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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:27,400 %%%% [ Group Singing Doo-Wop ] 2 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:30,280 %%%% [ Doo-Wop Continues ] 3 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,640 %% I'M DREAMING %% 4 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:38,440 %% OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS %% 5 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:42,280 %% JUST LIKE THE ONES I USED TO KNOW %% 6 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,200 %%%% [ Doo-Wop Continues ] 7 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:48,520 %% WHERE THOSE TREETOPS GLISTEN %% 8 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:51,880 %% AND CHILDREN LISTEN %% 9 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,280 %% TO HEAR %% 10 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:57,160 %% SLEIGH BELLS IN THE SNOW %% 11 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,080 %% THE SNOW %% 12 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:02,440 %% BUT THEN I-I-I AM DREAMING %% 13 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:06,760 %% OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS %% 14 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:11,080 %% WITH EVERY CHRISTMAS CARD I WRITE %% 15 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,480 %%%% [ Doo-Wop Continues ] %%%% [ Playing ] 16 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,880 %% MAY YOUR DAYS, MAY YOUR DAYS MAY YOUR DAYS %% 17 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:20,680 %% BE MERRY AND BRIGHT %% 18 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:25,480 %% AND MAY ALL YOUR CHRISTMASES BE WHITE %% 19 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,360 %%%% [ Doo-Wop Continues ] 20 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,720 %% I-I-I-I'M DREAMING %% 21 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:36,520 %% OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS %% 22 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:40,840 %% JUST LIKE THE ONES I USED TO KNOW %% 23 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,760 %%%% [ Doo-Wop Continues ] 24 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:46,600 %% WHERE THE TREETOPS GLISTEN %% 25 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:50,440 %% AND THE CHILDREN LISTEN %% 26 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:52,840 %% TO HEAR %% 27 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:56,680 %% SLEIGH BELLS IN THE SNOW %% 28 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,600 %%%% [ Bass Singing Descending Notes ] 29 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,480 %% I-I-I-I'M DREAMING %% 30 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:05,800 %% OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS %% 31 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:07,720 %% WITH EVERY %% 32 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,120 %% CHRISTMAS CARD I WRITE %% 33 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:12,520 %%%% [ Doo-Wop Continues ] 34 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,920 %% MAY THOSE DAYS MAY YOUR DAYS %% 35 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:18,760 %% MAY YOUR DAYS BE MERRY AND BRIGHT %% 36 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,120 ? %% OOH-OOH-OOH ? 37 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,960 %% AND MAY ALL %% 38 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,320 %% YOUR CHRISTMASES BE WHITE %%? ? 39 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:34,120 %%%% [ Doo-Wop Continues ] 40 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:39,400 %%%% [ Doo-Wop Fades ] 41 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,240 [ Woman ] FELIX, COME BACK HERE ! 42 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:46,600 YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE THE FATHER OF MY CHILD ! 43 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,960 COME BACK HERE WITH THAT SANTA CLAUS SUIT ! 44 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:55,240 - [ Groaning ] - [ Sighs ] 45 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,640 YOU JERK ! YOU RUINED OUR TREE ! 46 00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:59,560 THAT TREE WAS ABSOLUTELY SYMMETRICAL ! 47 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:01,960 IT TOOK US TWO HOURS TO FIND IT ! IT WAS PERFECT ! 48 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,880 NOTHING'S PERFECT, YOU CRETINS ! 49 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,800 STOP YELLING. YOU'RE GONNA SEND HER INTO LABOR. 50 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:09,640 SHE'S GOING INTO LABOR NOW ! SHE IS NOT ! SHE'S ONLY SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT ! 51 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:12,040 [ Rollerbladers Yelling ] ALL RIGHT, STOP IT ! IT'S CHRISTMAS ! 52 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:16,360 IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. SHOW A LITTLE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT. [ Man ] YOU OWE US 40 BUCKS ! 53 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:20,200 TOUCH ME AND I'LL SUE YOU FOR A MILLION DOLLARS ! [ Indistinct Yelling ] 54 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,560 I'M SURE SANTA WILL REPAY YOU. IT WAS 50 BUCKS, OKAY ? 55 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,920 WE CAN'T EVEN AFFORD TO HAVE OUR BABY. NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID ! 56 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,320 MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, MISTER ! YOU DROVE HIM AWAY ! 57 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:32,680 THIS IS MY BUSINESS. MY BUSINESS IS HELPING PEOPLE. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT ? 58 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,560 MERRY CHRISTMAS ! 59 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,720 [ Sighs ] 60 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,280 [ Woman's Voice ] YOU HAVE REACHED THE OFFICE OF LIFESAVERS. 61 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,200 ALL LINES ARE BUSY. 62 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:13,480 IF YOU ARE TRULY ON THE VERGE OF SUICIDE AND CALLING FROM A TOUCH-TONE PHONE, PRESS ONE. 63 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:17,320 IF YOU ARE MERELY DEPRESSED, STAY ON THE LINE. A FRIENDLY VOICE WILL BE WITH YOU SHORTLY. 64 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:21,160 WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ? I DON'T HAVE A TOUCH-TONE PHONE. 65 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:25,480 SUPPOSE IWASON THE VERGE OF SUICIDE ? [ Sighs ] 66 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,360 [ Phone Rings ] 67 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:31,720 [ Woman ] MERRY CHRISTMAS. LIFESAVERS. HOW MAY WE HELP YOU ? 68 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:34,600 I HAVEN'T SLEPT FOR DAYS. I'M TERRIFIED OF THE SEASIDE STRANGLER. 69 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:38,440 I KNOW HE'S GOING TO GET ME. DO YOU FIT THE PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION OF HIS VICTIMS ? 70 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:42,280 ARE YOU A VERY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN WITH LONG, DARK HAIR ? NOT REALLY. 71 00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:45,640 ALTHOUGH, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IS "LONG" ? AT LEAST TO YOUR SHOULDERS. 72 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:48,040 [ Man Over Static ] I CAN'T STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE PLANET. 73 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:51,400 AND WHAT IS IT ABOUT JANET THAT IS WORRYING YOU ? 74 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,320 NOT JANET, THE PLANET. 75 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:56,680 WOULD YOU CLICK YOUR PHONE ? THERE'S SOME STATIC ON THE LINE. 76 00:04:56,680 --> 00:05:00,520 [ Static Continues ] YOU KNOW, DEAR, JUST CLICK THE LITTLE BUTTON LIKE THIS. 77 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,400 [ Dial Tone ] HMM ! 78 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:07,240 WE'RE NOT PERMITTED TO DIVULGE THE PERSONAL DETAILS OF OUR LIVES, 79 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:10,120 BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE FEELING. 80 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:13,000 DO YOU LIVE ALONE TOO ? 81 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,920 I LIVE WITH MY MOTHER. THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY. 82 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:18,760 CATHERINE, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM ABOUT YOURSELF. 83 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:23,560 OH, I COULD NEVER LIVE WITH MY MOTHER. THAT'S SOMETHING TO REMEMBER. 84 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:27,400 NO MATTER HOW BLEAK THINGS ARE, AT LEAST YOU DON'T LIVE WITH YOUR MOTHER. 85 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:32,200 THANK YOU FOR CALLING AND DON'T HESITATE TO CALL AGAIN. MERRY CHRISTMAS. 86 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:37,000 MAY I CLICK FOR YOU ? I DON'T THINK SO, MRS. MUNCHNIK. 87 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:39,400 THAT PERSON WASN'T SUICIDAL, ONLY DEPRESSED. 88 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,320 BUT IF HE OR SHE HAD NOT SPOKEN WITH YOU, 89 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:46,120 HE OR SHE MIGHT HAVE BECOME SUICIDAL, MIGHTN'T THEY ? [ Counter Clicks ] 90 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:49,000 [ Chuckles ] AND WHERE DO YOU SUPPOSE PHILIP IS ? 91 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:52,840 I'M SURE HE'LL BE HERE SHORTLY. PLAYING AROUND, PROBABLY. 92 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:56,680 THAT'S VERY UNFAIR. PHILIP IS COMPLETELY TRUE TO SUSAN. 93 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:01,480 MEN ARE NOT TRUE TO ANYTHING. THEY WILL HAVE SEX WITH A TREE. 94 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,840 IF YOU LOOK OUT THE WINDOW, YOU'LL SEE HIM PULLING UP ON HIS BICYCLE AT ANY MOMENT. 95 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,240 I COULD BE HAVING CHRISTMAS EVE DINNER RIGHT NOW... 96 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,160 WITH ALL OF MY DEAD HUSBAND'S RELATIVES. 97 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,520 I AM NOT SOMEONE WITH NO PLACE TO GO. 98 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,920 I'M SURE YOU'RE NOT. 99 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,840 [ Phone Rings ] 100 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:19,720 MERRY CHRISTMAS. LIFESAVERS. HOW MAY I HELP YOU ? 101 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,200 PHILIP ! JUST THE MAN I'M LOOKING FOR. 102 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:48,040 MERRY CHRISTMAS. YOU'RE OUT. YOU CAN'T EVICT US. 103 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:52,360 LIFESAVERS HAS SAVED OVER 1,400 LIVES THIS YEAR. DOESN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING ? 104 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,760 PLUS, YOU ARE THREE MONTHS BEHIND IN YOUR RENT. 105 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,680 WE DON'T EXACTLY HAVE A CASH FLOW. 106 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,080 AFTER YOU SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE, YOU CAN'T ASK FOR MONEY. 107 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:02,920 DOCTORS CAN. AREN'T YOU SOME SORT OF DOCTOR, PHILIP ? NO. 108 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:06,280 TELL ME, IN ALL OF YOUR CALLS, HAS ANYBODY IMPALED THEMSELVES ? 109 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:08,680 - NO. - AW ! 110 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:11,560 STANLEY, HOW AM I GONNA TELL THE PEOPLE WHO WORK FOR ME THEIR JOBS ARE OVER ? 111 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,480 TRY "YOU'RE FIRED." IT WORKS FOR ME. 112 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:16,360 DOES ANYONE EVER DRINK GLASS ? WE'RE BROKE. 113 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,280 THE STATE HAS CUT BACK OUR FUNDING. 114 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,680 NO, THEY DON'T DRINK GLASS. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU ? 115 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,560 OH, THEY MUST. THEY MUST WHAT ? 116 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,960 THEY MUST DRINK GLASS. THEY MUST. 117 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:29,800 JANUARY 2. OUT ! YOU DON'T CARE, STANLEY TANENBAUM. 118 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:32,680 YOU'RE ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO DOESN'T CARE. OF COURSE NOT. 119 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:36,520 I'M THE LANDLORD. [ Laughs ] 120 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:47,080 OH, PHILIP, A TREE. 121 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:49,960 MERRY CHRISTMAS. MERRY CHRISTMAS. I'M SO GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT. 122 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,360 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ? I'M FINE ! 123 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:57,160 TEMPER, TEMPER. IT'S JUST THAT EVERYTHING THAT COULD GO WRONG, HAS GONE WRONG. 124 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:01,480 - AT LEAST WE'RE NOT BEING EVICTED. - AND WHY HAVEN'T WE BEEN ? 125 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,400 WHERE ARE THE CALL SHEETS ? EVERYONE ELSE IN THE BUILDING... 126 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,280 HAS RECEIVED A YELLOW EVICTION NOTICE. ONE HANG UP ! 127 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:09,160 DR. GILLESPIE HAS RECEIVED TWO EVICTION NOTICES. 128 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,080 ONE WOMAN WORRIED ABOUT THE STRANGLER. 129 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:13,480 ONE MAN ABOUT TO SLIT HIS WRISTS... [ Bike Clattering ] 130 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:18,280 BECAUSE HIS NONPROFIT BUSINESS IS BEING DESTROYED BY A CAPITALIST MANIAC ! 131 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:21,160 IF WE DO GET EVICTED, I'M SURE PHILIP WILL THINK OF SOMETHING. 132 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,040 THAT'S RIGHT. I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING. WHEN HE WAS IN THE PEACE CORPS, 133 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,440 HE BUILT AN ENTIRE PERUVIAN VILLAGE. 134 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,840 [ Both ] AND SOLVED ALL OF THEIR SOIL EROSION PROBLEMS. 135 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:32,200 YOU COULD SEE THE BRIGHT SIDE OF A PLAGUE. 136 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,600 I'M ON MY WAY. 137 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,520 NOT WITHOUT YOUR PRESENT ! 138 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:42,280 MERRY CHRISTMAS, MRS. MUNCHNIK. 139 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:44,680 A FRUITCAKE ? 140 00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,080 YES. 141 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:50,920 REMARKABLY LIKE THE ONE I GAVE YOU LAST YEAR. 142 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:58,600 THANK YOU SO MUCH, PHILIP. [ Catherine ] OH, LET ME HELP YOU. 143 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,920 %% I'LL BE HOME %% 144 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:06,760 - MERRY CHRISTMAS ! -%% FOR CHRISTMAS %% 145 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,560 %% YOU CAN COUNT ON ME %% 146 00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:13,960 SAY HELLO TO YOUR DEAD HUSBAND'S SISTER FOR ME. THANK YOU, I WILL. 147 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,360 MERRY CHRISTMAS. MERRY CHRISTMAS. 148 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:21,160 %% PLEASE HAVE SNOW %% 149 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:25,480 %% AND MISTLETOE %% 150 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:30,760 %% AND PRESENTS ON THE TREE %%%% 151 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,760 [ Pressing Button ] 152 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:44,680 [ Sighs ] 153 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:52,840 HELP ! 154 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:58,120 HELP ! PHILIP ! CATHERINE ! 155 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,520 IT'S MRS. MUNCHNIK ! 156 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:05,560 HELLO ! 157 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,280 WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT ? 158 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,680 IT'S MY PROTECTION AGAINST THE SEASIDE STRANGLER. 159 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:25,000 OH, GIVE ME THAT, HONEY. WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT GUNS. 160 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:29,800 OH, FELIX, I COULD HAVE SOLD THAT SANTA CLAUS SUIT AND BOUGHT OUR BABY A CAR SEAT. 161 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:34,600 WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A CAR. WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO WEAR ? YOU CUT UP ALL MY CLOTHES. 162 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:38,920 I WAS MAD ! HONEY, YOU WERE MAD THE DAY WE MET. 163 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:43,720 A MAN ON THE BOARDWALK COMES UP TO ME AND SAYS, "SMILE." A TOTAL STRANGER. 164 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:47,080 AND YOU SCREAMED AT HIM, "SHUT UP !" REMEMBER ? 165 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,440 I DID, DIDN'T I ? [ Laughs ] YOU WERE RIGHT TO. 166 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,840 IT WAS A TOTAL INVASION OF YOUR PRIVACY. 167 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,760 [ Laughing ] IT WAS. 168 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:58,120 HEY ! LOOK WHAT I GOT FOR YOU. 169 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:01,480 THIS MEANS WE CAN HAVE THE BABY IN THE HOSPITAL FOR FREE ! 170 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,880 ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS SWEAR WE'RE COMPLETELY BROKE... 171 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:07,240 AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO WAY OF SUPPORTING OURSELVES AND NEVER WILL. 172 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:11,560 OH, GOD ! FELIX, I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS, BUT-- 173 00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:15,400 YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON IN MY WHOLE LIFE WHO'S NEVER HURT MY FEELINGS. 174 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:20,200 YOU'RE A LOSER. I CAN'T HAVE A LOSER DROPPING IN AND OUT OF MY BABY'S LIFE. 175 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,600 I'M NOT A LOSER ! I'M AN ARTIST ! 176 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,480 WHY CAN'T YOU PAINT ON CANVAS OR PAPER LIKE ANYONE ELSE ? 177 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,840 BECAUSE I'M A WALL ARTIST ! BUT YOU DON'T HAVE A WALL ! 178 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,760 BUT SOMEDAY I WILL HAVE A WALL. 179 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:34,600 SOMEDAY I'M GONNA DO MY MASTERPIECE ON A GREAT BIG WALL... 180 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,520 RIGHT OUT THERE ON THE BOARDWALK. 181 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,920 AND YOU'RE GONNA BE IN IT AND THE BABY'S GONNA BE IN IT... 182 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,320 AND THE SAND AND THE SEA AND THE STARS ARE GONNA BE SHINING ! 183 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,720 MMM, I WANT A BUSINESSMAN. 184 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:45,640 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ? 185 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:49,960 I'M TALKING ABOUT BREAKING UP, FELIX. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 186 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:53,320 OH, COME ON, HONEY. I'M LEAVING. 187 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:56,680 WHERE YOU GOING ? I'M GOING FOR A WALK. 188 00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:59,560 GRACIE, HONEY, COME ON. YOU'RE JUST STRESSED. 189 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:03,400 AND DON'T TRY TO FOLLOW ME EITHER ! [ Door Slams ] 190 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,680 SUSAN ! IT'S PHILIP. 191 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:13,000 UH, UH, LET ME JUST GO SOMEWHERE PRIVATE WHERE WE CAN TALK. 192 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,120 [ Door Shuts ] 193 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:25,000 TANENBAUM'S EVICTING US. THE BASTARD ! I'M SORRY, PHILIP. 194 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,400 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET ANOTHER JOB. SUSAN... 195 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,280 I'VE NEVER ASKED YOU FOR MONEY BEFORE, BUT YOU'RE A LOAN OFFICER. 196 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:33,640 AND A SMALL LOAN-- SAY $5,000-- COULD SAVE US. 197 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,040 I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL CATHERINE. 198 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:38,920 SHE'S SITTING OUT THERE KNITTING SOMETHING-- A POTHOLDER. 199 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,280 [ Susan Sighs ] I HATE TO TALK ABOUT MONEY AT A TIME LIKE THIS. 200 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:46,600 A TIME LIKE WHAT ? OH, GOD, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS. 201 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:51,400 THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR ME. MY PSYCHIATRIST THINKS WE SHOULD BREAK UP. 202 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:56,200 WHAT ? I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GOING TO A PSYCHIATRIST. 203 00:12:56,200 --> 00:13:01,000 I'M NOT ACTUALLY GOING TO ONE. I'VE BEEN DATING ONE FOR FOUR MONTHS. 204 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,920 THIS IS SO SUDDEN. 205 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:04,840 I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL YOU THIS OVER THE PHONE. 206 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:09,160 I REALLY WANTED TO FAX YOU. BUT YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A FAX. 207 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,520 [ Dial Tone ] SUSAN ? 208 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,440 SUSAN ? 209 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,040 IT'S SO QUIET SUDDENLY. 210 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,440 YOU'D EXPECT EVERYONE TO BE THINKING OF JUMPING OUT OF WINDOWS... 211 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,840 OR SLITTING THEIR WRISTS ON CHRISTMAS EVE, WOULDN'T YOU ? 212 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,720 [ Phone Rings ] 213 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,600 MERRY CHRISTMAS. LIFESAVERS. HOW MAY WE HELP YOU ? 214 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,520 HELLO ? HELLO ? HELLO ? 215 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,920 [ Static Crackling ] HELLO ? STATIC AGAIN. 216 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:41,320 HELLO ? HELLO ? HELLO ? 217 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:46,120 I CAN'T HEAR YOU. TRY CLICKING THE LITTLE BUTTON. I'M HAVING A PROBLEM HEARING. 218 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,960 LOOK, I'M AT THE END OF MY ROPE, AND I WANT TO DIE. 219 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,360 CLICK IT. CLICK IT, PLEASE. 220 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,280 GO AHEAD. [ Gunshot ] 221 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,200 [ Groans ] 222 00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:00,520 HMM. WE WERE DISCONNECTED. 223 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:04,360 IF A PERSON'S REALLY UPSET, THEY ALWAYS CALL BACK. 224 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:12,040 [ Dial Tone ] IT'S WORKING. 225 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,280 %% OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH %% 226 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:22,600 [ Blows Raspberry ] %% JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS JINGLE ALL THE WAY %% 227 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,960 %% OH, SO MUCH FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN OPEN-HORSE OPEN %% HELP ! 228 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,840 HELP ! HEY ! %%%% [ Indistinct Singing ] 229 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,200 %% I LIKE EATING CHEESE IT TASTES VERY NICE %% HELP ! HELP ! 230 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,080 I'M STUCK UP HERE ! %% EVERYONE LOVES CHEESE ESPECIALLY WHITE MICE %% 231 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:39,400 CAN'T YOU HEAR ME ? HEY, MR. CAPSHAW ! %% JINGLE, JANGLE, JING %% 232 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,800 I'M STUCK UP HERE ! %%%% [ Indistinct Singing, Rude Noises ] 233 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,200 CAN'T YOU HEAR ME ? 234 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:49,000 %% JINGLE, JANGLE, JANG I LIKE TO EAT STEW IT TASTES VERY GOOD %% 235 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,400 %%%% [ Nonsensical Singing ] 236 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,800 - %%%% [ Continues Singing ] - [ Munchnik ] WAIT ! 237 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,680 WAIT ! I'M UP HERE ! 238 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,040 ARE YOU DEAF ? 239 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:04,840 %%%% [ Chipmunks Singing "Christmas, Christmas" ] 240 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:09,640 %%%% [ Chipmunks Continue ] 241 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:20,680 %%%% [ High-Pitched Note ] 242 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:27,880 %%%% [ Toy Trumpet Continues ] 243 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:31,720 %%%% 244 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:38,920 %%%% [ Trumpet Continues ] WE COULD HAVE A CHARITY BALL. 245 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,800 [ Sighs ] WHO WOULD I TAKE ? 246 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,720 WE COULD HAVE A GARAGE SALE. 247 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:46,120 SUSAN HAS ALL MY OLD RECORDS. 248 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,040 [ Groans ] OH, GEEZ ! 249 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:52,360 [ Ringing ] A CALL ! I'LL GET IT ! 250 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:57,160 [ Ringing Continues ] 251 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,480 LINE ONE. 252 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,400 [ Clears Throat ] 253 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,800 HELLO, THIS IS LIFESAVERS. MERRY CHRISTMAS. 254 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:09,160 AM I DISTURBING YOU ? NO, NO, NO, NOT AT ALL. 255 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,560 I'M VERY LONELY TONIGHT. 256 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:14,440 IS THERE ANY CHANCE I COULD STOP BY AND TALK ? 257 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:19,240 WELL, IT'S NOT IN THE RULES, BUT IF YOU ARE WILLING TO MAKE A DONATION-- SAY, FIVE GRAND-- 258 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:21,640 [ Gasps ] I'M KIDDING ! 259 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,040 EVERYONE MAKES FUN OF ME. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. 260 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,400 PLEASE, CAN'T I COME BY ? I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE. 261 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,760 NO. NO, NO, NO. WE HAVE RULES, BUT WE'RE LISTENING. 262 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:33,640 EVERYONE AT LIFESAVERS IS WITH YOU. 263 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:35,560 TALK TO US. 264 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:38,440 [ Caller Sobbing ] I'M SO ALONE. "SO ALONE." 265 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,360 IS THERE ANYONE IN YOUR FAMILY YOU CAN CALL ? 266 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:43,240 NO, THEY HATE ME. HATE YOU. WHAT ABOUT CHURCH ? 267 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:46,600 PLEASE, CAN'T I STOP BY ? 268 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,480 [ Caller Sniffling ] I'LL ONLY STAY A MINUTE. I NEED TO SEE SOMEONE. 269 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,360 [ Sobbing ] PLEASE, JUST GIVE ME THE ADDRESS. 270 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,760 [ Continues Sobbing ] 271 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,160 I CANNOT GIVE OUT THE ADDRESS. 272 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,080 [ Sobbing ] IT'S CHRISTMAS. 273 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:03,880 [ Sobbing ] 274 00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:07,240 [ Sobbing Continues ] 275 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,600 IT'S 17 PIER STREET ! THANK YOU. 276 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,000 I'LL BE RIGHT OVER. [ Hangs Up Receiver ] 277 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,800 [ Sniffs, Sighs ] 278 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:22,600 %% ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME %% 279 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:26,440 %% A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE %% 280 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,840 %% ON THE SECOND DAY OF CHRISTMAS %% 281 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,680 %% MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME %% HEY, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER ! 282 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,600 COME ON, HANG SOME TINSEL. 283 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:37,960 DAD, I HATE IT WHEN YOU CALL ME THAT. 284 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:40,360 [ Family Chanting ] ARNOLD ! ARNOLD ! ARNOLD ! 285 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:46,120 ARNOLD ! ARNOLD ! ARNOLD ! ARNOLD ! ARNOLD ! ARNOLD ! 286 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:52,840 %% ON THE THIRD DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME %%%% 287 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:56,200 [ Voice Amplified ] TESTING. TESTING. ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR. 288 00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:01,000 HELP ! YOO-HOO ! 289 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,920 %%%% [ Electronic Cymbals ] 290 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:04,840 HEY ! 291 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:08,680 HEY ! HEY-HEY ! 292 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:13,000 %%%% [ Drum Cadence ] HEY-- HE-HEY ! 293 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,920 YOO-HOO ! 294 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,320 %%%% [ Cadence Speeds Up ] HEY ! 295 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:21,160 HEY ! %%%% [ Cymbals, Cadence Continues ] 296 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:24,040 [ Rapping ] %% I'M STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR %% 297 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,440 %%%% [ Cymbals Clanging ] HEY ! 298 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,320 %%%% [ Cadence Continues ] %% I'M STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR GET ME PLEASE %% 299 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,240 ? %% COME TO GET ME ON CHRISTMAS EVE ? 300 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,640 ? %% MRS. MUNCHNIK SITTIN' HERE WITH NOTHIN' ? 301 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:36,520 %% HEY, COME TO GET ME-- %%? ? [ Sobbing ] 302 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:41,800 %%%% [ Cymbals, New Cadence ] OH ! GOD. WHOA ! HEY ! 303 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:46,600 %% COME-- NOW COME TO GET ME STUCK IN THIS PLACE %% 304 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,960 %% GET ME SOON OR HIT ME IN MY FACE %%%% 305 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,840 [ Whimpers, Indistinct Muttering ] 306 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,240 I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID IT ! 307 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:59,080 I BROKE THE RULE. I GAVE OUT OUR ADDRESS. I HATE IT WHEN THEY CRY. 308 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:01,960 ESPECIALLY WHEN THE CRIES HAVE THOSE LITTLE HICCUPS AT THE END. 309 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,880 THIS IS THE WORSE DAY OF MY LIFE. 310 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,280 IT'S THE SANTA ANAS. EVERYONE'S BEHAVING STRANGELY. 311 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:10,120 WHAT IF HE'S A SERIAL KILLER ? WHAT IF I GAVE OUR ADDRESS TO THE SEASIDE STRANGLER ? 312 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,040 I DON'T THINK THE SEASIDE STRANGLER PHONES FIRST, 313 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:15,880 ALTHOUGH IT COULD BE ONE OF THOSE DETAILS THEY LEAVE OUT OF THE NEWSPAPERS. 314 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,760 [ Phone Rings ] 315 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,680 I'LL HANDLE THIS. 316 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:25,960 [ Ringing Continues ] 317 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:32,200 HELLO, THIS IS LIFESAVERS. MERRY CHRISTMAS. HOW MAY I HELP YOU ? 318 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:36,040 [ Man ] HELLO. I'M CALLING YOU BECAUSE THIS IS MY LAST CHRISTMAS. 319 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,440 "YOUR LAST CHRISTMAS." CONTINUE. 320 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:41,800 I HAVE LEUKEMIA. I HAVE ONLY TWO MONTHS TO LIVE. 321 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,120 HELLO ? 322 00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,000 LEUKEMIA. I'M SO SORRY, SIR. 323 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,920 MAY I SPEAK TO A WOMAN ? 324 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,800 MAY I WISH A WOMAN MERRY CHRISTMAS ? 325 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:57,640 ABSOLUTELY. AND MAY I SAY THAT I ADMIRE YOUR COURAGE. 326 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,040 ALL OF US HERE DO. HERE IS MY COLLEAGUE. 327 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,880 HELLO. MERRY CHRISTMAS, IF IT'S ALL RIGHT TO SAY THAT. 328 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,280 [ Caller ] WHAT'S YOUR NAME ? CATHERINE. 329 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:10,600 I WANT TO DO IT TO YOU. I WANT TO STICK IT IN YOU RIGHT NOW ! 330 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,000 DID HE SAY, "STICK IT IN" ? OH, I'M REAMING AND RAMMING ! 331 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,880 [ Caller Panting ] OH, YOU LOVE IT ! STOP IT, RIGHT THIS MINUTE ! 332 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,800 WE CAN'T HAVE THAT SORT OF THING ! [ Humming, Making Noise ] 333 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,680 PUT THE SLUT BACK ON ! [ Doorbell Buzzing ] 334 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:25,480 [ Man's Voice ] DOG HATERS, THAT AWFUL WOMAN IS STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR. 335 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:29,320 STUCK. I HOPE FOREVER. [ Munchnik Shouting ] I'M STUCK ! 336 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,240 [ Gasps ] WE'RE COMING, MRS. MUNCHNIK ! 337 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,160 [ Man ] I HOPE IT TAKES THEM YEARS TO GET YOU OUT. 338 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:36,520 IT'LL SERVE YOU RIGHT FOR REPORTING DAISY TO THE LANDLORD. 339 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,360 SHE PRACTICALLY GAVE ME RABIES ! YOU DON'T "PRACTICALLY" GET RABIES. 340 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:43,720 YOU EITHER GET RABIES OR YOU DON'T GET RABIES. THERE'S NO IN BETWEEN. 341 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,120 [ Phone Ringing ] I'LL GET THAT ! 342 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:49,000 [ Philip ] WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM ? I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW. 343 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:52,840 I AM A TRAINED MECHANIC, AND I WOULD HAPPILY FIX ANY ELEVATOR... 344 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,240 THAT DIDN'T HAVE A DOG HATER STUCK IN IT ! 345 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,640 I'LL CHECK THE CIRCUIT BREAKER BOX. 346 00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:00,040 WELL, WHO WAS THAT ? ANOTHER BASKET CASE ? 347 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,440 THAT WAS YOUR DEAD HUSBAND'S SISTER. 348 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,320 THEY'RE STARTING DINNER WITHOUT YOU. LUCKY THEM ! 349 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,200 [ Catherine ] I'M CALLING THE LANDLORD. DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW... 350 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:12,520 WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON BETWEEN YOU AND THOSE DOGS ! 351 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,880 STANLEY, IF YOU COULD JUST COME OVER, PLEASE. I CAN'T. 352 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,280 PLEASE, STANLEY ? SHE CAN'T SPEND CHRISTMAS IN AN ELEVATOR. I CAN'T ! 353 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,200 IN A COUPLE OF HOURS. THANK YOU. 354 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,120 [ Rings ] HELLO. LIFESAVERS. 355 00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:24,040 CATHERINE. OH, HI, GRACIE. 356 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:27,400 FINALLY, YOU'RE OFF THE PHONE. DON'T YOU EVER STOP YAKKING ? 357 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,800 WE'RE SUPPOSED TO TALK ON THE PHONE. THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE. 358 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,200 YES. RIGHT. IS SOMETHING WRONG ? 359 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,600 YOU'VE GOT TO LET ME SPEND THE NIGHT AT YOUR PLACE. 360 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,000 FELIX IS ACTING TOTALLY IRRATIONAL. 361 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:41,800 HE RAN OFF IN MY SANTA SUIT, WHICH I COULD HAVE SOLD TODAY. WHAT ? 362 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:45,640 IT'S NOT THE FUSE BOX. OF COURSE IT'S NOT THE FUSE BOX ! 363 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,040 IT IS A SHORT INSIDE. 364 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,440 I SAW AN ELECTRICIAN FIX IT LAST WEEK. 365 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:54,280 ALL YOU NEED IS A SCREWDRIVER, AND I WILL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. 366 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,680 I THINK THERE'S ONE IN THE EARTHQUAKE KIT. 367 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:58,600 CATHERINE ! 368 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,480 HOLD ON A SECOND, GRACIE ! WHAT IS IT, PHILIP ? 369 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,360 WOULD YOU GET THE SCREWDRIVER OUT OF THE EARTHQUAKE KIT ? OH. 370 00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:07,240 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT ! DO YOU REALLY THINK WE OUGHT TO USE IT ? 371 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:11,080 SUPPOSE WE TAKE IT OUT AND FORGET TO PUT IT BACK AND THEN THE BIG ONE COMES ? 372 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,960 THERE'S A LAW THAT ALL BUSINESSES, EVEN NONPROFIT, 373 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,360 HAVE TO HAVE COMPLETE EARTHQUAKE KITS. GET IT ! 374 00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:19,240 I'LL GET IT ! 375 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,600 COME HERE FIRST, AND I'LL TAKE YOU OVER TO MOTHER'S. SHE'LL BE TERRIFIED IF YOU RING THE BELL. 376 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,960 WHY ? IS SHE GONNA THINK I'M THE SEASIDE STRANGLER ? 377 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:29,800 SHE IS A LITTLE NERVOUS. DOES SHE FIT THE DESCRIPTIONS OF THE VICTIMS ? 378 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:32,680 UH, NOT REALLY. FOR ME ? THEN WHY IS SHE CARRYING ON ? 379 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:37,000 THERE HE IS. I'M NEVER SPEAKING TO HIM AGAIN, EVEN IF HE BEGS. GRACIE ? 380 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,880 GRACIE ? GRACIE ? [ Felix ] GRACIE ! YOO-HOO ! 381 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,280 GRACIE ! 382 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:44,680 HONEY, COME ON ! COME HOME. COME BACK TO ME. 383 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:49,480 I'LL GET A REGULAR JOB. YOU HAD A REGULAR JOB MAKING PIZZA AND YOU MESSED IT UP. 384 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:52,840 THE MANAGER HATED ME. YOU NEVER SHOWED UP ON TIME ! 385 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:58,120 I'M A WALL ARTIST ! YOU'RE A WALL ARTIST WITH NO WALL, WHICH MAKES YOU A NOTHING ! 386 00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:00,040 YEAH, YOU TELL HIM, LADY. HE RUINED OUR TREE. 387 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:03,400 SHUT UP ! YOU'RE BOTH MATERIALISTIC IDIOTS ! 388 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,800 YEAH ! HEY ! [ Grunting ] 389 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,720 HOLD ON. 390 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,400 IT'S PAJAMAS. AH. 391 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,280 I KNITTED THEM. 392 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,640 THANK YOU. EVERYONE'S ALWAYS GIVING THE BRIDE THINGS TO WEAR TO BED, 393 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,520 BUT NO ONE EVER GIVES THE GROOM ANYTHING. 394 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:39,880 THE THING IS, I'M NEVER GETTING MARRIED. 395 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,760 OF COURSE YOU ARE. YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED IN FOUR MONTHS. 396 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,640 BE PATIENT. EVERYTHING COMES TO HIM WHO WAITS. 397 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,560 I DON'T REALLY BELIEVE THAT. 398 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,920 I'VE BEEN SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT FOR SO LONG, THEY JUST POP OUT. 399 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,320 BUT THE TRUTH IS NOTHING COMES TO HIM WHO WAITS. 400 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:58,600 [ Phone Ringing ] 401 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,480 MERRY CHRISTMAS. LIFESAVERS. 402 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,360 HELLO. I'M SO UPSET. I'M LISTENING. 403 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:08,680 I WAS IN THE SUPERMARKET AND EVERYONE WAS BUYING BIG TURKEYS, 404 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:12,520 AND I WAS STANDING IN THE TEN-ITEMS-AND-UNDER LINE WITH A CHICKEN BREAST. 405 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,440 I KNOW. 406 00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:19,720 I SUDDENLY REALIZED I WAS GOING TO BE IN THE TEN-ITEMS-AND-UNDER LINE THE REST OF MY LIFE. 407 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:22,600 [ Sighs ] 408 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,520 I KNOW. 409 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,880 [ Sobbing ] ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ? 410 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:31,720 [ Sobbing ] CATHERINE, WHAT'S WRONG ? 411 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:35,560 - [ Continues Crying ] - LET ME HANDLE THIS. 412 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:39,400 [ Sobbing ] 413 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,320 MAY I HELP YOU ? IS SHE ALL RIGHT ? 414 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:43,240 SHE'LL BE ALL RIGHT. SHE'S JUST SO SYMPATHETIC. 415 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,640 MAY I PUT YOU ON HOLD WHILE I RUN TO MY DESK ? 416 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:47,560 YOU'RE NOT CALLING FROM A BRIDGE OR HOLDING A WEAPON ? 417 00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:49,480 NO. GOOD. 418 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,840 [ Sobbing ] 419 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:58,600 %% HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS %% 420 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,000 CATHERINE O'SHAUGHNESSY, GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF. 421 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:04,360 OKAY, SO THE ONLY PRESENT YOU GOT IS FROM YOUR MOTHER. 422 00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:08,680 SO ? YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO ON NEW YEAR'S EVE FOR THE TENTH CONSECUTIVE YEAR. 423 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:12,520 YOU'RE A VERY LUCKY PERSON. YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL JOB AND-- 424 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:16,840 YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL JOB. SO THERE. SO THERE ! 425 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:21,160 %% HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS %% 426 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:24,040 %% NOW %%%% 427 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:28,840 [ Philip ] WELL, JUST REMEMBER THAT IN EVERY POTHOLE THERE IS HOPE. 428 00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:34,120 WELL, YOU SEE, POTHOLE IS SPELLED P-O-T-H-O-L-E. 429 00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:37,960 SO IF YOU TAKE THE "P" AND ADD IT TO THE "H," THE "O" AND THE "E"... 430 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,360 AND REARRANGE THE LETTERS, OR CONTRARIWISE, 431 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:44,680 REMOVE THE "O," "T" AND "L," YOU GET "HOPE." 432 00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:46,600 SO, JUST REMEMBER, 433 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,520 "IN EVERY POTHOLE THERE IS HOPE." 434 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:52,840 NOW, THANK YOU FOR CALLING AND CALL AGAIN ANY TIME. 435 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,680 ARE YOU FEELING BETTER ? 436 00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,080 IN EVERY POTHOLE THERE IS HOPE. 437 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:02,920 MY FATHER USED TO SAY THAT TO ME. I REMEMBER. 438 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:06,760 HE SAID IT TO ME ONLY A DAY OR TWO BEFORE HE WALKED OUT THE DOOR AND WAS RUN OVER.... 439 00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:08,680 BY A TRUCK FULL OF MIXED NUTS. TRUCK FULL OF MIXED NUTS. 440 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:12,040 OH, I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU. 441 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:22,120 MERRY CHRISTMAS, CATHERINE. OH, PHILIP ! 442 00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:24,040 - THANK YOU ! - [ Gasps ] 443 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,920 FRUIT OF THE MONTH CLUB. FOR THREE MONTHS. 444 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:40,840 FIRST YOU GET APPLES, THEN YOU GET ORANGES, THEN YOU GET PEARS. 445 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:42,760 I'LL TAKE THAT WRAPPING. IT'S OKAY. I SAVE THE WRAPPING. 446 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,640 I SAVE IT TOO. I MAKE ORNAMENTS. 447 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,040 I PAID FOR IT ! GIVE IT TO ME ! GIVE IT TO ME. 448 00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,960 GIVE IT TO ME. 449 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:55,240 PHILIP, WHAT'S THIS ? THIS IS AN EVICTION NOTICE. 450 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,640 THIS SAYS WE HAVE TO BE OUT OF THE BUILDING BY THE END OF THE YEAR. 451 00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,040 OH, MY GOSH ! OH, MY GOSH ! 452 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,440 OH, MY GOSH ! IT'S CHRISTMAS ! I DIDN'T WANT TO UPSET YOU ! 453 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:04,840 WE HAVE TO MOVE ! WE HAVE TO FIND SOMEPLACE ! 454 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:08,200 WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY. PHILIP, YOU CAN SOLVE THIS. I KNOW YOU CAN. 455 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,600 WHEN THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES WAS GOING TO CHOP DOWN HEALTHY ELM TREES... 456 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,480 JUST IN CASE THEY GOT DUTCH ELM DISEASE, YOU HANDCUFFED YOURSELF TO A TREE-- 457 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:16,360 AND CALLED THE NEWSPAPER ! I'LL CALL THE NEWSPAPER ! 458 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,680 TWO WEEKS FROM NOW I'LL BE HOME, UNEMPLOYED, WITH MY ROYAL RIVIERA PEARS. 459 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:24,520 MAY I HAVE THE NUMBER OF THE LOS ANGELESTIMES ? I'M GONNA PRAY FOR A MIRACLE. 460 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:26,440 THANK YOU. 461 00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:32,200 [ Munchnik ] HEY, DICKHEADS ! I'M COMING, MRS. MUNCHNIK ! 462 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:35,560 DON'T TELL HER ANYTHING ! GET ME OUT OF THIS ELEVATOR ! 463 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,960 [ Woman's Voice ] YOU HAVE REACHED THE LOS ANGELESTIMES. 464 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:41,320 IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO ORDER A SUBSCRIPTION, PLEASE PRESS ONE. 465 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:44,680 IF YOUR NEWSPAPER DID NOT ARRIVE THIS MORNING, PRESS TWO. 466 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:48,040 IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO PLACE A CLASSIFIED AD, PRESS THREE. 467 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:52,360 IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK TO THE EDITORIAL DESK, CITY DESK, NATIONAL DESK, 468 00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:56,200 INTERNATIONAL DESK, SPORTS DESK, METRO, VIEW OR CALENDAR SECTIONS, 469 00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,080 PRESS THE FIRST THREE LETTERS OF THE DESK YOU DESIRE... 470 00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:02,440 FOLLOWED BY THE STAR KEY IN THE CASE OF THE FIRST THREE, 471 00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,800 OR THE POUND KEY IN THE CASE OF THE LATTER FIVE. [ Munchnik ] HELP ! 472 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,200 I'M COMING ! I'M COMING ! 473 00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:16,120 HERE YOU GO. I'LL JUST PULL YOU THROUGH THE ROOF. I GOT YA, I GOT YA. 474 00:28:16,120 --> 00:28:19,480 - [ Gasping ] - I CALLED THE LANDLORD. HE'LL BE HERE IN TWO HOURS. 475 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:22,360 I CAN'T WAIT TWO HOURS ! I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM ! 476 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,600 JUST HANG ON. WE'LL HAVE YOU OUT IN A MINUTE. I CAN'T HOLD IT ! HURRY UP ! 477 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:36,280 OH, MY GOD ! OH, MY GOD ! [ Screaming ] 478 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:39,160 [ Screaming ] 479 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:42,040 [ Screaming ] 480 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:46,360 - [ Catherine ] PHILIP, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ? - DO I LOOK LIKE I'M ALL RIGHT ? 481 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:49,720 I'M SLIPPING ! I'M GOING TO CRASH ! HOLD ONTO MY WRIST ! 482 00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:53,560 YOU'RE HURTING MY WRIST. BRING THE ELEVATOR BACK ! BRING IT BACK ! 483 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:55,960 [ Philip ] YOU HAVE TWO INNOCENT PEOPLE UP HERE DANGLING ! 484 00:28:55,960 --> 00:29:00,280 [ Munchnik ] WHO'S DOWN THERE ? WHOEVER YOU ARE, STOP ON FOUR ! 485 00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:04,120 NO, THREE ! THREE ! STOP ON THREE, NOT FOUR ! 486 00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:07,000 GRACIE, COME ON ! WHERE YOU GOIN' ? 487 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:10,360 [ Munchnik Screaming ] IT'S COMING BACK ! WE'RE GONNA BE CRUSHED ! 488 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:13,240 DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO SUSAN ? ANY LAST WORDS ? 489 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:16,120 SHE BROKE UP WITH ME ! 490 00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,520 [ Gasping, Tapping Feet ] 491 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:23,800 [ Munchnik Shouting ] PUSH STOP ! PUSH THE RED BUTTON ! 492 00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:28,600 WHAT RED BUTTON ? IS SOMEONE TALKIN' TO ME ? I'M TALKIN' TO YOU ! 493 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,480 H-HELP. HELP ! PUSH THE RED BUTTON ! DON'T YOU HEAR ME ? 494 00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:34,360 [ Philip Shouting ] GOD, HELP ! WE'RE GONNA DIE ! WE'RE GONNA DIE ! 495 00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:36,280 WE'RE DEAD ! I KNEW IT ! [ Hysterical Crying ] 496 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:38,680 PLEASE SAVE US ! OH, MY GOD ! OH, MY GOD ! 497 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:41,560 [ Screaming ] NO ! NO ! NO ! 498 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,840 AH, GRACIE, COME ON ! COME ON, HONEY ! 499 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:50,680 I PROMISE I'LL BE A GOOD GUY. I'LL EVEN GIVE YOU THE SANTA SUIT BACK. 500 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:53,080 - I HAVE TO PEE ! HELP ! - HERE IT IS. 501 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,000 I'M TAKING OFF THE GOOFY BOOT THINGS. LET ME IN ! 502 00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,400 ARE YOU OKAY ? [ Gasps ] OH, PLEASE ! 503 00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:00,760 PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON, FELIX. OPEN THIS DOOR NOW ! 504 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:04,600 [ Philip ] WE HAVE AN EMPLOYEE WHO DESPERATELY NEEDS TO GET IN. [ All Grunting ] 505 00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:16,120 LET ME IN RIGHT NOW ! OH ! I'M IN AGONY ! 506 00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:19,000 WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ? 507 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:24,760 [ Hysterical Screaming, Sobbing ] 508 00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:31,480 YOUNG LADY, THIS RESTROOM IS PROPERTY OF LIFESAVERS ! 509 00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:35,320 - YOU LET ME-- [ Screaming ] - CALM DOWN. MY GOD. 510 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,240 YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET SO EXCITED. PLEASE COME HOME. 511 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:40,120 I'M NEVER COMING BACK ! FELIX, WOULD YOU PLEASE GET DRESSED ? 512 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:42,520 DO YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE ? YES. GRACIE, THIS IS PHILIP. 513 00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:44,440 FELIX, PHILIP. HI. YEAH, WE MET. 514 00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:46,360 WE HAVE ? YEAH, WHEN YOU CRASHED INTO THE TREE. 515 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:49,720 YOUCRASHED INTO THE TREE. YEAH, SO WE MET. 516 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:52,120 AND THIS IS MRS. MUNCHNIK. [ Urinating ] 517 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,480 OH, HELLO. [ Continues Urinating ] 518 00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,360 [ Urinating Continues ] WELL... 519 00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,760 YOU TWO HAD BETTER MAKE UP BEFORE THAT BABY COMES. 520 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:05,080 WELL, I HAVE TWO MONTHS TO THINK ABOUT IT, OKAY ? DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. 521 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,960 - YOU'RE GOING TO DROP ANY DAY. - IT DOES LOOK LARGE. 522 00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:11,320 OF COURSE. IT'S MINE. I JUST GOT OUT OF PRISON SEVEN MONTHS AGO. 523 00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:15,160 AND YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD BE THE FATHER ? WHAT ? 524 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:17,560 EXCUSE ME ? IS IT TRUE ? 525 00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,440 IS WHAT TRUE ? WHAT SHE SAID. IS IT TRUE ? 526 00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:22,360 I'M A SLUT NOW, FELIX ? WHO'S THE FATHER ? 527 00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:24,280 HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, NO ! THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT ! 528 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:27,640 WAIT A MINUTE ! THIS IS A NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION ! [ Gracie, Felix Yelling ] 529 00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:31,000 THERE ARE LAWS AGAINST THIS ! FELIX, YOU'RE A MANIAC ! 530 00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:37,240 OH, GRACIE, LOOK WHAT YOU DID. 531 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:39,160 HE'S BLEEDING ! 532 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:45,880 [ Chuckles ] HELLO, EVELYN ? YES, I'M FINALLY OUT. 533 00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:49,240 FELIX WILL NEED STITCHES. WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE HIM TO THE HOSPITAL. 534 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:53,560 WHO'S GONNA PAY FOR IT ? WE CAN'T EVEN AFFORD TO HAVE OUR BABY IN A HOSPITAL. 535 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:55,960 I KNOW. WE'LL TAKE HIM TO THE VET. DR. KINSKY WILL HELP US. 536 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,320 [ Munchnik ] YES, I'LL BE THERE IN JUST A FEW MINUTES. 537 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:01,240 [ Clears Throats ] JUST A MINUTE. 538 00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:05,080 WHAT IS IT ? YOU'LL HAVE TO STAY AND COVER THE PHONES WHILE WE'RE OUT. 539 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:08,920 I'M GOING TO HAVE TO STAY AND COVER THE PHONE-- THEY WANT ME TO STAY LONGER. 540 00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:12,280 IS THAT INCREDIBLE ? MRS. MUNCHNIK, YOU HAVE DRIVEN THIS MAN INTO A FRENZY. 541 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,200 IT WAS LIKE LIGHTING DRY LEAVES WITH A MATCH ! 542 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:17,080 YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY. THEY'RE MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY. 543 00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:22,360 I WILL BE AT YOUR HOUSE SOMETIME BEFORE NEXT CHRISTMAS ! BUT THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY. 544 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:25,240 THANK YOU. ARE YOU COMING, GRACIE ? YOU'RE OKAY. 545 00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:29,080 NO WAY. [ Philip ] JUST RELAX, FELIX. YOU'LL LIKE DR. KINSKY. 546 00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:32,920 HE'S NOT JUST A FRIEND, HE PUT MY DOG TO SLEEP. 547 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:36,760 [ Philip Groaning ] [ Liquid Bubbling ] 548 00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:41,080 [ Blowing Bubbles ] 549 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:47,320 [ Bubbling Continues ] 550 00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:51,640 IF YOU GO INTO LABOR OR ANYTHING ALONG THOSE LINES, 551 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:54,040 JUST DON'T EXPECT ANY HELP FROM ME. 552 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:55,960 I AM NOT A MIDWIFE. 553 00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:58,360 I NEVER EXPECT HELP. 554 00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,680 [ Philip ] DR. KINSKY'S AN EXPERT ON POTBELLY PIGS. 555 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:06,520 YOU OUGHT TO GET ONE, CATHERINE. YOU CAN HOUSE TRAIN THEM, AND THEY CAN FIND FUNGI. 556 00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:10,360 IF THEY GET IN BED WITH YOU, THEY STICK THEIR NOSE UNDER THE COVERS AND ROOT. 557 00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,280 I HATE PIGS. HOW CAN YOU HATE PIGS ? 558 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:16,120 THEY HAVE THOSE CUTE LITTLE, CURLY TAILS. I HATE THEIR CUTE TAILS. 559 00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,520 %% HELLO, CATHERINE %%%% 560 00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,920 HELLO, LOUIE. I WAS JUST COMING UPSTAIRS TO SEE YOU. 561 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:22,840 I GOT A PRESENT FOR YOU. SOMETHING... 562 00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:27,160 %%%% %% PERSONAL %%%% 563 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:29,560 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. WE'RE JUST TAKING THIS MAN TO THE VET. 564 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:31,480 IS HE RABID ? [ Philip ] HARDLY. 565 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:33,880 HE'S SIMPLY A POOR, UNEMPLOYED PERSON IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP. 566 00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:36,280 THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT OLD YELLER. [ Giggles ] 567 00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:39,160 I'LL SEE YOU LATER, LOUIE. 568 00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:44,440 %% I'LL BE WAITING %%%% 569 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:55,000 %%%% [ Humming "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" ] 570 00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:57,880 [ Sighs ] 571 00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:03,640 %%%% [ Continues Humming ] 572 00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:08,920 CAN I USE YOUR SCISSORS INSTEAD OF THESE ONES ? OH, YES. 573 00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:10,840 %%%% [ Continues Humming ] 574 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:15,640 DO YOU MIND IF I CUT UP YOUR EVICTION NOTICE ? THAT WOULD BE JUST FINE. 575 00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:18,040 [ Sighs ] DO YOU HAVE ANY TAPE ? 576 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:20,920 I THINK THERE'S SOME IN THAT DRAWER. %%%% [ Continues Humming ] 577 00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:23,800 WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE ! OH, MY G-- 578 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:27,160 OH, THAT PHILIP ! [ Gasps ] 579 00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:30,520 HOW DARE HE NOT TELL ANYONE ! HE IS GOING TO PAY FOR THIS ! 580 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:34,360 HE IS GOING TO PAY FOR THIS OR MY NAME IS NOT... 581 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,240 BLANCHE MUNCHNIK ! 582 00:34:37,240 --> 00:34:39,640 %%%% [ Continues Humming ] 583 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:44,440 %%%% [ Cats Mewing, Dogs Barking "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" ] 584 00:34:49,240 --> 00:34:51,640 HERE, LIE DOWN. 585 00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:54,040 [ Rings Bell ] DR. KINSKY ? [ Dog Barking ] 586 00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:55,960 HELLO ? 587 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:57,880 [ Dogs Barking ] 588 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,280 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 589 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:03,160 IS ANYONE HERE ? MARSHALL ? 590 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:06,520 DR. KINSKY ? MERRY CHRISTMAS. WHAT ? OH ! 591 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:08,440 HI, PHILIP. I CAN'T TALK. I'M IN A RUSH. 592 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:10,840 WE GOT A PROBLEM. YOU GOTTA HELP. I CAN'T. I GOTTA GO. 593 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:13,720 FELIX IS BLEEDING LIKE CRAZY. HE WAS HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A FRUITCAKE. 594 00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:16,600 HOW'D THAT HAPPEN ? LOVERS' QUARREL. 595 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,000 PHILIP, PLEASE, DON'T GO ANTHROPOMORPHIC ON ME. 596 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,880 I'M UP TO MY EYEBALLS IN PEOPLE THAT THINK THAT ANIMALS HAVE FEELINGS. 597 00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:25,240 - I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND. - COME ON, I'LL HELP YOU. I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. 598 00:35:25,240 --> 00:35:27,640 JUST DO ME A FAVOR. SPARE ME THE MELODRAMA. 599 00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:30,520 TAKE FELIX OUT OF HIS BOX, PUT HIM IN HERE. 600 00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:32,920 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. TAKE FELIX OUT OF HIS BOX. 601 00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,800 HI, PEPPER, GINGER, VINNY, DUKE, SCOTTY, BILLY. [ All Bark ] 602 00:35:37,720 --> 00:35:40,120 HI. HI, HI. I'M RUNNING LATE. 603 00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:42,520 WHAT IS IT NOW ? A CAT WITH A CONCUSSION. 604 00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:45,880 THAT'S THE WAY IT'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE, ISN'T IT ? THE ANIMALS ALWAYS COME FIRST ! 605 00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:48,280 WELL, MERRY CHRISTMAS ! NOT THAT YOU EVEN CELEBRATE IT ! 606 00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:51,640 W-W-WAIT ! WAIT ! NO, WAIT ! HEY ! OH ! 607 00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:53,560 [ Dog Barking ] 608 00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:57,400 A PERSON NAMED FELIX. 609 00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:00,280 BEFORE THERE WERE CATS NAMED FELIX, THERE WERE PEOPLE NAMED FELIX. 610 00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:03,160 YOU'LL FIND, IF YOU LOOK THAT UP, THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE. 611 00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:06,040 HI, PANCHO. HI, LITTLE PANCHO. 612 00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:08,440 YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY. YOU DON'T HAVE A DREAM. 613 00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,840 ALL YOU WANT IS FOOD AND LOVE. IT'S ALL I WANT. 614 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:12,760 I WANT TO BE A WALL ARTIST. 615 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:14,680 YOU CAN MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY BY CHASING A STICK. 616 00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:18,520 I HAVE TO RAISE $5,000 OR I'M GOING TO HURT TWO PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT. 617 00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:20,920 I CARE ABOUT GRACIE. I CARE ABOUT VANESSA. 618 00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:24,280 I CARE ABOUT CATHERINE AND MRS. MUNCHNIK. WHAT ABOUT SUSAN ? 619 00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:26,200 SUSAN'S GONE. GRACIE'S GONE. 620 00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:28,600 VANESSA'S GONE. GIVE UP WOMEN, PANCHO. 621 00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,480 - TOMORROW HE WILL. - OOH, THAT'S GOTTA HURT. 622 00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:34,360 OH, NO. ONCE HE TAKES A COUPLE OF THESE, HE WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT HIM. 623 00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:38,200 WE NEVER KNOW WHAT HITS US, THEN ONE DAY WE'RE TALKING IN FALSETTO. 624 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:42,040 STAY. LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. 625 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:45,400 HOW MANY PILLOWS DOES SUSAN HAVE ON HER BED ? ABOUT 12. 626 00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:49,720 SEE ? WHAT IS IT WITH WOMEN AND PILLOWS ? HOW MANY DO YOU NEED ? 627 00:36:49,720 --> 00:36:53,080 HOW MANY DO YOU NEED ? TWO ! ONE FOR YOU AND ONE FOR HER ! 628 00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:57,880 YEAH. VANESSA HAS ALL THESE PILLOWS ! 629 00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:00,280 SHE'S GOT ROUND ONES. SHE'S GOT HEART-SHAPED ONES. 630 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:04,600 SHE'S GOT-- SHE'S GOT THOSE PILLOWS WITH THE... STUFF AROUND THE EDGES. 631 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:06,520 - RUFFLES ? - YEAH. 632 00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:08,920 SO YOU WANT TO GO TO BED, YOU GOTTA TAKE ALL THE PILLOWS OFF ! 633 00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:11,320 THEN IN THE MORNING, YOU GOTTA PUT THEM ALL BACK ON ! 634 00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:13,720 WHAT IS THE POINT ? MARSHALL ! 635 00:37:13,720 --> 00:37:16,120 LIFESAVERS IS ABOUT TO GO UNDER. I DON'T CARE ABOUT PILLOWS ! 636 00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:19,480 [ Clattering ] 637 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,400 WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM ? OH, MY GOD ! 638 00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:24,280 COME ON. COME ON ! GET UP ! GET UP ! FELIX ! FELIX ! FELIX ! 639 00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:26,680 WHAT HAPPENED ? HE TOOK AN OVERDOSE OF DOG TRANQUILIZERS ! 640 00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:28,120 OH, MY GOSH, FELIX ! 641 00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:31,480 GET HIM UP ! GET OUTTA THE WAY ! WALK HIM AROUND. 642 00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:34,360 KEEP HIM MOVING ! KEEP MOVING ! HOW CAN YOU BE FRIENDS WITH THESE PEOPLE ? 643 00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:38,200 I BEG YOUR PARDON, PHILIP. WHERE DID YOU FIND THEM ? 644 00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:41,080 I MET GRACIE AT AN ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS MEETING. 645 00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,000 WAS YOUR MOTHER AN ALCOHOLIC ? NO. 646 00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:44,920 WAS YOUR FATHER ? NO. 647 00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:46,840 I WENT BECAUSE SOMEONE TOLD ME IT WAS A GOOD PLACE TO MEET MEN. 648 00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:52,120 OF COURSE, I DIDN'T MEET A MAN. I MET GRACIE, THOUGH, AND SHE BREAKS MY HEART. 649 00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:55,480 AND BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT HER, I CARE ABOUT FELIX. 650 00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:59,320 I'M NOT LIKE YOU, PHILIP. I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO'S ONLY GOOD ON THE PHONE. 651 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:03,640 THAT'S NOT TRUE. I'M GOOD IN PERSON. IN PERSON, YOU BLAME EVERYONE. 652 00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:07,960 YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG. YOU GAVE OUT OUR ADDRESS. DID I BLAME YOU ? 653 00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:11,320 NO. I BLAMED THE SANTA ANAS. 654 00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:14,200 [ Whimpering ] I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE SANTA ANAS ARE. 655 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:18,040 - THEY'RE DRY WINDS FROM THE DESERT THAT BLOW-- - OH, SHUT UP. [ Gasps ] 656 00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:20,440 [ Water Sloshing ] 657 00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:22,360 DON'T JUST STAND THERE. CALL AN AMBULANCE. 658 00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:25,240 THAT'S SOMETHING YOU'LL BE GOOD AT. [ Felix Gasping ] 659 00:38:25,240 --> 00:38:29,080 I'M GLAD THAT WE'RE NOT WORKING TOGETHER. I'M GLAD THIS IS OUR LAST WEEK ! 660 00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:34,360 FELIX, IF GRACIE HAD ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE, SHE WOULD BE DEVASTATED. 661 00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:37,720 [ Phone Ringing ] OH, THAT'S PROBABLY FELIX. 662 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:43,000 WELL, I CAN ASSURE YOU, IF YOU THINK YOUR HUSBAND IS HAVING AN AFFAIR, HE IS ! 663 00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:46,360 [ Ringing Continues ] HE SAYS, "I'M IN MY OFFICE, HONEY, EATING CHINESE FOOD." 664 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:49,720 I DON'T CARE IF HE'S DYING. I'M NOT GONNA ANSWER IT. [ Ringing Continues ] 665 00:38:49,720 --> 00:38:52,120 READ HIS MAIL. READ IT ! 666 00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:56,440 THAT'S THE DELIGHTFUL WAY I FOUND OUT THAT I'M ABOUT TO BE JOBLESS. 667 00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,360 YOU'RE KIDDING. THAT'S RIGHT. 668 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:00,280 [ Ringing Continues ] [ Sighs ] FINE. 669 00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:02,200 HELLO ? 670 00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:05,080 [ Obscene Caller ] HOW CAN I DO IT TO YOU, BABY, IF YOU HANG UP ON ME ? 671 00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:07,000 WHAT ? WHO'S THIS ? 672 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,880 IS THIS CATHERINE ? NO, THIS ISN'T CATHERINE. 673 00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,280 MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO. OH, YOU'RE NEW ! 674 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:15,160 WHO ARE YOU ? MY NAME IS GRACIE. 675 00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:18,040 GRACIE, I WANT TO WRITE YOUR NAME IN CHEESE. 676 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:20,920 [ Panting ] I WANT TO BARK LIKE A DOG ! 677 00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:25,720 YOU ARE A DISGUSTING, SLEAZY, PERVERTED PIG ! EXCUSE ME ! 678 00:39:25,720 --> 00:39:28,120 UM, I'M SORRY. MAY I HELP YOU ? 679 00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:31,000 THE PERSON YOU WERE JUST SPEAKING WITH HAS NOT TAKEN... 680 00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:34,360 THE LIFESAVERS TRAINING PROGRAM. SHUT UP, GRANDMA ! 681 00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:36,760 OH. I'M NOT BUSTING YOUR CHERRY ! 682 00:39:37,240 --> 00:39:40,600 OH, I'M... SIMPLY CRUSHED. 683 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:43,000 HERE I'VE WAITED MY WHOLE LIFE FOR YOU... 684 00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,400 AND NOW YOU DON'T EVEN WANT ME. 685 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:47,800 DO GO ON. 686 00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:51,160 I BELIEVE YOU WERE DISCUSSING MY CHERRY. 687 00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:53,080 [ Dial Tone ] 688 00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:56,920 I AM SO GOOD AT THIS, AND SOON I WILL BE LEFT HIGH AND DRY... 689 00:39:56,920 --> 00:39:59,800 WITH NO OUTLET FOR MY TALENT. 690 00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:02,200 I HAVE TO PEE. 691 00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:05,080 HAVE YOU EVER BEEN PREGNANT ? NO, I HAVE NOT. 692 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:07,960 LISTEN, YOUNG LADY, WHEN YOU COME OUT... 693 00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:12,280 DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. 694 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:16,120 DO NOT ANSWER THE DOOR UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES... 695 00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:18,520 BECAUSE IT COULD BE THE SEASIDE STRANGLER, 696 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:23,320 AND HE'LL TAKE FISHING TWINE AND WRAP IT AROUND YOUR NECK AND YOUR FACE WILL TURN BLUE. 697 00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:26,200 THEN YOUR EYES WILL BULGE OUT, AND THEN HE'LL KNOCK YOU DOWN... 698 00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:28,600 AND HIKE UP YOUR SKIRT AND BANG YOU ! 699 00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:30,520 VERY FUNNY ! VERY FUNNY, YOUNG LADY ! 700 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:35,800 NO ONE COMES HERE. THIS IS AN UNLISTED ADDRESS. [ Doorbell Buzzes ] 701 00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:38,680 HELLO ? HELLO, WHO IS THERE ? 702 00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:43,000 [ Gasps ] IT'S THE SEASIDE STRANGLER. 703 00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:46,360 WHOEVER YOU ARE, YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. [ Doorbell Buzzes ] 704 00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:50,200 OH, WHO IS IT ? ANSWER ME ! 705 00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:55,000 DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO HIDE ? DID YOU DO THAT ? [ Electrical Sparking ] 706 00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:59,320 DID YOU TURN OUT THE LIGHTS OR IS IT JUST THIS STUPID BUILDING ? 707 00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:01,240 ARE YOU THE SEASIDE STRANGLER ? 708 00:41:01,240 --> 00:41:06,520 LISTEN, MR. SEASIDE STRANGLER, I AM CALLING THE POLICE, I AM GETTING THE REWARD... 709 00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:11,800 AND YOU WILL GO TO A MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON WHERE A VERY LARGE, HAIRY MAN... 710 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:16,120 IS GOING TO MAKE YOU HIS GIRLFRIEND. 711 00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:20,920 I AM NOT YOUR TYPE. I AM SHORT. 712 00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:24,760 AND MY HAIR IS SHORT. I AM ATTRACTIVE. 713 00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:27,160 I SUPPOSE I FIT THAT PART OF THE DESCRIPTION. 714 00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:30,040 BUT I AM NOT YOUNG ! I HAVE NEVER BEEN YOUNG ! 715 00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:33,880 ALTHOUGH I DO LOOK-- WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF ? 716 00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:36,280 WHAT WOULD THE SEASIDE STRANGLER WANT WITH YOU ? JUST-- SHH ! NO ! 717 00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:40,600 YOU'RE HAVING A FANTASY. OH, NO, NO ! DON'T ! DON'T ! 718 00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:45,400 [ Laughs ] WHAT A SAD AND HORRIBLE CHRISTMAS EVE. 719 00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:47,320 I HAD TO TAKE THE BUS. 720 00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:50,200 I STUBBED MY TOE ON THE BOARDWALK. [ Laughs, Clears Throat ] 721 00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:53,560 - MAY I COME IN ? - SURE. 722 00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:04,120 IS SHE ALL RIGHT ? SHE'S FINE. 723 00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:07,000 OH, WHAT BEAUTIFUL BEADS. THANKS. 724 00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:09,880 COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR ? I'M GONNA LEAVE. 725 00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:14,680 COULD YOU PUT HER SOMEWHERE OUT OF THE WAY ? I'D BE HAPPY TO. 726 00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:17,080 %% SANTA, BABY %% 727 00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:20,920 %% JUST SLIP A SABLE UNDER THE TREE %% 728 00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,320 %% FOR ME %% 729 00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:26,200 %% BEEN AN AWFUL GOOD GIRL %% 730 00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:28,120 %% SANTA, BABY %% 731 00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:33,880 %% SO HURRY DOWN THE CHIMNEY TONIGHT %% [ Phone Rings ] 732 00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:37,240 [ Ringing Continues, Electrical Sparking ] 733 00:42:37,240 --> 00:42:42,520 %% SANTA, BABY, I FORGOT TO MENTION ONE LITTLE THING %% [ Crashing, Yelling ] 734 00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:45,400 [ Ringing Continues ] %% A RING %% 735 00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:50,200 %% I DON'T MEAN ON THE PHONE SANTA, BABY %% [ Ringing Continues ] 736 00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:55,480 %% SO HURRY DOWN THE CHIMNEY TONIGHT %% [ Ringing Continues ] 737 00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:57,400 HELLO. LIFESAVERS. MAY I HELP YOU ? 738 00:42:57,880 --> 00:42:59,320 [ Obscene Caller ] MAY I SPEAK TO A WOMAN ? 739 00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:03,160 MAY I PLEASE WISH A WOMAN MERRY CHRISTMAS ? YOU ARE SPEAKING TO A WOMAN. 740 00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:06,520 [ Dial Tone ] [ Sighs ] 741 00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:09,400 [ Electrical Sparking ] 742 00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:12,760 %% SANTA, CUTIE AND FILL MY STOCKING %% 743 00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:17,080 %% WITH A DUPLEX AND CHECKS %% 744 00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:21,880 %% SIGN YOUR "X" ON THE LINE SANTA, CUTIE %% 745 00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:25,720 %% SO HURRY DOWN THE CHIMNEY TONIGHT %% 746 00:43:25,720 --> 00:43:28,600 MRS. MUNCHNIK ? [ Transvestite ] NO. 747 00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:31,000 %% HURRY %%%% [ Philip ] WHO ARE YOU ? 748 00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:35,800 I CALLED EARLIER. YOU GAVE ME THE ADDRESS. I REMEMBER. 749 00:43:37,720 --> 00:43:40,120 I CAME RIGHT OVER. 750 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:44,920 HAVE YOU SEEN A WOMAN IN A BAD MOOD ? 751 00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,800 SHE'S RESTING BEHIND THE COUCH. 752 00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:55,000 YOU WERE VERY GOOD ON THE PHONE. 753 00:43:56,440 --> 00:44:00,280 ON THE PHONE. I WAS GOOD ON THE PHONE. 754 00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:02,680 WON'T YOU SIT DOWN ? 755 00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:09,880 MY VOICE PUTS YOU OFF, DOESN'T IT ? 756 00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:14,200 NOT AT ALL. IT DOESN'T SUIT ME. 757 00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:17,080 IN THAT SENSE, I AM EXACTLY LIKE KISSINGER. 758 00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:19,480 HENRY KISSINGER ? 759 00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:24,280 HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED ? HE HAS THIS ODD, NASAL VOICE AND A POMPOUS, FAT BODY. 760 00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:27,640 MUST UPSET THE RUSSIANS. [ Chuckles ] [ Chuckles ] 761 00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:31,000 I MET HIM ONCE. HOW FASCINATING. 762 00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:32,920 [ Electrical Sparking ] 763 00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:36,280 NOT THAT HE WOULD REMEMBER ME. 764 00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:38,200 NO ONE DOES. 765 00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:41,080 I'M SURE THAT'S NOT TRUE. 766 00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:44,920 THANK YOU. YOU'RE VERY KIND. 767 00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:51,640 EXCUSE ME, I'M JUST GOING TO... 768 00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:55,480 LIGHT THESE CANDLES IN CASE THE, UH-- [ Clears Throat ] 769 00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:58,840 IT WAS AT ONE OF THOSE DANCE CLUBS. YOU KNOW THE KIND. 770 00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:03,640 HERE TODAY, GONE TOMORROW. WHEN YOU LOOK, IT'S GONE. [ Both Chuckle ] 771 00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:06,040 [ Sighs ] WHO WAS I WITH ? 772 00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:07,960 [ Laughs ] I HAVE NO IDEA. 773 00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:10,360 WHEN YOU'RE CONFUSED, YOUR PAST IS A BLUR. 774 00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:12,280 HE WASN'T DANCING. 775 00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:14,680 WHO ? 776 00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:17,080 HENRY KISSINGER. AH. 777 00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:21,880 I'M BORING YOU, AREN'T I ? NOT IN THE LEAST. 778 00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:26,200 I BORE EVERYONE. I'M SURE THAT'S NOT TRUE. 779 00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:30,520 I PERSONALLY FIND YOU VERY ENTERTAINING AND INFORMATIVE. 780 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:34,360 FOR EXAMPLE, I HAD NO IDEA HENRY KISSINGER WENT TO DANCE CLUBS. 781 00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:37,240 PERHAPS YOU COULD COME BACK SOME OTHER TIME, 782 00:45:37,240 --> 00:45:39,640 SAY, AFTER THE NEW YEAR, 783 00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:41,560 AND WE COULD CONTINUE OUR CHAT. I WASN'T DANCING EITHER. 784 00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:45,400 [ Sighs, Chuckles ] I HAVE TWO LEFT FEET, I BELIEVE IS THE EXPRESSION. 785 00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:50,200 AH. WELL, LET ME OFFER YOU ONE LAST PIECE OF ADVICE BEFORE YOU HAVE TO LEAVE. 786 00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:53,560 - DID YOU BRING A COAT ? - JUST MY CAPE. 787 00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:55,480 AH. 788 00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:59,800 HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE GREATER ORANGE COUNTY MAMBO CONTEST OF 1968 ? 789 00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:05,080 WELL, I WAS SCARED TO ENTER IT, AND YET I DID. 790 00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:07,480 AND I WON FIRST PRIZE, DANCING WITH MY SISTER. 791 00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:10,360 FROM THAT MOMENT ON, I HAVE NEVER WORRIED FOR ONE SECOND... 792 00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:13,240 ABOUT ANYONE'S OPINION, AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU. 793 00:46:13,720 --> 00:46:15,640 YOU MEAN... 794 00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:18,520 YOU WOULDN'T HESITATE TO DANCE, EVEN WITH ME ? 795 00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:20,440 ABSOLUTELY NOT. 796 00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:23,320 DO YOU HAVE MUSIC ? 797 00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:30,520 [ Gracie ] COME ON, CATHERINE. LET'S GO TO MY PLACE. 798 00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:33,400 [ Catherine ] NOW ? I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU. 799 00:46:37,240 --> 00:46:39,160 [ Gracie ] THERE WERE 14 KIDS IN OUR FAMILY, 800 00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:42,040 SO FOR CHRISTMAS WE EACH GOT... 801 00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:45,400 ONE PAIR OF SOCKS. REALLY ? 802 00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:49,720 PLUS, WE NEVER SAW OUR MOTHER. DIVIDE 14 INTO 24 AND WHAT DO YOU GET ? 803 00:46:49,720 --> 00:46:52,600 TWO. WE EACH SAW OUR MOTHER TWO MINUTES A DAY. 804 00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:56,440 YOU MEAN TWO HOURS A DAY. NO, I MEAN TWO MINUTES. 805 00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:00,760 [ Door Bells Ring ] [ Sighs ] 806 00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,160 MY MOTHER'S ALWAYS THERE. ALWAYS. 807 00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:05,080 SOMETIMES I WISH SHE WERE DEAD. 808 00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:07,000 OH, I SHOULDN'T SAY THAT. 809 00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,400 I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON. NO. 810 00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:12,280 SUPPOSE SHE DIES NOW AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT ? 811 00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:14,200 CLOSE YOUR EYES. 812 00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:19,000 OPEN 'EM. 813 00:47:24,280 --> 00:47:25,720 [ Sighs ] 814 00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:28,600 I-IS THAT ME ? 815 00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:31,000 OH, MY GOODNESS. 816 00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:32,920 OH, GRACIE. 817 00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:36,280 YOU'RE SO TALENTED. 818 00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:38,200 [ Sighs ] 819 00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:43,000 I HAVE SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE TRYING TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF NOTHING. 820 00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:45,400 DON'T TAKE THAT PERSONALLY, CATHERINE. 821 00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:49,720 BUT JUST ONCE I'D LIKE TO HAVE SOMETHING TO BEGIN WITH. 822 00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:56,440 CHRISTMAS IS SUCH A POWERFUL TIME, ISN'T IT ? 823 00:47:56,920 --> 00:47:58,840 GRACIE, LET'S MAKE A WISH. 824 00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:01,240 HOLD MY HAND AND WE'LL MAKE A CHRISTMAS WISH. 825 00:48:01,240 --> 00:48:03,640 REALLY. I MEAN IT. 826 00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:07,480 I'LL GO FIRST SO YOU WON'T BE EMBARRASSED. OKAY. 827 00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:09,880 IT'S HARD TO DO THIS BECAUSE IF YOU SAY YOUR WISH OUT LOUD... 828 00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:12,280 AND IT DOESN'T COME TRUE, IT'S SO MUCH WORSE. 829 00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:15,160 BUT HERE WE GO. 830 00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:17,080 I WISH... 831 00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:21,400 THERE WERE SOMEONE I CARED FOR WHO CARED FOR ME. 832 00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:26,200 THERE. I SAID IT. YOUR TURN. 833 00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:31,960 I WISH FOR MY BABY TO HAVE A BETTER LIFE. 834 00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:34,840 LOVE. MONEY. 835 00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:36,760 [ Sighs ] 836 00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:40,600 I SHOULD PROBABLY GET BACK TO THE OFFICE. WAIT A SECOND. 837 00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:44,440 LET'S GET SOME CHINESE FOOD ON THE WAY, OKAY ? OKAY. 838 00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:50,200 %%%% 839 00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:53,560 [ "What Are You Doing New Year's Eve" Playing ] 840 00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:57,400 %% MY, MY, MY, MY %% 841 00:48:57,400 --> 00:49:03,640 %% MAYBE IT'S MUCH TOO EARLY IN THE GAME %% 842 00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:09,400 %% OH, BUT I THOUGHT I'D ASK YOU JUST THE SAME %% 843 00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:15,640 %% WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEW YEAR'S %% 844 00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:17,560 I DON'T THINK-- 845 00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:22,840 %% NEW YEAR'S EVE %% 846 00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:24,760 %% WHOA %% 847 00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:27,160 %% I WONDER WHOSE ARMS %% 848 00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:31,480 %% WILL HOLD YOU GOOD AND TIGHT %% 849 00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:38,200 %% WHEN IT'S EXACTLY 12:00 AT NIGHT %% 850 00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:43,960 %% WELCOMING IN THE NEW YEAR %% 851 00:49:43,960 --> 00:49:48,760 %% NEW YEAR'S EVE %% 852 00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:52,600 IS IT MAKING YOU NERVOUS TO DANCE WITH ME ? I'M NOT NERVOUS AT ALL. 853 00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:55,480 %% MAYBE I'M CRAZY %% 854 00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:58,360 %% TO SUPPOSE %% 855 00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:02,200 %% I'D EVER BE %% 856 00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:06,520 %% THE ONE YOU CHOSE %% 857 00:50:06,520 --> 00:50:09,400 %% OUT OF A THOUSAND %% 858 00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:12,280 %% INVITATIONS %% 859 00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:15,640 %% YOU'VE RECEIVED %% DANCING WITH YOU... 860 00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:18,040 MAKES ME FEEL ALL FLUFFY, 861 00:50:18,040 --> 00:50:20,920 LIKE I WAS DANCING ON A CLOUD. 862 00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:23,800 %%%% [ Continues ] 863 00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:25,720 IN MY WORK, I DEAL WITH ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE. 864 00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:29,560 NONE OF THEM ARE WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL CONVENTIONAL, AND NEITHER AM I. 865 00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:32,920 %%%% 866 00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:39,160 %% WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEW YEAR'S %% 867 00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:46,360 %% NEW YEAR'S EVE %% 868 00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:49,720 %% SHOO-BOP, SHOO-BOP OOH %% 869 00:50:49,720 --> 00:50:52,120 %%%% YOU'RE A MARVELOUS DANCER. 870 00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:54,520 THANK YOU. 871 00:50:55,000 --> 00:51:06,520 %%%% 872 00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:16,600 %%%% 873 00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:18,520 PHILIP ? [ Gasps ] 874 00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:21,400 [ Gasps, Turns Off Music ] 875 00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:24,760 THIS IS SHOCKING. COMPLETELY SHOCKING. I AM SUING YOU. 876 00:51:25,240 --> 00:51:27,160 DO YOU HEAR ? FOR WHAT ? 877 00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:32,920 WITHHOLDING INFORMATION, PSYCHIC STRESS, STUPIDITY... 878 00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:36,760 [ Inhales Deeply ] AND OBVIOUSLY IMPROPER OFFICE BEHAVIOR. 879 00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,160 MRS. MUNCHNIK-- I AM CALLING THE LOS ANGELESTIMES. 880 00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:42,520 I AM CALLING THE LOS ANGELESTIMES ! THEY'LL DO A HATCHET JOB. 881 00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:44,920 THEY'RE GOING TO DO A PUFF PIECE ON US ! 882 00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:48,280 I MAY BE TEMPORARILY JOBLESS THANKS TO YOU. 883 00:51:48,280 --> 00:51:50,680 BUT YOU WILL BE JOBLESS FOREVER. I WILL SEE TO THAT ! 884 00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:02,200 I WAS ONLY TRYING TO BE KIND. I THOUGHT I COULD FIGURE OUT A WAY. 885 00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:04,120 WE ONLY NEED $5,000 TO TIDE US OVER. 886 00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:07,480 THAT IS PRACTICALLY YOUR ANNUAL SALARY. YOU ARE A FAILURE. 887 00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:10,840 I WILL SEE TO IT THAT YOU STAY THAT WAY ! MRS. MUNCHNIK, PLEASE. 888 00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:13,240 I SUPPOSE CATHERINE KNEW ABOUT THIS. 889 00:52:13,240 --> 00:52:15,640 I SUPPOSE SHE WAS IN CAHOOTS. 890 00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:19,480 THAT CATHERINE. SHE IS THE MOST DEVIOUS WOMAN I HAVE EVER MET. 891 00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:23,320 CATHERINE IS THE KINDEST, MOST GENTLE CREATURE ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. 892 00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:27,640 CATHERINE WANTS TO RIP YOUR CLOTHES OFF, PHILIP. 893 00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:30,040 SHE DOES ? 894 00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:33,400 UNDER THAT MOUSY EXTERIOR LIES SMOLDERING LUST. 895 00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:36,760 REALLY ? 896 00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:41,560 CATHERINE ISN'T SPEAKING TO ME RIGHT NOW. I'M NOT SURPRISED. 897 00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:43,960 BEFORE SHE WASN'T SPEAKING TO ME, SHE SAID SHE WOULD PRAY FOR A MIRACLE. 898 00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:46,360 THAT IS PATHETIC. 899 00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:50,200 DO NOT WALK ME TO MY CAR. STAY RIGHT THERE. 900 00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:54,520 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 901 00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:56,440 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 902 00:52:56,920 --> 00:53:00,280 AND SAY HELLO TO YOUR DEAD SISTER'S HUSBAND FOR ME. 903 00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:05,080 MY DEAD HUSBAND'S SISTER, IF YOU DON'T MIND. 904 00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:10,440 [ Sighs ] 905 00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:17,160 [ Engine Chugs, Stops ] 906 00:53:17,160 --> 00:53:21,960 [ Engine Chugs Slowly, Stops ] 907 00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:24,360 [ Chugging Slower, Stops ] 908 00:53:27,240 --> 00:53:34,920 %% NEW YEAR'S EVE %% 909 00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:37,800 %% NEW YEAR'S %% 910 00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:39,720 %% EVE %% [ Screams ] 911 00:53:39,720 --> 00:53:41,640 ARE YOU CRAZY ? ARE YOU INSANE ? 912 00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:44,520 %%%% [ Continues ] ALL I DO ALL DAY IS DEAL WITH NUTS LIKE YOU ! 913 00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:49,320 %%%% 914 00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:53,160 OH, MY GOD ! CATHERINE WAS RIGHT. IN PERSON, I'M A DISASTER ! 915 00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:58,920 I AM SO SORRY. I REALLY DIDN'T MEAN IT. 916 00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:02,760 PLEASE. NO APOLOGY IS NECESSARY. 917 00:54:02,760 --> 00:54:04,680 I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY. 918 00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:07,560 [ Sighs ] 919 00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:10,440 GOOD-BYE. 920 00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:14,280 [ Sighs ] 921 00:54:28,680 --> 00:54:32,040 WHEN IS THE AUTOMOBILE CLUB COMING ? IN A HALF HOUR. 922 00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:34,440 OH. I USED TO BE IN THE AUTOMOBILE CLUB, 923 00:54:34,440 --> 00:54:37,800 BUT THEY FOUND OUT I DIDN'T HAVE A CAR, SO THEY KICKED ME OUT. 924 00:54:37,800 --> 00:54:40,200 THEY'RE A LITTLE UPTIGHT OVER THERE. CATHERINE. 925 00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:43,560 CATHERINE, MY GOODNESS, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOURSELF ? 926 00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:45,960 YOU'VE LOST YOUR IDENTITY. I HAVE NOT. 927 00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:48,840 I'M HUNGRY. I'M GONNA DIE. ARE YOU ABOUT TO EAT ? 928 00:54:48,840 --> 00:54:51,720 YES. ALLOW ME TO CONTRIBUTE A FRUITCAKE. 929 00:54:51,720 --> 00:54:54,600 BE SURE YOU SERVE IT TO THAT MALE COLLEAGUE YOU SO ADMIRE... 930 00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:57,960 WHO IS UPSTAIRS AT THIS MOMENT DANCING WITH A STRUMPET... 931 00:54:57,960 --> 00:55:00,360 WHILE LIFESAVERS GOES UP IN SMOKE. [ Gracie ] CATHERINE, 932 00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:02,760 OUR FOOD'S GETTING COLD. IS IT SUSAN ? 933 00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:04,680 IS SUSAN WITH HIM ? [ Laughs ] HARDLY. 934 00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:07,560 CATHERINE, YOU LOOK COOL. THANK YOU, LOUIE. 935 00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:12,360 I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD SING MY SONG FOR YOU NOW ? I'D LIKE NOTHING MORE. 936 00:55:12,360 --> 00:55:15,720 [ Door Opens ] [ Sighs ] 937 00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:26,280 CATHERINE, IS THAT... YOU ? 938 00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:29,160 [ Gracie ] OH, I'M GONNA DO YOU TOO, PHILIP, 939 00:55:29,160 --> 00:55:31,560 BECAUSE YOU AND CATHERINE DO NOT GO TOGETHER ANYMORE. 940 00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:33,480 [ Catherine ] PHILIP AND I HAVE NEVER GONE TOGETHER. 941 00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:37,320 YOU WEREN'T TOGETHER, BUT YOU DEFINITELY MATCHED. 942 00:55:37,800 --> 00:55:39,720 COME ON, PHILIP, GET UP. 943 00:55:39,720 --> 00:55:42,120 WHAT ABOUT ME ? I WANT TO MATCH TOO. LISTEN, I'LL GET TO YOU... 944 00:55:42,120 --> 00:55:44,040 IN A SECOND, OKAY ? WHAT'S HE DOING HERE ? 945 00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:46,920 %% HELLO %%%% 946 00:55:47,400 --> 00:55:49,320 I INVITED HIM. DON'T YOU HAVE SOMEONE HERE YOURSELF ? 947 00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:54,120 - I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT ! - [ Scoffs ] SOMEONE LEFT HER CAPE. 948 00:55:54,120 --> 00:55:57,960 - SOMEONE LEFTHISCAPE. - REALLY, PHILIP. 949 00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:05,640 [ Departing Footsteps ] 950 00:56:05,640 --> 00:56:08,040 [ Sighs ] 951 00:56:08,040 --> 00:56:11,400 WHERE IS FELIX ? OH, RIGHT. HE'S AT THE HOSPITAL. 952 00:56:11,400 --> 00:56:17,160 %% FELIX IS IN THE HOSPITAL %%%% 953 00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:19,560 [ P.A. System ] DR. BLAIR. DR. BLAIR. 954 00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:22,920 DR. JAY HAMILTON. DR. JAY HAMILTON. 955 00:56:22,920 --> 00:56:25,800 60 BY PAL. TEN DOPAMINE DRIP. 956 00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:27,720 OKAY, AS SOON AS WE GET INTO THE UNIT. 957 00:56:27,720 --> 00:56:29,640 OKAY. I'LL GET A 12-LEAD. LET'S GO ! 958 00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:32,520 DOES HE HAVE ANY FAMILY ? 959 00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:44,520 [ Muttering ] 960 00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:51,720 %%%% [ Ukulele Strumming ] 961 00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:57,960 %% TO CATHERINE %% 962 00:56:58,440 --> 00:57:01,800 %% I WONDER WHETHER YOUR NAME %% 963 00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:06,120 %% STARTS WITH A "C" OR A "K" %% 964 00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:08,040 %% I WONDER WHETHER YOU PREFER %% 965 00:57:08,040 --> 00:57:11,400 %% ALMOND JOY TO MILKY WAY %% 966 00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:14,280 %% I WONDER WHETHER YOU SLEEP %% 967 00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:17,160 %% TO THE LEFT OR TO THE RIGHT %% 968 00:57:17,160 --> 00:57:19,560 %% I WONDER WHO YOU THINK WOULD WIN %% 969 00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:22,920 ? %% IF ME AND PHILIP GOT INTO A FIGHT ? 970 00:57:23,400 --> 00:57:27,720 %% OH, SO MANY THINGS FOR ME TO WONDER %% 971 00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:32,520 %% SO VERY PRETTY %% 972 00:57:32,520 --> 00:57:36,360 %% I WONDER WHEN ELLIOT SAID GOOD-BYE TO E.T. %% 973 00:57:36,360 --> 00:57:39,720 %% DID YOU BREAK DOWN AND CRY %% 974 00:57:39,720 --> 00:57:43,080 %% I WONDER IF I GAVE YOU PUDDING, EGGS AND FLOUR %% 975 00:57:43,080 --> 00:57:46,920 %% COULD YOU MAKE A BOSTON CREAM PIE %% 976 00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:50,280 ? %% I WONDER IF YOUR EYES CLOSE ? 977 00:57:50,280 --> 00:57:54,600 ? %% WHEN YOU COME IN FOR A KISS ? 978 00:57:54,600 --> 00:57:57,480 %% I WONDER IF WE HAD A BABY %% 979 00:57:57,960 --> 00:58:01,320 %% WOULD YOU OBJECT TO HAVING ABRIS %% 980 00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:06,120 %% OH, SO MANY THINGS FOR ME TO WONDER %% 981 00:58:06,600 --> 00:58:11,880 %% OH, I LOVE GRAPE JELLY %% %% [ Gasps ] 982 00:58:13,320 --> 00:58:15,240 THAT'S IT ? 983 00:58:15,240 --> 00:58:19,080 IT'S A WORK IN PROGRESS. IT MAY NEVER BE FINISHED. 984 00:58:19,080 --> 00:58:21,000 OH, LOUIE. 985 00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:23,880 [ Catherine Continues Clapping, Sighs ] 986 00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:27,720 THAT WAS SO SWEET OF YOU, LOUIE. 987 00:58:27,720 --> 00:58:30,120 IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK, WOULD YOU MIND PASSING THE CHOW MEIN ? 988 00:58:30,120 --> 00:58:33,960 NO ONE EVER WROTE A SONG FOR ME BEFORE. 989 00:58:33,960 --> 00:58:37,320 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. WHO ATE ALL THE WATER CHESTNUTS ? 990 00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:40,680 I WROTE IT LONGHAND. WHERE ARE THE WATER CHESTNUTS ? 991 00:58:41,160 --> 00:58:43,560 IT TOOK ME EIGHT MONTHS. I HAD TO QUIT MY JOB. 992 00:58:44,040 --> 00:58:46,920 PRESENTS THAT YOU MAKE YOURSELF ARE ALWAYS THE MOST SPECIAL. 993 00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:49,800 DON'T YOU THINK ? WHERE DID THIS FRUITCAKE COME FROM ? 994 00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:52,200 THAT WEIRD LADY GAVE IT TO US. 995 00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:57,960 WHAT INGRATITUDE ! I GIVE HER A GIFT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART... 996 00:58:57,960 --> 00:59:01,320 AND SHE ABANDONS IT AS IF IT MEANT NOTHING ! 997 00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:04,680 [ Glass Shattering ] 998 00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:11,400 [ Whimpering ] 999 00:59:13,800 --> 00:59:18,120 OH ! OH ! 1000 00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:22,920 OH. [ Gasping ] 1001 00:59:22,920 --> 00:59:25,320 [ Whimpering ] 1002 00:59:27,720 --> 00:59:31,560 [ Crying ] 1003 00:59:31,560 --> 00:59:35,400 [ Sobbing ] 1004 00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:39,240 LOOK, THERE'S THE DOG HATER. 1005 00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:42,120 MRS. MUNCHNIK ? WHAT ? 1006 00:59:44,520 --> 00:59:45,960 [ Sniffs, Sobs ] 1007 00:59:46,440 --> 00:59:50,280 MRS. MUNCHNIK, WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR ? [ Sobbing ] 1008 00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:58,440 [ Sniffling ] WHAT IS IT ? TELL ME. WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR ? 1009 00:59:59,880 --> 01:00:01,800 [ Sighs, Inhales ] 1010 01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:04,680 THAT'S JUST WHAT MY DEAD HUSBAND ALWAYS USED TO SAY. 1011 01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:09,000 - WHAT ? - "WHAT CAN I DO YA FOR ?" 1012 01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:11,400 [ Sniffling Continues ] 1013 01:00:11,880 --> 01:00:14,280 WELL, UM-- [ Clears Throat ] 1014 01:00:14,280 --> 01:00:16,680 I'LL, UH-- [ Sighs ] 1015 01:00:17,160 --> 01:00:19,080 [ Inhales ] 1016 01:00:19,560 --> 01:00:23,400 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU CAN "DO ME FOR," MR. LOBEL. 1017 01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:25,320 [ Inhales ] 1018 01:00:28,200 --> 01:00:31,080 ] %%%% [ Men Screaming, Chattering 1019 01:00:31,560 --> 01:00:34,440 %%%% [ Screaming Continues ] 1020 01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:37,320 %% JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS %% 1021 01:00:37,320 --> 01:00:40,200 %% JINGLE ALL THE WAY %% 1022 01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:43,080 %% JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS %% ON THE BEACH ! ON THE BEACH ! 1023 01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:45,960 %% JINGLE ALL THE WAY %% 1024 01:00:46,440 --> 01:00:50,280 %% WE WANT TO WISH YOU %% [ Munchnik Laughing ] 1025 01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:52,200 %% A MERRY CHRISTMAS %% 1026 01:00:52,200 --> 01:00:56,040 %% WE WANT TO WISH YOU %% [ Laughter Continues ] OH, GOD ! 1027 01:00:56,040 --> 01:00:57,960 %% A MERRY CHRISTMAS %% 1028 01:00:57,960 --> 01:01:01,800 %% WE WANT TO WISH YOU %% 1029 01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:03,720 %% A MERRY CHRISTMAS %% 1030 01:01:03,720 --> 01:01:08,040 %% WE WANT TO WISH YOU %% [ Barking ] 1031 01:01:08,040 --> 01:01:10,440 %% A MERRY CHRISTMAS %%%% 1032 01:01:10,440 --> 01:01:12,360 I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE DID TO YOU. 1033 01:01:12,360 --> 01:01:15,720 - IT'S DANGEROUS TO THROW THINGS OUT OF WINDOWS. - I COMPLETELY AGREE. 1034 01:01:16,200 --> 01:01:21,000 DO YOU WORK HERE ? I MEAN, EXCUSE ME, BUT WE ARE DISCUSSING OFFICE BEHAVIOR. 1035 01:01:21,000 --> 01:01:24,360 SINCE YOU DON'T WORK HERE AND WE DO, AT LEAST FOR SIX MORE DAYS, [ Gasps ] 1036 01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:28,680 YOU CANNOT PARTICIPATE. [ Phone Ringing ] 1037 01:01:28,680 --> 01:01:32,040 SOMEBODY'S NOT IN THE HOLIDAY MOOD, I GUESS. [ Laughs, Strums ] 1038 01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:35,400 HELLO. LIFESAVERS. I'M LISTENING. IS THIS KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN ? 1039 01:01:35,400 --> 01:01:37,320 [ Door Slams Shut ] 1040 01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:41,160 THE CRAZY PERSON IS BACK. 1041 01:01:41,640 --> 01:01:43,080 WHAT DO YOU WANT ? DO YOU HAVE ANY BREASTS ? 1042 01:01:43,080 --> 01:01:45,000 I FORGOT MY CAPE. 1043 01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:50,760 THAT'S WHO YOU WERE DANCING WITH ? SHE INSULTS ME TOO. 1044 01:01:51,240 --> 01:01:54,120 MY GOD, IF YOU DON'T HAVE TITS LIKE DOLLY PARTON, NO ONE WANTS YOU. 1045 01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:56,520 THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES ! 1046 01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:58,440 [ Bangs Into Door ] 1047 01:01:59,880 --> 01:02:02,280 MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, HELLO. HELLO ? [ Dial Tone ] 1048 01:02:02,280 --> 01:02:04,680 AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT. 1049 01:02:06,120 --> 01:02:09,000 OH, MY GOD ! FELIX, WHAT NOW ? 1050 01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:11,880 [ Barking ] 1051 01:02:11,880 --> 01:02:15,720 GRACIE, COME BACK TO ME, HONEY, PLEASE. 1052 01:02:15,720 --> 01:02:18,120 I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU. I LOVE YOU. [ Gracie ] YOU KNOW WHAT ? 1053 01:02:18,120 --> 01:02:20,520 WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF DINNER RIGHT NOW, OKAY ? 1054 01:02:20,520 --> 01:02:22,440 PUT THAT TOY DOWN INSTANTLY ! [ Felix ] TOY ? 1055 01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:24,840 YOU THINK THIS IS A TOY, HUH ? [ Gunshot ] 1056 01:02:25,320 --> 01:02:29,640 [ Women Screaming ] 1057 01:02:29,640 --> 01:02:33,000 FELIX ! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? THIS IS NOT FUNNY ! 1058 01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:36,360 YOU'LL MAKE HIM NERVOUS. ALL RIGHT, WHO WANTS TO BE FIRST, HUH ? 1059 01:02:36,360 --> 01:02:39,240 WHO WANTS TO BE THE HERO ? FELIX ISN'T SUCH A BAD GUY. HE JUST GETS UPSET. 1060 01:02:39,240 --> 01:02:42,120 OH, RIGHT ! BECAUSE YOU'RE INSANE, THAT'S WHY ! 1061 01:02:42,120 --> 01:02:44,520 WAIT 'TIL I GET HOME WITH YOU ! HAVE YOU CONSIDERED MARRIAGE COUNSELING ? 1062 01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:47,880 THINK ABOUT THE BABY ! I LOVE YOU ! [ Gunshot ] 1063 01:02:47,880 --> 01:02:49,800 [ Screams ] [ Philip ] GRACIE, MAKE AN EFFORT ! COMPROMISE ! 1064 01:02:50,280 --> 01:02:52,200 [ Catherine ] HE LOVES YOU. [ Felix ] WHERE'RE YOU GOING ? 1065 01:02:52,680 --> 01:02:56,040 CATHERINE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE PROTECTING ME ! DON'T RUN AWAY FROM ME. 1066 01:02:56,040 --> 01:02:59,400 THIS PERSON WILL PROTECT ME, WON'T YOU ? 1067 01:03:03,720 --> 01:03:07,560 SO YOU'RE GOING TO SHOOT A PREGNANT WOMAN ? NO. I'M GONNA SHOOT YOU. 1068 01:03:08,040 --> 01:03:12,840 HMM. MR. SANTA, LISTEN TO ME. 1069 01:03:12,840 --> 01:03:16,680 I'M SURE THIS YOUNG WOMAN HAS PLENTY OF REASON TO HATE YOU. WE ALL DO. 1070 01:03:16,680 --> 01:03:20,520 BUT THAT'S NO REASON TO SHOOT SOMEONE NOW, IS IT ? 1071 01:03:20,520 --> 01:03:22,920 SO, PLEASE... 1072 01:03:22,920 --> 01:03:26,760 PUT THE LITTLE PISTOL DOWN. NO. 1073 01:03:30,600 --> 01:03:32,520 [ Groans ] 1074 01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:34,440 HEY ! HEY ! STOP ! STOP ! [ Screaming ] 1075 01:03:34,440 --> 01:03:36,840 [ Screaming Continues ] 1076 01:03:36,840 --> 01:03:39,240 OW ! OW ! OW ! 1077 01:03:39,240 --> 01:03:44,040 HE SHOT MY FOOT ! OW ! OW ! OW ! FELIX, YOU ARE A MANIAC ! 1078 01:03:44,040 --> 01:03:45,960 EVERYBODY BLAMES ME FOR EVERYTHING. 1079 01:03:45,960 --> 01:03:47,880 I CAN'T LOOK. AM I BLEEDING ? 1080 01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:49,800 OH, MY GOD, I'M GOING TO BLEED TO DEATH. 1081 01:03:49,800 --> 01:03:52,680 %%%% [ Strumming ] SOMEONE CALL MY MOTHER. DON'T TOUCH ME ! 1082 01:03:52,680 --> 01:03:54,600 I FORBID YOU TO TOUCH ME ! JUST CALL A DOCTOR. 1083 01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:57,000 STOP POINTING THAT GUN AT ME ! STOP ! 1084 01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:59,880 FELIX, WE HAVE TO STOP PLAYING WITH GUNS NOW. 1085 01:03:59,880 --> 01:04:02,280 DON'T JUST TAKE IT. YOU HAVE TO EMPTY IT. 1086 01:04:02,280 --> 01:04:05,640 [ Gunshots ] 1087 01:04:05,640 --> 01:04:08,040 GRACIE, FOR GOD SAKES, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? GIVE ME THAT ! 1088 01:04:08,040 --> 01:04:10,440 [ Gracie ] I AM EMPTYING IT ! [ Philip ] LET GO ! 1089 01:04:10,440 --> 01:04:12,360 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THAT ! I AM SICK OF HIM ! 1090 01:04:12,360 --> 01:04:14,280 HE IS A NUT CASE ! [ Yelling ] [ Yelling ] 1091 01:04:14,280 --> 01:04:16,200 I AM PROTECTING US FROM HIM ! 1092 01:04:16,200 --> 01:04:20,040 [ Doorbell Buzzing Continuously ] 1093 01:04:20,040 --> 01:04:22,920 [ Buzzing Continues ] 1094 01:04:22,920 --> 01:04:26,760 [ Buzzing Continues ] 1095 01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:33,480 [ Buzzing Continues ] 1096 01:04:40,680 --> 01:04:42,600 YES ? 1097 01:04:45,480 --> 01:04:46,920 [ Doorbell Stops Buzzing ] 1098 01:04:48,840 --> 01:04:51,720 IT'S STANLEY. WHO'S STANLEY ? 1099 01:04:52,200 --> 01:04:54,120 [ Catherine ] STANLEY TANENBAUM, THE LANDLORD. 1100 01:04:54,120 --> 01:04:56,520 I CALLED HIM TO FIX THE ELEVATOR. I COMPLETELY FORGOT. 1101 01:04:57,000 --> 01:05:01,320 - OH, THE ELEVATOR'S FIXED. -[ Transvestite ] WHAT'S GOING ON ? 1102 01:05:01,320 --> 01:05:03,240 IS EVERYONE DEAD ? NOT EVERYONE. 1103 01:05:24,840 --> 01:05:27,720 [ Neighbor ] HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE ? JUST A TEENY, TINY ACCIDENT. 1104 01:05:27,720 --> 01:05:31,080 JUST A WEENIE, WOONIE ONE. [ Neighbor ] WELL, KEEP IT DOWN. 1105 01:05:31,080 --> 01:05:35,880 THIS ISN'T THE FOURTH OF JULY. I KNOW. I'M SORRY. UH, IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. 1106 01:05:35,880 --> 01:05:39,240 [ Panting ] WE HAVE TO CALL THE POLICE. 1107 01:05:41,640 --> 01:05:45,480 UH, DIAL 9-1-1. THAT'S THEIR NUMBER. 1108 01:05:46,920 --> 01:05:49,320 [ Dialing ] 1109 01:05:49,320 --> 01:05:52,200 [ Line Ringing ] THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING. HE'S DEAD ! 1110 01:05:52,680 --> 01:05:55,080 [ Ringing Continues ] [ Gracie ] PHILIP, I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT. 1111 01:05:55,080 --> 01:05:58,440 YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TURN ME IN, ARE YOU ? [ Ringing Continues ] 1112 01:05:58,440 --> 01:06:00,360 YOU HAVE REACHED THE LOS ANGELES POLICE. 1113 01:06:00,360 --> 01:06:02,760 PLEASE HOLD ON. YOUR CALL IS VERY IMPORTANT TO US. 1114 01:06:03,240 --> 01:06:08,040 %%%% [ Christmas ] OH, PHILIP, IS THIS THE MIRACLE ? 1115 01:06:08,040 --> 01:06:10,920 THE EVICTION WILL PROBABLY GO THROUGH REGARDLESS. THIS IS NOT THE MIRACLE. 1116 01:06:10,920 --> 01:06:13,800 [ Shivering ] [ Transvestite ] WHAT ABOUT ME ? 1117 01:06:14,280 --> 01:06:17,640 - DOESN'T ANYONE CARE ABOUT ME ? - I'LL TAKE CARE OF HER. 1118 01:06:19,080 --> 01:06:21,960 I'M COMING. [ Gasping ] CATHERINE, ARE YOU OKAY ? 1119 01:06:21,960 --> 01:06:26,760 I-I-I CAN'T BREATHE. I'M HAVING TROUBLE BREATHING. 1120 01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:30,600 I'M SO COLD. [ Shivering ] 1121 01:06:30,600 --> 01:06:33,960 [ Shivering Continues ] CATHERINE ? CATHERINE. 1122 01:06:33,960 --> 01:06:37,320 CATHERINE. COME ON, COME ON. I AM SO COLD ! 1123 01:06:37,320 --> 01:06:40,200 IT'S ALL RIGHT. CALM DOWN. HERE, HERE, PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME. 1124 01:06:40,200 --> 01:06:42,600 COME ON. HOLD ON TIGHT. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY. 1125 01:06:43,080 --> 01:06:45,480 JUST CALM DOWN. UP, EASY. OVER THE DEAD BODY. 1126 01:06:45,480 --> 01:06:47,400 THAT'S GOOD. YEAH, I'VE GOT YOU. I'VE GOT YOU. 1127 01:06:47,400 --> 01:06:49,320 JUST RELAX. I'VE GOT YOU. COME ON. 1128 01:06:49,320 --> 01:06:52,680 COME ON. I'VE GOT YOU. I'VE GOT YOU. 1129 01:06:55,080 --> 01:06:57,960 [ Groaning ] 1130 01:06:57,960 --> 01:07:01,320 OH, MY GOD ! [ Groans ] 1131 01:07:01,320 --> 01:07:04,200 BOY, THAT'S JUST A LITTLE SCRATCH. IT'S NOTHING AT ALL. OH, MY GOD ! 1132 01:07:04,200 --> 01:07:09,000 MY FOOT IS COMPLETELY NUMB ! I CAN TELL IT'S GOING TO BE VERY PAINFUL SOON ! 1133 01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:12,360 HMM. ALL RIGHT, I'LL GET YOU SOME ASPIRIN. THANK YOU. 1134 01:07:12,840 --> 01:07:17,160 OR BETTER YET, I'LL GET YOU SOME TYLENOL WITH THE CODEINE. 1135 01:07:17,160 --> 01:07:19,560 UH-UH, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO. 1136 01:07:19,560 --> 01:07:22,440 NUPRIN. THAT'S THE GOOD STUFF. 1137 01:07:24,360 --> 01:07:26,760 I GOT IT. LUDEN'S COUGH DROPS. 1138 01:07:26,760 --> 01:07:29,160 THAT'LL BE FOR ME THOUGH. I GOT A SCRATCHY THROAT. HMM. 1139 01:07:32,520 --> 01:07:35,400 JUST LEAN HERE, ALL RIGHT ? NO, JUST LOCK YOUR KNEES. 1140 01:07:35,400 --> 01:07:37,320 [ Sighs ] NOW I'M GONNA RUN YOU A BATH. 1141 01:07:37,320 --> 01:07:40,680 ONLY THIS TIME, I'M GONNA PUT IN SOME WATER AND IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. 1142 01:07:40,680 --> 01:07:42,600 [ Catherine ] OKAY. [ Water Running ] 1143 01:07:42,600 --> 01:07:47,880 [ Transvestite ] HELLO ? HELLO ? IS ANYONE THERE ? 1144 01:07:47,880 --> 01:07:51,720 [ Whimpering ] I'M GOING TO GET GANGRENE. 1145 01:07:51,720 --> 01:07:54,600 WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE BRING ME A BANDAGE ? 1146 01:07:54,600 --> 01:07:57,480 [ Water Running ] I'M NOT ASKING FOR THE MOON. 1147 01:07:57,480 --> 01:07:59,400 I'M JUST ASKING FOR A BANDAGE. [ Water Running ] 1148 01:07:59,400 --> 01:08:04,680 ALL RIGHT. NOW, JUST SIT HERE, OKAY ? OKAY ? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ? OKAY. 1149 01:08:04,680 --> 01:08:08,040 [ Transvestite ] HELLO ? WHERE ARE YOU ? 1150 01:08:08,040 --> 01:08:11,400 NO, NO, PLEASE, I'LL, UH, I'LL JUST GET IT MYSELF. 1151 01:08:12,840 --> 01:08:17,640 [ Screams, Groans, Grunting ] 1152 01:08:17,640 --> 01:08:20,040 [ Grunting Continues ] 1153 01:08:28,680 --> 01:08:31,560 [ Groaning ] YOUR BANDAGE. [ Gracie ] PHILIP ! 1154 01:08:31,560 --> 01:08:34,440 OH, MY GOD ! YOU BROKE MY NOSE ! 1155 01:08:34,440 --> 01:08:36,360 [ Gracie ] PHILIP ! WHAT IS IT ? 1156 01:08:36,360 --> 01:08:39,240 IF YOU CALL THE POLICE, MY BABY'S GOING TO BE BORN IN A JAIL ! 1157 01:08:39,240 --> 01:08:44,040 YOUR BABY WON'T BE BORN IN JAIL. MY NOSE IS MY BEST FEATURE ! 1158 01:08:44,040 --> 01:08:47,880 I'M SORRY ! I'M SORRY ! DO YOU PROMISE IT WON'T BE BORN IN A JAIL ? 1159 01:08:47,880 --> 01:08:50,760 [ Raspy Voice ] I PROMISE ! 1160 01:08:51,240 --> 01:08:53,160 [ Transvestite ] MY FACE IS RUINED ! 1161 01:08:54,600 --> 01:08:56,520 [ Catherine ] PHILIP ? 1162 01:08:56,520 --> 01:08:57,960 HERE'S YOUR BANDAGE ! [ Groans ] 1163 01:08:58,440 --> 01:09:02,280 HEY, HOW'S IT GOING ? [ Catherine ] PHILIP, HELP ME ! 1164 01:09:04,680 --> 01:09:07,560 DO YOU WANT GRACIE TO HELP YOU GET UNDRESSED ? 1165 01:09:07,560 --> 01:09:10,920 [ Water Running ] DO YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU GET UNDRESSED ? 1166 01:09:21,000 --> 01:09:22,440 [ Sighs ] 1167 01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:39,240 SOMETHING'S HAPPENING. 1168 01:09:39,240 --> 01:09:42,600 MY HEART IS RACING AND I'M FEELING ALL NERVOUS AND SICK. 1169 01:09:42,600 --> 01:09:46,440 THAT'S THE WAY I'VE FELT SINCE THE DAY I MET YOU. 1170 01:09:46,440 --> 01:09:49,800 YOUR SWEATER WAS BUTTONED FUNNY THAT DAY. 1171 01:09:49,800 --> 01:09:54,120 ONE SIDE STUCK UP HIGHER THAN THE OTHER AND POKED UP INTO YOUR CHIN. 1172 01:09:54,120 --> 01:09:58,920 YOU REMEMBER THAT ? I'LL NEVER FORGET IT. 1173 01:10:29,640 --> 01:10:33,480 [ Groaning, Whimpering ] 1174 01:10:33,480 --> 01:10:37,320 WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE ? NO, DON'T TELL ME. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. 1175 01:10:37,320 --> 01:10:39,720 IT'S JUST A LITTLE LARGER THAN USUAL. HMM. 1176 01:10:39,720 --> 01:10:43,080 DON'T WORRY. THE SWELLING WILL GO DOWN. 1177 01:10:43,560 --> 01:10:47,400 IT MUST BE NICE TO HAVE YOUR BEST FEATURE BE SO PROMINENT. 1178 01:10:47,400 --> 01:10:49,320 MY BEST FEATURE'S MY HANDS. 1179 01:10:49,320 --> 01:10:53,160 THAT'S WHY I PLAY UKULELE. IT GETS YOUR HANDS RIGHT OUT THERE, YOU KNOW ? 1180 01:10:53,640 --> 01:10:57,960 ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL UKULELE PLAYER ? OH, NO. I'M A WRITER. 1181 01:10:58,440 --> 01:11:01,320 WHAT DO YOU WRITE ? T-SHIRTS. 1182 01:11:01,320 --> 01:11:05,160 REALLY ? I WROTE, "SAVE THE DOLPHINS." 1183 01:11:06,600 --> 01:11:10,440 EXCUSE ME. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WROTE IT ? 1184 01:11:10,440 --> 01:11:13,800 I WASN'T THE FIRST PERSON TO SAY IT. I WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO PUT IT ON A T-SHIRT. 1185 01:11:13,800 --> 01:11:15,720 OH. 1186 01:11:15,720 --> 01:11:19,080 DID YOU DO, "LIFE IS A BEACH" ? OH, I WISH ! 1187 01:11:19,080 --> 01:11:23,880 I MET THE GUY WHO WROTE THAT AT A PARTY. HE KIND OF SNUBBED ME, YOU KNOW ? 1188 01:11:33,480 --> 01:11:35,400 WE HAVEN'T BEEN PROPERLY INTRODUCED. 1189 01:11:35,400 --> 01:11:38,760 MY NAME'S LOUIE. CHRIS. 1190 01:11:40,200 --> 01:11:43,560 CHRIS. [ Chuckles ] 1191 01:11:43,560 --> 01:11:46,920 %% OOH, CHRIS %% 1192 01:11:46,920 --> 01:11:52,200 %% I WONDER WHETHER YOUR NAME STARTS WITH A "C" OR A "K" %% 1193 01:11:52,200 --> 01:11:57,000 %% I WONDER IF YOU HAVE A SKINNY UNCLE HARRY OR A FAT AUNT FAY %% 1194 01:11:57,000 --> 01:12:02,280 %% I WONDER IF YOU KNOW HOW GOOD YOU LOOK IN THOSE PANTY HOSE ? ? [ Giggling ] 1195 01:12:02,280 --> 01:12:04,680 %% I WONDER IF YOU'RE HAPPY THAT I DIDN'T MENTION ANYTHING %% 1196 01:12:05,160 --> 01:12:07,080 %% ABOUT THE THINGS COMING OUT OF YOUR NOSE %% [ Snickering ] 1197 01:12:07,080 --> 01:12:12,360 ? [ Laughing ] %% OH, SO MANY THING S FOR ME TO WONDER ? 1198 01:12:14,760 --> 01:12:19,560 %%%% [ Nonsensical Singing ] 1199 01:12:19,560 --> 01:12:22,920 %%%% [ Continues] 1200 01:12:22,920 --> 01:12:24,840 %%%% [ Continues ] 1201 01:12:24,840 --> 01:12:28,200 [ Sighs ] WE COULD CUT HIM UP INTO PIECES... 1202 01:12:28,200 --> 01:12:32,040 AND WRAP HIM UP AS CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. WHO WOULD WE GIVE THEM TO ? 1203 01:12:32,520 --> 01:12:34,440 %%%% [ Continues ] 1204 01:12:34,440 --> 01:12:36,360 [ Gracie Sighs ] 1205 01:12:38,280 --> 01:12:40,680 [ Doorbell Buzzes ] 1206 01:12:40,680 --> 01:12:43,080 [ Whispers ] CHECK THE PEEPHOLE ! THERE IS NO PEEPHOLE. 1207 01:12:43,080 --> 01:12:46,920 - [ Buzzing Continues ] - OH, HOW CONVENIENT. 1208 01:12:47,880 --> 01:12:50,760 PHILIP, IT'S SUSAN. 1209 01:12:50,760 --> 01:12:52,680 WHAT IS IT ? 1210 01:12:52,680 --> 01:12:55,560 I NEED TO SEE PHILIP. I THINK I'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE. 1211 01:12:55,560 --> 01:12:57,960 HE'S TAKING A BATH WITH CATHERINE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO WAIT ? 1212 01:12:57,960 --> 01:13:01,320 NO. GOOD, 'CAUSE THERE'S ENOUGH GOING ON HERE AS IT IS. 1213 01:13:08,040 --> 01:13:11,880 IF ONLY WE COULD DISGUISE HIM AS SOMETHING. 1214 01:13:22,920 --> 01:13:26,760 %% OH, CHRISTMAS TREE %% 1215 01:13:26,760 --> 01:13:30,600 %% OH, CHRISTMAS TREE %% 1216 01:13:30,600 --> 01:13:38,280 %%? %% HOW LOVELY ARE THY BRANCHES ? 1217 01:13:38,280 --> 01:13:43,080 CATHERINE WAS, UH, VERY DISTRESSED, SO NATURALLY, I HAD TO COMFORT HER. AH. 1218 01:13:43,080 --> 01:13:45,960 [ Catherine, Philip Clear Throats ] 1219 01:13:45,960 --> 01:13:49,320 [ Gasps ] WHERE'S STANLEY ? 1220 01:13:49,320 --> 01:13:51,720 WHERE IS HE ? WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT ? 1221 01:13:52,200 --> 01:13:54,120 HE'S IN THE TREE. 1222 01:13:54,600 --> 01:13:57,000 IN THE TREE ? 1223 01:13:57,480 --> 01:13:59,880 HE IS THE TREE. [ Sighs ] 1224 01:13:59,880 --> 01:14:02,280 I WRAPPED HIM UP IN THOSE POTATO SACKS. 1225 01:14:02,280 --> 01:14:04,680 [ Gracie Sighs ] OH, MY GOD. 1226 01:14:04,680 --> 01:14:08,040 THEY'RE BURLAP, WHICH IS REALLY ITCHY UNLESS YOU'RE DEAD. 1227 01:14:08,040 --> 01:14:11,880 ME AND FELIX TOOK BRANCHES OFF THE OLD TREE AND WE JUST STUCK 'EM ON. 1228 01:14:11,880 --> 01:14:14,280 [ Catherine ] HOW ? [ Felix ] SUPER GLUE. 1229 01:14:14,760 --> 01:14:18,120 [ Gracie ] IT'S THE MOST AMAZING INVENTION. PULL ON ONE OF THOSE BRANCHES. 1230 01:14:18,120 --> 01:14:21,000 I'M TELLING YOU, YOU COULD CHIN YOURSELF ON THIS TREE. 1231 01:14:21,000 --> 01:14:23,400 [ Felix ] FORTUNATELY, 1232 01:14:23,400 --> 01:14:27,240 THE GUY HAD A GOOD POSTURE. I ADMIRE A MAN WITH GOOD POSTURE. 1233 01:14:27,240 --> 01:14:30,120 FELIX HAS LOVELY POSTURE. THANK YOU, HONEY. 1234 01:14:30,120 --> 01:14:32,040 IT'S JUST AS WELL WE'RE GOING OUT OF BUSINESS ! 1235 01:14:32,040 --> 01:14:35,400 I AM TOTALLY INCOMPETENT ! I'M LIKE JOB ! PHILIP, REALLY ! 1236 01:14:35,880 --> 01:14:37,800 WELL, THEN, ALL RIGHT, I'M NOT LIKE JOB ! 1237 01:14:37,800 --> 01:14:40,680 BUT LOOK AT ME, PRETENDING TO SAVE LIVES. 1238 01:14:40,680 --> 01:14:43,080 THERE'S NOTHING IN THE REFRIGERATOR ! 1239 01:14:43,080 --> 01:14:46,440 I COULDN'T SAVE A LIFE IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT ! [ Sighs ] 1240 01:14:46,920 --> 01:14:50,760 WE HAVE BEEN HERE FOR SIX YEARS, AND WHAT DO WE HAVE TO SHOW FOR IT ? 1241 01:14:51,240 --> 01:14:52,680 A DEAD BODY. 1242 01:14:53,160 --> 01:14:56,520 A DEAD BODY DISGUISED AS A CHRISTMAS TREE. [ Philip ] THANK YOU. 1243 01:14:56,520 --> 01:14:58,920 THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME. 1244 01:14:58,920 --> 01:15:00,840 I GOT A PLAN. 1245 01:15:00,840 --> 01:15:06,120 FELIX ALWAYS HAS A PLAN. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, HONEY. 1246 01:15:09,480 --> 01:15:15,240 WE TAKE IT DOWNSTAIRS. WE LEAVE IT ON THE BOARDWALK. 1247 01:15:19,080 --> 01:15:21,000 - THAT'S IT ? - YEAH. 1248 01:15:21,000 --> 01:15:24,360 [ Philip ] THAT IS NOT REALLY A PLAN, FELIX. WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT ? 1249 01:15:24,360 --> 01:15:27,720 A PLAN IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE MORE THAN ONE PART. 1250 01:15:28,200 --> 01:15:32,040 IT'S SUPPOSED TO GO LIKE, "FIRST WE DO THIS, AND THEN WE DO THIS, AND THEN WE DO THIS." 1251 01:15:32,040 --> 01:15:34,440 I DON'T APPRECIATE YOU TALKING TO FELIX THIS WAY. 1252 01:15:34,920 --> 01:15:37,320 WE'RE JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU OUT HERE, PHILIP. YEAH. 1253 01:15:37,800 --> 01:15:41,640 [ Sighs ] YOU WANT A PLAN ? FIRST WE TAKE IT DOWNSTAIRS. 1254 01:15:41,640 --> 01:15:45,000 THEN WE LEAVE IT ON THE BOARDWALK. THEN WE GO HOME. 1255 01:15:45,000 --> 01:15:48,360 WE JUST LEAVE IT STANDING LIKE THE CITY PUT IT THERE. NOBODY WILL NOTICE. 1256 01:15:48,360 --> 01:15:50,760 - AND WHEN THE CITY TAKES IT DOWN ? - WE'RE OUTTA THERE ! 1257 01:15:50,760 --> 01:15:52,680 WHAT'S GOING ON ? 1258 01:15:52,680 --> 01:15:54,600 [ Chris ] SOMETHING WRONG ? [ Philip ] NOTHING AT ALL. 1259 01:15:54,600 --> 01:15:56,520 FELIX AND GRACIE HAVE TURNED THE LANDLORD INTO A CHRISTMAS TREE. 1260 01:15:56,520 --> 01:15:58,920 NOW WE'RE GOING TO TAKE IT DOWN AND LEAVE IT ON THE BOARDWALK ! 1261 01:15:58,920 --> 01:16:01,080 NOW THAT'S A GOOD PLAN. WE'LL HELP YOU. 1262 01:16:02,760 --> 01:16:06,120 BE CAREFUL NOW. DON'T LET THE BRANCHES FALL OFF. 1263 01:16:06,120 --> 01:16:08,040 WHAT ABOUT STANLEY'S BAG ? 1264 01:16:08,040 --> 01:16:10,920 [ Felix ] WE'LL LEAVE IT UNDER THE TREE AND LET SOMEBODY SWIPE IT. 1265 01:16:11,400 --> 01:16:12,840 ONLY SOME OF US SHOULD GO. WE DON'T WANT TO ATTRACT ATTENTION. 1266 01:16:13,320 --> 01:16:15,720 I'M WITH YOU. I'M GOING ! OKAY, THE TWO OF US. 1267 01:16:15,720 --> 01:16:18,120 WE WANT TO GO TOO. YEAH, WE MADE IT. 1268 01:16:18,120 --> 01:16:20,520 OKAY, FOUR. I'D LIKE TO GO. 1269 01:16:20,520 --> 01:16:23,400 I PROMISE NOT TO ATTRACT ANY ATTENTION. SIX, BUT THAT'S IT. 1270 01:16:23,880 --> 01:16:27,240 WE SHOULD TRY TO ACT JOLLY. I'LL SING. 1271 01:16:27,720 --> 01:16:29,640 ? %% DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY ? 1272 01:16:29,640 --> 01:16:32,040 [ All ] %% FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA %% 1273 01:16:32,040 --> 01:16:34,440 ? %% 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY ? 1274 01:16:34,440 --> 01:16:36,840 %% FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA %% 1275 01:16:36,840 --> 01:16:39,240 %% DON WE NOW OUR GAY APPAREL %% 1276 01:16:39,240 --> 01:16:41,640 %% FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA %% 1277 01:16:41,640 --> 01:16:44,040 %% TROLL THE ANCIENT YULETIDE CAROL %% 1278 01:16:44,520 --> 01:16:46,920 %% FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA %% 1279 01:16:46,920 --> 01:16:48,840 %% HEY %% 1280 01:16:48,840 --> 01:16:52,680 [ Louie Softly ] %% IF YOU GET ALL WEIRD THIS CHRISTMAS %% 1281 01:16:52,680 --> 01:16:54,600 %% SCOOBY-DOOBY-DOO POP-POP-FIZZ-FIZZ %% 1282 01:16:55,080 --> 01:16:57,000 %% WE COULD REALLY USE YOUR BUSINESS %% 1283 01:16:57,000 --> 01:16:59,400 %% SCOOBY-DOOBY-DOO LET'S EAT CHEEZE WHIZ %% [ Munchnik ] I'LL BE THERE. 1284 01:16:59,880 --> 01:17:01,800 %% SIT IN A GARAGE AND TURN ON THE IGNITION %%%% [ Laughing ] 1285 01:17:01,800 --> 01:17:04,680 [ Munchnik ] PHILIP ! CATHERINE ! 1286 01:17:04,680 --> 01:17:07,560 MERRY CHRISTMAS. ARE YOU DISMANTLING THE OFFICE ALREADY ? 1287 01:17:07,560 --> 01:17:09,480 WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH OUR TREE ? 1288 01:17:09,480 --> 01:17:13,800 - IT'S NOT OUR TREE. REALLY, IT'S NOT. - IT IS, TOO, OUR TREE. 1289 01:17:13,800 --> 01:17:16,680 I RECOGNIZE THE RED CELLOPHANE THINGY. [ Whimpering, Barking ] 1290 01:17:16,680 --> 01:17:21,000 THE DOGS. KEEP THOSE MUTTS AWAY. SHOO ! 1291 01:17:21,000 --> 01:17:23,880 MAY I ? BY ALL MEANS, BLANCHE. 1292 01:17:23,880 --> 01:17:26,280 HERE, DOGGIES. HERE, DOGGIES. 1293 01:17:26,280 --> 01:17:30,120 THERE'S A GOOD GIRL. COME TO MOMMY. YEAH, WHAT A GOOD GIRL. 1294 01:17:30,120 --> 01:17:33,480 THEY DEFINITELY DID IT. [ Gasps ] 1295 01:17:33,480 --> 01:17:35,400 %% DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY %% 1296 01:17:35,400 --> 01:17:37,800 %% FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA %% 1297 01:17:37,800 --> 01:17:42,120 ? %% DECK THE HALLS WITH BALLS OF HOLLY %% %% 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY ? 1298 01:17:42,120 --> 01:17:45,480 %% FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA %% %% DON WE NOW OUR GAY APPAREL %% 1299 01:17:45,480 --> 01:17:49,320 ? %% 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY %% %% FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA, LA-LA-LA ? 1300 01:17:49,320 --> 01:17:52,680 ? %% FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA %% %% FA-LA-LA-LA-LA, LA-LA-LA-LA ? 1301 01:17:52,680 --> 01:17:55,560 %% DON WE NOW OUR GAY APPAREL %% %% SEE THE BLAZING YULE BEFORE US %% 1302 01:17:55,560 --> 01:17:59,880 %% FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA %% [ Dogs Howling ] 1303 01:17:59,880 --> 01:18:03,720 %% LA-LA-LA, OH, THE ANCIENT %% %% FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA %% 1304 01:18:03,720 --> 01:18:05,640 %% FOLLOW ME IN MERRY MEASURE %% 1305 01:18:05,640 --> 01:18:09,960 %% FA-LA-LA, LA-LA-LA, LA-LA-LA WHILE I TELL OF YULETIDE TREASURE %% 1306 01:18:09,960 --> 01:18:14,280 %% FA-LA-LA-LA-LA, LA-LA-LA-LA ? %%? OH, MY GOD ! IT'S THE ROLLERBLADERS ! 1307 01:18:14,280 --> 01:18:16,680 - IT'S THEM ! OH, NO, THEY'RE BACK ! - IT'S THE TREE HATERS ! 1308 01:18:17,160 --> 01:18:20,520 -[ Felix ] LET'S GET THEM ! - YOUR TREE IS HISTORY ! PAYBACK TIME ! 1309 01:18:20,520 --> 01:18:22,920 - WATCH OUT ! - OTHER WAY, OTHER WAY, OTHER WAY ! 1310 01:18:22,920 --> 01:18:26,760 - YOU RUINED OUR CHRISTMAS ! - NO ! DON'T ! 1311 01:18:26,760 --> 01:18:30,600 -[ Munchnik ] LOOK OUT ! - MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM DOUG AND CAROL FERGUSON ! 1312 01:18:30,600 --> 01:18:32,520 [ Yells ] 1313 01:18:37,800 --> 01:18:40,200 [ Thud ] 1314 01:18:40,200 --> 01:18:44,520 %% OH, TANNENBAUM %% 1315 01:18:44,520 --> 01:18:48,360 %% OH, TANNENBAUM, OH %% 1316 01:18:48,360 --> 01:18:51,240 %% HOW LOVELY ARE %% 1317 01:18:51,240 --> 01:18:53,640 %% ARE THY BRANCHES %%%% 1318 01:18:53,640 --> 01:18:56,040 [ Siren Fades ] 1319 01:18:56,040 --> 01:19:00,360 [ Indistinct Radio Transmission ] 1320 01:19:00,360 --> 01:19:03,720 WE'VE GOT ONE DEAD BODY AT 517 OCEAN PARK WALK. 1321 01:19:04,200 --> 01:19:06,600 REQUEST FOR THE CORONER AND HOMICIDE UNIT TO RESPOND. 1322 01:19:06,600 --> 01:19:09,480 [ Indistinct Radio Dispatcher ] OKAY, WHAT HAPPENED ? 1323 01:19:09,480 --> 01:19:12,360 [ Dispatcher Continues ] WHO IS THIS ? 1324 01:19:12,360 --> 01:19:16,680 [ Crowd Chattering ] [ Officer ] COME ON. WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED ? 1325 01:19:16,680 --> 01:19:19,560 I DO. 1326 01:19:21,480 --> 01:19:23,400 OUR LANDLORD, STANLEY TANENBAUM, 1327 01:19:23,400 --> 01:19:27,720 HAS COMMITTED SUICIDE OUT OF GUILT OVER HIS CONDOMINIUM CONVERSION. 1328 01:19:27,720 --> 01:19:30,120 AND THESE TWO PEOPLE, THESE TWO INCOMPETENT PEOPLE, 1329 01:19:30,120 --> 01:19:34,920 BUT NEVER MIND, WERE SO TORMENTED THAT THEY COULD NOT PREVENT A SUICIDE, 1330 01:19:34,920 --> 01:19:37,800 THAT THEY TRIED TO HIDE IT FROM THE WORLD. 1331 01:19:39,720 --> 01:19:44,040 ACTUALLY, UH, THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED. OBVIOUSLY. 1332 01:19:45,000 --> 01:19:48,360 WHAT HAPPENED WAS... 1333 01:19:48,360 --> 01:19:51,240 IT WAS CHRISTMAS EVE, AND FELIX... 1334 01:19:51,720 --> 01:19:55,080 JUST HAPPENED TO DROP BY... 1335 01:19:55,080 --> 01:19:58,440 WITH HIS GUN. [ Officer ] WHO IS FELIX ? 1336 01:20:01,800 --> 01:20:04,680 ALL RIGHT, I'M FELIX. 1337 01:20:04,680 --> 01:20:06,600 I DID IT. 1338 01:20:06,600 --> 01:20:09,480 OKAY, FELIX, SPREAD YOUR LEGS, PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK. LET'S GO. 1339 01:20:09,960 --> 01:20:12,840 JUST BECAUSE HE'S AN EX-CON, YOU BLAME IT ON FELIX. 1340 01:20:12,840 --> 01:20:16,680 WELL, OFFICER, HERE'S YOUR BIG MURDER WEAPON. DON'T, GRACIE ! 1341 01:20:16,680 --> 01:20:18,600 NO, NO, GRACIE, YOU CAN'T ! I DID IT ! 1342 01:20:18,600 --> 01:20:21,960 FELIX ! STOP ! [ Crowd Clamoring ] 1343 01:20:33,960 --> 01:20:37,320 SANTA ! MOMMY, IT'S SANTA ! 1344 01:20:39,720 --> 01:20:43,080 FELIX, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? [ Felix ] I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU, GRACIE ! 1345 01:20:43,080 --> 01:20:46,440 [ Siren Wailing ] IF YOU GO TO JAIL, I MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD ! 1346 01:20:46,440 --> 01:20:49,800 NO ! [ Gasps ] [ Officer ] EVERYBODY MOVE BACK ! 1347 01:20:49,800 --> 01:20:52,680 MOVE BACK IMMEDIATELY ! WE HAVE A VERY DANGEROUS CONDITION ! 1348 01:20:53,160 --> 01:20:55,560 FELIX, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT ! 1349 01:20:55,560 --> 01:20:59,400 THEY'RE NOT GONNA CONVICT ME. NOW COME DOWN ! 1350 01:20:59,400 --> 01:21:04,200 WELL, WHAT IF THEY DO ? I CAN'T TAKE A CHANCE ON THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM ! 1351 01:21:04,200 --> 01:21:09,000 I WENT TO JAIL FOR NOTHING ! THEY COULD DO IT TO YOU ! NO ! NO, STOP ! 1352 01:21:09,480 --> 01:21:12,840 PHILIP, YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ! YOU'VE GOT TO SAVE HIM ! 1353 01:21:13,320 --> 01:21:18,120 FELIX, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW, I FORGIVE YOU FOR SHOOTING ME IN THE FOOT. 1354 01:21:18,120 --> 01:21:20,040 [ Felix ] I DON'T CARE ! OKAY. 1355 01:21:20,520 --> 01:21:23,400 - [ Grunting ] - FELIX, STOP ! LISTEN TO ME ! 1356 01:21:27,720 --> 01:21:31,080 [ Gasping ] DON'T YOU WANT TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH YOUR BABY ? 1357 01:21:31,080 --> 01:21:34,920 DON'T YOU WANT TO SEE HIM OPEN HIS FIRST PRESENT ? 1358 01:21:36,840 --> 01:21:39,240 WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST PRESENT, FELIX ? 1359 01:21:39,240 --> 01:21:43,560 - HUBCAPS. - HUH. 1360 01:21:43,560 --> 01:21:46,920 NOW I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD HUBCAPS ! 1361 01:21:46,920 --> 01:21:50,760 FELIX, YOU KNOW SOMETHING ? 1362 01:21:50,760 --> 01:21:52,680 YOU'RE NOT UPSET BECAUSE YOU'RE BROKE. 1363 01:21:52,680 --> 01:21:55,560 [ Felix ] I'M NOT ? NO. 1364 01:21:55,560 --> 01:21:57,480 YOU'RE NOT UPSET BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ARTIST WHO MAY NEVER... 1365 01:21:57,480 --> 01:21:59,400 HAVE ANY PLACE TO PAINT AS LONG AS YOU LIVE. 1366 01:21:59,400 --> 01:22:01,320 I'M NOT ? [ Philip ] NO. 1367 01:22:01,800 --> 01:22:05,160 AND YOU'RE NOT UPSET BECAUSE THE WOMAN YOU LOVE... 1368 01:22:05,160 --> 01:22:08,520 MAY GO TO JAIL FOR A VERY LONG TIME. 1369 01:22:08,520 --> 01:22:13,320 - I'M NOT ? - NO. 1370 01:22:13,320 --> 01:22:17,160 YOU'RE UPSET BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS. 1371 01:22:17,640 --> 01:22:21,960 CHRISTMAS IS A TIME WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOUR LIFE THROUGH A MAGNIFYING GLASS, 1372 01:22:21,960 --> 01:22:25,320 AND WHATEVER YOU DON'T HAVE FEELS OVERWHELMING. 1373 01:22:25,320 --> 01:22:28,680 BEING ALONE IS SO MUCH LONELIER AT CHRISTMAS. 1374 01:22:28,680 --> 01:22:33,960 EVERYTHING SAD IS SO MUCH SADDER AT CHRISTMAS. 1375 01:22:33,960 --> 01:22:35,880 YOU CAN'T GIVE IN TO THIS, FELIX ! 1376 01:22:35,880 --> 01:22:38,280 I THOUGHT TODAY WAS GOING TO BE THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE, 1377 01:22:38,280 --> 01:22:42,120 BUT, THEN, SOMETHING WONDERFUL AND UNEXPECTED HAPPENED ! 1378 01:22:42,120 --> 01:22:45,480 FIRST, SOMETHING HORRIBLE AND UNEXPECTED HAPPENED. 1379 01:22:45,480 --> 01:22:47,880 ACTUALLY, THREE HORRIBLE AND UNEXPECTED THINGS HAPPENED, 1380 01:22:47,880 --> 01:22:50,760 BUT THEN SOMETHING WONDERFUL. 1381 01:22:52,680 --> 01:22:55,080 THE HOLIDAYS AREN'T OVER YET, FELIX. 1382 01:22:55,080 --> 01:22:59,880 THEY'RE NOT OVER FOR YOU, AND THEY'RE NOT OVER FOR GRACIE. WHO KNOWS ? 1383 01:22:59,880 --> 01:23:05,160 WHO KNOWS ? THERE'S MAGIC AT CHRISTMAS. 1384 01:23:05,160 --> 01:23:09,960 AND I'LL BET, IF YOU COME DOWN, YOU'LL FIND THAT OUT. 1385 01:23:14,760 --> 01:23:17,640 [ Sniffling ] I LOVE YOU, FELIX ! 1386 01:23:21,960 --> 01:23:25,320 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, GRACIE ! 1387 01:23:27,720 --> 01:23:31,560 COME ON DOWN, FELIX. IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT. 1388 01:23:41,160 --> 01:23:43,560 [ Crowd Applauding, Cheering ] [ Laughing ] 1389 01:23:43,560 --> 01:23:46,440 [ Applauding, Cheering Continue ] 1390 01:23:46,440 --> 01:23:49,320 BRAVO ! [ Laughing ] 1391 01:23:56,520 --> 01:24:00,360 [ Approaching Footsteps ] WE'LL HAVE A VAN HERE IN A FEW MINUTES. 1392 01:24:00,360 --> 01:24:02,760 WE'LL TAKE YOU ALL DOWN TO THE STATION FOR QUESTIONING. 1393 01:24:03,240 --> 01:24:06,120 THIS BAG BELONGS TO STANLEY. 1394 01:24:09,960 --> 01:24:14,760 [ Indistinct Radio Transmission ] 1395 01:24:14,760 --> 01:24:18,120 BRIAN. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT HERE, RIZZO ? 1396 01:24:18,120 --> 01:24:22,440 WHOA ! FP-242, NOTIFY WATCH COMMANDER, PLEASE. 1397 01:24:22,440 --> 01:24:24,840 WHERE'D YOU GET THIS ? TAKE A GUESS. 1398 01:24:26,280 --> 01:24:28,680 GRACIE BARZINI ? 1399 01:24:29,160 --> 01:24:33,480 YES. I'M READY. YOU CAN TAKE ME AWAY NOW. 1400 01:24:33,480 --> 01:24:35,400 CONGRATULATIONS. 1401 01:24:35,400 --> 01:24:39,240 YOU HAVE KILLED THE SEASIDE STRANGLER. WHAT ? 1402 01:24:39,240 --> 01:24:43,560 FISHING TWINE AND KELP. OH, MY GOD ! YOU'RE KIDDING ME ! 1403 01:24:43,560 --> 01:24:47,880 - STANLEY'S THE STRANGLER ? - I KILLED THE SEASIDE STRANGLER ! 1404 01:24:47,880 --> 01:24:49,800 HOW BRILLIANT IS THAT, CATHERINE ? 1405 01:24:49,800 --> 01:24:53,640 ISN'T THERE A REWARD ? THERE'S A $250,000 REWARD. 1406 01:24:53,640 --> 01:24:57,960 OH, MY GOD ! [ All Screaming, Laughing ] 1407 01:24:57,960 --> 01:25:00,840 MERRY CHRISTMAS ! [ Grunts ] 1408 01:25:00,840 --> 01:25:03,240 I'M THE LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD ! 1409 01:25:03,240 --> 01:25:07,560 PHILIP, I COULD PAY FOR YOUR MOVING EXPENSES. HOW MUCH DO YOU NEED ? 1410 01:25:07,560 --> 01:25:11,880 ONLY $5,000 ! $5,000 ? 1411 01:25:13,320 --> 01:25:16,200 OH, FINE ! [ Screaming ] 1412 01:25:16,200 --> 01:25:18,600 OH, I'M SO HAPPY ! THIS IS GREAT ! WE'RE BACK IN BUSINESS ! 1413 01:25:18,600 --> 01:25:20,520 THANK YOU ! THANK YOU ! WHAT CAN I GIVE YOU ? 1414 01:25:21,000 --> 01:25:24,840 HOW CAN I POSSIBLY THANK YOU ? I KNOW. 1415 01:25:28,200 --> 01:25:31,560 FRUITCAKE. I'M RICH ! 1416 01:25:31,560 --> 01:25:35,400 I'M RICH ! I'M RICH ! [ Screaming ] RICH GIRL ! 1417 01:25:35,400 --> 01:25:38,760 OH, NO ! OH, MY GOODNESS ! WHAT IS IT ? 1418 01:25:38,760 --> 01:25:42,120 WHAT'S THE MATTER, HONEY ? WHAT ? MY WATER JUST BROKE ! 1419 01:25:42,120 --> 01:25:44,520 YOU'RE JUST GOING INTO LABOR. WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME. NO, I'M HAVING IT ! 1420 01:25:45,000 --> 01:25:46,920 [ Catherine ] ARE YOU SURE ? [ Gracie ] YES, I'M SURE ! 1421 01:25:46,920 --> 01:25:49,320 - PHILIP ? - DR. KINSKY'LL HELP US ! 1422 01:25:49,320 --> 01:25:52,200 - WHAT ? - [ All ] SHE'S HAVING A BABY ! 1423 01:25:52,200 --> 01:25:55,080 UH... UH, BRING HER OVER BY THE TREE ! 1424 01:25:55,080 --> 01:25:57,480 OUCH ! [ Kinsky ] BY THE TREE. OFFICER, COULD YOU PLEASE HELP ? 1425 01:25:57,480 --> 01:26:00,840 I'LL TAKE HER ! HERE, HERE. WAIT A MINUTE ! LIFT UP MY LEG, YOU MORON ! 1426 01:26:01,320 --> 01:26:02,760 OUT OF THE WAY ! OUT OF THE WAY ! 1427 01:26:03,240 --> 01:26:05,160 WE'RE HAVING A BABY ! WOMAN WITH A BABY ! 1428 01:26:05,160 --> 01:26:08,040 GET OUT OF THE WAY ! ALL RIGHT, PUT HER DOWN RIGHT HERE. 1429 01:26:08,040 --> 01:26:10,920 RIGHT HERE. HERE. RIGHT HERE. [ Screaming ] 1430 01:26:11,400 --> 01:26:14,280 [ Kinsky ] OKAY, OKAY, YOU'RE DOING GREAT. [ Breathing Hard ] 1431 01:26:14,280 --> 01:26:18,120 I'M HAVING IT ! I KNOW, I KNOW. JUST RELAX. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE. 1432 01:26:18,120 --> 01:26:20,040 IT'S GONNA COME OUT, RIGHT ? NO, NO, NO. IT'S GONNA COME OUT. 1433 01:26:20,040 --> 01:26:21,960 YOU'RE DOING GREAT. YOU'RE IN GOOD HANDS. 1434 01:26:21,960 --> 01:26:24,360 I'VE DONE THIS HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF TIMES. [ Lamaze Breathing ] 1435 01:26:24,360 --> 01:26:28,680 AREN'T YOU A VETERINARIAN ? YES, BUT IT'S THE SAME BASIC CONCEPT. 1436 01:26:28,680 --> 01:26:30,600 [ Screaming ] OKAY, RELAX AND BREATHE. 1437 01:26:30,600 --> 01:26:33,480 I'M NOT RELAXED ! THEN JUST BE ANXIOUS AND BREATHE. 1438 01:26:33,480 --> 01:26:35,880 BREATHE DEEP ! THAT'S IT. OKAY. IT'S STARTING TO COME ! 1439 01:26:35,880 --> 01:26:39,240 IT'S STARTING TO COME ! OKAY, MORE BREATHING. YOU'RE TELLING ME ! 1440 01:26:39,240 --> 01:26:41,160 ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO ! ALL RIGHT, HERE WE-- [ Blowing Hard ] 1441 01:26:41,160 --> 01:26:43,560 ANOTHER CONTRACTION, AND THEN GIVE ME ANOTHER BIG PUSH ! 1442 01:26:43,560 --> 01:26:45,480 [ Groaning ] THERE WE GO ! LOOK, I CAN SEE-- 1443 01:26:45,480 --> 01:26:48,360 WOULD YOU SHUT UP ? JUST TRYING TO HELP. 1444 01:26:48,360 --> 01:26:50,280 ALL RIGHT, YOU GIVE ME ANOTHER BIG PUSH. 1445 01:26:50,280 --> 01:26:54,120 [ Gracie, Felix Screaming ] 1446 01:26:54,120 --> 01:26:57,960 THE HEAD IS STARTING TO COME. IT'S STARTING TO COME. BREATHE A LITTLE DEEPER. 1447 01:26:57,960 --> 01:27:01,320 OH, MY GOD ! 1448 01:27:01,320 --> 01:27:03,240 NO ! 1449 01:27:09,000 --> 01:27:13,800 [ Baby Crying ] 1450 01:27:14,280 --> 01:27:17,160 [ Crying Continues ] 1451 01:27:17,640 --> 01:27:19,560 [ Cooing ] [ Sniffles ] 1452 01:27:19,560 --> 01:27:22,440 YEAH. [ Chuckles ] 1453 01:27:22,440 --> 01:27:28,200 %%%% [ Organ Playing "Silent Night" ] 1454 01:27:28,200 --> 01:27:30,600 IT'S CHRISTMAS. 1455 01:27:30,600 --> 01:27:33,480 %%%% [ Continues ] 1456 01:27:33,480 --> 01:27:36,840 MERRY CHRISTMAS. [ Crowd ] MERRY CHRISTMAS. 1457 01:27:36,840 --> 01:27:40,680 MERRY CHRISTMAS. [ Giggles ] 1458 01:27:51,240 --> 01:27:54,120 WHAT SHALL WE DO FOR CHRISTMAS ? 1459 01:27:54,120 --> 01:27:57,960 I DON'T KNOW. WHAT SHALL WE DO ? 1460 01:27:59,880 --> 01:28:01,800 LET'S GET MARRIED. 1461 01:28:06,120 --> 01:28:08,520 THIS IS THE MIRACLE. 1462 01:28:08,520 --> 01:28:10,440 [ Bell Ringing ] 1463 01:28:10,440 --> 01:28:13,800 [ Felix ] MERRY CHRISTMAS ! 1464 01:28:13,800 --> 01:28:17,160 MERRY CHRISTMAS ! 1465 01:28:17,160 --> 01:28:19,080 [ Ringing ] 1466 01:28:19,080 --> 01:28:21,960 MERRY CHRISTMAS ! 1467 01:28:21,960 --> 01:28:25,320 %% CHILDREN CARRY THROUGH THE STREETS %% 1468 01:28:25,320 --> 01:28:29,160 %% A BRIGHTLY PAINTED STAR %% 1469 01:28:29,160 --> 01:28:32,520 %% ANGELS GATHER 'ROUND THE HEARTH %% 1470 01:28:32,520 --> 01:28:35,880 %% STRUMMING ON GUITARS %% 1471 01:28:35,880 --> 01:28:38,760 %% MEN OF GREAT RENOWN AND FAITH %% 1472 01:28:38,760 --> 01:28:42,120 %% SAY PRAYERS ON BOULEVARDS %% 1473 01:28:42,120 --> 01:28:47,880 %% IT'S THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS %% 1474 01:28:47,880 --> 01:28:51,240 %% BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE AN ANGEL %% 1475 01:28:51,240 --> 01:28:54,600 %% TO SING HARMONY %% 1476 01:28:54,600 --> 01:28:57,480 %% AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A CHILD %% 1477 01:28:57,480 --> 01:29:01,320 %% TO LOVE THE MYSTERY %% 1478 01:29:01,320 --> 01:29:05,640 %% AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A WISE MAN %% 1479 01:29:05,640 --> 01:29:08,520 %% ON BENDED KNEE %% 1480 01:29:08,520 --> 01:29:12,360 ? %% THE HEART OF THIS CHRISTMAS ? 1481 01:29:12,360 --> 01:29:15,720 %% IS IN YOU AND ME %% 1482 01:29:16,200 --> 01:29:18,600 %% THE NIGHT %% 1483 01:29:18,600 --> 01:29:22,440 %% BEFORE CHRISTMAS %% %% OOH-OOH %% 1484 01:29:22,440 --> 01:29:29,640 %% THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS %% 1485 01:29:29,640 --> 01:29:32,520 %% IF YOUR HEART'S BEEN LONGING %% 1486 01:29:32,520 --> 01:29:36,360 %% AND YOU'VE BEEN AFRAID TO TRY %% 1487 01:29:36,360 --> 01:29:39,240 %% IF SORROW'S KEPT YOU COMPANY %% 1488 01:29:39,720 --> 01:29:43,080 %% AND THE DANCE HAS PASSED YOU BY %% 1489 01:29:43,080 --> 01:29:46,440 %% I'LL LIFT YOU UP AND BLAZE WITH YOU %% 1490 01:29:46,920 --> 01:29:49,800 %% ACROSS THE MOONLIT SKY %% 1491 01:29:49,800 --> 01:29:54,600 %% ON THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS %% 1492 01:29:54,600 --> 01:29:58,440 %% BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE AN ANGEL %% 1493 01:29:58,920 --> 01:30:01,320 %% TO SING HARMONY %% 1494 01:30:01,800 --> 01:30:04,680 %% AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A CHILD %% 1495 01:30:05,160 --> 01:30:08,520 ? %% TO LOVE THE MYSTERY %% %% MYSTERY ? 1496 01:30:08,520 --> 01:30:12,360 %% AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A WISE MAN %% 1497 01:30:12,360 --> 01:30:15,240 %% ON BENDED KNEE %% 1498 01:30:15,240 --> 01:30:18,600 ? %% THE HEART OF THIS CHRISTMAS ? 1499 01:30:19,080 --> 01:30:22,920 %% IS IN YOU AND ME %% 1500 01:30:22,920 --> 01:30:26,280 ? %% THE HEART OF THIS CHRISTMAS ? 1501 01:30:26,760 --> 01:30:29,640 %% IS IN YOU %% 1502 01:30:29,640 --> 01:30:35,880 ? %% AND ME %% %% OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH ? 1503 01:30:36,360 --> 01:30:40,680 %% OOH-OOH-OOH ? ? %% THE NIGHT %% 1504 01:30:40,680 --> 01:30:44,520 %% BEFORE CHRISTMAS %% %% BEFORE CHRISTMAS %% 1505 01:30:45,000 --> 01:30:47,400 %% THE NIGHT %% 1506 01:30:47,400 --> 01:30:51,240 %% BEFORE CHRISTMAS %% 1507 01:30:51,720 --> 01:30:54,600 %% THE NIGHT %% %% THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS %% 1508 01:30:54,600 --> 01:30:57,960 %% BEFORE CHRISTMAS %% %% AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE %% 1509 01:30:58,440 --> 01:31:01,320 %% NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING %% %% THE NIGHT %% 1510 01:31:01,320 --> 01:31:04,680 %% NOT EVEN A MOUSE %% %% BEFORE CHRISTMAS %%%% 1511 01:31:04,680 --> 01:31:09,960 CLOSED-CAPTIONED BY CAPTIONS, INC. LOS ANGELES 1512 01:31:09,960 --> 01:31:13,320 %% CHRISTMAS EVE I'M WAITIN' %% 1513 01:31:13,320 --> 01:31:16,200 %% ST. NICK I AIN'T FADIN' %% 1514 01:31:16,200 --> 01:31:19,080 %% THIS YEAR NO SLACKIN' %% 1515 01:31:19,080 --> 01:31:21,960 %% YOUR CASE I'M CRACKIN' %% 1516 01:31:21,960 --> 01:31:24,840 %% THEM MILK AND COOKIES AIN'T CAUGHT YOU YET %% 1517 01:31:24,840 --> 01:31:27,720 %% GOT A LITTLE SOMETHING SPECIA BY THE TV SET %% 1518 01:31:27,720 --> 01:31:30,600 %% GOOD NEWS HEY, SANTA %% 1519 01:31:30,600 --> 01:31:33,480 %% CASHEWS AND PECANS %% 1520 01:31:33,480 --> 01:31:36,360 %% HOORAY, HOSANNA %% 1521 01:31:36,360 --> 01:31:39,720 %% SANTA CAN'T RESIST THOSE MIXED NUTS %% 1522 01:31:39,720 --> 01:31:42,600 %% CHICK-PEAS, SPLIT PEAS CHESTNUTS, CHINESE %% 1523 01:31:42,600 --> 01:31:45,480 %% PINE NUTS, PEANUTS AND PISTACHIOS %% 1524 01:31:45,480 --> 01:31:48,360 %% NO NOG, NO TURKEY %% 1525 01:31:48,360 --> 01:31:51,240 %% JUST BEER NUTS AND BEEF JERKY %% 1526 01:31:51,240 --> 01:31:54,120 %% TASTES GOOD SO SALTY %% 1527 01:31:54,120 --> 01:31:57,000 %% WITH SOMETHING COLD AND MALTY %% 1528 01:31:57,000 --> 01:31:59,880 %% ALL THE FELLAS AT WORK SAY I'M OUT OF MY MIND %% 1529 01:31:59,880 --> 01:32:02,760 %% BUT IF I STAY AWAKE I'M GONNA GET YOU THIS TIME %% 1530 01:32:02,760 --> 01:32:05,640 %% GOOD NEWS HEY, SANTA %% 1531 01:32:05,640 --> 01:32:08,520 %% CASHEWS AND PECANS %% 1532 01:32:08,520 --> 01:32:11,880 %% HOORAY, HOSANNA %% 1533 01:32:11,880 --> 01:32:14,760 %% SANTA CAN'T RESIST THOSE MIXED NUTS %% 1534 01:32:15,240 --> 01:32:17,640 %% ACORNS, ALMONDS BARCELONA AMAZONS %% 1535 01:32:18,120 --> 01:32:20,520 %% BLACK CARPATHIANS GIANT MACADAMIA %% 1536 01:32:20,520 --> 01:32:23,400 %% I WAKE UP KIND OF DIMLY %% 1537 01:32:23,400 --> 01:32:26,280 %% SEE A BOOT SCOOTIN' UP THE CHIMNEY %% 1538 01:32:26,280 --> 01:32:29,160 %% JUMP UP AND TRY TO PULL IT %% 1539 01:32:29,160 --> 01:32:32,040 %% DISAPPEARS FASTER THAN A BULLET %% 1540 01:32:32,040 --> 01:32:34,920 %% SIX EMPTY JARS LAYIN' ON THE FLOOR %% 1541 01:32:34,920 --> 01:32:37,800 %% NEXT CHRISTMAS EVE THERE'LL BE TEN TIMES MORE %% 1542 01:32:37,800 --> 01:32:40,680 %% GOOD NEWS HEY, SANTA %% 1543 01:32:40,680 --> 01:32:43,560 %% CASHEWS AND PECANS %% 1544 01:32:43,560 --> 01:32:46,920 %% HOORAY, HOSANNA %% 1545 01:32:46,920 --> 01:32:49,320 %% SANTA CAN'T RESIST THOSE MIXED NUTS %% 1546 01:32:49,800 --> 01:32:52,200 %% GOOD NEWS HEY, SANTA %% 1547 01:32:52,680 --> 01:32:55,560 %% CASHEWS AND PECANS %% 1548 01:32:55,560 --> 01:32:58,440 %% HOORAY, HOSANNA %% 1549 01:32:58,440 --> 01:33:01,320 %% SANTA CAN'T RESIST THOSE NUTS %%%% 1550 01:33:02,680 --> 01:33:04,200 ---the end--- 129290