All language subtitles for All Screwed Up 2009 - 1H37

[ Drums Beating ]

[ Birds Screeching ]

[ Speaking Native Language ]

[ Speaking Native Language,
Men Shouting In Unison ]

[ Thunder Crashing ]

[ Speaking Native Language,
Men Shouting In Unison ]

[ Thunder Crashes ]

Hmm.

[ Snores ]

Dad.

Dad.

Dad.

Dad.

Dad.

Dad.

[ Screams ]

[ Gasping ]

You Don't Understand Me.

You Never Have!

I'm Sorry, Honey
I Was Just A Bit Startled.

[ Laughing ]

[ Sighs ]
What's So Funny?

You Daughter Almost Gave Me
A Heart Attack.

[ Laughing ]
It's Just -- It's Just...

It's Just What?

"Aaaaah!"

[ Laughing ]

[ Yawns ]

It's Very Funny.

What 16-Year-Old Girl
Gets Excited About A Bug?

Let's Not Forget, Those Bugs
Can Be A Remedy For Her.

They Can Give Her Focus.

Sometimes She Seems
So Normal.

And Then Other Times
She's Just A Space Cadet.

She Can Sometimes Seem
A Little Odd With Her Condition,

Especially Towards
Her Evil Stepmom.

[ Laughs ]

Okay.

Let's See If This Evil Stepmom
Can Go Straighten Things Out.

I'm Sorry
About Your Bug.

But You Better Be Sorry
About This Room.

Yeah.
Whatever.

Oh, For Christ's Sake.

You're Not My Mother!

Go Back To Where You Came From,
And Take Your Broom With You!

You Little Bitch.

What's Going On Here?
Some Of Us Have To Go To Work.

Your Wife Is Being Rude.

How Many Times Have I Told You
Not To Call Her My Wife?

Look, I Don't Know
What Happened Here.

All I Know Is Jill Came In
To Apologize To You.

Yeah.
Whatever.

[ Sighs ]

Listen.

Can You Try To Get Along
With Jill For My Sake?

Just...You Never Listen
To My Side.

You Never Take My Side,
And You Never Listen To Me.

Hey.
That's A Pretty Cool Bug.

It's A Namibian
Elephant Beetle.

Hmm.
Well, It's Pretty Unusual.

Anyway, Do Me A Favor.

What Now?

Could You Please Put Away
Some Of These Clothes

Before You Go
To School?

[ Mid-Tempo Hip-Hop Plays ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Music Continues ]

♪ Feelin' Right,
Feelin' Right Tonight ♪

[ Exhales Deeply ]

215, Huh?
That's The Best You Can Do?

Basketball Players
Are A Lot Bigger These Days.

Those Scouts, They're Looking
For Guys That Can Do 270, 275.

♪ Tell Them, Tell Them,
Tell Them ♪

♪ Feelin' Right,
Feelin' Right Tonight ♪

♪ You're Feelin' Right,
You're Feelin' Right Tonight ♪

♪ Tell Them, Tell Them ♪

♪ You're Feelin' Right,
Feelin' Right ♪

[ Dog Barking In Distance ]

Let Me Guess.

You Need A Ride To School
Again.

[ Papers Shuffling ]

You Know, You Could Probably
Organize These A Little Better.

There You Go.

All Right.

Got Everything?

Come On.

[ Door Closes ]

What Is That?

[ Engine Turns Over ]

It's Just My Little Baby
Namibian Elephant Beetle.

You're So Weird.

I Know.

That's Why You Like Me.

[ Up-Tempo Rock Music Plays ]

♪ I Think That You're Insane ♪

♪ Pretending Nothing's Changed ♪

♪ Why Don't You See The Light? ♪

[ Indistinct Conversations ]

[ Engine Shuts Off,
Music Stops ]

[ Birds Chirping ]

Sorry.
Excuse Me.

[ Sighs ]

[ Door Closes ]

Okay.
So, I'll See You Later, Pete?

All Right, Teenisha.

Excuse Me. Sorry.

Loser.

Geek.

Nice Tupperware.

Dork.

Listen, Man, The Boys Asked Me
To Talk To You, All Right?

Hold Up.
Check It Out.

What Do You Think?

They're, Uh, Fine.

What Are You Talking About,
Dude?

These Things Are Amazing.

Hey, Babe.
Lookin' Fine Today.

Listen, I'm Trying To Talk You,
Man, All Right?

You're Always Trying
To Talk To Me, Dan, You Know?

I Know -- It's Not Cool
That I Bring Teenisha To School.

Is Hillary Bugging You
About This Again?

Yes!

Hillary --
Your Girlfriend.

You Really Don't Want To Piss
Off The Hottest Girl In School.

My Girlfriend.

Hillary, My Girlfriend.

I'm In Charge.

That's Not What I Hear.

Look, Anyway, It's --
It's Not Just Her, All Right?

It's The Whole School.

Well, What Do You Want
From Me, Dude?

For God's Sake, She's My
Neighbor And Needed A Ride.

But She Always Needs
A Ride.

What Do You Care? You're Not
Paying For My Gas, Man.

People Are Talking.
Don't You Care?!

Let Them Talk,
All Right?

At Least We're Drumming Up
Some Excitement,

'Cause God Knows
That Our Basketball Team Is Not.

We're Getting Better.

We're 4-8.

We're At A Turning Point
Right Now.

We're At A Turning Point
With No Guards...

Hey.

Hey!

I'm A Guard.

That's My Shooting Arm.

So What?

What, Are You Gonna Miss
One More Lay-Up?

What's That, 20 A Game?

[ Scoffs ]

Well, Maybe If I Had Guards
Instead Of Girls,

I Could Make A Shot.

Want To Mess With Me?

Huh?

[ Spits ]
Bring It On.

Bruce:
Come On. Come On.

Hillary: And The Sun Is Hitting
Me From This Really Good Angle,

So I Look Really Hot, And...

You Have To Learn
To Say "Good Morning."

You Can't Let Her Ignore You
Like That.

These Books
Must Be Heavy.

Let Me Lower
The Weight.

[ Laughter ]

Loser.

You Might Want To Respect
Those Better Than You.

Ms. Harper: Most Of You Did
Very Well On This Project.

But A Few --
I Mean A Real Few --

Handed In The Paper

Without The Least Concern
For Its Appearance.

[ Laughter ]

This Is Unacceptable.

Loser.

[ Indistinct Conversations ]

It's Almost Ready.

Spoon.

Thank You.

You Are So Weird.

All Us Geniuses Are Weird,
My Friend.

Ready?

Now.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughter ]

Who Did This?

Who Did This?

[ Laughter ]

I Am So Gonna Find Out
Who Did This.

[ Laughter ]

All Right.

It's Not So Bad.

[ Clattering ]

[ Laughter ]

Who's Laughing?

Who's Laughing?!

[ Clearing Throat ]
Teenisha.

Dan: Teenisha.

Adam: Teenisha.

Teenisha.

Teenisha.

You Think This Is Funny?

Uh, What?

Don't Play Miss Innocent
With Me.

[ Bell Rings ]

You're Gonna Clean Up
This Mess.

[ Indistinct Conversations ]

[ Marker Squeaking
On Whiteboard ]

Um, Sorry About Missing Class
Today.

What A Great Specimen
You've Brought Me.

You Not Only Have
An Elephant Beetle

But, It Appears,
A Namibian Elephant Beetle.

Thanks.

Did You Hear What I Said?
A Namibian Elephant Beetle.

You Have, Like -- Like Stuff
All Over Your Face

And Your -- Your Hands.

Do You Want To Hear
About This,

Or Am I Gonna Get
A Grooming Lesson?

No. Please.

Well...

Its Size Is Extraordinary.

This Insect Is So Rare

That At One Point Scientists
Thought It To Be Extinct.

However,
It Has Recently Been Spotted

In Some Of The More Remote Areas
Of Africa.

Tribes There Have
A Great Respect

And A Great Fear
Of This Insect.

Tribal People To This Day
Tell Tales

That A Bite
From A Namibian Elephant Beetle

Can Steal Your Soul.

Whoo-Oo-Oo.

Whoo-Oo.

No One Understands Me.

Yeah, I Understand You.

[ Sighs ]

You Know, You're, Like,
The Only One That I Can Talk To

About Stuff Like This.

I Know What It's Like
To Be An Outcast Like You.

You -- You Do?

I'm The Only One
In This Faculty

That's Trying To Get You Kids
To Understand Science

Through Action
And Not A Textbook.

All I Get Is Criticism.

That's Not Right, 'Cause You're,
Like, The Best Teacher Here.

They Look At Me
As Some Sort Of Misfit,

And They Want To Stop Me.

We Must Stick Together.

So Then You'll Take My Elephant
Beetle To The Lab Today?

I'm Sorry. I'm Just Running
In There And Running Out.

Oh.

I Understand.

If You Want, Bring The Beetle
To The Gym -- Say, 3:30.

I'm Supposed To Meet
Someone There From The Lab.

That Would Be Great!

I'll See You Tomorrow,
Mr. Zucker.

[ Bell Rings ]

[ Indistinct Conversations ]

Now, Who's The Boss?

What?

Hey, Babe.

[ Smooches ]

[ Scoffs ]

Dan Was Giving You Some
Helpful Advice This Morning,

But You Chose To Ignore It.

She's My Neighbor,
All Right?

And I'm Your Girlfriend.

I've Been Patient,
But...Patience Has Its Limits.

Now I See You're Dropping
Her Off After School, Too.

You Know
That's Way Beneath You.

Her Stepmother
Just Got A New Job.

It's Only Gonna Be A Week,
And Then --

No, No, No.

Honey...

You Can Play
With The Misfits...

...Or You Can Play
With Me.

Which Will It Be?

I'll Take Care Of It.

Good.

So I'll See You After School
Today At Rocco's.

Well, I Sort Of Got To
Take Her Home This Afternoon.

You Disgust Me.

It'll Be The Last Time.

[ Birds Chirping ]

What Are You
Looking For?

Teenisha:
My Little Elephant Beetle.

Are You Crazy?

It Needed Some Fresh Air.

This Is The Last Time That I --
Teenisha, Get It Off Me.

Ow!

[ Gasps ]
Did You Find It?

That Thing Just Bit Me!

Ahh.

Are You Okay?

I Don't Know.
I Think It's Swelling.

Oh, Yeah.
I'm Sorry About That.

Sorry About That?!

That Thing Just Bit My Hand!
What Am I Gonna Do?!

I-It's Swelling!

Calm Down.
You're Acting Like A Loser.

What Did You
Just Call Me?

N-Nothing.

Did You Just Call Me
A Loser?

Um...

Do You Have Any Idea

How Embarrassing It Is
For Me To Be Seen With You,

Let Alone Take You Home
From School?!

[ Inhales Sharply ]

I Don't Need
Any Sympathy Rides.

Oh? Yeah?
Get Out.

Get Out!

Weirdo.

Fine!
My Pleasure!

Jerk-O!

My Sweater!

[ Tires Screech ]

♪ I Will Stick Around ♪

♪ Trippin' On Your Jacket,
Love ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm Trippin' Now ♪

♪ I'm Trippin', Baby ♪

♪ Yes, I'm Trippin'
On Your Jacket, Love ♪

♪ Oh, Yeah ♪

♪ You Can Bring Me Down ♪

♪ Trippin' On Your Jacket,
Love ♪

♪ Oh, Oh, Oh ♪

♪ I'm Not Sayin'
That It's All Your Fault ♪

What Happened To You?

You Had Your Father Going Nuts
Trying To Find You.

I Had To Walk Home.

Is That Okay?

Why Didn't You Call?

I Could Have
Picked You Up.

It's, Like, Really,
Really Hard To Call

From The Middle
Of Nowhere.

Pete Kicked Me Out Of His Car,
Okay?

That Pete
From Up The Block?

Yeah, That Tool
From Up The Block.

Thank God
You're All Right.

I'm Sorry.

What Happened?

So Pete Goes And He Drops Me Off
In The Middle Of Nowhere.

Well, That's Horrible.

Why Did He Do That?

I Don't Know.
He's Such A Jerk.

That's Weird.

Isn't He The Guy
That Drops You Off At School

When You're Late?

Once In A While.

I Mean, So What?
What's The Big Deal?

It's Not Like
He's Not Going That Way Anyway.

What, Are You Crazy?

He Left Her
In The Middle Of The Road.

Well,
Did You Say Something?

It Doesn't Matter
If She Said Something.

He Dropped Her Off
On The Highway.

Did You Hear?

I'm Not Saying
That He's Right.

I'm Just Wondering

Why He Would Jump Off
The Deep End Like That.

You See?
She Blames Me For Everything!

I Am Not Blaming You!

Well, It Sure Sounds
That Way.

[ Whistle Blows ]

Hey,
It's Your Girlfriend.

Hipkins:
All Right, All Right!

Are You Guys Out Here
To Chitchat,

Or Are You Out Here
To Play Basketball?

All:
[ Flatly ] Play Basketball.

I Didn't Hear You!

Play Basketball!

Play Basketball!

Play Basketball!

That's Better.

Now, As I'm Sure
You Guys Already Know,

If We Can Pull Out A Win
This Week,

We're In The Playoffs.

And If We're In The Playoffs,

There's Gonna Be Certain Scouts
From Certain Universities

That Are Gonna Be Here
To Check Out Certain Players.

Coach,
Playing The Hawks This Week.

They've Crushed Us
For The Past Three Years.

Well...I Didn't Say
It Was Gonna Be Easy.

We Can Do It.

Good, Good.
Good Attitude.

Because Of That...
You Can Play Center This Game.

[ Players Murmuring, Chuckling ]

Yeah?

What Am I Gonna Do?

You're, Uh -- You're --
You're -- You're --

You're Gonna Play, Uh --
You're Gonna Play The -- The...

Guard?

The Guard Guy.
The -- Yeah.

The Guard?

Right. Obviously,
I Was Saying That, Okay?

All Right, All Right.
Enough Talk.

Let's Get Some Action
Going Here, Okay?

Uh, I Want You Guys
To Practice Patterns

Down The Left And Right Side.

Okay?
Let's -- Let's Get Going.

This Guy's Got A Smiley Face
Of Sweat On His Shirt.

[ Laughter ]

What Did You Say?

I Said, Uh -- I Said,

"We Better Practice Hard
So We Don't Get Hurt."

No, No.
I Don't Think So.

You Know What?

You Can Give Me Five Laps Around
The Field -- The -- The Court.

Now!

See You Later.

All Right.
Now, The Rest Of You, Let's Go.

Come On. High Energy.
Let's Get Going.

Uh, Come On!

Run!

Hey, Watch This.

[ Grunts ]

[ Clattering ]

[ Thunder Crashes ]

[ Echoing ]
That Thing Just Bit My Hand!

Felix:
That's A Pretty Cool Bug.

Jill:
What 16-Year-Old Girl...

Hipkins:
[ Echoing ] Come On, Come On.

Mr. Zucker: [ Echoing ]
Steal Your Soul.

Are You Okay?

Yeah.
Let's Play Some Basketball.

Hipkins:
What Is Your Problem?

Adam:
It Was An Accident.

Pete's Gonna Play Center.

Adam, You're Out.

What?

That's Right.
You're Off The Team.

I'm Tired
Of Your Wise-Ass Remarks.

What Do You Think, I'm Stupid?
[ Sighs ]

[ Exhales Deeply ]

[ As Pete ] Oh!

Oh-Ho-Ho!

Ugh!

[ Gasps ]
That's My Body!

[ As Teenisha ]
That's My Body!

Calm, Calm.
Bad Dream.

That's All.
Bad, Bad, Bad Dream.

Okay.
Slap Me.

What?

Just Slap Me.

Slap Me Across The Face,
And I'll Wake Up.

Just If You Slap Me Across
The Face, Then I'll Wake Up.

Oh!

God, I'm Still Here.

[ Sighs ]

What The Hell Happened,
Huh?

What's Going On?
How Did This Happen?

I Don't Know.

Something Hit Me, And Then
The Beetle, And Then It Bit Me.

[ Whistle Blows ]

Oh, No.

Oh, God. Where Is She?

Shh!

All Right, All Right.
Settle Down.

Okay.
Just Act Like Me.

Act Like You?

What Do You
Want Me To Do,

Leave You On The Side
Of The Road Somewhere?

Okay, Okay.
I Said I'm Sorry About That.

But You Really Went Over The
Line With That "Loser" Remark!

What If I Don't Want To Act
Like You?

I'm Gonna Release All Of Your
Bugs When I Get To Your House!

You Wouldn't!

Try Me!

Fine,
But You Owe Me Big-Time.

[ Indistinct Conversations ]

Hey, What Happened
To Your Friend Pete Out There?

He Looked Like
A Little Girl.

Yeah, What Happened
To You Out There?

Um, I, Um...

Crap.

Damn It, Speak Normal.

You Sprained My --

Ow!
Freakin' Nail.

[ Deep Voice ] I Sprained My --
Ow -- My Freakin' Nail.

Did You Just Say
Your Fingernail?

Uh, My Finger.

I Sprained My Finger.

Oh, Don't Worry.
You're In Luck.

My Sister Knows
A Great Manicurist.

Push Him.
It's Me. Remember?

Push Him?

Push Him!

Did You See
What I Just Did?

[ Indistinct Conversations ]

They're Getting Naked.

You Got A Towel?
I Need A Towel.

[ Indistinct Conversations ]

I Am Not Getting Naked!

Pete, Were You Just Talking
To Someone?

Um...N--
Uh, Talking To Someone?

No.

Yeah, You Know Me.

I'm Real Excited About The Game,
And, Uh...

[ Sneezes ]

[ Sneezes ]

It's, Uh, Breezy
In Here.

Got The Sniffles.
[ Sneezes ]

No, It -- It Definitely
Just Came From That Locker.

No, It -- It's Not.
This Locker Is Locked.

Really?

[ Lock Rattles ]

See? Locked.
I Told You.

Hmm.

Hey.

Who's That?

Oh!

[ Moans ]

I-I-I'll Get Her.
I'll Get Her.

I'll Get Her. I'll Get Her.
I'll Get Her. Okay?

Did You See
How Hard I Pushed Him?

You Know,
You Are Really Weird.

That's Why You Like Me.

Come On.

Ow.

Hurry Up.

Ow. Ow.

Hurry Up!

What?

You Got To Hit Me, 'Cause These
Guys Are Gonna Come Out --

Ow.

You Didn't Have To Hit Me
So Hard.

And In The Jaw?

Real Frickin' Brilliant.

I'm Sorry.

Just Guess I Don't Know
My New Strength.

[ Door Opens ]

[ Door Closes ]

[ Indistinct Conversations ]

[ Grunts ]

Aw, These Things
Are A Pain In The Neck.

I Hear You Like Hanging Out
In The Boys' Locker Room.

Hey, Babe.

[ Laughter ]

What?

Uh, You Know, Girlfriend --
F-Friend That's A Girl?

[ Laughter ]

Oh, That's Cute.
I Think She Just Made My Day.

[ Chuckles ]
Girlfriend?

What Are You, Crazy?

Do You Think I Would Be Caught
Dead Hanging Out With You?

You Dropped Something.

Loser.

[ Laughter ]

[ Sighs ]

Getting You Nervous?

No.
Um, Yeah -- No.

Uh, What Are You
Doing Here?

I Figured You Deserved A Kiss
For Taking Care Of Teenisha.

[ Sneezes ]

Sorry.

I, Uh, I Think I'm Coming Down
With Someone-- Thing --

Coming Down With
Something.

You Want To Share?

No. No. Ew.

Uh, I Mean, I Don't --
I Don't Want To Get You Sick.

[ Sneezes ]

You Could Cover Your Face.

And What's With Your Voice?

Oh. Uh...

[ Deep Voice ] It --
It Comes And Goes. You Know...

[ Coughs ]

Anyway, I, Um, I Was
Just Thinking, M-Maybe --

Maybe We Should Really Rethink
Our Relationship.

What?

What Are You
Talking About?

It's That Freaky Girl,
Isn't It?

You Caught Something
From Her.

I Told You --
Her Geekiness Is Contagious.

I-I Was Just Thinking,
You Know,

At This Juncture
In Our Relationship,

That Maybe We Should --
I Don't Know --

Rethink Our Commitment.

M-Maybe We're Not Good
For One Another -- One Another.

You'd Better Be Joking.

Think Real Hard
About What You're Doing,

Because I Can Make You Fall Off
The Popular Wagon

In A Blink Of An Eye.

Remember, I'm Hillary.

Sorry To Hear That.

And I Just Need, You Know,
A Couple Days.

I'm Really Not Feeling
Like Myself.

You Are Going To Regret This
Real Soon, And So Is She!

[ Chuckles ]

[ Bell Rings ]

You'll Have To...

[ Car Alarm Chirps ]

You'll Have To Drive.
[ Sighs ]

[ Car Alarm Chirps ]

[ Car Alarm Blares ]

Oh! Gross!

[ Car Door Slams ]

Teenisha: Okay.
Now, Remember What I Told You.

Right Pedal, Gas.
Left Pedal, Brake.

All Right.

One Foot.

Okay, Okay.
No Problem At All.

This Is --
This Is Like Riding A Bike.

I've Never Seen You
Ride A Bicycle.

Well, I'm Sure
It's Not That Difficult.

[ Sighs ]

Now, Where Does This Go?

In The Ignition.

[ Chuckles ]

I Was Teasing.
I Knew That.

All Right.
Ready?

[ Bell Chiming ]

What's That?

Maybe There's Something Wrong
With Your Car.

You Could Take It In
And Get It Fixed Or Something.

[ Engine Turns Over ]

[ Chuckles ]

Okay.

Okay. Ready?

[ Click ]

Here It Goes.

[ Tires Screech ]

Sorry.

[ Mid-Tempo Music Playing ]

[ Tires Screech ]

[ Tires Screech ]

[ Tires Screech ]

[ Engine Revs ]

[ Tires Screech, Horn Honks ]

[ Screaming ]

What Are You?
Crazy?

[ Horn Honking ]

What?

You Fix It!

Loser.

How About I Kick You?

You Know,
I May Be In Your Body,

But I'll Still Kick
Your Butt!

Shut Up.

What Is Wrong With You?!

[ Indistinct Shouting ]

Jill: Remember How You Said
You'd Take Care Of That Peter

The Next Time
You Saw Him?

Felix: Yeah?

[ Indistinct Shouting ]

I Think Your Daughter
Has Taken Care Of That.

[ Chuckles ]

Well,
Look At My Daughter.

You Go, Girl.

Hmm.

[ Chuckles ]

Got The Biggest Game Of My Life
Tomorrow Night.

The Next Four Years Of My Life
Are Riding On This One Game,

And I've Got
One Little Problem.

A Girl Stole My Body.

A Girl Stole My Body.

And Not To Mention
That My Girlfriend --

She Doesn't Like Guys That
Aren't Anatomically Correct.

[ Backpack Thuds ]

What Do You Want Me
To Do About It?

I'm The Weirdo, Remember?

Okay, Okay.

I Said That I'm Sorry About That
Like 10 Times Already.

What Do You Want Me To Do,
Huh?

Anyway, You're The One
Who Called Me A Loser, Remember?

I Did Not!

Even If I Did,
You Started It.

[ Chuckling ]

Dude, What's So Funny?

Nothing.

No. What?

Well...It's Just You're Not
Very Pretty...

As A Girl.

[ Scoffs ]
Dude, This Is Your Body.

Was My Body.

[ Dog Barking In Distance ]

Actually...

...It Really Isn't
That Bad.

You're Just Saying That.

No, No, No.
I'm Serious.

It Really Isn't That Bad.

I Mean, I Never Realized How...
Cute You Can Be.

You Know?

Get Rid Of These,
Like, Bifocals,

Maybe Dab On
A Little Makeup...

And, Uh...I Could Be Hot.

Thanks.

You're Not So Bad
Yourself.

You Know...

This...

This Just Might Work.

[ Sighs ]
I Never Know What's Going On.

[ Exhales Sharply ]

But It Works
In All The Fairy Tales.

Huh?
What? What?

[ Sighs ]
Nothing.

That Was A Little Weird.

I Just, Um --
I Just Kissed Myself.

Do You Think That's Gay?

Depends On How It Felt.

How Did It Feel?

Eh, Worry About That
Later.

I Just -- I Thought That The
Kiss Would Reverse The Curse.

That Only Turns Frogs
To Princes.

All Right.

So, Are You Good With The Plan
That We Talked About?

I Guess So.

Okay. Let's Break.
[ Claps Hands ]

Teenisha:
[ Burps ]

[ Licking Fingers ]

[ Chewing Noisily ]

[ Gulping ]

[ Slurping ]

[ Slurping ]

[ Burps ]

[ Gulps ]

What?

Oh, You Seem To Have
A Really Healthy Appetite.

[ Clears Throat ]

Well, You Know,
This Is What I Crave.

Mm.

Oh...

It's Kind Of Late.

[ Clears Throat ]

Think I'm Gonna, Um --
Think I'm Gonna Head To My Room.

It's Only 8:30.

Whew.
Past My Bedtime, You Know?

[ Slurps ]

It's That Way, Right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She Even Drank
The Chocolate Shake,

And She Hates Chocolate.

[ Sighs ]
Maybe She's Just Extra Hungry.

Maybe She's Pregnant.

[ Slow Introduction Plays ]

♪ I May Not Know Who I Am,
But I Know Who I'm Not ♪

♪ Life Is A Crazy Game
Of Connect The Dots ♪

♪ I'm Number 33, And You're 32 ♪

Cool.

[ Mid-Tempo Hip-Hop Plays ]

♪ Yeah, Unh ♪

♪ Just Met A Girl ♪

♪ Could Not Get Over It ♪

♪ Just, Just, Just,
I Just Met A Girl ♪

♪ This Moment's So Appropriate ♪

♪ Got Me Thinkin' ♪

♪ I Could Not Get Over It ♪

♪ I'm Just Lovin' The Type
Of Fruit That Is Ripe ♪

♪ Walkin' Straight My Way,
And She's Lookin' So Tight ♪

♪ I'm Sayin, "Hold Me
And Cure Me From This Apathy" ♪

♪ She Keeps Me Dreamin'
Beyond The Line Of Actuality ♪

♪ I See Her Comin',
I Just Start Grinnin' ♪

♪ 'Cause All These Other Dudes
Just Want To Get With It ♪

♪ I Move Through The Crowd
With The Energy ♪

♪ Smooth, This Girl For Sure
Is My Destiny ♪

♪ I Take Her With Me
For Us To Be Free ♪

♪ So Just Dance With Us
And Come Chill With Me ♪

[ Toilet Flushes ]

[ Indistinct Talking
On Television ]

[ Sniffles ]

Young Girl:
Lassie, It's You!

[ Dog Whimpering ]

I Love You, Lassie.

[ Knock On Door ]

It's Dad.
Are You Busy?

[ Indistinct Talking
On Television ]

N-No. Yeah.
No.

Come On In, Dad.

[ Man Speaking Indistinctly
On Television ]

What The Hell
Is Going On Here?

Is Everything Okay?

Yeah, I'm -- Yeah.
Why? What's Up?

I Don't Know.

You've Kind Of Been Acting
Like...

Like What?

What The Hell Was That?

Oh.
[ Chuckles ]

[ Deep Voice ]
Nothing. I Was Kidding.

[ Chuckles ]

Were You Crying?

[ Sighs ]

No, I -- The Mets...

And The Way
They've Been Playing, I...

The Mets?

They Have A 10-Game
Winning Streak.

I'm So Proud Of Them.

They've Been Playing So Well,
You Know...Our Mets.

Go, Mets.

What About This Girl
Teenisha?

I Heard She Ripped You
A New One.

[ Sighs ]

What, You Want Me
To Go Hit Girls Now?

No, I Don't Want You
To Hit A Girl.

What About The Game
At The End Of The Week?

I Mean, I Could Sprain A Finger.
Did You Ever Think Of That, Dad?

I Mean, Be Realistic.

Where Are You Going?

[ Scoffs ]

To Do Something Manly.

I Don't Know.
I'm Gonna...Play With My Jock.

Give Me A Break.

I'm Sorry.
I'm Just A Little Concerned.

Can't A Father Be Concerned
About His Son?

Whatever.

[ Basketball Bouncing ]

Look, This Is The Mother
Of All Games.

If We Win This,
This Means The Playoffs.

Do You Know
What Playoffs Mean?

Playoffs Mean That Colleges
Will Have Their Eyes On Me,

As Should You Right Now.

So I Can't Have You
Acting...

Y-You Know,
The -- The Way That You Act.

Coach Won't Even
Have Me Starting.

So I'm Just Going To Teach You
Some Of The Abcs Of Basketball

To Get Us Through
Our Little Problem Here.

Yeah?

Bend Your Knees.

So, Try And Remember
That When You Pass A Basketball,

You Pass It Hard
And Fast

So That Your Opponent
Cannot Steal It.

Okay.
Pass It.

Okay, Look.

I'm Trying To Teach You
Some Of The Basics Here

So That You Don't Make A Fool
Out Of Me.

Pass The Ball.

Pass It.
Come On.

All Right.

Okay.
Lucky Catch.

Well, What If I Want To Make,
I Don't Know, A Crosscourt Pass.

Listen, My Friend,
Don't Get Cocky

Just Because You Catch
One Ball.

Ow.

Ow.

Are You Okay?
I'm Sorry.

It's Kind Of Rough Being Me,
Isn't It?

You Get Distracted
And You Forget Things,

Kind Of Klutzy.

It's The A.D.D. --
You Get Used To It.

Yeah. Great.

You're Bleeding.

[ Sighs ]

It's Just A Little Blood.

Hey, How Did You Learn How To
Pass That Ball Like That Anyway?

Me And My Dad Used To Play
All The Time, But...

Oh.

So At Least You Know
The Basics.

[ Sighs ]

How The Hell Did This Happen
Anyway?

I Did Some Research,
And I Did Some Digging,

And Then It Hit Me.

The Beetle.

A Bug?
That's Your Theory?

Mm-Hmm.

Okay, The Beetle Bit You,
Right?

Right.

And The Beetle Bit Me,
Right?

Yeah.

So I Talked To Mr. Zucker.

And Mr. Zucker Says
The Namibian Elephant Beetle

Has The Magic Ability
To Steal People's Souls.

Whoo-Oo!

What's With The "Whoo"?

I Don't Know. I Kind Of Like It.
I Think It's Catchy.

So It's Like When
A Bee Lands On A Flower

And Takes The Pollen.

So Wait A Minute.

You Mean To Tell Me

That If We Find This Nambibian--
Bibian Elephant Beetle,

That We Can Switch
Back To Normal?

Kind Of.

Oh!

Uh, It's Sort Of
A Rare Insect.

How Rare?

I Got Mine On Ebay, And You
Can't Buy Them In North America.

So, Look, We -- We Find
The Beetle, And Then We -- We...

Then?

We Make It Bite Us Or --
Or Lick Us Or Something.

[ Claps Hands ]
We Got To Find That Bug!

Well, The Last Place We Saw It
Was In The Gym --

Big Gym, Little Bug.

I Mean,
It Could Be Gone Already.

Okay.
So Then We Just Use Another Bug.

I Don't Think So.

"I Don't Think So"?

Why Are You Being A Jerk?

Let Me See.

How Do I Put This?

I Can't Be You
For The Rest Of My Life, Okay?

I Want My Life Back.
I Want My Body Back.

I Kind Of Like Your Body.

Tough! Tough!

I've Had That Body
For 17 Years, Okay?

I'm Kind Of --
Kind Of Used To It.

Chill.

Okay, I Made Some Phone Calls,
And I Found A Witch Doctor.

What?

Wh-- Where Did You Find
A Witch Doctor?

The Yellow Pages.
Do You Want To Come With Me?

Yeah.
Like, Now.

Well, He's A Doctor. You Can't
Just Walk In. He's Busy.

You Have To Make An Appointment.
So I Made One For Tomorrow.

Tomor-- Tomorrow?

Tomorrow Our Bug Will Be
Somewhere, And -- And --

You Make It Sound Like We've
Been Doing This For A Year.

It's Only Been A Day.

I Don't Do The Makeup Thing,
I-I Don't Do The Hair Thing,

And This Bra Stuff...

Well, I Mean, I Don't Even Wear
A Lot Of Makeup.

And, Hey, Be Positive.

You Know, I Thought --
I Thought I Was The One

Who Was Always Negative.

It's 9:00,
And I'm Exhausted.

Do You Know That It Is
Really Exhausting Being You?

Yeah. I Forgot To Tell You,
I Get Really Tired.

Damn It.

What?

It's Bruce's Party
Tonight.

Party?

Yeah.

Right Down The Street?

So?

Well...

I Mean, I Could Go.

You Know What?

I'm Too Tired To Argue.

♪ Just Throwin' A Party
With My Friends ♪

[ Chanting ] Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Bruce: Whoo-Hoo!

Latrelle: Yeah!

Whoo!

Yeah! Yeah!

Hey, I Thought
You Didn't Drink.

Sometimes We Just
Have To Celebrate.

What Are You Celebrating
Now?

The New Me!

You Sure Look Like
The Old One.

Seconds?

So, How Many Girlfriends
Does Pete Have Now?

Word Is He Drove That Girl Home
Again Today.

I Thought You Had A Tighter
Leash Than That, Hillary.

♪ And We're Tight Now ♪

♪ Like A Pack Of Dogs
With Another Song To Play ♪

Please.

When I Lose Control
Of A Man

To Toe Jam
Like That Four-Eyed Freak,

You May Open Your Mouth.

Until Then,
Keep It Shut.

Or...Did You Want Me To Flirt
With Your Precious Kevin?

Any Guy...Any Time...
Right Here.

Besides...Little Miss Bug Eyes
Will Get Hers.

I'll Make Sure Of That.

♪ You're Trying To Do Right ♪

♪ Tomorrow You'll Have To
Scrape Yourself... ♪

All: [ Chanting ] Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Get Out! Guys, Cops, Cops, Cops!
Get Out! Come On!

[ Indistinct Shouting ]

Go! Now! Get Out!
Get Out!

Come On! Come On!

[ Insects Chirping ]

Get Down.

What Did You
Do That For?

Shh!

Man: I Think
We're About Done Right Now.

Man, I Could Sure Use
A Doughnut.

Buddy, One Thing You Don't Need
Is A Doughnut.

More Like An Atkins Bar.

Shh.
I Think I Hear Something.

It's Probably My Stomach.

I Told You I Was Hungry.

One More Call,
And We're Done For This Month.

Stay Down On The Ground
Like Me.

What Are You Doing
On The Ground?

You Got To Think
Like A Bug.

[ Screams ]

Shh!

Sure You Don't Hear
Something?

That Was Like A Girl.

Nothing.

I Think That Weird Chick Has
Been Contaminating Your Brain.

I Think That The Guys
On The Basketball Team

Would Be Very Interested
To Know

That...Dan...
Screams Like A Girl.

[ Chuckles ]

♪ Dan Screams
Like A Girl ♪

[ Chuckles ]
Come On.

You're Not Gonna Say Anything,
Really?

Well...How About This?

If You Agree
To Stop Picking On Teenisha...

[ Scoffs ]

...I Won't Tell The Guys
On The Team.

And I Think
An Apology Might Help.

What?!

Do You Have The Hots
For Her?

Ugh.

You Got Some Strange Taste,
Man.

We're Just Friends.

Sure.

Whatever.

Okay. Look.

You Want To Know --
You Want To Know Something?

What?

I Think...

I Shouldn't Tell You.

Oh, Come On.

No.

You're Being Such A Girl.
Come On.

Just Babbling Away.

[ Groans ]

I'm Bored Of This.

Okay, Okay.

Look, You're Not Gonna Say
Anything, Right?

Now, What?
What?

I Think Teenisha
Is Sort Of Hot.

[ Chuckles ]

Are You Putting Me On?

No.

I Do.

I Mean, If She Took Off
Those Thick Glasses

And...Smiled A Little

Or Put -- Put Back Her Hair
Or Something,

I Mean,
She Could Be Attractive.

Well...I Happen To Know
For A Fact

That She Might Be Interested
In You, Too.

Yeah?

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah,
'Cause I Know --

I Know Girls Love It When You
Push Their Books On The Floor

And Call Them A Loser.

Oh.

You Know,
It's Just Part Of The Game.

What Game?

You Know, You Wouldn't
Understand, All Right?

Mr. --
Oh, Mr. 6'3", Six-Pack All-Star.

Look At Me.

I'm 5-Foot Nothing,
100 And Nothing.

[ Sighs ]

Do You Know How Hard It Is
For Me To Get Girls?

I-I Shouldn't Even --

I Shouldn't Even Be
At This Party.

I Shouldn't Even Be
In The Cool Crowd.

What -- What Makes Me Cool?
My Golden Locks?

No, I Pick On Other People.
All Right?

And I'm Okay With That.

That's The Cards I Was Dealt,
All Right?

And I'm Just Playing
The Game.

Wait.
Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait.

You're Telling Me
You Pick On People

Because You Think
It Makes You Look Cooler?

Dude, That's The Stupidest Thing
I Ever Heard.

I Don't Want To
Pick On Teenisha.

I Have To.

You Don't.

I Don't Want To Talk About It
Anymore, Okay?

No.

No, I'm Done.

Dan, I Want To Talk About This
More.

I'm Done.
Forget It.

I Don't Want To Forget It.
I Want To Keep Talking About It.

Look, I Think We're In The Clear
Now, Okay?

Let's Go.

No.
Where -- Where...

Where Are You Going?

[ Birds Chirping,
Dog Barking In Distance ]

Felix: Jill!

Jill!

What? What?

Look At This Room.

[ Sighs ]

I Thought You Said You Weren't
Going To Clean It Anymore.

I Didn't.

[ Gasps ]

Oh.

What Are You Looking For?

Maybe She Finally Started
Taking Her Medicine.

You Know That This Stuff --
It Can Do Wonders.

It's Full.

[ Sighs ]
This Is Strange.

First The White Castle
And Now This.

She Even Made It
To The School Bus.

Her Papers Were Organized.

Where Did Our Daughter Go?

[ Alarm Blaring ]

[ Alarm Stops ]

Where Am I?

In Trouble.

What The Hell
Were You Thinking?

Oh, I Have
A Splitting Headache.

Well, It's Jogging Time.
Let's Go.

I Said I Have A Headache.

I'm Not Stupid, Son.

I Know What You Were Doing
Last Night.

[ Sighs ]
That's Good,

'Cause It's All Kind Of Blurry
To Me.

[ Moans ]

Take A Shower
And Get A Cup Of Coffee.

Just Because You Screw Up
Doesn't Mean You'll Miss School.

Five More Minutes.
Thank You.

[ Whistle Blowing ]

Oh!

Okay, I'm Getting Up.
I'm Getting Up.

God!
No More Whistle.

You Carry A Whistle?

Downstairs
In Five Minutes!

No Son Of Mine
Is Gonna Be A Loser.

Jerk.

What Did You Say?

Nothing. Nothing.

Five Minutes.

[ Sighs ] Oh, Sure.
Five Minutes. Okay.

Aw. Gross.

Down, Boy.

Ugh.

[ Water Running ]

[ Exhales Deeply ]

♪ What Would You Say
If Yesterday ♪

♪ You And Me, We Went Away? ♪

♪ Made Out The Day
And Crossed The Line ♪

♪ So Easily,
We're Back In Time ♪

♪ Slid Back Into Our Memory ♪

♪ Of Afternoons ♪

♪ Up In Our Room,
The Shades Are Drawn ♪

♪ But Who Can Say
Those Times Are Gone Away? ♪

♪ I Love You ♪

♪ All The Way From Yesterday ♪

♪ Far Away Is Your Way ♪

♪ Do You Love Me? ♪

♪ Now Tomorrow,
Like I Say, Yesterday ♪

[ Whimpers ]

Ms. Harper:
Teenisha?

Teenisha!

[ Birds Chirping ]

Teenisha?

Teenisha!

What, Huh?
What?

We're So Glad
You Could Join Us.

The Answer Is?

Teenisha?

Oh, Um, I'm Sorry,
I-I Didn't Hear The Question.

Anybody Else Here
Know The Answer?

[ Indistinct Conversations ]

Hillary:
Teenisha.

Yeah?

Why Don't You Join Us?

Uh, Sure.

No Hard Feelings
About Yesterday?

Yeah.

Sure.

You Know, Girls,
Tonight After The Game,

The Plan Is To Go To The Lake
For An All-Nighter,

Show The Boys On The Team
A Good Time,

If You Know What I Mean.

What Do You Mean?

Well...
Use Your Imagination.

Why Don't You Come With,
Teenisha?

Do You Have Someone
You Can Bring?

Uh...

My Boyfriend, Pete,

He Tends To Prefer A Girl
With...Experience.

[ Sighs ]

And If He's A Good Boy...

He'll Get Quite An Experience
This Evening.

[ Sighs ]

We Need To Talk -- Now.

Not Now.
I Am Busy.

Now!

Or Else There's Gonna Be
A Major Accident At Your House.

[ Sighs ]
I'll Deal With The Nerd.

What Are You Doing?
You're Gonna Blow Our Cover.

Me? Blow Our Cover?
Give Me A Break.

What Time Was Our Appointment
With The Witch Doctor?

3:00. Why?

Any Chance We Could
Make That Sooner?

Why?

Because I Have A Girlfriend.
That's Why.

Hillary?
Are You Guys Still Together?

Of Course
We're Still To--

What Did You Do?!

Nothing.

I Swear To God,
If You Did Something,

If You Ruin This
For Me --

Well, She's Not
Really Your Type.

What Do You Mean,
She's Not My Type?

Look At Her!
She's Everybody's Type.

Oh, I've Been Waiting
A Long Time

For Something Like This
To Happen,

And I'm Not Just Talking
About The Game.

[ Sighs ]

Oh, Man.

Look At That Body.

I Don't Know
What You Want Me To Do.

I'm Not Gay.

3:00.
Don't Be Late!

[ Indistinct Conversations ]

Hey.

Why Don't You Come Sit
Over Here?

A-Are You Talking To Me?

Who Else?

Thanks.

Come On. Guys.

Tell Me...How's Your
Science Project Coming Along?

You Follow
The Science Fair?

Sure.

Why Wouldn't We?

What Do You Think, We're A Bunch
Of Stupid Basketball Players

Or Something, Huh?

No. No.
I'm Not Saying That, No.

No, He Didn't Say That.
All Right? Back Off.

I Heard Adam Screwed Up His Hand
And Car Real Bad Last Night

Driving Home
From The Party.

Can You Believe
That Schmuck Drove?

He Doesn't Play,
We Are Definitely Screwed.

Then I Could
Just Pass To Dan.

All Right. You Know,
I Heard Of Trying To Lose.

But That Is Ridiculous.

[ Laughter ]

Maybe John
Could Play For Us.

Uh, Really?

Sure.
Why Not?

[ Chuckles ]
You're Just Busting On Me.

No, Seriously.

Come To The Basketball Court
After School.

I'll Introduce You
To The Coach.

Well, My Mom Did Say
That I'm Pretty Good At Lay-Ups.

Just Be There.

[ Chuckles ]

Hey, Uh, John,
You Got Some Ink On Your Hand.

Might Want To Clean That Up
Before You Eat.

Okay.
Thanks.

All Right.
Watch This.

What Are You Doing?

Oh, You're Not --

You're Not Doing What I Think
You're Doing, Are You?

Worse.

Ew.

Much Worse.

Ugh!

Oh, This Is The Good Part.

[ Laughter ]

Hurry Up. He's Coming.
He's Coming.

Shh, Shh, Shh.

Oh.

[ Chuckles ]

Stop.

I See Some Mold On Your Bread.

Here.

Take Mine.

His Is Pb&J.

Funny.
So Is Mine.

I'm Gonna Run
To The Bathroom.

Yeah, Good Idea.

Run.

[ Footsteps Approaching ]

What Happened There?

I Don't Know.

Maybe It Was Something You Said
Last Night.

You Know, I Really Do Prefer
Doing This Standing Up.

[ Gasps ]

What Is Your Problem?

My Back's A Bit Of A Problem
Now.

I'm Serious.

I'm Dan.

Can't Say
It's Nice To Meet You.

I'm Gonna Kill
This Little Comedian.

Wait Till I Finish My Act.
Gets Better.

Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait!
Listen. Remember, Adam's Out.

We Need Him For The Game.

So We Can Use The Nerd.

At Least He Can Make One
In Every 10 Lay-Ups.

Well, Then Wait
Till After The Game.

You're Lucky Your Buddy
Saved You...For Now.

[ Sighs ]

[ Breathing Heavily ]

Thanks For The Stay
Of Execution.

Once The Game Is Over,
He'll Forget All About This.

[ Sighs ]

Boys.

[ Marker Squeaking
On Whiteboard ]

Do I Know You?

Well...
We Have A Mutual Friend.

Uh, She Sent Me.
She's...Having A Problem.

You Have Ink On You.

Wait A Minute.

You're The Center
For Our Basketball Team.

Yeah.
Oh, I Am. Yeah.

So, Who's
The Mutual Friend?

Teenisha Flowers.

Ah, Yes.

She Does Have A Problem.

I'll Tell You,
She's A Sweet Girl,

But You've Got To Have
A Hell Of A Lot Of Patience.

What Do You Mean?

Like I Said,
She's A Sweet Girl, But...

But What?

You Know,
She's A Bit...Dizzy.

I Know She Can't Help Herself,
But...

S-She's Not Your Girlfriend,
Is She?

No.

I Didn't Think So.

You Know What, Mr. Zucker?
You're Right About One Thing.

She Can't Help It.

[ Sighs ]

And To Think...
She Thought You Were Her Friend.

Boy, He Sure Is Sensitive
For A Jock.

I Didn't Call You
Retarded.

Teenisha:
I Heard You.

I've Been Talking To You
For The Past 20 Minutes.

I Heard Everything,
And It's My Practice.

Don't Get Used To My Body.

Even If I Could Send You Back,
Why Should I?

What Do You Mean,
Why Should You?

[ Tires Screech ]

What Did You Do That For?

What? [ Stammers ]

Give Me One Good Reason
Why I Should Want To Go Back.

Yeah --
I Could Name Hundreds.

Then One
Shouldn't Be Difficult.

[ Stammering ]

Okay. Look.
For One, This Is Your Body.

I'm Fat.

Not Really Fat.

Go On.

You -- You -- You Will Miss
Hanging Out With Your Friends.

Be Serious, Please.

I Don't Know.
I --

Exactly!
You Don't Know!

You Don't Know What It's Like
To Be Made Fun Of.

[ Sighs ]

You Don't Know
What It's Like

To Have Your Books Slammed
Out Of Your Hands,

And You Don't Know
What It's Like

To Have People Laugh
And Stare At You Every Day.

You Don't Know.

I Like Being Popular.

I Like Being On A Team.

I Like Having Friends,
Even Your Jerky Friends.

I Like Being Strong
And Being Able To Concentrate,

Not Having To Wear
Those Stupid Glasses.

I Like Being Peter.

And I Love Not Being Me.

Bugs.

Bugs?

Yeah, Bugs.

All Right. Look At This.
Look At This.

Most People,
They Go Through Life

Never Really Noticing
The Little Things, Yeah?

But You -- Huh? --
You --

You Really Appreciate
These Things

That People
Would Normally Ignore.

Huh?

[ Chuckles ]

What A Wonderful Reason
To Go On Living.

Okay. Well, Look. You Asked Me
To Give You One Reason.

Well, That Doesn't Count.

Yes, It Does.
Now, Look.

We Agreed To Go To The
Witch Doctor, And We're Going!

Now, Move It!

[ Click ]

[ Bell Jingles ]

[ African Accent ]
Welcome.

[ Both Gasp ]

[ Chanting In Native Language ]

You -- You Are In Search
Of The Cure

For The Namibian
Elephant-Beetle Curse.

Whoa.
How Did You Know That?

He Called Me.

[ Laughing ]

You're Early.

Well, Look,
It's An Emergency.

I See, Pete --
I Mean Teenisha.

I Mean Pete.
Oh, It's Very Confusing.

Anyway,
The Namibian Elephant Beetle

Is Very, Very Tricky
And Very, Very Powerful.

That Beetle Has The Power
To Steal A Man's Soul

And To Switch It
Into Another Man's Body.

Whoo-Oo-Oo-Oo.

Dude,
What's With The "Whoo"?

Oh, I Just Like
The Way That Sounds.

[ Laughs ]

Anyway, If You Two
Want To Get Your Souls Back

And Switched Into
The Right Bodies,

You Must Find
That Beetle.

But You Must Be Quick,
For The Beetle's Power Is Fading

And Will Be Totally Gone By
The End Of The Full-Moon Cycle.

Well...When Does
The Full-Moon Cycle End?

Tonight.

[ Laughs ]

Tonight?

Yes.

Well,
How Do You Know That?

I Watch The Weather Channel.
[ Laughs ]

Is There Any Other Way?

There Is One Other Way.

But It Will Be
Too Hard To Do.

I Mean, You Have To Get
The Tribesmen

And The Chanting Going,

And Then You Have To Have
A Great, Great Sacrifice.

Well, Look, Scratch That.

I'm Not Getting Sacrificed.
Let's Go.

Wait.
You Must Not Leave.

Why?

You Haven't Paid Your Bill.
[ Laughs ]

No, Seriously,
You Haven't Paid Your Bill.

Come On.
We Got To Do This.

It's 3:30,
And Game Time Is At 8:00.

The Moon Will Be Out All Night.
We Still Have Time.

No.
Listen To Me.

Listen To Me
Very, Very Carefully.

If I Don't Find That Beetle,
I Will Kill Myself.

You're Being Very Dramatic.

I Swear To God
That If I Don't Find That Bug,

My Life And Everything
That I've Ever Worked For

Will Be Completely Over.

[ Engine Turns Over ]

Consider It Over.

[ Engine Turns Over ]

[ Engine Revs ]

[ Sighs ]
It's Not Here.

It's Just Not Here.

Well, We Still Have An Hour
Till The Game.

Keep Looking.

It's Gone.

It's Probably Dead,
Like Me.

There's Still
Plenty Of Time.

Uh...A-And Afterwards, We Can
Still Look For The Beetle, Too.

I-I Could Play.

No.
Unh-Unh.

I'm Supposed To Play -- Me!
This Is My Time!

All That -- That Hard Work
For Years For What?

For Nothing?
For Nothing?!

Getting Up At 5:00 A.M.
Every Day To Work Out.

All The Sweat,
All The Training,

My Dad Being On My Back
Every Day And Every Night!

And Never, Ever, Not Once,
Even Being Good Enough For Him.

Unh-Unh.

This Was My Chance
To Make It All Worth It,

And It's Over.

Maybe You Could Be
Surprised.

I'm Really
Not That Bad Now.

You?

You're The One Who Got Us Into
This Mess In The First Place.

Me?!

[ Scoffs ]

You Think I Planned
All Of This?!

You Know What?

Maybe You Did, Huh?

I Mean, Who The Hell Would Want
To Be Teenisha Flowers Anyway?

Huh? Huh? Huh?

And Why Did You Even Bring
That Goddamn Bug Into My Car?!

You Did It.

You Did It.

Maybe Everybody Is Right.

Maybe You Are Just This --
This Freak.

I Wish I Never Even
Met You.

[ Sobs ]

[ Sniffles ]

At Least We Had
Some Break.

I Just Can't See Why You Can't
Get Her To Take Her Medicine.

I Can't Force Her To Take It.
She's A Teenager Now.

But It Makes Her Normal.

Sometimes It Makes Her
Normal,

But Sometimes It Makes Her
Feel Like A Zombie.

We'll Talk Later.

[ Footsteps Departing ]

Hipkins:
I'm Not Gonna Lie To You Guys.

And I'm Not Gonna Lie To Myself.

Okay?

Nobody Expects Us To Win
This Game Anymore -- Nobody.

I Don't Expect Us To Win.

I'm Sure You Guys
Don't Expect Us To Win.

But There's No Reason
For Us To Get Slaughtered.

Yeah, There Is.
We Have Dan As A Guard.

But, Uh, You Know,
We'll Just Go Out There

And, Uh, We'll Have A Moral
Victory Today, Okay?

Moral Victory.

Yeah, Not As Good
As A Regular Victory.

Doesn't Look Good
On A Job Résumé

If You're Applying
For A Coaching Position

At A Junior College
That You Always Wanted

But They Don't Give You
A Chance.

But, Uh, You Know, Hey,
We'll Just Go Out There Today

And, Uh --
You Guys, Just Go Out There

And Don't Get Hurt

And Try Your Best
And, Uh, Have Some Fun, Okay?

And All That Bullshit.

Hey, Look, I Know
What You're Thinking, Okay?

I'm Sorry.
I Messed Up, All Right?

I Shouldn't Have --
I Shouldn't Have Tossed Adam.

I Know That.
I Can't Go Back In Time.

You Guys Got A Time Machine?
Who's Got It?

You Got The Keys?
I'll Get In Right Now.

No? Okay.

I Screwed Up.

[ Door Opens ]

To Be Honest,
I Wish He Was Here.

[ Door Closes ]

Well, Yeah, I Didn't Think You'd
Really Kick Me Off The Team

Just Because Of
Some Stupid Girl.

Well...Will You Play?

Well, Yeah.
What Do You Think I'm Here For?

All Right, Guys!
Come On!

Let's Get Out There!

Play Ball! Let's Go!
Come On! All Right!

Hey!
Hey, Pete, Come On!

Time To Shine, Buddy!

Let's Go!
Let's Get Out There!

We Got Scouts In The House
Looking At You.

Come On!
Here We Go!

All Right, Guys!
Let's Go!

[ Whistle Blows ]

♪ I Think That You're Insane ♪

♪ Pretending Nothing's Changed ♪

♪ Why Don't You See The Light? ♪

♪ Just Get Out Of My Sight ♪

♪ Won't Call You Wonderful ♪

♪ You Can't Be Agreeable ♪

♪ I Never Led You On ♪

♪ You Just Got It All Wrong ♪

♪ Yeah, And I Don't Want To Be
Your Friend ♪

♪ I Don't Want To Be
Your Friend ♪

♪ I Don't Want To Be
Your Friend ♪

♪ Oh, No, Oh, No ♪

♪ You Try To Talk To Me ♪

♪ Don't Know How You Can't See ♪

♪ I Have Nothing To Say ♪

♪ But You Won't Go Away ♪

♪ You Think
You're Just Like Me ♪

♪ But That's Insanity ♪

♪ You Just Want To Hang Around ♪

[ Crowd Cheering ]

[ Buzzer Sounds ]

[ Crowd Booing ]

What The Hell Is The Matter
With You?

You're Acting Like
You Never Held

A Freakin' Basketball
Before.

Okay.
I'm Sorry, Guys.

I'm Just -- I'm Really
Not Feeling Like Myself.

You Want To Sit?

No, I'm Fine.
Come On, Guys. Come On.

1, 2, 3.

Break!

Break!

Break!

Break!

♪ I Think That You're Insane ♪

♪ Pretending Nothing's Changed ♪

♪ Why Don't You See The Light? ♪

♪ Just Get Out Of My Sight ♪

♪ Won't Call You Wonderful ♪

♪ You Can't Be Agreeable ♪

♪ I Never Led You On ♪

♪ You Just Got It All Wrong ♪

♪ Yeah, And I Don't Want To Be
Your Friend ♪

♪ I Don't Want To Be
Your Friend ♪

♪ I Don't Want To Be
Your Friend ♪

♪ Oh, No, Oh, No, No ♪

[ Buzzer Sounds ]

[ Crowd Booing ]

Dan, This Isn't The Jerry Lewis
Telethon Out There.

Shut Up.

I Was Wide Open.

[ Booing Continues ]

All Right,
Maybe I Wasn't Wide Open,

But I Could Have
Gotten It.

Bro, What Are You Doing? Are You
Trying To Blow Your Ride?

No, I -- Guys,
Let's Just Do That Again, Okay?

Are You Crazy?

No, But We Got To Do
The Unexpected.

Unexpected?
You Call Losing Unexpected?

He's Right.
Give Someone Else The Ball.

Listen To Your Teammates.

All Right.

Ready? Everyone.

1, 2, 3.

All: Break!

♪ I Think That You're Insane ♪

♪ Pretending Nothing's Changed ♪

♪ Why Don't You See The... ♪

[ Crowd Gasps, Buzzer Sounds ]

Oh!

[ Gasps ]

Oh.
I'm Sorry.

Was He A Relative Of Yours?

Consider Your Life Over
As You Know It.

No Big Loss...Loser.

Hey. Hey! Hey.

What The Hell Is The Matter
With You?

Did You Forget
How To Dribble A Ball?

You're Embarrassing Yourself.
You're Embarrassing Your Team.

You Got To Pull It Together,
Young Man.

Teenisha: Hey!

Give The Kid A Break!

He's Bleeding,
For Crying Out Loud!

I Told You She Was Weird.

Look At Him.
He's Cut Up.

I Mean,
What Does He Have To Do?

What, Does He Have To Die
For You To Be Proud Of Him?

I'm Proud Of Him.

You Sure Have A Funny Way
Of Showing It.

Geez.
Get Off His Back For Once.

Hipkins:
What The Hell Is Going On?!

What Was That Out There?!

We Did Not Practice That!

That Is Not Ram Basketball!

That's Zombie Basketball!

You Guys Must Have All
Transferred To Zombie High

Over The Weekend!

Okay?
You Know What?!

I Don't Want To Coach
At Zombie High!

I Want To Coach The Rams!

Where'd They Go?
What's Going On With Them?

What, You Guys Didn't Have
Your Wheaties This Morning?

Hey! Hey.

Is It Your Time Of The Month?
Is It?

'Cause You Guys
Are All Playing Like Girls!

Anybody Remember
How To Play Basketball?

Basketball? Anyone?
Show Of Hands?

Basketball!

B-A-S-K-E-B...

It's Not A Spelling Contest!
It's A Game!

And You Guys Have All Forgotten
How To Play It!

Psst.

Who Said That?
Who Said "Psst"?

Can I Help You?!

Um,
I Need To Talk To Pete.

You Need To Talk To Pete.
You Know What? Take Him!

Please.
Let's Go!

Take Him Now!

Come On!
Get Him Out Of My Sight!

Hustle It Up!

You Guys, Zombie Crew,
What's Gonna Happen Now, Huh?

Hey.

Hey.

How's Your Eye?

Oh, It's Fine.

Um...

Um, I'm -- I'm Sorry.

It'll Heal.

No.
I Mean About Before.

I Was Angry,
And I Said Some Things, And...

I Was Pretty Much A Jerk.

And, Um, I Took It Out On You,
And I'm Sorry, Teenisha.

Yeah.

Well...

Sorry About The Game.

[ Sighs ]

I Really Thought
I Could Handle It Tonight.

No.
You Did A Pretty Good Job.

I Think You Probably Did Better
Than I Would.

I Just Feel Like...
I Ruined Everything,

Lost Your Big Chance.

No, You Didn't.

So What About The Big Game?
Pbbt!

At Least I Got A Chance
To Spend More Time With You.

I Was So Selfish.

You Know, I Really,
Really Liked Being You.

But Now I Would
Sacrifice Everything.

You Know, I'd Give It All Up
If I Could Just...

Make Things Right For You.

I Know You Would.

[ Thunder Crashes ]

[ Echoing ]
You Have To Get The Tribesmen

And The Chanting Going.

[ Distorted ]
...Steal Your Soul.

[ Echoing ]
Sacrifice.

Sacrifice Everything.

[ Thunder Crashes ]

[ Whistle Blows ]

[ As Pete ]
Whoa.

[ Gasps ]

Oh, That Was
Quite A Kiss.

Whew.

Hipkins:
[ Clears Throat ]

Excuse Me.

Would You Like Us To Leave?

[ As Teenisha ]
All Right. Listen.

They're Strong
Underneath The Basket,

And You've Got To
Go For 3-Pointers.

Got It.
Wish Me Luck.

Actually,
I Would Like You To Leave.

All Right, Guys.
We're 14 Points Behind.

But We Can Still Win This Game.

We Got To Start Taking
3-Pointers From The Outside.

Tom, Mike,
I'm Gonna Need You Up Top.

Latrelle, Tyler,
I Need You Guys At The Bottom.

We're 86-Ing The Zone Defense.
We're Going Man-To-Man.

You Got That?

Well, Man-To-Man Might Be
A Little Tough For Dan Here.

Shut Up.

Adam, If I Hear You
Make Fun Of One Of My Friends

In Front Of Me One More Time,
So Help Me God,

I'm Gonna Throw You A Beating
In Front Of The Entire School.

You Got That?

All Right, Guys,

You Guys Can Stay Down Here
And Sulk And Lose,

But If You Want To Win,
I'm Gonna Be Upstairs.

Well, You Heard Him.
Come On! Let's Get Going!

Get Out There!

[ Team Cheers ]

[ Whistle Blows ]

♪ I Think That You're Insane ♪

♪ Pretending Nothing's Changed ♪

♪ Why Don't You See The Light? ♪

♪ Just Get Out Of My Sight ♪

♪ Won't Call You Wonderful ♪

♪ You Can't Be Agreeable ♪

♪ I Never Led You On ♪

♪ You Just Got It All Wrong ♪

♪ Yeah, And I Don't Want To Be
Your Friend ♪

♪ I Don't Want To Be
Your Friend ♪

♪ I Don't Want To Be
Your Friend ♪

♪ Oh, No, Oh, No ♪

[ Crowd Cheering ]

♪ You Try To Talk To Me ♪

♪ Don't Know How You Can't See ♪

♪ I Have Nothing To Say ♪

♪ But You Won't Go Away ♪

♪ You Think
You're Just Like Me ♪

♪ But That's Insanity ♪

♪ You Want To Hang Around ♪

♪ You Really Bring Me Down ♪

♪ And I Don't Want To Be
Your Friend ♪

♪ I Don't Want To Be
Your Friend ♪

♪ I Don't Want To Be
Your Friend ♪

♪ Oh, No, Oh, No ♪

♪ I Got Your Letter,
And I Threw It Away ♪

♪ But You Still Think
I Read It Anyway ♪

♪ I Don't Want To Be
Your Friend ♪

♪ I Don't Want To Be
Your Friend ♪

♪ Oh, No, Oh, No ♪

[ Buzzer Sounds ]

[ Crowd Groans ]

[ Squawking ]

Hillary:
I Can't Decide

If The Other Cheerleaders
Make Me Look Thinner

Or If I Just Make Them
Look Fatter.

[ Door Closes ]

Nice Shot, Loser.

Thanks.

You Played Like A Freak
The First Half.

Why Would You Do Something
Like That?

What?

The Bug?

I Was Scared, Honey.

A Big, Scary Bug
Was Coming Right For Me,

And You Weren't There
To Protect Me.

[ Sighs ]

You Never Appreciate
The Little Things.

Hmm?

Honey, I Thought About
What You Said The Other Day.

What Did I Say?

Silly, The Little Brain Lapse
You Had

About Rethinking
Our Relationship.

Did I?

I Know Your Mind
Was Somewhere Else.

Well, I've Decided
To Forgive You.

But...You Have To Behave
From Now On.

No More Teenisha.

I Mean It.

I Don't Even Want To Hear
Her Name.

Is That Understood?

That's A Good Idea.

I Knew You'd Come
To Your Senses.

Rethinking
Our Relationship.

Oh.
I Just Rethought It.

[ Grunts ]

[ Basketball Thuds, Bounces ]

Rough Night?

[ Scoffs ]

Tell Me About It.

It Happens.

I'm Sorry.

It's Just A Game.

Don't Be Too Late.

[ Door Opens ]

[ Door Closes ]

Hey.

What Are You Guys Doing Here?

We Got Your Note
About Picking You Up.

My Note?

Oh. Right.

You Okay?

Look, Whatever Has Been Going On
Between You And This Boy...

...Well, Time Heals
All Wounds.

Yeah.

Look. Come On.
Jill Has Dinner Waiting For Us.

Thanks, Jill.

You're Welcome.

[ Door Opens ]

You Leaving?

Doesn't Your Girlfriend
Need A Ride?

You!

[ Gasps ]

How Dare You!

I Don't Know What Kind Of Game
You Think You're Playing!

I Don't Know What Kind Of Spell
You Put Him Under

To Break Up With Me,
But I Am Going To Find Out!

I'm Hillary,
Understand?!

Hillary!

I Don't Get Dumped!

I Am The Dumper!

Is This The Happy Couple?
Is This Who You Dumped Me For?!

It Is.

Without Me,

You'll Be A Nobody So Fast,
It'll Make Your Head Spin!

You'll Be
At The Losers' Lunch Table

By The End Of The Week,
You Lame-O Loser!

Don't Talk To Him
That Way.

Who The Hell Do You Think
You Are, Huh?

Oh, You Think That Just Because
You Make Fun Of People

That That Makes You Better
Than Them?

Who Are You?

"Oh, I'm Hillary."
No!

Somebody Should
Teach You A Lesson.

And If You Talk To My Boyfriend
Like That Again,

Somebody Will.

Got That...Loser?

[ Bug Chomps ]

[ Screaming ]

Wow.

Um...Wow.

Well, Uh, Clint Eastwood,
Are You Ready To Come With Us?

Felix,
When A Girl Has A Choice

Between Getting A Ride
From A Handsome Young Man

Or From Her Father,

Which One Do You Think
She Would Choose?

All Right.

I Can Take A Hint.

We'll See You Later.

Okay.
Good Night, Guys.

[ Door Opens, Closes ]

Very Impressive.

[ Sighs ]

So, You Broke Up With Her,
Huh?

Well, I Had To Rethink
Our Relationship.

Really?

Mm-Hmm.

You Know,

I Think That I Remember Hearing
That Line From Somewhere.

Really?

Hmm.
[ Chuckles ] Yeah.

How About That?

So, Does That Mean
That I'm Your Rebound Girl?

Uh, Maybe.

[ Chuckles ]

I Don't Think
That It's Gonna Work.

Now, Why Would You
Say Something Like That?

Because You
So Can't Remember.

You're So Weird.

I Know.

That's Why You Like Me.

That's Why I Like You.

[ Laughs, Snorts ]

♪ I'll Follow You Anywhere,
Baby ♪

♪ Even Down The Road
Less Familiar ♪

♪ I'll Follow You Anywhere,
Baby ♪

♪ Anything Just To Be Near You ♪

♪ You Make Me High ♪

♪ You Make Me High ♪

♪ I'll Be Your Soul Mate, Baby ♪

♪ I'll Be Your Soul Mate, Baby ♪

♪ I'm Gonna Do So Much For You ♪

♪ I'll Be Your Soul Mate, Baby ♪

♪ I'll Be Your Soul Mate, Baby ♪

♪ There Ain't Nothing
I Won't Do ♪

♪ 'Cause You Make Me High ♪

♪ You Make Me High ♪

♪ You Make Me High ♪

♪ You Make Me High ♪

♪ As The Tree Bends,
As The River Runs ♪

♪ As You And I Succumb ♪

♪ Sky Chokes My Words,
Makes All Absurd ♪

♪ Say No Words But Love ♪

♪ Say No Words But Love ♪

♪ You Make Me High ♪

♪ You Make Me High ♪

♪ You Make Me High ♪

♪ You Make Me High ♪

♪ You Make Me High ♪

♪ I'll Be Your Soul Mate, Baby ♪

♪ You Make Me High ♪

♪ You Make Me High ♪

♪ I'll Be Your Soul Mate, Baby ♪

♪ You Make Me High ♪

♪ You Make Me ♪

[ Doorbell Rings ]