All language subtitles for Zoey Monroe

What are you watching, Al?

This is the episode where Marcia gets
hit in the nose with a football.

You're watching the Brady Bunch again.

I would be eating dinner, but I don't
see any food on the table.

You know we didn't have enough money for
groceries this week.

If you stopped buying all those lottery
tickets, we'd have enough money for

food.

Daddy, can I borrow $20?

Borrow as in never pay me back?

Isn't that what borrow means?

Kelly, money doesn't grow on trees.

Plus, you don't have a job.

That's right, Kelly. Times are tough.

And your father's getting too old to
hold down more than one job.

Dad, why don't you just tell Kelly to
get the money from one of the grease

he dates?

That's a good idea.

I don't date grease balls.

Oh yeah, I forgot. You only get escaped
convicts and bikers.

Enough of Kelly's hobbies.

We need to have an important family
meeting.

The last time you called an important
family meeting, Bud got yelled at for

trimming his pubic hairs in the... See?

Aw, jeez, Kelly.

Thanks for that heartwarming memory.

Kids, listen up. Your father has
something pointless to say.

With the economy in the shitter, and
nobody here having a job except me,

going to need to cut back on our
spending.

But, Daddy, I have to get my hair done.

Yeah, and I want to buy Jane Fonda's
workout tape.

And I was going to buy Jessica Murdoch a
necklace.

But... Jessica Murdoch is a whore. Any
girl that forgets to put on panties but

remembers to wear a necklace is a whore.

But, Dad, Kelly never wears panties.

Bud, stop looking up your sister's
skirt.

I apologize to your sister for calling
her a whore.

Well, Peg, if the shoe fits.

Kelly, your brother's sorry.

I guess we can all tighten up our belts
a little bit.

Until your father finds a second job.

Al, I know money is tight, and I
promised not to buy so many loader

So can we fool around now?

Oh, Peg, I'm just not in the mood.

Besides, I just found one of your red
pubic hairs in the bed.

It's kind of disgusting.

But, Al, I'm horny.

Sorry, sweetie, but little Al can't come
out to play tonight.

You're going to have to just use your
crotch rocks.

Well, it won't be the first time.

She's in a room masturbating, and she
woke me up.

Yeah, I asked him for the money, but he
doesn't have it right now.

Look, I know you need to get your
motorcycle seat repaired, but you're

going to have to ask another slut for
the money.

Please shut the fuck up. I'm trying to
sleep.

And I'm trying to have an orgasm.

Come on, bud.

Nobody can outsmart the Illinois State
Lottery.

No, it's true.

She's been working on a system for the
past five years.

Son, what's that got to do with us?

Well, you remember my friend, Vinnie
Delfini.

That fat, ugly Italian?

Yeah, him.

Well, his sister, Jenny Delfini, works
at the Illinois State Lottery.

And she says that every once in a while,
she can predict the numbers.

That's impossible.

She's impossible.

You should see her trying to squeeze 250
pounds into that French leotard.

As much as I love fat jokes, Pumpkin,
why would she give us the winning

numbers?

Well, other than the fact that I'm
impossibly handsome and that she wants

have my baby.

Yes, son.

Other than the obvious.

Well, if she wins, she would lose her
job and she'd have to forfeit the money.

All we have to do is pay her $1 ,000.

and she'll split the winnings with us. A
thousand dollars?

Yeah, to win a million.

Aw, geez, it's so easy. Why have I been
wasting my time working so hard these

past 20 years?

Come on, Al. Your prayers might have
just been answered.

No, I don't think so.

Why not?

Well, because you're still here.

Hey,

Jenny. Yeah, this is Bud Bundy.

Hey, I spoke to my parents, and they're
ready to give you the thousand bucks.

Well, my dad's going to refinance the
house.

No, no, they're not going to tell
anyone.

Great, I'll see you soon.

News at 10 starts now.

We will announce today's Illinois State
Lottery numbers later in the show.

Peg, do you have three double -D
batteries I could borrow for an hour?

Sorry, Marcy. I burned mine out last
night.

Oh, there you are, Steve.

I need you to come home and do some work
for me.

But, honey, I'm watching the news with
Al. Well, as soon as that news is over,

you need to come home and service me
like a good little husband.

What, do I have to?

Yes, you do.

Steve. If I didn't need mine, I'd go
ahead and lend you my balls.

Grow a pair for God's sake.

In a few minutes, we'll announce today's
winning lottery numbers.

Al, where's Kelly?

She's going to miss the announcement for
the winning lottery numbers.

Here are today's winning Illinois state
lottery numbers.

Five, 18, 36, 21,

and 29.

Did we win?

Did he say 21 or 29?

I think he said 29. No, no, he said 21.

Once again, those winning numbers are
five, 18,

21, and 29.

Good luck.

I'm no mathematician, but holy fucking
shit, I think we just won a million

dollars.

I

don't

think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Honey, in the morning, I'll stop by the
lottery office on the way to work.

You're not... thinking of keeping your
job.

Honey, I've heard of past winners losing
their mind and spending all their

money. We need to be prudent and not get
carried away.

Yeah, bud.

I could totally see you driving a black
Porsche.

Yeah, Cal.

And I can see you with your own condo
down next to Lake Michigan.

Really? Yeah.

Now that we have money, I'm going to go
get a massage every day. Dave, you

should come with me.

Really? What would I do there?

There's a lot of pretty girls at the
massage parlor. And they love men with

money. I'll make an appointment
tomorrow.

After all, we're rich.

We're rich. We're rich. We're rich.
We're rich. We're rich.

We're rich. We're rich. Hey,

listen, bud. I really appreciate you
treating me to this massage.

No problem. After all, I am a
millionaire.

Hello, boy.

I'm Jessica.

Which one of you first?

Hey, aren't you Bud Bundy? I saw you on
TV. You won the lottery.

Yes, that would be me.

Do you want me to give you a massage?

I'll make love.

happy ending.

Uh, you know what? Why don't you take
care of my friend Chris here first?

Okay, bud.

Well, once I'm finished, Kitty will come
out and take care of you.

That was good to me.

Come with me. Take off your clothes and
get naked.

Hey, can you make sure to give him the
deluxe massage?

Yes, I can.

I love you.

Thank you.

That was so good.

Oh, this place is amazing.

Okay, bud, let me go get cleaned up, and
Kitty will be right out for you.

Will Kitty give me a happy ending, too?

Kitty will give you everything you want.

Just get up on the table and get naked
for her.

Oh, that is good.

Oh, kitty.

You like that, sweetie?

Oh, kitty, that feels fantastic.

Oh, for you, baby.

Hey, after you suck my cock, could you
spit on my face?

I'd love to.

You look possessed.

No, no, no. I'm just a regular working
class stiff from Chicago.

No, no. I just played our regular
lottery numbers and we got lucky.

No, I'm not going to quit my day job.

I'm just a hell of a guy like that.

Well, we did actually go splurge on a 40
-foot yacht.

And we're going to take it to Hawaii.

Yeah.

Oh, look at Al.

Basking in the national media spotlight.

I know. I can hardly believe it. But I
actually feel like having sex with him.

I know just how you feel. The smell of
money really brings out the animal in

Well, thanks for calling.

No, no, no problem at all.

Hello?

Hugh Hefner?

No, of course I read Playboy.

For the articles, honey.

I'd love to come to the mansion.

And pick up the next Playmate, of
course.

Wonderful.

See you soon.

Thanks for calling, Mr. Hefner.

I can't take it anymore.

I need to have sex right now, Steve.

Come on, honey. I guess she won't be
needing those batteries.

Okay, Steve.

I need you to service me completely.

But honey, the Bundys won the lottery,
not us.

I don't care, Steve.

The thought of all that money and those
winning numbers makes me want to inhale

your cock, so whip it out.

I'm not a machine.

Bye.

Thank you.

Hear her?

Uh -huh.

Oh, yes.

Oh, God, yeah.

How does that pussy feel?

Oh, God.

Yeah, oh shit yes, oh, that's good

Oh shit.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah? Oh, yeah. Give it to
me. Yeah?

Open your mouth.

Uh -huh. Give it to me.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah. Mm -hmm.

Oh, yeah.

Let's hit you. Grab it. Jerk it. Jerk
it. Jerk it with your hand. Please.

it. It's still coming out. It's still
coming out. Yeah. Mm -hmm. Oh, my God.

yes. Mm -hmm. Oh, God. Mm -hmm.

Yes. God, that feels so good.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's still coming out, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that was good.

Whew.

Oh, yeah.

I've got those in blue, green, and
white.

Really? I'll take them all.

Did you know I just won a million
dollars in the lottery?

And you stayed so humble and kept this
shitty job.

I mean, that's just the kind of
wonderful guy I am.

Well, then make love to me right in the
store.

You won't tell my wife, will you? No
way.

How far can I go with this fantasy?

All the way.

Okay.

Thank you.

Mmm.

Thank you.

Yeah? Yeah?

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god. Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

up at the travel agency and booked our
flights to Hawaii.

Oh, that's terrific.

Don't forget to pack suntan lotion.

Can my new boyfriend come with us?

Does he have a job?

No, he's unemployed.

Sure, why not? The more the merrier.

Daddy, can I buy my other boyfriend a
new motorcycle seat for his birthday?

Of course, pumpkin.

And I booked his dinner at the Chateau
Francois.

Well, how wonderful and thoughtful.

Can I catch up with you guys later?

I have to meet this guy.

Kelly, you do whatever makes you happy.

Really? You mean that?

Uh, Dad, I don't think you should have
said that.

But it's only money.

Well, if that's the case, can I have
$200? I want to go hook up with Mary

McNeil.

Isn't she that pretty girl from your
school that got arrested for

Hey, she was never convicted.

Here you go, bud. Have a good time.

My titties are so big.

No problem.

Okay.

I love you.

Amen.

Thanks for watching.

I love it. I like that.

You're so bad.

That is so hard, dude.

Anyone home?

We're all alone, Mary Ellen.

So, you got my money?

Yeah, uh, right here.

Two hundred dollars.

Um, if you want to lick my asshole, it's
an extra fifty.

Sure. Why not?

It's only money.

Let's have dessert.

Does that feel good?

Yeah.

Oh, you feel like you're going to be a
big boy.

Yeah.

You want me to play with it, don't you?
Yeah.

You want me to suck it? Yeah.

Ladies first, right?

Of course.

Hurry

up, I

want it.

What's the matter?

Uh, nothing. I'm just, you know... Let
me go.

Come on.

Is this the first time with a girl or
something?

No.

Oh, you're really having a hard time,
aren't you?

No, it's really okay. I do this all the
time. My dad's a shoe salesman.

I need a manager.

Come on.

You've been waiting to get in these
pants for a long time, haven't you?

I'm coming get it.

Are you alright?

Goodness, you're a big blanchard.

Who would have known?

I'm glad that it picked you up.

down on your knees

You look good, baby.

Yeah.

Yeah, you look like you want to chill in
your day. Yeah.

Yeah.

How bad?

How bad?

Really bad. Really bad?

Yeah. You want to fuck me like a whore
from behind?

Come on.

Get it?

Thank you.

Lisa?

Oh, shit.

The guards are coming. What?

Upstairs. Come on.

Fuck. Shit.

The

police

came knocking on your door earlier
today.

The police?

I wonder what they could want.

They probably just wanted to know if we
wanted an escort or something.

I don't know, Al. There was a guy in a
black suit, and he wasn't smiling.

Hmm. That's odd.

Oh! Hi,

everybody.

Which one of you is Al Bundy?

Oh, that's me.

Who the hell are you?

I'm Edgar Vinter.

I'm the junior associate commissioner
for the Illinois State Lottery.

Thank you for the million dollars, Mr.
Vinter.

Come over here and sit down.

Well, that's why I'm here.

I'm afraid we're going to have to put a
freeze on your winnings.

Wait! A freeze?

But what kind of a freeze?

The kind of freeze that doesn't thaw
out, sweetie.

Now, wait a minute here.

What are you talking about?

I've discovered certain allegations and
frauds, and I have reason to believe

that you are part of the scam.

Do you know a girl by the name of Jenny
Delphini?

You mean that fat, disgusting Italian
chick?

Actually, Dad, Jenny's not all that fat
compared to this girl I met at the

massage shop. Shut up.

Mr. Bittner, what does this have to do
with us?

Well, we know that Miss Del... Finney
supplied you with the winning numbers.

And now I want you to return all the
money paid out.

But we've spent it all.

This is just what I've been waiting for.
Now I can really make a name for

myself. When do they hear about this
down in the office?

You're in trouble. Wait, wait, wait,
wait.

You mean no one else?

knows about this. Kelly, stay out of
this.

Daddy, Mr. Ventress, can I talk to you
alone for a minute outside?

Yes, of course.

Boy,

are you guys busted.

You're going to make us pay back all
that money we spent.

I don't know about that, Dad.

Bud, what are they doing?

It looks like they're getting into the
back seat of Mr. Venture's car.

He probably just wanted to talk to him
in private or something.

If that were even remotely true.

Mr.

Bundy, I've reconsidered your case. And
although you won't be getting another

check from the Illinois State Office...

you won't have to pay back the money you
owe.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Bundy, your daughter's ass saved your
ass.

I'll see you forever. I look forward to
it, Edgar.