All language subtitles for Hacks.2021.S02E07.WEBRip.x264-ION10.2_English

Whoa. Whose house is this?

Mine, unfortunately.

You own a side mansion?

I guess I'll stop
beating myself up

for owning so many tote bags.

I'd love to sell it.

It's been on the market
for over a decade,

but my asshole neighbors
have tanked my property value.

Built a goddamn treehouse
that blocked the gorgeous view,

which was the whole appeal!

- Isn't the appeal
that it's the castle

- from "Beauty and the Beast"?
- Mm. Hmm.

Anyway, I ask them every year,
and they won't budge.

I mean, their kids are
in their twenties now.

- Grow up.
- Mm.

Are they white-collar criminals
or celebrities?

- Worse.
Hippies with inherited wealth.

Oh, God.

Did I leave the CD on
the last time I was here?

When was that?

2007?

Yes, you did.

The linens are changed,

the fridge is stocked,

but I cannot get this music

- to shut off.

But maybe that's okay

and it's like
we're in a restaurant?

Hmm.

- Kayla said
you wanted to see me.

- Yeah, I heard you missed
Lil Miquela's Fortnite concert.

- What's up with that?
- I know. I'm so sorry.

I couldn't get
the queue code to work.

And then finally when I was in,
you know,

I got that thing where they
have you verify the bicycles,

and they have mopeds in there
and motorcycles,

and it's like,
I don't know why they do that.

You know, I'm not a robot,
obviously,

but, um, anyway,
that was a real nightmare,

and then I was slammed

'cause I had to cancel
Deborah's showcase after that--

- Wait, you canceled
the showcase

that you've
spent months booking?

- Yeah, well,
in talking to Deborah,

we've decided to pivot.

And we're gonna
actually pitch it

as a special,
which I think is a great idea--

- Okay, ah, you know
Morty Boatwright, right?

Yeah. Didn't he retire?

- No, no, he works from the--
from the home now.

- From home?
- The home.

The home.

- Belmont Village
on the West Side.

- It's excellent memory care.
- Huh.

- Uh, anyway, I think
he's a better fit for Deb.

- For--what?
He's 98 years old.

- Yeah.
He'll deal with Deborah,

and it'll free you up
to expand your roster.

I mean, you bring in
younger, bigger clients,

clients are gonna bring in
money years down the road.

- Well, we're in the middle
of selling the special,

you know, and I've already
set up all the pitch meetings.

Look, I have a good feeling
about this, okay?

- Trust me.

Hi, Papa!

Hey, baby doll!

- Deborah V's here
to see you.

Oh, thank you.

We're just going over the pitch
before tomorrow.

- Don't worry about it.
He's got this, Daddy.

- There she is,
Deborah Vance.

Hey, Jimmy.

- Good God,
you look amazing!

What moisturizer do you use?

I use Vaseline.

Okay.

Do you know that I actually
gave this to your father

in the 1980s?

- Yep, right after
he became partner.

- No, actually,
he was in the hospital

having hemorrhoid surgery.

- Ah, you know what,
if it's okay with you,

I'm gonna keep telling people
the partner thing.

- I don't know
how to spell "hemorrhoid."

I just put down
"butthole blister."

I, like, drew a picture.
Is that okay?

- You know what, Kayla,
you can go.

- I'll just take the notes, okay?
- Okay, awesome.

- All right, thank you.
- Thank you.

See you.

- Jimmy.

- I've tried.
I've really tried.

- Hey, can I help you?
- Hi.

Sorry, I'm just gonna be
getting some old tax returns

from the garage
'cause I'm getting sued,

and I'm meeting with my lawyer
this afternoon.

- Uh, okay.
Who are you?

- Oh, shit.
You're the new subletter.

Sorry, I'm Ava.
I own the condo.

I know.
I don't look like the type.

I identify as more of a tenant
than a landlord anyway.

- So...
- Cool.

- Okay, well, I'm gonna go
get those tax returns now.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

So what have you been up to?

- I'm teaching
a UCLA extension course.

From Pickford to Bigelow."

- Hmm.
- Except the class got tired,

and now we're just watching
"Back to the Future"

in 40-minute increments.

- So you're not
directing anymore?

- Not really, I mean, I get
meetings for kids TV shows--

"Magic Girl Who's Good at Math"
or some such whatever--

but they're really just trying
to fill a quota,

and in the end,
they never hire me.

Guess I shouldn't
have aged, huh?

My mistake.

- They're idiots.
You're the best.

If it hadn't had been for you,

I would've kept in that rant
about Hitler's bubble butt.

- Yeah, well, sometimes
you gotta protect the art

- from the artist.
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, yeah, baby.
Here we go.

Thank you.

Anyway, so listen,
I'm working on a new hour.

Oh.

- Totally different
from the last one,

and I need a partner
who's not gonna try

to change it
into something it isn't.

You're the only one I trust,

so would you consider
directing it?

Consider?

Jesus, consider it considered!

I'm in, big fucking time!

- Great! Great!
- Yes!

Don't you want to ask
for a fork?

- No, no, no, no, no.
With a spoon,

I get better
syrup-to-pancake ratio,

and I do things my way.

Mmm, heaven!

Taylor.

Oh, Ava. Hey.

Hey. How are you?

I'm...good.

Good. Good.

Hey, listen,
last time I saw you,

I was out of my mind,
in a dark place.

I'm-I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have dumped
my crisis on you like that.

- Don't even worry about it.
- That's nice of you.

But it was like
a borderline manic episode,

and I'm really sorry.

Oh, thanks. It's okay.

- Also, if my skin
looks any better,

it's honestly
because of your mom.

Just remembering her face

inspires me to wash mine,

not every day, but sometimes.

- She has zero pores.
It's actually really annoying.

- Anyway, it was really good
to see you.

Yeah, you too.

Hey, I'm actually having a
birthday party on Friday night.

If you're still in town,
you should stop by.

- I would love to.
- Okay, great.

- I'll see you.
- All right.

- This lemonade sucks.
- Okay.

You know what?
Just tone it down.

- Hi, Ava.
- Hi.

It's so nice
to meet you in person.

- This is my son, Bobby,
who you agreed

to talk to about comedy.

Oh, I didn't realize

both meetings were happening
at the same time.

Oh, it's easier this way.

I'll review the documents

while you discuss showbiz
with Bobby.

He really wants
to pick your brain.

- I Googled you.
- Okay.

I guess that makes sense.

Listen, Deborah and I seem
to be on better terms,

and I was kind of hoping
she might just drop this.

- Oh, I doubt it--rich people
sue each other all the time.

It's sport for them.
Yeah, it's not personal.

Might ruin your life,
but it's not personal.

All right.

Any word
from Deborah's lawyers?

- Mm, I tried
to get them to settle,

but that is not happening.

Deborah's lawyers
are scorched earth.

Did you major in screenwriting?

- Um, no, I actually
didn't finish college.

- Is that for the lawsuit?
- No, that's for Bobby.

Should he email
Stephen Colbert?

He spoke at my career day.

Definitely not.

Do you think
I should countersue?

Oh, I wouldn't.

It probably would
just make things worse.

They're going for blood.

Fuck.

- Um, what about
"Save the Cat!"?

Is that, like, still relevant,
or is it just, like,

a formulaic approach
to screenwriting?

- I don't know.
I haven't read it.

You haven't?

- Should I? I-I own a copy.

Oof, not for long.

She's gonna take my books?

She's gonna take everything.

Should he join
"The Harvard Lampoon"?

Uh, are you going to Harvard?

- He can.
- I can.

- And the filler
got into a vein,

and now she's blind.

- No!
- Yes.

But she looks good.

What else? Oh.

Mayor Jo Pezzimenti
is demisexual,

but she's not out
to her family yet.

But she said I could tell you
if it came up.

Did it come up?

- They asked what's new.
- Yeah.

- Wow, since when
are you a gossip queen?

- Oh, I've always
been like this.

I hold out until I'm sure
someone's sticking around.

- Hey, can I turn on
another light?

No, the fuse keeps blowing.

Don't touch the light switches.

And if you have
to use a hair dryer,

you have to plug it in
in the garage.

Damn, it sucks

that Deborah
can't sell this place.

- If she'd lower the price,
it would easily sell.

I think
she's always secretly hoped

she'd have a reason
to come back here.

- By the way,
I ran into Wilson

at the Albertsons,
and he asked about you.

- Oh, my God.
You guys broke up?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Well, we are so going out
in WeHo tonight then.

I mean, I don't want to bond,
but I would love

to share a Lyft.

- So how's he doing?
- Good.

- I didn't know if you wanted
me to say anything about you,

so I panicked and I bought
eight pounds of sliced turkey

from the deli man--
but it was gone the next day.

Apparently, Aidan likes
to put it in a blender

and drink it for the protein?
Weird.

Hmm.

Why is my subletter texting me?

- Oh, and Deborah's masseuse
has an OnlyFans.

- What?
- I know.

It's good.

I'm so sorry.

I've never
locked myself out before.

Oh, that's no problem.

As a landlord,
I love to go the extra mile.

- Do you want to come in
for a drink?

Yes.

Okay.

Wow! Wow! Wow!

It's so much less echo-y
in here with furniture!

And it looks so much nicer too.

- Did you not have furniture?

Um, no, I never
really lived here.

I lived in a casino,

and then a bus.

And now, who knows?

- Oh, that's crazy.
- Yeah.

No offense,

but couldn't you have called
a locksmith to let you in?

- No offense,
but couldn't you have told me

to call a locksmith?

No offense, but...

couldn't you have told me to
tell you to call a locksmith?

- Wait. Sorry, one sec.
I just wanna run

through the power dynamic,
make sure it's okay here.

You made the first move,
and you pay me.

Okay, we're good.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Oh, that smells amazing.

Some pour-over,
a little oat milk.

- Oh, my God, thank you.
How'd you know?

- How'd I know
how I take my coffee?

Oh.

Yeah, you should probably go.

What?

Wow, okay.

Abrupt.

You really slept in.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
You could've woke me up.

- You said you sleep on a bus.
You looked really tired.

- I looked tired
while I was sleeping?

Yeah.

Listen, I have
a full day, so...

Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

Is this about last night?
I thought we had fun.

- We did, yeah,
but that was last night.

Now it's the afternoon,
so can you please go?

Oh, my God.

Okay, this is my place,
you know?

- Yeah, but I'm subletting
from you,

so technically, you can't
be here unless I let you.

But I'm more than happy
to let you stay

if you want to take a look
at the garbage disposal.

It really stinks.

Well, no offense,

but couldn't you
call someone to--

Yeah, that part's over.

- I'll call a plumber.
- Thanks.

That's my ex.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

Everyone assumed it was
a Make-a-Wish situation.

I have to text this to her.

You two stay in touch?

Uh, it took a minute.

I hated her at first,
but after a while,

I realized I was actually
just mad at myself.

Hmm.

- Yeah.
No, this is not working.

- It's getting a little warm.
- Ooh.

- It does that.
I'm just gonna--

she knows she's in it.

- Yeah.
- She knows.

Oh, my God, we did it!

- Went straight to series,
bitch!

It's gonna be great.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Ms. Vance.

- They're ready for you.
- Thank you.

You may be wondering
why I'm taking this risk.

Well, why do
serial killers confess

decades after getting away
with murder?

Because at some point,
everyone just wants to be seen.

The audience tells you
what you need to hear,

although that time in Des
Moines, I didn't need to hear,

"You're a dumb bitch!"

I need an audience.

And releasing a sex tape

just doesn't
do the trick anymore.

I needed to tell my story,

not to boost my career
or make a buck

but because
after thousands of shows,

I think I earned the right
to be heard.

- Okay, Deborah, I-I think
I speak for everyone here

I'm dead.

I mean, clearly the humor
and the heart is there.

And we have a mandate

to platform female voices
in stand-up right now.

Wow, a mandate.

Well, I think that's
how all great art is made.

I'm kidding. That's fantastic.

- Have you thought about
how you want this to look?

- Actually, I do have

Elaine Carter.

She directed my Oxygen special.

Oh, wow, Elaine Carter!

Wow, I have not heard that name
in a while.

That would be a very cool idea
to add to the mix.

We have been working
with this amazing young guy

on our specials, Alec Divers.

Do you know him?

He did the BLM Super Bowl ad
for Duracell.

Oh, cool.

I'm sure he's wonderful,

but there is nobody
like Elaine.

- Mm.
- I mean,

it was her idea
for Mary Tyler Moore

to throw the hat,

and she was just an intern.

- It worked.

- It worked, right?
- You think?

Yeah, she's good.

- Oh, God, I mean, I don't
have any more questions.

Do you guys? No?

Well, thank you, Deborah,
for coming in.

Thank you.

- We are such huge fans.
- Thanks.

- And I think we have a lot
to discuss here.

- Great.
- Thank you, guys.

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.

Um, Jimmy, can you hang back

- so that we can chat for a sec?
- Of course.

I will meet you guys
in the back lot.

Okay.

So nice to see you.

- Uh, God, you look great.
- Thank you.

- So do you.
- Thank you.

- Yeah.
- SlimFast.

Wow.

Okay, so they're in.
They're making an offer.

- Amazing!
- Yes! Whoo-hoo!

- What did they say?
- Uh, it's pretty interesting.

They want
to include your special

as part of a series they're
doing on women in comedy.

Hold on. A series?

So they're saying my special
is not so special?

- No, of course it would be,
and I'd fight for yours

to go up first, so you'd
be the headliner...in a way.

- Oh, let me guess,
that battery guy

is directing
every single one of them?

He is.

- Did they get
into the numbers?

- No, but it's part
of their micro-budget division,

so I'm guessing
that means half-hour.

- Half-hour?

I'm sorry.
No, the show is an hour.

- I know, I know,
but you could trim it, right?

I mean, hey, "This is 40" was
six hours until it was five.

- Well, you know what,
we haven't heard from everyone.

- Right?
- Those are all noes.

They were just being polite.

I should have fucking known by
how far away they made us park.

God, somehow, this town
can just instantly remind you

you're worthless.

I'll see you back at home.

- You think
she's going shopping?

- Mm-hmm, yes.
- 100%.

Yeah.

How could they offer us
a half-hour?

It's so rude. Ugh!

- Yeah, I don't love it either,
but at least

it would get her back
in the conversation.

Plus, it's a good
writing credit for you.

- I don't think I should get
credit on Deborah's special.

Why? You wrote a lot of it.

- Yeah, but those
are Deborah's stories.

I don't want to step on that.

Okay, your call.

Well, what's going on
with your writing?

You have anything cooking
on the backburner?

Just simmering resentment.

I mean, this is insane.
The special is so good!

- I know,
but between you and me,

I'm under a lot of pressure
from the company

to get this thing sold.

Believe me, I am trying,

but honestly,
Latitude is trending

very bro-asshole style.

Deborah doesn't fit in
with the culture.

I barely do.

I tried to install
a recycling bin,

and I got made fun of
for months.

- They call me Captain Planet.
- Aw.

Very hurtful. Very rude.

- That sucks.
- I'm sorry.

You're my client.
I shouldn't vent to you.

My therapist has Lyme disease,

so I haven't been able
to go in.

No. No, it's okay.

This town is so gross
sometimes.

And the subletters
are horrible!

Huh. Yeah, I guess.

I do love being on a lot,
though, you know?

Ahh...

- Ugh, I hate
emergency meetings.

- What do you think's going on?
- I don't know.

- Are you scared?
- No.

- Are you?
- Yes.

Okay.

I made a decision.

I'm not gonna take
that shitty offer.

I don't need a network
to tell me what I'm worth.

I can self-fund.
I can do this myself.

You have a leaf in your hair,

and I think
that's a great idea.

- Yeah, yeah, and from
a financial perspective,

we'd make a bigger cut
of the profits.

We could own and sell it
directly from our own website

just like Louis.

In that one specific way.

- Yeah, I mean,
if we can control the edit,

we don't have to worry about
jokes getting cut or reordered.

- It's kind of perfect.
- Exactly.

- I love it.
- Yeah.

Jimmy? What do you think?

- The partners
won't be thrilled.

But you are worth so much more
than they're offering.

- I think you gotta do it.
- Yes.

- Yeah.
- Definitely.

- Okay.
- And you know what?

Latitude has a deal
with the Nokia Theatre.

We could maybe get it
for the taping.

- That works. That-that works!
- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.
That would be perfect.

- That works.
- Let's do it. Let's do it.

- Okay.
- I love that venue.

I love that--
it's the perfect size.

- We should try
and shoot it soon.

- Well, we gotta
find out who's--

that place is booked sometimes
in advance.

- Well, I've got the schedule.
We can get them.

- No, no, no, no.
- We need to call Elaine.

- And the premiere
lines up perfectly

with the launch
of her cactus water.

- Nice, bro.
- Sweet.

- Now this is what I mean
by taking initiative.

- I have an update
on Deborah Vance.

- Here we go.

- So in an exciting
creative twist,

we have decided
to self-produce her special.

- So--
- No, no, no, no, hold on.

Hold on. There were no offers?

- There was one,
but it was terrible.

When you only get one offer,

that makes it your best offer,
and you take it.

- Unfortunately, I can't
because I've already passed.

- You passed?
Are you fucking nuts?

- Look, this is what Deborah
wants to do, okay?

And I think we owe her
our support on this.

- No, we don't.
We don't have to be supportive

because we don't
owe Deborah shit.

- I'm sorry, but I disagree.
Okay?

She's made this company
a ton of money,

and even if she hadn't,
this special is really good.

- Okay, Rotten Tomatoes.

Shut up, Dan.

- We're giving Deborah to Mort.
- No.

- Michael, you cannot do that.
- Oh, yes, I can.

You're wasting time
on a lost cause,

and it's bad business.

Your dad would be
ashamed of you.

- Fuck you, man.
- Excuse me?

- Actually,
my dad believed in Deborah

when nobody else did.

And so do I.

So if you're not gonna get
behind this special, fine.

I'll do it on my own. I quit.

And so do I!

- What--no. No, she doesn't.
- I quit.

- No, you don't.
No, she doesn't.

Yeah, I'm coming with you.

No, you're not coming.

If Jimmy quits, I quit too.

- Nope, she doesn't quit.
She's staying here.

But I am taking Silas.

- Buddy, grab your bag.
- What? Why?

- Let's get out of this place,
okay?

Oh, no. Sorry, man.

They just promoted me.

Come on!

Although you're very deserving.
Congrats.

Oh, thank you so much.

- Well, you heard it.
We're out of here.

And Daddy, I will not be going
heli-skiing in Aspen this year.

- Kayla, please don't
get involved.

I'm already involved in this.

- Kayla. Kayla, stop.
- Stop. You stop.

- You stop. You stop.
- Stop.

- What--I'm not--I'm quitting.

- I'm quitting.
- Quitting. I'm quitting too.

- She's staying.
- Okay!

Get the fuck out.

You don't work here anymore.

- Yeah, gladly.
Goodbye, people.

Goodbye. And you know what?

I'm gonna say it one last time.

K-Cups are bad
for the environment!

I bought a Moccamaster
with my own personal money.

I taught you how to use it.
Nobody used it!

So rude!
God, and you know what?

I don't have anger issues.

I don't!

- Huh, are you people happy
with yourselves?

There goes a good
and decent man.

That man saved my life.
Taught me everything I know.

He almost hit you in the head
with a computer!

I wish he would, fucker!

God, this place is toxic!

Can I get his office?

- That was so hot.
- Going down.

- You absolutely can't
come with me.

You've gotta keep your job.

- If you really don't
want me to,

that's fine,
but think about it.

I mean, the boss' daughter
leaves the company

to join your company?

That could be
a really powerful message

to the town.

Huh. That is true.

- And my trust fund
can keep us afloat

for at least a year.

Jimmy, we can really do this.

- I mean--

oh, my God, I can't believe
I'm saying this,

but okay, let's do it.

- Yay!

Oh, my God.
We're gonna be partners.

- Well, no.
You'd still be my assistant.

- Oh, we'll work out
the details later.

Oh, shoot, I left
my hard-boiled eggs on my desk.

- Should I go get 'em?
- Is that what that smell was?

- Stop talking about them.
You're making me hungry.

- I'm not talking about them.
You brought them up.

- Ah, fuck, you're right.
I'll get more eggs later.

Plenty of eggs in the sea.

Let's go. We're celebrating.

Drinks on you, partner!

Hey. Taylor.

- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.

I'm glad
that you actually came.

- Oh, yeah.
- Birthdays are stupid,

but my friends made me do it.

- Oh, well,
I'd be happy to turn this

into my going-away party.

No offense--your place is cute

and your succulents are dank,

but...I'm kinda over LA.

- I'm getting out.
- I totally get that.

I really wish
I was one of those people

who had enough money
to live somewhere else

and then fly back here
for a day for work,

you know, like Nicole Kidman
or an old "Simpsons" writer.

- Yeah.

- Are you gonna, like,
move home?

Oh, God, no.

I mean, even if I could do
a Boston winter,

my tolerance for angry
white men has gone way down.

- Oh, yeah, I forgot.
You're from Boston.

I'm actually directing
this pilot

- that takes place in Somerville.
- Oh, shit.

Yeah, that's right by
where I grew up.

- No way.
- Yeah, let me know if you need

any stories about
having diarrhea at Fenway.

They do not have
enough bathrooms.

I'll keep that in mind.

Ava?

Oh, my God. Hey.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Um...
- I'm gonna go get a drink.

I'll see you.

Happy birthday.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Oh, my God, so random.

I was gonna text you earlier,
but my phone...

couldn't.

You know, you never tell me

when you're gonna be in town.

I'm starting
to take it personally.

- I don't know,
you're always, like,

shooting in Budapest
or whatever.

That was one job in Canada.

Everything I shoot is here,
and it's me on a green screen

karate chopping a tennis ball
on a stick.

- Well, you're really good
at it.

Thank you.

It's good to see you.

Yeah.

It's really good
to see you too.

- So what's up
with this tennis ball?

Are you guys serious?

Oh, my God.

Seriously, I can take it.

- No, it's fine.
- Yeah? Uh-huh.

So what do you think?

- Some people are really scared
of self-funding.

Not me. I'm all about risk.

That's why I went up
to Harvey's hotel suite.

- Oh, God.
- No, no. Harvey Fierstein.

I know. He's gay. I know.

But I thought, eh, let me
give this a try, you know?

You never know
what's gonna happen.

I gotta tell you,
he was pretty damn good in bed.

We had a good couple of years.

Anyways, let's do it. I'm in.

- Okay. All right.
Oh, no, no.

Bad luck to shake
with your left hand.

- Well, this one's
out of commission.

- It's all you got.
- Okay.

- All right, let's do it.
- There we go.

- All right, together again.
- Yes.

Josefina! Josefina.

Yes, dig up some champagne

and get yourself a glass too.

- Already on ice.
- All right.

And send everybody else in.

- I'm good
with my chocolate milk.

Kay.

I already see it visually

in such a way that--

- oh, hi.
- Ava, good, good, good.

This is Elaine, the director
I was telling you about.

Hey, nice to meet you.

- She's already got
some great ideas

for the special--tell her.

- Well, do you understand
coverage?

- No, but, I mean--

- No offense, I'm not gonna
waste my time explaining.

- Oh, guys, we're celebrating.

- Before we do,
I just got off the phone,

and it turns out that Louie had
a significant subscriber base

before he released
his special online.

Even if we were
to build a website,

we don't have that kind of base
to lean on.

What about our email list?

That was the Palmetto's.

Oh.

- Hello...

- Hi.
- Everybody.

Can we chat in private
for a sec?

Oh, what? No, no.

Is this a problem
with the Nokia?

- Just tell me, Jimmy.
- Okay.

There has been
a change of plan.

I have left Latitude.

- You left? Now?
- Yes.

There was some resistance
to the self-funding idea.

- Well, couldn't you
convince them?

I'm sorry. No.

But I'm gonna devote myself
to figuring this out.

We won't have the Nokia

or the company behind us
in general,

but I promise
I won't let you down.

Well, you already did.

Okay.

We'll just make it work.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- Yes.
- Sure.

Ooh, that's a bad omen.

That ain't no lie.

Oh!