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1
00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:08,914
[clock ticking]
2
00:00:26,826 --> 00:00:29,796
- May I be excused
to do my sketch show, please?
3
00:00:29,829 --> 00:00:33,699
- [sighs]
4
00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,541
Fine.
5
00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:40,009
[fast, varied music
and sounds]
6
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:46,850
♪
7
00:00:54,954 --> 00:00:56,464
- I'm not cool with music.
8
00:00:56,489 --> 00:00:58,359
I think it's mainly
out of jealousy.
9
00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,591
Like, it always seems like
10
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:01,026
Musicians have super-hot
girlfriends.
11
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,491
Like, every musician's
girlfriend
12
00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:05,729
Looks like a beautiful,
homeless cat.
13
00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:06,995
"oh, you got
any new albums?"
14
00:01:07,033 --> 00:01:08,173
Like, I don't know.
15
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,201
I just got billy joel's
greatest hits.
16
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:14,306
That's a pretty sweet album.
I know all those songs.
17
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:15,640
[quelled belch]
18
00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:20,005
I just burped.
Sorry.
19
00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:22,206
I'm just constantly
drinking coffee to stay awake.
20
00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:24,318
Why am I so tired
all the time?
21
00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:27,420
Honestly, I could be sleeping,
like, 12 hours a day
22
00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:29,494
And wake up and be, like,
"I gotta [bleep] take a nap."
23
00:01:29,522 --> 00:01:30,862
Is that relatable?
24
00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,520
[bell peals]
25
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:34,489
- Oh, okay,
I'm bobby bottleservice,
26
00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:36,957
Aka, bobby bottleservice.
27
00:01:36,996 --> 00:01:39,096
I have a great desire
to know the unknowable.
28
00:01:39,132 --> 00:01:41,102
To see the unseeable.
29
00:01:41,134 --> 00:01:42,974
To understand paralegal
activity.
30
00:01:43,002 --> 00:01:44,742
Aka, ghosts.
31
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,771
[bell peals]
with me, as per always,
32
00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:49,536
Is my best friend
and night-vision videographer,
33
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:51,236
Peter paparazzo...
34
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:54,977
- Yo, I'm not particularly
afraid of any specific ghost.
35
00:01:55,014 --> 00:01:57,024
- And our deaf/mute
sound guy gian.
36
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:58,880
I mean, this kid
always shows up.
37
00:02:02,021 --> 00:02:08,261
And together,
we're very much ghost bouncers.
38
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:09,734
[woman screams]
39
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:18,298
So we recently got a call from
an old-timey tourist location
40
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:20,038
That they had found ghosts.
41
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,513
So we went down there
to find those ghosts
42
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:25,242
And bounce those ghosts out,
bro.
43
00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:27,448
- This building dates back
to the 1800s,
44
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,380
When it was originally
a brothel.
45
00:02:29,415 --> 00:02:32,145
And in 1854,
there was a massive fire here
46
00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:34,745
That destroyed much of
the third floor and the attic.
47
00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:37,117
- We were very much aroused
to learn that this location
48
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,087
Had at one time been
a brothel.
49
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:40,855
Dude, this place is so old.
50
00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:43,364
There's no, like,
flat screens or anything.
51
00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:46,026
- Yo, is that a ghost?
- No, bro.
52
00:02:46,065 --> 00:02:48,465
That's a very much cute,
adorable elderly woman.
53
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,101
- Since been reconstructed,
and obviously...
54
00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:52,396
- [scoffs] what is this,
little house on the scary?
55
00:02:52,438 --> 00:02:55,508
- [laughs]
gian, you get that, bro?
56
00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:57,412
- Now please follow me
upstairs.
57
00:02:57,443 --> 00:02:58,443
[woman screams]
58
00:02:58,478 --> 00:03:00,308
Now, one girl did die
in the fire.
59
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,676
[woman screams]
she was 16 years old,
60
00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:04,145
And as the story goes,
she was on her way
61
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,554
To turn her first trick.
62
00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:09,015
- So she was a whore?
- She was, yes.
63
00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:11,785
- But in addition to,
as well as, she was a virgin?
64
00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:13,164
- Yes.
65
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,263
- Oh, virgin whore, bro!
- Perfect.
66
00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:18,526
- Perfect. Dude!
[snaps fingers]
67
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,425
Apparently this woman
was a girl
68
00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:23,296
Who was also a virgin but,
as well as, a hooker
69
00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:24,596
Who had died in a fire.
70
00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:30,079
- Some people say they smell
the waft of a jasmine perfume.
71
00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:32,339
- I very much put mathematics
together
72
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:33,608
And realized that this virgin
was also
73
00:03:33,646 --> 00:03:35,976
And, as well as,
the ghost.
74
00:03:36,015 --> 00:03:37,715
[woman screams]
75
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:40,720
Would you date me?
76
00:03:40,753 --> 00:03:43,123
'cause I think I love you.
77
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:45,156
Why do you look away?
Why don't you smile for me?
78
00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:47,261
It turned out this ghost
was no demon.
79
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:50,033
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
She was an angel.
80
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,403
- [ghostly whisper]
bobby.
81
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:55,202
[woman screams]
82
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,835
- So we have been married
for a year,
83
00:03:56,869 --> 00:03:58,839
And we just bought
our first home.
84
00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:00,611
So we went to screws.
- How can I help you?
85
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,610
- Sweetheart, what is it
that we were looking for again?
86
00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:03,912
- I don't remember.
87
00:04:03,943 --> 00:04:05,543
- Ted and gwen said they were
looking for light bulbs,
88
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,308
But I could tell by
the vacant look in their eyes
89
00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:09,177
That they wanted
something more.
90
00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:11,015
Are you guys looking
to build a secret room?
91
00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:13,520
- Yes.
- No.
92
00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:14,723
Both: Yes.
93
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,994
[laughter]
- great. Follow me.
94
00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:19,163
- Joe was amazing.
Just so helpful.
95
00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:20,562
See, he helped us build
a secret room
96
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,033
That we could really
grow with.
97
00:04:22,061 --> 00:04:23,831
I always imagined having,
like, a lot of captives.
98
00:04:23,863 --> 00:04:26,273
- Whereas I had only ever
envisioned just one captive.
99
00:04:26,299 --> 00:04:28,069
- [chuckles]
well, I come from a big family.
100
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,341
- They were all molested.
- Hey...
101
00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:31,900
We molested each other.
- Oh--
102
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,538
- I was molested
as a child too,
103
00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:35,573
So I knew exactly what
they were going after.
104
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:36,878
- It's soundproof?
- Uh-huh.
105
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:38,479
There's also a handle
on it.
106
00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:40,111
- Joe was amazing about
all the fine details
107
00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:41,676
And personal touches
108
00:04:41,714 --> 00:04:42,854
That we never would have
thought of on our own.
109
00:04:42,882 --> 00:04:44,082
- Yeah, I mean, like,
dirty blankets
110
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,747
To make the place look sick.
- Mm-hmm.
111
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,285
Or a door that leads
to nowhere.
112
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:48,750
- All at screws'
everyday low prices.
113
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:50,658
- One of our favorite things
about joe was that
114
00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:52,990
His ethnicity
was nice and ambiguous.
115
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,086
- Like you could
cut him up and eat him,
116
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,598
And you wouldn't know
where the origins
117
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:57,959
Of that meat was from.
118
00:04:57,997 --> 00:04:59,557
- But at the same time,
yeah, exotic.
119
00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:01,269
- Mm-hmm.
- In a really cool way.
120
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,901
- Yeah.
121
00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:05,035
- I'm from the pacific islands.
122
00:05:05,071 --> 00:05:07,871
All along this back part here--
123
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:09,267
What are you guys doing?
124
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,039
I didn't put enough ventilation
in here.
125
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,977
- Shut your pig mouth!
126
00:05:13,012 --> 00:05:17,252
- Hey. Come on.
Let me out of here.
127
00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:18,623
- Shut the [bleep] up!
128
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,723
- ♪ oh, a long time ago
129
00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:25,255
♪ on a long, long island
130
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:30,101
♪ when I wore
a young man's clothes ♪
131
00:05:30,129 --> 00:05:32,099
♪ mmmmmmm
132
00:05:32,131 --> 00:05:33,431
[buoy bell rings]
133
00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:35,466
- Oh, hey, captain jack.
- Hello there, billy.
134
00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:38,441
- I caught you some worms
down at my landscaping job.
135
00:05:38,471 --> 00:05:39,571
Thought you could use 'em
for some bait.
136
00:05:39,605 --> 00:05:41,465
- Sure. Here's a quarter
for you, lad.
137
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:43,737
- Whoa, 25 big ones?
138
00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:46,106
Maybe I could go buy
that boss jacket I saw
139
00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:47,305
In the store window.
140
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,907
- Well, watch this line
for me for a moment,
141
00:05:48,948 --> 00:05:50,948
And there's another quarter
in it for you.
142
00:05:50,983 --> 00:05:52,723
- No problem.
- Hold onto it tight, huh?
143
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:54,052
No daydreaming.
144
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,787
And watch out
for the montauk monster.
145
00:05:56,823 --> 00:05:58,893
[laughs]
- oh, captain jack!
146
00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:01,355
You kill me.
147
00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:02,464
- ♪ mmmmmm
148
00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:05,655
- Hey, bj.
What's up, man?
149
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:07,728
- Aw, beans, I told you
not to call me that.
150
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:09,797
- Hey, you want a hit,
billy?
151
00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:11,836
- Oh, no, thanks, isabella.
I gotta stay sharp
152
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,941
If I'm gonna write
my story songs.
153
00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:15,543
[laughter]
154
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,335
- Yeah, you stay sharp, bj.
155
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,907
We're gonna go dance naked
on the beach.
156
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:21,045
- You wanna come?
- Aw, I can't.
157
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,280
I told captain jack
I'd hold his rod.
158
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:24,316
[laughter]
159
00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:26,990
- Yeah, you go hold
his rod, man.
160
00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:31,855
- ♪ standin' on the dock
161
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:34,431
♪ lookin' at some water
162
00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:39,660
♪ waitin' for a change
to come my way ♪
163
00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:42,169
♪ something something sons
164
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:44,801
♪ something something
daughters ♪
165
00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:47,967
♪ something something
isabella's eyes ♪
166
00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:50,337
Whoa!
167
00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:09,659
[triumphant music]
168
00:07:09,695 --> 00:07:13,495
♪
169
00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,973
Thanks, captain jack!
170
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:21,042
♪
171
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,979
Thanks, captain jack.
172
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:29,384
Boy, that was a close call.
173
00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:31,475
I guess the montauk monster
is real.
174
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:35,417
- Well, I didn't see anything.
[laughter]
175
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,715
I'm very proud of you,
billy.
176
00:07:36,756 --> 00:07:38,386
- But I lost the fish.
- Ah.
177
00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:40,734
But you never let go
of the line, lad.
178
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:43,300
Half of this treasure
belongs to you.
179
00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:44,629
- Holy tamales!
180
00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:46,804
That's all the worms
a guy could ever ask for.
181
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:47,803
- [chuckles]
182
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:51,344
- ♪ da da da da da da dee
183
00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:55,313
- Want to know everything
you want to know
184
00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:56,841
About coming to europe?
Well, watch this video
185
00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:58,276
From the spotted ox hostel,
186
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,681
The coolest hostel
in all the countries of europe.
187
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:05,746
For breakfast,
we'll do something cool,
188
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:08,645
Like have a cigarette, then,
like, a bar of chocolate.
189
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:11,988
Then we for work for, like,
1/2 hour, two 1/2 hour.
190
00:08:12,024 --> 00:08:13,594
And then we go for lunch.
191
00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:16,056
And lunch is usually,
you know, something cool,
192
00:08:16,095 --> 00:08:17,695
Like a cigarette
and, like,
193
00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:19,400
Two, three bottle
red wine.
194
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:21,472
And then, like,
a bowl of heavy cream.
195
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,971
And then dinner, you know,
we'll do something healthy,
196
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:26,573
Like, you know,
four, five sausages,
197
00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:28,366
And then, like,
a chocolate cigarette.
198
00:08:28,407 --> 00:08:30,277
And then we'll invite
our cigarette outside
199
00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:33,039
To take an espresso
and watch the street life.
200
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:35,679
And we so much can eat
as much as we want,
201
00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:38,545
And we never get heavy,
because of olive oil.
202
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,794
So that's what we say.
203
00:08:45,491 --> 00:08:47,761
[crowd cheering]
204
00:08:47,793 --> 00:08:49,903
[whistle blows]
205
00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:51,699
- Time out on the field.
206
00:08:51,731 --> 00:08:55,501
- Ladies and gentlemen,
your on-the-field entertainer,
207
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,395
Making sure you enjoy
every moment of the game,
208
00:08:58,437 --> 00:09:00,807
Rock and roll's
nash ricky.
209
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,610
[heavy metal music]
210
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:05,782
- ♪ time out,
we got a pause in the game ♪
211
00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:08,081
♪ we gotta keep
this party rockin' ♪
212
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:09,784
♪ like a party train
213
00:09:09,815 --> 00:09:12,075
♪ we're gonna rock it
all night ♪
214
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:14,418
♪ and nothing's gonna
stop us, gotta ♪
215
00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:17,563
[whistle blows, music stops]
thank you.
216
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:19,660
- Number 77 reported
as eligible
217
00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:21,532
Third and six
from the 35.
218
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,101
[electrical feedback]
219
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:26,730
Injury stoppage.
This is an official time out.
220
00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:30,936
[heavy metal music]
- ♪ injury on the field
221
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:35,110
♪ but that ain't no reason
for the party to yield ♪
222
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:38,611
♪ injury on the field
223
00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:40,784
♪ but everybody's healthy
224
00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:44,553
♪ on the team called
rock and roll ♪
225
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,054
Ow, guitar!
226
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,416
[whistle blows, music stops]
227
00:09:48,454 --> 00:09:51,624
Thank you.
228
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,827
[whistle blows]
229
00:09:53,859 --> 00:09:55,529
- Time out on the field.
230
00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:58,461
That is santa fe's third
and final time out.
231
00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:00,767
- Check, check, check,
check, check, check.
232
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:01,970
[heavy metal music]
233
00:10:02,001 --> 00:10:05,001
- ♪ icing the kicker
234
00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:07,137
♪ you got me twistin'
and turnin' ♪
235
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:09,313
♪ in your frozen hell
236
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:12,682
♪ icing the kicker
237
00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:14,752
♪ I wanna blow out my brains
238
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:19,180
♪ to avoid your
demon spell ♪
239
00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:21,718
All right!
[whistle blows]
240
00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:24,194
- Fourth and three
from the 35.
241
00:10:24,223 --> 00:10:25,893
♪
242
00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:28,525
[whistle blows]
243
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:31,531
[guitar riffs continue]
244
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:36,744
♪
245
00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:40,969
[crowd cheers]
246
00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:43,337
What a shame.
247
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:46,576
[exciting music]
248
00:10:46,612 --> 00:10:48,082
♪
249
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:50,124
[woman screams]
- I'm happy you guys are here.
250
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:52,149
You know, when I first started
working here,
251
00:10:52,184 --> 00:10:54,254
I thought it was just
a tourist thing,
252
00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:56,816
But now I think this place
really might be haunted
253
00:10:56,856 --> 00:10:58,456
By that virgin ghost.
- Listen...
254
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,361
The last thing
the ghost bouncers want
255
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:03,093
Is for anything to hurt
that beautiful face.
256
00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:05,399
Or what's under that doily,
which I can only assume
257
00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:06,801
Is supernatural.
258
00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:08,172
- Whoa, peter.
259
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,600
Show a little more
very much respect
260
00:11:10,636 --> 00:11:12,536
To this beautiful
creature here.
261
00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:15,341
But in a related notice,
excuse me, are you 911?
262
00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:17,284
- No.
263
00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:19,409
- 'cause I can never
forget you.
264
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:21,175
- I'm going home.
You guys are repulsive.
265
00:11:21,213 --> 00:11:23,213
- Does that mean cool hair?
266
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:24,619
- Excuse me, before you go,
267
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,290
Does this look like the ghost
that you were discussing?
268
00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:29,049
[camera click, motor whirs]
269
00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:30,458
- Let me get a shot
of that, bro.
270
00:11:30,489 --> 00:11:34,789
[shutter clicking repeatedly]
271
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:36,657
- You getting sound
on that, bro?
272
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,356
- Gian, are we getting
good sound on this?
273
00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:43,397
[woman screams]
274
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:46,136
- So this is how
we lure the ghost in.
275
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:50,042
We create a v.I.G. Area--
very important ghost.
276
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:51,876
The v.I.G. Area
is for ghosts
277
00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:53,951
Who want to appear better
than other ghosts
278
00:11:53,979 --> 00:11:57,349
And will spend upwards
of 500 spooky dollars on it.
279
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,153
- Whoa, you smell that?
280
00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:00,545
- Yo, I don't know
what the smell is, bro.
281
00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:02,816
- I'm smelling crazy hits
of jasmine.
282
00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:05,385
And these glow sticks
are all bananas, bro!
283
00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,159
Dude, I'm gonna go upstairs
284
00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:13,257
And see if this virgin whore
is ready to dance.
285
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:15,829
But for real, bro.
- Go for it!
286
00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:19,338
- So while bobby's
luring the girl upstairs
287
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:20,671
With his feminine wiles,
288
00:12:20,706 --> 00:12:24,136
I'm gonna be downstairs
starting the party up, bro.
289
00:12:24,176 --> 00:12:27,446
[beatboxing]
290
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:31,020
♪
291
00:12:35,054 --> 00:12:36,224
- Whoa!
292
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:38,555
- All right, ghost,
I gotta bust you now.
293
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:42,331
Ahhhhh,
but you make it so hard.
294
00:12:42,361 --> 00:12:46,231
Aw, jeez, you're such
a beautiful virgin ghost.
295
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,665
Things have changed so much
since your demise.
296
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:50,471
I don't even know
where to begin.
297
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,403
Okay, for example, this.
298
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:55,438
Big butts are cooler
than tits now.
299
00:12:55,474 --> 00:12:58,084
Multiracial people
are new.
300
00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:00,250
For example, mma is cool.
301
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:03,079
No more professional wrestling
or boxing.
302
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:05,315
Mma is cool.
303
00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:08,851
- From beetlejuice
all the way to casper,
304
00:13:08,888 --> 00:13:11,418
We're gonna get these ghosts.
305
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,987
Oh...Hey, ghosts,
306
00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:15,586
You're frikkin' toast!
307
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,258
- Wait, what was that?
Oh, I think peter's in trouble.
308
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:22,497
You stay here, painting.
309
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,635
Yo, what's going on, bro?
310
00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:26,370
[woman screams]
311
00:13:26,405 --> 00:13:27,805
Wait, hold on.
312
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,580
Is my ghost girlfriend
inside of your body right now?
313
00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:32,079
Has she possessed you?
314
00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:35,081
That's when I realized that
my ghost was no angel.
315
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:36,484
She was a whore.
316
00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:40,285
[man screams, woman screams]
317
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,049
[ghostly laughter]
318
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,086
- You know, the coolest sport
is probably cycling
319
00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:50,598
And the long ski jump.
320
00:13:50,629 --> 00:13:52,559
The coolest thing is
to have a parliament
321
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:53,928
But also a king.
322
00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:56,696
Stuff like kings and queens
are not outdated.
323
00:13:56,735 --> 00:14:00,065
They're very cool, very--
very modern.
324
00:14:00,105 --> 00:14:02,765
We want to make sure that all
our world leaders are corrupt,
325
00:14:02,808 --> 00:14:04,878
And we complain about them,
and then we re-elect them
326
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:06,040
Over and over.
327
00:14:06,078 --> 00:14:08,208
But most of all
we love stadium rock.
328
00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:11,047
The worst country is america,
and the coolest people
329
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:13,353
Are james dean
and ronald mcdonald.
330
00:14:18,891 --> 00:14:21,991
- I didn't put enough
ventilation in here.
331
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:24,327
- No, no, no, no...
- What?
332
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,503
- He's screaming.
It's a turn-off.
333
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,532
I'm sick of it.
- Then give him some--
334
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:30,267
Give him some slop.
He's probably hungry.
335
00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:31,602
- No, 'cause if he has slop,
336
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:33,867
Then he's gonna
soil himself again.
337
00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:36,606
- Well, so? We don't have
to clean the bucket.
338
00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:38,282
- Aaa!
339
00:14:38,310 --> 00:14:39,340
- We don't have
to clean it up?
340
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,508
- We don't have
to clean it up.
341
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:41,876
Just let him sit in it,
you know what I mean?
342
00:14:41,914 --> 00:14:42,914
- Let him sit in it?
343
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:44,448
- Just let him sit
in his own crap.
344
00:14:44,483 --> 00:14:47,923
- Ahh...I love you so much.
- Right? I love y--
345
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:59,928
- Yeah, what's up, america?
I'm sam.I.Am.
346
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:02,865
- This your boy scuba.
- I'm lemon lime.
347
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:06,242
- We about to drop some
serious rhymes on your mind.
348
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:08,712
♪ this is a revolution,
bring down the institution ♪
349
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,511
♪ pollution-producing
collusion ♪
350
00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:13,952
♪ uncle sam, we want you
for execution ♪
351
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:16,279
♪ free your mind,
free your mind, free your mind ♪
352
00:15:16,315 --> 00:15:18,245
- ♪ on the streets,
but we own our beats ♪
353
00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:20,294
- Yo, beats & rice, what's up?
I'm jason, man.
354
00:15:20,319 --> 00:15:21,449
I've been checking you guys out
on the internet.
355
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:22,617
Unbelievable stuff.
356
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,085
I want to get you guys
on my label here.
357
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:25,893
Take a look at this.
- Okay.
358
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,255
You're not gonna change
the message, though, right?
359
00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:28,733
- I'm not gonna change
the message--you kidding me?
360
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,561
The message is the key. Hey,
listen, sweetheart, come here.
361
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:31,996
I want to introduce you
to somebody.
362
00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:34,471
This is lady d.I.Y.
She's gonna be your new singer.
363
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,370
Okay, why don't you guys
get to know each other.
364
00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:38,042
Everybody, we're gonna have
a lot of fun.
365
00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:40,910
Everybody get up there.
Okay, scuba!
366
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,740
- ♪ free your minutes
367
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,375
♪ all your cell phone
minutes ♪
368
00:15:45,411 --> 00:15:47,781
♪ you got to go change
your plan ♪
369
00:15:47,813 --> 00:15:50,213
♪ it's time for you
to take a stand ♪
370
00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:52,019
All three: ♪ sam.I.Am,
lemon lime, scuba ♪
371
00:15:52,051 --> 00:15:53,451
- ♪ y'all know who I am
372
00:15:53,485 --> 00:15:55,545
- ♪ it's time to switch up
your cellular plan ♪
373
00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:56,787
- ♪ tyranny in contracts
374
00:15:56,822 --> 00:15:58,222
♪ different plans
keeping me down ♪
375
00:15:58,257 --> 00:16:00,217
- ♪ lose the service, man,
I look like a clown ♪
376
00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:02,089
- ♪ it's time we all
come together ♪
377
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:05,157
♪ and get the best plan
we ever had ♪
378
00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:07,597
All: China, africa, usa,
germany ♪
379
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:10,133
- ♪ restrictions apply
on all calls overseas ♪
380
00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:13,139
♪
381
00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:14,942
- All right, great show, guys.
Great show.
382
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,744
Listen, I got a great way
to make some easy money.
383
00:16:16,775 --> 00:16:18,575
I'm talking about getting
in the big-box stores.
384
00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:20,040
- But what about our message?
- The message--
385
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:22,449
I'm talking about combining
this sex here with fitness.
386
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:23,921
Okay? That's why, listen,
387
00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:25,879
I had to get rid
of lemon line, all right?
388
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,318
This is remon rye.
389
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:28,753
- Hi. I'm a christian
minister.
390
00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:30,717
- All right, now, let's go
make some money, guys. Come on!
391
00:16:30,756 --> 00:16:32,356
And have some fun too,
all right?
392
00:16:32,391 --> 00:16:34,791
- ♪ free your body right
393
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:35,927
- ♪ fat free, y'all
394
00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:38,401
- ♪ free your body tonight
395
00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:39,660
♪ yeah, yeah
396
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:41,698
- ♪ sit-ups, push-ups,
working the core ♪
397
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:44,644
- ♪ bitch it, perch it
- ♪ dance like a whore
398
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,440
♪ stay hydrated
399
00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:47,672
♪ acknowledge your demons
400
00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:49,466
- The money's gone.
We are in the red.
401
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:50,678
The mansion's foreclosed.
402
00:16:50,709 --> 00:16:53,979
We have drug problems
all around the table.
403
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:57,323
Everybody's on the horse.
Everybody, including myself.
404
00:16:57,349 --> 00:17:00,319
But we have an untapped market.
I'm talking about kids.
405
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:01,322
I'm talking about
the little ones.
406
00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:02,493
- Yeah, but what's the message?
407
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:05,191
- The message is hit the kids
where it counts.
408
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:06,524
It's a cash grab, okay?
409
00:17:06,558 --> 00:17:08,888
It's as much cash
as we can grab.
410
00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:10,657
- ♪ free your poopies
411
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,426
- ♪ when I say poo,
you say poo ♪
412
00:17:12,464 --> 00:17:14,504
All: ♪ poo poo, doo doo
413
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,173
♪ sit on the can,
we know you can ♪
414
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:18,041
♪ don't believe me?
Ask space baby ♪
415
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:19,040
- ♪ no doodies
in the bathtub
416
00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:20,371
- ♪ pee in the potty
417
00:17:20,406 --> 00:17:22,066
- ♪ tell your mom and dad
when you have to go ♪
418
00:17:22,107 --> 00:17:23,567
- ♪ we just pulled over
419
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:24,909
♪ how come you didn't tell us
when you had to go? ♪
420
00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:26,413
- ♪ 'cause I didn't have
to go then ♪
421
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:28,745
- ♪ go, space baby,
go, space baby ♪
422
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,921
♪ go, go, go, space baby
423
00:17:30,949 --> 00:17:33,549
- What's the message?
[fireworks whistling]
424
00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:37,185
- ♪ you're a big boy now
[explosion]
425
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:39,022
- Wha--what happened?
426
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,332
- The coolest way to go out
is to go to discotheque
427
00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:48,704
For very late, and then, uh,
disco, we'll do a cigarette,
428
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,704
An ecstasy pill,
429
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,666
And then go for healthy meal
at kebab place,
430
00:17:53,705 --> 00:17:55,265
And then go outside
and throw rock at the window
431
00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:56,767
And call them pakis.
432
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,909
Go home, and we still live
with our parents,
433
00:17:58,944 --> 00:18:00,514
Even though
we're in our 40s.
434
00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:03,176
You have to complain about
how unfair israel is
435
00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:05,645
But then also be very cruel
to arabs.
436
00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:07,494
We, like, hate racism
437
00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:11,059
But also will call
black footballers monkeys.
438
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,220
And that's real.
439
00:18:18,363 --> 00:18:20,203
- [moans]
- what's going on, bro?
440
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:23,942
I can hear you moaning.
What is happening up here?
441
00:18:23,969 --> 00:18:26,069
Peter,
what's going on, bro?
442
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,205
Wait, hold on.
Is my ghost-whore girlfriend
443
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,940
Inside of your body
right now?
444
00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:32,475
Has she possessed you?
[woman screams]
445
00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:34,511
Is the ghost whore
inside of you, peter?
446
00:18:34,546 --> 00:18:35,876
You let her in you?
447
00:18:35,914 --> 00:18:37,784
What happened
to friendship, bro?
448
00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:40,316
What happened to love
and loyalty, bro?
449
00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:43,722
Gian, you stay out of this!
This isn't your fight.
450
00:18:43,755 --> 00:18:46,685
Nobody but my mother
can love me!
451
00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:49,385
[woman screams]
452
00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:51,698
[woman screams]
453
00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:52,960
[slowed laughter]
454
00:18:52,998 --> 00:18:54,198
[boing]
[woman screams]
455
00:18:57,503 --> 00:19:00,643
- Whoa.
I feel great.
456
00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:01,842
- What happened, pete?
- I don't know, man.
457
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:04,144
All I did was drink
a bottle of vodka,
458
00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:05,906
Then everything went
black eyed peas.
459
00:19:05,944 --> 00:19:08,484
- Dude, I think my ghost
ex-girlfriend
460
00:19:08,514 --> 00:19:10,284
Just roofied you, p.
461
00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:14,315
- Dude, I've never
been roofied before.
462
00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:16,093
I've only roofied,
463
00:19:16,121 --> 00:19:19,321
And now I know that
I can never roofie again.
464
00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:21,028
Unless, like, it's havasu.
465
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:24,559
- Oh, boys will be boys, bro.
- That's right, bro.
466
00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:26,796
- You know what we should do
right now?
467
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,232
Both: Bounce this ghost!
468
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:31,237
- All right, last call!
469
00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:33,070
- You don't have to go
to your haunted house,
470
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:35,635
But you can't stay
at this haunted house.
471
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:39,884
I bounced a ghost today,
but in the process,
472
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,182
I bounced my heart.
473
00:19:41,213 --> 00:19:42,353
[dance music]
474
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:45,551
- Go, gian.
Go, gian.
475
00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:49,224
Whoa! Gian comes through...
Again.
476
00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:51,164
Both: Go, gian! Go, gian!
Go, gian!
477
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,390
- And gian gets mvp again.
478
00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:56,455
- Undercover mvp--
gian, every time.
479
00:19:56,495 --> 00:19:58,225
Let's go!
480
00:19:58,263 --> 00:20:01,433
So as you can see, we bounc-ed
this ghost, past tense.
481
00:20:01,466 --> 00:20:02,966
- All you did was
turn on the lights
482
00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:04,171
And tell the ghost to leave.
483
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,603
- That's where you're wrong.
Look...
484
00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:08,137
Clicker...Zero ghosts.
485
00:20:08,173 --> 00:20:09,573
- Because you reset it
back to zero.
486
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:10,938
- [loudly] no!
487
00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:12,276
- We need to get
to the bottom line,
488
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,451
Which is that my heart
has been broken in half,
489
00:20:14,479 --> 00:20:16,109
And all I have
is this footage,
490
00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:17,548
And the reminder
of this beautiful woman
491
00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:19,153
That I've lost
and I never had.
492
00:20:19,184 --> 00:20:21,124
The only thing
that can make this go away
493
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:24,093
Is, perhaps, a three
or four-way with you.
494
00:20:24,122 --> 00:20:29,392
- Uh, like...Us?
495
00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:31,058
I mean, are you guys
really on tv?
496
00:20:31,096 --> 00:20:32,796
- Very much.
497
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:34,231
- Whatever.
498
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:36,426
- Okay, that was easier
than I expected.
499
00:20:36,468 --> 00:20:37,568
- Cool.
500
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:40,344
[woman screams]
501
00:20:40,372 --> 00:20:42,072
[rock music]
502
00:20:42,107 --> 00:20:44,907
- I love jesus christ,
I love football.
503
00:20:44,943 --> 00:20:47,713
I love singing,
and I love motivating crowds,
504
00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:49,076
And I love to [bleep].
505
00:20:49,114 --> 00:20:51,424
And so just to be here with all
those things that I love,
506
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:53,380
I'm living my dream
every day.
507
00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:56,518
Four years sober and just
doing it every day.
508
00:20:56,555 --> 00:21:01,625
Well, gosh,
I love the internet.
509
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:04,260
- Ha ha.
Good at bizness.
510
00:21:06,665 --> 00:21:10,195
- Ghost...You're toast.
511
00:21:10,235 --> 00:21:11,895
Comin' upstairs...
512
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:15,337
To the v.I.G.,
yo, ghost...
513
00:21:15,374 --> 00:21:17,044
You're toast!
514
00:21:17,075 --> 00:21:18,975
Come downstairs.
515
00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:20,281
Come downst--
[laughs]
37881
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