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1
00:00:03,844 --> 00:00:05,995
I'm on the bus, man.
It's not even going anywhere.
2
00:00:06,827 --> 00:00:08,595
Allow it, man. You come to my yard.
3
00:00:08,755 --> 00:00:10,475
I ain't going to your yard,
{your yard}it's swag.
4
00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:13,583
Shut up! No!
You is coming to my house, bitch!
5
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:18,355
Does he really think we all want
to hear him argue with his... bitch?
6
00:00:18,515 --> 00:00:21,567
{I don't fink so.}It's none of your business
where I was last night, woman!
7
00:00:24,675 --> 00:00:27,794
- That thing with Shaniqua was nuffin'.
- Oh, shut up!
8
00:00:29,595 --> 00:00:31,234
{Come on, }I'll knock him for six, man.
9
00:00:31,354 --> 00:00:33,614
I'll knock him out.
They call me Rocky Balboa.
10
00:00:35,155 --> 00:00:37,812
You're like some stalker, man,
all the time calling me{, calling me}...
11
00:00:37,932 --> 00:00:38,918
And sleep.
12
00:00:41,354 --> 00:00:44,458
Shut up, bitch! I'm just gonna
come up there and just tear it up.
13
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,512
I've had enough of you!
Come here!
14
00:00:56,744 --> 00:00:59,546
I'd let that just go to voicemail,
if I were you.
15
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:01,585
Shut up, man!
16
00:01:03,594 --> 00:01:05,234
- What?
- Nothing.
17
00:01:06,409 --> 00:01:07,874
Batty boy, man.
18
00:01:08,768 --> 00:01:10,778
Some gaylord watching me.
19
00:01:11,555 --> 00:01:13,389
.:: La Fabrique ::.
20
00:01:13,509 --> 00:01:15,075
Dickheads Team
21
00:01:15,235 --> 00:01:17,130
Synchro: mpm & Arrow
22
00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:26,395
Episode 205
Don goes gay
23
00:01:29,317 --> 00:01:31,817
I had sex with Mrs Treacher
last night.
24
00:01:31,969 --> 00:01:33,759
It's a bit awkward this morning.
25
00:01:34,241 --> 00:01:35,755
I'm kidding, I'm kidding!
26
00:01:36,524 --> 00:01:37,524
Imagine!
27
00:01:43,155 --> 00:01:45,504
- This is my brother, Jamie.
- Hey, Don.
28
00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:47,195
Heard a lot about you.
29
00:01:47,355 --> 00:01:49,264
Really?
Not all bad, I hope.
30
00:01:52,701 --> 00:01:54,515
I said, "Not all bad, I hope."
31
00:01:54,945 --> 00:01:57,435
No, Sam raves about you.
32
00:01:59,294 --> 00:02:00,275
Where's Eddie?
33
00:02:00,435 --> 00:02:02,915
He's off fetching me
my Saturday paper.
34
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,917
Well, if you wanna sit down,
I'll go and get us a cup of tea.
35
00:02:13,179 --> 00:02:14,115
Take a pew.
36
00:02:20,317 --> 00:02:22,595
Wouldn't worry
about Angry Ronnie Corbett here.
37
00:02:22,755 --> 00:02:24,715
That's just her default face.
38
00:02:24,949 --> 00:02:27,715
Doesn't matter what mood she's in,
she always has that look.
39
00:02:27,875 --> 00:02:29,875
I call it "The Face of Death".
40
00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:32,708
Even if you make her laugh,
she goes back to it.{ Look.}
41
00:02:32,828 --> 00:02:34,875
Watch this.
Mrs T, look.
42
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:47,241
See?
43
00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:49,268
All right?
44
00:02:50,155 --> 00:02:51,555
My husband's dead.
45
00:02:52,557 --> 00:02:53,595
You all right?
46
00:02:53,755 --> 00:02:55,055
Yeah, I'm great!
47
00:02:56,037 --> 00:02:58,317
That's Samantha's brother?
48
00:02:58,674 --> 00:03:00,537
Yeah. Looks nothing like her.
49
00:03:00,657 --> 00:03:01,799
Thank God!
50
00:03:03,945 --> 00:03:05,245
What's the joke?
51
00:03:05,705 --> 00:03:07,475
Dunno.
Your love life?
52
00:03:07,635 --> 00:03:09,261
Stop showing off, you,
53
00:03:09,381 --> 00:03:11,602
or I'll pull your pants down,
{in front of everyone} like I did at school.
54
00:03:11,722 --> 00:03:14,235
You can try,
but I'm not little any more.
55
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,008
That's not what I've heard.
56
00:03:17,237 --> 00:03:18,437
Got you there.
57
00:03:21,107 --> 00:03:23,894
Where is Eddie
with my freaking paper?
58
00:03:29,755 --> 00:03:32,057
She used to have this terrible habit
of sleepwalking
59
00:03:32,235 --> 00:03:34,037
and weeing herself.
60
00:03:34,157 --> 00:03:35,955
Rubbish!
I never once did that!
61
00:03:36,115 --> 00:03:37,995
You sleepwalked
to the top of the stairs{ that time}
62
00:03:38,155 --> 00:03:40,345
and then peed all down the banister.
63
00:03:40,807 --> 00:03:42,195
All right, I did it once.
64
00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:44,955
But at least I didn't dress up
in little girl's clothes.
65
00:03:45,115 --> 00:03:46,675
Well, actually, you did.
66
00:03:47,064 --> 00:03:48,475
You were a little girl.
67
00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:56,675
- There you go, Don.
- About time, Eddie. Jeez!
68
00:03:57,395 --> 00:03:59,755
There we go. TV listings.
69
00:04:00,391 --> 00:04:01,991
Chuck that in the bin.
70
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:04,952
What, aren't you going to read it?
71
00:04:05,072 --> 00:04:06,795
No. That's the boring stuff.
72
00:04:07,517 --> 00:04:08,998
No, I've got what I want here.
73
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:11,995
Let's see if there's any
Costner on tonight.
74
00:04:12,717 --> 00:04:13,755
Right,
75
00:04:13,925 --> 00:04:15,155
see you later.
76
00:04:16,475 --> 00:04:18,004
Good to meet you, guys.
77
00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:19,583
See you, Jamie.
78
00:04:20,470 --> 00:04:22,554
Seems all right for a homo.
79
00:04:23,635 --> 00:04:25,195
Don't be so disrespectful.
80
00:04:25,355 --> 00:04:26,875
He's not gay.
81
00:04:29,387 --> 00:04:31,755
Even I can tell
that he's homosexual.
82
00:04:31,915 --> 00:04:33,063
No, you see...
83
00:04:33,183 --> 00:04:35,884
You're mistaking
homosexual for metrosexual.
84
00:04:36,004 --> 00:04:37,235
You know... like me?
85
00:04:37,395 --> 00:04:39,397
I have no idea
what a metrosexist is,
86
00:04:39,517 --> 00:04:41,795
but I know Jamie's not one.
87
00:04:41,955 --> 00:04:43,205
He's gaysexual.
88
00:04:43,729 --> 00:04:45,856
I've seen them on the telly.
89
00:04:46,195 --> 00:04:49,075
That's just what blokes
are like nowadays, Gollum.
90
00:04:49,304 --> 00:04:51,395
Men aren't men like they used to be.
91
00:04:51,555 --> 00:04:53,523
They're not like Steven Seagal.
92
00:04:53,643 --> 00:04:57,643
Straight guys now
are like Simon Cowell or Rupert Everett.
93
00:04:58,235 --> 00:04:59,235
Bollocks!
94
00:05:00,082 --> 00:05:01,975
We all went out
for a drink that night.
95
00:05:02,095 --> 00:05:04,515
Who'd have thought Sam
had such a funny brother?
96
00:05:05,061 --> 00:05:06,953
Come on, Samantha, it's your round.
97
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,084
And no snakebite and blacks,
98
00:05:10,204 --> 00:05:12,383
or whatever it is
students drink these days.
99
00:05:12,503 --> 00:05:15,820
If she had it her way,
we'd all be drinking cider in the park.
100
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:19,755
- And smoking roll-ups.
- Yeah. Wearing Che Guevara T-shirts.
101
00:05:19,915 --> 00:05:22,315
Oh, my God! I wish I'd never
introduced you both.
102
00:05:22,475 --> 00:05:24,355
Come on, I'll give you a hand.
103
00:05:26,878 --> 00:05:28,272
He's so not gay.
104
00:05:29,548 --> 00:05:30,637
Maybe you're right.
105
00:05:30,757 --> 00:05:32,990
- What do I know?
- You know nothing.
106
00:05:34,032 --> 00:05:37,480
He's so funny, so witty, so biting.
107
00:05:38,565 --> 00:05:40,995
And he's very well dressed.
I love him.
108
00:05:41,155 --> 00:05:42,195
Is Don gay?
109
00:05:43,584 --> 00:05:44,506
What?
110
00:05:46,069 --> 00:05:47,369
He's gay, right?
111
00:05:50,105 --> 00:05:51,105
Gay?!
112
00:05:55,125 --> 00:05:56,225
Yeah. He is.
113
00:05:56,577 --> 00:05:58,836
- He's very gay.
- Why didn't you tell me?
114
00:05:58,956 --> 00:06:00,256
Well, because...
115
00:06:01,473 --> 00:06:04,569
Wait...
You're not interested in him, are you?
116
00:06:05,654 --> 00:06:07,235
You know I like the naughty ones.
117
00:06:10,659 --> 00:06:13,388
How long have he
and that Eddie guy been together?
118
00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:15,116
Him and Eddie?
119
00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:19,235
They kind of have an on-off thing.
120
00:06:19,395 --> 00:06:20,945
But they are "off"...
121
00:06:21,229 --> 00:06:22,429
at the moment.
122
00:06:26,439 --> 00:06:28,552
If you see some crisp
on my face, just tell me.
123
00:06:28,672 --> 00:06:30,835
Don't dive in and wipe it yourself.
124
00:06:31,022 --> 00:06:34,235
I mean, I don't want Jamie thinking
we're a couple or something.
125
00:06:36,262 --> 00:06:38,870
So, anyone know the Arsenal result?
126
00:06:38,990 --> 00:06:40,635
Likes football. Not gay.
127
00:06:40,795 --> 00:06:43,795
You're asking the wrong person.
Don doesn't watch or play sport.
128
00:06:44,263 --> 00:06:46,390
- I play sport.
- Really?
129
00:06:46,917 --> 00:06:48,642
- What do you play?
- Billiards.
130
00:06:49,948 --> 00:06:51,555
It was 2-1 to the Arsenal.
131
00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,235
Cool. What, you support them too?
132
00:06:54,195 --> 00:06:55,345
I'm with Don.
133
00:06:55,512 --> 00:06:56,348
What?
134
00:06:56,995 --> 00:06:58,810
I'm not a fan of football, either.
135
00:06:58,930 --> 00:07:02,195
But he read the paper this morning,
so he'll have remembered all the scores
136
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:04,124
to every match.
And all the news.
137
00:07:04,244 --> 00:07:06,675
Ask him anything that was in the paper
and he'll tell you.
138
00:07:06,835 --> 00:07:08,395
- Go on, do it, it's great!
- OK.
139
00:07:08,655 --> 00:07:11,315
What was on page... 12?
140
00:07:13,763 --> 00:07:15,155
Alien sighting in Penge.
141
00:07:16,390 --> 00:07:19,045
That was good.
OK, what was on page 40?
142
00:07:19,395 --> 00:07:21,114
Oh, that's easy. The crossword.
143
00:07:21,234 --> 00:07:22,805
Three across, five letters.
144
00:07:22,925 --> 00:07:25,195
Clue, plastic music.
Answer, vinyl.
145
00:07:25,355 --> 00:07:28,115
Seven down, seven letters.
Nelson's ship.
146
00:07:28,275 --> 00:07:31,995
Answer, Victory. 12 across, 10 letters.
Track from Fleetwood Mac's
147
00:07:32,155 --> 00:07:34,122
Tango In The Night.
Answer, Everywhere.
148
00:07:34,242 --> 00:07:35,690
Six down, four, three.
149
00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:39,010
1988 Dustin Hoffman Oscar winner.
Answer, Rain Man...
150
00:07:52,918 --> 00:07:55,997
I tell you, my nan
had some pretty nifty records!
151
00:08:02,574 --> 00:08:03,755
What's that noise?
152
00:08:06,675 --> 00:08:08,337
I'm trying to sleep!
153
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:13,624
Stop playing
that bloody techno music!
154
00:08:14,123 --> 00:08:15,845
You silly gremlin!
155
00:08:15,965 --> 00:08:17,869
She thinks that's techno!
156
00:08:19,047 --> 00:08:21,086
We'll try and keep it down.
157
00:08:21,435 --> 00:08:24,641
Right, I'm off to ged...
Bed!
158
00:08:25,141 --> 00:08:26,475
You're pissed!
159
00:08:26,635 --> 00:08:27,555
No, I'm not.
160
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:29,489
She never admits it
when she's drunk.
161
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:32,123
So... where am I sleeping?
Sofa?
162
00:08:32,875 --> 00:08:34,754
I'm afraid the sofa
is not very comfy.
163
00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:37,475
- I don't mind.
- You could sleep in Don's room.
164
00:08:38,158 --> 00:08:39,835
- What?
- Sounds like fun.
165
00:08:41,914 --> 00:08:45,035
I mean, you can't expect him
to sleep down here, where it's all cold.
166
00:08:46,797 --> 00:08:47,635
All right!
167
00:08:47,869 --> 00:08:50,258
God! I suppose it could be a laugh.
168
00:08:50,435 --> 00:08:53,598
It'll be like being back at school.
No wanking games, though!
169
00:08:53,718 --> 00:08:55,555
- Can I come too?
- Get lost, Eddie!
170
00:08:55,715 --> 00:08:58,075
- Go on. We could throon.
- "Throon"?
171
00:08:58,235 --> 00:09:01,355
That's when three people spoon.
Eddie calls it "throoning".
172
00:09:01,515 --> 00:09:04,197
We throoned with Mrs Treacher
last week, didn't we?
173
00:09:04,675 --> 00:09:06,795
I'm gonna let you guys fight it out.
174
00:09:07,281 --> 00:09:09,131
Have fun in your sleepover.
175
00:09:11,668 --> 00:09:13,118
Come on, then, you.
176
00:09:13,722 --> 00:09:15,057
Let's go to bed.
177
00:09:15,435 --> 00:09:17,715
You'll clear up all the mess,
won't you, Edward?
178
00:09:18,712 --> 00:09:19,712
Good.
179
00:09:28,966 --> 00:09:31,555
What's Eddie like, eh?
Getting jealous.
180
00:09:33,792 --> 00:09:35,195
You can't blame him, can you?
181
00:09:35,355 --> 00:09:37,155
Yes. He's a pillock.
182
00:09:39,685 --> 00:09:41,155
Come on, hurry up. It's cold.
183
00:09:41,721 --> 00:09:45,639
He needs to understand that we
don't have to do everything together.
184
00:09:47,033 --> 00:09:48,911
Anyway, you OK with this?
185
00:09:49,031 --> 00:09:50,331
Yeah, of course!
186
00:09:51,005 --> 00:09:51,955
You?
187
00:09:53,575 --> 00:09:55,362
You don't wanna go top to tail?
188
00:09:55,482 --> 00:09:56,509
Really?
189
00:09:56,955 --> 00:09:59,235
Some guys I know,
they don't like that.
190
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,275
I much prefer it.
191
00:10:03,435 --> 00:10:04,435
Right.
192
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,195
Imagine!
193
00:10:14,851 --> 00:10:16,727
Wait one cotton-picking minute!
194
00:10:16,847 --> 00:10:18,077
What's going on?
195
00:10:18,554 --> 00:10:19,557
Oh... God!
196
00:10:19,677 --> 00:10:21,315
I thought you were...
197
00:10:21,765 --> 00:10:23,775
- I thought you weren't!
- Well!
198
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:26,315
God!
This is awkward.
199
00:10:26,817 --> 00:10:30,395
Wait a minute. Where on earth did you
get the idea I might be a gayman?
200
00:10:31,117 --> 00:10:32,117
My sister.
201
00:10:32,355 --> 00:10:33,915
What? Oh, great!
202
00:10:40,358 --> 00:10:43,497
Don and Jamie sittin' in a tree,
203
00:10:44,115 --> 00:10:46,903
B-U-M-M-I-N...
204
00:10:49,283 --> 00:10:50,909
Look, I'm really sorry.
205
00:10:51,029 --> 00:10:54,103
This was obviously
her idea of a joke.
206
00:10:55,037 --> 00:10:57,235
But you actually thought
I was a gayman?
207
00:10:57,464 --> 00:10:58,595
Are you offended?
208
00:11:00,470 --> 00:11:03,515
I just don't see why you would think
such a kooky thing.
209
00:11:04,237 --> 00:11:07,337
Your relationship with that Eddie guy,
for a start.
210
00:11:07,515 --> 00:11:09,676
People are always saying that.
211
00:11:09,897 --> 00:11:12,675
We don't do anything
that is remotely gay.
212
00:11:18,466 --> 00:11:20,157
Right, I'm going to bed.
213
00:11:20,277 --> 00:11:21,277
Night.
214
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:29,096
- Sometimes we finish each other's...
- Sentences.
215
00:11:31,130 --> 00:11:32,802
- There we go...
- Again!
216
00:11:35,669 --> 00:11:36,869
Thanks, Eddie.
217
00:11:38,779 --> 00:11:41,068
I really ought to tell him
to back off a bit.
218
00:11:41,435 --> 00:11:43,875
You do have a gayish quality, Don.
219
00:11:44,035 --> 00:11:45,956
I'm not gay. I'm not.
220
00:11:46,146 --> 00:11:48,875
I thought about it once.
See? Open-minded.
221
00:11:49,197 --> 00:11:50,835
And I decided I could never be gay,
222
00:11:50,995 --> 00:11:53,691
because I simply don't like
the music.
223
00:11:54,155 --> 00:11:55,035
What?
224
00:11:55,250 --> 00:11:59,250
The music. It's all thump, thump,
thump, thump, thump with the gays.
225
00:11:59,610 --> 00:12:01,913
From what I've witnessed,
they only listen to music
226
00:12:02,033 --> 00:12:03,556
in gyms or nightclubs.
227
00:12:03,676 --> 00:12:07,675
I mean, do you know any gaymen
who listen to Radiohead or Nick Drake?
228
00:12:09,066 --> 00:12:12,997
Do you realise what a huge,
sweeping generalisation that is?
229
00:12:13,364 --> 00:12:16,075
Still, at least you didn't say
we all like Judy Garland.
230
00:12:17,014 --> 00:12:19,475
You know about Judy Garland?
She rocks!
231
00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:22,675
My God! You're serious.
232
00:12:23,011 --> 00:12:24,053
Yeah, man, yeah.
233
00:12:24,173 --> 00:12:27,715
My nan left behind loads of her records.
Garland's awesome.
234
00:12:30,899 --> 00:12:33,684
Oh, my God!
You are so gay!
235
00:12:33,804 --> 00:12:36,115
- No, you are.
- No, you are.
236
00:12:39,435 --> 00:12:41,185
No, you are actually gay.
237
00:12:41,355 --> 00:12:42,605
This is stupid.
238
00:12:43,673 --> 00:12:45,988
Look, all I'm saying is, you know,
239
00:12:46,196 --> 00:12:48,077
you're vain, you're bitchy,
240
00:12:48,197 --> 00:12:50,715
you don't like football,
you don't know anything about cars
241
00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:53,475
and you take forever to get ready.
242
00:12:53,950 --> 00:12:57,715
Not exactly alpha hetero qualities,
now, are they?
243
00:13:01,357 --> 00:13:03,278
What does Jamie know, anyway?
244
00:13:03,398 --> 00:13:04,789
Just cos he's gay.
245
00:13:05,142 --> 00:13:07,621
I mean, I'm not vain or bitchy.
246
00:13:09,536 --> 00:13:11,254
Sam said I'm receding.
247
00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,278
She doesn't know
what she's talking about.
248
00:13:13,398 --> 00:13:15,406
She said the same thing about me.
249
00:13:15,994 --> 00:13:17,546
Sometimes I hate that woman.
250
00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:19,795
- "I used to be a model."
- Yeah, right!
251
00:13:19,955 --> 00:13:21,788
Hand model, more like. Cow!
252
00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:26,635
All right. But I don't take forever
to get ready.
253
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,506
Are you ready to leave? You've been
in front of the mirror for 2 h.
254
00:13:30,672 --> 00:13:32,073
Yeah, I wanna look good.
255
00:13:32,193 --> 00:13:35,195
We are only going to pick up
a takeaway pizza, Don.
256
00:13:35,459 --> 00:13:38,595
OK, but I like football
and know stuff about cars.
257
00:13:38,755 --> 00:13:41,930
Can we please hurry up before everyone
starts piling out the pubs?
258
00:13:42,050 --> 00:13:43,998
You know that big game's on tonight.
259
00:13:44,145 --> 00:13:47,050
Oh, God! I hate football.
How are we getting there?
260
00:13:47,314 --> 00:13:49,155
We're going in my Volvo.
261
00:13:50,042 --> 00:13:51,355
What's a Volvo?
262
00:13:52,237 --> 00:13:53,322
Oh, shit!
263
00:13:53,806 --> 00:13:54,806
I'm gay.
264
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,774
I still can't believe you did that.
265
00:14:02,894 --> 00:14:06,612
Well, you deserved it. You both did.
You were ganging up on me all night.
266
00:14:09,876 --> 00:14:11,186
What's this, then?
267
00:14:11,306 --> 00:14:12,235
Coffee?
268
00:14:14,167 --> 00:14:15,595
Join us, if you want.
269
00:14:17,395 --> 00:14:20,171
- Do you still think we were gonna go...
- I'm gay!
270
00:14:21,149 --> 00:14:22,270
Jamie's right.
271
00:14:22,390 --> 00:14:23,795
I thought about it last night
272
00:14:23,955 --> 00:14:25,315
and I've decided...
273
00:14:25,475 --> 00:14:26,475
I am...
274
00:14:27,102 --> 00:14:28,276
a gayman.
275
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,588
Don, why don't you sit down?
276
00:14:32,970 --> 00:14:35,806
I've just came to ask if... you...
277
00:14:37,066 --> 00:14:38,560
would be my boyfriend?
278
00:14:39,497 --> 00:14:41,235
- What?
- Will you be my boyfriend?
279
00:14:42,595 --> 00:14:44,379
It doesn't just work like that.
280
00:14:44,875 --> 00:14:48,435
I need someone to show me the ropes,
you know, break me in.
281
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:49,796
Not like that!
282
00:14:50,435 --> 00:14:53,236
OK, like that,
but one step at a time.
283
00:14:53,596 --> 00:14:55,474
Don, you are not gay.
284
00:14:56,682 --> 00:14:57,946
Bless you, Samantha.
285
00:14:58,066 --> 00:14:59,945
I know it's gonna be hard
for you to accept.
286
00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:02,035
It's gonna be hard
for a lot of chicklets.
287
00:15:02,378 --> 00:15:04,499
Look, if you're serious,
288
00:15:04,709 --> 00:15:06,197
why don't we go out on a date
289
00:15:06,317 --> 00:15:08,154
and we'll take it from there, yeah?
290
00:15:09,384 --> 00:15:10,734
- A date?
- Yes.
291
00:15:11,129 --> 00:15:12,794
- A date.
- You are kidding me!
292
00:15:15,069 --> 00:15:16,968
You and me on a date. Right, OK.
293
00:15:18,070 --> 00:15:19,993
Sure, yeah. Pick me up at eight.
294
00:15:21,636 --> 00:15:23,714
I'm staying at your house, remember?
295
00:15:24,061 --> 00:15:24,960
Fine.
296
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,230
Pick me up from my room at eight.
297
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:31,638
Seriously?
298
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,390
You started it.
299
00:15:33,627 --> 00:15:36,019
Now, you must be thinking
this is very extreme.
300
00:15:36,139 --> 00:15:38,709
But I didn't wanna be
one of those "am I, aren't I?" types.
301
00:15:38,829 --> 00:15:41,396
So I went to work that afternoon
a proud gayman.
302
00:15:41,516 --> 00:15:43,395
Don. Here a minute.
303
00:15:43,956 --> 00:15:44,995
Morning, boss.
304
00:15:45,156 --> 00:15:47,919
Right. This isn't easy to say,
so I'll just say it.
305
00:15:48,901 --> 00:15:50,747
I'm gonna have to let you go.
306
00:15:51,134 --> 00:15:52,134
I'm sorry.
307
00:15:52,755 --> 00:15:54,675
Actually, I'm not.
You've been a disaster.
308
00:15:54,836 --> 00:15:56,582
What, you're firing me?
309
00:15:56,755 --> 00:15:59,515
You might as well leave now.
I don't want you upsetting customers.
310
00:15:59,675 --> 00:16:00,903
Oh, I get it.
311
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:03,427
Yeah, I see what this is about.
312
00:16:04,045 --> 00:16:06,155
- You're bad at your job.
- It's cos I'm gay, isn't it?
313
00:16:06,316 --> 00:16:07,731
No, it's not. I...
314
00:16:07,851 --> 00:16:08,691
What?
315
00:16:08,998 --> 00:16:10,048
You're gay?
316
00:16:10,475 --> 00:16:14,233
I don't believe this. I've always heard
them going on about discrimination,
317
00:16:14,353 --> 00:16:16,475
but I thought
that was just attention seeking.
318
00:16:16,636 --> 00:16:20,355
- Don, if this is some kind of joke...
- Being gay is not a joke, Jason!
319
00:16:20,694 --> 00:16:23,028
Yes, it looks fun, and camp,
320
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:26,983
and most gay celebrities are amusing,
or they dress up in ladies' clothing.
321
00:16:27,103 --> 00:16:30,403
But that doesn't automatically mean
it's fun and games.
322
00:16:30,921 --> 00:16:31,921
Jesus!
323
00:16:32,590 --> 00:16:34,274
You... of all people.
324
00:16:34,436 --> 00:16:36,795
- And what does that mean?
- Well, you're a Jew.
325
00:16:36,956 --> 00:16:39,106
You and us together in Auschwitz.
326
00:16:39,886 --> 00:16:41,555
What?
I'm not Jewish!
327
00:16:41,715 --> 00:16:44,309
What are you so worried about, Jason?
That I'll give everyone AIDS?
328
00:16:44,429 --> 00:16:46,612
- No, I just...
- Jason's got AIDS now!
329
00:16:46,732 --> 00:16:47,675
Don, stop it.
330
00:16:48,794 --> 00:16:50,305
She's got AIDS now!
331
00:16:50,425 --> 00:16:52,529
Oh, my God! I've got AIDS!
332
00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:56,755
{Don't you think }You're overreacting{?}.
333
00:16:56,915 --> 00:16:58,825
Try telling that
to the millions of homosexuals
334
00:16:58,945 --> 00:17:02,000
who are killed every second
just for being gay.
335
00:17:02,915 --> 00:17:03,985
There's one.
336
00:17:04,509 --> 00:17:05,621
There's another.
337
00:17:05,741 --> 00:17:07,618
You know what you can do
with your job, Jason?
338
00:17:07,795 --> 00:17:10,500
You can stick it
where we gays make love.
339
00:17:11,074 --> 00:17:13,074
And I do not mean the bedroom.
340
00:17:14,396 --> 00:17:16,835
I'll give you one more warning.
But that's it.
341
00:17:17,482 --> 00:17:19,395
- I'll think about it.
- What?
342
00:17:19,556 --> 00:17:20,756
OK, I'll stay.
343
00:17:21,371 --> 00:17:23,175
And... I'll forgive you.
344
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:32,880
I was really looking forward
to my gay date with Jamie.
345
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,755
I decided to bunk off work early
that afternoon
346
00:17:35,915 --> 00:17:37,194
and go home and prepare.
347
00:17:43,989 --> 00:17:45,075
Can I have a word?
348
00:17:45,236 --> 00:17:47,969
Certainly, Samantha.
Which word would you like?
349
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:51,675
Tell you what, take "vagina".
I won't be needing that any more.
350
00:17:51,835 --> 00:17:53,808
Look, I just wanted to apologise
351
00:17:53,928 --> 00:17:56,200
for getting you caught up
in our sibling rivalry.
352
00:17:56,755 --> 00:17:59,433
You don't need to apologise.
I'm glad you did it.
353
00:18:00,007 --> 00:18:00,887
What?
354
00:18:01,007 --> 00:18:03,994
I might've gone my whole life
not knowing about my gayness.
355
00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:06,155
But you did an amazing thing,
356
00:18:06,563 --> 00:18:09,673
despite it being a cruel,
nasty joke for your own entertainment.
357
00:18:09,915 --> 00:18:11,440
But you're not gay.
358
00:18:11,795 --> 00:18:15,188
It makes so much sense. Why have I
never had a proper relationship before?
359
00:18:15,635 --> 00:18:18,264
Come on!
You've had relationships, haven't you?
360
00:18:26,768 --> 00:18:28,118
That was great...
361
00:18:29,882 --> 00:18:30,882
Janet?
362
00:18:33,369 --> 00:18:34,369
Josie?
363
00:18:35,001 --> 00:18:35,889
Look, Don,
364
00:18:36,009 --> 00:18:39,661
I've had a long, hard think
and I just can't see a future for us.
365
00:18:41,690 --> 00:18:43,195
It's only our first date.
366
00:18:43,355 --> 00:18:44,355
Thanks.
367
00:18:46,172 --> 00:18:47,422
This was great!
368
00:18:50,944 --> 00:18:52,315
I'm a gayman, Sam.
369
00:18:52,681 --> 00:18:54,955
It explains my commitment issues
370
00:18:55,116 --> 00:18:57,373
and why I've always wondered
what it would be like
371
00:18:57,493 --> 00:18:59,089
to cuddle Keanu Reeves...
372
00:18:59,883 --> 00:19:00,955
in the nude.
373
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:02,635
I got them.
374
00:19:05,675 --> 00:19:07,115
I have sex every day.
375
00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:08,195
With yourself.
376
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:10,190
Yes, with myself.
377
00:19:10,574 --> 00:19:13,331
And at no point do I ever go,
"Oh, my God!
378
00:19:13,451 --> 00:19:15,475
"There's a man's hand on my penis."
379
00:19:15,953 --> 00:19:17,706
- So?
- So I clearly don't mind
380
00:19:17,826 --> 00:19:19,995
having a man's hand on my penis.
381
00:19:20,165 --> 00:19:21,755
Yeah, because it's your hand.
382
00:19:21,915 --> 00:19:23,583
It's still a man's hand, isn't it?
383
00:19:23,703 --> 00:19:24,844
And I like it.
384
00:19:25,134 --> 00:19:26,417
Love it, in fact.
385
00:19:27,626 --> 00:19:29,714
You wouldn't understand.
You're not a gayman.
386
00:19:29,875 --> 00:19:32,555
Would you stop saying gayman,
because it is not actually a word.
387
00:19:32,716 --> 00:19:33,836
It must be.
388
00:19:33,956 --> 00:19:35,962
It's like Englishman. Or Dutchman.
389
00:19:36,082 --> 00:19:38,274
Or German-man.
390
00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:41,275
No, it's not, because an Englishman
is from England.
391
00:19:41,395 --> 00:19:43,084
You are not from Gayland.
392
00:19:43,204 --> 00:19:44,435
There's no such thing.
393
00:19:44,607 --> 00:19:45,499
Isn't there?
394
00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:47,471
I mean, there are gaylords.
395
00:19:47,591 --> 00:19:49,904
And you can't have lords
without a land.
396
00:19:51,241 --> 00:19:52,075
Come!
397
00:19:53,436 --> 00:19:54,874
Oh, Jamie. Stop it.
398
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,635
You're not meant to see me yet.
399
00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:57,741
My God!
400
00:19:57,861 --> 00:20:00,116
Jamie, come on.
Let's leave him to it.
401
00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:01,875
I'll be waiting downstairs.
402
00:20:02,489 --> 00:20:03,965
OK, sweet cheeks.
403
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:06,075
Right.
404
00:20:06,591 --> 00:20:08,581
Come on, what have you got for me?
405
00:20:12,997 --> 00:20:15,009
I can tell you're in a mood,
Eddie Singh.
406
00:20:15,129 --> 00:20:15,955
What is it?
407
00:20:16,655 --> 00:20:18,195
You used to call me "sweet cheeks".
408
00:20:21,369 --> 00:20:23,835
What you and I have is platonic.
409
00:20:24,441 --> 00:20:25,515
You're not my type.
410
00:20:25,875 --> 00:20:27,791
You look like an overgrown baby.
411
00:20:45,194 --> 00:20:46,915
What are you wearing, Don?
412
00:20:47,884 --> 00:20:50,058
- What do you mean?
- Those clothes.
413
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:52,308
Well, this is just how I roll now.
414
00:21:02,355 --> 00:21:05,355
- And so I was on my first gay date.
- Good luck.
415
00:21:05,856 --> 00:21:08,847
We went for dinner, but I insisted
we leave early, because...
416
00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:10,200
I'm out now.
417
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:12,114
I wanna go to a gay restaurant.
418
00:21:12,234 --> 00:21:15,177
You know? Where there's gay people.
And gay food.
419
00:21:15,297 --> 00:21:19,297
Being gay doesn't automatically mean
you only go to gay places, Don.
420
00:21:19,847 --> 00:21:21,616
I know what this is about.
421
00:21:21,736 --> 00:21:24,431
You've got a thing for straights,
haven't you?
422
00:21:24,551 --> 00:21:25,355
What?
423
00:21:25,516 --> 00:21:27,023
I was straight when you met me.
424
00:21:27,143 --> 00:21:29,306
Then tonight you take me
to a straight restaurant.
425
00:21:29,426 --> 00:21:31,170
And flirted
with the straight waiter.
426
00:21:31,515 --> 00:21:33,651
But I told you,
I was just being polite.
427
00:21:33,771 --> 00:21:36,595
Polite? I got a girl pregnant once
by being polite.
428
00:21:37,626 --> 00:21:39,596
You wanna go where there's gays?
429
00:21:40,337 --> 00:21:42,195
I think I know somewhere open.
430
00:21:42,355 --> 00:21:43,931
But just relax!
431
00:21:44,744 --> 00:21:46,044
OK. I'm relaxed.
432
00:21:52,669 --> 00:21:55,219
We're queer, we're here,
get used to it!
433
00:21:59,562 --> 00:22:00,562
Oh, God.
434
00:22:01,275 --> 00:22:03,217
- What's up?
- That's just reminded me
435
00:22:03,337 --> 00:22:05,275
that Don's on a date
with my brother.
436
00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:08,870
It's actually making me feel
a bit queasy.
437
00:22:09,187 --> 00:22:10,942
It's like catching
438
00:22:11,062 --> 00:22:13,435
your annoying uncle in bed
with your dad or something.
439
00:22:13,596 --> 00:22:15,514
Oh, dear.
What, that happened to you too?
440
00:22:17,408 --> 00:22:19,243
That was a strange Christmas.
441
00:22:22,356 --> 00:22:25,129
I mean, Don is simply not gay.
442
00:22:25,567 --> 00:22:26,600
I must say,
443
00:22:27,275 --> 00:22:29,125
it all does seem a little odd.
444
00:22:30,943 --> 00:22:32,595
What exactly are you making, Eddie?
445
00:22:33,531 --> 00:22:34,981
Saucisse de poulet.
446
00:22:35,701 --> 00:22:38,075
- A what?
- Oh, a chicken sausage.
447
00:22:54,875 --> 00:22:58,317
- Why are they all staring at us?
- They're checking us out.
448
00:22:59,735 --> 00:23:01,185
They're so blatant.
449
00:23:05,132 --> 00:23:06,315
All right, mate?
450
00:23:09,003 --> 00:23:10,003
All right?
451
00:23:12,580 --> 00:23:14,023
You get the drinks in.
452
00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:15,632
I'm going for a slash.
453
00:23:16,393 --> 00:23:17,393
Be quick!
454
00:23:20,207 --> 00:23:21,555
Two beers, please.
455
00:23:27,272 --> 00:23:28,834
So shall we go, then?
456
00:23:28,995 --> 00:23:30,526
- Sorry?
- I'm not.
457
00:23:30,748 --> 00:23:31,834
I'm horny, though.
458
00:23:31,996 --> 00:23:34,235
What, you and me? Just like that?
459
00:23:34,715 --> 00:23:37,796
- Do you have {your eye on }something better?
- No, it's just, well,
460
00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:39,732
we haven't... met.
461
00:23:40,338 --> 00:23:43,235
- Don't you like to talk first?
- Why would I wanna do that?
462
00:23:44,597 --> 00:23:47,275
- Gays are so much better than women.
- Come on, then.
463
00:23:47,813 --> 00:23:49,926
Back the truck up a minute, gayman.
464
00:23:50,115 --> 00:23:51,395
I've only just come out.
465
00:23:51,556 --> 00:23:54,275
- I don't care what time you got here.
- No, no. I mean out.
466
00:23:54,436 --> 00:23:55,936
Of the closet, yeah?
467
00:23:56,878 --> 00:23:57,878
How sweet.
468
00:23:58,547 --> 00:24:01,366
- How about a dance?
- I didn't do dance when I was straight,
469
00:24:01,486 --> 00:24:03,486
I'm not about to start danc...
470
00:24:19,442 --> 00:24:20,933
What are you doing?
471
00:24:21,053 --> 00:24:22,515
He's with me. Get lost.
472
00:24:24,991 --> 00:24:27,715
- Actually...
- I said, he's with me.
473
00:24:28,367 --> 00:24:30,834
Now turn around
or I'll kick the shit out of you.
474
00:24:32,244 --> 00:24:33,494
He's all yours.
475
00:24:38,635 --> 00:24:40,335
Come back, I beg of you!
476
00:24:52,833 --> 00:24:54,073
I'm telling you,
477
00:24:54,193 --> 00:24:57,130
in all my years on the straight circuit,
I have never, ever
478
00:24:57,250 --> 00:24:59,650
had two women fight over me
like that.
479
00:25:01,315 --> 00:25:04,229
It has done wonders
for my confidence.
480
00:25:05,317 --> 00:25:06,686
That was just a bar
481
00:25:06,806 --> 00:25:08,955
where people go to get laid.
482
00:25:09,441 --> 00:25:11,291
Not all gays are like that.
483
00:25:11,411 --> 00:25:14,761
Some are interested in having
a monogamous relationship.
484
00:25:15,506 --> 00:25:17,914
What's the point in that?
You may as well be straight.
485
00:25:18,076 --> 00:25:20,555
Don, I'm not convinced you're gay.
486
00:25:20,716 --> 00:25:22,543
I am. I am. Look, I'm gay.
487
00:25:23,132 --> 00:25:24,115
Come on.
488
00:25:24,275 --> 00:25:25,474
You fancy men?
489
00:25:25,945 --> 00:25:27,389
I fancy Keanu Reeves.
490
00:25:28,397 --> 00:25:29,515
But not me?
491
00:25:30,573 --> 00:25:31,920
I'm just a bit nervous.
492
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,012
You know, this is very new to me.
493
00:25:37,433 --> 00:25:39,195
Do you need me to help you?
494
00:25:40,506 --> 00:25:41,756
That'd be nice.
495
00:25:44,671 --> 00:25:45,671
Right.
496
00:25:47,436 --> 00:25:49,186
Straight for the Johnson?
497
00:25:52,877 --> 00:25:54,380
Now, I know what you're thinking.
498
00:25:54,500 --> 00:25:56,362
Actually,
I don't know what you're thinking.
499
00:25:56,482 --> 00:25:58,970
But I'll talk you through
what I'm thinking.
500
00:25:59,441 --> 00:26:00,632
Oh, my God.
501
00:26:00,752 --> 00:26:02,555
I'm getting a blowy from a man.
502
00:26:02,715 --> 00:26:03,884
A fella. A gay.
503
00:26:04,004 --> 00:26:07,004
Shit, what am I doing?
This is Samantha's brother.
504
00:26:10,817 --> 00:26:12,122
Do it to me, Samantha.
505
00:26:12,242 --> 00:26:14,309
Oh, God, that's good, yes. Hang on.
506
00:26:14,429 --> 00:26:15,405
What am I doing?
507
00:26:15,525 --> 00:26:16,915
I'm sorry, I can't do this.
508
00:26:19,487 --> 00:26:20,915
- What?
- I'm sorry,
509
00:26:21,075 --> 00:26:22,035
I'm not gay.
510
00:26:23,275 --> 00:26:25,159
I guess I just needed a man...
511
00:26:25,468 --> 00:26:27,275
to suck me off to work it out.
512
00:26:27,436 --> 00:26:28,555
I'm so sorry.
513
00:26:28,851 --> 00:26:29,915
I'm sorry.
514
00:26:32,218 --> 00:26:33,499
I'm gonna go.
515
00:26:33,887 --> 00:26:36,173
Up to Sam's room.
516
00:26:40,826 --> 00:26:41,826
Sorry.
517
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,232
Oh, God!
518
00:26:47,716 --> 00:26:49,675
- Hey, Don.
- Jon Bon Jesus!
519
00:26:51,236 --> 00:26:52,995
How long have you been there?
520
00:26:53,155 --> 00:26:54,674
Most of the evening.
521
00:26:55,726 --> 00:26:59,275
You don't say a word about the blowy,
not to anyone, right?
522
00:26:59,508 --> 00:27:00,535
Abso-lulu.
523
00:27:00,655 --> 00:27:02,653
Not a word about the blowy.
524
00:27:04,396 --> 00:27:06,195
- I can't believe what you did!
- What?
525
00:27:06,542 --> 00:27:08,180
I didn't do anything.
What did he say?
526
00:27:08,435 --> 00:27:10,395
{He just said }That you finally admitted
you weren't homosexual.
527
00:27:10,861 --> 00:27:12,715
What, and that was all he said?
528
00:27:13,538 --> 00:27:15,915
I knew you weren't. I can't believe
you made all that stuff up.
529
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:17,915
I didn't make it up.
530
00:27:18,087 --> 00:27:19,906
{You know, }I honestly thought I might be.
531
00:27:20,026 --> 00:27:22,576
{You know, }I'm going through
an experimental phase.
532
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:24,275
But you'll be pleased to know
533
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,915
I am now definitely a ladies' man.
534
00:27:28,815 --> 00:27:30,155
That's ridiculous.
535
00:27:34,230 --> 00:27:37,275
Your brother just brushed his teeth
with Don's penis.
536
00:27:39,636 --> 00:27:40,794
Very weird.
537
00:27:47,154 --> 00:27:48,915
www.sous-titres.eu
538
00:27:48,965 --> 00:27:53,515
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