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1
00:00:01,80 --> 00:00:03,440
- (WIND WHISTLES)
- (BIRD CRIES)
2
00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:06,880
This is it. Royston Vasey.
3
00:00:07,00 --> 00:00:09,520
These pictures don't do it
justice, Mr Wint.
4
00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:12,440
They do not, Mr Kidd.
But, remember, that's before
5
00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:14,520
- and this is after.
- Aye.
6
00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:22,320
- Aye, aye.
- What is it?
7
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:26,160
You tell me.
That's not meant to be there.
8
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,360
Oh, aye.
9
00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:32,640
Well, it'll have to go,
Mr Wint.
10
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:34,200
I'm afraid it will, Mr Kidd.
11
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:37,00
Shouldn't think
it'll be a problem.
12
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,760
MR KIDD: I'm sure the locals
are friendly enough.
13
00:00:51,40 --> 00:00:52,720
Bye-bye, then. Bye-bye.
14
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,400
- (DOG WHIMPERS)
- CHILD: Stop!
15
00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,840
Stop! Stop!
16
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:02,00
(DOG WHIMPERS)
17
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,320
Stop!
18
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,960
Oi! I've told you. Come on.
19
00:01:18,40 --> 00:01:19,800
(PUNCH AND JUDY MUTTER)
20
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,00
(BOTTLE CLATTERS
AND SMASHES)
21
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,520
PUPPETEER: Bastard!
22
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:42,120
Good morning, Benjamin!
23
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:43,480
(GROANS)
24
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,560
Oh! Morning, Auntie Val.
25
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,880
- Did you sleep all right?
- Yes, thanks.
26
00:01:49,00 --> 00:01:51,960
Any used tissues
you need to dispose of?
27
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:55,880
No!
28
00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:59,520
How did you get on last night?
Did you meet your friend?
29
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,240
No, | must have missed him.
30
00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:02,520
(SPRAY HISSES)
31
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:03,640
(COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS)
32
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,840
Actually, | was wondering
if | might give him a ring,
33
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,880
find out what happened.
34
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:16,240
Of course you may.
35
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,200
Whilst you're staying with us,
we want you to relax
36
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,520
and treat this place
just like your own home.
37
00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,240
Just one moment!
38
00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:31,400
Go.
39
00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:48,840
Morning, Mrs Levinson!
40
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,280
Oh, there you are, Iris.
41
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:53,880
Oh, I'm so glad I'm going away.
42
00:02:54,00 --> 00:02:56,320
It's going to be one big
building site round here soon.
43
00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,280
Gangs of navvies
whistling at women,
44
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,80
with their bums
hanging out of their trousers.
45
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,560
| know, Mrs Levinson!
46
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,360
I've cancelled the milk,
47
00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:06,360
the dog's offal
and my tarot woman.
48
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,600
Well, hang her! She didn't know
| was going away,
49
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,320
so she can't be up to much.
50
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,720
No, Mrs Levinson.
51
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:13,680
But the chicken man is coming
round on Friday, as usual,
52
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:15,600
so don't forget.
53
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,720
Oh, don't you hate going away,
Iris?
54
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,840
There's so much
you have to remember!
55
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:24,840
Jaeger suits, Gucci shoes,
Chanel bag...
56
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:28,80
Shall | put these knickers in
to soak, Mrs Levinson?
57
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,360
Do you know Antigua, Iris?
58
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,200
Is he the chicken man?
59
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,520
No, love. Antig-wa, the place,
in the Caribbean.
60
00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:38,720
Sapphire-blue oceans,
cloudless skies...
61
00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:39,840
(HAWKS AND SPITS)
62
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:41,40
(IRON HISSES)
63
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,360
Do you travel, Iris?
64
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,600
Well, we had a week booked
in Kendal, but...
65
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,280
| don't ask for much,
66
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,80
but the carpet warehouse keeps
Eddie working like a Black,
67
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:53,440
SO we Can only manage
six or seven times a year.
68
00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,720
| don't know how some people
get by without a break.
69
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:56,840
Do you, Iris?
70
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:58,600
On my schedule,
I'm all passion spent
71
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,240
by the time
Ricki Lake comes on.
72
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,120
Well, me and Ron take the dogs
for a walk up by Plumpton Rocks
73
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,600
when we want to unwind.
74
00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:07,360
Yeah, but taste's
a very personal thing.
75
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,00
| mean, look at you and Ron.
76
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,640
| wouldn't stone-clad my house.
77
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:11,960
It'd look like a white filling
78
00:04:12,80 --> 00:04:14,200
in a mouth
full of rotten teeth.
79
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,360
It's no wonder
some people have to drink
80
00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:19,00
as much as they do.
81
00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,360
Oh, be careful
with that nightie, dear.
82
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:24,120
It cost more
than you owe Kay's catalogue.
83
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,440
(STEAM HISSES)
84
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:28,760
(IRON STICKS)
85
00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:30,440
Yes, Mrs Levinson.
86
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,440
Um, we've seen most of these!
87
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:36,880
- Have we?
- Yeah.
88
00:04:37,00 --> 00:04:41,200
Seen, seen, seen, seen,
seen, seen, seen.
89
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:42,720
Oh, I've not seen that.
90
00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:44,800
Oh, | have. It's really good.
91
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,920
Is it? How many killings?
92
00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:50,920
- Seven.
- Oh, is that all?!
93
00:04:51,40 --> 00:04:53,440
It's the way that he does
it. He kills one by gluttony,
94
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,320
one by greedy, sexy,
95
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:57,400
ugly, sleepy...
96
00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:58,960
... dopey and bashful.
97
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,160
It weren't that good.
98
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:04,360
| don't like
that Bradley Pitts, anyway.
99
00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:05,720
No?
100
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,440
Too much acting.
101
00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:17,360
Here, look at these.
102
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,200
- Yes?!
- Oh! Sorry, love.
103
00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,560
Er, are you open?
104
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,880
Yes!
105
00:05:28,00 --> 00:05:29,760
Can | help you at all?
106
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,760
You certainly can. I'm Mr Wint.
This is Mr Kidd.
107
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:34,00
Ugh.
108
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:36,320
Are you local?
109
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,880
Er, no. We're conducting
a survey on behalf
110
00:05:39,00 --> 00:05:40,440
of PQ Construction
111
00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,240
and we need to serve you
with these papers.
112
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:43,280
Ooh! Ooh!
113
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,480
It's, er, nothing
to be concerned about.
114
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:47,680
Just notification
115
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,520
that we're building a new road
in your area.
116
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:50,960
No road! Bad!
117
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,800
(WHIMPERS)
118
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:01,360
This is a local shop
for local people!
119
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:02,760
There's nothing for you here!
120
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,240
Listen, love,
we're a bit pushed.
121
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,720
All you have to do is sign this
and read the document.
122
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:12,40
Is that a crown you wear?
123
00:06:13,80 --> 00:06:14,440
This? It's just my ‘elmet!
124
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:17,160
‘Elmet! (GIGGLES)
125
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:19,240
Yes.
126
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:20,680
Can | touch it?
127
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,680
Look, we need to speak
to our superiors.
128
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,280
Perhaps if we could use
your telephone?
129
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:25,760
Tephelone?
130
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,840
Erm...
131
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,320
Tephelone...
132
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,280
Is this one?
133
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,560
It's all right.
I've got my mobile.
134
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,240
It just needs charging.
135
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,200
Can you show me
where your points are?
136
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,320
No, no! No, no!
137
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:43,360
(SHRIEKS) Edward! Edward!
138
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,920
Hello, hello? What's going on?
What's all this shouting?
139
00:06:46,40 --> 00:06:47,240
We'll have no trouble here!
140
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:48,720
They're strangers!
141
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,80
Not local?!
142
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,240
He wears a crown
and builds new road.
143
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,40
Look, there's been
a misunderstanding.
144
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:56,880
- Your wife is...
- Local?
145
00:06:57,00 --> 00:06:58,160
Overreacting.
146
00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:00,840
We just need you to look
at these proposals, that's all.
147
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,400
Look here!
We don't need a new road!
148
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,40
This is a community!
149
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,560
We don't bother
the outside world
150
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:09,880
and we don't want it
bothering us.
151
00:07:10,00 --> 00:07:11,560
Sir, it'll be no bother,
| promise you.
152
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:15,160
Just sign this and you'll never
hear from us again.
153
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:23,680
You're sure?
154
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:24,800
Absolutely.
155
00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:29,40
Besides, when the new road
is laid, you'll be laughing.
156
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,600
Your shop'll be full of people.
157
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,840
(DOG WHIMPERS)
158
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,680
Hokey-cokey, pig-in-a-pokey!
159
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,480
Good morning, jobseekers!
160
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:48,920
Now, before | begin,
161
00:07:49,40 --> 00:07:51,640
| Know one of the best pens
has gone missing.
162
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,720
Can | have it back, please?
163
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,440
- (PEN CLATTERS)
- Thank you.
164
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,160
Now, as you're aware,
165
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,840
today we're going to be looking
at your career options.
166
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,400
Some of you, like Ross here,
167
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,560
will want to follow
in your father's footsteps,
168
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:08,720
but you can't sign on for ever.
169
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:13,480
So instead, we're going
to be looking at sales jobs -
170
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,560
namely, how to sell this,
171
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,40
the Big /ssue!
172
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,80
Now, those of you
not in the know,
173
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,400
the Big Issue is a magazine.
174
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:26,640
It's a bit like Bunty,
but written by tramps.
175
00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:30,640
Inside, it's got stories
and poems and...
176
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,320
- Look, Mickey, love, pictures!
- Yeah!
177
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,280
- And you, jobseekers...
- Pauline?
178
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,600
The Big Issue is
for homeless people.
179
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:38,800
Mm.
180
00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:40,200
But we're unemployed.
181
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,640
That's right, Colin.
182
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:44,440
And you can earn a little bit
of money for yourselves
183
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:47,120
by getting out there and
selling this to real people.
184
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:48,480
Oh, come off it!
185
00:08:50,80 --> 00:08:52,640
Just because we're on the dole
doesn't mean we're stupid!
186
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:56,760
Mickey, love...
187
00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,160
...what is the capital
of France?
188
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,200
Wine!
189
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,120
Come on, Ross, on your feet.
190
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:08,920
| need you for this exercise.
191
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:11,760
Now, then, jobseekers,
192
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,880
| want you all to imagine,
if you can,
193
00:09:14,00 --> 00:09:17,80
that we're standing
on a very busy high street.
194
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,200
I'm an attractive
young housewife...
195
00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:20,760
(CHUCKLING)
196
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:26,360
And | want Ross here
to sell me this.
197
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,80
In your own time.
198
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,560
(HUMS)
199
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,80
- Big Issue!
- Ooh, pathetic.
200
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:33,480
"Big Issue".
201
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,00
Come on, Ross!
| want to see you try!
202
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:37,80
(HUMS)
203
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,840
Big Issue! Help the homeless.
204
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:42,520
Ah, better, you see.
Now he's got my interest.
205
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,560
Help the homeless.
It's only a pound.
206
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:45,520
Good!
207
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,760
Watch how I'm starting
to pity him.
208
00:09:49,40 --> 00:09:50,400
Want a copy, then?
209
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:52,880
Ask me nicely.
210
00:09:54,80 --> 00:09:55,680
Do you want a copy, madam?
211
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,680
Ask me more nicely.
212
00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,280
There's no such thing
as more nicely.
213
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,760
- (HUMS)
- All right! Look, please,
214
00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:02,840
if you buy the Big /ssue,
it's for a good cause!
215
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,640
Beg me.
216
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,720
- What?
- You heard, Ross. Beg me.
217
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,880
Come on, you need the money.
| don't. Make me feel superior.
218
00:10:15,00 --> 00:10:16,840
- That's no reason to buy it.
- Beg me, Ross.
219
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:18,320
- This isn't what...
- Be a good little doggy
220
00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:19,840
- and beg me!
- Your job's supposed to be...
221
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,440
Come on! Sing for your supper!
Beg, doggy, beg.
222
00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:24,360
- This has got nothing to do...
- Beg, doggy, beg!
223
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,200
- Your job's supposed to be...
- Beg me, Ross!
224
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:28,240
No!
225
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:29,800
No, | won't!
226
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,640
What?
227
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,440
| won't beg you, Pauline.
228
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,520
| see.
229
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,40
Sit down, please, Ross.
230
00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,760
- Well, take that, then!
- (ROSS CRIES OUT)
231
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,00
Do you want to have a go,
Mickey, love?
232
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,600
- No!
- Come on! Course you do.
233
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,360
Remember, we're in the high
street, I'm a housewife. (HUMS)
234
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:07,960
- Big Issue!
- Big Issue? How much is it?
235
00:11:08,80 --> 00:11:09,680
- A pound.
- A pound? Here, have a fiver!
236
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,40
You see, Ross?!
237
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,520
Do you see how easy it is?!
238
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,80
It's as simple as Mickey.
239
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:19,680
Oh, you're nothing.
240
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,80
Do you know that?
241
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:24,400
You're worthless. Less than
the shit on my shoes!
242
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,520
I'm extending your Restart
by a month,
243
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:31,720
and then sending you on a whole
series of meaningless courses!
244
00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:35,00
And then you'll come back here
and I'm gonna re-Restart you!
245
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,320
And the rest of you!
246
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,40
Buck your ideas up!
247
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,240
Knuckle down!
248
00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,920
And give me those pens back!
249
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,880
I'll... pay for them.
Let me pay for them.
250
00:11:54,00 --> 00:11:57,320
It's not the money, is it?
The money's not important.
251
00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,800
Melody Maker, NME -
that's £2.05, please, Les.
252
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,920
Cheers. Ta-ra.
253
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,640
What's Pop always saying?
254
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,280
- Principles over pounds.
- Principles over pounds.
255
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,800
There's a principle involved
here.
256
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:12,40
That's why I've got
to say something.
257
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,280
Oh, I'm wiped out!
258
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,480
| can't wait
to get on that plane.
259
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,680
| suppose Eddie and |
are lucky.
260
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,320
It must be hard for you
living on that estate.
261
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,440
Armies of young mums
with eczema and pushchairs.
262
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:36,400
And the men -
that many tattoos
263
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,720
their arms look like
lumps of Stilton! Ugh!
264
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,440
I'd be scared to put my head
round the door.
265
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:42,760
Well, we don't go out much.
266
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:44,640
Ron prefers an early night.
267
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,00
Oh, them's nice panties, Mrs L!
268
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:52,120
Mm. Thank you, Iris.
Eddie got me them in Paris.
269
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:53,880
Course,
| won't get expensive briefs.
270
00:12:54,00 --> 00:12:56,440
Oh, you should treat yourself
from time to time.
271
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:58,600
Just, | get through
that many pairs,
272
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:00,720
Ron pulling at them
with his big fingers!
273
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,00
Really?
274
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,40
Have you packed
Eddie's toilet bag?
275
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,800
I've given up wearing anything
in bed.
276
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,800
There's no point, with
Ron's libido the way it is.
277
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,160
He's like a lad of 19
sometimes!
278
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:13,200
Fancy.
279
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,360
And | hope you buttoned his
shirts before you packed them.
280
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,960
Five, six times a night!
And the mornings...!
281
00:13:18,80 --> 00:13:20,40
Yes, well, when Eddie and |
were first married...
282
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:22,80
It's always been like that
for us.
283
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:23,480
Like a couple of young kids
in love.
284
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,120
It just gets better and better.
285
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,720
He has me doing things
that'd make a whore blush!
286
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,720
Eddie will sometimes wear
nothing but his bathing trunks.
287
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,00
This way, that way.
288
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,360
Some of it barely legal.
289
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,680
I'm lying there thinking,
"Will this pleasure never end?"
290
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,560
- (CAR HORN BEEPS)
- That'll be Barbara.
291
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:42,960
| have to check in
at the airport.
292
00:13:43,80 --> 00:13:45,640
Did | tell you
we're flying club class?
293
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:48,80
And that doesn't mean you get
a free chocolate biscuit!
294
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,120
Have a nice afternoon here,
lris.
295
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,00
I'll see you in a fortnight.
296
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,40
Bye!
297
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:56,80
(DOOR OPENS)
298
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,280
Don't do anything
| wouldn't do!
299
00:13:58,400 --> 00:13:59,680
(DOOR CLOSES)
300
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,200
That won't leave her
many options.
301
00:14:18,80 --> 00:14:20,960
We prefer if you waited till
after six o'clock, Benjamin.
302
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,640
(BICYCLE RATTLES)
303
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,440
(DOG WHINES)
304
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,280
(DOG GROWLS AND SNARLS)
305
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:43,360
(SOBBING NEARBY)
306
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,520
You see, roadmen,
307
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:48,600
this...is a local shop.
308
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,560
The strangers you would bring
would not understand us -
309
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,960
our customs, our local ways.
310
00:15:08,40 --> 00:15:09,440
Not necessarily.
311
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,40
He said
| could touch his helmet!
312
00:15:13,40 --> 00:15:14,880
If | showed him my points.
313
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,520
Is this true, roadman?!
314
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,200
No!
315
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,00
Very well!
316
00:15:24,80 --> 00:15:27,00
You heard the man, Tubbs.
317
00:15:30,80 --> 00:15:32,40
Get undressed!
318
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,920
(PIG SQUEALS)
319
00:15:36,40 --> 00:15:38,560
(BOTH WHIMPER)
320
00:15:41,00 --> 00:15:42,240
(DOOR BUZZES)
321
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,760
- Afternoon, kiddy.
- Hello, Hilary!
322
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:47,40
| see Fleur de Lee’s
is closing down.
323
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,200
Oh, | know, | know.
324
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:49,640
That's your mates
on the council
325
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:50,680
putting the rents up again!
326
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,640
Our hands are tied, Hilary.
Our hands are tied.
327
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,560
What this town needs
is investment.
328
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:56,720
What about that new road
you're always promising us?
329
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,800
There might be some news
next week. | can't say no more.
330
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:02,160
| know, Samuel.
More than your job's worth, eh?
331
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:03,880
(CHUCKLES)
332
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,320
Have you got 'em?
333
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:16,520
Yep.
334
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,120
(DOOR BUZZES)
335
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,880
- | forgot my brolly!
- Right!
336
00:16:28,80 --> 00:16:29,600
(DOOR BUZZES)
337
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,360
Just come in.
338
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,320
Very fresh.
339
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,960
Usual...arrangement?
340
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,280
Don't see why not.
341
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:51,960
The thing is, Hilary...
342
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:55,960
| Know it's wrong.
343
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,640
It just tastes so good.
344
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,120
(DOOR BUZZES)
345
00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:12,400
(BLADE SHARPENS)
346
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,00
A chain of newsagents'
347
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:22,360
built up from one shop
on a council state.
348
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,880
Five separate outlets
all in prime retailing sites,
349
00:17:25,00 --> 00:17:27,00
and a thriving booth
at the war memorial!
350
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:28,920
That didn't fall in Pop's lap,
did it, Rich?
351
00:17:29,40 --> 00:17:30,480
All right, | made a mistake!
352
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,720
GRANDMA BRADLEY:
Where am I? Oh...
353
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,640
Seen it, seen it, seen it,
seen it,
354
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:38,960
seen it, seen...
355
00:17:39,80 --> 00:17:40,440
Oh, I've not seen that.
356
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,880
- Black and white?!
- Oh.
357
00:17:43,00 --> 00:17:45,00
Seen it, seen it, seen it...
358
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:49,80
BARBARA: To be honest, | think
| favour internal protection
359
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,320
over towels, you know?
360
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:52,880
| mean,
who wants to walk around
361
00:17:53,00 --> 00:17:55,840
with a great big mattress
in between their legs all day?
362
00:17:57,80 --> 00:17:58,600
Just drop me off here, thanks.
363
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,960
Righto. Have a nice day, then.
364
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,240
Mind how you go. Ta-ta!
365
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,320
All right, Shack? Come in.
366
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,520
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
OVER HEADPHONES)
367
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,960
- Have you met my dad?
- No.
368
00:18:17,80 --> 00:18:18,360
Dad?
369
00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:21,920
Dad!
370
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,400
Dad, this is Shack. Shack...
371
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:26,840
- (MUSIC OFF)
- ...this is my dad.
372
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,80
All right?
373
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:30,240
Is this your pal the pop star?
374
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,320
Dad...
375
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:32,920
Won't be long.
376
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:35,720
I'm in a band, yeah.
377
00:18:37,80 --> 00:18:38,560
It's a great life,
is rock and roll.
378
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,00
| expect our kid told you,
379
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,800
| used to have a band
of my own.
380
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,160
- Er...
- Creme Brulee.
381
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,920
Had a good run at it.
Did Eurovision.
382
00:18:53,40 --> 00:18:54,720
Eurovision Song Contest?
383
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:58,560
Oh, yeah. Back in '81. Heats.
384
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,760
Same year as Bucks Fizz won.
385
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,520
| remember saying to Jay Aston
just before we went on,
386
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,400
"This is where you shit
your pants, in't it, Jay?"
387
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:11,240
Real good laugh about it.
Right good sense of humour.
388
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,00
Hey, what do you think
of that Gina G, Shack?
389
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:14,960
Er...
390
00:19:15,80 --> 00:19:16,960
Rubbish, weren't it? Ordinary.
391
00:19:17,80 --> 00:19:20,400
| says to our Tom, "It'll not
win, that. It's ordinary."
392
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,240
Eurovision,
you've got to communicate.
393
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:24,760
Look at the Israelis.
394
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:26,160
Years in the wilderness.
395
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,760
All of a sudden - "a-ba-ni-bi,
a-ba-no-be." Genius.
396
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,240
What's your instrument, Shack?
397
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:33,280
It's mainly programming.
398
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,840
You know, drum loops, rhythms,
a lot of sampling.
399
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,640
Oh, yeah. | tell you who were
a good outfit - Smokie!
400
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,280
- D'you remember them?
- Er...
401
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,440
Fantastic songs.
Really well crafted.
402
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:44,720
You should give them a listen.
403
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:47,880
The bassist runs a 16-track
out by Castleford way.
404
00:19:48,00 --> 00:19:49,440
| go over quite a bit.
405
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:52,840
| tell you what, Shack...
406
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,800
I've got a tape here of some
of my songs, ballads mainly.
407
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,480
You can have a listen
if you like.
408
00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,40
Well, er...
409
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:00,960
I'm sure I've got one left
somewhere.
410
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,360
If there's owt on there that
you want, son, you can have it.
411
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,720
Do it for nothing if you like.
412
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,320
We don't really do ballads.
413
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:12,960
Just take it.
414
00:20:14,80 --> 00:20:15,920
What harm can it do?
415
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,520
Let me know
| haven't lost it yet.
416
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:24,960
Then you can have a word
with your record company boss
417
00:20:25,80 --> 00:20:27,320
and ask him if he remembers
Creme Brulee.
418
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:29,720
Everyone knew me round here.
419
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,240
I'd walk in a urinal
and heads would turn.
420
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:36,320
- See you later, Dad.
- Yeah.
421
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,80
Nice to meet you, Mr McQueen.
422
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,280
Good luck, son.
423
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:44,640
God bless.
424
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,80
It's a shit business.
425
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,520
You'll find out.
426
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,520
(YELLING AND DRUMMING)
427
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:29,160
Look around you.
What's Pop's formula, Rich?
428
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,320
DPI equals SIN.
429
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,240
DPI equals SIN.
430
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:37,360
Determination plus Perspiration
plus Inspiration
431
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,40
equals Success In Newsagency.
432
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:40,440
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
433
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:44,440
Who was the first newsagent to
charge for cards in the window
434
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,880
on a daily
rather than a weekly rate?
435
00:21:47,00 --> 00:21:48,480
- Pop.
- Pop. Who was the first
436
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,640
to have the vision
to sell Ginsters pasties
437
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:51,840
in a newsagency?
438
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,960
- Pop!
- Pop!
439
00:21:54,80 --> 00:21:55,120
We owe him, Rich.
440
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,920
Now, are you going to tell him
or am |?
441
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,800
- Please, Al!
- It's your decision.
442
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:08,240
Guess who's here! (CACKLES)
443
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:11,40
Where are my boys, eh?
Where are my boys?!
444
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,680
Come on,
| take you both on, eh?
445
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:16,560
Hey, come here!
446
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:18,120
Mwah.
447
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:19,840
Mwah.
448
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,00
Hey, | got presents
for the both of yous.
449
00:22:23,00 --> 00:22:24,840
Eh? (LAUGHS)
450
00:22:26,00 --> 00:22:27,360
Eh? (LAUGHS)
451
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,280
- Thanks, Pop.
- Thanks, Pop.
452
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,320
Ah, it's OK, it's OK.
453
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,720
So, Al, how are you, eh?
The booth is doing good.
454
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:36,760
You know,
| drive past on Saturday,
455
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:38,680
there is a queue
all the way to the gents.
456
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:39,800
Yeah, doing good, Pop.
457
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:43,640
And the cold cabinet - cans,
cartons? They're selling well?
458
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:47,80
Because, you know, | wasn't
sure about these Mars drinks.
459
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,480
No, they're doing fine, Pop.
460
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:49,840
Good, good.
461
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:53,760
But |... | have good news
for you, Richie. Good news.
462
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:55,920
As you know, your brother Al
463
00:22:56,40 --> 00:22:58,720
has made a great success
of his news booth
464
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,200
by the war memorial.
465
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:01,720
For many months now,
466
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,360
| have been searching
for another site.
467
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,800
It has always been
Pop's ambition -
468
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:11,520
a booth for each of my two
beautiful sons! Mwah! Mwah!
469
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:21,600
You know the key-cutting
cubicle by the indoor market?
470
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,760
Well, a little birdie tells me
the lease come up in two month!
471
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:26,960
- Oh!
- Hey?
472
00:23:27,80 --> 00:23:28,840
It's perfect for you, Richie!
Perfect!
473
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,920
There is room for a
freezer unit, a chill cabinet,
474
00:23:32,40 --> 00:23:34,40
and you know
what I'm thinking?
475
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,80
We keep
the key-cutting machine!
476
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:37,760
Great!
477
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,80
It could open up
a whole new area for us!
478
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,560
Not just keys, no.
Shoelaces, shoe polish!
479
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,960
Maybe one day
we do repairs as well, eh?
480
00:23:48,00 --> 00:23:49,880
Perhaps soon
you be more successful
481
00:23:50,00 --> 00:23:51,360
than your brother, huh?
482
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,120
| even start you
on the same wage.
483
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,120
- Pop...
- £3 an hour!
484
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,40
Now, what do you say?
485
00:24:03,00 --> 00:24:04,240
- There was an incident...
- Something happened
486
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:06,600
yesterday morning, Pop,
487
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:09,840
when | was...looking
after the booth for Al.
488
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,280
What...
What are you talking about?
489
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:18,80
What...what do you mean,
something happened?
490
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:19,680
(SIGHS) Rich was serving...
491
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:21,760
Richie will tell me himself!
492
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,560
Won't you, Richie?
493
00:24:28,40 --> 00:24:32,320
| wanna hear from your lip
what happened.
494
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:36,640
Well...
495
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:38,760
It was nothing really, Pop.
496
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,80
Oh, "nothing really, Pop"?
497
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,440
"Nothing really, Pop"!
498
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,240
Then why are you shitting
in your panties
499
00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:47,360
like a little Miss Smart Guy,
huh?!
500
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,880
Why don't you tell me
what this nothing was?
501
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:56,120
Some boys came.
502
00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:58,960
To the booth.
503
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:03,120
One of them asked
for a Snapple.
504
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:08,640
And | had to turn my back to...
open the chiller.
505
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,160
And when | turned round again,
506
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,520
they'd taken
all the Maverick bars.
507
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:21,640
How many?
508
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,160
Nine.
509
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:27,760
Nine...
510
00:25:29,40 --> 00:25:30,320
Nine, huh?
511
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,80
Nine Maverick bars.
512
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,400
And you say this is nothing?
513
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,280
Well, perhaps you think
that this is nothing, huh’?!
514
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:40,240
No!
515
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:41,960
Why you do this to me, Richie?!
516
00:25:42,80 --> 00:25:43,520
Why do you do this to me?!
517
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:46,400
All | want
is to make you a man -
518
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,560
a booth of your own!
519
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:52,640
But how can | give it to you
when you behave like a child?!
520
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:54,880
No, like a baby!
521
00:25:55,00 --> 00:25:57,160
It was a child that robbed you!
522
00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:01,680
Look at my face!
523
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,520
Look what you made Pop do!
524
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,400
You break my heart, Richie!
525
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:13,320
- You break my heart!
- Pop!
526
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:17,960
Rich really is sorry
for what he did.
527
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:22,800
Why don't we...
go for a walk, eh?
528
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:26,880
Yeah.
529
00:26:27,00 --> 00:26:28,880
We go for a walk.
530
00:26:30,00 --> 00:26:32,240
Me and you.
531
00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:35,680
Maybe we talk about
the key-cutting cubicle, eh?
532
00:26:38,00 --> 00:26:39,640
You are my son.
533
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:42,920
My only son.
534
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,80
(DOOR CLOSES)
535
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:05,840
Benjamin!
536
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,80
Did you pass a solid
into the upstairs lavatory?
537
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:13,880
Benjamin?
538
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,400
(HUNTING HORN BLOWS)
539
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:31,680
(DOGS BARK)
540
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:38,600
(WHIMPERING NEARBY)
541
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:42,00
(CRIES OUT)
542
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:44,200
Oh, what are you going to do?!
543
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:45,480
(CRIES OUT)
544
00:27:52,00 --> 00:27:54,400
- Go!
- (BOTH SHRIEK)
545
00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:01,680
- Edward?
- Don't worry, Tubbs! (LAUGHS)
546
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,880
They won't get far! (LAUGHS)
547
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,240
Hi, Martin, it's me. I've been
trying to ring you all day.
548
00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:16,760
Where are you?
I'm stuck in this shithole now
549
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:18,200
and | don't know what to do.
550
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:19,960
| don't suppose
things will get any worse.
551
00:28:20,80 --> 00:28:21,480
(SHRIEKING)
552
00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:25,360
Anyway, I'd better go.
553
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:27,600
My uncle locks up the house
at quarter past eight.
554
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,440
I'll call you tomorrow. Bye.
555
00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:33,240
SPEAKING CLOCK:
On the third stroke,
556
00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:36,80
it will be 8.15 precisely.
557
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:40,160
(BEEP-BEEP-BEEP)
558
00:28:58,680 --> 00:28:59,880
Hello?
36339
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