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[Mike] Filmark.
Like Noah's ark, if all the animals were very sick.
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[Kevin] Tomas Tang.
He was the producer the astronauts drank in space.
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♪♪♪ Over there! Move!
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[Bill] Oh, the boy scout camp is nothing at all like mom said it would be.
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♪♪♪ (grunting)
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[Mike] The Art Garfunkel army has finally seized power.
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[Kevin] Now that's what vaping does to your lungs!
Any questions?
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Hey! ♪♪♪ (screams)
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(grunting) (shots fire)
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[Bill] Hmm. Shooting the dumpster makes the guy inside throw snakes at you.
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Good to know.
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♪♪♪ (shots fire)
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♪♪♪ [Mike] Man, the ruins of this Petco are dangerous.
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(screams) (grunting)
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[Kevin] Septic tank vampire!
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♪♪♪ (shots fire) (Kevin laughs)
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[Bill] Vampire! HOP!!
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(shots fire)
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[Bill] Hop! (grunting)
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(grunting)
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[Mike] Please, stop!
I swear I'm not Anthony Michael Hall!
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[Kevin] You sure??
[Mike] (grunting) I promise!
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[Bill] Camo versus denim.
Like a fight broke out in a Bass Pro shop.
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(smacks) [Mike] Hmm. Bong rip he held in for two days.
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[Kevin] No wonder he's floating around.
[Bill] He he!
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[Kevin] Whoo! (grunting)
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[Bill] Tell, me, about, your skin care routine!
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(grunting)
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(screaming) [Mike] I just started yelling because you were yelling! (Bill laughs)
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(grunting)
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(smacks) [Kevin] Mm! Pork shoulder!
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[Bill] Yeah. Very robotic.
Sure, I see it.
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[Mike] It looks like a boat. It's actually a robo boat.
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[Kevin] What? No!
I wanted six bananas, not six bunches of bananas!
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Why do I keep paying for home grocery delivery?
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[Bill] Guard rails.
You only need them on one side.
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[Mike] Each guy carries one small box.
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[Kevin] (laughs) A single red wagon would revolutionize their operation.
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[Bill] They've got four small boxes.
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I knew we should have brought the truck.
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♪♪♪ Don't move!
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[Mike] Come on, man. I asked you not to move.
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Run! Stay back!
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(shots fire) ♪♪♪ Oh, fuck.
[Kevin] I'm late for college orientation. (Bill laughs)
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♪♪♪ [Bill] They're very gradually getting away!
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(Kevin laughs) [Mike] I like this movie.
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Every two minutes, it becomes a different movie.
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[Kevin] Ugh! This place could use a robo butler, or a whole robo cleaning staff.
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Listen!
We must find a way to handle, Tom, that goddamn anti-drug agent!
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[Bill] Huh! I really expected a tougher voice to come out of myself! (Kevin laughs)
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Boss? What are you plans, then?
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I've employed a (indistinct)
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He'll train vampires to deal with them.
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[Mike] Ah, the old train vampires to deal with drug agents ploy.
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Contact headquarters, Richard.
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And ask Young to find a new way to smuggle heroin in.
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[Kevin] We must find new body cavities.
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Meanwhile, I'll send Tony and Ken over to watch the darth vampires.
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Right. all right.
[Bill] Go watch the vampires. Sure boss.
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Wonder if Best Buy is hiring?
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[Mike] If you kids are down there making robo vampires again,
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I will cancel this sleepover so fast!
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[Kevin] Huh. What a confusing mess.
[Bill] This room? Or the movie?
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[Kevin] I'd say both.
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♪♪♪ (grunting)
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[Mike] It's hard to carry boxes around.
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That's the key message of Robo Vampire. (guys laugh)
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[Bill] Highly flammable basement needs more candles.
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♪♪♪ Excuse me. It wasn't my idea, it was Boss Cole's.
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[Kevin] Stapling receipts to your foreheads, I mean.
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[Mike] Heavy box. Suddenly quite empty.
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♪♪♪ If we worked together, we could make a lot of money.
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And I'd build a new altar for you.
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[Kevin] Yeah, make it rain so the robo vampires will pole dance. (Bill humming)
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♪♪♪ Yeah.
You must be hungry.
Here, eat!
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[Bill] Throwing stuff is my only bit.
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Can! What the hell are you doing here?
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[Mike] And was I here the whole time? I'm not sure.
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You didn't have to scare me.
You scare too easy.
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Now come help me.
Come on.
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[Kevin] Help me wave a bowl of chicken in the air.
Come on!
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You finish up here.
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[Bill] Are you sure we should do our food prep, in the dirty monster basement?
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[Mike] I said finish up here.
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♪♪♪ [Kevin] I love my deeply confusing work.
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[Bill] He's turning into an Arcimboldo painting.
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[Mike] This exact process is happening in the back of EVERY Subway franchise.
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[Kevin] So that's why their bread smells so weird.
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[Bill] (laughs) Cigarette stealing vampires,
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who may or may not be robotic, up to their old tricks!
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(laughs)
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Bless our drugs.
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[Mike] "Bless our drugs". I'm gonna crochet that on a pillow for grandma.
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(Bill mumbles)
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Thank you vampires.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
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Hey! Ken! If you want a cigarette, just ask me for one.
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We're friends, aren't we?
Come on.
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[Kevin] We both pray to vampires, and bless our drugs don't we?
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Come on!
Take one.
No.
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[Bill] Hmm. Is there something strange about all this?
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Naww. I'm probably overthinking it.
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[Mike] Okay. Once the vampires are done marinating, we batter them with drugs.
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And then it's low and slow in the smoker for six hours.
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♪♪♪ They stole again.
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Ken! Hey! Be careful!
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You start a fire, the vampires will wake up!
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[Kevin] Probably good the place is full of candles and lit cigarettes then.
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(grunting)
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[Bill] Oh no! The vampires LIKE Jerry Lewis gags!
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(grunting)
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(indistinct)
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[Mike] Professor X! You give that chicken back this instant.
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♪♪♪ (screams) (grunting)
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(glass breaks)
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[Kevin] Next time SEASON the meat!
[Bill] At least provide some honey mustard!
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♪♪♪ (grunting)
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(grunting)
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[Mike] Wait. These vampires are really easy to beat.
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I think they might just be lepers.
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[Kevin] Whatever. Keep punching.
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(grunting) (smacks)
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[Bill] I don't understand what went wrong!
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I blessed the drugs and everything.
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♪♪♪ [Mike] If he's auditioning for the Emoji movie, I think he's got the part.
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(grunting) ♪♪♪
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[Kevin] Just seems like vampires would have a better vertical leap, is all.
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[Bill] (singing) Now hop your vampire side to side.
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Let the vampire hop while you try to hide! (humming)
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[Mike] Gah! Why did I think that that would help?
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(smacks)
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[Kevin] Okay, now we're talking.
Get that vampire in an Air Bud movie.
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(grunting)
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[Bill] That's not how you stake them through the heart.
Uh? Whatever.
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(grunting)
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[Mike] Stop bunny hopping!
You're embarassing yourself. (Bill laughs)
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♪♪♪ (Bill hums The Bunny Hop)
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(grunting) (crashing)
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[Kevin] Ah, they're like parakeets.
Throw a sheet over them and they're done.
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They woke up.
Thanks for your help.
Let me take a look at those drugs.
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[Bill] And they'd BETTER be blessed.
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This is rice powder.
That's why they woke up.
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[Mike] If the weed we gave them if really oregano, we're doomed.
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Be sure punished for this.
Come on.
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[Kevin] Stupid vampire needing real drugs.
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[Bill] Anyone seen my giant rocks?
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[Mike] The Voyage of the Mimi's darkest adventure yet.
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♪♪♪ Wait here now.
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I'm sorry to bother you!
Is everything all right?
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[Kevin] Is the poop deck good and poopy?
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Everything's under control.
No need to worry.
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Okay! Come on down!
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[Bill] You're the next contestant on Is this Heroin or Rice Powder?
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♪♪♪ You keep your eyes peeled.
Right.
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[Mike] Stay alert.
Maybe we can figure out what this movie we're in is about.
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You stay here.
We're changing your cover from the drug smuggling business.
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[Kevin] We're switching to Funko Pops.
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Uh? Slight variation.
On the body smuggling business.
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Bodies?
What makes you still the boss?
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[Bill] That's what they said to Springsteen, when he
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wanted to record Santa Claus is Coming to Town.
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[Bill] Okay. (Kevin laughs)
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[Mike] This is the part of Sesame Street, PBS doesn't like to show.
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(wind howling)
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(wind howling)
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Well, open it up, men.
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[Kevin] (laughs) Guy's got a 1940s voice box!
[Bill] Yeah.
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Now drop.
Here.
Right.
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[Bill] Picked a great time to get into the black market Stevia trade.
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[Mike] You sure this is a Denny's?
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I completed the vampire project.
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Come and witness this incredible power for yourselves now.
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[Kevin] He can lie in a meadow of flowers and get sparkly in the sun.
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Are you sure that even machine guns don't cause no harm to him?
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Come on, show us this vampire.
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You must be very quiet.
Don't be scared by his power.
Or he will attack you.
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[Bill] I give people the same warning about my pet hamster.
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These will help protect you, from the vampire's power.
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[Mike] And improve on your body odor.
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And take these as an extra precaution.
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[Kevin] Gotta be careful with zombies.
I mean vampires.
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You're his creator.
Can't you manipulate him?
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Of course I can control him.
But you can't.
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So that's why you need protection.
Take them.
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[Bill] So when's the racing start? (Kevin laughs)
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Hmm. ♪♪♪
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[Mike] Sssss--someone tell me what the hell's going on in this movie?
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[Kevin] I like racing!
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[Bill] Just any old racing.
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[Bill] Makes Chris Angel look like a kid's birthday magician.
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[Kevin] Ugh.
[Mike] It's the Ford Pinto of tables.
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(crashing)
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[Kevin] (laughs) Yeah, I've always believed coherence was overrated anyway.
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♪♪♪ There may be some lady ghosts!
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[Bill] All ghosts are dudes!
That's science, man.
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How dare you take my lover's corpse towers, and turn him into a vampire beast?
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Now he is condemned to a living death,
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and we can never be together in the afterlife!
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But he is from the east, and you the west.
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How can you explain it?
Orientals are a stubborn race.
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[Mike] Whoa! Turned into my grandfather for a second there.
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We could not be together in this life.
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Peter and I would be together forever in the afterlife.
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You have robbed us of this, by turning him into a vampire beast!
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Now my only thought is of revenge!
Now my dreams have been shattered.
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I hold you responsible for my misery!
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[Kevin] And my run-on sentences.
[Bill] Whoo.
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(crashing)
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(grunting) [Bill] Beware of my harsh gestures, see? (Mike laughs)
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(grunting)
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(grunting)
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[Mike] It's too bad sparkler shoes never really caught on.
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(grunting)
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[Kevin] They're high fiving to the death!!
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(buzzing)
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(buzzing)
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(grunting) (smacks)
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[Bill] (laughs) Did she just hit his butt with her butt??
[Kevin] Yep.
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[Bill] Oh, ghosts. They'll do that.
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Make the devil protect me and (indistinct).
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(Bill mumbles)
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Peter? Don't you recognize me?
I'm Christine.
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[Mike] Used to be an evil car?
Killed some teenagers.
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(grunting)
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(Kevin laughs) Peter! I'll still love you forever!
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[Kevin] Peter.
The gorilla's name is Peter. (guys laugh)
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(grunting)
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(grunting)
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[Bill] (laughs) Lady ghost is my favorite WWE star.
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(gasps)
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(grunts)
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[Mike] Well, Casper told me this wouldn't be easy.
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(buzzing) (guys laugh)
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[Kevin] King Kong should have hopped more.
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[Bill] I could never resist your sexy hopping, Peter.
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Peter! You finally recognized me!
She's your enemy!
236
00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:34,610
Thouest that Lady Ghost loves him deeply. (Mike laughs)
237
00:18:34,630 --> 00:18:37,490
Besides, both of them will be under our counsel, once they're married, right?
238
00:18:37,510 --> 00:18:39,740
[Mike] Well, DUH!
239
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,880
A marriage.
A vampire and a ghost?
240
00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:47,060
With your magical powers, I'm sure you can make it.
241
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:52,930
[Kevin] Okay. I'm NOT giving up my man cave.
I won't do it.
242
00:18:52,950 --> 00:18:59,520
I beg you, please make it happen.
243
00:18:59,540 --> 00:19:05,080
♪♪♪ All right.
But from now on, you must BOTH obey me.
244
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:09,580
[Bill] The officiant at our wedding had that same demand.
245
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:15,320
Right. Then I will make the preparations for your wedding ceremony.
246
00:19:15,340 --> 00:19:17,180
[Mike] Found that Skittle I dropped.
247
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,100
Adopted some tricky methods again.
248
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:21,510
What county? Luckily, we've got our agents,
249
00:19:21,530 --> 00:19:24,120
Sophie and Brown watching them very closely.
250
00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:27,670
I am worried about them.
We should get rid of these drug smugglers.
251
00:19:27,690 --> 00:19:30,680
Sophie tells me there's a deal going down, and I'm going to try and arrest them.
252
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:37,260
[Kevin] Hey, you guys see that sign, that said low hanging bridge ahead?
253
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,210
Any idea what that's about?
254
00:19:47,590 --> 00:19:49,850
[Bill] Ah, it's the militant wing of PETA.
255
00:19:49,870 --> 00:19:54,230
They don't like how he's been endangering those snakes.
256
00:19:54,250 --> 00:20:01,330
♪♪♪ Let's go! (indistinct chatter)
257
00:20:01,350 --> 00:20:05,600
(shots fire) [Mike] Oh! Thank god they shot at the jeep!
Instead of us.
258
00:20:09,890 --> 00:20:17,660
♪♪♪ Stop them!
[Kevin] They're after me unholy charms.
259
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:20,920
(shots fire)
260
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:30,710
(shots fire) (groaning)
261
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,510
[Bill] My canadian tuxedo!
262
00:20:32,530 --> 00:20:35,490
(shots fire) (grunting)
263
00:20:40,790 --> 00:20:44,730
[Mike] We now return to the adventures of young John Cleese.
264
00:20:44,750 --> 00:20:48,100
[Bill] Pathetic!!
265
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:53,110
(grunting) (shots fire)
266
00:20:53,130 --> 00:20:56,760
[Kevin] Eat Axe body spray!
267
00:20:56,780 --> 00:21:00,600
(grunting) ♪♪♪
268
00:21:06,570 --> 00:21:11,660
[Bill] Ah, yes.
The old TREE ambush. classic vampire move.
269
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,960
(smacks)
270
00:21:13,980 --> 00:21:16,660
(shots fire)
271
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:20,090
[Mike] First, I got a terrible hair cut.
And now this! (Bill laughs)
272
00:21:20,110 --> 00:21:24,940
♪♪♪ (screams)
273
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:27,110
[Kevin] Ah, yes. strangulation.
274
00:21:27,130 --> 00:21:31,720
Another vampire move, pioneered by Nosferatu himself.
275
00:21:37,850 --> 00:21:40,780
[Bill] Had these left over from 4th of July.
276
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:46,830
(shots fire)
277
00:21:46,850 --> 00:21:51,380
[Mike] The tragic end of GI Joe.
278
00:21:59,770 --> 00:22:03,670
[Kevin] Necromancing drug lords, prefer Suzuki automobiles.
279
00:22:03,690 --> 00:22:05,910
(engine starts)
280
00:22:05,930 --> 00:22:12,740
(sound of motor)
281
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,700
(beeping)
282
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,570
[Bill] Ease up on the coffee, plus sign.
[Kevin] Ugh.
283
00:22:17,590 --> 00:22:20,840
(beeping)
284
00:22:20,860 --> 00:22:27,560
(beeping)
285
00:22:27,580 --> 00:22:31,760
[Mike] If the plus minus machine can't save him, nothing can.
286
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:40,280
[Kevin] When swedish massage goes horribly wrong.
287
00:22:40,300 --> 00:22:43,070
[Bill] Yeah, it's no use.
This guy sucks.
288
00:22:49,830 --> 00:22:56,670
[Kevin] Ugh. What a tragedy.
Anyway, Shake Shack for lunch?
289
00:22:56,690 --> 00:23:01,800
So how's Tom?
It was a fatal wound. He's dead.
290
00:23:01,820 --> 00:23:04,210
[Mike] But how is he? (Bill laughs)
291
00:23:04,230 --> 00:23:07,660
Since Tom's dead, I want to make use of his body,
292
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,880
to create an android like robot, Mr. Glenn.
293
00:23:10,900 --> 00:23:13,470
I would appreciate your approving my application.
294
00:23:13,490 --> 00:23:16,310
Are you assured of success?
Mm hmm.
295
00:23:16,330 --> 00:23:19,980
[Bill] This is an EXTREMELY normal conversation.
Just watch out. (Kevin laughs)
296
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,420
May I remind you of one point?
297
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:25,440
You must proceed with your invention with great care, and in strict confidence.
298
00:23:25,460 --> 00:23:27,990
All right?
Yes.
299
00:23:28,010 --> 00:23:29,760
[Kevin] I'm gonna make his dick into a flame thrower.
300
00:23:29,780 --> 00:23:33,890
[Mike] No, see that's exactly the kind of thing that.
[Kevin] Yes?
301
00:23:39,100 --> 00:23:43,060
♪♪♪ (beeping)
302
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,170
(beeping) [Kevin] Let's get festive.
303
00:23:45,190 --> 00:23:48,250
(sizzling)
304
00:23:48,270 --> 00:23:52,210
(sizzling)
305
00:23:52,230 --> 00:23:56,990
[Mike] I need one of those boxes.
306
00:23:57,010 --> 00:24:01,130
That's why none of my home surgeries ever work.
307
00:24:06,780 --> 00:24:10,820
[Bill] (robotic voice) We are ready for ballroom dance.
308
00:24:18,620 --> 00:24:21,250
[Mike] Quite an elaborate bra.
309
00:24:21,270 --> 00:24:25,480
(banging noise) (groaning)
310
00:24:25,500 --> 00:24:29,540
[Bill] (laughs) He's a robo stooge!
[Kevin] Spread out, you knuckleheads!
311
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:42,910
[Mike] He can break ONE gun.
But can he break TWO GUNS??
312
00:24:42,930 --> 00:24:47,140
Yes! (laughs) Not as exciting as I'd hoped.
313
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,540
[Kevin] No.
[Bill] You did your part.
314
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:53,810
♪♪♪ (explosion)
315
00:24:53,830 --> 00:24:57,120
[Kevin] (laughs) They need a professional target maker.
This is embarrassing.
316
00:24:57,140 --> 00:24:59,190
[Bill] Look at that.
317
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:07,890
Impossible.
There must be some traitors on Bill's side, yes?
318
00:25:07,910 --> 00:25:11,350
Our latest drug deal was strictly confidential.
But that damn cop Tom busted us.
319
00:25:11,370 --> 00:25:15,740
[Mike] My soft, seductive voice indicates I'm upset. (Kevin laughs)
320
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:18,630
Now you should inform Mr. Young, that in my opinion,
321
00:25:18,650 --> 00:25:24,150
all anti-drug agents should be terminated.
At once!
322
00:25:24,170 --> 00:25:28,750
[Bill] Sure. So fire them?
[Kevin] Uh, I think we may have different styles.
323
00:25:28,770 --> 00:25:32,100
Hmm.
324
00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:35,690
(motor running)
325
00:25:35,710 --> 00:25:38,730
[Mike] Oh. Luckily they SEE me walking here.
I'm right out in the open.
326
00:25:38,750 --> 00:25:43,170
They. What the (bleep)??
Down there!!
327
00:25:43,190 --> 00:25:50,820
[Kevin] His beany hat strikes terror into the hearts of men.
328
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,570
Father? Where are the drugs?
329
00:25:52,590 --> 00:25:55,660
[Bill] Arr!
330
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:59,490
You ask about drugs?
I know nothing about drugs.
331
00:25:59,510 --> 00:26:02,120
[Bill] Drugs isn't slang for attractive little altar boys, is it?
332
00:26:02,140 --> 00:26:04,950
Because those I do know about.
333
00:26:04,970 --> 00:26:08,780
See for yourself.
This is a house of God.
334
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:12,690
Why would there be drugs here, I ask?
335
00:26:12,710 --> 00:26:15,640
Start telling the truth!
Not even your god!
336
00:26:15,660 --> 00:26:18,010
Will be able to save you!
337
00:26:18,030 --> 00:26:22,250
[Kevin] Your god, who I assume is Anubis jackel-headed god of embalming.
338
00:26:22,270 --> 00:26:25,560
We'll see about that! (grunting)
339
00:26:25,580 --> 00:26:28,030
(grunting)
340
00:26:28,050 --> 00:26:32,580
♪♪♪ (grunting)
341
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:38,660
[Mike] Great. The priest's have been here all day, blessing
342
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:42,660
these drugs, and you just spill them.
Hey! The drugs!
343
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:49,100
[Bill] Everyone on the illegal drugs trade just calls them "drugs". (Kevin laughs)
344
00:26:51,410 --> 00:26:54,940
You lied Christie.
For this you die!
No! No!
345
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:57,160
[Mike] Ugh. For THAT, you die even more.
346
00:26:57,180 --> 00:26:59,790
(shots fire)
347
00:27:07,380 --> 00:27:09,240
Hey! Kill the priest! Quick!
348
00:27:09,260 --> 00:27:11,890
[Kevin] I don't feel like sitting through communion!
349
00:27:11,910 --> 00:27:15,130
(shots fire) [Bill] Takes forever.
350
00:27:15,150 --> 00:27:18,750
(shots fire) (grunts)
351
00:27:18,770 --> 00:27:23,680
Father!
[Bill] Don't hurt my beanie!
352
00:27:23,700 --> 00:27:26,010
(shots fire)
353
00:27:26,030 --> 00:27:29,200
(shots fire) (grunting)
354
00:27:29,220 --> 00:27:33,940
[Mike] They sound disappointed to be shot to death.
[Kevin] Agghhh!!
355
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:37,590
(shots fire)
356
00:27:37,610 --> 00:27:44,020
(grunts)
357
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:47,980
Shoot me!
[Kevin] Or, make you play with my beanie? Hmm?
358
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:52,450
[Mike] Okay. We've all gotten one beanie joke in.
I'm cutting us off.
359
00:27:52,470 --> 00:27:55,880
[Bill] Aww!
[Kevin] It's fun.
360
00:28:00,550 --> 00:28:01,990
♪♪♪ You're nothing but scum.
361
00:28:02,010 --> 00:28:05,030
You killed Father Brown, and your drug killed millions.
362
00:28:05,050 --> 00:28:06,550
(laughs)
363
00:28:06,570 --> 00:28:08,050
[Mike] That is funny, I'll admit.
364
00:28:08,070 --> 00:28:09,660
Anyone who gets in our way, is removed.
365
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:11,710
And as for our flourishing drugs business,
366
00:28:11,730 --> 00:28:14,930
all we do is supply an ever increasing western demand.
367
00:28:14,950 --> 00:28:18,230
As you're no doubt, aware, being a narcotics agent.
368
00:28:18,250 --> 00:28:21,980
[Bill] Uh, sorry. I zoned out 30 seconds into that sentence. (Mike laughs)
369
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:26,310
As our good friend Father Brown.
For you, we have something special!
370
00:28:26,330 --> 00:28:30,020
You bastard!
We'll never give up!
Until we get you! (he laughs)
371
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,090
[Kevin] He TRULY enjoys his work.
It's so nice to see.
372
00:28:33,110 --> 00:28:34,900
[Bill] Yeah.
373
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:36,880
You? Get out of here.
Thought you said you could I have her now?
374
00:28:36,900 --> 00:28:38,790
Hmm?
375
00:28:38,810 --> 00:28:43,400
How's the experiment going?
Very close to success.
376
00:28:43,420 --> 00:28:45,890
[Mike] RiffTrax's new slogan.
377
00:28:45,910 --> 00:28:48,020
[Bill] (laughs) You Golden Corraled us!
378
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:52,650
Mission. I'll get back to you very soon.
Thanks.
379
00:28:52,670 --> 00:28:56,210
[Kevin] I'm fine, by the way!
380
00:28:56,230 --> 00:29:04,420
Chief Tompson?
Sophie has been captured and imprisoned by Young's men.
381
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:08,530
We must get her out at all costs.
382
00:29:08,550 --> 00:29:11,930
[Mike] Gah! A railroad hobo became police chief. (Bill laughs)
383
00:29:11,950 --> 00:29:15,800
You choose an appropriate man for the task.
Make sure he won't fail.
384
00:29:15,820 --> 00:29:19,600
Ray? We need your help to rescue this woman.
385
00:29:19,620 --> 00:29:22,020
♪♪♪ She is a narcotics agent.
386
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:25,720
[Bill] Did? Did I hallucinate them, building a robot killing machine recently?
387
00:29:25,740 --> 00:29:29,770
Got her.
Any idea where they're holding here?
388
00:29:29,790 --> 00:29:34,050
Young's main HQ.
Smack in the middle of the golden triangle.
389
00:29:34,070 --> 00:29:36,450
[Kevin] In Eden Prairie Minnesota.
390
00:29:36,470 --> 00:29:40,540
If she talks, then all of us are washed up.
391
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:43,890
[Bill] Deep cut there for you. Nerd fans. (Mike laughs)
392
00:29:43,910 --> 00:29:47,530
What's it worth to me?
Well, I'd pay a million.
393
00:29:47,550 --> 00:29:50,550
But it's not up to me.
The governor will pay you?
394
00:29:50,570 --> 00:29:53,330
Twenty thousand dollars.
395
00:29:53,350 --> 00:29:55,630
[Mike] What? Why did he make a two with his fingers then?
396
00:29:55,650 --> 00:30:00,070
And lots of ammunition.
Thirty thousand dollars.
397
00:30:00,090 --> 00:30:03,400
[Mike] And him making a three?
That's not 20! That's not 30!
398
00:30:03,420 --> 00:30:06,140
You mean like three times ten thousand?
Nobody does that?
399
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:07,600
That's weird and dumb!
400
00:30:07,620 --> 00:30:09,470
[Bill] And where the hell is the robo vampire???
401
00:30:09,490 --> 00:30:12,100
[Kevin] Shh. There, there guys.
There, there. It's all right.
402
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:14,100
[Bill] I just!
[Kevin] It's okay.
[Bill] We just.
403
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:15,800
[Mike] It's just.
[Kevin] Take a breath.
404
00:30:15,820 --> 00:30:18,110
Come on.
405
00:30:23,810 --> 00:30:27,060
[Bill] Okay. Phew!
So I didn't drop acid by mistake.
406
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:32,770
Hey! Drop your weapons!
Come with me.
407
00:30:32,790 --> 00:30:36,180
[Kevin] It's time to review your 401K options.
408
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:47,150
[Mike] Again, I'm sorry to sound so turned on and bedroomy,
409
00:30:47,170 --> 00:30:50,410
but it's the voice my parents gave me. (guys laugh)
410
00:30:50,430 --> 00:30:53,400
[Bill] More, please.
411
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:01,150
Huh?
412
00:31:01,170 --> 00:31:02,780
Where are you going?
413
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,440
[Bill] Me? When my favorite taco truck moves down the block from work.
414
00:31:05,460 --> 00:31:08,540
Uh?
415
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:14,130
Well, we're just on our way to that factory there!
Show me your ID.
416
00:31:14,150 --> 00:31:18,700
[Kevin] And just to get ahead of it.
No, a CVS rewards club card does not qualify.
417
00:31:24,010 --> 00:31:26,480
[Mike] Yeah, that's just a pencil sketch of Wario.
418
00:31:26,500 --> 00:31:30,770
[Bill] I thought you'd like it.
Let me slide on the ID thing.
419
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:42,980
[Kevin] He's a robo vampire? Or lady ghost?
Or better yet, who cares??
420
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,260
(shots fire)
421
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:48,140
(screams)
422
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:52,100
[Bill] Damn acne flare ups.
Always bad timing.
423
00:31:56,450 --> 00:31:59,150
(screams)
424
00:31:59,170 --> 00:32:02,360
[Mike] Whoa! Peter has missile hands, too! Cool!
425
00:32:02,380 --> 00:32:07,390
[Bill] Good job, Peter the Gorilla.
426
00:32:07,410 --> 00:32:11,100
[Kevin] Guys, this is Verhoeven's most biting satire yet.
427
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:15,090
[Bill] I am in your head. (Mike laughs)
428
00:32:15,110 --> 00:32:18,440
(moaning)
429
00:32:18,460 --> 00:32:21,690
♪♪♪ (shots fire)
430
00:32:21,710 --> 00:32:30,760
[Bill] (laughs) What the hell? Battle of the wildly non-specific powers!
431
00:32:30,780 --> 00:32:36,970
(shots fire)
432
00:32:36,990 --> 00:32:41,340
[Kevin] Say! Nice tuckus.
433
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:46,450
♪♪♪ (shots fire)
434
00:32:46,470 --> 00:32:49,720
[Mike] Cartoon exploding cigarred.
To death.
435
00:32:54,870 --> 00:32:56,880
Robo Warrior, calling headquarters.
436
00:32:56,900 --> 00:32:59,610
Soldier is severely wounded off of highway 309.
437
00:32:59,630 --> 00:33:02,390
Send helicopter at once.
438
00:33:02,410 --> 00:33:04,070
[Kevin] Oh yes.
Water torture causes victim's
439
00:33:04,090 --> 00:33:08,030
makeup to smudge, driving them mad.
440
00:33:08,050 --> 00:33:10,510
(she moans) Turn it off.
441
00:33:10,530 --> 00:33:14,920
♪♪♪ Turn off the water!
[Bill] Replace it with vodka!
442
00:33:14,940 --> 00:33:19,050
Turn it off! (she groans)
443
00:33:19,070 --> 00:33:22,240
Please. This is only the beginning.
It gets much worse.
444
00:33:22,260 --> 00:33:25,480
And soon you'll beg us to finish you off.
445
00:33:25,500 --> 00:33:29,090
But we'll catch a few more agents before that happens.
446
00:33:29,110 --> 00:33:31,320
Unless you want to give us the information right now?
447
00:33:31,340 --> 00:33:34,860
[Mike] Oh fine. The CIA's pin # is 69LOL.
448
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:39,480
Won't tell you anything.
No! No! No!
449
00:33:39,500 --> 00:33:45,630
So this is her.
Pretty.
450
00:33:45,650 --> 00:33:49,220
[Bill] Think she'd go out with me? If she lives?
451
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:54,700
She, uh? Was?
I guess she'll be in a bad state by the time we get to her.
452
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:58,030
If Young hasn't killed her by then.
453
00:33:58,050 --> 00:33:59,380
[Kevin] We'd better spend a lot more time hanging out
454
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,370
in this office, chatting casually about it.
455
00:34:01,390 --> 00:34:04,840
Because you're familiar with the area near Young's HQ.
456
00:34:04,860 --> 00:34:09,250
Hmm.
And I know that you also have a score to settle with Young.
457
00:34:09,270 --> 00:34:11,700
Isn't that true?
[Mike] Yes. He's my former next door neighbor.
458
00:34:11,720 --> 00:34:16,600
And used to run his leaf blower five hours a day.
Also a man with a tattooed hand.
459
00:34:23,180 --> 00:34:26,360
[Bill] Hey, uh? Folks? Looking for a robo vampire?
460
00:34:26,380 --> 00:34:29,360
Anyone see it, or even know what it means?
461
00:34:29,380 --> 00:34:35,740
It's the title of our movie, and nobody knows.
462
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:39,660
[Kevin] The crowd isn't as impressed with my little hat as I thought.
463
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:45,710
Hey! Looks like Bill's over there.
464
00:34:45,730 --> 00:34:50,000
Yeah, you're right.
Having a bit of an arm wrestling contest. (laughs)
465
00:34:50,020 --> 00:34:51,580
(laughs)
466
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,440
[Mike] Ugh. Well he wins the horrible laugh contest.
467
00:34:53,460 --> 00:34:55,650
[Kevin] Heh heh heh.
Heh heh.
468
00:34:55,670 --> 00:34:58,120
(applause)
469
00:34:58,140 --> 00:35:03,620
(applause)
470
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:06,460
[Bill] Is this a double elimination tournament or not?
471
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:08,660
[Mike] Please clarify?
472
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:14,810
(cheers)
473
00:35:14,830 --> 00:35:16,980
The tattoo in the photograph.
474
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:19,650
[Kevin] It decidedly is not.
475
00:35:19,670 --> 00:35:25,900
You come with me.
Come on.
Go and see what's happening.
476
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:28,610
[Bill] See what's happening? It's right there!!
477
00:35:28,630 --> 00:35:35,660
(cheering)
478
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:37,560
[Mike] Gentlemen, please.
479
00:35:37,580 --> 00:35:43,240
Can't we settle this with a civilized bout of village square arm wrestling?
480
00:35:43,260 --> 00:35:46,750
[Kevin] And a knife from the Expendables sequel
481
00:35:46,770 --> 00:35:50,590
they're filing next door makes a sudden appearance.
482
00:35:50,610 --> 00:35:54,190
♪♪♪ (smacks)
483
00:35:54,210 --> 00:35:56,520
(smacks)
484
00:35:56,540 --> 00:36:00,840
[Bill] Crocodile Dundee would weigh in on the knife when he went to buy a funnel cake.
485
00:36:00,860 --> 00:36:03,230
Tell me where Sophie is, or I'm gonna kill you.
486
00:36:03,250 --> 00:36:05,750
Do you understand?
Start talking or say your prayers.
487
00:36:05,770 --> 00:36:07,630
[Mike] No, I mean you have the right to remain silent.
488
00:36:07,650 --> 00:36:11,480
Rights, laws.
489
00:36:11,500 --> 00:36:16,250
Okay! Now kill them off!
490
00:36:16,270 --> 00:36:18,310
[Kevin] (laughs) Meanwhile, robo vampire is across town,
491
00:36:18,330 --> 00:36:22,090
chasing teens off a White Castle parking lot.
492
00:36:22,110 --> 00:36:27,310
♪♪♪ (shots fire)
493
00:36:27,330 --> 00:36:31,780
[Bill] Ha! Try fixing a flat now, CHUMPS!!
494
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:35,820
Let's get out of here fast.
Move it!
495
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:41,080
[Mike] More arm wrestling!
We have nothing else!
496
00:36:41,100 --> 00:36:44,040
Is this one of the guys we're after?
That's right.
497
00:36:44,060 --> 00:36:46,420
This is our friend in the photo with the tattoos.
498
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:51,320
Now we've got him. Let's get him ready, and move out of here, okay?
All right.
499
00:36:51,340 --> 00:36:58,350
[Kevin] And now, they recreate the passionate love scene from Against All Odds.
500
00:36:58,370 --> 00:37:02,950
I'm tired. I need to rest.
Okay.
501
00:37:08,460 --> 00:37:12,340
[Mike] (deep voice) Do you feel rested yet?
502
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:15,690
Listen. You'd better tell me where they're holding Sophie.
503
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:21,650
[Kevin] Sure, but first of all, I'm going to put on my
504
00:37:21,670 --> 00:37:25,300
"I'm not going to tell where Sophie is" cap.
505
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:28,970
♪♪♪ Talk, or else.
506
00:37:28,990 --> 00:37:33,160
[Bill] This is how my wife gets me to talk about our taxes.
507
00:37:33,180 --> 00:37:36,410
♪♪♪ I don't know where they're holding Sophie now.
508
00:37:36,430 --> 00:37:42,320
♪♪♪ Young didn't tell me.
[Mike] It's true. Ask my porn stash.
509
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:48,260
♪♪♪ (slugs)
510
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:52,560
[Kevin] Oh, sorry. I thought you were Paul Dano.
He has a very kickable face.
511
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:01,640
Now don't give me any of that shit.
Or you're gonna die right here.
512
00:38:01,660 --> 00:38:04,830
[Bill] All right, come on! I gave you NONE of that (bleep)!!
513
00:38:04,850 --> 00:38:09,980
Now talk! Or I'll kill you! (smacks)
514
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:12,850
Now tell me where they're holding Sophie?
Knock it off Ray.
515
00:38:12,870 --> 00:38:14,270
[Kevin] "Knock it off, Ray."
516
00:38:14,290 --> 00:38:17,640
The first thing I think every time I hear a Ray Stevens song. (Bill laughs)
517
00:38:17,660 --> 00:38:21,750
♪♪♪ (panting)
518
00:38:21,770 --> 00:38:24,050
You can't kill him now.
We're never going to find
519
00:38:24,070 --> 00:38:26,500
where they're holding Sophie prisoner.
520
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:29,120
Who are you?
I'm Wendy, Annie's younger sister.
521
00:38:29,140 --> 00:38:31,310
[Bill] Uh huh. So are you are robot? Or a vampire?
522
00:38:31,330 --> 00:38:34,420
Or a lady ghost? Or a ghost witch?
523
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:38,880
(shot fires) (Mike gasps)
524
00:38:38,900 --> 00:38:42,600
(grunting) You! Son of a bitch!
Ray, no!
525
00:38:42,620 --> 00:38:44,950
[Mike] (flatly) No. Please. Ray.
Stop the torture.
526
00:38:44,970 --> 00:38:54,870
We'll see about that.
Well, I intend to make sure.
527
00:38:54,890 --> 00:38:57,040
How about this?
Just give me five minutes.
528
00:38:57,060 --> 00:38:59,380
[Kevin] Bring me a copy of Jeremy Renner's album.
529
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,420
[Bill] (gasps) you inhuman monster! (Kevin laughs)
530
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:06,690
♪♪♪ Thanks for your help, guys.
531
00:39:06,710 --> 00:39:08,190
This guy would have made a mess with me.
532
00:39:08,210 --> 00:39:10,800
[Mike] Yeah, pretty sure he needs a BIGGER mess.
But whatever, Ray.
533
00:39:10,820 --> 00:39:17,680
Listen, do you really think that your boss is gonna believe you didn't cooperate?
534
00:39:17,700 --> 00:39:21,290
[Kevin] We now return to the adventures of that one guy,
535
00:39:21,310 --> 00:39:25,340
who looks a little like Edgar Allen Poe.
536
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:28,470
See?
537
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:38,220
[Bill] What if Robocop had been designed by Tiger Electronics?
538
00:39:42,910 --> 00:39:45,910
[Mike] I must go down to the seas again. To the lonely sea.
539
00:39:45,930 --> 00:39:48,610
At the sky. Bleep Bloop.
540
00:39:53,570 --> 00:39:56,740
♪♪♪ [Kevin] And to think, mother wanted me to attend seminary.
541
00:40:03,940 --> 00:40:09,360
[Bill] Who's the Hawaiian pig roast now, hey copper?
542
00:40:09,380 --> 00:40:13,950
♪♪♪ (laughing) Yeah!
We did it.
Yeah!
543
00:40:13,970 --> 00:40:17,710
[Mike] (flatly) I'm melting. Melting.
What a world.
544
00:40:23,350 --> 00:40:27,980
[Kevin] (laughs) Wile E. Coyote considers this unnecessarily elaborate.
545
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:31,370
Well, this is it.
Harry?
546
00:40:35,420 --> 00:40:39,220
[Bill] (robotic voice) Join me, in Margaritaville.
547
00:40:47,860 --> 00:40:49,690
[Mike] I detect someone was here at midnight,
548
00:40:49,710 --> 00:40:51,790
making love in the dunes at the cape.
549
00:40:51,810 --> 00:40:58,220
They were NOT into health food.
They were into champagne, yes.
550
00:40:58,240 --> 00:41:06,830
[Bill] It's coarse, it gets everywhere, and he LOVES it!
551
00:41:12,450 --> 00:41:14,720
[Kevin] Unfortunately, Huey Lewis and the News were filming
552
00:41:14,740 --> 00:41:19,280
the If This Is It video on that very same beach.
553
00:41:23,690 --> 00:41:26,370
(shots fire)
554
00:41:26,390 --> 00:41:30,240
[Bill] Traditionally garbed vampires fight a robot cop, on a beach in Thailand.
555
00:41:30,260 --> 00:41:34,570
Such a clichè.
556
00:41:34,590 --> 00:41:35,990
[Mike] You know, all these guys are gonna
557
00:41:36,010 --> 00:41:39,130
get yelled by the local turtle patrol. (Kevin laughs)
558
00:41:39,150 --> 00:41:42,600
♪♪♪ (grunting)
559
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,870
[Bill] Isn't anyone gonna do any vampire things?
560
00:41:46,890 --> 00:41:50,070
[Kevin] Come on! Vampire up! You big losers!
561
00:41:55,190 --> 00:41:58,900
[Bill] Am I the Mandalorian?
I don't think I'm the Mandalorian.
562
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:06,940
(Kevin humming) (shots fire)
563
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:10,160
(all guys) Boing! Boing! Boing!
564
00:42:10,180 --> 00:42:15,260
♪♪♪ (shots fire)
565
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:17,360
(screams)
566
00:42:17,380 --> 00:42:19,920
[Kevin] Look, fellas. Just stuff him full of sour cream, and sprinkle on some chives.
567
00:42:19,940 --> 00:42:23,480
Four hundred oven for twenty five minutes.
Problem solved.
568
00:42:23,500 --> 00:42:28,390
(grunting) ♪♪♪
569
00:42:28,410 --> 00:42:31,020
♪♪♪ Okay! Come on! Get ready!
570
00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:35,480
[Bill] We WERE ready!
[Kevin] We've been standing here with guns!
571
00:42:35,500 --> 00:42:40,580
(beeping)
572
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:44,230
[Mike] Prepare to eat minor league baseball giveaway tshirt, pig!
573
00:42:44,250 --> 00:42:46,370
(screaming)
574
00:42:46,390 --> 00:42:48,150
(explosion)
575
00:42:48,170 --> 00:42:51,260
[Kevin] Yep, every time we eat Pizza Hut jalepeno poppers.
576
00:42:54,790 --> 00:42:58,310
Emergency!
Save the robot at once. (beeping)
577
00:42:58,330 --> 00:43:02,280
[Bill] Wow! That really WAS at once. (Kevin laughs)
578
00:43:02,300 --> 00:43:04,750
(beeping)
579
00:43:04,770 --> 00:43:06,490
(beeping)
580
00:43:06,510 --> 00:43:08,120
[Mike] Hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.
581
00:43:08,140 --> 00:43:11,160
We have to find a way to get him to suck, even more.
582
00:43:11,180 --> 00:43:16,130
(beeping)
583
00:43:16,150 --> 00:43:19,010
[Bill] Okay.
I'm afraid he short circuited.
584
00:43:19,030 --> 00:43:22,260
[Kevin] Yeah. That's what it was. (Bill laughs)
585
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:34,200
Not that serious.
[Bill] Not that serious?
They found parts of him in Australia!
586
00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:45,310
[Mike] Yeah. Fire can't melt steel, man.
With me, internet losers?
587
00:43:45,330 --> 00:43:50,830
(buzzing)
588
00:43:50,850 --> 00:43:55,020
[Kevin] And now, to reattach the unit's (ahem) little robot vigilante.
589
00:43:55,040 --> 00:44:02,340
(buzzing)
590
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:06,200
[Bill] Well, might as well install a decent clock radio while I'm here.
591
00:44:06,220 --> 00:44:09,120
(beeping)
592
00:44:09,140 --> 00:44:12,730
How's he now?
[Mike] Gotcha for three minutes. (Bill laughs)
593
00:44:12,750 --> 00:44:18,320
(beeping stops)
594
00:44:18,340 --> 00:44:22,280
[Kevin] See if we can find the Brewers game on this thing.
595
00:44:25,170 --> 00:44:30,780
(beeping) ♪♪♪
596
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:34,350
[Bill] All right! So what cool new features did you give me?
597
00:44:34,370 --> 00:44:41,150
Oh, I'm the same aren't I? ♪♪♪
598
00:44:41,170 --> 00:44:44,720
[Mike] (singing) It's alive! Hopelessly, awkwardly, humiliatingly,
599
00:44:44,740 --> 00:44:49,290
my kid could have done betterly, alive!!! (Bill laughs)
600
00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:56,820
[Bill] Uh oh. the villains have disguised a bomb
601
00:44:56,840 --> 00:45:04,120
as a sexy lady robo vampire.
602
00:45:04,140 --> 00:45:09,540
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Pointing north, as an homage to their favorite Elijah Wood movie.
603
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:13,800
[Bill] Everybody's favorite...
604
00:45:13,820 --> 00:45:20,280
[Bill] Yeah, I do that when I ask Alexa to turn on my smart light bulb.
605
00:45:20,300 --> 00:45:23,670
(Kevin mumbles)
606
00:45:23,690 --> 00:45:25,270
[Mike] I pray to you oh lord, please don't let this
607
00:45:25,290 --> 00:45:28,330
movie affect my chances of becoming Dalai Lama.
608
00:45:33,420 --> 00:45:38,580
♪♪♪ [Kevin] The secret order of Benihana monks.
609
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:46,720
[Bill] The truth is, he's just a janitor having a little fun, after hours.
610
00:45:46,740 --> 00:45:52,390
♪♪♪ (indistinct) (explosion)
611
00:45:52,410 --> 00:45:55,870
[Mike] And somewhere, something moved. (Bill laughs)
612
00:46:00,290 --> 00:46:03,570
(explosion) [Kevin] Annabelle does not come home.
613
00:46:07,860 --> 00:46:11,590
(swooshing noise)
614
00:46:11,610 --> 00:46:15,660
[Bill] Wait. I forgot what I came over here for.
615
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:22,130
Was I going to get a snack?
Check on that leaky roof?
God! getting old sucks!
616
00:46:22,150 --> 00:46:25,880
Anyway, I can do this.
Thanks for coming.
617
00:46:25,900 --> 00:46:29,270
(explosion)
618
00:46:29,290 --> 00:46:32,700
[Mike] Okay. Nobody breathe on set for the next 15 minutes.
619
00:46:38,020 --> 00:46:41,990
[Kevin] This was the gorilla who sold out Diane Fossey.
620
00:46:42,010 --> 00:46:45,840
(growling)
621
00:46:45,860 --> 00:46:49,960
[Bill] Ehhhhh.
622
00:46:49,980 --> 00:46:52,130
[Bill] This live action Disney remake, just don't
623
00:46:52,150 --> 00:46:59,310
have the same spirit of the originals.
624
00:46:59,330 --> 00:47:02,250
[Mike] No! That's the gorilla sign for start flinging.
625
00:47:02,270 --> 00:47:05,390
[Kevin] Uh! Duck!
626
00:47:10,340 --> 00:47:13,290
[Kevin] Are we sure Agent Cooper isn't dreaming this?
627
00:47:13,310 --> 00:47:16,530
(grunting)
628
00:47:16,550 --> 00:47:20,160
[Bill] Yeah, it's called NOT moving like a dork.
Try it sometime.
629
00:47:26,790 --> 00:47:30,980
[Mike] Come on. I'll pick some nits out of your fur.
630
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:37,740
[Kevin] Probably just wants to wipe her.
[Mike] Kevin!
631
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:39,740
[Kevin] Well, she has a little barbecue sauce on her lip.
632
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:41,150
[Mike] Oh.
[Kevin] And since she ate ribs,
633
00:47:41,170 --> 00:47:43,460
she's gonna hit the can hard in an hour or two!
634
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:48,980
[Bill] KEVIN!
[Kevin] What!?
635
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,590
[Bill] Ah ha! I see you know the patty cake stuff.
636
00:47:51,610 --> 00:47:55,190
[Mike] You fool.
The baker's man technique disgraces your ancestors.
637
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:03,810
[Kevin] Huh. Shredder's finally gonna pop the question
638
00:48:03,830 --> 00:48:06,530
to that big guy who keeps crying in his stomach.
639
00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:14,380
[Bill] The fearsome killer robot, that takes the stairs
640
00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:18,990
like a 70 year old in a back brace. ♪♪♪
641
00:48:22,890 --> 00:48:26,130
(moaning)
642
00:48:26,150 --> 00:48:31,000
[Mike] This is what goes down when Mario dies in Donkey Kong. (moaning)
643
00:48:31,020 --> 00:48:35,570
(growling) [Kevin] (high voice) Eek! A samurai!
644
00:48:35,590 --> 00:48:40,850
[Bill] I'm a robo vampire.
[Kevin] Really?
[Bill] Aww. I don't even know.
645
00:48:40,870 --> 00:48:44,140
You can kill us, but wait until our love's consummated.
646
00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:48,010
[Mike] This is a trick to see who in the audience, will yell, "Yeah! Let him!"
647
00:48:48,030 --> 00:48:50,010
[Bill] Do it!
648
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:58,010
♪♪♪ [Kevin] (laughs) Yeah, I got action with THIS haircut.
Can you believe it?
649
00:49:06,110 --> 00:49:09,000
♪♪♪ What's the matter honey?
Tell me.
650
00:49:09,020 --> 00:49:12,530
[Bill] Harsh when the gorilla consummates things before you.
651
00:49:17,180 --> 00:49:22,310
Leave me alone.
You don't have to be so, temperamental.
652
00:49:22,330 --> 00:49:24,890
As long as you're a cop, I don't want to see you again.
653
00:49:24,910 --> 00:49:26,350
[Mike] I would say the same thing every time
654
00:49:26,370 --> 00:49:30,990
an episode of Deputy Dog ended. (Bill laughs)
655
00:49:31,010 --> 00:49:33,260
♪♪♪ But you knew I was a cop, when we got married.
656
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:37,250
I didn't know what was involved at first.
But these are dangerous.
657
00:49:37,270 --> 00:49:39,820
I've had this job for years, and I'm still alive!
658
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:46,310
[Kevin] In fact, I'm retiring, in?
Just three days? Time flies!
659
00:49:46,330 --> 00:49:52,790
[Mike] Eat lead pig? Wait?
Where am I? Where were they? (steaming noise)
660
00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:07,130
[Bill] (shouting) As you can see, his stealth mode is whisper quiet! (Kevin laughs)
661
00:50:07,150 --> 00:50:10,450
(buzzing)
662
00:50:10,470 --> 00:50:13,850
[Kevin] Edited inside a carnival gravitron.
663
00:50:21,510 --> 00:50:28,660
[Bill] He's getting t-p'd. I guess Robo Vampire forgot to buy halloween candy.
664
00:50:33,650 --> 00:50:38,600
[Mike] Whoa! must be two ply!
665
00:50:38,620 --> 00:50:43,080
(buzzing)
666
00:50:43,100 --> 00:50:47,500
[Kevin] Ironically, Martin Scorcese had nothing but praise for this movie.
667
00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:50,000
(grunting)
668
00:50:50,020 --> 00:50:53,150
(grunting)
669
00:50:53,170 --> 00:50:56,870
[Bill] (laughs) Gorilla voice by Yoko Ono. (Kevin growls)
670
00:51:04,070 --> 00:51:06,040
(grunting) (crashing)
671
00:51:06,060 --> 00:51:09,780
[Mike] Shouldn't that guy be behind a dumpster in Mulholland Drive? ♪♪♪
672
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:14,840
♪♪♪ (grunting)
673
00:51:14,860 --> 00:51:19,370
[Kevin] Okay. This is where his vampire half, REALLY comes into play.
Watch.
674
00:51:19,390 --> 00:51:26,040
♪♪♪ (smacks)
675
00:51:26,060 --> 00:51:30,130
♪♪♪ [Bill] Gotta get them to build these guns in for version 2.0.
676
00:51:30,150 --> 00:51:35,870
(grunting)
677
00:51:35,890 --> 00:51:39,260
[Mike] Hmm. Let's play Coco and the Naughty Kitty.
678
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:46,260
[Bill] Oh. (hissing noise)
679
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:49,090
[Kevin] The thing moved back! Run!
680
00:51:49,110 --> 00:51:52,540
[Bill] Maybe it's a good thing?!
[Kevin] Nothing in this movie is good. Run!
681
00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:55,130
[Bill] Good point.
682
00:51:55,150 --> 00:51:58,930
♪♪♪ Come on!
683
00:51:58,950 --> 00:52:02,690
♪♪♪ [Mike] They're fleeing the set before it's their turn in the gorilla suit.
684
00:52:02,710 --> 00:52:04,900
Fire! (shots fire continuously)
685
00:52:12,390 --> 00:52:15,310
(grunting) [Kevin] Ow! Stepped on a gopher hole.
686
00:52:20,990 --> 00:52:23,220
♪♪♪ Come on! Let's go!
687
00:52:23,240 --> 00:52:30,070
[Bill] This is truly showing the oriental race, at its most stubborn.
688
00:52:30,090 --> 00:52:33,310
♪♪♪ Hey!
689
00:52:33,330 --> 00:52:36,740
[Mike] Hey! Just worried you hadn't noticed me sneaking up on you.
690
00:52:44,970 --> 00:52:46,590
[Kevin] Well, what's in the bag? A shark or something?
691
00:52:46,610 --> 00:52:49,070
That's great. Get out of my way!
692
00:52:49,090 --> 00:52:51,830
You can't take me! (Bill mumbles) Ray!
693
00:52:51,850 --> 00:52:56,030
♪♪♪ (indistinct)
694
00:52:56,050 --> 00:52:58,250
[Bill] Also, you just punched the mail man!
695
00:53:05,490 --> 00:53:08,710
[Mike] The thing's gonna dump them out on the isle of dogs.
696
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:19,340
[Kevin] Oh, crap. The lifty knows we don't have a lift ticket.
697
00:53:19,360 --> 00:53:24,860
♪♪♪ Fire!
698
00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:27,280
♪♪♪ (screams) (shots fire)
699
00:53:27,300 --> 00:53:31,660
[Bill] And finally, on take 11, no stuntsman died,
700
00:53:36,670 --> 00:53:40,090
[Mike] Water looks pretty gross.
Think they would have been safer exploding.
701
00:53:40,110 --> 00:53:45,700
(laughing)
702
00:53:45,720 --> 00:53:51,800
[Kevin] Well! My lucky day! First Ned Beatty!
And now you two! Hee hee!
703
00:53:51,820 --> 00:53:56,170
Let me tell you that nobody ever escapes from me!
704
00:53:56,190 --> 00:53:57,940
Now Sophie's got company.
705
00:53:57,960 --> 00:54:02,170
[Bill] Sophie's Choice Two.
Now Sophie's Got Company.
706
00:54:02,190 --> 00:54:04,520
Ray?
707
00:54:04,540 --> 00:54:08,160
♪♪♪ What? (panting)
708
00:54:08,180 --> 00:54:13,250
Doing to us?
[Mike] Flip on you first chance I have. Got it.
709
00:54:13,270 --> 00:54:17,410
What do you think you're doing?!
710
00:54:17,430 --> 00:54:21,250
I asked you a question!
No one's allowed near the prisoners!
711
00:54:21,270 --> 00:54:23,520
[Kevin] (gruff voice) Sorry. No one's allowed near the prisoners?
712
00:54:23,540 --> 00:54:28,720
Now it's a question. (Mike laughs) Or maybe you want to join them?
713
00:54:28,740 --> 00:54:32,800
Now move! Get moving!
714
00:54:32,820 --> 00:54:36,710
[Bill] Aww, he's just been cranky ever since his shirt got sent to solitary.
715
00:54:36,730 --> 00:54:41,680
[Kevin] Poor shirt.
716
00:54:41,700 --> 00:54:44,880
[Mike] Yes yes. Looking through a super imposed
717
00:54:44,900 --> 00:54:48,370
cartoon butt should clear everything up.
718
00:54:54,030 --> 00:54:57,180
[Kevin] Yeah?! We SEE them!
719
00:55:00,870 --> 00:55:03,930
Well there are dozens of guards.
It won't be easy.
720
00:55:03,950 --> 00:55:07,870
[Bill] Well this flaming bag of poo isn't going to leave itself on their doorstep.
721
00:55:13,050 --> 00:55:14,900
[Mike] Sweathogs are not gonna believe how he
722
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:17,840
spent his summer vacation. (Bill laughs)
723
00:55:24,460 --> 00:55:27,870
[Kevin] Kilroy. Before his alopecia set in.
724
00:55:36,100 --> 00:55:40,240
[Bill] Way better water pressure than my college apartment shower.
725
00:55:45,890 --> 00:55:55,330
(groaning) [Mike] Terrible Herbal Essences campaign.
726
00:55:55,350 --> 00:55:58,270
[Kevin] Well, still not nearly as bad
727
00:55:58,290 --> 00:56:01,790
as the knotted rope to the scrotum torture that preceded it.
728
00:56:06,980 --> 00:56:10,950
♪♪♪ Who are you?
Shh!
[Bill] I'm the plumber.
729
00:56:14,500 --> 00:56:18,060
(grunting)
730
00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:23,570
[Mike] Ted Kaczynski wears the same outfit in prison.
731
00:56:23,590 --> 00:56:27,660
It's okay! I've come to help you!
732
00:56:27,680 --> 00:56:29,960
[Kevin] Let's get you out of those chairs.
[Bill] Thank you.
733
00:56:29,980 --> 00:56:31,910
[Kevin] And into the gimp suits.
[Bill] Wait, wait wait. What?
734
00:56:31,930 --> 00:56:36,540
[Kevin] We need two ball gags over here!?!
[Bill] No!
735
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:39,290
♪♪♪ You'll be okay.
736
00:56:39,310 --> 00:56:40,920
(groaning)
737
00:56:40,940 --> 00:56:42,740
[Mike] Groan ADR provided by Norman.
738
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:44,010
[Kevin] Ugh.
739
00:56:44,030 --> 00:56:47,020
Well good!
740
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:51,610
Oh no!
You must pretend to be tied up!
741
00:56:51,630 --> 00:56:54,720
[Kevin] Like you do when Jehovah's Witnesses come to the door!
742
00:56:54,740 --> 00:57:00,720
(groaning)
743
00:57:00,740 --> 00:57:03,110
(laughs) [Bill] Hey kids. I like to laugh.
744
00:57:03,130 --> 00:57:06,830
But there's nothing funny about wasting water.
745
00:57:06,850 --> 00:57:12,220
Hey! The water stopped!
746
00:57:12,240 --> 00:57:15,340
[Mike] Kung Fu masters. Just trip them!
747
00:57:15,360 --> 00:57:17,620
(grunting)
748
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:22,190
(grunting) (smacks)
749
00:57:22,210 --> 00:57:24,910
[Kevin] Good. Attack them like a drunk sorority girl,
750
00:57:24,930 --> 00:57:28,680
who just had her fake ID confiscated.
751
00:57:28,700 --> 00:57:31,220
(growling)
752
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:35,040
(grunting)
753
00:57:35,060 --> 00:57:36,860
[Bill] Isn't the fact that they're both
754
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:40,070
wearing red sashes mean ANYTHING to that guy?
755
00:57:40,090 --> 00:57:42,800
(groaning)
756
00:57:42,820 --> 00:57:44,950
(grunting)
757
00:57:44,970 --> 00:57:47,110
[Kevin] Ah! Classic vampire punch!
758
00:57:47,130 --> 00:57:48,750
[Mike] I don't think either of these guys is a vampire.
759
00:57:48,770 --> 00:57:50,180
[Kevin] I thought they were all vampires?
760
00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:52,710
[Mike] You said the same thing about Call Me by Your Name!
761
00:57:52,730 --> 00:57:54,600
[Kevin] Wait, they weren't either?
762
00:57:54,620 --> 00:57:58,770
(grunting)
763
00:57:58,790 --> 00:58:03,360
[Bill] Why are you smearing jelly on me?
Ahh! It's so sticky!
764
00:58:03,380 --> 00:58:06,310
(groaning) Quick!
765
00:58:06,330 --> 00:58:10,390
(groaning)
766
00:58:10,410 --> 00:58:12,570
[Mike] Now, Kevin. THESE guys are all robots.
767
00:58:12,590 --> 00:58:15,730
[Kevin] Well duh. I know that, Mike.
768
00:58:15,750 --> 00:58:20,820
(grunting)
769
00:58:20,840 --> 00:58:25,590
(grunting) (shots fire)
770
00:58:25,610 --> 00:58:27,570
Now they know we're here, so let's be careful!
771
00:58:27,590 --> 00:58:32,510
[Bill] Be CAREFUL around the machine gun fire guys! Safety first!
772
00:58:32,530 --> 00:58:36,810
♪♪♪ Couldn't get closer.
I can use this baby here.
773
00:58:36,830 --> 00:58:40,990
[Mike] He brought a baby?
See, that's not being careful at all.
774
00:58:41,010 --> 00:58:44,330
♪♪♪ (shots fire)
775
00:58:44,350 --> 00:58:48,830
(shots fire)
776
00:58:48,850 --> 00:58:50,870
(explosion) (grunting)
777
00:58:50,890 --> 00:58:54,100
[Kevin] Ooooh! That's a real shame!
778
00:58:54,120 --> 00:58:57,760
Come on!
779
00:58:57,780 --> 00:59:01,540
Why are we stopped?
780
00:59:01,560 --> 00:59:04,120
Let's keep moving!!
No! No! (shots fire)
781
00:59:04,140 --> 00:59:08,300
[Bill] That's my fantasy about the guy who cut in line at the store this morning.
782
00:59:08,320 --> 00:59:13,590
(shots fire) ♪♪♪
783
00:59:13,610 --> 00:59:15,550
Ted's gone!
784
00:59:15,570 --> 00:59:19,700
[Mike] Come on.
His adorable term meaning riddled with hundreds of bullets.
785
00:59:19,720 --> 00:59:23,770
No! It's my turn!
786
00:59:23,790 --> 00:59:25,320
[Kevin] I've got some raisins in here.
787
00:59:25,340 --> 00:59:28,270
I'm gonna sit down, eat them, and get my energy back.
788
00:59:28,290 --> 00:59:33,930
♪♪♪ (screams)
789
00:59:33,950 --> 00:59:38,750
(shots fire continuously)
790
00:59:38,770 --> 00:59:41,310
[Bill] Hat ball, report?
[Mike] Everything's cool up here, boss.
791
00:59:41,330 --> 00:59:43,710
[Bill] Great. Stay frosty, hat ball.
792
00:59:46,630 --> 00:59:52,290
[Kevin] This is no time to try and pirate cable!
793
00:59:52,310 --> 00:59:58,210
(panting)
794
00:59:58,230 --> 01:00:04,310
[Mike] Man, this Spider Man is like the third worst version ever.
795
01:00:04,330 --> 01:00:09,600
[Bill] Guys, this is still my fantasy about that guy who cut in line.
796
01:00:09,620 --> 01:00:11,140
These are his friends.
797
01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:12,670
(shouting)
798
01:00:12,690 --> 01:00:15,430
[Bill] See guys?
You shouldn't have encouraged his behavior! (Kevin laughs)
799
01:00:15,450 --> 01:00:18,660
(laughing)
800
01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:21,810
[Kevin] I don't mind that you did it.
But it's not funny!
801
01:00:21,830 --> 01:00:28,570
(grunting) (shots fire)
802
01:00:28,590 --> 01:00:31,750
(shots fire) [Mike] Their Resusci-Annie! (Bill laughs)
803
01:00:31,770 --> 01:00:35,700
I'll cover you. (shots fire)
804
01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:37,440
You take this, and wipe them out.
805
01:00:37,460 --> 01:00:38,680
[Bill] Does it have a vampire setting?
806
01:00:38,700 --> 01:00:40,250
[Kevin] No, it does not have a vampire setting.
807
01:00:40,270 --> 01:00:44,870
[Bill] Well! (she breathes heavily)
808
01:00:44,890 --> 01:00:47,940
(moaning)
809
01:00:47,960 --> 01:00:49,330
Come here!
810
01:00:49,350 --> 01:00:51,440
[Mike] Is my whipping you around helping you get better?
811
01:00:51,460 --> 01:00:53,460
Look after her!
812
01:00:53,480 --> 01:00:56,930
(shouting)
813
01:00:56,950 --> 01:01:02,600
[Bill] Oh no, no!
Mole sauce is gonna taste like my ass. (shouting)
814
01:01:02,620 --> 01:01:07,720
(shouting) (shots fire)
815
01:01:07,740 --> 01:01:10,060
[Kevin] (shouting) We deserve that! (Mike laughs)
816
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:16,670
Hey Jack? You okay?
Sure I am!
Come on!
817
01:01:16,690 --> 01:01:19,970
[Mike] One of Rakuten's higher end warehouses.
818
01:01:19,990 --> 01:01:25,070
Round up the stragglers, okay?
819
01:01:25,090 --> 01:01:28,140
[Bill] Oh, so we're just following guys without hats, now?
820
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:32,390
(groaning)
821
01:01:32,410 --> 01:01:34,860
Get moving! Come on! Get those hands up!
822
01:01:34,880 --> 01:01:36,580
[Kevin] You really are a stubborn race.
823
01:01:36,600 --> 01:01:40,240
That witch, or possibly lady ghost was right.
824
01:01:40,260 --> 01:01:44,710
(screams)
825
01:01:44,730 --> 01:01:48,440
[Mike] Dying earlier in that cauldron of stuff, only made me stronger.
826
01:01:52,210 --> 01:01:54,510
(screams)
827
01:01:54,530 --> 01:01:57,230
[Bill] Yeah, he'll be back.
828
01:01:57,250 --> 01:02:00,380
(heavy breathing) Let's go!
829
01:02:04,230 --> 01:02:08,110
[Kevin] All right! At this point there are WAY too many vampires!
830
01:02:13,230 --> 01:02:16,710
[Mike] Remember men. the plan is a cord, stairs,
831
01:02:16,730 --> 01:02:20,830
[Bill] The plan we all agreed to.
[Mike] Right. ♪♪♪
832
01:02:25,630 --> 01:02:29,370
[Kevin] There go all the vampires!
[Bill] There are no vampires.
833
01:02:29,390 --> 01:02:33,710
[Kevin] Not any more. (Bill laughs)
834
01:02:33,730 --> 01:02:40,970
♪♪♪ (Bill sighs) [Mike] Did anyone hear the doorbell?
Ah, never mind. I'll get it.
835
01:02:49,060 --> 01:02:50,650
♪♪♪ Dammit!
836
01:02:50,670 --> 01:02:52,500
Your team has destroyed Young and his headquarters.
837
01:02:52,520 --> 01:02:54,300
We must rebuild my empire!
838
01:02:54,320 --> 01:02:57,340
[Bill] His empire was the crumbling building, filled with boxes of old shoes.
839
01:02:57,360 --> 01:02:59,720
I'll help you restore your status again.
840
01:02:59,740 --> 01:03:02,640
But first we must get rid of that robo warrior!
841
01:03:02,660 --> 01:03:06,580
[Kevin] Who is definitely a vampire.
Sorry, should have made that clear.
842
01:03:06,600 --> 01:03:10,740
(screaming) (Bill mumbles) ♪♪♪
843
01:03:10,760 --> 01:03:13,140
Drop your weapons in fifteen seconds.
844
01:03:13,160 --> 01:03:17,260
[Mike] (laughs) Make us having them drop immediately would just be rude.
845
01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:18,600
[Kevin] Yeah.
846
01:03:18,620 --> 01:03:22,630
Thirteen, twelve.
Eleven. (grunting)
847
01:03:22,650 --> 01:03:24,770
[Bill] Director writes his own rule of storytelling,
848
01:03:24,790 --> 01:03:28,830
which is "don't show, AND don't tell."
849
01:03:28,850 --> 01:03:30,970
♪♪♪ (shots fire)
850
01:03:30,990 --> 01:03:34,370
(shots fire)
851
01:03:34,390 --> 01:03:38,390
[Kevin] Give me a second here.
Ah, not really sure what I'm doing.
852
01:03:38,410 --> 01:03:42,490
I had these bottle rockets.
These are fun, right? (Mike laughs)
853
01:03:42,510 --> 01:03:44,910
[Mike] What's your plan?
854
01:03:44,930 --> 01:03:48,510
(shots fire)
855
01:03:48,530 --> 01:03:50,380
(shots fire)
856
01:03:50,400 --> 01:03:52,470
[Mike] You know, oddly you can watch this scene
857
01:03:52,490 --> 01:03:56,300
right after a severe brain injury, and it makes the same amount of sense.
858
01:03:56,320 --> 01:04:00,420
(Bill laughs) [Bill] Try it.
859
01:04:00,440 --> 01:04:04,890
♪♪♪ [Bill] Ow! I pulled a hamstring!
I mean! My sensitive robotics.
860
01:04:11,300 --> 01:04:13,560
[Kevin] Oh mister, help!
Some maniac crammed me in this cupboard.
861
01:04:13,580 --> 01:04:16,990
Call the police. Ow!
Why are you punching me? (Mike laughs)
862
01:04:17,010 --> 01:04:24,270
(grunting)
863
01:04:24,290 --> 01:04:27,170
[Mike] Robo here, is just beloved by his nieces and nephews.
864
01:04:27,190 --> 01:04:29,580
[Bill] Now spin me, Uncle Robo Vampire.
865
01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:36,170
(grunting) (smacks)
866
01:04:36,190 --> 01:04:40,840
[Kevin] Please! Don't hurt the card table, or the two worthless ladders!
867
01:04:40,860 --> 01:04:46,080
♪♪♪ [Bill] Boing! Boing! Boing!
868
01:04:46,100 --> 01:04:49,160
♪♪♪ [Mike] Come on, let's hug it out.
Ari Gold style, guys.
869
01:04:49,180 --> 01:04:54,020
[Bill] Yeah. Robo Vampire would be into that.
870
01:04:58,380 --> 01:04:59,620
[Kevin] Oh no. Robo crotch!
871
01:04:59,640 --> 01:05:01,410
(Bill and Mike) No! Ugh!
872
01:05:01,430 --> 01:05:04,960
Well. (she laughs) I really like this place.
873
01:05:04,980 --> 01:05:08,860
[Mike] But, enough of whatever THAT was.
Here's whatever this is.
874
01:05:08,880 --> 01:05:14,480
(indistinct chatter)
875
01:05:14,500 --> 01:05:18,260
(screams)
876
01:05:18,280 --> 01:05:21,100
[Bill] Yep. That was Roger Ebert's COMPLETE review of this.
877
01:05:21,120 --> 01:05:25,170
(Mike growls) [Kevin] That's right.
878
01:05:33,890 --> 01:05:39,530
[Kevin] Hey?
Weren't we just screaming in terror, like four seconds ago?
879
01:05:39,550 --> 01:05:41,980
So what do you say we find somewhere quiet to be alone?
880
01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:46,000
Don't blow me away by saying you don't love me anymore.
Hmm?
881
01:05:46,020 --> 01:05:49,370
[Mike] I can't be with you.
Ever since that drug bust in Thailand.
882
01:05:49,390 --> 01:05:52,200
[Bill] Huh?
[Mike] (whispers) I don't know either.
883
01:05:52,220 --> 01:05:55,660
But I guess that's what's going on.
884
01:05:55,680 --> 01:06:00,530
Does this mean you don't love me anymore?
Hmm?
885
01:06:00,550 --> 01:06:02,340
[Kevin] I love another.
And he is?
886
01:06:02,360 --> 01:06:05,940
Uh? Mustache guy, who I think ran a drug ring, and made an army of vampires.
887
01:06:05,960 --> 01:06:07,460
But I'm not sure.
888
01:06:07,480 --> 01:06:11,420
[Bill] What?
[Kevin] Look, we're making this up as we go along!
889
01:06:11,440 --> 01:06:13,550
(gasps) ♪♪♪
890
01:06:21,100 --> 01:06:24,040
[Mike] You are better off.
I scanned his weiner and it didn't work.
891
01:06:24,060 --> 01:06:26,720
[Bill] What? Why would you scan?
[Mike] I scan every weiner!
892
01:06:26,740 --> 01:06:30,410
(buzzing)
893
01:06:30,430 --> 01:06:37,740
(buzzing)
894
01:06:37,760 --> 01:06:41,900
(shots fire) [Bill] Wait. Do we have mummies now, too? (indistinct)
895
01:06:41,920 --> 01:06:46,550
(grunting)
896
01:06:46,570 --> 01:06:50,410
[Kevin] I can't wait for the remake, starring Jim Carrey.
897
01:06:50,430 --> 01:06:56,560
(smacks) (buzzing)
898
01:06:56,580 --> 01:06:59,380
[Mike] Man, your kind is stubborn.
[Bill] Our kind?
899
01:06:59,400 --> 01:07:03,120
[Mike] I meant mortal humans. Gah!
What did you think I meant? Racist!
900
01:07:03,140 --> 01:07:09,830
(grunting)
901
01:07:09,850 --> 01:07:12,270
[Kevin] Unnecessary roll and flip! Ha!
902
01:07:12,290 --> 01:07:16,220
(grunting)
903
01:07:16,240 --> 01:07:18,390
(grunting)
904
01:07:18,410 --> 01:07:21,980
[Bill] (laughs) She turned into naked Tony Curtis! Yeah!
905
01:07:22,000 --> 01:07:25,460
[Mike] (deep voice indistinct)
906
01:07:25,480 --> 01:07:29,620
(grunting) (smacks)
907
01:07:29,640 --> 01:07:35,130
[Mike] You know? It is funny, if you can back up a little, get some perspective.
908
01:07:35,150 --> 01:07:42,450
[Kevin] This witch, and or lady ghost will self destruct in five seconds.
909
01:07:42,470 --> 01:07:47,360
(foot steps)
910
01:07:47,380 --> 01:07:53,790
[Bill] What? Land of knishes? ♪♪♪
911
01:07:53,810 --> 01:07:57,790
(grunting)
912
01:07:57,810 --> 01:08:04,550
You die!
[Mike] Uh? Now. Now you die.
Hang on.
913
01:08:04,570 --> 01:08:10,570
Soon you die!
Can I just leave it at that?
914
01:08:10,590 --> 01:08:13,620
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Brain guys?
915
01:08:20,550 --> 01:08:23,300
Now kill him!
916
01:08:23,320 --> 01:08:28,490
[Bill] (laughs) Pretty offensive Speedy Gonzales impression, chinese vampires!
917
01:08:32,700 --> 01:08:36,840
(Mike humming)
918
01:08:36,860 --> 01:08:41,390
♪♪♪ (laughing) (shots fire)
919
01:08:41,410 --> 01:08:43,350
(grunting)
920
01:08:43,370 --> 01:08:44,950
[Kevin] You know, that gorilla's on to something.
921
01:08:44,970 --> 01:08:46,520
This is exactly what I would do.
922
01:08:46,540 --> 01:08:48,460
[Bill] Big robe, hopping, shooting?
923
01:08:48,480 --> 01:08:53,600
[Kevin] Exactly what I would do.
924
01:08:53,620 --> 01:09:01,290
[Mike] Hey, uh? should?
Should I just keep doing this?
925
01:09:01,310 --> 01:09:05,240
♪♪♪ Leave the weak! Right now!
926
01:09:05,260 --> 01:09:08,510
♪♪♪ (smacks)
927
01:09:08,530 --> 01:09:12,510
[Bill] Being killed.
Not a setback in this movie, at all.
928
01:09:12,530 --> 01:09:18,670
♪♪♪ (screaming)
929
01:09:18,690 --> 01:09:21,300
[Kevin] Yeah! Just like when I committed those war atrocities!
930
01:09:21,320 --> 01:09:24,680
I mean! Cyborg ordered to kill.
931
01:09:32,290 --> 01:09:37,090
[Mike] Okay. And he bites C3PO's neck, and sucks out all his blood?
932
01:09:37,110 --> 01:09:40,420
[Kevin] I'm afraid it's not gonna happen, Mike.
[Mike] Oh.
933
01:09:43,230 --> 01:09:45,780
[Bill] Man! Bram Stoker must have had quite an
934
01:09:45,800 --> 01:09:48,520
imagination to come up with all this!
935
01:09:48,540 --> 01:09:50,780
[Mike] (whispers) I don't think.
936
01:09:55,490 --> 01:09:57,270
[Kevin] Oh by the way. I'm part human,
937
01:09:57,290 --> 01:10:04,370
and my every waking moment is agony.
Please kill me.
938
01:10:04,390 --> 01:10:07,330
[Bill] (laughs) Really crappy looking end slate.
939
01:10:07,350 --> 01:10:11,110
Yet, if anything seems too fancy for Robo Vampire.
940
01:10:11,130 --> 01:10:14,110
[Kevin] Folks, while you stare at this red crap, just a reminder,
941
01:10:14,130 --> 01:10:16,430
that if you got this riff anywhere other than our site,
942
01:10:16,450 --> 01:10:18,790
it would REALLY help out, if you can head over there right now,
943
01:10:18,810 --> 01:10:22,480
and flip kick our donate button.
So we can keep these coming.
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01:10:22,500 --> 01:10:25,240
Don't be stubborn, like?
Well, you know those.
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01:10:25,260 --> 01:10:26,890
[Mike] Yeah right.
So long, everyone!
77853
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