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1
00:00:00,071 --> 00:00:03,434
2
00:00:03,434 --> 00:00:04,705
Hey.
3
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:07,078
Hey, There She Is.
How Was Your Dance Class?
4
00:00:07,078 --> 00:00:09,110
Want To See Some Hip-Hop
Moves I Learned?
5
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:11,682
Wait, Let Me Get My Posse
Together.
6
00:00:11,682 --> 00:00:13,514
Mom, Turn Around.
7
00:00:15,286 --> 00:00:18,249
[ Dance Music Plays ]
8
00:00:18,249 --> 00:00:20,121
Damn!
9
00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:23,254
Who´S Been Watering Her
Chi-Chis?
10
00:00:25,656 --> 00:00:27,428
Whoa,
When Did That Happen?
11
00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:30,461
I Don´T Know, But If They See
Their Shadows,
12
00:00:30,461 --> 00:00:32,763
We Got Six More Weeks
Of Winter.
13
00:00:32,763 --> 00:00:35,466
So, What Do You Think?
14
00:00:35,466 --> 00:00:38,109
I Think You Should Go Upstairs
And Put On A Sweatshirt.
15
00:00:38,109 --> 00:00:40,611
And Another Sweatshirt
And Then A Sleeping Bag.
16
00:00:40,611 --> 00:00:43,314
Dad, Relax, It´S Just
A Crop Top.
17
00:00:43,314 --> 00:00:45,476
Well, The Crops
Are Growing Too Fast!
18
00:00:50,221 --> 00:00:51,682
What Happened?
19
00:00:51,682 --> 00:00:55,256
A Minute Ago, She Was My Little
Girl In Pajamas
20
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,057
Clutching Her Teddy Bear,
21
00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:00,591
And Now There´S No Room
For The Teddy Bear.
22
00:01:00,591 --> 00:01:03,334
What Are You Gonna Do
About This, Huh?
23
00:01:03,334 --> 00:01:05,136
What Am I Supposed To Do?
24
00:01:05,136 --> 00:01:08,339
I´Ll Tell You What My Mom Did To
Me When I Hit Puberty.
25
00:01:08,339 --> 00:01:10,171
She Slapped Me,
And She Said,
26
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:12,473
"That´S In Case You Do
Something."
27
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:14,105
Then She Slapped Me Again
28
00:01:14,105 --> 00:01:16,477
And Said,
"That´S In Case You Like It."
29
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:18,749
That´S Terrible!
30
00:01:18,749 --> 00:01:22,153
She Was Old-World, Homes.
31
00:01:22,153 --> 00:01:25,386
Hey, Mom, How Old Were You When,
You Know...
32
00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:26,487
Your Crops Came In?
33
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:28,489
I Was 16.
34
00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:30,391
Yeah, But You Got
Pregnant At 17.
35
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,093
Angie!
36
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:33,624
Angie!
37
00:01:33,624 --> 00:01:35,366
What Is It?
38
00:01:35,366 --> 00:01:38,169
I´M Right In The Middle Of
Mr. Needles´ Hydrotherapy.
39
00:01:38,169 --> 00:01:41,232
Have You Seen What Carmen Looks
Like In Her Dance Shirt?
40
00:01:41,232 --> 00:01:42,533
Which One?
41
00:01:42,533 --> 00:01:45,736
The One That´S Got The Big
Breasts In It.
42
00:01:45,736 --> 00:01:48,339
Do You Have To Use
That Word?
43
00:01:48,339 --> 00:01:50,581
Keep It Clean --
Chi-Chis.
44
00:01:50,581 --> 00:01:56,517
So You´Re Just Noticing
Carmen´S...Chi-Chis?
45
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,649
Hey, I Don´T Look There,
All Right?
46
00:01:58,649 --> 00:02:01,121
You´Re The One Who´S Home
All The Time.
47
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,123
How Could You Let
This Happen?
48
00:02:04,695 --> 00:02:06,457
Don´T Blame Angie.
49
00:02:06,457 --> 00:02:10,831
Carmen´S Gifts Obviously Came
From My Side Of The Family.
50
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:13,404
Five Generations
Of Women...
51
00:02:13,404 --> 00:02:14,865
Not One Drowning.
52
00:02:18,609 --> 00:02:20,311
This Changes Everything.
53
00:02:20,311 --> 00:02:22,273
The Boys At School Are Gonna Be
All Over Her Now.
54
00:02:22,273 --> 00:02:23,674
We Gotta Do Something.
55
00:02:23,674 --> 00:02:27,318
Let Me Have A Talk With Her.
She´S At A Delicate Age.
56
00:02:27,318 --> 00:02:28,419
Okay.
57
00:02:28,419 --> 00:02:30,221
Be Delicate.
58
00:02:30,221 --> 00:02:31,552
Be Sensitive.
59
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,254
Be Gentle.
60
00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:34,785
Just Ruin Sex For Her.
61
00:02:38,329 --> 00:02:39,860
I´Ll Be Home
Before Dinner.
62
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,892
Honey, Can We Talk For
Just A Second?
63
00:02:41,892 --> 00:02:44,164
Sit Down And Have A Cup
Of Tea With Me.
64
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,866
No!
The Last Time We Had Tea,
65
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:48,769
We Talked About My Special
Friend Coming To Visit.
66
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:51,242
Oh, And The Way,
You Forgot To Mention
67
00:02:51,242 --> 00:02:54,205
She Comes With A Couple Of
Buddies -- Crampy And Bloaty.
68
00:02:54,205 --> 00:02:57,648
Okay, Forget The Tea.
Let´S Sit Down.
69
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,812
[ Sighs ]
70
00:03:01,812 --> 00:03:04,315
I Want To Talk To You
About Boys.
71
00:03:04,315 --> 00:03:05,716
What´S There
To Talk About?
72
00:03:05,716 --> 00:03:07,858
I Can´T Date
Until I´M 16 Anyway.
73
00:03:07,858 --> 00:03:09,920
That´S Not Gonna Stop
The Boys.
74
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:12,293
You´Re Developing
A Woman´S Body,
75
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:16,727
And The Boys Are Gonna Start
To Get...Excited.
76
00:03:16,727 --> 00:03:18,469
And When Boys Get Excited,
77
00:03:18,469 --> 00:03:22,273
They´Re Gonna Start Putting All
Kinds Of Pressure On You
78
00:03:22,273 --> 00:03:24,805
To Do Things,
But Don´T Listen To Them.
79
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:28,379
The Boys Who Really Like You
Will Still Like You.
80
00:03:28,379 --> 00:03:29,780
You Should Wait.
81
00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:33,584
So That Way, Your First Time
Will Be Really Special.
82
00:03:33,584 --> 00:03:36,347
Oh, It Was Special,
All Right.
83
00:03:36,347 --> 00:03:38,649
[ Mr. Needles Yelps ]
84
00:03:38,649 --> 00:03:40,751
That Was For Dad.
85
00:03:40,751 --> 00:03:43,524
I´M Not Listening!
86
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:46,997
Guys Aren´T Even Looking At Me.
You´Re Worrying For Nothing.
87
00:03:46,997 --> 00:03:50,501
I Just Want You To Know We Can
Always Have An Honest Talk.
88
00:03:50,501 --> 00:03:51,632
Okay.
89
00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:54,305
So When Was
Your First Time?
90
00:03:54,305 --> 00:03:58,539
My Wedding Night Was Very
Special.
91
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:02,473
This Honesty Thing,
It´S A One-Way Street, Isn´T It?
92
00:04:02,473 --> 00:04:04,645
You Can Go Now.
93
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,584
I Want To Add One Thing --
Men Are Pigs.
94
00:04:13,584 --> 00:04:15,586
They Just Want To Go To
Bed With You,
95
00:04:15,586 --> 00:04:16,827
And If They Say
They Love You,
96
00:04:16,827 --> 00:04:18,629
They Just Want To Go To
Bed With You,
97
00:04:18,629 --> 00:04:21,462
And If You´Re Stupid Enough
To Let Them Go To Bed With You,
98
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,894
They´Re Thinking About Going To
Bed With Somebody Else.
99
00:04:23,894 --> 00:04:26,597
Trust Me, I Used To Be A Man
Before I Got Married.
100
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,549
Hey.
101
00:04:38,549 --> 00:04:40,451
Thanks For Not Picking Me
Up In Front Of My House.
102
00:04:40,451 --> 00:04:42,683
My Parents Are Freaking Out
About Boys.
103
00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:44,655
If My Dad Knew About You,
He´D Kill You.
104
00:04:44,655 --> 00:04:47,388
It´D Be Worth It.
105
00:04:48,819 --> 00:04:51,692
Why Don´T We Blow Off Poetry
Club And Go For A Drive?
106
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:54,625
That´S Cool.
107
00:04:54,625 --> 00:04:58,469
You Know, My Dad Says
All Guys Are Pigs.
108
00:04:58,469 --> 00:05:00,531
Well, Most Of Them Are.
109
00:05:00,531 --> 00:05:03,634
It´S A Good Thing
You Found Me.
110
00:05:08,879 --> 00:05:11,642
[ Intro To War´S "Low Rider"
Plays ]
111
00:05:22,052 --> 00:05:26,957
♫ All My Friends
Know The Low Rider ♫
112
00:05:28,659 --> 00:05:33,904
♫ The Low Rider
Is A Little Higher ♫
113
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:03,964
Look At These Chicken Breasts.
They´Re Huge.
114
00:06:06,837 --> 00:06:11,071
Would You Like Me To Have A Talk
With The Chickens, Too?
115
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:14,374
No, ´Cause Then I´D Just Have To
Have A Real Talk
116
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,606
With Them Afterwards.
117
00:06:15,606 --> 00:06:16,877
Wait A Second.
118
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,550
What Talk Did You Have?
119
00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:20,881
What Did You Say
To Carmen?
120
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,883
Look, Angie, I Know You
Meant Well,
121
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,055
But Somebody Had To Tell
Her The Truth.
122
00:06:25,055 --> 00:06:27,518
All Men Are Pigs, And They Only
Want One Thing.
123
00:06:27,518 --> 00:06:30,761
George, When You Make Stupid
Generalizations Like That,
124
00:06:30,761 --> 00:06:32,162
Kids Know It´S
Not True.
125
00:06:32,162 --> 00:06:34,525
Then They Just Go Do
Whatever They Want.
126
00:06:34,525 --> 00:06:36,527
My Mom Used To Tell Me
If I Ever Kissed A Woman
127
00:06:36,527 --> 00:06:38,599
Or Touched A Woman,
She´D Get Pregnant,
128
00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:40,801
And That Kept Me From Ever
Trying To Touch A Woman,
129
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,172
And That´S Obviously Bull.
130
00:06:42,172 --> 00:06:44,004
So Now I Gotta Talk To Carmen
And Fix It.
131
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:46,477
Will You Get This Chicken
Out Of Here?
132
00:06:46,477 --> 00:06:49,610
I Can´T Think With All These
Breasts In The House!
133
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:50,711
Excuse Me.
134
00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:52,813
Oh, Can I Help You?
135
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,815
Gas Company.
Gotta Read Your Meter.
136
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:58,188
My Dad Says You Should
Put A Meter On My Butt.
137
00:07:01,752 --> 00:07:03,794
You´D Make A Fortune.
138
00:07:03,794 --> 00:07:06,857
I Like Your Dad´S Sense Of
Humor.
139
00:07:06,857 --> 00:07:08,759
Your Son´S Adorable.
140
00:07:08,759 --> 00:07:10,861
But He´S Not My --
141
00:07:10,861 --> 00:07:13,063
You Know, You Gotta Have
A Sense Of Humor
142
00:07:13,063 --> 00:07:15,435
To Be A Single Father
In Today´S World.
143
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,207
Not A Lot Of Guys Can
Handle It.
144
00:07:17,207 --> 00:07:18,669
I´M No Hero.
145
00:07:18,669 --> 00:07:21,842
I Just Know What´S Important
In Life.
146
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,844
[ Chuckles ]
This Little Guy.
147
00:07:25,215 --> 00:07:28,949
Hey, You Know, I´M Not Due Back
Again For A Month,
148
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,752
But If There´S A Leak Or
Something,
149
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,754
Maybe You Could Call Me.
150
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:37,227
[ Chuckles ]
151
00:07:37,227 --> 00:07:38,689
Maybe I Will.
152
00:07:38,689 --> 00:07:41,832
You Can´T Be Too Careful
With Leaks.
153
00:07:41,832 --> 00:07:45,566
Being A --
Being A Single Father And All.
154
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,498
That´S Right.
Bye.
155
00:07:47,498 --> 00:07:48,238
Bye.
156
00:07:48,238 --> 00:07:49,970
All Right.
157
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:53,604
Ernie, Why´D You Lie Like That?
You´Re Not My Dad.
158
00:07:53,604 --> 00:07:56,977
That´S Too Bad, ´Cause If
I Were Your Dad,
159
00:07:56,977 --> 00:08:01,712
You Could All The Ice Cream You
Could Eat And A $5 Allowance.
160
00:08:01,712 --> 00:08:02,783
Make It $10.
161
00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:03,784
Deal.
162
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:04,985
Daddy!
163
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,061
I´Ll Get My Wallet.
164
00:08:14,224 --> 00:08:17,928
Hey, There, Maximilian.
How You Doing?
165
00:08:17,928 --> 00:08:19,970
Have You Been Wrestling?
166
00:08:19,970 --> 00:08:21,732
No.
Why Do You Say That?
167
00:08:21,732 --> 00:08:25,576
´Cause You´Ve Got This Big
Purple Bruise On Your Neck.
168
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:29,740
Oh, My God.
Adam.
169
00:08:29,740 --> 00:08:31,612
You Name Your Bruises,
Too?
170
00:08:33,143 --> 00:08:36,116
I Have
A Scab Named Steve.
171
00:08:37,688 --> 00:08:39,750
Mom And Dad Are In
The Kitchen?!
172
00:08:39,750 --> 00:08:40,951
Oh, My God!
173
00:08:51,862 --> 00:08:53,533
Whoa, Whoa.
Hold Up.
174
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,935
I Want To Talk To You.
175
00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:58,739
You Know, I´M --
I´M Really Tired.
176
00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:00,310
Can We Do It Later?
177
00:09:00,310 --> 00:09:02,573
No, This Is Important.
Come Down Here.
178
00:09:02,573 --> 00:09:04,044
Okay.
179
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:07,978
Oh, Man,
It´S So Cold In Here.
180
00:09:07,978 --> 00:09:10,881
So, What Do You Want To
Talk About?
181
00:09:10,881 --> 00:09:12,252
Listen, Carmen,
182
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:14,985
I Went A Little Overboard
This Morning, Okay?
183
00:09:14,985 --> 00:09:19,990
Not All Guys Are Pigs.
184
00:09:19,990 --> 00:09:21,091
The Pope.
185
00:09:21,091 --> 00:09:22,963
Regis Seems Friendly.
186
00:09:24,334 --> 00:09:27,297
Carmen, Your Father´S Right.
Not All Men Are Pigs.
187
00:09:27,297 --> 00:09:30,941
George, Take Down The Hood.
I Think She´S Got A Hickey.
188
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:34,304
Oh, My God.
Who Did This?!
189
00:09:34,304 --> 00:09:35,606
No One.
190
00:09:35,606 --> 00:09:37,077
Oh, No One!
191
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,349
So You Just Used The Corner
Attachment On The Hoover
192
00:09:39,349 --> 00:09:41,982
To Prove To Everybody
That A Girl Would Kiss You!
193
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,183
What? Huh?
194
00:09:44,815 --> 00:09:47,958
Don´T Turn This Back On Me!
Who Did This To You?!
195
00:09:47,958 --> 00:09:49,219
"Who Did This To You?"
196
00:09:49,219 --> 00:09:51,361
You´Re Making It Sound So
Horrible.
197
00:09:51,361 --> 00:09:53,193
Why Are You Being
So Dramatic?
198
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,195
No, That Was Shock.
This Is Dramatic --
199
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:57,267
You Have Lost Every Privilege
Except Breathing!
200
00:09:57,267 --> 00:09:59,069
You´Re Never
Leaving This House!
201
00:09:59,069 --> 00:10:00,771
I Have To Go To School.
Not Anymore!
202
00:10:03,033 --> 00:10:05,105
We´Re Homeschooling You
From Now On.
203
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,307
Whatever We Don´T Know,
You Don´T Know.
204
00:10:09,079 --> 00:10:11,011
When Did The Korean
War Start?
205
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,043
I Don´T Know,
And Neither Do You!
206
00:10:13,043 --> 00:10:15,145
What The Hell Is
The Reformation?
207
00:10:15,145 --> 00:10:16,146
Sorry, Out Of Luck!
208
00:10:16,146 --> 00:10:19,019
George, Calm Down.
209
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:21,351
Carmen, Come Here.
210
00:10:21,351 --> 00:10:23,323
I Swear To God,
I Will Break You.
211
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,155
I Want A Name,
And I Want It Now.
212
00:10:25,155 --> 00:10:26,326
[ Knock On Door ]
213
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:28,098
We´Re Gonna Find Out
Who It Is.
214
00:10:28,098 --> 00:10:29,399
No, You Won´T.
215
00:10:31,802 --> 00:10:34,034
Hey, Uh, I Walking
Down The Street,
216
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:37,808
And I Found This Book With
Someone´S Take-Home Test In It,
217
00:10:37,808 --> 00:10:39,239
And It Seemed Important.
218
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:42,172
So I´M Going Door To Door To
Find Out Whose It Is.
219
00:10:42,172 --> 00:10:45,415
Is There
A Carmen Lo-Peez Here?
220
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:50,150
Angie, Does That Moron
Have A Hickey?
221
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,151
Mm-Hmm.
222
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,322
Run, Adam!
Run!
223
00:10:53,383 --> 00:10:56,256
You´D Better Run,
Moron.
224
00:11:03,133 --> 00:11:04,795
George!
225
00:11:04,795 --> 00:11:07,197
What Happened?
226
00:11:07,197 --> 00:11:08,999
Racial Profiling.
227
00:11:08,999 --> 00:11:11,702
What Are You Talking
About?
228
00:11:11,702 --> 00:11:13,704
Let Me Ask You
A Question.
229
00:11:13,704 --> 00:11:15,776
If You´Re A Cop,
Who Do You Chase --
230
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,748
The Car That Runs
A Red Light
231
00:11:17,748 --> 00:11:21,211
Or The Latino Guy Chasing
The Car Yelling "I´Ll Kill You!"
232
00:11:21,211 --> 00:11:23,113
Is That His Antenna?
233
00:11:23,113 --> 00:11:24,785
Yep.
234
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:30,160
You Touch My Daughter,
You Go Back To A.M., Fool.
235
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,823
Can You Believe Carmen Is Seeing
A Boy Who Drives?
236
00:11:32,823 --> 00:11:34,795
His Name Is Adam Conners.
He´S 16.
237
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:37,868
They Met At The Poetry Club,
And He´S Sensitive, Deep,
238
00:11:37,868 --> 00:11:40,801
And Beautiful In A Way
We´Ll Never Understand.
239
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:44,104
Apparently, Her New Chest Is
Stealing Blood From Her Brain.
240
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:45,135
Where Is She?
241
00:11:45,135 --> 00:11:46,737
I Sent Her To Her Room.
242
00:11:46,737 --> 00:11:49,709
I Told Her That From Now On,
She Is On A Tight Leash.
243
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,211
We´Re Driving Her To
And From School
244
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,943
And Keeping Her Home
At Night.
245
00:11:52,943 --> 00:11:54,114
Yeah, But What About While
They´Re At School?
246
00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:55,816
He´S Got A Car
In The Parking Lot.
247
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:57,487
There´S Five Minutes
Between Classes.
248
00:11:57,487 --> 00:11:59,219
A Lot Can Happen In
Five Minutes.
249
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,122
Max Happened In Five
Minutes!
250
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,493
Four.
251
00:12:07,197 --> 00:12:11,962
Look, You Knew Going In
It Was Gonna Be A Quickie.
252
00:12:11,962 --> 00:12:15,165
George, What Are We Gonna Do
About Carmen?
253
00:12:15,165 --> 00:12:17,437
Well,
We Tried Talking To Her.
254
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,039
We Tried Yelling At Her.
255
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:22,042
She Thinks She Found
Somebody Special.
256
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:24,945
I Guess Our Job Is To Guide
Her Through
257
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:27,317
All The Mysteries
Of Young Love.
258
00:12:27,317 --> 00:12:30,120
This Is Gonorrhea!
259
00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:34,184
And These...
260
00:12:34,184 --> 00:12:37,327
Are Genital Warts.
261
00:12:37,327 --> 00:12:39,960
Ohhh!
262
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,463
Not So Happy You Talked Me Into
That Color Printer Now,
263
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,265
Are You?
264
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,968
The Red Really Pops.
265
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:53,203
What Are Mom And Dad Talking To
Carmen About?
266
00:12:53,203 --> 00:12:55,906
You Remember Cooties?
267
00:12:55,906 --> 00:12:58,909
Yeah, You Get Them
From Girls.
268
00:12:58,909 --> 00:13:03,483
Well, They´Re Talking To Carmen
About Super Cooties.
269
00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:05,255
What Makes Them Super?
270
00:13:05,255 --> 00:13:06,516
How You Get ´Em.
271
00:13:06,516 --> 00:13:09,289
Look, Here Come Two More.
Come On.
272
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,092
Back To Work.
Back To Work, Max.
273
00:13:15,826 --> 00:13:17,367
Hey, Can You Give Me That
Frisbee?
274
00:13:17,367 --> 00:13:19,169
Me And My Dad Are
Playing Catch.
275
00:13:19,169 --> 00:13:20,370
Sure.
276
00:13:20,370 --> 00:13:22,402
Hey,
Where´S Your Dad?
277
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:25,105
He Doesn´T Live With
Us Anymore.
278
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:28,879
Max!
Max!
279
00:13:28,879 --> 00:13:31,481
Are You Bothering
These Nice People?
280
00:13:31,481 --> 00:13:34,544
No, He´S Not Bothering Us.
He´S Adorable.
281
00:13:34,544 --> 00:13:36,116
Hi, I´M Ernie.
282
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:37,447
And This Is Max,
283
00:13:37,447 --> 00:13:41,191
Or As I Like To Call Him,
The Light Of My Life.
284
00:13:41,191 --> 00:13:42,422
[ Chuckles ]
285
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,594
I´M Cindy,
And This Is Michelle.
286
00:13:44,594 --> 00:13:47,327
Hey, Is It Okay If The Kids
Play Frisbee?
287
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,029
Sure.
288
00:13:51,001 --> 00:13:53,533
Thank You, Father,
For Devoting Your Life To Me.
289
00:13:55,365 --> 00:13:57,267
Single Parent?
290
00:13:57,267 --> 00:13:58,438
Yeah.
291
00:13:58,438 --> 00:13:59,609
Me Too.
It´S Not Easy, Is It?
292
00:13:59,609 --> 00:14:01,211
Tell Me About It --
293
00:14:01,211 --> 00:14:03,613
All Those Sleepless Nights,
All Those Dirty Diapers.
294
00:14:03,613 --> 00:14:05,876
Max Is Still In Diapers?
295
00:14:05,876 --> 00:14:09,149
I´M Taking Care Of His
Grandmother, Too.
296
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:11,281
Hey, Looks Like The Kids Are
Having Fun.
297
00:14:11,281 --> 00:14:13,984
You Know, We Just Moved Into
The Neighborhood.
298
00:14:13,984 --> 00:14:16,856
I´M Sure That Michelle Would
Love To Have A Play Date.
299
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,389
Great!
Great, Let´S Set It Up.
300
00:14:19,389 --> 00:14:21,131
So, What School Does Max
Go To?
301
00:14:21,131 --> 00:14:28,198
Um, Roosevelt...Kennedy...
Luther King Elementary Middle.
302
00:14:28,198 --> 00:14:29,339
[ Chuckles ]
303
00:14:29,339 --> 00:14:32,042
Well,
We´Ve Gotta Get Going.
304
00:14:32,042 --> 00:14:33,273
Call Me.
305
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:34,604
Come On, Michelle!
306
00:14:37,647 --> 00:14:40,280
Am I Gonna Have To Go On
A Play Date, Too?
307
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,451
Only Once.
308
00:14:41,451 --> 00:14:43,914
Then You Get To Go Live
With Your Mom
309
00:14:43,914 --> 00:14:45,215
And Her Rich New Husband,
310
00:14:45,215 --> 00:14:47,517
And I Turn To Cindy To
Comfort Me.
311
00:14:47,517 --> 00:14:50,390
I Didn´T Know You Had To Lie So
Much To Be With A Woman.
312
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:55,966
Max, If I Taught You One Thing
Today, I´M Proud.
313
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:59,599
Look, Here Come Two More.
Come On.
314
00:15:06,937 --> 00:15:10,440
And This One´S Name Is
Chlamydia.
315
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:14,544
Her Turn-Ons Are Ignorance
And Horny Teens.
316
00:15:16,346 --> 00:15:18,618
Her Turnoffs Are
Antibiotics.
317
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:21,451
I Can´T Look At These
Pictures Anymore.
318
00:15:21,451 --> 00:15:24,554
I Get It. I´Ll Never Have Sex
Without A Condom.
319
00:15:24,554 --> 00:15:26,556
See, That´S Not What
This Is About.
320
00:15:26,556 --> 00:15:28,128
Condoms Can Break,
321
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,660
And There´S Other Diseases You
Can Get, Like --
322
00:15:30,660 --> 00:15:34,204
Angie, Where Are My
Genital Herpes?
323
00:15:34,204 --> 00:15:36,706
They Should Be In Your Lap.
324
00:15:36,706 --> 00:15:40,140
No, I Just Got
Crabs Here.
325
00:15:42,712 --> 00:15:45,976
Look, We Were Just Kissing.
Will You Guys Relax?
326
00:15:45,976 --> 00:15:47,147
No, I Won´T Relax.
327
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:49,379
Some Of These Diseases
Can Kill You.
328
00:15:49,379 --> 00:15:52,382
I´M Not Gonna Get A Disease.
I Can Control Myself.
329
00:15:52,382 --> 00:15:54,484
Yeah --
Control Yourself.
330
00:15:54,484 --> 00:15:57,627
Try That With A Wine Cooler
In Your Belly
331
00:15:57,627 --> 00:16:00,690
And Smokey Robinson
On The Radio.
332
00:16:03,033 --> 00:16:04,964
Grandma,
You´Re Not Helping.
333
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,736
You´Re Right.
334
00:16:06,736 --> 00:16:09,199
What Do I Know?
335
00:16:09,199 --> 00:16:12,472
Hang On, Mom.
336
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,473
Tell Her.
337
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,704
Tell Her What?
338
00:16:14,704 --> 00:16:17,307
Tell Her About Being 17
And Pregnant.
339
00:16:17,307 --> 00:16:19,609
Tell Her How I Ruined
Your Life.
340
00:16:19,609 --> 00:16:22,152
Oh, You Didn´T Ruin
My Life.
341
00:16:22,152 --> 00:16:24,754
This Is No Time To Joke!
342
00:16:32,362 --> 00:16:35,125
Your Father Didn´T Ruin
My Life.
343
00:16:35,125 --> 00:16:36,566
I Ruined My Life.
344
00:16:36,566 --> 00:16:38,668
Look, You Fall In Love
With A Guy,
345
00:16:38,668 --> 00:16:41,171
And You Think It´S Gonna
Last Forever.
346
00:16:41,171 --> 00:16:43,633
So You Forget About What´S
Right Or Wrong.
347
00:16:43,633 --> 00:16:47,177
You Get Caught Up In The Moment,
And You Go To Bed With Him,
348
00:16:47,177 --> 00:16:48,578
And It´S Pretty Good!
349
00:16:48,578 --> 00:16:50,310
Mom!!
350
00:16:53,243 --> 00:16:55,515
I´M Not Gonna Lie!
351
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:59,549
But Then He Doesn´T Turn Out To
Be The Guy You Think He Is.
352
00:16:59,549 --> 00:17:02,392
The Next Thing You Know,
He Dumps You,
353
00:17:02,392 --> 00:17:05,655
And While Your Friends Are
Hanging Out Hanging Fun,
354
00:17:05,655 --> 00:17:09,399
You´Re All Alone Raising
A Kid, Working Two Jobs,
355
00:17:09,399 --> 00:17:13,333
Up To Your Stretch Marks In
Dirty Diapers.
356
00:17:15,665 --> 00:17:18,608
I Gave Up All
My Pretty Years...
357
00:17:18,608 --> 00:17:20,240
For This.
358
00:17:28,418 --> 00:17:29,749
You Ready For That?
359
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:32,422
I´M Not Gonna Have Sex.
I Know I´M Not Ready.
360
00:17:32,422 --> 00:17:34,184
And You´Re Not Gonna
See Adam.
361
00:17:34,184 --> 00:17:36,286
We Don´T Want You To
Be Alone With Him.
362
00:17:36,286 --> 00:17:39,729
All Right.
I Won´T Be Alone With Adam.
363
00:17:39,729 --> 00:17:40,660
Good.
364
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:42,162
Can I Go Now?
365
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:44,164
I Have To Babysit
The Kogen Twins Tonight.
366
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:45,365
Yes, You Can.
367
00:17:53,803 --> 00:17:55,645
Thanks, Mom.
368
00:17:55,645 --> 00:17:57,207
Can I Go Now?
369
00:17:57,207 --> 00:18:00,210
I Have To Babysit
The Coors Light Sextuplets.
370
00:18:05,115 --> 00:18:07,217
This Is Not Over.
371
00:18:07,217 --> 00:18:08,358
Nope.
372
00:18:08,358 --> 00:18:10,089
It´S Only Gonna Get Worse,
Right?
373
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,291
Yep.
374
00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:13,663
There´Ll Be More Guys,
More Lies.
375
00:18:13,663 --> 00:18:15,295
Oh, Yeah.
376
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:18,368
I Think They Had It Right
A Couple Hundred Years Ago.
377
00:18:18,368 --> 00:18:22,602
You Get Married At 14,
And By 30, You´Re Dead.
378
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:23,773
Hey, Guys.
379
00:18:23,773 --> 00:18:26,336
Hey, Honey.
How Was The Park?
380
00:18:26,336 --> 00:18:29,339
Good. I Got Ernie Eight
Play Dates Next Week.
381
00:18:29,339 --> 00:18:30,840
[ Chuckles ]
382
00:18:32,642 --> 00:18:35,445
What?!
383
00:18:35,445 --> 00:18:39,489
The Kid Is A Single-Mom
Magnet!
384
00:18:39,489 --> 00:18:41,351
You Can´T Be Serious.
385
00:18:41,351 --> 00:18:45,295
Come On, You Can´T Let All
That Cuteness Go To Waste!
386
00:18:45,295 --> 00:18:48,728
Max Has Got Maybe Two Or Three
Adorable Years Left
387
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:51,361
Before He Starts
Looking Like,
388
00:18:51,361 --> 00:18:53,303
You Know, You.
389
00:18:53,303 --> 00:18:56,606
George,
Will You Talk To Him?
390
00:18:56,606 --> 00:18:59,339
I´M Gonna Go Check
On Max.
391
00:19:01,371 --> 00:19:04,214
You´Ve Been Using My Son
So You Can Score
392
00:19:04,214 --> 00:19:06,646
With Strange Women
You Meet In The Park?
393
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,578
Uh-Huh.
394
00:19:08,578 --> 00:19:10,780
Dude, That Is Brilliant.
395
00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:12,722
[ Laughs ]
396
00:19:17,687 --> 00:19:19,829
Hey, Little Guy.
Is Your Dad Home?
397
00:19:19,829 --> 00:19:21,291
Yeah,
He´S Right There.
398
00:19:22,932 --> 00:19:26,866
But I Thought He Was
Your Dad.
399
00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:29,399
I Have Two Dads.
400
00:19:29,399 --> 00:19:31,801
Oh.
401
00:19:33,303 --> 00:19:35,845
When You Said You Were A Single
Dad, I Thought...
402
00:19:38,208 --> 00:19:39,549
I´M Sorry.
403
00:19:39,549 --> 00:19:41,751
I Guess I Made A Mistake
When I Gave You My Card.
404
00:19:41,751 --> 00:19:42,912
No, No.
No, No, No.
405
00:19:42,912 --> 00:19:44,514
It´S Not What It
Looks Like.
406
00:19:44,514 --> 00:19:45,785
[ Chuckles ]
407
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,621
It Better Not Be What
It Looks Like.
408
00:19:51,621 --> 00:19:54,224
I Was Out Of Town For One Week,
And This Happens?
409
00:19:54,224 --> 00:19:56,195
You Better Pick A Team,
Mister!
410
00:19:56,195 --> 00:20:00,370
I´Ll Give You Two
Some Privacy.
411
00:20:00,370 --> 00:20:02,432
No, Don´T!
Wait!
412
00:20:02,432 --> 00:20:05,775
Why Chase After That
When You´Ve Got All This?
413
00:20:40,670 --> 00:20:40,710
29596
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