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1
00:00:01,556 --> 00:00:03,229
More lemonade, sir?
2
00:00:03,230 --> 00:00:04,997
Full disclosure,
it's a pitcher of water
3
00:00:04,998 --> 00:00:08,167
we can't get the lemon taste out of.
4
00:00:08,168 --> 00:00:09,968
Sir?
5
00:00:12,973 --> 00:00:15,274
Max, either this guy's
pretending to be dead
6
00:00:15,275 --> 00:00:16,642
to get out of paying the check
7
00:00:16,643 --> 00:00:19,445
or Oleg's chili has killed again.
8
00:00:19,446 --> 00:00:21,313
This is my Earl mirror.
9
00:00:21,314 --> 00:00:23,749
I use it during naps to make
sure he's still breathing.
10
00:00:23,750 --> 00:00:26,050
And 80% of the time he is.
11
00:00:32,592 --> 00:00:35,094
Han, there's a dead
body at table three,
12
00:00:35,095 --> 00:00:38,431
the saddest place to die
other than table two.
13
00:00:38,432 --> 00:00:40,499
Oleg, get out here!
14
00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:42,800
Someone's deader than Max's emotions.
15
00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:48,441
I really should throw away that chili.
16
00:00:48,442 --> 00:00:51,177
Let's prop him up outside
with a Salvation Army bucket.
17
00:00:51,178 --> 00:00:53,846
Whatever he collects,
we split in the morning.
18
00:00:53,847 --> 00:00:56,215
Uh, count me out.
19
00:00:56,216 --> 00:00:58,884
If they catch the five
of us with a dead body,
20
00:00:58,885 --> 00:01:02,288
you know they're gonna
blame the black guy.
21
00:01:02,289 --> 00:01:06,559
Okay, everyone grab a limb and lift.
22
00:01:09,529 --> 00:01:12,331
How's everything tasting?
23
00:01:16,136 --> 00:01:21,372
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
24
00:01:28,584 --> 00:01:30,298
Max, you're not gonna believe it.
25
00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:32,467
Bobby's in the shower!
26
00:01:32,468 --> 00:01:36,238
That's how much he likes me,
he's using our shower.
27
00:01:36,239 --> 00:01:39,674
He makes me so happy.
28
00:01:39,675 --> 00:01:43,111
Yeah, I heard.
29
00:01:43,112 --> 00:01:45,080
It sounded like someone
was trying to connect
30
00:01:45,081 --> 00:01:48,250
with a dial-up modem out here.
31
00:01:48,251 --> 00:01:49,818
Sorry.
32
00:01:49,819 --> 00:01:51,353
That's just what I sound like
33
00:01:51,354 --> 00:01:54,322
when I go online.
34
00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:56,691
But really, he makes me
feel like that all the time.
35
00:01:56,692 --> 00:01:59,628
He's perfect. We're perfect.
36
00:01:59,629 --> 00:02:01,930
Caroline, you shouldn't
get too carried away.
37
00:02:01,931 --> 00:02:03,632
Nothing is perfect.
38
00:02:03,633 --> 00:02:06,434
Except that game I
pitched for the Yankees.
39
00:02:06,435 --> 00:02:08,536
Actually, it is perfect.
40
00:02:08,537 --> 00:02:10,272
We're amazing together,
41
00:02:10,273 --> 00:02:12,507
and I really don't want to
hear from Negative Nancy.
42
00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:15,343
What the... who's Negative Nancy?
43
00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:19,381
Everyone knows I go by
"Negative Juggs McGee."
44
00:02:19,382 --> 00:02:22,817
I'm just saying you don't
know him that well yet.
45
00:02:22,818 --> 00:02:25,487
I know what this is about,
and it's not me and Bobby.
46
00:02:25,488 --> 00:02:27,022
You're worried I'm gonna get hurt
47
00:02:27,023 --> 00:02:28,886
because of what happened
between you and Randy.
48
00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:30,558
It's not about that.
49
00:02:30,559 --> 00:02:32,127
I just know guys,
50
00:02:32,128 --> 00:02:33,672
and you haven't been in a relationship
51
00:02:33,673 --> 00:02:36,564
since Ben was the best Affleck.
52
00:02:36,565 --> 00:02:38,033
Hey there.
53
00:02:38,034 --> 00:02:39,901
It's amazing,
I'm somehow less clean now
54
00:02:39,902 --> 00:02:42,370
than when I went in.
55
00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:44,005
I gotta get going, babe.
56
00:02:44,006 --> 00:02:45,540
I'll meet you at the dessert bar.
57
00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:47,404
We're having lunch with
his mom and his sister.
58
00:02:47,405 --> 00:02:49,010
I'm almost part of the family now.
59
00:02:49,011 --> 00:02:50,645
Well, if you were part of the family
60
00:02:50,646 --> 00:02:52,080
you'd be addicted to Diet Pepsi
61
00:02:52,081 --> 00:02:54,082
and get into mall
fights on Black Friday.
62
00:02:54,083 --> 00:02:56,484
Then I might be a cousin.
63
00:02:56,485 --> 00:02:58,219
Oh, you know what? I'll walk you out.
64
00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,888
If Homeless Larry tries to grab you,
65
00:02:59,889 --> 00:03:01,690
- I can fend him off.
- Yeah.
66
00:03:01,691 --> 00:03:04,091
Oh, careful, he's got
barbecue tongs now.
67
00:03:07,362 --> 00:03:10,165
Aww.
68
00:03:10,166 --> 00:03:11,666
Look at those two.
69
00:03:11,667 --> 00:03:16,171
That PDA is making me want
to M-A-S-T-U...
70
00:03:16,172 --> 00:03:18,340
Ah, I would stop you,
71
00:03:18,341 --> 00:03:21,076
but I doubt you know
what comes after U.
72
00:03:21,077 --> 00:03:24,077
Usually me.
73
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,917
What do you guys want?
74
00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:32,454
Well, we're looking
for some entertainment.
75
00:03:32,455 --> 00:03:35,757
Oleg and I have
binge-watched everything.
76
00:03:35,758 --> 00:03:38,593
You know, we even watched
the Santa Clarita Diet.
77
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,929
Now that's one diet
I'm not gonna stick to.
78
00:03:43,366 --> 00:03:46,434
Oh, Bobby must have
left his phone here.
79
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:49,137
- Oh, crap.
- What's wrong?
80
00:03:49,138 --> 00:03:51,873
It's a text from Bobby's ex, Jessica.
81
00:03:51,874 --> 00:03:54,109
It says, "Call me about baby."
82
00:03:54,110 --> 00:03:57,112
Do Bobby and Jessica have a baby?
83
00:03:57,113 --> 00:03:59,047
Are they going to have one?
84
00:03:59,048 --> 00:04:02,450
And why does Bobby have
a rose gold iPhone?
85
00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:06,955
Maybe he got it with
his yearly mammogram.
86
00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:09,824
I knew this relationship
was too good to be true.
87
00:04:09,825 --> 00:04:12,327
Looks like I'm not Negative Nancy,
88
00:04:12,328 --> 00:04:15,764
more like Reality Check Rita.
89
00:04:15,765 --> 00:04:18,098
Then why the hell have I
been calling you Max?
90
00:04:20,668 --> 00:04:22,170
Oh, just a heads-up,
91
00:04:22,171 --> 00:04:23,805
Bobby's family is on its way over,
92
00:04:23,806 --> 00:04:26,174
so any X-rated
puppeteering you have to do,
93
00:04:26,175 --> 00:04:27,842
now is the time.
94
00:04:27,843 --> 00:04:31,813
Speaking of Bobby and people he knows,
95
00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:35,817
uh, does he still talk to
what's-her-name, Jessica?
96
00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:37,185
Pfft, no.
97
00:04:37,186 --> 00:04:39,187
She is long gone, like my bangs
98
00:04:39,188 --> 00:04:42,657
or democracy.
99
00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:44,259
Bobby never brings her up.
100
00:04:44,260 --> 00:04:46,161
We just talk about
our common interests,
101
00:04:46,162 --> 00:04:48,029
like how much we like my hair
102
00:04:48,030 --> 00:04:49,697
or how pretty I am.
103
00:04:49,698 --> 00:04:51,866
Yeah, but circling
back to other people,
104
00:04:51,867 --> 00:04:54,269
which is very hard with you,
105
00:04:54,270 --> 00:04:57,138
Jessica, do they talk? Text?
106
00:04:57,139 --> 00:04:59,541
Share custody?
107
00:04:59,542 --> 00:05:01,543
Max, why are you asking about her?
108
00:05:01,544 --> 00:05:04,179
Jessica is his ex-girlfriend.
109
00:05:04,180 --> 00:05:06,683
All Bobby's ever said about her
is that she's a wedding planner
110
00:05:06,684 --> 00:05:08,283
and she's out of his life.
111
00:05:08,284 --> 00:05:09,851
I know that's hard for you to believe,
112
00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:11,820
like the moon landing.
113
00:05:11,821 --> 00:05:13,221
Hey!
114
00:05:13,222 --> 00:05:14,856
You never see their faces.
115
00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:18,860
They brought back no cheese.
Just saying.
116
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:21,129
- Now, please, just drop it.
- Fine-ah!
117
00:05:21,130 --> 00:05:22,996
Fine-ah.
118
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:25,867
Oh, hi, Denise.
119
00:05:25,868 --> 00:05:27,635
Where's your mom and Bobby?
120
00:05:27,636 --> 00:05:29,304
Oh, we don't ride the subway together
121
00:05:29,305 --> 00:05:31,239
in case there's a crash.
122
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,475
Somebody's gotta be
around for Black Friday.
123
00:05:33,476 --> 00:05:35,910
Well, now that Bobby's sister is here,
124
00:05:35,911 --> 00:05:38,012
I don't wanna mess up
your perfect brunch.
125
00:05:38,013 --> 00:05:40,081
I'm going to the diner,
where the only perfect thing
126
00:05:40,082 --> 00:05:43,318
is the owl-to-rat ratio.
127
00:05:43,319 --> 00:05:45,353
So you own this place?
128
00:05:45,354 --> 00:05:47,689
Man, I'd love to be my own boss.
129
00:05:47,690 --> 00:05:49,591
Mine treats me like garbage.
130
00:05:49,592 --> 00:05:52,494
If I want to get freaky with
the UPS guy on my break,
131
00:05:52,495 --> 00:05:54,929
that's my time.
132
00:05:54,930 --> 00:05:58,066
So what is it you do,
besides the UPS guy?
133
00:05:58,067 --> 00:06:01,336
I work the counter at the
Mail Boxes and Other Things.
134
00:06:01,337 --> 00:06:04,239
It's like Mail Boxes Etc,
but we have other things.
135
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:05,440
Oh.
136
00:06:05,441 --> 00:06:06,708
I know it sounds cool,
137
00:06:06,709 --> 00:06:08,676
but my boss is always on me.
138
00:06:08,677 --> 00:06:10,411
Well, maybe you should
talk to your boss.
139
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:12,780
You know, tell him how you feel,
stand up for yourself.
140
00:06:12,781 --> 00:06:14,415
I'm not great with confrontation,
141
00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:17,252
partially because I had
bad depth perception.
142
00:06:17,253 --> 00:06:21,221
Like, I have no idea how
far away you are right now.
143
00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:26,794
I'm right here.
144
00:06:26,795 --> 00:06:28,829
On second base.
145
00:06:31,132 --> 00:06:33,468
Well, I think you're great,
146
00:06:33,469 --> 00:06:36,738
and not inappropriate at all.
147
00:06:36,739 --> 00:06:39,339
And if your boss can't see that,
well, maybe you should quit.
148
00:06:41,743 --> 00:06:44,379
So the gentleman who looked
like Abraham Lincoln,
149
00:06:44,380 --> 00:06:48,082
was that a hipster or an Orthodox Jew?
150
00:06:48,083 --> 00:06:50,984
Either way, I don't understand
why you gave him a dollar.
151
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,822
Mom, I quit!
152
00:06:58,426 --> 00:07:00,495
Wait, your mom is your boss?
153
00:07:00,496 --> 00:07:02,163
Is it the UPS man?
154
00:07:02,164 --> 00:07:05,400
He's your godfather. It's untoward.
155
00:07:05,401 --> 00:07:06,634
Where's this coming from?
156
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:08,236
From my new best friend
157
00:07:08,237 --> 00:07:09,837
and women-in-business mentor,
158
00:07:09,838 --> 00:07:12,674
Caroline.
159
00:07:16,077 --> 00:07:19,180
You told my daughter
to quit working for me?
160
00:07:19,181 --> 00:07:21,916
I'm sure she meant
a different Caroline.
161
00:07:21,917 --> 00:07:23,518
I don't know.
162
00:07:23,519 --> 00:07:27,054
Everything got blurry
after she touched my boobs.
163
00:07:34,405 --> 00:07:37,208
Han, I'm about to say
what you said to me
164
00:07:37,209 --> 00:07:39,210
when you were trying to get
into an R-rated movie.
165
00:07:39,211 --> 00:07:41,312
I need your help.
166
00:07:41,313 --> 00:07:45,082
I told you three times,
I don't fit up drain pipes.
167
00:07:45,083 --> 00:07:47,718
Listen, I just saw this
text on Bobby's phone
168
00:07:47,719 --> 00:07:49,487
from his ex-girlfriend, Jessica.
169
00:07:49,488 --> 00:07:52,056
I think they might have
a secret baby together.
170
00:07:52,057 --> 00:07:55,259
Wow, that would really
devastate Caroline.
171
00:07:55,260 --> 00:08:00,164
More importantly, Bobby and
I are rose gold buddies.
172
00:08:00,165 --> 00:08:02,667
I just have to make sure
before I say anything
173
00:08:02,668 --> 00:08:03,968
to panic Caroline.
174
00:08:03,969 --> 00:08:05,570
I need to do some detective work,
175
00:08:05,571 --> 00:08:06,938
so you and I are gonna go down
176
00:08:06,939 --> 00:08:08,482
to Jessica's wedding planning business
177
00:08:08,483 --> 00:08:09,688
and pretend we're a couple.
178
00:08:09,689 --> 00:08:12,243
Obviously I'll be the groom.
179
00:08:12,244 --> 00:08:14,078
Max, this might come
as a surprise to you,
180
00:08:14,079 --> 00:08:15,780
but I'm a very busy man.
181
00:08:15,781 --> 00:08:18,115
I don't have time for your
sophomoric high jinks.
182
00:08:18,116 --> 00:08:20,685
Uh, that's what they
said to Adam Sandler,
183
00:08:20,686 --> 00:08:22,520
and it only made him richer.
184
00:08:22,521 --> 00:08:25,089
I'm flattered I was your first choice.
185
00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:28,025
Man, she asked me five people ago.
186
00:08:28,026 --> 00:08:30,127
I think she was down to you or a broom,
187
00:08:30,128 --> 00:08:33,598
and the broom was busy.
188
00:08:33,599 --> 00:08:37,168
If I'm doing this, we have to
use our best acting skills,
189
00:08:37,169 --> 00:08:40,504
'cause who's gonna
believe you landed me?
190
00:08:40,505 --> 00:08:44,307
Ugh, really wish Steve the Broom
didn't have Pilates at 4:00.
191
00:08:46,844 --> 00:08:49,513
I'm so sorry, Mrs. Ferraro.
192
00:08:49,514 --> 00:08:51,515
I had no idea you were the awful boss
193
00:08:51,516 --> 00:08:54,352
that was making her life miserable.
194
00:08:54,353 --> 00:08:55,853
Bobby, why didn't you tell me
195
00:08:55,854 --> 00:08:57,955
your mom owns a Mail
Boxes and Other Things?
196
00:08:57,956 --> 00:09:00,891
I didn't want you to date me
for the unlimited bubble wrap.
197
00:09:00,892 --> 00:09:03,060
Denise can't cope out in the world.
198
00:09:03,061 --> 00:09:04,564
You know how many times she's touched
199
00:09:04,565 --> 00:09:05,796
our neighbor's electric fence.
200
00:09:05,797 --> 00:09:07,632
To be fair, they installed it
201
00:09:07,633 --> 00:09:09,867
to keep her from falling in their pool.
202
00:09:09,868 --> 00:09:12,136
Well, you did this.
You take care of it.
203
00:09:12,137 --> 00:09:13,671
She's your responsibility now.
204
00:09:13,672 --> 00:09:16,474
Bobby, bring home some deserts for me.
205
00:09:16,475 --> 00:09:19,010
From Dunkin'!
206
00:09:19,011 --> 00:09:20,978
Bobby, I am so sorry.
207
00:09:20,979 --> 00:09:23,300
I don't want our first fight
to be over a misunderstanding.
208
00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:24,968
I want it to be about
something important,
209
00:09:24,969 --> 00:09:27,418
like if you want a soul patch.
210
00:09:27,419 --> 00:09:29,053
We're not fighting.
211
00:09:29,054 --> 00:09:30,354
This is a bump.
212
00:09:30,355 --> 00:09:32,189
I think you're overreacting.
213
00:09:32,190 --> 00:09:33,424
Then why are you yelling?
214
00:09:33,425 --> 00:09:35,226
I'm not yelling.
215
00:09:35,227 --> 00:09:38,095
Man, what's with all the yelling?
216
00:09:38,096 --> 00:09:42,533
Oh, Oleg, let's see where this goes.
217
00:09:42,534 --> 00:09:46,070
It's already better than
everything on Amazon.
218
00:09:46,071 --> 00:09:49,073
Just with it was a little
bit more Game of Thrones-y.
219
00:09:49,074 --> 00:09:51,375
And by that,
I mean a little more topless.
220
00:09:51,376 --> 00:09:55,179
And by that I mean, oh, oh, Bobby.
221
00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:57,748
Caroline, we're not fighting.
222
00:09:57,749 --> 00:10:00,017
But please, don't get in the middle
223
00:10:00,018 --> 00:10:01,519
of my ma and Denise again.
224
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:02,853
My aunt tried once.
225
00:10:02,854 --> 00:10:05,189
Now she's really
scared of ceiling fans.
226
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:08,459
I gotta go.
I still can't find my phone.
227
00:10:08,460 --> 00:10:11,228
Oleg, this is our new show.
228
00:10:11,229 --> 00:10:14,765
Grab the popcorn from my purse.
229
00:10:14,766 --> 00:10:17,902
You want cheddar cheese or kettle corn?
230
00:10:17,903 --> 00:10:20,003
You know I can hear you, right?
231
00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:24,575
Okay, this must be Jessica's office.
232
00:10:24,576 --> 00:10:27,078
Oh, here, better put
this on for the bit.
233
00:10:27,079 --> 00:10:28,979
This was smuggled out of North Korea
234
00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:32,583
by my great-grandfather
in his great backside.
235
00:10:32,584 --> 00:10:35,285
Oh, the classic tush cut.
236
00:10:36,721 --> 00:10:38,889
Now remember, we're detectives.
237
00:10:38,890 --> 00:10:41,858
We're like Cagney and the only
guy I could get to come with me.
238
00:10:43,327 --> 00:10:44,962
Hi.
239
00:10:44,963 --> 00:10:47,298
You must be Max and Han.
240
00:10:47,299 --> 00:10:49,266
I'm Jessica.
241
00:10:49,267 --> 00:10:50,935
Thanks so much for coming in.
242
00:10:50,936 --> 00:10:53,738
Oh, you guys are so super cute.
243
00:10:55,140 --> 00:10:58,843
How does our cuteness
compare to, say, a baby?
244
00:10:58,844 --> 00:11:00,778
Wow, you're thinking ahead.
245
00:11:00,779 --> 00:11:03,280
Or are you expecting a little one?
246
00:11:03,281 --> 00:11:06,817
Ha, I've already got a little one.
247
00:11:06,818 --> 00:11:08,753
What about you?
248
00:11:08,754 --> 00:11:11,122
Making fun of my size
is kind of our thing.
249
00:11:11,123 --> 00:11:13,556
Like, making sweet love.
250
00:11:18,596 --> 00:11:21,198
So I'm with child. Are you?
251
00:11:21,199 --> 00:11:23,267
Actually, I'm...
252
00:11:23,268 --> 00:11:24,602
So for the wedding,
253
00:11:24,603 --> 00:11:26,604
I was thinking of a nature theme.
254
00:11:26,605 --> 00:11:28,506
Something in the park,
whimsical of course,
255
00:11:28,507 --> 00:11:30,875
with lanterns and flowers, a big tent.
256
00:11:30,876 --> 00:11:32,710
Oh, oh, really?
257
00:11:32,711 --> 00:11:35,846
You want a big top, Pee-wee?
Jessica was talking.
258
00:11:35,847 --> 00:11:37,481
Sorry, dear.
259
00:11:37,482 --> 00:11:40,451
The old ball and chain
hates when I get a word in.
260
00:11:40,452 --> 00:11:43,954
Sign me up for a lifetime.
261
00:11:43,955 --> 00:11:45,956
Sorry, uh, I missed
what you were saying
262
00:11:45,957 --> 00:11:47,625
about having a baby.
263
00:11:47,626 --> 00:11:49,527
We're not here to talk about me.
264
00:11:49,528 --> 00:11:51,695
Let's talk about you and your affair.
265
00:11:51,696 --> 00:11:55,198
Oh, I'm definitely gonna have one.
266
00:11:59,670 --> 00:12:01,572
Thanks for texting, Caroline.
267
00:12:01,573 --> 00:12:04,675
I've been a little lost since you
made me quit my job with Ma.
268
00:12:04,676 --> 00:12:07,411
Mostly 'cause I
couldn't find the L train.
269
00:12:07,412 --> 00:12:10,414
But I saw a guy kill a chicken.
270
00:12:10,415 --> 00:12:12,550
I thought you and I could get together
271
00:12:12,551 --> 00:12:14,552
and figure out your next career move,
272
00:12:14,553 --> 00:12:18,722
which does not necessarily
need to be forward.
273
00:12:18,723 --> 00:12:20,658
No, I'm not going back to my ma's store
274
00:12:20,659 --> 00:12:22,660
no matter how much I
miss hiding in boxes
275
00:12:22,661 --> 00:12:24,562
and scaring people.
276
00:12:24,563 --> 00:12:28,265
Well, let's brainstorm
on your next career move.
277
00:12:28,266 --> 00:12:29,733
Hmm.
278
00:12:29,734 --> 00:12:32,670
I've always wanted to be a model.
279
00:12:32,671 --> 00:12:35,471
I've been told I look
great with my pants down.
280
00:12:38,609 --> 00:12:40,511
You are more than just a body.
281
00:12:40,512 --> 00:12:43,914
Hmm, sometimes I'm not so sure.
282
00:12:43,915 --> 00:12:45,783
Hey, what about working here?
283
00:12:45,784 --> 00:12:48,519
How hard can it be? You do it.
284
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,120
Actually, this job requires a lot...
285
00:12:50,121 --> 00:12:51,555
You don't have to talk me into it.
286
00:12:51,556 --> 00:12:53,190
I'll do it.
287
00:12:53,191 --> 00:12:55,860
Give me the Frisbee
with the drinks on it.
288
00:12:55,861 --> 00:12:59,063
Okay, I guess you could help
out until Max gets back.
289
00:12:59,064 --> 00:13:01,097
Or until someone gets hurt,
probably me.
290
00:13:03,601 --> 00:13:06,136
As magic hour descends over the city,
291
00:13:06,137 --> 00:13:09,240
Max and I will retire
to the honeymoon suite
292
00:13:09,241 --> 00:13:13,210
where she carries me
over the threshold.
293
00:13:13,211 --> 00:13:16,480
Excited for what's to come.
294
00:13:16,481 --> 00:13:18,848
Well, it's not gonna be either of us.
295
00:13:22,086 --> 00:13:24,088
So, uh, back to you, Jess.
296
00:13:24,089 --> 00:13:26,257
Ooh, the party favors
could be little compasses
297
00:13:26,258 --> 00:13:28,926
that lead you to your table.
298
00:13:28,927 --> 00:13:32,930
Or to a waiting escape boat.
299
00:13:32,931 --> 00:13:35,599
Are you sure you two
are right for each other?
300
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,234
Are you kidding?
301
00:13:37,235 --> 00:13:40,638
I am obsessed with him.
302
00:13:40,639 --> 00:13:44,942
We're two people madly in love.
Right, Max?
303
00:13:44,943 --> 00:13:48,678
Bring those lips over here and...
304
00:13:51,415 --> 00:13:53,850
don't forget to invite
your tongue to the party.
305
00:13:56,186 --> 00:13:59,323
Oh, I'm sure she can see we're in love
306
00:13:59,324 --> 00:14:02,693
without having to put
our mouths on each other.
307
00:14:02,694 --> 00:14:04,995
Please.
308
00:14:04,996 --> 00:14:07,097
She's shy. Once she starts,
309
00:14:07,098 --> 00:14:10,033
it's hard to put the
snake back in the can.
310
00:14:40,564 --> 00:14:42,932
Could you feel the heat
from where you are?
311
00:14:44,868 --> 00:14:47,638
Are you wearing lip gloss?
312
00:14:47,639 --> 00:14:50,007
Listen, I've been down
this road before.
313
00:14:50,008 --> 00:14:52,343
With a stroller?
314
00:14:52,344 --> 00:14:55,512
I'm just asking because
that's how I push him around.
315
00:14:55,513 --> 00:14:58,248
This wedding isn't making
it to the banquet hall.
316
00:14:58,249 --> 00:15:00,250
I don't even think it's
making it to the car.
317
00:15:00,251 --> 00:15:02,686
- You two should go.
- Ah.
318
00:15:02,687 --> 00:15:04,754
You're moody.
319
00:15:07,358 --> 00:15:10,361
Uh, are you pregnant?
320
00:15:10,362 --> 00:15:11,394
Meh?
321
00:15:20,883 --> 00:15:22,951
Are you sure you want the flantinis?
322
00:15:22,952 --> 00:15:25,387
Little tip, go buy
yourself a tub of Breyers
323
00:15:25,388 --> 00:15:28,022
and a bottle of vodka and
save yourself 30 bucks.
324
00:15:30,158 --> 00:15:32,327
Okay, let's go back over this.
325
00:15:32,328 --> 00:15:35,998
The job of a waitress is to get
people to buy things here.
326
00:15:35,999 --> 00:15:38,500
Also you're standing
on my feet right now.
327
00:15:38,501 --> 00:15:42,104
Are you sure?
Because I don't feel anything.
328
00:15:42,105 --> 00:15:44,840
Gosh, you know what?
Denise is my favorite character.
329
00:15:44,841 --> 00:15:47,709
I bet you she looks
like a million bucks
330
00:15:47,710 --> 00:15:49,878
with her pants down.
331
00:15:49,879 --> 00:15:51,747
You know who looks like 2 million bucks
332
00:15:51,748 --> 00:15:54,783
with her skirt around her ankles?
333
00:15:54,784 --> 00:15:56,618
How... how...
334
00:15:56,619 --> 00:15:59,453
How did I get so lucky?
335
00:16:02,858 --> 00:16:04,426
There she is,
336
00:16:04,427 --> 00:16:06,561
my big shot daughter who
doesn't need me anymore.
337
00:16:06,562 --> 00:16:10,332
And the woman who keeps
taking my babies from me.
338
00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:12,667
I'm getting a drink.
339
00:16:12,668 --> 00:16:16,138
Oh, great, now they're
all working here.
340
00:16:16,139 --> 00:16:18,073
Denise called my ma to
brag about her new job
341
00:16:18,074 --> 00:16:19,541
at your dessert bar.
342
00:16:19,542 --> 00:16:22,010
Bobby, I know you said
not to get involved,
343
00:16:22,011 --> 00:16:24,045
but I wanted to end our fight.
344
00:16:24,046 --> 00:16:27,249
Also, I think your sister
may have broken my pinky toe.
345
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:28,403
Oh, that's my fault.
346
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:30,886
I didn't teach you the stop
sign when she gets too close.
347
00:16:30,887 --> 00:16:33,922
Am I too close?
348
00:16:33,923 --> 00:16:37,492
FYI, Ma, it's going great here.
349
00:16:37,493 --> 00:16:39,428
Well, if things are going so great,
350
00:16:39,429 --> 00:16:41,096
why don't you get your own place
351
00:16:41,097 --> 00:16:43,120
and start toasting your own
waffles in the morning?
352
00:16:43,121 --> 00:16:45,333
Maybe I will.
353
00:16:45,334 --> 00:16:47,135
Maybe I'll move in with Caroline,
354
00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:49,838
and she can teach me how
to use her toaster oven.
355
00:16:49,839 --> 00:16:52,941
We actually have a pretty small place,
356
00:16:52,942 --> 00:16:54,776
and our toaster oven is being used
357
00:16:54,777 --> 00:16:58,280
as a tanning bed for mice.
358
00:16:58,281 --> 00:17:00,582
Oleg texted me this show was good.
359
00:17:00,583 --> 00:17:02,684
I just finished The Walking Dead.
360
00:17:02,685 --> 00:17:06,321
It hit a little too close to home.
361
00:17:06,322 --> 00:17:07,889
Yeah, have a seat.
362
00:17:07,890 --> 00:17:10,192
The crazy mom just showed up.
363
00:17:10,193 --> 00:17:13,528
And the hot sister is yelling at her.
364
00:17:13,529 --> 00:17:15,363
Caroline!
365
00:17:15,364 --> 00:17:19,334
I'm not being negative,
but Bobby's a dirtbag.
366
00:17:19,335 --> 00:17:21,803
I'm 100% sure he has, had,
367
00:17:21,804 --> 00:17:25,474
or is going to have
a baby with Jessica.
368
00:17:28,344 --> 00:17:33,281
And I'm 100% sure I'm gonna
have a cold sore in the morning.
369
00:17:33,282 --> 00:17:35,217
Baby? What's going on?
370
00:17:35,218 --> 00:17:37,052
Bobby, what is going on?
371
00:17:37,053 --> 00:17:41,122
This really is the golden age of TV.
372
00:17:41,123 --> 00:17:43,225
Max, what are you talking about?
373
00:17:43,226 --> 00:17:45,727
I'm talking about the
text I saw on your phone
374
00:17:45,728 --> 00:17:48,330
from Jessica about your baby.
375
00:17:49,599 --> 00:17:51,266
What are you doing with my phone?
376
00:17:51,267 --> 00:17:53,301
Bobby, do you have a baby with Jessica?
377
00:17:53,302 --> 00:17:55,504
Bobby, you have a baby with Jessica?
378
00:17:55,505 --> 00:17:58,573
That takes the sting
out of losing Denise.
379
00:17:58,574 --> 00:18:00,842
A baby? I don't have a... oh.
380
00:18:00,843 --> 00:18:03,445
Oh, wait. I have a cat.
381
00:18:03,446 --> 00:18:06,114
A cat named Baby with Jessica.
382
00:18:06,115 --> 00:18:07,883
Ohh.
383
00:18:07,884 --> 00:18:10,517
Ohhh.
384
00:18:11,853 --> 00:18:14,990
So what's happening around here?
385
00:18:14,991 --> 00:18:16,925
Why didn't you just ask me?
386
00:18:16,926 --> 00:18:19,761
Because I was
respecting your boundaries,
387
00:18:19,762 --> 00:18:22,696
which is why I stole your phone.
388
00:18:24,299 --> 00:18:25,600
Makes sense.
389
00:18:25,601 --> 00:18:27,035
Her friend here forced my daughter
390
00:18:27,036 --> 00:18:28,637
to abandon the family's business.
391
00:18:28,638 --> 00:18:30,338
Neither one of them
knows about boundaries.
392
00:18:30,339 --> 00:18:32,107
I'm throwing these small glasses away.
393
00:18:32,108 --> 00:18:34,109
They're stupid.
394
00:18:34,110 --> 00:18:36,645
Well, I'm pretty upset myself.
395
00:18:36,646 --> 00:18:41,483
I wasted $20 on the domain
name MaxAndHansWedding.com.
396
00:18:41,484 --> 00:18:44,085
We're not really getting married!
397
00:18:44,086 --> 00:18:46,488
We only went to see Jessica to find out
398
00:18:46,489 --> 00:18:49,524
if she had a baby
with Bobby, you boobie.
399
00:18:49,525 --> 00:18:51,726
You went to see Jessica?
400
00:18:51,727 --> 00:18:53,990
Seems like everyone's in a
fight except for me and Bobby.
401
00:18:53,991 --> 00:18:56,364
Oh, no, we're fighting now.
402
00:18:56,365 --> 00:18:58,233
I saw that text on Bobby's phone,
403
00:18:58,234 --> 00:18:59,834
and I didn't want you getting hurt.
404
00:18:59,835 --> 00:19:01,436
The only person who got hurt was me.
405
00:19:01,437 --> 00:19:03,838
I kissed Han on the lips.
406
00:19:03,839 --> 00:19:06,374
Ohhh.
407
00:19:06,375 --> 00:19:09,744
Max, you stalked his
ex-girlfriend without me?
408
00:19:09,745 --> 00:19:12,180
Pretty shady move
by your friend, Caroline.
409
00:19:12,181 --> 00:19:14,849
We may want to think about
finding another roommate.
410
00:19:14,850 --> 00:19:16,952
Okay, that's enough.
411
00:19:16,953 --> 00:19:19,754
Denise, you need to go
back and work for Ma,
412
00:19:19,755 --> 00:19:21,456
and not only because
that's the only job
413
00:19:21,457 --> 00:19:22,924
you're capable of doing,
414
00:19:22,925 --> 00:19:24,993
but also 'cause Ma's lost without you.
415
00:19:24,994 --> 00:19:27,062
And, Max, you need to trust
416
00:19:27,063 --> 00:19:29,030
that I'm not like every other dirtbag.
417
00:19:29,031 --> 00:19:31,633
And, Caroline, when two
people love each other,
418
00:19:31,634 --> 00:19:34,069
they're gonna fight.
419
00:19:34,070 --> 00:19:36,871
Are the two people that
love each other us?
420
00:19:36,872 --> 00:19:39,608
Don't get bullied into anything, Bobby.
421
00:19:39,609 --> 00:19:42,844
Of course I'm talking about us.
422
00:19:42,845 --> 00:19:45,045
I love you, Caroline.
423
00:19:49,117 --> 00:19:51,553
I love you, too.
424
00:19:51,554 --> 00:19:52,887
Great.
425
00:19:52,888 --> 00:19:54,756
Two white people falling in love.
426
00:19:54,757 --> 00:19:56,590
You don't ever see that on TV.
427
00:19:59,461 --> 00:20:02,397
You know what, Ma? This place is dumb.
428
00:20:02,398 --> 00:20:05,400
I'll come back and work at
Mail Boxes and Other Things.
429
00:20:05,401 --> 00:20:07,502
You know what?
430
00:20:07,503 --> 00:20:09,204
You're the other thing.
431
00:20:09,205 --> 00:20:11,038
Come here.
432
00:20:14,442 --> 00:20:18,213
Oleg, get the butt wipes out of my bag.
433
00:20:18,214 --> 00:20:20,315
This is a real tear-jerker.
434
00:20:20,316 --> 00:20:24,019
My second favorite kind of jerker.
435
00:20:24,020 --> 00:20:26,087
I should get going, too.
436
00:20:26,088 --> 00:20:27,989
I gotta check some text messages.
437
00:20:27,990 --> 00:20:30,959
And why is my screensaver
a shirtless Vin Diesel?
438
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,127
You're welcome.
439
00:20:36,698 --> 00:20:38,533
You know trust is hard for me.
440
00:20:38,534 --> 00:20:41,736
That's why I got kicked
out of Cirque du Soleil.
441
00:20:41,737 --> 00:20:45,774
You're the first person in my
life I can actually count on.
442
00:20:45,775 --> 00:20:48,575
Be so great if they made out right now.
443
00:20:50,311 --> 00:20:53,748
You were the first person
I could count on, too.
444
00:20:53,749 --> 00:20:56,316
I love you, Max.
445
00:20:59,254 --> 00:21:01,155
Okay, we're not there yet.
446
00:21:05,752 --> 00:21:12,943
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