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1
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A Pop original series.
2
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[indistinct police chatter]
3
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It wasn't my fault.
4
00:00:13,593 --> 00:00:15,385
I didn't wanna have
anything to do with this.
5
00:00:15,780 --> 00:00:18,435
I got dragged to this
whole thing to begin with.
6
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[dramatic thud]
7
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This is all Beverley's fault.
8
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It was all Jodie's fault.
9
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I'd like to call my lawyer.
10
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She's on speed dial.
11
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[whooshing]
12
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[mellow guitar music]
13
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?
14
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?
15
00:01:37,007 --> 00:01:38,660
At first, I thought it was
gonna be a piece of cake.
16
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It started with this mom group.
17
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If you're not in a mom's group,
18
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you might as well be dead.
19
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Let me tell you... Tatyana was a top.
20
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[indistinct chatter]
21
00:01:50,948 --> 00:01:52,384
And please take notes 'cause...
22
00:01:52,711 --> 00:01:54,713
We have to leave a good impression.
23
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Tatyana is very selective of
who she lets in the mom group.
24
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And this would be great for us...
I mean, the kids.
25
00:02:01,833 --> 00:02:03,443
Yeah, last year,
they had a "Moana" themed
26
00:02:03,801 --> 00:02:05,760
birthday party with the actual
cast of "Moana."
27
00:02:06,186 --> 00:02:08,014
- I mean, The Rock.
- Big deal.
28
00:02:08,415 --> 00:02:10,417
I know the guy that plays
Dora the Explorer at Universal.
29
00:02:10,850 --> 00:02:13,288
- Hi, ladies.
- All: Hi.
30
00:02:13,805 --> 00:02:15,589
First order of business:
31
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we have some new but
familiar faces with us today.
32
00:02:20,543 --> 00:02:24,373
Please welcome Jodie, Beverley,
and Christie to the group.
33
00:02:25,155 --> 00:02:26,766
- Hi.
- Hi.
34
00:02:27,125 --> 00:02:29,084
- It's Christine.
- And we have Beverley to thank
35
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for hosting us in her beautiful home.
36
00:02:32,515 --> 00:02:33,778
- Oh, thanks.
- Thanks, Bev.
37
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:35,550
It's an honor... [laughs]
38
00:02:35,884 --> 00:02:38,496
Now, a bit of the good and the bad.
39
00:02:39,046 --> 00:02:40,526
As most of you know,
40
00:02:40,859 --> 00:02:43,645
my godson Clint's
birthday is this weekend,
41
00:02:44,228 --> 00:02:46,709
but we cannot host
the party at our house.
42
00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:49,019
That's the bad news.
43
00:02:49,412 --> 00:02:51,414
The good news is,
our home is being photographed
44
00:02:51,848 --> 00:02:54,068
for "Architecture Magazine"
the same day.
45
00:02:54,543 --> 00:02:56,197
- [women exclaiming]
- Wow.
46
00:02:56,565 --> 00:02:58,001
So, ladies, do you have any ideas?
47
00:02:58,326 --> 00:02:59,937
Oh, we can help!
48
00:03:00,296 --> 00:03:01,993
- We can?
- Yeah.
49
00:03:02,369 --> 00:03:03,805
- Oh, from our newest members.
- Yeah!
50
00:03:04,132 --> 00:03:06,598
I mean,
this house was built for hosting.
51
00:03:07,110 --> 00:03:09,527
I mean, the backyard is a little small,
but I think it would work.
52
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,826
And I know the best
bakery for birthday cakes.
53
00:03:13,409 --> 00:03:14,889
And food, I can do that as...
54
00:03:15,222 --> 00:03:17,529
No, I'll do the food and drink, yeah.
55
00:03:18,022 --> 00:03:19,458
- People actually wanna eat, Bev.
- Oh.
56
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:21,263
That sounds great,
57
00:03:21,598 --> 00:03:23,382
but I'm gonna be on
the lemonade cleanse.
58
00:03:23,774 --> 00:03:25,254
- I'll send you the recipe.
- Oh, great.
59
00:03:25,589 --> 00:03:27,199
Oh, kids love cleanses.
60
00:03:27,559 --> 00:03:29,822
I guess all that's left
is the entertainment.
61
00:03:30,305 --> 00:03:32,003
Uh, I can do the entertainment.
62
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:34,815
- Oh.
- Yeah, I got a guy.
63
00:03:35,333 --> 00:03:37,639
Okay, Jodie. Thank you.
64
00:03:38,131 --> 00:03:39,159
- Sure.
- Wow.
65
00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:41,945
Well, that was our fastest item ever.
[laughs]
66
00:03:42,485 --> 00:03:44,356
I mean, honestly,
I didn't think it would be that hard.
67
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:45,854
Kids love magicians.
68
00:03:46,113 --> 00:03:47,724
Usually I just Yelp it,
69
00:03:48,082 --> 00:03:50,215
but this time I needed
something really special,
70
00:03:50,674 --> 00:03:52,981
and in LA, there's only one place to go.
71
00:03:53,472 --> 00:03:56,911
[mellow music]
72
00:03:57,619 --> 00:03:59,273
Uh, hi, excuse me.
73
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:00,946
Hi. [laughs]
74
00:04:01,248 --> 00:04:02,684
This is the Magic Fortress, right?
75
00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:05,142
- Yup.
- Great, I need to go inside
76
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,342
- and talk to a magician.
- Ah.
77
00:04:08,918 --> 00:04:10,528
- Are you a magician?
- No.
78
00:04:10,888 --> 00:04:12,672
No, I'm not a magician.
79
00:04:13,065 --> 00:04:15,197
I mean, I did sort of a cool
trick in high school, but...
80
00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:17,310
- What was the cool trick?
- Well, I mean, it was...
81
00:04:17,677 --> 00:04:19,113
It's really just the
thumb thing where you,
82
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:20,920
like, go, "Oh, my thumb," and yeah.
83
00:04:21,253 --> 00:04:23,255
I mean, I was really good at it though.
84
00:04:23,690 --> 00:04:25,996
- Yeah, that can't get you in.
- Look, I'm not a crazy person.
85
00:04:26,488 --> 00:04:28,098
I just need to go in
and talk to somebody.
86
00:04:28,458 --> 00:04:30,111
- Here's my ID.
- Ah.
87
00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:33,438
[mischievous music]
88
00:04:34,055 --> 00:04:36,144
?
89
00:04:36,594 --> 00:04:38,031
It's great. This is... cute trick.
90
00:04:38,357 --> 00:04:40,011
- Where's my ID?
- It's gone.
91
00:04:40,379 --> 00:04:41,779
- What do you mean it's gone?
- I mean, it's gone.
92
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,862
That's not magic, that's...
that's theft.
93
00:04:44,204 --> 00:04:46,420
You don't take things;
you give them back and you
94
00:04:46,885 --> 00:04:48,173
make them reappear other places.
95
00:04:48,536 --> 00:04:51,347
I have an idea. I have...
96
00:04:51,936 --> 00:04:54,373
- a little magic for you. So maybe...
- Ah.
97
00:04:54,891 --> 00:04:57,415
I give you some magic,
you give me the ID,
98
00:04:57,948 --> 00:05:00,516
and let me go in,
then we'll call it, like, even.
99
00:05:01,059 --> 00:05:03,017
Aww, look at that. See?
100
00:05:03,443 --> 00:05:06,446
Oh. Luh. Rah. Oh.
101
00:05:08,262 --> 00:05:09,754
- Are you for real?
- Yeah.
102
00:05:10,150 --> 00:05:11,553
You know what?
I know how to get inside, okay?
103
00:05:11,927 --> 00:05:13,812
'Cause I've been before, so I know.
104
00:05:14,223 --> 00:05:16,835
And it's a little trick.
Just push on a brick here.
105
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:19,212
- Okay. And... yeah.
- All right.
106
00:05:19,614 --> 00:05:21,572
- Yep, yep, see?
- Ehh.
107
00:05:21,998 --> 00:05:23,390
Oh! Ah... [laughs]
108
00:05:23,708 --> 00:05:25,710
Know your trick... oh, shit.
109
00:05:26,143 --> 00:05:27,275
That ring's been there,
like, a hundred years.
110
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Oh, shit.
111
00:05:29,305 --> 00:05:30,915
Oh, we went from misdemeanor to felony.
112
00:05:31,275 --> 00:05:33,233
I just wanna go inside.
This is all your fault.
113
00:05:33,659 --> 00:05:35,661
- You took my stuff.
- Can't give you your ID,
114
00:05:36,094 --> 00:05:37,835
and I can't give you your money.
115
00:05:38,220 --> 00:05:41,527
But I knew you were coming,
and I can give you a hand.
116
00:05:42,211 --> 00:05:46,171
?
117
00:05:46,979 --> 00:05:49,460
This is a full house.
118
00:05:49,985 --> 00:05:52,553
Oh.
119
00:05:53,096 --> 00:05:54,097
You know what that makes it?
120
00:05:54,339 --> 00:05:55,949
Not my ID?
121
00:05:56,309 --> 00:05:59,138
A fuller house, my queen.
122
00:05:59,729 --> 00:06:01,122
Fuck your magic.
123
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,180
[laughs]
124
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,749
[distant honking]
125
00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:10,522
Psst, hey, come here.
126
00:06:10,997 --> 00:06:13,696
I hear you're looking for a magician?
127
00:06:14,262 --> 00:06:15,829
Oh, my gosh, how did you do that?
128
00:06:16,180 --> 00:06:17,704
Wow, that's amazing... [laughs]
129
00:06:18,046 --> 00:06:19,352
You know, if you could make
that money reappear,
130
00:06:19,652 --> 00:06:20,914
you'd have a job.
131
00:06:21,208 --> 00:06:22,644
Let's consider that your deposit.
132
00:06:22,970 --> 00:06:24,928
Don't worry.
I'll try not to stiff you too hard.
133
00:06:25,354 --> 00:06:27,356
I'm trying to get in
at the Magic Fortress,
134
00:06:27,790 --> 00:06:29,357
but they won't consider me
until I have more
135
00:06:29,708 --> 00:06:31,797
- "official gigs."
- That's amazing.
136
00:06:32,247 --> 00:06:33,770
I need somebody for this weekend.
137
00:06:34,113 --> 00:06:35,549
Oh, perfect. I can come this weekend.
138
00:06:35,876 --> 00:06:37,529
I can come anytime. I can come anywhere.
139
00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:39,116
Can you come on Saturday?
140
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,316
I can come on Saturday, believe me.
141
00:06:42,925 --> 00:06:44,927
- Here's my card.
- Oh.
142
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,232
- Steve Wonder.
- That's me.
143
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,076
Isn't that a little close to...
144
00:06:49,403 --> 00:06:51,187
Close to what? No, it's its own thing.
145
00:06:51,580 --> 00:06:53,190
- Mm.
- Like, Steve Wonder.
146
00:06:53,550 --> 00:06:54,725
A magician, you know?
147
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,785
Wonder, enchantment, magic, kinda.
148
00:06:57,177 --> 00:07:00,137
But also kinda like, you know,
superstitious and...
149
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,189
Quick question. Do you see an I...
150
00:07:02,516 --> 00:07:03,821
- No, no, I don't.
- No, you don't. Yeah.
151
00:07:04,122 --> 00:07:05,732
Just, I mean... can you make one appear?
152
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,659
- [laughs]
- Okay, you know what?
153
00:07:08,009 --> 00:07:10,751
You got jokes,
but I'm kinda the entertainer,
154
00:07:11,326 --> 00:07:13,633
- so if this is gonna work...
- Got it, okay.
155
00:07:14,126 --> 00:07:15,910
Okay, you know what?
It's fine. It's fine.
156
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:18,261
- It has a good ring to it.
- It's wonderful. [laughs]
157
00:07:18,687 --> 00:07:20,645
This is gonna be great,
but I need somebody that does, like,
158
00:07:21,071 --> 00:07:23,421
- next level magic tricks.
- Oh, I do next level.
159
00:07:23,921 --> 00:07:26,620
I do rings, I do balls,
160
00:07:27,186 --> 00:07:29,667
I do cupping,
I can pull a rabbit out of...
161
00:07:30,192 --> 00:07:31,498
Yeah, uh, great. I get it.
162
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,453
That is gonna be so amazing.
163
00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:35,605
I will text you with all of the details.
164
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,781
- And yeah.
- Perfect.
165
00:07:38,174 --> 00:07:39,436
- Look forward to working with you.
- Awesome.
166
00:07:39,729 --> 00:07:41,079
Thank you so much.
167
00:07:41,387 --> 00:07:42,867
All right.
168
00:07:43,201 --> 00:07:44,942
- Hey, Mom?
- Steven?
169
00:07:45,327 --> 00:07:46,763
- I just got a job.
- Oh.
170
00:07:47,088 --> 00:07:48,568
I told you I should drop out of school.
171
00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:50,426
You're so stupid.
172
00:07:54,397 --> 00:07:56,181
I wanted this party to be perfect.
173
00:07:56,574 --> 00:07:58,663
I mean, my house is great for hosting.
174
00:07:59,539 --> 00:08:01,271
And my backyard is not small.
175
00:08:02,289 --> 00:08:04,584
Really, it all started with the cake.
176
00:08:05,074 --> 00:08:09,165
[mellow piano music]
177
00:08:10,307 --> 00:08:11,787
Kids, no running in the house! Oh.
178
00:08:12,121 --> 00:08:13,732
Can you take those
balloons in the backyard
179
00:08:14,090 --> 00:08:16,353
and just make sure to spread
them out evenly, please?
180
00:08:16,838 --> 00:08:18,796
Thank you. Oh, Christine, thank you.
181
00:08:19,222 --> 00:08:22,268
Can you get snacks and water in
the guestroom for the magician?
182
00:08:22,902 --> 00:08:24,208
- Okay.
- He'll be here any minute.
183
00:08:24,508 --> 00:08:26,118
- Sure.
- Hello? Hello? Yes.
184
00:08:26,478 --> 00:08:29,786
- Yes, I can hear you.
- Who are you even talking to?
185
00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:32,079
- I can help you with this.
- Oh, thank you so much.
186
00:08:32,438 --> 00:08:35,397
[muffled upbeat music]
187
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:42,151
?
188
00:08:44,110 --> 00:08:45,521
- Hi.
- Oh, hey.
189
00:08:45,832 --> 00:08:46,902
I wasn't sure if you were gonna show.
190
00:08:47,158 --> 00:08:49,117
Oh, well, just because
I work out of a parking lot,
191
00:08:49,542 --> 00:08:51,501
doesn't mean I'm not reliable.
192
00:08:51,926 --> 00:08:53,885
- I do need a ride home though.
- Of course you do.
193
00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:55,920
All right, come on in.
194
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,761
[kids laughing]
195
00:08:59,286 --> 00:09:00,722
Can I talk to you privately?
196
00:09:01,048 --> 00:09:03,398
Yeah, sure. Come on in.
197
00:09:06,231 --> 00:09:07,667
[laughs]
198
00:09:07,993 --> 00:09:09,821
- Okay.
- Yeah, so what's going on?
199
00:09:10,221 --> 00:09:12,658
Uh, you didn't tell me that
this was a kid's party.
200
00:09:13,176 --> 00:09:15,961
Well, you're a magician.
What else would it be?
201
00:09:16,545 --> 00:09:18,721
Abracadabra.
202
00:09:19,188 --> 00:09:21,147
It's a rabbit, but it's also a...
203
00:09:21,572 --> 00:09:23,357
Oh, I... no, yeah, I get it.
I'm familiar.
204
00:09:23,749 --> 00:09:27,318
I'm an X-rated magician.
I do adult parties, you know.
205
00:09:28,051 --> 00:09:30,357
Divorce parties,
bachelorette, strip clubs.
206
00:09:30,850 --> 00:09:33,374
Steve Wonder. I work for just the tip.
207
00:09:33,908 --> 00:09:35,387
[stammers] Why did you
tell me this earlier?
208
00:09:35,722 --> 00:09:37,550
You hired me out of a parking lot,
209
00:09:37,950 --> 00:09:40,910
and I had all of those hilarious,
yet subtle sex puns.
210
00:09:41,526 --> 00:09:44,442
- I figured you knew.
- No! Oh, my God.
211
00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:46,835
Can't you just do the tricks,
like, not dirty?
212
00:09:47,228 --> 00:09:48,707
No, I memorized this act.
213
00:09:49,042 --> 00:09:50,261
I mean, you wouldn't believe
214
00:09:50,545 --> 00:09:52,547
where I'm gonna pull
the real rabbit from.
215
00:09:52,981 --> 00:09:55,113
Oh, I bet I can guess. Yeah.
216
00:09:55,573 --> 00:09:56,878
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
217
00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:58,920
- You must be the magician.
- Um...
218
00:09:59,304 --> 00:10:00,958
Uh, no, no, no, no, this is just...
219
00:10:01,326 --> 00:10:03,110
This is my friend, Steve Wonder.
220
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:04,808
[clears throat] No relation.
221
00:10:05,109 --> 00:10:07,241
Uh, he's just... he's just a hipster
222
00:10:07,701 --> 00:10:09,833
who loves top hats.
223
00:10:10,292 --> 00:10:12,729
Ah, yeah. Yeah, I smell that.
224
00:10:13,247 --> 00:10:15,208
Um, let me know
when the magician gets here.
225
00:10:15,624 --> 00:10:16,513
I wanna warm the kids up first.
226
00:10:16,735 --> 00:10:19,594
Oh, yup, they will be warm.
That's... yeah.
227
00:10:20,192 --> 00:10:21,541
You should see my penis balloons.
228
00:10:21,850 --> 00:10:24,723
- I blow them perfectly.
- I bet you do.
229
00:10:27,344 --> 00:10:28,867
What did she mean by smell?
230
00:10:29,209 --> 00:10:30,776
So is that when it all went down?
231
00:10:31,128 --> 00:10:33,608
Look, the magician
was a bad call on my part,
232
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,266
but that wasn't the worst of it.
233
00:10:36,725 --> 00:10:38,814
Hello? Is anyone listening to me?
234
00:10:39,265 --> 00:10:42,224
[sighs] Oh, look at you.
235
00:10:42,841 --> 00:10:45,757
Aren't you a beauty?
236
00:10:46,365 --> 00:10:48,759
Yeah. Are you serious?
237
00:10:49,267 --> 00:10:51,443
I told them to put all of this away.
238
00:10:51,911 --> 00:10:54,348
- [mouse squeaking]
- [yelping]
239
00:10:54,866 --> 00:10:56,998
No, no, no, no, no, no!
240
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,067
What? No. Oh, God.
241
00:10:59,427 --> 00:11:00,732
Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't go there.
242
00:11:01,033 --> 00:11:02,512
Don't go there. Don't... no, no, no.
243
00:11:02,847 --> 00:11:04,283
What about, like, card tricks?
244
00:11:04,610 --> 00:11:06,046
- Do you do those?
- Yeah, I have a lot of cards,
245
00:11:06,371 --> 00:11:07,503
but they're all, like, Kama Sutra cards.
246
00:11:07,771 --> 00:11:09,037
Great! Great, you're here.
247
00:11:09,322 --> 00:11:12,111
We could use some entertaining,
so go out there and entertain.
248
00:11:12,694 --> 00:11:14,522
No, this is not the magician.
249
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,229
I am Steve.
250
00:11:16,530 --> 00:11:19,620
I am a hipster, and I like these hats.
251
00:11:20,261 --> 00:11:22,046
- Yes.
- So that's why I'm this.
252
00:11:22,438 --> 00:11:24,397
Okay, great, yeah, whatever.
Well, you know,
253
00:11:24,822 --> 00:11:26,520
just go out there and just do
something... anything, really.
254
00:11:26,896 --> 00:11:27,854
It can't be that hard.
255
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,047
Okay, I gotta go.
256
00:11:30,472 --> 00:11:32,692
Can't be that hard? That is so rude.
257
00:11:33,167 --> 00:11:37,519
I mean, she needs to learn
how to respect a person and their craft.
258
00:11:38,402 --> 00:11:41,361
That is... seriously?
That is penis glasses.
259
00:11:41,978 --> 00:11:44,328
I don't know why you'd think
I'd have non-penis stuff.
260
00:11:44,819 --> 00:11:45,567
- Here's the deal, Steve.
- What's the deal?
261
00:11:45,762 --> 00:11:47,815
I just need you to put
something in this hat...
262
00:11:48,248 --> 00:11:49,201
- Mm-hmm.
- ...that is not a penis.
263
00:11:49,425 --> 00:11:51,485
- Okay.
- And make it appear, okay?
264
00:11:51,929 --> 00:11:53,496
- Can you handle that?
- Yes. Can it be a vagina?
265
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,632
I mean, I'm an X-rated magician.
266
00:11:56,024 --> 00:11:57,678
- I don't know what you expect.
- I didn't know you were...
267
00:11:58,046 --> 00:12:00,004
- I'll find something. I'll figure someting out.
- Oh, my God, I can't do this.
268
00:12:00,430 --> 00:12:02,562
Leave it to me.
Leave it to the magician.
269
00:12:03,021 --> 00:12:04,936
[both hissing]
270
00:12:05,353 --> 00:12:08,052
Oh, God.
271
00:12:08,618 --> 00:12:10,359
Okay, okay.
272
00:12:10,743 --> 00:12:13,224
Um, yes, okay.
273
00:12:13,750 --> 00:12:17,057
- Come on. Okay.
- _
274
00:12:17,741 --> 00:12:20,178
- Okay.
- [line ringing]
275
00:12:20,695 --> 00:12:22,653
Hello? Hi.
276
00:12:23,079 --> 00:12:24,558
Hi, I need an exterminator.
277
00:12:24,893 --> 00:12:26,634
Yes, it's an emergency.
278
00:12:27,018 --> 00:12:29,020
Yeah, I need you right now.
279
00:12:29,454 --> 00:12:32,065
Okay, you know what?
I will email you my address.
280
00:12:32,616 --> 00:12:35,096
You should have it right now.
281
00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:37,537
Oh, and I need you
to come in street clothes.
282
00:12:37,953 --> 00:12:39,607
I need you to make this discreet.
283
00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:42,761
- Yes...
- Perfect.
284
00:12:43,345 --> 00:12:45,477
Okay. All right.
285
00:12:45,936 --> 00:12:48,895
If I were a mouse, I would be...
286
00:12:49,512 --> 00:12:50,991
Kitchen. Oh, no.
287
00:12:51,326 --> 00:12:53,067
Do you have the ingredients
for my lemonade?
288
00:12:53,450 --> 00:12:55,235
- I haven't eaten all day.
- Yeah.
289
00:12:55,627 --> 00:12:57,412
Totally. I would never forget that.
290
00:12:57,804 --> 00:12:59,284
Good, 'cause I don't wanna get fat.
291
00:12:59,618 --> 00:13:01,620
What? What'd you say? What'd you see?
292
00:13:02,055 --> 00:13:03,796
You know, I'm actually having
trouble seeing anything.
293
00:13:04,179 --> 00:13:06,268
My eyes are so watery... [sniffs]
294
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,286
I think I'm having an allergic reaction.
295
00:13:08,637 --> 00:13:11,597
- Bev, did you get another pet?
- What? Huh?
296
00:13:12,213 --> 00:13:14,825
No! No. [laughs]
297
00:13:15,375 --> 00:13:17,508
[doorbell rings]
298
00:13:19,209 --> 00:13:20,034
Pest control.
299
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:21,158
Good thing you called me when you did.
300
00:13:21,387 --> 00:13:23,127
This place is crawling with mice.
301
00:13:23,512 --> 00:13:25,819
I thought I was very clear
to come in street clothes.
302
00:13:26,311 --> 00:13:27,921
- These are my street clothes.
- Ugh!
303
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:29,760
Well, clearly, you cannot listen,
304
00:13:30,094 --> 00:13:31,879
- so I will take that.
- You cannot use that.
305
00:13:32,271 --> 00:13:34,752
That is a weapon of mass extermination.
306
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,514
This a party?
307
00:13:42,429 --> 00:13:45,041
All right, baby... [laughs]
308
00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:47,114
[tense music]
309
00:13:47,457 --> 00:13:49,546
[mouse squeaking]
310
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:51,650
[gasps]
311
00:13:52,018 --> 00:13:54,803
[panting, laughing]
312
00:13:55,387 --> 00:13:56,954
- [mouse squeaking]
- What... what...
313
00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:58,958
Shit! [growls]
314
00:13:59,325 --> 00:14:03,242
[spray hissing]
315
00:14:04,042 --> 00:14:05,739
I gotcha.
316
00:14:06,116 --> 00:14:09,032
Ah, try to run from me now, huh?
317
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,381
[laughs]
318
00:14:11,765 --> 00:14:13,288
Oh, man. Oh.
319
00:14:16,326 --> 00:14:18,632
Oh, um...
320
00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:22,171
Okay, uh... [squeals]
321
00:14:22,805 --> 00:14:25,982
I'm really, really sorry.
322
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:29,121
Oh, no, the cake.
323
00:14:29,647 --> 00:14:31,431
So I was in charge
of the food and drink.
324
00:14:31,823 --> 00:14:34,129
She was very demanding with her needs.
325
00:14:34,622 --> 00:14:36,189
I went to, like, five different stores,
326
00:14:36,539 --> 00:14:38,367
and of course, I forgot the one thing
327
00:14:38,769 --> 00:14:40,074
I wasn't supposed to forget.
328
00:14:40,375 --> 00:14:42,333
Do you have the ingredients
for my lemonade?
329
00:14:42,759 --> 00:14:44,413
I haven't eaten all day.
330
00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:46,956
Yeah, totally.
I would never forget that.
331
00:14:47,424 --> 00:14:49,208
Good, 'cause I don't wanna get fat.
332
00:14:49,601 --> 00:14:51,603
What? What'd you say? What'd you see?
333
00:14:52,036 --> 00:14:53,690
I'm having a hard time
seeing anything, Bev.
334
00:14:54,057 --> 00:14:55,624
My eyes are so watery.
335
00:14:55,976 --> 00:14:57,368
Did you get a new pet or something?
336
00:14:57,686 --> 00:14:59,731
What? Huh? No!
337
00:15:00,174 --> 00:15:01,523
[laughing] No.
338
00:15:01,833 --> 00:15:04,096
I'm supposed to drink it
every two hours.
339
00:15:04,579 --> 00:15:06,190
- It helps with the metabolism.
- Oh, yeah.
340
00:15:06,548 --> 00:15:08,202
It's all in my car. I'll just go get it.
341
00:15:08,571 --> 00:15:10,007
And why don't you make a big batch?
342
00:15:10,332 --> 00:15:13,118
It really helps with the... Mm.
343
00:15:13,701 --> 00:15:15,877
- It's allergies.
- Mm-hmm.
344
00:15:16,345 --> 00:15:19,130
?
345
00:15:19,714 --> 00:15:20,976
[whispering] Shit.
346
00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:23,009
Shit. Shit. Shit.
347
00:15:23,394 --> 00:15:26,875
God, Bev has gotta have some kind of
healthy bullshit in here somewhere.
348
00:15:27,591 --> 00:15:29,680
[sighs]
349
00:15:30,132 --> 00:15:31,872
What's this?
350
00:15:32,256 --> 00:15:35,694
[mellow music]
351
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:39,188
It's fine. She'll never know.
352
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:46,256
?
353
00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:51,028
[sighs] Magic is so desperate.
354
00:15:53,973 --> 00:15:56,410
You're telling me, kid.
355
00:16:00,503 --> 00:16:03,289
[whimsical music]
356
00:16:03,872 --> 00:16:06,527
[mouse squeaking]
357
00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:14,414
So someone ate the cake
with the pesticide on it,
358
00:16:14,956 --> 00:16:16,784
- and you poisoned them?
- No.
359
00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:19,274
I wish. I mean, no.
360
00:16:19,725 --> 00:16:21,509
No, I-I don't wish.
361
00:16:21,902 --> 00:16:23,512
No, that would be murder, I mean...
362
00:16:23,871 --> 00:16:26,700
Whoa, did I just say murder?
363
00:16:27,292 --> 00:16:30,208
Oh, but really, that would be better
than what did happen.
364
00:16:30,817 --> 00:16:33,515
Oh, no, the cake.
Oh, no, what have I done?
365
00:16:34,081 --> 00:16:35,648
[squealing]
366
00:16:35,999 --> 00:16:37,522
This cake is to die for.
367
00:16:37,865 --> 00:16:39,780
- [shrieks]
- Oh!
368
00:16:40,197 --> 00:16:42,330
Oh, my God!
369
00:16:42,789 --> 00:16:44,530
- Are you okay?
- What'd you do?
370
00:16:44,914 --> 00:16:47,003
It's poison! I...[stammers]
371
00:16:47,453 --> 00:16:50,848
Wow.
372
00:16:51,548 --> 00:16:54,029
You're right. It's poison.
373
00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:57,558
Processed, poisoned junk!
374
00:16:58,182 --> 00:17:00,967
You're a really good friend
for not letting me eat that.
375
00:17:01,551 --> 00:17:02,987
Okay?
376
00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:05,751
What are we gonna do about the cake?
377
00:17:08,237 --> 00:17:10,892
Clint's a little asshole.
378
00:17:11,451 --> 00:17:14,149
His mom breastfed him
up until a year ago.
379
00:17:14,716 --> 00:17:15,934
Oh.
380
00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:18,491
Shh.
381
00:17:22,076 --> 00:17:24,600
This is really good lemonade, Christie.
382
00:17:25,133 --> 00:17:27,309
Thank you.
383
00:17:27,777 --> 00:17:29,735
It's still Christine, but...
384
00:17:30,161 --> 00:17:33,120
[mellow music]
385
00:17:33,737 --> 00:17:35,173
Is she drunk?
386
00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:37,110
I don't know how she could be.
387
00:17:37,469 --> 00:17:39,645
Are you drunk?
How did you drop the cake?
388
00:17:40,112 --> 00:17:42,245
No, I... it's poisoned.
389
00:17:42,703 --> 00:17:44,662
There was a rat,
and I was trying to kill it,
390
00:17:45,087 --> 00:17:46,480
and I... [stammers]
391
00:17:46,797 --> 00:17:48,147
I fogged the cake.
392
00:17:48,456 --> 00:17:51,329
Oh, that explains my allergies.
393
00:17:51,929 --> 00:17:53,670
- [clears throat]
- Okay, well,
394
00:17:54,055 --> 00:17:57,014
I accidentally hired
an X-rated magician.
395
00:17:57,631 --> 00:17:59,589
Huh, well,
396
00:18:00,015 --> 00:18:03,496
I guess I am the only one
who is on top of it.
397
00:18:04,213 --> 00:18:06,694
Okay, will you guys get out
there and buy me some time?
398
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:09,308
I gotta figure out this cake situation.
399
00:18:09,759 --> 00:18:11,369
Yeah, totally. Come on.
400
00:18:11,727 --> 00:18:14,208
Stay close to me.
I'm a little scared of Clint.
401
00:18:14,734 --> 00:18:16,475
Come on, I can take an 8 year old.
402
00:18:16,859 --> 00:18:20,036
Okay, uh, okay. I can fix this.
403
00:18:20,695 --> 00:18:21,800
[kids laughing]
404
00:18:22,063 --> 00:18:24,195
- This is a nice house.
- Mm-hmm.
405
00:18:24,654 --> 00:18:26,090
- It's nice.
- Yeah.
406
00:18:26,417 --> 00:18:28,027
It's a little small, but it's nice.
407
00:18:28,387 --> 00:18:29,823
- It works for the party.
- You okay?
408
00:18:30,148 --> 00:18:32,107
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Are you feeling anything?
409
00:18:32,532 --> 00:18:34,012
- No, I feel good.
- Okay.
410
00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:36,174
So, what's with these school lunches?
411
00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:39,709
I mean, am I right?
You know, mystery meat?
412
00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:42,143
Right? I mean, no, but really,
you guys should really
413
00:18:42,536 --> 00:18:43,929
actually know where
your meat comes from,
414
00:18:44,246 --> 00:18:46,031
because it can be really concerning.
415
00:18:46,423 --> 00:18:48,120
There can be all... okay, you know what?
That's too much.
416
00:18:48,496 --> 00:18:50,106
Those Spanx are, like, so itchy...
[laughs]
417
00:18:50,466 --> 00:18:54,426
[laughing] Oh, um...
418
00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:56,714
- Do you want some...
- This is nice.
419
00:18:57,048 --> 00:18:58,441
- You don't have to wear Spanx.
- Thanks.
420
00:18:58,758 --> 00:19:00,934
- That's good.
- I am wearing Spanx.
421
00:19:01,402 --> 00:19:03,709
Um, I do it by choice.
422
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,202
So you got a lot of other gigs lined up?
423
00:19:06,637 --> 00:19:09,030
Yeah, there's a sex store on Melrose.
424
00:19:09,539 --> 00:19:11,715
They're going out of business,
and kinda, like, doing a big
425
00:19:12,182 --> 00:19:13,575
- performance kinda thing there.
- Oh.
426
00:19:13,893 --> 00:19:15,285
So... a lot of bachelorette parties.
427
00:19:15,603 --> 00:19:17,692
- Well, you know.
- I didn't think you guys
428
00:19:18,142 --> 00:19:19,753
would go so hard for a kids party.
429
00:19:20,112 --> 00:19:21,548
What do you mean?
430
00:19:21,874 --> 00:19:23,528
It just seems like you went really hard.
431
00:19:23,895 --> 00:19:25,810
Okay, can you just
chill on the sex puns,
432
00:19:26,228 --> 00:19:27,838
'cause it's really...
it's like overkill.
433
00:19:28,198 --> 00:19:31,027
Oh, uh, no, I mean
your lemonade is hard lemonade.
434
00:19:31,618 --> 00:19:33,446
It wasn't a sex pun.
435
00:19:33,846 --> 00:19:36,240
You need to stop thinking
about sex all the time, I think.
436
00:19:36,749 --> 00:19:38,751
Oh, my God. Excuse me.
437
00:19:39,185 --> 00:19:41,622
[indistinct chatter]
438
00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:44,315
[upbeat music playing]
439
00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:46,219
It's good, though.
440
00:19:46,544 --> 00:19:47,893
[laughing] Oh.
441
00:19:48,203 --> 00:19:49,596
I can't dance. I can't do it.
442
00:19:49,914 --> 00:19:51,089
You can dance. People can dance.
443
00:19:51,365 --> 00:19:52,758
People can just go like...
444
00:19:53,075 --> 00:19:57,427
I took a salsa class
with my second cousin.
445
00:19:58,310 --> 00:20:00,355
- I love salsa.
- Oh, great.
446
00:20:00,798 --> 00:20:03,409
Uh, let me just remember... Oh gosh.
447
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,832
Are you... Oh. You're really good.
448
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,157
Okay, well, it's not the best cake,
449
00:20:11,428 --> 00:20:12,946
but, you know,
some kids don't even get cake,
450
00:20:13,274 --> 00:20:15,724
so, I mean, there is that.
451
00:20:16,243 --> 00:20:18,593
- Where's the trash?
- I just took it out. Why?
452
00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:22,793
No reason. Hey, don't let the kids
drink the lemonade. It's gross.
453
00:20:23,551 --> 00:20:25,074
Well, hurry back.
454
00:20:26,609 --> 00:20:28,741
[moans, mutters]
455
00:20:32,310 --> 00:20:33,311
[grunts]
456
00:20:33,555 --> 00:20:34,860
I could wear that.
457
00:20:35,161 --> 00:20:36,597
I don't have to wear these Spanx.
458
00:20:36,922 --> 00:20:38,750
Yeah, you could borrow this if you want.
459
00:20:39,152 --> 00:20:41,197
[laughs] So nice!
460
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,511
- Oh, my God, you're so nice.
- Yeah, thanks.
461
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,487
My friends say I'm really nice.
462
00:20:45,837 --> 00:20:49,493
Let's move on to the
magic portion of my act.
463
00:20:50,244 --> 00:20:52,855
[chuckles] Here we go.
464
00:20:53,404 --> 00:20:56,190
- Happy...
- Both: ? Birthday ?
465
00:20:56,773 --> 00:20:58,601
? To you ?
466
00:20:59,003 --> 00:21:01,092
- [screams]
- [kids scream]
467
00:21:01,542 --> 00:21:03,022
Eww.
468
00:21:03,357 --> 00:21:04,619
Both: ? Happy birthday ?
469
00:21:04,911 --> 00:21:06,347
Eww, is that a dead mouse?
470
00:21:06,673 --> 00:21:08,675
[chuckles] It's funny, though.
471
00:21:09,109 --> 00:21:12,330
Both: ? Happy birthday, dear... ?
472
00:21:12,997 --> 00:21:14,563
"Happy birthday Cunt!"?
473
00:21:14,914 --> 00:21:16,959
Cunt is not my name. It's Clint.
474
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:19,926
- No!
- Oh, my gosh.
475
00:21:20,460 --> 00:21:22,070
Oh, my God.
476
00:21:22,430 --> 00:21:24,344
Oh, fuck...
477
00:21:24,762 --> 00:21:26,633
[retches]
478
00:21:27,042 --> 00:21:28,652
I should do more kids' parties.
479
00:21:29,012 --> 00:21:31,797
[somber piano music]
480
00:21:32,381 --> 00:21:35,217
?
481
00:21:36,641 --> 00:21:39,859
_
482
00:21:46,325 --> 00:21:48,009
_
483
00:21:49,225 --> 00:21:51,575
So you got Tatyana Ali drunk?
484
00:21:52,076 --> 00:21:53,556
- Yeah.
- Yep.
485
00:21:53,889 --> 00:21:56,805
Honestly, it was probably more
the sugar than the alcohol.
486
00:21:57,414 --> 00:21:59,720
I think I saw her making out
with the exterminator.
487
00:22:00,213 --> 00:22:02,171
- Okay, it was the alcohol.
- Look.
488
00:22:02,597 --> 00:22:05,905
I appreciate you sharing the story.
489
00:22:06,588 --> 00:22:09,548
It had a lot of twists and turns.
490
00:22:10,164 --> 00:22:11,644
Honestly, for a while there,
491
00:22:11,978 --> 00:22:14,111
I had no idea where it was going,
492
00:22:14,569 --> 00:22:15,527
or what you were getting at,
493
00:22:15,773 --> 00:22:17,761
but you really brought
it all together here.
494
00:22:18,188 --> 00:22:21,460
It's just... I don't have
the authority to do anything.
495
00:22:22,137 --> 00:22:25,401
I'm just a neighborhood security guard.
496
00:22:26,075 --> 00:22:28,338
I've never left the gate.
497
00:22:28,823 --> 00:22:30,781
It's a nice house, honestly.
498
00:22:31,207 --> 00:22:33,514
Small yard, though.
499
00:22:34,006 --> 00:22:36,617
I'm actually an actor on the side.
500
00:22:37,167 --> 00:22:39,865
I have some shorts on Vimeo
if you wanna check them out.
501
00:22:40,433 --> 00:22:42,043
- I'm good.
- That's fair.
502
00:22:42,402 --> 00:22:44,839
- That's fair.
- Yeah.
503
00:22:45,356 --> 00:22:46,705
[sighs]
504
00:22:47,015 --> 00:22:48,625
But I definitely can't arrest you,
505
00:22:48,984 --> 00:22:50,768
can't do that.
506
00:22:51,161 --> 00:22:53,772
But I can say that you should
507
00:22:54,323 --> 00:22:56,629
never go near children again.
508
00:22:57,122 --> 00:23:00,255
- Like, even your own.
- Oh, thank God.
509
00:23:03,513 --> 00:23:05,103
You all are terrible people.
510
00:23:05,435 --> 00:23:08,203
You will never get close
to the cast of "Coco."
511
00:23:08,783 --> 00:23:12,787
Gael Garc�a Bernal is a close,
personal friend of mine.
512
00:23:15,314 --> 00:23:18,056
- He's a great actor.
- I'm kind of okay with it.
513
00:23:18,630 --> 00:23:20,066
But...
514
00:23:21,792 --> 00:23:23,402
I want the recipe to the cupcake.
515
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:31,355
Well, it was frozen and vegan,
516
00:23:32,054 --> 00:23:34,100
and terrible.
517
00:23:34,542 --> 00:23:36,066
- Yeah, it was really bad.
- Awful.
518
00:23:36,408 --> 00:23:37,801
- It smelled weird, I don't...
- [mouse squeaking]
519
00:23:38,118 --> 00:23:39,859
[shrieks]
520
00:23:40,244 --> 00:23:42,899
- [frantic screaming]
- [hitting sounds]
521
00:23:43,457 --> 00:23:46,068
Well, looks like
I'm not taking that home.
522
00:23:46,619 --> 00:23:48,534
[exhales]
523
00:23:51,076 --> 00:23:52,773
Ugh.
524
00:23:53,149 --> 00:23:55,107
Is somebody,
or are you just gonna leave it there?
525
00:23:55,533 --> 00:23:57,665
? There was a time ?
526
00:23:58,125 --> 00:23:59,735
[camera shutter clicks]
527
00:24:00,095 --> 00:24:01,574
? Thought I would never wake up ?
528
00:24:01,908 --> 00:24:05,694
? Because I've ?
529
00:24:06,469 --> 00:24:09,385
? Never been the spontaneous type ?
530
00:24:09,993 --> 00:24:13,301
? Kill ?
531
00:24:13,984 --> 00:24:16,944
? The awkward silence in the room ?
532
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:20,172
? I'm a new girl... ?
533
00:24:20,722 --> 00:24:22,202
Okay, we'll just leave him.
534
00:24:22,537 --> 00:24:23,886
Let's just let him do his thing.
535
00:24:24,194 --> 00:24:25,761
All right. Cool.
536
00:24:26,113 --> 00:24:30,030
Well, I can still send you the links
to those shorts if you want.
537
00:24:31,466 --> 00:24:32,945
[sighs]
538
00:24:32,989 --> 00:24:34,121
?
539
00:24:34,164 --> 00:24:36,775
? Get to know, know me ?
540
00:24:41,863 --> 00:24:43,923
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
541
00:24:43,973 --> 00:24:48,523
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