Original subtitles

(CLOCK WICKS)

Nowa platstspioneverr

Even the longest, the most glittering reign

MUSE Gomme to an end somecay.

Wino could ranlace ner? Alamity of

Old warriors, young prekenders,

lord Billsborough, say, Parky Crairinan.

Yoo oll] ana too rama

Tainiad by a thousand shabby deals,

WMicnael Samuels, Too young.

Wumioolclevern

Panna Woolton.

ent of 2 lout, Bie of a bullly-looy,

Yas, he Gould yell be YYookion.

Henry Collingridge. The people's ravourtte.

A well-meaning fool.

No background ance no bottom.

Winatt, me? Ol, nO, HO, NO.

rn the Chier Whip. Merely a functionary.

It keep the troops in line.

It purt @ bit oF stick about, I make °em jump.

And i shall, of course, give my absolute loyalty to whoever emerges as my leader.

VYourlll naye to excuse me now,

REMAIEIN EW SREADERS TE pacoling lage, is Bricain’s new Prime Minstef,

Today Henry Collingridge emerged as tine popular choles to his parky,

as Prime Minster fin the forthcoming general election.

Mir Gollingnidge, wno is 43 years old)

nas served as Minister for tne Environment

and Minister ror Inner City Grown

ANG! MAS descrload as tne acceptable face of eaypiialisi.

Well, let’s see how Ine coes.

Tnroughourt the span of this government,

we have transformed this country beyond all racognition.

We are how a nation of property owners,

a nation of shareholders,

2 proud hation of men and women

wino know how to get off thelr backsicdes and helo themselves.

We nave acnieved

lll that we Set Our to aanieve

(APPLAUSE)

Now Is tie tume

when Wwe can aifrore to Share our hard-won gains

writin those less suecassrull than ourselves.

Anca now, let our watenworel be tis.

let’s find the right way

ror alll of our people

tO Gomme togetiner.

(CHEERING)

Bloody nonsense. All! come together?

Sounds like a motto of a knocking-shop in Marrakech.

Dear ole Pertrici

Knocking-shop in Marrakech Very wide of the mark.

Our esteemed new leader wouldnt know a knocking-shop if he saw one.

rlis morality is strictly backstreet Sunday school hypocritical cant

picxed Up In Peterborough or Rugeley

or some such God-awrul place.

Not that one holds that against lin, Of Course,

tnoughn we certainly started something

when we let tellows like that Climb up the greasy pole.

Good boy. My own background, aS you see, is somewhat different.

Bure privilege carries responsibility,

fam a loyal servant of the State anc proud to be so.

Besides, I may not think highly of Henry Collingridge

pure It lpelieve ine thinks lnighlhy of me.

It have hopes of high orca, Il MUST Goniress,

and have been promised as mucn by the man himself.

Burt first things first, en? We have a general election to win.

Good evening and welcome to Soeciall

Tine polling stations have just closec|

and we have a long nigitt ahead or us.

CaM MNCMCRAONS M2 nat tne government Will be returned

ut with 2 substantially mnaporiiy,.

# Por lne’s a jolly good fellow! For he’s a jolky good fellow!

& Anal so say all of us! 4

-Ghastly people. -Our people.

What was that rightful woman talking about?

Sne wanted the smack of firm government.

Sine waned you wo smack ner bottom.

It coule see that much hOMMACHOSSHEMNE MOONE

What is Collingridge going to co for you?

It don"t know. Pernaps hotning.

-My God, Pve done enougla for lim. -More tan Ine deserves.

That woman thougine nt soul! be Prime Minister,

"Glamis and Cawdor, and King nerearrter.”

It thik that you sinoulle be Prime Minister.

You're twice the man Collingridge is or ever willl pe.

Well, yes, my wife Is vary loyal,

A politician needs a wire. And other people, too, regrettably.

A man Ot needs neloers,

to do his bidding.

Even unwitting pawns wino dont know wie they serve.

Roger O'Neill

ine partys Pulblichty Director,

lore Billsborough’s righit-hancd man.

(HORNS HONING)

JESTISHROGET!

An, ourt cid] you catten that sidestep? Wasnt that magical?

It hac] Pinil Bennett witin that once at Lansclowne Roac.

Open the window, willl you, Rog? Where were you, anyway?

Picking something up. Something to celebrate with.

UROUMARIE SS Sccleivenkiiesses

YY... VMTN MIGUMTE.

YVR YroolMMMND.

Burt I ont talc tert

ney make Inim more...

They make him easier to deal with.

Ane or course, one needs @ sympathetic ear

amongst tne ladies and gentlemen of the press,

nese yallant seekers ariar turin,

NIEWSANCHOR: As we wali? to Go OVvar ko Torbay tor the first result,

llak’s see wnat tne countrywide suing WONG OOKUKE

i’ our exit oll is Am overall majority of 37 saats

would mean that the political map of Great Britain would look like ais,

Jesus}

What are they playing at? WielbacKedEiinosembastalncsSralllGiinenvaly A

oWhy can’t they deliver? -No one’s saying they U lose.

Going in with a majority of 10@ and losing 70-odd

isn’t exaculy a Of Dloody confidence, is it?

Ane never a wore! of ft in the polls. Nobody forecast this.

Greville, Pve been trying to tell you fell be closer than the polls said.

They're Just hot coming our for Collingricge. I tole you that.

On, thank you very mucn, Marttie. That's extremely heloful at this juncturel

What are we going to do now? I mean, Christ, look at that.

Prlome & Dry.” Home and bloocly diy.

=Brilliant! Ane who that Nonsense? I thought you did, Greville.

Itt was dictated to me over the phone ly Our proprietor, Mr Benjamin Lancless.

even he wouldnt want tine late eclition to go out looking like that.

Mattie? Any thoughts?

"Government Majority Slashed"?

"Baek In By A Whisker’?

"i'r Sull Standing But Only Just’?

look, it’s your job on the bloody ine as wall, you know!

Greville, we can airrora to watt a loft,

it's only 20 minutes TU the iFirst result,

Don’t worry. Ill be back in just a sec!

Come ere, you.

-Jeremy is seared shitless. =I told nim it’cl be close.

Ane Pve tole him that we're going to get our analysis out first,

snowing how his ads zapped ine target voters in every category.

Right, So if we win, headquarters will know they ft all to us.

-A\nd if we lose... iif we everyone will say

we ran tne campaign ever and the lousy politicians blew fit.

ROGMC wy OUmOKe,

Bloody maytever.

Fine. Pinel

=(RESULTS PLAVING ON TV)

On, Lore. I think this is ft

-lerty Aloysius Maat ta. aHlappy Sunshine Parey.

boos YOUSS,|

i . - . - n os a ~ ™ ) ADVIOUP,

200 IG, 514.

-George Timothy Granville Gree Narn = CONMSENVALIVES

“aoa 5 LED. - (CHEERING)

Winart’s 23, 0007

aigitt percent Swing.

Majority of 30 or so,

just what they forecast in the exit poll. We'll be alll right.

We've just about saved our bacon.

Well done, Roger! Well done indeed

it that doesnt get you a knighthood, I cont know winert willl

your pardon, it didnt mean to interrupt,

lave you met my assistant, Penny Guy? -Delightted.

So you assist young Roger, do you? What exactly do you assist hin with?

Oln, Just about anytning at alll, actually.

Shalll, er... ?

Oh, abourt...15 minutes?

Rigint, Bye.

You don"t by any chance have an arrangement for leasing her out, do you?

EXCUSe Me, Sir.

it’s alll right, Constable. My name is Charles Collingridge.

-And here is my membership card. I'm sorry, sir.

ali’s alll right, Constable. -Teddy,. r've got myself into a pickle.

-Conne on, Charles. I'm sorry, sir.

Sir, the Prime Ministers expected In rive minutes.

Well, boys, we're back.

Lore, they're alll here. Teddy, fs it all right

for 2 Chap to come and drink nis brother's health?

Aosolurtely, Charles. We're delighted to see you.

-Where’s Hal? -On his way, Charles. Soon be here.

(SIRENS WAILING)

et?)

Itt Goullel nave loeen worse,

i © : on ° Mr O'Neill

“Mr O'Neill “Who is ik?

ine Prime Minister's orice,

it cant near you.

it’s the Prime Minisver ror you, Mr ONeill

(APPLAUSE)

Hello?

Ves, this is Roger ONeill

Tinank you.

Just putting me throug.

Prime Minister! Many, many congratulations

ane how vary Good of you iit is to call,

And ten Wal Uice tio lick it alll ov

very, vary slowly.

Thank you very much, Prime Minister. nt know that Ul be very much appreciated.

And cid t say that alll of this would be taking place

in the firth-year dorm at Benenden?

Prime Minister, I'm overwhelmed. May I tell them that?

Tne Prime Minister just wants me to thank you on nis behalf

Tor running such a fabulous campaign

and lhe says he’s not going to ask for his money back.

(GREBRING AND ARRIAWSE)

aWealll cone! -Thank you, Bertie.

“Well done, Michael. efhanks, Luey.

lism’t ne lovely?

-Many congratulations, Micnael cThank you, Francs.

(ALL TALKING, UNDIES TINCT)

So sorry. Please let me get you anoOner One.

Wiece S@itanlesm@ollimanica es

It’s alll right, ve asked Francis Urquhart to keep an eye on lim.

Urquhart?

hardly see lninn AS One of nature’s nursemaicls.

Prin not so sure, Micnael. Hle’s got a good heart does Francis

our he wont stand for any bloody nonsense.

licleal nursemaicl, in my opinion.

-Damn good thing, too.

Dull dog but sound as a bell.

I get the strong impression Ine doesnt care much for me.

Youre younger than Ine Is.

you make no effort to lide iit.

VYourre better-looking than Ine Is.

-And I'm Jewish. “Well, quite.

But the odd thing about Francis Urquhart is

ned never stab you in the back, however much lhe disliked you.

Not many leit Uke Urquhart. A dying breed, more’s the plity.

“Uh, Teday? =/\in.

Right.

rll wait up here.

(CHEERING)

(INAUDIBLE)

Thank you, thank you alll so much. You've been magnificent. Thank you.

-Hlow’'s It looking, Teddy? =24, possibly 25.

-As bad as that, huln? It’s a majority.

-Five more years, Henry. Ves, there is that.

-Weleome back, Prime Minister.

Following our conversation last week,

Ive had one or two thoughts gioout tne new caloinet,

I'm sure you hava, Frances. rm sure you have. man.

Put them down on paper, would you? And come round first thing in the morning.

EMy pleasure, Prime Minister. shall! Hall

alte's mel -Oh, God, Charlie. Not tonight.

Dont worry. PU look after lim. Charlie!

Irve been hoping for a wore all nigint.

Prancis. Praneis Urquinart. My dear old friend.

It feel like doing, Charlie?

Getting rat-arsed? -Exacily.

Come on, I know a good placa rounc tne comer,

Splendid. Two good cnaps getting rat-arsed together.

Surprised? Well, everybocly can be valuable. That's my philosophy.

Mr Urquhart! Mr Urquharty

No, no, no. Nothing to report.

Ol, hello, Charles. I hope you lac @ little on the winning team.

-You understand I reallly canto. -Are you here

just to aclvise on the new cabinet, Minister Urquhart?

Or is there a job in tt ror you?

It advise the Prime Minister on many matters, as you know,

and my acvice is confidential,

Word is that you're In Une for a senior cabinet position. Is that so?

You can't expect Mme tO COMMenNnt on rumours

nor to keep my Prime Minister watting. Thank you very much, gentlemen, laclies.

Mr Urquinarty

Mr Urquhart, can I have a wore?

((OONORENS)

((OONORENS)

Sorry to keep you waiting, Chief Whip. he’s ready for you now.

-Itf you'd Uke to come up to the study? Thank you.

(KNOCK Al DOOR)

Prime Minister,

Teddy. Didn*t realise you'd foe here.

Pull uo a chair, Francis.

Now, Wve lhacd a carafull look at this memorandum of yours.

Youre proposing a very raciical change.

I'd Uke you ito tall me why. “Well, Cf...

Just in general terms. oA right.

We have been In power longer than any party since the war.

It’s a new kind of cnalllenge.

We need to snow that we are not stagnating,

tina we are capable of selHrenewall,

VOUNOWMESUCCeSSIONmOm Nem eaGensiio™ Prime Minister,

of the sort of thing I mean.

Ane now you want to see a great dealll more of that sort of thing?

Well, I think we've had a pretty clear indication from the country

“that people are looking ior cnange. -You think so?

‘ine new names you've purt forware Inere,

hone of them could be ceseribed as Deing on the Uberal wing of the parity.

sWouldnt you agree, Francis? -No one from the radical right, either.

Theyre all good, sound men, Prime Minster,

Gooe), sound men from tne Shires, hmm?

Guaranteed to co winat they re told?

I'd rather say that they're all men MWin© Nave jpeen larac] ancl eclucaitac!

in € traction or pulalic servica

and have proved their reliability over long years.

Well, yes, that Is another way of putting ft.

And I see you're oiffering your own services in high ofiics?

You willl remember, Prime Minister,

that Some MONS ago we talked about the possibility

rtinat ater the election there migiit be a senior ministerial post.

Ves. Yes, I do rememlber tart.

Things clo change so very quickly in politics, dont they, Francis?

rm very grateful inceed OMY OUIBSUG GE SIN ONS}

lourt It have to tell you now that we disagree with you entirely.

you remember Macmillan, the Night of the Long Knives?

re sacked a thira of nis calbinet and destroyed his government in the process.

ne was out within a year, rranels.

Now, Inera is whart I have in mine.

AS You see, NO cabinet changes att alll

Ill be seen Tor what it is, a sign of strength and sureness of purpose.

Well, I hope the parliamentary party will see ft in that way.

It Fetiner GoUR OM you to press It home to them, Francis, as Chief Whip.

-Ii do assume It have your full support? -Of course. That goes without saying.

Good. I want you to know tart I still ragard you

ror the highest office lout...

you are also the strongest and most deeply respected Chie? Whip

this party las lnacl, rt think I may say, since the war.

Witn such a slender majority in the House,

a good Chier Whip is more important to me than a good Home Secretary.

You are Kinel, Prime Minister.

Mucin too Kiel,

Nothing!

Nothing! Nota damned thing!

And then ine had tine galll to say that he counted on my support!

re sald lnis rave was In my inanes, AliZalbethimWelodialnnaticaiwadalles

lis (hag)

Wingert?

isn't tere. .some turin In fe?

isnt Inis fave in your hands?

No. No, no. Pim in charge of discipline.

Burt I can*t deliver if my troops are disaffected.

Burt arant they cdisafrected now?

HISIWeakinesss

nis revusal wo take responsibility for firm leadership,

It’s going to bring unis government down sooner or later.

Yes. Ane sooner rather than later, in my view.

-Uniless... “Upless

ne were to relinquish tne leadership.

Fe won't Go tna

ware to take the leadership from him.

have you any idea Wing that woulc involve?)

No, burt I would imagine that you have a very good idea, Franels.

And I know that you're capable of doing whatever is necessary.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

“We're hot expecting anyone, are we? aN(OF

PUL Go.

Mer Urquhart. Mattie Storin, 7ime Garoniala,

rin sorry to distur you at home but Irve been trying to contact you alll day.

ed appreciate some help in understanding the thinking

behind this really surprising Announcement about no cabinet changes.

rm sorry, f don"t mean to be rude, pur Jt have no commen« to make.

Mr Urgulnart, that’s a great story but I dont think you'd like us to run ft.

it beg your parcon? Winat story?

“Late last night, there were telltale signs

in the highest party circles.

“Praneis Urquhart, the Chief Whip, wiho nas been denied promotion once again,

"reused to Commen«t on or derenc the Prime Ministers cdeeision.”

it know you, dont i?

Arent you the new girl Greville Preston took on

when they pensioned of ole Cecil Roach?

rim the newisn political correspondent on Zine Guroniela, Mr Urquhart.

Quite,

DOKconmeninsiGeM MISSEStonine

Ol, let me take your Goatt.

Good evening.

Good evening, Mrs Urquihart.

Miss Storin. A journalist!

We'll talk in my study, Elizabeth. Then you won't be disturbed.

My wire likes to Usten to Wagner in tne evenings, Miss Storin. Do come in.

-Would you Uke a drink? I'll have whatever youre having.

“Whisky. All right? Thank you.

Bruicnlacddich, tf you know your malts.

Tinank you.

DO sit clown.

Well, NOWa.J

Mr Urquinart,

PU faithfully recore)

your public loyaltzy no tine Prime Minister

and your derence of lis actions or, in this case, lack of actions.

Burt f want to understand wihat people are really thinking.

It want to know winat you reallly eel,

Ane i think you'd Uke to talk to me, in conficenca, on lobby terms.

-And wnat makes you tnin that? “You didnt have to let me in.

You could have phoned Greville Preston anc complained about my harassment

anc threatened inim witn this ancl ther ane Ine’ nave listened.

BECAUSe ONE thing everyone knows

is that threacs trom Francis Urquinare are not idle threats.

=@oo¢l. -And if I ware to betray your confidencs

you could have me not just sacked put unemployable within the week.

-I'i going to confide in you, ann Ii? all hODS SO.

Everyone says, “Francis Urquinart coulle tell you the answer but he won't.”

Well, at this stage in my career,

it need to uncderstane much more than I need scoop headlines.

it need a triend in high places, Mr Urquhart.

And i tinink you'd Uke to talk to SOMME OMeMUIKeMne®

Ane nobody knows In here tonight, And nobody will

Perhaps you'd Uke to ask me questions, Miss Storin?

Marttie, please.

Ves, Matttie,

Tnere reallly is a lot of rivalry ane dissent

witinin tne cabinet, isnt thera?

Some elements or tne party, some elements in the cabinet,

are ceeply distressed.

They dont think the PM has winert iit takes

ror a full five-year ternn or anywhere near ft.

They see another leadership crisis looming.

And the more ambitious of them want to be well placed when it comes.

Theyre not thinking albourt the good of the party any more,

mucn less the good of the country,

theyre thinking about the next leadership race.

And one might say the same about the Prime Minister,

rthnart he’s thinking abourt his own survival,

mot tne Good of the country.

You might say that, ft couldn't possibly say thart

andl if one wore of this fs linked with my nanne...

if am a loboy correspondent, Mr Urquhart. Dont worry.

re Ul be “senior members of the party”

ane “sources close to tne Prime Minister’,

Good. Wery good.

Gould I ask you wihy you've decided to talk to me?

You don"t usually give interviews at all, do you?

Let's say you turned Up aft the right time. No, no, that’s not fair.

Tinings need to be aired publicly.

Irve reac your sturrr. It's very good.

it think f can trust you to foe fair anc Inonest,

Pernaps you havent been here long enough to be corrupted.

Well, thank you. I hope I never will be.

Coulel I ask you,

if the Prime Minister is experiencing discord in the cabinet,

wouldn't inis move be to sack the dissidents,

get In some new people and some fresh new policies?

You might think so, Mattie, put in all fairmess, ft isnt so easy.

He's not absolutely cartain where the danger lies, for one thing.

Ane a sudden flurry of changes might look like panic.

elihat’s the oficial view. -But you dont agrae with that, co you?

Of course I agree with tt, Maritie. It have to agree with ft.

You, on tne otner hand, migin reel thar if you were the captain of the Titanic,

you wouldnt be saying, "Steady as she goes.”

Soule ne...7

I don"t know low to purt this in a way that youll be able to answer.

iy.

Ih Tt were. J

CAMLAIN OF the Titanic,

which or my senior otlears sinoulc it pe worried aloourt?

PBeware of an ole man in a hurry.”

rave you heare that prrase, Mattie?

Lore Billsborougln.

Burt e's Colllingricge’s closest aclviser.

Surely he can’t still think ne Gould be party leader?

Not at his age, hot from tne Lords.

Sor

He doesnt wamt it ror Inimselr

re wants to pull the strings.

re wants the party leadersnip for one of his protégés.

You might think tart. t couldnt possibly comment.

-You might think that.

lord Billsborougin is setting up Collingridge as an Aunt Sally

So that Micnael Samuels can take his place when the time comes.

You might think tart. t couldnt possibly comment.

Amel how cdo you feel abourt alll this?

Oh, mn just the Chief Whip, Martie. My feelings are neither here nor there.

It look airter morale and discipline amongst the back-benchers,

Keep them up to the mark, listen to their problems,

Nelo them out when I can,

administer some sharp kicks up nine backsicle wien that seems lincicstec,

nead of house sort of thing.

Ir sorry. Tinat sounds vary cneelky.

Not at alll. That’s exactly what it's Uke.

FVvaryone says you're vary good art ft,

It oe@lieva It am, Martie.

It believe It am,

‘Thank you so mucn for being So generous with your time,

Ii reallly appreciate it. Not at alll

Well?)

interesting girl,

Clever,

Not Elevar? -No, no.

Just clever enough, I should say.

I think she migint be just tne little friend you need, Francis.

A political correspondent with her way to make, I mean.

(BIG BEN CHIMING)

No, Prime Minister, it havent seen the papers yet. Yes.

Tnere was speculation last night

“that tne Prime Minister was unlikely to fight another election.

PAnel that some senior ministers were already manoeuvring for position

“iN tne evant Or an early leadership struggle.”

it's all vary insubstantial, Prime Minister. Someone's flying a kite.

pomeon a, moods ve athe a Franals, listen to tus.

Flore Billsborough, the Party Chairman,

"dismissed as nonsense any suggestion of a leadership election in the offing.

Prlowever, the Party Chairman woul crucial during a leadership race.

"And Billsborougin is known tO be Very to Michael Samuels,

“une Environment Secretary, Wino Gould be one of the contenders."

Damm@m«tt, Francis. IMhis is 7ae Garoniale, Theyre supposed to be our people.

Yas, YOU ME Guece rig: Wl you leave this with me, Henry?

PU get on to Greville Preston and find out who's been telling tales

and tif we don’t get any joy there, we'll go straight to Ben Landless.

Youre absolutely right,

We dont need this from /me Garonicle, loave Tt with me.

PUL put a bit oF stick alboutt.

Thank you, Praneis. And Franeis, Imm very grateful for your support.

Not at alll. Goodloye.

Now, then, Mir Stoart.

You seem to have got yourselif into 2 it of 2 mess

and you havent done a lot for the Image of the party, either, have you?

er, nO. No, Chief Whip. I'd Uke to say how terribly sorry I arn...

You should have thought of that before. Can we do anything for him, Stamper?

Not easy, Chier Whip.

The sergeant Is understandably reluctant to believe our friend here

swopped his car to ask the way to his own bloody constituency.

DeaaGodl

“I'm really awirullly... =Do shut up, Stoat.

“SOMMy, =I did persuade him to stretch a polit.

Fle won't be proceeding.

Really? Oh, my gosinl I can"t begin to tell you how greteiul...

All right, Stoat, you've been ludky. Heard something else funny about you.

reared you were thinking of abstaining

on the second reading or the environment Lill

=Dont.

No. No, of course Not.

Al right, Stoat, take yourself off. And try not to be such a dammed fool.

And if you must use whores, for God's sake go to a decent knocking-shop

where they understane the meaning of discretion.

“Stamper willl give you a Ust. Ves, right.

‘rinank you very much. Pin so very...

it mean, iif evar there’s anytning, anything at alll...

“Yes, yes, yes. Off you go now. -Goodbye. And, well, ult,

unanks agalin.

Winart a frigittrull Unkle man.

Witte nexcOmt men AninG@kemennmumescnday:si4

tf I hac a cog like that, Pd shoot it.

Well, yes, quite.

-Roger O’Neill’s in the outer office. -Olh, yes.

rt think Ful make this one @ private chat, Stamper.

Winatever you saly.

-Good to sae you. Squash sometine? Iq like that very much.

=lROGer. -Good morning to you, Franels.

“Well, PU be on my wey. -Yes, alll right.

rave a seat, Roger. Good of you to come in. Drink?

t's @ lit early in the morning for me but well, i you're offering...

“Whisky? -An, sure. Why not?

Wanted to thank you for tne good Jol you dic for the party

im tne fUR-UP to tne election.

mino wanted to make you a scapegoat

lourt Ie] have None of that. Ancl nettner woule tne PM,

Good Goel, I hadnt realisec| anyone was blaming me.

-You're not having one yourseli? =It is a bit early in the day for me.

You've been a lit of a bad lad, havent you, Roger?

-VYou've hha your hand fin the till

Francis, you're joking!

Your expenses are pald py Central Office, arent they?

But you've been claiming quite large sums

from the acvertising agency as welll

“it’s a bit naugiicy, Roger. An, that.

it's perfectly simple, Francis.

Tine accounting at Smith Square ISESORS OWA

lif Pel been buying a few lunches, I could wait months to get my money back.

It's So muUcA simpler to get tt from the agency, dont you see?

Inve never taken a single penny IMOXDENSeS:

hat wasn't absolutely legttimerte, Francis.

Not a single penny. And I swear tart to you on my mothers grave.

£22,570 lin the last ten months, It make te,

Uh, nere we are. Have a look at the figures.

Migint be slightly ourt Dut not by more than a tenner or so.

Bit Steep ror a rew luncnes, wouldnt you say?

he's alll so...

(GNEEZANS)

Cocaine’s awfully expensive stuf, isn't ie?

They say it makes a good man brilliant.

tf that’s So, you must be a genius.

Francis, you must believe me.

it havent got a problenn.

I'm not addicted

I just use it occasionally for recreational purposes

and now ane! then Wwinen It have to work late.

it understand, Roger. But there are hot many wino would, are there?

Ane it know this sounds old-fashionec! burt isnt tt illegal?

oWhat are you going to do? -Well, I know what we should do.

Wirtte off the money as a bad debt and you overboard.

Bure f suppose If must have Q Spot for you.

rm going to bail you ourt, Roger. Pm going to save your bacon.

And in return I want your absolute, unquestioning loyality.

Yes. Yes, Of course.

TO me personally, not to the Chairman.

it meee Someone I can trust to keep an eye on things

and help out in general.

“Anything, Francis. Anything at alll AU right, Roger.

Now, Usten to me very carefully.

Why are we consorting with socialists tonight?

isnt that against tne rules or something?

Not a fit OF ft. Stevenkenidhickesinotabacdk

We used to work togetner yaars ago.

he’s going to very pleased with me tonight.

Bit OF a flash git, cont you think? Fancies Inimsellr.

-FaNGles YOU, TOO. -Everybody fancies me except you.

Here ne comes. Tectin ancl itis,

One for you, ane one for you.

li gather you"ve got something ror me. =/@s.

Low do you fancy belng te star of Prime Ministers Question Time?

Mir Kenclricky

It rarer the Honourable Memler to the reply I gave some moments ago.

Mir Kenclricky

WAU the Prime Minister explain to the House

why Ine is not going ahead with tne promised hospital expansion programme?

(SHOUTING)

It Mote tine Honourable Member's Ge Glitablekconeetin

with tine nealitin service and woulle remine him that uncer this government

rene Inealtthn servica has enjoyec! an annual increase of 7%.

Seven percent, in real terms.

Furtinermora, tne nealin service has Denefited more than any other servica

from our determination to racdues inilation

and to operate in a sensible and cost-efficient way.

-That is what Pm doing.

This government has mace a comm«*htmentt

tO expand the hospital building programme.

(SHOUTING)

It IS NOt this government's practice to discuss the specifics...

-It is not this government's practics

to discuss the specifics of new spending plans

in terms of precise cates.

(ALL SHOUTING)

Orcler! Order!

SOnden

=I am not prepared...

i e : i On i - -

it am not prepared...

SOnden

Orcler! Orcler! Orcert

did that bloody bastard Kendrick know?

ine cabinet didnt hear about ft TU this morning.

Tinart wouldnt have given linn time.

Ikt fnust have leakec ourt of yesterday's cabinet committee meeting.

Peer MeKenzle was very upset gout tHe CUS.

le would be, as Health Minster.

Bure t dont thnink Ine’d leak to an opposition MP.

‘rinen wino clicl, Francis? I want him round. I want an example mace of the bastard.

Ii think it was Soneone who wanted to make things difficult

for you personally.

That's why it was leaked to Kendrick rather than the press.

I think we have to Tacs tine face that it may be someone vary to you.

Someone you've always trusted and who now warnits to break you.

renry, I've just heard,

il came straight over. of.

later, Tecchy, tf you'd be so good.

it just have wo enew over a rew things with Franeis here.

Ves. Yes, of course. FUL ules.

come back later, tien.

TiNOSe OF US WHO Care for the nation’s clerence Nave been astonished! to near

that conricential documents nave been left in a public house.

From whence they have rather less surprisingly

found their way into the pages or 7ne Indaoendeant newspaper.

We have been gravely alarmed vo feacl iin these documents

or huge, unnecessary and positively dangerous cuts

in the Territorial Army establishment.

Does the Prime Minister uncderstane the damage that will be done

WO the Governmen«’s suppore over the coming months?

Will tne leader of tne house allow wma

to celbeire ancl to reverse wis decision?)

All: flear, nearl

It would remind my right honourable friend

inert tO Cliseuss the contents OF this stolen document

is tAHtAMOURT to Conconing aN act Of GomMMon tei,

-Polnt or order, Mr Speaker! -Point of order. Sir Jasper Grainger.

Would you not agree, Mr Speaker,

tat Mot to discuss the content Of this stolen document

woul be a breach of fattin,

a betrayal by the government Of fits most loyal supporters?

(INAUDIBLE)

my right honourable friends and it

have listened carefully tO tHe Mmooc of the House.

(AUERTER)

lin the light of representations put from all sides today,

winich has always priced itself

on being a listening government...

(AUERTER)

Oncen!

Tine government will temporarily

rescind tine cuts while ite takes @ further look at the whole question.

AEX SHOUMNG FRESIGHERESi Gi

Resign! Resign! Resigny =OndenkOnden:

Mr Urquhart! Mr Urquharty

Goule you spare me a few seconds, please?

Ah, Miss Marttie Storin. Yes, I think I could find you a few seconds.

Lee's GO Over tnere.

Irve been following your work witin interest,

So has the Prime Minister, though he’s not quite such an admirer.

-He had a terrible day today. Not unknown

ror 2 Prime Minister to change his mind.

Though we're not often privileged to see him cdo ft in public, eh?

Well, Ul alll blow over, I dare say.

WU ft? Two major leaks in less than a month. Where are they from?

I don"t know, my dear. I'm responsilole for the back-benchers, not the cabinet,

though I dare say MU be asked to final out,

Tine leaks are coming out of the cabinet?

Ane the Prime Minister is ordering an investigation

imo his own closest collleaques?

You might think tart. t couldnt possibly comment.

Tinank you.

All right! Don"t tell me about ttl something abourt itl

Tinat is exactly what is wrong with this goddamn county.

Everyone Wants to give you their analysis

or what's wrong and why nothing ever goddamn works!

Nobody wants to get off thelr butt and make the goddamn thing work)

Lonconl! Jesus! Id ratner run € pusiness iin the Solomon islancs)

Thoughts of a newspaper proprietor.

-Hle may be right. Oh, Goal “What are you working on?

It's a thing albour tine leaks, Urquhart’s leading the witch-humt.

it Go tinink Ine has a SOFt Of... I don’t know,

magnetism albourt ini.

Kissinger Synedrome.

Tine aphrodisiac efiract of power.

il quess that must be It. “Not much chance for the likes of me.

Women cont exactly tremble

at the nakec, unbricled domination of the deputy editor.

You have got a nice faca, though.

it dont know what's the matter with nim, Francis. I feel he’s not listening.

As though he doesnt trust me any more.

ne it all to you, Teddy. Surely he recognises that.

Burt I know what you mean. I dont taint he trusts any of us any more.

It's very cistressing, Franels.

low can we lnela the man when ihe won't let us help him?

Well, PU continue to putt the rear On into the troops as long as I can.

Burt there Gomes a time, we're nowhere near it yet, of course.

Yes, yes, yes, quite.

You will keep me informed, won't you, Francis?

Now more than ever Ine needs wise counsel,

OF course I willl, Tecdey. Goodlaya, now.

I think Lore Billsborougih’s starting to touch a bit.

Shame. Used to be a nell af an operator in nis day.

Well, work to do,

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Well, yes. A couple of leaks are alll very well, but it takes more than that.

A big scandal, pernaps.

AYpolinicaltscancall

Or a scandal about something people really understand.

250,000, Mr Urquhart.

ite's a vary generous donation, Mr Jhabwala.

We dont often see such large sums in cash.

rr @ little old-fashioned, Mr Urquinart.

It prever to trust casin ratiner than cashiers.

And, ulh, strictly speaking,

you should hand it to une Party Treasurer, hot to me.

Oh, but you are my Member or Parliament, Mer Urquhart. I know youl.

I wrust you. On, Wim sure tne Party Treasurer fs an excellent man

put you, Mr Urguinare, you are my friend.

Well, i'm very touche, efit...

Ane no, f hope vo gain notning.

Except my wire and I would be thrilled to Meet the Prime Minister

ir ne Snould ever visite the constituency.

Pin sure that can be arranged.

(SNORTING)

Accommocartion acicress.

Three month payment in acvance. That's fine.

-So you're working round here now, ah? -VYealh, that’s right.

-Collingridge. € Collingridge.

Right,

I might, uh, might look you up myself one of these days.

Do you specialise at alll, Uke?

Yeah. Weroal abuse ane colonic irrigation.

On,

-Bya, then. -Bye.

-Nasty little man.

Itt was all right, though? SESW OSCESON

Why couldnt Charlie Collingridge do ht himselli?

It mean, fi’s a bit of a waste of money

paying me 18 grane tO Fun errands, isnt it?

Come on, I'm supposed to be the brains Of this outfit,

You are. You are, I swear ttl

Well, what's he want It for, anyway? Don't tell me he’s going on the game.

rarely. PM's brother needs to be carefull

Sure I dont know what it’s for. Spanking mags, for alll I know.

“Using his real name? -Well, ours is not to reason wihy.

We're doing a special ravour,

The request comes from the very top anc we dont breatine a wore to a soul,

Fall right? oRigitt.

“You wish to open the account with... £50,000.

-excalllent. i cash.

Excallent. A high-interest current account, sir?

Wall, no. f sinan"t need ‘to draw on ft imnmeciately.

Could I purchase some shares through you?

Burt OF course. It would be a pleasure.

Menclox Chemicals

20,000. You shoul be able to get them for about 24@ penes.

Urn, im rather pressed for tine. Could I leave that with you?

We should be able to contin tt Tor you oy four this afternoon, sir.

-Excalllent. Thank you very much. Not at all, Mr Collingridge.

It's a pleasure.

Junior Minister of Heaktn, MSE Makepedces

With permission, Mr Speaker, el like to Make 9 sitstementt.,

Tine Department of Health, on the advica of the Chie? Medical Orficer,

nas today licensed three new drugs for general use.

Cyoernox, manuiacturec DYZ Wend oxg@hemicalteompanys

with general application tn tine treatment OF fheumetoicl artoritis

anc ralatec| diseases!

Charles Collingricge here.

You were kind enough to open an account for me last week,

rim airaicl Pye hac to alter my plans entirely,

The negotiations on the hotel in Turkey have fallen through

and Inn ilying back to Kenya at the end of the week,

Well, can"t be Ineloed. Had a bit of luck with those Mencox shares, though.

Should clear 9 or 19,000 on them.

Can you sell those today at anything over 295?

Ane tll come in tomorrow morming to close tine account,

Can you send a closing statement to my London acdcress?

Charles Colllingricge,

216 Praed Strest,

Wo.

Thank you very much for all your help. Goodbye.

-Not working this morning, Francis? -Oh, yes, Elizabeth, I am working.

rim working very welll, aS Q matter of jac.

Very good or you to come ih, Humphrey.

Tt couldnt really get away and I didn’t feel comfortable holding all this money.

Firty thousand? What's he hoping to get out of it?

rive minutes alone with tne PM, lhe says.

Bit More than the going isnt te?

Well, PU write to Mr Jinalwalla today. Chaps Uke him should be encouraged.

-Yes, linceed. -/A\nal rll see the PM is inrormed.

Adour time ine heared a bit of good news.

(BIG BEN CHIMING)

(CHIMING GROWS LOUDER)

Mr Urquinare.

Good morning, Meartttie.

It couldnt believe it when you said “roof garden”.

Mel MO idea it was here, it’s amazing!

Surprisingly few people know about ft. I like to keep it that way.

Good placa to get away irom the rabble.

So, wheat was it, Martie?

Well, really, I just wanted to thank you for alll your Inelo

over tne last couple of months.

-You must be glad theyre over. “Well, we've known easier times.

And winat makes you think the summers going to be any better for us?

What co you mean?

Gan I say something in absolute contfidenca, not even on lobby terms?

Yes. Yes, Of Gourse you can.

Imve nearel Inimes that te taloloicds

are Golng to moun 2 personal attack on the PM.

A particularly nasty one. They re going to use his brother.

Hlis brother? S@itanlesm@ollimanica es

Dont you know him? Well, between the two of us, he’s a bit of a Viability.

Alcohol problem. everywhere.

Ane wnen ine’s had MUCA to erin,

Nes Hot too sure of nis sexual orientation.

Well, you see the problem.

If tne PM clisowmns lnis brother, ne’s 2 lneartless bastarel,

it he stands bby lhim, he’s a security iSkeanckGodiknowsiwitatelsey

-Tinatt’s how they'll play it. “Why are you telling me?

Because I think you're a responsible and honourable journalist.

Because I trust you. And,

well, because I think we're going to need alll the friends we can get.

There isnt any chanes lhe migint be involved in something unsavoury

with Inis brother, is there? -Olh, NO.

No, tin sure there isnt.

tie’s fond or lnis lorothner put he’s not a complete fool.

You'd have to say tat. You'd have to cover up for him

even if you thougint there was something.

Pernaps. But there isn’t, is there?

ile does seem to need a lot or propping up, henry Collingridge.

Well, that’s alll part of muy fol.

And tts all worth ft, wouldnt you say?

Well, since you ask, no. Because I nappen to think there’s at least one man

wino*cl make a much petiter leader.

You fnigiie think that, Martie.

It couldnt possibly comment.