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Previously on
The Last Man on Earth...
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- Last man on Earth.
- Last woman on Earth.
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I'm not gonna have sex
with you unless we're married.
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- I do?
- Oh...
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Oh, my God.
6
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I saw these billboards
that said "alive in Tucson."
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Hey.
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Look, seven people left,
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and two of them are named "Phil Miller"?
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You were gonna leave Todd in the desert.
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You're done here, Tandy.
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Tucson's my home.
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Don't even think about
coming back to Tucson.
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- So, where should we go?
- You're staying with me?
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You had a brother? I didn't know that.
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Phil, I got the tequila!
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All right. Can I drive?
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Carol, it's very complicated.
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We should go back and get that bomb.
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- Carol...
- Phil...
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I knew you were gonna say that.
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I don't know how to put a
bomb back in that little thingy.
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We're Americans.
24
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We put a man on the Moon.
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Fine, if you want to go
back and get the bomb,
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we'll go back and get the bomb.
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That won't be necessary, Phil. It's fine.
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Just the fact that you offered
is good enough for me.
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You know what?
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How about tomorrow I go
back to that parking lot
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and I drop a little
caution cone in front of it?
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Thank you, Phil.
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And that's why you're the bomb.
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Come here, give me some sugar.
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Oh! Insurance company is
gonna hear about that one.
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- sync and correction by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Oh.
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USA! USA!
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USA! USA!
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So lonely.
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Wish I had somebody to make out with.
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I may be able to help you with that.
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Ben Franklin?
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You just made me discover
electricity in my shorts.
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Get in here.
46
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Stick your copper tongue down my mouth!
47
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And, in short, my position
on Syria is, uh... don't know.
48
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The situation is very Syri-ous.
49
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Boom, I still got it.
50
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Next question. Yes. Brice.
51
00:04:23,981 --> 00:04:27,516
My position on Tucson and its
inhabitants remains the same.
52
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Tucson can suck it, and you can go
ahead and suck it for asking. Next question.
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Diego.
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Yes, I did fart.
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Dolly Madison.
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You little vixen.
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Rawr.
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Jackie O-no-you-didn't!
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Yes, I did.
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00:04:51,842 --> 00:04:53,108
Oh, hi.
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00:04:53,143 --> 00:04:54,510
Michelle Obama.
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Talk about winning the arms race.
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Phil, I just said something really funny!
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Put that bill into committee, Phil.
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Put it in there.
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00:05:07,358 --> 00:05:09,091
- Are you filibustering?
- Yeah, I'm filibustering.
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00:05:09,126 --> 00:05:11,026
Phil-ibustering? Get it, Phil?
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'Cause your name is Phil.
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00:05:12,796 --> 00:05:14,963
No, yeah, I get it, Carol. Uh-huh. Yeah.
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- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Good.
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We cannot let that vote pass.
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- Not on our watch.
- There's too much pork in that bill.
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- Way too much pork.
- Block that vote.
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- I'm blocking it!
- Block it!
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00:05:24,141 --> 00:05:26,208
Carol, I'm sorry, but I think
I'm about to put it to a vote!
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00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:28,477
Okay, I'm about to put it to a vote, too.
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Let's vote on it together,
huh? All in favor, say...
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Aye...!
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So what do you think of this place?
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It's not too shabb-ay, right?
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- Yeah.
- It's very nice.
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Good. I'm glad you feel that way.
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'Cause I was thinking that tomorrow,
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maybe we could unpack all our bags
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and make this our permanent home.
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Oh...
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00:05:50,901 --> 00:05:55,070
I don't know if I want to commit
to living in the White House, Phil.
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00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:56,972
What more could you want out of a home?
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I mean, it's the flippin' White House.
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I know.
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00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:01,109
It's just...
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00:06:01,145 --> 00:06:03,545
it doesn't feel right.
93
00:06:03,581 --> 00:06:05,714
The White House doesn't feel right.
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00:06:07,551 --> 00:06:09,618
- What?
- It's just...
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00:06:09,653 --> 00:06:12,854
you know, we've been to
Graceland and Dollywood,
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00:06:12,890 --> 00:06:14,489
Oprah's, LeBron's,
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and none of them have "felt right."
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And that's fine.
99
00:06:17,695 --> 00:06:18,994
But I'm just getting kind of sick
100
00:06:19,029 --> 00:06:20,462
of all the driving around.
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I know, Phil.
102
00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:22,931
It's just...
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this isn't home.
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Not home. Okay, okay, okay.
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The search continues.
106
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Good night.
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Good night.
108
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28.6 north.
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00:07:18,789 --> 00:07:21,056
15.26...
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west.
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00:07:24,962 --> 00:07:27,062
Another goose egg.
112
00:07:30,167 --> 00:07:33,101
Thanks a lot, Canary Islands.
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You couldn't give me, like,
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one living person?
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There's got to be someone out there.
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Right, Terry?
117
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No comment? Okay. Nancy, what about you?
118
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Wow, you guys.
119
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Guys are real quiet today.
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Okay, I'm gonna go masturbate.
121
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Do me a favor... turn your guys'
heads, please. Thank you.
122
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Plug your ears, too.
123
00:08:04,828 --> 00:08:06,594
Bye, Stealth Bomber.
124
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Bye, White House!
125
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How long do I have to wear this blindfold?
126
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- Well, until we get there.
- Where are we going?
127
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I can't tell you. 'Cause it's a...
128
00:08:19,309 --> 00:08:20,475
Surprise!
129
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- Welcome to Delaware.
- Oh! My old apartment?
130
00:08:24,647 --> 00:08:26,748
Phil, you didn't.
131
00:08:26,783 --> 00:08:29,751
Well, gee, let me give you the grand tour.
132
00:08:29,786 --> 00:08:35,557
So this is my knitting group.
We were Knitters With Attitude.
133
00:08:36,393 --> 00:08:39,494
And these are my roommates,
Bernice Wu and Glen Sawchuck.
134
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We called ourselves Sawchuck's Angels.
135
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Our mission? Friendship.
136
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Oh, and here's my parents,
Carol and Marsha.
137
00:08:47,370 --> 00:08:50,338
- Oh, your dad was named Carol, too?
- No, Marsha.
138
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Moving on.
139
00:08:54,444 --> 00:08:57,011
And this is Glen's room.
140
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He was trying not to get the virus.
141
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He got it.
142
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:05,853
And this is Bernice's room.
143
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And that's her skeleton.
144
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God, Carol.
145
00:09:09,859 --> 00:09:11,259
Oh, no, she studied anatomy.
146
00:09:12,796 --> 00:09:14,862
- Oh. Okay.
- Yeah.
147
00:09:15,899 --> 00:09:18,666
And this is my room.
148
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Each object in here is hand-crafted by myself
as a cherished tribute to a friend
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or family member who died from the virus.
150
00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:33,614
Yeah. Yeah.
151
00:09:33,650 --> 00:09:34,982
Well, it's, uh,
152
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it's really, uh...
153
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something.
154
00:09:38,721 --> 00:09:40,888
Yeah. Yeah.
155
00:09:40,924 --> 00:09:44,325
I know it looks like I went
a little cuckoo bananas.
156
00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:49,931
No, it doesn't. This looks...
absolutely chock-full of sanity.
157
00:09:49,966 --> 00:09:52,266
Yeah.
158
00:10:01,711 --> 00:10:03,244
Thank you.
159
00:10:03,279 --> 00:10:06,047
Thank you for the surprise, Phil.
160
00:10:06,082 --> 00:10:08,382
So nice to visit your hometown.
161
00:10:08,418 --> 00:10:10,618
Well, you know, it doesn't
have to just be a visit.
162
00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:13,955
- No.
- No, no, not Delaware.
163
00:10:13,990 --> 00:10:15,289
Here we go again.
164
00:10:15,325 --> 00:10:18,392
- And what's wrong with Delaware?
- Well, there's no one here.
165
00:10:18,428 --> 00:10:23,131
- Carol, there's no one anywhere anymore.
- That's not exactly true.
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00:10:23,166 --> 00:10:25,032
Okay, what... what's that supposed to mean?
167
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Nothing, it's just nothing.
168
00:10:26,970 --> 00:10:28,603
Tucson? Are you talking about Tucson?
169
00:10:28,638 --> 00:10:31,339
Just saying that's where
there are other people, Phil.
170
00:10:31,374 --> 00:10:34,742
Carol, the only place I can't go is Tucson.
171
00:10:34,777 --> 00:10:37,778
I mean, do you not
remember me getting, like, tackled,
172
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driven out into the desert
and left there for dead?
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00:10:40,049 --> 00:10:41,682
- Yes, I do, I...
- No, no, no.
174
00:10:41,718 --> 00:10:46,120
And the implication was very strong that
if I ever came back there, Phil would kill me.
175
00:10:46,156 --> 00:10:47,688
But it's been, like, six months.
176
00:10:47,724 --> 00:10:49,524
I mean, maybe they've cooled off by now.
177
00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:51,759
- We just don't know.
- No, I don't care. Screw 'em.
178
00:10:51,794 --> 00:10:55,963
We're the last people on Earth,
Phil. Shouldn't we all be together?
179
00:10:55,999 --> 00:10:57,732
You made your choice.
180
00:10:57,767 --> 00:10:59,901
If you want to be with me, be with me,
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00:10:59,936 --> 00:11:01,869
but I am not going back to Tucson.
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Ever.
183
00:11:05,175 --> 00:11:06,874
I'm gonna sleep in Bernice's room.
184
00:11:06,910 --> 00:11:07,875
- Fine.
- Fine.
185
00:11:07,911 --> 00:11:09,076
- Fine.
- Fine.
186
00:11:09,112 --> 00:11:10,945
- Fine!
- Fine!
187
00:11:14,551 --> 00:11:15,683
Carol.
188
00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:17,018
What?
189
00:11:17,053 --> 00:11:19,620
Your stupid sleep apnea machine.
190
00:11:19,656 --> 00:11:21,522
I'll use Bernice's.
191
00:11:35,173 --> 00:11:37,306
No, look, it's not that easy.
192
00:11:37,342 --> 00:11:40,109
I-I don't know how
to fly that thing, okay?
193
00:11:40,144 --> 00:11:42,745
I-I'm... I'm a scientist,
not a pilot, all right?
194
00:11:42,780 --> 00:11:45,081
Uh, if it's so easy,
why don't you guys do it?
195
00:11:45,116 --> 00:11:47,650
And if we did make it down there,
196
00:11:47,685 --> 00:11:50,987
I'd probably die of the virus,
and who'd take care of you guys?
197
00:11:51,022 --> 00:11:52,955
Look, I don't mean to be insulting here,
198
00:11:52,991 --> 00:11:54,857
but you're worms, okay?
199
00:11:54,892 --> 00:11:56,158
You're not thinking this through.
200
00:11:56,194 --> 00:11:57,126
I just...
201
00:11:57,161 --> 00:11:58,894
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
202
00:11:58,930 --> 00:12:00,930
I shouldn't be dismissive
of you guys like that
203
00:12:00,965 --> 00:12:02,531
just 'cause you're worms, okay?
204
00:12:02,567 --> 00:12:03,599
Terry, I'm sorry.
205
00:12:03,634 --> 00:12:05,668
Sorry, Nancy.
206
00:12:05,703 --> 00:12:07,370
Nance?
207
00:12:25,223 --> 00:12:27,790
I'm gonna go take a nap.
208
00:12:34,499 --> 00:12:36,932
Phil!
209
00:12:36,968 --> 00:12:38,934
Sorry, little traffic.
210
00:12:38,970 --> 00:12:40,836
Hardy har har.
211
00:12:59,757 --> 00:13:01,590
Bunch of friggin' BS.
212
00:13:01,626 --> 00:13:03,159
White House isn't good enough.
213
00:13:03,194 --> 00:13:05,828
Her own house isn't good enough.
214
00:13:05,863 --> 00:13:07,630
What the heck is her problem?
215
00:13:07,665 --> 00:13:10,900
I'm not being a turd, she's being a turd.
216
00:13:10,935 --> 00:13:13,202
Why's she being so picky?
217
00:13:13,237 --> 00:13:15,071
She's such a picky little turd.
218
00:13:15,106 --> 00:13:17,173
You can quote me on that.
219
00:13:17,208 --> 00:13:20,943
Don't you dare say a thing, you
little friggin' blabbermouth.
220
00:13:22,780 --> 00:13:24,013
Hmm.
221
00:13:24,048 --> 00:13:26,082
Nice.
222
00:13:26,117 --> 00:13:28,551
Could use a little razzmatazz, though.
223
00:13:30,788 --> 00:13:31,987
Bam.
224
00:13:32,023 --> 00:13:34,023
Ooh, Carol.
225
00:13:34,058 --> 00:13:36,258
Where did you get
such an expensive T-shirt?
226
00:13:36,294 --> 00:13:39,161
In the jewel markets of Monaco?
227
00:13:40,965 --> 00:13:42,898
"Hold for 30 seconds."
228
00:13:42,934 --> 00:13:44,300
Fair enough.
229
00:13:44,335 --> 00:13:48,070
One banana, two banana, three ba...
230
00:13:48,106 --> 00:13:50,039
Phil!
231
00:13:50,074 --> 00:13:52,041
I'm setting my gems!
232
00:13:52,076 --> 00:13:54,944
Just give me 27 more bananas!
233
00:13:54,979 --> 00:13:58,047
Four banana, five banana,
six banana, seven ba...
234
00:13:58,082 --> 00:14:00,783
Hold your horses, Phil!
235
00:14:00,818 --> 00:14:05,054
What part of "I'm setting my
gems" do you not understand?!
236
00:14:05,089 --> 00:14:06,989
Nine banana, ten banana, 11...
237
00:14:07,024 --> 00:14:08,057
Oh, shoot.
238
00:14:09,093 --> 00:14:10,392
Stop, Phil!
239
00:14:10,428 --> 00:14:11,494
Phil!
240
00:14:12,797 --> 00:14:13,929
Phil!
241
00:14:13,965 --> 00:14:15,397
No!
242
00:14:15,433 --> 00:14:16,599
Phil!
243
00:14:28,045 --> 00:14:30,546
Phil!
244
00:14:30,581 --> 00:14:34,783
Well, this is a grade-A fustercluck.
245
00:14:34,819 --> 00:14:38,187
♪ Oh, I can't wait to
be on the road again ♪
246
00:14:38,222 --> 00:14:42,024
♪ The life I love is being
on the road again ♪
247
00:14:42,059 --> 00:14:45,861
♪ Oh, I can't wait to
be on the road again ♪
248
00:14:45,897 --> 00:14:49,798
♪ World's largest plate's coming up ♪
249
00:14:49,834 --> 00:14:53,569
♪ I bet that Carol would love
to see that stupid plate ♪
250
00:14:53,604 --> 00:14:55,604
♪ But I'm really mad at her today ♪
251
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:57,806
♪ 'Cause she's being a turd ♪
252
00:14:57,842 --> 00:15:00,242
♪ So I'm not gonna tell her
about that friggin' plate. ♪
253
00:15:04,081 --> 00:15:06,482
♪ Feeling guilty now ♪
254
00:15:06,517 --> 00:15:10,052
Carol, world's largest plate's coming up!
255
00:15:10,087 --> 00:15:13,255
How's your appetite, huh?
You hungry for some plate?
256
00:15:15,493 --> 00:15:17,059
Carol?
257
00:15:17,094 --> 00:15:18,794
Supposedly pretty big.
258
00:15:20,865 --> 00:15:22,765
Friggin' huge plate up there.
259
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,400
You die for this crap.
260
00:15:24,435 --> 00:15:27,002
Carol?
261
00:15:27,038 --> 00:15:28,337
Carol! Where are you?
262
00:15:28,372 --> 00:15:31,707
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
263
00:15:31,742 --> 00:15:32,975
Oh, where'd we last stop?
264
00:15:33,010 --> 00:15:34,443
I mean, was it a gas station?
265
00:15:34,478 --> 00:15:35,945
It was a gas station in Oklahoma.
266
00:15:35,980 --> 00:15:37,179
Yeah, yeah. What was it again?
267
00:15:37,215 --> 00:15:38,681
Oh, Speedy Pump, a Speedy Pump.
268
00:15:38,716 --> 00:15:40,716
There was, like, a red
truck parked out front.
269
00:15:40,751 --> 00:15:42,384
So it's Speedy Bump with a red truck.
270
00:15:42,420 --> 00:15:44,420
Speedy Pump with a red truck.
271
00:15:44,455 --> 00:15:46,222
You got this, Phil.
272
00:15:46,257 --> 00:15:48,390
Just keep driving down this road
until you see that Speedy Pump.
273
00:15:48,426 --> 00:15:49,892
You'll know the one.
274
00:15:49,927 --> 00:15:51,927
I mean, how many Speedy Pumps can there be?
275
00:15:59,904 --> 00:16:03,072
Damn it, there's infinity Speedy Pumps!
276
00:16:03,107 --> 00:16:06,041
Gary, now's not the time to ask if
I'm certain it was a Speedy Pump.
277
00:16:07,178 --> 00:16:08,978
Carol!
278
00:16:09,013 --> 00:16:11,714
Carol! Carol!
279
00:16:17,288 --> 00:16:19,755
Beefed it.
280
00:16:19,790 --> 00:16:22,458
Beefed it bigger than I've ever beefed it.
281
00:16:22,493 --> 00:16:25,294
I friggin' lost her.
282
00:16:25,329 --> 00:16:27,963
I lost her forever.
283
00:16:33,704 --> 00:16:36,338
Looks like it's just you and me, bud.
284
00:16:54,091 --> 00:16:56,759
Looks like it's just you and me, bud.
285
00:16:58,863 --> 00:17:00,429
Oh, my God.
286
00:17:00,464 --> 00:17:01,930
Is this it?
287
00:17:01,966 --> 00:17:04,733
Is this it? Oh, my G...
288
00:17:04,769 --> 00:17:07,603
This is it! This is it! Ha!
289
00:17:09,407 --> 00:17:12,141
Oh, thank God. Speedy Pump.
290
00:17:12,176 --> 00:17:14,877
There's the stupid friggin'
red truck, and the fruit stand.
291
00:17:14,912 --> 00:17:18,047
This is it. This is the
one. Carol! Where you at?
292
00:17:18,082 --> 00:17:19,348
Carol?
293
00:17:21,185 --> 00:17:22,584
Carol!
294
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:24,920
Carol?
295
00:17:24,955 --> 00:17:26,955
Carol!
296
00:17:26,991 --> 00:17:29,024
Carol, where are you?
297
00:17:30,361 --> 00:17:32,361
Carol! Come on!
298
00:17:32,396 --> 00:17:35,264
Speedy Pump! Red truck! Fruit stand!
299
00:17:35,299 --> 00:17:38,167
Carol!
300
00:17:40,104 --> 00:17:42,237
Carol...!
301
00:17:43,489 --> 00:17:45,956
It's been five
days. Where the hell is she?
302
00:17:45,991 --> 00:17:49,593
Where else could she go? She's
got no place else to go.
303
00:18:16,822 --> 00:18:19,123
She's in Tucson.
304
00:18:34,006 --> 00:18:35,639
Okay, the moment of truth.
305
00:18:35,674 --> 00:18:38,442
I'm just gonna walk in there
and lay down the law.
306
00:18:38,477 --> 00:18:41,078
The mayor of Tucson is back
to claim his throne.
307
00:18:41,113 --> 00:18:43,447
You step to me? I step to you.
308
00:18:43,482 --> 00:18:46,617
'Cause I ain't afraid of nothing or nobody.
309
00:18:49,121 --> 00:18:52,055
You can do this. You can do this!
310
00:19:23,856 --> 00:19:24,888
Hello?
311
00:19:24,924 --> 00:19:27,658
Anybody here?
312
00:19:29,228 --> 00:19:32,162
Carol?
313
00:19:40,639 --> 00:19:42,706
What the hell?
314
00:20:25,251 --> 00:20:28,051
Where is everybody?
315
00:20:28,087 --> 00:20:30,587
Where are you, Carol?
316
00:20:52,945 --> 00:20:56,079
- sync and correction by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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