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1
00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:23,545
FITZ, NARRATING:
You know what
a secret is?
2
00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:25,155
It's a commodity.
3
00:00:25,155 --> 00:00:28,680
It's leverage, control.
4
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:29,725
The old man's secret?
5
00:00:31,248 --> 00:00:34,382
That jerkoff still jerks
off to his ex-wife.
6
00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:38,081
Would one you stupid cock jerkys
answer the fucking phone?
7
00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:40,344
Why should I
answer the phone?
8
00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:44,000
I'm the assistant office manger,
not some secretary!
9
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,133
Meghan's secret is obvious.
10
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,569
She's a hermaphrodite
11
00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:50,050
who bought her son
on the black market.
12
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,139
At least that's what
I'm telling everyone.
13
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:54,010
Clinically brain-dead.
14
00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:56,969
Support our troops.
15
00:00:56,969 --> 00:01:00,277
I don't even want to guess
what his deal is.
16
00:01:00,277 --> 00:01:02,584
Fitzpatrick Motors.
How may I direct your call?
17
00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:04,542
But I'll bet it involves
a storage locker,
18
00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:07,719
illegal immigrants
and a branding iron.
19
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,634
Richard, line two!
20
00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:12,246
My secret?
Don't have any.
21
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:14,248
I live my life like
an open book.
22
00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:15,597
Fitz here.
23
00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:17,990
Straight up.
No bullshit.
24
00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:19,862
Richard Fitzpatrick
is an honest man,
25
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:21,124
making an honest buck.
26
00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:23,126
Sure, I can show you
where Dexter Laine died.
27
00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:24,519
Fifty bucks.
28
00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:25,868
For 100 bucks, I can show
you photos of the chick
29
00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:27,348
who blew him to death.
30
00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,480
And Dot Foxley's secret?
31
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,874
Hey, this is a private call.
32
00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:33,136
None.
33
00:01:33,136 --> 00:01:34,224
It's obvious
she wants me.
34
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:42,102
♪ Without you
35
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:46,149
♪ I'd find my smile
36
00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:48,978
♪ Without you
37
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,459
♪ I'd have won by a mile
38
00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:53,939
♪ Without you
39
00:01:53,939 --> 00:01:57,552
♪ Oh, life would be
so grand ♪
40
00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,510
♪ Without you
41
00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:01,817
♪ I'm half a man
42
00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:05,429
♪ Without you
43
00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:12,480
♪ Without you...
44
00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:17,180
♪ Without you
45
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:23,143
I'm not going to let you turn
Fitzpatrick Motors
46
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,101
into a morbid roadside attraction.
47
00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:28,148
I wouldn't have to if you hadn't
stuck your nose and your mouth
48
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,192
where it didn't belong.
49
00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:30,672
You killed my meal
ticket, lady.
50
00:02:31,673 --> 00:02:32,804
I didn't kill him.
51
00:02:32,804 --> 00:02:35,372
It was the vodka
and Alzheimer's meds.
52
00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:37,635
But you wouldn't know anything
about that, would you?
53
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:40,072
Hey, Dex Laine was my idol.
54
00:02:40,072 --> 00:02:41,987
Most people would show
me a little sympathy
55
00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:43,380
in light of his
recent passing.
56
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:45,774
Or they would cut me
a little slack.
57
00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:47,558
Or they would take
off my slacks,
58
00:02:47,558 --> 00:02:50,213
which goes back to showing
a little sympathy.
59
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:54,217
Whatever little scam
you're trying to pull,
60
00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:59,179
I will stop you.
61
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:02,051
- You see?
- You see?
62
00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:04,009
She has all but admitted it.
She is out to get you.
63
00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:07,187
I thought we agreed she
wasn't the shadowy figure.
64
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,536
Well, based on recent events,
65
00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:11,060
she is once again
my prime suspect.
66
00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:13,018
Jesus, Encyclopedia
Brown Nose,
67
00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:15,369
it's obvious she was just
trying to make me jealous.
68
00:03:15,369 --> 00:03:17,719
Hm, or murder you
on the Beaver Moon.
69
00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:18,720
You know what?
70
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,112
Fuck the Beaver Moon,
71
00:03:20,112 --> 00:03:22,245
fuck the prophecy
and fuck the shadowy figure.
72
00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:24,769
What I need is money,
land and the Summer Wind Lounge.
73
00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:26,162
Got it?
No.
74
00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:28,208
What you need is to identify
your mystery nemesis.
75
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,035
Otherwise there won't be
a Summer Wind Lounge,
76
00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:32,255
because there won't be
a Richard Fitzpatrick.
77
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,126
This from the guy who turned
my last piece of property
78
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,172
into a toxic wasteland?
79
00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:37,391
That was you.
80
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:39,741
Let's not play
the blame game here, okay?
81
00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:42,483
Let's get out there
and earn! Come on!
82
00:03:42,483 --> 00:03:45,225
Sounds like you
got a plan.
83
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:49,141
Damn, he's got a plan.
84
00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:54,799
How does a deceased man sign
his own souvenir shirt?
85
00:03:54,799 --> 00:03:56,671
The autographed one
should go for 50, easy.
86
00:03:56,671 --> 00:03:58,063
But if you shut up,
I can get you one
87
00:03:58,063 --> 00:04:00,152
for the low, low price
of 40...
88
00:04:00,152 --> 00:04:01,241
49...
89
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,372
49.99.
90
00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:03,373
Plus 10%.
91
00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:04,374
Start signing.
92
00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:05,375
The crowds will
be here soon.
93
00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:06,811
The crowds?
Yeah.
94
00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:08,683
I posted a message
on the Dexter Laine website,
95
00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:10,119
and the fans
are going ape shit.
96
00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:12,208
Richard, this isn't
honouring a legend.
97
00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:14,993
It's unscrupulous
exploitation of a man's death.
98
00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:16,560
I'm wearing a tuxedo.
99
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,170
What is--?
100
00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:21,565
Okay, clearly, you're exhibiting
signs of textbook denial.
101
00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:25,177
Hey, hey, that's your
very first stage of grief,
102
00:04:25,177 --> 00:04:26,875
an emotional milestone.
103
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,877
I am not denying.
104
00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:30,095
I am cashing in.
105
00:04:30,095 --> 00:04:31,488
And, frankly,
Dex Laine would be offended
106
00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:35,362
if I didn't take
advantage of his death.
107
00:04:37,364 --> 00:04:40,932
When was the last time
I wore this tux?
108
00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:42,151
Go, Fitz.
109
00:04:42,151 --> 00:04:45,633
- No, no, no.
- Fitz! Fitz!
110
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:49,027
Richard, are you okay?
111
00:04:49,027 --> 00:04:51,552
I'm fine.
112
00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:55,164
Hey, what did that stir
stick remind you of?
113
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:56,426
What does it mean?
114
00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:57,427
It means there's
a drink somewhere
115
00:04:57,427 --> 00:04:58,428
that needs to get stirred.
116
00:04:58,428 --> 00:05:00,648
Fuck off.
117
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:06,131
Yeah, I thought
that Uncle D died on the bus.
118
00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:07,437
Ah, creative licence.
119
00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:09,134
Oh, we should splash
some fake blood around.
120
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:11,223
Make it look more gory.
People love that shit.
121
00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:13,530
Yeah, yeah, hey, I can't
get the real stuff, you know?
122
00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:17,142
I know a guy who knows
a guy who knows a--
123
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:22,191
Look, Fitz, I need to talk
to you about something.
124
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:30,155
You can't talk and work
at the same time?
125
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:33,071
The tension's still
there, you know?
126
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:35,247
Between you and me,
a dude can get jealous
127
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,814
when his best friend gets a girlfriend,
128
00:05:36,814 --> 00:05:40,340
but I don't want
what Dot and I have
129
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,124
to come in between us.
130
00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:45,257
She's not your
girlfriend, Josh.
131
00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:47,608
Fitzy, buddy,
don't be like this.
132
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:50,001
Dot's blown every guy
at the fucking dealership.
133
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:52,613
Except for Larry, but he
doesn't have a dick and me,
134
00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:54,963
which is a mystery
that will rival Stonehenge
135
00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:56,660
for what the fuck
is up with that?
136
00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:58,183
Hey, you know what?
137
00:05:58,183 --> 00:06:01,143
What Dot
and I have is honest
138
00:06:01,143 --> 00:06:04,233
and trueand pure
139
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,626
and honest.
140
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:08,019
Like that fairytale
in the swamp
141
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:09,020
with the guy.
142
00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:10,282
Remember, with the--?
143
00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:13,503
You know what?
144
00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:17,246
I'm not talking.
145
00:06:17,246 --> 00:06:20,249
For two days.
146
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:25,210
Fucking stoner.
147
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:27,125
Step right up.
148
00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:30,607
See where legendary crooner
Dexter Laine died.
149
00:06:30,607 --> 00:06:33,044
Get a real job!
- It's incredibly sad.
150
00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:34,481
Where the hell
is everybody?
151
00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:37,353
Well, most of Uncle D's
fans are elderly, Richard.
152
00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:39,181
It's going to take them
days just to get out of bed.
153
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:40,443
Well, you better
step your game up.
154
00:06:40,443 --> 00:06:42,445
I need lines around
the block, reservations.
155
00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:44,621
I need a waiting list
before fucking Dot
156
00:06:44,621 --> 00:06:45,883
shuts this shit down.
157
00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:47,232
Right on track.
158
00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:50,584
You're shifting
from denial to anger. Rarr!
159
00:06:50,584 --> 00:06:53,238
Ahem.
160
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:56,067
How much for the VIP tour?
161
00:06:58,548 --> 00:06:59,941
I'm Richard Fitzpatrick.
162
00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:00,985
Right this way.
163
00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:02,291
Cash in advance.
164
00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:06,034
Richard, please,
I'm begging-- He's got a gun.
165
00:07:06,034 --> 00:07:07,383
Of course he does.
He's German.
166
00:07:07,383 --> 00:07:08,428
Bavarian.
167
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:12,780
Right this way.
168
00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:15,260
Got a gun.
169
00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:21,963
This is remarkable shrine you've
erected in Uncle D's honour.
170
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:23,617
I consider it
a public service.
171
00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:26,533
Make sure you tell
all your friends.
172
00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:30,493
Ah, so cool.
173
00:07:35,629 --> 00:07:40,590
I understand you were with
Uncle D when he expired, yeah?
174
00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:42,897
It was natural causes.
175
00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:44,942
You misunderstand me,
Herr Fitzpatrick.
176
00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:47,815
I seek only to know more about
the condition of the death.
177
00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:51,296
Tell me, was it tragic?
178
00:07:56,650 --> 00:08:00,218
It was very tragic,
like an opera.
179
00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:02,307
His feet--?
180
00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:04,092
Were they
freshly bathed?
181
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:09,053
He showered compulsively.
182
00:08:09,053 --> 00:08:10,533
What about shoes?
183
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,013
Was he wearing shoes?
184
00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:14,058
Sandals perhaps?
185
00:08:14,058 --> 00:08:16,365
No, slippers.
186
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:17,540
Oh, slippers.
187
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,802
Yeah, this is good.
188
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,195
Now, were the toenails--?
189
00:08:20,195 --> 00:08:21,501
Were they neatly trimmed
190
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,851
or was Uncle D careless
in his maintenance?
191
00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:26,157
What about the hair?
Were they hairy?
192
00:08:26,157 --> 00:08:27,768
You like feet, do you?
193
00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:30,074
Do not judge me!
194
00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:32,381
Whoa, take it easy
Baron von Pervy.
195
00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:33,382
I'm a breast man.
196
00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:34,470
You're a foot man.
197
00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:37,734
A dead-foot man.
198
00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:41,259
Really?
A necro-podiphiliac?
199
00:08:41,259 --> 00:08:43,044
That is seriously
fucked up.
200
00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:46,003
Not nearly as fucked up as what
I would do with those feet
201
00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:50,138
if I could have just
one night with them.
202
00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:54,403
And if I could facilitate
this night of passion,
203
00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:57,188
what would you be
willing to pay for it?
204
00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:03,978
A lot.
205
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:12,203
Oh, Richard, t-this is bad.
206
00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:13,901
How can you
be so calm?
207
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,946
We could get caught
at any second.
208
00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:17,513
Hardly. The security
guard's a drunk.
209
00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:18,514
We have plenty of time,
210
00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:22,649
as long as you
don't fuck around.
211
00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:24,128
There he is.
212
00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:26,261
You know, cutting off
a dead man's feet
213
00:09:26,261 --> 00:09:29,177
is not a healthy way
to mourn your idol, Richard.
214
00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:31,005
You know what else
isn't healthy, Larry?
215
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,094
Ignoring debts
to Lebanese mobsters.
216
00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:34,922
If they don't get Summer
Wind sanitation money,
217
00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:38,186
I won't make it to
the next Beaver Moon.
218
00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:41,189
Yeah, but maybe if we just
explain what happened and--
219
00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:43,104
I'll give you 1,000 bucks
right now to shut the fuck up.
220
00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:45,236
Good for you.
Stage three, bargaining.
221
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,589
Hold on.
222
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,765
What is that?
223
00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:53,723
There, on his neck.
224
00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:54,724
And that?
225
00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:57,379
Richard, what is--?
What is--?
226
00:09:57,379 --> 00:09:58,946
What is that?
227
00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:03,167
Oh, for fuck's sake.
228
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:05,126
That's a penis, Larry.
229
00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:06,127
That's what men have.
230
00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:07,128
No, no, I mean that mark.
231
00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:08,912
Right there, look.
232
00:10:12,002 --> 00:10:15,136
Well, that's a hickey given
by a woman with braces.
233
00:10:15,136 --> 00:10:16,572
Huh?
234
00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:17,573
What, you think
I wouldn't recognize
235
00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:18,922
the sweet,
sweet scarring
236
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,532
that can only come
from a woman's mouth?
237
00:10:20,532 --> 00:10:23,187
I've seen that mark
before, Richard.
238
00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:26,538
It's like the train-track
scar on your backside.
239
00:10:26,538 --> 00:10:28,323
Wait, wait!
240
00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:29,977
Train tracks!
241
00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:31,500
Richard, what are the signs the
fortune-teller warned you about?
242
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,501
Remember?
243
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:34,634
Jesus, Ansel Asshole.
244
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,070
I don't have time
for this shit.
245
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,462
We are here for
one reason only,
246
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:40,248
payola for Uncle D's
admittedly attractive feet.
247
00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:41,771
- Now give me that.
- No, ow. Stop.
248
00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:44,687
Give me that.
Give me that.
249
00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:46,036
Yeah!
250
00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:47,995
Really?
251
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:51,738
Let me see
that mark.
252
00:10:57,482 --> 00:10:58,962
Fine, make it fast.
253
00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:05,055
I knew it! A perfect match!
254
00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:06,361
Thank you, Uncle D.
255
00:11:06,361 --> 00:11:08,276
Your death has given Richard
a chance at life!
256
00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:11,018
If we know Uncle D nailed Dot,
do you think I did too?
257
00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:13,020
Yes, yes, and now we
can right the wrongs
258
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:15,326
you perpetrated against her
and save our lives.
259
00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:18,155
Even better, that means I
drilled her precious wetland
260
00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:19,722
before anyone else
at the dealership.
261
00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:21,419
Suck on that, Josh!
262
00:11:21,419 --> 00:11:24,727
I will never take
your sloppy seconds! Yeah!
263
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:28,731
I suppose that is
a victory as well! Yeah!
264
00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,646
Fuck off, Larry.
265
00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:32,604
Now, where did I
leave that bone saw?
266
00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:38,436
Okay, just--
If we could maybe--
267
00:11:38,436 --> 00:11:40,003
I got it. I got it.
268
00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:42,745
Hurry up, will you?
269
00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:46,227
Richard, you know what?
270
00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:49,056
Maybe-- Maybe your dream
271
00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:52,233
isn't a dream at
all but a memory.
272
00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:54,583
Yeah, what if your
subconscious has been trying
273
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:57,020
to warn you about Dot
this whole time?
274
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:59,370
You've said some dumbass things
since I've know you, Larry,
275
00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:02,069
but that was
the dumbest-assiest.
276
00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:04,027
Now get on with it!
277
00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:06,247
Okay, yeah,
no problem. Just--
278
00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:10,164
But what does this
remind you of?
279
00:12:10,164 --> 00:12:12,035
That's that stupid swizzle
stick from some hotel.
280
00:12:12,035 --> 00:12:13,820
Unh-unh, no,
I saw how you reacted
281
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,212
when you pulled this
out of your pocket.
282
00:12:15,212 --> 00:12:16,126
It frightened you.
283
00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:17,345
Now, Richard, you tell me
284
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:20,914
what you see in that
nightmare, everything.
285
00:12:23,351 --> 00:12:25,701
Well, there's me
286
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:28,138
on this wheel of death,
287
00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:32,229
a shadowy figure with a knife,
288
00:12:32,229 --> 00:12:33,840
a whole lot
of talented babes
289
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:37,104
dying to take a ride
on the SS Fitz,
290
00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:41,673
the hotel and--
291
00:12:41,673 --> 00:12:43,632
Wait a minute.
292
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:48,245
Fried chicken
and a Bellini.
293
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:51,814
It's no wonder
I can't remember anything.
294
00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:56,079
Hm, what is a Bellini?
295
00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:57,689
It's Fitzy kryptonite.
296
00:12:57,689 --> 00:13:00,040
It's made from
peach schnapps.
297
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,389
It's my blackout booze.
298
00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:02,433
Game fucking over.
299
00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:04,044
I'll never remember
what happened.
300
00:13:04,044 --> 00:13:05,045
Hm, okay.
301
00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:06,916
Okay, yes,
I got this, buddy.
302
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:09,789
Maybe you decided
to run away
303
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,182
and join an
all-female circus,
304
00:13:12,182 --> 00:13:14,837
because you fell in love
with a knife thrower.
305
00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:17,100
Yeah, and then that night
you stopped at a hotel
306
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:21,365
for some fried
chicken and a Bellini!
307
00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:23,803
I stand corrected, Larry.
308
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:28,372
That is the dumbest-assiest
thing you've ever said.
309
00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:32,986
Really?
310
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:35,075
Sir, no this is not
what it looks like.
311
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:38,208
Richard, please, tell the man
it's not what it looks like.
312
00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:41,429
Did Josh send you
for that blood?
313
00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:44,171
You want to make
five large?
314
00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:45,520
I'm going to go
wait in the car.
315
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:04,931
Gun!
316
00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:08,630
Danke.
317
00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:26,778
Another
satisfied customer.
318
00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:29,259
I still can't believe
you paid that man
319
00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:31,044
to amputate
Dexter Laine's feet.
320
00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:32,915
Oh, relax,
Jack and the Gay-stalk.
321
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:34,047
They're not Uncle D's.
322
00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:35,875
I couldn't do it,
all right?
323
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,137
The guy was
a fucking legend,
324
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:38,486
and you should be
ashamed of yourself
325
00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:40,923
for even suggesting
the idea in the first place.
326
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:43,926
Me? But-- No,
but Armin Scheuller--
327
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:46,233
Armin Scheuller
with the gun expected--
328
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:48,888
Relax. Armin Scheuller will
never know the difference.
329
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,020
But whose feet were they?
330
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:52,195
I don't know.
Some hobo's.
331
00:14:52,195 --> 00:14:53,588
Ah.
332
00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:57,244
Oh-- Oh, Richard!
333
00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:58,810
Richard, I know how
we can get Dot
334
00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:00,290
to confess she's
your shadowy figure!
335
00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:02,249
By cutting off her feet?
336
00:15:02,249 --> 00:15:04,251
Maybe we can sell them
to Armin and double our money!
337
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:05,339
No, no, no, not that.
338
00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:06,993
Look, we convinced
Armin Scheuller
339
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:09,212
that those hobo feet were
actually Dexter Laine's--
340
00:15:09,212 --> 00:15:10,213
We?
341
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:11,519
Yeah, so now we
can trick Dot
342
00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:12,999
into believing that
you remember everything
343
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,348
about that tryst with her.
344
00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:16,437
Look, we know that you
can't remember anything
345
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:19,222
from that night,
but she doesn't!
346
00:15:21,355 --> 00:15:22,878
It's not a bad idea, Larry.
347
00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:24,227
Yes!
348
00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:53,517
Is this some kind of joke?
349
00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:57,826
Oh, no. No, it's--
350
00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:00,176
It's an apology.
351
00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:02,004
I've said and done
some things lately
352
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:04,137
that I probably
shouldn't have.
353
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:05,921
And nothing says,
"Oh, fuck, sorry,"
354
00:16:05,921 --> 00:16:07,401
like a bucket
of Dirty Bird.
355
00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:11,057
It will take more
than fried chicken
356
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:12,101
for me to forgive you
357
00:16:12,101 --> 00:16:13,581
for breaking into
my apartment,
358
00:16:13,581 --> 00:16:15,104
stealing my
personal property
359
00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:17,106
and sexually
harassing me.
360
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:19,587
Uh-huh, which is why
361
00:16:19,587 --> 00:16:23,678
we also
bought you this.
362
00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:27,247
Peach schnapps.
363
00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:28,813
Thank you.
364
00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:32,034
Give it up, Foxley!
We know it was you.
365
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:33,383
You are behind
all of it,
366
00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:35,081
the graffiti,
the sexual tape,
367
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:37,518
the desecration
of Babs Devon's grave!
368
00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:39,302
Hey, back off, Larry.
369
00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:40,434
Just because she
doesn't like you,
370
00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:42,262
doesn't make her
the dealership bike.
371
00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:43,393
Ooh, Dirty Birdie.
372
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:45,265
Hey, it's not your
business, Josh!
373
00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:51,836
Hos before bros, bro.
374
00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:55,492
You don't have a single piece
of concrete evidence against me.
375
00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:58,495
Well, perhaps you forgot
about your night of passion
376
00:16:58,495 --> 00:17:03,326
at the Madison Arms, hm?
377
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:08,331
What night?
378
00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:09,550
Mm-hm.
379
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:12,248
Uh...
380
00:17:12,248 --> 00:17:16,078
Uh, you know, that night.
381
00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:20,517
That night that we
watched a knife thrower
382
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:24,086
and ate fried chicken
383
00:17:24,086 --> 00:17:27,785
and pounded Bellinis.
384
00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:31,963
And then we went back to
our room at the Madison arms.
385
00:17:31,963 --> 00:17:36,142
And then--
386
00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:37,882
Wait a minute.
387
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:39,667
I remember that
night now.
388
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,321
We drank Bellinis,
389
00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:45,281
we ate fried chicken,
390
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:46,456
and then we took 'Ludes!
391
00:17:46,456 --> 00:17:48,110
Love 'Ludes.
392
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:52,158
Oh, oh, Miss Foxley, we--
393
00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:54,334
We've made
a terrible mistake.
394
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:56,466
Richard, I know the night
you're talking about,
395
00:17:56,466 --> 00:17:59,121
and I remember
the woman you were with.
396
00:17:59,121 --> 00:18:02,168
And she was--
Whoo.
397
00:18:02,168 --> 00:18:05,084
She was no Dot Foxley.
398
00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:08,217
It was the morning
after you judged
399
00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:10,915
the Miss Super-Sized
Super-Save Beauty Pageant.
400
00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:12,134
Oh, Richard.
401
00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:13,135
Your night of debauchery
402
00:18:13,135 --> 00:18:14,702
with the fourth runner-up
403
00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:17,618
resulted in an overdose
on 'Ludes and schnapps.
404
00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:22,623
We had to get to Emergency!
405
00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:24,015
Schnapps!
406
00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:25,669
Yeah, send an ambulance
407
00:18:25,669 --> 00:18:27,106
to the Madison Arms,
room 201,
408
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,194
as fast as possible!
409
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:30,979
Please and thank you!
Okay.
410
00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:34,809
You just thought
of this now?
411
00:18:34,809 --> 00:18:36,115
Do you have any idea
412
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,117
how many motel rooms
I pulled you out of?
413
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:43,165
So many women,
so many vibrating beds, so--
414
00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:44,427
So sorry.
415
00:18:44,427 --> 00:18:46,037
For what?
416
00:18:46,037 --> 00:18:47,169
The libel?
417
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:48,344
The slander?
418
00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:50,216
The sexual harassment?
419
00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:51,652
The break-in?
420
00:18:51,652 --> 00:18:54,089
Save your apologies.
421
00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:55,743
This little performance
422
00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:57,179
is the final nail
in your coffin,
423
00:18:57,179 --> 00:19:01,662
Richard Fitzpatrick.
424
00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:02,663
Way to go, Larry.
425
00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:04,186
I let you take a photo
426
00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:07,363
of the train-track mark
on my ass for nothing.
427
00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:11,454
Train-track marks?
428
00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:17,852
J'accuse!
429
00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:19,462
A train-track hickey.
430
00:19:19,462 --> 00:19:23,162
Clicketty-clack,
courtesy of Dot Foxley.
431
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:26,121
And her hidden braces.
432
00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:28,167
Just tighten them, dammit!
433
00:19:29,124 --> 00:19:31,082
Knives!
434
00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:33,172
Whoa!
435
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,085
Where did those
come from?
436
00:19:34,085 --> 00:19:35,130
Put your pants on!
437
00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:37,393
Miss Carbs.
438
00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:41,484
So you finally
remembered?
439
00:19:41,484 --> 00:19:45,401
I had it all,
the suffocating talent,
440
00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:47,098
the big-boned beauty,
441
00:19:47,098 --> 00:19:50,189
a custom-made
size-24 swimsuit
442
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,538
and judge with
a knife fetish.
443
00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:54,845
When you volunteered
to be my target,
444
00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:56,282
I thought it
was in the bag.
445
00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:58,849
And the Miss Super-Sized
Super-Save crown
446
00:19:58,849 --> 00:20:01,156
goes to Miss Big
and Tall!
447
00:20:01,156 --> 00:20:02,897
Ladies and gentlemen...
448
00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:06,727
I fell for the oldest
trick in the book.
449
00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:09,120
After you fixed the results
to make sure I lost,
450
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:12,080
you swept in
to console me.
451
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,082
- That is a classic.
- Shht!
452
00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:16,650
You were everything
I ever wanted in a man,
453
00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:20,131
handsome, debonair, male.
454
00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:21,785
No, no, I can't!
455
00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:26,442
I always promised myself
I'd save this for my husband!
456
00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:28,618
Whatever you
want, baby.
457
00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:31,273
Oh, yes, darling.
458
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:34,102
I will marry you.
459
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:36,974
Dr. Parsons to Cardiology.
460
00:20:36,974 --> 00:20:38,628
Dr. Parsons
to Cardiology.
461
00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:49,160
Fitz? Fitzy?
462
00:20:51,641 --> 00:20:53,077
Darling?
463
00:20:53,077 --> 00:20:55,123
You partied me
into unconsciousness,
464
00:20:55,123 --> 00:20:58,039
then abandoned me.
465
00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:01,956
Oh, wow.
466
00:21:01,956 --> 00:21:05,351
Well, Richard, the whole
point of this exercise
467
00:21:05,351 --> 00:21:07,091
was to identify the person
468
00:21:07,091 --> 00:21:08,528
you were wronged
and make amends.
469
00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:10,312
And that starts
with apologizing
470
00:21:10,312 --> 00:21:14,273
for this sad, strange
series of events.
471
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,970
DOT, FITZ, JOSH:
- Fuck off, Larry.
- What?
472
00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:17,188
I don't want an apology.
473
00:21:19,626 --> 00:21:20,714
I just want you.
474
00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:21,889
Not on my watch, lady.
475
00:21:21,889 --> 00:21:24,065
Um, wait, what?
476
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:28,156
Hi, are you talking
to me or Fitz?
477
00:21:28,156 --> 00:21:30,376
Ahem!
478
00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:32,334
I lost all that weight,
479
00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:34,815
took night courses
in business management.
480
00:21:34,815 --> 00:21:37,383
I even learned how
to harness mystical forces.
481
00:21:37,383 --> 00:21:41,822
I changed everything
about myself,
482
00:21:41,822 --> 00:21:43,127
all for you.
483
00:21:43,127 --> 00:21:44,825
Told you.
484
00:21:44,825 --> 00:21:47,523
No, but what about
all that awful stuff
485
00:21:47,523 --> 00:21:49,046
that's been
happening to Richard?
486
00:21:49,046 --> 00:21:52,136
Well, I never imagined my
voodoo would be so strong.
487
00:21:52,136 --> 00:21:54,878
Wait, are you saying you
didn't make my mommy tape
488
00:21:54,878 --> 00:21:58,273
or dig up Babs Devon
or any of the other bad shit?
489
00:21:58,273 --> 00:22:00,362
All your bad luck,
490
00:22:00,362 --> 00:22:03,887
that's the power
of my love.
491
00:22:03,887 --> 00:22:05,628
It's a fortune-teller's
prophecy.
492
00:22:05,628 --> 00:22:09,023
Call it what you want,
voodoo, karma, fate.
493
00:22:09,023 --> 00:22:12,243
I will make you
love me again,
494
00:22:12,243 --> 00:22:13,332
no matter what.
495
00:22:15,551 --> 00:22:18,162
What did I ever do to you?
496
00:22:18,162 --> 00:22:21,601
"'Ludes and schnapps."
497
00:22:21,601 --> 00:22:24,647
Oh, wow, that should
have worn off by now.
498
00:22:24,647 --> 00:22:26,693
I had it tattooed,
499
00:22:26,693 --> 00:22:28,129
which I instantly regretted.
500
00:22:28,129 --> 00:22:29,130
Oh, dear.
501
00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:31,088
But it will
always remind me
502
00:22:31,088 --> 00:22:34,440
of the night
I fell in love.
503
00:22:38,139 --> 00:22:40,446
I fell in love too, baby.
504
00:22:40,446 --> 00:22:43,971
But we loved each other
enough that one night
505
00:22:43,971 --> 00:22:46,103
to last a lifetime.
506
00:22:53,241 --> 00:22:55,156
Ew.
507
00:22:55,156 --> 00:22:59,290
I really am
quite sorry.
508
00:23:02,816 --> 00:23:06,080
Richard Fitzpatrick!
509
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,734
If you walk out that door now,
510
00:23:07,734 --> 00:23:10,780
know that I will spend the rest
of my life making you suffer.
511
00:23:10,780 --> 00:23:13,740
You want to go
mano a mano with me, baby?
512
00:23:13,740 --> 00:23:16,046
Bring it on, sweetheart.
513
00:23:16,046 --> 00:23:17,526
I'll be laughing
over your corpse
514
00:23:17,526 --> 00:23:20,137
long before you're
laughing over mine.
515
00:23:20,137 --> 00:23:24,533
Who said anything about
killing you, you big lug nut?
516
00:23:24,533 --> 00:23:26,622
You destroyed me
517
00:23:26,622 --> 00:23:30,234
psychologically, physically.
518
00:23:30,234 --> 00:23:33,890
And because of it,
I am a better person.
519
00:23:33,890 --> 00:23:35,805
Definitely skinnier.
520
00:23:35,805 --> 00:23:39,418
True change
requires suffering.
521
00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:42,421
For me to drag you
through hell,
522
00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:47,208
that is real love.
523
00:23:47,208 --> 00:23:50,385
So hang on tight,
Richard Fitzpatrick.
524
00:23:50,385 --> 00:23:53,954
I am going
to change your life.
525
00:23:53,954 --> 00:23:58,132
That is my job!
526
00:24:12,886 --> 00:24:14,627
She took the chicken.
527
00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:22,548
Well, that was quite
an adventure.
528
00:24:22,548 --> 00:24:24,288
Although it looks
like we were wrong
529
00:24:24,288 --> 00:24:26,160
about Dot being
your shadowy nemesis.
530
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,378
I guess the whole
death prophecy,
531
00:24:27,378 --> 00:24:29,511
the Beaver Moon,
it was all just a ruse.
532
00:24:29,511 --> 00:24:32,819
Yeah. No more
nightmares, I guess.
533
00:24:32,819 --> 00:24:34,298
Yeah, and now you
don't have to worry
534
00:24:34,298 --> 00:24:36,170
about taking Josh's
sloppy seconds.
535
00:24:37,650 --> 00:24:38,781
All I'm worried
about right now
536
00:24:38,781 --> 00:24:40,435
is getting
a good night's sleep.
537
00:24:40,435 --> 00:24:41,741
Of course, Richard.
Of course.
538
00:24:41,741 --> 00:24:43,482
There's just one more
thing you have to do.
539
00:24:44,570 --> 00:24:45,571
What's that?
540
00:24:45,571 --> 00:24:47,616
Die!
541
00:24:52,578 --> 00:24:54,536
Oh, fuck.
37897
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