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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,624 --> 00:00:04,624 Let me introduce my self My name's Don. Don Danbury. 2 00:00:06,064 --> 00:00:09,064 That's me, lying in bed. Er, the one on the left, 3 00:00:09,823 --> 00:00:12,823 just in case you thought Don was a woman's name, or that I sound female. 4 00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:17,223 Now, I have a habit for getting myself into sticky situations sometimes. 5 00:00:18,623 --> 00:00:21,623 Like this - sleeping with my boss. 6 00:00:26,663 --> 00:00:28,704 Oi, thingy! 7 00:00:28,824 --> 00:00:30,343 Morning. 8 00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:33,382 This was a hideous mistake. Get out of my sight now. 9 00:00:34,062 --> 00:00:37,062 I can't believe I've finally lost my virginity. 10 00:00:37,702 --> 00:00:40,702 God, it's so beautiful! 11 00:00:43,902 --> 00:00:46,902 I've been taking pictures of you all night. 12 00:00:49,422 --> 00:00:52,421 - Morning. - That's it. Yes! 13 00:00:53,181 --> 00:00:55,939 You remind me of my brother. 14 00:00:56,102 --> 00:00:58,462 What's that smell? 15 00:00:58,582 --> 00:01:01,501 I think I've done some toilet. 16 00:01:02,621 --> 00:01:05,102 Now, because I consider all the options, 17 00:01:05,222 --> 00:01:08,141 I always make the right decision. 18 00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:16,660 Dear... Dot, dot, dot. 19 00:01:18,260 --> 00:01:21,260 Had to rush off. Sorry. Kiss. 20 00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:24,500 PS. The sex was good, well done. 21 00:01:25,300 --> 00:01:26,621 Tick. 22 00:01:26,741 --> 00:01:28,221 Double tick. 23 00:01:28,341 --> 00:01:31,260 No, single tick. 24 00:01:59,338 --> 00:02:02,338 Things haven't been great lately. Yesterday my nan passed away. 25 00:02:04,778 --> 00:02:07,536 It came as a real shock to all of us here at Smith & Bitchman 26 00:02:07,699 --> 00:02:10,216 when we heard that your grandmother had passed on. 27 00:02:10,379 --> 00:02:11,659 And so sodden. 28 00:02:11,779 --> 00:02:14,697 - Well, she was 96. - Bot still very healthy. 29 00:02:14,937 --> 00:02:17,937 - She couldn't walk. - Bot still, so acute in her mind. 30 00:02:18,857 --> 00:02:21,857 She was actually pretty mental. 31 00:02:22,657 --> 00:02:25,657 - Shall we move on to the will? - Yes! 32 00:02:29,137 --> 00:02:32,055 "To Don, you are... 33 00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:34,018 "a dickhead. 34 00:02:34,138 --> 00:02:37,056 "Probably the biggest dickhead I ever knew..." 35 00:02:37,656 --> 00:02:39,337 No, no, stop. Wait a minute. 36 00:02:39,457 --> 00:02:41,377 I think you've got the wrong will. 37 00:02:41,497 --> 00:02:44,134 - It says, "To Donald." - Maybe she knew another Donald. 38 00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:47,216 "Bot you are my one and only grandson, 39 00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:51,217 "so even though it pains me to write this, 40 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:53,697 "I have no choice bot to leave everything I have to you. 41 00:02:53,817 --> 00:02:56,735 "After the reading of this will, the house is yours. And Donald, 42 00:02:59,495 --> 00:03:02,495 "please sort out your life and stop being such a dickhead." 43 00:03:06,255 --> 00:03:09,255 Whoo-hoo! I've got a massive, free house. 44 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:13,815 I've got a massive, free house I've got a massive, free house 45 00:03:16,015 --> 00:03:18,175 Doh doh, coh Doh doh-doh, coh-coh 46 00:03:18,295 --> 00:03:19,975 Who's got a massive, free house? 47 00:03:20,095 --> 00:03:21,135 It's not free. 48 00:03:21,255 --> 00:03:22,295 What? 49 00:03:22,415 --> 00:03:25,334 Your grandmother was behind on her mortgage payments. 50 00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:29,015 It's going to cost you a lot of money to keep it. 51 00:03:29,135 --> 00:03:32,054 Uh-oh. No, Mr Bitchman, she left me the house. It's a present. Present. 52 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,214 Technically, yes, bot you still have to pay for it. 53 00:03:38,333 --> 00:03:39,534 What the...? 54 00:03:39,654 --> 00:03:41,574 Hang on. What am I worried about? 55 00:03:41,694 --> 00:03:44,014 I'll just sell it. I'll make a fortune. 56 00:03:44,134 --> 00:03:46,454 You can't even sell it, you stupid dickhead. 57 00:03:46,574 --> 00:03:47,534 What? 58 00:03:47,654 --> 00:03:50,573 Oh, that's what it says in the will. 59 00:04:10,252 --> 00:04:12,253 What do you want? 60 00:04:12,373 --> 00:04:13,733 I'm moving in. 61 00:04:13,853 --> 00:04:15,213 Bot this is Mrs Danbury's house. 62 00:04:15,333 --> 00:04:17,813 Yeah, and I'm her grandson. 63 00:04:17,933 --> 00:04:20,569 Oh, the dickhead? 64 00:04:20,732 --> 00:04:23,651 Well, "nice" meeting you. 65 00:04:25,451 --> 00:04:28,451 I'm Mrs Treacher, I live next door. 66 00:04:28,771 --> 00:04:31,771 Oh, so you're moving in, are you? 67 00:04:32,091 --> 00:04:34,172 I'm trying to, yeah. 68 00:04:34,292 --> 00:04:37,211 Mm-hm? 69 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:43,530 If you make any noise after 6pm, I'll tear you a new arsehole. 70 00:04:46,690 --> 00:04:49,690 Oh! You most come round on Sunday, meet my husband. 71 00:04:50,850 --> 00:04:52,691 I'll cook you a roast. 72 00:04:52,811 --> 00:04:55,688 A spit roast. 73 00:04:55,852 --> 00:04:57,731 You'll need this. 74 00:04:57,851 --> 00:05:00,770 We've got a bit of a gypsy problem round here. 75 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:05,169 Oh, it will be so nice to have a strong young man living next door. 76 00:05:07,609 --> 00:05:10,609 I need a lot of help getting on and off the toilet. 77 00:05:15,129 --> 00:05:18,129 Oh, dear. Elsie wasn't very good with her money, 78 00:05:19,009 --> 00:05:22,008 always spending on those credit cards... 79 00:05:29,208 --> 00:05:32,208 Yes, indeed. 80 00:05:41,128 --> 00:05:44,045 So, my new home. 81 00:05:44,208 --> 00:05:46,528 What a result. 82 00:05:46,648 --> 00:05:49,567 Just need to decorate, get myself a sexy wife. 83 00:05:50,047 --> 00:05:52,448 It could all be perfect. 84 00:05:52,568 --> 00:05:55,487 Oh, hello, darling. 85 00:05:57,287 --> 00:06:00,125 Aren't you going to be late for work? 86 00:06:00,288 --> 00:06:01,648 No? Good. A muffin? 87 00:06:01,768 --> 00:06:03,527 Oh, I'd love a muffin, thanks. 88 00:06:03,647 --> 00:06:06,566 You really are a lovely wife, aren't you? Come here. 89 00:06:10,846 --> 00:06:13,846 Feeling frisky? 90 00:06:18,206 --> 00:06:19,887 Come here. 91 00:06:20,007 --> 00:06:20,847 Zzzzzttt. 92 00:06:20,967 --> 00:06:23,207 Let's do it in our new home. Oh, yeah! 93 00:06:23,327 --> 00:06:26,083 Screwing in my new home 94 00:06:26,246 --> 00:06:29,165 Screwing in my new home. Oh! 95 00:06:31,485 --> 00:06:32,726 What are you doing? 96 00:06:32,846 --> 00:06:34,006 Who the hell are you? 97 00:06:34,126 --> 00:06:36,606 I was about to ask you the same thing. 98 00:06:36,726 --> 00:06:38,566 This is Mrs Danbury's house. 99 00:06:38,686 --> 00:06:41,605 Yeah, I'm her grandson. 100 00:06:41,925 --> 00:06:44,723 - Oh, the dickhead! - Dickhead, yes. 101 00:06:44,886 --> 00:06:47,125 I'm Eddie, your nana's carer. 102 00:06:47,245 --> 00:06:49,745 Obviously not a very good one. 103 00:06:50,684 --> 00:06:53,282 Pardon me? 104 00:06:53,445 --> 00:06:56,202 Because she's dead. So... 105 00:06:56,365 --> 00:06:58,405 Ah! 106 00:06:58,525 --> 00:06:59,765 You didn't know, did you? 107 00:06:59,885 --> 00:07:02,245 Sorry, yeah. She passed away. 108 00:07:02,365 --> 00:07:04,525 She's gone. It's over for her. 109 00:07:04,645 --> 00:07:06,284 Finished. 110 00:07:06,404 --> 00:07:08,644 Curtains. End credits. 111 00:07:08,764 --> 00:07:11,164 Hello? She's dead. 112 00:07:11,284 --> 00:07:12,444 Oh, God! 113 00:07:12,564 --> 00:07:15,321 Yeah, bot hey, look, silver lining. 114 00:07:15,484 --> 00:07:18,403 I've got a massive, free house. 115 00:07:18,883 --> 00:07:21,883 That's terrible news. 116 00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,124 - What are you doing? - Come here. 117 00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:27,323 No, no, no. I don't know you. 118 00:07:27,443 --> 00:07:28,843 Don't fight it. 119 00:07:28,963 --> 00:07:30,923 Who is this weirdo? 120 00:07:31,043 --> 00:07:33,962 What makes him think it's OK for men to cuddle like this? 121 00:07:34,242 --> 00:07:37,040 I'd better gently tell him I'm not comfortable with it. 122 00:07:37,203 --> 00:07:40,122 Listen, if you ever do that again, I'll kick you in the prick. 123 00:07:40,402 --> 00:07:43,402 - That's the grief talking. - That wasn't the grief, that was me. 124 00:07:44,362 --> 00:07:47,362 Mmm. Cop of hot tea? Always the antidote to bad news. Eh? 125 00:07:48,521 --> 00:07:51,521 What was your name again? I can't keep calling you Dickhead, can I? 126 00:07:51,921 --> 00:07:54,402 - Don. - Right. Tea, Don? 127 00:07:54,522 --> 00:07:57,359 And maybe a muffin? I did hear you mention one of those. 128 00:07:57,522 --> 00:07:59,162 I can't, really. I'm late for work. 129 00:07:59,282 --> 00:08:02,201 I wasn't that concerned, I was very popular in the office. 130 00:08:03,561 --> 00:08:04,802 Jesus, look who it is! 131 00:08:04,922 --> 00:08:06,682 God, I hoped he was off sick today. 132 00:08:06,802 --> 00:08:08,242 Don't mind if I do. Thanks. 133 00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:11,280 Hey. 134 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,720 You all right? 135 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:17,401 All right, Gordon? 136 00:08:17,521 --> 00:08:18,841 The boss wants to see you. 137 00:08:18,961 --> 00:08:20,361 Really? 138 00:08:20,481 --> 00:08:21,401 It's not good. 139 00:08:21,521 --> 00:08:24,440 Oh. 140 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:30,160 Come in. 141 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,199 - You wanted to see me? - Come in, sit down. 142 00:08:34,279 --> 00:08:36,797 Now, one of the advantages of sleeping with your boss 143 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,879 is you know you'll never get in trouble. 144 00:08:40,119 --> 00:08:43,119 - You're late again. - Yeah, sorry, my nan just died. 145 00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:45,040 Right 146 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:46,840 No, it's the troth. 147 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,880 Look, I need to talk to you. 148 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,239 Basically, Don, I've had more complaints about you 149 00:08:51,359 --> 00:08:53,079 than anyone I've ever employed. 150 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:56,118 Complaints? Like what? 151 00:08:57,398 --> 00:08:59,519 "Late every day. 152 00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:02,079 "Lazy. Fool mood in the mornings. 153 00:09:02,199 --> 00:09:04,916 "Easily distracted. 154 00:09:05,079 --> 00:09:07,359 "Late back from lunch every day. 155 00:09:07,479 --> 00:09:09,919 "Leaving work early every day. 156 00:09:10,039 --> 00:09:12,755 "Hung over, drunk, stoned. 157 00:09:12,918 --> 00:09:15,715 "Vomiting on the photocopier 158 00:09:15,878 --> 00:09:18,515 "and watching porn loudly on your desktop computer." 159 00:09:18,678 --> 00:09:21,435 That's all rubbish. 160 00:09:21,598 --> 00:09:22,838 Well, I'm not easily distracted. 161 00:09:22,958 --> 00:09:25,877 - Listen, I can't... - Oh, stapler. Shiny! 162 00:09:26,597 --> 00:09:27,998 - Don! - What?! 163 00:09:28,118 --> 00:09:31,037 I can't have people finding out we had sex the other night 164 00:09:31,597 --> 00:09:33,677 and thinking I'm favoring you. 165 00:09:33,797 --> 00:09:35,837 I only have one option. 166 00:09:35,957 --> 00:09:38,876 I'm sorry, Don, you're fired. 167 00:09:43,156 --> 00:09:44,357 No, you're fired. 168 00:09:44,477 --> 00:09:48,474 - No, you're fired. - No, you're fired. 169 00:09:48,637 --> 00:09:50,717 - Get out. - You get out. 170 00:09:50,837 --> 00:09:53,713 Fire me and the poppy gets it. 171 00:09:53,877 --> 00:09:55,516 Na-na-na-na. 172 00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:58,555 - Can't hear you. Wah-wah-wah! - You're fired. 173 00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:05,635 Fired, eh? 174 00:10:10,475 --> 00:10:13,313 I don't believe it. She fired me. 175 00:10:13,476 --> 00:10:15,235 Oh, what a shame 176 00:10:15,355 --> 00:10:18,274 I think you should clear your desk and leave immediately. 177 00:10:20,634 --> 00:10:23,634 Well, can I at least get a letter of recommendation? 178 00:10:23,834 --> 00:10:26,832 Sore, how about I write it on a Post-it note 179 00:10:26,996 --> 00:10:29,994 and stick it to your forehead? 180 00:10:30,634 --> 00:10:33,134 I'll get going. 181 00:10:33,275 --> 00:10:35,034 So I went home, unemployed, 182 00:10:35,154 --> 00:10:37,514 to find my nan's strange carer still there... 183 00:10:37,634 --> 00:10:38,554 Here, let me. 184 00:10:38,674 --> 00:10:41,114 ...talking to me like I was my nan. 185 00:10:41,234 --> 00:10:43,912 Lunch in five. Steak... 186 00:10:49,393 --> 00:10:51,754 ...and Alphabetti Spaghetti. 187 00:10:51,874 --> 00:10:54,793 Roman or Hellenic? Oh! 188 00:10:55,073 --> 00:10:56,313 Or Japanese? 189 00:10:56,433 --> 00:10:58,833 I should have told him to get lost, 190 00:10:58,953 --> 00:11:01,872 but who can resist Alphabetti Spaghetti in three languages? 191 00:11:03,752 --> 00:11:06,752 - A bit of everything? - OK. 192 00:11:08,432 --> 00:11:10,513 So, how was work? You weren't gone long. 193 00:11:10,633 --> 00:11:13,552 Yeah. I just got fired. Can you believe that? 194 00:11:13,912 --> 00:11:16,152 Oh, Don, I'm sorry. 195 00:11:16,272 --> 00:11:17,192 Get off. 196 00:11:17,312 --> 00:11:19,949 It's all right. To be honest, I hated that job. 197 00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:23,031 Bot the thing is, I have a big mortgage to pay now. 198 00:11:23,791 --> 00:11:26,791 - How am I gonna do that? - You could take in a lodger. 199 00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:29,152 Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. 200 00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:32,191 I hate lodgers. Cos you never know who you're going to get, do you? 201 00:11:32,471 --> 00:11:34,912 It could be some madman serial killer 202 00:11:35,032 --> 00:11:37,828 who rapes at weekends just for the fun of it. 203 00:11:37,991 --> 00:11:40,910 Or even worse, constantly plays the music of late-era Genesis. 204 00:11:42,270 --> 00:11:45,270 It's never just a sexy chick who isn't needy. 205 00:11:46,150 --> 00:11:49,150 Well, you can't really pot that in the rooms-to-rent section, now, can you? 206 00:11:52,150 --> 00:11:55,150 No. 207 00:11:57,310 --> 00:12:00,309 Er, I did specify I was looking for a female to occupy the room. 208 00:12:02,829 --> 00:12:04,870 What are you talking about? 209 00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:06,670 I am female. 210 00:12:06,790 --> 00:12:09,290 Oh. 211 00:12:09,430 --> 00:12:11,030 Oops, sorry. 212 00:12:11,150 --> 00:12:14,069 Now, why don't you show me the bedroom? 213 00:12:17,629 --> 00:12:19,749 Do you like role-play? 214 00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:22,788 Dungeons & Dragons is my favorite. 215 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,949 Great. 216 00:12:26,069 --> 00:12:27,549 Want some? 217 00:12:27,669 --> 00:12:29,389 I only want the flat for six months, 218 00:12:29,509 --> 00:12:31,549 until Jesus picks me up in his spaceship. 219 00:12:31,669 --> 00:12:33,789 I'm not a pedophile, bot... 220 00:12:33,909 --> 00:12:36,069 Come on, out you go. 221 00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,269 I was just gonna say... 222 00:12:38,389 --> 00:12:40,888 Freak. 223 00:12:44,987 --> 00:12:45,988 Yes? 224 00:12:46,108 --> 00:12:47,388 Don, it's Maggie. 225 00:12:47,508 --> 00:12:50,427 I heard about your nan. Sorry I doubted you. 226 00:12:50,787 --> 00:12:53,787 Oh, I see. Ha-ha. And now you want me to come back to work. 227 00:12:56,547 --> 00:12:57,588 No. 228 00:12:57,708 --> 00:12:59,268 Why are you calling me, then? 229 00:12:59,388 --> 00:13:02,304 I was hoping for a slow-motion replay of the other night, 230 00:13:02,468 --> 00:13:03,907 if you know what I mean. 231 00:13:04,027 --> 00:13:06,946 Hang on, you fired me. 232 00:13:07,226 --> 00:13:08,467 So? 233 00:13:08,587 --> 00:13:09,987 So... 234 00:13:10,107 --> 00:13:12,387 Don, you were terrible at your job. 235 00:13:12,507 --> 00:13:15,104 Bot you're not so terrible in bed. 236 00:13:15,267 --> 00:13:16,867 I mean you're really quick, 237 00:13:16,987 --> 00:13:18,467 bot...good. 238 00:13:18,587 --> 00:13:20,987 Oh, thank you very much. 239 00:13:21,106 --> 00:13:23,783 So, how about it? 240 00:13:23,946 --> 00:13:25,426 Now, for years mankind has argued 241 00:13:25,546 --> 00:13:27,826 over the differences between men and women. 242 00:13:27,946 --> 00:13:29,466 I tall comes down to sex. 243 00:13:29,586 --> 00:13:32,505 For example, if I was on a date with a girl and sad to her... 244 00:13:32,705 --> 00:13:35,705 The thing is, I think you're a prick, bot I'd love to have sex with you. 245 00:13:39,225 --> 00:13:40,586 What was that for? 246 00:13:40,706 --> 00:13:43,624 ...she'd be offended. But if a woman said to me... 247 00:13:44,104 --> 00:13:45,225 The thing is, 248 00:13:45,345 --> 00:13:48,182 I think you're a prick, bot I'd love to have sex with you. 249 00:13:48,345 --> 00:13:49,465 ...I'd be like... 250 00:13:49,585 --> 00:13:50,825 Great. 251 00:13:50,945 --> 00:13:52,985 It's as though insults are meaningless 252 00:13:53,105 --> 00:13:55,942 when the words "sex with you" are in the same sentence. 253 00:13:56,105 --> 00:13:57,945 OK. When? 254 00:13:58,065 --> 00:13:59,305 Are you free tonight? 255 00:13:59,425 --> 00:14:00,145 Yes, I am. 256 00:14:00,265 --> 00:14:03,183 - OK. - OK. 257 00:14:06,743 --> 00:14:08,344 What? 258 00:14:08,464 --> 00:14:11,383 No, I am not thinking with my dick. 259 00:14:12,063 --> 00:14:14,384 I'm actually thinking with my balls. 260 00:14:14,504 --> 00:14:15,864 And my balls are telling me, 261 00:14:15,984 --> 00:14:18,903 if I play this right, I could win my job back. 262 00:14:21,423 --> 00:14:22,984 Clever balls. 263 00:14:23,104 --> 00:14:25,603 I thought I had it all sorted out... 264 00:14:26,142 --> 00:14:29,142 ...and then this happened... 265 00:14:29,342 --> 00:14:32,342 Hi. I'm here about the room. 266 00:14:34,302 --> 00:14:36,303 Have I got the right address? 267 00:14:36,423 --> 00:14:39,342 Y-Yeah, yeah, come in. 268 00:14:40,222 --> 00:14:41,543 Enter chez Don. 269 00:14:41,663 --> 00:14:44,581 Thank you. 270 00:14:46,701 --> 00:14:48,782 Wow. 271 00:14:48,902 --> 00:14:50,862 This place is different. 272 00:14:50,982 --> 00:14:52,782 I mean, it's cool. I like it. 273 00:14:52,902 --> 00:14:54,982 Abby Jones? 274 00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:56,702 Yeah. 275 00:14:56,822 --> 00:14:58,062 It's Don. 276 00:14:58,182 --> 00:15:00,582 Don? 277 00:15:00,702 --> 00:15:03,621 Don Danbury. 278 00:15:04,261 --> 00:15:06,021 No? Westbrook School. 279 00:15:06,141 --> 00:15:09,060 I was a couple of years above you. 280 00:15:09,540 --> 00:15:12,540 - Oh, my God. Don Danbury? - Yes, yes. 281 00:15:13,860 --> 00:15:16,021 You used to wear that bandanna all the time. 282 00:15:16,141 --> 00:15:19,060 Yes, that was me. Yeah. 283 00:15:19,620 --> 00:15:22,120 I remember you now. You were funny. 284 00:15:22,261 --> 00:15:23,301 Was I? 285 00:15:23,421 --> 00:15:25,181 I thought you were. 286 00:15:25,301 --> 00:15:26,620 Thanks. 287 00:15:26,740 --> 00:15:29,659 And look at you. Wow, you've... 288 00:15:30,019 --> 00:15:31,820 ...turned into...a woman. 289 00:15:31,940 --> 00:15:34,797 Well, it would have been a bit weird if I'd turned into a man. 290 00:15:34,961 --> 00:15:37,537 Yeah... 291 00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:39,500 Small world, eh? 292 00:15:39,620 --> 00:15:42,377 Yes, yes. 293 00:15:42,540 --> 00:15:44,260 So what happened to you? 294 00:15:44,380 --> 00:15:46,460 You just kind of vanished. 295 00:15:46,580 --> 00:15:49,416 - We all moved back to Manchester. - Oh. 296 00:15:49,579 --> 00:15:52,498 - You know, I thought about you a lot. - Really? 297 00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:55,816 Well, once or twice. 298 00:15:55,980 --> 00:15:58,656 Once or twice a week, to be precise. 299 00:15:58,819 --> 00:16:00,699 I had a massive crush on Abby Jones. 300 00:16:00,819 --> 00:16:01,979 She never knew. 301 00:16:02,099 --> 00:16:04,956 I mean, I was a spotty teenager who wore a bandanna. 302 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:06,539 I never had the courage to ask her out. 303 00:16:06,659 --> 00:16:09,175 So...are you married now? 304 00:16:09,338 --> 00:16:11,338 - Married? God, no. - Good. 305 00:16:11,458 --> 00:16:12,818 You? 306 00:16:12,938 --> 00:16:15,098 No, no, no. 307 00:16:15,218 --> 00:16:18,137 - Kids? - Not that I know of. 308 00:16:21,857 --> 00:16:23,378 You got any brats? 309 00:16:23,498 --> 00:16:24,418 Well, I'm a teacher at the minute. 310 00:16:24,538 --> 00:16:26,858 I'm not quite ready for any children of my own just yet. 311 00:16:26,978 --> 00:16:29,814 Perfect. 312 00:16:29,977 --> 00:16:31,457 Actually, how do you know about this place? 313 00:16:31,577 --> 00:16:33,177 A friend of a friend mentioned it to me. 314 00:16:33,297 --> 00:16:34,577 Good. 315 00:16:34,697 --> 00:16:37,616 - So? - So? 316 00:16:40,656 --> 00:16:43,656 This time I'm never letting you go. 317 00:16:45,096 --> 00:16:48,074 First of all, you move in, then we can talk wedding. 318 00:16:48,238 --> 00:16:49,896 Then we should chat kids. 319 00:16:50,016 --> 00:16:52,935 I mean, personally, I don't want any, bot I don't believe in sheaths, 320 00:16:53,335 --> 00:16:55,816 so we will have to discuss it at some point! 321 00:16:55,936 --> 00:16:58,855 You know, whenever I pleasure myself, it's you I fantasise about. 322 00:16:59,815 --> 00:17:01,576 That's really creepy. 323 00:17:01,696 --> 00:17:03,976 I was 1 4 when you last saw me. 324 00:17:04,096 --> 00:17:07,015 Yeah, well, I'm 1 6 in the fantasy, so that's OK, right? 325 00:17:07,575 --> 00:17:10,574 I'm so in love with you 326 00:17:10,854 --> 00:17:13,854 Oooo-eeee-oooo. 327 00:17:18,254 --> 00:17:21,254 So, as you can see, I went for the granny-chic look. 328 00:17:22,254 --> 00:17:25,252 - Oh! Mmm. - Yeah. 329 00:17:25,416 --> 00:17:28,414 Yeah, it's for doing exercises whilst you bath. 330 00:17:30,294 --> 00:17:33,293 They call it...bathercising. 331 00:17:34,613 --> 00:17:37,613 It's great... it means you don't have to have a bath after a workout. 332 00:17:40,173 --> 00:17:43,173 So...when do you want to move in? 333 00:17:43,733 --> 00:17:46,733 - Just like that? - Well, why not? 334 00:17:47,653 --> 00:17:50,653 I am fairly desperate to find somewhere. 335 00:17:50,893 --> 00:17:52,533 Could I move in tonight? 336 00:17:52,653 --> 00:17:55,290 Yes, you can... Oh, no, you can't. 337 00:17:55,453 --> 00:17:57,373 How about tomorrow afternoon? 338 00:17:57,493 --> 00:18:00,530 Deal. 339 00:18:00,693 --> 00:18:02,253 This was perfect. 340 00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:05,292 My ideal woman moving in with me. 341 00:18:05,772 --> 00:18:07,253 And I know what you're thinking. 342 00:18:07,373 --> 00:18:10,292 How can I go ahead and see my ex-boss the night before Abby moves in? 343 00:18:10,892 --> 00:18:13,891 Well, this is about getting my job back. It's not about sex. 344 00:18:16,051 --> 00:18:18,850 - So, can I have my job back? - No. 345 00:18:22,251 --> 00:18:24,572 How about now? Can I have my job back now? 346 00:18:24,692 --> 00:18:27,611 No, no. 347 00:18:29,091 --> 00:18:30,972 How about now? Things are different now. 348 00:18:31,092 --> 00:18:34,010 No, you're fired. Uh! I fired you. 349 00:18:34,450 --> 00:18:35,651 Arrr... 350 00:18:35,771 --> 00:18:36,971 How about now? 351 00:18:37,091 --> 00:18:38,131 No. 352 00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:39,331 What about now? 353 00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:40,411 No. 354 00:18:40,531 --> 00:18:41,931 - Now? - No. 355 00:18:42,051 --> 00:18:44,848 - How about now? - Definitely not. 356 00:18:45,011 --> 00:18:47,131 - Give me my job back. - No. 357 00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:49,768 - Give it to me? - No. 358 00:18:49,931 --> 00:18:52,850 Can...I...have...it...back? 359 00:18:53,890 --> 00:18:55,970 Yes! 360 00:18:56,090 --> 00:18:58,590 Oooh! 361 00:19:02,329 --> 00:19:04,090 So, shall I start Monday morning? 362 00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:05,890 Start what? 363 00:19:06,010 --> 00:19:08,929 My job. You just said I could have it back. 364 00:19:09,209 --> 00:19:10,650 Wrong. 365 00:19:10,770 --> 00:19:13,689 No, no, just then. I said, "Can I have it back?" and you said, "Yes." 366 00:19:14,329 --> 00:19:16,329 I was coming. 367 00:19:16,449 --> 00:19:17,409 Oh, come off it! 368 00:19:17,529 --> 00:19:19,649 I don't make women come. 369 00:19:19,769 --> 00:19:21,609 Wrong again. 370 00:19:21,729 --> 00:19:24,648 You'll never get your job back, you idiot. 371 00:19:25,848 --> 00:19:28,848 You sexy idiot. 372 00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:36,128 Oh, bollocks. 373 00:19:52,887 --> 00:19:55,887 Shit! 374 00:20:07,166 --> 00:20:08,367 What's going on? 375 00:20:08,487 --> 00:20:10,167 - Shut up. - What? 376 00:20:10,287 --> 00:20:12,527 I mean... 377 00:20:12,647 --> 00:20:15,566 Sssh, there, go back to sleep. Sssh. 378 00:20:18,765 --> 00:20:21,765 Oh, I'm just going downstairs, bot stay there, don't move. 379 00:20:22,285 --> 00:20:25,285 Sssh. Ooh, sleepy. Stay. 380 00:20:31,285 --> 00:20:34,285 I'm coming, I'm coming. 381 00:20:36,765 --> 00:20:39,603 Ooh... 382 00:20:47,964 --> 00:20:49,645 - Hey. - Hey. 383 00:20:49,765 --> 00:20:52,205 Haven't got you out of bed, have I? 384 00:20:52,325 --> 00:20:55,244 No. No, don't be silly. No, I've been up since seven doing some...tapestry. 385 00:20:56,644 --> 00:20:59,085 Oh. Here. 386 00:20:59,205 --> 00:21:01,524 Hey, listen, why don't we do this later? 387 00:21:01,644 --> 00:21:04,563 I know a nice little cafe down the road. We could have a spot of brunch. 388 00:21:05,523 --> 00:21:08,023 Sounds great, bot I've got tons of stuff, 389 00:21:08,164 --> 00:21:11,061 so I'd rather get this done first. 390 00:21:11,225 --> 00:21:14,203 Ah, who'd have thought, eh? You and me living together? 391 00:21:14,483 --> 00:21:16,524 It's great. 392 00:21:16,644 --> 00:21:19,563 You know, I'm really glad we've met each other again like this. 393 00:21:20,962 --> 00:21:23,920 Yeah. Me, too. 394 00:21:24,084 --> 00:21:26,323 I'm gonna go to the car and get some more stuff. 395 00:21:26,443 --> 00:21:29,362 OK. 396 00:21:37,842 --> 00:21:39,563 Who was that at the door? 397 00:21:39,683 --> 00:21:42,601 Oh, er, wrong number. What are you doing? 398 00:21:43,121 --> 00:21:44,922 Seeing as you're too rode to offer, 399 00:21:45,042 --> 00:21:47,839 I thought I'd go and make myself a cop of tea. 400 00:21:48,002 --> 00:21:50,322 No need, om... made you one. 401 00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:52,242 - Brought it up, look. - Really? 402 00:21:52,362 --> 00:21:55,281 Yeah. 403 00:21:56,841 --> 00:21:59,841 Just pop it there for you. Anyway, what are you doing up? 404 00:22:00,601 --> 00:22:03,558 You should have a lie-in, it's the weekend. 405 00:22:03,722 --> 00:22:05,441 It's almost lunchtime. 406 00:22:05,561 --> 00:22:08,480 Well, doesn't mean you can't lie in, does it? You know... 407 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,238 I'll be back in a minute. Stay. 408 00:22:13,401 --> 00:22:16,320 Stay. 409 00:22:26,399 --> 00:22:29,399 Excuse me, what are you doing in my house? 410 00:22:30,719 --> 00:22:33,719 Don, this is Karl, my boyfriend. 411 00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:36,120 Boyfriend? You n... 412 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,159 You most be this...Don character, then. 413 00:22:39,799 --> 00:22:42,437 This is...yoor...? 414 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,518 I'm Karl with a K, not a C. 415 00:22:50,878 --> 00:22:52,999 Here's a little moving-in gift. 416 00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:55,619 Oh! 417 00:22:56,678 --> 00:22:58,719 Do you play golf? 418 00:22:58,839 --> 00:23:01,758 Eh? 419 00:23:03,558 --> 00:23:06,557 I'm Karl, with a K, not a C. 420 00:23:12,157 --> 00:23:13,558 Sleep. 421 00:23:13,678 --> 00:23:16,597 When you awake...you'll kill yourself. 422 00:23:17,037 --> 00:23:20,037 Wake. 423 00:23:23,077 --> 00:23:25,714 - Don? Don! - Yes? 424 00:23:25,877 --> 00:23:28,077 You don't mind showing Karl where to pot my stuff, do you? 425 00:23:28,197 --> 00:23:29,157 Of course. 426 00:23:29,277 --> 00:23:31,777 Thank you. 427 00:23:33,356 --> 00:23:36,356 Kitchen...? 428 00:23:40,436 --> 00:23:42,837 So...you and Abby, then? 429 00:23:42,957 --> 00:23:45,077 Yeah. 430 00:23:45,197 --> 00:23:48,033 - Serious, is it? - Pretty serious, yeah. 431 00:23:48,196 --> 00:23:49,236 Mmm... 432 00:23:49,356 --> 00:23:51,596 So, what do you do, Don? 433 00:23:51,716 --> 00:23:53,156 I'm unemployed. 434 00:23:53,276 --> 00:23:55,776 Yeah, right 435 00:23:55,916 --> 00:23:57,876 And what is it you do? 436 00:23:57,996 --> 00:23:59,116 Property developer. 437 00:23:59,236 --> 00:24:00,876 We specialize in homes abroad. 438 00:24:00,996 --> 00:24:03,915 Yeah, I actually work for a living. 439 00:24:05,915 --> 00:24:08,914 You really landed on your feet there with Abby, didn't you? 440 00:24:09,554 --> 00:24:12,113 Well, I think she's pretty lucky, too. 441 00:24:14,274 --> 00:24:15,755 You're kidding, right? 442 00:24:15,875 --> 00:24:17,835 What's that supposed to mean? 443 00:24:17,955 --> 00:24:20,852 She's a ten, clearly. 444 00:24:21,016 --> 00:24:23,994 Whereas you're just a... I don't know...two? 445 00:24:25,114 --> 00:24:28,113 And I'm being polite, actually, and adding two. 446 00:24:28,473 --> 00:24:30,914 What's going on? 447 00:24:31,034 --> 00:24:32,794 we're just shooting the breeze, 448 00:24:32,914 --> 00:24:35,833 ...telling him how lucky he is to have you. - Shut up! 449 00:24:39,433 --> 00:24:41,951 Don? 450 00:24:42,114 --> 00:24:44,074 Don! 451 00:24:44,194 --> 00:24:45,754 What was that? 452 00:24:45,874 --> 00:24:48,792 - Huh? I didn't hear anything. - Don! 453 00:24:49,072 --> 00:24:51,572 Just then - a woman was shooting your name. 454 00:24:51,713 --> 00:24:53,433 - Don! - Oh, that? 455 00:24:53,553 --> 00:24:56,472 - Don! - Yes, that is just a woman... 456 00:24:56,752 --> 00:24:58,793 I know...platonically. Don! 457 00:24:58,913 --> 00:25:01,630 You've locked me in your bedroom, let me out! 458 00:25:01,793 --> 00:25:03,513 You've locked her in your bedroom? 459 00:25:03,633 --> 00:25:04,953 Why would you lock a woman in your bedroom? 460 00:25:05,073 --> 00:25:06,873 For a laugh. 461 00:25:06,993 --> 00:25:09,193 This isn't funny, Don. 462 00:25:09,313 --> 00:25:10,392 OK, look, 463 00:25:10,512 --> 00:25:13,109 I'll be honest. I just didn't want you to meet her. 464 00:25:13,272 --> 00:25:16,191 - Why not? - Yes, Don, why not? 465 00:25:16,391 --> 00:25:19,391 Because...I don't know. I thought you were gonna move in today 466 00:25:20,351 --> 00:25:23,351 and tonight, I'd cook us, well, order in a meal, 467 00:25:24,191 --> 00:25:26,829 and we'd get to know each other, fall in love 468 00:25:26,992 --> 00:25:29,829 and then I'd nail your sweet little ass... 469 00:25:29,992 --> 00:25:32,151 all night long. 470 00:25:32,271 --> 00:25:33,431 Ooh! 471 00:25:33,551 --> 00:25:36,428 Ah! Ooh! 472 00:25:36,592 --> 00:25:39,550 Bot then you ruined everything by bringing Cock-face with you! 473 00:25:39,830 --> 00:25:42,830 I mean, I could have been honest, but the truth never helps anyone' 474 00:25:43,150 --> 00:25:45,311 so I came up with a foolproof-cover. 475 00:25:45,431 --> 00:25:48,350 Because...she's my...Spanish cleaner. Yeah, yeah. 476 00:25:50,510 --> 00:25:53,509 She's been slacking recently and I locked her in and said, 477 00:25:54,509 --> 00:25:57,187 "You're not coming out until it is spotless." 478 00:25:57,350 --> 00:25:59,790 Don! 479 00:25:59,910 --> 00:26:02,507 Oh. 480 00:26:02,670 --> 00:26:05,589 I mean, I pay her a fortune and she does nothing. 481 00:26:05,829 --> 00:26:08,829 She never cleans or dust's or... 482 00:26:10,589 --> 00:26:11,990 What's going on, Don? 483 00:26:12,110 --> 00:26:14,906 Ah, Rosa. Hola! 484 00:26:15,069 --> 00:26:16,469 Look, it's Rosa. 485 00:26:16,589 --> 00:26:18,069 What the hell are you playing at, locking me in your room? 486 00:26:18,189 --> 00:26:20,986 He said you'd not been cleaning his house properly. 487 00:26:21,149 --> 00:26:23,509 What? 488 00:26:23,629 --> 00:26:24,629 Very funny, thingy. 489 00:26:24,749 --> 00:26:26,509 I've been sleeping with this prick, can you believe that? 490 00:26:26,629 --> 00:26:29,548 - Yeah, bot we're not a couple. - Oh, thank God! 491 00:26:30,468 --> 00:26:33,385 I've been trying to convince her to give me my job back through the medium of sex. 492 00:26:33,548 --> 00:26:36,305 You'd stand a better chance if you could go a bit longer. 493 00:26:36,468 --> 00:26:37,868 Whoa, shush your mouth! 494 00:26:37,988 --> 00:26:40,907 She doesn't know what she's talking about. She's nuts in the mind. 495 00:26:41,387 --> 00:26:44,387 You are such a dickhead. 496 00:26:50,187 --> 00:26:51,188 - Don. - Yeah? 497 00:26:51,308 --> 00:26:54,226 You don't have to lie to me about seeing someone. 498 00:26:55,026 --> 00:26:58,026 I really don't mind what you get up to and, besides, 499 00:26:58,226 --> 00:27:01,226 I've got Karl to keep me company. 500 00:27:01,426 --> 00:27:02,987 Right. 501 00:27:03,107 --> 00:27:04,387 Great. 502 00:27:04,507 --> 00:27:06,827 OK, come on. Let's get the stuff out the car. 503 00:27:06,947 --> 00:27:09,866 Yeah. So he's been having intercourse with his cleaner? 504 00:27:13,586 --> 00:27:15,346 They seem nice. 505 00:27:15,466 --> 00:27:18,223 God! How long have you been here? 506 00:27:18,386 --> 00:27:19,786 Oh, er...since before you got up. 507 00:27:19,906 --> 00:27:21,866 So, you're getting a flatmate, then. 508 00:27:21,986 --> 00:27:23,586 Things are looking good. 509 00:27:23,706 --> 00:27:26,625 Well, that depends on your definition of good. 510 00:27:27,425 --> 00:27:30,425 If it's losing any chance of getting your job back 511 00:27:30,825 --> 00:27:33,325 or re-meeting the woman of your dreams 512 00:27:33,466 --> 00:27:36,062 only to find out she's got a boyfriend, 513 00:27:36,225 --> 00:27:38,942 then yes, yes, things are looking good. 514 00:27:39,105 --> 00:27:42,024 Well, look at it this way. It can't get any worse. 515 00:27:42,264 --> 00:27:45,264 Yeah, I suppose so. 516 00:27:48,824 --> 00:27:50,303 Pervert! 517 00:27:50,353 --> 00:27:54,903 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 36435

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