> 00:11:48,334
- Really?
- Yeah.
275
00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:49,917
Oh, watch the drink.
276
00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:52,376
Sorry.
277
00:11:52,459 --> 00:11:54,042
Jesus.
278
00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:00,084
I'm sorry. I-I can't write in my room.
279
00:12:00,167 --> 00:12:02,084
My neighbors are having,
like, performatively loud sex
280
00:12:02,167 --> 00:12:03,417
and the business center is essentially
281
00:12:03,501 --> 00:12:04,917
like a fucking coke den.
282
00:12:05,001 --> 00:12:07,917
Okay.
283
00:12:08,001 --> 00:12:09,334
Hey, can I get you a drink?
284
00:12:09,417 --> 00:12:12,292
Oh, yes. Um, can I get a vodka soda?
285
00:12:12,376 --> 00:12:13,417
- Sure.
- Yeah.
286
00:12:13,501 --> 00:12:14,626
Oh, drinks are on the house.
287
00:12:14,709 --> 00:12:16,959
Oh, can I get two?
288
00:12:17,042 --> 00:12:18,459
Oh, I'll get you three, sweetie.
289
00:12:19,667 --> 00:12:21,167
Yes!
290
00:12:22,001 --> 00:12:23,667
Do you want me to show you how to play?
291
00:12:23,751 --> 00:12:25,917
- Sure, yeah.
- Well, you have to match up
292
00:12:26,001 --> 00:12:27,917
the hamsters with the tabby cats.
293
00:12:28,001 --> 00:12:29,251
The tabby cats.
294
00:12:29,334 --> 00:12:31,459
- There you go.
- Thank you.
295
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,501
- Oh, enjoy.
- You too.
296
00:12:33,584 --> 00:12:34,667
- Thanks.
- Enjoy?
297
00:12:34,751 --> 00:12:35,792
You too?
298
00:12:43,167 --> 00:12:44,584
- Oh, my God, yes!
- Yes!
299
00:12:46,876 --> 00:12:48,126
Chill, chill.
300
00:12:48,209 --> 00:12:49,292
- Christina.
- Whoo!
301
00:12:49,376 --> 00:12:50,459
Have fun at Disney World.
302
00:12:50,542 --> 00:12:52,126
Yeah, um...
303
00:12:52,209 --> 00:12:55,292
This game is such fucking
capitalist bullshit.
304
00:12:55,376 --> 00:12:57,042
I won! Ah!
305
00:13:34,917 --> 00:13:36,334
Yes?
306
00:13:36,417 --> 00:13:39,167
Oh, um, I was just
wondering if you got a chance
307
00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:41,792
to read any of the new
stuff I sent for tonight?
308
00:13:41,876 --> 00:13:44,501
I did.
309
00:13:44,584 --> 00:13:46,292
And?
310
00:13:46,376 --> 00:13:47,542
Better.
311
00:13:47,626 --> 00:13:49,501
Oh. Great.
312
00:13:49,584 --> 00:13:52,501
Um, it'll be great to
hear them with a crowd.
313
00:13:52,584 --> 00:13:54,584
- Fifteen, Ms. Vance.
- Thank you.
314
00:13:55,959 --> 00:13:59,501
Oh, but I do love my wine, though.
315
00:13:59,584 --> 00:14:01,876
Now, I wouldn't say I'm an alcoholic.
316
00:14:01,959 --> 00:14:02,959
I'd slur it.
317
00:14:04,501 --> 00:14:06,626
But my idea of a perfect evening
318
00:14:06,709 --> 00:14:09,251
is a glass of wine,
319
00:14:09,334 --> 00:14:11,876
and if I'm feeling a little frisky,
320
00:14:11,959 --> 00:14:13,542
I'll pop in an adult film.
321
00:14:15,251 --> 00:14:16,709
But here's the trick.
322
00:14:16,792 --> 00:14:19,209
I watch it in reverse.
323
00:14:20,792 --> 00:14:23,917
Because then it's about
being rewarded for sex.
324
00:14:24,001 --> 00:14:25,542
With a pizza!
325
00:14:32,167 --> 00:14:34,376
Have a good night.
326
00:14:34,459 --> 00:14:36,042
You said my jokes were better.
327
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:39,001
- They were.
- Well, you didn't use any.
328
00:14:39,459 --> 00:14:42,709
They were better because
you stole them from yourself.
329
00:14:42,792 --> 00:14:44,376
Half were from your film script.
330
00:14:44,459 --> 00:14:47,209
The others were clearly
dated rehashes you threw in.
331
00:14:47,292 --> 00:14:48,876
- You read my script?
- Yes.
332
00:14:48,959 --> 00:14:51,167
I had Jimmy send me
everything you've ever written.
333
00:14:51,251 --> 00:14:52,584
I do my research.
334
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:56,792
So the next time you try
to half-ass something, I...
335
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:02,417
Son of a...
336
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:04,876
- There she is.
- How dare you!
337
00:15:04,959 --> 00:15:06,251
Well, if I don't have Pentatonix,
338
00:15:06,334 --> 00:15:07,876
I've got to promote you, right?
339
00:15:07,959 --> 00:15:09,584
And the truth is,
340
00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:12,959
is you don't make me nearly
as much money as lobster tail.
341
00:15:13,042 --> 00:15:15,376
But if it's any consolation,
342
00:15:15,459 --> 00:15:19,584
I bet you taste just as
good dipped in butter.
343
00:15:40,542 --> 00:15:42,626
Um, I just... I wanted to say
344
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:45,959
I'm sorry that I gave you
345
00:15:46,042 --> 00:15:49,292
up-cycled material yesterday.
346
00:15:50,542 --> 00:15:53,209
The crowd loved the show last night.
347
00:15:53,292 --> 00:15:55,251
You might wanna lose that joke
348
00:15:55,334 --> 00:15:57,001
about Anna Nicole Smith though,
349
00:15:57,084 --> 00:15:59,709
as she is...
350
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,834
long dead.
351
00:16:01,917 --> 00:16:04,042
Let me get this straight.
352
00:16:05,584 --> 00:16:08,709
You not only don't
write me anything funny
353
00:16:08,792 --> 00:16:10,917
or even original,
354
00:16:11,001 --> 00:16:15,292
and now you're telling
me what jokes not to do?
355
00:16:15,376 --> 00:16:18,292
I'm sorry.
356
00:16:18,376 --> 00:16:19,834
I think it's just been hard
357
00:16:19,917 --> 00:16:22,542
to write in your voice
when I don't know you.
358
00:16:25,667 --> 00:16:27,792
You know what?
359
00:16:27,876 --> 00:16:29,334
You make a good point.
360
00:16:29,417 --> 00:16:31,876
Why don't we
361
00:16:31,959 --> 00:16:33,501
take a little drive?
362
00:16:33,584 --> 00:16:35,209
You can get to know me
better on a little road trip.
363
00:16:35,292 --> 00:16:37,292
Okay, cool. Wait.
364
00:16:37,376 --> 00:16:38,667
What about... what
about the show tonight?
365
00:16:38,751 --> 00:16:39,959
Ah! We'll be back in time.
366
00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,084
I'll speed.
367
00:16:43,209 --> 00:16:46,292
Um, what do you think
about the climate crisis?
368
00:16:46,376 --> 00:16:48,334
In theory, I'm an environmentalist
369
00:16:48,417 --> 00:16:51,126
but in practice, paper straws
taste like a cardboard worm.
370
00:16:51,209 --> 00:16:52,376
Uh-huh.
371
00:16:52,459 --> 00:16:55,042
Hey, why don't you turn on the radio?
372
00:16:55,126 --> 00:16:56,459
All right.
373
00:16:57,501 --> 00:17:00,709
Whoa, do you have, like, huge hands?
374
00:17:01,792 --> 00:17:04,459
Um, I think they're a normal size.
375
00:17:04,542 --> 00:17:07,292
No, no. They look like catcher's mitts.
376
00:17:07,376 --> 00:17:09,626
Your manicurist must use a paint roller.
377
00:17:09,709 --> 00:17:11,209
Okay. You know, some people think
378
00:17:11,292 --> 00:17:12,459
it's pretty cheap to make fun
379
00:17:12,542 --> 00:17:13,876
of other people's appearances.
380
00:17:13,959 --> 00:17:15,251
Yeah.
381
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:16,917
Ugly people.
382
00:17:20,042 --> 00:17:21,251
Sorry.
383
00:17:21,334 --> 00:17:22,626
Had I known the drive was this long,
384
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,167
I would have peed before we left.
385
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:25,917
- All right, well, just hurry.
- Okay.
386
00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:27,917
Oh, wait, while you're in
there, you might as well
387
00:17:28,001 --> 00:17:31,251
get me a Diet Coke
388
00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:32,751
from the fountain.
389
00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:35,459
Okay! Jesus.
390
00:17:39,042 --> 00:17:40,167
Oh.
391
00:17:40,251 --> 00:17:42,751
Hey. Do you have a reusable cup?
392
00:18:01,001 --> 00:18:02,417
Here you go.
393
00:18:02,501 --> 00:18:03,959
Where's the change?
394
00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:06,417
Oh, it was only, like,
27 cents or something.
395
00:18:06,501 --> 00:18:07,792
Go back and get it.
396
00:18:12,709 --> 00:18:15,251
Okay.
397
00:18:17,959 --> 00:18:20,292
I should've finished college.
398
00:18:41,542 --> 00:18:42,709
Okay.
399
00:18:42,792 --> 00:18:44,501
You see that antique shop there?
400
00:18:44,584 --> 00:18:47,459
- Uh, yeah.
- Okay.
401
00:18:47,542 --> 00:18:49,167
I want you to go in there,
402
00:18:49,251 --> 00:18:51,917
and I want you to buy
403
00:18:52,001 --> 00:18:54,542
this for me.
404
00:18:54,626 --> 00:18:56,459
I'm sor... I'm sorry, what?
405
00:18:56,542 --> 00:18:57,876
What is... what is that?
406
00:18:57,959 --> 00:18:59,917
That is a Jean Royère pepper shaker.
407
00:19:00,001 --> 00:19:01,834
And I want it. But I can't go in.
408
00:19:01,917 --> 00:19:03,751
He'll gouge me. You'll
get a much better deal.
409
00:19:03,834 --> 00:19:05,501
Oh, my God.
410
00:19:05,584 --> 00:19:07,251
That's why we drove
all the way out here.
411
00:19:07,334 --> 00:19:08,542
You... you didn't want to spend time
412
00:19:08,626 --> 00:19:10,001
getting to know each other.
413
00:19:10,084 --> 00:19:12,584
You just wanted a pepper shaker mule.
414
00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:14,501
Okay, when you go in there,
415
00:19:14,584 --> 00:19:16,126
don't make a beeline
for the pepper shaker
416
00:19:16,209 --> 00:19:17,751
because he's gonna know you want it,
417
00:19:17,834 --> 00:19:19,667
so, you know, kind of
casually browse, you know.
418
00:19:19,751 --> 00:19:21,167
Look at a couple of other things
419
00:19:21,251 --> 00:19:23,292
but then, when you do,
420
00:19:23,376 --> 00:19:24,876
offer him five
421
00:19:24,959 --> 00:19:27,626
but go up to ten if you have to.
422
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:30,501
I'm sorry. Is this $10,000?
423
00:19:30,584 --> 00:19:33,876
For... for a pepper shaker? W...
424
00:19:33,959 --> 00:19:36,251
Royère never made tableware.
425
00:19:36,334 --> 00:19:38,376
It's very rare.
426
00:19:38,459 --> 00:19:41,084
Okay, now don't mention my name.
427
00:19:41,167 --> 00:19:43,209
Oh, and tell him it's personal to you.
428
00:19:43,292 --> 00:19:46,042
He loves a story.
429
00:19:46,126 --> 00:19:47,459
Hurry up!
430
00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:56,667
I hope you're donating
regularly to Planned Parenthood.
431
00:19:56,751 --> 00:19:58,626
Go!
432
00:20:03,459 --> 00:20:04,542
Well, hi there.
433
00:20:04,626 --> 00:20:06,501
Hi, how's it goin'?
434
00:20:06,584 --> 00:20:09,042
Well, can I help you
find something special?
435
00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:12,459
Um, no, I'm just browsing.
436
00:20:24,042 --> 00:20:26,917
Um, how much is this?
437
00:20:27,001 --> 00:20:28,584
Well, look at you.
438
00:20:28,667 --> 00:20:30,709
You have great taste.
439
00:20:30,792 --> 00:20:33,042
That's one of the most
valuable pieces in the store.
440
00:20:33,043 --> 00:20:35,501
Oh, mm, yeah. That's...
441
00:20:35,584 --> 00:20:37,167
It's French,
442
00:20:37,251 --> 00:20:39,542
Sevres porcelain, signed,
443
00:20:39,626 --> 00:20:42,376
early 19th century, with
exceptional provenance.
444
00:20:42,459 --> 00:20:44,001
It was purchased by a member
445
00:20:44,084 --> 00:20:47,126
of the Obenchain-McMillan
family at auction in 1930.
446
00:20:47,209 --> 00:20:50,634
- Cute.
- It's listed for $32,000
447
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:54,376
but I could do 28 today.
448
00:20:54,459 --> 00:20:56,084
Oh, mm, okay.
449
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:57,834
Maybe.
450
00:20:57,917 --> 00:20:59,709
Maybe.
451
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:02,792
Oh, um, you know, this
just occurred to me.
452
00:21:02,876 --> 00:21:06,542
Do you have a pepper shaker?
453
00:21:07,542 --> 00:21:10,084
A single pepper shaker?
454
00:21:10,167 --> 00:21:13,834
Yeah. I love them.
455
00:21:16,334 --> 00:21:19,292
I did list one,
456
00:21:19,376 --> 00:21:21,251
just today.
457
00:21:25,542 --> 00:21:27,126
Yep, yeah, wow.
458
00:21:27,209 --> 00:21:29,667
That's so nice.
459
00:21:29,751 --> 00:21:32,501
Uh, would you do 5,000?
460
00:21:34,584 --> 00:21:36,292
Are you here for Deborah Vance?
461
00:21:36,376 --> 00:21:37,667
- Yes.
- I explicitly told you
462
00:21:37,751 --> 00:21:39,334
not to say my name.
- He asked!
463
00:21:39,417 --> 00:21:40,834
Unbelievable.
464
00:21:40,917 --> 00:21:42,751
Well, well, well.
465
00:21:42,834 --> 00:21:44,334
She shows her face.
466
00:21:44,417 --> 00:21:47,667
I can't believe you would
stoop so low as to hire some
467
00:21:47,751 --> 00:21:49,917
niche escort off Craigslist
to do your dirty work.
468
00:21:50,001 --> 00:21:51,001
I wouldn't have to send anyone
469
00:21:51,084 --> 00:21:53,626
- if you'd just sell it to me!
- Yeah, I wasn't joking, Deborah.
470
00:21:53,709 --> 00:21:55,459
I will never sell to you.
471
00:21:55,542 --> 00:21:56,751
Oh, get over it!
472
00:21:56,834 --> 00:21:58,001
Do you know how many years
473
00:21:58,084 --> 00:22:01,042
I put in with that rancid
gorgon before she croaked?
474
00:22:01,126 --> 00:22:02,751
I played Parcheesi with her!
475
00:22:02,834 --> 00:22:04,626
And then you sweep in
476
00:22:04,709 --> 00:22:07,876
and buy the entire
estate sale sight unseen.
477
00:22:07,959 --> 00:22:10,001
- It's a free market!
Come on! I'll give you 15.
478
00:22:10,084 --> 00:22:12,584
- No.
- Oh, you stubborn ass!
479
00:22:12,667 --> 00:22:14,751
- 20?
- Mm-mm, no.
480
00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:18,501
Okay, name your price.
481
00:22:18,959 --> 00:22:21,334
An apology.
482
00:22:36,001 --> 00:22:38,417
No eating in the car.
483
00:22:44,292 --> 00:22:45,876
Oh!
484
00:22:54,626 --> 00:22:56,584
Shit.
485
00:22:57,667 --> 00:23:00,167
All right. Should we get the spare?
486
00:23:01,542 --> 00:23:04,909
It's a Rolls Royce,
not a Suzuki Samurai.
487
00:23:04,992 --> 00:23:06,084
There is no spare.
488
00:23:06,167 --> 00:23:07,417
Thing's got heated cup holders.
489
00:23:07,501 --> 00:23:08,709
There's no fucking spare tire.
490
00:23:08,792 --> 00:23:10,834
Okay, um, so we'll call Triple A.
491
00:23:10,917 --> 00:23:12,542
My show's in 90 minutes.
492
00:23:12,626 --> 00:23:14,334
I can't wait.
493
00:23:15,334 --> 00:23:16,834
Danny. Danny, hi.
494
00:23:16,917 --> 00:23:18,792
It's Deborah Vance. Hi, baby.
495
00:23:18,876 --> 00:23:21,417
I've got a flat, and I
need to get to my show.
496
00:23:21,501 --> 00:23:23,001
Yeah, I need a ride.
497
00:23:23,084 --> 00:23:24,542
Can you pick me up?
498
00:23:24,626 --> 00:23:26,417
Ugh! You're a sweetheart.
499
00:23:26,501 --> 00:23:28,917
Okay, I'm on Los Vegas Boulevard
500
00:23:29,001 --> 00:23:32,376
about um, 15 minutes north of Primm.
501
00:23:33,126 --> 00:23:35,417
You'll see me! Okay.
502
00:23:37,167 --> 00:23:41,167
Yeah, that is shredded,
503
00:23:41,251 --> 00:23:43,376
shredded to the bone.
504
00:23:53,876 --> 00:23:56,417
So how long you gonna give
me the silent treatment?
505
00:23:56,501 --> 00:23:59,792
It's not silent. You're
breathing very loudly.
506
00:23:59,876 --> 00:24:01,742
You know, it's gonna
be hard to work together
507
00:24:01,826 --> 00:24:03,542
if we can't communicate.
508
00:24:03,626 --> 00:24:05,417
We don't work together.
509
00:24:05,501 --> 00:24:06,959
You work for me.
510
00:24:07,042 --> 00:24:08,376
And not very well.
511
00:24:08,539 --> 00:24:10,539
You couldn't even do
the one thing I asked.
512
00:24:10,622 --> 00:24:12,039
Well, I'm sorry I couldn't haggle
513
00:24:12,122 --> 00:24:14,164
for your Jean Valjean
tchotchke or whatever
514
00:24:14,247 --> 00:24:16,081
but I... I'm a comedy writer.
515
00:24:16,164 --> 00:24:17,956
Oh, my God.
516
00:24:27,081 --> 00:24:29,747
You know, this isn't even
about the pepper shaker.
517
00:24:29,831 --> 00:24:31,956
It is most certainly
about the pepper shaker.
518
00:24:32,039 --> 00:24:34,331
No, I think you're just
butthurt about that billboard,
519
00:24:34,414 --> 00:24:36,164
and you're taking it out on me.
520
00:24:36,247 --> 00:24:38,414
Ooh. Great psychoanalysis.
521
00:24:38,497 --> 00:24:40,414
Oh, I get it. You're a therapist.
522
00:24:40,497 --> 00:24:42,914
That explains it. You're
certainly not a writer.
523
00:24:42,997 --> 00:24:44,122
Yeah, how would you know?
524
00:24:44,206 --> 00:24:45,456
You barely give me the time of day!
525
00:24:45,539 --> 00:24:46,872
You skim my work.
526
00:24:46,956 --> 00:24:48,956
I never know where you
want me to be or when.
527
00:24:49,039 --> 00:24:50,831
You don't give me any feedback.
528
00:24:50,914 --> 00:24:53,456
You're making it really hard!
529
00:24:55,247 --> 00:24:57,331
Hard?
530
00:24:57,414 --> 00:25:00,372
You think this... this is hard?
531
00:25:00,456 --> 00:25:01,872
You don't know what hard is.
532
00:25:01,956 --> 00:25:04,956
You got plucked off the
internet at what, 20?
533
00:25:05,039 --> 00:25:06,456
You just got lucky!
534
00:25:06,539 --> 00:25:09,081
I may have been lucky,
but I'm also good.
535
00:25:09,164 --> 00:25:10,289
Well, I should hope so.
536
00:25:10,372 --> 00:25:11,664
Good is the minimum.
537
00:25:11,747 --> 00:25:13,122
It's the baseline.
538
00:25:13,206 --> 00:25:14,997
You have to be so much more than good.
539
00:25:15,081 --> 00:25:17,289
And even if you're great and lucky,
540
00:25:17,372 --> 00:25:19,122
you still have to work
really fucking hard!
541
00:25:19,206 --> 00:25:20,664
And even that is not enough.
542
00:25:20,747 --> 00:25:22,456
You have to scratch and claw,
543
00:25:22,539 --> 00:25:24,789
and it never fucking ends.
544
00:25:25,539 --> 00:25:27,956
And it doesn't get better.
545
00:25:28,872 --> 00:25:30,247
It just gets harder.
546
00:25:30,331 --> 00:25:32,164
So don't complain to me
547
00:25:32,247 --> 00:25:34,914
that I'm making your life hard.
548
00:25:35,706 --> 00:25:37,789
You don't even know what that means.
549
00:25:41,122 --> 00:25:43,372
Oh, good. My ride's here.
550
00:25:48,914 --> 00:25:52,664
I don't think I'm comfortable
riding in a local news chopper.
551
00:25:52,747 --> 00:25:54,456
Well, good, because you're not.
552
00:25:54,539 --> 00:25:55,664
You've got to get the car back.
553
00:25:55,747 --> 00:25:57,414
What, you're leaving me here?
554
00:25:57,497 --> 00:25:59,122
Yep!
555
00:25:59,206 --> 00:26:00,747
And don't run the AC.
556
00:26:00,831 --> 00:26:02,122
It's low on gas.
557
00:26:02,206 --> 00:26:03,539
Hey!
558
00:26:03,622 --> 00:26:05,164
Lucky for you, you don't have to suffer
559
00:26:05,247 --> 00:26:07,497
through another one of my shows!
560
00:26:08,331 --> 00:26:09,706
Nice catch!
561
00:26:09,789 --> 00:26:11,956
Not surprised.
562
00:26:41,914 --> 00:26:44,039
Oh.
563
00:26:46,581 --> 00:26:47,956
Fuck.
564
00:26:53,456 --> 00:26:55,706
Fuck it.
565
00:26:58,247 --> 00:26:59,747
Jimmy Lusaque Jr.'s office.
566
00:26:59,831 --> 00:27:02,414
Hi, Kayla. Can I talk to Jimmy?
567
00:27:02,497 --> 00:27:04,497
- It's... who is it?
- Ava.
568
00:27:04,581 --> 00:27:06,372
Oh, my goodness!
569
00:27:06,456 --> 00:27:07,914
We've gotta go to the club, girl.
570
00:27:07,997 --> 00:27:09,706
Jimmy?
571
00:27:09,789 --> 00:27:10,914
You got a call.
572
00:27:10,997 --> 00:27:14,206
Ava, jump on, babe.
573
00:27:14,289 --> 00:27:15,997
Hey, hey. How's it going?
574
00:27:16,081 --> 00:27:18,247
This woman left me in
the middle of the desert.
575
00:27:18,331 --> 00:27:21,706
I... I'm so sorry, like,
I will do any other job.
576
00:27:21,789 --> 00:27:23,581
What about Camilla? Her room?
577
00:27:23,664 --> 00:27:25,831
Uh, the job you quit after 11 days
578
00:27:25,914 --> 00:27:27,289
because you said it was basic?
579
00:27:27,372 --> 00:27:28,414
I don't think so.
580
00:27:28,497 --> 00:27:29,914
I can't do it, Jimmy.
581
00:27:29,997 --> 00:27:32,414
Uh, Ava, they want me to drop you.
582
00:27:32,497 --> 00:27:34,289
- Wait. What? Who?
- The partners.
583
00:27:34,372 --> 00:27:35,914
I used this job with
Deborah to convince them
584
00:27:35,997 --> 00:27:36,997
to let me keep you on.
585
00:27:37,081 --> 00:27:38,539
I... I don't wanna drop you.
586
00:27:38,622 --> 00:27:40,997
You're the first person
I signed for a reason.
587
00:27:41,081 --> 00:27:43,539
Didn't you sign Lil
Miquela before me though?
588
00:27:43,622 --> 00:27:45,914
Yes, but she's a CGI
Instagram thirst trap bot,
589
00:27:45,997 --> 00:27:47,414
so it's different.
590
00:27:47,497 --> 00:27:50,122
Look, you can do this, okay?
591
00:27:50,206 --> 00:27:52,664
You just have to find a
way to prove it to her.
592
00:27:53,789 --> 00:27:56,456
Okay, okay.
593
00:27:56,539 --> 00:27:57,956
Hey, Jimmy.
594
00:27:58,039 --> 00:27:59,956
Do I have big hands?
595
00:28:01,039 --> 00:28:02,956
- I don't think so.
- Yes, you do, girl.
596
00:28:03,039 --> 00:28:04,456
- Kayla!
- What?
597
00:28:04,539 --> 00:28:06,164
They're not big. I
wouldn't call them small,
598
00:28:06,247 --> 00:28:08,747
but I wouldn't call them
big. Don't worry about it.
599
00:28:15,289 --> 00:28:17,122
Where's the girl? Did you
bury her in the desert?
600
00:28:17,206 --> 00:28:19,497
Not yet.
601
00:28:19,831 --> 00:28:21,122
Cue intro.
602
00:28:21,206 --> 00:28:24,081
Ladies and gentlemen, Deborah Vance!
603
00:28:25,581 --> 00:28:27,914
This donut, it's too small for this car.
604
00:28:27,997 --> 00:28:30,414
You can't drive faster
than 50 miles per hour.
605
00:28:30,497 --> 00:28:33,122
- Great, thank you.
- Yeah.
606
00:28:53,289 --> 00:28:55,622
I'm closing!
607
00:28:59,164 --> 00:29:01,081
Jesus.
608
00:29:01,164 --> 00:29:02,497
What happened to you?
609
00:29:02,581 --> 00:29:05,081
It's, um... it's a long story.
610
00:29:06,081 --> 00:29:08,122
So, then I had to leave LA.
611
00:29:08,206 --> 00:29:09,747
It's pretty much the
worst thing that's ever
612
00:29:09,831 --> 00:29:11,497
happened to me, and that's saying a lot
613
00:29:11,581 --> 00:29:12,914
because my dad had a stroke
614
00:29:12,997 --> 00:29:15,081
the same day I chipped a veneer.
615
00:29:15,164 --> 00:29:16,497
And now, for your punishment,
616
00:29:16,581 --> 00:29:18,372
you've got to work for that woman?
617
00:29:18,456 --> 00:29:20,039
Poor girl.
618
00:29:20,122 --> 00:29:23,831
Life is random, but I...
619
00:29:23,914 --> 00:29:25,539
I think from that randomness
620
00:29:25,622 --> 00:29:28,122
we can totally receive meaning.
621
00:29:28,206 --> 00:29:30,706
And right now, for me,
622
00:29:30,789 --> 00:29:33,039
there's meaning in that pepper shaker.
623
00:29:34,289 --> 00:29:36,706
Because of that one stupid tweet,
624
00:29:36,789 --> 00:29:39,289
I'm stranded in the Nevada desert
625
00:29:39,372 --> 00:29:42,914
asking you to sell me
an antique pepper shaker
626
00:29:42,997 --> 00:29:45,372
because otherwise,
627
00:29:45,456 --> 00:29:49,289
I'll lose this job that I hate but...
628
00:29:49,372 --> 00:29:50,831
that I need.
629
00:29:50,914 --> 00:29:53,872
So, it's not for Deborah.
630
00:29:53,956 --> 00:29:55,539
It's for me.
631
00:29:55,622 --> 00:29:57,831
So, please.
632
00:29:58,914 --> 00:30:02,039
Will... will you just
sell me the pepper shaker?
633
00:30:05,831 --> 00:30:07,956
No.
634
00:30:11,289 --> 00:30:13,081
Okay.
635
00:30:13,164 --> 00:30:14,706
I have to respect that.
636
00:30:14,789 --> 00:30:16,539
Good luck.
637
00:30:23,997 --> 00:30:25,581
- What are you doing?
- Sell it to me.
638
00:30:25,664 --> 00:30:27,456
Are you out of your mind?
That's one of a kind!
639
00:30:27,539 --> 00:30:28,789
Sell me it!
640
00:30:28,872 --> 00:30:30,331
I have nothing left to lose! I'll do it!
641
00:30:30,414 --> 00:30:32,164
- Just stop! Put it down!
- Sell me it!
642
00:30:32,247 --> 00:30:34,081
You think you have nothing
in common with Deborah Vance?
643
00:30:34,164 --> 00:30:35,581
No, you're the same!
644
00:30:35,664 --> 00:30:37,122
You're both psychotic bitches!
645
00:30:37,206 --> 00:30:38,764
You have three seconds to take the money
646
00:30:38,765 --> 00:30:39,831
- or I'm gonna do it!
- Please!
647
00:30:39,914 --> 00:30:41,622
Think of the Obenchain-McMillan family!
648
00:30:41,706 --> 00:30:43,247
I don't give a fuck about
the Obenchain-McMillans!
649
00:30:43,331 --> 00:30:44,872
They probably owned slaves!
650
00:30:44,956 --> 00:30:46,914
Fuck you, Lemony Snicket!
651
00:30:46,997 --> 00:30:50,206
One! Two! Three!
652
00:30:52,706 --> 00:30:54,622
Here.
653
00:30:55,372 --> 00:30:56,706
And no.
654
00:30:56,789 --> 00:30:59,372
There was no change.
655
00:30:59,997 --> 00:31:01,164
You look like hell.
656
00:31:01,247 --> 00:31:04,664
Yeah, I had a pretty hard day.
657
00:31:05,789 --> 00:31:08,081
Oh, we can start early tomorrow.
658
00:31:08,164 --> 00:31:11,372
I can be ready for you at 10:00.
659
00:31:11,872 --> 00:31:13,581
Okay.
660
00:31:53,456 --> 00:31:55,081
Oh, good morning.
661
00:31:55,164 --> 00:31:56,997
Morning.
662
00:31:57,081 --> 00:31:59,414
So, I have been thinking more
663
00:31:59,497 --> 00:32:01,081
about what you said, and you're right.
664
00:32:01,164 --> 00:32:03,997
You do need to get to
know me to write for me.
665
00:32:04,747 --> 00:32:08,039
- For real this time?
- Yes.
666
00:32:08,122 --> 00:32:09,206
Cool.
667
00:32:09,289 --> 00:32:12,247
So. Come with me.
668
00:32:14,956 --> 00:32:16,789
This is everything I've ever done.
669
00:32:16,872 --> 00:32:19,789
Every joke I've ever written.
Every show I've ever taped.
670
00:32:19,872 --> 00:32:23,414
Every TV appearance
for the last 40 years.
671
00:32:23,497 --> 00:32:26,081
I want you to digitize
it and organize it.
672
00:32:26,164 --> 00:32:28,497
- Well, I'm not...
- Before you say anything,
673
00:32:28,581 --> 00:32:31,372
I know you're a writer.
674
00:32:31,456 --> 00:32:33,872
That's all material, honey.
675
00:32:37,581 --> 00:32:39,039
Uh, w...
676
00:32:43,500 --> 00:32:48,500
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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