All language subtitles for [English (auto-generated)] How to Quit Porn Permanently [DownSub.com] (1)

Most people who are trying to quit porn

are focusing on the wrong problem. They

think they're trying to quit

pornography, but what they're really

trying to do is to change a brain that

has learned to depend on pornography.

That, my friend, is a very different

distinction. Because if quitting porn

were simply about deleting apps,

blocking websites, or having more

willpower, far fewer people would still

be struggling. Yet, every single day

people quit for a week, a month, even 90

days, only to find themselves right back

where they started. Why?

The reason is because the behavior isn't

the root problem. The brain state is.

And until you understand that, recovery

often feels like an endless cycle

starting over and over and over. This

video is brought to you by my

HarperCollins book,

Mind Over Explicit Matter. If you're

ready to quit porn and reclaim your life

mentally and physically, go over to

drtrishlee.com/book.

I'm Dr. Trish Lee, cognitive

neuroscientist and your biggest

supporter. Welcome back to the podcast.

I am very excited to dive into this

topic because I really want you to

understand this so you can succeed in

the least amount of time possible with

the least amount of effort necessary.

So, get a cup of Joe, buckle up, let's

go. Okay, one of the biggest

misconceptions about pornography is that

it is a discipline problem. People tell

themselves, "I just need more

self-control." Or, "I need to try

harder."

>> [snorts]

>> But imagine trying to eat in a healthy

way while your brain constantly craves

sugar. It's dependent on it. Eventually,

willpower gets exhausted. Well, the same

thing happens with pornography. Porn

doesn't just activate pleasure. It

activates anticipation,

novelty, reward, fantasy, and high

levels of dopamine. It taps directly

into the brain's motivational circuitry.

So, when people say, "Just stop

watching," they're often asking someone

to override one of the most powerful

learning systems in the human brain

without understanding how the system

works. And that is why I am here. I'm

here to introduce a framework that helps

explain to you what is actually

happening. So, first, let's talk about

the hijack. The reward system gets

captured by highly stimulating content.

Pornography creates a powerful dopamine

response because it combines novelty,

anticipation, and very high levels of

reward in a way that the brain was never

evolved to handle. So, over time, the

brain begins paying more attention to

the source of stimulation because it has

learned that it delivers a very fast and

very reliable reward.

The brain isn't trying to sabotage you.

It's doing what brains do best. It's

learning. Okay, so after the hijack

comes the miswire. The brain starts

adapting around the behavior. It

develops pathways that associate stress

relief, boredom relief, loneliness

relief, and emotional regulation with

pornography. At this point, pornography

isn't simply something that you watch.

It becomes something your brain expects

when discomfort shows up. This is why so

many people are confused by their

relapses. People tell me all the time,

"I wasn't even thinking about sex."

Exactly, because many relapses don't

start with desire. They start with

discomfort. Stress, frustration,

fatigue, anxiety, loneliness, overwhelm.

The urge is rarely, "I need porn." The

urge is actually, "I need relief."

Pornography simply became the route that

your brain learned to take to get relief

fast. This is the very reason that

removing pornography doesn't always

solve the problem because the pathways

remain. The brain has already learned

where to go when life becomes difficult.

And unless those pathways are replaced

with something healthier, the brain will

continue returning to the route it knows

best. That's why so many people quit

porn only to find themselves scrolling

endlessly, gaming for hours, binge

eating, gambling, checking people out on

social media in a hypersexualized way,

finding another way to escape the

discomfort. The brain isn't necessarily

attached to the specific content even

though pornography has the highest level

stimulation, so it does grab you by the

brain, but

it's mostly attached to the strategy.

I worked with a client several years

ago. Let's call him Mike. Mike was

incredibly successful. He was married,

he had children that he loved, he owned

a business, and he looked like, on the

outside, that he had everything

together. Yet, he had spent years

trapped in a cycle of quitting and

relapsing. 7 days, 14 days, 30 days, 90

days, then back again. Every relapse

felt completely devastating to him

because every time he genuinely believed

this time would be the last time. When

we started looking at his brain and his

behavior together, something became

totally obvious. The relapse never

actually started with pornography. It

started much earlier. Stress at work,

mental exhaustion, isolation, mindless

scrolling, then pornography. The porn

wasn't the beginning of the cycle. It

was the final step. Once he could see

the pattern, everything changed for him.

Instead of focusing all of his energy on

resisting pornography, he started

focusing on understanding the conditions

that made pornography more likely for

him. That's the difference right there.

That's the difference between trying to

control a behavior and learning how your

brain works. One approach creates

absolute frustration. The other creates

insight. And insight is powerful because

once you can see the chain clearly, you

can interrupt it before it gains

momentum. You stop obsessing over the

relapse and you start paying attention

to the process that leads to the

relapse. That's where lasting change

begins. One of the reasons that recovery

feels so difficult to so many people is

because pornography changes how the

reward system responds to life. Dopamine

is often called the pleasure chemical,

but that's not completely accurate.

Dopamine is more about pursuit,

motivation, anticipation, and wanting.

That's why I talk about desire. It's

what drives you toward something. When

pornography repeatedly floods the reward

system with novelty,

hyperstimulation,

what happens is everyday experiences

begin feeling less rewarding by

comparison. Work feels harder, goals

feel much less exciting, relationships

often feel flat. Your motivation drops.

Many people start thinking of themselves

as lazy when what's actually happening

is that their reward circuitry has

become completely disregulated. That's a

mis-wiring in the brain. But here's the

good news. The same brain that learned

the pattern that became mis-wired can

learn a new pattern, become rewired.

That's neuroplasticity.

The brain is constantly changing based

on what it repeatedly experiences. The

pathways that became strengthened can

weaken.

The circuits that became dependent on

artificial stimulation can in fact be

reconnected to your real life. This is

where the next phase begins, the desire

re-wire. Recovery is not simply removing

pornography.

The desire re-wire is about teaching the

brain where the reward belongs. It

belongs with purpose and passion,

accomplishment, exercise, learning,

creativity, deep relationships, service,

and building something meaningful, your

meaningful life. These experiences also

activate dopamine, but unlike

pornography, they improve your life

while they reward your brain. And then

eventually, something absolutely

remarkable happens. The re-wiring

becomes automatic. That's what I call

becoming hardwired,

hardwired into the life that you want.

It's not about perfection, and it's not

about never experiencing urges or

temptation. Hardwired means your brain

and learned to work for you again

instead of against you. Real life

becomes rewarding again. Purpose becomes

rewarding again. Connection feels great.

Your brain stops constantly pulling you

toward artificially high stimulation

because it has become invested in your

actual life again. That my friend is the

destination, not simply quitting

pornography, building a brain that no

longer needs it. Now, one of the

questions that has fascinated me,

especially early in my career, was this:

Why do some people seem to recover

relatively quickly while others stay

stuck despite wanting recovery just as

badly? The answer became much clearer

once I started looking directly at the

brain through QEEG brain mapping. What

I've discovered is that people

struggling with pornography often have

very different neurological patterns

happening in their brains. Some show

excessive fast wave activity. This is

associated with anxiety and

hypervigilance. That's a strained brain.

Others have attention dysregulation.

Some show trauma signatures. Others have

reward system dysregulation. Many people

have a combination of several of those

factors. Yet most recovery programs give

everyone the exact same advice. Okay, so

imagine going to your doctor because

you're in incredible pain, but your

doctor tells you to do the exact same

treatment as every other patient that

they see. They don't even examine you.

They just give you the treatment. That

doesn't make much sense. Yet this is how

most recovery approaches work. But I

want you to know your brain is unique.

So your recovery process should be

unique, too. That's why I believe in

brain mapping as such a powerful tool in

this journey. Instead of guessing, we

can actually see what's happening in

your brain. Instead of asking, "Why

can't I quit?" we can start asking,

"What is my brain doing that keeps

pulling me back?" Brain mapping allows

us to identify overactivity,

underactivity,

dysregulation, and imbalance. For many

people, seeing their brain for the first

time is incredibly relieving because the

struggle finally starts to make sense.

And when something becomes measurable,

it becomes trainable. That's where

neuromodulation technology comes in.

Neuromodulate means to alter your brain

performance. Neuromodulation isn't about

forcing change through willpower. It's

about helping your brain to learn

healthier patterns. It can improve

focus, reduce impulsivity, strengthen

emotional regulation, and support

healthier reward processing. For the

first time in history, we can actually

use technology to help the brain rewire

itself, instead of continuing to miswire

itself. So, the goal isn't simply to

stop watching pornography. The goal is

to create a brain that naturally moves

toward the life that you want, rather

than constantly pulling you away from

it. Because ultimately, permanent,

long-lasting recovery isn't about

spending the rest of your life resisting

urges. Nobody wants that. I definitely

don't want that for you, and it's

unnecessary. Permanent recovery is

freedom. It's waking up and realizing

pornography is no longer taking up any

mental space in your brain. It's finding

that your focus has returned, and your

energy and motivation have returned.

Your relationships become more

meaningful and authentic. Your

confidence is back.

Your life feels interesting and

rewarding again, and you can see the

future. You're pulled toward it by the

reward, not because you're forcing

yourself to avoid something or anything,

but because your brain has become

naturally engaged with something better.

So, if you've been struggling, I want

you to stop asking, "What's wrong with

me?" And I would love for you to start

asking, "What is my brain trying to tell

me?" Because for many people, the issue

is not character. Hear me on this. It is

brain dysfunction, and brain dysfunction

can improve.

So, if you've tried blockers,

accountability partners, support groups,

and sheer willpower, but you continue to

find yourself trapped in the exact same

cycle, it may be time for you, my

friend, to stop guessing. Get your brain

mapped. Understand what the driving

source is under the behavior. Learn how

your brain works. Because the goal isn't

simply to quit pornography.

My goal for you is to move from the

hijacked brain, the dopamine hijack,

that causes the miswiring, and instead

rewire it, rewire desire, and then

become hardwired into the life that you

actually want. That is how lasting

change happens.

Okay, please remember to control your

brain, or you know it, it will control

you. I'll see you next time.