All language subtitles for How Not To Live Your Life s02e03 Don the Singer.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,411 --> 00:00:03,490 Eddie and I were eating brunch the other day 2 00:00:03,610 --> 00:00:07,181 when we overheard this idiot shouting at the foreign waitress. 3 00:00:07,301 --> 00:00:08,741 All right, listen. 4 00:00:09,302 --> 00:00:11,388 Egg and chips. 5 00:00:11,568 --> 00:00:12,744 Egg and chips! 6 00:00:13,816 --> 00:00:14,788 You daft bat. 7 00:00:15,114 --> 00:00:15,973 He's rude. 8 00:00:16,093 --> 00:00:18,628 What is the point of employing someone that don't talk British? 9 00:00:18,788 --> 00:00:21,388 - Maybe I should say something. - Egg and chips! 10 00:00:23,188 --> 00:00:24,148 What, though? 11 00:00:26,949 --> 00:00:28,907 Yo, douche bag. Leave her alone. 12 00:00:29,069 --> 00:00:30,867 - What did you say? - I said... 13 00:00:35,556 --> 00:00:37,556 Leave her alone. 14 00:00:38,309 --> 00:00:39,188 Oi, cockface. 15 00:00:40,469 --> 00:00:41,669 You want eggs? 16 00:00:49,669 --> 00:00:51,108 How do you like them eggs? 17 00:00:51,269 --> 00:00:53,027 Hey, dickface. Leave her alone. 18 00:00:53,189 --> 00:00:54,994 - You what, mate? - I said, 19 00:00:55,734 --> 00:00:57,187 hey, dickface... 20 00:00:58,228 --> 00:00:59,228 leave... 21 00:00:59,348 --> 00:01:00,348 her... 22 00:01:01,469 --> 00:01:02,469 alone. 23 00:01:04,309 --> 00:01:05,882 Are you listening, love? 24 00:01:06,002 --> 00:01:07,519 It's very simple. 25 00:01:07,639 --> 00:01:09,948 - Egg and chips. - OK, Eddie, I'm going in. 26 00:01:10,129 --> 00:01:12,507 - Excuse me, mate. - You talking to me? 27 00:01:13,753 --> 00:01:14,748 Yes, I am. 28 00:01:16,388 --> 00:01:17,688 Leave her alone. 29 00:01:22,507 --> 00:01:24,307 That was very heroic, Don. 30 00:01:27,195 --> 00:01:28,028 Thank you. 31 00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:32,828 Would you like to go for a drink sometime? 32 00:01:34,696 --> 00:01:35,548 {You know, }A drink? 33 00:01:38,710 --> 00:01:39,788 A drink. 34 00:01:40,412 --> 00:01:41,412 A drink! 35 00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:51,088 .:: La Fabrique ::. 36 00:01:52,108 --> 00:01:54,468 Dickheads Team 37 00:01:55,228 --> 00:01:57,681 Synchro: mpm & Arrow 38 00:02:01,327 --> 00:02:03,348 Episode 203 Don the singer 39 00:02:04,611 --> 00:02:07,218 So I ended up taking Anya, the waitress, out on a date. 40 00:02:07,338 --> 00:02:08,782 It was going really well. 41 00:02:08,902 --> 00:02:10,969 This has been fun, don't you think? 42 00:02:16,723 --> 00:02:18,028 Absolutely, yeah. 43 00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:20,468 I'll give you a call? 44 00:02:21,298 --> 00:02:22,099 Mi? 45 00:02:22,219 --> 00:02:23,219 Phone you? 46 00:02:25,303 --> 00:02:26,508 "Anya, it's Don." 47 00:02:28,404 --> 00:02:29,404 Cool. 48 00:02:43,850 --> 00:02:44,780 See? 49 00:02:44,900 --> 00:02:46,200 Pretty good, eh? 50 00:02:51,663 --> 00:02:52,663 Now, 51 00:02:52,908 --> 00:02:55,388 do you want the good news or the bad news? 52 00:02:56,470 --> 00:02:58,628 - Dunno. The good news? - Right. 53 00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:00,367 The good news is... 54 00:03:00,691 --> 00:03:02,441 there isn't any bad news! 55 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,987 So what you're actually saying is, there isn't any news? 56 00:03:11,782 --> 00:03:12,782 What? 57 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,670 - It's a little joke. - Oh, my God. 58 00:03:15,790 --> 00:03:18,508 You really have too much time on your hands, don't you, Eddie? 59 00:03:18,692 --> 00:03:19,897 Actually, Don, no. 60 00:03:20,017 --> 00:03:23,443 With looking after Mrs Treacher{ next door}, doing weekends at the elderly centre, 61 00:03:23,563 --> 00:03:25,734 two nights a week maintenance at the university, 62 00:03:25,854 --> 00:03:26,908 the Samaritans, 63 00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:29,774 the croupiering, rehearsing with the local theatre club... 64 00:03:29,894 --> 00:03:33,508 We're doing The Cosby Show this year. I'm {playing }Cliff Huxtable very exciting. 65 00:03:33,779 --> 00:03:36,988 And then my spare time, that's mostly spent looking after you... 66 00:03:37,148 --> 00:03:38,989 - Are you still speaking? - Just finished. 67 00:03:39,109 --> 00:03:41,430 Obviously, I'm still speaking now, but... 68 00:03:41,550 --> 00:03:44,855 - Make me something edible. - Something edible coming right up. 69 00:03:54,184 --> 00:03:55,651 All right, bro? 70 00:03:57,741 --> 00:03:58,791 You are...? 71 00:03:59,051 --> 00:04:01,227 Great. Really nice and fine. 72 00:04:02,369 --> 00:04:04,861 - No, I mean, you are...? - Morning, Don. 73 00:04:08,428 --> 00:04:09,871 Do you know this person? 74 00:04:11,065 --> 00:04:12,624 Thank Christ for that. 75 00:04:12,744 --> 00:04:14,185 I thought he'd just broken in. 76 00:04:14,305 --> 00:04:16,435 I was worried he was going to rape me. 77 00:04:16,555 --> 00:04:19,067 Don't worry, Don. No-one would ever want to rape you. 78 00:04:19,187 --> 00:04:20,313 How dare you! 79 00:04:20,788 --> 00:04:23,624 Do me a favour and don't speak... too much. 80 00:04:24,588 --> 00:04:25,817 I kinda like this one. 81 00:04:26,486 --> 00:04:28,545 I don't normally go for the cool guy. 82 00:04:28,933 --> 00:04:31,388 He's not cool. What's his name? 83 00:04:31,548 --> 00:04:33,628 - Jackson. - Ridiculous! 84 00:04:34,868 --> 00:04:36,508 Damn, that's a cool name! 85 00:04:37,315 --> 00:04:38,482 This is Don, 86 00:04:38,929 --> 00:04:39,828 my flatmate. 87 00:04:40,561 --> 00:04:43,441 - Hi, brother. - Jackson's a singer-songwriter. 88 00:04:43,629 --> 00:04:44,629 Really? 89 00:04:45,957 --> 00:04:46,957 Me too. 90 00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:49,188 - Since when? - Since always. 91 00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:51,148 So you were born with it as well? 92 00:04:51,308 --> 00:04:52,308 What? Sorry? 93 00:04:52,708 --> 00:04:55,268 Always had the gift. I penned a tune when I was in the womb. 94 00:04:55,564 --> 00:04:57,388 There was a pen in your mum's womb? 95 00:04:57,566 --> 00:04:58,990 Penned it in my mind. 96 00:04:59,315 --> 00:05:02,544 Most people emerge from their mother's birth traps kicking and screaming. 97 00:05:02,664 --> 00:05:04,679 Not me. I came out whistling a melody. 98 00:05:05,165 --> 00:05:06,321 My God! 99 00:05:06,441 --> 00:05:08,468 How come you've never mentioned this before? 100 00:05:08,788 --> 00:05:10,563 You've never really sung, have you? 101 00:05:11,348 --> 00:05:13,448 Many times, thank you very much. 102 00:05:42,188 --> 00:05:44,643 So, bro-dica, what kind of stuff do you play? 103 00:05:44,763 --> 00:05:47,108 Well, I'm kind of a cross between... 104 00:05:47,268 --> 00:05:49,136 David Bowie and David... 105 00:05:50,453 --> 00:05:51,453 Seaman? 106 00:05:52,140 --> 00:05:53,348 The goalkeeper? 107 00:05:53,508 --> 00:05:55,058 That's the one, yeah. 108 00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:56,083 Right. 109 00:05:56,203 --> 00:05:57,935 Jackson's playing tonight, aren't you? 110 00:05:58,055 --> 00:06:00,548 That's right. I run a night at The Hand and Forearm. 111 00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:03,794 Yeah, I play my pieces and have a few guests on, you know. 112 00:06:04,268 --> 00:06:06,585 Did you just say you play "pieces"? 113 00:06:06,749 --> 00:06:08,228 I don't like to call them songs. 114 00:06:09,507 --> 00:06:10,668 They're that bad{, are they?}. 115 00:06:11,519 --> 00:06:13,463 "Song" is a very parochial term. 116 00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:16,307 So, what do you call your "songs"? 117 00:06:16,469 --> 00:06:17,947 Melody word formations. 118 00:06:21,609 --> 00:06:22,779 You're serious! 119 00:06:26,268 --> 00:06:28,268 Do you have any spots available tonight? 120 00:06:28,428 --> 00:06:30,520 Because I would love to come along and sing some of... 121 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,388 my melody word formations. 122 00:06:32,549 --> 00:06:35,707 Surely, yeah. I'd be very glad to house your talents there, bro-stable. 123 00:06:35,869 --> 00:06:38,388 Listen, I've gotta exit, cos I've gotta little something brewing 124 00:06:38,548 --> 00:06:39,873 in my melody cauldron. 125 00:06:41,465 --> 00:06:42,818 I've even got a title. 126 00:06:42,938 --> 00:06:44,395 It's called Samantha... 127 00:06:45,348 --> 00:06:46,909 ... Colon, A Girl I Met... 128 00:06:47,501 --> 00:06:48,948 - Right. - Brackets, Last Night, 129 00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:50,268 Close Brackets. 130 00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:54,908 Is there any more or is that it? 131 00:06:55,068 --> 00:06:56,907 That's it. It's one of my shortest titles. 132 00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:58,815 It's about you, you know? 133 00:07:01,428 --> 00:07:02,478 I got that. 134 00:07:03,312 --> 00:07:04,372 Absorb. 135 00:07:06,156 --> 00:07:08,037 I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. 136 00:07:08,157 --> 00:07:10,877 Is this really the sort of knob Sam goes for? 137 00:07:13,248 --> 00:07:15,398 I'll see you later, papa brother. 138 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:18,905 You bet. 139 00:07:23,388 --> 00:07:24,388 What? 140 00:07:24,588 --> 00:07:26,132 No, nothing. He's nice. 141 00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:29,348 Not at all pretentious, and nice. 142 00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:32,766 Right, I'd better skedaddle. 143 00:07:33,602 --> 00:07:35,652 Got a rehearsal this afternoon. 144 00:07:37,253 --> 00:07:38,253 Theo! 145 00:07:40,488 --> 00:07:42,388 Not entirely sure what I'd just witnessed. 146 00:07:42,789 --> 00:07:45,589 I rushed upstairs to begin rehearsing my set. 147 00:07:47,113 --> 00:07:50,259 Why won't you touch me, baby? 148 00:07:52,102 --> 00:07:54,188 Why won't you touch me? 149 00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:57,469 Is it cos you don't have hands? 150 00:07:57,589 --> 00:08:00,657 They were severed off in a kitchen catastrophe... 151 00:08:00,777 --> 00:08:04,148 - You're not really gonna play tonight? - You bet your sweet tush I am. 152 00:08:04,654 --> 00:08:05,788 This is great. 153 00:08:05,981 --> 00:08:08,054 I haven't played in front of an audience. 154 00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:09,228 Since...? 155 00:08:09,388 --> 00:08:11,428 That's it. I haven't played in front of an audience. 156 00:08:11,965 --> 00:08:14,667 I've never had the chance. I've always been too busy doing things. 157 00:08:15,156 --> 00:08:17,108 - What things?- - Things. Shush. 158 00:08:18,908 --> 00:08:20,948 Something special happened when I met Jackson. 159 00:08:22,349 --> 00:08:24,148 He irritated me so much 160 00:08:24,529 --> 00:08:27,229 that I found myself needlessly competing with him. 161 00:08:27,613 --> 00:08:30,323 But something special came from that, because now I get to fulfil 162 00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:32,948 - my second most desired ambition. - What's the first? 163 00:08:33,285 --> 00:08:35,704 To be the world's first porn star in space. 164 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,542 {You know, }If he's playing a song for you, 165 00:08:39,708 --> 00:08:42,047 I should probably write a song for Anya. 166 00:08:45,189 --> 00:08:47,856 Do you not find it annoying that she doesn't speak a word of English? 167 00:08:47,976 --> 00:08:51,376 That's not true. She says two: "thank" and "you". 168 00:08:51,549 --> 00:08:54,969 It's amazing how many{ different} sentences you can get out of those words. 169 00:08:55,089 --> 00:08:56,089 Look. 170 00:08:57,447 --> 00:08:59,035 - Thank you. - Thank you. 171 00:08:59,155 --> 00:09:00,092 You thank. 172 00:09:00,212 --> 00:09:01,485 - Thank. - You. 173 00:09:01,605 --> 00:09:02,765 - You. - You? 174 00:09:02,988 --> 00:09:03,908 You. 175 00:09:04,348 --> 00:09:06,188 - See? - That wasn't a conversation. 176 00:09:06,356 --> 00:09:09,108 Just cos you didn't understand it, doesn't mean it didn't happen. 177 00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:11,268 We got through our initial stumbling block 178 00:09:11,428 --> 00:09:13,378 by just ploughing on through. 179 00:09:13,749 --> 00:09:17,302 Another underrated actor in my humble is one Kevin of Costner. 180 00:09:17,422 --> 00:09:18,785 Where do you stand on Costner? 181 00:09:23,727 --> 00:09:25,348 {pos(192,230)}Yeah, but what about Waterworld? 182 00:09:25,508 --> 00:09:28,122 I mean, what other film fuses an environmental message 183 00:09:28,242 --> 00:09:30,148 with wet stunts? Brilliant. 184 00:09:33,628 --> 00:09:35,267 Do you want another drink? 185 00:09:35,831 --> 00:09:36,831 Drink? 186 00:09:37,961 --> 00:09:38,961 Waiter. 187 00:09:39,955 --> 00:09:41,877 If I understood everything Anya was saying, 188 00:09:41,997 --> 00:09:44,808 then there'd be a danger of us getting emotionally attached. 189 00:09:45,268 --> 00:09:47,759 And that would ruin things for when Abby returns. 190 00:09:49,789 --> 00:09:52,507 She does exist, if that's what you mean by "Abby". 191 00:09:53,116 --> 00:09:55,136 In all seriousness, you have considered the prospect 192 00:09:55,256 --> 00:09:57,868 that she might not feel the same way about you, right? 193 00:09:58,029 --> 00:09:59,748 Why would you say such evil things? 194 00:09:59,909 --> 00:10:02,627 - I'm just saying. - Get out! Go on! 195 00:10:03,116 --> 00:10:04,148 Out! 196 00:10:05,788 --> 00:10:06,788 Come back. 197 00:10:06,988 --> 00:10:09,108 - What time's the gig tonight? - Eight. 198 00:10:10,030 --> 00:10:10,988 Now get out! 199 00:10:15,472 --> 00:10:17,872 What does she know about Abby anyway? 200 00:10:18,759 --> 00:10:19,759 Thank you? 201 00:10:22,219 --> 00:10:23,219 Right, 202 00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:25,825 Robin Hood or The Bodyguard? 203 00:10:27,068 --> 00:10:30,340 I was so excited about showing off my talents at the gig, 204 00:10:30,460 --> 00:10:31,712 especially to Anya. 205 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,639 We hadn't had sexy boom-boom yet, 206 00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:36,068 so I was certain this would impress her. 207 00:10:36,228 --> 00:10:38,708 Hey, bro-seph. This your entourage? 208 00:10:39,997 --> 00:10:41,668 I call them my Don-tourage! 209 00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:45,068 Why? 210 00:10:46,398 --> 00:10:48,448 Well, you know, cos of my name. 211 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:49,868 OK, I'm gonna... 212 00:10:50,028 --> 00:10:51,428 perform now, so... 213 00:10:51,664 --> 00:10:54,241 you guys just kick back and absorb me, yeah? 214 00:10:54,977 --> 00:10:57,527 This guy was really getting on my balls. 215 00:10:57,647 --> 00:10:59,985 I couldn't wait to blow him off the stage. 216 00:11:00,105 --> 00:11:01,268 Hi, guys. 217 00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:03,629 Donald. 218 00:11:04,483 --> 00:11:06,302 Are you all right, Mrs Treacher? 219 00:11:06,788 --> 00:11:09,026 My husband's dead, remember? 220 00:11:09,309 --> 00:11:11,060 Remind me why you brought her along. 221 00:11:11,180 --> 00:11:13,177 Cos she wanted to come. Didn't you, Dot? 222 00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:16,407 It was either that or stay in and kill myself. 223 00:11:16,778 --> 00:11:17,588 Great. 224 00:11:17,748 --> 00:11:19,988 Really nice vibes you're putting out there, Mrs T. 225 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:22,987 A drink? Sure, what can I get you? 226 00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:25,268 Actually, she said, "Shouldn't we be sitting down?" 227 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:28,908 What makes you think you can understand her any better than me? 228 00:11:29,068 --> 00:11:31,948 - Because I speak Hungarian. - I don't see what... Really? 229 00:11:32,847 --> 00:11:35,494 Mrs Karakarakosgigich at the elderly centre, she's Hungarian. 230 00:11:35,614 --> 00:11:37,628 She's been teaching me titbits for years. 231 00:11:38,112 --> 00:11:40,162 OK. Well, then, translate this. 232 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,954 Anya, baby. Would you like a vodka? 233 00:11:48,617 --> 00:11:50,809 She says, can you please stop forcing her to drink? 234 00:11:50,929 --> 00:11:52,428 She's a recovering alcoholic. 235 00:11:55,504 --> 00:11:57,532 - You're such a liar. - Ladies and gentlemen, 236 00:11:57,652 --> 00:11:59,268 the act you've all been waiting for... 237 00:11:59,771 --> 00:12:01,687 Jackson Fife! 238 00:12:06,829 --> 00:12:08,228 Are you really an alcoholic? 239 00:12:12,715 --> 00:12:14,589 Why is he taking his shoes off? 240 00:12:15,405 --> 00:12:17,503 He's not gonna play guitar with his toes, is he? 241 00:12:17,623 --> 00:12:19,588 - I could never top that. - Shut up! 242 00:12:20,060 --> 00:12:21,545 Thanks for coming. 243 00:12:21,974 --> 00:12:23,308 Right back at you, bro-ster. 244 00:12:24,348 --> 00:12:27,025 I'm gonna play something new now, a little something called... 245 00:12:27,562 --> 00:12:28,588 Samantha... 246 00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,089 Colon, A Girl I Met... 247 00:12:33,370 --> 00:12:35,170 ... Bracket, Last Night... 248 00:12:36,784 --> 00:12:38,234 ... Close Brackets. 249 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,868 I think that's my new favourite song title ever. 250 00:12:47,908 --> 00:12:49,948 Colon, a girl I met 251 00:12:50,965 --> 00:12:52,348 Bracket, last night... 252 00:12:52,508 --> 00:12:53,762 Oh, God! 253 00:12:54,268 --> 00:12:55,548 Close brackets 254 00:12:57,806 --> 00:13:00,028 Bracket, chorus 255 00:13:01,268 --> 00:13:02,948 Close brackets... 256 00:13:33,093 --> 00:13:34,184 Well done, mate! 257 00:13:34,304 --> 00:13:35,554 Rubbish, innit? 258 00:13:45,299 --> 00:13:46,651 What are you doing? 259 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:49,230 Do the dance! 260 00:13:55,587 --> 00:13:57,028 Repeat to fade 261 00:13:57,334 --> 00:13:58,713 Repeat to fade 262 00:13:58,833 --> 00:14:00,283 Repeat to fade. 263 00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:11,179 You what? You don't know what all the fuss is about? 264 00:14:11,628 --> 00:14:12,610 I totally agree. 265 00:14:12,730 --> 00:14:14,611 Actually, she said she thought it was stunning. 266 00:14:14,731 --> 00:14:15,967 Bite me, Eddie. 267 00:14:16,732 --> 00:14:18,583 Before I continue with my extravaganza, 268 00:14:18,703 --> 00:14:20,708 I'd like to invite onto the stage a new friend. 269 00:14:20,868 --> 00:14:22,276 Ladies and gentlemen... 270 00:14:26,481 --> 00:14:28,828 - It's Don. - Don Damzent. 271 00:14:29,072 --> 00:14:30,122 Give it up! 272 00:14:39,322 --> 00:14:40,322 Thank you. 273 00:14:46,733 --> 00:14:48,583 You ain't seen nothing yet! 274 00:15:06,002 --> 00:15:08,242 This song is about... 275 00:15:08,426 --> 00:15:09,308 love. 276 00:15:09,562 --> 00:15:10,459 And... 277 00:15:11,348 --> 00:15:12,188 shit. 278 00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:13,704 Shit?! 279 00:15:15,762 --> 00:15:17,802 Hey, my sweet love 280 00:15:17,922 --> 00:15:19,466 Hey, my sweet love 281 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:22,456 Can we make sweet love tonight? 282 00:15:24,162 --> 00:15:25,461 No, we cannot... 283 00:15:25,581 --> 00:15:26,762 That's the girl. 284 00:15:27,872 --> 00:15:30,628 We cannot make love tonight... 285 00:15:31,959 --> 00:15:33,788 Why can we not? 286 00:15:33,962 --> 00:15:35,748 Why can we not? 287 00:15:35,922 --> 00:15:38,348 Why can't we make love tonight? 288 00:15:40,028 --> 00:15:41,619 Cos we've never met 289 00:15:41,739 --> 00:15:45,188 We've never met before 290 00:15:48,633 --> 00:15:51,882 Oh, baby girl You've got me hot and runny 291 00:15:52,164 --> 00:15:56,028 Why can't we just have sex right now? 292 00:15:56,665 --> 00:16:00,055 Cos we're in Tesco's and I'm scared 293 00:16:00,175 --> 00:16:03,188 We're standing in the frozen meat aisle 294 00:16:04,447 --> 00:16:08,108 Who gives a damn? I want you now 295 00:16:08,282 --> 00:16:11,075 Let's fuck behind the meat. 296 00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:22,308 Des Danbury. 297 00:16:23,032 --> 00:16:24,709 - Des Danbury. - It's Don. 298 00:16:26,462 --> 00:16:27,428 There he is. 299 00:16:29,642 --> 00:16:32,868 I'd like to play a song now that I wrote with my mind. 300 00:16:34,507 --> 00:16:36,548 This piece has no words, 301 00:16:37,214 --> 00:16:38,414 just feelings. 302 00:16:39,021 --> 00:16:40,021 Absorb. 303 00:16:41,483 --> 00:16:43,074 They just didn't get it cos, 304 00:16:43,194 --> 00:16:45,442 well, you know, they're not my... demographic. 305 00:16:45,562 --> 00:16:46,562 Right. 306 00:16:46,958 --> 00:16:49,558 - You know, my demographic are... - Deaf? 307 00:16:56,213 --> 00:16:57,108 He means it. 308 00:16:58,482 --> 00:16:59,548 He really means it. 309 00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:28,308 Jon Bon Jesus! 310 00:17:31,322 --> 00:17:33,903 Sorry, Don. I didn't mean to scare you. 311 00:17:34,023 --> 00:17:35,173 Right. I see. 312 00:17:35,293 --> 00:17:37,917 So, hiding in the larder and jumping out at me like that 313 00:17:38,037 --> 00:17:40,042 wasn't meant to scare me... how? 314 00:17:40,162 --> 00:17:43,028 I wasn't hiding. I was sleeping. Look. 315 00:17:46,627 --> 00:17:48,228 You're living in the pantry? 316 00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:49,788 Not living. Sleeping. 317 00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:53,839 I stay over sometimes, if it's late, and I've missed the last train. 318 00:17:56,541 --> 00:17:58,868 I'll be back up in a minute! 319 00:17:59,547 --> 00:18:02,246 We're about to have sexy intercourse for the first time, 320 00:18:02,366 --> 00:18:04,082 but I'm putting it off, because... 321 00:18:04,202 --> 00:18:06,548 I never thought I'd say this, but I'm nervous. 322 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:07,708 Why? 323 00:18:09,068 --> 00:18:10,348 She's stood right there! 324 00:18:10,580 --> 00:18:12,908 Well, yeah, but she can't understand what we're saying. 325 00:18:13,082 --> 00:18:14,948 She can understand you, though! 326 00:18:15,108 --> 00:18:16,628 Only when I speak Hungarian. 327 00:18:19,428 --> 00:18:22,322 So anyway, we're having sexy foreplay, and she keeps tutting. 328 00:18:22,442 --> 00:18:23,348 {I mean, }Tutting! 329 00:18:23,522 --> 00:18:26,788 Do you realise how annoying it is when the woman you're fellating, tuts? 330 00:18:27,321 --> 00:18:29,508 And then she keeps asking me to do things to her, 331 00:18:29,682 --> 00:18:31,348 but I don't understand a word. 332 00:18:31,522 --> 00:18:33,918 It would help if you spoke her language. 333 00:18:39,288 --> 00:18:40,998 Ask her if she likes that. 334 00:18:44,002 --> 00:18:45,631 She says no, she doesn't. 335 00:18:46,404 --> 00:18:47,854 Jesus! Tough crowd! 336 00:18:54,362 --> 00:18:56,077 Who's your daddy? Pardon? 337 00:18:56,197 --> 00:18:57,788 Say to her, "Who's your daddy?" 338 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:02,308 His name's Henrik. 339 00:19:02,468 --> 00:19:03,350 What?! 340 00:19:04,621 --> 00:19:05,802 He's a builder. 341 00:19:06,962 --> 00:19:09,988 She wants to know why you're interested in him. 342 00:19:15,414 --> 00:19:18,805 She says, "It's one thing having sex when that strange man's in the room, 343 00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:22,567 "but even stranger to ask me about my father while you're doing it." 344 00:19:22,790 --> 00:19:24,268 What strange man, Don? 345 00:19:28,442 --> 00:19:30,392 I think she means you, Eddie. 346 00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:36,268 - This isn't really working, is it? - It is a bit weird, yeah. 347 00:19:37,464 --> 00:19:38,905 It was a bit weird, 348 00:19:39,025 --> 00:19:41,908 and Eddie and I swore to never speak of it again. 349 00:19:42,082 --> 00:19:44,868 "Theo, did you park 350 00:19:45,028 --> 00:19:48,442 "the Oldsmobile in the garage? 351 00:19:49,808 --> 00:19:50,828 "In the garage?" 352 00:19:51,002 --> 00:19:53,588 I don't get it. Why didn't they like my song? 353 00:19:54,409 --> 00:19:57,628 Well, your material isn't very... 354 00:19:58,842 --> 00:20:00,666 - How can I say this? - Good. 355 00:20:02,229 --> 00:20:03,428 It's not... 356 00:20:03,588 --> 00:20:05,468 - Good. - Will you shut Gollum up? 357 00:20:05,642 --> 00:20:07,748 - Your songs aren't exactly... - Good. 358 00:20:09,362 --> 00:20:10,421 ... beautiful. 359 00:20:10,541 --> 00:20:12,250 I have beautiful songs. 360 00:20:12,370 --> 00:20:13,420 Here's one. 361 00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:15,138 It's about a mermaid. 362 00:20:16,155 --> 00:20:18,628 - I love mermaids. - You'll love this, then. 363 00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:21,228 I'm dating a mermaid 364 00:20:21,402 --> 00:20:23,188 But we can't make love 365 00:20:25,202 --> 00:20:27,388 Cos she don't got a vagina 366 00:20:28,529 --> 00:20:31,028 Although it smells like she does... 367 00:20:31,988 --> 00:20:33,708 - What? - It's disgusting! 368 00:20:33,882 --> 00:20:35,232 I quite liked it. 369 00:20:35,463 --> 00:20:37,508 She don't got a vagina... 370 00:20:37,995 --> 00:20:41,268 Look, the reason why people respond to Jackson's songs... 371 00:20:41,428 --> 00:20:42,668 Melody word formations. 372 00:20:43,512 --> 00:20:45,192 ... is because he's not writing 373 00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:48,268 about wishing he could shag a mermaid. 374 00:20:49,262 --> 00:20:51,300 You really like him, don't you? 375 00:20:54,198 --> 00:20:55,953 All right, yes. 376 00:20:56,414 --> 00:20:58,954 I swore to myself I'd never go out with a musician. 377 00:20:59,074 --> 00:21:00,052 {Actually, }I tell a lie. 378 00:21:00,172 --> 00:21:02,908 I swore to my mum that I would never go out with a musician. 379 00:21:03,082 --> 00:21:06,085 She wanted to me marry a... wealthy businessman. 380 00:21:06,323 --> 00:21:08,882 Her momma's overbearing... 381 00:21:09,002 --> 00:21:11,471 It's cos my dad left her when we were young. 382 00:21:11,591 --> 00:21:14,211 ... And Daddy left for rent boys... 383 00:21:14,331 --> 00:21:15,757 It's understandable, really. 384 00:21:15,877 --> 00:21:17,927 ... She doesn't understand it... 385 00:21:19,082 --> 00:21:21,748 Why don't you write something close to your heart? 386 00:21:22,268 --> 00:21:24,948 What, like wanting to be the world's first porn star in space? 387 00:21:25,122 --> 00:21:26,068 Good idea. 388 00:21:26,787 --> 00:21:28,388 Sex in orbit 389 00:21:28,766 --> 00:21:31,708 - Sex in space... - Why don't you write about{ that girl,} Abby? 390 00:21:33,925 --> 00:21:37,732 Yeah, come on. I mean, at least then it would be heartfelt and honest. 391 00:21:37,852 --> 00:21:39,984 And don't be afraid if it makes you upset 392 00:21:40,104 --> 00:21:41,929 or even if it makes you cry. 393 00:21:42,049 --> 00:21:44,548 Don't be silly. I'm a man's man. 394 00:21:44,725 --> 00:21:45,825 I don't cry. 395 00:21:46,752 --> 00:21:49,102 - Abby's never coming back. - What?! 396 00:21:50,009 --> 00:21:51,548 How do you know that?! 397 00:21:52,774 --> 00:21:54,228 I'm joking. I made it up. 398 00:21:55,163 --> 00:21:56,545 You are evil. 399 00:21:56,828 --> 00:21:58,228 Pure evil. 400 00:21:58,402 --> 00:22:00,108 You do know what I'm saying, right? 401 00:22:01,705 --> 00:22:04,788 You're saying that I should write a song about Abby? 402 00:22:05,323 --> 00:22:06,948 My God, he's a genius! 403 00:22:07,915 --> 00:22:09,862 If only I had some accompaniment. 404 00:22:09,982 --> 00:22:12,974 You know, another instrument to sex it up a little bit. 405 00:22:13,094 --> 00:22:15,948 I don't think I'm gonna find anyone in time, though. 406 00:22:26,562 --> 00:22:27,428 What? 407 00:22:27,602 --> 00:22:30,148 - I didn't know you blew sax. - You bet-sy! 408 00:22:30,322 --> 00:22:32,028 It's one of 8 instruments I play. 409 00:22:33,564 --> 00:22:35,002 Why does it sound so distant? 410 00:22:35,122 --> 00:22:37,413 I didn't want to disturb you while you were chatting. 411 00:22:37,533 --> 00:22:39,733 I've got very good control over the reed, you see. 412 00:22:39,853 --> 00:22:41,948 You need to treat it with tenderness. 413 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,015 Suckle it with care. 414 00:22:44,309 --> 00:22:46,406 Blow it like you love it. 415 00:22:46,842 --> 00:22:49,228 Calm down, Eddie. It's a saxophone, not a nipple. 416 00:22:49,566 --> 00:22:51,246 Come on then, Baker Street! 417 00:22:56,271 --> 00:22:58,413 So I did exactly what Sam suggested. 418 00:22:58,882 --> 00:23:00,569 I wrote a heartfelt song about Abby. 419 00:23:00,689 --> 00:23:04,188 I couldn't wait to play it. But first I had to sit through this tit. 420 00:23:16,617 --> 00:23:17,539 Thanks. 421 00:23:21,722 --> 00:23:22,821 Pathetic. 422 00:23:25,258 --> 00:23:26,210 Thank you. 423 00:23:27,162 --> 00:23:29,885 I'd like to introduce onto stage now somebody 424 00:23:30,092 --> 00:23:31,642 all the way from last week, 425 00:23:31,762 --> 00:23:33,437 Mr Tom Dombury. 426 00:23:35,802 --> 00:23:37,788 Hey, come on. Give this guy a break, OK? 427 00:23:37,962 --> 00:23:40,162 It's all about art and good feelings, yeah? 428 00:23:45,631 --> 00:23:47,981 You gonna keep your trousers on this time, yeah? 429 00:23:51,486 --> 00:23:54,348 Actually, it's Don. Don Danbury. 430 00:23:54,884 --> 00:23:56,748 Don, short for Donald. 431 00:23:58,250 --> 00:24:00,268 Two, three, four. 432 00:24:13,207 --> 00:24:14,207 Abigail... 433 00:24:15,943 --> 00:24:17,093 You went away 434 00:24:19,153 --> 00:24:20,253 I wanna know 435 00:24:20,996 --> 00:24:22,706 Are you ever coming back? 436 00:24:25,090 --> 00:24:26,140 Abigail... 437 00:24:27,514 --> 00:24:29,268 You went away... 438 00:25:19,242 --> 00:25:20,442 Peter Daniels. 439 00:25:22,141 --> 00:25:23,141 It's Don! 440 00:25:28,036 --> 00:25:29,186 Jesus Christ! 441 00:25:36,965 --> 00:25:38,948 That really was a piece of something. 442 00:25:39,572 --> 00:25:41,988 That was very powerful, very emotional. 443 00:25:42,148 --> 00:25:43,308 That was very... 444 00:25:43,482 --> 00:25:46,508 - Well, it was honest. - ... very, very painful 445 00:25:46,744 --> 00:25:48,513 to hear something... 446 00:25:49,376 --> 00:25:51,228 embarrassing and shit. 447 00:25:51,867 --> 00:25:53,167 But that's life. 448 00:25:54,187 --> 00:25:55,108 For John. 449 00:25:56,285 --> 00:25:58,188 OK, let's pick things up 450 00:25:58,348 --> 00:26:01,348 with a tune which I wrote this morning. 451 00:26:01,774 --> 00:26:03,722 A little something called... 452 00:26:04,348 --> 00:26:05,308 Anya... 453 00:26:07,623 --> 00:26:09,481 Colon, A Girl I Met... 454 00:26:10,670 --> 00:26:13,548 Brackets, And Made Sensational Love With Last Night... 455 00:26:15,468 --> 00:26:16,948 Close Brackets. 456 00:26:18,106 --> 00:26:20,388 This is a good one. I helped him translate it. 457 00:26:20,704 --> 00:26:21,997 You traitor! 458 00:26:29,019 --> 00:26:31,268 I didn't realise it was about your Hungarian Anya! 459 00:26:39,962 --> 00:26:41,862 What are you doing out here? 460 00:26:42,524 --> 00:26:44,219 I couldn't handle the embarrassment. 461 00:26:44,339 --> 00:26:47,232 Yeah, I know what you mean. His songs are awful, aren't they? 462 00:26:47,517 --> 00:26:50,192 I was talking about the fact that he's been shagging Anya 463 00:26:50,312 --> 00:26:52,444 and I found out through the medium of song. 464 00:26:52,564 --> 00:26:54,511 - Melody word form... - Shut up. 465 00:26:58,570 --> 00:27:00,020 Aren't you annoyed? 466 00:27:02,689 --> 00:27:04,086 Anya freaked me out. 467 00:27:04,206 --> 00:27:06,106 Always made me feel useless. 468 00:27:06,731 --> 00:27:09,437 What am I saying? All women make me feel useless. 469 00:27:09,828 --> 00:27:11,643 I should have known it was never gonna work. 470 00:27:11,763 --> 00:27:13,738 She didn't like Costner! 471 00:27:17,609 --> 00:27:19,009 Do you want a hug? 472 00:27:20,166 --> 00:27:21,166 I'm fine. 473 00:27:23,202 --> 00:27:24,188 Come on. 474 00:27:28,214 --> 00:27:29,614 Come on, let's go. 475 00:27:30,678 --> 00:27:33,349 - Do you wanna hear my latest song? - No, not really. 476 00:27:33,557 --> 00:27:34,866 I think you do. 477 00:27:35,788 --> 00:27:40,086 It's called Jackson, Colon, A Twat I Met, Bracket, 478 00:27:40,587 --> 00:27:42,784 Who Doesn't Deserve Sam, Close Bracket. 479 00:27:42,904 --> 00:27:44,707 It goes something like this, look. 480 00:27:44,827 --> 00:27:46,744 Jackson, you colon 481 00:27:46,864 --> 00:27:49,937 You silly little twatty little colon... 482 00:27:51,075 --> 00:27:53,960 - I'm making it up as I go along. - Really?! You couldn't tell! 483 00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:55,863 Jackson, you sap 484 00:27:56,348 --> 00:27:58,508 Brackets, you cock sap... 485 00:27:58,852 --> 00:28:02,079 www.sous-titres.eu 486 00:28:02,129 --> 00:28:06,679 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34724

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