All language subtitles for Moonlighting S03E07

Mom, what are you doing?

You have homework to do.

But it's Moonl/yht/'ng/

Moonlighting?

Yeah, you know, the show
about the two detectives.

- A man and a woman.
- And they argue a lot,

and all they really want
to do is sleep together?

- Yeah!
- Sounds like trash to me.

- But, Mom!
- Watching TV isn't going to help you

on your Shakespeare test tomorrow.

You have a lot of reading to do. Let's go.

- But, Mom!
- No arguments.

What a drag.

Good morrow, sir.

I'm Lucentio,

come hither for to see fair Padua,

pleasant garden of great Italy,

to seek out and happily begin

a course of learning and studies herein.

You mistaketh me, sir,

for someone who careth.
Come.

I am Lucentio, and am steadfast resolved

to suck the sweets of sweet phi|0s--

I must away, as I am off to floss.

I am Lucentio,

new arrived from distant lands,

in search of--

It's my fault
I get stuck

with all the exposition?

But soft...

What light through yonder window breaks?

Gentlemen!

Enough, enough, gentlemen!

Importune me no farther,

for now I firmly am resolved

not to bestow my youngest daughter

before I have a husband...

for the elder.

As I have told those before you,

though Bianca be the cherished,

tis Katherina must marry first.

Only hence-- only hence, will Bianca's
lovely hand be made available.

Be mindful,
I'm the wealthiest man in Padua,

and he who weds Katherina

lands a dowry you could cry for.

Any takers?

- No way, Jose!
- Be serious, man!

Go back to the hogs,
Pop.

- No way!
- What, are you nuts?

Hmm!

School and studies may
one day bring home the bacon,

but no profit grows
where is no pleasure taken.

Only stands twixt me and Bianca,

one simple act of fate.

Simple, I say, for how hard could it be

to find Katherina a mate?

Aah!

Whoa!

Aah!

Run, heathen, run,

and know what awaits you should you stop!

As your mouth runneth off,
so must your feet run off

and from a poor,
defenseless woman, no less.

Ha! If defenseless be apt,

then what against?

An army perhaps or a lion incensed!

Ah! You speak of animals.

Then all three of you be rats.

And three blind rats you're not,

as clearly you came to gawk at me.

We only just arrived to woo and bewitch.

Having not advance knowledge
that you'd be such a bitch!

Enough!

Had the rats tails,

though likely they'd be
thrust between their legs,

I'd be moved to slice them off.

But I'll leave what's left there,

and give you this!

Oh!

Sir! Be you so fond of poem,

then let these words be said...

there's nothing so poetic

as a well-placed smack upside the head!

Unh!

Men!

Father!

Is it your will, sir,

to make a stale of me amongst these mates?

A trinket to be auctioned off

to he who bids the highest?

I know wherefore these men came...

From you!

In order to marry me

and clear the path for your little angel.

Well, father, never

will a man sent by you

walk in and walk out with my affections.

Sister, everyone knoweth

thou art jealous of me.

I mean...

far be it for me to rush you,

as only you will know when
you've found the right man.

Sister, father,

Padua...

goest thou to hell!

Oh!

A problem, no doubt,

and one in need of solution bold.

For love does, of a sudden,
take such hold.

The task, alas, to find a mate

to weather Kate's typhoon.

But where?

For such a man doth come along

but once in a blue moon.

What's shakin', y'all?

Fill 'er up, lad.

Clean the bugs out of her teeth.

To be...

or not to be,

that is the question.

Wrong DEN-

Now is the winter of our discontent,

- made glorious--
- Wrong play.

Ff lends,

Romans, countrymen...

lend me your ears-

Wrong DEW!

"Verona, for a while,
I take my leave"?

Ahh!

To see my friends in Padua.

And what a fortuitous gale it is

that blows me here.

Such wind as scatters
young men through the world

to seek their fortunes
farther than at home,

where small experience grows.

Thus it stands with me

that I've thrust myself into this maze,

crowns in my purse I have,

goods at home,

and so, am come to see the world!

Didn't think I could pull it off, did you?

Zounds! What mounds!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Come here, wench!

Aah! Aah!

Yaah!

Oh! Ha ha ha!

Rawr!

Ahh! Argh!

Unh!

HVah!

Yam!

Yam!

Unh!Unh!

Gadzooks!

Is there a fellow in all the land

more hale and hearty than this?

And now, on to matters of greater import,

and to the reason for my
visit to this fair city.

To wit, a major plot point cometh.

I come to wive it wealthily in Padua.

And if wealthily, then happily.

And if she hath no diseases,

then healthily in Padua.

Good sir!

Stay.

Such unusual fortune

that we meet, here and now,

and in such similar straits.

A moment ago, what was it thou sayeth?

And now, onto matters of great--

No, no, no.
After that.

Didst I hear, "I come to
wive it wealthily in Padua?"

Pray, sir. Yea, sir.
I dare say I did say.

Yea, sir. You do say you did say?

Yea, I say, but why do you bray?

Do not gainsay what I say

that we may make headway.

I foray this way

that I may be home e'er midday.

Hooray for this day,

and the words that you say,
and forgive my display,

but I have something to say.

Then without further delay, I say

fire away!

If I were to tell thee

that there lives, in Padua,

such a woman as suits your needs.

She be very wealthy

and in dire need of a suitor,

wouldst thou be interested?

Wouldst? Doth bears bear-eth?

Doth bees bee-eth?

- Sayeth what?
- Hell, yes!

Then off to a tavern.

I've a story for thee.

For a tankard of ale,
I'll let you tell three.

I left my wallet in my other pantaloons.

You think you could spot me five bucks?

Pray, Sir,

have you not a daughter called Katherina,

fair and virtuous, modest and mild?

I've a daughter called Katherina.

I am a gentleman of Verona,
sir, and I come to--

Upstairs, first door on your right.

Obviously a quick judge of character.

Good sir, before I woo
and most certainly win,

should we not a dowry discuss?

A dowry discuss we should.

Were you a man who Iiveth to see tomorrow.

A man who liveth to seeth tomorrow, am I.

Though ea yest in my task, doomed be me.

_
_

Uh, Signor Batista,

know you not who my master is?

His name be Petruchio,

who did yesterday before the whole town

dispatch, by himself, a pig on a stick,

a keg of beer, two gentlemen,

and four oriental
Kung Fu masters.

- That be you?
- Well, I hateth to brag--

- Son!
- Well... for the right price.

Your own Winnebago,

a chance to direct,
a piece of the syndication--

Uh, wrong scroll!

20,000 crowns?

Goest thou to hell!

Sold!

Godspeed.
YouW|neediL

Psst.

Oh, happy day.

I'm off to win the fair Bianca.

Go then, my friend.

Till we meet again...

somewhere in the fourth act.

Say that she shriek,

why, then I'll tell her plain

she sings as sweetly as a nightingale.

Say that she sneer,

why, then I'll say she looks as clear

as morning roses
newly washed with the dew.

And failing that, always am I the man.

And as the man, and a man's man at that,

must I man the proper place of a man.

Over woman, that is.

For I am what I am,
and that's all that I am.

And the man is the man is the man.

If you're a man,

you gotta love the 16th century.

May I come in?

You may, if it matters not to you

what cometh of your head.

It matters not, as being here

proves I've lost it already.

And it matters not as well,

as a man without a head
is merely redundant.

Good lady, allow me to enter.

I merely come to tune your instrument.

My instrument is already tuned.

As is mine, and ready to play.

Then off with you to play it solo,

as you won't be coming in!

Here's Petruchio!

Good morrow, Kate,

for that is your name, I hear.

I am called Katherina

by those who dare to speak to me.

Nay, you'll always be Kate to me.

Plain Kate and bonny Kate,

and sometimes Kate the cursed,

but Kate, the prettiest Kate,

my super-dainty Kate.

What purpose bringeth you?

Who are you?
Certainly no singer,

nor the piano tuner you claimeth to be.

You see through me, Kate.

No tuner, I.

But I wish it were amongst my talents

to play piano for you.

Tis a sad state indeed.

You're the only man I know

who suffereth from pianist envy.

Perhaps you'll listen to this!

Get out now,

while you still have that
which you hold clear.

Have you not guessed? Tis you I
wish to hold dear.

Hearing thy virtue spoke of,

thy beauty, thy mildness praised,

myself am moved to...
woo thee for my wife.

- Your wife?
- Thou catchest on quickly.

Then let me answereth quickly as well.

Whatever moved you thus,

let it remove you now.

Out of this room,

like so much overstuffed furniture!

As tis widely said,

just as widely writ,

if I be furniture,

then you'll always have a place to sit.

Ahh! Let go! Unhand me!

I'll try, but I don't think
they'll come off.

- Oh!
- Your struggle's in vain, my lady,

as man is now and shall ever
be dominant over woman.

And I, being a prime specimen of manhood,

am therefore clearly dominant over you.

Go soaketh your head.
It swells beyond measure.

Aye. And proudly.

Tis my will to marry you, my lady.

And where there's a will--

- There's a won't!
- 00f!

Whoa!

I warned you, sir.

And now you're in for
the thrashing of your life!

This is gettin' interesting.

- Ugh!
- Tally ho!

You buzz around like an angry bee.

Better, as I look at you, a wasp.

If I be waspish, best beware my sting.

My aim is to pluck it out.

Aye, if the fool could find it.

Who knows not where
a wasp wears her sting?

In her tail.

_

Ow!

Your dagger.

Good lady, thou art mistaken.

A gentleman never unsheathes his
dagger before he is married.

- Fool.
- Kate... know thee now,

thou must be married
to no other man but me.

Ugh!

OQh!

Yeah!

Give them what they want!

Kiss me Kate, and we will wed on Sunday!

No, we will not!

Not now! Not this Sunday!
Not next Sunday!

Not any Sunday from now
until the end of time!

- Oh, ho ho ho!
- Grr!

Congratulations.

Finally, finally.
Congratulations.

- Okay, Carlo.
- Yes, thanks.

Yes. Thank you.
Thank you for coming.

All right.
Hello. Hello, yeah.

Yes. We did it.
We did it.

Is my sister here yet?

She waits anxiously inside.

Whoa!

Sanctuary.

Whoa!

Mmm!

1, 2, 3, uh.

How dare he?

Hmm?

What causeth a man to be so
late to his own wedding?

Mmm!

GIT!

Yah.

Pray!

What took thee?

The wedding was to start three hours ago!

The lights were against me.

But where be that blushing bride 0' mine?

- Mmm!
- The moment of truth.

It's love!
It's magic! Yes.

How now?

Can it be?

Is this vision mine eyes
witness truly my beloved?

Mm-mmm!

How well she doth look in bondage.

Mmm!

Pardon, sweet?

What was it that thou ea yest, my sweet?

I'll let you hang in hell for--

'Twas bargained twixt us

that she still seem cursed in company,

but when we be alone,

she be a veritable puss in my lap.

Padre, I can wait no longer.

Petruchio of Verona,

taketh you this woman, Katherina,

to be your lawful, wedded wife?

From this clay forward,

for better or for worse,

in sickness and in health,

and forsaking all others,

keepeth her till death doth you part?

I doth.

Katherina of Padua...

Hmm?

Taketh you this man--

Mm-mmm!
Mm-mm-mm!

Uh;. .L Aefltiwcetera, Aetxceteraj,

till death doth you part?

- I doth.
- Mmm!

Eh...

I now pronounceth you, man and wife.

You may now kiss the bride.

No!

A little honeymoon music,
Satchmo! 1, 2, 3!

One more time!

You think that was fun,
wait till I get you home!

Ta-da!

I welcome thee to my humble digs.

This be the cleaning woman's century off.

But small matter how a home looketh

if it be filled with love.

And speaking of which...

the master bedroom.

Tis true, our courtship
hath been a tad brief,

but now that we be husband and wife,

I ea yest we waste no time

in getting used to acting
like husband and wife.

I agree with thee.

- Thou dost?
- I dost.

And get thee used to this.

I ha vest a headache.

And if that be the master bedroom,

then I shall sleep there.

In there?
Au contra/re!

Be I not the man, and you the woman?

Be this not the time that men are men

— and women are property?
- Property, you call me.

But triest to plow this acre,

and thy blade may get broken.

Ha! I shall be the master
of what is mine own.

And thou art my goods--

My chattel, my stuff, my house,

my toothbrush, my golf shoes-

I'll be no man's stuff!

In fact, stuff your stuff.

For this is one thing you will never own.

We'll see about that
and starting this day.

Then already thou seest wrong,

for tis plain to any fool

that it be night and not day.

Day it is, if thy husband says it be so.

Perhaps to a wife blinded by love,

but mine eyes see clear.

Love or no, I be thy liege and thy lord,

that bringeth home the bacon,

and provideth thee with a
roof over thy thick skull.

And for that, by the gods,

if I say the moon be the sun,

then to you, good wife, it shall be so!

Good wife I am in name only, good husband,

and thus it is the moon,

and tis the moon no matter what thee said.

Tis the sun or no sleep for thee.

Tis the moon and to bed I'm away.

- The sun.
- The moon.

- The sun.
- The moon!

Mmm! Bang! Zoom!

I hope they like these jokes
on the moon, Kate,

'cause that's where you're going.

- I will not stand for this.
- You will not stand for this?

I will be the king in this, my castle.

- King, king, king.
- Some king!

Without even a vassal to
command in this castle.

Well, tis the moon
I choose to see,

and in there
I choose to sleep.

You will sleep, in there,

without me, until I say otherwise.

Understandeth? Fine!

Methinks 'twas something
familiar about that.

This turn of events
be passing intolerable.

Am I not the master?

Is she not the mistress
in this, her master's house?

By god, I must teach that Wench a lesson,

or this be a dark day indeed
for thy entire gender.

And teach her a lesson, I will.

Am I not man,

hear me roar,

in numbers too big to ignore?

Take no prisoners!

Fair Kate...

Don't makest me do this.

If thy husband tells thee
the moon is the sun,

then tell him tis the sun.

Tis the moon.

And thus it went.

But as a wild horse be broken

through mix of love and persistence,

so a shrew be tamed.

Rather than beat her into submission,

Petruchio did decide instead

to kill her with kindness.

Initial efforts were met with...

well, a small bit of resistance.

But, undaunted,
Petruchio did persist.

And persist.

And persist.

And finally did Petruchio succeed.

Slowly won over by his ways,

Kate began her shift

from house afire to housewife.

And truth be known,
she couldn't be blamed,

for who could resist a loving husband

such as Petruchio had become?

The meal was to your liking?

Aye. And thou?

Didst thou enjoy thy low-cal diet gruel?

Well, one does what one can
to keep thy girlish figure.

Aye.

Tis said across the land,

by men worldly wise,

what value be a woman

with cellulite on her thighs?

While men be displeased

with fat legs and fat hips,

most of them would look better
if be given fat lips.

Pardon, dear wife?

I said...
have another sip.

Aye.

Husband, dost thy truly
believe that a happy marriage

lies in a woman who remains
pretty and in her place?

It'll do in a pinch.

Thou needest not be concerned

as thy are both pretty and in thy place,

as we speak.

Tis your notion of a compliment,

I know, but, husband--

Did you hear the news today?

40 teenagers arrested at the Bach concert.

Husband!

They said if thou playest
the Second Concerto backwards,

thou he a rest the voice of Satan.

Good husband, how are we married?

- How are we married?
- Are we married merrily?

Yea, verily.
We are married merrily,

though, at first warily,

and unfortunately, quite steriley.

Nothing like a night at home,

rhyming with the 0|' ball and chain.

Husband, I believe
in our marriage as well.

But know thee this.

You captured me not by
dragging me to thy house,

but by treating me with kindness

once I was here.

I saw thee try, and thus I tried also.

I have changed as a result
of your kindness.

Now, I would ask that you
change as a result of mine.

Change? But didst not thou sayeth

that I do all the things
for you a wife could want?

All, save one.

- All, save respecting me.
_ Re__

Respecting thee?

Respecting me.

I ask that you hold me in higher esteem,

both as thy wife

and as thy partner.

In short, I ask that you retreateth

from your role as chauvinist.

And for my part...

should that respect beginneth tonight,

I shall share the same room

as my mate.

Good morning.

Good morning.

- Sleep well?
- Like a babe.

Only waking occasionally
wanting to be fed.

Myself, I lay awake all night happily

and thinking also, wondering,

Petruchio, why me?

What moved thee to woo me?

Thy life...

thy spirit.

We are kindred souls, Kate,

as mountains to wind.

Each of us moves not,

though the other blow perpetually.

More to the point...

I saw me in thee.

Husband, for all
thy boorishness and bluster,

thou art a good man.

And for all thy shrillness
and shrewishness,

thou art quite a remarkable woman.

I shall dispatch them with all clue haste.

Good morrow, Petruchio,
I come with news from Padua.

Well, then spit it out post haste,

I'm about to make news here.

On Sunday next,

Bianca, sister to Katherina,
will marry Lucentio.

Thee and thy wife hath, of course,
been invited to attend.

Good tidings, indeed.

Go thee and assure the bride's father

that we will journey back happily.

Truth be told,

most are aware thou win thy money

if Kate be not only still married,

but tamed by Bianca's wedding clay.

More will attend for those results,

than for the wedding itself.

Fret thee not,

for all things here

seem to be well in hand.

And thus, a week later,

their way to Bianca's wedding

did Petruchio and Katherina make.

Forsooth, husband.

Why thinkest they stare at us so?

They be merely unaccustomed

to seeing a couple so happily mated.

We are happily mated, are we not?

Good husband, needst thou
even ask that question?

Nay, nay.

But now that we are in front of the town,

if someone were to ask...

Gladly would I express my feelings to all.

Tis plain the whole town
knoweth of the deal

'twixt Petruchio and myself.

And have come to see
if he'll collect his due.

And if the whole town
knoweth, then tis possible

that Kate knoweth, and if Kate knoweth,

and knoweth that the whole town knoweth,

and knoweth that we knoweth
that she knoweth,

knowest what that means?

No-eth.

Either she be tamed
but will still learn of this,

or she be not tamed,
and it doesn't matter.

Either way...

tis no place for me.

Havest a nice honeymoon.

Father!

Daughter?

How truly good it is to see thee, Father.

OQh!

How truly good it is
to see thee, daughter.

OQh!

So... away with us all.
We've a wedding to attend.

I likest a band that playeth the oldies.

And one thing more,

never a borrower nor a lender
be, unless, of course,

thou can compound interest
annually at 8 percent.

Greetings, gentlemen.

May I sayeth, brother Lucentio,

tis a pleasure to be welcomed
unto such a family

with open arms, open heart,

and, of course,

open purse strings.

Yes, well...

though the change in Kate
looks to be a miracle,

the day still be young,

and my purse, for now,

still be closed.

Haveth thy way, good father,

as the unfolding of the day

shall proveth my success.

Thy wild Kate hath been declawed.

So, Lucentio,

art thou ready to rule thy roost tonight?

Well...

If thou be worried
about thy honeymoon night,

feareth not, friend,

for thy manly instincts shall kick in

when need doth arise.

To be certain man be lord of his house,

and being such, need only command
that his needs be met.

Tis her duty to please thee.

Truly? And that be how
it worketh with thee?

My man, if I'm lying,
I'm dying.

What?

Be thou certain?

Interesting news, indeed, Petruchio.

Word hath come

that Kate merely pretendeth to be tame.

That she be talking of equality,

of thy marriage being 50-50!

50-50!?

Well, the woman be quite a little kidder.

Though I wish only the best for thee,

there be in my mind a question now.

Who hath in fact been tamed?

Kate... or thee?

I assure you, sir,
tis she a|one's been tamed.

Then perhaps thou could prove it

by calling her out, forthwith,

and showing us thy manly command!

Well, I-- I don't want to
interrupt their girl talk.

We haveth an arrangement.

If she be not tamed, tis my right to know.

He has a point there.

Bring her to us!

Enough!

If thou needeth proof
of the taming of Kate,

then proof it shall be!

Fetch me my wife!

Stay tuned at thine own risk,

as such confrontations

be the stuff nightmares are made of.

You calleth, husband?

Aye, and with a purpose.

Tis a duty thou must perform.

You have but to ask, dear husband,

and I'll do my best to please thee.

That thou will.

For thy husband is thy lord,

thy life, thy keeper.

And as thou art bound to serve and obey,

thou art bound to agree

whatever he sayeth be true above all else.

Kate!

I say tis the moon that shines so bright.

And as my wife, wouldst thou not agree,

fisindeed?

That's it.
She's going to blow.

Husband...

I believest thou art mistaken.

And if thou takest another look,

I'm quite sure thy error will be clear.

Tis the sun, and not the moon,

that shines so bright.

The sun, you say?

If that be your final answer,

I have but one choice.

To look again.

Why, as I live and breathe,

'twas indeed a mistake.

My wife hath called it.

Tis the sun

and not the moon at all.

I was wrong...

and hath learned it from a woman.

One with much to teach.

Thou art witness to a revelation,

for myself, too long in coming,

and it concerneth the beauty

of holding thy mate at thy side

rather than under thy thumb.

For those with bodies soft and tender

hath soft and tender hearts, as well.

And all their gifts be so much more,

when allowed to be given freely.

If this be offensive
to men, then so be it.

For perhaps the time has come for offense.

I hath struck a deal with thy father,

that I might receive thy dowry if,

and only if, I tame thee.

I now renounce this deal...

and wish for no other reward

other than thy affection,

and thy company

for as long as thee shall live.

If truth be told,

a mistake was made by all...

by the town...

by her family...

and by me.

For Kate never needed to be tamed.

She merely needed to be loved.

Kiss me, Petruchio!

So it was,

we endeth here,

this chapter of Petruchio and Kate.

From here,

they lived life, long and full.

The world their only parameter,

and as they went,

'twas with a single complaint...

We hate iambic pentameter!

Is Moonl/yht/ng still on?

No. It just ended.

- Aw.
- Aw, that's okay.

It wasn't very good tonight anyway.