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1
00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,630
So, who's up for cards at my house tonight?
2
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Can't. Me and Fives are taking our ladies to see some Mexican wrestling.
3
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Mucho romantico.
4
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Audrey and I are going to a jazz concert.
5
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I got plans with Eileen.
6
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Friend plans.
7
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She wants to show me her new rock polisher.
8
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You know who else likes to polish people's rocks?
9
00:00:34,180 --> 00:00:35,210
Mordecai?
10
00:00:35,210 --> 00:00:38,460
Aw, I would, but C.J. and I are going to a laser light show tonight.
11
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But you can totally come with us.
12
00:00:39,750 --> 00:00:41,410
Ah, no. That's okay.
13
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I got some other guys coming over.
14
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In fact, I better get going.
15
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Uh, have fun, everyone.
16
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All right. See ya.
17
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Baby, I don't know where I'd be today if I hadn't met you.
18
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Probably home alone
19
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watching a romantic comedy in the dark.
20
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How was the laser show?
21
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Did you put your arm around C.J.?
22
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Did you put your arm around Eileen's rock polisher?
23
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Stop talking!
24
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Wait. Skips?
25
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You okay, man?
26
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Yeah.
27
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No! I've been skipping a solo for too long now.
28
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I need to start dating again.
29
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Skips, geting back in the saddle!
30
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I guess. It's been so long.
31
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I don't even know where to start.
32
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Ah, it can't be that bad. How long's it been?
33
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Two hundred years.
34
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Well, better now than never. You just got to get out there.
35
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What you need are some wingmen.
36
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Wingmen?
37
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You know-- your co-pilots, your bros,
38
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the ones who got your back while you're looking for ladies.
39
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It's me. I need some wingmen.
40
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I've been waiting two hundred years to hear you say that.
41
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So, uh, what happens now?
42
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Do we just sit here and wait till they come talk to us?
43
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Waiting doesn't get you the ladies, Skips.
44
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Watch and learn.
45
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Excuse me, ladies. Perhaps you could settle a bet.
46
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Which one of us do you think is older?
47
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I don't know.
48
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Neither. We're both immortal.
49
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Plus we're magic.
50
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Ooh. Check it out.
51
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Fly honeys giving us eye contact.
52
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Excuse me. Are you a parking ticket?
53
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'Cause you got " Fine" written all over you.
54
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We are fine.
55
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Hey, that's a nice outfit you have on there.
56
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Uh, yeah. Uh, I like it a lot.
57
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What do you like about it?
58
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Oh, uh, it looks comfortable,
59
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well, like , uh... like my friend's diaper.
60
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My dress looks like a diaper?!
61
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He just said I'm wearing a diaper!
62
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We'll try again next week, Skips.
63
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Who wants to see a supernova?
64
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And by the way, it's not a diaper,
65
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They're adult diapers!
66
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There's a difference!
67
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Hey, Skips.
68
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Meet any fine females tonight?
69
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I'm just not cut out for the whole club scene.
70
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Dude, nobody meets anybody at clubs anymore.
71
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Yeah, there are an option for people like you who make terrible first impressions.
72
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The Internet!
73
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Well, we got to fill in your profile.
74
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- Profession? - Park groundskeeper.
75
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Ah, ah, ah. Environmental technologist.
76
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- Hobbies? - I'm good at fixing stuff.
77
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Mechanical whiz who can fix anything--
78
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Busted engines, broken hearts, whatever you got.
79
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You've traveled all over the world. Girls like a guy who's cultured.
80
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Fought monsters with a ninja sword, arm-wrestled death,
81
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And, also, you love kittens, to show your softer side.
82
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And... down.
83
00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:09,840
Now what do we do?
84
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,290
Sit back and let the ladies come to you.
85
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How long's it gonna take?
86
00:04:13,910 --> 00:04:15,470
I don't know. It could be a while.
87
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Whoa! Look at that! You've already got 85,000 views!
88
00:04:18,740 --> 00:04:20,910
Dude, you're on the front page of the website!
89
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Based on your top-rated profile,
90
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You've been selected to be a contestant on the hit dating show " It's a date! "
91
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What?!
92
00:04:26,660 --> 00:04:29,160
Aw, man, you'll meet someone now for sure!
93
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Up high!
94
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I can't go on the dating show.
95
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I'm not that kind of guy.
96
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Would you rather be the kind of guy
97
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who spends the next 200 years shuffling his cards?
98
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,370
Looking good, Skips!
99
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I don't know. These pants are a little tight.
100
00:05:06,090 --> 00:05:07,300
You want to look cool, right?
101
00:05:08,010 --> 00:05:09,030
Yes.
102
00:05:09,030 --> 00:05:09,970
It's getting late.
103
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We got to get you prepped for the questions on the show tonight.
104
00:05:12,090 --> 00:05:13,210
What questions?
105
00:05:13,210 --> 00:05:14,880
Dude, the ladies ask you questions,
106
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,810
and you impress them with your slick responses.
107
00:05:16,810 --> 00:05:18,610
Here. Let's run through a practice round.
108
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:21,440
If you were trapped on a desert island with just one thing,
109
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what would it be?
110
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Boom! Go.
111
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That's easy. Fresh water.
112
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Wrong! You got to say something cool, like...
113
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"All I need is your deep blue eyes to look into."
114
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Cheese it up! Make 'em laugh. It's not hard.
115
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How do you know?
116
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'Cause I've seen every episode of "It's A Date!"
117
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What?! I've had a lot of sapre time since Mrodecai started dating C.J.
118
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If you're so good at this, why don't you do it?
119
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I would if I could.
120
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,340
So, you admit that you can't.
121
00:05:46,340 --> 00:05:48,360
No! It's just that I don't have the right look or whatever,
122
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which has nothing to do with me being cool with my words.
123
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Well, I'm not a word guy, okay?!
124
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I got an idea.
125
00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:58,320
Welcome to "It's A Date!"
126
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Let's give it up for your host, Bob Karpett!
127
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Thank you. Thank you.
128
00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:11,400
Let's give a big, warm welcome to our bachelorette, Sheena Albright!
129
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Sheena is a molecular biologist
130
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who loves tennis, Italian cuisine, and sloths.
131
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Now it's time to meet our three eligible bachelors!
132
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Bachelor Number 1 is a hip-hop enthusiast.
133
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Please welcome Jimmy Jamzz!
134
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Yo, yo, yo! What's peepin', Sheena?
135
00:06:32,820 --> 00:06:33,840
Yo!
136
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Bachelor Number 2 runs his own T-shirt business.
137
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Say hello to the T-shirt man.
138
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:40,980
Buy my T-shirts!
139
00:06:41,220 --> 00:06:44,660
And Bachelor Number 3 is a ventriloquist.
140
00:06:44,660 --> 00:06:48,060
Say hello to Skips and his dummy, Lil' Rigs!
141
00:06:48,060 --> 00:06:49,700
Hey! What's shakin', dollface?
142
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,440
Hold on tight, strap yourself in,
143
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:54,160
'Cause a date with me will make your head spin!
144
00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:57,800
All right, Sheena.
145
00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,540
It's time for your first question for our bachelors.
146
00:07:00,780 --> 00:07:03,900
"If we went out on a date, where would you take me?"
147
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,300
Bachelor Number 1.
148
00:07:05,340 --> 00:07:09,160
Girl, I'd take you to the hoppingest dance club in town,
149
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:13,480
'cause Jimmy Jamzz is all about bustin' killer moves, girl!
150
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:17,000
Oh, yeah, dawg!
151
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:18,300
Okay.
152
00:07:18,660 --> 00:07:20,080
Bachelor Number 2?
153
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:23,980
I would take you to a fine-dining establishment
154
00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:27,520
and then show you my lastest line of T-shirts!
155
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,320
Bachelor Number 3?
156
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,340
Uh... go out for a nice meal?
157
00:07:34,340 --> 00:07:36,100
And go to the planetarium,
158
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,540
'cause you surely belong with the other heavenly bodies.
159
00:07:42,140 --> 00:07:43,380
Next question...
160
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,860
"What is your biggest dream in life?"
161
00:07:45,860 --> 00:07:46,960
Bachelor Number 1.
162
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,560
Girl, I'm already living my dream!
163
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:53,720
I've been regional hip-hop dance champion nice times in a row, player!
164
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,100
Shout-out to my four-legged crew!
165
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,500
Bachelor Number 2?
166
00:07:58,700 --> 00:08:03,400
My dream is to sell my T-shirt in all stores nationwide--
167
00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:05,800
That and move out of my mama's basement.
168
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,500
Bachelor Number 3?
169
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:12,000
Uh, well, uh, save up for retirement.
170
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,600
Geez, Gramps! You're not read yet!
171
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,140
But judging by your stage presence, you might as well be!
172
00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:19,840
But, seriously, Sheena,
173
00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:23,060
my only dream is to make each day with you better than the last.
174
00:08:25,460 --> 00:08:27,700
Why, thank you, Bachelor Number 3.
175
00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:30,720
Oh, come on! That's the worst pickup line I ever heard!
176
00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:33,640
The only thing you should pick up is a pair of scissors
177
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,300
and cut off that lame mullet!
178
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,740
- Rigby! - Hey, the audience loves me.
179
00:08:39,740 --> 00:08:41,740
Wish I could say the same for these two dummies.
180
00:08:41,740 --> 00:08:43,620
You calling me a dummy, dummy?
181
00:08:43,620 --> 00:08:46,100
No, but you know who is calling you is your mom.
182
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,000
She wants your rent check, fool.
183
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,060
I've had enough of your lip, son!
184
00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:51,840
Playtime's over!
185
00:08:58,860 --> 00:09:01,780
Yo! I just "cen-tore" it up!
186
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,260
Eat T-shirt!
187
00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:09,240
Let's teach this punk some manners.
188
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:20,960
That's enough!
189
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:21,960
Look out!
190
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:34,960
You okay?
191
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:41,180
Look, everyone, I'm not a ventriloquist.
192
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,840
And this isn't a dummy.
193
00:09:45,980 --> 00:09:50,460
The truth is I'm just a simple guy who works at a park,
194
00:09:50,460 --> 00:09:53,380
a quiet guy who wants to meet a nice girl--
195
00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:57,240
someone I can spend time with and talk to and...
196
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,220
doesn't mind that I like to go commando.
197
00:10:03,780 --> 00:10:07,700
Anyway, I'm sorry I wasted everybody's time.
198
00:10:10,060 --> 00:10:11,060
Wait!
199
00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:13,780
I choose Bachelor Number 3!
200
00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:17,640
It's a date!
201
00:10:21,820 --> 00:10:28,080
Sheena and Skips, you two win an all-expenses-paid trip to Costa Rica!
202
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:38,900
Keep the change.
203
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:41,160
Skips! Skips! Skips!
204
00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:43,840
How was Costa Rica with your Chica?!
205
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:44,880
Well, uh...
206
00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:54,800
She was too high-maintenance,
207
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,780
but I'm back in the saddle.
208
00:10:56,860 --> 00:10:58,380
Thanks, guys.
209
00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:01,520
Nice. Nice.
15344
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