All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls [5x10] - But Not as Cute as Pushkin - LOL -

Whoa, honey!

Oh, I'm sorry Patty, I didn't see you there!

- Goodness, what's left to wear on your feet?
- I know, it's a sickness.

Everyone thinks it started with Bradshaw but actually it came over on the Mayflower.

Oh, well, what a wonderful history lesson.

Any time.

Oh! What the...

Pasquale's feeling unappreciated again.

We had "Star's Hollow Loves Pasquale Day" last week!

Didn't stick. Oh, listen, I want to invite you to my anniversary party!

Absolutely! Which husband?

Oh, no husband, honey, I'm talking about a lover that's been far more loyal and seductive than a husband.

I'm talking about that business we call show!

- Forty years!
- No!

Forty years ago today, I did my first play, off Broadway.

- Off Broadway?
- Cleveland.

That is off Broadway.

Anyhow, I thought I'd throw a big party. Food, booze, a little song, a little dance, a little salsa down your pants.

- Well, count me and my pants in.
- Oh! Wonderful!

I will even drag Luke there. So if there's any audience participation, please pick on him.

Oh, Luke won't come.

Sure he will, I have very effective methods of persuasion.

They include extremely high heels and all of Jessica Simpson's bath products.

No, honey, the party's on Tuesday, the 30th.

- So?
- So, the 30th is the "dark day".

- What dark day?
- Luke's "dark day". The day that he disappears.

Disappears? Where?

Nobody knows. Nobody knows where he goes or what he does, all we know is not to try and find him.

Why didn't I know about this?

I don't know, honey, everyone else does. Anyhow, you come yourself, okay? Eight o'clock!

I'll be there. See you Tuesday, Patty.

Ah! Pasquale, the Maestro!

My God, you look virile today. Are you sure your wife won't share you?

Oh, she's good.

I don't agree.

You're living in a fantasy world.

I have classes all day long.

I hear you protesting.

I've got a double major of poli-sci and bio-chem, Terrence!

I see you over-scheduling.

Sorry, I'm just getting a water here.

Paris, you're not yelling at me, you're yelling at the world.

I'm not yelling at all. This is the natural register of my voice.

It's the register of a timid little girl who is not putting herself out there.

I am putting myself out there!

Why are you arguing with Terrence? Why?

Look. I know I haven't dated lately, but Asher was very important to me.

Hey Paris, I can't find my notebook? The black one with all the yellow notes in it.

You have not put yourself out there.

He just died.

Oh, for God's sake, he was halfway dead when you met him.

Rory, has she been putting herself out there or not?

Out where?

Out in the world. Has she tried to meet men since Asher died?

You don't just meet people! It doesn't happen.

Um, I'll just go in my room now.

Look at your dream log, you are months behind. And your pretty thoughts journal.

Okay, fine. I have neglected thinking pretty.

But I hardly think I should be penalized for time lost while you were in court ordered rehab!

Hey Paris, what's this?

I had a back problem. The prescription was at home in my File-o-fax.

This is a message from Headmaster Charleston. When did Headmaster Charleston call?

- Earlier.
- And you didn't tell me?

I'm in session.

Hello, Headmaster Charleston, this is Rory Gilmore. I'm sorry it took so long to call you back, I just got your message.

Sweetie, that was a little passive-aggressive. We should talk later.

So, um, how are you?

I'm very well. How are you enjoying Yale?

I love it!

Is it everything you thought it would be?

It's nothing like I thought it would be, it's better actually.

I have no doubt.

Now, I'm calling because we often ask a former Chilton student to host a prospective Yale student for a couple of days.

Show them around, let them observe classes, campus life, that sort of thing. I was wondering if you'd be interested.

- Me?
- Yes, this is a very special young lady.

Bright, focused, quietly determined. She reminds me a great deal of you.

- Thank you.
- I assume you haven't changed.

Well, I've upgraded the wardrobe a little bit, but I'm basically still me.

Excellent. Then I hope you'll consider accepting. I know your workload must be substantial.

- That's okay. I can handle it.
- So I can take that as a yes?

Yes. Take it as a yes. And thank you, I'm honored.

Her name is Anna Fairchild. She's sixteen years old and she'll be arriving Monday morning at nine o'clock.

- Does that work for you?
- That works perfectly.

Very well, it's a date. I'm very glad to talk to you again, Miss Gilmore.

Yale certainly sounds like it's agreeing with you. I hope it will also agree with Miss Fairchild.

- Like Sabrina!
- I beg your pardon?

Sabrina Fairchild, that was her name.

Have we segued into discussing a movie?

And we can segue right out again.

I'm very grateful for that. All right then, my office will be contacting you with the particulars.

I hope you have a wonderful time. I'm sure Miss Fairchild will.

Thank you, Headmaster Charleston, I won't let you down.

What I nice thing to hear. I'm sure we'll be talking soon.

- Good-bye.
- Good-bye.

- Well this is a very big honor, you know.
- Oh, I know.

Of all the Chilton alumni at Yale, they're asking you.

I know! I know.

Well, have you thought about what kinds of things you'd like to show her?

Well, she'll go to all of my classes with me, of course. And then I thought she'd got to the paper with me

and then I thought maybe a trip to the Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript library.

Oh, you're going to show her the Gutenberg.

- Steve?
- Bible.

R ight.

Then I was torn between taking her to the Hewitt Memorial Quadrangle or the Science Center and gymnasium.

Huh. That is a conundrum.

Yeah, especially since she'll be snoring by then, you'll just be dragging her dead body weight around the campus.

Lorelai, these things are of great interest to any young person considering attending Yale.

Oh, I am sure.

I, personally, would enjoy every single thing on my list.

Yes, I know. But it wouldn't hurt to maybe throw a little something fun in. I'm not talking a kegger,

but just walk her by the crazy drama students yelling "Give me a location" or something like that.

- You know, your mother may be right.
- Who heard that?

Well, a good college experience is a well-rounded college experience.

It's important for you to show her that Yale students have fun, too. Oh, have her touch the toe!

- Yeah!
- Touch the toe?

The toe! The statue of Theodore Woolsey. It brings good luck to everyone who touches his feet.

And for that reason he has one left toe that's been rubbed completely shiny.

Wow, that is fun! Make sure you get a parent consent form for that one.

Oh, it is so exciting watching you at Yale. Such a wonderful time for me.

The people that you meet there will stay with you for the rest of your life, mark my words.

Tell me, are you making good friends?

Yeah, I have some good friends.

And what about Mr. Huntzberger?

Who's Mr. Huntzberger?

Um, Logan Huntzberger's a boy I go to school with.

A fine boy, from a fine family.

- You know him?
- His parents are very good friends of ours.

Oh, you know Mitchum Huntzberger, Lorelai!

No.

He's been coming to our Christmas parties for years.

No.

His mother's on the pediatric hospital committee with your mother.

Oh! … No.

Well, Logan is their son. And I noticed that you two seemed to be hitting it off the other night?

The other night?

He's very nice, Grandpa.

I don't want to be too forward, but you made a handsome couple.

Uh, was this Logan at the "Male Yale" party you threw?

He's the one who gave me a ride home, Mom.

Oh, Limo boy. Swell.

He's also on the paper with me.

You know, his father owns some of the finest papers in the country.

- I know.
- Not a bad connection, huh?

Nope, not a bad connection at all.

- Hey! So tell me about this Logan.
- It's three degrees out here.

Uh, as of tonight my father knows way more personal dish about you than I do. That's not right or fair.

He doesn't get as much enjoyment out of the dish as I do. For him the dish is always half empty.

You're just talking to keep yourself warm, aren't you?

What is the deal with this guy? Are you dating?

No, we're not dating! He's just a friend.

How close? For example, if we freeze to death will he come to the funeral or just send a nice fruit basket?

I know him from school, he's just a casual friend, that's it.

- Do you think he's cute?
- What does it matter if I think he's cute?

Uh, it matters to me. I don't want ugly grandchildren.

Mom, I'm not dating Logan or anyone. Since Dean, I'm taking a boy break, okay?

- I'm just concentrating on school, that's it.
- Fine. If that changes?

- You'll be the first to know.
- ‘Kay. Thank you.

- 'Cause there are not many ways I can outdo my father.
- I know.

Info on you and looking better in chiffon, that's about it. Oh, and my pole-dance is way hotter.

- I'm frozen now.
- Okay. Let's go.

In my hand, ladies and gentlemen, sits the true advantage of dating a diner owner.

I am never more than ten feet away from pie.

Ah, see, I thought it was the way we always smell faintly of meat.

Oh, it's heaven!

One quick trip downstairs and I have all the treats I want.

- You're like Willy Wonka but hotter.
- I am not hotter than Willy Wonka.

Slap on a purple top hat and you're close.

This is nice.

I think it's going very well, you and me. You think it's going very well?

I have very few complaints.

Hmm. I'm going right past the very few complaints comment,

'cause I know you're just trying to bait me. What complaints?

Hey, so Luke?

Miss Patty is celebrating her forty year anniversary.

Which husband?

With the business we call show.

Oh, him.

And she's having a big party and I told her we'd go.

Oh, man.

It'll be fun.

It will not be fun.

She'll be wearing tap shoes, and there'll be songs and punch and at least one story about Milton Berle's penis.

- Only one?
- Come on! I have to have you there.

- Otherwise people will think I made you up.
- Fine. I'll go.

Thank you.

Okay, so it's Tuesday at eight o'clock.

I can't go Tuesday.

- Why not?
- I have to go out of town.

- Why?
- Business.

Business? Now you're Willy Loman?

Banking business in Woodbury, standing appointment. Sorry.

Hit the light, will you? I have to get up early. 'Night.

Okay. 'Night.

Wait till you see all the stuff I got for Anna.

Yale tee-shirt. Bulldogs sweatshirt. Yale baseball cap. Visor. Coffee mug.

I told you to open a window when you're hot gluing in here.

It's freezing outside.

Oh, wait. This is new, they just came out with this. The Yale soda cozy. How cute is that?

I can't believe you. You don't even have your loser card-swiping job anymore,

and you're buying all this crap for some kid you don't even know?

I'm trying to make her feel welcome.

Oh, she'll feel welcome. They all feel welcome.

- Who's "they"?
- The enemy.

Who's the enemy?

Any girl under the age of seventeen is the enemy.

- Okay, I'm opening a window now.
- They're coming for everything.

They're going to take our jobs, our thunder, our starter husbands.

- Don't you have a class to get to?
- They're coming, Rory.

They're coming, and they are going to keep on coming. Like the locusts descending on Mankato.

We'll be beating them off for the rest of our lives.

Please don't be here when she arrives, I don't want you to scare her off.

Me? Scare her off? Please.

She's the one with the alabaster skin and the perky breasts.

Do not say "perky breasts" to her, do you understand me?

Eve Harrington has arrived.

Hi. I'm looking for Rory Gilmore?

- I'm Rory, you must be Anna.
- Yes.

Great, come in. You find it okay?

I got lost a couple of times, but people were really nice and got me here.

Yeah, it's a friendly world out there, isn't it?

Anna, this is my roommate Paris, and I'm sorry.

For what?

- Trust me.
- Okay.

Okay, let me show you around the place. That is Paris' room.

Don't go in.

That is my room, and this is the common room which is also your bedroom.

Bathroom is literally outside the door.

And there's a fridge, with water or soda or whatever you want - oh! And I got you some welcome to Yale gifts!

Oh! Really? Thank you.

I'm really glad you're here. You are going to love Yale, it's an amazing place.

I mean, I was excited when I first started here, but every day is different and better.

You have no idea how much there is to learn. It's - oh, well, you'll see.

Okay. I actually snagged us some caviar.

They were all out of toast points, but I think we can use Doritos and achieve a very similar result. Hey.

- This is Anna.
- Did Paris move?

- I'm right here, Marty.
- I know, Paris.

Anna is from Chilton, my alma mater, and I'm showing her around Yale for a couple days.

Oh, cool. I'll put this in the fridge. In my room.

Thanks! Okay, you ready?

I'm ready. You have boys bringing you food?

Yale is a magical place, Anna.

A magical, magical place.

The oldest part of the campus is, of course, the old campus, and it houses most of the undergraduate freshman class.

It was begun be Theodore Dwight Woolsey, president of Yale from 1846 to 1871.

Over here is the Elihu Yale bench.

Now, Eli Yale was an officer in the British East Indian Company.

He gave what was then called the Collegiate School 562 pounds and 417 books

and a portrait of King George the first. And so it was renamed in his honor.

He actually gave an additional 500 pounds to the school but Yale College never recieved it

because he mistakenly sent it to the non-existing Collegiate School,

apparently forgetting that Yale was named after him.

Oh, wait. This is the wrong bench.

So keep the story, but cross out the diagram. Moving on.

There's actually an ongoing rumor that you can automatically graduate and earn your degree

if you become sufficiently fluent in Latin, Greek and Hebrew.

Imagine all the tables you could wait with those skills, huh? Okay.

You are about to get a first-hand feel of what it's like to work on a real newspaper.

Now be prepared. It is an extremely hectic, fast-paced environment.

Don't get intimidated and don't get in the way. Ready?

Here it is.

Everyone must be out getting a scoop or something. But you just wait.

It can heat up in a second, and when it does, man, watch out. My desk is over here.

I do not care!

Hey! I am your editor, Paris, and I demand that you tell me!

I won't tell you where I got it, Doyle.

You will if you want to stay on this newspaper!

Okay, you are now privy to one of the classic journalistic dilemmas between reporter and editor - the right to protect sources.

Damn it, Paris, you tell me where you got that pen right now!

The pen fairy.

That is one of my personal fine point gel tipped pens from my bottom right hand drawer.

And you went into that drawer and you took that pen and it's mine!

Okay. For "fine point gel tips" substitute "confidential source deep within the administration". Huh?

You get a little thrill, don't you?

Hang on a sec.

Hey.

Question. Have you ever heard anything about Luke's "dark day"?

His what?

Well, one day a year he apparently has a "dark day".

No one knows where he goes or what he does, he just disappears.

I've heard nothing about this.

Okay, well, did we see him on November 30th last year?

How am I supposed to know?

Because, you keep all those crazy anal Bob Graham kind of notebooks.

"Eight a. m., got up. Eight fifteen, brushed teeth. Eight twenty-five, had impure thoughts.

Eight thirty-six, sent dwarves off to work. "

I do not have my diaries from last November on me at the moment.

- But you do have them.
- Yes.

And they will contain where we ate breakfast that morning.

- Yes.
- I love my little circus freak.

- I call you later.
- Hey, did your Mini-Me show up?

Yeah, her name's Anna. She's right here.

- Oh, how's the tour going?
- It's going great.

How many boring bench lectures did you give?

Two. But they were about the same bench.

Oh, you know what? I have someone standing abnormally close to me right now. I'll call you later?

Okay, say hi to Kirk for me.

'Kay, bye. Kirk! What can I do for you?

- I have a business proposition for you.
- Okay.

- How often do you slip in your tub?
- Never.

- Okay, it doesn't work if you answer like that, so...
- Constantly. I never stop slipping even when I get out.

I thought so. Then my new line of bath and shower adhesive decals are for you.

Huh. "Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow. "

Yesterday's retro designs in today's fashion colors with tomorrow's traction technology.

Well, Kirk this looks very impressive. And wow, very expensive.

Well, it's yesterday's retro designs in today's fashion colors with tomorrow's traction technology.

Hmm. Well, why don't you leave the catalogue with me and I'll look it over?

- Could you look at it now? It's the only one I have.
- Okay.

I like that one. If you put the fishes’ faces together it looks like they're kissing.

Oh, hey, Kirk. Do you know anything about Luke's dark day?

Everyone knows about Luke's dark day.

Do you know what it is?

Not the details, just that he has it once a year. I think it goes back a long, long time.

Yeah?

Sure, I mean, Luke's always had a touch of darkness in him.

I guess we all do, but Luke's a little more touched than some.

He's kind of grabbed, actually.

What do you think it's about?

When I was in seventh grade, Luke knocked the books out of my hands.

Because of his dark day?

No, everyone knocked my books out of my hands. I was kind of a target.

I used to wear a cape to school.

Now, outside, we just passed the women's table, which was designed by Maya Lin.

She's also the one who designed the Vietnam War memorial,

which, by the way, originally was a class project for which she received a 'B'.

The teacher who gave the 'B' also submitted a design for the war memorial,

but hers was chosen. His was not. That's a life lesson to remember.

This is Sterling Memorial Library. One of my favorite places on campus.

It was built in 1930 and it houses over one third of the University's ten million volumes.

I love libraries. I just spend I can't tell you how many hours just - you're not writing.

Oh. Sorry.

- I come here sometimes late at night...
- I just love how everybody's dressed.

- What?
- No uniforms.

I love that there's no uniforms. College, to me, means no more uniforms.

Oh, right.

However, wait till you're late for class and it takes you twenty minutes to put together an outfit.

Suddenly you'll miss those uniforms.

How many guys have you dated since you've been here?

Oh, well, none from Yale. Anyhow, the books - are you seeing the books?

Everything you'd want to read is right here. Feel it.

Feels good, right? Now smell it.

Nothing, nothing smells like that.

I'm sorry, excuse me - did I just see you smell that book?

- Hey, Logan.
- Hey, Ace. Who's your friend?

Oh, Anna, this is Logan. Logan, this is Anna, she's from my high school.

- I'm showing her around campus.
- Hi.

High school? Naw, I woulda sworn you were a college girl.

- So is she showing you a good time?
- I'm showing her everything important.

Mmm. Good. Make sure she takes you by the pub. Local place, everyone goes there.

- I'm not taking her to the pub.
- Oh, please? The pub sounds fun.

You don't have to drink, they do have coffee. It's a cool scene, make her take you. Bring a book to sniff!

- What are you doing in a library anyhow?
- Got lost.

Don't tell anyone I was here, ruin my rep. Anna, it's been a pleasure. See you, Ace.

He's cute.

Yes, he is. But not as cute as Pushkin. Right this way, missy.

I'm not being mean, I'm just - Fine! Do whatever you want!

Well I'm sorry you're so upset!

Well, you're giving me a week's notice! What am I supposed to do with a week's notice?

Well my son just called me from Florida, telling me about the condo, Luke!

Okay fine, go! And enjoy Florida, I hear they have great weather there. Terrific hurricanes!

Make sure you bring plenty of plywood and bottled water!

- Hey, hi, hello!
- What are you doing here?

I was just driving down the street and I saw you guys, thought I'd stop by and say hey, hi, hello.

- Hello Mrs. Thompson.
- Hello, dear.

- So, what's going on?
- Nothing. Nothing's going on.

Luke, please understand there's nothing I can do! I've already found someone else to rent the house and they have cars!

- And you just agreed to that!
- Well, it seemed rather reasonable to me!

- Oh, come on!
- Um...

- Luke's very upset with me.
- Why?

Well, his father rented the garage, he was building a boat and he didn't have room at his place,

so he paid me to do it here. And then when he died, Luke continued to pay me for the garage,

and now I'm moving to a nursing home and I need him to move his boat!

You're mad because this little old lady is moving to a nursing home and you have to move your boat.

Is this really the story you want to stick to?

She called me out of the blue, and I've paid for an entire month.

I can give you a partial refund if you like.

Where am I supposed to find a space to store a boat on a moment's notice? Huh?

Did you think about that for even a second?

Could we sit down? The doctor says the screw in my hip is loose.

Yes, yes, let's sit and calmly try to figure this out.

No, no, I've got it figured out. Just haul it off! Trash it!

- Haul what off?
- The boat?

Yes, the boat. Scrap it. Find somebody to drag it away and cut it up for firewood!

- Oh, now Luke...
- Who's going to haul it off?

Anyone. Just find a guy with a truck and a hook. Strap it on and drive it away and send me the bill. I'm done!

Luke - we'll be right back. Luke, stop! What, what and what?

I have paid that woman every month for fifteen years!

Luke, she's moving to a nursing home!

And my dad was paying her every month for twenty years before that!

- Nursing home, Luke!
- I know where she's going!

- She's not trying to hurt you.
- Whatever.

- Hey, where are you going?
- Back to the diner.

- Let me drive you.
- No.

Look, I can drive you back to the diner. I promise if we pass any senior citizens I'll let you jump out and pants them.

Fine.

And here we have the world famous Luke's diner, home of the best coffee on the east coast

and the most delightful and chatty proprietor since Mel kissed Flo's grits.

Okay, well, I should get back to the Inn.

I hope you've enjoyed your tour and don't forget to buy yourself a souvenir plastic monkey on the way out.

Tomorrow's the anniversary of my dad's death.

Oh - oh, hon...

And every year on that anniversary... I disappear.

I don't work. I don't talk to anyone. I get in kind of a funk - it's like... um...

- You have a "dark day".
- Yeah. I have a dark day.

I thought I should tell you this because we're in a relationship,

and I thought you might wonder why I suddenly don't answer the phone, or I'm not around.

Why you can't flip your hair and con me into going to Miss Patty's crazy anniversary party.

The hair flip is that effective, huh?

Combine that with your black dress, you could probably get me to be your backup dancer.

I'll remember that.

I've never told anyone this before. I don't really like to talk about it.

I guess that explains the thing with Mrs. Thompson.

Yeah. Some timing, her springing this boat thing on me now. I'll apologize to her.

You know, I never finished that boat. It's been sitting there half done for fifteen years.

Hey, Luke, don't you think you might have been a little hasty about the boat decision?

I mean, you were upset, and I bet some day you're going to be really sorry you don't have that boat anymore.

No, it's better she gets rid of the thing now.

But...

I haven't even looked at that boat since my dad got sick. Not a glance, nothing.

Even more reason.

If it's gone, then I don't have to deal with it. It's time to move on, you know?

- But...
- I'm fine. Really.

- Thanks for the ride.
- Any time.

- I love it here!
- You love it here? We just walked in!

I know, but it feels so collegiate!

Actually, you know what is great about this place?

Eli Yale drank here?

No, they make amazing cappuccinos. You want one?

- Yeah.
- Okay. You go sit and I'll get the coffees.

- Two cappuccinos, please.
- Sure thing.

- Hey.
- Hi, you just get here?

Yep.

- You want a...
- Yes, please.

I'm sorry, could you make that three cappuccinos?

- So how's it going?
- I think I may have overwhelmed Anna.

Her hand cramped up about an hour ago, and it's been smasming ever since.

- Really? Where is she?
- She's right there...

I turn around for one minute.
Excuse me.

Rory, Mark and Matthew were just telling me about a great party tonight.

Really, well that was very nice of them. Thank you, Matthew and Mark, was it?

- That's right.
- Well, how biblical.

Okay, well, our schedule is completely full at the moment,

but if that changes - if things lighten up, or if she suddenly ages two years in the next three hours,

then we'll know where to find you. Okay? Bye-bye, now. Bye-bye.

We'll be over here, just in case.

- Rory!
- Anna!

Well this is so not fair. You get to talk to boys.

- What?
- Well, you were over there talking to Marty.

That's different. Marty's just a friend. Which is another great thing about college.

You learn to have guy friends. Nothing romantic, just a good pal.

Those boys are not interested in your friendship, unless the word "friendship" is tattooed on your butt.

Now drink your coffee.

It's good, huh?

Can I sleep with the TV on?

Um, yeah, as long as you don't wake Paris up, and that advice is for your own good.

- And if I can't go to sleep?
- Then you don't go to sleep.

I love that! I love not having someone to tell me when to go to sleep.

Yes, it's great.

I love sleeping with the TV on, and I love having no parents around, and I love cappuccino,

and I love apple muffins, and I love college!

What's she on?

Four cappuccinos and three Red Bulls from the fridge.

Enjoy your night. How do I look?

- Where are you going?
- I'm putting myself out there, Rory.

- Now?
- Yes now.

It's eleven o'clock at night, who are you hoping to hook up with now, Spike and Drusilla?

Just tell me if my lipstick is too whorish.

Nope, just whorish enough.

Going out at eleven o'clock at night? I love college!

I may suffocate her when I get back.

Hey, if you can catch her.

- Bye.
- Good luck.

- Good night, Anna.
- Good night.

Which brings us to this question.

Does Campbell’s work successfully resolve the disparate stances of Jung and Freud

when it comes to the collective unconscious?...

Hey, pay attention. Professor Bell is one of the foremost philosophy professors in the country.

- Oh. Sorry.
- ... archetypes bordering on metaphysical?

All right. Let's call that close enough. But now, Camel can point to the repetition

of the hero myth in culture after culture and say, "Hey Sigmund!

Like it or not, here are the same basic characters over and over"...

- Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I'm right in the middle of a class, young man.

I know, I'm sorry. Rory, you can't just walk out like that. Not after everything we've been through.

You just left. I was still in bed, I mean, what is that all about?

- Okay, you need to do this later.
- I can't do this later.

Rory, I love you. I love you, damn it.

How many times do I have to tell you? God, just talk to me!

- Okay, out! Right now, just get...
- Colin! What are you doing, man?

- Get the hell out of here!
- She's with me now, I told you that. Let it go.

I will not let it go!

She doesn't love you, Rory, tell him you don't love him!

- Everything was fine until you came along!
- Don't blame me 'cause you couldn't keep her!

- I swear to God, I'm going to kill you.
- Oh, I'd love to see you try.

Stop it! Stop it right now! Anthony, get security! Stop - break it up!

What are you - gentlemen! You are losing control! You are in a classroom, stop it!

All right, that's enough, break it up, you two!

Rory Gilmore, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Toying with these boys like this. They used to have pride.

They used to have dignity. They used to have balls.

Damn it Gilmore, give 'em back their balls!

- God, this is a lot of junk.
- I know.

I mean, who has three Thigh Masters, besides Suzanne Somers.

Well, Mrs. Thompson, apparently.

You'd think if she had three Thigh Masters she'd wear some slacks once in a while.

And, I'm sorry, why exactly did you have to take all this crap?

It was the only way I could get her to give me the boat.

Some guy wanted it, and she got him to buy all her other crap,

so if I wanted the boat I had to take everything, and that's what I did.

I just have to hide it for a few days, then I'll move it.

Where?

I don't know. Somewhere. The Inn! I'll put it in the old stable out back.

- Are you ever going to tell Luke?
- Yes!

- Oh, when?
- A week, a year - I haven't thought that far in advance.

I just couldn't let her get rid of his dad's boat! What if we hang the Thigh Masters on it?

- Or get more trees!
- Yeah, or get more trees!

- Jackson's got some trees at home.
- Think I could borrow them?

Sure! We'll just wait 'till he lies down for his nap and sneak them right out of there.

Great. Then I'll hop a fence and get Richard Widmark to sign my grapefruit.

I'd like to welcome you all to today's speed dating session.

Many of you have been with us before, many of you are first timers.

So, for the latter group, here are the rules.

Each couple will have one minute to talk and get a sense of the person across from them.

When the bell rings, the women will get up and switch tables. Men, stay where you are.

This will continue until every woman has met every man and after that, it's up to you.

Are we all ready? Then let the dating begin.

- I'm Jack.
- Paris.

- Parents travel a lot?
- Why?

- Your name is Paris.
- No.

- Did your parents change flat tires a lot?
- What?

- Or plug the phone into the wall a lot?
- No.

Great. So we've cleared up that mystery. What's next on your fascinating list of talking points?

- Uh - what's your major?
- Seriously?

You've got one minute to make an impression and that's all you can come up with?

You want to know my sign, too, Jack? Or how about my favorite color or if I'm a "Britney" or a "Christina"?

Here, I'll ask you a question. Was the last time you had an interesting thought

when you considered flinging yourself off a building?

Bye, Jack. I'll write mother immediately.

Paris, and no, my parents didn't travel.

Billy, and I have no idea what that means.

Never mind. So, what's your story, Billy?

- Well, I'm a drama major...
- Ding, ding, ding!

- Doyle!
- Paris.

- I'm surprised to see you here.
- I can say the same for you.

So, you find any good prospects?

- Oh, yes, one girl wants to have eleven children.
- Good God!

The second one was cut off quickly - thank you, by the way -

I believe the words "Latter-Day Saints" were about to come out of her mouth.

I can't believe I came here.

It's my third time.

You ever meet anyone you actually wanted to date?

My bar is so not that high.

I don't see one person in this room that shouldn't be sterilized immediately.

Right there with ya.

So, you've been reading about those skeletons they've been finding on the island of Flores, right?

Oh yeah. I mean, they're only 13,000 years old. That's nothing, in geological time.

They made tools, and probably had a language, and...

Keep moving, sister.

You know, they were supposed to be master hunters.

Even though they were diminutive in size.

And then, when that other guy came in in that outfit - how great was that!

We also studied Dylan Thomas today. Why don't we talk about that for a while?

Yeah. That was cool, but when Logan and Colin started to fight, that was so amazing.

The teacher had nothing to say, nothing.

He just stood there. Do you think they'll get in trouble for that?

- Probably not.
- God, that's great!

I mean, you can do anything in college. No rules, no consequences...

Well, Anna, there are always consequences. You're getting the wrong idea.

College is not just a crazy, wild, sleep-deprived, hedonistic society.

Oh. It wasn't the TV.

No. It wasn't the TV.

This isn't what it looks like.

I hope not.

- I told you it wasn't the TV.
- Hi, Paris.

All right, fine. Doyle and I had sex.

Okay, Anna, get your coat.

We met at speed dating, and we considered having dinner first, but we both knew where it was going to end up,

so we figured we'd just cut to the chase and save the calories.

- Hurry up, Anna.
- Where are we going?

Dinner.

It's only five.

You have no right to be repulsed by my sex life.

This is an exceptionally comfortable robe.

Dinner whenever you want, random sex whenever you want, I can't wait to go to college!

Ice cream and cereal for dinner!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, college rocks.

Ladies!

- Hi, Logan!
- How we doing this fine evening?

- We're doing great, you want to join us?
- Sure.

- So, dull day, uh?
- Not for me.

- Someone's quiet.
- Got nothing to say.

- Do you get the sense that she's mad at me?
- Yep.

Hey, Anna, why don't you head on over to the Fro-Yo social. You remember where it is, right?

Yeah, but I just had three scoops of ice cream.

Kid, you're in college now, okay? Now go get yourself some yogurt!

Are you going to come, Logan?

Aw, I'm not sure how well I'll be walking here in a minute, Anna.

Oh! Okay. Bye.

That's not a good look.

- I have no words...
- It was just a joke!

Oh, no, wait. I thought of some. Jerk! Ass, arrogant,

inconsiderate, mindless, frat-boy, low-life, butt-faced miscreant!

Butt-faced miscreant”!!

Why would you do something like that?

I'm sorry, butt-faced miscreant”??

Here I am, trying to show Anna what college life is really like, and...

- That is what college life is really like!
- Maybe your college life. Not mine.

That was my class, Logan. That was my professor who decides my grades.

- And you made me look ridiculous to him.
- No, I made me look ridiculous to him.

Oh, you don't think he thinks I was a part of it?

I'll talk to him. I'll tell him you were an innocent bystander.

The whole class was in a frenzy the entire time. We never got back to what we were talking about.

There's another class next week!

Ugh. I know that classes and the paper and Yale in general mean nothing to you,

but it means something to me. Professor Bell's course is only six weeks long,

and you blew one of those weeks for me. I won't get that week back.

Look, you want up close and personal time with Bell? My dad knows him.

- He'll arrange...
- Please stop talking.

I'm sorry you're so bent out of shape. I didn't mean to upset you.

Anna thinks that Yale is just a big joke.

If Anna thinks that Yale is a big joke after spending five minutes with you,

then she was always going to think that Yale's just a big joke. Relax.

You and me? Very different people. I have to go.

To the Fro-Yo social.

Yes. I have to go to the Fro-Yo social.

And yes, I do realize how incredibly stupid that just sounded. Excuse me.

All I'm saying is, I just want a little information.

Is this a relationship? A one-night stand? The beginning of a series of late-night booty calls?

I think I have the right to know.

I hear you. Doyle, do you hear her?

I do hear her, I just don't understand why we can't decide this amongst ourselves.

Because you can't, Doyle. Now, please tell Paris how you feel.

- Well, I feel that...
- Speak into the phone, Doyle, I can't hear you.

- Is Anna here?
- No, why?

- She didn't show up at the Fro-Yo social!
- Geez, do you blame her?

- I have to find her.
- Why, did you loan her money or something?

Just go back to what you were doing, please.

Hey, Marty? Um - I lost Anna.

I don't know where. Um - just... Thanks.

- If she comes back here, call me.
- Go ahead, Doyle. Tell him.

Any idea where she'd go?

No! She was supposed to meet me, I can't believe I let her go off by herself.

Well, we'll find her.

- Mom?
- Hi!

Where would a sixteen-year-old girl go for a good time?

Oh, how sad you had to come to me for this conversation.

- Mom...
- You were sixteen a lot more recently than I was.

- I lost Anna.
- How did you lose Anna?

She never showed at the Fro-Yo social!

Okay. Relax. Sixteen-year-old girl at college. You have to check parties.

- Bars and Chinese restaurants rarely card.
- There's no Chinese restaurants around!

- The pub, did you check the pub?
- No. The pub, we have to check the pub. Parties and the pub.

- Okay. Call me when you...
- Ow!

- Uh, I have to go, hon, call me when you find her.
- Okay. Bye.

Bye.

Oh my God, are you okay?

I smashed my leg on a Thigh Master.

I'm so sorry.

And then I tripped and smashed my other leg on another Thigh Master.

I'm sorry.

Why the hell do you have so many Thigh Masters?

I have a really bad thigh complex. Are you bleeding? Do you want to come in?

No, I'm fine, I just...

You left your glasses at my house. I thought you might need them.

Thank you.

I didn't think you'd be here, I thought you were going to Patty's.

I am. I was just leaving. But I don't have to go if you want to come in.

Naw, it's okay. I'm still going through my, uh, dark day. I'm going to go.

Okay.

Sorry about your foot.

- What's going on with your garage?
- What?

Your garage door looks all weird.

Oh, no, it's fine, its - jammed. Leave it.

No, you can't leave it open like that, you could ruin all your stuff.

No, no, no, that's okay - I have too much stuff anyhow,

so if some of it gets ruined, serves me right for being so darn materialistic!

- What are all these trees doing here?
- No, no, no, just stop.

Go back to your dark day. No, no, don't. There's clowns in there,

and puppies wearing costumes and they'll cheer you up and then your dark day will be ruined...

What is this?

- It's your boat.
- I thought I told her to get rid of this boat.

She did. She sold it to me, along with all her other crap. She made quite a killing, actually.

I just couldn't stand the idea that you might regret - someday - giving this boat away.

- Even though I said I wanted it gone.
- Yes, I know, but you were upset.

Oh, I was cranky. Now I'm upset.

- Sorry. I just thought...
- You thought about you.

You thought about you and how you'd feel. You didn't think about me,

or the fact that I said I wanted to get rid of this damn boat.

I mean, I said it, Lorelai. I said it, you heard it, and you ignored it.

- Because I didn't want you...
- You had no respect for what I wanted.

This was my dad. This was his boat and this decision was mine. This was not yours.

I know.

This is who I am. I don't want to hang on to things, or stare at things.

Except my horoscope. Which was absolutely the wrong thing to bring up right now. I'm sorry.

I'm getting out of here.

No, I'm sorry. Please. Stay and yell at me.

Why, what's the point? You don't listen to anything I say anyhow.

- She's nowhere.
- She's not nowhere.

This is all my fault.

There's more bars, we'll find her.

God, I'm so stupid. If I didn't have to confront Logan like that I wouldn't have had to send her off on her own

- and we wouldn't be looking for her right now.
- We'll find her!

He's so frustrating, that guy.

I mean, I don't know what I did to get on his bad side, or why he just has to come after me.

Oh, stop it!

- What?
- He's not coming after you. He likes you.

- He does not.
- Oh, please, Rory.

Marty, he does not like me. I mean, look at what he did.

Look at that stunt he pulled. He totally humiliated me.

Attention like that from people like Logan is like being tapped.

You've been anointed. You're in.

- In what?
- In with him. With his group.

He likes you. Stop being so naive, it's annoying.

Marty...

- Hello?
- Miss Gilmore, Headmaster Charleston here.

Oh. Hi, Headmaster Charleston. What's going on?

Well, not much, thank you for asking. I was just wondering how things are going with Miss Fairchild.

- Oh, Fine.
- Yes?

- Everything's great.
- Wonderful!

Then I can inform Anna's parents that the under-aged girl the Yale campus police found

when they broke up a rather raucous Yale party is, in fact, not their daughter.

I'm sorry, Headmaster Charleston.

And what a help that is.

I tried. I just - I turned around for a moment.

Did she tell you about the bench? 'Cause I spent a lot of time...

I'm sorry, Miss Gilmore, I have to go. Some angry parents will be here in a moment to talk to me.

I appreciate the attempt. Good luck at Yale.

Bye, Headmaster Charleston.

The campus police got her.

She came, she spent one day with me and she got sent home by the police.

I think I'm going to retroactively flunk high school.

At least she's safe, right?

Right.

Crappy, crappy day.

You want to take a cab? My treat.

Thanks.

I think I'm going to walk.

- Marty...
- I'll - I'll see you tomorrow.

What are you doing?

I smell like trees.

You do?

Hey! Me too!

Now we're the crazy pine scented ladies.

How's your punch?

It's good.

You okay?

Yeah, fine. Just fine.

Thank you! Thank you, everyone!

I'm honored that you came here to help me celebrate forty wonderful years on the stage.

It feels so good to be here in front of an audience, and so close to a piano!

So close to a piano!

Kirk!

Sorry.

Hey, Patty, why don't you do a little something for us?

Well, if you insist. Hit it.

I'll be right back.

Hey.

See, there's a reason why I stay away from people on this particular day. It's 'cause I kind of suck.

Oh, Luke, I'm so sorry.

I should have listened to you. I should have stayed out of it. You were right, I didn't think.

I mean, I didn't think like you would think. I thought like I would think.

And my thinking is sometimes very, very wrong if you're not me, and occasionally if you are me...

You just keep thinking like you'd think.

I can do that.

Do you want to come in? You get drunk just standing next to the punch bowl.

No, I'm still kinda...

I get it.

- I just didn't want us to...
- We're not.

- You go have a good time.
- See you tomorrow.

Yeah, see you tomorrow.

Logan!

Huh? Richard! Wow, this is a pleasant surprise!

Finn, Colin, you know Richard, don't you?

Well, hello, boys. Nice to see you. Logan, I wanted to talk to you. I just heard about the incident.

The...?

I heard that you professed your feelings for Rory.

Wha...?

Mr. Bell is a very dear friend of mine, as is the Dean of admissions.

- Well, you know in this place, news travels fast...
- Yeah, look...

I have to tell you that, while I understand what could have driven you to such a public display of affection,

there is an appropriate time and place for that sort of thing.

And a classroom in the middle of class is not one of them.

- No, I know, I...
- However, what's done is done. It's out.

So I dropped by to tell you that I have spoken to your father.

- My father?
- We pounded out a few things.

- Property agreements, pre-nups, that sort of thing.
- Okay, I think that there's been...

Oh, we came to a very fair agreement. I'm sure you'll be pleased.

Now, we're setting up a dinner for next week to finalize the engagement and start talking about the ceremony.

Emily is handling all the newspaper announcements, so, not to worry. That's all taken care of.

- But...
- She is a fine young lady, Logan.

I want her to be happy. You'll take care of that, I assume.

All right, I'll let you get back to your coffee break.

Nice seeing all of you again. And Logan...

welcome to the family, son.

I do hope one of his dopey looking friends knows CPR, or he just might not make it.

You're the best, Grandpa!

All right, who's next? Paris giving you any trouble?

Not anymore than usual.

However, there is a girl in my modern poetry class who keeps kicking my chair.

Ah, I do love this place.

Right back at you, Grandpa.

Synchro: Amariss
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