Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:26,896
There are many obstacles
a man faces
2
00:00:26,896 --> 00:00:30,421
on the long road to salvation.
3
00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:33,468
Life is a struggle.
4
00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:34,947
And for the longest time,
5
00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:37,689
it was one I thought
I would endure on my own.
6
00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:41,780
And then, bam, you appeared.
7
00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:50,441
I never realized how empty
my life was until I met you:
8
00:00:50,441 --> 00:00:53,096
the debauchery--
9
00:00:53,096 --> 00:00:58,101
the philandering.
10
00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:01,626
But you never judged me.
11
00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:05,456
And I know we've never
really talked,
12
00:01:05,456 --> 00:01:08,285
but it feels like
you've known me forever.
13
00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:13,421
I'm not proud of my past.
14
00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:16,163
But I also know that who I was
15
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:20,254
is what brought me here
to this moment.
16
00:01:20,254 --> 00:01:22,430
And I'm not going to let
a little thing
17
00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:27,391
like locked-in syndrome
stand in the way of our love.
18
00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:31,830
So, Babs Devin,
19
00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:35,312
I'm just a guy,
20
00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:40,317
standing in front of
a largely comatose woman,
21
00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:45,366
asking her to marry me.
22
00:01:52,721 --> 00:01:56,464
Is that a "Yes"?
23
00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:01,643
Do you even know
what I'm saying?
24
00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:06,387
Is that a "Yes, you'll marry me"
25
00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:08,171
or a "Yes, you know
what I'm saying?"
26
00:02:11,479 --> 00:02:15,483
I'll just take that as a "Yes."
27
00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:21,967
♪ Without you
28
00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:26,189
♪ I'd find my smile
29
00:02:26,189 --> 00:02:28,757
♪ Without you
30
00:02:28,757 --> 00:02:31,542
♪ I'd have won
by a mile ♪
31
00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:33,762
♪ Without you
32
00:02:33,762 --> 00:02:37,635
♪ Oh, life would be
so grand ♪
33
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:39,594
♪ Without you
34
00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:41,683
♪ I'm half a man
35
00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:46,731
♪ Without you
36
00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:58,047
♪ Without you
37
00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:06,577
Oh, hello, frownie.
38
00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:09,276
What are you doing here?
Trying to unplug her?
39
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:11,582
Well, if you must know, I came
by to apologize to your mother.
40
00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:14,498
We had a very nice
heart-to-beep conversation.
41
00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:17,240
Apologize? You?
42
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,633
Well, unlike some members
of the Devin family,
43
00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:21,462
your mother has the capacity
for forgiveness.
44
00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:23,855
You actually expect me
to believe you?
45
00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:26,728
As your mother might say,
"Beep beep."
46
00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:33,517
You came to the right
service department, bro.
47
00:03:33,517 --> 00:03:35,127
Those guys over
at Bob's Lube World
48
00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:36,477
can't plan a wedding for shit.
49
00:03:36,477 --> 00:03:38,957
You've planned a wedding before?
50
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:41,308
Well, I organized security for
a sheik's public deflowering
51
00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:42,831
of his 100th virgin, same diff.
52
00:03:42,831 --> 00:03:45,573
How many people
are you planning on inviting?
53
00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:50,230
No invites, no one else.
Just a license, a minister
54
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,362
and a couple witnesses.
We got to move fast on this.
55
00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:54,973
If Babs' hot, frigid daughter
finds out what I'm up to,
56
00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:57,106
there won't be a wedding.
57
00:03:57,106 --> 00:03:59,630
"Hot, frigid daughter."
58
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:02,764
Now, what about
the bachelor party?
59
00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:07,812
10 Texas mickeys,
is that enough?
60
00:04:07,812 --> 00:04:09,640
I spent a night in
a Texas prison in '06.
61
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:10,989
I think it's enough.
62
00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:12,556
Richard, how did things go
with Ms. Devin?
63
00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:13,644
Fine.
64
00:04:13,644 --> 00:04:14,602
All-Asian stripper theme:
65
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:15,864
that should lend
a certain charm.
66
00:04:15,864 --> 00:04:17,822
That's it? Just fine?
Was it one beep or two?
67
00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:19,476
"Mexican strippers."
68
00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:21,913
Did she at least agree
- not to testify?
- No.
69
00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:23,698
- She's not going to testify?
- You don't want any strippers?
70
00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:25,308
Both of you, shut the fuck up.
71
00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:28,659
Josh, listen:
Thai strippers, Cuban cigars,
72
00:04:28,659 --> 00:04:31,140
French ticklers,
Filipino bud, Texas mickeys.
73
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:34,404
Larry, fuck off.
74
00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:36,667
You're planning
a bachelor party.
75
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:37,929
Shit.
76
00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:39,322
Richard, you're not even--
77
00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:43,152
Larry, I hate to admit it
but you've taught me
78
00:04:43,152 --> 00:04:45,676
to look beyond the superficial.
79
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:49,811
Sometimes, you find love in
the most unexpected places.
80
00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:52,944
I'm marrying Babs Devin and...
81
00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:56,687
I want you to be my best man.
82
00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:58,472
Him?
83
00:04:58,472 --> 00:05:01,779
Richard, this is wrong.
84
00:05:01,779 --> 00:05:04,042
How am I supposed to believe
you're telling the truth?
85
00:05:04,042 --> 00:05:07,742
About love? About actually
caring for that poor woman?
86
00:05:07,742 --> 00:05:12,747
Believe it, Larry.
You've changed me.
87
00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:20,320
Richard, you have no idea
how much this means to me.
88
00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:28,110
First order of
best man business.
89
00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:29,111
Matching tuxedoes.
90
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:30,678
The bachelor party.
91
00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:32,462
I never had
a decent birthday as a kid
92
00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:35,117
and Christmas always sucked ass.
Do you know why I didn't care?
93
00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:37,380
Because Fitzpatricks
always save it
94
00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,643
for the bachelor parties,
and wakes.
95
00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:41,515
This isn't just a list.
96
00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:44,256
It's the ingredients for
my perfect night.
97
00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:46,389
Don't fuck this up.
98
00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,565
Never.
99
00:05:53,788 --> 00:05:56,225
Oh, Josh,
there's a customer waiting
100
00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:58,619
to test drive the Cavalier
but it only has three wheels.
101
00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:01,752
Well, I have a customer that's
waiting to test drive your face.
102
00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:09,673
After Hitler's
declaration of war,
103
00:06:09,673 --> 00:06:12,197
German forces
invade and occupy the--
104
00:06:12,197 --> 00:06:13,416
You're home early.
105
00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:14,678
You seen my birth certificate?
106
00:06:14,678 --> 00:06:16,158
Why?
107
00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:17,899
I'm getting hitched.
108
00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:20,554
Excuse me?
109
00:06:20,554 --> 00:06:23,861
I sit here alone, day in
and day out with my bikini waxed
110
00:06:23,861 --> 00:06:27,561
and the sincere
desire to love and you--
111
00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:30,912
Relax, it's a scam. It turns out
if Babs Devin is my wife,
112
00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:33,393
a little thing called
"Spousal privilege" kicks in.
113
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,046
Anal?
114
00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:37,397
No, she can't testify against me
in court, something to do with
115
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,660
the sanctity of marriage
or some shit.
116
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:42,967
God, it's always win-win
with you.
117
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:44,969
Even barely-conscious women
want to bang you.
118
00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:47,276
I can't even get a date.
119
00:06:47,276 --> 00:06:49,626
Well, why don't you just--
120
00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:52,542
No, no. I won't--
121
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:53,717
because--
122
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,850
just won't cut it.
123
00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,895
I'm a very needy person.
124
00:06:57,895 --> 00:07:00,811
I need to be held.
I need to be made love to.
125
00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:04,641
Okay, I didn't grow a vagina
in the last five minutes,
126
00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:06,861
so I'm just going to
cut this conversation short.
127
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:10,517
What are you guys talking about?
128
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:11,779
Video games.
129
00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:13,955
Video games where
people masturbate?
130
00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:17,219
They make those?
131
00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:25,532
What the fuck are you doing?
132
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:26,750
Have you even started
looking for somebody
133
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:28,317
to officiate the ceremony?
134
00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:31,581
Why don't you get Larry to it?
He's your best man, isn't he?
135
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,104
He has to be. If he finds out
why I'm really getting married,
136
00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:35,759
he'll put the kibosh on it.
137
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:38,545
"You can't marry
the comatose woman whose life
138
00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:42,026
you recklessly endangered
just to stay out of prison."
139
00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:45,160
That was pretty good.
140
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,466
Yeah, not nearly as good
as this shit I got
141
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:50,034
from the best dealer in town.
142
00:07:50,034 --> 00:07:52,254
I gave you that stuff.
143
00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:55,605
Yeah, like I said,
the best dealer in town.
144
00:07:58,913 --> 00:08:02,133
I don't want to go to prison, Josh.
145
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:07,051
I know what you're trying to do. Nope.
146
00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:10,533
Okay, just one little hit.
147
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:20,891
This shit's good.
148
00:08:20,891 --> 00:08:22,980
Did you light this or did I?
149
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:26,506
Listen, Josh, I got
a really important job for you.
150
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,900
I need you to find me
a minister, ASAP.
151
00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:31,554
Okay.
152
00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:35,471
Best man update:
bachelor party starts at 7:00.
153
00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:37,125
Now, look sharp
but don't wear anything
154
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:38,735
you don't want to roll around
on the floor in
155
00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:42,913
because things are
going to get messy.
156
00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:47,091
You made Larry your best man?
157
00:08:56,057 --> 00:08:58,494
Babs and I have known each other
for a good time
158
00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:03,020
but not a long time,
if you know what I'm saying.
159
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:08,199
Well, I only got to know Babs
after she fell into the coma.
160
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,420
No, I'm not implying
161
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:15,119
that I fucked her
while she was in the coma.
162
00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:17,295
Oh, come on, like it's worse
than what you guys do.
163
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:19,297
Hello? Father Grey?
164
00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:21,996
It's not true, is it?
165
00:09:21,996 --> 00:09:24,389
No, it's not.
166
00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:27,175
Oh, I should have known
Josh was messing with me,
167
00:09:27,175 --> 00:09:29,481
telling me that
you were getting married.
168
00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:30,874
Oh, that. Yeah, that's true.
169
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:32,484
You just said that it wasn't.
170
00:09:32,484 --> 00:09:35,096
Well, that's when I had no idea
what you were talking about.
171
00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:38,534
Hey, you wouldn't happen to know
a minister or a rabbi maybe?
172
00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:45,323
What? Hey, you're the one
173
00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:49,937
that wanted to keep it
all professional.
174
00:09:49,937 --> 00:09:51,852
Fuck you, dickface.
175
00:10:19,183 --> 00:10:22,186
You look like a girl
who could use a drink.
176
00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:24,754
You smell like a girl
who's had a few already.
177
00:10:24,754 --> 00:10:29,759
I need some girl talk.
You want booze or not?
178
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:33,850
Damn straight.
179
00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:43,164
Let's hit this.
180
00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:46,994
Oh, here's one.
181
00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:51,259
www.ordainedinaninstant.com.
182
00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:54,349
Oh, no wait, I have to be 18.
183
00:10:54,349 --> 00:10:56,612
Damn it! How am I
supposed to relax
184
00:10:56,612 --> 00:10:58,135
and enjoy my bachelor party
185
00:10:58,135 --> 00:11:00,747
when I don't have a minister
for my wedding?
186
00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:03,097
What's a bachelor party?
187
00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:06,709
Justin, a bachelor party
188
00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:10,191
is the most magical night
in a man's life.
189
00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:14,717
It's like an amusement park,
a live sex show
190
00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:19,722
and a condemned man's last meal
all rolled into one.
191
00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:24,727
You get to taste and touch
and love longer and harder
192
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:29,253
and faster than
you ever have before.
193
00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:30,951
Wow.
194
00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:33,649
Oh, the stories
I shouldn't tell you.
195
00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:35,129
One of the best ones ever:
196
00:11:35,129 --> 00:11:39,568
we prison tattooed a penis
onto the groom's forehead.
197
00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:43,746
Oh, his wife was so pissed.
It was fantastic.
198
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:46,444
Boy, I can't wait to
flush my life down the toilet
199
00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:50,231
if it means I get to have
a bachelor party.
200
00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:53,234
Yeah. You got a suit?
201
00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:56,237
Yup.
202
00:11:56,237 --> 00:12:01,285
Giddy-up.
203
00:12:06,638 --> 00:12:07,988
All right, one more time:
what are the rules?
204
00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:10,120
No trying, no whining,
you can touch if you pay.
205
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,774
You got that right.
206
00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:14,951
All right, this party's going to
be old school, classy, martinis,
207
00:12:14,951 --> 00:12:18,389
Sinatra, just got to have Fitz
in the mix and ring-a-ding-ding.
208
00:12:22,872 --> 00:12:24,308
Surprise!
209
00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:25,745
What the--
210
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:26,789
Fuck!
211
00:12:38,409 --> 00:12:39,367
Slushy?
212
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:41,543
I want my strippers, Larry.
213
00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:43,806
Uhh, well, you said
you wanted your dream party
214
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:47,679
and you never had a birthday
party as a child, so voila!
215
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:52,032
Birthday party? This could be
my last night as a free man
216
00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:53,816
and you give me
a fucking kids party?
217
00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:55,731
- Josh?
- What?
218
00:12:55,731 --> 00:12:59,082
Strippers, ecstasy,
Sinatra, stat.
219
00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:01,606
And?
220
00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:03,260
You're the best man now.
221
00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:06,481
And?
222
00:13:06,481 --> 00:13:07,961
And what, Josh?
223
00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:10,485
And I knew that Larry
wouldn't buy your story
224
00:13:10,485 --> 00:13:12,269
for getting married.
225
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:13,575
Oh, fuck, Josh.
226
00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:14,576
What do you mean?
227
00:13:14,576 --> 00:13:17,884
Oh, uhh...
228
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:22,410
I'll get started
on the strippers.
229
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:26,501
The classic car salesman scam, huh?
230
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:29,809
Shine up the grill so I wouldn't
notice the rusted-out brakes?
231
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,681
You never intended to try to
make it work with Babs at all!
232
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,335
Hey, well,
it doesn't matter know.
233
00:13:34,335 --> 00:13:37,381
I can't find a minister
to marry us so I'm screwed.
234
00:13:37,381 --> 00:13:41,690
And I get to spend my last
hurrah as a free man with you.
235
00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:44,084
Hurrah!
236
00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:55,269
You were smart to phone me.
237
00:13:55,269 --> 00:13:57,184
I added some fail-safes
to prevent tampering.
238
00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:58,663
I know how important it is
239
00:13:58,663 --> 00:14:00,274
to maintain the integrity
of this communication system
240
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,537
since it will be used for
official testimony.
241
00:14:05,496 --> 00:14:09,370
Yeah, it's working fine.
242
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:13,983
Maybe he was telling the truth.
243
00:14:13,983 --> 00:14:15,028
Who you calling?
244
00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:19,249
My man on the inside.
245
00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:22,949
Don't tell her about
the bachelor party,
246
00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:24,211
don't tell her about the
bachelor party,
247
00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:25,560
don't tell her about
the bachelor party.
248
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:30,347
Hey, Fitz is marrying
Babs Devin. Fuck.
249
00:14:30,347 --> 00:14:31,914
I should have known better.
250
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:35,048
He wasn't here to apologize
to her. God, I'm such a fool.
251
00:14:35,048 --> 00:14:36,876
He's a master in
female manipulation.
252
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,400
All he leaves in his wake
are shattered lives.
253
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,490
No way in hell is he marrying
my mother, not an option.
254
00:14:42,490 --> 00:14:43,926
What are you going to do?
255
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:45,623
I'm going to find some way
to stall him
256
00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:47,451
so I get her moved to a private
facility tomorrow morning.
257
00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:49,366
Let's break his legs.
258
00:14:49,366 --> 00:14:52,326
I know six ways to make it look
like it was an accident.
259
00:14:52,326 --> 00:14:55,807
I got a better idea.
260
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:03,554
No last-minute strippers, man,
unless you want a pregnant one.
261
00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:05,121
They're more expensive.
262
00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:07,080
It costs the same as
a duo because of the--
263
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:11,432
Screw this.
I got to find a priest.
264
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,437
How'd you get in here?
Private function.
265
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:19,701
I said I was family.
266
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:22,486
So, why the big celebration?
Is it someone's birthday?
267
00:15:22,486 --> 00:15:26,577
It's my retarded co-worker's
idea of a bachelor party.
268
00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:30,842
Bachelor party?
Well, who's about to die?
269
00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:34,542
If you must know, me.
270
00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:37,110
Well, then let me
get you a drink.
271
00:15:37,110 --> 00:15:38,502
You're being awful nice
for a woman
272
00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:42,289
who wouldn't piss on my corpse
a couple days ago.
273
00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:45,335
It's amazing how much an apology
to my mom will get you.
274
00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:47,642
Come on, we're getting dry.
275
00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:54,954
Unfortunately, the bar is closed.
276
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,521
Where there's a will...
277
00:16:00,568 --> 00:16:02,962
There's a way.
278
00:16:12,319 --> 00:16:14,538
Fitz doesn't drink alone.
279
00:16:40,695 --> 00:16:43,219
Oh, fucking men.
280
00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:47,049
Yeah, selfish shit.
281
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:50,357
I mean, how heartless
can somebody be?
282
00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:55,144
To just use you like that
and then just toss you aside?
283
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,975
You know, I always pegged you
as the dumb blonde.
284
00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:02,586
But you're actually
a conscientious brunette
285
00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:05,894
who recognizes
the needs of others.
286
00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:09,811
And you could use a touch-up.
287
00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:11,987
You know what? You're so much
better without my brother.
288
00:17:11,987 --> 00:17:13,771
The night before my wedding,
289
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:18,776
he tattooed a penis on
Saul's forehead. That's mean.
290
00:17:18,776 --> 00:17:21,170
Why didn't we do this sooner?
291
00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:22,824
I know, right? You're awesome.
292
00:17:22,824 --> 00:17:24,695
You're awesome.
293
00:17:28,743 --> 00:17:30,832
Oh, party's over.
294
00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:35,489
Oh, no, no, no. The party
is never over, sister.
295
00:17:35,489 --> 00:17:38,622
I always wanted a sister.
296
00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:42,061
Me too.
297
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:46,848
Oh!
298
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,374
Do sisters always hug this long?
299
00:17:53,463 --> 00:17:55,291
I've got a great idea.
300
00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,312
"Thanks for nothing, Larry!
301
00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:19,489
I'll just do whatever I want,
marry a vegetable."
302
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,973
Have some of this punch.
303
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:38,639
It's cold but it makes
my belly warm.
304
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:48,214
Oh, it's delicious.
305
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:52,653
So, come on, tell me about her.
306
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:56,700
Who is the woman
who swept you off your feet?
307
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:59,703
Nothing much to tell.
308
00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:04,578
Discretion. Oh, it must
be true love.
309
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,362
To monogamy.
310
00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:07,842
To hell with that.
311
00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:14,022
Come fly with me, baby.
312
00:19:14,022 --> 00:19:16,067
Oh, how about
one more drink first?
313
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:20,028
No, first we dance,
then we drink.
314
00:19:23,858 --> 00:19:25,773
♪ Can I steal a little love?
315
00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:28,428
What the hell kind of
bachelor party is this?
316
00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:31,605
I think we can
still find some fun.
317
00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:33,563
Thank you.
318
00:19:38,002 --> 00:19:39,569
There are three things
I do better
319
00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:41,789
than any man you'll ever meet.
320
00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:44,270
One is sell cars. Two is dance.
321
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:48,970
And as for three, you'll have to
use your imagination.
322
00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:53,322
♪ Can I steal a little love?
323
00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:58,240
♪ Please tell me why are you
driving me crazy ♪
324
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,851
♪ Why do I dig you like I do?
325
00:20:00,851 --> 00:20:03,419
So, this is her plan?
326
00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:05,160
♪ You can prove
that it's wrong ♪
327
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:08,946
♪ Hey, give it back to you
328
00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:12,036
I want to report some
underage drinking at the DUI.
329
00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:14,213
Thank you.
330
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:18,347
♪ I won't even need a shove
331
00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:20,044
♪ Can I steal a little love?
332
00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:22,873
Selling cars is nothing
to brag about.
333
00:20:22,873 --> 00:20:24,919
Selling cars is
a means to an end.
334
00:20:24,919 --> 00:20:26,921
I want to open my own place,
335
00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:29,793
a real sexy rat pack
kind of place.
336
00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:33,188
You have a dream?
337
00:20:33,188 --> 00:20:35,234
You have no idea.
338
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,932
Is this the way you roll?
339
00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:40,064
First guy that gives you
a slushy, you ditch your friend?
340
00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:42,066
- No.
- Slut!
341
00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:45,069
Hi, Mom.
342
00:20:45,069 --> 00:20:47,724
Oh, shit. Is that my kid?
Oh, I hope he's not tattooed.
343
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:52,555
Nice parenting.
344
00:20:52,555 --> 00:20:54,601
You want to take this outside?
345
00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:57,473
Bring it, red.
346
00:21:01,521 --> 00:21:06,003
Now, about that third thing.
347
00:21:06,003 --> 00:21:08,789
Use your imagination.
348
00:21:08,789 --> 00:21:13,794
Oh, I have, and we were
fabulous together.
349
00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:16,144
♪ Why do I dig you like I do?
350
00:21:16,144 --> 00:21:20,366
♪ If I steal a little kiss,
you can prove that it's wrong ♪
351
00:21:20,366 --> 00:21:22,324
Josh, my man.
352
00:21:22,324 --> 00:21:23,804
Strippers!
353
00:21:28,069 --> 00:21:30,114
Woo! Ladies...
354
00:21:33,727 --> 00:21:34,728
Oh, let's go.
355
00:21:34,728 --> 00:21:38,993
Okay, that's it, come on.
356
00:21:38,993 --> 00:21:41,430
Oh, god. Ow!
357
00:21:41,430 --> 00:21:44,085
Ugh!
358
00:21:50,047 --> 00:21:51,919
Officer, there's obviously been
some misunderstanding.
359
00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:53,137
Yeah, yours.
360
00:21:53,137 --> 00:21:54,617
You amaze me.
361
00:21:54,617 --> 00:21:55,836
What?
362
00:21:55,836 --> 00:21:57,490
Trying to get me
to sleep with you
363
00:21:57,490 --> 00:22:01,015
after you've already tricked
my mother into marrying you.
364
00:22:01,015 --> 00:22:02,277
In my defence,
I am pretty drunk.
365
00:22:02,277 --> 00:22:04,148
Now you can nurse your hangover
behind bars
366
00:22:04,148 --> 00:22:05,802
instead of at the altar.
367
00:22:05,802 --> 00:22:08,327
You did this, didn't you?
368
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:12,635
No, this is
what they call serendipity.
369
00:22:12,635 --> 00:22:15,290
See, I just wanted
to get you drunk enough
370
00:22:15,290 --> 00:22:17,248
that you wouldn't
marry my mother,
371
00:22:17,248 --> 00:22:19,903
but now you're going to rot
behind bars
372
00:22:19,903 --> 00:22:23,167
while I move her to
a private facility
373
00:22:23,167 --> 00:22:27,520
and you're never
going to see her again.
374
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,305
You thought you could hide
behind spousal privilege.
375
00:22:30,305 --> 00:22:32,089
Who brought you here?
376
00:22:32,089 --> 00:22:35,963
What, entrapment now?
377
00:22:35,963 --> 00:22:39,009
She did.
378
00:22:39,009 --> 00:22:40,097
Wait, what?
379
00:22:40,097 --> 00:22:41,925
Take her downtown too.
380
00:22:41,925 --> 00:22:43,536
You got to be kidding me.
381
00:22:43,536 --> 00:22:45,799
Didn't see that coming.
382
00:22:45,799 --> 00:22:47,757
Come on, Cara.
Fitz is the enemy.
383
00:22:47,757 --> 00:22:50,064
Let me go. Come on,
you've got the wrong girl.
384
00:22:50,064 --> 00:22:53,720
Wait, why are you taking me?
385
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:58,246
We should do this again
sometime. That was fun.
386
00:23:10,171 --> 00:23:13,435
You know what?
You're really ungrateful.
387
00:23:13,435 --> 00:23:17,308
Now's not the time
to grow a spine, Larry.
388
00:23:17,308 --> 00:23:19,789
No, no, it's my turn to speak.
389
00:23:19,789 --> 00:23:22,575
Okay, you think it's easy
being your conscience?
390
00:23:22,575 --> 00:23:27,188
Well, it's not, mister,
because you're a very bad man.
391
00:23:27,188 --> 00:23:31,366
Do you ever stop to think
that if you're my conscience,
392
00:23:31,366 --> 00:23:33,977
and you're sitting over there,
393
00:23:33,977 --> 00:23:37,111
there's no more conscience
left up here.
394
00:23:37,111 --> 00:23:40,549
All the bad things I do,
it's kind of your fault.
395
00:23:40,549 --> 00:23:44,118
Why don't you listen to me
once in a while, huh?
396
00:23:44,118 --> 00:23:48,557
Just talk to me, include me,
maybe then you'd be happy.
397
00:23:48,557 --> 00:23:50,298
Or at least not charged with
398
00:23:50,298 --> 00:23:52,822
attempted vehicular manslaughter.
399
00:23:54,955 --> 00:23:56,304
For God's sakes, Larry,
400
00:23:56,304 --> 00:23:58,088
haven't you ever
been sick before?
401
00:23:58,088 --> 00:24:00,177
At least throw your tie
over your shoulder
402
00:24:00,177 --> 00:24:04,834
so you don't get spaggle on it.
403
00:24:09,839 --> 00:24:14,844
Thank you. That was a very
considerate piece of advice.
404
00:24:14,844 --> 00:24:16,716
Yeah.
405
00:24:16,716 --> 00:24:21,677
Richard, if I can get you
out of here,
406
00:24:21,677 --> 00:24:25,376
get you to the hospital
and married to Babs Devin,
407
00:24:25,376 --> 00:24:28,858
make this whole car accident
thing go away,
408
00:24:28,858 --> 00:24:33,341
do you promise me that you will
listen to me from now on?
409
00:24:33,341 --> 00:24:35,430
Even if you could
get us out of here,
410
00:24:35,430 --> 00:24:37,476
where are we going to find
a minister in time?
411
00:24:37,476 --> 00:24:39,695
I'm a minister.
412
00:24:41,871 --> 00:24:46,223
Oh yeah? Would you perform
a wedding ceremony for us?
413
00:24:46,223 --> 00:24:50,358
Get me out of here,
I'll let you shit on my chest.
414
00:24:53,274 --> 00:24:55,755
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
415
00:24:55,755 --> 00:24:58,540
Oh, what you do, Fitz?
Bribe him?
416
00:24:58,540 --> 00:25:00,411
Oh, don't be so crass.
417
00:25:00,411 --> 00:25:03,414
Larry gave the guy
a sweet deal on a Cavalier.
418
00:25:03,414 --> 00:25:05,982
Still think selling cars
is nothing to brag about?
419
00:25:05,982 --> 00:25:08,419
Say goodbye to daddy.
420
00:25:11,031 --> 00:25:13,555
I want my fucking phone call!
421
00:25:13,555 --> 00:25:16,558
Sounds like someone's begging
for a tasering.
422
00:25:16,558 --> 00:25:18,908
Ugh!
423
00:25:18,908 --> 00:25:21,215
Ow.
424
00:25:23,391 --> 00:25:24,740
Larry, what the fuck
did you drink?
425
00:25:24,740 --> 00:25:26,394
I don't know
but it was delicious.
426
00:25:26,394 --> 00:25:29,223
Get out of my backseat!
Do it now!
427
00:25:29,223 --> 00:25:32,792
I'm so sorry.
428
00:25:32,792 --> 00:25:34,924
Oh my God. Are you okay?
429
00:25:34,924 --> 00:25:39,320
Take my hand.
430
00:25:48,503 --> 00:25:51,506
Fuck! I don't have a ring.
431
00:25:51,506 --> 00:25:53,334
Maybe that hot nurse
I used to bang
432
00:25:53,334 --> 00:25:54,727
will lend me her wedding ring.
433
00:25:54,727 --> 00:25:57,468
Richard, you banged
a married woman?
434
00:25:57,468 --> 00:25:59,514
Not now, Larry.
435
00:25:59,514 --> 00:26:03,126
Wait.
436
00:26:03,126 --> 00:26:04,650
I got a ring!
437
00:26:04,650 --> 00:26:09,698
Larry, you really are
my best man.
438
00:26:12,048 --> 00:26:13,006
Here.
439
00:26:13,006 --> 00:26:16,487
Thank you.
440
00:26:16,487 --> 00:26:19,578
Marriage is the most sacred
bond. And like all knots,
441
00:26:19,578 --> 00:26:22,450
it only works when
it is cinched tightly.
442
00:26:22,450 --> 00:26:25,975
To bind together two people,
we use the rings,
443
00:26:25,975 --> 00:26:28,325
symbolic handcuffs, if you will.
444
00:26:28,325 --> 00:26:29,631
Yeah, can we, uhh,
cut to the chase?
445
00:26:29,631 --> 00:26:33,026
And yeah, I do, I do.
446
00:26:33,026 --> 00:26:36,464
And do you, Mrs. Devin,
447
00:26:36,464 --> 00:26:41,469
take this master to be
your lawfully wedded husband?
448
00:26:48,041 --> 00:26:49,956
Stop the wedding!
449
00:26:57,398 --> 00:27:00,357
I do.
450
00:27:00,357 --> 00:27:04,623
Oh my God, they're married.
32822
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof