All language subtitles for Kroll.Show.S02E05.WEBRip.x264-ION10

- Hey, there.

Oh, hello, I'm nash rickey
from the hit band sloppysecondz.

- ♪ l.A. Deli

There are a few things
that I truly love:

Being sober,
my lord and savior jesus christ,

Performing cunnilingus,
and of course,

Selling smoked meats
to the greater los angeles area.

♪ l.A. Deli

So experience the vibe
of party hit l.A. Deli

Right here
at the del rey deli,

The l.A. Deli
in marina del ray.

Technically,
it's mar vista.

With the southland's biggest
virgin daiquiri bar,

You can always has fun
at del rey deli

Without losing control.

Bottom's up.

You sure there's no booze
in this?

No, no, no, I want to--
re-pour these again.

I didn't see the process.

[clears throat]
where's my purell?

All of our waitstaff
is in recovery,

And we're taking it
one day at a time,

Isn't that right,
sweetie?

I want you to know,
your tits look amazing.

'kay.

We're making our way
through this crazy world,

Controlling it,
taking meetings,

And making delicious sandwiches
and coffee.

48, 49.

Okay, there's supposed to be
50 here.

With bathrooms cleaned
every 10 minutes,

Tables cleaned
every 15 minutes,

And the kitchen cleaned
in the quarter hour,

Nothing is more important than
hygiene here at del rey deli.

Let me just clear out
some of this, um--

- Oh! Sorry.
- Okay.

You know what, meal's on me.
Get up, just--

- Can we get a to-go box?

- No, there's no
to-go boxes here.

The styrofoam
doesn't stack right.

Please get up.
- Come on, varla.

- Could I get
a waitstaff here?

No more food today.
It's been corrupted.

Shut down the kitchen!
We're done for the day.

[dubstep music]

♪

John, you got
a million-dollar idea?

- I do have
a million-dollar idea.

Okay, here it is.

You go into a car, right?
- Mm-hmm.

- You've got the umbrella,
but you can't close it really

And get into the car easily,

So the umbrella
should close out.

- [whooshing]
and it goes out that way...

- Yeah.
- And then I can slip it

Right in, 'cause otherwise,
I get it stuck in the door.

- Yeah, there you go.
- Oh--[laughs]

That's it?

Male narrator:
After making millions

As professional athletes,
these stars are seeing

Just how fast
they can spend it,

Fielding business proposals
from amateur entrepreneurs.

- You want to invest in this?

- I've had
just about enough of it!

- Tell me what
the freakin' pitch is.

Narrator: Who will be the first
to spend his signing bonus?

Let's meet the jocks.

Cal culvers
is a harvard-educated pitcher

With a serious
gambling addiction.

After dumping gatorade
on his coach,

Offensive lineman
dante levante

Dumps $100 bills
on nightclub crowds.

Argentinean soccer phenom
matteus soto

Moved to seattle
for a higher salary,

But is unable to say no
to anyone asking him for money.

Entrepreneur tony bell
is seeking $1 million

For his new invention.

- It's good, y'all.
Like, greetings and salutations.

Yo, yo, but let me, like,
ask you this, though.

Like, what keeps you
from getting wet in the rain

When it's, like, wet?

- Umbrella.
- An umbrella.

- Right, I [bleep] with that,
but, like,

What keeps the umbrella
from getting wet?

Boom, you see that?
That's the top umbrella,

And it--it keep
the bottom umbrella nice and dry

So you're, like, not wet
with the--you know what I mean?

- The second umbrella
is gonna be wet.

- Right.

- Why do you need to keep
the under umbrella dry?

- Honestly, like, imagine
you're with a bitch, right?

She got the mother[bleep] clap
and all that.

My [bleep] steve caught that,

But like, had he had
two condoms,

The first one woulda broke,

Second one,
he woulda been all good.

- Okay, so this is
a cumbersome physical metaphor

For sexual misfortune?

- Like, honestly, like,
that's how I feel.

- I am prepared to invest
the full 5 million.

- That's what's up, man.

Narrator: Next up is jeff,
a disgraced nba referee.

- Okay.

You guys having fun today?

- Yeah.
- Lot of good pitches.

- Yes, yes.
- Yeah.

- You guys lock in plans
for afterwards, or...

Oof.

- Uh, I'm sorry?

- Did you guys
lock in plans for--

You know, when you're done
shooting, or--

- I'm probably
just gonna go home.

- This is not nerves.

I'm completely comfortable
in this situation.

- It appears
exactly like nerves.

- Yeah.

A lot of pro athletes
get out there,

They're big brothers,
big sisters,

Stuff like that, okay,

But there's no money in that,
right?

So here's the pitch.

It's like a--
so here's the pitch.

It's called "hang time,"
okay?

You guys, professional athletes
go and hang out,

Not with kids,
but with cool adults.

- Uh, I'm a hard "no."

- Dante?

- No way in hell, or hell no.
Take it either way you want it.

- All right, I'll choose
that one on my--on my own time.

- All right, all right.
- Matteus?

- You seem terrible
and your body confuses me.

- All right.

No.

- Life is all about
making choices,

And I had chosen to attend
upper peninsula state,

But I was starting to wonder,
would anybody choose me?

- Hey, madison.
- Oh, hey, elliot.

- What's going on?
- You really like fruit, huh?

- Oh, yeah, I guess I just
take 'em back to my room

For in-between meal snacks.

That way, I never
have to pay for food.

- Wow, that's really smart.

- Yeah, I'm on the flex-450
semester meal plan,

So as long as I don't go
over 17 meals a week,

I am golden.

- What up?
Mind if I cut?

I'm just getting chips
using all points.

The meal plan's
kind of for suckers.

Did you know
the peninsula pit's

Taking points
at all those restaurants now?

- Really?
- I don't know,

Would you maybe want to go
check it out some Friday night?

- What--what time?

- That's the beauty of points,
whenever we want.

- Okay.

- Well,
I'll see you then, red.

- You were saying something.

- I'll see you later,
madison.

- ♪ today I am thankful

♪ I pray to be thankful
'cause of you ♪

- ♪ thankful for each day

- ♪ god, 'cause of you

- And so I started
spending points,

Hoping to run into the guy
who told me about them

In the first place.

Logan, it's so funny
seeing you here.

So this hamburger
is 300 points.

How much is that in dollars?

- $3.

- Well, how much
do these fries cost?

- 175 points, red.

- How much is that
in dollars?

-$1.75.

- How do you keep it all
straight?

- Maybe it'd be easier
if I showed you.

Let's say these fries
were 111 points.

You just have to move
the decimal point.

You get it now?

- ♪ I could never
walk on water ♪

♪ the way you did
as the bible says ♪

- This is great, huh?

- You know what you should do
is throw a party.

We could go to the deer deli,
maybe pick up some nacho chips,

Cola, couple magazines.

You can buy all that
with points.

♪ mm-hmm

♪

[upbeat synthesizer music]

- Pardon.

Do you have seasonal
depression there?

Oh, don't change the channel.

You get out.

Hey there, canadian youngsters.
I'm gene creemers,

And I'm here to gently prod
canada's youth to...

All: Get out!

- [whispering] get out.
- Pardon?

- Get "oot"!

- Great wagonwheels, ladies.

- What "aboot" safety?

- [blows whistle]
safety first, eh?

All: Safety rules!

- Remember,
tie those trainers.

- Double knot.

- Is this exercise?

- Yeah.

- What if I need energy?

- Well, try some g.O.R.P.
- What's g.O.R.P.?

It's a cereal that you eat
with your hands.

Remember, kids, just
1/4 of an hour a day, that's it.

Don't quit,
and remember...

All: Get out!
- Okay.

[dramatic music]

- Ciao.
How's it going?

I'm a european.

So cool, very cool.
This is a very cool scene here.

So this is, for example,
a bracelet that is a magnet.

- Oh.
- Okay, is that your pitch?

- Hey, hold your horses,
roy rogers.

[both chuckles]

The pitch is that I like
to smoke marlboro cigarettes.

You know, the coolest car
to have is a tiny car.

- Is that connected
to your product?

- In europe, the product is
not as important as the process.

- Yes.
- So where

Is your process taking you?

- The process is taking us
throughout the globe,

Wherever they be,
in the americas, or in africa,

Or--uh, ching--
[mumbles]

- Ching who?
- I'm sorry, did you just do--

- Oh, I'm sorry,
we can't make these jokes?

In the states they can't--
they will get angry?

I can't be funny
like "zeinfeld" here?

- What is your pitch?

- It's dinner at 11:45,
it's toddlers who drink wine,

It's 7 to 12 sausages per meal.
- Okay.

- So let--let's start
with 15,000 euro?

- This is a steal.

I don't know why you guys
are sitting on your hands,

But I will bid 15,000 euros,
without problem.

Narrator: Next up is men's
rights activist, bob ducca.

Let's see if he can
wow the judges.

- Thank you,
honorable judges.

My first product that I have
is a grabber grabber.

Now, this is a grabber

For when somebody drops
their other grabber,

And they have a bad back,
and you can just reach down

And grab it.

Moving on.

You know what,
I have a list of things.

You just tell me
which catches your fancy.

- Okay, are you just gonna
keep pitching stuff

Until we go for something?
- Mm-hmm.

- All right, uh--

- A planned parenthoodie.

If you want to cover your face
when you're getting an abortion.

- Bob, what's that
on your hand?

- Uh, mega carpal tunnel
wrist guard.

- Okay,
and what about your neck?

- That's a neck brace.

- From--
what happened to you?

- Hmm?
- What happened to you

Besides a life of tragedy?
- I was thrashed.

- What?
- I was thrashed.

- You were thrashed?
- Mm-hmm.

I don't know what it was.
There was a creature.

I was sleeping in a cul de sac,
and I woke up.

Some creature had me
by the scruff of my neck

And was thrashing me around
like a rag doll.

- Was it just a man, or--
- I don't know.

I woke up in a veterinary
emergency room.

- They brought you to a vet
to be treated?

- My hair was longer then.

- Okay, you know,

I feel like this is
just gonna continue...

- Oh, sure.
- Until somebody

Jumps on one of these ideas.
- I have nowhere to go.

- Okay, I'll give you
$100 for the scooper.

- Oh, wow.
Okay, excellent.

- Terrific.
- Do I get paid now?

- You need the $100 right now?
- I don't know how it works.

- Uh, the production's gonna
send you money down the road.

I mean, if you need--

- Oh, are we on television?

- Tell us about your
million-dollar idea.

- My million-dollar idea
is this:

Everyday heroes.

- I love it.

- The paramedic,
saving the life.

The janitor,
making it clean.

The cop on the corner
helping a kid,

Giving him a football card for--
with trivia on it.

- [laughs]
- good luck.

- If you're not wearing shoes
and you're not wearing socks,

You're barefoot.

I didn't know fred flintstone
was flying today.

How are you?
Nice to see you.

You know what movie
actually scares me?

I'm gonna git you sucka.

I gotta go through here,
let 'em use the x-ray machine,

See what's slopping around
inside.

- It'll just be a minute folks,
then he's taking a break.

He promised me himself.
Didn't you, jeff?

- I think I swallowed a whistle
about 12 years ago

During a basketball.

- One, two, three.
- I'm locked in, hold on.

All right, okay.

- [grunts]
- give uncle jeff

A push in the tush.

If they'd let me,
I'd take twice as many.

- [laughs]
you're so strong.

- Uh, hold on.
Uh, hold on.

[beeping]

[beeping]

- Okay, I'm gonna reach
on your stomach.

You okay with that?
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, okay.
Oh, jeez louise.

I don't even need
to get online tonight.

- You like this?
This is hot, right?

[both laughing]

- Is--I-I feel like
she wouldn't be interested

In a guy like me, right?
She's probably got

Some big, black boyfriend,
or something like that.

What would I say
to a girl like that?

- [laughs]
- I don't know.

Try not to say
"lock down plans," though.

Maybe something more casual.

- "you want to lock down sex?"
something like that?

"you want to lock down...
My--"

Really?
You don't have a boyfriend?

- Mm-mmm.
- I can't imagine that.

You're always--
you're always "d-d-d-d-d."

- Oh, I'm just making plans
with my girls, you know?

- Ah.
- Trying to find a man.

- Trying to find a man?
- Trying to lock it down.

- Right?
Trying to lock it down?

- [laughs]

- 'kay.

- Hello, european person.

Are you going to the states
for a holiday?

Well, there's a lot
of rubbish there.

Let me tell you the coolest
things and places to be.

[techno music]

District of columbia is cool
for a class trip,

To buy a baseball hat,
a baseball pant.

They only have two days
for the weekend,

Which is cool, 'cause
you pack in lots of fun stuff

Like beach volleyball
and hamburgers.

U.S. Has, like,
totally defined sexualities,

And you can tell
which is man and which is woman.

Little wayne is a little man
with a big voice.

He is the king of new orleans.

Royalty in the u.S. Is people
like hulk hogan,

His daughter brook hogan,
ben affleck,

A cat who can play piano.

By law, the only rental car
you can get is a pt cruiser.

Jesus is, like,
the coolest person in the u.S.

Like, how frankenstein
is the coolest person in europe.

The coolest museums are
the m&m store in times square.

[techno music]

[party music and chatter]

♪

- Can't believe we've been
roommates this long

And we've never
thrown a party.

Where'd you get
all this stuff?

- Let's just say
I made a life change.

- I use points,
I fill up at the beginning

Of the semester,
do about 5,000.

I actually told this girl here
who's room it is,

Madison over there.

She bought all this chips
and stuff and soda, but like,

She seems, like,
a little green, you know?

[sad music]

- Do you guys just
want to get outta here?

Say good-bye to madison.
Bye, madison.

- To say the least, last night
did not go like I planned.

I was so confused.
Did logan like me, or not?

Was I just another swipe
on his deer dollars card?

[alert beep]

- Sorry,
you have a zero balance.

- What?

- Looks like somebody
had a pretzel party.

- What am I gonna do?

- Well, I can get you breakfast.
I'll use one of my guest passes.

- Elliot, are you sure?
[beep]

I mean, you only get
five per semester,

And people usually like
to save them

For off-campus guests.
- Yeah, I don't mind.

- That's really nice.

- Well, it's not
that big of a deal.

I have a friend of mine
who hacked into the deer net

And put a bunch of points
on his girlfriend's account.

- Could you do that for me?

- Um, yeah. Sure.

- Oh, my god,
I'd love you forever.

- Cool. [chuckles]
I could do that.

- I mean, you've been on it
since the beginning.

I wanted to call it
"the nick show kroll."

You were never onboard.
- No, I wanted.

"krolling around
with nick clown."

- Yes, that was--
that was the name

That you were supporting.
- Yeah.

- And you did not like
"the krollsby show,"

Another pitch of mine.
- [sighs]

I liked that as, like, one
of 100 interchangeable titles

More as--
more than the only title.

- Versus "krolling around
with nick clown."

- That would have worked
as the only title for the show.

[both laughing]

Yes, and we'd be a hit--
we'd be a hit by now

If you'd let me.
- [laughs]

[dubstep music]

All: Get out!
- [whispering] get out.

- Pardon?
- Get "oot"!

- What happened
to the kids of get out!?

- This is...
- Get out!...

- 20 years later.

- I'm angela mackenzie.
I played sharon in get out!

After get out! Came out,
it was explosive, you know.

After things settled down,
I started to feel pretty alone.

Yeah, next thing you know,
I'm strung out on heroin

In vancouver, british columbia,
on hastings and main there.

- After get out!,
I mean, things spiraled,

And, you know,
a lot of girls back then.

Yeah. We called them
"the get out! Girls."

That's what we'd say
when we were done,

"get out," you know?

Hi, I'm quentin brian,
and I played

One of the dancing kids
in the get out! Psa.

But I did end up
turning my back on my parents.

- Hey, there, pal.

You auditioning
for cirque du soleil?

- Look, you know,
gene creemer said to me,

"you could be
in cirque du soleil,"

And I took him at his word,
and, well, I never made it.

I never even came close
to making it.

I can barely touch my toes.

Sorry for disappointing you.

- I'm a bit bigger now.

- It's tough when I see me
saying my famous line up here,

"is this exercise?"
the director was asking me

To say "is--"
put the emphasis on "this,"

And as a kid,
I didn't really understand.

I said,
"is this exercise?"

Is this exercise?

But now I know I should've been,
like, "is this exercise?"

- Yeah.

Since get out!, well,

I've been on some version
of wheels ontario

For my entire adult life.

You know, get out! Actually
inspired me to come out.

I'm a gay man and I live
with my husband in banff.

Got a little cottage there,
we got dogs and cats,

And we got a black child,
so...

- [sighs]

[sad pop music]

♪

- ♪ kid, where you been?

♪ who are you hiding from?

♪ if you need someone
to talk to ♪

[alert chimes]

- [computer voice]
access granted.

- Yes, I'm in.

- You going home for break?
- Nah, not this time.

- Yeah, me neither.

Ain't got nobody
waiting there for me.

Both my parents passed.

- Really?
- Yeah, freshman year.

But forget about that.

Let's go see the "d"
beat the gophers tonight.

- [laughs]
- you know you can use points

To get concessions.

[alert chimes]

- [computer voice]
you have added 500 points

To madison's account.
- Cool.

- Hey, what are you doing
in here?

- I--
- you're in a lot of trouble,

Mister.

- Can I use my meal plan
to make a call?

[walkie beeps]

- Caught a trespasser
in the cafeteria.

- Hey, I got caught.

- I'll be right there.

You gonna call our parents?
- Well, we can call your parents

And deal with this
within the u.P.S. System,

Or I can turn you over
to the police

Where you'll be charged
as adults.

It's your choice.

Narrator: On the next...

- Madison, do you want to spend
spring break with me

Doing habitat for humanity?

- Or you could come see u2
with me in san diego.

[horn blast]
- if you guys wanted to lock in

Plans for after the game,
I would--

You know,
nothing alcohol.

What's the story
with the on-campus restaurant?

Is it a list situation?
They take money?

Is there points?
Can you use points?

I got--I got...$2.

Narrator:
Catch all the highs...

- My product is called
"acc-you-puncture."

It's not supposed to hurt.

- God.
- Oh, what the hell?

Narrator: And the lows.
- Oh, god.

- One side,
you got your liquids,

Flip is over, the other side,
you got your dry foods.

- Um, no.
[chuckles]

- Oh! You've ruined it!

- You can pelt me
with all the questions you want,

But the one thing
you don't have the answer to

Is what I'm about to say next.

When I befriended a group
of aliens just three years ago,

I was lost.
- Okay, there it is.

- There's the answer.

- Well, I had a feeling
something like that was coming.

- Do you believe in yourself,
cal?

- Yeah.

- Do you believe in a cool group
of down-to-earth aliens

Who love to hang out, have fun,
and have great ideas

About what kind of food
you can eat?

- No, that's crazy.

- [whispering]
that's what I thought.

Narrator: With a special visit
from rock legend, nash rickey.

- ♪ l.A. Deli

[rock fanfare]

- I'm here to pitch you
an idea today

For the del rey deli,

The l.A. Deli
near marina del rey.

- That already exists.
- Yeah.

- I've--I've eaten there.

- You're ineligible.

- Fair enough.
Love you guys.

- ♪ I'm gonna ride
that winged beauty on home ♪

- Ha ha.
Good at bizness.

- Some of them aren't doing
too good, you know.

They got out
a little bit too far,

They didn't reel it back in,
you know.

I guess brian eggers is dead.
He's in a lake somewhere.

Got himself involved
in the mafia

And couldn't get out.