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1
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,268
I'm c-czar.
Blah, blah, blah.
2
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:19,732
I'm about to become
a teenage dad.
3
00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:23,702
And now six experts are gonna
teach me how to be the one thing
4
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:26,805
That I never had
in my own life--a dad.
5
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:30,276
For every papa quiz I pass,
I get a dope-ass tattoo.
6
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:36,115
Welcome to this is dad academy.
7
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:39,952
Excuse me.
8
00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:44,456
Oh, snap,
it's a little c-czar.
9
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:49,395
I know. It's crazy.
Can you believe it?
10
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:52,498
I understand
that if I want to see
11
00:03:52,532 --> 00:03:54,033
The shorty making my baby,
12
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,634
I must come correct,
13
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,269
Which I will,
tiny professor.
14
00:03:57,304 --> 00:04:00,639
- Bye-bye.
- Bye. I love you, c-czar.
15
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,875
So today I'm meeting
my first dad expert,
16
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,910
And I'm excited
but also annoyed.
17
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:07,146
- I'm the wallet.
18
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,815
- Why do I call you a wallet?
You just a man.
19
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:12,151
- In the structure
of this show,
20
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:14,086
The dad academy,
I represent the wallet.
21
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,955
I'm the financial portion
of the dad program,
22
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,757
And it's my job to get you
financially sound today
23
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,426
So that you can become
the good dad we know you can be.
24
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:22,094
We brought you to a place
25
00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:23,996
That you can afford
on your current budget.
26
00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:25,364
- Okay.
- C-czar.
27
00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:26,632
- What?
- I think the results
28
00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:28,167
Are going to shock
and horrify you.
29
00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:29,802
- For real?
- Yeah.
30
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:32,371
- Okay.
- C-czar, this is it.
31
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:38,310
- Oh, snap,
this place is awesome.
32
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:39,378
- No, this place
is not awesome.
33
00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:40,446
- That's my old crate.
34
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,448
- What?
- This is my house?
35
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,450
- That's a kennel for a dog.
- This is what I lived in
36
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:46,518
For the first two years
of my life, c-czar.
37
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:49,288
I was crate-trained.
38
00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:51,857
- He's calling me c-czar.
Is that...?
39
00:04:51,891 --> 00:04:54,293
- I'm comfortable in here.
40
00:04:54,327 --> 00:04:56,795
- That as it may be,
the house is actually this way.
41
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,631
- Oh, snap, sweet house.
42
00:04:58,665 --> 00:05:01,367
Oh, snap,
my very own bathroom.
43
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:03,102
Let them eat cake.
44
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:06,171
Okay, this is where baby c-czar
will sleep.
45
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:08,941
Okay.
Oh, snap, this is all mine?
46
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,343
All right,
I'm gonna sign my lease.
47
00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:14,847
- So, c-czar, how are you
finding your...?
48
00:05:16,549 --> 00:05:17,916
Who wrote on the wall?
49
00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:19,918
- Uh, that was here
when I got here.
50
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,201
- Okay, c-czar, now good daddies
can't be fibbers.
51
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,034
- [vomiting]
52
00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:51,369
[toilet flushing]
53
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:56,141
- Liz, is it swimsuit season?
54
00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:57,576
- Mm?
55
00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:59,277
- 'cause you just, like,
ralphed.
56
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,346
I could tell that there was
something wrong with liz
57
00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:02,681
'cause we're like twins.
58
00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:05,183
People mistake us
for one another all the time
59
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,152
And not just on the phone.
60
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,954
- Liz, I don't want to say
anything too early,
61
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:10,822
Because, like, I wanted to be,
like, a lady about it,
62
00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:12,791
'cause that's, like, my vibe,
but, like, honestly,
63
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:15,427
The cat's, like, pretty much out
of the bun, and, like...
64
00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:17,996
- What?
65
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:21,299
- I'm pregnant.
66
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,902
- Wha--
67
00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:27,072
That's amazing.
- Thank you.
68
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:29,341
- I'm liz.
69
00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:32,077
My body's changing,
and so are my priorities.
70
00:08:32,111 --> 00:08:33,745
- And I'm liz.
71
00:08:33,779 --> 00:08:34,946
If I have to do all the work,
72
00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:36,748
Then I'm not going
to work at all.
73
00:08:36,782 --> 00:08:38,216
I'm the bigger one.
74
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,152
- And this is temporary.
75
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:42,921
Our p.R. Firm
is called publizity.
76
00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:44,856
[both slurping]
77
00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:46,892
- It's based off our names.
78
00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:51,029
- You have milk voice.
- Shut up, liz.
79
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,435
- I'm keeping it this time.
80
00:08:54,469 --> 00:08:56,904
- Amazing.
- Thank you.
81
00:08:56,938 --> 00:08:58,339
- O.M.G., I'm sorry.
I didn't realize
82
00:08:58,373 --> 00:09:01,275
You could get pregnant from
a guy blasting on your stomach.
83
00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:02,843
I'm trying to think
about the different guys
84
00:09:02,878 --> 00:09:04,312
That have probably [bleep]
on your stomach
85
00:09:04,346 --> 00:09:06,380
That you would then scoop
that [bleep] into your vagina,
86
00:09:06,415 --> 00:09:08,282
Like, using a piece of paper
or, like--
87
00:09:08,317 --> 00:09:10,818
- Well, that would be, like,
an alternative list,
88
00:09:10,852 --> 00:09:12,720
Because, like, this time,
the fellow,
89
00:09:12,754 --> 00:09:14,155
Like, actually,
like, looked me
90
00:09:14,189 --> 00:09:16,891
Right into my face,
and, like, when he saw my face,
91
00:09:16,925 --> 00:09:19,794
That's exactly the moment that,
like, he shot up his stuff,
92
00:09:19,828 --> 00:09:21,062
Like, right inside
of my thing.
93
00:09:21,096 --> 00:09:23,898
The father of the baby
is a toilet baby, c-czar,
94
00:09:23,932 --> 00:09:25,433
And, like, I don't care
who knows that,
95
00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:27,101
Except for, like,
most of the people that I know.
96
00:09:27,135 --> 00:09:28,469
Like, I don't want them
to know,
97
00:09:28,503 --> 00:09:29,870
'cause I'm, like, horrified
by it
98
00:09:29,905 --> 00:09:31,405
And, like, very embarrassed.
99
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,842
Cassandra,
give me the bucket.
100
00:09:34,876 --> 00:09:37,178
[breathes heavily]
101
00:09:37,212 --> 00:09:38,579
[spits]
102
00:09:38,613 --> 00:09:40,047
I just keep throwing up.
103
00:09:40,082 --> 00:09:42,216
- Are you sure
that's not some guy's...
104
00:09:42,250 --> 00:09:44,952
- What?
105
00:09:44,986 --> 00:09:46,854
Oh, the stuff?
106
00:09:46,888 --> 00:09:48,255
Who can never be sure?
107
00:09:48,290 --> 00:09:50,257
- ? extraordinary
108
00:09:50,292 --> 00:09:54,528
? girl
109
00:09:54,563 --> 00:09:57,531
- My doctor says that I need
to be in bed rest.
110
00:09:57,566 --> 00:09:59,500
- Keeping a baby?
Bed rest?
111
00:09:59,534 --> 00:10:01,702
Um, I was about
to lose my cool.
112
00:10:01,737 --> 00:10:03,838
I heard, like, people die
if they stop working.
113
00:10:03,872 --> 00:10:05,072
- If that is the case,
114
00:10:05,107 --> 00:10:06,907
I would be a ghost
blinking at you
115
00:10:06,942 --> 00:10:08,075
From the other dimension.
116
00:10:08,110 --> 00:10:09,543
- Right, but you can still work
from home.
117
00:10:09,578 --> 00:10:10,745
You have a computer.
118
00:10:10,779 --> 00:10:12,146
- Like, I will be at home,
119
00:10:12,180 --> 00:10:14,415
But, like, my niece denise
is coming to visit me.
120
00:10:14,449 --> 00:10:16,517
So, like, I might actually be,
like, impossible to reach.
121
00:10:16,551 --> 00:10:19,720
- Wait. Your niece denise
is coming to visit you?
122
00:10:19,755 --> 00:10:21,522
- Mm.
- Wait. Your niece denise
123
00:10:21,556 --> 00:10:23,791
Is coming to visit you?
- Mm.
124
00:10:23,825 --> 00:10:26,193
My niece denise is coming
to visit me in los angeles,
125
00:10:26,228 --> 00:10:29,230
And, like, frankly...
126
00:10:29,264 --> 00:10:30,664
I don't...
127
00:10:30,699 --> 00:10:32,433
Know what to do
with a child.
128
00:10:32,467 --> 00:10:34,635
Like, honestly, liz,
maybe you can't, like,
129
00:10:34,669 --> 00:10:36,404
Understand what I'm saying
'cause I'm speaking
130
00:10:36,438 --> 00:10:37,738
To you from, like,
within the circle of women
131
00:10:37,773 --> 00:10:40,374
Who, like, are lucky enough
to become mothers.
132
00:10:40,409 --> 00:10:42,042
- Like, I think I could probably
do a much better job
133
00:10:42,077 --> 00:10:43,444
Of taking care
of your niece denise
134
00:10:43,478 --> 00:10:46,480
Or your own baby or this
business than you ever could.
135
00:10:46,515 --> 00:10:47,782
- Like, I'm gonna take
my own advice,
136
00:10:47,816 --> 00:10:49,116
And, like, I'm gonna,
like, go to bed.
137
00:10:49,151 --> 00:10:51,051
And that's
what you're left with.
138
00:10:51,086 --> 00:10:54,188
So I'm storming out.
139
00:10:54,222 --> 00:10:57,491
[dramatic music]
140
00:10:57,526 --> 00:11:00,828
?
141
00:11:00,862 --> 00:11:01,962
- Cassandra!
142
00:11:01,997 --> 00:11:05,166
Clear the bucket.
It's disgusting.
143
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,568
Coming up next...
- On publizity...
144
00:11:07,602 --> 00:11:10,771
Where's my niece denise?
145
00:11:10,806 --> 00:11:12,206
- Yeah.
May I help you?
146
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,109
- I'm just, um, denise.
147
00:11:15,143 --> 00:11:16,177
[dramatic music]
148
00:11:16,211 --> 00:11:18,479
- ? I'll treat you right
149
00:11:18,513 --> 00:11:20,681
- My grandmother
has seen publizity
150
00:11:20,715 --> 00:11:23,984
And has said to me
four or five times,
151
00:11:24,019 --> 00:11:25,753
"you look gorgeous
on the show.
152
00:11:25,787 --> 00:11:27,721
But the other woman is a mess."
153
00:11:27,756 --> 00:11:30,591
And then I say, "no, nana,
that's my friend nick.
154
00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:31,659
That's the man."
155
00:11:31,693 --> 00:11:33,961
And then she says,
"no, it isn't."
156
00:11:33,995 --> 00:11:35,729
She says,
"no, it isn't."
157
00:11:35,764 --> 00:11:36,730
[beep]
158
00:11:36,765 --> 00:11:39,767
[upbeat music]
159
00:11:44,105 --> 00:11:45,840
Both:
Oh, hello.
160
00:11:45,874 --> 00:11:49,610
[jazz music]
161
00:11:49,644 --> 00:11:51,212
- Of course, I'm gil faizon.
162
00:11:51,246 --> 00:11:52,580
- And I'm george st. Geegland.
163
00:11:52,614 --> 00:11:54,348
- This is our prank show,
too much tuna.
164
00:11:54,382 --> 00:11:56,383
- This is the show
where we prank our dear friends
165
00:11:56,418 --> 00:11:58,352
By giving them
too much tuna fish.
166
00:11:58,386 --> 00:12:00,421
- The new thing is prank.
167
00:12:00,455 --> 00:12:02,990
Both:
Today's episode is...
168
00:12:03,024 --> 00:12:04,859
- Our guest today
on too much tuna
169
00:12:04,893 --> 00:12:08,128
Is our dear friend
from great britain, violet.
170
00:12:08,163 --> 00:12:09,864
- Ooh, violet.
She's a great beauty.
171
00:12:09,898 --> 00:12:10,965
Let's talk to her.
172
00:12:10,999 --> 00:12:13,734
Violet, what do you do
with your time?
173
00:12:13,768 --> 00:12:16,470
[keyboard music]
174
00:12:16,505 --> 00:12:19,139
- You must have seen our ad
looking for a nanny.
175
00:12:19,174 --> 00:12:20,641
- Yes.
- Flown here
176
00:12:20,675 --> 00:12:22,176
For the job interview.
177
00:12:22,210 --> 00:12:25,112
- You've got three boys,
and you're looking for a nanny.
178
00:12:25,146 --> 00:12:26,814
- Uh-huh.
- And I'm a nanny,
179
00:12:26,848 --> 00:12:28,682
And here I am.
- Yeah, we remember.
180
00:12:28,717 --> 00:12:30,017
- I know.
So I just...
181
00:12:30,051 --> 00:12:31,719
- Little did you know
that you would be pranked
182
00:12:31,753 --> 00:12:32,887
With too much tuna.
183
00:12:32,921 --> 00:12:34,855
So tell us about yourself.
184
00:12:34,890 --> 00:12:38,125
- Um, well, I've been working
for ten years.
185
00:12:38,159 --> 00:12:39,593
- Oh-ho-ho.
186
00:12:39,628 --> 00:12:40,828
What is this?
187
00:12:40,862 --> 00:12:42,663
What did you order?
188
00:12:42,697 --> 00:12:44,498
- What has been placed
in front of you?
189
00:12:44,533 --> 00:12:45,866
- What did you do?
190
00:12:45,901 --> 00:12:46,967
- Oh.
- I'm sorry.
191
00:12:47,002 --> 00:12:49,203
I don't--
192
00:12:49,237 --> 00:12:50,337
- You've been pranked.
193
00:12:50,372 --> 00:12:51,906
- Look at that.
- Yep.
194
00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:54,542
- Now, wouldn't you say
that that is...?
195
00:12:57,112 --> 00:12:59,613
- So they--they're not coming,
the children?
196
00:12:59,648 --> 00:13:01,682
- Who?
- The kids.
197
00:13:01,716 --> 00:13:03,150
- What kids?
198
00:13:03,184 --> 00:13:04,518
Oh, the fake ad.
199
00:13:04,553 --> 00:13:06,453
No, there's no kids.
- No kids.
200
00:13:06,488 --> 00:13:09,189
- No.
- There's one baby here.
201
00:13:09,224 --> 00:13:10,691
- That guy right there.
202
00:13:10,725 --> 00:13:12,726
- I don't even like tuna,
and you made me fly
203
00:13:12,761 --> 00:13:14,094
All the way over here
from london.
204
00:13:14,129 --> 00:13:15,963
- Why didn't you take the boat?
- Yeah.
205
00:13:15,997 --> 00:13:17,531
I thought you were gonna take
a liner.
206
00:13:17,566 --> 00:13:23,304
- So there's no job,
and there's no children and--
207
00:13:23,338 --> 00:13:24,805
- May I ask you
a question?
208
00:13:24,839 --> 00:13:27,207
And I don't--I don't mean
to be rude.
209
00:13:27,242 --> 00:13:30,244
Do you have
[bleep] memento disease?
210
00:13:30,278 --> 00:13:33,314
'cause every two minutes--
"is there a job?
211
00:13:33,348 --> 00:13:34,648
Is there kids?"
212
00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:36,483
There's no kids.
There's no job.
213
00:13:36,518 --> 00:13:38,252
There's too much tuna.
214
00:13:38,286 --> 00:13:39,787
You're on a prank show.
215
00:13:39,821 --> 00:13:42,890
- Right.
216
00:13:42,924 --> 00:13:45,659
- Would you sign a release?
217
00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:48,195
[jazz music]
218
00:13:50,966 --> 00:13:52,399
- Have you ever heard
of those people whose sex thing
219
00:13:52,434 --> 00:13:53,634
Is that they want
to be babies?
220
00:13:53,668 --> 00:13:54,902
- Yeah.
- God.
221
00:13:54,936 --> 00:13:56,403
- Do you know what
the deal is with those people,
222
00:13:56,438 --> 00:13:57,871
Like, who, like, they want
to dress like babies?
223
00:13:57,906 --> 00:13:59,506
Like, do they [bleep]
at any point?
224
00:13:59,541 --> 00:14:01,542
- I don't know.
I think they do.
225
00:14:01,576 --> 00:14:04,712
But I think it's like,
"oh, you made a mess.
226
00:14:04,746 --> 00:14:06,280
You're a bad baby."
- right.
227
00:14:06,314 --> 00:14:07,581
- And then I think
when they get boners,
228
00:14:07,616 --> 00:14:09,316
They all act
like it's such a surprise--
229
00:14:09,351 --> 00:14:13,053
Like, look what the baby did.
[laughter]
230
00:14:13,088 --> 00:14:15,389
- ? I'll treat you right
231
00:14:15,423 --> 00:14:17,191
- So liz has abandoned us,
232
00:14:17,225 --> 00:14:20,027
So it's up to us
to pick up the slack, okay?
233
00:14:20,061 --> 00:14:23,597
[door closes]
- um, hello?
234
00:14:23,632 --> 00:14:25,132
- Yeah.
May I help you?
235
00:14:25,166 --> 00:14:26,900
- Um, I'm denise.
236
00:14:26,935 --> 00:14:28,535
- Yeah, my name is liz.
I'm part of publizity.
237
00:14:28,570 --> 00:14:29,603
It's based off our names.
238
00:14:29,638 --> 00:14:31,705
- Uh...
239
00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:34,608
Do you know
where my aunt elizabeth is?
240
00:14:34,643 --> 00:14:36,977
- Okay, you guys, get
the [bleep] out of here, okay?
241
00:14:37,012 --> 00:14:38,779
Hi, sweetheart.
242
00:14:38,813 --> 00:14:44,318
- Um, I'm my aunt elizabeth's
niece denise.
243
00:14:44,352 --> 00:14:46,487
And...
244
00:14:46,521 --> 00:14:49,023
What the heck?
245
00:14:49,057 --> 00:14:50,290
- That's cassandra.
246
00:14:50,325 --> 00:14:52,326
You don't have
to pay attention to her, okay?
247
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:55,829
So you came here to see
your aunt elizabeth.
248
00:14:55,864 --> 00:14:58,232
- Exactly. My aunt elizabeth
invited me to come
249
00:14:58,266 --> 00:15:00,200
And visit her,
and so I did.
250
00:15:00,235 --> 00:15:02,670
And she sent me
in a limousine from the airport.
251
00:15:02,704 --> 00:15:05,172
I feel like I should call
my parents and tell them that...
252
00:15:05,206 --> 00:15:06,607
[breathes deeply]
253
00:15:06,641 --> 00:15:08,842
My aunt elizabeth
didn't come after the limo.
254
00:15:08,877 --> 00:15:10,978
- Your parents talk
about your aunt elizabeth?
255
00:15:11,012 --> 00:15:13,080
- They say that she's
a piece-of-trash person.
256
00:15:13,114 --> 00:15:14,648
- You're funny.
I like you.
257
00:15:14,683 --> 00:15:16,083
- You're funny.
258
00:15:16,117 --> 00:15:17,518
You're basically the largest
woman I've ever seen.
259
00:15:17,552 --> 00:15:19,753
- Oh, my god, thank you.
- You're welcome.
260
00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:21,789
- Maybe we should, like,
go out to lunch
261
00:15:21,823 --> 00:15:23,257
And just have,
like, girl talk.
262
00:15:23,291 --> 00:15:24,491
- Is this a trick?
263
00:15:24,526 --> 00:15:26,694
- Look, you have this sweet,
lost little girl.
264
00:15:26,728 --> 00:15:29,296
It's, like, my mothering
instincts just, like...
265
00:15:29,330 --> 00:15:31,598
[deep voice]
kick in.
266
00:15:31,633 --> 00:15:34,601
[upbeat music]
267
00:15:34,636 --> 00:15:41,942
?
268
00:15:41,976 --> 00:15:44,144
And, like, now
I just, like, want to eat salad.
269
00:15:44,179 --> 00:15:45,612
It's, like, crazy.
270
00:15:45,647 --> 00:15:47,314
It's, like,
that's what I'm craving.
271
00:15:47,348 --> 00:15:49,349
So, like, that's
what I'm having for lunch.
272
00:15:49,384 --> 00:15:50,884
- Nice shoes.
I like those.
273
00:15:50,919 --> 00:15:53,053
- Oh, you like them?
- Yeah, they're great.
274
00:15:53,088 --> 00:15:54,855
- Yeah, we got 'em
on a shopping spree today.
275
00:15:54,889 --> 00:15:57,024
- It's amazing
what you can get shopping.
276
00:15:57,058 --> 00:15:58,192
- Wait.
Hold on one second.
277
00:15:58,226 --> 00:16:01,128
Are you a photographer?
- Yeah.
278
00:16:01,162 --> 00:16:03,964
- Well, this is denise.
She's visiting.
279
00:16:03,998 --> 00:16:05,466
- Hi.
- Hey.
280
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:08,802
- Oh, my god.
I just had an amazing idea.
281
00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:10,537
There's, like,
crazy artistic chemistry
282
00:16:10,572 --> 00:16:12,139
Happening here.
[camera shutter clicking]
283
00:16:12,173 --> 00:16:15,008
Would you be interested in doing
a photo shoot with denise
284
00:16:15,043 --> 00:16:17,044
So she can get, like,
some head shots and stuff?
285
00:16:17,078 --> 00:16:18,912
- What do you think?
I mean, of course I want
286
00:16:18,947 --> 00:16:20,013
To take pictures of her.
287
00:16:20,048 --> 00:16:21,749
- Am I being discovered
right now?
288
00:16:21,783 --> 00:16:23,817
And if so, can you please take
my picture
289
00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:25,185
By a coconut palm tree?
290
00:16:25,220 --> 00:16:28,021
- I can take your picture
next to just about anything.
291
00:16:28,056 --> 00:16:29,523
Let's start right now.
[cell phone buzzing]
292
00:16:29,557 --> 00:16:31,592
- Okay, you know what?
I just have to take this call.
293
00:16:31,626 --> 00:16:32,659
You guys sit down
and figure it out.
294
00:16:32,694 --> 00:16:34,561
No, just do it.
I got to take this.
295
00:16:34,596 --> 00:16:36,597
- Wait, wait, wait.
- Hello? No, cassandra!
296
00:16:36,631 --> 00:16:38,398
You're being a [bleep] idiot!
- Liz!
297
00:16:38,433 --> 00:16:40,000
Liz.
298
00:16:40,034 --> 00:16:42,202
Oh, we're starting?
[camera shutter clicks]
299
00:16:42,237 --> 00:16:44,404
Can I see?
300
00:16:44,439 --> 00:16:46,206
[camera shutter clicks]
can I see?
301
00:16:46,241 --> 00:16:47,875
- Oh, these are great.
[camera shutter clicks]
302
00:16:47,909 --> 00:16:49,443
- Can I see it?
303
00:16:49,477 --> 00:16:52,880
[camera shutter clicks]
may I please see it?
304
00:16:52,914 --> 00:16:55,048
[camera shutter clicks]
oh, that was a wink.
305
00:16:55,083 --> 00:16:57,317
- Oh, my god,
I see magazine covers here.
306
00:16:57,352 --> 00:16:58,886
- Really?
Do you know where liz went?
307
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:00,788
- Who's liz?
308
00:17:00,822 --> 00:17:03,390
- Liz is my...
[camera shutter clicks]
309
00:17:03,424 --> 00:17:06,693
Liz is my...
[camera shutter clicking]
310
00:17:06,728 --> 00:17:09,596
Liz is my...
311
00:17:09,631 --> 00:17:11,799
[camera shutter clicking]
- you're my niece now.
312
00:17:14,335 --> 00:17:15,903
- Did you like marty mcfly?
313
00:17:15,937 --> 00:17:17,404
- I loved marty mcfly.
314
00:17:17,438 --> 00:17:18,672
He was my hero.
315
00:17:18,706 --> 00:17:21,074
And I watched back to the future
again recently.
316
00:17:21,109 --> 00:17:23,343
Marty mcfly is a 17-year-old
high-school student...
317
00:17:23,378 --> 00:17:24,678
- Mm-hmm.
318
00:17:24,712 --> 00:17:27,915
- Whose best friend is
a disgraced nuclear physicist.
319
00:17:27,949 --> 00:17:29,683
And they never--
320
00:17:29,717 --> 00:17:32,519
They never, ever explain
how they became friends.
321
00:17:32,554 --> 00:17:33,654
- That's--
- they don't even try.
322
00:17:33,688 --> 00:17:34,988
And we all accepted it.
323
00:17:35,023 --> 00:17:36,523
We were like,
"oh, who's the best friend?
324
00:17:36,558 --> 00:17:38,926
"a disgraced nuclear scientist?
Oh, okay, proceed.
325
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,427
Oh, very good."
[beep]
326
00:17:40,461 --> 00:17:41,862
- Hey, excuse me.
No, sorry.
327
00:17:41,896 --> 00:17:43,096
Sweetheart, sweetheart,
please, don't--
328
00:17:43,131 --> 00:17:44,331
Don't take the sandwich.
- Excuse me.
329
00:17:44,365 --> 00:17:46,166
- Excuse me.
Don't take the sandwich.
330
00:17:46,201 --> 00:17:48,302
- Excuse me. What are you doing
taking private property?
331
00:17:48,336 --> 00:17:51,939
- I thought this was, like,
what I got--a tuna sandwich.
332
00:17:51,973 --> 00:17:54,408
- You don't get that.
We're gang-shooting these today.
333
00:17:57,145 --> 00:17:58,812
- No vegetable has made
a bigger 180 in my lifetime
334
00:17:58,847 --> 00:17:59,980
Than brussels sprouts,
I feel like.
335
00:18:00,014 --> 00:18:01,048
Have I done this already?
336
00:18:01,082 --> 00:18:03,417
- ? I'll treat you right
337
00:18:08,223 --> 00:18:12,192
- How's the portrait
coming along, cassandra?
338
00:18:12,227 --> 00:18:15,462
It's the key
to every photo ever taken of me,
339
00:18:15,496 --> 00:18:18,298
And this is supposed to be for
my profile picture on facebook.
340
00:18:18,333 --> 00:18:22,603
Oh, well, liz decided
to get out of bed for once.
341
00:18:22,637 --> 00:18:24,538
- Has anyone seen
my niece denise?
342
00:18:24,572 --> 00:18:27,641
- Oh, actually--
- cassandra, not now!
343
00:18:27,675 --> 00:18:28,742
I'm busy!
344
00:18:28,776 --> 00:18:30,878
- But--
- [groans]
345
00:18:30,912 --> 00:18:32,813
- Stress is not good
for babies,
346
00:18:32,847 --> 00:18:34,448
But, like, luckily
for the fetus,
347
00:18:34,482 --> 00:18:37,017
I'm one of the chillest people
in california.
348
00:18:37,051 --> 00:18:39,920
I am [bleep] flipping out
right now.
349
00:18:39,954 --> 00:18:42,723
I know that my niece denise
got picked up from the airport
350
00:18:42,757 --> 00:18:44,791
Because my limo app
keeps saying, "done-zo."
351
00:18:44,826 --> 00:18:45,959
- Really, liz?
352
00:18:45,994 --> 00:18:47,961
You send a limo
to pick up your niece?
353
00:18:47,996 --> 00:18:49,930
I would have been in that limo,
because every niece
354
00:18:49,964 --> 00:18:51,698
Deserves an aunt charming.
355
00:18:51,733 --> 00:18:53,901
[grunting creepily]
356
00:18:53,935 --> 00:18:55,535
I'm not always honest with you,
and I'm gonna be,
357
00:18:55,570 --> 00:18:56,770
Like, completely honest
with you.
358
00:18:56,804 --> 00:18:58,071
- So shoot it into my face.
359
00:18:58,106 --> 00:18:59,439
- Yeah, like,
basically the idea
360
00:18:59,474 --> 00:19:00,941
That you feel
like you're ready
361
00:19:00,975 --> 00:19:03,010
To bring a baby into the world,
but you can't even keep track
362
00:19:03,044 --> 00:19:04,344
Of your own niece denise...
363
00:19:04,379 --> 00:19:05,846
- How dare you?
364
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:07,114
- You're at home,
like, doing nothing,
365
00:19:07,148 --> 00:19:08,515
Like, home alone,
like, "aah," no.
366
00:19:08,549 --> 00:19:11,184
I hope a big bucket of nails
runs into your face,
367
00:19:11,219 --> 00:19:12,286
Like, at 100 miles per hour.
368
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,087
- Well, I just hope,
like, a glue sheet
369
00:19:14,122 --> 00:19:16,123
Flies in your face
and you get, like, feathers.
370
00:19:16,157 --> 00:19:17,758
- Oh, my god.
371
00:19:17,792 --> 00:19:20,260
Honestly, I feel
so much pressure right now,
372
00:19:20,295 --> 00:19:22,663
Because it's, like,
I'm taking care of the business.
373
00:19:22,697 --> 00:19:24,164
I'm babysitting
your niece denise--
374
00:19:24,198 --> 00:19:25,832
- Wait.
Hold on.
375
00:19:25,867 --> 00:19:28,201
Did you see my niece denise?
376
00:19:28,236 --> 00:19:30,637
- [murmurs]
377
00:19:30,672 --> 00:19:32,105
- Honestly, if you saw
my niece denise
378
00:19:32,140 --> 00:19:33,807
And you didn't even say anything
to me when you knew
379
00:19:33,841 --> 00:19:35,142
Exactly where I was camped out
380
00:19:35,176 --> 00:19:37,044
Not doing a single thing
or a stitch of work,
381
00:19:37,078 --> 00:19:40,714
I'm, like, honestly, liz...
382
00:19:42,350 --> 00:19:43,650
- Sorry.
383
00:19:43,685 --> 00:19:44,818
- Cassandra!
384
00:19:44,852 --> 00:19:47,220
Did you hear
the apology that liz gave to me?
385
00:19:47,255 --> 00:19:50,123
Because I was not able
to hear it.
386
00:19:50,158 --> 00:19:51,491
- I'm right behind you.
- [screams]
387
00:19:51,526 --> 00:19:53,360
What is this?
388
00:19:53,394 --> 00:19:56,563
I know this face.
389
00:19:56,597 --> 00:19:59,633
I don't even know where.
It's like a...
390
00:19:59,667 --> 00:20:00,867
- It's me.
391
00:20:00,902 --> 00:20:02,502
- Oh, my god, liz.
392
00:20:02,537 --> 00:20:06,540
You look, like--and I don't use
this word lightly--
393
00:20:06,574 --> 00:20:08,809
Amazing.
394
00:20:08,843 --> 00:20:11,311
- It's, like, a portrait,
like, based off my face.
395
00:20:11,346 --> 00:20:12,479
- And that's, like,
such a spook-out,
396
00:20:12,513 --> 00:20:13,847
'cause, like, honestly,
our company's,
397
00:20:13,881 --> 00:20:15,549
Like, based off our names.
- Yeah.
398
00:20:15,583 --> 00:20:17,784
Totally. It's, like, totally
based off our names.
399
00:20:17,819 --> 00:20:20,220
And it's, like,
I'm sorry.
400
00:20:20,254 --> 00:20:22,155
You're my best friend.
401
00:20:22,190 --> 00:20:23,557
- Like, liz,
you're my best friend.
402
00:20:23,591 --> 00:20:26,026
- And I just, like,
love you so much.
403
00:20:26,060 --> 00:20:28,362
- I love you too, liz.
404
00:20:28,396 --> 00:20:29,596
- Oh, my god, cassandra.
405
00:20:29,630 --> 00:20:31,732
Why are you staring at us,
you, like, pervert?
406
00:20:31,766 --> 00:20:33,934
- Get a girlfriend.
- Oh, my god.
407
00:20:33,968 --> 00:20:35,702
[laughter]
408
00:20:35,737 --> 00:20:37,704
- Um, but where is
my niece denise?
409
00:20:37,739 --> 00:20:41,074
- [murmuring]
oh, my god.
410
00:20:41,109 --> 00:20:43,944
- [deep voice]
you're my niece now.
411
00:20:45,646 --> 00:20:48,248
- If you have any information
or tips about the whereabouts
412
00:20:48,282 --> 00:20:49,449
Of this young woman,
413
00:20:49,484 --> 00:20:50,951
Please send a stamped envelope
414
00:20:50,985 --> 00:20:53,920
To publizity entertainment
or down to the precinct.
415
00:20:53,955 --> 00:20:55,622
- ? I miss you
416
00:20:55,656 --> 00:21:02,629
? when you're far away
417
00:21:02,663 --> 00:21:04,998
- Ha ha.
418
00:21:06,444 --> 00:21:08,078
- You've been living
beyond your means thus far.
419
00:21:08,112 --> 00:21:09,546
- What does "means" mean?
420
00:21:09,581 --> 00:21:11,281
- If I could just finish this
and we'll get through it,
421
00:21:11,316 --> 00:21:12,683
We'll get on to the next thing.
- Okay.
422
00:21:12,717 --> 00:21:13,750
- Three, two, one.
423
00:21:13,785 --> 00:21:16,053
C-czar, we are--
- one, two, three.
424
00:21:16,087 --> 00:21:18,221
- Oh, [bleep].
- One, two, three.
425
00:21:18,256 --> 00:21:19,756
C-czar, listen.
Okay, go.
426
00:21:19,806 --> 00:21:24,356
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